What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

On the phone, Sonny tells someone to call in any favors they can. Jason joins him, and Sonny says Carly is on lockdown at Ferncliff. Jason asks what about the appeal. Sonny tells him that Diane is working on it. They have to get her out, and she’s making it worse. Not that he blames her for wanting to protect Michael.

Chase meets Michael in the elevator at the hospital. He asks if it was a fun wedding night, and the best thing Michael can say about it is, it’s over. They have Nelle where they want her, and he’s ready for the next step. Chase tells him, God speed.

Kim tells Nelle the baby is in great shape. Nelle asks, what’s up with the stomach pains? Kim says she ran every test, and they were negative, but she might know what’s causing it.

Valentin says, I know you, to the MetroCourt bartender, but he says he has one of those faces. Valentin says they’ve met before, and the bartender says he’s been in Port Charles a while. He introduces himself as Chip, and Valentin says they can start with him explaining exactly who he is.

Peter asks Nina what he’s supposed to do next time, when she’s not there and Obrecht tries to kill him? Nina tells him to shut up. She’s got this; a way out for both of them He’ll be safe from Obrecht if he’s behind bars.

Sam tells Elizabeth that she and Curtis have some questions about Franco.

On the docks, Franco asks Obrecht if she’s okay. She asks him to excuse her state. She didn’t anticipate running into anyone else. He asks if she’s crying, and she says it’s allergy season. The pollen is ruthless this year. He doesn’t think that’s it.

Julian visits Sonny, who asks what he’s doing there. Julian says nice to see him too. He shows him the picture of Charlie and Mike.

Michael visits Nelle at the hospital. Kim thinks the culprit is indigestion. It’s like heartburn on steroids, and common in the last few weeks of pregnancy. Nelle feels like she was being melodramatic, but Kim tells her not to feel that way. They’re going to make sure she’s hydrated, and then she can go.

Sam tells Elizabeth, more specifically, they have questions about Franco’s relationship with Obrecht. Curtis says they have reason to believe Obrecht is hiding Peter from the authorities. Elizabeth asks if they’re talking about the cabin in the woods. Franco already told the police everything he knows.

Franco tells Obrecht to be honest; he already knows everything. She asks what everything is, and he says she lied. She didn’t have a woodsy hunk at the cabin; she had Peter tied to a bed, and she knows where he is. She says nothing gets past her Franco. He tells her that Elizabeth said to go to the police. She asks if he heeded that little snitch’s advice, but he says Finn already told them. She says, how predictable. A known drug addict couldn’t wait to cast dirt. He says, not dirt. She’s been holding Peter hostage, and he was found by an innocent kid whose probably scarred for life. She suggests Wyatt have a few sessions with Franco, and he’ll be fine. He says the cops aren’t just after Peter anymore. They’re coming after her.

Peter says Nina’s solution is to surrender to the PCPD? If he turns himself in, Robert will make it his mission to keep him in a cell for the rest of his life. Nina says he’ll be alive, and it’s better than what Obrecht has planned.

Valentin says he’s definitely seen Chip before. Chip says he’s an actor. Chip Morris. He’s worked in several metro areas, and did a local commercial; it pays the bills. He asks if this rings a bell, and pantomimes the advertisement he did. Valentin says he remembers, and grabs him by the front of his shirt. He says, it was some show on the pier, and asks who hired him?

Julian tells Sonny it’s a small world, and Sonny says, sure is. Julian says he’s been making room for the expansion, and found the photo. Sonny never mentioned Mike was buddies with the guy who owned the joint. Sonny says he didn’t know. Mike saw the picture of Charlie on the wall of the pub, and started talking about the old neighborhood. He lit up when he was talking, so Sonny wanted to buy the place. Julian says, it’s a hefty price to pay for nostalgia. Sonny says he’s lucky he’ll never understand what living with Alzheimer’s is like. He wanted Mike to be able to work there once in a while. Julian says he has no intention of selling, but Sonny’s dad is always welcome for coffee on the house, and not because Sonny forced him to. He tells Sonny to keep the photo, and leaves. Jason asks how much Sonny thinks he knows?

Nelle thanks Kim for being supportive, and Kim says she made it easy. She congratulates them on their marriage, and Nelle shows her the ring. Kim says it’s the first hospital wedding in her medical career, and Nelle says, everything is falling into place. Kim tells her to enjoy the end of her pregnancy, and get as much sleep as possible before the baby comes. She leaves, and Michael says it’s a relief. Nelle is glad it didn’t completely ruin the wedding. When she woke up, she felt like a different person; like how she was supposed to be. She can’t wait to start their new life. Michael’s phone dings. He says Alexis is supposed to meet him to go over logistical stuff with his will. He says he’ll be back before Nelle is discharged, and she says she’ll get her hydration on.

