What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

At Windymere, Jordan says she’d like to ask Nikolas a few questions about his recent visitor. He says, if she’s talking about Esme, she’s not a visitor; she’s their guest. She says she wasn’t referring to Esme, and he says, then who? She says, but since he mentions her, would she or anyone in his household, have any reason to meet with a man who traffics in black market goods? Nikolas opens the door, and she walks in.

Esme goes to Ryan’s room in Spring Ridge, and says she needs his help. He asks, why the sad face? Doesn’t she know by now they can accomplish anything if they put their minds to it? She says he’s right, and kneels in front of him, saying, thank you, daddy. He says, tell him, where has she been? and she says, Doc had PCU cancel her internship, and had her banned from Spring Ridge. He says, family. It’s often more trouble than it’s worth. She says she hopes he doesn’t seriously mean that, because she’s considering sacrificing everything in the name of family.

Trina starts to walk toward Spencer, and Rory says, that’s not a good idea. She says she knows, but keeps going. She asks why Spencer is here, and he says he’s here for her.

Cody walks into the pool area, and slips Aaron some cash, thanking him for the tip, which confuses me for a millisecond, since he’s giving Aaron a tip. He tells Aaron, remember, every time she’s here… Aaron says, he’ll call. Maxie walks in with Britt, and says she thinks they needed this. Britt says she has to stick to mocktails; she has to go to the hospital later. Maxie says, boo, and Britt agrees. Cody approaches, and says, what a pleasant surprise, but Britt says, pleasant is in the eye of the beholder.  

Taggert asks if Ava has any idea what Spencer plans to say on the stand, but she says, no. He was asking questions about the trial yesterday, and didn’t even mention he’d be here today. Trina says, so Spencer is here for her. He contacted Diane, and volunteered to testify on her behalf. He’s a witness for the prosecution. How is he going to help her? He says, by doing his part, and she asks what that even means. He says, it means he’s going to tell the truth, and she says, the actual truth, or the gospel according to Esme? Arden asks if Trina will excuse them, and Trina says, gladly. She leaves, and Arden says she’s glad to see Spencer, but where’s Esme Prince? Why isn’t she in this courtroom?  

In the hallway, Josslyn asks if Trina is okay, and Trina says she was fool to believe this would all work out. Josslyn hugs her.

Nikolas says he can’t think of anyone who would have any reason to be dealing with a black market, and Jordan says, the individual she’s referring to, Oz Haggerty, was seen boarding a launch to Nikolas’s home yesterday at approximately 10:30 am. He says, it’s news to him, and asks if he can offer her a drink. Ice tea or water? He knows she’s on duty. She says, no thank you, and tells him, this shouldn’t take long. She sits down, and he says he wishes he could be more help, but he wasn’t there much yesterday. She asks, who was home yesterday?

Ryan says, sacrifice everything, what does that mean? and Esme says she can’t stay long. If Doc learns she’s here, she’ll be in trouble. He says, obviously, she managed to work her way around him. How’d she manage that? She says, Nikolas pulled strings, and he asks, why? She says she was convincing, and he says, she held their tryst over his head. Was that wise? She says, what’s leverage if you can’t use it? and he says, Nikolas may feel compelled to confess to Ava. She says she thought he wanted Ava to learn of Nikolas’s unfaithfulness, but he says, on their terms. If the transparency comes from him, it could work to his advantage. The noble sinner confesses and comes clean; all that crap. For such a smart girl, sometimes she can be… She says, what? and he says, so short-sighted. She says she’d be careful if she were him. It was her short-sightedness that got her back in here, wasn’t it? He says, when you’re right, you’re right, and she thanks him. She says, besides, if anyone is to blame for their separation, it’s probably his old friend Felicia. She thinks Felicia is the one who ratted her out to Doc.

Maxie asks if Cody would care to join them, but he says, it’s up to Britt. Britt says she’d rather ride a horse. He says, she’s been ducking his calls, his texts, his emails. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was avoiding him. Britt says, my advice, know better, and Maxie asks what she’s missing here. Britt says, Cody was her last Society Set-Ups date, and by last, she means… Maxie says, wait. The only thing she knows about Britt’s last Society Set-Ups date was that it was terrible. No offense. Cody says, none taken. It was terrible, and it was completely his fault. Britt asks if he means that, or is he just telling her what he thinks she wants to here, and he says, all he’s asking is for her to let him make it up to her. She says she’ll text him her answer, and Maxie says, you know what makes for a really good apology? A beverage. Let’s start with those. Cody says, any preference, ladies? and Maxie says, something fruity. Britt says, virgin margarita, and Cody goes to the bar. Maxie says, this guy really gets to Britt, and Britt says, because he’s arrogant, infuriating, and persistent. Maxie says, seems like Society Set-Ups got this one right, and Britt says, she and Cody are the opposite of a match. Between the horse, and the straw hay… Maxie says, she does know that straw and hay are two completely different things, right? Britt says, she didn’t ask, nor does she care, but Cody does. Maxie should ask him. Maxie says, this guy has really gotten under Britt’s skin. That could mean something. Cody comes back, and says, a pina colada for the lady, a beer for the me, and a virgin margarita for the other lady. Britt says, gee, thanks, and asks if it tastes like lies. He asks what it’s going to take to start over, and Maxie says, she’s going to go powder her nose. She leaves, and Cody says, good. Now he can really begin groveling. Britt asks if he shouldn’t be on the ground for that, and he says he would if he thought it would work. She wouldn’t respect a man who did that, would she? She says, only one way to find out, and he says he really is sorry; he admits it. He was wrong. He was trying too hard to be someone he thought she wanted instead of getting to know the real her. He really is sorry and it won’t happen again, he promises. From now on, all she’s going to get is the unadulterated, pure this guy. Remember, she asked for it. So what does she say? Does she want to forgive and forget?

