What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Nina asks what Lulu said, and Lulu tells her, Sasha isn’t her daughter. She’s so sorry. Nina says, can this just end? Does Lulu have to ruin everything? Lulu says she overheard Sasha and Obrecht talking at the bachelorette party. She’s sure Valentin is in on it. Nina says, this is turning out to be a party. Maybe everyone is in on it. Curtis says there were three DNA tests; they couldn’t all be wrong. Nina says she’ll ask her daughter. One word from Sasha can end this once and for all. Sasha looks stunned, and Nina says she shouldn’t have to defend herself, but tell Lulu that she’s wrong.

Ryan says seeing Ava makes everything in the prison fall away. She says she’s not there for him, and he says, yet she is. He asks what happened to her hand, and she says she broke a glass. He jokes, him too. Not that he’d let his handicap get in the way of their love making. She tells him that he said that countless times in his letters, and brings out the stack that he’s sent to her.

Outside of Kelly’s, Willow tells Chase that she didn’t realize how much Shiloh’s presence was weighing on her until he was gone. Everything is warmer, brighter, and filled with possibilities. They go inside and see Brad with Wiley. Chase says, the day just got better.

Nina says she’s not asking Sasha to prove she’s her daughter; she knows Sasha is her daughter. It’s not about her. It’s about Lulu. Valentin says, it definitely is. Lulu needs to explain herself. Nina says, it’s not about Sasha either, and Obrecht says they all know it’s because Lulu can’t stand to see Valentin happy with her niece. Valentin says it’s his fault she’s there. She wants to hurt him. Lulu says, it’s not about that, and Nina agrees. It’s about Lulu ruining her wedding because Lulu’s husband deserted her, and she wants everyone to feel as miserable as she does.

Ryan says Ava saved his letters. He knew it. It was breaking his heart thinking she was ignoring him. She says she was ignoring him, but he says she still kept them. It’s so Victorian, isn’t it? Writing and sending letters. Does she read them by candlelight? Does she look forward to a new one? She says, they’re not keepsakes. She saved them to show the authorities that he’s harassing her, and it needs to be stopped. She brought them to the warden in hopes he’d forbid Ryan to send any more. He says please tell him the one activity that keeps him alive isn’t going to be taken away.

Brad tells Willow and Chase that he and Wiley were getting an early breakfast. Chase says he doesn’t know if Wiley remembers him, but he’s sure Wiley knows this beautiful lady. Brad says he was taking Wiley to the park, and Willow says Lucas told her that the swings are Wiley’s favorite. Brad’s phone rings, and he says he has to take the call. Willow says they’ll sit with Wiley, and he goes outside. Brad says he’ll accept the charges, and asks how they’re doing. Nelle asks, how’s Wiley? and he says, good. What’s up? She says she needs his help. Can he come visit right now? He says Lucas is working, and their babysitter is off. Nelle tells him to bring Wiley with him to visit his mom. He says that’s not going to work, but he’ll find someone to watch Wiley. He looks through the window at Willow and Chase with Wiley.

Lulu says, okay. It’s obvious Nina doesn’t want to hear the truth. Nina says Lulu doesn’t want to hear the truth about Dante. Curtis says he made certain the tests were legitimate. He wouldn’t be a party to fraud. Jordan says, Valentin did hire him, and he’s an expert in logistics and a well-plotted crime. Valentin says Jordan will look for any excuse to lock him up. Nina says Lulu was just biding her time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to get back at Valentin for her brother. Valentin says, and because of Charlotte. It’s obvious Charlotte loves Nina more than Lulu. Nina says Lulu is jealous about Charlotte, and made up this ridiculous story to ruin her wedding day. She’s spiteful. Maxie tells Lulu that she must have heard something she misinterpreted. Drop it. Lulu says she would never willingly do this unless she had to. She tried to talk to Nina before the wedding, but Nina shut her down. Lulu didn’t want to know this, but she overheard it clear as day. Obrecht says she’s making it all up; it’s a lie. Lulu says she heard them talking in the ladies room when they didn’t know she was there. Valentin says she was drunk, but Lulu says, don’t even try. Nina says Sasha is the only one who can end this. All she needs to do is tell everyone there that she’s Nina’s daughter. Sasha starts to cry, and says, she’s sorry, but she’s not.

