What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

On the phone at the prison, Laura tells someone to email her the details, but it sounds like they made the right choice. A woman says her proposal on creating environmental offsets is ready, whenever Laura has the chance. Laura says she’s looking forward to sitting down with them in person. After all this screentime, it will be a welcome change. The woman says, does that mean… and Laura says she’s coming home.

Brook thanks Chase for bringing her coat to the Quartermaine’s, and he says he didn’t think she wanted it left in the steam room. She flashes back to Chase saying he sees her, and them coming thisclose to kissing. She says she’s sorry for barging in, but he says, no, she isn’t. She asks if they have to keep talking about it, but he thinks they should. She says, why? Because she saw him naked? Michael clears his throat, and he and Willow come in. Brook asks how they slept, and Michael says, not great. Willow says she was up thinking about Sasha and Brando, and Brook says, of course (🍷); she’s so sorry. Michael says he has to get to the MetroCourt. He’s having breakfast with his parents. Willow says, tell them she said hi, and Brook says, her too, and he leaves. Chase asks if Willow wants to talk, but Willow says, she doesn’t know what to say. Brook says, it’s just so horrible, and wonders how anyone gets past saying goodbye to their son. Willow says, you don’t have a choice.

Sonny sits at Charlie’s bar, and Phyllis says, the loss of a child, there are no words. He apologizes for starting her day off with bad news, but he needed somebody to talk to. Scratch that. He wanted to talk to her. He says he’s happy she’s there, and she says she is too. He asks if she’s really happy. She’s not missing Nixon Falls? She says she misses it, but she’s starting to love Port Charles too. She has some good friends there. He says, really? Who? and Nina walks in.

Obrecht goes into the MetroCourt, and asks if she can borrow Carly for a moment. Carly asks if there’s a problem, and Obrecht says she wanted to offer her condolences. Jason Morgan was a good man. Carly thanks her, and says, he was. Although she’s a bit surprised Obrecht went out of her way to tell her that. Obrecht says she didn’t agree with all of Jason’s choices, but she’s saddened by his death. He saved her life, and Britt’s. Carly says, Jason had a habit of doing that.

Victor walks into Kelly’s, and Spencer asks what he’s doing there. Victor asks if people don’t customarily eat breakfast at this time of day, and Spencer says, they do, but Kelly’s? It’s not exactly the kind of establishment Victor is used to. They serve pre-ground coffee. Victor asks if Spencer is calling him a snob, and Spencer says, no. Victor says, he’s joking, but thanks for the warning; he’ll have some tea. He just wanted to see where his great-nephew works. He needs to get to know Spencer better.

Laura asks the woman to please keep it to herself. She’d like to surprise her family. She tells the guard that she’s ready, and he lets her into the visiting room. She sits down opposite Cyrus, and they pick up the phones. He says, sister. How he’s prayed this day would come.

Brook says she’s batting a thousand this morning, and tells Willow that she’s sorry. If anyone knows the horror of losing a child… It was insensitive of her. Willow says she doesn’t expect it to be at the top of Brook’s mind; it happened years ago. But on days like today, it still feels raw. Brook says, this may sound trite, but she means it. She admires Willow’s strength. Willow says, at the time, she was anything but strong, but Chase says, that’s not true. Willow says, lucky for her, she has people to hold her up, and Brook says, Chase is good that way. Willow thinks she’ll get some air, and goes outside. Brook tells Chase that he should make sure she’s okay.

Cyrus says, Laura looks wonderful; healthy and vibrant… She says, let her stop him. She’s here for one reason, and that is to tell him that she’s not going to run anymore. He’s not going to keep her from her family even one more minute. He says, she’s been away? and she says, don’t play with her. His plan to have her and their brother killed has failed. He asks if she’s all right. Is Martin? She says, that’s it. He’s completely done. He doesn’t have any influence in this place. He has no more favors to call in. The assassin he hired was his last opportunity for revenge. He says she has to listen to him. He did not try to kill her.

Spencer says, sorry about the tea bag, and Victor says he thinks he’ll live. He asks Spencer to join him, and Spencer says, it’s completely dead in here, so he thinks he can. He sits down, and Victor says, they never really got a chance to talk at Thanksgiving. Spencer says, thanks to Valentin. Sorry, but is Victor sure Valentin is his son? Victor laughs, and says he is. As Spencer knows, fathers and sons don’t always see eye to eye. Spencer says, they don’t, and Victor says he was sensing a little tension between Spencer and Nikolas that day. Spencer says he’s done with his father. No more trust fund; no more nothing. He refuses to live by Nikolas’s rules. Victor says Spencer is going through some legal problems. He understands Spencer was harassing Ava in an attempt to keep her and Nikolas apart. Spencer says, things got a little out of hand; more than a little. Victor says, and he’s out on bail, and Spencer says, he’s awaiting trial. He could be looking at jail time. Victor says, then it’s a good thing his Uncle Victor is here. He may be able to do something about that.