Ava asks if Taggert’s heard from Portia, and he says, she’s still dealing with a patient emergency. Ava says, Trina will understand.

Josslyn asks what Spencer said, and Trina tells her, he’s testifying for the other side. Josslyn says, because he’s a spoiled, selfish tool, and Trina says, the worst part is, for a split second, she thought he was going to say he had her back.

Arden says she needs Esme on the stand, and Spencer says, so does he. She says, excuse me? and he says, don’t worry. He’ll make sure Esme gets here.

Ryan tells Esme, Felicia and his brother will be dealt with, just like anybody who stands in their way. She tells him, he says the sweetest things, and he thanks her. He says, in the meantime, she needs to put some distance between herself and the Cassadines, but she says, she thinks she should stay at least a few more days. He asks, why? They don’t need anything else from them. She says, that may be true for him, and he asks why she came here. She says, Spencer wants her help to exonerate Trina in exchange for information, and he says, she played with that gang of wayward children like they were spiders in a jar. Now she’s paying the price. What is Spencer offering? She says, the identity of her birth mother. Her phone dings, and she looks at a text from Spencer: Where r u? Get 2 the courthouse or no deal. Ryan snatches the phone from her, and says, not on his time.

Nikolas tells Jordan, he and Spencer spent most of the morning at GH, and Ava was at the courthouse attending Trina’s trial. She says, and Esme? and he says, as far as he knows, she was here all day. She asks if Esme could have left without his knowledge, and he says, he’s not Esme’s jailer; she’s free to do as she pleases. Jordan says, anyone else? and he says, just the staff. How long was this guy on the island? She says, undetermined. He was last seen boarding the launch at 10:30 am, and didn’t return via the launch. Any idea how he got off the island? He says, not offhand. He could be of more help if she clued him in on what this is about. She says, Mr. Haggerty is currently hospitalized; drug overdose. Nikolas asks if she thinks he obtained the drugs here, and she says, potentially. She’s also trying to ascertain if he provided an unregistered phone used to film an intimate encounter. He says, the sex tape Trina’s accused of making, and she says, new evidence suggests Mr. Haggerty’s testimony could have bearing on the case. Nikolas says, why not just ask him? and she says she’d love to, but he’s in a medically induced coma, which means he can’t testify either. Convenient, huh? He asks if Mr. Haggerty’s overdose was accidental, and she says, there’s evidence he had a visitor before his collapse. He says, any idea who? and she thanks him for his time. Please speak with his household staff. He says he’ll take care of it personally, and she says, if Esme saw Mr. Haggerty, they’ll need to speak with her right away. Nikolas flashes back to Esme saying she terrorized Ava for Spencer, but she was wrong; Esme taunting Ava, and Ava warning Esme to keep her daughters’ names out of her mouth or she’ll be sorry; Esme saying Sonny and Ava refuse to accept it’s Trina, even though all the evidence points to her; and Esme telling Nikolas, she wants to tell Ava and Spencer that they slept together. The lightbulb comes on.

Britt says, fine. Cody is forgiven, but she never forgets, ever. He says, so what she’s saying is he’s unforgettable? and she says, ugh. Go away. He tells her, smiling causes less wrinkles than frowning. She may not care now, but when she hits 50… She says, yeah, right. Look, he bought her a peace offering, she begrudgingly accepted it. Let’s move on. He says, to another date? and she laughs, saying, not if he was the last cowpoke in the countryside. He says he doesn’t get it. Why won’t she let anyone close to her? She says, he doesn’t know her, and he agrees that he doesn’t, but he’s trying to get to know her. Maxie returns, but hangs back, and Britt says, well, know this. It’s the absolute height of arrogance to assume just because she doesn’t want him to get close to her, that she doesn’t want anyone to get close to her. He says he saw the video of her TED talk at the mixer. Her views on love are pretty clear. She gets up and says she’s done. She tells Maxie, sorry, she’s late for work, and walks out. Maxie says, wait, but Britt keeps going, and Cody asks how he did. She says, that was a clear triumph.

