What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
General Hospital
Laura gets out of her car and looks at the hospital. Her voiceover says, all my life, this place has been a sanctuary. A place where I felt safe and welcome; almost a second home. And today will be no different, no matter what trouble I’m facing.
Portia quizzes Epiphany, and gives her a gold star. Britt says, this stuff is like algebra; you’ll never use it in real medicine. Laura walks in, and says, the MCATs are coming up soon, right? and Epiphany says, yep, and she’s ready. Laura says she’s rooting for her, and Epiphany says, it means a lot. Laura heads for the elevator, and Portia asks if they’re going to see her at the softball game. Laura says, it’s a Port Charles tradition; she woudn’t miss it. Laura gets in the elevator, and Britt says, that is amazing. Portia asks, what is? and Britt says, how calm Laura is. You’d never know that was a dead woman walking.
Sonny sits next to Violet in the waiting area, and she asks what happened to him. He says he overdid it in boxing, and notices her scratching her arm. He asks, what about her? Did she run into some poison ivy? She says, poison oak, and Finn tells her, he knows it itches, but what did he tell her about scratching? She says, not to, but she saw Uncle Chase do it, and he asks, what would happen if they lived their lives according to Uncle Chase? They both say, we’d only have half a jar of pickles in the fridge, and Finn says, exactly. Sonny says, she has to listen to her dad because he’s a smart guy, and Finn asks what he told Sonny about boxing. Sonny says, not to overdo it, but Uncle Chase overdid it. Laura joins them, and asks, what’s with the walking wounded? Finn tells Violet, if the mayor told her something, she’d have to do it, right? and Laura asks how she can help. Finn says, they sort of ran into some poison oak, and Violet says, it itches. Laura says she bets Violet’s dad told her not to scratch it, and he is absolutely right. You can’t scratch it because it might leave scars. Next time she wants to scratch it, does she think she can remember not to? Violet says she can, and Laura says, good girl. Sonny gets up, hobbles over to Laura, and says, he saw that piece in The Invader, but she says she’s fine; like water off a duck’s back. Finn says he knows she’s got a lot on her plate right now. Why doesn’t he drive the boys over to see Elizabeth? He won’t go inside; he’ll just wait in the car. She thanks him, but says she’s got it. She does need Finn to work his magic on Sonny, because he’s batting clean-up today. She moves along, and Finn tells Sonny, it doesn’t look like she’s feeling any pressure. She’s got this, right? Sonny says, she usually does, but it doesn’t hurt to have a back-up plan.
Doc comes out of his office, and sees Laura. He says he was just coming to get her. How’s she holding up? She says, sometimes she feels sick, and he tells her that she doesn’t need a tidal wave of votes to know she’s loved. She’s surrounded by people who love her. One of them is looking her in the eye right now. She says, don’t make her cry. It’s a bad look for the mayor. He says, no such thing, and asks if she’s ready. She says she is, and he tells her, she’s got this.
Laura and Doc walk into one of the conference rooms, and Scotty tells her, welcome to the first meeting of the committee to save her hide. Carly says, why don’t they get down to business? and Laura says, the first thing they must do is say goodbye to Mac, but Mac says, he’s not going anywhere, not while their mayor is under attack. She says she’s flattered, but the city pays his salary, and this isn’t a criminal matter; it’s a political one. She can’t afford to have any sense of impropriety, even the appearance thereof, so thank you and goodbye. He says he wants to stay, but Sam says, that’s why she and Curtis are here. Curtis says, they’ll pick up the slack, and Mac tells Laura that he’s pulling for her. She says she knows, and he leaves. They all sit down, and Scotty says he’s calling this meeting to order. Robert says he thinks they need to ascertain how this circus got started, and asks Alexis, what’s happening with that rag of hers? Alexis says she had to run the story. Like it or not, it was legitimate news. Robert says, it’s not news; it’s a crime. Scotty says, there’s no way these yahoos have collected enough signatures to put a recall on the ballot, but Doc says, it would appear otherwise. Robert says, they get that, but this letter is so clearly biased and it’s in the op-ed section. Scotty picks up the paper, and says, this jerk blames Laura for the serge in crime, a lackluster police department, strife at our port. It’s past time for ordinary citizens to take our city back. Today we announce we’ve collected enough signatures to have a recall on the election for the mayor. Join our movement. Mayor Collins must go. Signed, the Friends of Port Charles. Carly says, it doesn’t sound very friendly to her, and Alexis says she wishes there had been another way, but it had the required amount of signatures, so what could she do? Laura says, it’s okay. The writer had a legitimate point of view, and the right to express it. This is free speech, and no one has the right to silence it. Curtis says, but it’s not the only voice. As a fairly new business owner, the mayor’s office has been a huge help to him. Carly says, and the writer of that op ed clearly wants Laura out of a job. She thinks they can all agree they don’t want that outcome. Sam says, Laura is an excellent mayor; exactly the kind of mayor they need. Alexis says, unfortunately, not everyone feels that way, and Doc says, which is why they need to strategize. How do they respond? Scotty says he has a four-point plan. He tells Alexis, first of all, save room in her paper for Laura’s rebuttal, and Alexis says, consider it done. He says, number two, he and Robert will devise a legal strategy before this even gets on the ballot, but Laura says she’s not comfortable with that, and she doesn’t think their DA should be risking his political capital on her behalf. Robert says, he’s in. What’s the point of political capital if you can’t use it in an emergency? Scotty says, they need to police the moral and financial support for their mayor. He would do this, but they have to win the hearts and minds of townsfolk over, and it takes a bit of a delicate touch. It’s not exactly his strong suit. Doc says he thinks Scotty means they need someone with tact, and Alexis says, humility. Sam says, grace, and Scotty says, all right. They made their point. Carly says she’s not one for a soft touch, but she can do it on special occasions, and Doc says he can help with that. and Scotty says, first, they need to find out who the Friends of Port Charles are. Curtis says, he and Sam are all over it; they’ll divide up their leads. Scotty says, they all have their assignments, so disassemble.
