What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Paul has Jordan come in when she’s off duty and all dressed up. She asks if there’s a problem and he says that depends on her.

Anna is back and hanging out at the bar because everyone lives there now. She calls Robert and tells him if he needs back up to let her know. Andre sees her and she fills him in a little, and tells him that she’s under too much scrutiny to be looking for Carrrlos now, so she left it to Robert. Andre suggests they put their heads together and figure out where Carrrlos might go next.

Franco is looking at Jake’s drawings again. Jake tells Elizabeth, “I killed her,” and when Elizabeth asks who he thinks he killed, he says Sam.

Jason hears the smoke alarm going off at Elizabeth’s. He calls out asking if Sam is there and then wisely checks the basement himself. This smoke alarm is so loud, I have to turn down my TV. I really don’t want one of my neighbors calling the fire department.

Wait. They’re faking me out. At first Jason is on the basement stairs and Sam starts to go up the stairs. Now she’s stil lying on the floor and Jason is looking for her upstairs. I can’t take much more of the fantasy Sam and Jason. Let’s just get on with this.

Paul is going over a case with Jordan. Some dude named Crenshaw poisoned his roommate and details have been left out of the statement. I’m thinking he’s creating busy work for her to distract her from whatever is really going on. She says she’ll have it straightened out by the morning. Paul compliments her and says sorry for the rocky start. Before she leaves, he asks if she’s heard from Anna.

Andre says his dinner plans were canceled, so he has time to discuss Carrrlos with Anna. He says he doesn’t consider himself off the case until it’s closed. She says she’s the same way, but she had to leave things with Robert. She says she thinks the case is a diversion so she doesn’t have to think about the rest of her life. She says she was tempted to follow Robin and Patrick to California, but it wouldn’t be fair for her to latch on to their lives. I don’t know if she really feels this way or she’s telling Andre this stuff for some other reason.

Carly tells Sonny that Jake’s long-term prognosis is good. Sonny says he wishes that Jason would lean on them more. Michael calls and asks if he can talk to Sonny and Carly. He’s at the bar (of course), but he wants to stop by later. Sonny says he’s starving, so they’ll meet Michael there. Carly says they have food at home, but Sonny feels like going out. He says if he doesn’t go out eventually, it’s like he’s hiding, and he wants to deal with his life. Carly wonders what happened to change his attitude. He says Epiphany told him to face his reality and knocked some sense into him. Knowing her, he might be speaking literally here.

Elizabeth is like, what? She asks when Jake last saw Sam. He starts talking about games and how he hates Sam and all the bad guys in the videos. Elizabeth asks if he wants to hurt Sam and says she wants to understand. A nurse comes in and wants to check Jake’s vitals. He’s asleep again and Elizabeth asks to be paged when he wakes up. In the hallway, Franco asks Elizabeth how Jake is. They hug.

Jason is yelling for Sam. Is he an idiot? The alarm is coming from downstairs. Finally. He opens the basement door. Jason sees Sam and tries to wake her up.

Anna tells Andre that she thinks she’s concentrating on the case because she can’t let go. Andre says he has that problem too, but Carrrlos is a murderer and she has every right to want to catch him. She wonders why Paul is getting involved.

Paul tells Jordan he’s concerned about Anna. Jordan says she hasn’t spoken to her since before she left. Dillon shows up and wants to speak to Paul. He says he’s glad to see Dillon and Dillon says, “Don’t be.” Ouch.

Franco and Elizabeth sit down to talk. She tells him about Jake’s prognosis and that it’s good, but she’s worried about his emotional issues. A little late to this party, doncha think, Elizabeth? She thinks he’s mixing fantasy and reality. Franco says it’s probably just the drugs they have him on. He asks what’s worrying her and she tells him that Jake says he killed Sam.

Jason gets Sam out of the basement just as the heating oil tank is about to catch fire.

Some people who see Sonny coming into the bar start talking about him. Carly says they should mind their own business, but Sonny shrugs it off. They meet up with Michael who tells them he’s going to Puerto Rico to look for Sabrrrina.

Anna tells Andre that Paul helped Carrrlos escape from her and Robert, and she wants to know why. At first she thought he just wanted to close the case, and that’s why he covered up Carrrlos’s death, but now she thinks he has a larger agenda. Andre thinks maybe Paul wants her incapacitaed so that he can do whatever he wants or maybe he just wants her. Jordan arrives.

