What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Valentin tells Nina the stable master had a family emergency, so he has to take care of the horses himself. He’ll say hello to Lumiere for her. When he’s gone, Nina calls Obrecht, but it goes to voicemail. Nina says, put down whatever torture device you’re using and answer the phone.

Peter talks about what’s important in life as he dictates the book, ending with, the first time a mother reached out to hold her baby. Why, Octavian thought, do we never understand life’s value and true meaning until we’re about to lose it all? Obrecht calls it drivel. She says it’s supposed to be a brilliant sequel. His fate depends on it. Peter says they both know how it ends. When he finishes the story, she finishes him. She says, back to work. He has a deadline; no more stalling. No one is coming to his rescue.

Curtis meets Sam and Jordan at the MetroCourt. Curtis says they have footage that might prove how Peter vanished. Sam says, it’s more like he didn’t have a choice.

Stella sees mike Sonny and Mike at the hospital. Sonny says they’re waiting for a prescription. Mike says Griff suggested he take tango lessons, but he needs a dance partner. Sonny says Mike is an incurable flirt, and Stella hopes they never find a cure. She loves to tango, and Mike says he has himself a dance partner. Stella leaves to put a rush on the prescription. Sonny asks if Mike is okay, and he says he was just kidding around with Stella. It would be nice to have one last tango with someone that lovely. Maybe tonight at the wedding. He tells Sonny that he’s not losing a son, but gaining a daughter.

Alexis arrives at the Quartermaine’s. Michael thanks her for coming on short notice. She’s surprised he didn’t call Diane, but he says she’s his father’s lawyer. He’s his own man, and thought he’d get his own lawyer. She says, as opposed to the ELQ army he has. He says, that’s business, this is personal. He wants her to draw up a will. It wasn’t what she was expecting to hear from a groom on his wedding day. He says he wants to get it out of the way – the sooner the better. With the baby almost here, he can’t put it off. After today, everything changes. He wants to put the happiness and welfare of his family first. He wants to make sure the person who means the most is taken care of after he’s gone. Nelle listens from around the corner.

Mike talks about dancing with Sonny’s mother at their wedding. The family didn’t approve of him, so they eloped. He remembers someone saying, you may kiss the bride, and he did. Sonny’s mom said he was a terrific kisser. They had first dance. Adela loved to dance, and when he held her… He’s never forgotten how much he loved her. He says, when you find that one person… Sonny knows what he means.

Jordan tells Curtis and Sam there’s no way to tell if it’s Peter under the laundry, or who’s pushing the cart. Sam tells her to check out the shoes. They seem to be sensible work shoes, but look closer – a heel. Jordan assumes they’ve traced the brand. Sam says there’s only one website that sells them. Jordan says now they need a face to do with the shoes.

Peter asks Obrecht if Nina is coming back. He’s hungry, tired, and in pain; it’s not conducive to creativity. Obrecht thinks she has half a caramel stashed in her bag, but he says he doesn’t need a piece of candy; he needs Nina. Obrecht asks if she’s his muse, and he says she’s less likely to do him bodily harm. Obrecht shows him a riding crop, and says, instead of thinking of it as an instrument of pain, think of it as inspiration. He asks, what if Nina was arrested, and the police are on their way? She says it would be lucky for him. Her phone buzzes. She says it’s probably someone trying to sell healthcare, but checks it.

Nina finds Valentin at the docks, and tells him that he can’t go home. She got a call from environmental department, and they’re checking for West Nile virus on Spoon Island. He says it sounds a panicked bureaucrat afraid of losing their job, but she says it’s serious. She doesn’t think he should go there, and says it’s a good thing Charlotte is staying at Lulu’s. She tells him to stay at the MetroCourt; she’ll drive him. He says for someone whose divorcing him, she’s very concerned about his welfare, and asks if there’s another reason. An officer comes out. He says he’s been trying to get ahold of Valentin, and puts up a sign saying the launch is closed, and tells Valentin that Spoon Island is quarantined until further notice.