Michael meets Carly at the MetroCourt, and she hugs him. He asks if she’s okay, and she says she’s just sad. She’s sad for Sasha and Brando, and sad for baby Liam. Out of the clear blue, Obrecht came there to offer her condolences about Jason, and it got her thinking. She’s been thinking about the night Michael was born. What if Jason hadn’t shown up when he did? What if he hadn’t gotten her to the hospital? Michael wouldn’t be standing there right now. Jason saved both of them that night. She’s sorry. She’s just so jumbled up with gratitude and sadness, and anger, so much anger. He says, anger at Nina, and she says, she’s angry with Nina, but she’s angry Jason’s gone. She’s not mad at Jason; she’s mad at the universe. It sounds incredibly selfish, because Brando and Sasha are never going to see their little baby boy grow up. Michael is right there in front of her, and he’s healthy and strong, and he’s capable. She should be grateful for the miracle she got, and not focused on the one that didn’t happen. He says she can be grateful he’s alive, and still angry that Jason is gone. One doesn’t have to cancel out the other. He can feel terrible for Sasha and Brando, and still be grateful he’s got Wiley. They sit, and she asks, how is her favorite grandson? He says, he’s eagerly awaiting Santa. He wakes up every morning and asks if it’s Christmas, and every time he puts Wiley to bed, he asks if Santa is coming tonight. She laughs, and asks if Wiley is getting every single thing on his Christmas list. Michael says, Wiley will, but he won’t.

At another table, Scotty says he missed his schnitzel last night, and Obrecht says he should have allowed her to come over. He says she knows he was working, and her figure – he makes an hourglass with his hands – is a little distracting. She asks how the preparations for Nina’s hearing are coming, and he says, not good, to be honest with her. She says she thought he said Nina’s actions didn’t constitute fraud, and he says, they don’t in his opinion. However, if he can’t get this thrown out in the preliminary stage, he’s not sure how to mount a defense. He wishes he knew something, anything, so he could turn the DA’s narrative right on its head. She says, how’s this? She believes Nina and Sonny are in love. He chokes on his water.

Nina says, she and Sonny had the same idea, huh? Phyllis is a great listener. Sonny says, yep, and Phyllis’s phone rings. She says, apparently, it’s unanimous, Lenny’s sister, and steps away to take the call. Nina asks how Sonny is, and he says, preoccupied, thinking about Sasha and Brando. She says she can think of nothing else, except for Peter. She’s glad he’s in custody, but the idea of him being back in Port Charles is just… He says, not for long, and she says, is he going to… take care of Peter?

Cyrus asks again if Martin is all right, and Laura says, he’s fine. He says, thank goodness, and she wonders why he’s bothering with this innocent act. Did he think she was going to buy it? He says he deserves her distrust and her anger. The path he was on was dark. She says, yeah, and he says, because of that, he has much to atone for. She asks what he’s talking about, and he says he’s finally heard the call. His life is no longer his own. He’s given it to a higher power. She laaaaughs.

Chase puts Willow’s coat on her shoulders, and she thanks him. She says, Brook won’t mind? and he says, no. She was the one who told him to come out there. Not that he wouldn’t have anyway. He can take a hike if she wants to be alone. She says she doesn’t want to be alone, and he says, just frozen. She says, you know how when you got mosquito bites as a kid, you used your nail to make an X in them? (Huh?) and he says, he still does that. It takes his mind off the itching. She says, that’s what it’s doing for her. Maybe if she gets uncomfortable enough, she can forget about everything else.

Scotty says, Nina told Obrecht this? She and Sonny fell in love? Obrecht says, not exactly. She flashes back to Nina saying she met someone and thinks it’s good for her and him, and tells Scotty, Nina hasn’t said anything directly, but trust her, she knows. He says, so when Sonny was in that little Podunk town in Pennsylvania, he was cheating on his wife?