Elizabeth says Jake is confusing the bad guys in his video games with Sam. Franco says that’s because he wants Elizabeth back together with his father. Elizabeth asks why Jake would focus on Sam and Franco says that’s because Elizabeth is angry with Sam. Elizabeth says she was clueless as to what Jake was picking up from her, because she’s the stupidest human being in the world.

Jason gets Sam out of the house just as the tank blows up and they both go flying. Sam comes to, astonished that they’re both alive.

Dillon returns some cuff-links he’d borrowed from Paul. Paul tells him to keep them, but Dillon says no thanks. Paul says he knows Tracy is mad at him, but he and Dillon are connected by more than cuff-links. Dillon brings up the investment money Paul gave him and says he’s paying him back because he wants to owe Paul nothing. Paul says flawed as he is, he’s still Dillon’s father and walking away isn’t going to change it. Dillon asks Paul why he really came back to Port Charles.

Jordan asks Andre to wait a minute while she talks to Anna. She tells Anna that Paul is suspicious and she needs to be careful.

Michael says the only way he’ll believe Sabrrrina is moving on is to find her himself. Carly says they were there for each other when they were both hurting, but it doesn’t seem a like a good foundation for a relationship. She says Sabrrrina figured it out and that’s why she left. Sonny agrees.

Franco tells Elizabeth she’s not a bad mother. Liar. She’s a terrible mother who constantly puts her needs before those of her children. He says she has a firm grasp of reality (ha-ha-ha!) and loves Jake. She says because Franco mentioned Sam when he tried to talk to her about the drawings, she put him off, and if she’d listened, none of this would have happened. She says she didn’t realize her feelings were affecting Jake. For the love of all that’s holy, this woman is a nurse and none of her children are infants. Do you really mean to tell me this is beyond her grasp? Franco says she can beat herself up or help Jake. He tells her to stop hating herself. She gets a call from her neighbor and she’s like, OMG.

Sam tells Jason she knew he’d find her. He picks her up and carries her off to their love nest. Well, he picks her up and carries her off anyway.

Michael says Sonny told him not to walk away. Sonny says that was before the postcard Sabrrrina sent. Sonny says she’s made her choice and Michael has to honor that.

Jordan says Paul did a passable job at acting concerned about a case, but then started asking her questions about Anna. Jordan says she acted clueless and told him as far as she knows, Anna is having fun in California. She thinks he’d still be grilling her if they hadn’t been interrupted and she wants Anna to know she’s still on Paul’s radar.

Paul tells Dillon he came to Port Charles to make amends and that Tracy misunderstood his intentions with their relationship. Dillon says Paul led Tracy on, but Paul says that’s her version. He says he knows he screwed up, but he loves his kids and misses Susan and PJ (who?). He wants quality time with Dillon and asks for another chance, but Dillon says sorry. Scuzzy as he is, I actually like Paul and feel badly about this.

Elizabeth hangs up and tells Franco her house exploded. She says her neighbor doesn’t know what happened, but the police and fire department were able to contain it to her house. She says maybe someone tried to break in and Franco says by blowing up the house? That would be a tad extreme. Franco offers to go back to her house for her, but she says no.

Jason comes running in with Sam in his arms. He tells the OR doctor what happened and that he’s her husband, so he wants to go in with her. Elizabeth asks what’s going on. Jason says he doesn’t know, but thinks Sam had been in the basement for 24-hours. Elizabeth tells Franco that Jake must have pushed Sam down the stairs.

Jason goes in to see Sam. She takes her oxygen mask off and tells him about being in the basement and turning on the heater. She says he kept her safe and he always does. Kiss already, dammit!

Michael says they’re right, he can’t force Sabrrrina to be with him. He’s going to cancel his flight and accept what’s happened. Carly says one day he’ll be an amazing husband and father, albeit boring. Okay, I added that last one.

Jordan has an early day, so she wants to call it a night. She says she’s sorry, but Andre says he understands and wants a rain check unless she’s not interested. She says that’s not the case, and wants to try going out again.

Anna shows up at Paul’s office saying she knows it’s late, but she doesn’t want to be alone.

Franco offers again to go in Elizabeth’s place, but she says she needs to go herself. Sam tells Jason she didn’t give up because of him, that she was dreaming about him. Jason says he told her, “run to me.” How did he know that? Oooh, they’re holding hands and Elizabeth comes in behind Jason. Nyah-nyah.