Sam tells Curtis they can cross Maxie off the list. She was in the hospital when Peter disappeared. He ask if she knows someone who would do it as a favor. She says, only Jason, but he’d tell her. He says Nina has the funds to hire someone to do her dirty work. Sam reminds him that she hired them to prove Valentin was an accessory. He says that leaves one woman who has the means, opportunity, and motive. Obrecht.

Peter says he warned Obrecht that the story might not end the way she wans it to. She says no one knows they’re at the stables. He says unless Nina let it slip. She only wanted justice. Obrecht says that’s what she wants, but Peter says, she wants revenge. Nina knows it’s wrong. Maybe in a moment of clarity, decency, and sanity, she confessed. Obrecht’s phone dings. The text says, West Nile detected. Obrecht says Nina managed to divert all curious parties away. She suggests they pick up where they left off.

Jordan sees Stella at the hospital. She’s looking for TJ, and Stella says he’s spending his spare time in medical library. Jordan tells Stella that she and Curtis would like her help in planning the wedding.

Mike asks Sonny what’s wrong. Sonny says, nothing, but Mike doesn’t buy it. He has that concerned look, like when he’s worried. He asks if something is wrong with the wedding, and Sonny says he might say that. Mike asks if the groom is getting cold feet.

Alexis tells Michael she’ll make a boilerplate, and when he gets back, they’ll fill in the blanks. She asks what’s the rush, and he says he wants to make sure the person he loves most will be completely taken care of. Alexis says she’ll make that happen. Go forth and get hitched. When he gets back. She’ll make sure his wishes are crystal clear. He says it’s pretty simple. He’s going to leave everything to his child. The sooner, the better. Alexis says, understood, and he thanks her for making it a priority

Stella tells Jordan that it’s early to be planning, especially without a date. Why not enjoy an old-fashioned courtship? Don’t spoil it. Jordan gets that they’ll never be best friends, but she and Curtis love each other, and they’re going to be married. It would mean a lot if she’d sit down to supper and plan the wedding with them. Stella agrees, but when Jordan is gone, she calls Shondra. She leaves a message, saying that she was thinking Shondra should visit. Curtis would love to see her. The sooner, the better (phrase of the day).

Curtis says it wouldn’t be the first time Obrecht crossed the line. Sam says she’s a doctor, and has access to sedatives. Sam says she was just with her at Maxie’s baby shower, and has a hard time believing yjr same woman celebrating her grandson’s birth is the one in the video. Curtis says maybe she’s upset that her grandson is without a father. She has a big ass motive that just got bigger. He thinks Nina knows or saw something. Either way, they’re talking to her.

Nina tells Valentin that he’s a refugee in a five-star hotel; boohoo. He says she cares about him, but she says Charlotte would be upset if he keeled over from West Nile. She has to deal with the magazine. He might have bought hem some time, but she has to provide real ads from real businesses with real products. Unless he wants her to be the laughing stock of the publishing industry and the entire world. He says she could have let him find out on his own, but instead, she raced to the docks. It could only mean one thing.

Nelle joins Michael, who wasn’t expecting to see her until the main event. He asks if she shouldn’t be getting dressed, and she asks if he loves her.

Nina tells Valentin, despite her non-positive feelings, she doesn’t want him walking into a mosquito hot zone. Human decency is the only reason. He says if he’s taking a suite there, they might find themselves next to each other. Curtis comes to the office, and Nina tells Valentin to go. Curtis tells Nina that he and Sam have a new theory. What can she tell him about Obrecht?

Peter dictates. A small glimmer of light, a symbol of hope. He drove into the night. The road long and dark stretching on forever. He stops and tells Obrecht she looks like needs rest. She says, when he’s dead. He says he was watching her, and she looks like she could almost be a mother, a mother in pain. She says that’s who she is, and don’t forget who caused it. He tells her, Cesar Faison. It was inflicted on him his whole life. She doesn’t seem like bad person. She asks if he’s developed Stockholm Syndrome. He says they’re going about the sequel wrong. It shouldn’t be about him. She says the first book was about him and his father. Why wouldn’t it be about him after his father’s demise? He says he left out a compelling character – her.

