What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Oscar asks Josslyn how he looks with a French fry mustache, but doesn’t get much of a response. Josslyn is distracted. She hates that her mom is in that place. She gets that her mom needs treatment, but she was supposed to go to Shadybrook, which is like rehab, but instead, she’s in Ferncliff, which is worse than prison. If she keeps talking about it, she’ll go crazy too. She asks how Oscar liked staying with his dad. He says he liked everything, except his mom being on an overnight with Julian.

Julian and Kim arrive back at Charlie’s. Kim asks if Julian is glad to be back. He says he’ll be better after he checks for ticks. Kim thinks did a thorough job. They kiss, and she tells him to admit he likes great outdoors. He says it was the company. He can’t imagine any better camping company. His phone rings, and Kim takes the opportunity to call Oscar. Alexis tells Julian that she’s been trying to reach him; they need to talk. He tells her that he’s at Charlie’s, and Alexis says she’ll be right there.

At the hospital, David sees Alexis. He tells her that he could use a hero right about now. I don’t think I’d be jumping the gun in saying he’s barking up the wrong tree.

At the Floating Rib, Kiki gets a text from Ava saying that she and Griff are worried. Griff appears.

Ava surprises Nelle on the Quartermaine’s terrace. Nelle says she didn’t hear Ava, and Ava hopes she’s catching up on the gallery work piled up since her convalescence began. We see she’s looking at a newspaper article about Chase from the Palm Beach Press.

At the PCPD, Michael tells Chase that Nelle says he’s stalking her. Is he? Chase asks if that’s what Nelle told him. Michael says, amongst other things. Chase says she’s quite the storyteller, amongst other things.

Nelle tells Ava that she’s busy. It’s personal. Ava asks if her return is imminent, or is she still enjoying her victory lap?

Doc tells Carly the only room available is in super max. She’ll be moved to the main wing as soon as a bed is available. She thanks him. Doc sees Jason, and whispers his name. Doc tells him this is not a good idea. Mary Pat wanders over to introduce them, and asks if they’re already acquainted.

Kim sits with Oscar at Charlie’s. She asks what Drew fed him, and if he’s got scurvy. Oscar correctly says it would take more than a day to get scurvy. She asks if he got his paper done. He asks her to define done, and she asks him to define grounded. Josslyn gets weepy, and says it’s getting late. She runs outside, and drops a cannister of pepper spray. She looks at it with tears in her eyes. Kim comes out, and asks if she got something in her eye. She says her mom gave it to her.

Mary Pat asks if Doc knows the new employee. Doc tells her that he could say that. He practices at GH, and Jason’s last job was there. Mary Pat says she forgot he was on staff there. She says he works so many hours, possibly a second job is unfair to everyone. He could overextend himself, and leave others to pick up the slack.

David tells Alexis that they need to catch up, but she says she has to be somewhere. He says he has something up more than a friendly meeting in mind. He’s in a legal jam, and would like to use her services. She asks what kind of jam. He says word is going around that he’s the ogre in Kiki’s story. It’s not true, but rumors are taking their toll, and he wants to be ready for a defamation case, if it comes to that. Alexis says his career will be dead and buried by then, and as Kiki’s attorney, she’ll be wielding the shovel.

Griff asks to sit down with Kiki. He’s glad to see her out and about. He can’t imagine what it’s like with her picture and name on the front page. She says she’s being trolled in the comments section and on Twitter. She thinks she’s clearly not his first target. She’s hoping someone corroborates her story, but so far, it’s been silence. Maybe she is the only one.

Nelle tells Ava not to pretend to be worried about Carly. She’s reaping the rewards. Sonny’s attention is divided, and Carly isn’t there to meddle with her Avery time. Ava says she wouldn’t wish Ferncliff on her worst enemy. Nelle says Ava should be thanking her. She’s enjoying the fruits of her labor without lifting a finger. Ava tells her not to get too cocky. Her scheme could unravel as easily as a handmade baby blanket.

