What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

There was a special on the upcoming Walking Dead season on AMC tonight, but I took a pass. Yvette Nicole Brown hosted, and I love her, but I’ll wait until the season starts, when hopefully Talking Dead will be back to normal. Or abnormal. However you look at it. Instead, I took the opportunity to gather my notes and thoughts about…

💍 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?

Where to start? This franchise now has so many spin-offs, they could have their own channel – all 90 Day all the time. Which would be fine with me. For whatever reason, I’m obsessed with this train wreck. The new season of Before the 90 Days starts tonight, so I figured it was time to catch up with the previous group.

Let me start by saying, there must be a pamphlet they give you when you come into the US that includes the translation in all languages of the f-word, as well as the phrase WTF? Not one person on this show, regardless of their level of English language capability, hasn’t gotten those two things down.

Let’s begin with Jorge and Anfisa. My opinion of Anfisa has totally changed since we first met her. While Jorge didn’t seem like any huge prize, but she was constantly screaming, hitting, and throwing things at him. I get it now, since apparently, the way to tell that Jorge is lying is that his lips are moving. He lured Anfisa to America, claiming he was going to give her the lifestyle of a princess because he was huge weed mogul. She knew no one and couldn’t even get a job until she got a green card, and it turned out she didn’t know Jorge either. He didn’t even have a job and was deeply in dept. At their first tell all, he got downright creepy, throwing veiled threats her way, acting like he was a member of the mafioso or something. He kept hinting about what she did “for a living,” making it sound like she must be a prostitute. Later, a webcam video (which has only ever been referred to as the webcam) surfaced. Of course I had to check it out, and it really wasn’t much of anything, and was her alone. She still insists it was just someone who looked like her, but I dunno about that. It sure looked like her, but I couldn’t see what the big deal was, especially since the video was supposedly taken long before they committed to each other.

Fast forward to the latest season. Although separated, they decided to go to counseling, both together and separately. Jorge said he lied to deflect Anfisa screaming at him, although she was usually screaming at him because he lied. When asked what he loved best about her, Jorge said, her honesty. The counselor said that was interesting, since it’s something she said she wants, but isn’t getting, from him. Jorge believed money was the answer to their problems, and wouldn’t consider otherwise. She also told the counselor that she thought they should go their separate ways, but was afraid Jorge would ruin her life as he’d threatened. She felt like a prisoner in the relationship. To make matters worse, an ex had come out of the woodwork, with a ten-year-old child she claimed was Jorge’s. He said he’d get a DNA test, but he’s yet to do it.

Next, we have Chantel and Pedro. The crux of their issue is the family dynamic. Pedro continuously sends loads of money to his mother and sister in the DR, who thank to him, live in a spacious four-bedroom, two bath apartment. Meanwhile, he and Chantel live in a cramped one-bedroom where most of their living space is taken up by his gaming system. The only people who think this is a good idea are Pedro, and his mother and sister, who seem like a couple of nasty-ass grifters. They couldn’t care less about Chantel or Pedro’s marriage to her. Case in point. When Pedro, Chantel and her family came to the Dominican Republic to have a second wedding and meeting of the families, their first question was, where is the gigantic TV you were going to bring us? Chantel’s parents met with a private investigator, with Chantel tagging along. The investigator was gung-ho about looking into Pedro’s family, thinking their might be an illegal business like a marriage ring involved, but Chantel put the kibosh on it, so it was a big bunch of nothing, except for the P.I. getting a free TV spot. We also got the free advice to always follow the money trail. I seriously doubt Pedro’s mother is anything except greedy, but I would have liked to see if anything got turned up. Pedro’s sister came for a visit, and although Chantel did her best to be accommodating, sleeping on the new $1000 couch was not good enough for Nicole. Somehow, they got past that, but dinner with the family Chantel was a total disaster. To be honest, Chantel’s parents don’t come of as very sympathetic characters either. I understand why they don’t have a good impression of Pedro’s mother and sister (his mother once called them stupid Americans for wanting a prenup), but they’ve consistently talked down to them, as though they’re deaf three-year-olds who are slow learners. They also have a tendency to come off like bad actors, in their interviews and their interactions with the others on the show, which makes me wonder if they’re just badly playing to the camera. They did not, however, instigate the fight in the most scandalous episode ever.

