What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Ava walks in the park, a bodyguard trailing behind her. She sees Trina, and tells him, she appreciates the protection, but could he be less obtrusive? Like maybe ten feet back? He says, yes, Mrs. Cassadine, but she says, Jerome; Miss Jerome. She calls to Trina, who runs over and hugs her. She thanks Ava for meeting her, and Ava says, her pleasure. She asks what’s going on in Trina’s life. How’s the new guy? Any developments?

Britt goes to the now ever-present pool, and Spencer says he saved a chair for her. She says, that line doesn’t work when she could sit anywhere, and he says she knows she wants to sit next to him. She realizes it’s Spencer, and they hug.

Shawn finishes his meal at the MetroCourt, and tells Jordan, his first dinner as a free man. His complements to the chef, and the lady who made it happen. She says, she and the chef thank him. Watching him eat that meal was truly a sight to behold, and he asks if he stopped to breathe. He’s glad she convinced TJ and Molly to continue with their romantic evening, instead of hanging out with them. She says, it took some doing, and asks if he saw the smile on TJ’s face when he walked in. He says TJ will get sick of him soon enough, since he’ll be staying with them at Alexis’s house. She says they both keep pretty busy schedules. She doubts he’ll see them much. He says, still, he wants to get his own place, find a job, and get on with what he needs to do. She says, that being? and he says she knows what he’s talking about. He wants to find out who really shot Hayden. Nikolas watches from the bar.

Portia meets Terry by the hospital reception area, and Terry says, finally. Portia says she’s sorry. It’s just all this paperwork… Terry says, it never ends, does it? She just has to change, but she’s excited Portia is coming out for a drink tonight. Portia says she is too. She’s looking forward to a relaxing, uncomplicated evening. She asks where Terry wants to go; the Port Charles Grill or the MetroCourt… Terry says, oh no. The only place to be is opening night at The Savoy.

Curtis asks bartender Nika how they’re doing, and she says, the Savoy signature cocktail is a big hit. He says, hiring a mixologist was one of his better moves, and Brando comes in. He walks over to Curtis, and says it’s nice to finally meet him. He’s heard a lot of good things about Curtis. They shake hands, and Curtis thanks him, telling him to enjoy his time at The Savoy. Brando congratulates him, saying, this place is great. Curtis says he’ll leave Brando in the capable hands of his bartender Nika, and Nika asks if Brando would like their signature Savoy, but he says he’ll have a beer. He asks her to start a tab; it’s going to be a long night. At the bar, Spinelli says he seconds that, and asks the barkeep for another drink. He asks if Brando is also there to drown his sorrows, and Brando says, something like that. Spinelli says, allow him to speculate. An affair of the heart.

At the hospital, Sasha looks over some pregnancy pamphlets, and literally runs into Michael while she’s reading, dropping the pamphlets everywhere. He apologizes, and picks them up for her, asking if she’s there for a doctor’s appointment. She says, close. Pregnancy nutrition class. It starts a little person off right. Is he there for a board meeting? He says, close. He’s visiting his grandmother. It looks like she has things figured out since their last conversation, She says she’s trying. She’s going to give her baby everything he or she needs. He says she doesn’t have to do it on her own; he’s sure Brando would want to be there. She says she’s sure he would. She’s just not so sure she wants him to be.

The physical therapist is working on Chase, when Willow walks in. Chase asks if she’s done with class, and she says she is. What about him? Is he almost ready to go? He says almost, and the therapist says Chase did good work today. He looks at the parallel bars, and says, soon Chase will be over there. Chase says, why wait? and suggests they start now.

Jordan says she knows how important clearing Shawn’s name is to him, but she’s concerned how he’s going to do it. He says, carefully. He knows he has things to atone for, but attempting to kill Hayden isn’t one of them. In taking responsibility for what he didn’t do, he covered up for a would-be murderer who really wanted Hayden dead, and damn near succeeded. That person should be brought to justice. Jordan says she knows, but because he confessed and pled guilty, the DA suspended the investigation. Five years is a long time for a case to go cold. There’s a chance the perp… Nikolas apologizes for interrupting, but he needs to know if the PCPD is making any progress with Ava’s stalker. Stella watches from a distance.

Portia tells Terry that she’s been looking forward to the MetroCourt zucchini sticks all day, and Terry says she likes them too. She suggests they go there for dinner afterward; The Savoy is drinks only. Portia says they can get drinks and dinner at the MetroCourt, one-stop-shopping, but Terry says she wants to be where the action is. Portia says, that’s just it. The Savoy is going to be all crowded and noisy. Terry asks, who doesn’t love crowded and noisy? and Portia suggests they go another night, after all the hype has calmed down. Terry says, okay, spill. What’s the real reason Portia doesn’t want to go?

Britt asks when Spencer got back. Is this why he ghosted her months ago? He was planning a surprise? He says he didn’t ghost her. He was busy with graduation, and then took some time to tour Europe. She says, listen to him, sounding all continental. Let’s sit. She wants to hear about all the crazy things he did to celebrate graduation.

Ava says, don’t tell her this Victor turned out to be some kind of creep, and Trina says, undecided. Ava asks what he did, and Trina says, he’s charming and fun, but he’s also totally unreliable. Plus there’s some weirdness between him and his family, and she’s not sure what to do about it.

The therapist helps Chase up, and Chase stands between the bars. The therapist says he’s going to let go and see if Chase can stand on his own. He steps back a little, but Chase’s legs buckle, and he falls back into his chair.

Britt asks if Spencer is staying with his father at Windymere, or does Nikolas think he’s still wandering around Europe? Spencer says he already surprised his father at Windymere, and she says, so things are better between them? He says, define better, and she says he had every reason to be angry at Nikolas. He says, but he should be over it by now? She says, Nikolas let Spencer believe he was dead for three years. Spencer thought he was an orphan. Those aren’t things anyone should just get over, and if he said he did, she’d be worried about him. He says, then she doesn’t have to worry, and she says, getting over anger is a process. It is possible to come out the other side if you keep moving forward. He asks if she speaks from experience, and she says, yes. She’s not always successful at getting past her anger, but she understands that it’s necessary, and it’s a goal she’s working toward. He says, she thinks he should do the same? and she says, she thinks if he doesn’t rebuild the relationship with his father, it will hurt Nikolas, but it will also hurt him. He says, he’s here, isn’t he? Supporting father in his time of need. She asks if he’s referring to Nikolas’s divorce from Ava. Nikolas has definitely been on edge, making wild accusations. Did he tell Spencer about the stalker?

