What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Mike/Sonny asks what the doctor said about Lenny’s heart, and Phyllis says, his condition hasn’t improved. Lenny tells Phyllis, his heart’s not failing him now. There’s no need to tell him for a week or two. Sonny says, tell him what? and Phyllis starts to cry. Lenny says his old ticker is getting worse.

On the phone, Ava says she wants to get to Windymere as soon as possible, then back to town in an hour… No, she doesn’t have to wait. She’s Ava Cassadine, at least for the time being… Who, may she ask, is holding the launch at Spoon Island? Who has more right to that launch than she does? (Seriously? She has to wonder about that?)

Laura tells Nikolas that she’s sorry she brought Spencer up. She thinks she just made things worse. He says he’s fine, and he’s glad she tried to get Spencer to call him. Her heart was in the right place. A voice says, father, and Spencer walks in. Nikolas says, Spencer? and Spencer says he’s home. He tells Laura that he’s sorry he didn’t call. He wanted to surprise them all. She knows how he loves surprises. She says, he got what he wanted, and so did she, and hugs him.

Referring to Austin, Michael says, no offense, but who the hell is he? and Scotty says he’s glad Michael asked. Let him introduce… Austin says he’d really like to take care of this himself. He looks at Michael, and says, you’re Michael, right? I’m Austin. Austin Gatlin Holt. Ned says, so he’s telling them… and Brook interrupts, saying, she knows who he is. He delivered Maxie’s baby. He says, yeah, and Olivia says, in the woods? Before the baby was stolen. He asks if Brook knows Maxie, and she says she’s Brook Lynn Quartermaine. Maxie pointed him out to her the night her baby was born. She also just told Brook that he got hired at GH. He says he did just get hired at GH, which makes Monica his new boss. It’s a pleasure to meet her. Monica says, no GH staff members introduce themselves by sabotaging an ELQ meeting, and he says he thinks she knows why he’s there. Does she want to tell everybody, or does she want him to take care of it? She says, if his name is any indication, his father was Jimmy Lee Holt, and his mother was Terry Gatlin. Scotty says, that’s right, and that makes him the grandson of his old pal, Edward Quartermaine.

Anna walks through the hospital with security guard, who says, when Dr. Quartermaine brought him on as security chief, she made it clear he’s to do everything in his power to help the WSB and the PCPD with their investigations. She says she’s trying to track down a helicopter pilot, David Hopkins. He flew Medivac for GH, but she’s learned he since left Port Charles, and is living in the tri-state area. She was hoping he could use his contacts at other hospitals to pin down his whereabouts. She gives him the only photograph she has, and he says he’ll get right on it. He leaves, and Finn approaches Anna, and asks what that was all about. She says, the search for Peter.

Nina says, if Maxie needs help, she’ll get it for her. She knows that. Nina loves her, and will always love her, no matter what Maxie tells her, but Maxie has to talk to her right now. Is she afraid she’s going to steal Bailey? Maxie says she wouldn’t be stealing Bailey; she’d be bringing her back home where she belongs. Nina says Maxie doesn’t mean that. She knows Bailey’s home is with her mother. Maxie says she can tell by the way Nina is looking at her, that Nina thinks she’s lost it. She promises she’s not delusional. She’s not thinking of snatching a baby that’s not hers. She would be bringing her home. Nina says, and her home is with Brook Lynn.

Nina says she knows Maxie is hurting, and no one knows that hurt better than she does. Maxie says she was thinking about that as she was driving there; how Nina lost Nelle, and how she had to give up Avery. That must have been devastating. That’s why she wanted to talk to Nina. Nina is glad Maxie brought up Avery, because like her, Maxie can’t take a baby that’s not hers. Maxie says, that’s not what’s happening, and Nina asks, what is happening? She wants to help Maxie. Please. Maxie says Nina has to promise she’ll keep the secret forever, even if she thinks Maxie is wrong. Nina says, oh God, Maxie. What’s the secret?

Sonny says, the old ticker is still ticking, and Lenny says, for now. Phyllis says, Lenny, but Lenny says he’s just trying to be realistic. Sonny says, Lenny has to listen to the nurse standing beside him, and asks Phyllis what they do to get this ex-Marine in fighting shape. Phyllis asks if Lenny heard that. Mike’s not giving up on him, and neither is she. Lenny says, who’s giving up? He’s just trying to face facts; keep things real. Sonny says, if he’d kept it real, he woudn’t have been able to crawl out of that water. He would have just gone under and given up. Lenny says that was just him being stubborn, and Phyllis says, good thing he was. Sonny says they took him in, and gave him another chance at life. Lenny can consider this payback, but he doesn’t care. He’s not going to let Lenny go.

Laura says, Spencer is so grown, but Spencer says he’s just older, and a little wiser and cuter. She laughs, and asks how long he’s been in town. Where’s his luggage? He says he has a room at the MetroCourt, and Laura says she sees. She says Nikolas is so quiet. Doesn’t he have something to say to his son? Nikolas says, plenty, but he’s not sure if his son is there for him, and Spencer says, that’s understandable. Nikolas is the one who’s been reaching out, while he’s been keeping his distance. Laura says, none of that matters now. Does it, Nikolas? Nikolas says he hopes not. It’s good to see him. Spencer asks if that’s all he’s got, and says it’s good to see Nikolas too. He holds out his hand, and Nikolas asks if that’s all Spencer’s got, and they hug.

