What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s TV watching)

General Hospital

Christina asks Parker why she’s there and Parker says she knows what Christina is doing and it has to stop. Christina acts clueless and Parker barges into the house.

Olivia is trying to deal with the mayor’s cancellation of events at the hotel. Julian tells her he persuaded the mayor to drop the charges, so maybe he can help with that. Nina comes by and puts in her 2¢ about breastfeeding in public, which really wasn’t what they were talking about.

Franco tells Jason and Elizabeth that Jake needs some serious help.

Sam falls down the stairs again, just like she did on Friday. Jake comes out of the shadows and asks Sam if she’s okay. Obviously, he isn’t connecting her closed eyes and limp body to being not okay.

Julian tells Nina that he and Olivia are having a private conversation. Nina says he made it public when he published Olivia’s picture in the paper. Julian says he’s smoothing things over with the mayor. Nina uses a Footloose analogy, ending with Port Charles isn’t holding out for a hero, they have Olivia. Nina says she’s going to use her resources to get the message out to the world.

Dante tells Lulu she should have given him a heads up. She says he wouldn’t have agreed to meet if she had. She asks him for an hour to try and save their marriage, and he says okay.

Elizabeth tells Franco she’ll call him later and he says Jake is a great kid. Well, that’s a matter of opinion. I happen to think he’s a tad creepy. When Franco leaves, Jason and Elizabeth discuss Jake. Jason says they’ll get him the best help available.

The babysitter comes downstairs. How long does it take to remove Silly String and didn’t she hear Sam fall? She sees the basement door open and asks Jake why he’s in the basement.

Parker is apparently the professor who turned in Christina. She says Christina shouldn’t have said she’d call Parker’s wife. She adds something about Christina posting bad professor reviews. Do they have those on Yelp? Christina is obviously nervous that Parker is there and Parker says she’s already been suspended, so what is she worried about? Maybe she’s worried about Alexis who is coming downstairs.

Jake’s therapist joins Jason and Elizabeth. Jason shows her the drawing of Sam and gives her the backstory. Elizabeth tells her about the “break-ins.” and Jason says he thinks it’s Jake. The therapist says that’s very likely. She says they’ll deal with it in their next session. Elizabeth asks, why not now, and the therapist says disrupting his routine isn’t a good idea, that he needs to feel safe and secure.

Parker introduces herself to Alexis. Christina says she took one of Parker’s classes and they became friends. Alexis asks if Christina needs a ride to the train station. Christina makes it up as she goes along and says Parker is giving her a ride, which is good since she’s taking independent study with her. Alexis asks what the subject is and Parker tells her sex and power, but Christina adds in Shakespeare’s plays. Alexis tells Christina to text her when she gets back and tells Parker to take care of her daughter. Parker says she intends to.

Julian says motherhood isn’t exactly Nina’s forte. Nina says she’s a woman, so it is. Julian mentions that Nina can’t have children and Olivia jumps to her defense. Nina says that doesn’t mean she can’t understand a woman’s pain. Julian says he doesn’t want to see her disappointed if change doesn’t happen. Nina blows him off and says they could win the trial before it happens. Olivia says the picture in the paper didn’t help and Nina says that’s because the audience wasn’t wide enough and she needs a national publication.

Lulu and Dante crack a couple of beers. Dante says he hasn’t seen that dress on Lulu in a while. She says it’s special to her, and he says to him too, and remembers she was wearing it when she told him she was pregnant. She tells him she got the beer special because that’s what he bought her the night they first met. They go down Memory Lane about that and their first kiss. They talk about how they fell in love. Dante says he remembers when he realized she was “the one,” and Lulu asks if she’s still the one.

Nina wants Olivia to pose nude for the magazine. She says it will be tasteful. She wants her to be breastfeeding Leo for the “real woman” issue. Olivia gets annoyed because she thinks Nina is just using her to sell magazines, although I’m sure Nina could find someone else if she wanted to.

Parker says Alexis didn’t seem upset. Christina says that’s because she’s cool that way, but Parker realizes Christina never told her parents about the suspension. Parker says that people will go to great lengths to keep a secret that threatens their identity. Christina says that Parker has, and Parker says it’s true, she has a great life that she doesn’t want to lose. “But you’re here,” Christina tells her.