Ned picks up a bloody Mary, and says, it’s time for the family meeting. They need to strategize. Michael says, they take their summer softball seriously, and Ned says, today, they restore their family honor. Sam and Carly walk in, and Carly says, what honor? They never had any to begin with. Olivia asks what they’re doing here, and Sam says, they’re on a mission. Ned says, which is? and Carly says, calling out the snake in the grass. As the former mayor of Port Charles, they all know Ned is the one behind the Friends of Port Charles, isn’t he?
Laura says, Scotty really pulled out all the stops, and thanks him. He says, she’s the mayor, and she’s his friend. Actually, she’s a lot of things to him. We flash back to the dinosaur age, when Laura and Scotty got married. Laura says she’s touched by his loyalty to her, but hopes it doesn’t get him in any hot water with Obrecht. He says, don’t worry. He has Obrecht right where he wants her. He opens his briefcase, saying, Otherwise, he wouldn’t have gotten this. He takes out a folder, and Laura says, what is this?
Last night. At a bar, a woman is seated at a table near the front, and Obrecht asks if that’s the petition to unseat the mayor. The woman says, it is, and Obrecht says, the state of the city is pathetic. Just now, she saw someone feeding pigeons outside. They’re nothing more than rats with wings; so unsanitary. She drags the woman outside to see, and Scotty takes pictures of the petition. Laura says she doesn’t want to know how Scotty got his hands on those signature papers, and he says, he knows, protect her deniability, but look at the signature he circled. She says, oh my God, and he says he thought she’d feel that way. So now it’s not what they’re up against, but who they’re up against.
Laura goes to one of the offices in the hospital, and asks how long Bobbie has been waiting to even the score. Bobbie says, of course (🍷) she wants payback, and Laura says, really? For what? Bobbies says, last year, Lucy allegedly struck her out with a wonky spitball, so today she plans on slamming a line drive way out of left field. Laura says, Bobbie is talking about softball? and Bobbie asks what Laura is talking about. Laura shows her the petition and asks if it’s her signature, and Bobbie asks if it’s for saving the whales. Laura says, it’s to get her removed from the office of mayor, and Bobbie says she read about that in today’s Invader. What’s that group called? Laura says, Friends of Port Charles; they want her recalled. Bobbie says, she signed a petition to save the whales. Does Laura think they’d do a bait and switch? She’d never sign a petition to recall Laura. Is that what Laura thought, after everything they’ve been through? Laura says she didn’t want to think it, and Bobbie says she can see how Laura would have thought the worst of her – forty plus years ago, and Laura asks if that’s how long it’s been since they fought over Scotty. We flash back to Bobbie answering Scotty’s door when we were all in diapers. She tells Laura that she’d invite her in, but three’s a crowd. In the present, Bobbie says, they were so young, and they thought the world revolved around Scotty Baldwin. Laura laughs, and says, they were all just kids. Bobbie says, look at her now, the Port Charles mayor, and Laura says, not if the Friends of Port Charles have anything to say about it. Bobbie says, they’re a minority; a loud obnoxious minority, but the average citizen doesn’t believe that. Laura says she’s not so sure about that. She put her whole heart and soul into this job. Maybe her love for her town isn’t enough; maybe the job requires more. There’s a lot of unhappy people here, and they got enough signatures to recall the ballot. Bobbie says, but how many of those signatures really want her out? How many of those people thought they were signing a petition to save the whales, like she did? Laura says, that op ed was such a personal attack, wasn’t it? and Bobbie says, they’ve both dealt with a lot of dirty dogs in their day, and this is politics. Laura says she just wants to know who would do this to her, and Bobbie says, Laura’s real friends are on her side, and she is one. They have her back. Laura says she appreciates that so much. She feels terrible now, being suspicious of seeing Bobbie’s name. She feels ashamed. Bobbie says, well don’t. There are a few crazy people out there who aren’t on Laura’s side. The hell with them; she’s with Laura. Laura thanks her and they hug.
