What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Portia asks Nurse Rachel if she has any resolutions, and Rachel says, maybe not working on New Year’s Eve next year. Portia says she’s with her on that, and Rachel asks why their Co-Chief of Staff is working the late shift tonight of all nights. Portia says she was doing a favor for Dr. Batel, and Rachel says, hopefully their bad luck on New Year’s Eve isn’t an omen for the coming year. Portia says, it certainly won’t be for her. She has big plans for 2024.

Going into her dorm room, Josslyn says she’s glad Dex got along with her friends, and he asks if she was afraid that he wouldn’t. She says, no, but you never know what can happen when mix different parts of your life together. He says, for her to consider them friends, he figured they had to be pretty great, and they were, and she says, most of the time. He wasn’t bored, was he? He says he could never be bored with her, and she says, judging by how it’s going, she thinks 2024 is going to be a very good year. He says he has no complaints, and they’re about to kiss, when someone starts fiddling with the door handle. Dex opens it to find Adam there, and Adam asks what Dex is doing in his room.

Still at the PC Grill, Doc takes Laura’s hand and says, she’s thinking about Bobbie. She says she’s thinking about all of them. First Luke, then Bobbie, then Lulu. She knows Lulu’s not gone, but she’s lost to them for now. And then Lucky, who’s out there searching for… something; some part of himself she thinks. The Spencers have lost an awful lot. Doc says, they have, and he’s so sorry. She thanks him, when her phone rings. She says, it’s Ace’s babysitter, and answers. She says she doesn’t know. When did Esme say she was going to be home?… It’s not like her to be an hour late, no… Oh my goodness. Where could she be?

Nikolas says, Esme only came to town because that psycho Ryan Chamberlain told her to, and Ava says, he means, that psycho her father. He says, whatever the reason, she came here to ruin their lives. Now it’s time for payback. She asks what he’s planning to do to Esme, but he says, no. It’s what they’re going to do together. FYI: Ava’s lipstick matches her blazer. I appreciate how she always looks put together.

Esme says she needs a drink and walks into the Grill, where she sees Doc and Laura. Still on the phone, Laura says, she just walked in…. yes, she’ll tell her. She says she’s relieved to see Esme. Where was she?

Willow asks if Michael knows why Nina has been canceling plans with her lately, and he says, because he told her to limit the time she spends with Willow and the kids. She says, and in exchange he kept quiet about Nina turning Carly and Drew in to the SEC? and he says, yes. She says, he was blackmailing Nina?

Carly opens the door to Nina, and asks what she’s doing here. Nina says she’s sorry. She knows it’s late, but there’s something she has to tell Carly. Carly invites her in, and Drew comes out. Nina says she didn’t realize he was back in town. Actually, she’s glad he’s here. There’s something she needs to tell them both.

Sonny looks at the Christmas tree in All Saints, when Cyrus comes out behind him and says he’s glad Sonny found his way here in his hour of greatest need. Give up your burden to God. The truth will set you free.

Portia goes into her office to find Curtis there holding a red rose. She says, what a wonderful surprise, and asks what he’s doing here. He says, ringing in the New Year with the woman he loves.

Dex tells Adam, this is Josslyn’s room, and Adam says, that’s why the door was locked. Josslyn says, they just got back from a New Year’s Eve party. She looks at the Solo cup in his hand and says, looks like he found one too, but he says he just had one Kama…something. Maybe two. Josslyn says, he’d better sit down before he falls down, and he stumbles inside, sitting on the bed. She asks, what’s going on? He’s not a drinker. He tells her, it’s over. It’s all over. His parents know the truth about him.