Nikolas says, it’s been going on for months now. The threats have been escalating. Ava’s gallery was trashed, and the stalker was able to leave a toy in Avery’s room. It’s unacceptable that… Stella walks over and says, Shawn Butler. Jordan says, whatever Stella has to say… but Shawn stops her. He gets up, and says, Miss Stella. She’s Thomas’s aunt. He can’t tell her how sorry… She holds up her hand and says, she’s not interested in his contrition. But she does have a few things to say to the man who killed her nephew.

Brando tells Nika to put Spinelli’s drink on his tab. It’s the least he can do after Spinelli helped rescue his mom from Cyrus. They sit at a table, and Spinelli says it was his honor. He’s glad someone appreciated his efforts. Brando says, Spinelli was taken hostage, and Cyrus was going to trade him for Brando’s mother. He’s glad they all got out okay. Spinelli says, mutual safety is cause for relief, but unfortunately, his heart became collateral damage. His partner Ellie became increasingly alarmed at his association with danger and violence. She wanted him to get out, and when he balked, she walked. Brando says, she left him? and he says, she realized that if she wanted to make a change for a better life, and maybe a future with someone else, that she had to start now, and she did. She’s gone. Brando says he’s sorry. Were they together long? Spinelli says, years. They were raising his daughter together, mostly in Oregon. They were a happy family unit. When they relocated to Queens Point, he became more involved with his friends and their business. At one point, Ellie asked if he could be a friend and not participate in the business, but it’s just not possible. His area of expertise is invaluable to his friends, and he savors the challenge. He likes doing what he does, and knowing he’s good at it. This last time cost him a relationship that he greatly treasured. Brando ponders this heavily.

Michael asks if something happened between Sasha and Brando, and she says, Brando is a great guy. She likes him on almost every level. He says, almost, and she says she thinks they want different things for their lives. He says he’s not sure he understands totally, but sometimes guys need to take a beat and process what parenthood might mean to their lives. Is he getting it? She says, that’s not exactly it. Brando definitely wants to be involved. She’s the one who’s not sure how that’s going to look. He says, noted. He’s just going to take his two cents and be on his way. She says he doesn’t have to leave. All she’s saying is, she’s ready to do it alone if she has to be a single mom. He says, at the risk of wading back into deep water – he takes her hand, and they sit – being a parent isn’t always a picnic, let alone being a single parent. He has all the confidence she’ll manage, but wants her to go into it with her eyes wide open. He’s available for any new parent freak-outs she might have. He’s pretty sure he invented some of them, so he’s at her service. He also wants her to know that he still considers her a good friend. She thanks him, and says, the same goes for her. She’s just as invested in his happiness as he is in hers. That includes talking about someone he can’t talk to anyone else about – Willow. If he ever needs a sympathetic shoulder with no judgement, , she’s there for him.

Chase takes a bottle of water from Willow, and says he wants something more effective than hydration and stretches. She says, the fact that he’s there at all and working on recovery is a blessing, right? It’s just going to take some time. He says this isn’t what she signed up for, but she says she seems to remember a clause about in sickness or in health. He says he doesn’t think that applies when he can’t even be her husband, and she says he knows that’s not true. He says she knows what he means; they can’t even share the same bed. He doesn’t want to wake her up when his legs are cramping. He knows she needs her rest because she has school, she’s got Wiley… She says she doesn’t care about sleeping in separate beds, and he says, but he does. This – he bangs the chair – is not who he is. He’s sick of their relationship revolving around his health and wants to be her husband, not her patient. He wants her love not her pity. She says she does love him, and he says, then let him do what he needs to do.

Willow says she understands Chase’s frustration, but he asks how she can. All he wants is to live a normal life with the person he loves, and that seems impossible right now. He’s sorry. He shouldn’t be railing at her. That’s exactly what he didn’t want to happen. He doesn’t want to take his frustrations out on his wife. The therapist comes back, and asks if Chase is ready for some stretching. Chase says, yeah, and tells Willow that he’ll call her when he’s done.

Portia tells Terry, so they decided to get a divorce. She has no idea if it’s gone through or anything, but it’s too soon to be getting involved with anyone. Terry tells her, says who? and Portia says, everyone. Conventional wisdom, common sense… Terry asks, since when does Portia want to live her life by conventional rules? and Portia says, nobody wants to be on the other end of a rebound relationship. Terry says, better nip it in the bud, especially when there’s chemistry. Portia says, when things were good between them, they were really good, and yes, that chemistry is still between them, and Terry says, sounds dreadful. Portia says she’s still attracted to the man; if anything, even more so. Curtis, back in the day, it was clear he was just piecing his life back together, but Curtis now is grounded and stable. Terry says, and still sexy, and Portia says she definitely thinks so. And he’s still interested. He told her where she can find him tonight. Terry asks, what happens if she doesn’t go? and Portia says she doesn’t know. Her fear is that she’ll lose him as a friend. Terry says Portia makes it sound like she’s going to lose him no matter what. Stop her if she’s being intrusive, but she thinks Portia wants a chance with the man. What’s holding her back?

Shawn asks if Stella would like to talk privately, and she supposes that would be best. He tells Jordan that he’ll be back, and they step away. Nikolas says, that was tense, and Jordan says, and none of their business. He sits, and says, the investigation into his stalker is definitely his business. Did the footprint found at the scene lead to anything? She says, they’re making progress, and he asks if she can be more specific; he needs details. She says, why, so he can set another trap? Take matters into his own hands? She says, that’s all he’s getting, and he says he has a right to know. She says he doesn’t have the right to interfere with an ongoing police investigation. Stay out of it. Leave it to the police. End of discussion.