There’s a knock at Sonny’s office door, and he lets Selena in. She says she got his message to meet. What precipitated this command performance? Sonny says, they need information, and Curtis asks if Selena was aware her nephew was aiding and abetting the Friends of Port Charles’ efforts to remove Laura as mayor? She says, of course (🍷). She volunteered him for the job.
At the MetroCourt pool, Victor raises a glass of champagne, and says, to the Cassadines. May we own the plate and dominate the pitch. Ava says, actually, it’s a field, not a pitch, and Alexis says, even she knew that. Laura walks in, and says, so the Cassadines are going to dominate the softball field, are they? Like they tried to dominate the world once? Not while she draws breath.
Sonny tells Selena, Laura is a good friend of his. Laura’s got enough problems, so get her people to back off. Next time Selena needs a favor, he’ll remember this. Selena says, very well, and Curtis says he’s seen the Friends of Port Charles public filings. He would have noticed a donation from her, or any of her friends. She says she prefers a more direct approach, to make sure her money is used in the way she wants. Curtis says, they need the names of her contacts. That way, they can figure out who’s pulling the strings. Sonny says, okay, two favors.
Ned says he has no desire to remove Laura from office. He’s moved on from politics; his interests lie solely in his family. Michael says, and the family company, and Olivia says she can confirm Ned hasn’t talked about politics in a long time. Michael says, it’s understandable they’d suspect Ned, and Brook tells him, come on, be fair, but Michael says, it’s not an insult to Ned. It’s just that the Quartermaines aren’t known for being true blue. Olivia says, the Quartermaines may be a little bit backstabby, and occasionally money grubbing, and once in blue moon, a little bit blood thirsty. Nobody ever said this family didn’t have… Brook says, foibles? and Michael says, faults? Brook says, fatal flaws, and Olivia tells them, she was going to say moments. But show her what family doesn’t. Because what this family does have, and it has it in droves, is heart. And when one of their family members stumbles and falls, sure, the first thing they all do is crack a joke, but then they help that family member get back up on their feet. Ned says, and then go right back to sniping at each other. Brook says, it’s the Quartermaine way, and Michael says, and it’s better than most.
Victor says he has no idea what’s curdled Laura’s cream this time; she always suspects him of something. Alexis asks if he wrote that anonymous op ed Friends of Port Charles piece, and he asks if that’s what Laura thinks. She’s the mother of his nephew and Spencer’s grandmother; that means she’s family. Laura says, he still didn’t answer the question, and Ava says she can see him wielding a poison pen. Alexis says, most of the time, he just uses plain poison, and Victor says, if he ever did launch some screed against Laura’s leadership, trust him, he’d never do it anonymously. He thinks they all know by now, he’d be happy to put his name to it. Nikolas says, Uncle Victor knows better than to make a threat against his mother, because it would unite the family against him. Laura’s phone rings, and Victor says, there it is. The family united for the first time, and it’s all in service to Laura. Laura says hello to Curtis, and he says he’s got good news and bad news. She tells him to give her the good news first, and he says, he and Sonny picked up the money trail, and it led to the mastermind of the Friends of Port Charles. She says, what’s the bad news? and he says, she’s not going to like where it led them.
Laura goes into the visitor’s room at Pentenville, and sits behind the glass. Cyrus sits opposite her, and picks up the phone. He says, sister. So you read my letter.
Curtis brings Portia a baseball cap, and she says she loves it, but she thought she was supposed to meet him at the ballfield. He says, something came up, and he wanted to tell her about it in person. Cyrus Renault has been transferred from Flatland Federal Prison back to Pentenville. Jordan has promised him that she’ll be working closely with the warden at Pentenville, and make sure he’s locked down tight. She says, it’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining, they’re going to kick Northside’s butt. There’s no way she’s letting the mention of that evil man ruin their beautiful day.
Laura says, so Cyrus is the one who wrote the anonymous op ed for The Invader, and he says, people tend to take your opinion less seriously if they know you’re behind bars. That’s why he didn’t sign it. Plus, it’s a great opportunity for self-examination, revisit all the enemies she’s made over the years. She says, so he’s the mastermind of the Friends of Port Charles? and he says he can hardly run a grass roots campaign from prison; he’s merely an advisor. She says, then who’s in charge? and he says, Friends of Port Charles is a group of like-minded, ordinary citizens, who long to make their city a better place. She says, by recalling her, and he says, by finding someone more suited to the task. Is it really that hard for her ego to accept people are disillusioned by her performance? Crime is on the rise. Sonny Corinthos and Selena Wu run roughshod over a police department of her cronies. They have major corporations like ELQ and Cassadine Industries fleecing taxpayers, while everyday people pay too much in taxes to prop up aging institutions like General Hospital. Immorality is rampant, and the families of Port Charles yearn for a North Star to show them the way. Tell him. When was the last time she went to church? She says, her religious preference aren’t a problem for the people of Port Charles, and he says, he’s sorry; then what is? Her failed leadership? She’s presided over far more conflict and bloodshed than prosperity. She says, she thinks there’s been quite a bit less since he’s been in here. Tell her. If these Friends of Port Charles members have such high moral standards, why have they chosen a convicted felon advice? He asks if she even hears herself. It is God’s place to judge – he taps the window, startling her – not hers. She takes far too much pleasure in condemning him here, while she continues to sin freely out there. Turn back to the path of righteousness, sister. She says she hears him talking a lot about God, but she has a question for him. When he wrote that scathing and embarrassing op ed, an attack on her, where was God in that? He says he’s spent his life hating. He can’t change his nature on a dime. At least he’s trying, but her… She tells him, Cyrus, I forgive you. He lets the phone slip from his hand, and she thanks him for watching out for the people of Port Charles. She hangs up, and he looks like he might cry. She leaves, and outside, she leans on the wall, lets out a breath, and shakes her head.