Ava says, Nikolas thinks they’re going to work together? and he says, look at it as giving them closure. He thinks she’ll find it very satisfying. She says she looks at it as not happening. That ship sailed when he threatened her daughter. He says, they both made mistakes. Yes, he threatened to take Avery in the heat of the moment, but as angry and upset as he was, it was still wrong. She thanks him for saying that, and he says, but she thought she killed him. And after a few minutes of calm reflection, she decided to ditch his body and walk away. She says, that’s not calm at all. She was completely panicked. She couldn’t even think when she thought she’d killed him. She just wanted to stop him from taking her daughter. She didn’t want him dead. He says he guesses that’s something. Their marriage wasn’t all bad, was it? She says, they had their moments, and he says, they did. She says, they were talking about Esme. Esme has no memory and she’s completely devoted to her son. He says, his son, and she asks if he thinks she’d forget that. He says, she knows he’s sorry about that, and she says, according to Trina, so is Esme. He says, Esme will never change. Eventually, she’ll return to her selfish, spiteful ways. That’s who she is. But if they work together, they can get rid of her before she does any more damage. Ava asks him to level with her. Is he planning to kill Esme?

Sonny tells Cyrus, get out of here. He has no place here. Cyrus says, there’s a place for everyone in God’s plan, but Sonny says he’s never going to buy Cyrus’s religious saved act. Stop pretending. Cyrus says, Sonny is so certain in his judgement. Has he never been wrong about someone? Sonny says, not about Cyrus. Tonight is not the night to be pushing him. Cyrus says, she told you, at last, and Sonny asks what he’s talking about. Cyrus says he’s sure Nina only did what she thought was right when she reported Carly and Drew to the SEC.

Nina says, let her start by telling them that she’s sorrier than they’ll ever know, and Carly asks how she found out. Nina asks what she’s talking about, and Drew tells Carly that they’re waiting to hear back. Carly asks if he can handle it. Whatever he decides, she’s okay with it. He asks if he’s sure, then tells Nina, let him get the door, but Nina says, please. Can he just listen? She has something to tell them. Carly tells Drew that she doesn’t want to keep them waiting. She’ll handle Nina. He leaves, and she asks Nina, what’s so important? Nina says, as Carly knows, she was very angry when Willow was dying, and she found out Carly had kept the truth from her when Willow needed her the most. Carly asks if this is what Nina came here for, because she can’t do this again. She can’t do this tonight. Nina says, beyond angry, and so she wasn’t considering the consequences. What she’s trying to say is that she’s done making excuses. She’s not going to make excuses to herself, and she’s not going to do it to Carly. Carly says she’s not Nina’s friend and she’s not Nina’s therapist. So if she has something to say, please say it. Nina says she’s the one who tipped off the SEC about Carly’s insider trading.

On the phone, Esme says, Ace is still asleep though, right?… Great. She’ll be home right away. She says she’s so sorry she worried Laura, but Laura says, it sounds like a simple miscommunication. It happens. Doc comes back with a coffee with whipped cream on top (hopefully, Irish coffee), and tells Esme, this should warm her up. He picks a glove up from the floor and says he thinks she dropped this. Esme thanks him, but says, it probably won’t do her much good. She already lost the other one. Laura asks if she knows where. Esme doesn’t say anything, and Laura says she does. Windymere, when Esme broke in Christmas Eve.

Michael says he didn’t want to tell Willow or his dad what Nina did to his mom and Drew, so he thought it would be best to mitigate the damage. Willow says, so Michael went behind her back and interfered with her relationship with her mother? and he says he was just trying to protect… She says, he was manipulating her, but he says, that’s not what he was trying to do. She tells him, no, stop. She didn’t know where her relationship with Nina was going to go, but instead of letting her make up her own mind, he blackmailed Nina? She doesn’t understand. If he was so worried about Nina’s influence on their kids, why wouldn’t he tell her the truth?

