What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Jordan tells Curtis she’s clear. She’s gotten the go ahead to work full time. His baby is ready to roll. She asks, what’s wrong? and he wonders why she can’t work part time. She says she could, if she didn’t mind losing her sanity. She can only delegate so much for so long. She needs to get back to work.

Michael tells Sonny that he just came from the hospital. Sasha is sicker than they thought.

Monica thanks Jax for coming to the hospital. She’s called anyone who worked in close proximity to Sasha. They’ve identified her illness. It’s the Avian flu, a strain they haven’t even seen before. In the meantime, anyone who’s had contact with Sasha has to be tested, and have a round of anti-virals. He asks if the symptoms wouldn’t have shown up by now. She says, in all likelihood, but it’s a precautionary measure. They’re using an abundance of caution. He asks about the prognosis, but she says she can’t even speculate. They don’t even know if they caught it in time.

Valentin talks on the phone to Charlotte, who’s in the park with Lulu and Rocco. Charlotte tells him about her softball game. He says he’s sorry he can’t be there today, but she says her mom took a video. She gives Lulu the phone, and she asks how things are going. Valentin says, it’s all wait and see. She tells him, please give Nina her best, and tell her that she’s praying for Sasha. Don’t worry about Charlotte; she’s totally fine. He thanks her, and says he’ll be in touch. Valentin tells Nina that Charlotte successfully stole two bases. She gets it from her father. Nina says she needs something else from him. He says, anything, and she tells him that she wants Cassandra – alive or dead. Can he arrange it for her?

Jason sees Cameron at the hospital, and asks if he’s waiting for his mom. He says he’s here on his own. He wants to talk to Franco’s doctors.

Elizabeth says, hi, and Franco says if she’s on her way out, he can come back. She says, that’s okay. She was going out to look for him. He asks if she’s there by herself, and she says the boys aren’t there; just her. He says he figured that he owed them both a conversation. He can tell her a little bit about himself, and she can tell him about the man he used to be. She invites him in, and says, welcome home.

Robert shuffles through files, looking for one on Shiloh, and another on Cabot. Mac finds them for him, and asks why he won’t use the software. Robert says he likes the feel of paper, and he’d also have to learn it. He thanks Mac, even if he alluded to Robert being some kind of dinosaur. Mac says he didn’t,  and Robert says they work well together. Where else can he kick his little brother around? Mac says his days as Commissioner are over.

Jordan tells Curtis that congratulations would do. He congratulates her, and she thanks him. He says he’s really concerned that she’s pushing it, but she says she got clearance to work full time. She’ll be drawing full pay, and he can ditch his job with Valentin, or Jax, or both. He asks why he’d do that, and she says he’s bordering on corporate espionage. He says it’s helping them making bank, and they can knock out the medical bills and put away some for TJ’s college fund. She asks what he’s going to do if Jax finds out he’s taking money from Valentin? He says he’ll handle his business. She says, and she’ll handle hers, but he can escort her to the station first.

Elizabeth shows Franco a drawing Jake did. She says Jake is her middle child. He’s an artist like the both of them. He was instrumental in promoting Jake’s talent. She asks if it looks familiar. He just looks at her, and she says she knows he needs time. She ask if he’s hungry. Her youngest, Aiden, baked cookies. He’s the one who discovered Aiden was a gifted baker, and he’s Aiden’s sous chef. He says he already ate, but she says she’ll bring some out anyway. He must still have the same taste buds, and he loved Aiden’s cookies. He says he thinks it would make things easier if she didn’t refer to him as Franco. He’s Drew. Elizabeth says, sure. She didn’t mean to offend him. He says, nobody does. Except maybe that German woman, the doctor. Elizabeth says Obrecht considers herself a good friend of his… of Franco’s. She’s direct and intense. He says she also slapped him. She actually tried to slap some sense into him. Elizabeth says, sounds like her. What did she have to say? He says she told him the life he’s living doesn’t belong to him, and to get out of Franco’s way. He doesn’t understand. Why would anyone want that? Why would they want to be around a killer?

Cameron tells Jason that he tried to register for a class with a philosophy professor, but it was too early. He read that Descartes said, I think, therefore I am. If Franco started to think he was Franco, and really believe it, it might help. He thought he’d run it by Franco’s doctors. He asks if Jason thinks it’s dumb, but Jason says he can talk to Monica, and arrange it. Cameron thanks him, and says it’s just hard to understand how everyone is going along with this. How could Franco forget his family and loved ones? Jason knows what it’s like, doesn’t he?

Jax tells Monica, the flu is contagious. It’s strange how only one person contracted it. Monica says, especially since Sasha has never been to Asia. It’s a matter for law enforcement now. It’s no accident that Sasha came down with the flu.