Michael asks, who was Jimmy Lee Holt again? Ned says, Jimmy Lee Holt was… Olivia blurts out, the bastard son of Edward and Beatrice Latour. Sorry. As a former single mother two times, she’s not judging him. Austin thanks her, and she tells the others, she read Edward’s memoirs, so sue her. Austin says, as he understands it, illegitimacy wasn’t unique among Edward’s offspring, and Olivia says, just wait until he reads the book. Brace yourself. Valentin says, that means Mr. – Austin says, doctor – Dr. Gatlin Holt is entitled to a certain number of voting shares, but Michael says, not so fast. Anybody can just waltz in here and say they’re entitled to voting shares. Austin says, can they? and Scotty tosses a manila envelope on the table, and says, here’s the proof. DNA, birth certificates, affidavits… All the proof that entitles his client to his rightful share.

Finn asks Anna how it’s going, and she says, slowly. He says, good luck, and she asks, how’s Violet? He says, she’s having one of those magical summers you only get when you’re that age, and Anna says, that’s beautiful. Tell Violet she misses her. 4^th of July seems so long ago already. He says he’ll do that… or Anna could tell Violet herself. She’s at Lila’s Kids in the morning, but after that… She says she can’t do that. She’s in New York tomorrow. He asks if she’s seeing a show, and she says, nothing like that. Although she was going to pop into the store at The Plaza to see if she can find something for Violet. They loved reading Eloise together. If that’s all right. He says she doesn’t need his permission to do something nice for Violet, and she says she just didn’t want to overstep; give Violet the wrong idea. He says, about what? and she says, about you and me.

Sonny says he’s sure Dr. Ford is an excellent doctor, but Lenny is going to need a second opinion. Lenny asks Phyllis to tell this guy there’s nothing free in this life, especially the kind of second opinion he’s talking about. Phyllis says, Mike is right. There are plenty of specialists out there, and new treatments coming out all the time. And they have insurance. She starts to walk to the back, and Lenny asks where she’s going. She says, what good is her medical training if she can’t use it for her husband? She’s going online, and she’s not going to stop until she finds a cardiologist that can help him. She leaves, and Lenny tells Sonny, see what you’ve done? Now you’ve given her hope.

Anna tells Finn, forget she said that, and walks to the elevator. He follows, and asks if they can’t talk for a minute. She says, sure, and they walk to a bench. He says he’s always been up front and honest with Violet. She knows they’re not together anymore. They sit, and Anna says, good. She doesn’t mean… She means she’s glad Violet understands. He says he also made sure Violet knows she’s important to Anna. Anna says, she is, and thanks him. He says, and Anna is important to him; she always will be. She says, really? and he says, really. She says, after everything that went down with Peter and Chase, she was pretty sure he wanted nothing to do with her. He says he was angry. Sometimes he still is. When he was working around the clock to save Chase, there were moments he blamed her. She says, it was her fault, but he says, it was only one person’s fault – Peter. She says she’s going to find Peter and bring him to justice, and he says, justice would be good, but it’s more important to him that Chase is improving. She says she still has so much to make up for, and he tells her, stop. Can they stop talking about Peter for just one moment? Find a way to… She says, be friends?

Michael says, of course (🍷) they’re going to request that all the paperwork be independently verified. Ned says, Dr. Gatlin, and Austin says, he was wrong about that; just call him Austin. Ned says, Austin. He hates to be the bearer of bad news, but even if those documents are real, Austin has no right to any share of ELQ. His grandfather was explicit about cutting Jimmy Lee and all of his descendants out of his estate. As he’s sure Jimmy Lee knows. Otherwise, Jimmy Lee himself would be there. Austin says his father has the best excuse in the world not to be there. He’s dead. Six months ago. Monica says she’s sorry for his loss, and Austin thanks her. That’s why he’s here, to stake his claim. Because what was rightfully his, is rightfully Austin’s.

Nikolas says Spencer’s grandmother is right. He’s a grown man now. He’s just sorry he missed seeing it happen. Laura asks, what happened to his trip around the world? The last time she talked to him, he was on the Amalfi coast. He says, nobody goes there anymore; it’s too popular. She says it’s nice to know some things never change. He’s still a snob. Spencer says, just particular. He learned from experts. Nikolas says, obviously, he’s overjoyed to see Spencer, but after all those months of radio silence, why now? Spencer says he wasn’t sure he’d be welcomed; hence, the MetroCourt. Nikolas says, Windymere is Spencer’s home. Spencer is always welcome. He’s sorry if he made Spencer feel otherwise. Spencer says, it’s all right, father. It wasn’t him. Ava comes in, saying, who’s monopolizing the launch… She sees Spencer and stops short.