Carly asks what Michael wants for Christmas that he’s not getting, and he says, Brad staying in prison. Everything going on with Sasha and Brando brought back the past year and a half, and when he thought his son was dead. She says, Nelle was just a terrible person, but Brad was Lucas’s husband; he was part of their family. Brad watched Michael act as Wiley’s godfather. The time Brad took from Michael and Wiley, and the needless grief he caused their family, it’s not much different from what Nina’s done to their family. He says, at least Nina is going to be tried for her crimes; Brad is already released. She asks if he’s sure, and he says, Brad was here yesterday. She says, at the MetroCourt? and he says, with his Aunt Celina.

Sonny says, Peter’s in a coma, and Nina says she’s aware. He asks if she wants him to say he’s sorry, but she says, no. The Mike she knew in Nixon Falls would never take a life, but she wasn’t sure about Sonny Corinthos. He says, death is too good for Peter. It’s best to let him lie in limbo. That way he doesn’t hurt anymore people, especially Maxie. He has to go; Carly and Michael are waiting for him for breakfast. Phyllis comes out, and he says he’ll see her later. She says, he knows where to find her, and they hug. He leaves, and Phyllis asks if Nina wants to talk about it. Nina says she wants to grab some coffee, and goes behind the bar to get it. She says she’s so worried about Sasha and Brando. She gets that they have each other, but it’s going be so hard for them. Phyllis says, yes, it is, and she’d be worried about them too, but she was asking if Nina wanted to talk about Sonny. Nina says, what about him? and Phyllis says she doesn’t know . What’s it like for Nina to be constantly bumping into the man she used to love, and maybe still does?

Willow says she doesn’t want to make Sasha and Brando’s loss about her, and Chase says, of course (🍷) not, but Sasha and Brando aren’t here; she doesn’t have to edit. She can feel however she wants to feel; there’s no judgement. She says she misses her son every day. Not minute to minute, or hour to hour, the way it was in the beginning, but the loss is always with her, and it always will be. It’s hard enough to lose a child. You don’t have that physical baby in your arms anymore, but the hopes and dreams that you had for him died too. It’s just so much. He puts his arm around her, and Brook sees them through the window.

Nina tells Phyllis, it’s really hard to see Sonny and not see Mike, but she’ll get past it. She has to. Phyllis says, Mike is still a part of Sonny, and Nina says, she knows. She was just thinking about that yesterday. Phyllis says, even now, back in his old life, sometimes he seems like Mike in a suit. Nina laughs, and says, right? Like where’s the flannel and cowboy hat? They laugh, and Phyllis says, seeing them together just now, it’s obvious the connection is still there, but Nina says, no; there’s no connection. What Phyllis saw was just Sonny being kind. Phyllis says, Nina never answered her question, but Nina says she did. Phyllis asked what it’s like running into him all the time, and she said it’s fine. Phyllis says she asked if Nina is still in love with Sonny.

Obrecht tells Scotty to keep his voice down, but he says he’s just so excited. Christmas came early for him. Sonny stepping out on Carly when he was Mitch. She says, Mike, and he says, whatever. That’s the reason why Michael’s going after Nina, because Sonny doesn’t want to remind Carly that he was… Wait a minute. How is Nina intact? He would have thought Carly would have severed one of her limbs by now. She says, because Carly doesn’t know, and he asks how that’s possible. Somebody in Nixon Falls must have… Wait a minute. The woman who owned the bar is now running Charlie’s. Does Obrecht think Sonny gave her some hush-hush money to keep her mouth shut? She says, possibly, and he asks if the affair is still going on, but she says, Nina’s too sad to be in love. Sonny comes in, and Scotty says, Sonny and Nina, and Carly none the wiser. Until now.

Spencer takes his apron off, and tells Victor that he’s officially on break. Did Victor mean it when he said he could keep Spencer out of Pentenville? Victor says he’ll make some calls, and see what he can do, and Spencer thanks him, saying, that would be great. Victor says, after all, Spencer is the Cassadine heir, the future of this family, and he takes that seriously. Spencer asks if Victor wants him to reconcile things with his father, but Victor says, no. He’s proud of Spencer being his own man, and won’t interfere with that. Spencer thanks Victor for trusting his judgement, and Victor says, however, he is a little concerned about how Spencer is going to support himself on what he earns in this place. Spencer says, he plans on getting something better than this. He was going to wait until after the trial to see how it pans out, but now that Victor’s given him his life back… Victor says he’ll do his absolute best, and Spencer says he can’t thank Victor enough. He doesn’t know how to repay him.

