What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Alexis looks at a headline on her computer: Senator Wilkins Acquitted On All Counts. She says she can’t believe it. That son of a… He got away with it. Gregory asks what she’s talking about, and she says, look at this, and reads him the headline. He asks how that’s even possible. He was caught red-handed. She says, that’s because he has good lawyers. No. He’s got clever lawyers. He’s got expensive lawyers because he can afford to pay for them. This makes her so freakin’ mad. It’s the height of injustice. He says, not to mention inept prosecutors, and she says, right. They were so sure they were going to win. He says, they underestimated the opposition, and she says, this makes her so mad. She just wants to break something. He says, why doesn’t she?

There’s a knock at Olivia’s office door, and she says, come in. Carly says she hopes it’s okay she dropped by. Trish said Olivia was working late. Olivia asks what she can do for Carly, and Carly says, it’s so weird, being in her old office. She’s surprised Nina hasn’t taken it over. Olivia says she’d never let that happen, and Carly thanks her. She heard about everything going on since Ned left the hospital, and she wants to say she’s so sorry. Nina comes to the door, and Carly says she wouldn’t wish that on her worst enemy. Nina clears her throat, getting their attention.

Curtis is glued to his phone, when Marshall comes in. Marshall asks how it’s going, and Curtis says, whatever Marshall does, don’t ask how he’s doing. Marshall says, of course (🍷), but if Curtis changes his mind and decides he wants to tell him, he wants to know. One thing he knows without Curtis telling him is, time drags in the hospital. Curtis says, yes it does. He couldn’t even watch the big fight tonight because he couldn’t stand to watch those athletes in peak physical condition, or even the audience, all active and energetic, while he sits here doing nothing. Marshall says, maybe he should stop thinking about what he can’t do and start focusing on what he can do. Curtis says, like what? and Marshall takes out a deck of cards, tosses it on the tray, and taps the box.

Portia flashes back to telling Curtis that they’re in this together, no matter what the odds are and no matter what life throws their way. Trina comes in, and Portia says, she’s home. Trina asks if it’s okay, and Portia says, of course (🍷). It’s more than okay. It’s the best news she’s had in a long time. She hugs Trina, and Spencer walks in with a load of bags.

Jordan finds Dante in the interrogation room, working on his laptop, and asks what he’s doing in there. He says, it gets a little noisy in the squad room, so he thought he’d come in here and try to focus. Jordan asks what he’s working on, and he says he thought she hung up her Commissioner badge for the Deputy Mayor spot. She says she did, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be curious about something.

Sonny tells Donna that he liked the movie, and she says, her too. He says, now she has to brush her teeth and go to bed. She asks if she can’t stay up with him, and he says, all right. Five more minutes. She says, yay! and he puts the TV back on.

Olivia asks what she can help Nina with, and Nina says she just wanted to thank Olivia for this morning… But they can talk about it another time. Goodnight. Olivia says, goodnight, and Nina leaves. Carly asks what that was about, and Olivia says, she met with Nina to plan the wedding.

Alexis tells Gregory, it’s not that breaking this or that, or sweeping her arm across the whole desk (I’ve always wanted to do that) wouldn’t feel cathartic, and she wants to. But then her office would be all messy, and she’d be the one who has to clean it up (that’s what stops me too). So she’s not going to break anything. So she’s just going to walk away and not read another word about that miserable senator that’s making her crazy. Gregory says, she took his suggestion way too literally. He wasn’t suggesting she destroy her office. He has a much better idea.

Gregory and Alexis walk into the hatchet throwing range, and Alexis says, ax throwing? Doesn’t he think it’s a bit violent? He says, it’s not violent; it’s a sport. He’s guessing it’s going to be cathartic in getting out her frustration. She asks if he’s done this before, and he says, no, but his sons have. Anytime Finn and Chase agree on something, he has to give it a try. They say it’s very satisfying. Besides, it’s something on his bucket list. She says, he has a bucket list? and he says, actually, he has two.

Sonny watches the fight, and says, great hit. He looks over at Donna sleeping on the couch, and calls Dante. He asks if Dante is watching the fight, but Dante says, no. He’s still at work. Sonny says, he’s missing out. Ferrari is killing him. Dante says, don’t tell him anything; he’s recording it. Sonny says he won’t spoil it for Dante. Why is he still at work? Dante says he’s just going through some cases, and Sonny says he’ll talk to Dante soon.