Nina tells Maxie, if there’s one thing she’s learned to do effectively, it’s keep a secret. Maxie says, good, because it’s a matter of life or death. Nina says she can see it’s tearing Maxie up. She’s here, and promises to keep Maxie’s secret, no matter what. Maxie thanks her, and says, Bailey isn’t really Brook’s baby. Bailey is hers. Nina asks what she means, and Maxie says she gave her baby to Brook to keep her safe from Peter. She starts to cry again, and Nina says, Brook had her baby in a hotel room in Ithaca, and Michael and Willow brought them back here. Maxie says, no. Bailey doesn’t exist; she never did. Brook’s baby is Louise.

Ava says hello to Spencer, and Spencer apologizes for tying up the launch. He wasn’t sure of his reception, and thought he might have to make an early departure. Nikolas says he told Spencer this is his home, and Ava says, of course (🍷) it is. Welcome home. She didn’t want to interrupt. She just came by to make sure the movers didn’t forget anything. Spencer says, grandmother told him that Ava and his father were experiencing difficulties, and she says, if by difficulties, he means divorce. He says, the last he heard, they were renewing their vows. What changed? Ava says, it’s okay. He doesn’t have to pretend to be sorry their marriage is ending. He says if he’d known, he’d have come home sooner, and she says, to hammer in the final nail? but he says, to be there for his father.

Finn tells Anna, what he’d like to think is they’re… What are they? Friends? Exes? He doesn’t think it matters as long as they’re good. She says she’d like that, but they both know there will always be this thing between them where she turned a blind eye to Peter and what he did. He says she had to learn the hard way. Peter had… has a way of bringing out the worst in people and making them betray their best intentions. He flashes back to being with Peter on the roof, and Peter telling him that Anna broke the rules. He didn’t sentence Chase; Anna did. Finn remembers throwing Peter down the stairs, and Anna asks if he’s all right. He says he’s sorry for being so hard on her. He realizes the truth can sometimes be complicated. He should have been more understanding. She shrugs, and thanks him. She asks, what changed?

Sonny asks, what’s the matter with hope? and Lenny says, it may help Phyllis now, but it will cost her a lot more in the end. Sonny doesn’t know what Lenny means, and Lenny says, whatever they do about his condition, it has to be within their means, because insurance only covers so much. Sonny tells him, don’t worry; he has it covered. Lenny says, he’s the one who pays Mike/Sonny. He knows how much Mike has. Sonny says, it doesn’t matter about the money. Lenny gave him a chance. It’s only fair. Lenny says he’s touched by the offer, but it ain’t gonna be cheap. And he can’t… He can’t drive Phyllis deeper into debt. He’s dying, and by the time he’s in the ground, Phyllis could lose the Tan-O, and for what? Sonny says, for the only thing that matters. She would do it for him.

Nina says, what about Maxie giving birth in the woods? and Maxie says, that’s all true. Nina says, and the hiker who happened to be a doctor helping deliver the baby… Maxie says, he’s real. He’s in Port Charles. Nina can ask him herself. Nina asks if Brook was with her when Louise was born, but Maxie says, it was just the hiker/doctor and Peter’s imposter nurse. Nina says, she didn’t take the baby? and Maxie says, she tried to. Maxie clocked her and ran. Nina says, after giving birth? and Maxie says, adrenaline is a wonderful thing. Nina wonders if she even has to ask Maxie how the nurse ended up in the mine shaft, and Maxie says, she lured the nurse into it, but she swears she didn’t push her. Nina asks how Brook got involved, and where’s Brook’s baby? Maxie says, Brook was only pretending to be pregnant. She was going to give Brook her baby without anyone knowing, especially Peter. It was the only way Maxie could protect her from the monster who is her father. Nina says she understands, but there’s one thing she’s unclear on. Everyone in town thinks Valentin is Bailey’s father. Is he in on it too?

Valentin says, on behalf of the Quartermaine family… Ned says, of which he’s not a part, and Valentin says he’s Ned’s granddaughter’s father, but Ned says, that doesn’t make him family. Valentin says, anyway, if Austin is joining them, the more the merrier. Olivia says, if there’s another member of the family, the voting shares get shuffled yet again, right? and Ned says, not for Jimmy Lee’s descendants. Olivia says, but he’s Edward’s flesh and blood, and Austin says, before the speculation starts to spiral out of control… Brook says, if he thinks this is spiraling out of control, he’d better head for the hills, because this is nothing. Austin says he’s heard. Their family squabbles are legendary. Olivia says if he thinks the squabbles are interesting, wait until he sees Thanksgiving. Austin says, to be perfectly clear, he’s not here for a free meal, Thanksgiving or otherwise. He was just hired at GH, and from what he understands, he’s going to be paid pretty well, so that’s not why he’s here. Monica asks, why is he here? and he says, because his father was really fond of Port Charles, even though Port Charles was never really fond of his father. Ned says, grandfather’s will was probated years ago. Scotty’s client may be related by blood, but he has no legal standing to be at this meeting. Scotty says he has news for Ned. Austin’s legal standing has just gone up a notch. Ned asks how he figures, and Austin says he’s contesting his grandfather’s will. A judge will decide his rights. Not Ned, or any of the other Quartermaines.

