What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Austin comes into the gallery and sees Ava. He says he calls her, and she doesn’t call him back. He texts her, and she doesn’t text him back. So here he is in person. She says, good. This is long overdue.

Josslyn goes into her dorm room, and Adam comes to the door. He says he’s glad she’s back, and she asks, what’s up? He asks to study for next week’s Organic Chem exam. He really needs her to quiz him. She says she can’t study tonight; she’s so tired. He says, she knows he needs to Ace this. If he doesn’t, his parents will kill him. She says she knows, but she’s sorry. She can’t. He says he doesn’t think she understands. There’s a lot riding on this next exam. She says, he got a 92 at the beginning of the semester. That’s better than pretty much everyone else in their class. Trust her. He’s got this. He grabs her arm and says, just give him an hour… but Dex comes along and tells him, back off, coming between them.

Dante comes home, and Sam says she’s been working on the colors for the den renovations for hours (I know what it’s like looking at every color in the world) and he’s just in time to help. He asks if the kids are around, and she says, Danny and Rocco are at a friend’s and Scout’s with Drew at the Quartermaines. Why? What’s going on? He says he got an update on Charlotte and didn’t want them to hear about it.

Anna knocks at Sonny’s office door, and he tells her, come in. She says, Frank told her that he was free. Does he have a minute? He asks if he can get her a drink, and she says she could really use one. He says, Scotch? and she says, yeah. Thanks. He pours her a drink and asks if she wants to tell him what’s going on. She says she was right. He was the target of the shooting at the MetroCourt pool.

Sasha tells Maxie that she can’t work with Cody anymore, and Maxie says, why not? Sasha says, isn’t it obvious? She has feelings for him. Cody listens in, and Maxie says, it’s okay if she has feelings for Cody. He has feelings for her too. Cody pops out and says, what?

Molly comes in, and asks TJ, what’s going on? He asks her to sit down, but she says she doesn’t want to sit down. She wants him to tell her what’s happening. Something happened. She can feel it. He says, Andrea had a miscarriage. She lost their baby.

Cody says, sorry. He knows he shouldn’t be eavesdropping. He was just passing by and heard his name. Sasha says she’s sorry. She should have picked a better time and place to talk about this with Maxie. Maxie says she’s got to go talk to Haven about something. She’s going to let them work this out amongst themselves. She starts to leave, but comes back and tells them, she will say one thing. For what it’s worth (🍷), it would be a mistake to talk themselves out of something they’re clearly feeling. She leaves, and Cody says, what Maxie told Sasha about him having feelings for her… She’s right. He does.

Ava asks Austin, how’s that cousin of his doing? Is he still managing to hang on? Austin says, yeah. He’s recovering really well, and Ava says, oh good. He says, they’re going to move him to recovery in Pentenville, and word on the street is, they’re working on a plea deal with him. And that’s good, because that way she doesn’t have to relive the trauma of the kidnapping in a trial situation. She says she’d love nothing more than to testify against that creep. Does Austin know the terms of his deal? Has Mason agreed to give up his boss, Cyrus Renault?

Adam tells Dex that he’s sorry. He’s really stressed about their exam next week. Dex says, that’s still not an excuse to grab Joss, and Adam says, he’s right; it’s not. But Dex isn’t a student, so he doesn’t understand the stress of being pre-med and the kind of pressure they’re under right now. Josslyn says, let’s all calm down. She tells Adam that she thinks he needs to find someone else to study with. His schedule and how often he needs to study doesn’t really mesh with hers. Besides, she studies better alone. She’s really sorry. Adam says, please don’t do that. He really needs her.

Sonny says, that’s what Anna’s been telling him, but why is she so sure now? She says she says, up to this point, there’s always been the possibility the shooting was linked to the other incidents; her house burning down and the break-in at the hotel suite. He says, that’s not a possibility now? and she says, no. Because the person responsible for those things could never have taken a shot at her or Sonny. He says, because the person responsible for the break-in and the arson was Charlotte?

Sam says, they’re missing something here, and Dante asks what she means. She says she accepts the fact Charlotte vandalized Anna’s hotel suite. She can even get behind the idea Charlotte burned Anna’s house down, if she had a reason. But Charlotte lived with them for over a month, and she’s been conned enough times to know when she’s being played. She just never got the feeling from Charlotte that she was playing them. He says, neither did he. It doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t buy the fact that she would go to these extremes because she didn’t want Anna dating her father. Sam says she agrees. Could this have anything to do with Anna’s past with the WSB?

