What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Valentine is about to call Nina, when Anna walks in and says, so this is where he’s been hiding out. He says he hasn’t been hiding; he’s been making a home. For us. Charlotte walks in and asks why the door is open, and then she sees Anna.

Trina and Spencer go into their hotel room (why didn’t he get a suite?), and she says, the Met was amazing. He asks if she was really surprised, and she says she knew they were going to the Met, but didn’t expect a private tour of the archives. He kisses her and says, it makes him happy to see her so happy. She says she can’t believe he did that for her, and he says, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her, gently pushing her onto the bed and kissing her.

Finn washes Chase’s eyes out at the hospital and asks if it feels any better. Chase says, some. His eyes were really starting to burn. Finn says he knows they teach gun safety at the academy, but what about pepper spray safety? Chase says, that’s funny. He’ll have Finn know that he was able to defuse a volatile situation without gunfire. It was worth the collateral damage. Finn says, good. No driving for a half hour, doctor’s orders. He gives Chase his shirt, because of course (🍷) it’s off, and says he’ll see Chase in the lounge when he’s done.

As Finn goes to the desk, Tracy comes out of the elevator and tells him to congratulate her. He says, congratulations. Who’d she fire now? She says, sadly, no one, but she did just get reinstated on the hospital board.

Gregory goes to Alexis’s office and says he knows she’s swamped, but did she get a chance to read his op-ed piece? He emailed it to her. She says she’ll check her box as soon as she gets a chance, but he says he has a hard copy here. It’ll save her some time, and he’d love for her to read it. She says she’s almost done, and as soon as she finishes this, she’ll read it. He leaves it on her desk, but as he leaves, it slips off. She goes around the desk to pick up the papers and sees his bucket list is among them. She says, sky dive… go to the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam… take Violet to Disneyland… do hot yoga… read Anna Karenina… hike Machu Picchu… going to racing school. She shakes her head.

Sonny says, let him ask Gladys one question. How is she going to pay for this trip? Because he already knows she stole Sasha’s money to pay back her gambling debt to Selina Wu. She says, that’s not how it went, and he says, shut up. He doesn’t want to hear any more lies. He’s going to make sure she’s not going to lie again. Does she understand what he’s saying? She says, please… but he says, no. What does she want? Does she want him to listen to more lies? Does she want him to ignore she betrayed his trust, dishonored her own son, and robbed his widow? She says she never meant… and he yells that he doesn’t care what she meant. He knows exactly what she did, and now she’s going to pay for it.

Mac tells Officer Daniels that he wants Cody brought to interrogation room one.

Montague throws Sasha on the bed, and is about to inject her, when the door slams open and Cody is there. Montague asks what the hell he’s doing here, and Cody says, drop the syringe and let Sasha go. Montague says he’s sorry. He doesn’t take orders from mental patients wanted for assault and kidnapping. Sasha says, Cody tried to save her from him, and Montague says, they are coocoo birds, pulling Sasha up. He’s walking out of here and he’s taking her with him.

Anna says hi to Charlotte, and Charlotte asks how she likes their home. Anna says, it’s lovely, and Charlotte thanks her. She tells Valentin that Jake asked if they could meet at the skatepark. He wants to show her a trick, and she finished all her homework at school. He says, fine, have fun, be careful, and she says she always is. She runs back out saying acknowledging Valentin, but not Anna, and Valentin says, sorry about that. She’s enjoying the new house and attention from Jake. Anna says, sure, and they go back inside. Valentin says he owes her an apology.

Back in bed, Spencer kisses Trina and says he hates that they have to leave the bed. She says, their time here went by so fast, but she’s going to remember every single moment. He says, it was amazing watching her at the museum today, and she says, watching her? He was supposed to be looking at the art. He says, but he couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was so in her element, and she seemed so happy. She seemed so intense. She tells him, be careful. He’s going to make her fall in love with him even more. He says, she’s in love with him? and she says, he knows she is. He says, it works out because he’s crazy in love with her, and they kiss some more.

Gregory comes back to Alexis’s office and asks what she thinks. She says she’s sure it’s perfect, and hands him the folder. He says, that’s great, but he was hoping she’d read it. He always respects her opinion. She says she will. She’ll read it on her phone during one of her endless circulation meetings. He says, okay, and starts to leave, but drops the folder. As he picks the papers up, he sees his bucket list is in them, and Alexis smiles at him.

Finn tells Tracy, that’s a lot of work. What on earth possessed her? She says, her family has donated a great deal of money to this hospital, and she thought it would behoove her to make sure their investment isn’t mismanaged. He says, since she’s technically one of his bosses, he probably should pretend to be working. As he’s walking away, he says, backgammon Thursday? and she says, definitely.

