What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

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General Hospital

On a side street, Robert looks in his car engine, when Diane walks up and asks, any luck? He tells her, no, and asks if she had any luck with roadside assistance. She says, they should be getting back to her, and he says he’s sorry. She tells him not to be; it’s not his fault… unless it is his fault. He says he should know better than to drive this thing around town; it prefers the open road. She says, so not stopping and starting in city traffic. She’s just going to spitball here, but he might consider investing in a commuter car. He says he’s thought about it, but just can’t quite pull the trigger, when her phone dings. She says, oh no. Roadside assistance can’t get here for another two hours. There goes dinner. He says he can fix it himself quicker than that, and she says she wants to see that. She coughs, and waves away the smoke coming from the engine.

Michael says he thinks they’re good to go wedding-wise, and Willow says, almost. There’s something she wants to talk to him about. He says, sounds serious, but she says, more like important. It’s about Sonny.

At the hospital, Sonny says, if Victor has Nina’s Aunt Liesl, they’re going to find her and bring her home in time to save Willow; whatever it takes. Nina says she hopes and prays that happens, but he’s not a magician. (I just have to say it. Neither were James and Georgie, yet Obrecht disappeared.) She found out the Haunted Star is completely untraceable. Valentin comes along, and says he actually has an update on that; one that might give her some hope.

The CCRB chairman says, Chase’s colleagues on the force have provided strong praise and support on their written reports – Dante walks in – and Chase’s associates in the music industry have spoken quite eloquently on his behalf. But the question is, was that testimony enough? After careful consideration, the committee has come to a decision.

Alexis runs to Gregory, and asks if he’s all right. She’s calling 9-1-1. He says, no, and struggles to get up. He says, no ambulance.

Ethan’s hood is taken off, and tux guy says, for the privilege of ending the life of Ethan Lovett, the bidding will start at one million dollars. Felicia whispers, what’s happening? and Holly says her son’s been keeping busy since he left Port Charles. Running scams on the rich and powerful is his specialty. Felicia says, that’s why they’re here. He’s about to be sold for the purpose of… Holly says, killing him, and Felicia says, that’s just cruel. It’s… Holly says, starting, and tux guy says, they’re officially underway. They have a bid of one million dollars. Does he hear one million and two?  

Michael tells Willow, his father called and asked if he needed anything. He wanted to talk. She says she’s guessing he said no, and he says he has nothing to say to Sonny. He knows she wants him to forgive Sonny… She says, no one’s asking that, or telling him how to feel. His relationship with Sonny is his own. He says he’s confused, and she says she thinks they should invite Sonny to the wedding.

Nina asks Valentin if they found the Haunted Star. Is her Aunt Liesl coming home? He says, not exactly. Trina Robinson made contact from the boat. Apparently, she’s a stowaway. Sonny says, Victor doesn’t know she’s on board? and Valentin says, no. At least not at the time Trina made contact. Sonny says, if Trina’s made contact, that means they know the location of the boat, and Valentin says, you’d think so. Sonny may want to talk to Jordan. Apparently, Trina’s a pretty resourceful young woman. Nina says, Ava thinks the world of her, and Sonny says, so does Joss. Nina thanks Valentin for the update, and Sonny says, there’s been a lot of bad news; this is a good thing.

Gregory now sits in a chair, and Alexis gets Gregory some water, but he says, in a minute. This will pass; he gets cramps. She asks if that’s why he fell, and he says, severe muscle cramps. He takes the water, and she says, when he’s ready, she’ll take him to the hospital, but he says he told her, no hospital. She says, he told her no ambulance. He just collapsed on her office floor. Somebody needs to check him out. He says, why? They’re not going to tell him anything he doesn’t already know. Besides, what happened just now is child’s play compared to what comes next.

The chairman says, the committee has decided to reinstate Chase with the Port Charles Police Department, and Brook jumps up, saying, effective immediately? The chairman says, Commissioner Ashford will be in touch, and congratulates Chase. They shake hands, and Chase thanks him and says he won’t disappoint. The committee leaves, and Brook hugs Chase, saying, thank God. He says he thinks the person he should thank is her. Dante says, did he hear right? Is he getting his partner back? Chase tells him, that’s the word on the street, and they hug. Dante says, it couldn’t happen to a more deserving person, and Chase says he honestly didn’t think that’s how it was all going to play out. If Brook wouldn’t have… He turns, and asks, where did she go?

A woman watches the auction on a laptop, and hits a key. Tux guy asks if he hears two million, and Felicia asks what they’re going to do. Maybe they can create a diversion. Tux guy asks if he hears two million for the life of Ethan Lovett, and Ethan realizes Holly is there, but she shakes her head slightly, and says, two million.

