What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Regina says she’s trying to trust Zelena. Hades pops in and says he needs their help. He went to meet Zelena for their date and found a ransom note from Pan. He wants Belle’s unborn child returned to her. Hades says he’ll give Pan what he wants, but he wants Emma to help. He says it’s her fault they’re all there in the first place, so he’ll remove their names off the headstones if she helps him.

In the past, Emma goes to a restaurant and shows the employees an article about a baby who was found, trying to find out who was involved. They don’t have any information, so Emma sits down with some food. A stranger sits down with her and says she’s the baby, isn’t she? She says she sees someone who robbed some convenience stores in Phoenix and ran. Emma runs again, but her car won’t go anywhere because it has a boot on it. The stranger approaches her car.

Hades goes to the diner and Pan arrives, poof! in a cloud of red smoke. Zelena is with him, as well as Gold. Hades rips up the baby contract. Pan says they can have Zelena back, except for her heart. Zelena says there’s a protection spell on it. Pan thinks that’s no problem, but when he tries to take it, Emma blows him back wit ha bolt of magic.

Gold splits and Pan follows, poof! in a cloud of red smoke. I guess Zelena got the green smoke first. Hades tells Zelena he’d do anything for her. They kiss and Emma goes ♫ la-la-la ♫. Suddenly Hades heart is beating again. He realizes his punishment is over and he can leave. He tells Emma there will be a portal to Storybrooke at the graveyard but it will close at sunset. Emma says he needs to keep his end of the bargain, so they’ll all be going home.

The group gathers at the graveyard. Regina tells Hades to get on with it and he removes the names. Zelena says she told them love could change him, but Hook (of all people) doesn’t buy it. Regina takes Emma’s heart to give to Hook, but it doesn’t work. Hades says his soul must have left him when he died. Emma asks if no one has ever come back. Hades says there was a rumor about someone once.

The stranger, Cleo Fox, takes Emma to a hotel room and handcuffs her to the bed. She says she’ll be right back and while she’s in the bathroom, Emma slips the cuffs and goes through Cleo’s wallet. She sees a picture of a little girl. She’s about to leave and sees some kind of tracking site on the laptop. Cleo comes back and Emma is still there. Emma says she’ll go with her to Phoenix

Hades says that it’s rumored that Orpheus used ambrosia to bring Eurydice back to life. He creates an elevator. He says it goes to the field of ambrosia under the Underworld because you can’t go there in a puff of smoke (ha-ha!). He takes Emma’s heart and gives it to her in a bag for safekeeping. She says if she’s not back by sunset, everyone is to leave without her.

Gold kisses the sleeping Belle. Nothing happens. Pan says despite Gold’s abandoning him, he accepts Gold for who he is even if Belle doesn’t. Gold says he’s only concerned with getting Belle home so her father can wake her. Pan says he didn’t get the heart he was promised. He says he’ll give Gold a Pandora’s Box he can take Belle home in, but he wants that heart first.

Henry is impatient. Regina says they’ll go as soon as Emma gets back. Henry asks about Operation Firebird and how they were supposed to help the others who are there. Hades says once they’re gone, the Underworld will turn into what it was supposed to be, but Henry says the people with unfinished business don’t even know what the unfinished business is.

Robin shows up with Zelena’s baby. He’s afraid they’re going to be tricked. Regina tells him to give the baby to Zelena so they can wait for the portal to open. He’s reluctant, but hands the baby over. Zelena leaves with the baby.

Robin says he needs a moment and leaves the room. Gold is there and says he won’t remember any of this and takes his heart.

Hook and Emma take the elevator down.

Emma and Cleo are at the town records department. A clerk gives Emma a file, but there’s only the same article she had in it. Emma thinks that there should be more information. Cleo wants to get going. She tells Emma she kept her word, and now Emma should keep hers. She says it’s Arizona, not hell. Although I have a friend who lives in Phoenix who might beg to differ. She starts whining about the heat in April.