Carly says, Nina is the one who called the SEC? She’s the reason Drew went to Pentenville? She took him from his daughter. because she can’t help herself, Nina says, well, Carly kept her daughter from her, and Carly says, Drew was almost beaten to death and Nina’s still the victim? Nina tells her, what she’s trying to say is, the emotions were running high back then. There was a lot of hostility. There was a lot of pressure, and she felt like Carly’s family’s punching bag. She reached her breaking point. She snapped and she lashed out. Carly says, children lash out. Nina was trying to get back at her and Drew was just collateral damage? That man has been nothing but decent to Nina, and she almost got him killed. Nina says she had no idea the judge was going to give him such a harsh sentence. Everyone was shocked. It shouldn’t have happened. Carly says, he shouldn’t have been sitting in the courtroom to begin with, and Nina says, they did commit… It doesn’t matter. What she’s trying to say is, she knows Carly will never forgive her. She’s just trying to set the record straight. Carly asks, why? Nina was doing just fine keeping her mouth shut. Why? Nina had no problem. Everyone believed Ned called the SEC. Why? Nina says she did feel terrible about that, but Carly says, not terrible enough to tell the truth. Why tonight? Nina says she knows Carly isn’t going to believe her, but the guilt was eating her alive. She regretted all of it. She just came to a point… She didn’t know how to fix it. Carly laughs and says, really? Nina doesn’t feel guilt or regret for anyone but herself… Oh. She got busted, huh? That’s why she’s here. Who knows? Nina says, Sonny.

Sonny asks what Cyrus knows about Nina, and Cyrus says, in her time of distress, she also found her way to this place for guidance. He offered her his counsel. There should be no lies between husband and wife. He’s glad that his simple truth could help them both. Sonny punches him in the face, and Cyrus stumbles back. He says, whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn the other also, and Sonny punches him again. Cyrus says he forgives Sonny, and Sonny pushes him. He says, fight back. Come on. Cyrus says, God forgives Sonny, and Sonny hits him again, this time knocking him down. Sonny says, fight back, as he beats the crap out of Cyrus.

Carly says, of course (🍷). Is he the reason Nina came over here? Nina says, Sonny suggested she apologize to Carly. He is very angry. Carly asks if Nina can blame him. She’s been lying to his face for months, and more importantly, she snitched on his family. Nina says she never meant for any of this to happen, and Carly says, Nina never meant to get caught. She’s not here to make things right. She’s not here to set things straight. She’s here because she doesn’t want to lose Sonny. Nina says she’s here because she wants to make things right, but Carly says, Nina is the most selfish person she’s ever met. She does nothing but hurt everyone around her, mostly the people she claims to care about. Nina says, that’s not fair, and Carly says, Nina is going to talk to her about fair? It’s not fair that Drew almost died in prison because Nina had a temper tantrum. It’s not fair that Nina gets to show up whenever she wants with a fake apology because she wants Sonny to forgive her. Nina is nothing but a selfish bitch, and she hopes Nina rots in hell.

Opening a bakery box, Curtis says, Eckerd’s was closed, but the donut window was open all night, and Portia squeals. She says, he never has to apologize for Eckerd’s lemon donuts. She takes one and says, as he can see, she’s not offering him any. He says he noticed, and she says, this is the best. He’s the best. He says he’s impressed. There’s not many people who would be happy to work on New Year’s. At least they don’t have to set an alarm. They can sleep in and make up for these late-night donuts. She says she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to sleep; she’s so excited about his upcoming surgery. If this works, he could be on the way to walking again. He says, that’s the plan. What if it doesn’t work?

Nikolas says he doesn’t want to kill Esme, and Ava says, he can see why she might be the tiniest bit skeptical, right? He says, yes, but he’ll settle for getting her out of his sons’ lives, and she says, is that all? He asks if she really thinks Esme is equipped to raise a child – his child? and she says, obviously, she doesn’t. She just doesn’t know what he wants her to do. He moves closer and says, what he wants from her… He’s sorry. He has trouble concentrating when he’s around her. He touches her hair, and she asks what he’s doing. He says, remembering the good times. And there were a lot of them. She says, there were a couple, and those days are over, and he asks if that’s why she doesn’t want to help him with Esme. Because if they spend too much time together, she won’t be able to resist him?