Sonny thanks Selena for coming through for him, and she says, she never would have given her support to the Friends of Port Charles if she’d known Cyrus Renault was behind it. He says he’s glad to hear her say that. Mayor Collins is the best thing to happen to Port Charles in a long time.
At Kelly’s, Robert tells Scotty that on their website, the Friends of Port Charles doesn’t even mention Cyrus. Without that official connection, his hands are tied. Scotty says, that’s because he’s the DA, and Robert says, back in the day, he and Luke would ride in cowboy style, and round up a couple of Cassadines, never mind the rule book. Mac approaches, and says he’ll pretend he didn’t hear that. Scotty says he’s with Robert; break out the zip ties. Doc joins them, and says, he thinks Laura is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. It doesn’t need to go to DEFCON-1 just yet. Mac says, and to Scotty’s ex to boot, and Robert says he was kind of wondering what Obrecht would have to say about this. Scotty says, first of all, no girl tells him what to do. He can still have Obrecht as his girlfriend and help Laura. Doc and Mac both say, can you? Scotty asks what they’re driving at and stomps out. They all laugh.
Anna, Felicia, Sam, and Bobbie are at the salon, and Anna asks if they shouldn’t do this after the game. Obrecht and Lucy walk in, and Obrecht says she knew this was a bad idea. She starts to leave, but Lucy grabs her arm, saying, oh no she doesn’t; she’s stronger than that. She pulls Obrecht inside, and Felicia says, it looks like they all had the same idea; getting pedis. Anna says, which she doesn’t think is a good idea if they’re going to be chasing down flyballs. Lucy says, she’s not going to be chasing flyballs when she pitches. It’ll be strikeout city. Bobbie says, only if she brings the pine tar, and Lucy says she doesn’t cheat. Bobbie says, not at softball, and Lucy says she thinks Bobbie is still mad about being struck out twice last year. Bobbie says she thinks it helped Lucy that Scotty was calling the balls and the strikes. Scotty was always soft on her. Lucy says, Bobbie is just mad because she’s stayed very, very, very close to her exes, and Bobbie says, if she was Obrecht, she wouldn’t turn her back. You never know when Lucy might try to steal another man. Obrecht says, she’s not worried about Lucy or even Laura. She’s a proud, capable, ravishing woman, and any man would be lucky to have her. If Scotty can’t see that, he can something-or-other-in-German. Scotty rushes in, and says, sorry for interrupting their beautifications. He needs them to witness something. Obrecht asks, what? and he gets down on one knee and says he’s laying his heart at her feet. It was wrong of him to come to Laura’s aid without keeping Obrecht on the same page. She’s everything to him. He’d been running wild, then he met her. When he wakes up with her, his heart skips a beat. She’s just everything to him. She puts the pep in his step. She puts the leder in his hosen. So what does she say? Will she make him the happiest guy on the planet? Felicia asks Anna, is it just her, or is this the most romantic thing she’s ever heard? Anna says, it’s pretty good for Scotty Baldwin, and Scotty says, what does she say? Obrecht says, with all her heart, she says… no. Doesn’t he see? She’s already his. He struggles to get up, and Lucy helps him. He says, let’s make it official. Come on, marry him. She says, they can’t get tied down now. Leave marriage to these other fools. They have each other. What more do they need? He says she’s right about that, and kisses her.
Finn comes out with Violet, and Chase asks, what’s the diagnosis? Violet says, the doctor gave her medicine, so she won’t be itchy anymore. What about him? He says, his is clearing up on its own, and she asks if he’s been practicing his swings like she told him to. She wants two home runs in this game. Finn asks how someone as cynical as him have daughter that’s pure joy, and Violet asks Chase, what’s a cynical? Chase says, her dad is a great example. Finn puts Violet on Chase’s back for a piggyback ride, and says, they’re out of here. Britt tells Epiphany that she’d better bring her A-game to softball. She and Terry agreed, slackers will be on bedpan duty. Epiphany laughs, and says, she always brings her A-game, and she’s serious about her softball, especially when the proceeds go to Stone Cates’ AIDS wing. Britt says, on a day to day basis, it’s easy to get caught up in the red tape, but at the end of the day, here at General Hospital, they’re doing lot of great work for the community. Epiphany says, doesn’t she know it.