Ava tells Ryan, the warden said the prison can’t curtail free speech. They can only intercept talk of escape or a direct threat. Ryan says, whew! Count him out. He only wrote about his love for her. She says, why the warden didn’t see that as a threat, she doesn’t know. He says he cherishes her, and she says Alexis told her that she can’t get him to stop, but suggested she come there, thinking the warden might take pity on her. No such luck. He says no one knows her like he does, and wonders why no one interviewed him for the Crimson article. He knows her better than anyone. Not Ava in the Garden of Good and Evil, but Ava in the Garden of Only Evil.

Sasha says she’s not Nina’s child. Nina says, that can’t be true. They have multiple tests as proof. Sasha says, all three were faked, and Nina says, that’s crazy. Who could fake three? They act like each other, and finish each other’s sentences. Sasha says, they do, but it’s not genetic. Nina says Sasha is her flesh and blood, but Sasha says, listen to her. It was an elaborate scheme to give Nina the one thing she wanted more than anything; to make her happy. Nina turns to Valentin, and says, to make her happy. Sounds familiar.

Willow says she can’t believe how big Wiley is getting. He’s not a baby anymore, is he? Chase wonders if this was a bad idea; them watching Wiley. He shouldn’t have offered. He’s an insensitive ass. Willow asks what he’s talking about, and he says it’s too hard on her. Willow says she loves this. She’s treasuring every second, and she’s grateful. She wanted to offer, but it’s already awkward with Brad. She knows she makes him nervous, especially around Wiley, and her chances are going to be fewer and farther between. Chase asks, why? They said they want Wiley to know her. She thinks it’s mostly Lucas, and there have to be limits. She gave birth to Wiley, but Brad and Lucas are his parents.

Valentin says Sasha needs to explain herself, and Sasha says Nina needed a daughter, and she needed money. Nina says Sasha never asked her for money. She gave Sasha a job, a place to stay, and some gifts, but whenever she tried to give Sasha anything expensive, Sasha refused. They just talked, rode together, and shared their love for horses. Sasha says she loves to ride horses, and loved their talks; they have so much in common. All of that was absolutely real, but she’s not Nina’s daughter. Nina says Sasha kept her distance at first. When Nina would get close, Sasha retreated, and Nina learned to pull back. Sasha says he had to fight herself so much. She liked Nina, and felt horrible about the lie. She thought distance would be easier for both of them. Nina says all the moments they spent together; the affection, sitting at Sasha’s bedside when she was so sick. Sasha says, it was wonderful. She’s never felt so cherished, but she felt so guilty. She hates hurting Nina like this, but Lulu is right. She’s not Nina’s daughter. Everyone looks so sad, I just want to cry.

Willow says she thought she’d never see Wiley again. She didn’t want to know him. Mostly to protect Wiley, but she thought separation would give her closure, and she’d be able let go. Then Shiloh found Wiley, and suddenly, she had to be close. She had to be in her baby’s life. Now she gets moments  when she has Wiley in her arms. She can smell his hair, and he knows her; not as his mother, but he recognizes her. He smiles when he sees her. It’s too late to feel that closure; to find that distance. Chase says, now that Shiloh’s not a factor, she can change what she wants for Wiley.

Brad sits in the visiting room with Nelle, who says she’s happy he came. Is Wiley with Michael? Brad says Wiley is with the woman who thinks she’s his mother, and the detective who followed Nelle to Port Charles and tried to put her in prison for her fiancé’s murder. She says, Wiley is with Chase? and Brad says he had no other option. She says she’ll let it go. As long as Brad doesn’t leave Wiley with Michael’s new girlfriend.

Nina asks if Obrecht knew, but Obrecht says, nein. Nina asks Sasha, why? and Sasha says, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Simple, clean. She’d come there and say she was Nina’s daughter, then leave as soon as she could. Something happened that she didn’t expect. She found herself loving Nina. She lied about being Nina’s daughter, but not about anything else. She’s grown to love Nina with all her heart.