Jordan finds TJ, and tells him there’s been a stumbling block in planning the wedding. He assumes it’s Stella, but Jordan says she stepped up to the plate. The other hurdle is the bride needs someone to give her away. Speaking for the bride, she can’t think of anyone better than her son.

Stella tells Sonny the pharmacy is backed up, but their working on Mike’s prescription. Mike asks Sonny to go to the pharmacy and wait. Stella says he needs to get to a wedding, and she’s trying to avoid one. He asks if she means her nephew and the commissioner. He ask if she’s ever missed a funeral, and she says it’s her Christian duty to attend. He asks, then why deny seeing two people’s happiness?

Alexis sees Sonny, and tells him that she’ll accommodate Michael’s wishes. It’s a first to draft a will hours before a groom takes his vows.

Michael says of course he loves Nelle. Why is she doubting it? She says she put him through so much, and then the baby. He says it’s the best thing that ever happened to them. She loves him more than anything, but can’t live with the fact that he might think she’s using the baby to trap him. He says, he’s the one who proposed, and wanted to be married today. If anyone is trapping, it’s him. He says after they’re married, they’ll be so happy. He hugs her, and practically rolls his eyes.

Valentin reserves a suite on the executive level, and asks if they’re sure things will work out. Sam says she couldn’t help overhearing; it’s an occupational hazard. Valentin tells her about Spoon Island being quarantined tells her. Sam says, don’t worry. They don’t want anything to do with it anymore.

Nina asks Curtis if Obrecht is a person of interest. He says she has one hell of a motive. Other than Maxie, who has more reason to hate Peter than Nathan’s grieving mother? He asks if Nina has noticed any odd behavior. She says Obrecht is brilliant, but also a lunatic. She’d be suspicious if Obrecht acted normal. She needs to get back to work. Curtis says if she runs into Obrecht, they never had this conversation. She says, what conversation?

Jordan doesn’t want to put TJ on the spot if he’s uncomfortable. TJ says it’s not that. His dad’s been gone a long time. Like he told Stella, he thinks his dad would want them to be happy. She asks if that’s a yes.

Stella says Mike would understand if he knew the circumstances. There are many reasons why they’re all wrong for each other. He asks if they know reasons, and she says, they do, but want to go ahead anyway. Against reason, decency, and common sense. He says she’s been a good friend, so he’s giving it to her straight. He takes her hand, and says, life goes by in the blink of an eye. If two people are lucky enough to find love, they should grab it. Anyone who tries to take it away, is not doing their Christian duty. They’re robbing themselves of the most precious thing; time to love. He tells her not to make that mistake.

Sonny tells Alexis that Nelle’s last fiancé died before they got married. She thinks Michael’s too smart to take a chance. After they’re married, she’ll revisit the will and work out the details. She leaves, and Sonny says, that may be too late.

Nelle says she’ll see Michael at the chapel. He says he can’t wait. When he’s gone, Nelle calls the lawyer again. She has a quick question for a friend. she became sick with no will, and is terrified her husband and daughter won’t get anything. She asks what happens if someone dies with no will, Michael listens in.

Sam meets Curtis. He says Nina didn’t kidnap Peter, but she knows more than she’s telling. She couldn’t jump through enough hoops to avoid answering questions about Obrecht. Sam asks about the West Nile virus, and Curtis says it’s not there. She asks how much thinks Nina knows.

Nina thanks the officer, and gives him something for his time and expenses. He gives her a flyer from the theater troupe he’s in. They’re doing Bye, Bye Birdie in the park, and he’s playing Conrad. She asks him to leave he sign, and tells him to break a leg.

Valentin makes and appointment with Finn. He needs an infectious disease specialist as soon as possible.