Dante tells Jordan, it was his dad, giving him an update on the fight, and she asks if he has any updates on the pool shooting, the one that paralyzed Curtis. (Like there’s more than one.) He says, nothing much. So far, they just have more questions than answers.

Curtis says, Marshall brought a deck of cards. No doubt to play Go Fish. He knows that’s a kids’ game. Marshall says, the way he remembers it, it was Curtis’s favorite game to play as a boy. That and checkers, although he wasn’t very clear on the rules. He had this tendency to always declare himself a winner, even when he wasn’t. Curtis says he doesn’t know about declaring himself the winner, but he sure loved jumping those pieces across the board. Marshall says, he sure did. According to Trina, there’s an app on his phone where he can play checkers. Of course (🍷) if you can’t pick up the pieces, what’s the point? Curtis says, exactly, and Marshall laughs. Curtis says he remembers when he was a kid, sitting across from Marshall and looking up at him, and Marshall laughing exactly like that. He loved hearing Marshall laugh, but what he loved more was spending time with him. Marshall says he’s sorry. He deprived them both of so many years. Curtis says, none of that matters now. What matters is, Marshall was there when he was a kid and he’s here now, and he couldn’t be any more grateful.

Spencer tells Portia, when Trina asked for his help moving back home, of course (🍷) he said yes, because he knew how much it would mean to Portia to have Trina living with her again. Portia tells Trina that she’s so sorry. She’s been using Trina’s room as extra storage while she was gone. So she’ll be sure to remove all those books and extra towels later. Trina says, it’s no big deal. She’ll move them right now. She’ll be right back. She goes upstairs, and Spencer says he’ll take this stuff up to Trina’s room, but Portia says, that won’t be necessary. She’ll take it from here.

Carly says, Olivia is planning Sonny and Nina’s wedding. Wow. She can’t believe they had the audacity to ask her to do that. Olivia says, they didn’t ask; she offered. And it’s not what Carly is thinking. She’s not doing it for Nina and Sonny. She’s doing it for herself. She needed a distraction. She has to get her head out of all things Quartermaine. She can’t stop obsessing over Ned. She looks at him and sees her husband. Then he opens his mouth… Carly says, and he’s Eddie Maine, and Olivia says, being in that house, her home, it’s unbearable. Carly says she’s so sorry, and Olivia says, luckily, Michael is taking care of all things Quartermaine and all things Aurora. And Leo. Somehow that kid is able to comprehend that Eddie isn’t his dad better than she can, but he still misses his dad. How can he not? And Tracy is trying to get Ned committed. Carly says, that’s so extreme, and Olivia says, ya think? And just when she thinks she’s getting somewhere, she turns her back and he completely disappears. Carly asks how she can help, and Olivia wonders how Carly can even offer that after the way she treated Carly.

Nina asks what Sonny is reading, and he says, the commentary on the fight he just watched. She says, he has a little smile on his face. She’s guessing his guy must have won. He says, it makes him kind of happy. It went down to the wire; it was a great fight. He hates when a fight is uneven, and the one guy just pounds on the other guy. He wants it to be more competitive, like a dance… She’s not interested in boxing, is she? She laughs and says, as a sport, no, not really, but anything that makes him so excited and makes him smile means a lot to her.

Dante says, the working theory on the pool shooting is that the target was either Anna or Sonny, and Jordan says, two different ends of the spectrum. One spent most of her life fighting crime, while the other spent most of his life a criminal. Dante says, here’s the thing. The gun that was used was traced back to a storage locker at a WSB facility in Berlin, but there’s no prints. They can’t trace the bullets or the shooter. She asks what the WSB is saying about the gun, and he tells her, they said it was a break in, a security breach, and they didn’t know how it happened. But there’s no leads, no suspects. She asks if he doesn’t find it odd they’re not showing more interest, especially given that Anna was a former agent for them. He says, yeah, but it sounds like the WSB is washing their hands of Anna Devane.