Spencer tells Britt that he’s heard all about Ava’s trials and tribulations. He just wishes he could have been there to see Ava’s face when she found that roach. Britt says he should have seen her face when Nikolas accused her of being the stalker, and he says she has to admit, some of the stunts are clever enough to be hers. She says, they’re not stunts. They’re malicious acts designed to cause fear, and they worked. Ava is terrified. He says, well, it’s over. Now that Ava and his father are divorcing, the gifts have stopped. She says, they’re not really gifts, and he says she knows what he means. She’s always understood him. She says, likewise, and they fist bump. She says it’s good to see him. Can he hang for a bit? He says he’s been there all day, and she says she wants a drink. Does he want one? She gets up, and he says, a gin and tonic, and she says, one ice tea coming up. He says, in Europe, the drinking age is 18, but she says, this ain’t Europe. His phone rings, and Nikolas says he’s at the MetroCourt, and can give Spencer a ride home if he wants. Is he still at the pool? Spencer says he still has to change, and suggests Nikolas have a drink at the pool while he waits.

Sasha goes into the PT room, and says she heard Chase was there; how’s it going? He says, it’s going, and she says, physical therapy takes time. He says, that’s what they tell him, and she says her experience is with a different type of rehab, but if he ever wants to talk… He says, thanks, but he’s all talked out. If anything, he wishes Willow would talk more. She says, about what? and he says, something is going on with her. He wishes she would say more than the obligatory, keep it up, and, don’t lose hope. Sasha is sure Willow means every word, but Chase is sure there’s something she’s not telling him. Has she said anything to Sasha?

Willow stands outside with some coffee, when Michael comes along. He asks, what’s wrong? but she says, it’s nothing. He says, it’s definitely not nothing, and she says, Chase is in physical therapy. He’s working hard, but he’s frustrated with his progress, and he’s lashing out. He says, at her?

Stella tells Shawn, Thomas was her nephew. She lived with her sister the whole time Thomas and Curtis were growing up. They were very close. He says Thomas always spoke highly of Stella, and she says she doesn’t need him to tell her about Thomas. She knew him down to the soles of his feet. He says, with all due respect, what does she need from him? If she needs to unload, go ahead. He’ll stand right there and take her verbal lashing. He owes her that at least. He knows what he took from her. She says, please. He can’t possibly understand what he took from her; what her family lost. Thomas was a good man and a good father, but he didn’t live to see his son grow up to be a doctor. Is he going to tell her that he’s TJ’s father now? Because a father is more than DNA. He says she’ll get no argument from him. He and TJ know that Thomas was TJ’s father, but so is he.

Britt says, besides the legal drinking age, does Spencer miss France? Did he leave someone special behind? He says France will always be there. What about her? Has she found someone who even slightly deserves her? She says, not many people would consider her a catch, but he says, au contraire. If she hasn’t found someone worthy of her, she’s not looking in the right places. Nikolas comes in, and Spencer tells him, look who’s here.

Portia tells Terry that she was married when she first met Curtis, and she didn’t tell him. She and Taggert were on the outs, but she had no business starting anything with anyone. When she finally did tell Curtis, he just walked away. She’s sure he really felt hurt and betrayed, and Terry asks what she’s saying. Does she think Curtis is out for revenge? Portia says, of course (🍷) not, but she guesses she’s a little scared. What if she opens herself up to him and he has a change of heart, and walks away again? She hasn’t really let herself be vulnerable since. She’s dated, but she’s had other priorities. She has to make sure Trina is okay, and her career. Terry says, that was then; this is now. Trina is on her way to college, and Portia’s career is well-established. Sounds like it’s been a long time since she’s let herself be happy with a man, and Curtis sounds promising. But what does she know? She’s just an oncologist, not a psychologist. She’ll meet Portia at The Savoy in a few, or at the MetroCourt for dinner later. Portia’s choice.

Curtis asks if Brando is having a good evening, and if Nika is taking care of him. Brando says she is. Everything’s great. The house beer is first rate. Curtis says he’s glad to hear it, but seems distracted, looking at the entrance. Brando wonders if he can ask Curtis something, and Curtis says, sure. Brando says, has he ever had a woman give him an old tomato ultimatum? Say, you can’t do this, or you’re out of my life? Curtis says, it sounds like Brando’s lady, and it sounds like she might have a good reason. He sits, and Brando says, Sasha doesn’t like certain aspects of his life; she thinks they’re dangerous. Curtis says, sounds like she’s concerned something might happen to Brando. Does she do this all the time; ultimatums, giving orders? Brando says, no. She’s great. They respect each other. Curtis asks if he’s sure it was an ultimatum, or was she just being honest with him about what she can and cannot live with? Brando says he hadn’t thought of it that way, and Curtis says, to answer his first question, he doesn’t recall a woman doing that to him, but he’s sure he’s done it. Sometimes you have to say what you want, even if it means losing what you have.

Sasha tells Chase, Willow is a pretty honest person. What does he think she’s holding back? He says, when he and Willow got married, they thought he only had a few hours to live. Now she’s stuck with an invalid husband. She says, he’s recovering. And she says this with love, but he’s an idiot if he thinks Willow is anything but grateful that he survived. He says he knows Willow is grateful; so is he. He knows he’s lucky to be alive. He knows Willow, and there’s something behind her eyes. Something she’s holding back.

Michael says, Chase is going through hell right now, but it doesn’t give him the right to take it out on Willow. Willow says, Chase is mostly taking his anger and frustration out on himself. She just feels so… inadequate. All she seems to be able to offer are platitudes. Be patient. You’ll get there. Michael says, Chase is strong. He’s going to come back from this, and she’ll be a big reason why. She prays he’s right, and says she’s being selfish. Chase is the one struggling to get back his life, while she’s feeling sorry for herself. Michael tells her to stop beating herself up. She’s doing an incredible job supporting Chase. She says he’s biased, but he says, not at all. But he does know what all this is costing her.