Lenny tells Sonny, Phyllis is his life. She’s his heart, his everything. Even so, she didn’t sign on for this; going broke just to buy him some time. Sonny asks if they promised to love each other in sickness and in health, and if they did, she signed up for it. Lenny says, til death do us part, and Sonny says, that’s not going to happen, because he’s going to find a way to meet these bills. Lenny asks how he can be so sure, and Sonny says he doesn’t know, but he’s going to find a way.

Maxie says, Valentin has no idea Bailey isn’t his daughter. Nina says, so every day he’s bonding with a baby that isn’t his? and Maxie says she’s focused on protecting her daughter from Peter. She hasn’t given much thought to Valentin’s feelings. Nina says, she gets it. Valentin is far from perfect, but… Maxie says, but what? Exactly what does Nina have a problem with? She’s trusting Nina with her daughter’s life. Nina says, all right. She won’t tell Valentin. They all have their secrets, and she swore she would protect Maxie’s. Maxie says, thank God. Nina has no idea how hard it’s been to be around her daughter, and pretend she’s not hers. She’s been doing a terrible job of covering, which is why she thinks she needs to put some distance between them until Peter is caught and behind bars.

Finn says, Anna is right; something has changed. She says it’s clearly troubling him. Is there anything she can do to help? He says, Anna… when the security guy calls her name. He hands her a paper, and says he may have found what she’s looking for. She thanks him, and Finn asks if it’s about Peter. She says, it is. Can he wait a minute? She has to make a phone call. He says, no worries, this can wait, and she leaves.

Nikolas tells Spencer not to worry about him. He can take care of himself. It’s Ava that… Spencer says, Ava what? What’s going on? Laura says his father didn’t want to worry him, and Ava says, she and his father have different priorities. Spencer says, clearly. What’s come between them that’s so insurmountable? Ava says, she’s sure Spencer recalls that her marriage to his father began for all the wrong reasons. It’s ending for all the right ones. Now if they’ll excuse her, she doesn’t want to interrupt this happy family reunion. She is glad he’s back. For his father’s sake.

Michael asks what right Austin has to challenge a will that’s already probated? Scotty asks Austin to let him handle this. Only their attorneys will be copied. He filed the papers today challenging Edward’s decision to give certain family members shares, and other family members nothing. Monica says, that was his right, and Brook says, it doesn’t have to be fair. It’s family. Just ask her grandmother. Ned says, all he left her was a jar of Pickle-Lila relish, and Austin says he’d like to know more about that. Brook says, enough about the pickles. Those were his wishes. Austin can’t just come in here and change things. Austin says, spoken like a true child of privilege, and Brook says, this family isn’t changing for him. Michael says they’ll have the documents checked out and go from there. Ned says, it won’t matter; the will is ironclad. Valentin gets a text, and says, excuse him. Normally he enjoys watching them savage themselves, but he is CEO, and can’t allow the proceedings to continue if there’s confusion as to who gets a vote, and how much vote they have. Ned says, he’s telling them, Austin doesn’t get a vote. Valentin says, either way, they can’t continue if they don’t know who gets how much voting share. It would leave the company open to all kinds of outcomes, and he’s not going to let that happen on his watch. Olivia asks if Valentin is correct, and Ned says, he’s not entirely wrong. Valentin says, this meeting is adjourned. Good day everyone. He leaves, and Monica says, for once she agrees with Valentin. They can’t pass judgement until they have all the facts.

Nina says she supports Maxie’s decision if she feels that’s what’s best for her and her baby, and Maxie says, but…? Nina says, but, if Maxie and Brook brought Valentin into the loop, he would go along with it. The only difference is, he won’t have his heart broken any more than it’s going to be. Maxie says she can’t risk telling him, and Nina promised she wouldn’t either. Nina says she won’t; it’s Maxie’s secret to tell, but she really wishes Maxie would. That way she could stay in Port Charles and fight. Lure Peter out of the shadows, and Valentin will be right by her side. So will Anna, and Britt, and Aunt Liesl, and her. They love her. She’ll have an army of people at her side, and if Peter dares show his face… Maxie says, Peter won’t show his face. And they’ve lost too many people for her to ask anyone to risk their life for her mistakes, but she can’t think of anyone she’d rather be in a foxhole with. Nina says, they’re sisters. Whatever Maxie needs. Nina hugs her.

Lenny says, fine. Mike/Sonny wants to help him live longer so he gets more time with the woman he loves, he doesn’t have the strength to fight him. Sonny says, don’t worry. When Lenny gets better, they’ll put on the gloves, and he’ll kick Lenny’s butt. Lenny says it feels like he already is. He’s not going to quit, is he? Sonny says Lenny’s not going to quit either. They can’t do that, for Phyllis. Phyllis comes back in, and says she’s been looking for just the right specialist. She sets the laptop on a table, and says she thinks she found one.

Anna says she had to adjust her travel plans, and Finn says, New York? She says, yeah, and Valentin joins them. He says he got her text. Sorry if he’s interrupting. Anna says, Valentin’s been helping her with her search for Peter. Valentin asks what she’s got, and she says he knows she was looking for the helicopter pilot. She found a lead, and she’s going to follow it to New York, but she realizes he’s working hard at ELQ, so she’ll just keep him posted. He says things are very much up in the air at ELQ, and that’s not going to stop him from going with her.