Curtis asks if Marshall has a two, but Marshall says, no. Go fish. Curtis takes a card from the pile, and asks, what’s up with Marshall’s band? Marshall asks if he’s got any eights, and Curtis hands him one. Marshall thanks him, and says, they played a couple of gigs around town, plus there’s a club in Brooklyn that’s showing some interest. Curtis says, sounds exciting, and Marshall says, it does, but he doesn’t think it’s a good time to leave town. Plus the owner of the club is lowballing them of course (🍷). Curtis says, if they’re lowballing him, why is he still considering it? and Marshall says, they can expose the band to a brand new audience. Curtis knows he can talk about the music business for hours, but why don’t they talk about what they’re both thinking. He’s wondering what’s going to happen to Curtis, and Curtis says, to be honest with Marshall, he’s wondering the same thing.

Alexis’s ax bounces off the target, and she takes off her jacket. Gregory is a natural, but she keeps trying, and there’s a song part. She finally hits the target, and dances around.

Sonny and Nina cuddle, and he asks, who gave her that ring? She says, this little thing? Just some guy who says he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. He says, seems like a smart guy. He’s showing her how committed he is by putting a ring on it. Why was she late? Where was she? She says she wanted to stop by Olivia’s office and talk about wedding plans, but when she went there, Olivia was in her office with Carly.

Carly says, Olivia was in the middle of a crisis and snapped at her. She gets it. During some of the worst times of her life, Olivia’s been there for her, and she’s come to depend on Olivia’s friendship, so they’re good. Olivia says, that just makes her feel worse. She was so overwhelmed with worry that Ned wasn’t going to wake up; that she was going to be stuck forever with some middle-aged rocker, but that’s no excuse. Carly says she appreciates Olivia’s apology, but who else is she going to dump on? Tracy? She was terrified, and Carly’s tough. She can take it. Olivia says, but she shouldn’t have to, and Carly says, Olivia is her best friend and they’re always going to have each other’s back. She so appreciates that and she needs that. Besides, she comes with limitations. Olivia can make a lasagna and she can only make a simple casserole, but what she can do is promise Olivia that she’ll always be there for her no matter what. Olivia cries and hugs her.

Portia tells Spencer, this is always going to be Trina’s home, no matter what. No matter how old she gets. When Trina’s done with college, she’s always going to be here for Trina. So she’s more than capable of helping her move back in her room. He says, of course (🍷). He completely understands that. It’s just that Trina asked for his help moving back in, so he thinks she’s expecting him to stick around. She says she understands that, but since her husband is in the hospital, and he’s currently paralyzed, she’d kind of like some one-on-one time with her daughter. She doesn’t think he understands how much she worried about Trina, about her safety and security. He says his Uncle Victor is dead, so that threat is gone. She says she wishes the Cassadines were the only thing she needed to worry about though. Curtis was shot by a ricochet bullet at the MetroCourt pool of all places; a place they should all feel safe, right? And the police say, there’s a possibility the bullet that wounded her husband was meant for his other uncle, Sonny Corinthos.

Jordan says, right before the shot rang out, she remembers seeing Anna having a conversation with Dante’s dad. Does he have any idea what they were talking about? He says, they’ve known each other forever. They could have been talking about anything. Maybe she was filling Sonny in on what Robin’s up to or maybe she was telling Sonny what she’s going through with the WSB. Jordan asks how Anna’s handling that, and he says, honestly, he doesn’t think she’s doing very well. Who would be in that situation, going through what the WSB’s put her through? She’s been in law enforcement her entire life, and now she’s on the outside looking in. On top of that, she was the potential target in a shooting, and she can’t investigate it. She doesn’t have WSB resources anymore. He thinks she’s having a tough time, even though she says she’s handling it well. She says, Anna always insists she can handle anything, and he says, they’ve got to find that shooter. She says, if they need her, officially or unofficially, she wants to help.

Alexis says she’s feeling a lot less stress, and Gregory says he told her so. He’s about to throw an ax, but drops it, and says he needs to take a little break. She tells him, have a seat. She could use some water too. She tosses one more ax before heading for the table, and Gregory points at the target. She sees she’s gotten a bullseye, and says, look at that.