Robert tinkers with the engine, and wonders if he can ask Diane something. She says, certainly, but she can’t promise he’ll get an answer. He asks why she continues to work for that SOB, and she tells him that she always says it’s for the money, that Sonny pays her extremely well, which is true; she’s never had a more generous retainer. He says, but there’s got to be more to it, right? and she says she’ll never forget her first Corinthos assignment. Alexis had been representing Sonny for years, and one day, she just up and quits. So Diane gets a call from Sonny’s accountant, who tells her that one of Sonny’s associates has been arrested. He asks, which one? and she says, wait for it. So she’s down at the station, giving her standard spiel, when out from the back comes this little man/boy, who throws his arms around her, and says, thank you, mob lawyer. He says, Spinelli, and laughs. She says she’s never felt so appreciated in her entire legal career. Or so confused, or so intrigued. He says, so Sonny is nothing if not interesting, and she says, in a word, yes, and smiles.

Alexis tells Gregory, so this explains the incident at the MetroCourt. She’s an idiot. She’s so sorry she misread the situation. He says he knew it would happen eventually. That’s why he stopped teaching. She asks if he had an episode in the class, but he says, not like this one. Mid-lecture, he realized he was slurring his words. Luckily, it didn’t last long, and the class didn’t seem to notice, but he panicked. What if it happened again, and he wasn’t able to disguise it? She says, so he quit, and he says he didn’t have a choice. What if he became publicly incapacitated? That was just in front of a bunch of undergrads. Imagine if it were friends and family? Imagine if it were his sons?

At the Bistro, Chase says he can’t believe Brook left without saying goodbye, but Dante says, maybe she had somewhere to be. What matters is that she was there to support Chase. Chase says, she did more than that. She testified on his behalf. Dante says, so he heard, on top of writing the letter. Chase says, she felt so guilty about how things played out, she bent over backwards to make things right, and Dante says, let’s not lose sight of the deal here. Chase made it happen. Chase says he didn’t do anything, but Dante asks what he’s talking about. He had the door slammed in his face, repeatedly, and persevered instead of giving up. He’s grateful for that.

Sonny says, for the record, he doesn’t hold Valentin responsible for Victor’s actions, and Nina says, of course (🍷) not. Valentin thanks him, and says, for the record, he wants Sonny to know that he holds no allegiance to his father, and he won’t sleep until Victor’s been put down. Sonny says he’s going to make few calls, and see if anything new has turned up. He leaves, and Nina hugs Valentin. She says she’s so glad he’s okay, and Valentin asks if Sonny is treating her well. She says, very, and he says he’s glad. She says, her too. Why does she have the sneaking suspicion something else is on his mind? He says, there is – her.

Michael says, Willow wants his father at the wedding, and she says, not for her or him, and it’s not a some down the road she thinks he’ll regret it situation. He says, good, because that won’t be an issue, and she says she knows. She wants Sonny there for Donna and Avery. They’re just the right age. They’ll love being flower girls. To wear their dresses and toss their rose petals… He asks what that has to do with Sonny, and she says, for better or worse, Sonny is part of his family. She feels like that would cement it for them. He says, for his sisters? and she says, that they’re all in this together. That, even if things change, they’re still very connected in this important way. She thinks the girls need that even if she and Michael don’t. He says, so she thinks for family unity, his father should be there, and she says, doesn’t he?

Tux guy says, they have two million. Does he hear three? Ethan works at the bonds on his wrists, and Felicia asks if Holly has that kind of money. Tux guy’s tablet beeps, and he says, they have two million, two. Does he hear two million, four? Holly says, three million, and Felicia says she hopes Holly knows what she’s doing. Tux guy says, three million, five? and there’s another beep. He says, four million. Does he hear… Holly jumps up, and says, ten million dollars. Tux guy asks if he hears eleven. Eleven millions dollars? Ten million going once… going twice… sold. She’s just bought herself the exquisite privilege of executing Ethan Lovett. She’s welcome to claim her prize. Felicia wonders exactly how Holly is going to come up with ten million dollars, and Holly says she doesn’t know. Just follow her lead. She tells tux guy that her money manager will be in touch, but he says, no need. Simply enter the account number here – he indicates the tablet – and once the transaction’s complete, this man’s life will be hers to end.