Obrecht rejects Peter’s attempt at flattery. He says the entire story was only about the father and son; they need a mother. It’s time for a story not with a secondhand viewpoint, but her own words. She says no one ever asked about her. It was always Cesar, Cesar and Anna, Cesar and Robin. No one considered she might have story to tell. He says, now’s her chance. She says she’s not a writer, but he says neither was J.K. Rowling before she gave the world Harry Potter. He says pretend he’s the reader, and begin anywhere. Repeat after him, once upon a time… She says, there was a little girl that absolutely no one understood.

TJ tells Jordan, it’s a definite yes. He hopes the wedding is everything she and Curtis would want. She hugs him.

Sonny comes back. Stella says she stopped by to help his father, and he turned the tables and helped her instead. Mike says he still has a few surprises. She says, he certainly does, and tells him not to miss wedding. He says, her too. Outside, Stella calls Shondra again. She says, on second thought, it’s not a good time. She forgot to mention Curtis is getting married.

We see an empty desk chair. On the desk, the phone says a missed call from Stella.

Mike tells Sonny that he loves weddings. Who’s getting married?

Nelle says, so in New York state, if intestate, the spouse inherits everything? Her friend will be glad to hear that. Michael eavesdrops.

Tomorrow, Lulu asks Ned who gets married on Friday the 13^th, Carly wants out, and Nelle stabs Michael.

Southern Charm

The Winter Wonderland Ball is being set up and Patricia approves. Kathryn flips through Patricia’s book, The Art of Southern Charm.

Cameran visits Craig at his new house. She asks if he’s swept the floors since he moved in. He says yes, but she’s skeptical. She suggests he hire a cleaning service. He offers her something to drink, and she says she’ll take some wine if it’s not old. From the look on her face after taking a sip, I think it might be. He asks if the baby is awesome, and she shows him a picture. He thinks she’ll make a kickass mom. He’s waiting on a character fitness profile from the bar, which verifies they’re comfortable letting him represent people. At present, it’s pending. Craig tells Cameran about his pillow-making operation. She asks if pillow-making is a passion, and if the end goal is to make a business. He says there’s no reason for it not to, and shows her his pillow covers. She tells him it’s not rocket science to stuff them. She says it’s nice, but in her interview says, wtf?  Cameran says, God bless him, truly, but she thinks it’s nothing more than an excuse not to do what he really wants to be doing. Craig says he needs to focus on one thing; it’s been a pattern in his life. He needs some soul searching to find out why he can’t stick with one thing and follow through. Cameran asks what his life coach said, and he tells her that he stopped calling back. In his interview, he thinks it’s because of shame. We flash back to her asking why he’s a liar, and how they have to work on his vulnerability. Cameran says he has to learn to be accountable, and he believes that was the problem with him and Naomie. Naomie said it more harshly, but she was right. Cameran thinks it would be cathartic to talk to her about it, and also get his house cleaned.

Naomie visits Kathryn, who says they didn’t get to talk at the polo match, because she got sucked into a conversation with Thomas. He was expressing how he and Ashley aren’t doing well, and he’s not happy. She thinks he feels stuck because he’s paying for everything. Kathryn tells Naomie that she got an Instagram message that Ashley was a high-end escort for polo men in Santa Barbara. Naomie heard she was a polo rat. In her interview, Naomie thinks Ashley must have some kind of monetary ambition. Naomie asks if Kathryn is nervous, and she says, not about Ashley, but seeing Patricia will be intense. We flash back to Kathryn telling Shep that she thought she was being served when she got the invitation. Naomie thinks Patricia is over it. In her interview, Kathryn believes it’s a test. Patricia picked the most formal type of event for her to eff up. She tells Naomie that she’s going with Shep, and Naomie says Craig texted her about asking someone else, and seemed to be trying to make her feel like it was her decision. Kathryn asks, why can’t he be straight up? and Naomie says, because he’s Craig.