Sonny tells Gladys, it’s time to come clean. She stole from Sasha, then when Sasha was ready to get her money back, Gladys hired a doctor to mess with her head. Sam says, actually it was worse than that, and Sonny asks, what could be worse than that? Sam says, the doctor was Gladys’s poker buddy and he put Sasha on a medication that made her hallucinate when taken in combination with her antidepressant. Sonny says, and that’s when she stabbed Cody? and Gladys says she swears she never asked him to drug Sasha. When she found out what he was doing, she tried to make him stop. She did everything she could to set Sasha free. He yells, another lie!

Daniels tells Mac that Cody isn’t here. He left in the custody of Detective Falconari. He said he was taking Cody back to Ferncliff. Mac says, come on. Let’s go.

Montague says, get away from the door, but Cody says, no. This can never work. Montague says, it can work. There’s enough propofol in this syringe to turn Sasha into Sleeping Beauty. Only all the Prince Charmings in the world won’t be enough to wake her up. Or if she’s lucky, it will kill her. Is this how Cody wants this fairytale to end? Sasha says, don’t listen to him, and Montague says, shut up. He has nothing to lose now, and that makes a man brave. Does Cody want to gamble? Cody walks toward them and tells Sasha that it’s going to be okay. Montague walks her past Cody and asks if she heard him. Everything’s going to be just fine. Janice comes to the door, and Montague says, oh good. He’s going to need her help.

Cody tells Janice, call security, but Montague says, don’t listen to him. Cody kidnapped Sasha and assaulted him. Janice asks what Montague is doing, and Sasha says, he’s been drugging her since before she even got here. Janice says she’s going to call security, but Montague says, she’s not going to move… unless she wants Sasha’s death on her hands. Now listen to him. She’s going to make sure every security door is open, so he and his friend here can go out the back entrance. If he hears any alarms go off when they walk out, she dies. And Mr. Bell is going to stay here or she dies. Now, Janice. Sasha elbows him and runs. Janice takes off, and Cody pushes Montague against the hallway wall, slamming his hand against it until he drops the syringe. Dante pops out from around the corner, aiming his gun, and says, Cody.

Sonny says, if Gladys wanted to set Sasha free, she would have come to him and told him what she did. That would have been thinking of Sasha’s safety instead of trying to save her own skin. Sam says, when has she ever cared about anyone else? and Sonny says, never, but Gladys says, that’s not true. Brando was… Sonny says, she told everyone Brando was dead so she could collect the insurance money. When his father got Alzheimer’s, she wanted to worm her way into the family. Gladys says, no. She loved Mike. Sonny says, do not lie to him again.

Trina asks how Spencer was able to get them a private tour through the archives, and he says he pulled a few strings. He had no idea she was going to like it as much as she did though. She asks if he’s kidding. Seeing the artists’ work at its different stages and hearing the tour guide talk in such great detail, she loved it. She feels like it’s going to make her see art in a different way now. She feels like she’s been looking at paintings with her eyes, her perspective only, and after learning about such amazing works of art – the process and the politics of the time, the materials – she feels like it helped her see art from another perspective; like she’s seeing it from their eyes. She knows it sounds ridiculous. He says, it’s not ridiculous at all. It makes perfect sense. He kisses her again.

Alexis says, sorry, it was in with the article, and Gregory says, that’s all right. He guesses he was trying to decide what should be next on the list, and the page got mixed up in the article. She says, it’s a very impressive and diverse list, and he says, she said she’d him get rid of one of them. She says, okay, what’s next? and he says, skydiving. Does she want to help him knock another one off the list? She says, of course (🍷) he’d want to pick that one first, and he smiles.

On the phone, Tracy tells Monica, yes, it was pointed out to her that the hospital board is a lot of work. Chase sits in the waiting area, and Tracy says she has to go. She’ll see Monica at home. She goes over to Chase and asks if he’s all right. He says he’s fine, and she says, he’s clearly not fine. Did something happen to Brook? He says, no, and she sits down and says, is it his father? Did he fall down again? Is Gregory in the ER? She was just talking to Finn; they should go get him. Chase tells her, slow down. What is she talking about? She says, he was crying, so she thought… He says, that his father fell? He got hit with some pepper spray; it was nothing. She laughs and says she didn’t think he had to use that stuff. She hopes he feels better. She starts to walk away, but he says, oh no. Not so fast. She’s not going anywhere until she tells him what’s going on. She says, nothing’s going on. She was mistaken. He says he can see she knows something he doesn’t. Now tell him what it is.

Trina asks if Spencer thinks she really makes sense when she talks about art, and he says, yeah. When she looks at a painting, she doesn’t just see brush strokes and style. She sees the artist’s intent, and she sees the passion and the underlying intent of the painting. It doesn’t even come as a surprise to him because he thinks that’s just who she is. It’s how she’s been since the day he met her. She’s an empathetic person and she’s completed parts of him that he didn’t even know needed to be completed. He’s glad they were able to share this weekend because it’s all he ever wanted.