Molly asks when TJ found out, and he says, today. Andrea came to see him. She asks when Andrea lost her baby, and he says, she miscarried late last night. She was asleep at home, and she started cramping and she was bleeding. There wasn’t even time for her to get to the ER. She went to Mercy this morning, and the doctor there confirmed the miscarriage. Molly cries and asks why Andrea didn’t tell her herself, and he says, she couldn’t. She knew how much Molly wanted this baby and how devastated she’d be. She could barely even face him. Fortunately, Andrea is all right. She says, fortunate? What’s fortunate about them losing their baby? He says he didn’t mean it like that. He’s sorry. He’s hurting just as much as she is. She says she knows. She didn’t mean to snap at him like that. She’s relieved Andrea’s okay, but their baby’s gone. He says he’s so sorry, and holds her. There’s a knock at the door, and Alexis says, it’s mom. Molly left her tablet at the restaurant, and she has it. Molly opens the door, and falls into Alexis’s arms, sobbing.

Austin says he’s not sure what the terms are of Mason’s deal, and Ava says, why is she not surprised? He says he’s not even sure there’s a deal at all. It’s just a rumor at this point. She says she didn’t hear him deny it, and he says, deny what? She says, that Mason is working for Cyrus Renault. Which means Austin is working for Cyrus Renault. All that time she was being blackmailed with threats and she thought, if she just does what they want, then the body of her husband will be returned to her. Turns out though, he isn’t even dead. Austin says, but that’s great though, right? and she says, all the pressure he put on her to do things she didn’t want to do. To spy on Sonny and hire that con artist Betty to spend time with her daughter. All the sleepless nights believing she had killed Nikolas, thinking she’d go to prison for it. And all of this because of his boss or bosses who were too dangerous to cross. Does any of this ring a bell to him? How many times did he refer to these people? Well, it turns out there was just one person, right? Cyrus Renault. And he could have told her that months ago. He could have told her that Nikolas was alive. Why didn’t he tell her?

Alexis says she’s so sorry. She can’t even fathom how upset Molly and TJ must be right now. Molly says she still doesn’t understand how this happened. They were so careful. They reviewed all of Andrea’s medical records. She had no trouble with her first pregnancy. There was no reason to believe she couldn’t carry their baby to term. Alexis says, it’s traumatic for both of them. There aren’t any words, but she’s here for them, whatever they need. Molly says she knows, and TJ thanks her. Molly says she was looking forward to putting her hand on Andrea’s belly, feeling their baby kick. They were almost to the point of ultrasounds and imaging, and knowing if they were having a boy or a girl. Now their baby’s gone. Alexis puts her arm around Molly, and Molly leans on her shoulder.

Josslyn says she’s really sorry, but obviously Adam needs someone with more availability than her. She’s helping her mom out at Kelly’s. She has volleyball practice, volleyball games, and a heavy courseload. She’s barely skating through. Adam says, she helped him pass the last exam, but she says she didn’t. That was all him. He’s so smart. There’s like 100 kids in their Organic Chem class, and 90% of them fail their first time around. That means he could probably find someone who’s taking it for a second time to help him, but that’s just not her. He says, she already helped him. Remember her handwritten notes? He’s started doing that. She’s helped him a lot in ways she doesn’t even know. She says she’s really sorry, and he says, no worries. It’s cool. He’ll see her later. He leaves, and Josslyn and Dex go into her room. Dex says, that was a lot, and she says she feels really bad. Dex asks, what’s the deal with him? and she says, he thinks he’s going to fail this class, but he’s not going to. He’s so smart. He understands the material. Dex says, so what’s his problem? and she says, his parents, from what he’s told her. The last time they were studying together, he said they were putting immense pressure on him. She thinks the pressure is crushing him. She doesn’t know how much more he can take.

Dante asks where Sam is headed with this, and she says she’s just throwing it out there, but think about it. Anna and Valentin first met in the WSB, and Charlotte’s first act of vandalism was to paint murderer on Anna’s front door after she was exposed in the media for being a traitor. He says, right, and Valentin had at least one brush with prosecution for the crimes he committed, right? She says, yes, and Charlotte would remember that. She’s a smart kid. He says, so maybe she thinks it’s unfair that Anna got to walk free, and Sam says, exactly. If Charlotte believes Anna is guilty, she probably thinks Anna should be punished for her past crimes.

Anna says, there’s no evidence that Charlotte tried to burn her house, and Sonny asks if anyone’s tried to find any, but she says, no. Charlotte’s not an official suspect. She’s not even a person of interest for the PCPD. And if Anna has any say in the matter, she won’t be. She needs help, not prosecution. She’s just a kid. He says he understands, and she says, there is video footage of Charlotte breaking into her hotel suite. Valentin managed to get rid of it. He says, so Valentin knew? and she says, yeah. He’s known for the past month his daughter was stalking her. He chose not to tell her. And because of that, she had absolutely no reason to even imagine that the intruder in her apartment was a child. He said he was keeping silent to protect them, but she thinks him keeping silent has just destroyed them. Sonny asks if Valentin knows that.