Willow says, unlike Nina, who’s never had a role in her life – and as far as she’s concerned, never will – Sonny has had a role in Michael’s; a huge one. And while it might be past tense for him, it’s still very present for his sisters. So yes, she thinks Sonny should be at the wedding.  He says, she knows Sonny’s going to bring Nina, and Willow says she’s sure Nina would love to come, but she’d like to believe even Nina knows she has no place at their wedding. He says, that’s very… She says, naïve? but he tells her that he was going to say optimistic, given Nina’s history with boundaries. She says she’ll handle Nina. Don’t worry. One of the first things she realized about him was that he’s the centerpiece of his family, with loving, but self-involved, volatile parents. He’s the one who anchors everyone; who takes care of his siblings, and makes them feel safe. Now more than ever, Donna and Avery need him. Just like – even though she never met him – Morgan needed him. Maybe it’s not fair to put all of that on him… He says, life is rarely fair, and she says, the fact is, every time he doesn’t include Sonny, he’s planting the seeds for Donna and Avery to have to choose between him and their father.

On the phone, Sonny says, let him know if they hear anything, when Brook comes by. He asks how she’s doing, and she says, okay. Him? He says he’s hanging in there. She doesn’t have bad news, does she? She says, nothing like that. She’s here picking up Leo from his technology class. Sonny asks if he likes it, and she says, he loves it. She’s early, so they have a chance to catch up. Sonny says he wanted to talk to her. He thought it was very brave what she did at the Nurses Ball, talking down that dirtbag. He just wanted to grab that guy and punch him in the face. She says, he wouldn’t have been the first, but don’t call her brave. That might be the last thing she is.

Chase says, Dante is giving him too much credit, but Dante says, this isn’t the first setback Chase has had in his career. Chase thanks him for the reminder, and Dante says, if anyone would have thought Chase would quit, it was when he was poisoned, and they would have understood. Now he’s got this whole music career he could have fallen back on. Chase says, but it’s not the same. Singing is great, and being famous has its perks, but it’s not what he’s passionate about. He doesn’t know how else to say it; being a cop is who he is. Dante says he gets it. It’s when you feel like you’re you. Chase says, and all the other stuff is just playing dress-up, and Dante says, Chase stuck it out, and he’s grateful. Chase says, that’s the second time he’s said that, and Dante says, good partners are hard to find, and Chase is the best.

Alexis says she doesn’t know Gregory’s diagnosis, but unless he’s in treatment, he may very well have an episode in front of his sons. Is he in treatment? Gregory doesn’t say anything, and she asks if a doctor has tried to help him with his cramps. He says, no, and she asks what he means. He says, there’s nothing they can do… He has ALS.

Diane says, she’s never thought about it like that, but Robert is right. Representing Sonny has been interesting. And over the years, she’s actually liked a lot of the work she’s done. He says, helping him and his lot buck the justice system? and she says she prefers the word navigate. You know who was genius at it? Jason. Setting her up so she could actually argue the law accurately to get him off. Giving her just enough room that she could slide in and do her job. He says, and do it very well, and she thanks him. So yes, representing Sonny has gone from, I know you’re a mobster and I will only participate in a tiny sliver of your world, to what is a fascinating interaction. But don’t get her wrong. She knows where the line is, and she will not cross it. She doesn’t care how interesting it is. The hill doesn’t exist on which she’d risk her legal career.

Willow tells Michael, if Donna and Avery were older, it would be different. They’d be able to navigate (WOTD) the line in the sand with him and Sonny, just like Dante and Kristina do. He says, they’re kids, and they shouldn’t have to understand or make that choice, and she says she knows he wants them in the wedding as much as she does. She loves those girls. Not to mention Wiley would completely revolt if they weren’t there… not that they wouldn’t come because of Sonny. He says he gets it. They’re setting an example for the future, and they can make it easier on the kids. She says, they can. Sometimes, it will be impossible, but in this case… He says he completely agrees. Donna and Avery are more important than anything that’s going on between him and his dad. So he’ll invite Sonny to the wedding.

Valentin says, what’s it like? and Nina says, finding out that Willow is her child? It’s shocking. It’s exhilarating… It’s life altering. He says, a million adjectives, and she says, there’s so many facets to it, it’s almost impossible to know how to react. Valentin tells her, who says she has to know? Feel what she feels when she feels it. She says, he makes it sound really easy, but he says he’s fully aware it’s not. He wants to apologize. He should have reached out to her. She asks what he’s talking about; he was in hiding. He says he’s also not sure it’s his place anymore, but she says, it might be more his place than anyone else. Nobody knows as much as he does how much she wants a child. He says, now she has one, and she says, it’s so surreal. To say she and Willow were in a bad place when they found out would be a massive understatement. But things are getting better, and she’s so grateful for her Aunt Liesl offering to be Willow’s donor, but she’s also opened some doors of communication between them. That being said, there’s still a very wide, very deep gulf for them to navigate. He tells her that he wishes he could say time heals all wounds, and she wonders what you do when you don’t have much time left.