Arden asks if Spencer recalls the weekend getaway he took in January with Cameron Webber, Josslyn Jax, Esme Prince, and the defendant. He says, he does. They were supposed to spend the weekend at his Uncle Sonny’s cabin. She says, supposed to? and he says, their weekend was cut short. She asks, why is that? and Diane objects, saying, Josslyn Jax and Cameron Webber have already testified on record as to why that weekend ended early. Arden says, Josslyn and Cameron stayed. It might benefit the court to get Mr. Cassadine’s perspective on that evening’s events. Judge Young says he’ll allow it, and Arden asks why the weekend ended early. He says, Trina was sick and upset. She ran out of the room while the rest of them argued. Arden says, while this argument took place, where was the defendant? He says, in her room, and Arden says, or so she claims. Diane objects, saying, this blatant sarcasm is meant to influence the jury. If the ADA actually has a question, do you think she can ask it?

Nikolas rifles though stuff on his desk, and grabs his keys. On his way out, Victor comes in, and asks where he’s off to in such a hurry. Nikolas says, whatever this is, he doesn’t have time for it. He needs to get Ava. Victor says, why? Is she in trouble? Nikolas says, no, but his marriage is, and Victor says, mistakes are made in haste. Slow down and tell him what this is about. Nikolas says, it’s a mess, and Victor says, lucky he showed up when he did. Cleaning up messes is one of his specialties. Nikolas says he doesn’t think Victor can fix this, but Victor says, let him be the judge of that. What’s the nature of this particular mess? Nikolas says, it’s Esme. There’s a delicate matter she may tell his wife about.  Victor says, what could Esme possibly tell Ava that… Oh no, Nikolas. Tell me you didn’t. Nikolas says he did, and if he doesn’t stop her, Esme is going to tell Ava everything, and she’s going to blow his future and his family to hell.

Ryan looks at the text from Spencer, and says, thanks to Esme’s childish vendetta against the Robinson girl, Spencer now has a bargaining chip. Worse, his curiosity could lead Spencer to discover he’s her father. She says, that’s his only concern? and pulls over a chair. He says, she’s been compromised; she’s of no use to him. She says, so this relationship is purely transactional? and sits. Doc told her that he feared Ryan could never truly care for another person, and she’s starting to think he was right. He says she knows he cares for her, and she says, does he? Why does he never ask her what she wants? He says, fine. What does she want? She says she wants to know who her mother is, and he says, she’s not seriously considering taking Spencer’s offer? She says she needs the truth; if not from Spencer, than from him – whatever it takes. He asks if Spencer happened to mention how he came by her mother’s identity, and she says, his Uncle Victor. He says, Victor Cassadine. He does have considerable resources. But so does he. If he couldn’t find her, he’s not sure Victor could. She says, there’s a DNA test, and he says, she submitted to a test with names and identifiable markers? She says, of course (🍷) not, but Spencer… He says, managed to get a sample anyway. How convenient. She says, they live in the same house; it’s not like it would be difficult. He says, taking the deal is a bad idea, and she says, if he doesn’t want Spencer to tell her who her mother is, fine. You tell me.

Cody tells Maxie, he doesn’t know how to read Britt, and every time she baits him he just – ugh – walks right into it. She says, there’s a word for that, and he says, insanity? She says, chemistry, and he says, whatever you call it, he’s still dumb enough to pursue it. Any advice? She says she’d advise him to be fearless. But he is the guy who dropped into the pool from 10,000 feet, so… He says, still safer than approaching Britt Westbourne, and she says, come on. Her bark is worse than her bite… Actually, no; scratch that. They’re both terrifying. Britt just wants someone who’ll let her be herself, at her best, and especially at her worst. He says, okay. He might be able to show how he can be that guy, but he’s going to need Maxie’s help.

Judge Young says, objection sustained. If Arden can’t make her case without editorializing for the jury, perhaps she should stop right now. Arden apologizes, and asks if Spencer saw the defendant go into her room. He says, no, and Arden asks if he can verify that Trina was in her room from the time she left the group until the time he left. He says, no, and she says, back to this argument. What happened next? He says, Josslyn went in on him pretty hard. She thought that Esme suggested the drinking game to upset Trina, which was completely unfair. At this time, Esme held nothing but admiration for Trina, and they were both close friends of Trina’s. Trina leans over and tells Diane, that’s not true. Should they object? Diane says, not right now. This is one time they want to let him talk. Arden asks if at that point they left, and Spencer says, yes. Esme demanded to leave as soon as she got back. Arden says, got back from where? and he says, Esme left the room collect herself after Joss unloaded on her.

At the hospital, Jordan asks Britt if the tox screen is back on Oz Haggerty, and Britt says, she’s not sure, but she can check. She’s sorry. She just got in, and isn’t up to speed yet. Is Mr. Haggerty family? Jordan says, he’s related to an ongoing investigation, and Britt asks if she has a warrant or court order allowing Britt to help her. Jordan says, how about if she asks questions, and Britt answers, and Britt says, fire away. Jordan says, the paramedic report indicted Mr. Haggerty OD’d on prescription pain medication. Can Britt confirm or deny? Britt says, maybe, but first she needs Jordan to tell her something. She heard a nurse say that Curtis Ashford has taken up residence outside the patient’s room. Is there something she should know?