Ava tells Ryan that she doesn’t want to talk about Crimson, Nina, or what he thinks he knows about her. She gets enough opinions on social media. People are still weighing in on the article. He says she always made an impression, and asks what they’re saying. She says, losing a daughter is what she deserves. Her grief is hollow, and her remorse a pretense. Kiki will never forgive her. He wishes he could make it stop, but Ava says they’re right about Kiki. Kiki will never forgive her. Ryan asks how she knows. Oh, the psychic charlatans who want him to let her go. She says Kiki came to her in a dream. She told Ava about all her failings as a mother; how she’s mean and lets people down over and over. She let Valentin off hook in exchange for the doctor who fixed her face. Doc asks, why revisit Nikolas’s death? She says she revisits everything. She can’t change the things she’s done. She’s afraid she’s the same woman she’s always been. He says he loves her for that.

Sasha asks Nina to please believe her. Nina is the most generous, compassionate person she’s ever met. She loves Nina so much. Nina asks if that’s why Sasha pretended to be her daughter, because Sasha loves her? That’s not love; it’s betrayal. Daily. Hourly. Is she supposed to be happy that she wasn’t tortured? Comforted that Sasha thinks she’s a wonderful person? If that’s Sasha’s version of love, she’s probably after Michael’s money too. That isn’t love. Sasha lied with every beat of her heart. She doesn’t have a heart. Nina snatches the necklace off of Sasha’s neck, and says she loves nothing. Valentin tries to put his hand on Nina’s arm, but she tells him not to touch her. Sasha didn’t do this by herself; she’s not smart enough. What Sasha said, to make her happy. He says they can work through this. He suggests they get Charlotte and go home. She says he lied. He lied to her again. She’s so stupid. She runs out, which is pretty hard in that wedding dress. Outside, she runs into Jax. He holds her, and she tells him to get her the hell out of there. He holds out his hand. She takes it, and they leave.

Brad says Nelle knows about Sasha? and Nelle says Josslyn told her. She was on work detail, and they ran into each other in the park. Josslyn made a point of singing Sasha’s praises. No gratitude for Nelle saving her life. She gives Josslyn a kidney, and Josslyn turns around and tries to hurt her. Josslyn has no idea that it stopped her from blowing the Wiley thing up. She was going to tell Michael in a moment of weakness. It was Wiley’s birthday, and she was on the verge of making Michael the happiest man on earth, when he texted her a picture of Sasha holding the baby. Don’t let it happen again. Brad says it’s impossible at family outings, but he’ll try. She says, do that, and he asks if that’s why she called. She says, no. She needs something else from him.

Chase’s phone rings, and he tells Willow that he has to take it. He goes outside. Willow says she knows what he’s asking. It’s the question she’s afraid to ask herself. Does she want to try to revoke the adoption?

Ava tells Ryan, Kiki is right, but he says he’s not. She says he claims to love her, but his letters are killing her. They’re eating at her soul. She needs him to stop. Please stop. Ryan says it pains him to see her suffer, and she says, stop then. He says he’s not the one killing her. She’s doing that to herself.

Sasha cries, and Michael stay with her. Curtis says, it makes no sense. He vetted Sasha to make sure this very thing didn’t happen. To make sure Nina didn’t get her heart broken. Jordan says he was deceived the way Nina was deceived. There was someone behind the scenes pulling the strings. Maxie says she and Peter knew she was a fraud. Sasha says she was going to tell Nina before the DNA results came in. Maxie wonders why the test results weren’t correct, and Lulu says, she had help from Valentin.

Outside, Valentin tells Obrecht, the limo is there, but Nina is gone. Obrecht says there’s nothing he can say or do. He’ll just make the pain worse. Valentin says Nina acts impulsively without thinking when she’s in pain. Where did she go?

Ava tells Ryan, don’t shrink her. He says their sessions were electrifying. They were good at playing doctor. He nurtured her innermost desires; her deepest, darkest thoughts. She says she has a real therapist now, who believes in her. He says the online venom has her more isolated than ever. He understands. She says, he doesn’t, but he says he’s the only man who ever understood her. She thrived when he treated her. When he came to her, she was wasting away, and when she gave herself to him, she brimmed with life, and glowed with passion. She was happy and healthy, and now look at her. She can’t deny it. She needs him as much as he needs her.