Stella says, Shawn compares himself to the man who was there for TJ until he died? Shawn says, no, she is. He knows Thomas loved TJ. He loves TJ too. He couldn’t be TJ’s father because up until recently, he didn’t know he was TJ’s father. She says, and up until recently, he was behind bars, where he should have been a lot sooner for killing her nephew. He says, Thomas was his best friend, but he snapped. Thomas threatened to kill him. It was self-defense, but he’ll carry the pain and weight of it the rest of his life. She says, Thomas was his best friend, but that didn’t stop Shawn from sleeping with his wife. He snapped because of Shawn’s betrayal. Jordan comes in, and says, it wasn’t all on Shawn. They both know that. Stella says she and Jordan have made their peace, but don’t expect her to offer it to the man who ended her nephew’s life. He’s lucky to be out of prison. If it were up to her, he’d rot there. Jordan says, she’s not being fair, but Shawn says he’s going to listen. Stella says she has nothing more to say to him. Just please stay out of her way. He says he’ll do his best, and thanks Jordan for dinner. He leaves, and Jordan asks if Stella is all right. She looks shaky. Stella says, it’s been a long time coming, but she confronted him. She did it, and she stands by everything she said. Jordan asks if it made her feel any better.

As they walk through the park, Ava asks what Victor did that has Trina on the fence. Trina says, basically, he lied to her, and Ava says she doesn’t like the sound of that. Trina says, it was a normal lie of omission, which is still a lie, but it didn’t directly affect her, so she guesses she shouldn’t care. Maybe she’s overthinking it. Ava says, or maybe she’s making excuses for him? Giving him a little wiggle room? Sounds to her like Trina likes him. Trina says she does; he’s interesting. Not like a lot of the guys around here. Ava asks if she’s going to go out with him, but Trina says, they’re not dating. They’re just hanging out as friends. Ava says, oh… friends.

Nikolas says he thought Spencer was going to change, and Spencer says he was. Then he and Britt got to talking. He’ll go right now. He tells Nikolas to help himself to his ice tea, shoves it in Nikolas’s hand, and jets. Britt gets up, and says, hey… Nikolas says he’s sorry for accusing her of being the stalker. He was at the end of his rope. She says she was sorry to hear he and Ava are getting a divorce, and he says, it’s not over yet. He’s surprised that Spencer is trying to matchmake. He’s been cold since he got home. She says, but he is home in Nikolas’s hour of need. That’s something. He says, it is. He’s so glad to have Spencer back. He’s the one good thing in Nikolas’s life.

Brando thanks Curtis for the advice, and Curtis says, sometimes he just likes to hear himself talk. Brando says Curtis told him just what he needed to hear. Did he tell Curtis that he was going to be a father? Curtis laughs, and says now he understands the ultimatum. Brando says, he’s an idiot. There’s no choice to be made. How can he walk away from someone as wonderful as Sasha? Curtis says, well, congratulations. He’s happy for Brando. Brando thanks him and reaches for his wallet, but Curtis says it’s on him. Consider it an early baby shower present. And good luck to you, brother. Brando thanks him, and leaves. Curtis continues looking around.

Sasha thinks Chase is holding Willow to a higher standard than his own, and he says, what? She asks if he shares all his doubts and moments of weakness with Willow. Everyone thinks Willow is perfect, but she’s not; she’s human. And she’s scared and worried and just trying to figure things out as she goes. He says he gets it, but she doesn’t have to hold it all in. She says, like he does? Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to share every single thought with the person, especially when you’re trying to protect the other person. And they’re both doing that. He says, and he’s not protecting Willow by snapping like that, which is exactly what he did today. She says she thinks Willow understands how frustrating it is for him, and she knows Willow is committed to helping him through his recovery. He doesn’t need to doubt her.

Michael says Willow put her entire life on hold to literally help Chase get back on his feet. He sees her burning the candle at both ends while still keeping a smile on her face. He wishes there was something he could do to help. She says she knows she’s putting more than her life on hold. She’s putting them on hold; their family, their future. That’s not fair either. How long can she ask Michael to wait for her?

Ava says, it seems like Trina is willing to overlook Victor’s lie of omission, and Trina says she wants to. They sit on a bench, and Ava says, well, then do it. Take a chance. Trina says, Ava still believes that? Even after how things ended with her and Nikolas? and Ava says, yes. She believes in living life, not just watching from the sidelines. Get out there and enjoy herself. Trina says, yes, ma’am, and Ava says, be careful. And if this Victor crosses the line, he’s going to have to answer to her. Trina says, get in line behind her dad, and Ava laughs, saying, and her mom. She has quite a line of protectors. Most of all, trust her instincts. Victor sounds like he might be a bad boy. They are exciting, but they can be trouble too.

Spencer comes back, dressed in street clothes, and asks Britt, where’s father? She says, he had to make a call. Not cool, Spencer. Spencer says, what? and she says she and Nikolas are over. He loves Ava, and she doesn’t have time for distractions. He says, things change. It’s only a matter of time before father puts Ava and this farce of a marriage behind him.

On the phone, Shawn says, I heard you were still in the game. How about if we work together?

Jordan gives Stella a glass of water, and Stella admits lashing out at that man didn’t ease the pain of losing Thomas, but she needed to do it. Jordan knows she speaks her mind. Jordan says, all too well, and Stella says, go on, say it. Jordan asks, what she was thinking, telling Portia to back off Curtis? and Stella says, she was thinking Jordan and Curtis needed more time to work out their differences, and remember how much they love each other. She gave Jordan the opportunity to fight for her marriage. Why didn’t she take it?

Portia walks up to Curtis at The Savoy, and he looks at her approvingly.

Michael tells Willow, he’ll wait forever if he has to. She’s his future. So take that worry off her plate. He isn’t going anywhere. As much as he wants to hold her, and make love to her, he’ll go on being her friend and co-parent for as long as it takes. She says she loves him so much, her heart hurts. And she wants him too. She’s so sorry. She wishes things were different. They hook pinkies on the DL, and he says he understands her commitment to stay with Chase. So they’ll wait, as long as Chase needs her.