Michael doesn’t want Chase’s opinion; he wants Chase to leave Nelle alone. Chase tells Michael that he kept his distance, but they were bound to cross paths. He doesn’t know how much she told him about her fiancé dying. Michael says it was an accident, and Chase tells him the case is cold, not closed.  Dante joins them and asks what’s up. Michael says Chase claims that he’s investigating Nelle for the death of her fiancé, but Nelle claims he’s stalking her. Michael asks why Dante didn’t tell him Chase had a history with Nelle, and then realizes Dante didn’t know.

Dante asks if Chase came to Port Charles to follow Nelle. Chase says the same reason he went to Maine and Florida, to enforce the law. Michael says he followed Nelle, and asks if the law doesn’t frown on detectives sleeping with suspects. Chase explains that he pursued the case. He believed in Nelle’s innocence, and she played on that. Then there was an anonymous tip that he was involved with a suspect. He was reprimanded, his career derailed, and the case dried up, as Nelle intended.

Ava tells Nelle that she’s not out of woods yet. The blanket is still out there with God knows what else. She’s sly, but not as brilliant as she thinks. Nelle says, if only Ava hadn’t taken that picture. She wouldn’t want Dr. Priestly to find out she was snooping. This actually caused me to pause for a second, wondering if that was Griff’s last name, then realizing it was a joke. I feel stupid. Ava says Nelle can delete it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t in the cloud or out there somewhere else. She has no way of knowing. While she’d like to accommodate Nelle, she’s going to hold on to her security blanket for the time being. Nelle says she’ll hold on to the photo for the time being.

Griff tells Kiki it’s too soon to throw in the towel. Someone could still come forward. Kiki says she’s in a counter intuitive position, hoping another woman has been harassed. Kiki’s concerned that she really has no say. Griff daydreams about being with her in bed. Kiki says maybe she made a mistake after all, leaning on him.

Josslyn tells Kim that her mom gave her the pepper spray for protection, in case she got locked up. Kim knows that there are scary misconceptions about mental hospitals, but she did a rotation in one. Josslyn asks if it was the same place Carly is in, but Kim says, no. She says Josslyn’s mom will be fine. She’ll get the help she needs, and come home. I don’t hear what Josslyn says, but she jets.

Oscar looks at an arrowhead Julian brought back, and says it looks like a stone; good for skipping, not hunting. He asks Julian if he has a hickey, and Julian says it’s a mosquito bite. They made a feast out of him. he doesn’t know how Oscar stands it. Oscar says some people are born campers; some should just stay home.

David is shocked that Alexis is representing Kiki against him because they’re friends. She says she’s Kiki’s attorney now. He says she had him over for Thanksgiving; they dated. She says that should have been her first clue. It’s been pointed out she has bad judgement when it comes to men. David says the hospital found Kiki’s claims to be without merit. Alexis says it’s in their best interest not to find fault.

No, no, no! There’s a special report, because the news can never wait until it’s time for the news, forty minutes from now. I fill the next part in using my interweb powers.

David thought Alexis knew him, and she says she’s been wrong about a lot of people. In this case, she’s right, but wishes she weren’t. She walks away, and David looks grim.

Julian tells Oscar there’s a first time for everything. Oscar says now that he’s done it, he never has to do it again. Julian says he’d be a quitter, and Oscar says, quitting has a bad rap. There’s no harm in knowing your limitations. Julian says, but there’s glory in defying them. He doesn’t scare easy. Kim and Alexis walk in, and are both surprised to see Julian and Oscar talking. Alexis thought they didn’t get along, but Kim says that hasn’t really been tested. Alexis is shocked Julian goes camping.

Griff tells Kiki that he’s willing to keep his distance, but why deprive herself of the support of a friend? They made one mistake. Kiki says and won’t repeat it. It’s enough to blow up everything between him and her mom, not to mention her and her mom. She’s been jealous of their friendship from the beginning. She can’t do this with him, as much as she wants him there.

