What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

On the phone, Anna says, Alex? She says, if Alex is calling, she must want something. Alex says she wants to offer Anna congratulations, since she’s going to be a grandmother again.

Peter runs into an examining room where Maxie is sitting. He asks if he’s too late. Did he miss the ultrasound? She says the doctor is running late, and he says, it will be the first and last time work interferes. She says, it was a work emergency and understandable, but he says, priorities. She and the baby will always be his.

Robert asks if Olivia wants an aisle or window seat. She says, is he kidding? He’s taking her to see her son. She doesn’t care. She says sorry she couldn’t bring any manicotti, and he says, save it for the celebration. He has a few more strings to pull. Nothing bad; it’s all good. Olivia says she needs to stay positive. She wishes Ned wasn’t so upset about her leaving.

Spinelli tells Jason to secure a spot inside with an unobstructed view, where they’ll be able to see all that transpires. Alexis comes into the apartment with Sam and a suitcase. Spinelli wonders where she’s going, but Sam says, she’s reached her destination. Alexis is staying with them.

Brando works on a bike at the garage, and a cop comes in, introducing himself as Officer Williams. He has questions for Brando, and Brando says, let him guess. It’s about the stabilizer on Jason’s bike. The one that caused the accident.

At Turning Woods, Cyrus helps an old man with a jigsaw puzzle. He says the piece is a tricky one, and the man thinks it’s somewhere near the corner. He finds it, and places it, and Cyrus says, good job. Main thug Walker comes in, and says, Cyrus asked for him? Cyrus says, it’s time to pay their friend another visit, and see how he’s doing. He might need assistance. Walker leaves, and Sonny walks in. Cyrus says his day is complete. It’s a pleasure to see him. Sonny asks if he can join Cyrus. A nurse says it’s time for the old man’s walk, and he thanks Cyrus for helping him with the puzzle. Cyrus says, it’s been a pleasure. He tells Sonny that he’s impressed with the quality of care, and how the patients get regular exercise. He asks if Sonny’s father can still walk, and Sonny tells him, don’t ask about his father. The fact that Cyrus is there where his father lives broke the truce. Sonny could consider it an act of war.

Alexis says, to be clear, it’s only temporary, and Jason says she’s welcome there at any time. Sam says there’s something Alexis isn’t telling them, and Spinelli asks if there was something untoward. Sam says, Neil died in his sleep last night at her mom’s house. Spinelli says, it’s a most distressing turn of events. Can he ask how Neil’s life ended? Alexis says she’s waiting for the autopsy, but the paramedics thought it was a heart attack. Sam says she thought Alexis should spend time with them; her house is too morbid. Jason says the kids will love having her. Spinelli says, excuse them; they have a project to attend to. Sam asks if they found the answers they were looking for, and Spinelli says, that’s the plan. They leave, and Alexis asks if she wants to know what that’s about.

Brando shows Officer Williams the receipt for the stabilizer, and says when he heard about the accident, the first thing he did was call the company to see if they had any complaints about defective parts. They didn’t, but before Officer Williams asks, he knows he installed it properly. Whatever caused Jason to wipe out, isn’t his fault. Walker comes in, and Williams says he’ll be in touch. Walker tells Brando, nothing like a visit from the cops to direct your day, and Brando asks if he can help him. Walker says Cyrus asked him to come by to see if Brando needed any help. Like maybe making his legal issue go away?

The stewardess gives Olivia and Robert champagne, and Olivia says, Ned is worried about Brook. Robert says, it was a brutal attack; he’s right to be worried. Olivia says, there’s more to the story. Before the attack went down, there was a total implosion at ELQ. Brook was involved, and Ned was so angry, he kicked Brook out of the house. Now he feels terrible. Robert says, and Brook’s not in a forgiving mood. Olivia says, she’s not. Ned has apologized over and over, but she’s pushing the family away when she needs them most. Ned’s made mistakes, Brook’s made mistakes, but it’s so ugly and awful. Now Ned wants to jump in and undo the damage, but she keeps explaining that he’s got to take his time. Brook needs time and space to heal. Robert laughs, and asks if it doesn’t drive her crazy when someone she loves refuses to see what’s right in front of them, and keeps banging their head against a wall, insisting everything will be just the way they want it. She says they’re not talking about Ned and Brook anymore, are they?