Austin apologizes for melodrama, even if it is kind of a family tradition. Ned asks what he knows about the Quartermaine family traditions, and Olivia says he doesn’t know the half of it. Austin says, she’s Olivia, right? He saw her at the MetroCourt. She says, nice to meet him. Don’t mistake her friendliness for being on his side. This is her family. He says he’s her family too, and she says, remains to be seen. Austin says, please understand. He’s not there to take anything away from any of them. He’s just there for vindication for his father, and to take his seat at the family table.

Laura says it’s so good to have Spencer home, and he says, it’s good to be home. Ava tries to slip out, but Nikolas sees her. He asks if she found something, and she says, this was left behind in one of the drawers. Does he remember? She shows him a bracelet, and he says, of course (🍷) he remembers. He saw it in the window of that boutique on Charles Street. He bid against someone for it. Spencer says he hopes Nikolas didn’t bid too high, and Laura says, Spencer. Nikolas says he would have spent ten times as much, and she says, yes. She thinks she’ll give it to Avery; she’ll love it. He says, as long as someone is enjoying it, and she says, Spencer doesn’t need the launch after all. She’ll be on her way. She’s so glad he has his son back. She hopes it’s a comfort. She leaves, and Laura says, wait, and follows. Spencer says he’s sorry Nikolas is upset. He wishes there was something he could do. Nikolas says, spare him the crocodile tears. It’s what he wants, isn’t it?

Ava tells Laura, this really isn’t necessary. Laura has always been polite about it, but Ava knows she’s never approved of her marriage to Laura’s son. Laura says, that’s not true. As time has gone on, she’s seen that Ava and Nikolas belong together. Ava says she has a choice to make. Her marriage or her daughter’s safety. It’s really no choice at all. Laura says she understands. She really does, but she wants Ava to know she’s going to do absolutely everything in her power to find this sick bastard who came between Ava and Nikolas, and bring him to justice, so that Ava can be with her family. So she can be with their family.

Spencer says Nikolas wasn’t there when Ava went back on her word, and refused to testify against Valentin. He thought Valentin had killed Nikolas. Nikolas says Ava had a badly scarred face from the fire, and Spencer of all people, should have sympathy for that. Spencer says he didn’t come home to start a fight. He’s here because… Nikolas says, because? and Spencer says, because he loves Nikolas. And believe it or not, he misses Nikolas, and if his grandmother says Nikolas needs him, isn’t that reason enough? They hug, and Laura comes in and smiles.

Austin says he doesn’t expect them to hand over the keys to the kingdom, but he does hope the next time they see each other, it’s a little easier, because there’s going to be a next time. He walks to the door, and they all follow. At the front door, he turns and says, you know, it used to make him really sad that he didn’t know his grandfather. That he didn’t know what it felt like to be in a home like this. And he really looks forward to getting to know them, and spending some time with them. Because they’re family, right? He walks out, and they stand there like a sad family portrait.

Maxie says she knows Nina has other things on her mind. Other people in Nixon Falls. Nina says, wherever she is, be it there or Nixon falls, if Maxie needs her, find her. She’s really proud of Maxie’s courage. Maxie says, courage? She’s running for her life. She doesn’t know if she’d call that courage. Nina says Maxie is doing what she needs to do to save her baby. The next time she sees Maxie, she hopes it’s in Port Charles, with her little girl in her arms. Maxie hopes so too, and thanks Nina for keeping her secret. She knew if anyone would understand, it would be Nina.

Sonny says it looks like Phyllis hit paydirt, and she reads the doctor’s credentials, and says, education and training at hospitals so impressive, even Lenny has heard of them. Professor at an even better school. She’s also director of cardio care at one of the highest rated hospitals in America, and she specializes in Lenny’s form of heart disease. Lenny says, sounds expensive, and she says, sounds like they found their second opinion. Sonny says, hear that Lenny? Phyllis has spoken. Lenny says, she does that, and Sonny tells Phyllis, do him a favor. Keep Lenny on his meds, and he’ll take care of the rest. Phyllis asks Lenny if he heard that. She and Mike/Sonny have decided they’re all going to New York Methodist Hospital whether he likes it or not.

Valentin asks Anna, what’s the new lead? Finn says he’ll leave them to it, but Anna says Finn deserves to hear this too. The helicopter pilot is now flying out of New York Methodist, and if she’s right, he was piloting the chopper that almost landed on the roof the night Peter disappeared. Valentin says, if anyone can tell them if Peter got on board the chopper, it’s him. Anna tells Finn to wish them luck, and he says, good luck. Anna and Valentin leave, and the smile falls from Finn’s face.