Valentin says he’s been keeping secrets, and Anna laughs. She says, so she sees, and you know what? So has she. She thinks that’s the pattern in their relationship. He says, after the fire, she was so despondent, he went looking for another home and he found this place. The deal was difficult, so Martin stepped in and finessed it. She says she knew Martin was involved because she followed Valentin here one day. She didn’t know who it was he was meeting, but then she remembered Martin had come to their hotel room with paperwork for him to sign, so then it kind of all made sense. He says he’s given her far too many reasons not to trust him, and she agrees. Sneaking around inside, Charlotte listens at the door, and Anna asks why he’d feel the need to keep this secret.

Sonny says, Gladys never loved his dad, and if he hadn’t gotten Alzheimer’s, he’d have seen that. She saw it as an opportunity to worm her way into the family; saying how great family is and that she believed in family. And he went along with it because it was his dad’s last days, and he wanted them to be good days. Maybe he just believed it a bit. He doesn’t know. She says, it was true, but he says, it was a lie, like everything else. She starts to cry, and he says, she used his dad like she used her son and she used Sasha. He’s going to tell her right now, the days of her using anyone are over.

Dante tells Cody to let Montague go, and he does, stepping away and raising his hands. Mac joins them with Janice and Daniels, and asks, what’s going on? Montague says, thank God he’s here. Cody tried to kill him and Mac’s own officer witnessed it. Sasha says, that’s a lie, and Montague says, of course (🍷) she’d side with him. She’s very sick and he broke her out of here. Mac asks if Janice saw what happened, and Montague says he called her for assistance. Before she was about to call security, this officer stopped Mr. Bell. Mac asks if that’s what happened, but Janice says, no. Dr. Montague was holding that syringe on Miss Gilmore. He threatened to kill her if Janice didn’t let him escape. Mac tells Daniels, cuff him, and tells Dante to make sure he reads Montague him his rights. Dante says, will do, and Daniels takes Montague into Sasha’s room. Dante follows them in and starts giving Montague his rights. Cody tells Sasha, it’s finally over, and she thanks him, hugging him.

Trina tells Spencer that she’ll never forget this weekend. And not just because of the beautiful necklace he gave her. He says, this is actually a selfish gift, because whenever she wears it, she’ll be reminded of the incredible weekend they had together, which he needed. It’s been so nice getting some time away from Port Charles and all the distractions there. It’s made him see so much clearer just how much he loves her. She says she loves him too, and he says, they still have time before they leave. Should they go out for one last meal? She says, he’s making it sound like they’re going before a firing squad, and he says he’s just trying to be considerate. He knows she hasn’t eaten since breakfast, and she pointed out that one restaurant near Lincoln Center. She says she is a little hungry, but she’d rather eat here. (I will not make a joke. I will not make a joke…) He says, at the hotel dining room? But she says, in bed. He says, that sounds pretty good. Room service it is. They kiss.

Valentin tells Anna, at first he kept it a secret because he didn’t know if they were going to close, and he didn’t want to disappoint her. She says, he didn’t want to disappoint her? and he says he bought the house for her. For us, so we could move in here with Charlotte. We can start a life together. Still hiding, Charlotte shakes her head.

Mac tells Daniels to leave Montague handcuffed to the bed while he gets the nurse’s official statement, and Daniels leaves. Mac says, so Dante thought Cody should come to Ferncliff for some official reason? Dante says he thought it would look good for the department if Cody was evaluated, and Mac says, very clever. Dante says, technically… and Mac says, Dante covered his ass. So how did Cody end up confronting Montague? Dante says, Montague was leaving Ferncliff. Cody wanted to follow him, but he told Cody to stay here, and he followed him. He looked like he was going to leave and took a turn on a dirt road near the entrance, ditched his car, and came back here. Mac says, and Dante got back here just in time to stop Cody, and Dante says, yeah. This guy’s been drugging Sasha for months. He nearly killed her. They have a solid witness in that nurse. Montague glares at them, and Dante says, Cody did good. Mac agrees and says, the doctor’s going away for a long time.

In the hallway, Cody gives Sasha some water and she thanks him. She says she was so afraid this was all going to blow up in their faces and Dr. Montague would get away with it. But he didn’t. Cody says, yeah, and Gladys won’t either.

Sonny asks Sam to excuse them for a second, and Sam says, sure. Gladys says, don’t leave her here, but Sam says she’s sure Sonny’s going to do exactly what needs to be done, and leaves. Gladys tells Sonny that she’s sorry. She’s so, so sorry. It was the gambling. It’s a disease, an addiction. She had no control over it. She got in over her head and there was no way out. None of this was supposed to happen. He says, but it did happen – he takes his jacket off – and now you’re going to pay.

Tracy says she thinks Chase should speak to his father, and he says, about what? His father only puts up with her because of Brook, so how could she know something about his father falling that he doesn’t know? She tells him that she didn’t say she knew anything, and he says, dammit. Tell him what’s going on. Finn comes down the stairs, and Tracy says, oh God. His father has ALS. She turns around and sees Finn, and Chase says, oh my God.

Alexis says, pick something else, and Gregory says, Machu Picchu will have to wait. She says, definitely, and he says he’s got it.