During Nicole’s visit, Chantel’s parents invited her, along with Chantel and Pedro, to dinner. They did tongue in cheekily serve chicken wings, although I was disappointed that they didn’t say, sorry we were all out of chicken feet, when they served them. I almost felt badly for Nicole, when Karen (Chantel’s mom) blindsided her, firing questions about how the visit was going. When Nicole lied, saying everything was fine, Karen told Nicole that she knew better, and Nicole had applauded when Chantel left the apartment after the couch argument. Pedro told Chantel’s parents to shut up, brother River told Pedro not to talk to his parents that way, and Pedro stood up. River stood up, and while they were having words, frustrated, he hit the pendulum light, which was a big paper lantern thing. It swung in Pedro’s direction, and Pedro teleported over the table, grabbing River by the collar. It was on after that, with the two best parts being Nicole getting knocked down and her high-heeled foot sticking up from the floor; and Pedro, doing a sidekick and knocking what was left on the table to the floor. That was after the fight had been broken up too. Chantel’s father kept repeating, what did you do that for? while Karen yelled immagaçion for Pedro and Nicole! While it was amusing, it lessened what little respect I had for Pedro. I can’t find out how old River is, but he looks like a big teenager, and there was no excuse for Pedro jumping on him. While it made me almost – almost – sympathetic toward Nicole, she’s been nothing but a brat, thinking it’s all very funny that she’s being disrespectful to Chantel, and calling her hysterical, when she was nothing of the kind. Exasperated maybe. Her mother encourages this behavior, but for Pedro to allow it in his and Chantel’s home is a no. There was some weird after-show where Michelle Collins interviewed a very reluctant cameraman who had a front row seat for the fight. Last we checked, Chantel and Pedro were talking divorce.

What can you say about David and Annie, but poor Annie. At this point, she’s thinking she made a huge mistake, and wanted to go back to Thailand. As if David not having a job wasn’t enough, they ended up moving into an apartment above a storage facility in exchange for David working there. Owned by David’s friend Chris, the firehouse they were living in was sold, and they had three days to move. Chris is probably an ex-friend now, although he did steer David to the storage facility. Three days to move is inhumane, but perhaps he got tired of David’s perpetual need to be helped. He’s not exactly looking that hard for work either, thinking many jobs are beneath him, because he has a masters degree. Hey, sport, you’ve been out of the country for years, are not collecting unemployment, and can’t afford to be choosy. According to David’s sister, who we also met this season, he’s made a lifelong career out of being a sponge. She wouldn’t lend him money either, having done it a few times. Daughter Ashley was her usual bi-polar self, acting nice to Annie one minute, and accusing her of being a prostitute the next. She claimed not to trust Annie, which is interesting, since David was another one who lied to hook his wife. I noted that David’s sister, Nancy, looked like David in a wig. There was much ado about Annie wanting a child, with Ashley griping that he didn’t take care of the ones he’s got. She’ll be forty and still complaining about that. Annie did find a Buddhist temple – in the middle of whatever middle of nowhere they live in – which gave her some peace, and was cool to see.

My first thought when seeing Pao and Russ again was, what is up with Russ’s hair? He went from looking normal to looking like he’s three and his mom cut it. Russ left any job opportunities he had in Oklahoma to move to Miami, so Pao could pursue her modeling career. While it’s nothing sleazy, and I hate even saying it, what over-thirty Pao calls a modeling career isn’t exactly Heidi Klum modeling or even one of the Kardashians. She wears a lot of lingerie, and also did a music video, wearing lingerie. This season, she and Russ went to Columbia, and Pao did a calendar wearing body paint, which is even less than lingerie. Pao invited Russ, her parents, and mean queen friend Juan to the shoot. Russ and Juan were not supposed to cross paths, since seeing Juan makes Russ’s blood boil, but cross paths the did, Juan making a big show out of greeting Pao’s parents. Juan hoped to make Russ feel like a cockroach, and wanted to spit on him, but needed to maintain his good boy image. I’m not crazy about Russ, but I’d love to knock Juan on his ass. I will admit, him singing a bar of La Cucaracha was amusing.

