What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

The Black Fairy carries a baby through the clouds. She lands in a coal mine. She tells a woman that this one isn’t for the mine. He’s to be cared for as though he was hers. (Or she could have said, it is mine. BA-DUM-CHH!) She tells baby Gideon that he won’t be needing the book any more, and tosses it aside.

In Storybrooke, Gideon tells Emma they’ll destroy the Black Fairy together. It’s impossible for Hook to return without her helping him. She knocks him down with some magic, and says if he doesn’t bring Hook back, she’ll make him do it. Gideon says she doesn’t frighten him; nothing does. She has no idea what he’s been through, being raised by the Black Fairy. He says that there are many waiting for him to protect them, and he’s very far from the bad guy. They have a common cause, whether she realizes it or not. He disappears, poof! in a puff of amber smoke.

Back in Gideon’s childhood days, the children the Black Fairy has imprisoned are being read to by Gideon. He says as long as he’s around, they’ll be safe from her. The Black Fairy enters, wishing them sweet dreams. She has a special bedtime story for Gideon, but she says that she sees he already has one, and takes the book from him. He says his real mother gave it to him, but she says she’s his real mother. Gideon says she’s not, and never will be. She says just because his mother was a hero, doesn’t make him one, and she’s going to show him exactly who he is.

She drags one of the children out of a cell. She tells him that if he wants to be a hero, to show her. The child cries to Gideon for help, but he does nothing. The Black Fairy calls him a coward, and says he has much to learn – from her.

In the present, Emma tells Gold that she has questions and she wants answers. She tells him that his son has a death wish. He banished Hook and wants her to help kill the Black Fairy. Gold explains that the Black Fairy is his mother. Belle says he wasn’t born evil; the Black Fairy made him this way. Gold says that’s not the only reason to save him, and that destroying the Black Fairy will save all of them. At present, she can only break out of her realm long enough to steal more children, but If she breaks free from her realm for good, it will be a disaster. He tells Emma that all of the darkness she’s ever faced comes from the Black Fairy, and if she isn’t destroyed, they’re doomed.

Regina works at the cauldron. She tells Henry that casting a curse is one thing, but breaking it’s another. Henry tells her that if anyone can break her own curse, it’s her. She says she’s undone everything, except the big one. She asks if Henry can go pick up some tongue of newt – not the eye. Henry suddenly starts writing furiously in some kind of code, and cataracts cover his eyes.

Some time ago, Gideon asks the Black Fairy what she wants. She says it’s his 28^th birthday. She thought they should celebrate, since he’s grown into a strong, loyal son, and his magic has blossomed. She can’t find the key to her vault, and tells him it was stolen. She instructs him to go to the mines, find out who’s responsible, and make them pay. She puts something that looks like a dog whistle around his neck, and he goes.

Moving forward, Emma goes to the clock tower. She tells Gideon that he reminds her of Henry when he first needed her help. She asks for the sword, and he gives it to her. She says they have a deal, and let’s get her pirate back.

In another realm, Hook goes into a bar (not the start of a joke), and dumps out a load of gems on the card table. Blackbeard says he’s interrupting the game, and draws his sword. Hook says he needs a magic bean, and these are the finest gems from Agrabah. He has one more thing to offer. Blackbeard hasn’t had a vessel since he lost the Jolly Roger, and Hook asks, what’s a pirate without a ship? He suggests playing a hand of cards for the ship. Everyone gets out of the way, and Hook sits down.

Right now, Gideon takes Emma to the sorcerer’s mansion. Emma says extreme magic isn’t like hailing a cab, but Gideon says she has him. He zaps them both inside, and tells her to arrange the ingredients that are on the table. She lights a candle, and he hands her the napkin that has her tears on it. A huge claw comes bursting through the door, followed by a giant spider. Gideon says it’s a message. I guess the Black Fairy hasn’t heard about texting. They throw bolts of magic at the spider, and Emma tells Gideon to run. Since I’m not afraid of spiders, this has never been my horror thing, but as spiders go, this one is pretty scary.

Back at the mines, Gideon tells everyone to gather around. He says his mother has been generous to them, and one of them has stolen the key from her. If it’s returned now, they’ll only face his wrath. He says with just a bit of magic, he can turn them into vermin. He pulls a kid out, and another one steps forward, saying it was him. He asks if Gideon remembers him. He reminds Gideon that he once read to him, but Gideon says he has no choice. The kid says he had no choice then, but he has a choice now; he knows his old friend is still in there. He tells Gideon to be the hero that he was meant to be, and help defeat the Black Fairy.