Alexis sweats in hot yoga class, and she and Gregory look at one another.

Trina wishes they could stay like this forever, and Spencer says he wishes the world worked that way. But there are people back in Port Charles who miss her, like her mom and her dad. He kisses her hand, and she says she’s thinking about when her dad made her realize how fragile life is. She’s thinking about what he’s going through and it makes her feel guilty for being so happy. He says, her dad would want her to be happy, although her mom might not be terribly pleased with the person who’s making her happy. She says she thinks her mom is just being protective. Deep down she knows Spencer is a good person. (Does she?) She knows he loves his little brother and he’d do anything to protect him. He says he just doesn’t want his brother to feel abandoned, and she says, he won’t. There’s knock at the door, and a voice says, room service. Spencer tells her to stay where she is; he’ll get it.

Anna tells Valentin, it certainly is a very beautiful house, in a gorgeous location. It’s perfect. He says he should have talked to her about it. He just wanted to ride in like a White Knight and say, here’s her wonderful new home. Come live with him. He should have asked her what she wanted. But she can’t blame him, because all he ever wanted was a life with her. Charlotte flashes back to receiving the package from Victor, opening it, and taking out the cards and letter. She reads: My dearest Charlotte, it is with a heavy heart that I must write to you and share my concerns about our family’s future; a family I cherish and would give my life for. My concern centers around your father and the path I believe he’s headed down, one filled with unhappiness and danger. I’m afraid your father has gotten weak, Charlotte. I had so much hope for him, but he’s forgotten how truly important family is since he’s fallen in love with Anna Devane. Anna has completely manipulated your father. She has taken advantage of his infatuation with her. God knows, her charms escape me, but she’s used them to control your father. Her extensive training in espionage has afforded her to mask who she really is. I tell you this: Anna Devane is not who she seems. Do not trust her, not for a minute, and it’s imperative you never forget, you are strong, Charlotte. Cassadine women are often the most formidable. Even if Valentin brings Anna further into your life, I know you’ll never succumb to her so-called charms. You won’t let her destroy what our family stands for. She is a liar, capable of treacherous deceit. Be wary and be warned. Be armed. You must stay strong. You must use any weapon you can to defeat Anna, because your father clearly will do whatever she asks. And she will use his feelings. She will use your father. She’ll lead him into danger. She will lead him to his death. My dear Charlotte, you are the only one who can protect your father from Anna Devane. You, his most cherished possession, must save him. To guide you, I’m giving you these very special tarot cards. They are powerful tools, Charlotte. You’ll find them helpful. Use them wisely. Use them to protect and save your father, a man we both love dearly. Your loving grandfather, Victor Cassadine.

The yoga instructor thanks everyone for coming, and thanks the newcomer. Namaste. Alexis says, nama-hot, and Gregory laughs. He says, that was a lot better than he ever thought it would be, and she says, he’s kidding, right? He thanks her for enduring the class, and she says she’s glad he enjoyed it. He says he really did; he feels great. She says, good. Actually, it wasn’t that bad. He says, so she’ll be back? and she says, no. What’s next? He guesses a shower, but she says, no. She means, what’s next on his bucket list. He says, oh. He’s going to wait to decide until after he tells Chase. She says, he hasn’t told Chase yet? and he says, Chase has been so happy with Brook, and he knows when he tells Chase that he has ALS, it’s going to break both of their hearts.

Chase asks Finn, is it true? and Finn says, yes. Chase asks if he’s here, but Finn says, no. He knows it’s difficult. Try to stay calm. Chase says, their father is dying, and Finn says, Gregory was going to tell Chase. Chase asks how long Gregory has known, and Finn says, a few months. Chase says, what? And Finn has too? Finn says, no. Gregory only told him a couple of weeks ago. Chase says, a couple of weeks? How could he not know, but his father tells his son who cut him out of his life for twenty years? Finn says, this has been very difficult for him, and Chase says, Tracy knew? but she says, it wasn’t like that. Chase says, like what? Like she and his brother knew his father was dying, and nobody cared to tell him about it? He starts to leave, and Finn says, wait, reaching for Chase’s arm, but Chase says, don’t even think about it. He thanks Tracy for being honest with him, and she says she’s so sorry. She really thought he knew. Looking at Finn, he says, obviously, she was mistaken, and leaves. He goes outside, leans against the building, and sinks to the ground.

Sasha says, Cody saved her life. He believed in her. He says he wasn’t the only one, when Dante joins them and says, the only one what? Cody says, who believed in Sasha, and Sasha says, he’s right. If Dante and Sam hadn’t believed in her, she could have been locked in here for the rest of her life, or worse. Dante says, Cody made a compelling case, and Sam believed in Sasha from the beginning. She knew from the start something was wrong and she was determined to prove it. And when she’s determined… Cody goes into the room with Montague and says, not a good feeling, is it, doc? Now he’s the one in Sasha’s place; trapped, helpless.