Laura says, let her get this straight, and Cyrus tells her to take all the time she needs. She says, he’s saying he’s been saved, and he says, yes. She says, after all the people he’s killed, and all the lives he’s destroyed, now he’s found God? He says, God found him, and she says, good Lord. He says, He is good. She doesn’t know this, but he became very ill. He had a cold that turned into pneumonia. At first, the guards ignored his symptoms. She says she wonders why, and he says, during a fever spike, he cried out for help, and guess what happened? She shakes her head, and he says, an angel appeared. She says, that’s called a hallucination, but he says he felt it touch his forehead, and this tremendous sense of peace washed over him. He slept, and when he woke, his fever was gone. She says, miraculous, and he says, it truly was. That same day, he asked for a Bible, so he could read and learn, and he let God into his heart. She asks how that’s possible; he doesn’t have a heart. She and Martin have been shuffled from safe house to safe house, all because of his quest for revenge. He says, not this time; never again. To the Lord our God are the mercies and the forgivenesses,; the weak have rebelled against Him. Daniel 9:9. She says she’s heard enough. This charade is obscene. She gets up, and Cyrus bangs on the window, saying, she’s in danger.

Scotty says, Sonny might get knocked down a peg or two. Here he comes. He gets up, but she says, nein. Don’t do this to Nina. Carly can’t know she and Sonny were involved. Scotty goes over to Sonny’s table, and says, hello, Corinthos family. He asks how Sonny is doing, and Sonny says he was doing good until Scotty showed up. Michael says, if this is about Nina’s trial, Scotty can save his breath, and Scotty says, it’s about Nina, just not in the way Michael thinks. Obrecht suggests Scotty leave this family alone, but Sonny says, if Scotty’s got something to say, spit it out.

Victor looks at his phone, and Spencer says, something important? Victor says, very, but not as important as Spencer. Where is he living now? Spencer says, with his grandmother’s husband. Doc took him and Esme in after paying his bail. Victor says, Spencer is living with Laura’s husband, not with Laura herself? and Spencer says, she’s out of town; she has been for months. Victor says, it must be a little uncomfortable. Doc’s not family, not really. Spencer says he’d be lying if he said it was ideal, but they didn’t have many options. Victor says, they do now. Allow him to put them up at the MetroCourt. Just until Spencer decides on his next steps.

Laura picks up the phone again, and tells Cyrus, it looks like they’re back on familiar territory, with threats and more threats. He says, he’s not the one posing the danger, and if she continues to put her focus on him, it only makes it easier for her true enemy to strike. They’re family, and he legitimately cares about her. She says, what about Sonny and Buscema? and he says, what about them? She says, they came there to visit him, and he didn’t put on this little act for them. He dropped hints that he still had power in here, which he doesn’t. He says, it’s true. He has no legitimate power, but he hears things. His change in circumstance left a vacuum on the west coast, which is now being filled… She says she doesn’t care about this, but the fact that he does proves this conversion of his is just for show. He says he can’t deny he feels a pull toward his old life. What do they say? The road to redemption is long and lined with temptation, but he was tested and he chose the light. Will she?

Chase and Willow come back in, and Brook says she made some coffee. Mostly to unscramble her brain, but also to warm them up. Chase asks Willow if it’s still light with two sugars, and makes her a cup. Willow tells Brook that it was thoughtful of her, and Brook says, they may be few and far between, but she does have her moments. Willow tells Brook, there’s something she needs to say to her, and Brook says, good thing she’s sitting down.

Scotty says, Sonny might be able to bribe the DA, but the judge is going to see right through his trumped up charges. Michael says, is that all? and Scotty says, for now. He and Obrecht go back to their table, and Carly says, what was that about? Michael says, no one is more full of hot air than Scott Baldwin.

Obrecht thanks Scotty for thinking about Nina, instead of giving in to his compulsion to stick it to Sonny. He has to keep her secret. He says, sorry. No can do.

Sonny asks Michael to tell him about his run-in with Brad, and Carly says, the gall. Coming in here, of all places. Michael says, Brad claimed he’d stay far away from Wiley, but he doesn’t trust a word that guy says. Carly says, they have another issue. Brad was here with Celina Wu. Michael says he thinks it was a power move on her part, and Sonny says he’ll talk to Celina, but Michael says he already did. He made it clear to her that he’s going to protect his family, no matter what the cost.

Laura says, the light would be believing Cyrus found God? and he says, precisely. She says she knows that’s not true, and he asks, how? She says, that would require love and compassion, and Cyrus isn’t capable of those things. Don’t look so hurt. It’s common knowledge that he only cares about himself. He says, how very wrong she is. He’ll pray for her. She thanks him, and he says, but she must be careful, and keep an eye out for the serpent in the garden. She says she doesn’t know what it is he thinks he has to gain from this latest stunt, but it’s not going to work. She’s going home. Her family needs her.

