What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

The Walking Dead

Ezekiel washes his face. He fixes his dreads, and gets duded up.

The knights say goodbye to their families. Ezekiel walks out, and the crowd parts. Shiva growls. Everyone moves down the road. Ezekiel tells a boy to fear not and be brave. He says they face dire challenges; their lives, their way of life, hang in the balance. They pray for not one drop of rain under an overcast sky. Yet he smiles. They will fight and bleed. Yet he smiles. They will end them all, as is their charge and sorrow this day. Yet he smiles. They’ll leave their loved ones, rushing out from peace to war. Yet he smiles. They will find glory and honor, and protect this bastion of life. On this day, they are joined in purpose and mission. they are one. The crowd joins him in saying they are one, and gathers around him.

We see a bloody battlefield. Ezekiel crawls out from under a pile of men. He looks through the casualties. He cries out, not smiling anymore. The dead begin to stir. Ezekiel, get the blip out of there! A dead soldier grabs at him. He can’t walk, so he crawls. Oh sh*t! How is he going to get out of this? He can’t get up, and scrambles backward as they come at him.

The zombies stagger toward Ezekiel. He manages to get up, and falls again. He shoots a zombie in the head, but that was the last bullet. The next gun is empty too. He keeps crawling. Suddenly, another live man is there. He shoots a couple of zombies, and helps Ezekiel up.

Carol sneaks around inside the outpost. She hears men talking. Someone needs help. Another guy tells them to move their asses; it’s real now. A couple of guys bring a crate of guns in, but all of them are taken down by some gunfire. Carol drops down from the ceiling, and finishes them off. She takes a gun and runs. Some men follow her, but she ditches them.

Ezekiel asks if the man has seen Shiva, but he says not since they were hit. They see a crowd of zombies, but suddenly the man is shot from behind. Ezekiel is dragged back to the outpost by the shooter. Dude looks like Jeffrey Dahmer, but his name is Gunther (which I find out later from Talking Dead). Gunther makes Ezekiel give him his staff, which is also a sword. He’s taking Ezekiel to the Sanctuary, but Ezekiel says the gates are down. Gunther says Ezekiel is going to help him remedy the situation.

Carol sneaks around outside. She sees some Saviors loading the guns into a truck.

Ezekiel falls, and Gunther shoots the closest zombie. He tells Ezekiel he made it this far; he can walk. Ezekiel tells him, better the dead be his end, than a desperate foot soldier. He asks if Negan knows even knows his name, and Gunther says he’s Negan. Ezekiel says he won’t be used to harm his own people. Gunther tells Ezekiel, let’s go now, and drags him back up. He tells Ezekiel that he played his cards and people good, but they can’t do sh*t for him now. He says some stuff about Shiva, and I swear, if they kill that tiger, I’m out. The zombies trail them, and Gunther tells Ezekiel that he got them killed, and they’re still following him. He calls Ezekiel a meaningless con man in a costume.

Carol pops out, shoots up everything and ducks behind a truck. A bunch of Saviors shoot back, and it doesn’t look good for her. The truck gets riddled with bullets, and she hunches down on the other side.

Gunther says they’re getting something with wheels and getting out. Ezekiel tries to attack him, but Gunther gets the better of him, saying it’s over. He took his shot, and it’s over. I can’t wait for this guy to die. Gunther smears blood on Ezekiel’s face, and says delusions of grandeur.

The gate is padlocked, and Ezekiel says the dead are nearly upon them. Gunther takes Ezekiel’s coat and puts it over the wire on the top of the fence. Ezekiel says he can’t climb. Gunther says he doesn’t have to. Negan was hoping to have his ass chained on the sanctuary fence, but his head on a pike will be fine. Gunther raises the sword, but is split in half from behind by Knight Jerry. Wow, that was cool!

The shooting stops, and the men inch forward, Carol tosses her gun out, and says she can tell them where the others are; just let her live. A savior tells her, nice and slow. She comes out, hands up, saying she’s unarmed.

Jerry brings Ezekiel to his feet, gives him his sword back, and lops off a couple of zombie heads. He calls Ezekiel “Your Majesty,” and Ezekiel says he doesn’t need to call him that. Jerry says, yes, he does.

The Savior asks where Carol’s people are. She asks him to promise not to tell them she told him. She grabs the guy coming by with the ammo, and puts a knife to his throat. The Saviors shoot, but he ends up getting it instead of Carol. In the meantime, zombies start coming in through the gate.