Maxie tells Peter, she got everything backward with this pregnancy. She’s made imaginary obstacles, or at least blown things out of proportion. Like with Robert. He’s been unfair to Peter, but that’s only because… Peter says Robert despised his father, so Robert despises him. She says she knows the more time Robert spends with Peter, and sees how happy he makes her, he’ll relax. He’s always been suspicious of everyone she dated, but a baby brings out the best in him. Peter says, and her. She’s never been more beautiful. She says she loves it when he flatters her. Doctor Navarro comes in, and Maxie introduces her baby’s father. The doctor asks if they’re ready to meet their baby, and Maxie says Peter was there when she went into labor with James; he’s an old pro. Dr. Navarro says the story was all over the ward. Not many men could have done what he did. He’s a real hero.

Anna says, Alex has more on her mind than congratulations. Why is she really calling? Alex says she wants to stop running, and looking over her shoulder. She’s tired of this life. Now that the family is growing, it’s time for her to join them. Anna asks what she wants, and Alex asks Anna to meet her in Berlin. She’ll text the particulars. She has to go, but she’s begging Anna, please help her come home. Finn comes in, and asks if she’s okay, but Anna says, no, she’s not. Alex led her on a wild goose chase around Europe. Now she’s decided to call and say she wants to come back. Finn asks, why? and she says, allegedly because of Maxie’s pregnancy, but she’s sure Alex is avoiding consequences or trouble she’s in. Finn asks how Alex knew about Maxie, and Anna says, obviously Alex has her finger on the pulse of what’s happening in Port Charles. She’s going to use it to her advantage. Every word was chosen to bait Anna. Finn asks if she’s going to take the bait.

Brando tells Walker, they were just standard questions; nothing he can’t handle. He could use more business. How’s Walker’s car? Does he need a reputable mechanic? Walker says his car is fine. He was just checking in. Brando says, he’ll give Walker a little tip. The weather is getting hot, so he should top off his radiator with antifreeze. It will save him trouble down the road. Walker says he’ll keep it in mind. I wonder if that’s code for something or a real thing. Note to self: google that.

Sam tells Alexis that Jason and Spinelli are trying to figure out how Jason wiped out. Alexis says, so they’re not convinced it was an accident? Sam says, no. It was a faulty stabilizer that Brando installed the day of the crash. Alexis asks if that isn’t Sonny’s cousin, who Molly had the one-night thing with, and Sam says, that’s the one. They think he might be working with Cyrus. Carly and Sonny are buying his good guy persona, but the second she met him, she knew he was bad news.

Spinelli goes to the garage, and Brando says he recognizes Spinelli from the gym, where they traded blows with the heavy bag. Has the situation improved? Spinelli says, unfortunately, it’s become more dire, but that’s not why he’s there. It’s a more practical matter. His vehicle. Brando asks if it’s outside, but Spinelli says, it’s at the mini mart down the street. His domestic partner gave him a list of errands. He’d just completed them, and when he tried to start the van, there was nothing. He asks if Brando can take a look at it; it’s a block away. Brando says, sure, and locks up. They walk out, and Spinelli says he feared he’d have to call a tow.

Cyrus tells Sonny, let’s not overreact. It’s a misunderstanding. He’s not there to harass Sonny’s father or jeopardize the peace. He hopes to volunteer. So many people are strapped for time, they can’t give their loved ones proper attention. Sonny says, so Cyrus wants to fill in? and Cyrus asks if that’s so hard to believe. Brick appears and says, from him, it’s impossible to believe.

Jason just looks at the garage lock, and it magically opens. He goes inside. Okay, I exaggerated a little.

Anna tells Finn, Alex said she was calling about Maxie, but she thinks it’s about Peter. He’s turned his life around, and Alex could undo all his good work if he suspects for a second that she’s his mother. She has to find out what Alex is planning. Finn asks, how? and Anna says she’s going to accept Alex’s invitation to meet her in Berlin.

Peter asks Dr. Navarro if they’ll be able to see if it’s a boy or girl, but the doctor says, it’s too soon. She asks if they can see the baby on the monitor, but Peter says he doesn’t see anything. She makes an adjustment, and says, what about now? and Maxie says she sees it. Peter says, oh my God; him too. Maxie asks how the baby looks. Is he or she healthy?