Laura says, Esme was at Windymere on Christmas Eve, wasn’t she? and Esme says, yes. She’s really embarrassed. Doc says, speaking of warming up, he’s going to get a little more coffee and let them speak privately. Laura thanks him and he leaves. She tells Esme, breaking into Windymere was dangerous and illegal. What was she doing there? Esme says, Elizbeth Baldwin told her that’s where Nikolas kept her prisoner last Christmas, and she thought if she was there at the same time as last year, it might help spark something that helped her remember. Laura says she sees, and Esme says she’s really sorry she broke in, but she was really cold and a little crazy. She never should have damaged the property. She’ll pay for the broken glass right away. Can she borrow the money? Laura says she’s sorry Esme had such a bad night. Esme should have called her; she can do that. Esme agrees she should have and thanks Laura for understanding. Laura has always been so good to her. Laura says, they’re family, and they all have their crazy moments, and Esme says she’s glad it’s not just her. Laura says, it’s not. Did it work? Did she remember anything?

Dex trades a bottle of water for Adam’s Solo cup, and Josslyn asks what his parents found out about him that was so bad he started pounding Kamikazes? Adam says, they know he lied about the internship he said he was going to do over winter break. They just kept pushing and pushing about why he didn’t come home for the holidays as planned, and it all just came out – his lousy grades. She says she was sitting next to him when he got an A in Organic Chemistry, and he says, A minus is what he got. (Ha! If I’d gotten close to an A in any chem class, my father would have bought me a car.) And there’s no way he can get away with that B he got in Anatomy. She says, that Anatomy class is killer; a B in that class is like top of the curve. He says his parents don’t care. They’re threatening to pull him out of PCU and send him to a local college so he can live at home. They don’t want to waste their money paying for PCU if he’s not performing up to their standards. Josslyn says, that’s crazy, and Adam says, that’s why he went to that frat party. He just wanted to forget for a while. His parents are really mad actually. Why is he such a scrub?

Michael tells Willow that he had every intention of exposing Nina. He went to his dad first. He was going to tell him, but his dad was so happy and so in love, he couldn’t do it. If he couldn’t tell his dad, he couldn’t tell her. Then he realized, why should either one of them hurt even more because of Nina? So he made a deal with her. He told her that he’d keep quiet if he gets to decide when and if she can see Willow and the kids. Willow says, he had no right, and he says he knows that and he’s sorry, but she’d already been through enough. He’s not going to apologize for trying to protect her. She says, it’s not that. He didn’t trust that she could protect herself. She thought they were partners. He says, they are partners, but she says, neither of them acted like it. She didn’t tell him that she had cancer, and he didn’t tell her what Nina did. They’re not honest with each other. What kind of marriage is that?

Nina says, what she’s trying to do is, make things right, but Carly says, too little too late. Drew went to prison because of her. She deserves every bit of payback that’s coming to her. Nina says, Carly should be thanking her. All the horrible things Carly has done to her, and she made herself the bad guy for Carly. She’s welcome. I get distracted by the Christmas decorations, and Carly says, Nina has no one to blame but herself. And her coming over here trying to apologize, is she kidding? There’s no way she’s coming back from this. No way. Nina says she knows Sonny values loyalty more than anything, and Carly says, he sure does. She’s going to be really clear here. She’ll never forgive Nina. She knows Nina doesn’t care, but Willow, Nina’s daughter, is going to see Nina hasn’t changed and she’s still just as toxic as ever – Drew comes back in – and she’s never going to see Amelia and Wiley, ever. Nina says she never meant for things to go this far, and Carly says, Nina never meant to get caught. Let’s be honest. But she did mean to make her and Drew suffer. Drew says, suffer how?

Back at the penthouse, Sonny takes a bottle of liquor out of a paper bag, sets it on the coffee table, and looks at it.