Jerry works on the padlock. More zombies are coming, and he spears one in the eye. He and Ezekiel ready themselves.

Zombies start taking down the Saviors. Ezekiel and Jerry take down some zombies. Jerry thanks Ezekiel for being such a cool dude.

Inside the compound, the Saviors are busy dealing with zombies. Carol says they need to end this. The Savior she was negotiating with says she was lying about her friends. He must not be too bright if he just came to that understanding. Carol tells him to walk away. He says she’s not going anywhere with the guns, but she tells him that she has the ammo, and asks how much they have left? He tells her to come and find out, because he’s five. She notices what’s happening with Ezekiel and Jerry.

She joins them, asking if Ezekiel has fought before. He says he was once a marauder in the woods, and has trained for a long time. He’s ready to become what he must; to will himself into what he must be. He tells her that he was a zookeeper. He was weak, then a 500-lb. tiger needed his help. He didn’t just leap into her enclosure, and wasn’t seized by deep seated instinct. He deliberated for a few seconds, weighing the risk of approaching such a beast or not. He decided he wanted to be the one who leapt. Years later, Benjamin told him what he knew, but couldn’t hear – if you’re asked to be the hero, be the hero. He’s not ready, but made the decision on who he’ll be. He asks if it was easier for her. Was she always this strong and brave, or did she decide? She says she decided, like him. Life decided some things too. He says it does, and it will.

Zombies start to close in, but Carol mows them down. She says there’s nothing she can do about them getting the guns. Jerry finally gets the padlock off, and helps them through the fence. Ezekiel says, word to Rick before the guns get to the Sanctuary. Carol says they won’t be going there. The truck speeds past, with Daryl not far behind it, and Rick behind him.

The driver sees Daryl in his rear-view mirror. Daryl shoots, but the back panel drops down, and there’s a guy with a machine gun. Daryl swerves, and ends up off the road, with the bike falling and sliding. Rick keeps going, serpentine behind the truck. The Savior veers to avoid some zombies, and the shooter in the back is thrown. Rick gets Death Proof close to the truck, and jumps in. He punches the driver in the kidneys, and tosses him out. Nice work.

Daryl sees the truck off the road on its side, and Rick comes crawling out of the weeds. He says they got the guns; let’s see if this a-hole is alive.

Carol, Jerry, and Ezekiel continue on. Ezekiel says they have to leave him; he’s slowing them down. Carol says no way. At least these are slow zombies. They come to a creek, and the place is teaming with them, some of them downright skeletal. I start thinking, wait a minute, wouldn’t the spine deteriorate at some point? How come we don’t see piles of bones everywhere? Carol says they’re almost out of ammo. Ezekiel tells Jerry he’s not his king, and to leave him. He tells them to go, saying he ain’t no king; he’s just some guy.

Shiva to the rescue! Carol and Jerry help Ezekiel up. Shiva attacks the zombies.

Screw this show. The zombies got her. I am so over this. I’m livid.

Ezekiel comes back. He sees the boy he spoke to in the beginning, and touches his face.

😠 I hate this show right now. I’ve had such little investment in the characters, because it’s so one-note. It’s a relentless downer, which is fine for a two-hour film, but not week after week. I understand that it comes from a graphic novel series, but again, it’s a weekly show, and should play differently. There’s just no balance here. It’s not realistic. Before you say the whole zombie apocalypse is unrealistic (could happen), hear me out. It’s not realistic for what it is. If this was a real situation, you’d have more of a variety of people, not just depressing ones. Somebody would be cracking jokes, or at least being sarcastic. They found some balance with Abe, then they killed him off. I was growing weary of the dark atmosphere at that point, but Ezekiel, the Kingdom, and Shiva were bringing me around. (And Negan, who I find amusing.) So what do they do? Kill almost all of them off, let the zombies get the tiger, and no doubt Ezekiel will be his own version of walking dead now. I never like when a show is obvious about eliciting emotion from the audience. This was even worse than Viserion on Game of Thrones. And at least they have Peter Dinklage, king of the medieval one-liners. While Z Nation can be silly at times, they’ve managed to pack both variety and heart into the show, and still give the audience zombie thrills as well as melancholy. Honestly, I’ll probably finish out the season, but I think I’m out. If I want to get depressed, I can look at my bank account. I would have rather seen Rick get it. I hope Negan wins.