Brook says she’s dropping all her relationship drama on Sonny when he has so much going on, and he says, let’s talk about something else. How’s it going between Chase and the Review Board? She says, they ruled in his favor; he got his badge back. Sonny says, that’s good news. It couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy. She says, no argument from her there, and he asks if they didn’t originally say Chase would lose his job for good. She says, they did, and he asks what she did; he can tell by that look. She says she may have called in a favor.

Holly asks if tux guy thinks she walks around with her account numbers, and Felicia asks if he knows who she is. Tux guy says he doesn’t care who she is; he cares about the money. The funds have to be available immediately by wire transfer; otherwise, no sale. Holly says, this is absurd. If he can’t trust her word… He says, the rules of the auction were made very clear. She loses. Felicia says, if she didn’t win him, who did? and he says, the next highest bidder. His tablet beeps, and he says, who has just transferred the funds. Ethan Lovett is no longer hers for the taking. Ethan continues to work at the ties on his wrists, and Holly says, this is unacceptable. She won the auction, and no one else. He says, that’s not how it works. They’ll be escorted off the premises, and the winner will be coming to collect her property. Felicia says, there must be something they can do, when a woman walks in, wearing a hat that covers much of her face. I’d say by that hat alone, it’s Tracy. Tux guy says, welcome senora, and might he say congratulations. She’s won quite the prize. Ethan keeps pulling at his bonds.

Alexis says, ALS? and Gregory says, also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. She says she’s so sorry, and he thanks her. She asks if he’s sure there’s nothing anybody can do. It’s neurological, right? He says, the motor neurons degenerate and die, and stop sending signals to the muscles. Your body loses the ability to initiate and control voluntary movements. There’s no way to reverse the degeneration. His doctor is talking about supportive care; incredibly irritating. Basically, it’s physical therapy, personal changes, meds that may or may not slow down the nerve damage. And when the time comes, medications to manage his symptoms. The time is approaching faster than they thought it would. He  gets up, and says, eventually, he’s going to lose control of all his movement, and will be entirely in the care of his sons. That’s why he hasn’t told them yet. He wants them to go on living their lives for as long as possible before they have to live with that burden. He figures it’s the least he can do for them now, before they have to do everything for him.

Chase says he can’t believe it’s all over. He really appreciates Dante being there for him. Dante bets he can’t wait to get his badge back, and Chase says, you bet. But now that he knows it’s going to happen and it’s going to work out, he can wait. But just to be clear, as soon as the Commissioner gives the okay, he’s going to be there 24/7. Dante says, Chase could be out looking for the Haunted Star, and Chase says he hopes they reinstate him before they find it. Dante reaches into his coat pocket, and says he figures that won’t be a problem. He holds up Chase’s badge, and says, welcome back to the force, detective.

Valentin takes Nina’s hand, and says, there’s hope. She and Willow may have time to build a relationship after all. She says, from his lips. They’ve come a long way, haven’t they? From when he tried to make her think Sasha was her daughter. She knows that was hugely misguided, but she also knows it comes from a place of caring. He knows how much of her life she spent alone; how much of her life she yearned to be a mother. He saw how big the hole was inside of her, and thought that was the only way to fix it. He says he wanted to give her what she wanted so badly. He just didn’t know how to do it. It’s ironic. His father is one of the most violently cruel men she’s ever encountered, and yet, here he is with such a capacity to love. It’s a pretty incredible thing, doesn’t he think?

Sonny says, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do for the people you love, but Brook says, she and Chase aren’t together. He tells her, just be open, and she says, to what? He says, anything and everything. Life can change in a heartbeat. Her phone dings, and she says, distraction time. Then she has to jet home. Planning a wedding in 24 hours isn’t the isn’t easy, and he asks, whose wedding? She says, Michael and Willow’s; they’re getting married tomorrow. They decided they didn’t want to wait. She’s sorry. She thought he knew.

Willow thanks Michael and he thanks her back. She says, for throwing a wrench into their wedding plans? and he says, for reminding him about what truly matters. She says, he would have gotten there on his own eventually. He bonds with his brothers and sisters. Having no siblings herself, when she sees them together, that effortless closeness… How naturally it comes to him to love them the way he does. It’s a gift. He says, they give it back to him tenfold, and she says, it makes her happy that Wiley and Amelia will have that kind of bond. Promise her that he’ll foster it. He says, on one condition. She’ll do the same. She says, deal.