In the visitor’s room at Shadybrook, Maxie takes things out of her bag, and tells Laura, she’s not even sure why she’s here. It’s not like she and Elizabeth are close. Laura says, Maxie told her that she wanted to come because Lulu couldn’t be here, and Maxie tells Laura, she did say that, and she does want to, but does Elizabeth even want to see her? Laura says, just let her know you care. Maxie can start with all the beautiful products she brought Elizabeth. Maxie says she likes that, when Elizabeth comes in. She hugs Laura, and thanks her for coming. Laura says, of course (🍷), and Elizabeth says hello to Maxie. Maxie says, Elizabeth is probably wondering why she’s here. All of them at Deception wish her a speedy recovery, so they sent these products to keep Elizabeth beautiful while she’s recovering. Not that she’s not already gorgeous, but institutional lighting and everything. Elizabeth thanks her, and says she hopes her boys aren’t running rings around Laura. Laura says, they’ve been swimming at the MetroCourt pool a lot. Carly gave them an open tab at the snack bar. They’re keeping busy, but they miss her. Elizabeth says she misses them too, and Laura says, they made her promise to deliver a message. They want Elizabeth to know that they’re okay. They don’t want her worry about them, and want her to concentrate on getting better. Elizabeth tells Laura to thank them, and tell them she’s thinking about them all the time. Maxie asks if Elizabeth’s doctors ever wonder if she’d recover quicker if she was around her kids. She’s only asking because she feels better around hers. Elizabeth says she does worry about the boys not having her around, but then she reminds herself that they’re surrounded by friends and family, starting with Laura and Doc. Laura says, it’s not just them. Of course (🍷) there’s Violet and Finn. Scotty checks in on them on a regular basis. As do Nikolas and Spencer, and everyone at General Hospital. Elizabeth is so loved; everybody wanted to step up. Elizabeth says, she’s relieved; it’s nice to hear. It’s hard to remember on the dark days, but she’ll try to focus on that. Maxie says, she will get better soon, and Elizabeth says, she’s right, because this place is full of people who care. Right now her family needs a hand, and one day, it will be another family. Laura says, and then it will be Elizabeth’s turn to step up. That’s what makes their town special.
Laura walks into an empty Charlie’s, but she’s not alone for long. Everyone from the softball game pours in, each one hugging her. Bobbie tell her, hang in there, and Laura says she’s fine. Everyone is eating and drinking and having a good time, when Sonny comes in. He says, Laura was late for the game, and she says she had an errand to run. He asks if it was about the Friends of Port Charles thing, but she says, no. Something much more important than that; tending to a loved one. He says, it must have worked out; she seems happy. She says, how could she not be? Look at all these smiling faces. These people are her community; they’re her people. Alexis walks up, and says she’s sorry about the op ed ruining her day, but Laura says, honestly, it’s fine, and it might end up being one of her best days. She’s ready to publish her rebuttal. Alexis says, awesome.
While everyone celebrates, Laura’s voiceover says, the people of the Friends of Port Charles are not entirely wrong. Their town is not perfect. We have our problems, and always will, but we have always faced them together. In their haste to point out what’s wrong with Port Charles, they left out what was right. It’s our police, who not only make us feel safe, but make us feel welcomed with a tip of the hat. It’s the doctors and nurses at our fine medical institutions, like General Hospital and Mercy. It’s our small businesses, and our charming and historic downtown. Mom and pop establishments, like Charlie’s and Kelly’s, where I hung out after school as a kid, and decades later, my kids did, and now my grandchildren do. We are a strong community. Our soup kitchen has never run out of supplies, including firewood, so no one gets too cold in the winter. I am proud to be a citizen of Port Charles, as are many of you. We’re not just a town, we’re a family. We take care of each other… Doc says he’d like to propose a toast. To his wife, a beacon of light if there ever was one. Everyone says, hear, hear, and Sonny says, and the best damn mayor this town has ever seen. Curtis says, and a great friend, and Nikolas says, and the greatest mother. Spencer says, a terrific grandmother, and an even better role model. Bobbie says, and Laura will always be her sister-in-law – always. They hug, and Laura thanks her. Violet says, and to Mayor Collins, and everyone cheers. Laura’s voiceover continues. And if I lose this recall, so be it. And if the person who replaces me is another son or daughter of Port Charles, a lifer like me, I know we will continue to grow. In new ways perhaps, but hopefully always to our betterment.