Alone in the PT room, Chase lines up his chair in front of the parallel bars. He takes hold of them, and hoists himself up, but when he lets go, he falls back into his chair. He says he can do this… for Willow. He grabs the bars again, pulls himself up, lets go, and stands without falling.

Tomorrow, Brando tells Sasha that he’s made his choice, Finn tells Elizabeth that monsters never really die, Anna says the information has to be kept confidential, Stella asks if Jordan wants her marriage to be over, and Curtis tells Portia that her timing couldn’t be better.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Sonja and Bershan were deep in a nonsensical argument, when in LuAnn’s interview, she said it was up to Ramona to reel this woman in. Ramona had brought her to the group, and it was her responsibility. But instead of telling Bershan that she was being overbearing, Ramona told her they were worried about Sonja, and Bershan was pushing her off the deep end. Whatever that meant. In Ramona’s interview, she said she didn’t disagree with Bershan. As an outsider looking in, she wondered why they were putting up with Sonja, but it wasn’t her job to figure it out. Eboni told LuAnn that she was done with Bershan, having given her all the Black extra-credit points she could. In Eboni’s interview, she said she was still navigating this circle of friends, and Bershan needed to get to know them like on the first day of second grade. Bershan told Ramona that she was a fresh pair of eyes who was telling it like it is, totally missing the point.

In the morning, Leah told LuAnn that Sonja and Bershan got in a physical altercation. LuAnn was like, huh? since when she left, everyone had gone to bed. Leah said Bershan had come to get a melatonin from her, and she and Sonja were both drunk. We saw a clip of Bershan griping to Leah about Sonja, and Sonja honing in on the conversation, saying Bershan didn’t need to be talking about her. Sonja did have a point when she told Bershan not to come into her life, and in ten seconds tell her who she is. Then it was on, with fingers in faces, and shouting while standing two inches from each other. Leah had to get between them, and she told LuAnn she was worried they’d hit her new nose. The producers ended up stepping in, and Sonja broke the glass in the fire extinguisher box as they let her away. Back to the present morning, Bershan did jumping jacks, while she recited affirmations.

LuAnn went to Leah’s room to discuss the situation, and they agreed that when Sonja was drunk, it wasn’t the time to talk to her about anything. Leah wondered if Sonja was going to act like nothing happened, and LuAnn said Sonja wasn’t going to remember what happened. In LuAnn’s interview, she said she didn’t care how drunk you were, there was no excuse for that behavior. Agreed. She said she was worried about Sonja. Ramona joined them, and Leah explained it all again, saying Bershan was being antagonistic. LuAnn said it was up to Ramona to fulfill Bershan’s expectations; Bershan was her problem. In Ramona’s interview, she said she didn’t know this Bershan. Leah thought they were being irresponsible if they didn’t talk to Sonja about her drinking, and they decided Leah, Ramona, and LuAnn would talk to her about her denial. In Leah’s interview, she said it wasn’t like Sonja was having fun. She’d want someone to talk to her if she was breaking glass. I guess she forgot about that night of the tiki torches. LuAnn said she was down for it.

Ramona wanted to talk to Bershan, and in Bershan’s interview, she said that she felt like she was being called to the principal’s office. Ramona asked, what happened? and Bershan said Sonja was being a little drunk and aggressive, but Ramona said Bershan had been pushing her. Bershan said Sonja had gotten in her face, and in Black culture, if you got in somebody’s face like that, you got hit. Really? Since when? In Ramona’s interview, she said, acting like that could get Sonja hurt. Bershan said she realized that coming into a new group of girls, not everyone was going to express themselves the way she did.

Leah filled Eboni in on what was going on, and Ramona went to get Sonja, who’d just woken up. In Sonja’s interview, she said she didn’t have a taste for cheap red wine, but if that’s what they were serving, she’d drink it. And if Bershan was serving up insults, she was going to drink. She told Ramona that they ended up with cheap wine and Bershan. She wasn’t attempting to understand where Bershan was coming from. They were headed to a lunch, and in LuAnn’s interview, she said the van ride was going to be like purgatory, but she didn’t know who was going to heaven or hell. It was a quiet ride.

After they sat down at the restaurant, Bershan said she wanted to say something to the group, and was a bit emotional. She wanted to apologize for acting familiar with people she wasn’t familiar with. She’d overstepped her boundaries. Translation: she’d tried to get screen time when she’s not part of the cast. She said she and Sonja had a connection, and Sonja agreed. Ramona tried to interject, and Sonja told her, STFU. In Ramona’s interview, she said Sonja was being passive/aggressive with her and snapping like a turtle. And it’s not turtle time. Sonja said she’d been hurt by the way Bershan mimicked her, Bershan took responsibility, and they hugged it out. Sonja was happy that Bershan apologized, and hoped they could move forward in a positive way. I predict that lasting about five minutes. Leah said they had to get ready for their séance, and Ramona said the dead were waiting for them.

They went back to the hotel to change, everyone wearing black because they like being cliché. I had no idea what Leah was wearing. Usually I like her get-ups, but… no. It was a black patent leather jacket over a white dress, but the jacket didn’t know where to quit in the front, panels of leather trailing down, and not in a good way. Sonja and Bershan ordered espresso martinis, and in her interview, LuAnn said, just what they needed. LuAnn suggested they speak to Sonja immediately, which seemed stupid, since she’d have a martini in her hand while they’re discussing her drinking. In Ramona’s interview, she said they had to do this before Sonja got too buzzed to take in what they were saying. And they too, had drinks in their hands. All kinds of wrong there. Ramona told Eboni to keep Bershan busy while they talked.  Ramona, Leah, and LuAnn had a quick confab and… Ramona went to get a drink first.