Chase looks through the window at Willow and Wiley. Willow tells Wiley that she wants to really be his mother. She wants to sing him to sleep at night, and cuddle with him in the morning. She wants to push him on the swings, and kiss his booboos when he falls. But that’s what she wants. She knows what he wants. He wants the family he has. He wants Brad and Lucas to read him stories and sing to him. She could never take him away from the daddies he loves. She prays someday that they’ll have their own relationship. When he’s old enough, and comes to her with questions, he’ll understand why she chose to leave him where he is. She wants his happiness more than her own, because she’s his mommy, and loves him with all her heart. Chase smiles.

Nelle tells Brad, she has a parole hearing coming up. Martin Gray is representing her. Brad says, he took her case? He’s practically a celebrity. He asks if it’s pro bono, since she has no money. He wonders if she’s asking him for money, but she says, no. They’re friends. She wouldn’t complicate a friendship with money. She wants him to sign an affidavit on her behalf, talking about her hormonal changes when it went down with Michael. He says, when she tried to kill Michael? and she says, he’s not dead, is he? Her freedom rests on proving she wasn’t rational when Jason set a trap to try and get her to do Michael in. Brad is her one, true friend. Can he write that he noticed her behavioral changes? He can do that, can’t he? After all she’s done for him and Lucas. She’ll never forgot how grief stricken he was when she found him and the poor, lifeless baby in the backseat, and she graced him with hers. Brad says, of course he’ll do it for her. She says she knew she could count on him. They know each other so well. Brad says if she’s granted parole, what is she going to do about Wiley. She says, Wiley will be fine. He asks what she means, and she tells the guard she’s done. She thanks Brad, and jets.

Lulu doesn’t think Sasha could have pulled this off without help. Maxie says, Obrecht and Valentin. Michael says, Sasha had every intention of telling Nina the truth, at a better time and place. Maxie asks how long he’s known, and he says they can’t do this right now. He tells Sasha, let’s go, and they leave. Maxie says Lulu needs to tell her exactly what she heard. Lulu says she’s sorry, but she thinks Obrecht and Valentin were in on it. Maxie asks if that’s what she thinks, or what Sasha said. Lulu asks what she’s implying, and Maxie says Lulu was eavesdropping, and something they said convinced her. Lulu says, it happens to be true, but Maxie tells her that she didn’t say it wasn’t. Lulu asks why she’s defending Valentin. She heard what she heard. Obrecht comes back in, and Maxie says she need to know the truth from her, as James’s grandmother. Valentin joins them, and says Lulu finally got to him, and broke Nina’s heart. Good for her. Enjoy her victory.

Jax brings Nina to a house, telling her that he just got this place. He takes the cover off of a couch, and asks her to sit down. He says he’ll get her a drink, and they can talk if she wants to. Nina sits, looking shell-shocked.

Ava tells Ryan that she’s not punishing herself. She’ll get better without him. Stop writing. She’s not reading his letters anymore. He says when she admits her love, he can start healing her, and she tells him, go to hell. She’s leaving the letters; she doesn’t need them. She gets up, and he says, those are hers. She leaves, and he slams the phone down. The guard tells him, back to his cell, and he gets up, laden with chains. He sees Nelle in the hallway, and she asks if he had a good visit with Ava. He says, she’ll come around, and asks how Nelle is doing. Nelle says, never better.

Chase tells Willow, sorry, but she says, don’t apologize. She and Wiley were having a deep conversation. He says, about what? and she says, about how happy he is with Brad and Lucas, the daddies he loves. Chase thinks she’s great, and she says he’s pretty great himself, and Wiley agrees.

Nelle says she has a parole hearing soon. A fantastic lawyer is representing her, and she could be free by winter. Ryan says keep him in mind when she’s on the outside. He may need a favor. She says, that’s what kindred spirits are for.