Nikolas tells Victor, not only did Esme post the recording she made of Cam and Josslyn, she may have drugged the person who sold her the phone to do it. He’s at GH now in a coma. Victor says, the lady is enterprising, and Nikolas says, she’s a monster, and he allowed her in his home. Victor says, not to mention his bed, and Nikolas says, no one can judge him more harshly than he’s judging himself right now, but Victor says, he’s not judging; he’s assessing. Nikolas says, assess faster. If Esme is capable of framing Trina, what might she do to Spencer or Ava? He has to go warm them. Victor says, no. Neither Ava nor Spencer need ever know about this. As head of the family, he’s made a decision. Esme is no longer entitled to Cassadine hospitality. Nikolas asks what that means exactly, and Victor says, meaning it’s time to evict Esme for good.

Esme says, Ryan is always so vague on the subject of her mother, and he says, his relationship with her mother was… unorthodox. Their courtship was mysterious, exciting. He never knew her friends, her family, not even her real name. She says, he didn’t know her name? So she was just some hookup? He says, she was so much more than that. She understood him. She accepted him. And when she disappeared, he looked everywhere for her. Esme says, so he doesn’t know who she is, and he says he knows her to her core. But unfortunately, he can’t give Esme what she wants. He doesn’t know that Spencer can either. He may be bluffing. Even if he has this information, can she trust him to hold up his end of the deal? She says she doesn’t need to confess. She just needs to get Trina off the hook. He says, so the state is left with no one to prosecute, and she says she can always just run away. He says, as if he’d ever allow that, and she says, and if she dares disobey him, what then? He says, consider herself an orphan, again, and she says, fine. She’ll stay, but if the authorities come looking her way for that stupid sex tape, she might have no choice but to leverage information about him in order to avoid jail time. He gets up and walks over to her.

Cody asks what Maxie thinks about Society Set-Ups, and she says, aside from the pretentious name, it seems legit. He says, Britt doesn’t seem to think so, but she says, Britt is a natural sceptic. As far as her experience with Society Set-Ups goes, her results have been… mixed. He says, fair point. However he does happen to know, Zelda is a wiz at what she does. She says, Zelda is the real deal, and he says, maybe if people Britt cares about can think he’s not wrong for her, Britt can too. She asks if he really likes Britt, and he says, he’d like to like her. Does Maxie think she’ll like this? He hands her a booklet, and she says, a passport? He says, open it, and she reads, no kids, no horses, no slippers. Just you, me, and the adventures we can have together. She turns the page, and says, the first stamp is the Quartermaine stable. He says, he thought it would be a good idea because they’re both explorers… this is corny, isn’t it? Unforgivably corny. She says, this is definitely corny, but it’s also really sweet. She doesn’t get the slippers reference, and he says, you had to be there. Tell him honestly. Is Britt going to hate it?

Jordan tells Britt that Curtis doesn’t want to be far away if Mr. Haggerty wakes up. He may have relevant information to a case that’s personally important to Curtis. Britt looks on the computer, and says, acute opioid intoxication, ingested with alcohol, which led to an adverse reaction. Jordan asks if this person has a prescription, and Britt says, if it’s drug history Jordan is after, she’s forbidden by law to tell Jordan if this person has visited their pharmacy or any pharmacy in western New York. Jordan asks if Britt can tell her if he hasn’t visited those pharmacies, and Britt says she can confirm there’s no record of him doing so. Is this a drug investigation? Because with Cyrus gone, she’d hoped this problem was over. Jordan asks if they’ve had a rash of opioid overdoses, but Britt says, no, but she did have someone recently ask her about this drug in particular. Jordan says, the one Haggerty OD’d on? and Britt asks if she should prepare her staff for more of these, but Jordan says, that would be premature. Their interest in Oz Haggerty has less to do with drugs than the Trina Robinson trial.

Arden asks if after Spencer and Esme departed, they returned at any point, but he says, no. They returned to his grandmother’s house, where they were staying at the time. Arden asks, if after he and Esme left, his testimony is that the only individual present all night with Josslyn and Cameron was the defendant, but he says he doesn’t know who or what happened after they left. They could have thrown a rager with the neighbors for all he knows. She asks, when he and Esme left, was there anyone else in the house with Josslyn and Cameron? and he says, to the best of his knowledge, no. She says, no further questions, and the judge calls for a short recess, telling Diane that she’ll be able to question the witness when they return. Hmm… What about Esme going back to the cabin for Spencer’s watch or whatever it was?

Nikolas tells Victor, put his phone away. Whatever he’s planning, that’s not what Nikolas is asking him for. Victor says, why let this girl jeopardize his happy home life, not to mention this family? and Nikolas says, Esme didn’t jeopardize anything; he did. He should have followed his heart, and told Ava everything immediately. Victor says, this gratuitous guilt is tedious, and in this case, misguided. Esme is nothing more than a vengeful Lolita, who exploited her friends, then drugged a man into a catatonic stupor. They’d all be a lot safer if she were eliminated. Nikolas says, and if Spencer ever finds out their part in that, he’ll lose his son again, but Victor says, Nikolas risks losing him if she lives. Nikolas says he doesn’t want to go down a path he can’t come back from, and Victor says, that ship has already left Southampton, and is well on its way to the iceberg. Nikolas says, before his mother left, she was worried he’d fall into old patterns, and killing Esme would definitely quality. Victor says, Laura’s integrity is admirable, but sometimes she fails to see the bigger picture. Nikolas says he knows Laura doesn’t understand, but he wants to make her proud. He wants to show her, Spencer, and Ava that he’s willing to face up to his failings.