Tomorrow, Anna tells Paul she lied, Julian asks Ava how much trouble she’s in and Jason and Sam kiss in front of Elizabeth. They really didn’t show that last part, but I’m just trying to will it to happen.

Vanderpump Rules

Stassi is talking with Kristina and says that Kristen is the easiest roommate ever. She’s never home and she cleans. She says it’s like living with a drunk maid. When asked about her confab with Lisa, Stassi says the high road sucks. Kristina says Lisa is still kind of mad. Stassi says there are worse people in the world than her and all she did was tell a few people to f-off. Nobody said you rivaled a third world dictator, Stassi, but you weren’t exactly charming to people who were only nice to you. Kristina suggests that Stassi reach out to Lisa’s loved ones, but Stassi says she’s afraid of everybody.

Katie is having a launch party for her blog Pucker & Pout. She says you can’t get backers if no one knows you exist. Believe me, I understand. My eBay store is probably about 40 million down the search engine list and Facebook is the only advertising I can afford. Scheana is helping Katie with the launch and the engagement party.

Schwartz, Scheana and Katie discuss Stassi’s reappearance and come to the conclusion that they’re better off without her.

Max is getting some dental work done. Lisa is with him, which I understand, but so is James. Why? James says he drunk texted Kristen in the wee hours. He says he’s had a few one-night stands, but nothing has been like it was in a loving relationship. Is that what he calls what they had?

Lala tells Scheana she’s pissed off at James. She says her ex, who she still cares about, came into town and James sent a nasty text message while she was hooking up with him. James also shows Max the text. Lisa says she actually washed Max’s mouth out with soap once when he was little and she wants to do the same to James and Lala. I’ll bet Andy Cohen did too, after they cursed their way through the entire Watch What Happens Live show they were on.

Scheana says James is the loudest person she’s ever met, and one of the most emotional and annoying as well. James says Lala has bad judgement in choosing her friends, but apparently he just wants to badmouth Jax. He says Jax never has to take responsibility for anything and Lisa tells him to grow up. He tries to tell Lisa she should fire Jax (i.e. telling her how to run her business). Lisa says he only has a job because his mother asked her to hire him as a busboy. She allowed him to be a DJ at PUMP and he acts like he’s the sole draw of the restaurant. Lisa tells him she got along without him before he came along and she can get along without him now. He probably should just shut the blip up before he goes back to being a busboy full time.

Commercial break. Remind me never to get the Daily Dish app if there’s going to be things like a naked Jax trying to dance in a provocative manner. No thanks.

Katie tells James about her launch party, and then tells him she’s sorry, but he can’t come. He acts like this is rude of her, but she just wants to tell him herself before he hears it elsewhere. Lala says something to Katie about not being invited, and Katie says she wants to keep the stress level low. In her individual interview, Lala talks about being invited to some party when she was in elementary school. When she got there, they dis-invited her and she had to go sit on the curb to wait for her mom. Where were the parents? Katie tells her there’s only so many invites and it’s mostly industry people.

Jax is waiting to hear from his lawyer. He doesn’t know if the shoplifting case is going to end up with a slap on the wrist or jail time. While he’s suspended from SUR, he’ll be mooching off of Britney. Britney says her mother wasn’t thrilled about his drunken escapade and that neither one of her parents drink. Jax says Britney comes from a strict background, “extremely Southern, Catholic or Christian or whatever it is.” I guess he’s really been paying attention. Do they know she works at a place called Hooters?

Kristen is out with Alex. She claims he’s an all around great guy who has his act together. What is he doing out with her then? We flash back to Kevin, who was a real d-bag, which is more her type. Kristen has known Alex about a year and tells him she’s changed since they met. They kiss and he talks about getting a room. Wait a second. This is Alex from Below Deck! What the…? I remember hearing they were dating. He didn’t seem stupid or crazy on the other show. I don’t understand this.

Lisa interrupts the girls who are chatting. Katie invites Lisa to the launch party and talks about having the engagement party at SUR. Lisa says she’ll give her an employee discount. Lisa tells Katie about Stassi coming by. Katie says she’s moved on and isn’t interested in Stassi’s pity party. She says she’ll feel like she’s going backward if she lets Stassi back in her life again.