Sonny tells Gladys, sit down, and she does. He sits opposite her and says, in these situations, he thinks it’s best for people like her to get everything off their chest before it’s all over. She says, over? and he says, tell him everything without whining and excuses. This is something she needs for her soul. She says, the gambling debt was to Selina Wu. She threatened Gladys, so she paid her with Sasha’s money. She ended up owing Selina more, then Sasha wanted to end the guardianship, so she made a deal with Montague to make Sasha look unfit. He gave her medication that was just supposed to confuse her, but she swears… Sonny says, stop whining. He told her to stop whining. He smiles and says, she used Sasha. She took advantage of Sasha’s love and trust and locked her in a living hell. Just say it. Gladys says she used Sasha and took advantage of her love and trust… She cries, and Sonny says, finish it. She says, and locked her in a living hell, and he says, that’s good. But now she’s going to have to see what it’s going to cost her. He stands up and calls for Frank. Frank comes in and Gladys looks terrified.

Spencer says, boarding passes are downloaded, and the bellhop has the bags, and Trina says she’s glad Spencer left room in his suitcases. She could have never fit all the stuff she bought here. He helps her zip up her bag and asks if she’s all set. She says, goodbye, room. Thank you. They smile at each other and leave.

Anna says, Valentin might not have handled this beautifully, but she thinks the sentiment is beautiful. He says, unfortunately, now that they have the house, the circumstances have kind of changed, and she asks, what’s happened? He says, after the fire, he lost focus on what was going on with his daughter. Anna says, she’s had a lot of adjustments this year, and Valentin agrees. Boarding school, living with Laura and then Sam and Dante and their kids. Charlotte continues to listen in, and Anna says, she seems very happy now though. He says, but it’s made him realize he has to give her his undivided attention right now, and she says she gets that. He says he’s so sorry. He bought this house for Anna and now he realizes it’s not the right time to ask her to live with them. She says she understands. Charlotte needs some time alone. He says, she does, and she says, his love for his daughter is very beautiful. He promises, as soon as everything is right, they’ll move in together, and kisses her. Charlotte peeks out from around the door, and hears Victor’s voice say, you must use any weapon you can to defeat Anna.

Gregory hopes at some point, Alexis reads his op-ed piece, and she promises to do it as soon as humanly possible. He thanks her for everything, and she thanks him back. She says she’s got a question, and he says, shoot. She says, he never read Anna Karenina? He says he’s starting it tonight.

Tracy follows Finn into his office and says she’s so sorry. She saw Chase was crying, and she naturally… He says, not her fault. It’s been way too long. They should have told him. He should have told Chase; he had a right to know. Tracy says, Finn was just trying to respect his father’s wishes. There’s no good way to handle a situation like this. Finn says, but he handled it the wrong way, all wrong.

Montague says, Cody really screwed up this one, didn’t he? Assault? Kidnapping? He’ll explain it away as just a misunderstanding. He was just defending himself. Cody says he doesn’t think that’s going to happen, but just in case… He punches Montague in the stomach, and Montague doubles over. Dante and Mac come in, and Dante tells Cody, let’s go. Mac asks if everything is okay, and Montague says, this man assaulted him again, and the officer saw it. Mac says, Dante? and Dante says he didn’t see anything actually. Mac tells Daniels to transport Montague to the station and book him on attempted murder, among other things. If looks could kill, Montague would see all them dead.

Janice tells Sasha that she’s so sorry, but Sasha says, it’s not her fault. He had a lot of people fooled. Cody comes out, and Janice leaves. Cody asks if Sasha is ready to get out of here, and she asks Dante if they can go. Dante says, absolutely, and Sasha thanks him. They all leave.

Sonny says, Frank’s going to take Gladys on a little ride, and she says, Sonny, please. He says, to Bridgeport. Back to her old life. And if she leaves Bridgeport, he’ll know about it; and if she tells anybody they’re related, he’ll know about it. If she even puts a quarter in a slot machine, he’ll know about it. She does any of those things, and Frank will take her on another ride (ha-ha-ha!), which will be her last ride. She says she understands. She doesn’t know how to thank him for everything… He says, don’t thank him. Get out of his sight. She moves for her suitcase, but he says, don’t touch that luggage. Sasha paid for that luggage. It’s not hers. Frank leads Gladys out of the apartment.

Tomorrow, Kristina says, tell her when and where, and she’s there; Anna asks for Robert’s help; Nina tells Valentin that she’s leaving town; and Sonny asks someone for a favor.

Southern Doubtful Charm

When we left, Olivia was weeping in her car over Austen and Taylor. She and Taylor drive their separate ways, and Olivia calls Leva. She tells Leva about her conversation with Taylor, saying Taylor and Austen had considered dating, and Leva says she’s shocked. Olivia says she and Austen had been talking about fixing things between them at the same time he was talking with Taylor, and a week later, he had a change of heart. She’d even encouraged the friendship. Olivia is genuinely bummed, and Leva says she’s so sorry. Olivia says, Austen is a POS. She’s not wrong, but for other reasons.