Haven says, they want Deception to commit to another appearance by Sasha and Cody, and Maxie says, that’s interesting, because two hours ago, Haven didn’t even want Cody on her stage. Haven says she’s a businesswoman first and foremost. Selling is her middle name. You have to connect to an audience, and you have to have a special kind of chemistry, and Sasha and Cody have that in spades.

Cody says, in the beginning, when he found out what Gladys was doing to Sasha and he tried to stop it, it wasn’t about her. Sasha asks what it was about, and he says, obviously, it was about her, but it was about more than that. It was about justice and helping someone in trouble. But then he started caring about that someone.

Austin says, everything he did was to try and protect Ava. He knows how this might sound, but he thought, the less she knew about what was happening, the better. She says, the better for him. The less she knew, the easier it was for him to manipulate her. The less she knew, the easier it was for him to pretend to be her ally, pretend to be her rescuer, pretend to be her friend. He says he didn’t pretend, but she says, the whole time, he was just playing her. He was following orders from Cyrus, and he lied to her face. He says, this has nothing to do with Cyrus. He didn’t get close to her because Cyrus told him to. He got close to her because he really likes the way it feels to be close to her. And he doesn’t like the way it feels to not be close to her. The feelings he has for her are very real. They’re very powerful. He’s not going to stand here and deny that. Everything he did, he did because he wanted to save her.

Dante says, Sam might just be onto something. Everyone close to Anna knows there were extenuating circumstances around the things she did in her past, but over the years, she’s worked really hard to overcome and redeem herself. Sam says, but Charlotte is just a kid, and she sees things in black and white. And she tends to take things to the extreme. He says, in her mind, maybe she was doing things she thought would help her father, and Sam asks if he’s sure it was Charlotte that burned Anna’s house down. Is there any physical evidence? He says, at this point, it’s just a theory, and it’s going to stay that way, because Anna doesn’t want Charlotte looked at as a person of interest in this investigation.

Anna says she hasn’t spoken to Valentin since he said his daughter was stalking her, and Sonny asks if he’s reached out to her. She says, no. His focus is on Charlotte, as obviously it should be. If this had happened to Robin or Emma, their well-being would be her priority too. He says, him too, if it was any of his kids, and she says she has other things that concern her, just trying to piece them together. He says, like what? and she says, Charlotte thinks she shot her on purpose. A child actually believes she intentionally tried to kill them. He says, Charlotte won’t always believe that. Eventually, she’s going to know the truth. Anna says she doesn’t even know what the truth is anymore. She swears she doesn’t.

Molly says, Alexis couldn’t have shown up at a better time, and Alexis says she’s glad she did. She’s just a phone call away if either of them needs her. Molly thanks her and asks if TJ has told his family. He says he was in a bit of shock after Andrea told him. His head was spinning, so he went to see Portia. He needed someone to talk to and he knows she’ll keep his confidence; she won’t tell anyone. After he talked to Portia, he called Molly and asked her to come home. Molly says she knew something was wrong. She could hear it in his voice. She just never imagined it was this. They’ll have to tell their families. Alexis tells them to do that when they’re ready. They’ve both suffered a big loss here. So just take their time. Molly says she wants to get it over with. Will Alexis tell Sam and Kris? She doesn’t think she can tell them. Alexis says she’ll take care of it for Molly if Molly wants her to, and Molly says she does. TJ says he should tell his mom himself, but everyone else… Alexis says she’ll take care of it, as long as they take care of each other. They don’t have to worry about anything. Molly thanks her and says she doesn’t think she can face anybody right now. Not even her sisters. Alexis hugs her.

Josslyn tells Dex that she guesses Adam is doing the best he can, considering all of the pressure his parents are putting him under. She would probably crack. Dex, on the other hand, does well under pressure, maybe even thrives off of it, but not everybody’s wired like that. He says he thinks they all have different levels of stress they can deal with. It’s about learning how to deal with it and not letting it consume you. She says, that’s probably where his military training kicks in. She knows Adam doesn’t know how to handle it. He actually equates a 92% with failure. It sounds funny, but it’s actually really sad. He can’t enjoy what he’s learning, he can celebrate his accomplishments. He has these tough parents. He’s stressed out all the time. He’s probably been that way since he’s a kid. Dex says, that’s really too bad. It explains a lot about him though. That’s what’s so special about her. She’s always sticking up for people. She says, it doesn’t seem like anyone’s in Adam’s corner, but Dex says, he has her. If there’s anyone who can help him, it’s her. He kisses her.

On the phone, Adam tells his dad that he’s studying… He is… He has a great group of friends he studies with… Yes. Mom told him how important this semester is. He knows… Yes, he agrees. It’s… He’s doing everything he’s supposed to be doing… No. He promises he’s not doing that anymore… He’s fine. Really.