On the phone, Dante says he loves Sam too. He’ll see her soon. He picks up the file on the pool shooting and opens it.

Olivia asks if Carly remembers the day they met, and Carly says she does. It was here in the MetroCourt. Olivia was in town for Sonny and Kate’s wedding. She grew up with Sonny in Bensonhurst, and he ran into her and asked her to be the maid of honor for his fiancé Kate Howard. Olivia says, Kate Howard was not her real name, and she spilled all of Kate’s secrets that her real name was Connie Falconari and she was from Bensonhurst, not some snotty blueblood from Connecticut. She was from Bensonhurst, just like Olivia, and she used to talk just like Olivia. Carly laughs and says, that was fifteen years ago. Can she believe it? We flash back to Olivia and Carly’s friendship over the years. Olivia says she guesses they’ll always be connected through Sonny, but Carly says, she doesn’t give them enough credit. Sure, they’ll always have a connection through Sonny, but becoming Olivia’s friend is one of the best decisions she ever made. She really does value Olivia’s friendship. Olivia says, then be honest. Does it really not bother her that she’s helping Nina and Sonny plan the wedding?

Curtis tells Marshall, when he checks out of the hospital, he’s supposed to go to a rehab facility. He’s got to say, he’s dreading that. Marhsall asks, why? Aren’t they supposed to teach him how to get around and get on with his life? Curtis says, that’s just it. He feels like going to that rehab facility is like him announcing to the world that he’s given up hope of ever walking again, and that he’s accepted this is what his life is about; life in a wheelchair. Marshall says, just because Curtis learns to get around in a wheelchair doesn’t mean he has to stop hoping he can walk someday again. He knows Curtis and knows he’s a proud man, and he’s had a very active life. He feels Curtis’s frustration, but he’s here to remind him that he doesn’t have to go through this struggle alone. Curtis says he knows Portia is so determined to be with him to support him. Just seeing her reminds him of the life they’ll never have together. It just makes it worse. Geez, Curtis might as well go to rehab, since he sounds like he’s given up. There’s a knock at the door, and Jordan asks if she’s interrupting, or is this a good time for a visit?

Spencer tells Portia that he’s so incredibly sorry for what happened to Mr. Ashford, but as he understands it, the police aren’t sure who the intended target was. The last thing he wants to do is make Portia’s life more difficult. One thing he can promise her is that he’s nothing like his late Uncle Victor or his Uncle Sonny. She says, he’s not exactly a saint though, is he? and he says, that’s true. His track record is far from spotless, and he hopes he’s earned some redemption for what happened in Greenland. But beyond that, he wants her to know that he wants Trina to be safe and to be happy. So to make her night easier, he’s going to say goodbye to Trina and take off. She says, there’s no need for him to say goodbye in person. She can let Trina know he had t to take off. He says, okay then. Goodnight. He leaves, and Portia heads for the stairs with a suitcase. Trina is on her way downstairs, and asks, where’s Spencer? Portia says, he took off.

Alexis asks if Gregory is okay, and he says, mostly just embarrassed. She says, embarrassed? He’s an ax athlete. Tell her about his bucket list. He can only have one. He tells her, says who? and she tells him, says logic. Says common sense. You get one bucket list, which means you can keep adding on as much as you want, so you don’t need a second. She sees his hand shake, and asks if it’s getting worse. He says, every single day.

Marshall tells Curtis, don’t worry, as he gathers up the cards. He’ll be back tomorrow and Curtis can redeem himself. Curtis thanks him, and Marshall leaves. Jordan says, Go Fish? Really? She always thought he played higher stakes games. He says, Go Fish reminds his dad of when they played cards when he was a kid before he took off. So if it makes him smile, it makes Curtis smile. Jordan says she’s got it, and he says he knows people are on edge when they come to see him, because no one knows what to say. So if playing a kids’ card game puts his dad at ease… She says, that’s what he’s going to do. She sees that. He wants his dad to feel better. He says, except there’s not much he can do these days, so it’s nice to do the one thing he can, and she says, which is exactly why she’s here. She needs something from him.