Alexis says Sam never told her how she got rid of Delores, and swapped her out for a more lenient parole officer. Sam says she’s sure Alexis is curious, but thinks she’s avoiding talking about Neil. She knows Alexis is hurting. Alexis says she is, but she doesn’t want to talk about her. How did Sam get rid of Delores and secure her freedom? Sam says Alexis isn’t going like it, and Alexis asks if Sonny threatened a judge. Sam says, Sonny had nothing to do with it. She traded favors with Valentin.

Spinelli and Brando stand outside the garage, and Spinelli talks really loud, saying Brando has most impressive skills. He’s a computer whiz, but when it comes to automobiles, he’s lacking. Brando says Spinelli left the lights on and drained the battery, and Spinelli says Brando helped him out of a bind. He’d like to return the favor. Can he get Brando lunch? Brando says, thanks, but no, and goes inside, where Jason has disappeared, poof! in a puff of smoke. Spinelli asks what he owes Brando, and Brando laughs. He says if Spinelli wants his advice, get a new model. Spinelli says he prefers vintage; it’s a personal homage. Brando says he’s not taking Spinelli’s money. Save it and get a better vehicle. And remember to turn the lights off. Spinelli says he can’t thank Brando enough. We see the camera has been installed, and Jason watches on the laptop.

Sonny asks what brings Brick back to Port Charles, and Brick says he’s on assignment, but thought he’d stop by and pay his respects. It seems his time might be spent with something more important. He asks if Sonny needs help with Cyrus, but Sonny says, no. Cyrus is volunteering. He’s doing God’s work, right? Cyrus says it seems Brick knows him, but he hasn’t had the pleasure. Brick introduces himself, and says he’s a private security consultant. He knows a lot about Cyrus; none of it good. Sonny says, no need to bring up the ugly past. They’re all friends, or at least not enemies.

Sam tells Alexis, she had no idea Valentin was staging a takeover of ELQ, or that when he got it, he’d refuse to bail out the hospital, leaving it wide open to Cyrus becoming chairman of the hospital board. She wonders why Alexis isn’t saying anything, and Alexis says, Valentin kept his part of the bargain. Sam got a new parole officer. Sam says, she got what she wanted, and Alexis says, and Jason got what he wanted. Sam says actually, Jason had nothing to do with it. She had no idea why Valentin needed her voting proxy, but Alexis says, it’s fine. Sam made a mistake and was wrong, but honestly, after what she just went through, life is too short for regrets.

In the park, Spinelli says he was certain Brando would walk in on Jason, and did his utmost to stop him, but Brando insisted on going back to work. He was so worried, it took a year off his life. How did Jason know how to get out? Jason says Sonny has owned the place for years. He’s familiar with the layout, and used the back door. Spinelli asks if he had the time to install the camera, and Jason says, see for himself. Spinelli looks at the laptop, and says, it worked. They watch Brando, and Spinelli wonders if he’s waiting for Cyrus.

Cyrus says, he was just telling Sonny that patients benefit from interaction, but families can’t offer as much time as is needed, so he’s here to do that. Sonny says, it’s not uncommon for patients to be losing their memory, but Cyrus says, they’re still people, and deserve respect. Sonny says Turning Woods has ample staff, and Cyrus agrees he’s not needed, and actually has more on his plate than he’s used to.  Sonny tells Brick, Cyrus is the chairman at GH, and Brick says, is that right? Cyrus says as his first official act, he hired a consultants. GH has practiced a lot of institutional rot, and he wants to do a big revamp to get them in shape for the challenges of the 21^st century. Sonny is sure Cyrus has a plan, and he says he does. Change comes from the top down, as Sonny knows. He understands Jason checked out against the doctors’ advice. He hopes that didn’t set back Jason’s recovery. Cyrus leaves, and Brick says he’ll give Sonny three guesses why Cyrus wants to control GH, but Sonny says he’s way ahead of him.

Dr. Navarro says the baby is perfect for this stage of Maxie’s pregnancy. She has to remember to take her vitamins, and get enough folic acid. Peter says he has no idea what that is, but he’ll keep an eye on her. The doctor asks if they want to hear the baby’s heartbeat, and Maxie says she might lose it. Dr. Navarro says, that’s a common reaction; there are tissues behind her. Peter kisses her hand.

Finn asks if Anna knows she’s walking into a trap, and she says she does. She’s taking the necessary precautions. Ignoring her, so she’ll go away, is not the way her sister operates. She has to do this. He says, to protect Peter? It seems extreme. She says, Maxie and Peter are so happy, and Alex could destroy all that. He asks what she’s going to do when she finds Alex.