Nina asks Valentin how they can make it happen. He says they do nothing. He’ll take care of it. Nina needs to know there are no more threats to her family. She can’t do this again. She feels helpless and out of control. Valentin says, those days are over, but she says that person is still inside of her. She knows the signs. He says he knows she’s a strong woman, and knows he loves her. He has those protective feelings too. He tells her to take care of Sasha, and he’ll take care of the rest.

Michael tells Sonny, as a precaution, he’s getting a round of anti-virals. Sonny asks what about Sasha? and Michael says they’re afraid they took too long to diagnose her. They’ve never even seen the strain in this hemisphere. Sonny wonders how Sasha contracted it, and Michael says it was on purpose by someone on the island – Sandy Lance. Sonny knows her by Cassandra Pierce.

Charlotte asks Lulu when they’re going home, but Lulu says Rocco’s game isn’t over. Charlotte wants to go to Windymere. It’s been forever, and she left her doll in the trophy room. Lulu knows Charlotte misses Nina and her papa, but they’re taking care of Sasha. Charlotte asks if Sasha will be better soon. Rocco runs over, and says he hates this game. He wants to go home. Lulu says he can’t quit, and Rocco says, it’s okay for his dad to quit, but not him? He asks if his dad is ever coming home. Dustin appears, and asks if someone lost their glove.

Mac tells Robert that he thinks Jordan is returning tomorrow; end of mission. Robert says, what if it doesn’t happen? What if Jordan gets kidnapped by pirates, and the mayor gives Mac the job? Mac says he’s not out to steal Jordan’s job. Robert says he’d rather sling drinks and keep cleaning up after drunks than admit he likes police work? Jordan comes in, and says she just got clearance to work. From the sound of it, it’s not a moment too soon.

Sonny tells Michael that Cassandra wanted him to help her import something, but he told her he wasn’t importing it into Port Charles. Maybe Sasha is collateral damage, and Cassandra was trying to get to him? Michael says, no. She sent a picture to Nina as a message. She wanted Nina to know it was payback. Sonny says, for what?

Elizabeth says, Franco’s not a killer. Franco says, kidnapping, assault, arson, murder. She asks where he got this, and he says, the internet. She tells him, Franco did bad things while he was sick. He found out he had a brain tumor, and when it was removed, he was cured. Franco says now he knows he’s not sick, but Elizabeth disagrees. He says she’s not the only one objecting, She says she’s lost a husband, and her children love him, and want him back. He says, wanting doesn’t make it so. She says if anyone can undo what happened it’s Andre, the man who perfected the procedure. Drew is bringing him back from Ethiopia.

Cameron says Jason used to be a Quartermaine until the accident; that’s what his mom told him. Jason says, that’s right. Cameron says he didn’t remember his old family, changed his name, and found a new one. Jason says it wasn’t as easy for him as it seemed. The Quartermaines wanted him to be someone he wasn’t. Cameron says, that’s what’s happening to Franco. Jason says he used to feel that way about the Quartermaines, but time passed, and he eventually found a new relationship with them. They got to know him as he is now. Cameron asks how long it took, and Jason says, years. Cameron says his mom and brothers don’t have years for Franco to figure out that they matter to him.

Curtis gets a text from Valentin – Must see you asap at GH. He tells Jordan that he has to go. Jordan tells Mac and Robert that she doesn’t officially return to full time until tomorrow. Sonny comes in with Michael, and says he’s there about Cassandra Pierce. Robert says they’re aware of the situation, and Mac says they’ve been pulling files. Sonny wants her found before someone else gets hurt, and Mac says, odds are, she’s not in Port Charles. Robert says they were on to her after she escaped. Mac says they know she’s flying under the radar. Sonny knows all about that.

Jax asks Nina how Sasha is, and she says she’s waiting. He says, alone? and she tells him that Valentin just left to take care of business. Jax says Monica filled him in a little; how can he help? Nina laughs, and says, him? He says he knows Finn has a good reputation, but he has connections. She says he can drop the phony concern. She knows he doesn’t care about Sasha or her. He says, that’s not true, and she says he wouldn’t know truth if he was shot up with the bird flu. He’s been lying to her since he came into her office. She knows about his secret file on Cassandra Pierce. That woman is the reason her daughter is sick. That psycho almost killed her daughter.

Jason tells Cameron, there’s no way to predict what will happen with Franco. They don’t even know if it’s reversable. Cameron asks what he should do, and Jason says, try not to pressure Franco. Cameron has to accept Franco is as confused as he is. Jason didn’t make allowance for how other people felt, and he regrets that. Cameron says Jason’s loved ones were older, and had perspective. His brothers are still young, and look up to Franco. Jason admires that Cameron wants to fix it, but he’ll have to wait. Cameron says his brothers need Franco. The more time he’s away, the more screwed up they are, and they’ve been through so much already. Franco needs to suck it up, and come home.