Chip threatens to call security, and Valentin asks him if all DEC agents are looking for extra work, or just him. Chip admits he was playing a part, and Valentin says, so it was just a hoax; why? Chip says he didn’t mean to start trouble. A lady hired him. She didn’t give her name; she just said it was part of a project. Valentin asks him to describe her. He says she was tall, athletic, strawberry blonde, and intense. Valentin says he knows who Chip means.

Nina says she’ll get Valentin to the MetroCourt, take him up in the freight elevator, and tip the police off. In exchange for setting him free, he’s going to tell them that he never saw his captors. Spin it however he wants; he’s good at fiction. Just keep her and Obrecht out of it. He says, no matter what he promises to say, how does she know he won’t give them up when he’s in police custody?

Elizabeth understands the think Obrecht has Peter, but when Finn and Franco got to the cabin, no one was there, but the ropes still were. Curtis asks why Franco didn’t tell the police, and Elizabeth says he didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Sam says they just came from the PCPD, and Franco wasn’t there. Elizabeth says they must have missed each other. She calls Franco to prove he was there.

Obrecht thanks Franco for the heads up. He asks if she’s disassociating, and she tells him not to shrink her. He says Peter is a fugitive, and they know she has him. If they catch her, she’s done. He wonders how she convinced herself that any of this was a good idea. They won’t care about her motivations, only her choices. She says she’ll make sure they don’t find him, and Franco says she’s not going to kill him. He’s not letting her do this to herself.

Kim goes to the pub. Julian says she caught him in the middle of organizing. She says she had a window between patients, and thought she’d swing by to show him some ideas. She wants to make sure the place feels like them. Julian asks if she means him and her, and she says, of course. He’s says things have gotten more complicated than when he started, and she asks, how so?

Jason tells Sonny that Julian knows something is up. Sonny says that’s why he told him that he wanted the pub for Mike. The closer the lies are to the truth, the easier they are to maintain. He’s going to force Julian to sell or take him out altogether. Jason says he’s Sam’s father and Danny’s grandfather, but if Sonny says he has to go, he’ll take care of it. Michael walks in, and says Nelle is being discharged, so he needs to follow through on the next step. Sonny thinks it’s time to fill him in on the specifics of the plan.

Chase visits Nelle, and she asks if it’s time for her daily lecture. No more kissing; she’s officially a married woman. He says he came to check on her, and apologize. He still has feelings for her, but he didn’t realize how strong they were until he kissed her. He could tell she didn’t feel the same way, and he felt like an idiot, so he lashed out. It’s for him to deal with, and he shouldn’t have said what he did. It’s not his place to interfere. He wants her to be happy, and if she says she is, it’s good. She tells him that he was right about Michael. She found out he’s planning to cut her out of his will.

Franco tells Obrecht it’s the only way. She wants justice for Nathan, but he says, murder isn’t justice. She says, close enough. He thinks she can make a better set of choices. She says, like him? He knows what she feels. He felt rage and wanted revenge, and then he faced the guy who hurt him. Obrecht asks if he let him live, and he says he didn’t have to make that choice. She says, lucky him. Franco tells her that if he’d killed him, he would have lost everything, and she will too, if she doesn’t step back. She says it’s too late; she’s already lost everything. Her son is dead, her daughter is in prison, and most people would be better off without her. What does she have to live for? He says she still has him.

Elizabeth leaves Franco a message. She guesses he must be giving his statement, and probably answering questions. She’ll let them know when he calls. Sam says they’ll be looking forward to it.

Curtis asks Sam if she thinks Franco is lying. She says he’s always lying, only the scale changes. They need to figure out where Obrecht is.

Valentin shows Nina’s picture to Chip. He says, that’s her, and Valentin says she’s his wife. Chip says he had no idea he was getting involved with a marital dispute, but Valentin says he’s not to blame, adding he’s a good actor and had him convinced. Chip tells him to spread the word about the show. He gives Valentin a flyer, and Valentin says he’ll get right on it. Valentin wonders what Nina wants.

Michael tells Sonny the less he knows the better. Sonny will have to trust him. Sonny says he married a woman who killed her last fiancé. She’s dangerous. Whatever he’s doing to neutralize her, Sonny wants in. Jason says Michael owes it to his father to tell him what he’s planning.

Nelle tells Chase that Michael is meeting with Alexis, and writing his will. Chase thinks that’s morbid, but he’s not sure why she’s worried. He probably wants to add their child as a beneficiary. She says their child is the only beneficiary. He’s leaving nothing to her. She asks if he’s going to say, I told you so, but he says he’s not going to gloat. She says Chase said Michael didn’t love her. Between the prenup and the will, Michael is making sure she gets nothing if the marriage ends.