Robert tells Olivia, he doesn’t want to go to Holly’s memorial. Anna bulldozed him into it. She was relentless. She’s been all over him about his unresolved feelings for Holly. What did she expect? Holly was a huge part of his life. Olivia says she read the tribute in The Invader. Holly sounded like the perfect woman for him; adventurous, fascinating, a real women of the world. He says, the article didn’t even scratch the surface. She says, it’s a long trip to Geneva, and headphones don’t work. Talk to her. If she focuses on his life, maybe she’ll stop going crazy about her own. He says, once upon a time, Luke and Holly were an item. They’d been having an affair for some time, but had a falling out. Luke took off to the mountains to clear his head, and got caught up in an avalanche. He was presumed dead, and at the same time, Holly discovered she was pregnant. She was also about to be deported, so he stepped up and asked her to marry him just so she could stay in the country. Around this time, Holly miscarried and lost the child, but slowly, they both fell in love. Olivia says, it’s such an amazing story. No wonder he’s afraid to go to the memorial. He says he’s not afraid, but she says, of course (🍷) he is. He’s afraid same way she’s afraid to go to the facility where Dante is.

Brick tells Sonny that he’ll look in on Cyrus; he always has time for friends. Sonny says he appreciates that. He may need Brick’s expertise at some point. He thanks Brick for coming, and Brick says he needed an update. They sit down, and Brick asks how Sonny’s lovely wife is, and Sonny laughs, saying, off limits. Brick wonders how the kids are, and Sonny says, they’re good. He asks how Mike is, and Sonny says he thinks it’s getting to the end. Brick is sorry to hear that, and asks what he can do. Sonny says he keeps asking himself the same question, and can’t come up with an answer. Brick says he doesn’t have an answer either, but he does have a bottle of scotch with Sonny’s name on it anytime he wants. Sonny says he’ll take Brick up on it the first chance he gets.

Alexis tells Sam that she and Neil had a legitimate roadblock that kept them from being together, and when it was taken away, they created one of their own. She can’t tell Sam how much she regrets it. She could kick herself for not realizing sooner. Sam totally understands, and is glad Alexis had last night. Alexis says she’s happy they got to have one night. Her phone dings, and she says, it’s the medical examiner. They have the autopsy. Sam says she thought it would have to go through the police, and Alexis says someone owed her a favor. Sam asks if Alexis wants her to come, but Alexis says she doesn’t need a shadow. Sam says she could have Molly or Kristina meet her, but Alexis says, Neil is dead. She’s just going to find out how. If it was an aneurysm, a heart attack, a stroke, and really, what difference does it make? She apologizes, saying she didn’t mean to be harsh. She just wants Sam to live her life. Be with Spinelli and Jason, solve mysteries, and enjoy herself. She’ll go find out what happened to Neil.

Spinelli tells Jason that he can’t help thinking about revisiting the idea of his P.I. agency. He asks what Jason thinks of Jackal and Associates, Jason being the associates. He wants to vent about Maxie’s condition, and Jason asks if she’s sick. Spinelli says, Jason doesn’t know? Maxie is pregnant, and Peter is the father. He wonders what’s going to happen when she finds out Peter’s redemption is a sham. He arranged Drew’s death, and he’s every bit as heinous as his father.

Dr. Navarro tells Maxie to make an appointment for a follow-up in a week. Peter says he’ll be there, but Maxie says there will be a lot of appointments; he doesn’t have to come to every single one. He asks if she’d mind if he did, and she says, no. She looks at the sonogram, and says, the first baby picture of a bazillion, and he says he’ll love every single one.

Walker meets up with Cyrus, who says he and Sonny had a civil exchange at Turning Woods, and were interrupted by an unexpected friend; nothing that can’t be handled. He asks how Walker’s errand went, and Walker says the cops are investigating Brando. Cyrus asks if Brando accepted his offer to smooth things over, but Walker says, no deal. Brando thinks he can handle it on his own. Cyrus says, time for the next step.

Robert asks if Olivia is afraid of seeing her own son, and she says she is. She keeps trying to ignore what Ned said. He told her that she was flying to Geneva to break her own heart. Her letters were returned unopened, and the only thing Dante has said to her is, stop sending letters. That was back in November. What if she gets there, and her own kid wants nothing to do with her? Robert says he’ll be with her every foot of the way. Them together. They’ve got to get rid of the negative, and stay positive. She says he’s got a deal, as long as he lets her support him too. They clink glasses.