Franco tells Elizabeth that Drew was going to Afghanistan for him, but never mentioned Ethiopia. She says he just found out where Andre was yesterday, and diverted the plane. Franco says Drew didn’t mention it to him, and Elizabeth is sure Drew was in a hurry.  Franco thinks it’s part of a larger plan to keep him there, but Elizabeth says, Drew wouldn’t do that. Franco says, he’s wasting a trip. He’s not talking to any doctor. As soon as this bracelet is off, he’s gone. Elizabeth tells him not to do that to the people who love him. They can help him. He asks why he’d want help. Help means the end of him.

Monica asks Jason for a favor. He says, anything, but she tells him, don’t say that until he’s heard her out. Jason was with Franco when he got arrested; how did he seem? Jason says, angry and confused. He insists he’s Drew. Monica is afraid he might bolt. This might be her only chance to find out what Drew was like growing up; the son she and Alan never got to raise. She doesn’t want to let the opportunity slip through her fingers. Jason says she may have to. It might already be too late. I’m surprised at Monica being so selfish. She already went through this with Jason, and should know better than to push. I could understand if she wanted it for Drew, but for her own personal interest? Really?

Franco says the doctor will screw with his head, and chances are, it might not work. Or even worse, it does. She knows it’s incredibly selfish, but she’s asking anyway. The boys want her to fight for him. He says he doesn’t know them, and they don’t know who he is and who he loves. It’s his chance to get back the life he was robbed of. She says, that Drew was robbed of. He’s robbing her of her husband. He says, it’s not him. He doesn’t remember marrying her. The ring he’s wearing, a symbol of vows he doesn’t recall making. Wearing it is dishonest. He tries to hand it to her, but she doesn’t take it. He says he’s not trying to hurt her or her children, but he wants to get on with his life. He puts it on the table, and Cameron walks in.

Lulu introduces Dustin, saying, he’s a teacher. Rocco asks what he teaches, and Dustin says, including and not limited to, snake wrangling, jumping out of planes, a bunch of other crazy stuff, and baseball fielding. Lulu tells Rocco, if he’s nice, Dustin will give him some tips. Dustin says, only in exchange for a signed game ball, and gives a ball to Rocco.

Jordan tells Sonny, there’s only so much they can do in their jurisdiction. Robert says Michael and Sasha encountered Cassandra on Sonny’s island, and Sonny says he’s made some calls. If anything goes down, he’ll hear about it. Jordan asks if he’s going to share, and Sonny says, share and share alike. Nina said Cassandra is after her. Don’t they think her story might help give them a lead? Jordan says they know how to do their job. Sonny says, then they don’t need him, but Robert wants to ask Michael some questions. He wants to know more about their interaction with Cassandra. Michael tells Sonny to go. Michael goes into the interrogation room, and Jordan asks, what if Sonny finds Cassandra first? Mac says let him look. It will keep him out of their hair… her hair. Jordan says, about that…

Curtis tells Valentin if he wants another update on Jax… Valentin says, forget Jax. He needs help with something more important – protecting his family.

Jax asks Nina, how sick is Sasha? She says, Sasha and Michael crossed paths with Cassandra, and now Sasha has been diagnosed with a strain of bird fly never seen in this hemisphere. She shows him the picture, and says, then she got this text. Does he know where Cassandra is? Jax swears he doesn’t, and Nina says she feels so much better. Never mind about the angle he’s been working against her and Valentin since she caught him in her office unannounced. He has a file on Cassandra. Jax says he has nothing to do with her. She asks if she’s supposed to take his word, and he says he has nothing against her. He admires her. Valentin is another story. Nina says while he avoids answering her questions, her daughter could be dying. Spare her his false concerns and empty promises, and tell her the truth or get out. He says, it is the truth. What’s happening is horrible, and all he wants to do is help. He thinks there’s more to Cassandra’s relationship with Valentin than he’s letting on. She might want to protect herself. No matter what she thinks of him, he’s not her enemy. She says, if this is how he treats his friends, she doesn’t want to be his friend. He leaves, and she sits on the bench and sobs.

Jordan wants to clear the air. She knows Mac enjoyed himself. He says he has, and she says she understands he’s done a terrific job. Word is, her people wouldn’t mind keeping him around. Robert says he knows Mac wants to be in a leadership position, so he can affect change. Mac says he never considered this more than temporary, and Robert says it was his idea. Jordan says it was hers; he just agrees with her. She asks Mac, how does Chief of Detectives sound?

Curtis tells Valentin that protecting his family isn’t a one person job, but he can reach out to his contacts. Valentin says he can hire his own bodyguard. He needs Curtis as a detective. He needs Curtis’s problem solving skills. He needs him to find Cassandra before the WSB does, but Curtis doesn’t think she’ll be easy to find. Jax sees them talking.