Curtis and Sam see Valentin. Curtis tells Valentin that they’re having trouble getting ahold of Nina. She’s not answering her phone, and she’s not at Crimson. Sam tells him they think Obrecht might be keeping Peter captive. Valentin remembers Nina telling him that because of his silence, her brother is dead, and because of him, she had to take justice into her own hands. Sam asks if he has any idea where Nina is, and he says, as a-matter-of-fact, yes.

Nina says Peter could go back on his word, but she has to take that risk. He asks if she’s rediscovered her conscience. She says because of his choices, Nathan is dead, Maxie has no husband, James has no father, Obrecht has no son, and they have no brother. He’s dead, but now Peter has the chance to make it up and protect the people Nathan loves. Even if she’s wrong, could he seek revenge like his father would? She thinks he’s better than that. Peter says he’ll do it her way. Get him to the MetroCourt, and turn him in.

Franco tells Obrecht that she’s not the only person there who’s suffered losses. She hugs him. He tells her to turn herself in. She’ll miss out on some things, but not because she’s in prison. She’s been harboring a fugitive against his will, and it won’t go easy, but she won’t be there. He thinks she should leave Port Charles for good, and go somewhere safe. She can tell him where Peter is, and he’ll handle it. Assuming he’s alive. She says he was the last time she saw him. He says she can never return, but it’s better than life in jail. She says they may never see each other again, but he says they’ll see plenty of each other. She says he’s a good friend. He turns the other way, and takes his phone out. He asks where Peter is. He’s guessing Spoon Island. Obrecht comes up behind him, and hits him over the head, knocking him out.

Sonny asks Michael if he’s really going to goad Nelle into killing him. He says she’s nine months pregnant, and will need help. She thinks Chase is in love with her, and wants to run away with her. Sonny asks if he’s assuming she’ll ask Chase to kill him. Michael says when she does, it’s all the proof they need for attempted murder. Sonny asks if he’s considered the outcomes. Michael says Chase is a cop, and trashed a career for her. She thinks he’s infatuated with her. Jason says there’s no time to look for outside help; he has to move soon. Michael says Nelle has already signed the prenup, and knows she’s not getting anything in the will. She has to kill him before he files the papers, so he’ll die intestate. Sonny says he’s acting like he can’t get hurt. His mom will lose her mind for real if anything happens to him. Nelle has cost her enough. Michael says he’s the one who set it in motion, so it’s on him to stop it. He loves and respects Sonny, but it’s not his problem to solve; it’s Michael’s.

Nelle tells Chase to be honest. Does he think Michael is setting her up? Chase says it seems like text book rich people protection stuff. Those people aren’t like them, but if she and Michael love each other, she has nothing to worry about. He tells her to stop stressing and be happy. She’s earned it.

Sonny respects Michael taking the initiative, but thinks there are better ways to deal with Nelle. Michael is asking Sonny to let him finish what he started. He’s not as naïve as people think, and is fully aware of what has to be done. He wants Sonny’s blessing to do things the way he knows he can. Sonny puts his hand on Michael’s shoulder, and says he trusts him, but if Michael wants his blessing, there’s one thing he has to do for him.

Kim asks Julian how Sonny reacted. Julian says he got the point, which is that Julian knows Sonny has an ulterior motive for buying the pub. Now he knows that Julian knows. Kim says she told him she’d accept what he’d done in past, because he assured her that he had a new life. If he gets drawn back into anything criminal… He says Sonny was trying to strongarm him, but Kim says he just admitted to goading Sonny. Julian says he was putting him on notice. It makes her uncomfortable, and sounds like he wants to provoke an attack, so he has a reason to retaliate. Then he’ll be drawn into an illegal war? If he continues with this, she’ll need to rethink their situation.

Valentin tells Sam and Curtis that Nina is dealing with Crimson, and had to fly to Manhattan. He chartered the jet. Sam says that’s pretty nice of him, since they’re estranged, but he says he still wants to be supportive. He asks if Nina is in trouble, and Curtis says not unless she’s with Obrecht. Valentin leaves, and Sam says he’s lying. He definitely knows something.

Obrecht tells an unconscious Franco that she wishes she didn’t have to do that. She says to look after Maxie and James, and give them support. She knows he can. He’s a better man than when they met. Few people change, and those who do, seldom change for the better. He did, but alas, she can’t. She says, no more delays. She knows what must be done.