Spencer says, it’s a very generous offer, but he can’t accept, and Victor says, why not? Spencer says he wants to prove to his father that he can make it on his own, and Victor says he admires Spencer’s principles, but just out of curiosity, how is living at the MetroCourt different than living with Doc? Spencer says, the MetroCourt is a five-star hotel. If he lets Victor put them up there, won’t he be a bit of a hypocrite? Victor says he doesn’t see why. Spencer wants to live his own life, and being a Cassadine is part of that. People make the mistake of equating struggle with virtue. You can be honorable without being uncomfortable. The two don’t necessarily come hand in hand. Spencer says he’ll talk to Esme about it, and Victor says, please do.

Chase gives Willow her coffee, and says he thinks he heard Bailey. He’s going to check on her. He leaves and Willow asks if Brook heard anything, but Brook says, not a peep. Willow says, Chase just wanted to give them time alone, and Brook asks Willow, what’s up? Willow says, she wanted to apologize for what she said to Brook in Rice Plaza. As Brook pointed out, she has no right to judge. Brook says she pushed the issue, and should never have spoken to Willow the way she did. Willow says she guesses she’s overly sensitive to Chase getting hurt after what she put him through. That’s her problem, not Brook’s, and it’s unfair to punish Brook for her mistake. She thinks about it all the time. What would have happened if she’d just told Chase the truth, that she’d fallen in love with Michael? Brook says, then maybe Chase wouldn’t have fought so hard to get better. That’s the thing with what ifs; we’ll never know. You did what you thought was best in the moment. Willow says, like Brook did when she said Valentin was Bailey’s father. She gets it. A mother will do anything to keep her child safe.

Nina says, what she feels or doesn’t feel about Sonny is irrelevant, but Phyllis says, of course (🍷) it’s relevant. Nina can’t just ignore what’s inside of her. Nina says, what’s she supposed to do? She doesn’t know what to do. She and Sonny will never be friends, let alone anything else. Phyllis says she agrees. Sonny loves his wife. She’s not suggesting Nina pursue him. Nina asks what she is suggesting, and Phyllis says, nothing. Take it as more of a warning. Things hidden away in the dark tend to fester, and Nina knows as well as she does, that’s no good to anyone.

Obrecht says she doesn’t understand; Scotty didn’t tell Carly. He says, for now. Not when he can use the secret to keep Nina out of prison. She says, how? and he says, the DA’s whole case is centered around Nina’s intent to harm Sonny, but Sonny never felt like he was being harmed. That’s why he didn’t press charges. Sonny’s not the victim. He thinks Sonny is still in love with Nina. She sees where he’s going right? He wants to convince the judge that it reeks of prosecutorial  overreach, and it would be a big waste of time. Charges dropped. Obrecht says, that part she likes, but what about Nina? She’d still be in danger of Carly’s wrath. He says, but she’ll be free. They’ll deal with that prison; it’s a whole different story. The trouble is the preliminary hearing. He can’t call witnesses; only the prosecution can. She says, because the burden of proof is on them, and he says, he can cross examine if the DA calls them. She says, the DA will call Sonny, and he says, Sonny will lie through his teeth. Nina on other hand… She says, Nina doesn’t want anyone to know, but he says, she’s under oath. She asks if he’s saying he’s going to force her niece to testify that she and Sonny fell in love, and he says, he can’t really as Nina about their affair on the stand, although she’s less likely to lie than Sonny. Then where would they be? She says, Nina clearly wants what happened in Nixon Falls to remain a secret. He’s her lawyer. Isn’t he supposed to be on her side? He says he is on her side. He’s trying to keep her out of prison.

Carly says, if Michael makes a move against Celina, she’ll retaliate. Then his father will be forced to answer. They’ll be looking at another mob war. Michael says she can’t expect him to let it go, and Sonny says, Michael is trying to protect the family, and he appreciates that, but let him deal with Celina. Michael says, dad… but Sonny says, no. How many times have they talked about how he wants Michael nowhere near this part of his life? It’s his responsibility.

Scotty says he can’t wait to see the look on Sonny’s face when this comes out in front of God and everyone, and Obrecht asks, how will he accomplish that? Sonny will simply lie, and he can’t risk Nina doing the same without perjuring herself. He says, the bar lady, and she says, Phyllis. He says, yeah, but he thinks she’s already been bought off by Sonny. If he could just come up with somebody else who knows what happened in Nixon Falls. Somebody. He’s got to find them.