Sasha tells Michael that she didn’t intend for it to happen like this. She could have lied, but she had to be honest. This was supposed to be Nina’s happiest day, and she broke Nina’s heart. For what? To pat herself on the back for telling the truth? Meanwhile, Nina just lost her daughter, fiancé, and stepdaughter. Michael says, it’s Lulu’s doing, but Sasha doesn’t care about Lulu. She cares about Nina. She loves Nina. Michael holds Sasha, and says she has to get herself together.

Curtis tells Jordan that Valentin not only hurt Nina, he used him to do it. Big mistake. He’s going to find out how the DNA test went wrong. Jordan says they have no evidence of fraud, but it’s early. They’ll see how everything shakes out. Curtis says, Valentin will pay.

Obrecht tells Maxie that Lulu misunderstood. She wouldn’t dishonor Nathan’s memory by hurting his sister this way. She’s off to find her niece. Maxie tells Peter that she believes Obrecht. He isn’t sure what to believe anymore, and she says, her either. She wants to go home, see James, and remind herself that there’s good in the world. He says, him too. She says she hates that they were right. Poor Nina. She hugs Peter, and asks him to promise there will never be secrets between them.

Lulu tells Dustin, everyone thinks it’s her fault. He says, they’re blaming the messenger, and she says she did this to set an example for Charlotte. Valentin comes out, and says Nina lost her stepdaughter today. He supposes that’s been Lulu’s goal all along, but she destroyed the woman he loves in the process. She’s going to regret that for the rest of her life.

Jax tells Nina that he has a bottle of scotch he always keeps in reserve. He doesn’t drink it that often. He had a glass when his father died, and after his father’s funeral, and he’s had a few with his brother Jerry. He saves it for when he loses something or someone. When life knocks wind out of you, you don’t know if you’ll ever breathe again, but you do eventually. Nina says Sasha’s not her daughter. She said so. She doesn’t have a daughter. She cries, and says, she never did.

Tomorrow, Robert has to deliver some news in person, Kim visits Martin, and Sonny wonders what the connection between Shiloh and Peter is.

The Real Housewives of Orange County

Scottsdale, Arizona. Kelly meets best friends Christine and Lisa at a bar. In her interview, Kelly explains that Lisa was her best friend in grade school, and she’s known Christine since college. They always have her back. They sit outside, and Kelly tells them about bopping the bowl on Shannon’s head, claiming it was only of medium force. Christine thought Kelly’s punching days over, and Lisa reminds her of when they used to go out, and there would be fighting. In Kelly’s interview, she says as a seventeen-year-old, she was a bit rambunctious and wild. She almost got kicked out of Catholic high school. She put gas on an S and M, for St. Mary’s, on the school lawn and set it on fire. She ended up getting arrested. She reads a message from brother Eric, and says she misses seeing him and her mom. She and Eric have always been best friends. She reads, I love you sis. In her interview, she says for him to make an apology was huge. What had been said felt wrong, but it felt wrong for them not to be together. Christine says they’re better together than apart, and Lisa says they’re too close not to talk. I make snore noises, wondering if this is the best we can do.

Shannon invites Vicki, Gina, and Emily over for a food tasting. She wants to get her website going, and she’s working on new meals for her cuisine line. We flash back to the first tasting with her kids. Emily asks Shannon if she’s resolved things with Kelly. Shannon thinks so, but then… In her interview, Emily says that she’s the first person at Costco on free sample day. If Shannon wants someone to try out her free food, she’s there. Gina says she had a date with Shane’s cousin. She was excited (it must not take much), and he stood her up. Emily says the cousin texted her and said he got injured. Gina says it’s par for Gina 2019. Clearly, she’s having a bad year. Shannon says she went on a blind date with a sprained ankle. Vicki thinks Gina should call him. Shannon asks if anyone has talked since the trip, and Gina says she had fun. Emily says once she and Gina worked through things, it was good for her. Vicki says they’ve all gone sideways at some point. Emily tells them it means a lot to have a fight like that, say things they regret – we flash back to their argument in the hotel – then come back to the friendship, being legitimately sorry. In Emily’s interview, she thinks she’s good now, and can trust in the relationship, but she’s still a little hurt. Gina says she and Matt have been separated for a year and a half now, and he’s trying to get back in her pants. Vicki asks if she’s tempted. Gina says, no, and Emily asks if Vicki thinks Matt would cheat on his girlfriend with his ex-wife. Gina says she get to the point where she’s moved on, and he pulls her back. Emily has been texting, and says the cousin broke his big toe playing soccer. Gina says she got stood up for a toe? In Gina’s interview, she says, you only have ten. When one goes down, you can’t possibly soldier on. You only have nine more. It’s just a toe, bro. Emily calls the cousin, and says Gina wants to talk to him. Gina says he stood her up, and he says he’s heartbroken too. For a toe, it’s very west coast of him. It wouldn’t happen on the east coast. She could just piggyback him. Maybe it’s just as well he stood her up, since he sounds weird.