Mary Pat tells Doc the rest of the staff are full time, and see all that goes on when he’s away. Jasper grabs Carly’s arm, and says it’s time for her rest. Doc tells him to let her go. He’d like a few minutes alone with his patient. Mary Pat says, it’s vital that they adhere to a schedule. It’s order for their disorders minds. Doc says, the key to recovery isn’t prioritizing what’s on one’s schedule, but scheduling one’s priorities. I’ll have to think about that one. He tells Mary Pat that he’s Caroline’s doctor, and has the best handle on that. Mary Pat says she doesn’t want a half-cleaned room, so he’ll have to tolerate Jason’s presence. Doc says, if he must. The patients get rounded up, except for Carly. Carly tells Jason she’s glad he’s there. Doc says, too bad he can’t stay.

Nelle asks if Ava came over to remind her that she’s indebted. Ava asks if she’s seen the news. Nelle asks what Ava did now, but Ava says there’s a profile on what her daughter endured at GH. She had a bright future, and now it’s uncertain. It reminded her how you can lose everything you’ve gained. Carly’s absence benefits her now, but if there’s one iota of evidence that could set her free, Nelle needs to get rid of it. She leaves, and Nelle takes the bottle of Morgan’s cologne out of her bag. Josslyn comes in, saying she came to talk to Nelle. Josslyn says Morgan once spent time in hospital because he was bi-polar. She went to visit, and it wasn’t scary. She asks what it was like for Nelle, and Nelle wonders if she’s asking because of her mom.

Michael says Chase slept with a murder suspect. Now he made detective, and took a job in Port Charles in his quest to resume holding a badge over Nelle’s head, like he did in Florida. Chase says the only thing he wants is a confession. Michael asks what evidence he has that Nelle killed Zack. Chase says cases like this can develop over a long stretch. Michael tells him to take the rest of his life, but develop away from Nelle and their baby. Chase has some friendly advice – don’t kayak with Nelle, or ever.

Ava sees David at the hospital, telling him that he’s a hard man to find. She asks if he’s not getting her messages about the artwork. She has some things that would suit his taste, and says he should make an appointment. He says he’s rather busy. She says she’s flexible, but he says he was being polite; he can’t patronize her business. She says she’s sorry to hear that, and asks, why? He suggests she ask her daughter. Ava says, it’s you. You’re the one who’s been harassing my daughter.

Julian tells Alexis that he was showing Oscar an arrowhead, and she asks if he’s sure it’s not just rock. She can’t believe he was camping without room service. She says she has an urgent need for his help with something. She needs for him to go to therapy with her.

Oscar tells Kim that Julian is a grown man, and he’s just a kid. How much of a hard time could he give him?

Nelle tells Josslyn that it was scary at first, but she got used to it. She was sick, and needed help. She couldn’t get better on her own. She got the help she needed, but she was in control, and could change hospitals if she wanted to. It’s not the same for her mom, but a good doctor will help her regain some control, even if it’s not up to her. Josslyn wonders how long she’ll have to stay, when Michael brings in a package for Nelle. She says she wasn’t expecting anything, and takes out a T-shirt. She says it’s from a bar she went to in Florida with Chase.

Dante asks if Chase is stalking anyone else close to him. Chase says, sorry, and Dante says, for stalking Nelle or being an obsessed rookie. Chase says he’s not stalking Nelle; she tainted the case. Dante says failure to report it to the department opens them up to a lawsuit. Chase says he disclosed it to the commissioner during his interview, and he was hired anyway. Dante bets she doesn’t know the suspect was Nelle. They never would have been partnered. Chase says Dante has been openly hostile to him, and his father runs half the town along with Michael. How could he trust him?

And here’s where we came back in real time. To some commercials. <sigh>

Jason thinks he has the perfect cover, but Doc isn’t. Jason asks why Doc didn’t tell him he was on the staff, and Doc says he didn’t think it was relevant. He thought Carly was going to be at Shadybrook. It’s a good thing he’s going to be there, or who knows what meds they’d give Carly. Doc tells Jason that he has to quit – today.

More commercials. What?

Nelle says, it’s already starting. Chase is sending her a message. She takes out a note that says, hey, Janelle, remember when? C. Josslyn asks what the problem is, and Michael says it’s no problem he can’t handle. Josslyn says obviously something is going on they don’t want her to know about. She tells Nelle to give the baby a virtual hug from her and her mom.