Henry is giving out reference sheets with each person’s unfinished business. Cruella comes by and Regina says she doesn’t think Cruella will go to a happy place once her business is done. Cruella says she doesn’t want to leave. She wants to be the next ruler when Hades goes. David tells her there won’t be any people there to rule because the unfinished business will be done. She says they’re all staying there, because it’s Henry’s fault that she wasn’t brought back to life. Regina says Cruella doesn’t have the magic to keep them there. The blind witch from Hansel and Gretel comes out of the crowd and says she does. She blows them into the nearest building and locks them in. Regina tries throwing a fireball at the door, but it doesn’t work. Cruella says they’ll be released after sunset.

Hook and Emma come to a scale that says only those with true hearts can pass through. Emma says she’ll have to weigh her heart to see if her love for him is true. Hook asks why she can only admit how she feels when one of them is facing certain death? Emma puts her heart on the scale. Nothing happens, but then Emma collapses. She tells Hook to get her heart, but he’s suddenly on fire. Emma struggles to her feet and grabs him. Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner.

Emma sneaks out of the hotel room and back to the hall where the records are kept. Cleo stops her. She asks Emma what good would it be to find out about her parents now and that she should move forward. As they’re leaving, the police arrive. Cleo kicks out a window and they jump out.

Emma and hook go under the Underworld, but there’s only a tree stump and the ambrosia are dead. Hook says he knew they couldn’t trust Hades and that Hades didn’t want them going back.

Regina says that the blind witch’s spells are always half-baked and it must be Hades that wants them to stay. Hades and Zelena are at the portal. Zelena doesn’t want to leave without Regina, but Hades says they have to go for the baby’s sake, and they step through.

Pan tells Gold they’re running out of time. Gold tells him to have patience.

Emma is trying to find a scrap of ambrosia. The earth starts to shake and Hook says they’ll find a way out, but they have to go.

Cleo collapses bleeding. The glass from the window has cut her. She tells Emma to leave. Emma says she has to live for her daughter. Cleo says her daughter doesn’t know who she is and she took the picture without her knowledge. The cops pull up and Emma jets.

Hook says he’s not going to leave with Emma. She says she’s not going back without him and he says she has no choice. He says they both know they had more time than they were meant to. Emma doesn’t want to say good-by. Hook says don’t. Emma tells him not to make her his unfinished business. Emma goes into the elevator and they kiss through the gate, proclaiming their love.

Emma goes into a dress shop and shows a clerk the picture from Cleo’s wallet, saying she knew her birth mother, Cleo Fox. She thought Tasha would want to know where she came from. Tasha asks if her mother is looking for her, but Emma has to tell her that Cleo is dead. She sees a jacket exactly like Cleo’s and buys it. She says it might work.

In the underworld, Emma goes back up to the others. She says she’ll explain later what happened with Hook. Regina tells her that they can’t leave. Emma says the ambrosia wasn’t there and Hook wanted to make sure they got out even if he couldn’t. Regina says let’s give him his wish.

Regina and Emma blast the door open together. Henry leaves the folder of unfinished business instructions.

Pan tells Gold they don’t want to miss their ticket home. Gold gives him the heart, but something is wrong. Gold says he knew Pan and his shadow would be watching, so when they weren’t looking he gave Robin back his heart and replaced it with a heart filled with water from the River of Souls. He’s going to make sure Pan never gets his happy ending. Pan disappears, poof! in a cloud of white and green smoke. Gold tells him, “Good by, poppa, for good this time.”

Gold puts Belle in the box and heads for the portal, and steps through. The others are right behind him, but it’s closing. They go through, but Emma looks back, saying she got the jacket for protection. The ground starts to shake and she and David go through. Boy, is Hades going to be surprised.

Next time, Hades is in Storybrooke, Regina says they’ll do what they have to in order to protect the town, and someone dies, breaking the heart of Storybrooke forever. I’m wondering if it’s Henry.