Lulu says she can’t pretend nothing has changed, but it’s not like everything changed. She says Dante is still kind brave generous & funny. Dante says she beautiful stubborn and smart. He says she takes his breath away. Lulu says they’re still the same people in their hearts and if they can shut out the world from distractions, they can find out what’s sitll there. Dante says they’re still in love and they kiss.

Jason and Elizabeth see the broken window. They ask the babysitter where Jake is, and she says he’s gone. Elizabeth starts to freak. Jason asks how long Jake has been gone. The sitter says she went upstairs to clean up and when she came back down, she saw the broken window and found a note. The note says I’m sorry. I have to go. It would have been good of him to add that Sam is in the basement.

Nina tells Olivia they might have slightly different motivations, but want the same end result. Olivia says she doesn’t want to be exploited. Nina says Crimson is more than a magazine, it’s a vehicle for change. Julian, who should really be keeping out of this conversation, says Olivia has too much respect for herself to do something so undignified. Nina says motherhood is chic and they’re just taking it to the next level. She says they want to show a beautiful story between mother and son. Julian suggests that Leo will be embarrassed later when the picture is all over the internet (doubtful). Olivia says to sign her up.

Parker says she agreed not to talk to Christina’s parents and Christina agreed not to tell Parker’s wife about what happened. She says Christina needs to take down the professor reviews, but Christina still says she didn’t post them. Parker says it’s obvious she’s the child of an attorney because all she does is deny. She says her wife also caught wind of this. Christina says first Parker accused her of trying to seduce her, and now she’s accusing her of the reviews. Parker says Christina was the one who propositioned her, but Christina says that’s what Parker wanted.

Lulu and Dante get busy like the old days. Lulu stops mid-grope though. She says it’s been a while and she needs to take a minute. She says she was sure if she got them back to where they were before, they could work things out. Dante says him too, but it’s not working. Lulu agrees. Funny. It looked like it was working.

Parker claims she wanted her gifted student to reach full potential. Christina says yeah, with scotch at her apartment when her wife was working. Parker tells her to remove her comments or she’s going to the dean and next is expulsion.

Nina says she has to go over things with Dillon and Maxie. All Olivia needs to do is make sure Leo is hungry before the shoot. Nina leaves and Olivia tells Julian that he started all this. Julian says again that Leo might feel embarrassed later, but Olivia says breastfeeding isn’t an embarrassment . Alexis joins them and thinks the photo shoot is a great idea. Julian tries to get her to side with him, but it’s not happening.

Nina tells Franco about the upcoming magazine issue, but he’s not paying attention. She asks him why he’s not excited. He says one of his patients is distracting him, but he can’t talk about it. Nina says if he changes his mind, he can tell her anything. He says it’s bothering him because the patient is just a kid and he’s worried the kid might be in real trouble.

Sam starts to regain consciousness. Jason questions the babysitter who says the last time she saw Jake was an hour ago. Jason decides to go out looking.

Lulu says tonight wasn’t supposed to go like this. I’m not really sure what went wrong. She says she thought all she needed to do was remind them of how they loved wach other but their bed reminds her of how they came apart. Oh, that’s what went wrong. That was probably a bad idea to do this at the loft. Lulu says it’s not their bed anymore. Dante says she was right, that they lost a lot and hurt each other badly, but it will stay with them for a while. Lulu wonders if it will ever go away. She says she still loves him and he says he still loves her too. He says maybe it’s not enough. I say, maybe you could have offered to get rid of that bed and get a new one. This guy is so lazy when it comes to relationships, he’s worse than a real man.

Christina tells Parker not to push her. Parker says she’s the one pushing. Christina says if her parents find out, they won’t be happy, especially her father, making a veiled threat. Parker says it would be a shame to waste her future on youthful folly and not to squander her potential. Christina says Parker saw a lot of potential in her for a lot of things. Parker says Christina needs to figure out who she wants to be, but her parents might figure it out first. Is she talking about Christina being gay or something else? And why didn’t she just call?

Olivia goes to get some celebration drinks. Julian asks Alexis why she’s being supportive of the photo shoot. Alexis tells him to get out of his comfort zone and get with the program. She adds that breastfeeding moms don’t exactly sell clothes (not necessarily; it depends on the clothes) and he might get his wish for the magazine to fail. Ha! This issue will probably do better than the green issue.