Carly tells Drew that Nina is the one who called the SEC, and he says, is that right? Nina says she’s so sorry about what happened to him. She had no intention… He says, yes or no? Is she the one who called the SEC? Nina says, yes, and he asks what he’s supposed to do now. Nina says she doesn’t understand, and he says, because he can’t do all the things he could do if she was a man, right? He backs her up as he talks, and says he can’t grab her and he can’t hit her, but she’s vile and she’s the worst kind of hypocrite. Scout told him that she saw Nina at the Halloween party and Nina was so nice to her, and the whole time, Nina knew she’s put Scout’s father away in prison. Nina says she had no idea Drew was going to be put in prison, and Drew says, and Donna and Wiley were there, and they had no idea she tried to put Carly away, but they will. Nina says, no, but Drew says, why shouldn’t they find out after living a lie? They think Nina is some good and kind person when she’s not. She doesn’t even love her kids. Nina says, of course (🍷) she does, but Drew says, she has no idea how to be a mother and a grandmother. She could never put her kid’s needs ahead of her own, and that’s what she needs to do. Nina says, do not tell her how she feels about her daughter or her grandchildren. He and Carly are standing here like they’re so saintly. They did commit a crime, by the way. Let her remind them of that. Carly is the one who set all this in motion anyway. Carly kept the truth from her about both her daughters, first Nelle, then Willow. Carly kept her away from Willow for months. Carly yells, stop! She can’t handle this tonight. Her mom died. Nina says, Bobbie’s dead? She’s so sorry. She didn’t know. Carly says, she didn’t care. And Nina isn’t here for her or Drew. She’s here for herself, and she’s said everything she needed to say, so get out of her house. Nina says she didn’t know, and Carly says, get the hell out of her house. Get out! Nina leaves, and Drew closes the door. Carly says she doesn’t want to live in a world where Nina gets to exist and her mom can’t. Drew holds her, and she asks why her mom is gone. While that’s mega sad, I’m going to say it, Nina’s motivation stinks, but she’s not wrong. And it’s not surprising that she doesn’t know how to be a mother or grandmother, considering who she had as an example. Carly just got done talking about how vile she was until Bobbie came into her life.

Ava tells Nikolas not to flatter himself. He’s quite resistible. He asks why she’s running away then, but she says she’s not running anywhere. He says, then she’ll help him get to Esme? and she says she’ll admit, she’d be happier with Esme out of the picture. He says, that’s great. Now all she has to do is throw a party. She says, come again? and he says, and make sure Esme is among the attendees. He’ll get her a full guest list. She asks why Esme would come to a party she threw? and he says, Ava has one of the most fertile imaginations he’s known, just one of her many alluring traits. She says, that’s true, but a party? and he says he’s sure she’ll think of a reason to throw one. Who doesn’t love a party? She asks if he really expects her to believe that he’s not going to hurt Esme, and he says, hand to God. And if she can’t take him at his word, who can she trust?

Esme tells Laura that she walked around Windymere and… nothing. She doesn’t remember a single memory. Laura asks if Esme was still at Windymere when she got there, and Esme says she was. She panicked and ran out before Laura could see her. Laura says, but she left her glove, and Esme says, it must have fallen out of her pocket or something. She’s sorry. It’s kind of hard to explain, but she couldn’t risk getting arrested. She didn’t want to miss Ace’s first Christmas. Laura says she understands. She really does, but Esme broke the law. She’s going to have to turn herself in.

Drew calls Josslyn and says he’s sorry to disrupt her night, but her mom needs to talk to her. Can she come home? Josslyn says, of course (🍷). Is her mom okay? He says, yeah. Just come home and she’ll explain everything. So drive safe, and they’ll see her soon. Josslyn tells Dex, that was Drew. She has to go home. Her mother wants to talk to her. Adam says he should go, but Dex says, stay here; don’t move. Dex walks with Josslyn to the hallway and asks if she wants him to go with her. He can take Adam back to his room first. She says she’s worried about leaving Adam alone like this in his condition, and Dex promises to keep an eye on him. She thanks him, and he asks her to text when she can. She leaves, and Dex goes back inside.

Michael says, he and Willow have both made mistakes, but they love each other. They can get through this. She says, Nina’s lies are one thing, but he’s her husband. His hurt so much worse. She’s going to need some time to sift through all of this. He says, let’s go home. He’ll do anything he can to make this right. She tells him, sleep somewhere else tonight, when his phone rings. He wonders who’s calling at this time of night, and she says, answer it. It might be about the kids. He says, it’s Drew, and she says, take it. There’s nothing left to say. Not tonight. She leaves, and he asks Drew, what’s going on?