Taylor calls Austen and tells him what she told Taylor. She says she thought Taylor would appreciate the honesty, but it was the opposite. Austen says, there was no good time to tell Olivia, and Taylor says she was well within her rights.  No one was dating anyone. In Taylor’s interview, she wonders if Austen and Olivia were ever really together, but at that time, they weren’t speaking. Austen says he’s sick of walking on eggshells.

Patricia says she needs more closets, and Shep tries to instruct Little Craig on using the doggy door. Success! Rod visits JT, and JT says, the one thing covid gave him was Rod. In JT’s interview, he says he and a couple of business partners bought several historical properties in the same neighborhood with the intention of making them an Airbnb called The Inns. They turned a POS building into a clubhouse, and it looks like Gerard Butler’s penthouse is Chelsea. Rod says he talked to Austen, and Austen was smiling in his face as he said he wanted Olivia to be happy, but let Rod know that he’d seen her kissing another guy. JT says, Austen was trying to jab him, and Rod says, he also slut shamed Olivia. JT asks if Rod ever had a sleepover, and Rod says, it was even a forbidden sleepover. JT says, Taylor talked to Olivia about Austen, and Rod says, they’re not in a good place. JT says, it takes two to tango, but it’s always the guy’s fault. That’s right, JT, it is.

Taylor gets ready for the Après Ski party at Republic, and Leva comes in to help. An ice sculpture ski slope with groves for drinking is set up.  Austen texts Taylor that he’s skipping out, then calls Shep, asking, what’s his plan? Shep says, Taylor invited him to her event and he hopes it’s a breakthrough. Austen says he’s happy for them and glad Shep is going, but he’s not. Shep asks, why? and Austen says, there’s a lot of sh*t going on. Taylor and Olivia met up, and Olivia expressed extreme unhappiness with Taylor. Shep asks if she said something had happened between them, but Austen says, nothing happened, hand on Bible. Shep says, like Austen’s so religious. Again, not wrong, but for different reasons.  

At Republic, Leva asks if Taylor wants to chat, and Taylor says she’s excited for today. It’s her biggest launch and she wants to do a good job, but she’s also nervous. It’s a plethora of things. Leva says, yesterday was crazy. To be honest, Olivia called, and she was having a meltdown. Taylor owes her all of the truth. In Leva’s interview, she says, no one falls on a d*ck or falls into a relationship. She doesn’t know what it was, but she knows there was more to it. Leva says she adores them both and hates this, but Taylor says, today is about the launch. In Taylor’s interview, she says, she needs to separate business and friendship. She’s so right. Never work for a family run business. They will try to drag you into their fights. Even friends who own companies will do this. Sorry, I digress.

Everyone gets ready, except Austen. Shep tells Little Craig that all his ski stuff is in Hilton Head, then chases him wearing a lion head, like you do with dogs. Venita calls Madison, and in Venita’s interview, she says, Taylor could have picked a better theme. She can’t find anything to wear. We live in Charleston and don’t have coats. Madison says, Whitney told her that Austen isn’t coming; they’re hanging out tonight. Venita tells her that Leva said, Olivia didn’t know if she was coming. She and Taylor are on the outs because Taylor told Olivia that for a split second she had feelings for Austen. Their friendship might be done. Madison says she told them so, and in her interview, she says, roll the tape. We flash back to all the times Madison said Austen was low key in love with Taylor, and she says, poor Olivia. Venita says, it’s going to be a fun night. Shep calls Olivia, who says she’s second guessing going. Shep says he talked to Austen and he’s not going, and Olivia thanks him for passing on the message. In Olivia’s interview, he says, the fact Austen isn’t coming is Exhibit A. She knows how to compartmentalize and is supporting Taylor because she cares about the friendship. She asks if Shep wants to ride together, and after she hangs up, she says she guesses she’ll make a drink now. Oh yeah. It’s always good to show up drunk to support someone you hate. What is wrong with these people? That’s not the first time I’ve thought that during the episode, just the first time I’m writing it.

It starts to pour, but Leva tells Taylor not to stress. Tonight will be fun. In Taylor’s interview, she says, if she lets Leva down, it will not be good. She doesn’t know what to expect. The weather is sh*t and she has personal problems, but impressing Leva is her goal. She’s got to show up and show out. The guests drink from grooves carved in the luge, and the usual suspects show up, minus Austen. Craig wears a faux fur like the white with black trim on Cruella de Vil’s coat. In Taylor’s interview, she says she and Craig aren’t quite best foot forward yet. We flash back to Taylor screeching at Craig at Madison’s party, and Taylor says she’s trying to make amends. She tells him that she likes his winter coat a lot; it’s very Dumb and Dumber. Madison thinks it’s more Monsters, Inc, and in Venita’s interview, she says, Craig looks like pimp daddy junior. In Madison’s interview, she says she hates Craig’s coat. Leva says she thinks it’s petty that Austen couldn’t come and show support. He’s being a little bitch. If Olivia and Shep can come and suck it up, Austen can.