Dante asks Chase what the plan is. Chase tells him not to trust Nelle. Another department ended up with the case, and she got away with murder. Dante suggests he might have wanted to get Michael to break up with her.

Jason tells Doc that Carly is there on her own, and he’s in the perfect position to keep an eye on her. Carly says Mary Pat is a psycho. Doc says he’s not beholding to her whims. Jason gained access to the facility under an assumed name. If they find out, things be much worse for Carly.

Ava tells David to admit what he did. David says he provided Kiki with knowledge and guidance. Ava says, and unwanted advances. When he came to the gallery, he wanted to tell her that Kiki might make up lies to cover her poor performance. Ava says her daughter is not a liar. David looks forward to suing her for slander. Ava says his reputation will be in tatters when she’s done. He says he’s not the one who came on to Kiki; she came on to him. Ava slaps him, just as Kiki and Griff show up. David says, like mother like daughter. Griff tells him to leave now. David says, they’re all his.

Julian asks if Alexis means like couples therapy. Alexis says they’re not a couple; the therapy is for her. He’d be a guest star. He’s not sure he understands. She says they have an issue, and it was suggested she work through in a safe, neutral environment. She says it’s important. She has a lot of questions, and few answers.

Julian says he’ll think about it. He’d like to help, but she made clear they’re leading separate lives. She says they wouldn’t be talking about the present and future; strictly the past, and how it relates to hers. He asks if she means rehashing every gory detail, and she says, yes. He says, who wouldn’t agree?

Griff asks Ava if David said anything incriminating, but Ava says, no. Kiki says this is why she didn’t tell her. If she gets in trouble, it will weaken the case. She’s hired Alexis, but they need more evidence. They’re hoping the article prompts someone to come forward. Ava asks, what if it doesn’t? She needs to come up with an alternate solution. What would Victor do? Kiki says, he’s dead. No one is fighting her battle on her behalf.

Nelle tells Michael that she can’t stand Chase lurking around. She told him to back off, but he’s completely obsessed. Michael says he’s up against the two most influential families in Port Charles – on both sides of the law. She thanks him, and digs around in her bag. She says her perfume is gone.

Josslyn tries to study, but can’t concentrate. She takes the bottle of Morgan’s cologne out of her bag, and smells it. What did I miss? How did she get it?

Michael tells Nelle maybe the staff put it away; it’s just perfume. Why the big deal? She says, he’s right. She’s being ridiculous, and needs to relax. Michael suggests a bath, and she says, sounds like a plan. She goes upstairs, and Michael gets out his laptop.

Chase tells Dante that Nelle putting Carly in Ferncliff wasn’t exactly the plan, but undermining her was. Nelle wanted Michael, and Carly was the last obstacle. Nelle is good at the long game. Things don’t add up until you factor in a third party. He should have come forward sooner. The longer Nelle is on the  loose, the greater the danger.

Michael talks to Spinelli on the phone, saying it’s definitely working. Nelle is deleting her history every day. The last thing she looked up was Chase, which is no surprise. Michael sees an order form for a T-shirt from Florida. He looks over at the shirt Nelle received, and says, she had it sent to herself.

Jason tells Doc that he needs to be there to make sure Carly is okay. Carly says Mary Pat acts like it’s her kingdom. Doc says if she realizes they’re connected, he and Jason will both be out. If he’s removed, she could be held indefinitely in a haze of meds or worse. Jason needs to bow out now before he’s recognized by someone else. Jason says it’s Carly’s call. Carly says she’ll risk it. She wants him there. Jason says he’s staying.

Tomorrow, Kim tells Julian that he makes his own choices, Obrecht has score to settle with Anna, and Valentin finds someone he was looking for.