After Pao and Russ got back to the US, Pao’s doctor told her it wasn’t as grim as she thought after her miscarriage, and could get pregnant again, bringing the baby to term. She talked to her friend Jenny, telling her that Russ wasn’t being supportive, and Jenny suggested that maybe Russ wasn’t sure what to do for her, and she needed to communicate better. Yeah, like maybe not screeching at him to STFU when he’s not saying anything. Pao explained that she didn’t tell Juan because she didn’t think he had the kindness or tenderness to handle it right. Making me wonder again why she’s friends with that cretin. At present, as mentioned in another post, Pao and Russ are expecting, and her doctor gave me one of that week’s best quotes: You googled, so now you’re dying from something.

We already knew things weren’t working out for Molly and Luis, and it was the end of the road. It wasn’t the radical age difference – somewhere around twenty years, Luis being younger – but the lifestyle difference. Luis was not ready, if he’ll ever be, to settle down and help raise children. Molly’s oldest daughter had booked to her boyfriend’s house, and Luis was strutting around, blasting music from a portable speaker. Molly said Luis wasn’t the same man, and thought he’d expected vacation Molly. He put his heart in it until he got there. Luis cleared out when Molly wasn’t around, leaving his Dominican shirt behind. His room was a total wreck. She’d thought he was her lifelong love, but it didn’t happen. I’m not sure why she thought it would, but maybe there was something I didn’t see. All Molly knew for sure is that she no longer wanted to be with him, and filed divorce papers.

Here came the worst part. Molly found out she might have to be responsible for Luis for the next ten years, since she signed an affidavit of support. The lawyer explained it was because our government says, you brought him here, you deal with him. I can’t say as I blame them, but I felt badly for her.

Nicole and Azan just plain don’t know what the hell they’re doing. Or he’s a scammer and he’s bad at it. Azan was denied his visa, but not because of any of the horrible things the immigration lawyer suggested. He explained the interviewer focused on him having a previous visa to visit an ex-girlfriend. Azan believed they thought he just wanted out of Morocco. That’s funny, because he seems like that’s the last thing he wants. The wedding was canceled – twice. The first time was because scatterbrained Nicole thought a photocopy of a document was good enough. It’s not good enough for a driver’s license, so it’s highly doubtful it would be good enough for a foreign government. Azan’s family was not too happy, since they’d sunk money into this thing. Nicole’s mother came to Morocco anyway, to see May, and also grill Azan, who admitted he’d talked to other women before realizing Nicole was the one. I realized something too. That Nicole’s family always gives in to her because she whines. Especially when she’s the one who screwed something up. Fast forward to the second cancellation.

This was in a separate episode, subtitled, I can’t remember exactly what, but it could have been Nicole and Azan’s Journey to No Wedding. After being outfitted in several gorgeous dresses, along with accompanying tiaras; having a tasting in a place no woman had been in for a tasting before, and where Nicole had to explain pigs-in-a-blanket, which Azan translated to American hotdogs; and Nicole’s family being all pumped and ready to fly to Morocco, the wedding was canceled. In their interview, both Azan and Nicole claimed they’d made a joint decision, but the look on Nicole’s face said everything. Not only that, Azan suggested they take any money they were putting toward the wedding, and invest it in buying a “make-up store.” I have no clue if that meant something like Sephora or what. He put in $500 to her $6000. Again, Nicole’s mom insisted on coming, since she had the reservation anyway. She was not too happy when she didn’t get to see the store, being told it wasn’t ready yet. To date, don’t think it has been. Like a website that’s always under maintenance or a hotel pool that’s always being cleaned.

🔥 Capsule of The Couples Tell All

Shawn Robinson is the host of these reunions, and she’s the worst. Way too many over-the-top faces, and wows. I once again wondered if Pedro calls Chantel baby because he doesn’t remember her name. Ashley Skyped in, and acted like an idiot, demanding to know how David met Annie. Who cares? Annie has so far drawn the short straw here. Let’s not punish her further. Annie did make it clear that David had 90 days (yes, she said that) to prove his worth, or she was going back to her homeland. By the end of this roller coaster ride, Annie said she hoped she and Ashley would be “a good family,” and had everyone crying.