Sonny approaches Nina, who tells him, go away. She already had enough with Jax. Sonny says she has a problem with Jax? Been there, done that. Nina says, and he’s overwhelmed with sympathy. He says she’s worried about her daughter, and he may be able to help. He tells her to round up Valentin, and tell him about their history with Cassandra.

Jason tells Monica, Drew knew Alan was his father. He figured it out in high school. He saw Jason’s picture in the paper, and knew Jason had to be his twin. He assumed they just wanted one twin. Monica says, nothing could be farther from the truth. He says, Franco did not want to listen, but she says she has to let him know. He doesn’t think Franco cares. Sorry, but his best advice is to let Franco be.

Cameron says Franco is home, but Franco says, it’s not like that. Elizabeth says, he just came by talk things out. Cameron asks why she looks upset, and she says, it’s been upsetting. Cameron says Franco can make it easier, but Elizabeth says. he’s doing the best he can. Franco says they haven’t met, and Cameron introduces himself. He knows Franco doesn’t remember, but those two freaks, Dr. Cabot and Shiloh, wanted to do a memory transfer on him. He was hooked to the machine, when Franco showed up and took his place. He owes Franco more than he can ever repay. Franco asks if he’s okay, and Elizabeth says they’re all okay. Cameron asks Franco to stay for dinner, but Franco asks if they can just agree to take things slow. He’s had his fill for tonight. He starts to leave, and Cameron stops him, saying, he doesn’t get to leave

Monica says she has to reach out. Drew should have been a Quartermaine from day one. Jason says she won’t get through on the first try, or probably the second or third. She says she’ll try as long as it takes for him tell her his story. So she can tell him hers. Jason is sorry, but she says, don’t be. He says, not for that. For the way he treated her and Alan. It took too long for him to see from their perspective. Monica says, he’s himself, and that’s all that matters to her.

Cameron says Franco has to stay. Franco says he’s not the guy Cameron wants him to be, but Cameron says he just needs Franco there. Franco had a life, and a family, and it’s on him to try and keep it going. Franco says, sorry. He can’t be something he’s not. He walks out, and Cameron slams the door. He asks, how anyone can be that selfish? Elizabeth says, he doesn’t mean to be. Cameron says, his wedding ring, and picks it up. He says, that’s why Franco was there,  to return the ring. What’s wrong with him? She says, it’s not his fault, but Cameron says he stole Franco’s life, and there’s nothing they can do to get it back. Elizabeth says, please, Cameron. He starts to cry, and slaps the ring into her hand. He runs upstairs, and Elizabeth looks for her phone. She makes a call, and says she needs a lawyer.

Lulu says she knew Rocco could do it. Dustin says, he just forget to close his glove. He has the same problem. Rocco whispers something to Lulu, and runs off. Dustin asks what he said, and Lulu tells him that he said, Dustin is cool. He says, best review ever.

Mac says Robert knew about this, and was pulling Mac’s chain. Robert says, it was a test, and he passed. Jordan says, her team respects him, and the squad could use his leadership skills. Say yes. He says he has to clear it with his lady, unless they told her in advance. Jordan says, with her approval, welcome back.

On the phone, Michael tells Diane he doesn’t need a lawyer. He tells Robert that Diane wanted him to remind them that it’s voluntary cooperation. Robert says, duly noted and appreciated. He read Michael’s account, but wants to hear it. He might remember something he’s not aware of. Michael says he’s been replaying it over and over, and thinks Robert is right. He may know how to find Cassandra.

Val knows Curtis cares about Nina, and will do what he can to protect her. He’s not asking lightly. Curtis says he’s not taking it lightly. If he finds Cassandra, he’ll turn her in to the WSB. Valentin says that does him no good. Find her, and walk away. And ask no questions.

Sonny tells Nina, something has to be done about Cassandra. The cops can’t find her, and she escaped from the WSB. He doesn’t want to see Nina hurt, and she’s a target. Nina says, please leave, but he says he’s not going anywhere. She says, fine, then she will. Sonny says he’s not through, and Jax says, yes he is. Is there a problem?

Tomorrow, Robert says they have their best lead, Valentin tells Curtis that he’ll get $5 million if he finds Cassandra, and Sasha asks Finn if she’s terminal.

Southern Charm – The Reunion – Part Two

Backstage, Madison is nervous. In another room, Danni says it was personal, and not a good example, especially for a mother to be saying.

Andy welcomes us back like we were the ones who left, and welcomes Danni, who’s joining the reunion. Andy starts with Kathryn’s sobriety. Austen says what she did on Watch What Happens Live was ridiculous. He couldn’t believe the things she said. We flash back to last week, where Austen said he was upset when he tweeted in, and Kathryn said don’t think for an effing second he can come after her sobriety. Back up. Naomie says she got aggressive with Austen just now, but someone saw her drinking when she was on the show. Kathryn asks, who? and Naomie says, a mutual friend. Kathryn says she’d tell them if she drank, because she can. Cameran says, no one is coming at her, but at the same time be honest. Craig says, no one knew if she was allowed to drink, so they just said she wasn’t, and covered for her for the last six months. Andy says there were several reunions where Kathryn felt they were coming against her, and they say the opposite. Shep says, what they’re  trying to say is, they protected Kathryn more than she knows.