The Real Housewives of New York City

LuAnn’s dog! Two days post rehab, and Dorinda visits. She says LuAnn looks bright eyed and bushy tailed, and LuAnn says she is. She made it back, and is feeling really, really good. It was hard to leave; it was like she was in a cocoon. Exercise, therapy, acupuncture, and massage. In her interview, LuAnn says being back in New York will have its challenges. There are parties and dinners with everyone drinking. She lives a fast lifestyle, and it won’t be easy. Dorinda tells her about Grace Mayflower hotel, where they have a great spa. In her interview, Dorinda says LuAnn is slowly reentering them and society. She wants to get there early, and make sure LuAnn gets the nicest room. LuAnn says her worst room was in jail. This sounds like paradise. She’s happy to see them, but heard through the grapevine, Ramona tried to get invited to Tom’s New Year’s Eve party, which happens to be on the same boat where they held their  rehearsal dinner. What’s wrong with her? In her interview, LuAnn says it’s mind-blowing for Ramona to even consider something like that and call herself a friend. Dorinda says she’s a real slob kabob.

Bethenny picks up Sonja, calling her limo her outdoor house. Carole, Ramona, and Tinsley ride together. Carole is looking forward to seeing LuAnn, and asking her what happened. She says the worst thing to do is walk on eggshells. Ramona says she would have freaked out and been mortified. Carole says LuAnn’s dress was the real crime. Meow!

Luann tells Dorinda there will be a resolution in what they’re charging her with. Right now, it’s four felonies, which her lawyer intends to argue down. She doesn’t have to make an appearance yet. Dorinda asks if she went straight to the crime scene in Florida. LuAnn says she was staying at a friend’s house who had been a bridesmaid. The friend’s cat was driving her crazy, so she decided to go to a hotel. It didn’t seem to register didn’t register which one it was. In her interview, she admits her decisions were not of those of a clear mind. She was drinking her emotions away, and self-sabotaging. When the cops came, she hid in the bathroom like a child. In her interview, Dorinda says the only correct response to a cop is, say you’re sorry, agree with them, and start crying. LuAnn says she was being rambunctious, and met up with a polo player. She pushed the wrong floor, and ended up in the wrong room, where they started kissing. Security came, and her date went to find a mutual friend. By the time he came back, she was in handcuffs. She didn’t sleep the entire night, an was in a sundress with no shoes. They threw her a bologna sandwich. She says the last time she had one was probably forty years ago. She took a big bite, and inside was the mustard packet. Omg, I’m dying. She’s even laughing. She says it was hanging out of her mouth like a dead fish, and she was pathetic. Dorinda says it must feel hopeless if you don’t have he resources to deal with it, and get stuck in the system. LuAnn says they put shackles on her in the courtroom. Dorinda wonders why it was necessary, and LuAnn suggest it’s because she tried to slip out of the handcuffs. Oh man, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I too know what its like to get stuck in the system. Not that particular one, thank God, but close, and we’ll leave it at that. A story for another time.

Dorinda and LuAnn arrive.The cottage is a humongous six-bedroom house. LuAnn asks for sparkling water, and Dorinda suggests adding pink dye. LuAnn insists she’s fine. She’s past that point, and feels strong in her commitment to not drink for now. She wants to chill and be Zen.

Bethenny is looking forward to the spa aspect, and hasn’t thought about the LuAnn aspect yet. It doesn’t feel right not riding with Carole though. Anything that’s upset her, is something she heard from someone else, and the someone else Is Dorinda. It’s like a wound she kept pouring salt into. There’s something about Bethenny that Dorinda isn’t into, but Bethenny is into going to the spa.