Finn asks Anna what she’s going to do when she sees Alex, but she says she hasn’t thought that far ahead. She literally just got off the phone. He says she’s determined to confront Alex, but what does she think is going to happen? How is she going to stop Alex, short of killing her? He tells her not to go. She’s admitted Alex was baiting her, and she played right into Alex’s hands. One mention of Maxie, and Anna comes running. Alex knows Peter is Anna’s weak spot. Anna says she doesn’t have a choice. She has to protect her family. He says let him know when she’s leaving. Violet will want to say goodbye. She says, come on, Finn, but he walks out.

Sonny sees Nurse Deanna at the hospital, and says he needs a favor. He needs to see Monica as soon as possible. Deanna says, Monica no longer works here, and he asks what she means. She says, neither does Bobbie. They cleaned out their offices. Cyrus fired them both. Um… don’t they belong to a union?

Brando flashes back to telling Cyrus that he expects nothing, and needs nothing that Cyrus has to offer. Cyrus says Brando can drive the cars he repairs, and he needs a chauffeur. An experienced mechanic could come in handy. Brando says he already has a full time job, but Cyrus says when he hears the terms, he thinks Brando will reconsider. Plus, there’s room advancement. Brando says, no thanks. He’s really happy there in the shop his cousin Sonny set him up in. Cyrus says, he can do better, and Brando tells him, he said no thanks. We see a guy messing with Jason’s bike in the back, while Brando is occupied with Cyrus. Cyrus tells Brando, take time to consider it, but Brando says he doesn’t need to. Cyrus tells Walker, the guy he hired to tamper with Jason’s bike didn’t know what he was doing. Jason is still alive, and as long as Jason is in the way, he can’t get to his real target – Sonny.

Alexis walks into the hospital, and Finn says, the AA meeting is upstairs. He’ll go with her. She says she’s not going to a meeting. She’s there because of Neil. She found him dead this morning.

Anna sits down, and Maxie and Peter run in. Maxie thanks her for waiting, and Anna asks how it went. What did the doctor say? Maxie says, so far, the baby is perfectly healthy, and shows Anna a picture of her new grandchild. The picture is so clear, and the baby so big, even I would have been able to tell if it was a boy or girl from the right angle. Anna says, beautiful, and Maxie says having her and Felicia as grandmothers, she’s sure it will be the smartest, most adventurous, best looking baby of all time. Peter says, the baby is lucky to have two magnificent grandmothers.

Jason tells Spinelli, Maxie sees what she wants to see, and this will entail breaking her heart. The more Spinelli tries to convince her, the more she’ll pull away. They need to find proof; something that neither Anna or Maxie can deny. Sam comes along, and asks if they’ve found proof that Brando is working with Cyrus.

Olivia tells Robert, there’s nothing worse than being alone when you’re scared. She suggests they make a deal, and lean on each other. That’s what friends do. She’s going to the memorial with him; end of story. He says he’s heard worse ideas, and they clink glasses.

Jason, Spinelli, and Sam watch the feed, and Jason says, Brando seems pristine.

The guy who rigged Jason’s bike walks into the garage, and Brando says he’ll be with him in a minute. Another dude follows, and asks if he’s Corbin. They stand on either side of Brando, and Jason says, this doesn’t look good. They start to beat Brando up, and Sam asks. who would do that? Jason says, it doesn’t matter. Let’s go. The three of them run out of the park, Spinelli clutching the open laptop.

Tomorrow, Anna tells Valentin that she needs him as back-up, Sam asks how Brando is doing, and Peter says he got the distinct impression Spinelli wants to talk to him.

The Real Housewives of New York City

It’s Christmastime in NYC – my favorite time there. Ramona wants to take a picture of Coco, but Coco isn’t having it. Ramona decorates her tree.

Sonja tells her assistant that Leah is the only one who RSVP’d. She calls Dorinda, who says she just had an operation, and is on all kinds of Vicodin. Sonja reminds her about drag queen bingo, and Dorinda says she has the best outfit. LuAnn will steal it for her next show.

Leah spars with trainer Martin.