Craig and Austen pick up their outfits for the Ball, which is tails for the men and gowns for the ladies. Austen tells Craig last night was not an early night. We see a clip of Austen and some of the other guys doing karaoke. Craig says he made it there. Austen says he’s never worn tails. Shep joins them, and says it’s been a while since he’s worn them, explaining that the vest must be even with the coat. In his interview, Shep says the girls get to wear cool dresses, while the men are like Star Wars stormtroopers; everyone looks the same. Craig says he might have to paint his brace. He asks if that girl is still around; the one Thomas is dating. Shep says she is. They talk about Ashley asking if they’d date her, and in his interview, Shep says it’s like she’s hedging her bets. Craig thinks Thomas is throwing money at her to shut her up. She still has no job. Austen thought she was a nurse in California, but Craig says she’s not working now. He asks if Whitney didn’t ask Thomas how much it would take to pay her off. We see a clip of just that, and Ashley suggests five thousand. Being the gentleman he is, Whitney says it should be more like fifty, and suggests Thomas do it.

Everyone gets ready. Ashley asks Thomas for a stiff drink. In his interview, Thomas says if it wasn’t for Ashley’s persistence, they’d have broken up. She feels they still have a chance to make it, and he thinks she has a point. He gives her a cocktail, and a present. He hopes things start looking up. In his interview, he says he doesn’t want to waste his remaining years looking for a partner to share his life with. Ashley opens the box, and its’ a locket with their initials on it. She says she’ll never take it off, and he puts it on her. In his interview, he says he doesn’t want any regrets, and wants to make sure he’s given it everything he has. Ashley says she’ll probably see his baby momma there. Thomas asks if Ashley is going to chat with her, and Ashley says she wants to feel comfortable. Thomas says he gets along with her well.

Chelsea goes to Kathryn’s hotel room, since getting ready with two kids isn’t doable. Ooh, Chelsea is wearing a fur stole, hopefully faux. Chelsea says it’s like a Dior commercial. Kathryn says it’s her first invite in five years. Patricia thought she was a liability. She’s been obsessed with white tie, so there’s no room for criticism. Chelsea says Patricia needs to know her outside of Thomas. Kathryn says she doesn’t care to. She says, Patricia was a single mom going after a single mom. In her interview, Kathryn says Patricia believed Thomas. It’s too bad Patricia didn’t know her outside of that. Austen calls Chelsea, and says he’ll be there in ten. Kathryn says she’s always ready on time, but I’m not sure if she’s being sarcastic.

The quartet plays. The steps outside are covered with bubbles that look like snow. Everything is sparkly and beautiful, including Patricia. Glittering Christmas trees and white lights are everywhere. Champagne is served. Ashley tells Thomas that she hopes to enjoy the company of their friends, but she doesn’t really have any.

Jennifer tells everyone that her child’s favorite word is boobie – in public. Everyone trickles in. Cameran says it’s like the Titanic. Whitney tells Ashley that she looks like Ava Gardner, 1961. Quite debatable. JD (bleh) walks in, saying, let’s get the party started, wearing fur coat over his shoulders. Elizabeth tells him that he looks good. That’s what stress does to you.

Cameran asks if Ashley and Thomas are still together, and Naomie says, very much.  A dude whose name I can’t catch, says there’s an awkward rumor, and Cameran asks if Ashley is pregnant. He says that’s the wrong tree; it’s in the opposite direction. Cameran says, an escort? He says he heard it from a family friend in Santa Barbara. Jennifer isn’t buying it. Craig walks in with his date, Bella, and Naomie gets all weird.

Cameran asks Craig what kind of date it is, and he says they know each other. Cameran says she’ll shut up then, but I’m not sure what all that meant. Thomas asks Whitney, who’s that, looking at Kathryn. He says he didn’t recognize her, and now he lost his train of thought. Kathryn says she’s going the My Fair Lady route. In her interview, Patricia says enough people have told her Kathryn has been redeemed; she wants to see it for herself. She doesn’t want to think of this as test, but… Shep tells Kathryn to let the party settle before she approaches Patricia.