Braunwyn is having photographer Joey take a family photo. In her interview, she says, doing a photo shoot with seven kids is like Dante’s seventh circle of hell. They’ve taken one whenever they’ve had a baby. They don’t fit the California norm, so why try? If she sees one more family photo on a beach with everyone wearing khaki pants, she’ll vomit on herself. They pose around a giant chair outside. She says, the chaos with the ladies can’t compare to the chaos with her normal. Afterwards, Shawn asks how the trip went. Braunwyn says she thought it would be all kale, green juice, and namaste. It was a little namaste, and a lot of tequila. She didn’t think she would talk about half the stuff she talked about. Shawn says she got away from the kids, and she says it was super fun. She went topless in the hot tub with Tamra. She’s very pretty. She spaces out, and we flash back to the hot tub. She tells Shawn that she got sidetracked. She told Tamra about the threesome on big birthdays, and Shawn says, now she knows a bit about him. She says, sorry, and Shawn says they feel each other’s boobs, and it’s downhill from there. Braunwyn says they do have the apartment, and Shawn says, not with anyone they’re close to. Yikes.

Gina meets Emily and Shane for dinner, and says, great date. In Gina’s interview, she says, it’s important to find humor in situations. If you don’t have to cry, you might as well laugh. Emily has been having physical problems, and Gina tells Emily that she needs to take care of herself. Shane says she made a doctor’s appointment, but didn’t go. Emily says she knows it will be bad, and she’ll have to do physical therapy. In her interview, Gina says she’s watched Emily struggle physically, and it pisses her off that she doesn’t go to the doctor. Emily and Gina order a pig head, and freak out when they’re served a pig head. Emily asks if Gina texted the cousin, and Gina says she got a text back, and he told her she’s sweet. They’re good. She says Matt texted her, calling her for not going to one of the kid’s baseball games. Shane asks if she’s gone to other ones, and she says, of course. He says Matt’s no less of a parent; why didn’t he go? He asks if Gina thinks Matt really believes that or is he just trying to make her feel bad? She says he’s trying to make her feel bad, and Shane says she’s letting it work. In Gina’s interview, she says she does one thing for herself, and gets annihilated. She says, being sexy didn’t work, now he’s trying to make her think she’s not a good parent. Shane says a cow will walk a fence looking for a hole, but when they realize there’s no exit, they stop. Matt is looking to see what works. Don’t let him get to her, and he’ll stop. She says, Matt’s the cow.

In her interview, Shannon says she’s had a multitude of natural procedure to fix herself. Today, she’s getting an O shot. The doctor tells her it heightens orgasm, and will give her some oomph. Shannon says she’s turning 55, and on the dating scene. If it’s nothing invasive, and on the natural side, bring it on. Up until now, she was in a marriage that didn’t work out so well. We flash back to the interview where she said David told her that he went to his mistress after being intimate with Shannon on her birthday. She says today, she’s celebrating, and kicking it up a notch. She also gets a facial peel while she’s at it. The doctor says she looks happier, and Shannon says she’s happier than she’s ever been. She gets the shot, and she’s like, wow. She says she needs to have sex.