Diane says, Robert thinks less of her now, doesn’t he? but he says, just the opposite. She’s an intelligent woman – he appreciates that – and she knows how to play the game. She knows that line and how not to step over it. She’d have made a good spy. She says she’s always wanted to be a spy, and he says, scratch that. She says, there goes the dream, and he says, she’s got strong personality, and she can’t disguise that. She shouldn’t try to. Her phone dings, and she says, excellent. Roadside assistance is going to be another hour. He says, fear not. He thinks he’s got it. He calls her over, and tells her to hold her finger there while he starts the engine. She does, and he says, here goes nothing. He revs the engine, and Diane backs up, exhaust all over her.

Holly says, give her another chance to make up the money, but the woman tells her to accept that she’s lost and make her way home. She tells Ethan, come on, and reaches for his arm. Holly tries to stop her, and the woman says, don’t touch me. She whips around, her hat flying, and yep, it’s Tracy. Felicia – why she does this, I have no clue – says, Tracy, what are you doing here? Tracy says, the same as them, only successfully, and tux guy asks if they’re working together. Tracy says she’ll just take her prize and be on her way. Thank you very much. Tux guy says, seize them, and the bouncers grab them.

Brook says she feels stupid for saying something, but she really thought Sonny knew. He says he’s happy for Michael and Willow, and she says, if she doesn’t leave now, she’ll be late. She’s sorry and she loves him. He says he loves her too, and she leaves. Sonny looks down the hallway, and sees Valentin sitting with Nina. I have to add how LOUD Brook’s shoes were. This seems to happen occasionally on this show. Maybe I’m sensitive to it because I still remember a director’s note after a play rehearsal telling me, get those clodhoppers off your feet. The soap most guilty of it was OLTL when they’d be dancing. Their shoes were louder than the music. It was awful.

Diane comes out of the car wearing a baseball jersey, and Robert starts to say something, but she says, if he says he’s sorry one more time… He says, at least let him pay for the dry cleaning, and she says, done. He says, if it’s any consolation, that jersey looks good on her. Who’s he kidding. She’d look great wearing a paper bag. She says she’s not going to test that theory, and he moves closer to her. She says, no. She’s not going to let him kiss her like this, but he kisses her anyway, and we all cheer.

Gregory says he should go, and thanks Alexis for listening. She says, let her drive him home, but he says he’ll call a rideshare. She asks if he’s sure, and he walks to the door. He tells her that he wants her to know, he harbors no illusions about the nature of his disease. He will need help, and he’ll ask for it, when the time comes. She says, anything, any time. She wishes there was something she could do, even remotely. He says, she already has, and leaves.

Dante tosses Chase’s badge to him, and Chase asks how he got this. He says, Jordan gave it to him this morning, but Chase says, she couldn’t have known how the Review Board was going to rule. Dante says, sure she did; they all did. The reason why Chase got in this whole mess highlighted the reason he should be back on the force. He’s a good cop and they need people who have a genuine desire to help people. Chase doesn’t know what to say, and Dante tells him, then don’t say anything. Just clip that puppy back on and let’s get to work. Chase puts his badge back on and smiles.

Willow says, they’re getting married tomorrow, and Michael says, that’s the plan. She takes his hands, and says, they’re getting married. She’s going to be his wife. She knows they have this scary thing looming over them, but she doesn’t want it to overshadow the amazing fact they’re marrying each other because they love each other. Whether they get 60 hours or 60 years, he’s her guy. He says, she’s his girl and he loves her so much. She says she loves him too, and they kiss.

Valentin says he should be getting back to Anna, and Sonny says, send her his best. Valentin sends good wishes to Willow, and tells Nina that he appreciates what she said. He leaves, and Sonny tells Nina that something was brought to his attention, and he wants to talk to her about it in private. She asks what it’s about, and he says, Willow.

Tracy says, congratulations. They’ve managed to ruin… well, everything. Ethan gets his bonds off, and punches out the thug holding Tracy. Felicia and Holly bring down the guys holding them, as Tracy cowers, and tux guy jets. Ethan says, come on, and Holly says, let’s get the hell out of here. They all run out the door.