Andy says Kathryn planned the treehouse trip, and then was MIA for the days before it. A viewer says, Danni isn’t Kathryn’s mom. If she seems testy, maybe it’s because Danni is crowding her. He asks what Danni meant when she said Kathryn was never held accountable? Danni says, Kathryn gets a lot of passes, especially from her. She wanted Kathryn to have valid reasons why she wasn’t responding. It can be perceived as obnoxious or irresponsible. Kathryn thinks she made a bigger deal about it than it was. Andy asks why she was defensive, and Kathryn says she’s used to her phone ringing, and it being Thomas, or her lawyer, or something else not good. Cameran says she can’t alienate other people who don’t have ill intentions. Kathryn says she talks to her actual friends, and Chelsea asks if they shouldn’t expect a  response since they’re not real friends? Just tell them she’s busy. Kathryn says just so they know, Thomas can bring this up in court. Danni rolls her eyes. Andy asks if that shouldn’t motivate her to be better, and Kathryn says she’s just trying to focus on her kids. Andy says she knows how that makes people feel, and Kathryn says when it’s more than one person, she gets overwhelmed with being ashamed, and portrayed as a terrible friend. Andy asks if she and Danni think it was an unfair representation of their friendship. Danni says they have a unique friendship. She can depend on Kathryn, but not all the time. She says Kathryn has been hanging out with Madison, and Kathryn says their kids play together. Austen says they didn’t hang out just one time, and Kathryn tells him, she didn’t say that. She needed someone for supervision with the kids. Austen thinks she’s playing both sides, and Kathryn says she has no one else, and Andy explains, Thomas approved Madison to supervise the kids. Kathryn says she thought it was okay with them, and she was being decent. Shep says she shouldn’t have to ask if it’s okay. She knows it’s not, because it bothers her friend. Danni has been there for her. Kathryn says she’s in the middle, and it’s a hard place to be. She loves Danni. Danni is her best friend, but it’s way more complicated in her mind. She doesn’t want Madison to feel like she did when no one talked to her. Cameran says, Madison put herself there. Craig says he thinks Madison is manipulative. It’s hard to see Kathryn with someone who caused problems. Andy says she didn’t realize it would go to that level. Naomie says Madison is manipulating Kathryn to hurt Danni, or Kathryn is afraid of her, and wants to keep her enemies closer. Austen says she’s not just asking Madison to watch the kids. If she likes Madison, admit it. Kathryn says she does. Madison makes her laugh. We take a break. Well, they take a break anyway.

Andy says, fresh off a family scandal, Eliza wasted no time getting back in the saddle of society. He asks if it was the hardest time after her father’s affair, and she says she doesn’t like to talk about it. She starts crying – that didn’t take long – and says they were so close. She felt uncomfortable and unwanted everywhere she went. Andy says he’ll change the subject, but she might not like this one either. After her debut at Patricia’s dinner party, viewers thought she was like a bull in a china shop. We flash back to her talking stupid at the party, ending with her saying Kathryn could be a surrogate. Andy assumes she meant no harm by the comment about Kathryn, and Shep says, Eliza is harmless, sweet, and docile, but her social awareness is lacking. Eliza says she’s only twenty-three; she’ll learn. Cameran says she talks too much, and Eliza says she does when she gets nervous. Andy asks if Eliza feels unfairly judged for her relationship with Thomas. Eliza says she’s used to people not liking her because of her family, but she can’t control that. Connie from Houston asks what she sees in Ashley that the rest of the world doesn’t? Eliza says she sees the good in everyone in her life. Ashley didn’t hurt her, so why be mean? Andy asks why she invited Ashley to the skeet shoot. Did she think Ashley would mend her relationships. Eliza says she knew Ashley said mean things to Kathryn, and she thought it was terrible, but she didn’t know Ashley had offended almost everyone there. We flash back to that fiasco. Chelsea says she’s all for forgiving, but Ashley goes about it all wrong. Eliza says Ashley made her look like an idiot for giving her a second chance. Andy asks if they’re still friends, and Eliza says they talk occasionally. He asks if her family is still friends with Thomas, and she says, absolutely. She can’t speak on his behalf, but she’s not leaving him hang out to dry for something that she has no involvement in.