They called Sonja over, and Leah said they weren’t coming from a place of judgement. She thought it would be irresponsible and f***ed up of them not to say they thought Sonja’s drinking was going to hurt her at this point. They were worried. LuAnn said she’d been arrested for less than Sonja had done, and Sonja went through a litany of times when she didn’t drink – at home, alone, on dates, anywhere but with them. In her interview, Ramona said, sure; she believed that. She said Sonja got angry when she drank, and Leah said it didn’t seem like Sonja was having a good time. Sonja said Bershan had gotten in her face with her bad girl image, and she wasn’t having it. Leah said it was an open channel of communication, and Sonja said she had professionals in her life and did telemedicine. In Leah’s interview, she said, they tried, and in LuAnn’s interview, she said, you usually had to have a wake-up call, and she just didn’t want Sonja to wake up in a gutter. Sonja told them she didn’t feel like she was in a safe place, since they were being judgmental, which even I had to agree they weren’t. LuAnn said Sonja had gotten in a physical altercation, and when Sonja said she’d do it again, the conversation was over, since they obviously weren’t getting anywhere. In Sonja’s interview, she said Ramona and LuAnn were like broken records, and managed to hook Leah into it. They were on vacation. Chill out. She wasn’t going to explain herself anymore.

They moved on to the séance with mediums Michael and Marion, and host Sandra, who was burning incense to get rid of any negativity in the room. Ha! They’d need a truckful of sage for that one. Marion called for those to have passed away to come through. The light fixture suddenly detached from the ceiling, totally freaking the women out, except for Sonja who said, that does happen. Okay… Michael said they were safe; there wouldn’t be lights flickering or eyes rolling back. Sonja said, there might be poop. He told Bershan that she was viewed as a regular goat, but would become a mountain goat and come out of her shell. In Sonja’s interview, she said she thought Bershan should be a turtle, and pull it back in. (Hmm… Two turtle references tonight.) He told LuAnn that she’d be parting ways with a moody man in her life, but it would be positive for her, and more of a loss for him. Marion told Leah that she was trying to communicate with a female relative, but they didn’t necessarily approve of the séance, so she was having trouble channeling her. In Leah’s interview, she said her grandmother probably wouldn’t have approved of what she was doing, and Leah was also skeptical, so it was no surprise. Marion said she could see Leah studying for her conversion to Judaism, and thought it would give Leah structure. Marion was feeling Eboni’s grandmother, and said she’d just been gone for a little bit of time. Eboni said, a few days, and Marion said she liked this lady; she had a bit of attitude. She was proud of Eboni, and felt she’d been a second mother to her. She said, Eboni had a strong message for women, and had to keep going forward. Eboni started to cry, and in her interview, said it was a relief. Her grandmother had been smart and powerful, but had trouble in the past few years. Having her close was a comfort. Marion said she could feel unfinished business with Sonja’s father, and he wanted to apologize to Sonja; he didn’t know what he was doing. Marion asked if he’d had a drinking problem. Sonja said he did, and in LuAnn’s interview, she said she had no idea because Sonja never talked about her past. She felt she could relate to Sonja better now, since her own father had a drinking problem. Marion said he was mortified by what he did, but wasn’t trying to excuse it. He was trying to apologize. In Ramona’s interview, she said it was emotional and deep. She and Sonja’s childhoods had both been traumatizing, so they never talked about it. Marion said, because Sonja’s father had left when she was young, Sonja had abandonment issues that affected her relationships with men. Sonja cried, and in her interview, she said she was surprised her dad showed up because he’d always been too busy to be a dad. It was hard when you were a kid with one parent, and not knowing you had a dad to reach out to. Marion said she didn’t know if Sonja was dealing with it, and Sonja said she was consulting with a healer. Marion wisely said that was a great addition, but Sonja needed some real therapy. She put it more delicately, but that was the gist of it. Sonja said she’d just started with a therapist, and Marion said she hoped they had a PhD. In her interview, Sonja said her story wasn’t uncommon, but it put a dent in your heart not having a male figure to lean on.

Ramona had a man coming through, someone younger who Marion thought was Ramona’s brother. He’d had a lot of issues in his life. Ramona said, he was a lost soul, and Marion said, it wasn’t a suicide, but… Ramona said, he was self-destructive. She told them, he’d died two years ago, and Marion said he was okay with being gone, but was sorry for hurting her. Ramona said, he almost died ten thousand times before he did, and Marion said she was sorry to say it, but she thought he’d wanted to die. Ramona said he’d been in a lot of emotional pain, and Marion said he loved Ramona, and appreciated that she’d tried to help him. Ramona said there had been nothing she could do, so she’d eventually abandoned him. Marion told her not to blame herself; it was too big a burden. In her interview, Ramona said she’d felt responsible for him, but in the end, he was too far gone to help. She felt now she had resolution, and Marion told her there was nothing she could have done. She asked if anyone had questions, but I think everyone was too freaked out to ask anything further.

In Leah’s interview, she said these were relatively new friends of hers, and there was a lot she didn’t know. When she found out these things, it gave her more understanding of them as people. Sonja suggested they have some fun, and Leah added some wood to the fireplace. Everyone realized she had her dress on backward. Putting it on correctly didn’t make it look any better.

This season, lots of parties, boxing with Martin, Garth isn’t happy about being on Page Six, Eboni continues looking for her father, Ramona tries to sing and fails miserably, the women dress up like each other, and lots of STFU.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

The women packed for Kyle’s house in La Quinta. Dorit was ready to get into something festive and fun. Sutton was staring at an empty suitcase, when Kyle called. Kyle said she thought it should be casual, but the others might be bringing ballgowns. You never knew. She told Sutton about Erika’s meltdown, and said it wasn’t like her. We flashed back to that.

Erika found someone to take over the lease for her clubhouse. She needed the furniture, and it was time to let it go. We flashed back to good times there, and Erika told assistant Laia that part of her was sad, but part of her was okay with it. In her interview, she said she hadn’t received a dime despite what everyone thought. Being on a budget was challenging, and at times horrible, but she could take care of herself. People wanted to forget that. She said, a lot of good things, good work, and great memories came from the clubhouse. They looked at the pink neon Pretty Mess sign, and Laia said, she lives on. Erika said, always. In her interview, she said, everything comes to an end.