Ryan gets closer to Esme, then hugs her. He says, his brother’s wrong. He’s not an unfeeling monster. His voice cracks as he says, her mother meant everything to him. He puts his hand under her chin, and says, and so does our daughter. She asks why he didn’t tell her any of this, and he says, that time in his life was very painful. Her mother was the only person he could completely be himself with. Then she walked away from him, and that’s why he can’t bear the thought of Esme doing the same. She says she would never do that to him. She would never leave him, and she would never, ever betray him. He says, I know that, my sweet girl, besides – he leans in toward her ear – there’s no place you can go, no place you can run, no place on earth I wouldn’t find you. He kisses her head, and says, one day they will be reunited with her mother, but right now, they have more immediate concerns. He holds her, and she cries.

Maxie tells Cody that she thinks Britt is going to love it. Right after she hates it first. He’s going to need a spare. He says, if she burns it? and she says, see? He’s already learning how Britt thinks. He says, maybe Maxie should give it to her, but she says, no way. She’s not getting in the middle of this mess. He says, she already saw for herself; Britt wants nothing to do with him. She says, the you Britt wants nothing to do with is the phony you that showed up on your date. If he shows up as the real him – gift in hand, heart on his sleeve – that just might show her that he’s the right guy for her. Besides, asking a third party to pass a note is beneath everybody involved. He thanks her, and she says she’s a diehard romantic.

Britt asks if the patient is a potential witness in Trina’s trial, and Jordan says, the individual who inquired about this opioid, could they be connected to our victim? Britt says, Jordan doesn’t think the OD was accidental, and Jordan says, it’s early days. Could the individual who asked Britt about the drugs shed any light on Oz Haggerty, or the video of Joss and Cam? Britt flashes back to Spencer asking her about the pill he found in Esme’s closet, and she tells Jordan that she couldn’t say. Jordan asks if this conversation is privileged, but Britt says, no. Jordan says, Britt is protecting someone; she gets it. But a young woman’s freedom may be at stake. Britt says, what happens if she gives up this person’s identity and the information becomes useless? and Jordan says, if it doesn’t help Trina, then they never had this conversation. How about it? Can Britt tell Jordan what she knows, and let her decide if it’s relevant?   

Diane steps away to take a call, and Trina asks if it isn’t enough that Spencer trashed their friendship and sided with his psycho girlfriend. He had to testify against her? He says, he was subpoenaed; he didn’t have a choice. She says, like that makes a difference. Esme won’t stop until she’s destroyed Trina, and he’s happy to help. He says, she’s wrong, and she says, prove it. Rory comes over and tells Trina, it’s not worth it, and she says, truest thing said in the courtroom today, walking away with him. Ava looks at Spencer.

Victor doesn’t understand Nikolas’s confused sense of honor. Personally, he’d rather bury accusation and accuser before throwing himself on the mercies of an angry wife. Nikolas says he appreciates the thought, sort of, but when it comes to Ava, he refuses to compound his mistakes. He’s done lying. Victor says, at least let him drop Nikolas at the courthouse. Yohan has a talent for shortcuts. Nikolas says, and speed limits? and Victor says, it’s like flying on angel’s wings. Nikolas says, he’ll take any and all the help he can get. I don’t think Nikolas should get in a car with Victor.

Ryan tells Esme, if Ava and Nikolas survive this infidelity, then all of their efforts will have been for nothing. It can’t happen. Her phone rings, and she says she has to take this. She tells Arden that she was just about to call, and Arden says, why call when she could be there in person like she’s supposed to be. Where is she? Esme says she had a family matter, and Arden says, if she’s not here after this recess is over in ten minutes, she’s going to hold Esme in contempt. She says she’s on her way, and tells Ryan that she has to go. He says, if she promises not to do what Spencer asks, he’ll make a promise of his own. When he get out of here, they’ll find her mother together. She says, no promises, and leaves. Ryan sits back down in his wheelchair.  

Diane tells Trina, she knows it was hard, but there’s good news. Trina says, not from where she’s sitting, and Diane says, Spencer Cassadine wasn’t able to account for all of Esme’s whereabouts. That gives them an opening they didn’t have before he took the stand. Taggert says, which means… and Diane says, which means, when Esme Prince gets on the stand, all bets are off.  

Rory says he should have handled his testimony better yesterday, but Josslyn says, he was just doing his job. Trina doesn’t blame him for that. He asks if she’s sure, and she says, read the room, officer. Trina let him hold her hand while she kicked Spencer in the teeth. She thinks he’s good. He says he’s read the room, and Trina. She still cares about Spencer. Josslyn says, so? Spencer was Trina’s friend, and he took Esme’s side against her. That, she will never forgive.