Trina tells Portia that she wishes Spencer had stayed. They could have gotten everything to her room a lot faster. Portia says, Spencer is probably thinking about his baby brother, and Trina says, right. She knows how important Ace is to him. Portia says, besides that, it’s her and Trina. They manage pretty well, don’t they? It’s like old times, right? Trina says, that is the reason she decided to come home, and Portia asks what she means. Trina says she didn’t want Portia tackling the biggest job by herself. This house isn’t handicap accessible. So what’s the plan? Is she going to install ramps for a wheelchair? Hand grips in the bathroom? Maybe they should move to someplace that’s all one-level. She knows how much Portia loves the beach house, but is it really the best place for Curtis?

Sonny tells Nina, Port Charles is a big city in some ways, but in other ways, it’s a community. He and Carly share kids, and Nina is going to be running into her a lot, and he doesn’t want her to feel like she’s got to avoid Carly, especially in her own hotel. She says she doesn’t. She knows Olivia and Carly are really good friends, and she didn’t mean to interfere. She doesn’t want to make things more tense than they already are. Things are going really great between her and Olivia, and she doesn’t want to ruin it. Especially now, and specifically considering what she went to Olivia’s office to talk to her about. He asks what she went to Olivia’s office to talk to her about, and she says, their future. Specifically, setting their wedding date.

Gregory tells Alexis that he has a disease that’s making his world smaller and smaller, and day by day taking away his abilities, and making him more dependent on other people. Alexis says, he must be scared, but he says, no. Angry… No. Royally pissed off. But what good is being angry going to do him?It’s just using up more of what he doesn’t have – time. Time with his sons and his granddaughter, who brings him endless joy. Alexis says, how could she not? and he says his family life is still pretty good. He has great friends, like her. He started a second chapter career. But lately, he can’t stop thinking… no, obsessing about the inevitable. When he first started getting symptoms, he was able to ignore them for a while, until he couldn’t. Then he was diagnosed. At  one doctor’s appointment, in one moment, everything changed. Everything was taken away from him, and he doesn’t want to give it up. She goes around behind him and hugs him, and he cries. Me too.

Portia tells Trina that Curtis will be in a rehab facility for a month or so, so she has some time to make this place handicap accessible. And just to be perfectly transparent, he hasn’t even agreed to come back here after. Trina says she’s so sorry. It must be killing Portia. Portia says, intellectually, she knows what’s going on. She knows how patients deal with facing paralysis, but she believes this is the time you show up for the people you love. So she’s going to wait for him to get through this and let her in. She hopes he’s going to let Trina in too. Trina says she hopes she’s ready if he does, because she’s been feeling so sad and disconnected. Portia says she’s sure Curtis is feeling the exact same way. Trina knows ordinarily Curtis would love to spend time with her. Portia thinks he’s just facing the feelings of being paralyzed. Trina says she wanted to see him and she wanted to see Portia too. That’s the reason she came home, because she missed her mom. Portia says she missed Trina so much, and hugs her.

Curtis says, as Jordan can see, he’s not really in a position to be doing any favors, but she says, he might be able to help more than he thinks. She sits down and says she doesn’t know if he remembers, but she was at the MetroCourt pool with Zeke and Portia the night he got shot. He says he remembers, and she says, the police believe either Sonny Corinthos or Anna Devane was the intended target of the shooter. Has anything come back to him about the shooting? Any details or observations that could help them track down the shooter? He asks how she’s investigating the shooting. Isn’t she the new Deputy Mayor? She says she is, and she’s doing her best, but what can she say? Once a cop, always a cop. Besides, she has a personal stake in his case. Obviously, he does too, so if anything comes back to him… Any memory, any sound, anything at all, please let her know. He says he can do that.

Gregory tells Alexis that he knows he keeps saying he doesn’t want to tell his sons about his ALS. It’s because they’d look at him differently, and he wants their time together to be special. But lately, these symptoms are getting worse. He finds himself canceling, avoiding them. While his bucket list is getting longer, he’s opting out of it. Not just the bucket list, but day to day stuff, like hiking with Chase, breakfast with Finn and Violet, because he’s so scared that he’s going to have some symptom he can’t hide or explain away. She says, how about if he just starts with Finn? He’s a doctor. Finn can help him. Gregory says, he’s been through so much already. He doesn’t want to be a burden to Finn. She says, he just told her that he wants to enjoy his life for as long as he can. So do it.