Julian asks if Kim is trying to break up with him. She says she loves spending time with him, but won’t turn a blind eye. He says she’s over-thinking it. He’s not trying to one up Sonny. He just wants to run his business his way, without Sonny breathing down his neck. The expansion isn’t just a business move; it’s an investment in the future. He hopes their future. She wants the man she’s come to know, not the one he used to be, and promised not to be again. He asks how about if he backs off Sonny, and puts peace and space between them? She asks if he means it. He kisses her, and she says she’ll see him later. He calls her cruel, but she says he has to be patient. It’s worth waiting for.

Chase comes by Sonny’s place at Sonny’s request. Sonny says Michael told him about the plan to incriminate Nelle. He thanks Chase for his genius idea, but Chase doesn’t think they should discuss an active operation. Sonny says it involves his son. if the plan backfires, and Michael gets hurt, he’s going to hold Chase responsible.

Nelle messes around on her phone. She hers Jason and Michael talking in the hallway. Jason asks Michael if he’s sure he knows what he’s doing. Michael says, obviously, Jason doesn’t think so, but he has to trust Michael’s judgement. Jason says he has Michael’s back, and Michael says Alexis took care of everything, while he’s putting the rest in motion. Jason says so he’s going through with it, and Michael says once they baby comes, he’s filing for divorce, and getting full custody. Nelle listens in.

Elizabeth leaves Franco another message. She’s getting worried.

Valentin goes to the docks. He hears Franco groaning from behind some crates.

Sam tells Curtis that she had Spinelli monitor the hangar, since they’d wondered if Valentin used it to help Peter. The jet hasn’t left Port Charles in weeks. Curtis wonders why he lied, and Sam says, because Nina knows where Obrecht is.

Peter thanks Nina, who tells him to save it for when he gets out. Obrecht walks in, holding something that looks like a Molotov cocktail. She says Nina has betrayed her, and Henrik has come to the end of the road.

Tomorrow, Chase goes to the docks, Carly refuses treatment, and Mike needs Sonny’s help.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Tinsley is excited to be taking the girl to Cartagena. Everyone is packing. Ramona had been in Marrakesh, and had to leave early. In her rush to switch gears, she’d fallen. She got up, but her ankle was twisted. Bethenny says she’s not in the best place for a trip, since she won’t be coming back to the apartment again. She isn’t feeling the love from Carole and Dorinda either.

Fastest. Plane. Ride. Ever. Ramona takes a wheelchair to one of the limos. She asks if they speak Spanish there, and Dorinda tells her they speak German. Ha-ha! In the other limo, Bethenny talks about Brian being persistent; he won’t stop texting her. LuAnn asks if that’s the one Ramona was trying to maul. Bethenny says Ramona said she went for drinks with him, but he said when she saw him with some other people, she abandoned her Uber to join them. He said, nice woman, zero interest, but Bethenny used it as an out, since she’s not interested.

Tinsley says the girls are used to their typical vacation being private beaches and catering to them hand and foot. This won’t be like that, but she thinks they’ll like it. She says the main exports are coffee, cocaine, and beer, and Dorinda asks how anyone works.

They arrive at the hotel. LuAnn thinks the city looks like a mix of New Orleans and Cuba. The house manager greets them, and introduces the house butler. LuAnn says the house has a lot going on; courtyards, staircases, elevators. They take a tour, and there’s an amazing spread already being prepared in the kitchen. Tinsley announces how they’re determining rooms. Each room has a Tiffany box containing one of their initials. In her interview, Sonja says this is where the vacation unravels. Tinsley wants it civilized, fair and random. We flash back to Bethenny trying to be fair picking names from a hat. She says it wasn’t her fault Ramona and Sonja acted like complete animals.

Everyone seems happy with their rooms, which is a miracle. In her interview, Ramona says it’s genius She didn’t know Tinsley was that smart. Ramona tells the chefs no butter for her. As usual, she harasses the staff about helping her unpack.

The dining table is high, and being short, I know how they feel. I often feel like those two kids in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Lunch is served. Bethenny is allergic to fish, and Ramona forgot to mention it’s in the soup, even though she knew. In her interview, Bethenny says it’s like a poison inside. She needs a Benadryl, but doesn’t do well with medicine either. Tinsley apologizes for only having the budget for silver necklaces instead of gold.

In her interview, Ramona says Bethenny has a major allergy and should tell people, divesting herself of responsibility. Everyone gets ready for dinner. Tinsley is excited. Scott booked her glam team to come along, and it’s the way to her heart. A wheelchair arrives for Ramona. Dorinda says she’s dehydrated, and asks for some wine. I have no idea what Carole is wearing. She says it’s sexy, but I’d call it convoluted; some kind of corset under a sheer dress, which I’d normally like, but no. Ramona gets stuck in the elevator. No one notices, but she finally gets herself extracted. LuAnn comes out in a wig to channel Sophia Vergara. In her interview, Bethenny says she’s proud of LuAnn powering through without alcohol.