Ava says she’s on to Spencer, and he asks what nefarious thing he’s done now. She says, it’s what he didn’t do. He had every opportunity to give Esme an ironclad alibi, and yet… He tells her, what can he say? He’s an idiot. He turns around, his back to her, and she leans forward and says, he’s a lot of things, but an idiot, never. He smiles, and she says, which begs the question, who’s side is he really on?

Tomorrow, Nikolas says he made a mistake; Esme says she’s so going to enjoy this; and Dex says, if Sonny needs something like that done, he’s Sonny’s guy.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

We come in where we left off, Erika announcing there are chicken  tenders, but Crystal can’t have one. Also, she needs another drink. Kathy arrives, and talks to Sheree (not that one) like they know each other, but Sheree doesn’t think they’ve met before. We flash back to Kathy mistaking Garcelle for Kyle. A guy sits down at the piano, and Erika goes to the mic, but someone steers her back to her seat. Asher sings O Holy Night, and I’m like, someone shoot me. In LisaR’s interview, she says, it’s so magical, moving, and meaningful; he’s a talent. Oh please. He’s okay, but the song is a bit ambitious for his limited range. Erika starts to sing loudly along with him, and in Garcelle’s interview, she says she thinks Erika misses the spotlight. She won’t shut up. Erika yells for him to hit high note, but luckily he doesn’t reach for that. In Crystal’s interview, she says, Erika’s had too much to drink, and her behavior is not respectful. She’s a little out of control. Asher finishes, there’s applause, and the guests disperse to mingle. Kathy gets some compliments on her bag, and she says, it’s an antique. Kyle says, it’s last season, and Kathy says, that’s antique for Beverly Hills.

Erika once again tells whoever’s listening that she’s lit, and tells the waitress that she wants a champagne orgasm moment. I have no idea what that means, and I’m not sure I want to, but I’m grateful the drink she’s brought doesn’t have a vibrator as a garnish. Kathy sits down, and Erika says, she needs to get something off her chest. Kathy invited her to events, but she didn’t want to bring scorn and her scarlet letter to Kathy’s daughters or Kathy. For real, she said it like that. Kathy says, if Erika hadn’t replied, it would be different, but she did, and Kathy respects her feelings. Erika asks her to explain to Paris and Nicky that it’s not personal. She just didn’t want to bring shame to them. Like they even noticed she wasn’t there. They toast to Paris and Carter. Kyle is sitting with Crystal, Garcelle, and Sheree, and tells them that Sutton was excited to come, but tested positive for covid. She thought Sutton seemed lonely, and has to be alone on Christmas. It broke her heart. Kathy joins them, and Garcelle asks how Erika is. Kathy says, getting out of control. On the other couch, LisaR suggests Erika put her drink down, but Erika says, no. Kyle says she thinks Erika was having a good time, and they cut her some slack, but Garcelle says, Kyle cut her some slack; she’s not doing that. Kathy says, you don’t want to put yourself in the position of drinking and getting out of control. Erika tells Diana that LisaR’s daughter Amelia inspired her to take care of her mental health. She’s on Lexapro and Wellbutrin, and she’s had drinks, but she’s okay. Not a great endorsement for Amelia’s inspiration. Garcelle tells Kyle, they can’t be in denial for the safety of the friendship . Erika was out of control on the boat – we flash back to Erika telling Garcelle to pee on the new girl – and at Garcelle’s party – we flash back to her telling Garcelle’s son, get the f*** out – and now tonight, when Asher was singing, she was shouting out. Kyle says she thinks she’s sensitive to someone saying someone else drinks too much because of Kim, and in her interview, she says she thinks it’s dangerous to throw around labels. Garcelle wants her to say Erika has a drinking problem, but she’s not doing that. I think it’s more like Kyle is non-committal because she’s a coward. She tells Garcelle that labels make her nervous, and Garcelle says, sometimes there is no excuse; it can just be bad. In Crystal’s interview, she says, Kyle’s idea of being a loyal friend is backing the person 100% of the time. Crystal expects her good friends to call her out, and not just back her blindly. Amen, sister.

Erika says she couldn’t have made it through without LisaR, her daughter, and the people around her. LisaR says, that’s what friends are for, and thank God, Erika doesn’t start singing. Erika starts saying nonsense, and LisaR says, it’s Erika’s first time out, and they need to go home. Erika has a hard time standing, and Diana and LisaR get on either side of her, helping her up. She says she loves everyone. In Garcelle’s interview, she says, maybe tonight everyone will see that Erika is having a hard time. She’s been saying it all along, and knows she’s right. She doesn’t want to be right, but it’s happening right in front of them. She tells Diana that everything was beautiful, and Diana apologizes for her behavior at Garcelle’s party; it was inappropriate. Sutton said a few things, and pressed every button, and she lashed out in a rude way. We flash back to that, and Diana apologizes again. In Diana’s interview, she says she enjoys Garcelle. Garcelle is at ease and approachable. She doesn’t know if it’s Garcelle, her, or Sutton not being there. Kathy hides Kyle’s bag, and Kyle says, this is not an Easter egg hunt. In her interview, she says, her sisters love to hide things. Kathy thinks if she doesn’t have her purse, she can’t leave, so she’ll stay and have more fun.