Nina tells Franco about the new issue and says she wants Olivia on the cover. Franco asks if Olivia knows and Nina says there are still details to discuss. Yeah, like Olivia being on the cover. She says she thinks a mother breastfeeding is the most beautiful thing ever and it gives her hope. When Franco asks hope about what, she says having her own child.

Dante and Lulu sit with the divorce papers in front of them. Lulu signs first. I don’t like Dante, but this is depressing. Lulu tells Dante to be happy because she can’t think of him any other way. She tells him good-bye and leaves. Don’t sign them, Dante! Lulu cries in the hallway. Dammit! He signed them. I hate him more than ever now.

Jason can’t find Jake and says they should call 911. A car pulls up and Elizabeth and Jason go out on the porch. It’s Jake. Sam’s sparkly shadowed eyes open and she (barely) calls for help.

Tomorrow, Anna and Robert are in a mess and Sam is unconscious again.

Vanderpump Rules

Stassi is back. DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Jax and Brittany have just gotten back from Hawaii and even he’s appalled at his own behavior. He can’t even explain why he stole the sunglasses and says the worst thing is seeing Brittany’s disappointed face, as well as the reactions of the rest of his friends.

Ariana brings Jax’s suitcase to his apartment. He says he feels like he ruined their last day, but Ariana says they had fun despite his best efforts.

Everyone at SUR is talking about Jax’s arrest. James is thrilled, especially since Lala thinks Jax is extremely lame for stealing something as insignificant as sunglasses.
Tom says the best case scenario is a lifetime of probation, but Jax isn’t good at being good. Ariana says Jax had better be nice to her forever.

Ariana and Scheana visit Kristen, who immediately wants the skinny on Jax. Scheana says it’s one thing to borrow a bottle of vodka from SUR, but another to steal a pair of designer sunglasses. What’s wrong with this picture? I guess it’s okay to steal from Lisa. Kristen says she woke up to a text saying Jax had been arrested. Kristen moves on to Jax’s friend Kevin who she’s been seeing. He’s been hanging out at her place and he sent her a mushy text saying he loves her. She’s weirded out by that and has to tell him to slow his roll. Scheana tells Kristen about having to apologize about the texts between her and Ariana’s mother. Kristen somehow turns this around to Tom being controlling. Scheana says Ariana used to be the fun chick and Kristen was the bitter, grudge holder, but now it’s reversed.

Kristen says she’s met with Stassi, but Scheana doesn’t want anything to do with her. Isn’t this the pot calling the kettle black? It’s okay for Scheana, but not for Ariana.
Brittany got a job at Hooters. She has a career now! Jax says Brittany is being a tremendously good sport about his idiocy. He has to meet with Lisa later, which won’t be good. Jax gets a call from the Hawaii police department. He tells them his lawyers are taking care of it, whatever “it” is. The guys discuss Kevin.

Kevin seems to have taken up residence on Kristen’s couch. Stassi knocks at the door. They have some wine which Stassi says is fitting after a break up. In her individual interview, she says that she’s dated a million a-holes and finally found a good guy and can’t make it work, so maybe she’s the a-hole. You think? She says she lost herself in the realationship. Then Stassi talks about how Jax was always a thief and even stole the clutch she has with her. She justifies keeping it in her individual interview by saying she didn’t steal it.

The guys are still talking about Kevin and how Kristen knew he had a girlfriend. Schwartz wonders if Jax and Kristen are soulmates.

Kevin goes to get take-out. Stassi says she liked him until he became a stage five clinger. Ha-ha! She talks about how her life is up in the air. Kristen says she’ll get Kevin’s key back and Stassi can have it. We flash back to their tumultuous relationship over the seasons. Kristen says they can sleep in her bed and Kevin can have the couch. Yikes!

Jax meets with Lisa. He says she usually finds his screw-ups humorous. I think this is a huge part of Jax’s problem. He’s gotten out of things his entire life by being cute and funny. The older he gets, the older that gets, and it’s not working anymore. Besides that, the muttonchop sideburns he’s wearing are not a good look. It’s like Dark Shadows from the 70s.