Tomorrow, Jordan isn’t convinced something is worth pressing charges; Britt tells Brad that she has ulterior motives; Dante says, maybe now Cody can answer some questions he’s been avoiding; and Drew tells Michael, today, everything changes.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Still burdening Mexico with themselves, the women gather in Diana’s presidential suite for a nightcap. Diana breaks out the tequila, and in her interview, she says she wants to escape everything, and needs something stronger than champagne. Maybe tequila will help. We flash back to her getting weepy at dinner. Kyle and Sutton arrive after the others, and in Kyle’s interview, she says, we will come to your room, and we will drink your alcohol, even if we’re mad at you. They talk about their exes, and if the exes remarried. In Diana’s interview, she says, it was a simple divorce. She trusted her ex-husband to give her half. Both their marriage and divorce weren’t about money. Kyle says, her ex never remarried, and he’s a great guy. In Kyle’s interview, she says, they had a daughter, and cared about each other; that never went away. For both of them, Farrah comes first. Sutton says her ex was a good person, but she had wanted out from underneath his thumb. Erika identifies, and in her interview, she says she was concerned about sharing Tom’s burden, but at the end of the day, she didn’t do anything wrong. Sutton asks if Erika feels responsible, but Erika asks if a doctor’s wife is responsible for his patients, and Sutton says she hadn’t thought of it that way. In Erika’s interview, she says she wishes she had more times like this with Sutton. There are times they’re almost there, then poof! they’re not. They cut the evening short, since they have an early day tomorrow, and we see a clip of Dorit saying, a yacht trip has been planned. They can go swimming or stay on the boat and drink. Sutton promises not to yell, and if anyone is stung by a jellyfish, she’ll pee on them (an old wives tale – it won’t help – see below). Erika says, this could be the beginning of something.
It’s morning, and in LisaR’s interview, she says, no one knows what you need or what you should do when your mom dies. Her mom would say, get off your ass, get on the plane, and go with your girlfriends. She says hi to Lois, looking up as she stands on the balcony. Sutton tells her makeup person that she yelled at Diana, and all she does is apologize to people. Kyle, LisaR, and Dorit gather for a tapas breakfast, while Garcelle, Sutton, and Crystal meet separately for more traditional bacon and eggs. Dorit says, last night was strange, and Kyle says, Erika and Sutton were talking. Garcelle asks Sutton how her night was, and Captain Obvious Crystal points out that Sutton was very talkative with Erika. There was an air of nothing happened. Garcelle says, nothing is settled with Erika, and in her interview, she says she thinks Erika is tired of talking about Erica. She’s being distracting so no one asks questions. No one is discussing it, and they seem happy to drop it. Crystal is on a roll, and says, Sutton is a vegetarian who eats bacon, and Sutton says she has one piece a day when she’s on vacation. Sutton brings up Erika attacking her, and calling her the c-word, and Garcelle reminds Sutton that she called Erika a liar. Crystal says, Sutton called her a liar, but she would never attack. At the other breakfast, Dorit thinks Crystal should move past it, and LisaR wonders if Crystal knows she’s playing the victim. Dorit says she thinks it’s second nature, and in her interview, she says, Crystal got married young, and didn’t have too many experiences to learn and grow. Garcelle asks Crystal if she holds stuff in a lot, and Sutton says, that’s why people think she’s manipulative. Crystal says, she holds on to things internally until she can resolve them, and it comes out when she’s not expecting it. Garcelle says she understands, but it throws people off. In Sutton’s interview, she says, this is the Fancy Drew novel, The Case of Crystal, chapter three. There’s so much more, but she thinks they’re getting somewhere. Garcelle says, so to them it’s manipulation, but Crystal is really processing, and Crystal says she’s going to challenge herself to hold on to things for a shorter time, and open her mouth more.
Already drinking in the car, Erika announces that she took an extended release Xanax. Dorinda says she loves a drunk Erika, but Erika says she’s a medicated Erika. In LisaR’s interview, she says she’s known Erika for seven years, and never seen her tipsy like this. (Is that what we’re calling it?) She says, they have to be good friends and make sure Erika doesn’t go overboard. When they get to the dock, Erika says she’s so lit. She’s going to walk beautifully like Diana Ross. Kyle thinks Erika’s shoes and cocktails are a bad combo, and sure enough, Erika stumbles going up the steps to the boat. She teeters to the lounge, says, this is her and she’s found her landing spot, and plops on a couch. In Diana’s interview, she says she loves being on the water; it’s the ultimate luxury. This is a day boat though, not a luxury yacht, and size matters when it comes to boats. I want to like Diana, especially because of her background, and I have nothing against her enjoying her wealth, but those kinds of statements are annoying. The mine is better than yours stuff. Dorinda says, there are drinks and food, and Erika says, she doesn’t need another drink; she’s lit beyond belief. In Sutton’s interview, she says they have a great southern dessert called mud pie, and Erika is mud pie messy. And she’s melted all over the plate. They ship out, and wave to the other boats. A guy moons them for their trouble. An amazing food spread is brought out, but Erika lies down to sleep. She drunkenly babbles that they had a boat called The Illeagle. It was a yacht fisher, and they kept it in La Paz and went fishing. She says she’s done, but when Kyle checks on her, she says she’s fine. Kyle encourages her to drink her Coke for the caffeine, and Erika says she just needs five minutes. Sutton, Garcelle, and Diana are sunbathing, and Garcelle asks how Diana how she grew up; did she have any brothers and sisters? Diana says she had a brother who was killed in the war when he was 21. In Diana’s interview, she says, he was with the peace keeping police, and was killed during an ethnic cleansing. It took her a long time to process. She tells Garcelle and Sutton that they thought her brother might have been kidnapped, but he was found in a ditch. Her dad had to identify the body. Sutton says, her father committed suicide, and you don’t get to say goodbye. In her interview, Diana says, all roads lead to Sutton. She doesn’t feel like it’s a conversation. Sutton wants to talk about Sutton, and she doesn’t need Diana for that. Diana goes inside the boat, and Garcelle proclaims her and Sutton sun sisters. Again with Diana. I don’t view Sutton that way. I think she’s trying to identify since Diana didn’t get to say goodbye to her brother either. I also think Diana just plain doesn’t like Sutton, and Sutton is damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t at this point.