PK and Dorit sit down to talk, and in Dorit’s interview, she says, three weeks ago, PK was driving home from a work dinner. He’d had a glass of wine, and was pulled over and brought to the station. We see the various news programs talking about it, and she says, weeks later, the press magically found out that PK was brought in on suspicion of a DUI. She found out the day after, but now they need to have the conversation again because she’s annoyed again. He tells her, it was late and he didn’t want to worry her. He’d blown an .081, which was over the legal limit, but on a second test, he blew a .073. He just got a ticket, and originally wasn’t going to tell her. She says, the one thing that’s important in their marriage is, don’t lie, period. He says, no husband would want to wake their wife at 4 am after what she’d been through, and Dorit says, the only reason he told her was because he needed her to pick up his car. In her interview, she says, he should be counting his blessings. He had to tell her. If she’d found out when the press did, they’d have bigger problems. She tells him that she doesn’t trust anyone more than she does him. He says he’d never lie to her, but sometimes he’ll delay telling her, or pick the right time. In Dorit’s interview, she says, she can tell he had the scare of his life, and learned his lesson. She tells him, don’t do it again; she was about to kill him.

Erika, Mikey, and some other assistant check out 25 samples of hair extensions that have come in. LisaR comes by, and Mikey tells her that they’re having a Pretty Mess Hair meeting. In Erika’s interview, she says she knows what it’s like to have it all, and we flash back to private jets, lavish vacations, etc., etc., etc. She says, she’s going to work her ass off to get everything back. Why hair? She’s worn every extension, clip-in, ponytail, tape, and keratin (um… isn’t that a conditioner?) for over a decade, and has the knowledge just from wearing it. Mikey says, it’s on brand, and a long time coming. The meeting breaks up, and LisaR asks if Erika got home from the party okay. Erika says she blacked out. She got home, hit her head, then vomited. In her interview, Erika says, the holidays are hard for everybody, and they’re hard for her this year. She has great memories of family holidays before. They were loving and great, and now it feels desolate. She tells LisaR that it’s the fallout of everything that’s happened, and in her interview, she says she wanted to feel good and have fun, so she overdid it. LisaR says, Erika has been having stronger drinks, and Erika says, it was a routine part of socializing, and it’s hard to regulate. LisaR says, she was out of control, and Mikey says he’s known Erika for twelve or thirteen years, and she’s not a drinker. In her interview, LisaR says she thinks Erika needs to hear what she has to say, and tells Erika that she can’t cross that line; it’s not good for her. Erika says, it’s reckless. She could hurt herself. LisaR says, Erika has gone through tremendous trauma. Her husband wasn’t the guy she or any of them thought he was, and Erika had to deal with it because they’re married. She’s in a lot of pain. In her interview, LisaR says, she comes from experience. When she was six, her sister died of an overdose. Her sister was in pain, but they didn’t consider her an addict. She understands. She tells Erika, stop this now; it’s not who she is. Erika says, it’s hard to accept. She always prided herself on being controlled. She pushed too far, and sometimes it’s hard to be honest with friends. She thanks LisaR, and LisaR says, they all have a rock bottom moment. She thinks this was Erika’s. I can’t help thinking, the only reason LisaR beat Garcelle to the punch is, she thought it would be good screen time, and good for her image as the concerned friend.

Everyone talks about holidays, and in LisaR’s interview, she says, they lost Lois in November, and had to go through Thanksgiving and Christmas without her, but she feels lucky to have spent every Christmas with her. We see clips of what everyone did on Christmas, and in Sutton’s interview, she says, there’s nothing better than spending Christmas Day alone. She bought herself a present so she’d have something to unwrap. We see a beautiful silver and blue cocktail ring, and she says, 2021 was weird. She’s thinking, 2022, this is it. Yeah. We all thought that 2020 was going to be our year.  

Garcelle tells Jaid that she’s doing an audio version of her book, and he says, books suck; he hates reading. Sutton comes over, and Garcelle asks if she has cooties, but she’s good. Garcelle says, she’s so hopeful for 2022. She’s going to try and make a change with herself. Sutton says she wants to be better. She loses her temper. We flash back to her calling Diana an a-hole and soulless, and Garcelle tells her about Diana’s party. She says, Asher sang, and his hair was flowing, and Erika was more than tipsy. Kyle insisted she was just getting lose. Sutton says she doesn’t think Erika would receive any advice from her too well, and Garcelle says, she’ll take care of it. In Sutton’s interview, she says, that would go over well. She’d say, you have a problem, and get her face eaten off. She tells Garcelle, this is her life as a single person. She has to fix that; put her guard down a little. Her ex, Christian, has a serious girlfriend. In her interview, she says, she thinks it’s important that she put herself out there. It’s not fun being alone. She and Garcelle bonded over being divorced single mothers, sharing custody with their exes. They both wanted someone to talk to, since they didn’t have a partner. Sutton says, the failure of it all, and Garcelle says, stop. Sutton says, you feel vulnerable when you’re sick and don’t have anybody. She called every one of her exes.