😑 Next time, too busy being annoyed to even pay attention.

90 Day Trifecta

I never did find out why Pedro called Chantel “Pinky,” but moving on, and catching up.

Starting with Before the 90 Days, we have Cortney and Antonio. He’s from Spain, and this looked like a catfish in the beginning, especially since he was a model, but he turned out to be the real deal. Antonio said he liked smart girls, and my advice was to not date Cortney, but the whole thing surprised me. After giving a negative first impression, and being relegated to sleeping on the couch, Antonio finally won her over and they got busy. She told us it was better than expected, and I was thrilled she shared that information. Not really. All was well until his A/C went out. I don’t blame Cortney for not wanting to share a cramped apartment in 90 degrees, but she whined so much, he ended up leaving to do laundry at his mother’s house and stayed the night. When he came back and wanted to go flamenco dancing, Cortney started crying. He decided she shouldn’t have any more whine wine, and asked if she was getting her period. Wrong, wrong, and more wrong. Even though they somehow got it together again, and got all I’ll-miss-you weepy at the airport, I was pretty certain that this would be the end for them. Not so. On a Tell All special after the season ended, where he contributed via Skype, they were in a committed relationship with each other. He sent her one of his sexy photo calendars, which her parents have hung up in their kitchen. I have no words. Cortney also told us that in Spain, women will come right up to your table while you’re on a date, and ask for the guy’s number. I should add, Antonio did not give his out, and claims he’s being faithful. I might as well believe him. I’ve been wrong about this one the entire way through.

Patrick went to Paris, and Myriam’s big secret was that she already had a boyfriend. It was so uncalled for and sad. I couldn’t fathom why she wouldn’t have told him this before he spent a fortune to go halfway around the world to meet her. He might have gone anyway, but that should have been his decision to make. It’s the worst when a decision is taken from you because you didn’t know the truth. He told Myriam he had to take a breath, and called his mom, who freaked out. He decided to stay and change Myriam’s mind, and spent the rest of his time there trying to do just that. We never saw Myriam’s boyfriend, but he sounded like a dud. It seemed to me, the real reason she’s with him is because they’re both Muslim. In the end, on a romantic boat ride/dinner, the kind Myriam wished her boyfriend would be into, she told Patrick that she’d give him a chance if circumstances were different. But they weren’t, and her parting words were basically c’est la vie. During the Tell All, both Myriam and Patrick’s mother were on Skype. Patrick’s mother just about cursed Myriam out, and told her karma was a bitch that would bite her in the ass. Myriam insisted that Patrick knew their flirting was nothing serious before he came to visit. Patrick was just like, I’ll be waiting when you dump your sorry ass boyfriend.

Sean finally met Abby’s ex, Chris. Abby took him to beautiful places to get his mind off of it beforehand, so we got to see some of Haiti. And it was, indeed, beautiful. Sean waited with a scowl on his face, while Abby picked Chris up. Their meeting was over before it began, and Sean told Abby that Chris was “poisonous.” I hadn’t gotten that impression, although he was flirty with her in the cab, but more on that in a minute. He told her that if she wanted a relationship with him, she had to ditch Chris. They couldn’t have a healthy relationship with him in the picture. Abby wasn’t thrilled with an ultimatum, but said she’d do it “for love.” Sean went home, but then came back and asked her to marry him. During the Tell All, we found out that Sean was right, and Chris is a 64-year-old a-hole who was basically using Abby as a sidepiece. She’d cut all ties with him but – let’s scratch our heads here – she was calling from his condo where she was staying. Supposedly, he wasn’t in town, and she planned to be gone before his return, but I’m not sure why she couldn’t call from somewhere else. I like Abby. She seems mature and seems to genuinely love Sean, but this gives me pause. My opinion to be continued.