Tomorrow, Laura tells Curtis that he can’t do that; Spencer tells Trina, it may be too late for all of them; Austin asks Elizabeth for a favor; and Victor says he’ll have them carried off as cargo.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Jackie suggests chugging a beer, and they head for the pub, walking the streets of Dublin like classy Jersey girls. Jen immediately falls on her ass, then says, that did not happen. In Danielle’s interview, she says, her idea of a good bachelorette party is coming with an open mind and drinking. In Rachel’s interview, she says she’s not much of a drinker, and it just gets so wild so fast, she’s on guard. Melissa suggests a drinking contest, and they decide to see who can chug a Guinness the fastest. Jackie wins, and in Melissa’s interview, she says, Jackie can chug that thick, dark beer down like she’s never seen. Jackie is like a college girl. They drink another shot, and in Teresa’s interview, she says she’s not a pub girl. She’s not into chugging beer. She sits in a booth by herself, and Jen says, all Teresa cares about is getting home to Louie. Jennifer chugs a beer, and looks like she’s going to throw up. In her interview, she says, next time, you do you. She’s sticking to tequila. She burps, and baby Guinness shots are brought out. Jen chugs a beer with two locals, and in her interview, she says she hasn’t chugged a beer in years, but it’s like riding a bicycle. Teresa suggests a wet T-shirt contest, and pours beer on Jen, who returns the favor. In Dolores’s interview, she says, it’s so refreshing to see these bitches take the sticks out of their asses and have fun. They leave, and Danielle yells, after party! Everyone calls Jen the MVP, and they all agree it was fun. 30 minutes later – they’re all asleep on the bus, and decide it’s time for bed when they arrive back at the castle.

In the morning, Danielle opens the curtains, then immediately closes them, saying, it’s so bright. Melissa tells Marge that she didn’t sleep at all because she’s scared. She took the pictures off the walls. One woman stares at her. She asks if Marge doesn’t think it’s creepy, and Marge says, the house has a soul. Jackie says she’s jet lagged, and Marge wears PJs that say Endorsed on them to breakfast. Jackie says, Marge is a bitch, and in Marge’s interview, she says she can’t pass up an opportunity to stick it to Jennifer, and she is endorsed. They sit down for breakfast, and Jen says she has a high resistance; she’s good. There’s blood pudding at the buffet, and in Dolores’s interview, she says, when Paulie explained it to her, she wasn’t looking forward to eating it. He has some in the refrigerator right now. Rachel says she had fun with Danielle, and Melissa says, they seemed fine, but when Danielle was at Envy, she called Rachel a sh*t stirrer. Rachel says, Danielle called her a rat, and in her interview, Dolores says, there’s a lot you could call someone from New Jersey – see you next Tuesday and motherf***er – and they won’t be offended. But rat is the number one thing you don’t call someone. Jennifer says, when you tell on someone, it’s the slang used, and in Rachel’s interview, she says, instead of being a woman, and asking her to have a conversation, Danielle just runs her mouth. That’s rat behavior.

Danielle joins them, and asks about the blood pudding. Rachel says she heard it’s made from rat’s blood, and asks why Danielle called her a rat. Danielle says, because that’s what she was, but Rachel is like, oh no. Marge says she doesn’t think Rachel is doing anything any of them don’t do, and Rachel says, it was a two sided conversation. She thought they were having a moment. In Rachel’s interview, she says she thought they were getting along. Being a rat is when Danielle threw Teresa and Jen under the bus. We flash back to Danielle saying they were the ones who told her about Marge’s arsenal. Marge says, Danielle is talking behind her back, when she’s been nothing but nice to Danielle. She even helped with Danielle’s company logo. In Marge’s interview, she says she wanted to help Danielle with her business, and we see a clip of Marge showing Danielle different logos. She says she’s only been kind to Danielle, and Danielle wants to judge her because of what Dumb and Dumber said. She asks if Danielle really believes she has an arsenal on her friends, and Danielle says she believes Marge knows things. Marge asks, why? and we flash back to Jennifer spilling what Laura told her. Danielle says she believes Marge has people who tell her things, and in Danielle’s interview, she says she knows Marge has an arsenal, but she doesn’t want to destroy a marriage, so she’ll take the hit. Jennifer says, Marge has a reputation. She talked about Louie last year. Marge says, that’s not an arsenal, and Jennifer says, but Marge wouldn’t let it go. In Jennifer’s interview, she says, God forbid someone feels bad for her or Teresa. Marge asks if Jennifer thinks where there’s smoke there’s fire. It was sh*t she’d heard that turned out not to be true. This is character assassination. Jennifer says, it’s her and Teresa’s experience, and what she believes in her gut. Danielle asks if she’s treated Marge any differently, and Marge says, Danielle was talking behind her back. She’s delusional. In Danielle’s interview, she says, Marge is the biggest sh*t talker, and wants to deflect from herself. Dolores says, they’ve ruined another Irish meal, and suggests everyone get their sh*t together. They’re going shopping.