Fear the Walking Dead

That was a bit of a depressing fairy tale, so yay! zombies!

Nick washes up on shore, nakey, carrying his clothing. A helicopter flies over heard. He pulls his clothing on and enters into a tent city where the words save us are in front on the ground. It looks deserted. We see our first zombie of the evening. Nick makes noise, trying to see if anyone is alive and distracts the zombie. He goes into a tent and zips it up. The zombie can see him but not get in. He stabs it in the head and drags it into the tent. Question mark over my head.

Oh, wait, I see what he’s doing. He guts the zombie and puts the mess all over himself.

Travis is complaining about Victor to Madison. She asks him what he’s going to do. Travis suggests throwing Victor in the ocean. but Madison says they need him. Travis says they’ll survive without him and she says she wants to do more than survive. Travis feels responsible for the people in the life raft.

Chris and Ofelia can’t sleep. Chris asks if she’s ever been to Mexico and she says no. They talk about relationships. Chris says he had a girlfriend, but they lost touch when his family moved. Ofelia tells him there are still girls on the planet and he says that’s what he’s banking on.

Another life raft comes by with two men and a pregnant woman who is in distress. Chris asks Ofelia if he should shoot them. (What?) They get on the boat before anyone can do anything. Everyone is awake now. The guy says they lost their engine and have been drifting for days. Victor gets his gun.

Madison takes the woman to her room. Alicia goes up to the deck. She recognizes one of the guys as Jack. The three take over the boat. Other guy, Reed, tells Chris if he has to ask if he should shoot, somebody should be dead. He tells Alicia to tie up Daniel and says to look for Nick. Victor leaves in a lifeboat and Reed shoots at him, saying if he didn’t get him the hypothermia will.

Back in the day, Victor is at a bar watching the news about Hurricane Katrina and talking to another patron, Thomas, about their families. He’s says he’s there to buy real estate since it will be low. Victor says he bought before the storm. Thomas says he’s an opportunist and Victor says maybe he’s optimistic. Thomas says he’s a parasite, but thanks.

Victor gets a drunk Thomas back to his hotel room, getting him a water and taking off his jacket. Thomas passes out and Victor goes through his wallet. Thomas comes to for a second and says maybe he won’t remember. Victor takes stuff from the wallet.

Out at sea, Victor is trying to get it together.

Reed asks who has the key to the boat. Ofelia tells him he shot the captain. Reed holds a gun to Chris’s head and says they have until five to tell him where the key is. Travis says Victor has the keys, but he can start the boat without them. Man, so I want to smack Reed around.

Pregnant woman comes out with Madison. Daniel tells her what happened with Victor. Reed tells Travis to come start the boat and for Jack to take Alicia. Madison objects, but Alicia says it’s her fault. Alicia calls Jack out about deceiving her. He promises she’ll be safe and says their leader,Connor, listens to him.

Nick is strolling around covered in zombie guts. It must really stink. He goes into a town and tests out his disguise. Works fine.

In the past, Victor is chilling in his hotel room and there’s a knock at the door. It’s Thomas and his friend, Luis. Thomas asks where all the money went, since it obviously wasn’t on wardrobe. Victor says he purchased credit card debt, which is how he started before. Thomas thinks he can do better. Victor says if he wants a return on his investment, he’ll get it with interest. Thomas tells him to meet him downstairs at the bar. Victor says thanks for the pardon, but Thomas says he didn’t pardon him, he obligated him.

Back in the water, Victor struggles to stay afloat and loses his phone.

Travis works on getting the boat running while Reed acts like a pita. Travis tells him it’s computerized and he’ll have to override it from the engine room.

Madison wonders where Nick is. She says there’s only three of them and asks Daniel if he can get loose. He tells her to distract the woman. Reed goes by with Travis, who says he’ll have them going in an hour. Reed says they only have 30 minutes. Madison starts to talk to the woman about her pregnancy.