Andy tells us that Chelsea has a brand new house, and brand new man. Dating a professional sailor means a long distance relationship, and it’s causing some to wonder how they keep it afloat. We find out no one has met Nick, and Chelsea says, when he’s in town, his time is short, and they’re trying to spend time together. A viewer asks why Chelsea is so trusting. For all she knows, he has a girl in every port. Andy says, it’s a fair question, and Chelsea says they communicate often and well. Andy asks how dangerous his job is, and Chelsea says, very. There were two fatalities in the last race. A viewer says Chelsea’s dad seems hesitant about her picking men who aren’t around. Chelsea thinks he’s afraid of her moving away, since she’s done it before. Andy asks what Austen thought about her dad calling him a housecat. Austen says she seems like more of a housecat, since she goes to work and goes straight home, but Chelsea says, a housecat is a gamer who hadn’t gotten out much, and her father shouldn’t have said that. A viewer asks if Chelsea feels like an anomaly among her privileged, trust fund friends. Chelsea says she doesn’t think about that, and Austen says no one has a trust fund except Shep. It’s a silly thing to say. Andy says the perception is that they don’t have jobs. Shep says it’s not like he’s raking in government money. Would he be more liked if he worked in a coal mine? Chelsea says she’s had a job since she was fourteen. Even if she won the lottery she’d have a job. If she wasn’t working, she’d feel worthless.

Andy switches gears. There’s been a new drama with Austen and Chelsea every year, and this year it was the screenshots Madison sent to Chelsea of Austen talking about her. Austen says he was venting to Madison, and guesses he was angry. Chelsea says when she first posted about Nick, there were comments about her finally finding a man, and getting rid of Austen. Austen was tagged, and she’s sure it made him angry. Andy says, it wasn’t flattering. Shep asks if Austen didn’t regret it, and Austen says he ate crow. Andy says Chelsea forgave Austen, and took him under her wing to reform his party ways. We flash back to her saying Shep and Craig are bad influences Shep says it bothered him, and made him angry. Chelsea says Austen asked for her advice, and he can take it or leave it. It won’t hurt her feelings. Kathryn says he respects Chelsea’s opinion; that’s why he asked. Andy says goodbye to Eliza, who we already forgot was there anyway.

Craig says if there was ever a time for him to take Adderall, it would be now. Madison comes out, and Andy asks what the status of her and Austen’s relationship is. Austen says they’re not together, and Andy says they’re not friends with benefits? Austen tells Andy, he didn’t say that. Madison says, they’re not together together. Danni asks when they last slept together, and Madison says, last night. Andy says, it’s complicated is the answer, and he promises not to play the video. He does want to talk about it though. Austen claimed he didn’t hook up with the women, and nothing happened. Austen says he’s as honest as a heart attack. Kathryn shakes her head, and says, he hooked up with the blonde one. Craig seconds that. Austen says he was so drunk, and Madison says he blacked out. Andy asks why the blonde’s panties were off, but Austen honestly doesn’t remember. A viewer doesn’t understand how Austen possibly cheated and it was recorded on video, but Madison hooked up with someone when they were temporarily broken up, and she’s the crazy one. Andy asks if Kathryn thinks it’s a  double standard, and Kathryn says, it’s definitely a pattern . It’s typical of the men to blame it on the girl. Shep says they’d tweeted they were together. Austen says he thought things were good between them. Madison says she saw Michelle at a party, and said, woman to woman, did she have sex with Austen? and she said, yes. She told Austen, eff this; she’s done, and they didn’t talk. Cameron says, that’s not a solid relationship. Shep says, it doesn’t matter. You can do anything to Austen. Madison thinks Shep should focus on his own relationships, and leave theirs alone. Craig says Austen calls him crying because she posted a picture, and she tells him to mind his own business. Andy asks what they fight about, and Madison says, mostly Shep and Craig. Craig says she blames them for the DM stuff. They didn’t send it, she did. We flash back to Danni telling Craig about a friend DM’ing Gentry about Madison. Craig says she deflects to everyone else. Austen says, it was made into a big deal, but what mattered is, she didn’t personally send it. Danni says she clearly communicated what happened. She didn’t say Madison sent it. Madison says, after the video, her clients were saying, girl, come on, get out there, and a friend wanted her to meet Gentry. Danni says she heard enough chit chat around town. She didn’t think it was a big deal because she thought Madison was single. She couldn’t keep track of their relationship. Craig knew their status, and did what he wanted with the information. Andy asks if Danny regrets telling Craig, and she says she does. Craig says, it’s Madison’s fault, and no one else’s. Danni says Madison started a bunch of sh*t, and reached out to her boyfriend. Chelsea says thinks it got blown out of proportion, and Madison took her anger out on Danni. Dannie says all she did was try to mitigate it. Madison is a bully and a psycho. Madison asks why she’s so upset, and Danni says, for many reasons. Andy says it’s a great spot to take a break.