Tomorrow, Maxie tells Sasha that she’s taking a step back, Nina says she can’t figure Brook out, Gladys tells Brando that it’s his time, and Sonny tells Phyllis, it does seem familiar.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

We revisited the stupidity of last week’s altercation between Sutton and Crystal, when Crystal tried to educate us on the definition of violate, and Sutton said Crystal had ugly leather pants. Garcelle took Crystal aside, and told her that the word she’d used wasn’t cool, but Crystal said Sutton had crossed the line. In Garcelle’s interview, she said, girl, please, which about summed it up. More hot toddies were consumed, and in Dorit’s interview, she said, insulting someone’s outfit goes below the belt. I wondered how long it took her to think that one up. Sutton apologized for what she’d said about Crystal’s pants, but said it was hard for her be with Crystal, since Crystal had been talking smack about her. Crystal refused to apologize for Sutton’s actions, and said Sutton was an inappropriate and awkward person. Period. Everyone was obviously surprised and/or shocked by this, and I wondered why no one said anything about this mean girlchild. Garcelle asked what Sutton wanted to move on, and Sutton said Crystal had hurt her, especially using the word manic; it was too much. Crystal stomped her foot and said she wasn’t taking it back. Dorit tried to explain why it was wrong, saying Sutton had confessed that her father committed suicide and was manic. Crystal said she wasn’t judging Sutton based on her father, but understood why it was a trigger. She took it back, which sounded juvenile, and LisaR made her repeat everything, which was even more juvenile. Sutton said she was more than happy to move on, and in her interview, said she was lowering her expectations and moving on. LisaR said, be true to yourself, take it a day at a time, be in the moment, and lock your door. Apparently, she’s writing fortune cookies now. Hey, she’s admitted she’s a hustler.

Kathy, Dorit, and Kyle tested positive for covid, and Kyle got seriously emotional along with it. We saw the headlines saying Erika had helped Tom embezzle from airplane crash victims, and that their divorce was a sham used to hide assets. Erika told the women, things were said that were wrong, and people were believing it. It was terrible, and she did nothing wrong. Her divorce wasn’t a sham. In her interview, she said, divorce was painful, and for it to be called a sham made it even more so. It took a lot of courage to leave, and in two seconds some a-hole said it was a sham, and had everyone believing it. The lawsuit was against the firm, and she was being attached to the firm. LisaR said Erika was strong, and would get through this. Erika said she had high anxiety because of lockdown, and she didn’t do this, and started crying.

LisaR and Crystal visited Erika in her new place, bringing muffins and liquor respectively. Erika said the best part of the house was outside, and they sat in the cabana. LisaR said it had a great vibe, and Erika said her new motto was, why not? as she poured champagne. Garcelle went over to Kyle’s place, and Kyles said she’d been cleared, but wanted to stay safe. She met with Garcelle in the backyard; her standing on the upstairs terrace, and Garcelle on the ground. Garcelle said Kyle looked good, considering, and in Garcelle’s interview, she said she and Kyle had come a long way. We flashed back to the Reunion where Kyle said Garcelle hadn’t ponied up her charity bid, and Kyle subsequently apologizing. Garcelle said she couldn’t believe she was playing Romeo to Kyle’s Juliet, but she wasn’t drinking poison for Kyle. Kyle said her family had burned rubber leaving when she tested positive, and in her interview, she talked about her character having Scarlet Fever on Little House on the Prairie. She didn’t need life to imitate art. She told Garcelle that she wanted to do a girls trip to La Quinta, and was inviting everyone.

Erika said she was not good, and had called her shrink. LisaR said it was hard when you put a person on a pedestal… and Erika said, then found out they were a POS. In her interview, Erika said she didn’t want Tom’s actions to kill what she’d created. Garcelle told Kyle that every day there was another horrible allegation. Erika told LisaR and Crystal that every day she asked herself what else was coming. In Erika’s interview, she said Tom wasn’t going down with the ship. He was taking all of them with him. People who’d stayed loyal to him. Garcelle told Kyle, she didn’t think Erika knew; they all understood husbands had secrets. Kyle said, maybe Erika saw it coming, and got out. Erika talked about being in the dark as far as Tom’s finances went, and we found out that Crystal was also clueless, which was much less of a surprise, since she’s five. LisaR said most women didn’t know anything about the home financial situation, because they didn’t make the money. She paid the bills in her household and knew everything. In LisaR’s interview, she said she’d always known where the money was, and where the dead bodies were buried. Erika said the more money Tom made, the more he shut her out. In Crystal’s interview, she said she knew Rob would be happy to share the information, but if he didn’t, it would be a red flag for her. In Erika’s interview, she said she knew how mean, vicious, and utterly dismissive Tom was. He wins; you lose. That was the way it had always been.  

Kyle visited Kathy, who showed her some Christmas wreaths she’d made. Kyle said she was still depressed, and Kathy said covid was an emotional thing. Kyle whined about not doing a good job parenting right now. Portia had slept through some of her classes. In Kyle’s interview, she said, while other parents talked about their kids missing their friends, her fear was that Portia would like being alone. Kathy said Kyle wasn’t alone, and in her interview, told us that she and Kyle hadn’t been on good terms for a while. It felt wonderful to be there for each other. They talked about Erika, and Kathy said, at the end of the day, life was a poker game, and everybody had to show their cards. Kyle told her, shut up.