Dolores says she wanted to make new memories, not new fights, and Marge says she wants to take a group picture, even though she hates half of them. They get in the mini bus, and Dolores says, they’re going shopping and to a place with beautiful gardens. Marge says, Teresa should have danced with the cute Irish guy. What happens in Ireland stays in Ireland. Marge tells them that Joe #3 is jealous, but she’s not, and asks if the women think cheating is a deal breaker. Oddly, most of them don’t, and in Jen’s interview, she says, her husband had a seven year itch, and scratched it. They separated and both went on to other relationships, but she missed him. She tells the women that she can’t imagine how it would have been had they gotten divorced, but they conquered their problems. In her interview, she says, she was lying to her boyfriend when she was meeting Jeff, so they finally just got back together. It was them again, but better. She says she feels lucky, and Dolores says she likes hearing that story. She was young and 9 months pregnant. Frank was saying he wasn’t cheating, but she could smell the other woman on him. Marge says, she and her ex were great as a family,  but not as a couple, and in Marge’s interview, she says she was the one who was unfaithful, but she wanted to remain close as a family. There are things she shares with her ex that she can’t with Joe #3 or anyone else. Dolores says, she told Frank, if he could be faithful, they’d stay married, but he said he couldn’t. She thinks if they’d stayed together, her kids would have been different, and in her interview, she says, she wouldn’t have been able to be the mother she was. Teresa says she never thought she’d get divorced either. When she went to jail, it was devastating. Then when she came home, Joe #1 had to go to jail, and her mother got sick. When her mother passed away, she was done with Joe. In Teresa’s interview, she says, once she lost her mom, she had a lot of resentment toward him, but she didn’t stop fighting for him until the end for the children. When he was deported, she thought she’d see how she felt when she saw him, and she felt nothing. She knew it was over, but they’re good now. She loves Joe, and they stay close because of the kids. Jackie asks if her and Melissa’s kids are close, and Teresa says, they were, but then Antonia didn’t come to Milania’s Sweet 16 party. Melissa asks if Teresa is blaming Antonia now. She had a cheer competition that she had to attend or be kicked off the squad. She was in Pennsylvania. Just like when Gabriela had her soccer tournament. In Melissa’s interview, she wonders what Teresa wants to prove that she’d sink so low to say her niece was doing something wrong. She tells Teresa to chill, and Teresa insists she wasn’t saying anything bad. Marge says she’s not helping the family situation by dragging the kids into it, and Melissa says, Antonia is Teresa’s only blood niece. In Teresa’s interview, she says she was hurt, but she’d never say anything negative like Joe #2 did when he called Gia disrespectful. Even though she’s comparing apples and oranges, we flash back to Joe saying Gia is being disrespectful – to her face, as her uncle. Teresa says, Melissa just says she wants the kids to stay close, and Melissa says, it might have helped if Teresa had put her in the wedding to set an example. Teresa says, if she’d felt the love, she would have given it back.

In Dolores’s interview, she says, the point was to get the women out of their comfort zone, and leave everything behind, but they’re not stopping. They go to the Ha’penny Bridge where you make a wish to be together for eternity, and Marge says, eternity with them would be frightening. Dolores shows them where Paulie grew up, and in Jackie’s interview, she says, all she did was say Gia’s name, and Teresa went nuts. We flash back to that, and she says, Teresa brought up Antonia in not such a nice way. She should shut the hell up. They wander around to different stores, and Teresa wants to know how much 80 euros is in English. Danielle and Jennifer get all chummy, and Jennifer is glad someone knows and acknowledges how dangerous Marge is. In Jennifer’s interview, she says, if Marge wants to play dirty, it’s only a matter of time before it comes back to bite her, and they agree not to bring Teresa into it.  In Melissa’s interview, she says, Teresa pointed her finger at Antonia when she’d just had a talk with her daughter about not holding a grudge. We flash back to Melissa telling Antonia, no matter what goes on between the adults, don’t hold a grudge. Melissa says, it’s never positive. It’s always Joe #2 or her, and now it’s Antonia. Pretty soon, Teresa’s going to say little Joey looked at her wrong. Rachel tries to explain that Melissa doesn’t want the kids talked about in a negative light, and in Dolores’s interview, she says, kids shouldn’t have been brought up at all. Melissa tells Marge that Teresa claims she wants the kids to be close, but then drags the kids into it. It’s not the first time she’s cut out family. We flash back to Teresa comparing Kathy and Rosie to cancer, and saying, the cancer in the family needs to be cut out.