Phyllis says, let her repeat. In no way, shape, or form is she telling Nina to take action, but she can’t get over Sonny by ignoring her feelings, or his. She needs to come to terms with them, in order to let them go. Nina says, what’s the point? Sonny loves Carly; Carly loves Sonny. It doesn’t matter how she feels. Phyllis asks if she doesn’t want to move on, and Nina says, no. She likes sitting in limbo; it’s her favorite. Phyllis says, if Nina she tries to run, instead of acknowledging what’s in here – she points to Nina’s heart – she’ll never find peace.   

Chase asks if the coast is clear, and Brook says, all clear. Willow is being gracious and understanding. Sometimes, Brook’s mouth gets away from her. He says, anyone who’s ever met her understands that. She asks how Bailey is, and he says, she was out like a light. She must have been babbling in her sleep. Willow says, she, for one, thinks it’s good to speak your mind. Brook says, even if it’s something no one wants to hear? and Chase tells her, you know what they say; honesty is the best policy. Brook says, he’s such a Boy Scout, and he says she loves it. She says, a little bit, and Willow says she learned the hard way that telling the truth, however painful in the moment, is the right thing.

Cyrus says he doesn’t expect Laura to trust him, but he’s begging her to believe him when he says he did not hire someone to kill her or Martin. Please be careful. Someone else means her harm out there, and it isn’t him.

Victor comes out of Kelly’s, and sees the woman Laura was on the phone with at the gate. He addresses her as Mayor Ashley, and says he understands from her text that the mayor is returning. She says, Mayor Collins is headed back to Port Charles, and he says, it seems the failed attempt on her life flushed her out, just like he planned. He looks forward to seeing Laura again. She’s always been a worthy adversary.

Tomorrow, Laura asks Santa/Doc if there’s anything in his bag for her, Drew asks if Elizabeth is ready for someone special, Victor tells Ava that danger lurks behind every corner, and Spencer thinks he knows what he wants for Christmas.

Below Deck

Jessica is feeling defeated and overwhelmed. She feels like Martha Stewart in prison. It’s not working for her. The crew gets ready for the next charter, and Jessica asks to talk to Heather. She tells Heather that she wanted to do this, but her body is shutting down. She couldn’t anticipate how taxing the job would be on her system, and her body isn’t letting her. She’s sorry, and hates putting them in a bad place, but she has to leave. In Jessica’s interview, she says she gets that she’s leaving them high and dry, but at the end of the day, she comes first. Heather says she has one hour to pack. In Heather’s interview, she says, bravo, Jess. She leaves three hours before a charter, when Heather could have called to have someone there yesterday. She’s effing pissed. She asks if Fraser has a moment, and says it will be their last one for a while. In Fraser’s interview, he says, as much as he previously wanted to get rid of Jessica, he understands the gravity of the situation. They’re not in a good place, and he’s worried. Jessica packs, and Heather says, she knew it. Fraser asks if she’s effing kidding him. Jessica says goodbye to Heather and Fraser, but not to anyone else. In her interview, she says she’s already leaving them in a predicament. She’s leaving a few hours before charter, and doesn’t want to make a bigger deal than it needs to be. She just wants to get her stuff, get out, and let them go about their day. In other words, she doesn’t want to face the music with anyone. Walking down the dock, she says, sorry not sorry, and Heather says, don’t let the something-or-other hit her ass on the way out.

Heather tells Captain Lee that Jessica quit. She walked her sweet ass off the yacht already, not even giving Heather ten seconds. In the captain’s interview, he says he’s never had a crew member leave without saying anything; goodbye, f*** you, go to hell. He’s never had a silent departure. This is as f***ed up as a Georgia road lizard. The captain calls Eddie to the bridge, and tells him that the third stew took a hike. Interior will need somebody from him to do heads and beds. Heather tells Rachel that Jessica said she hadn’t anticipated how taxing the job would be, and just departed. She asks if Jessica said goodbye to Rachel, but Rachel says, no. She’s okay with it though. If you don’t want to be somewhere, don’t. In Rachel’s interview, she says, she likes to say f*** you before she leaves, and we flash back to her not being happy about making a ten-course meal. She says, if you’re going to bail, bail.