Austin says he’s going to tell Ava the truth, and she asks if he’s capable of that. He says, as it turns out, yes, he is. Many years ago, Cyrus showed up in Pautuck. He set up an operation to import merchandise and went into business with Austin’s family. He was a legit… He seemed like a legitimate businessman. He gave Mason a job. She says, as the local kidnapper? and Austin says, as a distributor… Well, okay, he was a trucker. And Cyrus paid for Austin’s medical school, and that’s where things started to get a little dicey. Because in Cyrus’s mind, he was in business with Austin’s family and foot the bill for Austin’s medical education, so he owned Austin. So when the opportunity came up for him to get an early release from Pentenville, he wanted Austin to testify on his behalf. Ava says, and he jumped at the chance, right? So his big boss could be free. He says, of course (🍷) not. Cyrus forced him to. He had to do what Cyrus wanted him to do because he got Mason to kidnap her. Cyrus knew he would do whatever he asked, because Cyrus knew he cared about her. His feelings for Ava were Cyrus’s leverage. So he told the judge what Cyrus wanted him to, because the deal was, if he did that, Mason would let her go. Mason wasn’t supposed to kill her. Everything he did, he did because he wanted to save her. Please. She has to believe him.

Haven tells Maxie, Sasha did great today, but she didn’t do it alone. And she doubts Sasha would have done half as well without that hunky cowboy.

Cody tells Sasha, the night they spent hiding out at the cabin together, it changed, the way he felt about her. Obviously, he liked her before, ever since they shared biscotti at the Quartermaine’s, and he was furious about what Gladys was doing to her. But at the cabin, he got to see what a strong, powerful, wonderful woman she is, and the time they’ve been spending together is fun, but there’s more than that. Every time he sees her, he just keeps thinking, when is he going to see her again? She says, please. He has to stop.

Sonny says he knows if Anna had any idea Charlotte was in the apartment, she wouldn’t have pulled out her gun and shot a child. Anna says, of course (🍷) not. God no. But she was ready to shoot the person that she did think was inside there. He asks why she was so convinced the person at her apartment was a lethal threat, and she says, evidence she found. Evidence that could be really damaging to someone high up in intelligence circles. This person did not want his past screw-ups to see the light of day, and she worked with him back at the WSB. And she documented everything, and she kept it. He asks, where is this documented evidence, and does she still think he’s a threat?

Haven tells Maxie that she’s been on with Sasha three times now, and the difference between Sasha alone and Sasha with Cody is night and day.

Sasha tells Cody, everything he just said was so sweet and so reassuring. She appreciates everything he’s done for her so much. She knows she’d still be at Ferncliff if it wasn’t for him. He says, but, and she says, but she’s still mourning Liam and Brando. She’s rushed past her grief before, and she realized that was a mistake. She can’t make that mistake again. She has to be a whole person again before she can be with someone else.

Ava says she was deeply disappointed in herself for falling for Austin’s lies. Now she sees maybe he’s fallen for them himself. Does he really think he did everything he could to save her because he testified on behalf of Cyrus? Did he ever think about maybe going to Sonny? Maybe he could have even gone to the cops. He could have come clean. He could have told them that Cyrus was running the show and Mason was following his orders. He says, no, he couldn’t do that, but she says, he could. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t risk going against Cyrus because he cares far too much about saving his own skin than he did about saving her.

Josslyn says, he needs to stop blowing up her phone, and Dex says, Adam? She says, no. Spencer. Dex asks if it’s about Trina, and she says, yes. She won’t respond to any of his calls or texts. So now he’s asking her to mediate, but she doesn’t want to break Trina’s confidence. She also doesn’t want to lie to him. Dex asks if she thinks she should get in the middle of it, and she says she’ll try, but they’re both her friends. She cares about them both. She just hates to see them like this.

Adam takes a prescription bottle out of his desk drawer and shakes a couple of pills into his hand. He takes them and chugs some water. He sits down and puts his head in his hands for a moment, then opens his book.

Anna goes to her apartment and opens the door carefully. She sees the bloodstain on the carpet and flashes back to shooting Charlotte. She goes to the trunk and flips through the folders, tossing stuff aside. She looks stunned.

Dante tells Sam, Anna has made it clear she doesn’t want Charlotte investigated. Even though Charlotte possibly burned down her house, nothing justifies Anna shooting her. Sam agrees, and says, there’s no justification for the shooting. It was a tragic accident. (New drinking game perhaps?) He says, but it’s conflated for Anna. She wants to protect Charlotte and make sure no more harm comes to her. He doesn’t blame her for that. Sam agrees, and Dante’s phone rings. He says, it’s Anna, and asks, what’s going on? Is she all right? She says, no. Can he meet her at Maxie’s apartment? It’s important.