In the Storybrooke realm, the spider shoots webs on everything. Gideon says Emma’s magic is the only one strong enough to get into the Black Fairy’s realm. Webs are going everywhere, and they jet.

Sliding sideways, Blackbeard asks Hook what’s so important. Hook says the woman he loves is in danger. Blackbeard thinks maybe he should have kept the ship, and shows his hand, which I guess is a good one, but I don’t play cards. I could barely remember the high-scoring roles of the dice in Yahtzee when I went through a Yahtzee phase. Blackbeard tells Hook that it’s time to pay up. They go to the docks, but Hook says he forgot to mention that the ship is in the realm where Emma is, and he’ll have to give him the bean to get there. He also tells Blackbeard that he saw the six aces in his deck. Blackbeard says well played, but he’s coming along.

In the here and now, Regina asks Henry what the writing is about, but he doesn’t know. He asks why this happened, but Regina has no answers. She does know someone who might though. They go to a hospital. Emma says if Henry’s problem is being the author, they should ask the last one. She says hello to Isaac, and says they need to talk.

Isaac says he’s heard of this happening, but it never happened to him. He doesn’t think what he did was enough to get him locked up, and Regina says that he tried to kill them all. He says a writer needs motivation and inspiration. He wants out and a sports car; he wants to go back to the Big Apple. She suggests she drive a sports car over his head. He repeats that he wants freedom, a sports car, New York City, and because she’s being a pain, Hamilton tickets. I literally LOL. He says Henry’s writing is taking over, and he’s more powerful than he realizes. It’s only going to get worse, and Henry could end up in the cell next door.

Gideon and Emma run from the spider. He tells her she should leave, but she’s staying to help him.

Back in the mines, the kid asks where Gideon is taking him. Gideon explains that the reason the Black Fairy is collecting dust in the mine, is that she’s obsessed with perfecting the Dark Curse. Gideon asks what happened after he left, and the kid says it’s better left unsaid. Gideon apologizes, and says he regrets his weakness every day. The kid says they were children, but now they must stop her before it’s too late. The Savior can help them. He’s heard rumors of a crystal ball that can help them communicate across realms.

In the present day sorcerer’s mansion, the spider is squirting webs all over, and they’re covering everything. Emma and Gideon can’t leave the house. Emma gets stuck in a web, and Gideon takes the sword. He says once she’s dead, he can use the sword to channel the powers to another realm. The spider blocks the door. Gideon tells Emma that Hook’s return is impossible, and says he told her to walk away. He disappears, poof! in a puff of ocher smoke.

In whatever realm they landed, Blackbeard asks Hook where the Jolly Roger is, but Hook says it’s not his realm; something went wrong. He says whatever dark magic banished him, must have kept him from getting back. They hear whooping in the distance. Hook thinks he knows what it is. The Lost Boys. They’re in Neverland. The Lost Boys come after them, and they run.

Back to today, Emma struggles against the web. The spider screeches. Emma breaks free, but the spider binds her in a web cocoon. She gasps for air. In the clock tower, the sword is aglow. Gideon slices the air with it, and opens a portal. Emma is pulled toward the spider. The portal door in the clock tower starts to fizzle out, the spider suddenly backs off of Emma, and Gold appears. He wakes Emma, the magic withdraws from the sword. Emma and Gold make the spider tiny, and Emma steps on it. Too bad things don’t work that way IRL. Gold asks where Gideon is. Emma says he tried to kill her, and she’s sorry, but he can’t be saved; he’s evil.

The kid and Gideon look for the orb in a magic fish tank. Gideon pulls it out, and the kid (sorry, didn’t catch his name and figure he’s dispensable, so he’s been dubbed “the kid”) thanks him. The orb shatters, and the Black Fairy appears. She says she led them here, just like she led Gideon’s friend to the key. Gideon says it was a test. She says he was supposed to be different; he was a gift. She says his parents abandoned him, but she shared everything with him, and this is how he repays her. She’s disappointed in him. He says he should have stood up to her years ago. He’s not letting her do something terrible; the people have suffered long enough. Her lackeys grab the kid, and Gideon smacks her. She says there are many ways to hurt a person. She turns the kid into a spider, and she steps on him. She says Gideon could have saved him eons ago, but didn’t, so this is on him – and her boot. Okay, that was good. He calls her a monster. He says he’ll find the Savior and the Savior will destroy her. The Black Fairy says she knows all about the Savor, and has plans for her, just like she has plans for him. She takes his heart, and says now he’s hers in every way. He’ll do whatever she says. He’ll find the Savior and kill her. When the Savior dies, the sword will free her from her prison.