In the engine room, Reed tells Travis to walk him through it. He says when Connor shows up, he’d better have it running.

Jack calls Connor who says he can’t wait to meet Alicia. Alicia asks Jack if anything he said was true. He says versions of it. She asks about his girlfriend. He says when his brother died, Connor saved him. She asks how many people came before her and how many are alive. Jack says he’s sorry and he doesn’t enjoy any of this, which doesn’t answer the question. Alicia says Victor is no better than Reed and maybe they found each other for a reason. He asks her to come back with him and she says not without her family. He says Connor doesn’t take just anyone. She says she’ll come back with him if he protects her family and she knows they’re safe. He cuts her bonds. She hugs him.

Nick is still wandering around covered in gore. He knocks on a door and a guy comes up behind him with a gun. Nick says don’t shoot.

The guy is Thomas’s friend, Luis. Nick explains he had boat trouble and asks Luis what this place was. He says it was going to be a gated community. but it never got finished. He tells Nick he’s headed to Mexico and tells him to wash up before he gets in the car.

Madison asks when the last time was the baby moved. She says she lost a baby between Nick and Alicia. Pregnant Girl says she’s healthy and Madison says if the baby died she might have turned. Yikes! Pregnant Girl says don’t tempt her to shoot and toss her overboard. Travis and Reed come in. Madion says what if the baby is born dead and Pregnant Girl hits her. Reed tells her Connor might need Madison, so knock it off.

Nick tries to talk Luis into taking everyone, but he says he has transit and money (are people still using that?) for two, that’s what Vincent and he had planned for. He tells Nick that his mother worked for Thomas and is already at the house.

At Thomas’s place, he and Victor are chillaxin’ by the pool. Victor wants to talk business, but Thomas is like, not now. Victor says it will be hard to get back to reality but if they don’t move on the parcel of land, someone else will. Thomas says why bother? He says his place and his money are enough. He says his place makes him feel like the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

Reed tells Travis that his timing is great and Connor wants to meet him. Connor and some others board the boat. Connor says he wants Travis and Madison to come with him and they’ll get the others to shore. They put hoods over Travis and Alicia’s heads and leave.

Reed says Connor has leadership skills, but is lacking in other areas. Nick is out in a small boat with the Luis and sees that there are people on the boat with guns. Luis shoots one of them. Daniel gets loose and Chris stabs Reed. Nick and Luis board the boat. Madison explains what happened to Victor and says he has to find Travis and Alicia. Luis says without Victor, they can’t get into Mexico.

In the past, Victor tells Thomas he’ll close quick and be right back. Oooh, they have a romantic relationship. I kinda thought so at the pool.

Victor is floating in the water and sees Madison coming in a lifeboat. She pulls him in.

Next time, Connor comes looking for Reed, Luis says there’s no getting Travis back, and Victor says he’ll get them to Mexico.

Shahs of Sunset

Asa gives GG some homemade spicy sauce. She says it’s the glue that holds them all together. She asks what’s going on with GG. GG says she and MJ can’t seem to get along anymore. She tells Asa about their last meeting which did not go well. Asa says they have to remember why they love each other. GG says they should go on a camping trip. She says it’s her absolute favorite thing to do, which I never would have guessed.

They call Reza and tell him they want to go camping. He says he’s excited, which I also wouldn’t have guessed. Asa is hoping GG has an epiphany on the trip.

MJ is revamping her real estate career. She and Tommy are getting new business cards for her. MJ wants to make a load of money so they can start a family. She wants to be the Condo Queen of WeHo and Tommy suggests incorporating that on the card and tells her she should put a crown on it. The clerk suggests just putting “Condo Queen” on the card.

MJ tells Tommy how she messed up at Shabbat, telling about Reza’s surprise wedding plans and now Reza is mad at her. She says she thinks a surprise wedding is a lousy idea, but she’ll be supportive if he goes through with it.