Darcy’s visit with Jesse went downhill when she started to have enough of his healthy lifestyle, and militaristic attitude about everything. She met with Jesse’s mom, who is super cool, and honest without being an a-hole, unlike his stepdad and best friend. They had some wine, and his mom told Darcy to take her time. Darcy had another drink at the bar, ignoring Jesse’s texts and messages. When she got back to the apartment, he said she was “obviously highly intoxicated,” which he backed up in his interview, claiming she kept looking at the ground and being “sassy.” She decided to spend the night in a hotel, since he was harshing her buzz. He called the producer, saying she was drunk and irresponsible, and had run off. On her end, she claimed to be only tipsy, and said she left to do her own thing. No camera crew was there, so it’s hard to tell what really happened. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall. In the morning, Jesse came to the hotel. He told Darcy that he has issues with drinking because he’d lost people to the bottle, which explains a lot IMO. He asked her to promise never to drink again, and surprisingly, she agreed. The worst part of all was when, near the end of her trip, Jesse took Darcy to some place with windmills and bridges that was supposed to be iconic and romantic. He got down on one knee, told her how wonderful she was and how much he loved her, showed her a ring, and said this wasn’t a proposal. The ring was an “appreciation ring.” What? Even though Darcy has been tireless in her pursuit of an engagement, this was cruel and unusual punishment. It was like the ring on a string Schwartz gave Katie on Vanderpump Rules. I agree that six weeks is too short, but that was just bizarre. So, like, are they going steady now?

It got better during the Tell All, when Jesse made a surprise appearance. He acted like his robot self, and she was obviously uncomfortable. When asked what the biggest strain in their relationship was, they bleeped whatever Jesse said. I checked around and found a Reddit thread where it was being discussed. A user thought he’d said “bullsh*t.” I watched it a couple of times, and decided to accept that answer. What it means, I don’t know, and Darcy was just as vague. In that same thread, some users thought she seemed like an abused woman, but there’s an ocean and more between them, so I don’t think that’s it. He doesn’t seem to be in any kind of hurry to move either. They went back and forth about their problems without actually naming what they were. Darcy did have “a couple of glasses of wine” – which I’ve decided is her euphemism for getting sh*tfaced – with her sister on some occasion, Jesse wasn’t too happy about that, and she also had the nerve not to think it was no big deal. At one point, Jesse jumped up, said it was over, but then they left holding hands. And he hassled her about wearing his jacket on the way to the car because it was cold. I give up.

It was a real toss-up as to who gets the title of the WTF? Couple – Jesse and Darcy or Paul and Karine. The machete attack won. Because it wasn’t bad enough that Paul made Karine take an STD and pregnancy test prior to their “being intimate,” he kept saying that he had a secret. He continued to fret about it, while we were kept in suspense for weeks. I started thinking that maybe he had been born a woman, when he revealed that he had a “criminal past.” Then I thought maybe he stole some Star Wars action figures. The real story was that there was an ex with a restraining order against him, and he’d done prison time for arson; setting his own house on fire. He never really said whether he was guilty or not, so I’m assuming he has some issues, and the answer is yes. No big shock that Karine was knocked for a loop, but before she had a chance to process this information, Paul went on a kooky little adventure. He ran like a girl through the woods, until he got to the river. Then he clung to a tree, repeating, don’t let me get in this water, over and over. In his interview, he said at that moment, he didn’t care what happened to him, if he got some disease or was bitten by a snake: he’s a bad person. He certainly cared about making a production of it. Karine followed him, and was like, what is up with this, Paul? He basically said he wasn’t good enough for her, and believe me, if a guy ever says that, take him at his word and run. Karine just wanted to get the hell out of the woods, and left Paul still being weird.

It got better. While Paul was busy wallowing in self-pity, Karine’s phone was stolen. She’d already said something about it not being a good area, so why he chose to put this act on there is a mystery. When Karine got back to the more public space, a guy came running up with a machete, and demanded her phone. The camera crew was like, we just got mugged, and it looked like some kind of gang was going through the park, robbing people. They ran into the woods, cops ran after them, shots were fired, and Karine just wanted to go home and never think about Paul again. But that’s not how it ended.

She decided to stay with a friend, and he followed her like the stalker he no doubt is. She forgave him, and after an elaborate proposal on the beach, said yes to marrying him. Good luck with this guy. Are times this desperate? During the Tell All, she and Paul were together in Brazil, participating via Skype. I did wonder if the machete business had been staged, when he got so upset about the topic, he had to walk away, but she didn’t even seem fazed. Although maybe it happens so often there, she’s used to it. Either way, it was strange. Also disconcerting, was when Paul was asked if he returned the favor and also took an STD test. He said he did, and it was nerve-wracking. Why that would be, since he’s not exactly a Casanova, I have no idea, but chalked it up to his many neuroses. What was bothersome was that Karine claimed to have never seen the results, but he asked her if she didn’t remember looking at them on the phone together. 1) For such a paranoid dude, how come he’s doing all this online? and 2) she looked like she had no idea what he was talking about. Referee TV host, Shaun Robinson, added to the insanity by screeching Karine’s name repeatedly when Paul revealed he was with her. I can’t figure this woman out; the way she mugs for the camera is insane. I also can’t figure Paul out. Is he a trust fund baby? Does he work? Either Karine is a desperate girl or there is something seriously lost in the translation here.