Mingling happens. Shep asks if Kathryn is okay, and she says she’s always good. Austen says Ashley reminds him of Cruella de Vil. That’s certainly more accurate than Ava Gardner. Danni talks to Jennifer, who says her relationship with JD is transforming. Danni says, next stop, boyfriend. Jennifer says she has three little boyfriends at home. Patricia explains to Austen how to sit in tails. Everyone sits down to diner.

Kathryn takes her gloves off with her teeth, and Austen says that’s definitely the way it’s done. Shep pulls them off for her, pretends to sneeze in them, and puts them in his coat pocket. She tells him to keep them. Dinner is served. Cameran FaceTimes with Jason. Whitney says he’s missed. Patricia tells a friend that Kathryn is the one with the tiara. Kathryn knows their staring at her, and says she wants to thank Patricia for inviting her. In her interview, Kathryn says Patricia has a statuesque resting bitch face, and she can’t read her. Bella cuts Craig’s food for him. I have no words. Bella steps away, and Cameran asks if he’s going to talk to Naomie. He says he needs a few drinks first. Jennifer says she’s had no contact with Kathryn, and Ashley says she burned that bitch. Kathryn tells her table about last seeing Jennifer at the deposition where she lied. We flash back to the reunion, and Kathryn calling her a liar. Kathryn says Jennifer deserves no acknowledgement from her. Ashley tells Jennifer that Kathryn says she never thinks about her, but she’s delusional. Every night, she thinks about how Ashley Jacobs is winning. Thomas looks like he has a headache.

Kathryn asks Chelsea about the rumor. She’s not being mean, just throwing it out there. Chelsea asks how much escorts make, since she’s a businesswoman. Naomie makes fun of Bella, who doesn’t know to take her gloves off for dinner. Jennifer tells Thomas it’s not going well with Ashley, and he says she lacks diplomacy. Jennifer says she’s not from the South. Austen starts to talk about the rumor, and Thomas says it’s absurd. Jennifer says she moved there for Thomas; it’s not fair.

Austen says women can be nasty, but it’s being said Ashley is an escort. Jennifer says she has a career, and his remarks are incendiary. Ashley appears in a puff of smoke like the wicked witch. She asks if Austen thinks she’s a nurse. Austen says he has no idea. He’s never seen her do anything but spend Thomas’s money. Jennifer says that’s insulting, and says he called her hooker. Austen says he was just relaying what’s being said. In his interview, Austen says if it was his girlfriend, he would hope someone would tell him. Jennifer asks what if it was Austen’s sister, and they start to argue. Patricia watches from her table, telling Elizabeth the dynamics are interesting. Ashley tries to shove her nursing license in Austen’s hand, and when he won’t take it, shoves it in his face. Cameran asks Whitney what’s with the card Ashley is pushing at Austen? Craig thinks Thomas is happier when Ashley’s not there. Ashley screeches at Austen that she needs a South Carolina license to work in South Carolina. He asks what’s happening with that, and she squawks, it’s called a process. She says there’s no reasoning with him. Thomas tells her to stop it, and be above it.

Austen tells Chelsea that Ashley brought his sister into it. Ashley gripes that Thomas didn’t have her back, and he says he didn’t want to stoop to that level. Dude whose name I don’t know says, the party isn’t going in your favor if everyone says you’re a hooker. A cautionary tale for us all. Ashley doesn’t want Craig to think she was hitting on him; she was just flattering his ego. Then she says it was a joke, because she can’t make up her mind which story to go with. Back at the table, Austen says she attacked him, and told her no one here was calling her that. Chelsea says, only their whole table. Ashley tells Craig that he’s not a backup. He has her confused with Kathryn. She’s not going to break up with Thomas then screw his friends. Craig says she’s not working, she’s spending Thomas’s money, then she says she’d date him or Shep if they were older. It as guy code to ask Thomas if he’s sure about her motives.