Nina says, when Sonny was talking to Brick, she was talking to Olivia about wedding plans, and she quickly realized they can’t make wedding plans without setting a wedding date. He says he already told her that he loves her, and he wants her to have the perfect wedding of her dreams. But he wants to be perfectly clear. He’ll go to a courthouse to marry her. He’ll go to Vegas and marry her. He just wants her to know he’s committed and serious about marrying her. They kiss, and he says, but they’ve got to pick a date tomorrow. They kiss some more.

Carly says she knows Olivia loves Sonny and wants him to be happy, so of course (🍷) she’s going to support him. Like she said, it’s more about distracting her from the Eddie Maine situation, so yeah, she understands that. Olivia says she really appreciates that, and Carly says, that doesn’t mean she has to like it, but she can learn to live with it. Besides, she has so much going on right now. Olivia asks, how is Drew? and Carly says, he’s okay given the situation. She’s just so worried about him, and she feels so frustrated because there’s nothing she can do except visit him… Does Olivia want to get out of here? Olivia says, sure. Where does Carly want to go? Carly says, you’ll see, and gets up. Olivia follows her out.

Tomorrow, Portia asks if Marshall doesn’t think Curtis should move back home; Curtis says he’s guessing someone isn’t visiting him for medical reasons; Sam thinks she has a solution for Maxie; and Trina needs someone’s help.

The Real Not-So-Hot Messes Housewives of Orange County

We see a lot of clips with the women with their pets. I love Fancy Pants’ dogs, and take comfort in the fact that I’m sure they poop on her floor. Emily bathes a chihuahua like mine, and I love him too.

Tamra says, closing the gym was exhausting. She wants Eddie to enjoy life, but him not having a place to go every day is getting on her nerves. He eats all day, and his chewing drives her nuts. They’ve opened an office closer to their house, and she doesn’t care what he does in it, as long as he goes there. She tells him about co-hosing the theme party with Jenn where each of the women comes as another.

Gina and Fancy Pants meet to pick out pumpkins, and Gina says she misses New York in the fall, which I totally get. Fancy Pants tells Gina that Jenn said Shannon is poking around in Gina’s relationship. Gina says, Shannon has no problem poking in other people’s relationships, but never wants them to talk about John. She tells Gina about her problems, then gets pissed when Gina voices concern. She asks if Fancy Pants doesn’t have concerns, but Fancy Pants says she doesn’t want to get involved. In Gina’s interview, she says, Fancy Pants got nervous and is pumping the breaks. Gina says, it feels like Shannon needs to talk about someone because she doesn’t want to talk about herself, and she doesn’t like it.

Jenn meets a friend named Taylor, but not that one. Taylor grilled Ryan on getting married, and he said it revolved around the timing of Jenn’s divorce. In Jenn’s interview, she says she needs someone who loves and knows her to give their opinion. She’s starting to question what she wants. Taylor asks what she’s looking for and if she’s worried something is going to come out after she’s got the ring. In her interview, Jenn says her divorce is complicated, since her ex works for the family business, the family wants to divorce him from his job too. Jenn tells Taylor that she doesn’t have to be married, but Ryan thinks it might be self-sabotage. She doesn’t want to be part of a second failed marriage, and tells Taylor that she’s happy the way things are.

Everyone gets their makeup done for the party, and while Tamra, gets done up as Fancy Pants, she blabs to the makeup guy about Fancy Pants and Shannon. Shannon’s daughter doesn’t know what pantyhose are, and I wonder if they still make them. Vicki meets Shannon beforehand and insists on dressing like herself. In Shannon’s interview, she says she knows she’s in for some crazy fun. Vicki is dating someone, but says she’s skittish. She had 18 things on her future man list, and he hit all 18. Gina hopes whoever does her, does current Gina, but she has the feeling they won’t. Shannon is doing Gina, and she’s right. Vicki asks who Shannon is budsy-wudsy with, and Shannon says, Emily is fun. But everyone is chipping in on her relationship. Ha-ha! That sounds like they’re taking bets. In her interview, Shannon says she’s had conversations with Heather about normal relationship issues, and Heather is blowing it out of proportion. I have the feeling Shannon gets drunk after a fight with John and makes emotional drunk phone calls. When she sobers up and cools off, she’s like, it was no big deal, even though she made it a big deal to her friends, and gets mad when they’re concerned about that. Maybe I’m mean, but this is the kind of so-called friend I’d distance myself from, and have.