Erika babbles about the meals she would be served when she was living the high life, and wonders if there’s food on this Gilligan’s Island three-hour tour. Clueless Kyle tells the others that Erika seems to be having fun. She’s lighter, like a different person. Erika finally comes back to life, and joins them. Kyle says, she lives, and Erika says, she’s fine, just drunk. She drank liquor and took medication, and now she needs food. Kyle says she’s looking for a song to dance to, which somehow leads to Erika asking, if Crystal had a choice for a threesome, who would it be? and if she and Garcelle pulled up one night, would she and Rob do it? In Crystal’s interview, she says, they’re beautiful women, but that’s not her jam. XXpen$ive plays, and the women sing along and dance, but Sutton tells Garcelle, she can’t celebrate this song. Diana jumps off the boat to go swimming, and immediately gets stung by a jellyfish. The steward, or whatever he is, puts antiseptic ointment on it, and Erika tells Garcelle to pee on the new girl. Garcelle says, you do it, and Erika says, she might get fetishy over it. Kyle says she’s not going in now, and Sutton says she’s not being Natalie Wood today. Erika goes back to sleep, and in Kyle’s interview, she says, Erika is knocked out cold, and Diana was stung by a jellyfish, but it’s still one of their better boat rides. We flash back to some unsettling ones, and Diana gets back in the water, along with LisaR. Erika suddenly says she’s sorry Diana got stung. It wasn’t her intention, and Garcelle says, for someone who’s so tired, Erika sure is talking a lot. They all start talking about their moms, and Erika says, she and Sutton were brought up in the south. Her mother wasn’t cuddly; she was a steel magnolia. Sutton says, her mom was like that, and we flash back to Sutton’s mom telling her that she didn’t miss Sutton’s dad. Erika says, they don’t f*** around, and Sutton says, and don’t mess with the people they love. Kyle says, they’re gangster, and Erika says, they’re a people of agriculture. Agriculture is their thing because they didn’t have textiles or something. In Garcelle’s interview, she says she has no idea what Erika is talking about, and Erika says, if you didn’t work, you didn’t get paid. She’s putting her hat on and going to sleep.
Erika sleeps while everyone parties. The boat docks, and Erika says, we here? and gets up. LisaR tells everyone to get their purses and shoes, and Erika thanks the whoever for a lovely afternoon. Someone points out that Erika ruined the couch, and wonders what it’s going to cost. In Sutton’s interview, she says, maybe try not wearing so much body makeup. That happened on Below Deck once too.
Dorit calls PK, and makes sure he’s not watching anything they watch together. He swears he’s not, but I wonder. Everyone gets ready for dinner, and Garcelle calls Sutton. She says, WTF with Erika? and Sutton says she thinks Erika is tired. Garcelle says she’s nervous about Erika mixing medication and alcohol. In Sutton’s interview, she says, Erika lost everything. Maybe it’s a cry for help. All she knows is, Xanax and alcohol are not a good combination. While Erika is having an impromptu photoshoot, Sutton tells Garcelle that she thinks Erika will be buttoned up tonight. Garcelle says, until she has a cocktail.
They have a drink at the hotel before going to dinner, and Erika says, she’s already had three espressos. Garcelle drinks to health, and Erika says, to being awake. We see a clip of Kyle throwing bread at a passed out Erika, and in Erika’s interview, she tells us, what can she say? It was not that great of a day. At the restaurant, Garcelle invites everyone to her birthday party, and says, no gifts. She just wants everyone to have fun and dance. Kyle says, gifts not necessary, but welcome, and Erika says, and if you don’t bring one, we’ll notice. In Sutton’s interview, she says, Garcelle is a can opener, and she’s going to give her a fancy one for her birthday. LisaR says she’s meeting Harry in NYC, where he’s filming The Hot Zone: Anthrax; he’s playing Tom Brokaw. Garcelle says, Denise will be coming, and she can’t believe LisaR won’t be there. In Garcelle’s interview, she says she thought both of them would show, and they could fix things on mutual ground. In LisaR’s interview, she says, she and Denise have a whole lot of history, and we flash back to the whole Brandi debacle. She wonders if Garcelle would have told her ahead of time if she was going, but they’ll never know. LisaR says she reached out to Denise about a month ago. She sent Denise a text, apologizing for how she’d behaved. We flash back to the Reunion, where LisaR was a complete a-hole, and LisaR says, Denise texted back. She thinks they had nice moment. In her interview, LisaR says, Garcelle was adamant about wanting her to reach out, but it’s not about Garcelle; it’s about her and Denise. Dorit asks if Denise received it well, and LisaR says, Denise thanked her, and said she appreciated it. It wasn’t a long exchange. In her interview, Garcelle says she’s texting Denise to see if she heard from LisaR. She’s not saying LisaR is lying… She laughs, and says, Denise just texted back, when? They order, and Diana says, she’d never been on a