Tamra and Shannon go to Braunwyn’s apartment, and she gives them a tour. It’s really beautiful, with her mother’s art everywhere. She says, Shawn’s office is two minutes away. Braunwyn tells them about Rowan doing her first fashion show, and says she’ll be the youngest designer to ever show during OC fashion week. We see a clip of Rowan discussing her designs, and Braunwyn says the show is on a three story mega yacht. Shannon tells them about the procedure she had, saying it heightens arousal, and Braunwyn is like, go for it. Tamra thinks it sounds painful, and Shannon says it lasts for about six months. Tamra says Shannon had better get looking, and Braunwyn is excited for Shannon and her vagina.

Tamra, Vicki, and Steve go golfing. Tamra tells Vicki that she doesn’t like group birthdays, and Vicki says she and Shannon always celebrate their birthdays together. We flash back to some celebrations, and Tamra says Shannon wants to go barhopping to find guys. Vicki says she’s over that, and Tamra says for Vicki’s birthday, she thought they’d go to a Southern tea house. They can have a tea party and dress up with big hats. It will be elegant and classy like her. They hug, and Vicki tells Steve about it. In Tamra’s interview, she says Shannon hasn’t had the best birthdays, and she thought it would be fun to pull a train… take a train. Vicki asks Steve to tell Tamra what’s going on, and in her interview, she says she thinks Steve has a ring in his bag on the golf cart. She steps away, and Steve tells Tamra that he’s planning to propose. He has the ring already. Tamra asks how he’s doing it, but he says, that’s the secret. Vicki comes back, and Tamra says Meghan is coming. Vicki asks why Meghan would be coming to her birthday, but Tamra says, she isn’t. She’s coming to Shannon’s party. Vicki asks if she’s bringing the kids, and Tamra says, no. Sure. People always bring their kids when they go bar hopping.

Emily goes to Cut Fitness, where Eddie and Tamra are waiting. Tamra says she told Eddie about Emily’s injuries, and Emily says she has arthritis in her hips and knees. Tamra asks if it flares up when Emily gains weight, and Emily says, it’s a vicious cycle. In Tamra’s interview, she thinks Emily has issues in her life, and gains weight when she’s unhappy. She does. Eddie tells Emily that he understands. When he was dealing with his heart issue, he had no motivation, and he’s a trainer. Tamra asks how Emily’s diet is; what’s her normal day? Emily says she has coffee with cream and sugar in the morning. She might eat lunch, but if she’s at work, she goes to Del Taco. In her interview, she says she doesn’t think tacos are bad per se, but she’s not a one taco kind of girl. She felt if she told Tamra about the problem, it’s a first step. Tamra asks if Emily wants to take another step, and looks at the scale. She says, only Eddie has to look. Eddie explains that the scale shows how much body fat and how much lean muscle there is. Emily says she hasn’t weighed herself in almost a year; she doesn’t want to know. She takes her shoes off, and says she’s avoiding knowing. She prefers living in ignorance and denial. She doesn’t look, and Eddie says he’s going to print out a report. She can take it, or they can keep it. She says she’ll look at it in her closet. In Emily’s interview, she says living in the land of denial works for her. If she doesn’t know, she doesn’t have to address it or do anything about it. Eddie says, without telling her the total weight, her total fat is 65, and muscle 126. Since we can all add, she knows that’s 191, and says it’s the most she’s weighed in a while. Considering her height, I actually don’t think it’s that bad. Eddie says her body fat percentage is 34%, which is considered obese. Again, not awful, since I think the maximum for women is around 21%. Tamra says, Shannon was at 40%, and look at her now. In Tamra’s interview, she says her heart breaks for Emily. Emily doesn’t open up often, so seeing her this upset, opens Tamra’s heart to her. She tells Emily, don’t concentrate on the number. In her interview, Emily says she’s upset with herself. She can’t keep up with her children, and wants to play with them. Eddie tells her, it’s a lifetime project.