Tamra toddles to Jenn’s door in her Fancy Pants outfit, and shoots off a money gun as Jenn gets her makeup done as Taylor, yes that one. In Jenn’s interview, she says she and Tamra are rebuilding their friendship, but she’s keeping an eye on Tamra’s tequila intake. Gina arrives as Emily, and in Emily’s interview, she says she’s impressed. Gina nailed it, except for the boobs. Heather joins the group as Jenn, and in her interview, she says she would never buy a money gun; it’s déclassé. Taylor arrives as Tamra, but in Tamra’s interview, she says, Taylor could have just worn a sign that said a-hole and it would have looked more like her. She’s disappointed. Taylor thinks Jenn did a great job, even carrying Smudge the Cat from the meme of Taylor. In Gina’s interview, she says she’s not surprised Shannon chose a version of her at her worst, but she doesn’t think Shannon could pull off current version anyway. Vicki comes as herself, lugging a keg, and immediately does a keg stand, but she can’t drink upside down and it comes right back. Shannon is next and it just looks rude. Tamra says she’s slutty Heather, and in her interview, Fancy says, apparently dressing up like Heather doesn’t mean you act like Heather. The buffet looks like a farmers market charcuterie board; definite food porn. Emily tells Gina that she opened up to Shannon, but Shannon won’t open up, and they agree Shannon keeps asking for help, but then won’t take it. Hint: What Shannon is looking for is attention and them to agree with her. And if you give her A, she’ll want B, and vice versa.

Shannon announces that she’s having an outdoor super casual event, which is what you do when you’re at someone else’s event. It’s also game night, and they play Do or Drink, and as usual it’s all sexual stuff I don’t want to know about. I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear about their proclivities or see them. In her interview, Shannon is offended by Emily’s interpretation of her hand gesturing, but it’s actually pretty accurate and funny. In Emily’s interview, she says, when she heard game night, she thought Monopoly and Twister, not getting her nipple licked, but she’s not mad about it. Shannon wants to talk to Fancy Pants on the side, and tells her that she’s been hearing from Emily, Gina, and Tamra that Fancy Pants is saying her relationship is bad. At the table, Emily says, Shannon likes to tell them about John, and she gets that Shannon wants to protect him, but it gets to the point where it’s unfair. Fancy Pants insists she’s neutral about Shannon and John, and in her interview, she says, Tamra is trying to drum up allegations that she can’t keep a secret. And Shannon is more concerned about who’s talking about her relationship than her actual relationship. In her interview, Shannon says she never cared about someone so much and she doesn’t want to lose that. Fancy Pants says, some of the girls are concerned about Shannon not having a good relationship and hiding it. Shannon says she thought she could share private information with Fancy Pants, now the girls are talking, but Fancy Pants refuses to be held to the fire for something she didn’t do. Tamra polls the table about who Fancy Pants talked to, and bat-eared Fancy Pants asks why she’s whispering.