girls trip. They’ve been good to her and she felt love. Garcelle says, some more than others, and Diana says, there was a moon eclipse and she had a meltdown, but she thinks all of them are spectacular. In Garcelle’s interview, she says, it’s more BS. Diana would rather be stung by a jellyfish than talk to them. Garcelle says, at their other dinner, it felt like Diana didn’t want to talk about her book, and we flash back to that. Garcelle says, it felt rude, and Dorit says, they were trying to find out about Diana, and she shut it down. Diana says she gets uncomfortable tooting her own horn, which is clearly not what she said in her interview at the time, but okay. In her interview this time, Diana says, Garcelle was the most unwelcoming. It’s her loss. They have calamari, and Erika says, she told her son it was chicken with holes. Garcelle asks if they ever got the leg pieces, and mixes up the word tentacles with testicles. Sutton says she has a date when they get back, and Erika gets all interested. They look at his photo on Sutton’s phone, and Crystal tells LisaR, can you believe it? LisaR says, they’re still talking, and Sutton says she doesn’t want a boyfriend. Erika says she doesn’t either; she just wants a lot of d*ck. In Sutton’s interview, she says, Erika acts so tough, but sometimes Erika is funny, and she likes funny people. Dorit starts to comment on them talking, and Sutton says, small steps. Erika says, she’s not putting expectations on anything. It was a nice moment, and nice moments work out to steps in the right direction. In her interview, Erika says she doesn’t do well when people force sh*t on her. Why does it have to be a big deal? Can’t she just be herself? Sutton tells Erika that she hopes Erika has been real this weekend, and Erika says she thinks Sutton would have felt it; she’s not dumb. In her interview, Sutton says, they’ve walked this walk before, and we flash back to Erika apologizing to Sutton, and then saying she hates Sutton in her interview. Sutton says, it’s not easy, and Erika says, that’s why it doesn’t need commentary. In Sutton’s interview, she says, she’s not scared of Erika, and that scares Erika. She’ll take one for the team and be a friend. She’ll be the bigger person; she’s the adult this time. She and Erika clink glasses, and Sutton asks if they shouldn’t raise a glass to Lois one last time. LisaR says, there will never be a last time, and they thank Dorit for the trip. LisaR gets up, and says she got apprehensive to leave her bubble after Lois transitioned, but she felt safe and okay. She appreciates them being here, and Lois does too. She thanks them, and Dorit says she loves LisaR’s zest for life, and thinks she got it from Lois. Everyone agrees it was a nice trip, and they thank Dorit again. Dorit says, learning about one another, growing, having conflicts… She rambles and they just listen. In Kyle’s interview, she pretends to nod out. At the end, Dorit says, all I can say… and Kyle finally bursts out laughing. Erika says, the bitch is dying, and Dorit thanks them. They clink glasses.
Back at the hotel, LisaR tells them to be quiet in the lobby. People go to bed at a decent hour. Kyle, Diana, and Dorit go to the bar, and in Kyle’s interview, she wonders why she’s the only one who knows how to have fun. Dorit says, Erika and Sutton were walking arm-in-arm, and Kyle says, there’s no grey area with Sutton. She threw Diana off, because Diana wasn’t used to it. She asks why Diana got so emotional, and Diana says, because she was trying to help. Sutton contradicts herself all the time. Dorit brings up the bacon, and in her interview, Kyle says, Diana isn’t fragile, but when she’s quiet, something is brewing. Diana says, when she and Sutton had lunch, Sutton said she didn’t like screaming, so she was surprised at how Sutton came at her. At the same lunch, she’d told Sutton she only gives one chance. In Dorit’s interview, she says, Diana is a sweetheart, but she’s not letting anyone push her around. She admires that. Diana says she’s worked hard on herself. Sutton could have gotten headbutted. Diana is Bosnian.
They head back to the private jet, and Diana tells them to sit anywhere. Until Sutton asks if she can sit with them, and Diana tells her to sit where she was. In Sutton’s interview, she says, okay, meanie pants. She sits with Garcelle, and relays what just happened. Garcelle says, it’s rude, and Sutton says, it’s retaliation. They see how it works. In her interview, she tells us, Diana says she doesn’t hold a grudge, but she clearly does. Sutton tells Garcelle, she doesn’t tell people where to sit on her plane, and Garcelle says, if she sends Diana thank you flowers, don’t add her name. Sutton says, she’s not sending any.
Next time, Erika does a photoshoot; Crystal says, if you jab at Diana, she goes nuclear; Garcelle wants to go all out for her birthday; and Diana says, they need a new villain? Here she is. Alrighty then.
🐡 About That Jellyfish…
Peeing on the sting is not the way to go.
🐄 More Cowbell…
Stop by tomorrow for soap (I think) and the latest in Southern Charm. Until then, stay safe, stay evolving, and stay remembering, nice moments can work out to steps in the right direction.
What I Watched - TV With Theresa 