Mike and Jessica still aren’t divorced yet. Jessica says she got her phone bill and it’s over $500. She’s never paid her own phone bill before. Then she talks about buying a tea set for 5 grand. Mike says no matter how hard he works, he can’t get ahead of the spending. They sit down to eat and Jessica tells Mike to get off the phone and that he has a problem. She says she doesn’t ask much and Mike says she asks for a lot. He says he’s texting someone about his business and she’s giving him attitude. She calls him a drama queen. Really? He said it in a normal tone of voice. She’s a whackjob.

Asa is working with her assistant on her caftan business. She says her next step is being a defined brand and they need to create a lookbook for retailers. Her mother is a nurse who wants to semi-retire and work for her. She says working with your family isn’t the easiest thing.

Asa’s father says they just got their 2000th order. Asa says they’ve been through a lot together as a family and are totally bonded. She wants to make sure her parents’ lives are amazing. They all have champagne.

MJ and Tommy take Vida to drag bingo. MJ is co-hosting and using it as a vehicle for her business. Jessica has to explain how to play bingo to Asa, who is in love with the pens. MJ is introduced. Asa thinks the game is stressful. Vida thinks she won, but didn’t and a false bingo gets a spanking. MJ lets Vida spank her instead.

Reza meets Mike for drinks. He’s thrilled that their friendship is back on track. He asks Mike how his married sex life is. Mike thinks his grandparents have more sex. Reza says Mike’s “dool” has ADD and if it doesn’t get a lot of action, it goes out looking for trouble like a kid. Mike says that women are more interested in him now that he’s married. Reza doesn’t think he should be out clubbing with his single friends.

Reza says GG needs help and tells Mike about the camping trip. They toast to camping and fixing sh*t.

Reza goes to an Army Navy store. He says he wants protection from a crazy friend when they go camping. He says little does GG know that around the fun there’s going to be a GGvention. He thinks about getting a megaphone. Asa meets him there and says a megaphone in the hands of the wrong person would be a bad idea. Reza says he has a bugging people gene. The two of them crack up the clerks.

MJ meets Shervin for coffee. She asks him about the camping trip. Shervin says they’re taking an RV to get to the site. He tells her about the GGvention and MJ says she doesn’t think GG wants help. MJ says if there’s any way of getting the old GG back, she’ll do anything, but suggests they pick a campsite near an emergency room just in case.

Asa is doing a photo shoot for her caftan line at the beach. It’s a beautiful place and the caftans are gorgeous. She wants to get the brand down to five or six pictures. They’re spending 20 to 25 grand and Asa keeps telling her mother to stop distracting the models. After the shoot, Asa takes pictures of her parents. She says they took the greatest risk of their lives leaving Iran and she wants them to “fly” with her.

Let the camping commence! GG says this group isn’t camping material and she thinks Asa might have the most issues because she wants to wear her caftans. Reza checks out the RV, which he says is the Griswald’s vacation RV from 1979. He finds hair and an old rubberband in the shower and even I’m grossed out.

Shervin says GG can barely walk across the street and she’s going to drive. Mike looks pretty nervous. Asa says at every turn and every brake, everything goes flying. Reza decides to start some pranks by covering the toilet with something that looks like…never mind. It smells all the way up to GG and she nearly drives off the road. They pull over and Reza cleans up the mess. It still stinks though. They realize they’re in front of a government building and Reza says it’s not a good look for them to be running from the vehicle. They get back on the road.

MJ sits in the front. GG says it’s uncomfortable, but if you love someone, you don’t want that smell going up their nostrils. The others play cards. Mike says he’s glad to decompress and get away from what’s going on at home.

They get to the campground. They set up the tents. A lot of jokes are made about Mike and GG. Mike has everyone gather in a circle. They hold hands and Mike says he hopes they come back together as a group. He just celebrated Rosh Hashana and hopes it’s a great new year for all of them. They light the fire. Mike says maybe the trip won’t just fix GG, but fix all of them.