Eddie tells the deckhands that Jessica quit, and it is what it is. They have a job to do, and they’re going to get it done. In Wes’s interview, he says he wishes she would have at least waved. He thought they had a connection, and still does. Eddie tells them that they’ll be needed in the interior, and Rayna says she’s mad as hell. Jessica was one of her best friends there. In Rayna’s interview, she says, it’s the worst timing ever. She has other issues affecting her, like Heather saying the n-word. She’s over it. She whines to Wes, and provisions come in. Eddie says, a storm is coming in, and it’s about to pour. The wind picks up, and Eddie says, welcome to the Caribbean. In Captain Lee’s interview, he says, it sums up the morning. Fraser tells Heather that he’s in battle mode, and Heather says she’s 100% with him. Eddie leaves to pick up the guests.

Shitten You Not Bay. Captain Lee looks online for a third stew, and Fraser curses his life in the laundry. The slide is put out successfully on the first try, and Eddie says, it’s literally perfect. Rayna chants, it will be a good charter, and the captain tells the crew to get their assess on the aft deck. He should never be the first one there. The guests arrive, and Fraser passes out champagne. Primary Chelsea introduces herself, and in Heather’s interview, she says, they’re so screwed. They have eight guests, and did she mention there’s a lady with her jaw wired shut?  Guest Rachel introduces her broom, Sally; she’s magic. In her interview, Heather says, and it’s her first charter with a witch. She hopes guest Rachel and Chef Rachel can brew her a new stew.

Captain Lee says Heather will show them around, and they’ll get the party going. In Heather’s interview, she says she doesn’t know how someone with their jaw wired can go on a girls trip. It should be interesting. In Captain Lee’s interview, he says, the guests are on board, and the deck crew is still uncovering. They’re not down a person. They can’t start that way, or they’ll be catching up for the rest of the charter. It only gets worse. His patience level is transparent now. Rayna bitches that she’s hungry.

Rachel goes over the menu with Chelsea and co-primary Michael. He says they try to liquify whatever everyone else is eating, so Chelsea can enjoy the same things. In Rachel’s interview, she says, someone with their jaw wired shut has to eat constantly, since they’re not ingesting solid food. Now she’s finding out Chelsea wants every course liquidized. WTF? Guest Rachel talks to her broom, and sounds drunk already. In Eddie’s interview, he says, maybe she’s here to clean. Maybe she’s the new stew. She seems clairvoyant and might have got the memo before they did. Rachel opens a cupboard in the galley, and stuff starts falling out. Just like at home.

Heather puts out some cheese, and I get grossed out thinking of pureed cheese. The guests sit down for lunch, and Chelsea says, everyone is eating, and she doesn’t have anything. She’s shaking, and about to have a meltdown. Guest Tiffany asks Fraser to get food for Chelsea; she needs to eat now. Tiffany announces no one is to eat any more until Chelsea gets something. Heather relays the message to Rachel, and Chelsea says she feels like a homeless person who hasn’t eaten, walking by a restaurant. Fraser says, it’s on its way, and Tiffany says, Chelsea is to always be served first. Rachel gives Heather pureed whatever, and says, tell them it takes a while for her strain it. Heather leaves, and Rachel says, it’s going to be one of those charters. She feels it. In Eddie’s interview, he says, as First Officer, it’s his responsibility to help out. He washes dishes, and Captain Lee says, he knew Eddie wasn’t just a pretty face. In his interview, Eddie says, his first job was as a dishwasher in a yacht club. He also cleaned up vomit and poop. I don’t want to know. I also don’t want to go to that yacht club.

Rachel says, she’s over this sh*t. In her interview, she says she has to add liquid to emulsify, but can’t lose integrity of the flavor. It’s not just throwing sh*t in a blender. The guests are having lobster, and Rachel tells Chelsea that she’s getting a lobster smoothie. My stomach flips over. Rayna says, this sucks. She misses Jessica. The guests use the jet skis and slide, and Captain Lee laughs watching them have fun. Eddie sees a rogue jet ski, and tells Rayna, who says, oh wow. She doesn’t know how that happened. Eddie says, it’s amateur hour. In his interview, he says, Rayna is on the swim platform, and should be taking a mental inventory at all times. They can’t have a $20K piece of equipment float into the sunset. It’s bush league. He keeps seeing the white wizard walking down the stairs, with his blue sunglasses on. Please don’t let him come out. On the bridge, Captain Lee remarks on the pretty day, and the jet ski is rescued. The guests play in the water, and things are packed for the beach.