Austin says he was trying to save Ava. He was really just trying to help. She asks if he wants to know what saved her. It wasn’t him. Josslyn Jax, Dante Falconari and Sonny’s guy Dex Heller realized she was missing when she didn’t pick up Avery, and they tracked her down. If it had been left up to him, she’d be down at the bottom of a ravine. He’s no hero. He’s a skulking coward (with a great haircut – told you there would be more than Finn), following orders he knew were wrong, all the while complaining it wasn’t his fault. He says he did what Cyrus asked him to do because he knows firsthand what will happen if Cyrus doesn’t get his way. She says she hates him, and he says he knows. He’s sorry. He’s truly sorry he dragged her into all of this. He really cares about her. She tells him, get out, then screams, get out! Get out! Get out! He gets out.

Cody says, just to clarify, is that a no, never or no for now? and Sasha says, it’s a no for now. But she doesn’t know how long that will last, and it isn’t fair for her to ask him to wait for something that may never happen. He deserves better than that. He says, she’s not asking him to wait; he’s offering. She says, no, but he says, it’s his decision to make. He made it. If nothing ends up happening, that’s okay too. He doesn’t consider himself a hopeful person, but she’s given him hope that better things are coming for him. The next time Maxie calls him for a modeling gig, he won’t pick up the phone. Okay? He leaves.

Maxie tells Haven, Deception stands firmly behind the renewal of Sasha’s contract. She has no doubt Sasha can handle her spokesmodel duties alone, but Haven is right about one thing. Haven asks, what’s that? and Maxie says, Sasha and Cody do make a great team and Deception has big plans for them.

Alexis knocks at Sam’s door, and Sam asks, what’s wrong? Come inside. Alexis says she just came from Molly and TJ’s. Andrea, their surrogate, had a miscarriage. They lost their baby. Sam hugs her and says she’s so sorry.

TJ says, Molly hasn’t put her tablet down since her mom left, and Molly says she’s deleting all evidence of websites where she looked at baby clothes, baby furniture, and about early childhood development. There’s no need to keep websites about decorating a nursery. She should have just listened to her instincts, but she got so excited, she couldn’t help getting caught up in the fantasy. Now she’s awake. She’s not going to look at one website, order one stick of furniture, or so much as a onesie until the baby is born and in her arms. He says, if there’s a next time, it will be without Andrea, and she asks if he’s blaming Andrea for the miscarriage. He says, of course (🍷) not. He knows it wasn’t her fault. But he saw her. She was devastated to lose their baby, and she told him that she can’t go through this again. So if they want to have a child, they have to look for another surrogate.

On the phone, Sonny says he needs Brick to do a deep dive into this guy Jameson Forsythe. He worked for the WSB years ago with Anna Devane.

Dante meets Anna at the apartment, and she thanks him for coming. She points to the trunk and says, all of these reports and documents are from her years with the WSB. As he can see, she recorded everything, including incriminating information on a man who was pretty high up in the Bureau. He ran the intelligence circle. So she made this initial discovery on Halloween. She found an incriminating memo, then an entry in one of her personal notebooks that backed up this memo. She wanted Robert to see it, so she took it over to show him. Then she thought she should come back to see if there are any additional documents, documents she knew were in this trunk when she went to Robert. Obviously, she couldn’t look through it that night because of Charlotte. So she came back right now and thought she’d look through these reports… He says, and now they’re gone? She says, all the documents she took over to show Robert, and any other information she might have had on this man is gone.

Tomorrow, Curtis asks if he can offer Trina some parental advice; Josslyn tells Spencer that he needs to see this for himself; and Michael asks Carly to tell him about this offer.

Southern Charm

Paige tells Craig that she likes to hear the birds in the morning. NYC only has pigeons. Craig asks if the pigeons talk, but after a long pause, she says she doesn’t know. I just included this because it’s a good question. I don’t know either.