Austen goes to Whitney’s bearing champagne. Dogs! Austen hugs Peaches, and I’m envious. Whitney asks, what’s going on with Austen’s foibles in the love department? and Austen says, vodka first, as we all would. Whitney tells him the dog is wondering, what is this poison these humans are imbibing? Whitney asks, what happened that Austen’s not going to the party? and Austen says, Taylor called him crying and distraught. Whitney wonders what’s up with her always crying all the time, but I’d cry to if I was stuck with this friend group. Austen says, some people have feelings. He doesn’t know if Olivia still wants to be friends with him or if she’s going to the party. He wondered if Olivia would react if he hugged Taylor. Whitney says he was thinking Austen and Taylor might have something latent; there was a suspicion hovering. Austen asks, what if they made out? and Whitney asks if they did. Austen says, they didn’t, and Whitney says he’s guessing out of respect for Shep, they didn’t hook up. Austen says, if Olivia hooked up with Shep, does Whitney think Shep would say anything? but Whitney says, Austen is deflecting. He’s getting whipped up. In Whitney’s interview, he says, there have been rumblings that Austen and Taylor are closer than they’re letting on. The way Austen is reacting, he’s kind of smelling a rat. Seriously, these people have nothing better to do at their age? Oh God, Whitney is 55. Well, what do I expect from someone who lives with mom at that age. Although to tell the truth, I’d want to live with Patricia too. Second only to she-who-can-do-no-wrong LVP.

In the car, Shep says he doesn’t know what to expect, and asks Olivia if they just walk in and smile. Olvia asks if that isn’t the Charleston way, and Shep says, it’s the Southern way. He wants to get down to brass tacks, and asks, what the hell happened with her and Taylor? Olivia says, Taylor told her that she and Austen had a conversation about possibly being in a relationship, and the timeline was what knocked the wind out of her. It was after New York, when she and Austen had been hanging out. It’s just messy. Taylor said she went to her brother for advice, and Austen went to his sister. Shep says, if they’re running it by people, there’s more going on than just friendship. He doesn’t know what to say and tells her, maybe Taylor just needed arms to run into. But for Austen to be those arms and considering them as a couple is f***ing reprehensible.

Craig tells JT that his coat is fake, but it’s so absurd, people think it’s real. Pfft. No, they don’t. It’s actually the most fake looking fake fur I’ve ever seen, and I used to have one that looked so real, I stopped wearing it in NYC because I was afraid PETA would dump paint on me. JT says, it rubs him the wrong way that Austen broke brofessional courtesy by having the sleepover. He’s not saying anything nefarious happened. The alibi is that she slept in the guest room. Madison says, the last time she saw the guest room, there was no bed in it. Leva says she thinks someone should check. As Shep and Olivia walk in, Shep asks if people will think it’s weird that they’re arriving together, but Olivia says, they live near each other. Shep says, perception has become reality. Shep, the great philosopher. In Madison’s interview, she says she’s shocked to see Olivia. She doesn’t know a girl in America who would stay calm. She would rip Taylor’s hair out and her nickname would have been Patches. Seriously? What happened to the new Madison? And how old is she? Let’s check… She’s 33, old enough. But Shep. Shep is 43 years old. Why does he continue to act like he’s still in college? Maybe even high school? She asks how Taylor thinks it’s going, and Taylor says, it’s going well. She thanks Madison for being here, and it’s awkward AF. Taylor tells Madison, go grab a Day Chaser, which is the purpose of this whole thing. Rodrigo introduces boyfriend Tyler. They’re both super cute and should probably run if they want to keep their sanity. Olivia tells Taylor that she’s here to support. That’s all this is, and she just wants to let Taylor know. From years of squelching her feelings when she was with Shep, Taylor says, it means a lot to have Olivia here, and gives her a fake hug. Rod tells Madison about asking Olivia out.

Austen tells Whitney, the bad thing about alcohol is nothing, and Whitney says, author Martin Amis says, alcohol kills the past. Everything else, back, forward, everything is inconsequential. It made Austen more loveable to him. Austen says, they’re celebrating being men. He tells Whitney decides to call Craig, and Whitney says Austen is pissing him off. Austen calls, and Madison answers, House of Beauty. Whitney says he’s missed her, and Austen tells Craig to join them. Craig says, he can be there in 15, and Whitney says, bring Madison. Craig asks if it’s an open invite, but Whitney says, it’s not, just bring Madison.