Curtis tells Portia, the surgery is experimental. There’s no guarantees. If it doesn’t work, is she going to be upset? She says she’s going to be upset because she knows how much he values his independence, but she loves him and she’s going to love him no matter what, whether he can walk or not. That’s it. That’s the truth. He says he does know that, and she asks how he’s feeling about the procedure. He says he’s trying not to be too hopeful. He just wants to be able to sweep his brilliant, kind, absolutely beautiful wife off her feet – she says, he’s doing that now – and carry her to their bedroom, where they make love. She sits on his lap and says, he sweeps her off her feet every single day with that smile. He smiles, and she says, that’s the one, and kisses him.

Portia and Curtis come out of the elevator, and Curtis asks how he is. She says, the attendant said it was touch and go in the ambulance. She should call… He says he’ll make the call. Just go. She thanks him, and goes into one of the rooms.

Esme tells Laura that she can’t go to jail. What about Ace? Laura says she thinks Esme will be granted bail. She probably won’t even have to stay overnight. Esme says she doesn’t get it. She thought Laura understood. Laura says she does, but actions have consequences. But if Esme turns herself in and admits what she’s done, she’ll probably just get some community service, maybe a fine. Esme says she should have known better, and Laura says, yes, she should have (even though it’s doubtful they’re talking about the same thing). Laura says, breaking into Windymere was a very foolish thing to do, but if Esme takes responsibility for what she’s done, she thinks Esme is going to feel better. So tomorrow morning, they’ll go together to the PCPD. Esme says, Laura is coming with her? and Laura says, of course (🍷) she’ll go with Esme. She wouldn’t make Esme do something so awful by herself. Laura’s phone rings, and she tells Esme, Curtis. Curtis says he hopes he’s not bothering her, but she needs to get to the hospital. It’s about her brother.

Dex tells Adam that he never felt like his parents saw him for who he really was. He could have used a friend like Joss back then. Adam says, it’s amazing Dex can relate to his problems. He’s so together. Dex says, things got a lot better for him when he got out of his parents’ house, and Adam asks how he got out. Dex says he enlisted, but Adam says he can’t do that. Dex tells him that he’s not saying Adam should. He’s just saying there’s a big world out there, way beyond his parents’ judgment. He’s just got to stick with it until he can see it. Things do get better. Adam asks if he really thinks so, and Dex says he knows so.

Josslyn meets Michael at Carly’s door and asks if he knows what this is about. He says, only one way to find out, and Drew opens the door. He thanks them for getting here so quickly. Their mom’s in the living room. They go in and Josslyn asks Carly, what happened? Carly says, it’s about grandma. She passed away.

Sonny sets a glass down near the bottle. He flashes back to Nina saying she’s sorry, and him telling her, stop saying that. Ava comes in and asks what he’s doing in the dark. She sees his grim face and asks, where’s Nina? He says, gone.

Dex puts a blanket on Adam in and turns out the light. He gently turns Adam on his side and puts pillows behind him so he can’t roll back. Adam thanks him, and Dex says, happy New Year.

Josslyn asks, what happened? and Carly takes her hand. She says, grandma was staying in Uncle Luke’s apartment. She went to sleep, and she never woke up. She passed away peacefully. Josslyn says, grandma seemed fine when she spoke to her on Christmas. She was happy. Carly says, she was happy, and the two of them were a big reason why she was. Michael says, grandma always had his back no matter how many times he screwed up, and Josslyn says, she was their rock. What are they going to do without her? Carly says she doesn’t know, but they’re going to get through this together, and she hugs them as they all cry.

Doc and Laura go into the hospital, where Curtis is waiting, and Laura thanks him for calling her. He says he’s glad he could help, and she asks what he knows about what happened. Curtis says, the paramedics told them the priest found Cyrus at the All Saints chapel. He was alone. He’s inside.

On the phone and leaving the PC Grill, Esme tells the babysitter, she’s on her way now. She’ll be there in ten minutes. She runs off, and Nikolas steps out of the shadows, watching her.

Laura sees Cyrus hooked up to machines and on oxygen, and gasps. She asks, how is he? and Portia says she got him stabilized, but he hasn’t regained consciousness yet. Laura asks, who did this to him?