Patricia moves a pillow a quarter inch because no doubt its placement is bothering her. She tells Whitney that the next time he’s out of town, she’s burning his shirt. He accuses her of throwing out his comic book collection, but she promises him, it’s upstairs in big plastic tubs. Shep comes over, and says, Avon calling, which is incredibly dated. Whitney says, Randy is off, so he’ll make martinis. They hear him cursing as he crushes the ice. He brings the drinks out, and Patricia says, too much vermouth. Bleh. I know that taste, and I will send a martini back for that. In Patricia’s interview, she says, Whitney doesn’t know how to make cocktails. He has other charms, but making drinks is not one of them. Shep tells them about waking up next to Taylor, and Whitney says, Shep can’t be leading her on. Shep says, they just kissed. He thinks Taylor wanted more, but they’ve been good about not backsliding. He doesn’t want it to happen again. Patricia says, there are a zillion attractive young people in Charleston. Why does this group sleep with each other? In her interview, she says, it’s beyond her. It’s incestuous, and she doesn’t get it. She reminds Shep about the guy’s dinner she has every year, and we flash back to those, and Patricia saying, they will have Peter Pan Syndrome in perpetuity. She says she’s thinking of maybe trying to elevate it, and Shep says, good luck. She says she’s getting a chef who does menus for British royalty, and Shep asks if British food isn’t famously bad, but she says, it’s what’s served for royal dining at Buckingham Palace. She shows him a handwritten menu from one of the dinners, and in her interview, she says she thought the aspect of royalty would make the guys feel like British aristocrats and inspire them to behave themselves. Ha-ha-ha! Good luck with that. She hands Whitney a decorative tin, and he reads, The Prince of Whales and the Duchess of Cornwall. She says, it’s a piece of Prince Charles and Camilla’s wedding cake. They sent it to her, and it’s been in the freezer since 2005. Shep says, let’s have it, but Patricia says, no. True story. We saved the top of ours because you’re supposed to eat it on your first anniversary. Our freezer wasn’t very big, so my MIL kept it in hers. Literally the night before our anniversary, my BIL ate it, not realizing what it was. I can’t imagine it tasted that great, but still.

In the car, Craig whines that Paige has to go back tomorrow, and Paige whines that the weather in New York is 40 and raining. They go to lunch, and Craig asks how she feels the house is coming along. She says she loves it, and Craig says, it’s becoming put together and organized like a real house. He wanted Paige to have somewhere she felt at home. Paige says she was wondering, what if she was with child? (her words) and she got nervous. Her first thought was that she’d have to move to Charleston. Craig says he always wanted a family, and Paige asks if he’s trying to marry her. He says, one day. He fantasizes about it. She says, it’s the biggest decision of your f***ing life. They’ve only been together a year and a half, and she still feels that they’re young. In Craig’s interview, he says, they’ve faced a lot of obstacles, many of them put there by Paige, but not unfairly. They’re living in different places. He says he knows she’s concerned about having a social circle in Charleston, and she says she wants to be able to hang out, but to be honest, girls are the worst and making friends in your 30s is different. She likes Madison. (Why?) Craig asks if she’d hang out with Madison, and Paige says, Madison would be in her friend group. I’m not sure exactly what that means. Like, no one-on-ones? Craig says, all he needs to do is get her pregnant, and like Patricia with the cake, she says, no.

Rod meets Leva at a bar – maybe her bar, I wasn’t paying attention – and they have espresso martinis. She says, when people get messy, she and Rod don’t do that. They were always more scared of their parents than jail. In Rod’s interview, he says he’s known Leva for 14 years. There aren’t a lot of Persians in Charleston. Leva says, everyone comes to her when they meet someone new because she knows everyone. She told Olivia that Rod was solid. In Leva’s interview, she says, Rod is a party guy, but she thinks he’s serious about settling down. Not like the Lost Boys in Charleston. He’s a good catch. Rod says he thought he and Olivia had momentum, but he felt something was off. Olivia pulls away and gravitates to Austen. We flash back to Olivia telling Rod that he’s the perfect guy, but she has hesitation about getting into a relationship. Leva says, Olivia feels the safety in the devil she knows. In her mind, she thought Austen was great, and she’s not capable of being broken right now. Now she’s vulnerable, and Austen slithered in and leaned in. I don’t know if Austen’s smart enough to make that calculated of a move. I actually think he does these things because he’s the weak link and not too bright.

JT – who I consistently want to call RJ or TJ – brings a picnic basket to the park, and Taylor meets him. He’s brought charcuterie and champagne which is okay in my book. In JT’s interview, he says, Taylor is very social, and they went to Europe together. She’s a good woman and they clicked. He feels like he’s known twenty years, even though it’s only been one or two. They toast to surviving, and he says, the Shep thing was hard to watch, but he had her back. But after watching that unfold, Taylor and Shep woke up together. Taylor says, the kissing was more like an apology. They’ve slept in the same room plenty of times. JT says, familiarity, and Taylor says, the second they broke up, she should have gotten a therapist. JT says, she got burned, and now she has a flamethrower and she’s burning everyone. She burned Shep with Austen, and then Olivia. She’s a queen, but don’t abuse the power. Taylor says she thinks she caught Austen off-guard; she initiated it and takes full responsibility. JT says, that’s a bombshell, and in Taylor’s interview, she says, it’s not the first time it’s happened where a couple breaks up, and the best friend and boyfriend come together. There could have been a connection, but there wasn’t. She tells JT that she didn’t want to hurt Olivia; she wanted to hurt Shep. It sucks and she doesn’t know if it will get better.