Kelly goes to lunch with brother JR. In her interview, she says he’s her eldest brother, and has great relationships with her mom and Eric. When her life goes to sh*t, he’s there to pick up the pieces, and tell her how to behave. He says he misses Jolie, and they need to get everyone together. They don’t want any regrets, and Kelly needs to have a conversation with their mom. In Kelly’s interview, she says she and her mom have issues because they’re similar. Her mother is the first one to get in a fight, and we’re products of our environment. JR’s wife Karly joins them, and Kelly asks if she should call Eric now. JR suggests she try. She gets Eric on the phone, telling him that she’s in Scottsdale, and says she appreciates the apology. She says JR is getting them all worked out again. She loves him and misses their mom. She resolved her issue Vicki, who she hates, and thinks it’s time to make things right. Holding on to resentment and anger eats you up inside. Eric says he wants to try and meet, but he’s going into a work meeting right now, so they’ll talk later. Kelly tells JR that she doesn’t know why Eric is being so sensible. JR says it’s been two years since Kelly talked to their mom, and it would be nice to have the relationship back. They can make this happen. In Kelly’s interview, she says she came on the trip to see her mom, and it’s the perfect window of opportunity to make amends with both her and Eric. She thanks JR and Karly for their support.

Emily meets Alexis Bellino for dinner. In her interview, she says she and Alexis have the same circle of friends, and runs not her frequently. She’s a sweet person, and they both have three kids and a lot in common. Alexis says she just got back from Thailand, where she went with boyfriend Drew, and has jet lag. It’s like fairy tale love, and she can’t believe it’s real. Everyone says she and Drew have something they’ve never seen. Emily asks how co-parenting with Jim is going, and Alexis says, it’s working out well. She loves the relationship between Jim and their kids. They were married for fourteen years, and divorce sucks; it’s like a death. You can grow apart or together, and they grew apart. It was broken for years. We flash back to Jim telling Alexis that wives should stay home. Alexis realized it was time to move on. She says Emily seems tense, and asks how she’s doing with the women. Emily says Gina was pissed at her.

Gina meets Tamra for shopping. She asks if the party for Shannon is a surprise. Tamra says it was supposed to be, but Shannon asked, saying she’d tell Tamra. Tamra says she needs to get some gag gifts at Spencer’s. They need a lot of d*cks on the train their pulling. Gina thinks it’s hysterical. She says she’s not happy with Emily. She was supposed to have a date with Shane’s cousin. Tamra says she heard he broke his toe, and Gina says she texted him and said it was okay, but feel free to ask again.

Emily tells Alexis that Shane’s cousin had a girlfriend, but she didn’t know.

Tamra wonders why the cousin agreed to go, and Gina insists Emily must have known. She was humiliated. Tamra wonders if it was a pity date.

Emily says she got a text from Gina, but when she texted back, she got no response. She called three times, and texted at least ten.

Gina says she doesn’t want to hear Emily’s excuses, and Tamra says she just got in a good place with Emily. Just a thought, but Gina needs to quit taking everything so personally when she doesn’t really know what’s going on. She needs to be a grown-up instead of running away, and ghosting Emily every time there’s a perceived problem.

Alexis tells Emily, just because Jesus said to turn the other cheek, sometimes it’s a no. In Emily’s interview, she says she didn’t know he had a girlfriend. When one sentence could clear it up, Gina won’t give her the opportunity. She says, on Shannon’s birthday, they’re taking a train to Del Mar, and she has anxiety about it. She doesn’t want to do this there, or ruin Shannon’s birthday. It’s the wrong time and place. Alexis says Emily is a good person; no question about it.

Gina tells Tamra that she doesn’t want to take time away from her kids to go on a fake date. She’d rather not date at all. In Gina’s interview, she says Emily is supposed to be her best friend. She’s supposed to be doing things to make Gina’s life better. She tells Tamra that she can’t trust Emily or Shane, and Tamra says, it’s just a dirty game.

Later this season: costumes, parties, costume parties, Brian puts Kelly in the friendzone, Vicki gets engaged, Gina hooks up with Matt, Emily feels like Shane talks down to her, Tamra goes to therapy with son Ryan, Braunwyn is out of control, Tamra thinks Shannon is behind the drama, Kelly talks to her mother, Kelly tells Emily that she failed anger management, sharks, and Vicki says Kelly is a terrible person.

🐣 The Rebirth of Alexis…

Sorry. I mixed her up with Gretchen when talking about the preview last week. They all start to look alike after a while.

https://people.com/tv/rhoc-alexis-bellino-jim-bellino-broken-marriage/

🐙 Dream On…

Giving you a peaceful mid-week moment.