Not so much Anfisa, who came in with an attitude because of remarks made behind-the-scenes about her, by Pao in particular. At one point, Pao was trying to get Jorge’s attention because a cameraman was signaling him, and Anfisa gave her the finger, thinking Pao was giving her the finger. I think Anfisa was actually embarrassed when she realized what was happening, but never one to give in, she said Pao deserved it anyway for what she’d said. Anfisa got up in a hold-my-hoops kind of way, but nothing came of it. And maybe she’s right. I’d give Pao the finger too. She needs to dump Juan, who also Skyped in. Russ said Pao is a mean girl when she’s around Juan, and he’s definitely right. Juan did his usual lowlife thing, saying Pao should divorce Russ and marry someone he had in mind who was “worthy.” Pao knew who he was talking about, but acted coy, making me ill. I’m hoping Juan is out of the picture now that a baby is in it.

Chantel’s parents also dropped by on Skype, causing Pedro’s head to explode for a moment. He walked off, but then Chantel talked him down and back to his seat. The fight was rehashed, but it was like the parents were reading it off of cue cards. Nicole’s mom joined the group, as did Azan and Nicole from Morocco, via Skype. They were interrogated about everything from Azan’s lack of a job to his phone call habits. Nicole whined that how she spent her money was no one’s business. This has been a repetitive whine of hers, but I wonder how much money she’s gotten from her family.

Anfisa again insisted the webcam wasn’t her, and Annie agreed with me that it sure looked like her. Annie cracks me up. She’s very sweet, and also seems like a bit of a kinkball. Jorge and Russ nearly came to fake blows, when Jorge told Pao to mind her own business. We also found out that Jorge had been arrested for several hundred pounds of weed. He couldn’t talk about it, even though the poor excuse for a host prodded him.

Luis also didn’t want to talk. He never showed up, but David called him on the phone. Apparently, David talks to both Pedro and Luis all the time. Luis might not be talking to him anymore though, since he passed to phone to Shawn. Luis abruptly said he was busy, call later, and ended the call. Molly called him a narcissistic turd, which pretty much said it all.

🌄 Refreshing Our Memories…

In catching up, with the last Before the 90 Days group, What Now? found Cortney still chasing Antonio. I’ll bet her friends are sick of her talking about Antonio. He was in NYC working, but when Cortney suggested she visit, he said it was a stressful time. I’m thinking Cortney makes it a stressful time. She ultimately decided it wasn’t worth waiting forever, and ended the relationship. Antonio couldn’t understand why, which proved her point that it was going nowhere.

Myriam visited Patrick in the US. After some friction with his mother – or rather, from his mother – they bonded over soul food. Andrei is still dour, and his father-in-law is bugging him to do something with his life. The family was not thrilled when Andrei and Elizabeth thought they should have a second wedding in Moldova. It was only going to cost a measly $15K.

Kirlam and Alan had their baby, and damn if Liam wasn’t the cutest thing. They had this baby wrangler do professional shots, and he was born for the spotlight. They’re a really nice couple, and I can’t figure out how they ended up on this show. Aika wants to be pregnant, but Josh wants her to be practical expense-wise, and freeze her eggs until she’s forty. He got a hard no on that. He also made sure she knew that his sperm weren’t duds. He was still producing; they just couldn’t get out. Devar’s did, and he and Melanie have a baby, but they seemed to be at an annoying stage in their marriage. They’d had a big blow-out, Devar swore off booze, and all was well. He does seem like a doting father, and it looks like they love each other. Another couple who made a wrong turn and ended up here.

Danielle still hasn’t learned her lesson, and was already well on her way to being catfished by a new dude named Nelson. Just prior to, and during, the six-hour drive she was making to meet him, her calls went to voice mail. And then it was mailbox full. No surprise, there was no answer to her knock when she got there. She blamed Mohamad for cursing her. Until he came along, she didn’t have these problems. She’s also suing him. I’m pretty sure Mohamad has a stalker for life.

🔄 Back to the Present…

Before the 90 Days is back, along with Paul and Karine, and D’Arcy and Jesse. There are some new people, whose names I can’t retain yet, but one looks like a scam, and another looks like a catfish. Jesse is visiting D’Arcy in the US, and it looks like it won’t be long before there’s trouble in paradise. Paul is headed for Brazil, where he’s hoping to marry Karine. Her parents want a look at his arrest record for themselves, although with her father being an ex-cop, you’d think he could get that online or something. Paul didn’t tell his mommy that he might be bringing back a wife. Mommy packed him a lunch and told him not to have an anxiety attack.

🐜 Now It’s Stuck In My Head…