Next time, the Shahs go ziplining, MJ might be pregnant, and the GGvention happens.

Game of Thrones

The Three-Eyed Raven guides Bran (remember him? he’s a lot bigger now) through a vision of days long before his accident. He sees Hodor as a young man before he only said “Hodor!” The Three-Eyed Raven says it’s time to go. Bran tells him that he finally showed Bran something he cared about and then dragged him away. The Raven says it’s beautiful under the sea too, but it can drown you.

Bran tells Hodor he saw him as a boy and wonders what happened.

Bran tells Meera that it’s not safe to be outside the cave. Bran says the Raven saw there’s a war coming and she asks if they’re going to fight it in the cave. Hodor takes Bran back in. A tree fairy tells Meera that Bran needs her.

At Castle Black, Aliser tells Davos to open the door and let the soldiers in. He won’t and they break down the door. Davos and the others have their swords drawn. Attention is diverted though, when a giant breaks down the door at the wall and busts in with a load of Wildings. He’s pretty freaking big, so they give up really fast. Aliser calls Edd a traitor and Edd says the only traitors are the ones who killed Jon Snow. Edd has them put into cells where they belong.

Tormund and Edd see Jon’s body. Edd says he’ll have his men make a funeral pyre.

The news of Cersei’s walk of shame is being told among the peasants. A stand-up comic is saying that she was only used to her brother’s junk and thought he was the bomb. Yeah, right. Has he seen Jaime? Afterward, he gets his head smashed in by The Mountain.

Cersei comes out, but the soldiers won’t let her go. The king has commanded she stay in the Red Keep for her safety. She wants to go to Myrcella’s funeral, but the Tommen has left the Keep, so she can’t even talk to him.

Tommen and Jaime hold vigil by Myrcella’s body. Jaime asks why Tommen wouldn’t let Cercei come. Tommen says she’s not allowed in a sept. Jaime says everything Cersei did, she did for him. Tommen is embarrassed that he did nothing for Margaery or Cersei to protect them.

High Sparrow Jonathan Pryce comes in and tells him that they’re still waiting for Margaery to confess. Jaime tells Tommen to go see his mother. He tells the High Sparrow that he’s a brave man and the Sparrow says he fears a lot of things. Jaime says he humiliated his sister. Sparrow says she’s paying for her sins and Jaime asks what atonement he deserves.

Jaime takes out his sword and the High Sparrow asks if he’d spill blood in a holy place. Jaime says the gods have spilt more blood than anyone. The High Sparrow crew comes out and Jaime says they should be closer if they want to save him. The High Sparrow says each on his own is powerless but together they can throw over an empire. He leaves and Jaime ponders that.

Cersei looks out from the Red Keep. Tommen comes in. She asks what gown Myrcella is in. Tommen says he’s sorry for keeping her away, but he didn’t want to lose her again. He says he knows he should have come sooner and was wrong not to. He says he should have executed all of them and that she would have for him. He says he’s not strong, but he wants to be, and asks her to help him.

Grey Worm tells Tyrion they couldn’t find who burned the ships. Varys says they can’t overpower all of them. Tyrion asks about the dragons, and Missandei tells him they’ve refused to eat since Dany left. Tyrion says they must be unchained or they’ll waste away as they don’t do well in captivity. He asks if they’ve ever harmed Misandei and she says no. Tyrion says dragons are good to their friends and it’s time they had their supper.

He goes with Varys to where the dragons are chained. I have heart attacks over these dragons. I’m always worried something is going to happen to them. The dragons snarl at Tyrion who seems more fascinated than afraid. He tells them he’s a friend of their mother’s and is there to help and please don’t eat the help. He tells them a story about how he wanted a dragon as a boy. He says when his father told him the last dragon had died over a century ago, he cried himself to sleep, but here they are. He removes their chains. Poor things. Tyrion leaves and tells Varys next time he has an idea like that to punch him in the face. I love Tyrion.