LuAnn goes to the recording studio to meet with producer Desmond Child. In her interview, she says they met through friends, and hit it off. They decide to work together, and he said he had  the perfect match for her – Viva la Diva. She feels lucky that they clicked and now they’re working together. She goes through the song, and sounds pretty awful. Desmond tells her to be more coy, and show more of her personality. I try to figure out how those two things go together. He thinks they’ve got it, and LuAnn says it’s about the diva in all of them. The inner strength and power that comes from deep within. She tells Desmond about Sonja’s party, and he asks if he can come. She says, of course.

Dorinda goes with stylist Luke to her old condo where she’s having work done. She says it’s becoming a classic, clean, efficient New York apartment. She’s wearing a sling, and in her interview, Dorinda says she had a bump taken out of her hand, and it was quite invasive. It was big and had all these legs on it. The interviewer reacts as we all do, by saying, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Luke wonders what’s next for her, and she says she was flooded, she broke a rib, and gutted the place. It started with just a facelift. We flash back to Dorinda telling her real estate agent that she’s doing a little renovation. She says, it’s representative of her life. She’s starting the new year off thinking about good things for the future. In her interview, she says she had to go through the murky waters, but it’s clear now; the water is calming. She tells Luke that she thinks 2020 will be a good year. Ha-ha-ha! We all did. She says she has to start growing. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, it’s a lot of me, mine, and what to do next. She deserves it. She’s a good person, and feels good about it. Luke picks up a flat, round piece of metal from the floor, and Dorinda says Robert leaves coins when he wants to wish her good luck. Since it’s blank, she wonders if she’s going broke.

Sonja is at her old townhouse, waiting for Ramona. She says she needs Ramona’s help. Ramona got rid of her old place, and is light as a feather now. She wants to be in the same boat. Ramona arrives, and Sonja tells her, it’s not fancy, but it’s clean and new. Ramona told her that she should put it on the market, and she talked to her daughter about it. In Sonja’s interview, she says the house is a financial and emotional drain. She wants to be footloose and fancy free. She’s worked hard to get to this point, and doesn’t want to be house heavy. We see before and after shots. Ramona thinks it’s perfect. In her interview, Sonja says now that her daughter is in college, she doesn’t need all this house. It’s time for a new family to make it their own. She’s ready for a place that’s just for her. Ramona says she’s proud of Sonja, and didn’t realize how attached she was to her apartment until she was closing. Sonja says she looks at it as the place where her daughter brought her friends, and had stability after the divorce, but once she was in college, it was different. Ramona says they’re going to all live life now. Ramona lies down on the new carpet, and Sonja takes pictures. Sonja’s assistant is like, omg.

Leah, Bunny, and Kier go to Abigail’s Kitchen for a gingerbread house decorating session. In Leah’s interview, she says she feels like she has so much to be grateful for, but she feels tired. She and Kier talk about going to Jamaica, and a guy at the table says he did paragliding in the Bahamas. Leah says Kier is trying to get her to do it, but she refuses; she’s scared. Bunny has a suggestion, and Kier says she knows what it is; no phone. Leah says maybe she’ll take a social media detox. In her interview, she says she appreciates her mom looking out for them. No matter how tumultuous their relationship is, family is everything. She says Kier missed her grandma’s speech; it was Oscar worthy. They’re in a better place than they were a few months ago, but she knows Bunny isn’t happy with all of her decisions. At the end of the day, she thinks Bunny understands and respects her. Bunny says she does, and Leah says Bunny told her to go to hell the other day. Bunny asks what Leah told her first, and Leah says, f*** off. In her interview, Leah says their relationship is a work in progress. She has to work on being more mature in dealing with her mom. More change is coming from baby steps. Leah is impressed with Bunny’s gingerbread house, but isn’t so crazy about her own. Kier says she’s hard on herself, and Bunny says it’s because of her. Leah tells her, she wasn’t going to say that.