They go for lunch to a gorgeous restaurant with lots of greenery. Jackie says, when in Ireland, chug a Guinness. On their way there, Melissa asks Marge if they’re in Dublin or is it Goblin. Is that Batman? In her interview, Marge says, one thing Melissa and Teresa have in common is, they’re not the sharpest tools in the shed. Batman lives in Gotham City which is New York. Goblins aren’t in Ireland; they have leprechauns. They join the other women, and order stuff like pizza, which I’m guessing Ireland is not known for. Jennifer says she hopes they’re celebrating Dolores’s wedding next year, and Dolores admits they’ve talked marriage. Marge says, he’s got to lock and load, and in Dolores’s interview, she says, she feels like it’s okay to be in the moment, and dream about this happy time in her life. Jennifer asks if he’s talked rings, and Dolores says, he sent her a picture of one, and she started sweating. Jennifer asks how the kids feel, and Dolores says, they’re fine with anything, and say she deserves to be happy. She’s living with Paulie now, since he’d asked her to stay after they came back from vacation. She sometimes wonders if it’s real. Melissa says, them being in Ireland is a Paulie driven activity, and Rachel asks if Dolores wants to elope or have a traditional wedding. Dolores says she doesn’t know if she could mentally handle a wedding, and Paulie’s talking about a four-day event. Teresa says, Louie wants a rehearsal dinner, wedding, and brunch, which doesn’t seem like crazy talk to me. When I was a kid, they had a wedding breakfast after the ceremony, and the receptions seemed to last all night. It was a long day for a kid. Jackie asks if Melissa is okay after the fight she (Jackie) started, and Melissa says she’s not playing that game. In Melissa’s interview, she says she’s been on a roller coaster for almost two decades, and she’s not doing this anymore. She’s letting it go. She’s got nothing to prove to anyone, and washes her hands of it. As they get up from the table, Marge asks, what’s for dinner?

Melissa calls Joe #2, and he asks if there’s drama going on. She tells him about the altercation on the bus, and says she’s not playing this game. She’s not pulling in the next generation. To her as a mom, this was an all-time low. At this point, she feels so far gone from Teresa, she’s not sure they belong at the wedding. Joe thinks Teresa’s goal is to push them into not going. He has one sister, and this is where they’re at now.

The women get ready for dinner and a second wind. On the bus, they all remark on how cute the countryside is, and Dolores says she loves that it’s so untouched. At the restaurant, Jen says she’s uncomfortable showing her cleavage, and wonders how they all do it. Jennifer says she’d love to host them in Turkey, which somehow leads us back to the rat discussion. Rachel asks why Danielle called her a rat, and Danielle says, because she was a rat. Rachel says she was having a friend’s back, and it took a left turn because Danielle is being influenced by others. She’s judging Marge on what others are saying. In Rachel’s interview, she wonders, where’s the accountability? Danielle and Rachel start getting loud, and Melissa tells them to keep it down; other people are trying to have dinner. In Danielle’s interview, she says she has a brain (questionable), and she’s seen and heard Marge in action. Now Jennifer told her what Laura said, and it’s true; Marge has sh*t on people. Marge says, she finds this offensive, since she’s been nothing but nice to Danielle. Jennifer says, Marge isn’t a saint, and Marge says, she doesn’t think she’s a saint, but she also doesn’t think she’s what the two of them are making her out to be. Jennifer says she’s not what Marge made her out to be either, calling her a drug addict. Marge admits that was harsh, and apologizes. In Marge’s interview, she says she can hit below the belt, but she’s not fighting to the death. She can apologize and mean it, although she’s not apologizing for disheveled. Jennifer says, Marge wondered if she knew what duplicitous meant, and Marge asks if she does. I don’t think so, because Jennifer’s response is to ask if Marge knows what boogawolf means. Not one person at the table does, and spellcheck doesn’t recognize it either. In her interview, Dolores wonders if it’s a cartoon character, and Melissa says, it sounds like a booger on a wolf. Melissa asks Siri, who says, it’s a nasty person. In Jen’s interview, she says, Jennifer was probably stewing on what she could call Marge that would bother her, and combing the dictionary. She missed the mark. Jennifer repeats the word so many times, I think she just likes saying it. Dolores suggest they try to leave on a good note before something gets broken. As usual, she asks a lot, and Jennifer whines that she wanted dessert.

Next time, a catch the cock game – get your mind out of the gutter, it involves chickens; the women are to paint the story of Teresa’s life; Rachel says, Danielle’s making her the bad guy; and Danielle runs from the table crying because of something Marge says.

🍩 Calling All Donuts…

Come join me tomorrow for soap and more awful people in the VanderUniverse. Until then, stay safe, stay always bringing a hostess gift, and stay being open to anything and everything. Life can change in a heartbeat.