Whitney sits outside and calls Shep. He says, they’re having the guy’s dinner, and Shep say he can’t wait. Whitney says, his mom f***ed up her back and she’s laid up. We see a clip of Whitney bringing Patricia coffee in bed, and her telling him that you’d think he’d know how his own mother likes her coffee after 82,000 years. In Patricia’s interview, she says, it’s a cautionary tale. She got out of bed and ended up flat on her back on the floor in excruciating pain. The result was a compression fracture. It takes months to heal if you’re younger, and she’s no spring chicken. Whitney tells Shep that the attire is smoking jackets. Which seems odd for a formal British dinner, but what do I know?

Madison meets Venita for lunch, and Venita says she’s dressing for the mood she wants to be in. She just got back from Fashion Week, which was ten times busier this year. Madison says she couldn’t keep up with Venita’s Instagram, and in Madison’s interview, she says, Venita is like a supermodel. That’s why she likes her. Madison asks what’s going on with Manny, and we see a clip of her telling Manny that it’s their anniversary tomorrow. It’s unclear between them exactly how many months, but it’s close to a year. Go, Venita and Manny! Venita asks what it’s like to be married long distance, and Madison says she has joint custody with her ex, so if she can be separated from her child for short periods, she can be separated from her husband. Although the dynamics might change since they’re talking about having a baby. This time, she wants it planned, and wants them to take their time. They literally fall asleep holding hands. Venita says, look at them with a husband and a boyfriend. Who would have thought?

Craig meets Austen for drinks and says he’d be happy living on an island bartending. Austen says he got two texts from Olivia, and Craig says, there are unresolved feelings. Olivia wants to like him, but then she remembers he did something nefarious. Austen says, that’s why he’s not jumbling up her mind any further, and Craig says he doesn’t want to be preachy with Austen, but what about his theory on spending time with an ex? Austen insists he can compartmentalize. He’s being a friend. In Craig’s interview, he says he thinks Austen fell in that hole trying to figure out how to do the right thing. In Austen’s interview, he says, Shep seemingly forgave him, but he knows it’s not the last he’s heard of it. Austen tells Craig that Shep had just said he had fun cheating on Taylor, and she ended up in his bed. He won’t be there to pick up the pieces next time. In his interview, Austen says he wants Taylor to respect herself and demand respect from others, but she’s not listening. You can lead a horse to water… You know the rest. Austen says he’s not talking to either one of them. There’s no point anymore.  

At Patricia’s house, the chef (whose name I don’t catch, or it wasn’t there) tells Whitney that the guests should be in their seats and ready for the Beef Wellington at 6:40. In Whitney’s interview, he says, if it was up to him, he wouldn’t do a royal dinner patterned after an anachronistic monarch. Sorry, Chuck. The chef tells the servers how to do proper service and says, they’re just penguins for the night. Whitney doesn’t know where anything is, and in his interview, he says he’s been to a lot of formal dinners, but he’s not usually the host. He calls Patricia upstairs and asks if the centerpieces should be on the table. (Really?) She says, they can’t have a nude table. Whitney says, it’s like something from the 1790s, and she tells him, that’s her era. Don’t give her a hard time. Go with the flow and enjoy it. Shep arrives first, followed by Rodrigo. Craig and Austen take a golf cart, and Patricia tells Whitney to put a weewee pad on the white sofa for Craig. We flash back to Craig spilling wine on the sofa, and Rodrigo says, Craig was talking marriage with Paige and she kind of got cold feet. Shep says, she might have a different plan than a picket fence and a pool, when Craig and Austen come in. Craig says, we’re here, bitches, which is super British royalty classy. Shep toasts to Patricia, saying, may she be in better health soon. Shep asks, what’s up, since he hasn’t seen them in a hot minute. He tells Austen that Taylor’s dog Penny and her car are at his house. They had lunch today. I want to wipe the smirk off his face.

Crickets chirp for a moment, and Shep says, they didn’t. Craig asks if they did it in the mountains, but Shep says, they made out, then he passed out. He asks why Austen is so quiet, and Austen says he’s reveling in their company. Craig says he’s been a hermit recently, and he doesn’t hate it. Shep says he’d love to kick it with Paige more. He thinks she doesn’t know what Charleston is all about or doesn’t like Charleston, and Craig says, he’s not wrong, but right now, they want to be by themselves. Austen says, Paige likes that, and Shep says, he should drag her out. They never see her. Craig says she was talking about being 30, and Shep says, he’s 43, which makes him even worse than I thought. He thinks travel is the answer, and Craig says, it sounds crazy, but he and Paige had planned to go to Jamaica. They should all go as friends.