Jake says they’re throwing a sick beach party. He’s jealous, since it’s his favorite kind of party; music, hot girls, and getting absolutely wankers. Rachel curses in the galley, and tells Eddie that they need to shuck oysters. In Eddie’s interview, he says he grew up on the east coast, and they love their oysters in Baltimore. Shucking is dangerous, since it’s easy to put a knife in your hand. He’s shed some blood on oysters. Rayna and Jake set up on the beach. Fraser curses the iron, then does cabins. Heather blows up balloons. In her interview, she says she has a pink party, a silent disco, a bonfire, and a lady with her jaw wired shut. Stop the world, make a latte, and get back to it. Guest Rachel keeps trying get Sally to stand, but it’s not happening. Heather asks Wes to help blow up balloons. She and Wes move to using helium, and talk in funny voices to each other.

Another jet ski escapes, and Captain Lee says, at least they both didn’t get away. In Eddie’s interview, he says he doesn’t know what’s going on, but feels having a wiccan on board might have something to do with it. They could be cursed. He shouldn’t have talked sh*t about Sally. She’s coming back for vengeance. Eddie tells the captain that the jet ski came unclipped, but in Captain Lee’s interview, he says, he thinks someone’s inattention to detail did it. That’s pretty lame. Eddie says he watched it fall off, but the captain isn’t buying it. In his interview, he says, it’s an excuse for sloppy seamanship. They look like a bunch of effing idiots. Eddie picks up Rayna and Jake from the beach. Eddie tells Rayna about the jet ski, and she thinks there’s something wrong with it. Eddie tells Rayna and Jake that he’ll talk to them after he gets back from the principal’s office.

Eddie shows Captain Lee what he thinks happened with the clip, but in his interview, Eddie says, the captain doesn’t want to listen to his point-of-view. The captain says he’s chalking it up to human error. The table is set for the pink party, and it’s very pretty. As well as being dressed in pink, the guests wear pink heart-shaped sunglasses. In Fraser’s interview, he says, this day has not stopped. His legs hurt, he can’t feel his feet, and he’s losing his mind, but they’ll do what they do best, make magic happen… somehow. Eddie says, another day, another ass reaming. He’ll go to bat for the deckhands, but don’t put his head on the chopping block. The crew shovels a meal down in silence in the galley. Rayna criticizes Heather for sticking her finger in the food, and Heather apologizes, and makes a hasty exit. Eddie tells Rayna that wasn’t cool, since Heather is effing exhausted. Rayna complains to Wes about the n-word, and how Eddie doesn’t care. She says she’s got to get off this boat.

Captain Lee texts a staffing agency, but no luck. Rayna goes to help Rachel, and in her interview, she says she’s excited to be in the galley. At Thanksgiving, she’s in charge of the turkey., She loves cooking; it’s a huge stress reliever. The only time she’s happy is at night in the galley. I think, why TF doesn’t she work in that area of yachting instead? In Rachel’s interview, she says, every time there’s service, it’s an arduous process. She has to blend something for a guest to suck down with a straw. Chelsea tells Heather that the gazpacho needs to be strained more, and in her interview, Rachel says, f*** my life. This can eat a d*ck. Oysters are the next course, and I say, ewww! No, no, no. Not strained oysters. Fraser radios Eddie to help with housekeeping, and Chelsea wails that she’s starving. Or at least as much as you can wail with your jaw wired shut. Chelsea won’t stop making everyone else miserable, so Tiffany asks if they can get some quick food for Chelsea. Rachel says, it’s an effing nightmare, and Chelsea says if they bring something out for everyone else, she needs to have something too. This is not a joke. She asks Michael if he’ll go to their room with her, and they get up. Guest Alicia says the rest of them still have a big night ahead of them. In the room, Chelsea cries, while Rachel storms around the galley. Chelsea says she just wants to be like everyone else for a night, but Michael says, unfortunately, that’s not where they’re at. Fraser says, effing hell, and Heather says, oh my God.

I dunno, maybe it’s me, but either I’d have skipped this trip, or seen if I could change the date or something. And if I’d insisted on going, I’d keep it to myself after saying it once. At least give the chef a hot minute to get acclimated. Exist on green drinks and chocolate shakes for a while. And booze.

This season, the crew makes it rain; skinny dipping; Rayna, Jake, and Fraser form a threesome, and yes, it’s what you think (didn’t see that coming); a day off; a new stew; Heather tells Fraser, it was her or nobody; Captain Lee tells Eddie that he thinks the deck crew is spending too much time doing nothing; Rayna says she feels like she can’t trust her boss; and Heather apologizes again.

🧂 This Needs Salt…

What happened in Salt Lake this week.

🎶 Turning the Beat Around…

Come by tomorrow for some soap and who knows what, since there are no Rules this week. Until then, stay safe, stay outspoken, but not rude, and stay not letting hidden things fester in the dark. That’s no good to anyone.