Lisa is livid. She tells Jax she’s not even offering him a drink. He starts off by saying he was drunk. She says he’s either a drunk, a thief or a liar. I say all three. She asks how many times he has stolen from people. He acts clueless and Lisa says he’s always taking what doesn’t belong to him. Lisa asks how she can trust him now. He says he’s not a bad person, and she says if it walks like a duck. She says he’ll have to make her understand why she should keep him on. He says it’s more than just a job, it’s his home, which is actually kind of sad. She says she’s suspending him for a couple of weeks. She tells him to go and think carefully about his future. In his interview, he seems pretty embarrassed to be 36 and making this kind of a mistake.

Ariana and Tom are painting his apartment, now their apartment. Tom says it’s Scheana and Shay’s first anniversary, but he wants to keep his distance. Ariana says she does too. She and Scheana haven’t exactly been on the same page lately.

Jax is out with Brittany and Kristen is tagging along. He tells them he was suspended for two weeks which is better than being fired. Jax tells Kristen that Kevin has a girlfriend. Kristen is surprised and he says he thought she knew. In his interview, Jax says she did know, but just didn’t want Stassi to think she was still a homewrecker. What? Kevin is there at the table. They were talking about him like he wasn’t there. Maybe he was in the bathroom or just got there. Jax asks him if he has a girlfriend. He mumbles a bunch of crap that boils down to yes, and I wonder how he’s been able to hang around with Kristen so much. Kristen tells him to piss off. He apologizes and Jax says he’ll walk him out. I love how Jax pretends to have integrity sometimes.

Kristen can’t understand, since she’s 5’9″ and beautiful (her words), why she can’t find an awesome guy and an awesome job. How much time does she have?

Stassi says she’s cursed about apartments since Jax ruined her credit. She says every time she thinks she hit rock bottom, there’s still further to go, and now she’s staying with someone who slept with her boyfried…twice. An old boyfriend (not Jax) was also trying to blackmail her with a sex tape. He wanted $900 (how did he come up with that figure? it’s not even a thousand), and Lisa ended up paying it. Since Stassi is on her apology tour, she knows she has to talk to Lisa.

Jax comes by Schwartz and Katie’s place. He never says thank you for bailing him out, but he does pay Schwartz back. He asks them if they’ve had sex since they got engaged, and Schwartz says this is getting to be a thing now. Katie says Stassi texted her again, but she’s ignoring it, since Stassi so unceremoniously blew her off.

Scheana and Shay are out for their anniversary. Schaena thinks it’s fine for Shay to drink as long as she controls it. She says he needs to find a happy medium between being shayfaced and a bore. He says it’s frustrating with her controlling his drinking, but because she’s hot, it’s an okay trade-off.

James and Lala are doing a modeling shoot. He says he’s going to take every opportunity to grab her ass and he does. These two are such lowlifes, it boggles my mind. Lala makes it clear that she doesn’t want to sleep with James and he says that’s cool, but doesn’t mean it and is going to keep trying.

Stassi goes to SUR early when Lisa is there before they open. She’s wearing green because it’s an “apologetic” color. Okay. She didn’t tell Lisa she was coming so Lisa couldn’t think up things to say beforehand. Lisa says she’s heard Stassi had said a lot of nasty things about her, SUR and the staff. Stassi starts to apologize and Lisa lists things she’s done for Stasst and says she really had Stassi’s back. In her individual interview, Stassi makes light of it, saying Lisa gave her a waitress job, how grateful does she need to be? Well, there is that tape. She keeps apologizing though. Lisa brings up the sex tape guy who apparently worked at SUR.

Stassi tries to give Lisa the money back, but Lisa says don’t be insulting. Stassi says Lisa hates her and gets up to leave. Lisa says she’s not important enough to hate and to sit back down. Lisa asks her what she wants. Stassi starts bawling. In her interview, Stassi says she wasn’t going to cry, but Lisa is making her feel badly about every decision she’s ever made. Stassi says she just wanted to apologize to the people she really cared about. Lisa says Stassi gave up a lot of great friends and that she’s been really stupid. Stassi says she’ll just have to prove herself to everyone.

Next week, Katie is having a launch party for her beauty blog and an uninvited James shows up.