Tamra asks if Fancy Pants talked with Emily and Gina about Shannon’s relationship, and Fancy Pants asks if they all talked about it. Shannon says she’s not doing this in the group, and Emily says, Fancy Pants can’t blame it on them. In Emily’s interview, she says, Fancy Pants is trying to deflect, but this whole thing began with her talking about what Shannon shared with her. Gina says, Shannon expressed concern about her and Travis, so why is she upset about Fancy Pants’ concern? Shannon yells that they owe her boyfriend an apology, and Gina says, they’re just concerned. WOTD. Shannon says, nobody knows anything about her relationship, and screeches that she’s never been more in love and has never hurt more when they’re not in a good spot. Emily says, they’re all concerned, and in Shannon’s interview, she wonders if she’s  being ambushed. She says, they’re exaggerating, and tells them to enjoy talking about her and walks out. In Jenn’s interview, she says she’s seen Shannon and John together and they seem happy. Bless them for trying to avoid the group. Fancy Pants says, apparently she’s a Machiavellian terrible person who manipulates everyone. After quickly looking up Machiavellian, Tamra wonders why she’s being brought into this when she hasn’t said anything, and Fancy Pants says, they’ve all talked. Shannon says she’s never told Emily anything bad about her relationship, but Emily says, Shannon’s told her a lot of things, like when they were at Javier’s. Shannon puts her thinking cap on, but says she doesn’t remember. In Emily’s interview, she says, from what Shannon has told her, she doesn’t feel like John is invested in the relationship and she thinks Shannon is wasting her time when she can do better. In Fancy Pants’ interview, she gives a long list of what’s wrong with John, like Shannon pays for everything, and they always stay at her house. But she doesn’t want to talk about it. Shannon says, they’re influencing where her relationship goes. He’s done. She doesn’t know how she’s going to talk to him. Vicki comes out, but Shannon wants to leave. She tells them to give themselves a pat on the back. Her relationship is over. Good Lord. Can we have more drama? In her interview, Emily says, Shannon is trying to maintain a relationship in public that’s solid, perfect, and amazing. Shannon has said John called her names, and said she was fat and unattractive. It makes Emily’s heart hurt just to say it. At the table, Emily cries and says she’s worked hard to be friends with Shannon. In her interview, she says she’s sure Shannon’s pissed and thinks she was betrayed. But at the end of the day, who be there? John or them? She puts her money on them. She tells Fancy Pants that all she is, is concerned. I dunno. If you have to work to be friends with someone, that’s a job, not a friendship.

Shannon goes on and on about how few times she’s talked to anyone about John, and Tamra asks if Fancy Pants is lying. Shannon says, things are going around online about Fancy Pants and her husband, and in her interview, Fancy Pants says, just because Shannon’s relationship is no beuno, don’t come for hers with ridiculous sources online. Shannon yells that she doesn’t have affairs and bad sh*t. They have arguments that paralyze her. By this time, she’s outside, and tells production to stop the cameras. She’s not a crazy person. Even though no one suggested she was.🤔Vicki and Tamra follow her, and in Vicki’s interview, she says she doesn’t know John, but she knows Shannon wants her relationship to work. When people talk, it causes Shannon to have doubts. Let her figure it out. Wow. Vicki, the voice of reason. This is one way reality TV never ceases to surprise me. Sometimes wisdom is in the last place you look. Shannon is still ranting, screeching that she called them one time in 2020. Her hands go all over the place, and she says, they have normal fights, but they paralyze her. Everyone’s outside by now, and Jenn’s smoke alarm goes off, but no one seems too concerned, which is funny considering how many times that word has been used. Gina wonders if Shannon burned the house down. In Shannon’s interview, she says, they don’t know John, but they all have opinions and comments. Inside again, Fancy Pants tells Emily that she threw her under bus. If she wanted to spread sh*t, she’d spread sh*t. But she doesn’t do that. Emily is just looking for reasons to be pissed with her, and she doesn’t like it. We flash back to Emily reading Fancy Pants a few times, but she’s not wrong. Gina says, everyone violated the vault, but Shannon needs to take responsibility for her own sh*t. Outside, Vicki wants to know, who wants to whoop it up? and Shannon says, it’s a f***ing spectacle.  

My read. Oh yeah. Shannon likes to blast John when she’s had one too many and Heather is nothing but a big gossip. Gina, Jenn, Taylor, and oddly enough, Tamra, are blameless, and Emily is genuinely concerned. Again, in a total surprise twist, Vicki is the sage one.

Next time, too much tequila; Fancy Pants and Terry close on the penthouse; Gina says, Shannon was mean; Fancy Pants says, Shannon doesn’t remember that she tells lots of people lots of things; John tells Shannon, people need to STFU; Emily says, Shannon is two different people; and Shannon says she’s out. This is not what she signed up for. I’ll bet it is. She just doesn’t remember.

🍃 Blowing Through the Jasmine In My Mind…

Breeze on in tomorrow for soap and a spot or two of tea. Until then, stay safe, stay using your turn signal (didn’t they teach that in driver’s ed?), and stay not being angry. It only uses up more of your time.