Andy says, while the boys whisked Austin away on an RV trip to get over his breakup, Madison divulged to Chelsea that Shep called her white trash. He asks what the definition is, and Madison says, working class, not born into money, and he’s better than she is. Austen says Shep said it to him, and he wasn’t pleased. Shep says Austen told him she’d cheated, and he told Austen, good; get rid of her. He says you have country, who are the best folks, but also have redbacks. I guess those are like rednecks? Cameran tells him not to say white; just say trash. Kathryn says Shep called her white trash at the pillow party. Does he feel that way about her? He says she was acting trashy. It was crazy talk. She thinks it’s harsh to call someone trash. Andy says Shep had to know it was going to get him labeled elitist, which he’s already labeled all the time. Shep says Andy should see his Palm Beach friends, but Andy says it doesn’t sound like he wants to. Shep says it manifests when he sees someone not raised properly. Andy asks what he means? Is it good manners to call someone trash? Shep says, Eleanor Roosevelt said, if you can’t say something good about someone, sit next to me. (Not totally accurate, Shep, but close enough that I’ll let it pass.) The hoity toity aren’t exactly the bastion of being nice to one another. Andy says, Eleanor Roosevelt was the First Lady, not Brooke Astor. Shep thinks he means that etiquette lady (I assume he’s referring to Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt), and Andy has to explain who she is (New York socialite and philanthropist). For Shep claiming to be so well-read, he’s not really. He knows some big words. A viewer thinks Madison turned Shep down at some point, and Shep says he’s never made a secret of that. He was whispering in a cheap blonds ear (ugh. he just can’t not insult people), and she wasn’t having it. We flash back to a barbecue where she told him, don’t even. Andy says, another theory is that, in Shep’s world, the one thing worse than losing a girl, is losing one to Austen. A viewer who works in couples therapy says she’s seen couples who hate each other, and as a professional, doesn’t think Shep hates Madison. In fact, he loves her. She asks if he’ll ever admit it to himself. Shep says, they’re both too strong willed. He would never admit defeat, and neither would she.

Changing topics. To help Cameran get her mojo back, the gang headed to Colorado, and Craig unloaded emotional baggage before they got to the baggage claim. We flash back to Craig losing it at the airport, ending with Chelsea telling him to check his pants for a vagina, because he’s being a p*ssy. Chelsea says she was mortified, and the feminists were on her ass, but she’d had enough. Craig says he was just trying to get them on the bus, but Andy says he was frothing at the mouth. Andy says, the weed dinner was fun to watch, and Shep says, it was awesome. In case everyone forgot, Andy says, Kathryn got upset. BadGuyAndrew tweeted, they’re hypocrites. They attacked Kathryn, treated her like an addict, and said her kids should be taken away, then got high the whole trip like there was nothing wrong. Andy says, Austen knew her history and never checked with her or thought about it? Austen says, she knew for weeks, but Kathryn says, that’s not true. She knew a week before, but don’t be dramatic. Austen says, she was silent until she finally asked who arranged the dinner. Kathryn says, on the after-show, he said she did it for attention. We see a clip of that. Andy says Cameran said she didn’t two f**ks. Kathryn say she thought she’d be fine. It was literally the first time she’d been around it. I have to add, it wasn’t like they just passed a joint either; it was everywhere and in her face. And these dudes are LOUD when they’re high. Andy asks what bothered her more, being around it, or no one asking if it was okay. Kathryn says what bothered her most was the guilt that she wasn’t with her kids for months. Austen genuinely apologizes, and Kathryn says, bullsh*t. He says she’s right, it is, and Danni is like, what? Shep says they’ll do a mushroom dinner next time Andy says, we’ll leave it there.

Andy asks if Madison thought she and Austen would get back together in Colorado. Madison says, yes, and Andy says she was obviously upset after talking to him in the hot springs. We flash back to that, and Andy says, after talking to Shep, it escalated, and she revealed something private. What made her go there? She says, at that point, she had so much rage, she blacked out and said something she shouldn’t have. She felt provoked, and felt like Shep was constantly coming after her. Danni asks why she got brought in. She knew both Madison and Austen had animosity toward her, but didn’t know to what extent. It was hurtful, humiliating, and not true. She starts  to cry, and says she doesn’t know how Madison came up with it. Andy asks if Austen made it up. We see a clip from eight hours earlier, where he’s telling Madison that he didn’t make it up. Austen says it could have been misconstrued; maybe he took it wrong. Kathryn asks if he’s sure he didn’t make it up for fun. Austen says he would never make it up for fun. Andy says, so Shep told Austen. Shep says he and Danni dated eight years ago. Practicing to be a future Housewife, Danni says she has her medical records with her. Andy says they called Dr. Jackie from Married to Medicine, who said it’s pretty common. Cameran says, it’s effed up. She would be mortified if someone said that about her. She thinks any of the women would be. Andy brings up Shep saying Austen should tell Madison STFU. Andy asks what Cameran thinks, and she says she kind of agreed. Austen asks if she’d want Jason to tell her STFU, and she says he has told her that when she’s been out of line. So she STFU. Andy asks who thought it was wrong for Shep to bring the girls from the threesome video to Patricia’s party. Austen says, it was a d*ck move. Shep says, it was salacious. See? Big word. Andy says it was messier than any of the Housewives. Andy says Shep has been espousing manners and upbringing; how well people are raised. Is that an example? Shep says he’s not fighting back with fists. It’s his little way of fighting back. Danni says it’s his way of saying Austen and Madison’s relationship is a joke. She says she’s not surprised at anything  hateful toward her from them. Andy asks if Shep enjoyed inflicting pain on them, and Shep says they bicker all the time; it was just another night. He and Chelsea have a history. Chelsea asks him to say her last name, so no one thinks it’s her. Shep says he might have taken her anyway. The other girl was manufactured be him, and approved by Craig. Naomie says they could hardly form words, and Kathryn does a Valley girl imitation. Andy asks if Shep has any regrets, and Shep says, not giving the proper amount of respect to Austen’s relationship, despite his protestations. Andy asks Austen and Madison what’s happening in regard to them sleeping together. Austen doubts tonight and Madison says, probably not. Andy is leaving it there.