The girls head to the restaurant. Carole says only Ramona would be in a wheelchair on old cobblestone.  LuAnn says she feels better not drinking. She tells Bethenny she’s been charged, but has one felony pending for battery, so she’s still not out of the woods. Bethenny asks the odds of her going to jail. LuAnn thinks it’s none, but says, knock on wood. Their table is in a room that looks like it’s outside, with a lot of trees, but still enclosed. LuAnn says she never made it to South America over the holidays, and toasts to making it there. Bethenny says it was a motley crew at speed dating. Carole says she went out to dinner with Brian. In her interview, Bethenny says Carole never mentioned anything to her. They’re not best friends, but it’s basic. Ramona says she could have talked to him for hours. They all acknowledge that she tried, and Sonja insists Ramona liked him. Carole says he thought she was funny. She talks about hosting a fitness party with Cosmopolitan, which I’m shocked is still in existence. Sonja asks if Brian is coming, Bethenny says he would; he’s running game. Carole says he’s friends with Bethenny, who says, no they’re not. Carole seems skeptical, and Bethenny asks if she would believe him over someone she’s known for years. In her interview, Bethenny says Carole is acting like Brian is her high school boyfriend and they’re going to the prom. She wants to piss on him and stake claim. Tinsley asks what running game means, and LuAnn explains it means he’s hitting on everyone. Dorinda asks if Bethenny went out with him, but Bethenny says she doesn’t want to date him. Carole tells Bethenny that he didn’t want to date her either. Apparently, she doesn’t know Bethenny was getting a million texts from him. Bethenny says it’s unusual for someone to be circling one group. She says Carole seems to be acting smug, like won prize; a consolation prize. In her interview, Carole wonders where this is coming from. She’s done nothing to elicit this nastiness and judgement.

Carole says Bethenny knows everything, and surprisingly, Bethenny says, no, she doesn’t. Sonja says Bethenny is worried about Carole because Brian is a player. Carole calls her crazy, and says it’s not that complicated. In her interview, LuAnn says they’ve lost their mojo as a group. They used to have fun before the fighting started. After dinner, Bethenny tells LuAnn it was torture, and two hours of her life she won’t get back. In her interview, Dorinda wishes Bethenny and Carole would have it out already. The tension is exasperating. Bethenny says she’s tired, and not feeling good energy. She’s going back to the hotel. Outside, as they watch the others go off to a bar, Bethenny tells LuAnn and Sonja that this is the motleyest crew ever. In her interview, Carole says it’s classic Bethenny. If she’s not in charge, she’s unhappy, and wants to make everyone else miserable. Ramona complains that she had to hang up her own clothes.

Bethenny says it’s painful, and LuAnn agrees. The three of them decide to look around the town. In her interview, LuAnn says she would look at a guy differently if he’d been texting her girlfriend for two months. Bethenny is enjoying LuAnn and Sonja’s company, because they want to be on vacation and silly.

Carole wonders why Bethenny is angry. Ramona decides she’s not feeling sexy in a wheelchair, and pretty much abandons it in the street. Miraculously, she can walk. Bethenny, LuAnn, and Sonja find them in the bar. Sonja says they got the Colombian vibe while they were walking around. Bethenny says she’s just tired. Tinsley thought she wanted to go home because Dorinda said she was unhappy. In her interview, Bethenny says Dorinda loves to find gasoline and light a match. She tells Dorinda that she doesn’t need to share everything. Dorinda tells Bethenny all she said was that she didn’t seem happy. Bethenny compares it to when she’d though Carole was sad, and Carole got mad about it. In her interview, Dorinda says it was like Bethenny was wearing a sign that said she hates it there Dorinda tells Carole that they need to sort that sh*t out. Carole says she and Bethenny are in two different places. Dorinda insists she doesn’t share important things. In her interview, Bethenny feels like she’s back in high school or in the Hunger Games. She starts to get weepy. Sonja says don’t let minutiae get her down. In her interview, Carole says, if you don’t want to be there, stay home, but if you come out, buck up. Bethenny tells Sonja that Carole is probably having a later-in-life crises, but she doesn’t want to be judgmental. Sonja would rather see Bethenny be a bitch than cry. She hates what Bethenny is going through.

The next morning, Ramona says, it’s paradise, and her foot is good. Tinsley organizes s shopping trip. Bethenny swims with Sonja in the pool. Tinsley watches, and Bethenny apologizes to her. Tinsley just doesn’t want Bethenny to be unhappy. Bethenny says she has a lot going on. The custody case is causing more tension, and she’s not close with Carole anymore. She’s also moving. In her interview, Bethenny says, inside, she’s upset that she doesn’t have the same friendship with Carole, and feels like an outsider.