Craig tells Shep about the call, and Shep says he and Olivia discussed what she and Taylor had discussed, and it’s not good. Taylor and Austen talked to their families about whether a relationship was a good idea or not, and it wasn’t a drunken moment. Craig says, if they had a conversation with their families, it crossed the line. Who makes up these rules? In Craig’s interview, he says he thought it was inappropriate that they were hanging out as friends, let alone friends with benefits. If they hooked up, it would be an insane betrayal to Shep. Shep says, it’s sickening, and calls Austen a sociopath. I wonder what that makes Shep? Craig says, Shep doesn’t have to talk to Austen, but he thinks Shep should come along. Shep says, give him ten minutes, and Craig says he will if Shep is coming, but he’s not waiting for Shep to make up his mind. Shep says he wants to think about it, and Craig says, let him know in five. Shep orders a tequila shot and a beer – a real beer, not a seltzer. Shep says, JT started this, and Craig says he’s leaving. Shep says he’s coming and tells JT that Taylor and Austen contemplated being in a relationship and he’s going to talk to Austen, but he’s not going scorched earth. JT says, it’s really f***ed up, and Rodrigo tells Shep, go talk to him. Shep says he hasn’t seen Whitney since he’s been back, and Taylor comes by. She tells Shep that he should be drinking the product, and Shep says, someone handed the beer to him. Taylor’s talk with Olivia shook her a little bit. He doesn’t want to upset her on her night, but he needs to talk to Austen, and he wants honesty. Taylor says he can get honesty from her too, and Shep says he’s surprised that she and Austen talked about whether they should see each other so quickly. Taylor says, they were never close to hooking up, but Shep says, they talked to their families. Taylor says she talked to her brother and Austen talked to his sister. He says, Taylor was upset with him about some girl, and we flash back to the Reunion when Taylor cried over Shep sleeping with a random shortly after they broke up. He says, meanwhile, she and Austen are wondering if they should do this. He thinks it’s a double standard. Maybe in Bizarro World. What is wrong with these people? Taylor says, right, but she hadn’t cheated during their relationship. Shep says, they spent six nights a week together for two and a half years, and Taylor says, she and Austen were both broken people. Shep says, they used to laugh about Austen’s behavior. She knows everything about Austen, and yet she thought, let’s give this a shot? She says she’s known Austen as long as she’s known Shep. Austen’s a good friend, but horrible at relationships. Leva breezes past, telling Shep, this is a work thing. Shep leaves, and tells Craig, it was a heavy-ass encounter. Craig says he hopes it was, since he stood in the rain waiting. Madison says, the worst case would be if Austen and Taylor actually want be together.

Craig says, let’s do this sh*t, and they get out at Whitney’s house. He tells Shep not to be a p*ssy. Do what he came to do. Whitney says, Shep looks stressed, and asks how tonight went. Shep says he’ll have some red wine, and Craig says, Shep had a heart to heart with everyone. Shep says, Olivia told him about her discussion with Taylor, and Austen asks how that went. Shep says, it went interestingly. That’s the nicest thing he has to say about it. He’d like to talk with Austen in private. Craig thinks they should talk now. He’s curious about what happened between Austen and Taylor. Whitney says, they should address this now, but Shep says he want to eat. Austen says he already ate, and suggests they go talk. In Craig’s interview, he says, Shep is usually the bad guy. Now Shep’s the victim and it’s hard to process all this stuff. How is Shep a victim? It’s not like anyone cheated on anybody. What’s wrong with these people? Clutching Peaches for comfort, Madison tells Austen, just say he’s sorry and he used protection, and Shep and Austen go to another room. In his interview, Craig says, the way Austen is making him feel sympathy toward Shep is crazy. Shep says, Austen told him nothing happened with Taylor, but in reality, Taylor might not have told him everything. Olivia told him that Taylor said she and Austen had a conversation about maybe getting together. Crickets chirp, and Shep says, that takes things to another level, and it’s difficult for Olivia to fathom. Craig asks Whitney what he thinks happened with Austen and Taylor, and Whitney says, there was probably an exchange of fluids.🤮Shep says he always thought Austen and Taylor were super tight and close, but he never thought it was anything more. Austen says, there was a lot of outside chatter, and Shep says, Austen is always vague. In vino veritas. Austen says, in wine there’s truth, and Shep says, speak the f***ing truth. Would Austen tell him if it was true? Austen says, if what was true? and Shep says, if Austen and Taylor hooked up. Austen says, define hooked up.

To be continued…

💭 This about that. To be clear, I have little sympathy for any of the players here, and care not at all if Austen and Taylor got busy, did the nasty, hooked up, or any variation thereof. But I can’t blame Austen for asking Shep to define hooked up. It seems to mean anything from meeting someone to making out to all the way home, depending on which day of the week it is. And wow, what a bunch of babies, especially Shep, trying to shame Taylor with the hypocrite label. I have no doubt he hooked up while he was with her, and what she was talking about at the Reunion was casual sex for him. While I don’t particularly like Austen, she has a point saying she’s known him just as long and he’s been a friend to her. That’s two totally different things. And really, this bunch needs a hobby. Getting down from the soapbox…

🐺 Honing My Howl…

Join me tomorrow for soap and a cornucopia of Friday amusement and knowledge. Until then, stay safe, stay always leaving room in your suitcase for stuff you’ll buy on your trip, and stay making your bucket list impressive and diverse.