In Sutton’s interview, she says, this is her fifth date in five months. She’s looking for someone who’s tall, has a job, and is educated. She tells assistant Joshua that she wants to look relaxed, but not slutty. In her interview, she says, dealbreakers are affection for hoodies, ponytails, and white unmarked vans. We flash back to the Reunion where Sutton said boyfriend Michael broke up with her Valentine’s weekend. In her interview, Sutton says, this might point out that she’s not the best dater. She’s just trying again to see if she can be better. A producer asks if she’s considered friends with benefits, and she says, her [male] friends are gay. She’s not sure they want that benefit.

Dorit visits Kyle, and says, the headline about PK has surfaced weeks later. In Dorit’s interview, she says, people who know you, people who haven’t spoken to you in years, everyone wants to send a message. She has to tell the story, and relive this again and again and again… Kyle says, PK told Mauricio, and he didn’t say anything to her. Dorit says, PK tells Mauricio everything. He’d take a bullet for Mauricio. In Kyle’s interview, she says, it’s nice PK and Mauricio have a great relationship, but clearly something major happened, and Mauricio never bothered to tell her. She’s not going to pretend it’s not a big deal, or didn’t hurt her feelings; it did. Kyle tells Dorit, it’s a reminder; a lesson to everyone. She sees the police, and already feels like she has a dead body in the trunk. She would die if she was pulled over. No comment. Kyle says she checks on her daughters every night, and they check on her, and Dorit says, an open doorway of communication is important. She tells her kids the same thing she tells PK: never lie to her. They’ll always get through whatever it is, but it will be better than if they lied.

Sutton meets Sanjit at an upscale pizza place, and in her interview, she says, she never dated much. She married young, and it’s hard to date in 2022 when you’re 50. She and Sanjit met on the [sic] Bumble. We flash back to the women getting in on a call to Sanjit, and Sutton says, after the girls were in his face, they went out. She found out he’s from Virginia, and went to law school in New Orleans. He was also on Jeopardy. She does background checks on people she dates. I can’t say I blame her. She says, they went on one date, and she loved it. They went to a dive bar (not sure what her definition of that is). He had a beer, and she had a glass of wine, and they talked about movies, books, and college football. A month later, they’re going on a second date, and she wants to dive deeper, and get to know him. Sanjit says he loves music, and he found out the Go-Gos are playing at the Whiskey. Instead of taking that cue and saying she’d love to see them, she says she also loves music. She loves garage bands, since she grew up in the 80s. He mentions The Clash, and she says, those were the days. In her interview, she says she doesn’t know what she’s looking for. She doesn’t think marriage. Just somebody to put up with her. She says she’s trying to decide if he wants a third date.

Garcelle meets Erika at a rooftop restaurant/bar, and asks, how’s Erika’s dating life? Erika says, her sex life is better than her dating life. What’s she going to do, hold hands? She asks the waitress for chamomile tea with honey, but the waitress says, they don’t do hot drinks on the roof. Erika asks for cognac, and in Garcelle’s interview, she says, that was a jump. Maybe a Shirley Temple or water. They toast to a happy new year, and Garcelle asks how Erika is. Erika says she’s okay, and Garcelle says, the last time she saw Erika, she was tipsy, but Erika says, not tipsy; blacked out. Garcelle says she was starting slow, and Erika says she appreciates Garcelle being gentle, but she was blacked out. She was thinking she could drink with her medicine, and wanted to have a good time. Garcelle says she gets it, but Erika doesn’t want to let it get to the point where everyone is worried and it looks messy. Erika says, LisaR called her on the carpet, which surprises Garcelle as much as it did me. Erika says, obviously, she’s struggling. She lost her husband, her home, and her stuff, but no one tells you how to rebuild. Um… downsizing for a while maybe? She tells Garcelle, her gut says she’ll be all right, but there are moments she’s like, oh sh*t. Garcelle says, just like everyone else (although everyone else doesn’t have a Glam Squad), and in Garcelle’s interview, she says, the first step is recognizing you have a problem. She believes Erika, and is glad to see she’s owning it. Erika says, she’s had so much ripped away, her eyes are open, and Garcelle asks if she sees anything in their friend group that she didn’t before. Erika says she’s glad Garcelle has Sheree, because Sutton is a liability; she’s unpredictable. In her interview, Garcelle says, she finds it strange that Erika is saying that, since Erika and Sutton were buddies in Mexico. We flash back to that, and Garcelle says, Erika is a liability walking around. Is there a more scandalous woman in America? Garcelle wishes everyone would lay off Sutton, and Erika says, Sutton is the master of her own disaster. She knows Sutton is Garcelle’s friend, but Garcelle doesn’t have to cover for her all the time. Garcelle says she doesn’t think she does that, but Erika says she thinks Garcelle feels responsible for protecting Sutton. Sutton is a big girl. She knows what she’s doing. Garcelle makes a skeptical face.

Next time, LisaR says, everyone thinks she’s a bitch, and Sutton says, she is; Garcelle talks to Dorit about Erika; LisaR brings the group to a wine tasting; and Sutton and LisaR have it out.

🐶 Dogging the Days Of Summer…

Stop in tomorrow to check out some soap and some Charmers. Until then, stay safe, stay motivating others, and stay remembering mistakes are made in haste.