Leah, Kier, and Sarah are in a limo, and Sarah asks what they’re going to see. Leah says LuAnn has a new cabaret act, and Sonja is in it. Dorinda had surgery, so she gets a pass, but Ramona called to say she wasn’t coming today. In her interview, Leah says, the ladies seems sick of cabaret, but LuAnn has a new audience member since she hasn’t seen it. The venue isn’t a regular club, more like a rehearsal studio, and Ben says they’re taking it on road, and trying it out. He thanks the audience for coming, and says they appreciate it. LuAnn comes out to much applause. She says she was inspired to do Marry F*** Kill because they have a Q&A during the shows, and everyone always asks her that question. The material is based on sex and relationships. In her interview, she says, the fun things they never talk about. Her piano player asks if she has a New Year’s resolution, and she says her track record at this time of year isn’t great. She’s going to try not to get married, divorced, or arrested. In Sonja’s interview, she says, this is LuAnn’s idea of how to refresh cabaret. The material is getting old. LuAnn says she just got back from a vacation in Mexico with her girlfriends, and didn’t fall into one bush. She tells the audience that she has a problem with Harry Dubin. Every time she sees him, he asks if she’s getting married again. If he asks one more time, she’s going to kill him. Sonja yells, don’t kill Harry! She has a solution. LuAnn invites her up on stage, and asks who she would marry, f***, kill, between Dorinda, Ramona, and Tinsley. Sonja says she’d kill Ramona, but Tinsley is unf***able. Maybe she’d marry Tinsley after her second divorce. That leaves sex with Dorinda. In her interview, Sonja says, marry, f***, kill is nothing new. Some of them have f***ed everybody; the list is getting short. It’s a quick show for us, since we don’t see any more of it. In her interview, Leah thought it was a treat seeing LuAnn and Sonja perform together. She doesn’t know why Ramona wouldn’t want to come. Backstage, Leah says she’s glad Ramona isn’t there. She can chew gum and show her vagina to everyone. In LuAnn’s interview, she says Ramona loves to support women, but doesn’t support her. Sonja says she feels self-conscious. She’s had a lot on her plate this year, and let herself go. She tells Leah that she wants to work out, In her interview, she says she put herself on the back burner. Now she has to tackle things that have piled up, and take care of herself. Leah says she likes doing different things, and has an app that tells her what class is available that day. They make plans to work out the day after bingo. Leah says, no matter how hungover they are, even if they’re covered with glitter, and makes the appointment. In Leah’s interview, she says she’s come to love Sonja. She’s a free artist soul, misunderstood, layered, and complicated. She wants Sonja to feel her best. Leah makes a toast to friendship. She says LuAnn and Sonja have been friends a long time and have a special chemistry. She’s happy she and Sonja are working out together; it will be awesome.

Luke helps Dorinda get ready, and wonders if RuPaul is in her closet. I think he was out of any and all closets a long time ago.

It’s time for Sonja’s Drag Queen Bingo Party, where the bartenders wear elf hats and no shirts. Sonja loves the room, saying, it’s spacious and tinselly; it’s a winter wonderland. The party is about raising money for GLAAD, one of her favorite charities. In her interview, she wants them to have a good time, and celebrate their differences and similarities. It’s one big hot mess, which she loves. She wonders if one of them is a drag queen or housewife. Dorinda is dressed in silver, along with accessories of a turban and sling. In her interview, she says you’d think the queens went into her closet. She has half these clothes. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, there are few great hostesses in the world, and Sonja is one of them. She’s not great at accounting, but she knows how to throw a party. Leah wears Adidas sneakers with her gown, saying she wants to be comfortable. Desmond comes in wearing a huge black sunhat, and tells LuAnn it’s the hat’s premiere. Ramona brings her friend Ron, and Sonja asks why she brought a straight guy. Ramona says, he’s a garnish. In Sonja’s interview, she says, Ron is just a guy friend, but Ramona likes to flirt. It’s the reason she doesn’t invite Ramona to her gay parties. Read the invite, bitch.

Sonja asks LuAnn if she’s made out with Ron. He says they did, but she doesn’t remember. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she’s delighted to see Ron. At least he’s not Missy. Sonja insists that she’s written jokes for LuAnn, but LuAnn doesn’t think so. Dorinda tells Leah that Ramona never told LuAnn that she wasn’t coming to the show. Ramona pulls up the text LuAnn sent, and claims she didn’t see the invite. LuAnn says she needed to open the attachment, and Ramona tells her – business advice – she should put it in the header. By which, I assume she means subject line. LuAnn says – business advice – open the attachment. In Ramona’s interview, she says LuAnn called her at the last minute and she had a commitment already. Ron tells Leah that she’s quiet, and needs tequila. He says he and Ramona are super platonic, and in Leah’s interview, she says she thinks Ramona brought him because she likes straight male energy. She asks Ramona why there isn’t more between her and Ron, and Ramona says, it’s better that way. She has something in the works. Leah says she likes being single, and Ron says she should have a friend with benefits. At the mention of it, Ramona has to leave their presence, and Leah tells Ron that Ramona runs when anyone mentions sex. Ron says Leah is in her prime, and he can make her shine. That’s a no, and I’m like, uuuugh.