LisaR visited Sutton, and met her new blonde lab puppy Waylon. Her daughter Porter was also home. In Sutton’s interview, she said Porter was her oldest child and a college freshman. She was a girlie girl like Sutton, and quiet, not like Sutton. She was double-majoring in history and French, and was a mother’s dream. Sutton wanted to keep her kids being kids for as long as possible. She also said, divorce sucked, and Erika’s was the worst ever. She told LisaR that she wasn’t making any judgements without knowing the facts, and LisaR said, why would she? I dunno. Maybe because that’s what most of them do on this show?

Kyle met Erika in the park, and Erika said she’d never been so overwhelmed. She was in a place where her hands were tied. She’d never have predicted this. She said she had a story, but couldn’t tell it. It was so hard. They were both crying, and Erika said there was nothing she could do but wait to tell her side of the story. The feeling of not knowing was huge. Things were alleged, and it was a lonely place to be. Being the possible target of a Federal criminal investigation was not cool. Things were said that were untrue, and everyone was questioning everything. It was lonely and quiet. She said Kyle would be shocked to find out how quickly people turned from you and distanced themselves, but they’d been there when times were good. In her interview, she said, if you wanted to know who your friends were, go broke, go to jail, or ask where to bury the body. Tom was a proud man. He was resistant to anything, even a conversation. She told Kyle that she’d noticed he couldn’t see or hear well, and apologized for laying all of this on her. Kyle said, that’s what friends were for, and Erika could always call her. Another headline said Tom wanted Erika to pay his attorney fees, and she said he knew she couldn’t perform. He knew everything. In her interview, she said, as much as he’d encouraged her, she thought he envied her. His view of her had changed. Who TF did she think she was? He gave her the ball, and she ran into the end zone with it, and now he didn’t like it. People didn’t know what it was like. They saw it was so great on the outside, but it wasn’t so great at home. She didn’t think anyone understood how the outside looked one way, but she’d go to hug him, and he woudn’t hug her back. She told Kyle, Tom was down to punish her ass to the ground, and Kyle said Erika had to be scared for her future. Erika said it was all she could do to wake up, and not want to go back to sleep. It was a disaster. Tom was in his own personal hell, and she couldn’t help him. It was torture to see someone melt.   

Next time, a trip to La Quinta, Tom’s assets are frozen, and Erika says she’s not going be okay for a long time.

The Real Housewives of New York City

When we last left, Ramona had literally run away from a conversation with Eboni because it was too heavy for her. She told Sonja that she knew the issues were out there, but if she talked about them all the time, she’d go crazy. Eboni said she didn’t give a damn about changing Ramona, but wanted to go forward from a place of authenticity. Ramona didn’t get to tell her to lighten up, and change the topic. Sonja said Eboni was energizing her, but Ramona only wanted to hear about the matchmaker. In Sonja’s interview, she said the women didn’t listen, and had to learn that skill. Eboni said she wasn’t mad, she just wanted to have a conversation. Ramona wouldn’t engage, putting her in a tough position. They sat down at a beautifully decorated table for a gourmet meal, and Eboni wanted to tell them something. All of a sudden, Leah started bawling, but said it wasn’t about her. Ramona wondered why the waterworks, and Leah pointed at Eboni. Eboni said she wanted to share that her grandma had passed. I think Eboni would have gotten through this announcement just fine, but Leah’s crying made her cry. There was a group hug. In her interview, Eboni said, this is where Ramona shows up. They might have their differences, but she was big sister Ramona at times like this.

Eboni wanted a tattoo, but Ramona said she was emotional and should wait. In Eboni’s interview, she said she didn’t want to wait to honor her grandmother, and knew this was the moment. She told tattoo artist Ryan, don’t f*** it up. In Leah’s interview, she said she and Eboni had lost their grandmother’s within two weeks of each other, and getting tattoos together was beautiful and special. She got the name Marie tattooed in her wrist in script, and Eboni got Katie. Sonja got drunk. In her interview, Bershan said nothing logical was coming out of Sonja’s mouth. Ramona wouldn’t quit trying to get Eboni to change her mind, and Leah finally told her, if she couldn’t be supportive, get out. In Eboni’s interview, she said, it hurt like a bitch, and in Leah’s interview, she said Ramona had the amazing talent of being annoying in every situation. In Bershan’s interview, she said Eboni’s delivery wasn’t going to work with this group. They didn’t want a preacher or a teacher, but a friend.

In her interview, Leah said the women were going to get a history lesson whether they wanted to or not. They were there to be 100% tourist. They went to Pioneer Village, a recreation of Salem 1630. Tour guide Daniel told them to put on pilgrim costumes, and in LuAnn’s interview, she said she hadn’t come this far in life to dress like that. She and Ramona suddenly had to go to the bathroom, and Eboni said, wearing the colonizer’s uniform rubbed against her spirit, and passed. Eboni and Leah discussed Sonja’s drinking, as Sonja once again blamed it on her water pill. Leah said, it was always everything and everyone else, but not the drinking.