In Neverland, Blackbeard says that he thought Pan was dead. Hook says he is, and the Lost Boys took over. They get to the shore, and Blackbeard knocks Hook out. There’s a single canoe, and he makes a run for it. He tells Hook to enjoy his stay, adding, we’re pirates, what did you expect? He reminds Hook that he still owes him the ship. Uh-oh, here come the Lost Boys bearing torches.

Snow and Belle meet with Gold and Emma. Emma explains what happened, and tells them that Gideon is evil. Gold says he needs help. She says he needs to take responsibility for his actions, and Gold says he’ll do what he can to stop Gideon from being harmed. Snow says that they didn’t start this fight. Emma suggests they go home.

Belle tells Gold that Gideon is ripping them apart. He’s only been there a few days, and already caused all kinds of destruction. She thinks Emma is right, but Gold says he’s with the two of them now, and the Black Fairy’s damage is over.

In the clock tower, Gideon says that the Black Fairy’s plan failed. The Savior survived.

The Black Fairy appears – no poofing, no smoke. Gideon says the portal closed, but the Black Fairy says that as Emma’s life ebbed away, the portal opened just enough for her to slip through. She tells him he played his part to the hilt, and he says that he had no choice. She says a part of him wanted to help her, part of him always does. He says of course. She says good, because they have much to do.

Isaac tells Regina that he wanted sports car, and wouldn’t drive this to a Ping-Pong tournament. This, is a station wagon. He supposes the Hamilton tickets are a no, and says nobody’s magic is that powerful. Very funny dialogue tonight. Isaac suggests that they follow him. He tells her that if she wants to know what’s going on, to take a look at the book. Henry says it’s the final chapter, and Isaac says, end of story. Henry asks what happens to the Savior, and Isaac says she fights the final battle – and nobody wants to be around to see that. He drives away into the night.

Next time, the Black Fairy squares off with Emma, history will be rewritten and the past will be altered, everyone could be trapped forever, and Snow and David must decide whether or not Emma will be born.

💀 Yeah, now that The Walking Dead finally reeled me back in, the season is over.

🍑 On The Real Housewives of Atlanta some of the ladies continue to act like children, mostly Phaedra and Porsha. Phaedra blows my mind, because she’s beyond shady; she’s downright nasty. She’s constantly after Kandi – I guess because she and Todd are friends with Apollo – but she never ceases to top herself. Now she’s involved in a lawsuit against Kandi by one of Kandi’s ex-employees. Bleh. Although when Kandi said that Phaedra was like Geppetto with a bunch of Pinocchios around her, I nearly fell off my chair, laughing. There was a party to unveil Chateau Sheree, and I have to say, both the party and house were very cool. Even if the house does have an unfinished basement, which Kenya made sure that we knew. Kim Zolciak Biermann made an appearance (is NeNe far behind?), and we had a fun flashback down Memory Lane, including the time Sheree tried to pull Kim’s wig off in the middle of the street. Good times… Kim and Kenya had an argument, and as usual, Porsha was falling out of her clothes. She also thinks her deceased father would be proud of her. For what? Assault charges, or not knowing that the Underground Railroad is not a real railroad? Cynthia tried to ditch Peter for the millionth time, so not much going on there. This was the finale, but the only interesting ending blurb was that Kandi wrote Ed Sheeran‘s recent hit, Shape of You. The reunion looks like it should be a doozie.

🍷 So far, The Real Housewives of Potomac is a bit of a snooze. Katie had her casino night, and everyone seemed way overdressed for the venue, which looked like a Holiday Inn meeting room. The night included a performance of the strangest tribute to the Jackson Five, or tribute to Michael Jackson (okay, I wasn’t paying attention, but it was a Jackson tribute), that I’ve ever seen. Not that I’ve seen a lot of them. Or any really. It was a trio of dudes who looked and sounded like an act out of a high school middle school talent show. I honestly didn’t know what to make of it. We were introduced to new girl, Monique, whose husband is with the NFL. Maybe she’ll breathe some life into this already stale group.

🙌 And this goes for every other day of the week too…