A fabulous breakfast is served. Tinsley says it’s her and Scott’s anniversary. It’s been a year since they started dating. Bethenny says they’d better get engaged soon, and Dorinda says he’s moving in soon. LuAnn says it’s a good way to figure out if it’s going to work, and talks about Rey, who got desperate when she dumped him. We flash back to him drunk, and hitting on women while looking for LuAnn at a party. A huge heart made of red roses arrives from Scott. It has tm + sk in white roses in the middle. There are 365 roses, one for every day they’ve been together. Carole gives Tinsley a gift and card that she’s been holding for him. It’s a bracelet Tinsley wanted. I don’t think she even bothered looking at the card. LuAnn says they should celebrate over lunch. In her interview, Bethenny says she wants to come back as Tinsley. Sign her ass up. Mine too.

Bethenny tells Dorinda that the restraining order – against suckerfish Jason Hoppy – is up in a month, and they’re still embroiled in a custody battle. We flash back to the reunion, where Bethenny says there’s no way to describe the torment. Dorinda says she has so much going on, she’s going to explode, but she’s not running around talking about her. In her interview, Dorinda says she isn’t gossiping, she’s agreeing with an observation. Bethenny says if she tells Dorinda something, don’t tell anyone. They get ready to go shopping, but Bethenny doesn’t think she can go. She breaks down crying, and tells Dorinda that she’s having a panic attack. Dorinda sits her down, and tells her to take a deep breath. LuAnn pops her head in, wondering about the shopping trip. Bethenny says she can’t have more people around her.

To be continued…

Next time, Carole can’t engage with someone who’s always crying, Bethenny says she’s not welcome there, and Carole wants to address the elephant in the room that’s affecting everyone.

Below Deck Mediterranean

In Naples, the dock party breaks up. Brooke tells João that they have blatant chemistry, and he kisses her. Kasey is like, wtf just happened? He’s been pining for her, and treating her like a princess, and she feels like an idiot. She and Jaimie clean up, and she doesn’t even look at them. Fireworks happen (literally), and he kisses Brooke some more.

Back at the boat, everyone winds down. Kasey says João was all over her all night, and told her he knows what he wants, insinuating it was her. Hanna tells Conrad he’s the guy, and needs to be a big spoon. I guess that’s drunk non-birthday talk for she wants to spoon. João says Kasey and Brooke are like yin and yang in his mind. In her interview, Brooke says she’s drawn to players. She wants to change them and make them a better person. Good luck with that. She and João make out on deck.

The next morning, Conrad gives instructions to the deck crew. Colin asks João if Brooke is into him João likes Brooke because she doesn’t judge him. In his interview, Colin says João is his closest friend on the boat, and it’s not the first time this happened to him. In college, he brought a girl to a party, and his friend went home with her.

At the preference sheet meeting, we find out the infamous no-onions Kenny will be the primary, along with his wife Amber. Adam is nervous to have him back. We flash back to the onion incident. Adam says in their industry, you don’t get a second chance. Former NBA player, Desmond Mason will also be on board, celebrating his engagement to girlfriend Rebecca. There are also a couple of Texans coming along. Hannah says they went through eight bottles of vodka in one day, so she’d better order it. They left a surprisingly big tip last time. Captain Sandy tells them to have fun on their off time. Adam gets rid of everything in the onion family that’s on the boat.

Jamie asks João what’s happening with him and Brooke, and what about Kasey? He says he wouldn’t have kissed Brooke if he didn’t mean it. He’ll have to be less flirty with Kasey. He knows what he wants now. Which is exactly what he said to Kasey the night before. Jamie isn’t feeling too good, and keeps coughing.

The crew gets ready to go out. João says it’ a tough crowd. Jamie says he’s screwed up the dynamic of the boat. Brooke tells Hannah that when they kissed, it was amazing. Colin is ready to hang out on the beach, and cruise in the catamaran. In her interview, Hannah says she thinks some people need to make their own mistakes. She tells Brooke that he has two strikes with her, and it’s important he doesn’t do it again. She says if Brooke is going to do something with him, stay the eff away from her.