Ramona made poopie on the bathroom floor, causing Sonja to pee herself laughing. Once again proving the casts on these shows are really five. The women went to an Italian restaurant. You could tell by the red checkered table cloths, but it was still Salem-ed up. The owner came over to their table, and LuAnn was compelled to speak to him in Italian because she couldn’t help herself. Bershan said the group was boring, and they were being grandmas, but I wasn’t sure what she wanted, since it wasn’t like they were in Vegas. In Leah’s interview, she said that wasn’t the way to get to know people. Steam came out of The Countess’s ears, and LuAnn said Bershan had the audacity to call them old ladies. She didn’t know them. Bershan said she didn’t mean to be insensitive, but LuAnn said that was exactly what she was being. In Bershan’s interview, she said she just wanted to change the mood. Are they on a girls trip or not? Again, I wasn’t sure what it was she wanted out of it. Eboni suggested Bershan tell them about herself, and Bershan said she was suing a lot of people. Sonja said never sued anyone; they sued her. Bershan said she was in some kind of fight with her ex over her eggs, and in LuAnn’s interview, she said that didn’t mean Bershan got to scramble theirs. Bershan made fun of how animated Sonja can get, and said Sonja never wanted to be normal; just an effing clown. Ouch.

Leah said Bershan didn’t know them well enough to make those judgements, and LuAnn said, how dare she talk to any of them like that? In LuAnn’s interview, she wondered where Ramona’s loyalty was, since she was laying low. In Ramona’s interview, she said, Bershan was never like this one-on-one. She was always embracing and funny. This isn’t funny. After the waitress was sufficiently uncomfortable, they ordered food. Ramona got on a nearby table, and danced, even though I don’t think there was any music. In her interview, she said she wanted to steer the boat in a new direction. Bershan was being embarrassing. Bershan said someone in the group had been dissing Leah, and in her interview, Leah said Bershan was a bullsh*t artist, who put herself in this position. She said Bershan came at her, and didn’t want to finish it. After the entire table cajoled, pleaded, and threatened, Bershan finally said that Ramona told her that she didn’t really connect with Leah a lot. This was the big reveal?  We saw a clip where Bershan asked if Ramona considered Leah a friend, and Ramona said she wasn’t sure, but they were working on the relationship. Leah said she didn’t connect with Ramona either, even though she’d just called Bershan a bullsh*t artist, and she left. LuAnn suggested Ramona dance on the table some more, and they all left Ramona and Bershan sitting at the table. I hope they tip these poor people who have to wait on their sorry asses, and then they dine and dash. In Ramona’s interview, she said she didn’t blame them for leaving. She wanted to leave too, but she was the one who brought Bershan. Sonja was straggling behind the others, and about to sit back down, probably forgetting why she got up in the first place. She said she’d stay for Ramona, and told Bershan that she was rude and not intuitive. In Sonja’s interview, she wondered, who would take advice from this woman? She wouldn’t. The three of them went outside – again, I hope after leaving a tip. Ramona said Bershan messed up big time. She went after Leah, when all Ramona had said was that Bershan should make her own decision about Leah. They were so loud, people were looking out their windows from apartments up above. Ramona told Bershan that she never said anything negative about Leah. While she was saying this, she helped Sonja drink a glass of wine through her mask.  

Bershan called them phonies, and Ramona ran back in the restaurant to get her scarf. Sonja went with her, and said Bershan was a wet blanket. Leah, LuAnn, and Eboni were already back at the hotel, when Bershan showed up, saying she was sorry; she’d had too much to drink, Leah said she didn’t get to do that because she Bershan hadn’t had a lot to drink. In Leah’s interview, she said Bershan couldn’t use drinking as an excuse, and pretend she didn’t blow up the whole effing night. Bershan said she thought Ramona set her up, although she didn’t exactly explain how, and she’d been the one to bring it up. Sonja and Ramona stumbled into the elevator, and went to the basement. Eboni told Bershan that she thought an apology would go a long way. In Eboni’s interview, she said she thought Bershan was sorry about the fallout, but not for her actions. Leah said she’d thought she and Ramona had a breakthrough in the Hamptons. That’s why it hurt to hear that Ramona said something negative. We flashed back to Ramona comforting Leah, and talking about Leah’s grandmother.

Sonja and Ramona stumbled back to the others, and Sonja said Bershan still rubbed her the wrong way. Bershan told Sonja to walk away, and said Sonja was being a clown again. In Ramona’s interview, she said she’d just put out a fire. Now Bershan was torching the room. In LuAnn’s interview, she said it wasn’t bad enough Bershan called Sonja a clown the first time. Now she was going in for the second round. Sonja and Bershan made animated gestures at each other, and Bershan said, where’s your speaking, bitch? Leah said, enough, and Sonja said Bershan was projecting. Use your brain, bitch.  

Next time, Sonja and Bershan get in each other’s faces, and security is called; LuAnn says, Ramona started this sh*t; Leah talks to Sonja about her drinking; a session with a medium; and a haunted house.   

🌅 Before the Dawn…

I had an exciting day yesterday, contributing to the next Marc Singer’s interview on Mupo & Friends on YouTube. It will be airing this Sunday, July 18^th, at 2 pm. You can always catch it another time, but there’s live chat during the premiere, and we can talk. Sort of. Join me tomorrow for soap and what will no doubt be the most amazing properties you’ve ever seen, but will never ever be able to afford. Until then, stay safe, stay ethical, and stay remembering, at the end of the day, life is a poker game, and everybody has to show their cards.