Outside, Madison tells Danni that she feels sh*tty about what she did. Danni says, it’s a nightmare when the guys get together. Whenever they’ve had bad communication, the guys are involved. They agree to call each other directly from now on, and hug.

Martinis are passed out, with Kathryn opting for water. Andy thanks them for being there, and sharing their lives. He has one final question. Last year, Naomie was a strong voice for female empowerment, but this year, came off less strong. Naomie agrees, but says she was navigating a new relationship. It wasn’t just about her any more, and she was mindful of another person’s feelings. She thinks that’s normal, if not healthy. Andy asks if Craig is ready to put his angry outbursts in the past, and focus on his burgeoning pillow empire. Craig says he’s working toward being happy, enjoying every day, and finding someone. Andy asks what’s happening for Kathryn in the next year, and she says, hopefully, she’ll be settled in the house she’s renovating. Her kids will be happy and safe, and that will make her happy. He asks if Austen and Shep repaired their friendship, and Shep says, never better. Austen says they took time apart, now they’re better than ever. Andy says, even if Austen dates beneath him? and Shep says he’ll be supportive as possible. Andy asks if Cameran is positive she’s one and done, and she says one is all she can handle. He asks if Chelsea has any upcoming adventures with Nick, and she says, New Zealand. He’s going to be there for eight months. Andy wants to see him on the show, but Chelsea says, he’s not about it.

Andy gives Shep the last word of the season. Shep says, it’s been a tough one for a lot of them, but they’re going to keep doing it and have fun. They enjoy each other’s company, and he’s a better person for having known them. They’ll always be connected, for better or worse. They toast to that. Andy says, Patricia sent a toast via Dorothy Parker. I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I’m under the table; after four I’m under my host. Shep says he had a toast, and Andy tells him, go ahead. He says, there are good ships and wood ships, ships that sail the sea, but the best ships are friendships, may they always be. Shep tells them, they earned this, and they drink.

Even though Shep infuriates me, I’ll miss them. <sniff>

✈ Spicy Vacay…

They invited me, but I couldn’t make it. I was washing my hair.

https://www.eonline.com/news/1067985/inside-david-and-victoria-beckham-s-luxurious-vacation-in-france-with-elton-john?source=email&medium=emn-content-1&cmpid=evening&content=emn-news

👙 While Juicy Joe Rots On ICE…

Teresa goes ringless in Greece.

https://hollywoodlife.com/2019/08/27/teresa-giudice-bikini-mykonos-photos-without-ring-joe-deportation/

🌈 A Lesson For Us All…

Laverne Cox tells it like it should be.

https://www.avclub.com/laverne-cox-on-the-importance-of-compassion-and-the-leg-1837579029?rev=1566850132989&utm_source=AV_Club_Daily_RSS&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=&utm_term=

💣 Break This…

A little tease.

https://ew.com/tv/2019/08/24/breaking-bad-movie-teaser-airdate/

Walter Jr. has grown up nicely.

https://ew.com/tv/breaking-bad-cast-reunion-photos/?slide=5957192#5957192

🎭 During an episode of Watch What Happens Live, Betty Gilpin (GLOW) suggested a remake of Streetcar Named Desire using the Vanderpump Rules cast. Jax as Stanley, Lala as Stella, and Stassi as Blanche. I thought about this for a hot second, and it actually might not be a bad idea, but I’d switch it to Stassi as Stella and Lala as Blanche. After all, Lala has always depended on the kindness of strangers. The ones with private jets.

💫 Sometimes It’s In My Head All Day…

A catchy tune from solo Posh.