Kyle video chatted with Garcelle, who said Kyle looked good, and Kyle said she was happy to be alive. Garcelle said she still had to shoot The Real, but she’d be coming a day late. Kyle walked around with the phone, showing Garcelle the house, which Garcelle pronounced amazing. In Kyle’s interview, she said she’d been coming to the desert since she was a baby; on weekends, holidays, and Easter, which I believe is a holiday. She told Garcelle that it was peaceful there, and in her interview, Kyle said, as soon as they hit the windmills, the energy was different. The energy shifted there. LisaR was the first to arrive with her loud self, and screeched over her bedroom. Erika, Crystal, and Garcelle were staying in a hotel, but Kathy, who usually stayed in a hotel, was staying with Kyle along with the others. Kathy arrived with the obligatory hostess gift candle, in size extra-large, and wondered if someone could help her with her luggage. In Kyle’s interview, she said it wasn’t the Waldorf, and she didn’t have a bellhop. Crystal showed up next, followed by Sutton in her new Bentley, and Dorit with groceries. In Crystal’s interview, she said the last time she’d seen Sutton, it was probably Sutton’s biggest meltdown, but Sutton had texted since, and she thought it was getting better. She was still happy she was in a hotel with a lock on the door. So I see she’s really let go of that. Kyle said her ADD was off the charts.

LisaR told the women that she’d left Erika a message, and gotten no response. Kyle said there had been a court date today, and Dorit said she’d read the government froze all of Tom’s assets while they were investigating the possible inappropriate use of at least $2 million. In Dorit’s interview, she said, imagine not being able take your own money out of your own account. That had happened to her when PK had a lawsuit against him. We saw a clip about that, and she said it had been scary, but this was bigger and more scary than what she’d gone through. Dorit said, Tom’s lawyers were asking for him to have a medical evaluation because they didn’t think he fully understood the gravity of the situation. She read an article to the women about Tom and his lawyers being cited for civil contempt of court, because they’d failed to listen to an order to examine where the funds for the airline settlement went. In LisaR’s interview, she said, the disturbing part was that the money was supposed to go to the orphans and victims of the plane crash. In Crystal’s interview, she said, $2 million seemed like a lot, but compared to what Tom had, it was an insignificant number. She couldn’t understand why he didn’t write a check, and make it go away. None of it made sense. LisaR said she was worried; this was a big deal. She called Erika, and Erika said she had to change, but would be there soon. Kathy announced there was going to be an eclipse that hadn’t happened in 600 years. Kyle washed some eggplants for lasagna, and there were a lot of penis references.

In her interview, Kyle said, joking with Kathy made her think of the times they missed together, and we flashed back to a Reunion, where Kyle said they weren’t speaking. She told us that it seemed a shame to think of the holidays they spent apart. The dynamic had changed, and they were back to speaking all the time, and laughing. She was having fun. Erika arrived, and LisaR said she was proud Erika was there. Like she was Erika’s mom. Kyle said they were there for her, and Erika told them, it’s not okay, and it’s not going to be okay for a long time. There were lots of tears and hugs. In Erika’s interview, she said, every day she woke up to something new, and it was all bad news all the time. She asked how Dorit was feeling [after having covid], and Dorit said she wasn’t symptomatic, so don’t worry about the hug. Erika said that was the least of her concerns. In LisaR’s interview, she said, you’d have thought Erika was set for life, but you just never know. Erika said she hadn’t gone to the court; it was in Chicago. She wasn’t talking to Tom, but she knew he was struggling. He wasn’t in a good place, but in some ways, she was relieved. She felt that Tom wasn’t mentally well, and maybe he’d get the help he needed now. We flashed back to her saying he was ignoring problems with his health, and not listening to her. In her interview, she said she was right about what she’d been seeing, experiencing, and hearing. It had been over time, and it was hard watching someone slowly unravel. She apologized for being drained, but she’d been dragged into all of this. Dorit said, when PK went through legal woes, the issue happened before he knew her name, but she was smeared. She hadn’t known him or even heard of him at the time. In Dorit’s interview, she said it was normal not to know all of a spouse’s business dealings. Erika said, Tom had been in business since before she was born, and Kathy said it was based on trust. Her husband could say, sign these 50 papers, and she’d sign them without reading them, because she trusted him. Although I’m not so sure she could comprehend a legal document. In her interview, Erika said ,when they entered into the marriage the balance of power had been out of whack. She’d been a bimbo and a gold-digger, and now she was a financial mastermind.

Helping Kyle in the kitchen, Crystal said she felt bad about Erika. Kyle said Tom was like a dad, and would say things like, excuse me, I’m talking. We flashed back to that dinner again where he basically told Erika to shut up, and in Kyle’s interview, she said, Tom was very much the one in charge and controlling the situation. He supported Erika’s career and dreams, and that was the price she had to pay. It was easy for Erika to detach; they’d seen it. Sutton asked about Erika’s new house, and Erika said she’d gotten a little tree. Sutton said sometimes you had to force it, and Erika said she might as well enjoy it. Sutton told Erika about her father committing suicide two days before Christmas. Porter had been 9 months, so she was excited about her baby’s first Christmas, and it was the first day of her mom’s retirement. In her interview, Sutton said, all marriages are complicated, and we saw a clip of her asking her mom if she missed Sutton’s father. Her mom said she’d been married to him, and couldn’t be expected to feel the same way as Sutton, since the relationships were totally different. She didn’t miss him. Sutton said her dad was a special and great person. Talking about him made it seem like he was still alive. Erika said Sutton’s story was more tragic than what she was going through. In Sutton’s interview, she said, if she could survive her dad’s traumatic death, she knew Erika could survive this. She was a strong lady. Erika thanked Sutton for sharing, and Sutton said, it’s effing tough.