On the flipside, there are a few interesting characters on the new season of original 90 Day Fiancé.

Larry – the one who makes me laugh every time he says Filipino Cupid, and the desperation with which he looks at the camera – met Jenny’s family, who had a humongous barbecue for him, which included a roast pig. Here’s where Larry went wrong. Now I’ve been to a pig roast, and although I was creeped out by seeing the entire pig, the smell was heavenly, and it tasted delicious. Apparently, Larry has a tender tummy, because he made it obvious that he could not eat this, bringing Jenny to tears, and disgrace upon the family. They worked things out, and both have decided to wait until marriage for sex, so there was no make-up anything. Larry informed us that he hasn’t had sex in fourteen years, and we’ll just leave it at that.

There are a couple of other standouts. David and the much younger Annie, who is from a poor village in Thailand. David had to give her parents a couple of oxen or something as dowry. There was an engagement party, and the entire village had a parade for him, because it was a huge honor. David handed out money right and left per some tradition I’ve never heard of, and was king for a day, even though this whole enterprise has tapped him out. When they get back to the states, he and Annie will be temporarily staying with friend Chris and his wife. They spent a couple of days in Bangkok, met up with them, and I decided Chris is a creeper. He started off saying mi casa es su casa, and by the end of the conversation, suggested Annie not only cook for them in exchange for rent (the applicant can’t work during the 90 day period), but give him massages. There was a silence heard around the world – one in which Chris’s wife said nothing and looked at no one; she didn’t even kick him under the table – and Annie told him she didn’t mind doing the cooking, but wasn’t giving massages. You’d think David would have spoken up, and later, Annie asked him if Chris got the idea from him. He claimed the only thing he’d ever said was that she gave him a massage. I believe it, and I think it’s a mistake to move in with those people. Honestly, it was one of the creepiest moments in this franchise so far, and that’s saying a lot.

There’s also Nicole, single mother to May, and Azan, who is from Morocco. From the jump, it wasn’t looking good, and his motives were suspect. Nicole’s first visit to Morocco was exhausting for the both of us – I got tired just watching. She’s a large girl, and he seemed disappointed about that when they met, although if they’ve been video chatting or even sharing pictures, I find it hard to believe he wouldn’t have noticed. She wanted to be affectionate, and he kept telling her it was a no-no in public there. He was annoyed that she didn’t show more decorum, and made her promise to eat healthier and exercise. Nicole’s mother hasn’t been thrilled with anything here, and refused to sponsor him for the K-1 visa. Since Nicole doesn’t make enough money, she needed a kind of co-signer. Her father – her parents are divorced, and both have remarried – decided to step up to the plate, figuring he can keep an eye on her if she stays in the states. Nicole made a second trip to Morocco, this time with her daughter. It was another fiasco, since May is a rather energetic child. Azan and Nicole disagreed on parenting methods. A visit to his family made me wonder if he was adopted. They seemed like lovely, joyful people, and very welcoming to both Nicole and May. Maybe they want to get rid of him. Nicole also “cheated” on him prior to them meeting IRL. What this actually means, I’m not sure. It wasn’t bad enough that she kept begging his forgiveness for this transgression, she also went out with a male friend to a club, and had not told Azan, who thought she’d gone with girlfriends, and it made him question the relationship. Not sure where this is going to go, but it smells bad. She seems desperate for a husband and father, and he seems like he might be desperate for… something. He doesn’t sound necessarily gung-ho about moving to America. Maybe he just wants someone to control, but if so, you’d think it would be easier for him to find a girlfriend at home. I can’t even see what these two have in common, besides… nope, nothing.

There are three other couples, but they aren’t quite as interesting because they seem almost normal. However, that’s always subject to change. I still have to watch tonight’s episode.

After the pig fiasco, Jenny told Larry that she never cries for men, mens cry for her. It was like a moment out of a telenova, and I realized that I watch this with a combination of amusement and horror. I also know more about the K-1 visa than I ever wanted to. And I’ve learned that if you want to act like an a-hole, just say it’s part of your culture and get offended if people don’t respect it.

90 Day Fiancé – where stupid people meet.