Dorinda greets everyone wearing a huge fur hat. Bethenny brought detox gift bags. LuAnn says she was on the hamster wheel. Her drinking worked, making her feel better until it made her feel worse. She had a major lesson in humility. Bethenny doesn’t think the Countess has fallen that far. Once she got to know LuAnn, she realized the emperor had no clothes. We flash back to some Countess moments. Bethenny says the last person to realize she wasn’t such a countess was the Countess. LuAnn says she’s inspired Dorinda to drink less, and Sonja says they’ve all been headed in this direction – getting healthier, not locked up. Bethenny wants to get her room, but Dorinda thinks they should wait for the others. In her interview, Bethenny says Dorinda wants to be her boss. Dorinda says someone is going to have to share, and Bethenny volunteers. In her interview, Dorinda says she feels like her friendship with Bethenny is like the weather report. Does she carry an umbrella or put on a bathing suit? Sonja stares into LuAnn’s soul, and they hug. Sonja tells LuAnn that she’d gotten an invitation to Tom’s party. Sonja says she and Tom are friends, but she’s there for LuAnn, and he knows it. She tells LuAnn that Ramona wasn’t invited, but called him to try to get on the guest list. Dorinda says for her, it’s just a party, but it’s very uncool. Sonja says Ramona wouldn’t miss the opening of an envelope. LuAnn says Ramona was texting her support the whole time. She needs to confirm it, but believes it 100%.

The others arrive. Carole is a little nervous. LuAnn looks good, and seems in good spirits, so that immediately makes her feel better. Ramona says LuAnn gets the best room, and is the princess for the weekend. LuAnn asks how Ramona’s holidays were, but she doesn’t say anything about Tom’s party. In her interview, LuAnn says she’d respect Ramona more if she’d come out and tell her. Bethenny went to Aspen, and LuAnn says everyone’s holidays were better than hers. Tinsley wants to know how she got out of the handcuffs. LuAnn says she was in disbelief that she was being arrested for intoxication, and she was getting out of there. She tells the story again, adding she thinks the maid got security. The polo player even asked if that was her Blackberry, and she said, of course. She doesn’t have a Blackberry. They make plans to meet for dinner, and everyone steals fruit for their room. Bethenny says it’s a hard reentry for LuAnn, with NYC and the group.

Carole asks Tinsley what she thinks. She wonders if LuAnn is doing too great, and doesn’t know what she’s talking about, getting the felonies dropped to misdemeanors. In her interview, Tinsley says because of this, her mugshot keeps popping up again in searches. Thanks, LuAnn. The girls end up in LuAnn’s room, and Carole asks if she remembers how to order in a restaurant. Ramona crashes the party, and is thrilled everyone is happy. She’s proud of LuAnn, and says it’s about friendships; it’s what sustains them, and makes life more full. In her interview, LuAnn says, tell her again how girlfriends treat each other, all the time knowing what was done behind her back.

The group gets a private dining room. Ramona asks the server to take photos. In her interview, LuAnn says she doesn’t expect the others not to not to drink, and it’s a good test of her strength. They talk nonsense, about who plays music when getting busy. Carole jokes that she likes the television on. LuAnn tells Bethenny about Ramona looking for an invite to Tom’s party, and Bethenny says that’s effed up. LuAnn says it was on the boat where they got married. Ramona finally pays attention, and says she was the guest of a friend who wanted to go. In her interview, she doesn’t think she did anything wrong. She knows who he is, and accepts it. Bethenny asks if she texted LuAnn, saying if it was Mario, she’d let Ramona know. In her interview, Ramona doesn’t understand why they’re so upset. LuAnn knew she was dating Tom, and dated him behind her back. We flash back to Tom trying to distance himself from Ramona after the engagement. She insists she didn’t want to go. In her interview, LuAnn says Ramona has FOMO. We find out that Tom told Ramona that he was over his limit. LuAnn says that’s what FOMOs do. They put themselves first. Bethenny says LuAnn got married on that boat. Ramona says she wasn’t even invited; let’s call a spade a spade. I call it getting back at LuAnn because she wasn’t invited.

LuAnn says Ramona makes Benedict Arnold look like Betsy Ross. Carole says, bad call, and Ramona agrees she shouldn’t have done it. Sonja would be happy with one of her fake apologies at this point. Ramona says she’s invited Tom to her next party, then says she’s kidding. LuAnn suggests she improve her joke telling skills.

Back at the cottage, there’s a spread, but everyone is tired. Bethenny tells Sonja that Ramona is a terrible human being. Ramona tells Dorinda that she’s not perfect, and Dorinda says it’s about being loyal. Ever the hoarder, Sonja wants to keep the tissue from the gift bags. She and Bethenny try out some sheet masks and tongue scrapers. Sonja thinks she’s detoxing. There’s stuff coming out of her nose. I don’t want to know.