Dinner is served, and Whitney says, game on. They’re ready to rumble. He hits a gong and the dogs bark. Austen gripes that his name is spelled wrong on his place card, but I counter that maybe he spells his name wrong. The chef says, Patricia had this meal at Buckingham Palace in 1974, and Shep says, good food, good meat, good God, let’s eat. Since he’s 43 going on 10. Craig says, usually Beef Wellington is served as hors d’oeuvres because no one wants to take the time to make it. He says, Whitney missed the party in the mountains, and the theatrics. What did he hear about it? Whitney says, not much. There was a ping-pong match. Austen says, Shep drank whiskey and went on a rampage, and Shep says, Austen doesn’t have a big moral leg to stand on in this one. Austen crossed him and he chose to be a gentleman. Craig suggests Shep doesn’t know how to deal with the face his best friend hooked up with his ex. He thinks Shep is a lot angrier than he’s letting on. Austen says he wishes they’d had a conversation, and Shep says he meant everything he said. Craig says he has serious sh*t against what Austen did, but Shep is burying it. Austen says he feels bad and he’s trying to atone. Shep says he should be mad, but he’s been defending Austen inside his head. In the kitchen, the Baked Alaska is charred, and it looks amazing. Craig asks why Shep doesn’t say Austen doesn’t know how to be a friend. If one of them hooked up with Paige, he’d be livid. Shep says he’s a fairly happy human, and everything is going well. The Baked Alaska is brought out, and the chef points out the layers of chocolate and vanilla that Patricia wanted. I guess that’s in case Whitney reports back to her. Craig says, boys don’t know how to deal with their feelings, but Shep says he doesn’t care. Craig says, Shep’s not a superhero, and Rodrigo, who’s probably continually sorry he got involved with this group, says he’s going to hang out with the waiters. Shep gets up and says, I think we’re done here. Like it’s a business meeting gone bad. Whitney says, thanks for a compelling evening, and Shep heads for the door. Craig tells Shep that he’s showing he’s not bothered, but Craig knows he’s just boiling. Shep tells him that he said everything he needed to say, and Craig says he thinks it hurts too much for Shep to broach the subject. Rodrigo wisely chooses to make an exit, and Austen tells Whitney that Shep is doubling down on acting like there’s nothing wrong. Yoda Craig says, Shep’s decisions will eventually make him an angry person.

Craig says, Shep is better than this. He doesn’t want to lose friends because he’s an angry person. Shep says he’s got to run, and in Shep’s interview, he says he could tell Austen was shook. He lashed out and said things that needed to be said. It was an accumulation of things; Austen stringing Olivia along and stepping in on Taylor. At Patricia’s house, Whitney passes out cigars, and Craig suggests they smoke on the porch, so Whitney’s mom doesn’t get mad. Whitney asks where Shep is, and Craig says, he left. They go outside, where the cushions for the patio furniture have already been put in storage, so they lounge around the railing. Austen pees over the side, proving what a royally classy guy he is. Craig asks Whitney, if he was a betting man and the house was on the line, did Taylor and Austen do more than kiss? Austen says, they didn’t sleep together, and Whitney asks how the decision came about. Austen says, it takes two to tango. Taylor made a move on him. Whitney asks if they were watching TV or having drinks, and Austen says, they were jamming to music. Craig wants a reenactment and tells Austen to be Taylor, with Whitney being Austen. Austen poses Whitney looking away from him, comes up behind Whitney, and tells him, turn around. When he does, Austen makes a move as if to kiss him. Craig asks if Austen grabbed her boobs <sigh>, but Austen says, no. Whitney asks if there was tongue involved <heavier sigh>, and Craig says, there was sexual tension at the Commodore. Austen said, if Shep didn’t take Taylor home, he would have. Austen says, when Shep left, he and Taylor were talking about how fun it was to make out. They thought they could go for it, but didn’t. Craig says, so Austen waited until Taylor dated his buddy to make out with her. He has a last question. What did they think in the moment? Austen says he felt not bad. It was a brief moment with someone close. In Austen’s interview, he says, they didn’t end up dating. They talked about it and decided they’d be better off as friends. they thought they could bury it and keep it a secret. He tells Craig that the next day, they said, thank God they didn’t sleep together. Craig asks where it was, and Austen says, in his kitchen. Craig says, he thought it was in New York, and in his interview, he says he thought Taylor said it was in New York. We flash back to her saying it was after New York, and Craig says, regardless, the sleepovers happened recently. They kissed in New York and had a sleepover already. They’d already kissed and at a private sleepover, they wouldn’t just be making out. Craig is not bothered by pesky facts. Austen says, they kissed once, deal with it, and Craig says, Austen really f***ed up.

This is really the most ridiculous argument ever. Okay, maybe not ever, but close.

Next time… I wasn’t paying attention, but that trip to Jamaica is down the road.

🪇 Gourd Times…

Join me tomorrow for soap, and a cornucopia’s worth of nonsense and wisdom. Until then, stay safe, stay helping clean up after being a guest at dinner (and not just Thanksgiving dinner), and stay learning how to deal with stress and not letting it consume you.