Hannah takes pictures, and they get on the catamaran to go to the beach. Hannah tells Adam that the men in her life are usually friends or someone to play with, but she thinks Conrad is the guy. Adam loves watching it happen. Brooke thought João was more into her than anyone else. Apparently, there’s no such thing as girl code for Brooke. Hannah says it escalated quickly, and Colin is upset. João joins them, and they abruptly stop talking about him, and discuss the weather. Brooke asks Colin if he’s having a good day. In his interview, he says he wants to tell her, but now is not the right time. Kasey says actions speak louder than words, and nothing he says means anything anymore. In her interview, she says it feels good to show off her two piece, so he can see what he missed out on. It sucks for him. A small boat meets them at the catamaran, and takes them to the beach.

They’re met with champagne, and are being treated like guests for the day. João jumps from the deck after one of the staff tells them not to. Hannah, Conrad, and Colin sit in lounge chairs, while João and Brooke continue to make out. The others go on a hike up the mountain. Jamie says she’s not well. The location is stunning, but she’s feeling like sh*t. Hannah asks Colin how he’s feeling about Brooke and João. He says it’s hard, but they’re into each other. Hannah asks if he wishes she’d fallen in love with him. Adam picks figs, and is trying to enjoy the day off, but it’s difficult with Kenny coming. There’s never been a charter guest he’s wanted to redeem himself with more. Brooke and João take the paddleboard out. Kasey says when he’s around her, he flirts with her, and when he’s around Brooke, he flirts with Brooke. Hannah says it’s a d-bag move, and he’s a d-bag. Adam says he’s sure she’s not missing anything. Jamie goofs around with a water gun shaped like a penis.

Everyone dresses up and goes to eat at the restaurant. Jamie keeps coughing. The wine glasses are gigantic. Hannah tells Kasey that Brooke has to learn for herself. João talks some smack about Colin, who says he can hear him. Colin asks Brooke if she’s João’s second or third choice. In her interview, Brooke says she wants to keep Colin waiting in the wings in case anything happens. Nice. Hannah is proud that Kasey didn’t throw up today. The food arrives. Brooke seems bummed. In his interview, João says Hannah is fake. Everyone goes back to the boat.

Conrad cares about Hannah, but thinks she’s obsessing over João. He says he knows she’s fuming, but she doesn’t need to have go at him. She says she’s just being passionate with what she’s talking about, and she’ll talk to someone else. In her interview, she says he’s not being supportive, and it makes her sad. Colin falls asleep on deck, and the other guys play Buckaroo, a game where you stack things on a sleeping person until they wake up. They manage to stack a lot of things on him, including a cooler, and also put fancy sandals on his feet. When he finally wakes up, he’s a good sport about it.

Jamie says no one realizes how sick she is. Everyone goes to bed. João and Brooke talk on deck. She thinks they should hang out after the season is over. He says she should come to Zimbabwe. She’d love it, but there’s a lot of crime. He talks about his mother being beaten in front of him, and how he had a gun held to his head when he protested. He says it’s the worst thing he’s been though, and Brooke says his experiences are worlds away from everyone else on the boat. Maybe, but it still doesn’t excuse him from being a d-bag. Colin slams down Pringles directly from the can in the galley.

Conrad asks Hannah what the deal is. In his interview, he says this is why it’s bad idea to talk when there’s alcohol is involved; it won’t go well. João cries in the bathroom. Brooke hunts him down. He doesn’t want her to see him cry, but she says it’s fine. She probably loves it. He says he doesn’t want to talk about it. In his interview, he talks about recurring nightmares of not being there for his family. He tells Brooke that some have it worse. He wants people see the positive side of him. She says he’s awesome. In his interview, he says he convinced himself that he’s not in pain, but when he talked to Brooke, it came out.

Conrad goes out on deck for a smoke. Hannah joins him, and says she isn’t coping well. What she’s feeling for him is beyond what she allows herself to feel. He says he’s here to stay, and they’ll do it together. They kiss. In her interview, Hannah says the important male figures in her young life either passed away or left. She thinks she might have abandonment issues. She holds back because she’s waiting for them to leave. At 4 am she bugs Conrad. She tells Adam that she feels panicky.

In the morning, João says chewing seems like an effort. Everyone gets ready for the guests. Jamie coughs. Captain Sandy says she’s patient zero. If she spreads what she has, it will kill season. The captain sends Jamie to the doctor.

Conrad asks if Hannah is feeling better. Kasey says they have to be supportive, put what’s already been done in the past, and focus on now. Brooke thinks no one takes her seriously. Kasey thinks Colin is a good person. The crew puts last minute touches on the boat. Brooke asks if Hannah is okay, and Hannah says she’s having a full-blown anxiety attack.