The Waif starts beating on Arya again, asking what her name is. When Arya says “no one,” the Waif says she doesn’t believe it and neither does anyone else. The Waif disappears and Arya is fighting alone. Jaqen asks her name and she says she has no name. He says if the girl says her name, she’ll get fed and get her eyes back. Arya repeats that she has no name.

Jaqen tells her to leave her begging bowl as she’s no longer a begger.

Ramsay has to tell Roose about the guys getting killed who went after Sansa. He says with a small force they could take over Castle Black and murder Jon Snow. A little late for that. He says it’s time for new blood in The North. Roose says if you acquire a reputation as a mad dog you’ll be treated like one.

A page comes in to announce the birth of Roose’s son. Ramsay congratulates him and says he looks forward to meeting his new brother. Roose says Ramsay will always be his first born. Ramsay thanks Roose and then stabs him. I did not see that coming. I’m assuming baby brother isn’t far behind. He tells the page to send ravens telling everyone Roose is dead and was poisoned by his enemies. He tells him to send for Lady Walda and the baby.

Ramsay asks to hold the baby. Lady Walda asks if Ramsay has seen Lord Bolton. Ramsay tells her to follow him. No doubt to certain death. She asks where Ramsay’s father is. He says he’s Lord Bolton now. Walda tells him she’ll leave and go back to the riverland. She says the baby is his brother and he says he prefers being an only child and lets his crazy ass dogs loose on her.

Brienne tells Sansa about seeing Arya. She says she looked good, but wasn’t exactly dressed like a lady. She asks Sansa what happened at Winterfell. Sansa says she should have gone with Brienne when she had the chance, but Brienne says it was a difficult choice and they’ve all had to make them.

Theon tells Sansa they should be moving. Sansa says once they get to Castle Black, they’ll be safe. Theon says Jon will kill him and there’s no way to make amends for what he’s done to her family. She says she’ll make sure he’s safe and he tells her he would have died to get her to The Wall. He asks to take one of the horses and she asks where he’s going. He says home.

Balon is arguing with Yara on how to run things. She says they can defeat anyone at sea, but not so much on shore. Balon says they shouldn’t be sending their men on fool’s missions, but she says she’s not apologizing for trying to rescue Theon. He tells her to shut up and follow his orders, or he’ll find another heir who will.

He goes out on some rickety bridge in the wind. Someone is there and he tells them to move aside for their king. The figure says hasn’t he always for his brother? Balon supposed he was dead, but his brother says dead men never die and that he is the Drowned God. Balon tries to get across and his brother tells him he’s had his time, now let someone else rule. Balon reminds him of a storm that he freaked out during and asks what kind of Ironborn loses his mind during a storm. Balon gets tossed of the bridge. Bye, old dude.

No surprise, burial at sea. Yara says she’ll kill whoever did this. Another old dude tells her that perhaps she’ll be the first woman to rule the Ironborn, but perhaps not.

Davos visits the Red Woman. He says he’s there about the Lord Commander. She says the former Lord Commander and Davos asks if he has to be. He asks if she knows of any magic to bring him back, but she says to leave it alone. She says she met a man who came back from the dead and it wasn’t good. She says the great victory she saw in the flames and everything she believed was a lie. She says Davos was right. Davos says he was never a devout man and he’s not asking the Lord of Light for help, he’s asking her.

Will the fans get what they wanted?

The Red Woman bathes Jon’s body. She clips a lock of his hair while saying some magic words. Then she starts trimming his beard. She anoints his head. Is this a spell or a beauty salon? She lays hands on Jon, speaking some more. We all wait with bated breath.

Oh well, she tried.

Everyone leaves except Davos and Ghost. Davos leaves and Ghost stirs.

Jon opens his eyes and gasps.

Whoa.

Did you know they have a “Wolf Unit?” It’s in the credits.

Next time, Arya becomes no one, Jon is looked upon as a god, and Cersei is after blood.