Kyle made her famous lasagna, but I think it’s only famous in her family, since I’ve never heard of it. Kathy kibbitzed while Kyle was cooking, and in Kyle’s interview, she said she’ll always be the baby sister. Whatever they were doing, Kathy would tell her to try it a different way. Kathy used some stale bread as a percussion instrument, marching around the kitchen. LisaR put on sequined jumpsuit, saying, she had to wear this sh*t somewhere. Kathy started taking her suitcase upstairs, one stair at a time, until Dorit rescued her. In Dorit’s interview, she said, if it were anyone else, she’d tell them carry their own damn bag, but it was Kathy, and Dorit loved her. Dorit said Kathy was used to everyone doing everything for her, and Kathy proved it when we saw her idea of a tablescape was a lemon weighing down a pile of napkins, and a bowl of the stale bread she’d been goofing around with. Kyle said that was not her bread. Erika told LisaR that she’d heated the pool for three days, then got the bill and turned it off. She’d heated the pool at Tom’s house for twenty years, and never got in it or saw the bill. In her interview, LisaR said she had no idea how many times Harry had told her to stop spending so much. She didn’t always listen, but she heard it a lot. Kyle knocked down a bunch of spice bottles, and in Kathy’s interview, she said Kyle was a good cook, but easily distracted. She had ADHD GHIJK. Kathy tried to clean up the glass with the fireplace grate brush. I couldn’t even figure that logic out.

Kyle said it was the most unattractive table ever, and we found out Drake follows LisaR on Instagram. In Crystal’s interview, she said she would die if Drake followed her, which I could totally see, since she’s twelve. Kyle said it was a new moon, and they were supposed to get rid of toxic energy, and manifest what they wanted. Kathy said you thought of it, and blew out a candle, and Dorit pushed a candle toward Erika. Erika closed her eyes, made a wish, and blew out the candle. In her interview, she said she’d do anything to make it better. She’d take a prayer circle, a lunar eclipse a quaalude. She’d take anything. Anything but confession. She wasn’t confessing. Erika said she appreciated their kind words and support. Kyle asked what was going to happen with Erika Jayne? but Erika didn’t know. It was an expensive business. She’d just let go of her office space. Kathy said, the richest man in the world will try to take the jewelry back, and Erika said, that’s how tacky they are. Erika didn’t know if there was anything to get, since they’d frozen everything. In her opinion, Tom should turn in his bar card, and stop practicing. In LisaR’s interview, she said the last time she saw Tom was at his house, and he’d seemed charming and with it, but maybe something was going on. Erika said Tom’s sole identity was being a great lawyer, and he put it ahead of everything. When she’d noticed he was on the decline, he held on tighter. He was afraid and mad, and mean AF. In Dorit’s interview, she said she got why Erika was keeping it private. She’d spent 20 years defending the relationship. All everyone ever saw was an old man with a young woman. Kyle said dementia could make someone angry and belligerent, and Crystal said, when her dad got Alzheimer’s, he would get angry at himself for not remembering things. In her interview, she said her dad was brilliant, and then didn’t know the President and the year. It was like a cruel joke. Erika said when she’d told Kyle that Tom had a car accident, it was true, but she hadn’t told the rest of it. We flashed back to Erika telling Kyle about Tom having an accident where he wasn’t hurt but the car was. Erika said he was unconscious for 12 hours; she found him. In LisaR’s interview, she said, at the time, she thought Tom had broken his ankle and would be fine. This is way different. Erika told them that Tom had a head injury, and broke his ankle, shoulder, and clavicle. He’d gone off a cliff. In Erika’s interview, she said, now that the truth had come to light, she could talk about it. She’d wanted to respect Tom’s privacy. She said Tom had lived there for 30 plus years, took a wrong turn by the house, and ended up in the wrong place. He’d tumbled out of the car, and finally called her.

When she asked where he’d been, she’d assumed he was with another woman. Kyle told her to roll it back; what woman? Erika told her, take her pick. He’d been cheating on her for a while. In her interview, LisaR said, with all the effing things going on, how does Erika process this? Erika said, they had no idea what she was living through, and what she’d been through. This was her life. Kyle said it wasn’t the first time she’d heard about Tom cheating, and in her interview, she said, there was always gossip. Nothing solid; just rumblings. She couldn’t picture 81 year old Tom cheating on Erika. She was a trophy wife; treat her like a trophy. Erika said she never went through Tom’s phone. She’d never touched anything, but after Yolanda divorced David, she opened Tom’s phone, and said, wow; okay. In her interview, she said, it was text messages and pictures, and looked like it had been years long. She knew it was years long. She told the women it was hard to hide, and he became sloppy. She knew a lot. LisaR asked if Tom denied it, and Erika said, nope. Kyle wondered why, and Erika said, where was she going? Kyle said, anywhere. Erika was beautiful, and had her whole life ahead of her. But Kathy said that was the way Erika was made to feel, by how he treated her. Erika said Tom had told her straight up, this was his house. Where was she going to go? In Dorit’s interview, she said Erika wasn’t as tough as everyone  thought. Kyle said she knew Erika was a good person, and Erika said she appreciated them listening and understanding. She would be okay, but it wasn’t okay right now. It got quiet for a moment, and Sutton said, how about them Mets who’d like some pancake cake? She thought it was what Erika needed. Sutton went to get whatever the hell that is, and Kyle and LisaR hugged Erika. In Sutton’s interview, she said it was like something out of a movie. Part horror part, part film noire. It was a movie she would not want a starring role in. LisaR said she measured her days by, what was going on with covid, what was going on with Erika, and was her daughter still going out with Scott Disick? She told them to picture her kitchen at 7:30 in the morning, and Harry saying, how did Scott Disick get into our lives? Kyle asked if Amelia and Scott were still together, but LisaR said she wasn’t sure what level it was at. It felt more like friendship. Kyle told her, nice try. LisaR said she wasn’t sure how deep it was, and they laughed.

This season, a vintage sailboat ride; seals mating; lots of drinking; Erika says, if you want to know who your friends are, get old and go broke; Sutton says Kyle is pissing her off; Mauricio says, there are lies all over the place; Erika says she’d like to know where the money is; Garcelle says, f*** Tom; and Erika says she’s coming for Sutton if Sutton calls her a liar again.

🛌🏽 I’ll Sleep In the Next Life…

Join me tomorrow for a little bit of soap, some real estate that will make you cry when you look around at your own humble abode, and maybe a tidbit or two. Until then, stay safe, stay discovering new things, and stay saying what you want, even if it means losing what you have.