Captain Sandy is annoyed that she hasn’t seen Hannah all morning, and calls her to the bridge. Hannah says she’s a bit ill, and they both go back to her bunk. The captain asks Conrad if they all ate the same thing yesterday, and he says, no, but Jamie was sick before that. Captain Sandy asks if Hannah wants to see a doctor, but Hannah says it’s anxiety. She’s struggling. When she falls in love, she goes away, and she can’t get away without quitting. In a shockingly compassionate response, the captain asks if she wouldn’t rather experience love, than not know it, and tells her to rest. My mouth falls open.

Conrad comes to Hannah’s bunk. He says he needs to be there, but can’t let his personal life affect his work. Hannah grabs on to him, and says the environment being closed makes her more anxious. He tells her to rest.

The crew changes into their whites. In her interview, Hannah says she’s suffered from anxiety for ten years. She thought she had it under control, but guesses she doesn’t. The captain says it’s a repeat client, and to – let’s all say it together – knock it out of the park. Hannah isn’t well, and Jamie is sick, so the rest have to pick up the slack. She tells Hannah greet Kenny, then rest. Brooke doesn’t want to feel disgruntled. They’re a great team, and it’s what team members do for each other. Jamie comes back, telling them she has bronchial something. The captain tells her that she’s quarantined for a while, and gives her a room away from the others.

Kenny arrives. Adam says, it’s D-day. Captain Sandy says she’s happy he’s back. He pretends to be leery of getting on the boat if Adam is there, and then says he’s just kidding. Adam apologizes, and says he’ll do everything he can to make it up. Hugs all around. Colin is a sports nut, and freaks a little over Desmond, saying, he’s huge. The captain is happy Kenny is giving it another try, and Adam can redeem himself. She tells them it’s a bigger boat, and Hannah gives the tour. Conrad wonders if he’s super weak or the suitcases are super heavy. Hannah says they have 150 bottles of Grey Goose on board. She tells them she might not be around too much today. In her interview, she says she looks fine, but her body is closing down. No job is worth her health.

Anchor is pulled, and the guests wander around the boat. Adam says, Hannah is down, Jamie is sick, and Kenny is on board. Who’s screwed? This guy, referring to himself.

The guests put on bathing suits. Kasey says she can step up and do her work without constant criticism. Lunch is prepared, and Kenny gives Adam a trucker cap that says #noonions. Anchor is dropped and locked. Kenny thinks it should be beach lunch, even though the table is already set. He’s going to be that guy. He tells Brooke that they noticed a great beach, and it would be cool if they did lunch there. In her interview, she says she can’t make magic; it’s a bit frantic. The captain tells Kenny that they’re putting the toys in the water, and Kenny tells her about the beach. In his interview, Conrad thinks Kenny doesn’t realize how much of an insane request it is. I think he does. Brooke tells Adam about the change, and he thinks it’s payback.

Later this season, more fabulous scenery, more drinking, more water; Captain Sandy sees everything, and tells them, no hookups upstairs; Kasey gets mad at João; Adam forgets a crew dinner; a table goes flying; Conrad says accept him for who is or eff off; the captain gets pissed at Hannah, and doesn’t want to babysit; Conrad says João is an a-hole; and Captain Sandy wants to fire Hannah.

🍳 On MasterChef, the mystery box was filled with fresh seafood, which the chefs had to cook New Orleans style. Taylor faced some serious criticism about her red fish and spicy shrimp. Gordon spared her, but told her to never put a dish like that in front of them again. Gulp. Matt was out, but he’s only been cooking for two years, so he was proud of himself, as he should be. Joe predicted there was more great food to come from him. Matt hoped to be an inspiration for others to follow their passion. Gordon said it was a stern reminder that everyone has to bring their A-game every time. The judges picked two from each of their teams to be safe from the elimination test, which was recreating a frozen Salisbury steak dinner, with potatoes and green beans. Gordon displayed the real thing, frozen since 2004, and those who were safe assigned cook times – from 30 to 45 minutes – to the competitors. Gordon said SJ, Gerron, and Emily knocked it out of the park (he must hang out with Captain Sandy), but Chelsea with the blue hair (who hadn’t plated well), Lindsay, and Shanika overreached, overthought, and underdelivered. In the end, Aaron told Lindsay that it wasn’t her night tonight, but her dream of opening a bed and breakfast with her wife was within her grasp. In parting, she said she was going to continue with her culinary dream. Next time, something different. The contestants partner up for a game of chicken, and a grueling challenge returns – a dish that strikes fear in the heart of every home cook. I have no clue what that might be. Risotto?

🐮 Tonight, Bravo got us prepped for the future by airing The Real Housewives of Dallas: How They Got Here. I can’t wait to see what craziness LeeAnne pulls in the coming season.

👂 A Quote That Can’t Wait…

The only greens I want in my chocolate is weed. – Andy Cohen, after finding out avocado chocolate bars exist.

👍 Because I Did It…