Bingo is about to start, and Sonja takes the mic, saying, before they start, the number one message is that this is an LGBTQ+ benefit. She also announces that she doesn’t know why Ramona brought a straight man. Ramona says, the invitation didn’t say gay only, and Sonja tells her not to bring her boring friends. Leah says, he’ll be gay by the end of the night. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she’s learned to have a specific permanent smile on her face, and demonstrates. Dorinda gets serious about the bingo game, and LuAnn says, when Dorinda isn’t doing aerobics, she must be at the Elk’s lodge playing bingo. Ramona yells that she likes the number 69 – having no clue about the sexual connotation. Honestly, I’m not sure how she made it to age 75 60. In her interview, she says she just likes the way it looks. It’s graphically pretty. Someone else gets bingo, and Dorinda says, they cheated. She needs a drink. Uh-oh.

Sonja introduces LuAnn, who’s performing her new song. LuAnn says they’re still working on it, so it’s just a preview. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, at least it’s not Happy Birthday. LuAnn starts to sing Viva la Diva, and I die laughing at Leah’s face. In Leah’s interview, she says, it really gets stuck in your head. Sonja says, it’s refreshing that LuAnn is owning up to being a diva. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she’s happy. Everyone is dancing and loving the song. She’s gone through so much, and now respects every day; every day is a gift. Since it’s the finale, the text tells us that LuAnn hasn’t been able to do cabaret because of quarantine, but she’s focusing on her memoir, and sold her round house upstate.

We read that Dorinda has a book coming out, Making It Nice; Making It Through. She won’t be wearing Jovani on the cover. In Leah’s interview, she says she’s grown so much, and she’s getting it right with her mom. She also has a new love for the Upper East Side. She’s ready to let go, and possibly be in a relationship. Her text says that she’s quit drinking, which strengthened her relationship with her mom. She understands that she’s not always liked, but she is always loved. In Sonja’s interview, she says she has all her ducks line up in a row. Sometimes you go off the rails, but then get back up, and fight the fight. We read that, despite the facelift of the townhouse, she had no bidders, so she took it off the market. Her own facelift was more successful in attracting attention. In Ramona’s interview, she says, you should never play the victim. It’s best when you’re real with yourself. The text says she’s settled into a new building, and moved to a higher floor with more Instagrammable views.

Leah thanks the women for having open hearts toward her. She says Tinsley introduced her to the group, and suddenly Dorinda loses her sh*t, saying she won’t give Tinsley that. Tinsley almost ruined their show. She keeps repeating that Tinsley breached her contract, and Sonja says, if you’re not there, you don’t get kudos. Dorinda starts getting all animated, and the women have to duck her recently operated on hand. LuAnn says, merry Christmas. Sonja says she invited Tinsley, but she’d gone back to Chicago. Dorinda says, she’s leaving, and bleepity-bleep-bleep-bleep. Ron says, wow. Leah says Dorinda didn’t give her a chance to finish. Tinsley left, and she formed a bond with them, and she loves them. That’s what she was trying to say. Before she leaves, Dorinda tells Sonja, Tinsley breached her contract, and she’s a bitch. LuAnn tells Leah that Dorinda has gone beyond her expectations of her as a person. I get what she means, but I would rephrase that to say beyond her expectations as an a-hole. She says, Dorinda has work to do. They all do, but you have to keep growing. Dorinda is a great example of not growing. Leah says she’s done with Dorinda, and LuAnn says, she’s not. Dorinda is in a lot of pain, and has a lot of sh*t going on. She came there after having surgery, but didn’t come to LuAnn’s show. She doesn’t want to come to the show. Leah says, that’s awful, and LuAnn says, happy effing holidays.

Next time, the Reunion – Part One – the show is live, with everyone together (but of course socially distanced), Tinsley joins the group, and Andy has to yell at them to shut up.

🍼 Toddling Off…

It’s been a long week, and I’ve gathered quite a bit of tea, but I’ll save it for the next post. Especially since there’s not much going on TVwise on Friday. For the time being, stay safe, stay composed, and stay keeping it more real than Ramona.