The music starts. Patricia wonders what deal is with Kathryn. She invited her, but is yet to be thanked or acknowledged. Elizabeth tells Patricia that Kathryn does want to talk to her. Patricia says, that, and a quarter, making me laugh. (In case you’re not familiar with the phrase, the rest is, will get you on the bus. In other words, it’s meaningless unless Kathryn puts her desire into action. Although the bus costs a lot more than a quarter now.) Kathryn dances with Shep, and Kathryn calls him aggressive. Austen and Chelsea dance. Kathryn asks Shep what to say to Patricia, and he tells her to be contrite. Thank her for the invitation, say she doesn’t want to bother her, but it’s such a lovely party. And it’s so much better than two years ago. They laugh. In her interview, Kathryn says five years ago, she was in exile, blacklisted, and painted as a psycho. We flash back to Patricia calling Kathryn a shameless strumpet. Kathryn wonders, do they hug? Kiss? Shake hands? She didn’t google the etiquette; she just googled the clothes.

Kathryn approaches Patricia, and thanks her for the invitation; it means a lot to be included. It’s been a while, but she wants Patricia to know how much she appreciates the beautiful evening. She says Patricia also looks lovely, and Patricia says, as does she. Patricia takes Kathryn’s hand and thanks her. Elizabeth gets up, and tells Kathryn to sit down. Watching, Shep is excited, saying, it’s all happening. Kathryn says it gives her a chance to be acceptable; it is very different from five years ago. We flash back to Kathryn screaming Thomas’s name while chasing him down the pier. Cameran tells Whitney that it’s jarring. He says like the mailman shaking the Doberman’s hand (isn’t that paw?)>Enemies coming together. Patricia tells Kathryn that Thomas said she’s doing well, and is having a good time with the babies. Kathryn says she also has a job, and structure is good for her. Being a mother is difficult, but it brings joy. Patricia asks about her job. When Kathryn says it’s at Gwenn’s, Patricia she always liked clothes, and looked good. She likes to get on her soapbox about women having careers. It’s important, and gives them a sense of accomplishment, whatever happens in life. Kathryn admits to looking up white tie, and Patricia is glad she did, because she looks perfect. Kathryn says she researched the history. Thomas comes over, but Ashley won’t have it, and can’t drag him away fast enough. Jennifer sits down, much to Jennifer’s dismay. Kathryn says she didn’t mean to interrupt, and takes her leave. In her interview, Patricia says she was pleasantly surprised. Kathryn was gracious, charming, and she was impressed by her demeanor. She feels a genuine liking for Kathryn. I nearly get tears in my eyes, if only because Kathryn has worked so hard to better herself against all odds. I also have to add that she does look fabulous. Her hair is in an updo with whitish streaks (probably extensions). She’s wearing an off-the-shoulder velvet gown that has a thigh-high side slit. The updo also sports a delicate tiara.

Kathryn tells Shep about how Patricia appreciated her googling white tie, and said she wore all the right things. She wanted Patricia to realize that she respects her. Shep says there’s not one person against her in the room. Kathryn says, actually, there is, but it’s irrelevant. He hugs her, and calls her his demure, well-behaved, wonderful date.

Thomas and Craig twirl in their tails. Whitney dips Cameran, and she tells him that he’s secretly the one she’s wanted all along. Kathryn goes back to her original table. Craig approaches Naomie and says he wants to apologize for things in their relationship. When she’s ready to talk, let him know. She says he’s not a genuine person and to eff off. He says, that’s not mature. In her interview, Naomie says it’s the moment she’s been waiting for; him saying she’s not the only problem. But he picks the night it stopped mattering. He says he’s sorry for everything that happened, and she tells him to go away. He mumbles apologies, and wanders off, telling someone, that went well.