Lala confronts James about the text message. She says he drunk texts her a lot and that he’s obviously harboring some resentment. She says they laid down the ground rules for their relationship, which is really none, and now he’s tripping. She says what “goes down” in his bedroom is none of her business and vice versa. Why do these people always try to sound like rappers? James says she hits him up when she’s lonely and insecure, and doesn’t have anyone else to hang out with. That’s probably true. She says that’s a stupid thing to say, and he says — wait for it — “you’re a stupid thing to say.” I know. You’re as speechless as I am, right?

Katie and company are setting up for the launch. Schwartz says he’s proud of Katie. In talking about blogging, Schwartz uses the word “incredulous,” and the viewing audience collectively looks it up.

Stassi tells Kristen she’s found a couple of apartments and she’s starting to feel like a squatter. Kristen reads a text she got from James at 4 am asking how she can’t still love him with a kissy face emoji. I gag. She’s bringing Alex to the launch party. Stassi says it’s like the engagement all over again. She says she helped Katie in the beginning and is missing out on another milestone. She says Katie won’t respond to her. Kristen asks if she’s approached Schwartz, but Stassi doesn’t want to seem like she’s going behind Katie’s back.

James asks Max if he thinks James was rude to Lisa. I say yes, even if Max says Lisa understands he’s going through some stress. James tells her about the conversation he had with Lala. He says he’s still in love with Kristen though, and wants to talk to her. I laugh when he says she’s blocked him on social media. Oh, horrors! James suggests they crash the launch party and Max says he owes him one.

Katie wants her launch party to be a beauty experience. She’s having it at a salon — I think Frederic Fekkai — and everybody is getting things done. Some dude interviews Katie, most likely for the internet. Ken is ready to go before he and Lisa get in the door. Why didn’t they bring my Giggy? Schwartz says when Lisa walks into a room it gets hot fast. I shake my head over Schwartz’s social anxiety. Lisa says she’s proud of Katie branching out. She’s such a mom at heart.

Ugh! Uninvited James comes in with Max. Katie tells Schwartz she didn’t invite him. Scheana says it’s one thing to crash a house party, but another to crash a launch party, which is essentially a business event. She approaches James, who says he’s there to talk to Kristen.

He interrupts Kristen and Alex. He says he needs five minutes and he’ll wait outside for her. Kristen thinks he wants a reaction from her because he wants to be adored, whatever that means. She goes outside and asks him what he wants. He asks why she’s being standoffish. Kristen says he needs to stop texting her and she’s happy with her life now. He says that’s what people say when they’re really unhappy. Huh??? He wants to hug it out and chill. She says he didn’t treat her right and she’s done with him. He gets really nasty and ends with telling her to have a happy life with her ugly boyfriend, like the mature man he just claimed to be.

Katie thanks everyone for coming. She says the night was a success, despite the “hiccup” with James showing up. Schwartz gets a text from Stassi, saying she can’t get through to Katie. He says the only reason she could possibly have for coming around is a selfish one.
Lisa says Katie has been emancipated from Stassi. Schwartz tells Katie and Lisa about the text. He says he’s leery about it. Lisa says she hopes he takes a stand and has Katie’s back.

Schwartz tells Katie he wants to investigate if Stassi is sincere. Katie says that’s his business, but don’t involve her.

Stassi says it’s come to this, she’s sleeping on her arch enemy’s couch. She says she’s ready to suck up her pride in ways she never thought she would, but I find this highly doubtful. She goes to meet Schwartz. In his individual interview, Schwartz says there were some good times, but his last impression of Stassi is how badly she hurt Katie.

Stassi thanks Schwartz for meeting her and says she’s been drinking all day because she’s nervous. Schwartz says she was a real bitch, but could also be endearing. As time went on, the endearing part faded, and left a smug, bitchy shadow of her former self. He says she doesn’t understand how much she hurt Katie. He says Katie left the door open for a long time, but now Stassi needs humility and perspective, and her ego is over-inflated. Stassi asks if she killed his dog or something, and he tells her if she gets defensive, he’s leaving. Good for Schwartz! He’s usually a pushover and I’m glad to see him standing up for Katie.

Stassi starts crying. She asks why everyone else gets forgiven. Please don’t try to turn this around. Schwartz asks what she wants. He says he didn’t understand how she could just throw the friendship away and she agrees that she didn’t value it. Schwartz asks if he can get a witness to Stassi humbling herself. Then he becomes the idiot he normally is and invites her to the engagement party.

Next week, Schwartz has to tell Katie about the invite and Jax says he’s the number one guy in the house. Puh-leeze.