Dorinda brings LuAnn coffee. She says LuAnn is making them all want to go to rehab. LuAnn says it’s a big difference from the last time she woke up with them. We flash back to five weeks ago, where LuAnn woke up begging for water, and Bethenny was asking if Betty Ford was open. LuAnn says she could be upset with Ramona, but she’s kind of pathetic, and has no remorse. In her interview, LuAnn wonders if Ramona is so stupid, she didn’t think LuAnn would find out.

Everyone gathers in LuAnn’s room. Sonja models her slipper shoes from her line. They have the family crest on them, and she shows off her ring with it, saying it’s from her ex-husband. Dorinda scoffs, saying it’s her ex’s family, and she would feel like an idiot wearing Ralph’s family tartan. In her interview, Dorinda says, you don’t get a bloodline by injection, or from sleeping with someone. If you could, Sonja would have every title out there. Bethenny points out the monogram on Dorinda’s luggage. Sonja says she’s still very much a part of her ex’s family.

Back in their room, Bethenny tells Sonja, wtf? She thought they were relaxing and being nurtured. In her interview, Bethenny says Dorinda enjoys badgering Sonja, and it’s not a fair fight. She suggests she be Mrs. Mayflower and have the nutcracker as her crest.

Luann says she’s getting calls from her publicist, who’s been fielding calls left and right. Everyone knows she’s out of rehab because Ramona put a picture of them on social media. The judge told her to keep a low profile, and no drinking. The last thing she wants is a group shot being shared, where it looks like she’s out partying. This is supposed to be a relaxing spa weekend, and she’s hiding in corners, avoiding the press. Bethenny thinks it’s unacceptable behavior. Carole tells Ramona not to post any more pictures. Ramona doesn’t get it, saying it’s all about a happy moment, and everyone looks great. In her interview, Ramona says everything she does ends up being a negative. When she posted the photo, it wasn’t anything intentionally bad or against LuAnn, but Ramona is getting screwed somehow. Because it must be about her.

Next time, LuAnn calls out Ramona, Ramona didn’t get the memo, and Bethenny isn’t feeling safe with Dorinda.

💔 On Watch What Happens Live, Tinsley said she and Scott were on a break. I don’t know what’s sadder – that news, or that I’m bummed about it.

🔪 On MasterChef, the contestants split into two teams. They had to feed the workers at the Busch brewery, and the surprise ingredient was no surprise, since it was beer. The red team made beer battered fish, and the blue team did chicken. The main gripes were not enough food, the batter falling off the fish, and two bun tops on one sandwich. The red team won, and since Chelsea was the blue team captain, she got to save three members of her crew. She was ready for the backlash, saying she was used to people hating her. The ones who were left, got banana cream pie as a pressure test. The main problem here was over-whipped cream, but Gordon said there was one person who was flustered and unprepared. They knew who they were, and he wanted them to leave with dignity and take off their apron. Darrick undid his apron strings. Gordon said he started strong, but ran out of steam. Darrick was proud of having made it to the top twenty, and he wasn’t done cookin’ yet. Next time, a visit from a soccer player (not David Beckham), and a challenge that looks like it involves shellfish.

☕ Gordon descended on the Old Coffee Pot restaurant in the French Quarter on 24-Hours to Hell and Back. Established in 1894, the current owner’s wife had left him and the kids, and his second in command, Dawn, was manipulative and lazy. After the sneaking around, Gordon exposed the filthy conditions, including a poor, dead mouse in the toaster. Although that was nothing next to the live rats that roamed the kitchen when no one was around. Dawn got the boot, and Gordon did his thing; cleaning, redecorating, and revamping the menu, making it modern, but with old world charm. And the staff got new attitudes to go with it. Despite a shaky moment with some raw chicken, they were off to a good, new start. Dustin realized the solution rested with him. Gordon told them his time was done, but didn’t leave before he presented them with a new toaster – for bread. Next time, an LA restaurant owner is broken by tragedy.

🏊 Summer is Officially Here…