There’s sporadic dancing. Patricia says, there’s no crazy going on, and wonders if she missed something. Kathryn goes out for smoke, and Ashley follows her. Kathryn is sitting outside on a bench, and Ashley asks if she can join her. Kathryn says she’d love it. Ashley says she didn’t want to talk upstairs. With everyone around, it gets her charged. Kathryn says she’s resolved her issues with everyone, even Patricia, and she’s in a good place. She’d like to understand where Ashley is coming from, since she has no clue. Ashley wants to begin by apologizing. She says things got heated at Hilton Head, and she’s sorry for her part in it. How about the part where she started it?  Kathryn has no idea where Ashley’s head is at. One minute, Ashley respects her, and the next, she’s a terrible person. Ashley crossed the line in so many ways. Ashley immediately becomes her true, evil queen self, and tells Kathryn, don’t deflect, which makes no sense whatsoever. Kathryn says she’s not. Ashley tells her not to forget her kids were taken from her. Kathryn says she can’t ever forget that. Ashley starts to rant, and Kathryn tells her to calm down. Ashley says, there she is. Kathryn says all Ashley is, is a gold-digger. No one likes her, including her boyfriend. Ashley says she’s not going anywhere, and Kathryn says it’s all in her head. Ashley insists that she and Thomas are best thing to ever happen to one another. Kathryn asks why he’s miserable and depressed then. She says they talk. Ashley gets all weird and shaky, and says when Kathryn calls or texts, it gets Thomas stressed. He can’t stand her. Kathryn says they talk all the time, and Ashley is freaking her out. Ashley tells her to be careful. She knows a lot of information. Kathryn asks if Ashley is threatening her, and Ashley says, yeah, she is.

Kathryn calls Ashley psychotic, but Ashley doesn’t care. Kathryn tells her to back the eff up, and realize her place. Ashley says she has life Kathryn wants; that’s why she’s so threatened. Ashley heads for the door, telling Kathryn God bless. Kathryn says, peace.

Ashley confronts Thomas, asking if he’s been talking smack about her with Kathryn. He insists he hasn’t. Ashley says Kathryn is nasty, and Thomas tells her to stop. He suggests they leave. Kathryn calls him over, and tells him that his girlfriend is a psycho. Ashley tells him not to be a p*ssy, and to speak up. Tell Kathryn how great their relationship is. Kathryn says they’re not talking about her, and Ashley tries to pull him by the arm. Thomas tells her that he’ll be there in a minute. She wants him to tell his baby to find someone else to screw. Danni has her head in her hands. Kathryn points out how Ashley treats her. She knows he’s in a hard spot, and has to go. She says Ashely is scary, and probably scares him too. She won’t accept Ashley being around her kids. She tells him to be careful. If Ashley threatened her, she’ll threaten him too.

Ashley says she wants to save Thomas, and tells him to give her a hug, because everyone thinks they’re breaking up. Kathryn says Ashley must be pretty flexible, since she manages to have her foot in her mouth and her head up her ass at the same time. She walks over to where Thomas and Ashley are standing. She tells Ashley to look her in the eye. She says Ashley crossed line as a mother; screw her. Ashley says she’d hoped they could be cool, and Kathryn says they’ll never be cool. She’ll be gone in a week. Ashley tells Kathryn she’s not the best mom, and does she want her kids to see her like that, pointing to the slit in her skirt. Oh man. Kathryn says Ashley needs to hear her. She’s such a child, and needs to STFU. She doesn’t want Ashley coming around her or her children. Ashley says, good luck with that, and smiles, edging closer to Thomas. Kathryn says she screwed with the wrong person, and screwed with the wrong family. Ashley says they’re not a family. She’s just an egg donor. Kathryn says it’s her effing town, and Ashley says she’s not going anywhere; God bless. Kathryn says, peace, bitch. Ashley tells Kathryn that she’ll in her prayers. Kathryn suggests she pray for herself. Danni cracks up, and Kathryn says, effing psycho.

The text tells us: Six months later, Thomas and Ashley are still together, but Thomas and Kathryn are joyfully co-parenting. And now, Kathryn has 50/500 custody. Yay!

Next time, the reunion.

👾 Because It’s 4 am & I Love Max…