Ava suggests Sonny get his hand cleaned up. Avery can’t see him like that. He goes in the back, and Ava hears the door. She opens it to Nina, who’s looking for Sonny. Ava asks if she told him the truth about the SEC, and Nina nods. Ava says she doesn’t think Nina should be here. He’s in a bad way. Nina says she just needs to talk to him, just for a minute. She told Carly and Drew everything. She just came from there. Sonny comes back out and walks slowly to the door, looking ominous, full-on old Sonny. Ava steps away, and Nina says she just came from… Sonny slams the door in her face.

Tomorrow, Cyrus says, once Laura knows the answer, she may be sorry she asked; Drew asks if Sam gets the final word on what’s best for their daughter; and Sasha tells Nina to let it be, and she might get what she wants.

Southern Chumps Charm

I get confused since I expect it to be New Year’s Eve on the show. Whitney calls the others about the soirée he’s having to christen his new cottage/pub/office. The theme is Russ Meyer arty 60s softcore movies, and he suggests channeling Return of the Valley of the Dolls or Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! for inspiration.

Leva meets Olivia, who’s wearing Connor’s jacket, for soup. Leva says, the soda has a strange aftertaste, and Olivia says, it sounds like their trip. Leva says she wondered how healthy it was for Olivia to be in Jamaica with Austen, and Olivia says she thought they could do the friend thing, but she catches him saying things she wants to hear. Leva says, that’s wrong knowing where she’s at, and in Leva’s interview, she says, Olivia is super fragile, and you have to be conscious of what you’re saying and how you’re acting with around someone in that space. She doesn’t think Austen can. Olivia says, it’s inconsistent with Austen. They were laughing in Jamaica, then yelling at each other. We flash back to that, and Olivia says she doesn’t want to fight. She wants to figure out their friendship. Leva says, Olivia is giving Austen more power than he has. In Olivia’s interview, she says she was hanging on to the shred of hope that Austen could change, but after Jamaica, she’s done with him. Leva says, Olivia has a lot going on, but she’s learned she’s strong.

Rod comes by JT’s event space, and they try on their party outfits. Rod says he’s rocking 60s leggings. Was that a thing then? Isn’t that more 80s or 90s? JT says, they talked about his feelings for Taylor, and Rod thought he was eligible. Rod says, there’s a slight possibility, and in JT’s interview, he says he’s had a crush on Taylor, but since Jamaica, his feelings are getting real. They laugh all the time, and it means a lot. If you can laugh together, you can overcome a lot. He wonders if he should tell Taylor, and Rod says, it’s what he’d do. JT says he’s nervous about the party. He’s not talking to Austen. He’s just going to have some snacks and be on his way. He has no respect for Austen, and he’s good with never talking to him again. In his interview, JT says, Austen cares about nobody but himself. Deep down, he’s a self-serving, insecure, me-first coward. He tells Rod that he’s going to ghost Austen and make Taylor giggle at the party. Good Lord, he is obsessed with Austen.

Brett brings Madison champagne for breakfast, and she calls it the breakfast of champions. She tells him, no more champagne once he gets a baby in her. She can’t wait, but she’s scared. She’s going to be fat and pissed off. He says he doesn’t care, and suddenly, she says she feels nauseous. She runs to the toilet and throws up, making us all wonder if she’s already pregnant, but she says she took her vitamins on an empty stomach. Hmm… In Madison’s interview, she says she’s freaked out. Selfishly, she doesn’t want to do it, but it’s definitely worth it. It’s hard in the beginning.

Patricia is in a wheelchair after her compression fracture. In her interview, she says she can’t move, but she has health care professional Paul, who also does her makeup and skincare. She says, why look like a tousled mess because you can’t bend your back? (Agreed!) And she still wears nice lingerie. Whitney comes over, and she asks for Peaches. I love Peaches. Whitney tries to wrangle the dog, who barks at him and hides under a chair. He brings the next best, Roy, to her. She says, it’s her hour up. She feels 60% better, but gets tired after 40 minutes. Whitney tells her that his party is tomorrow, and his cottage is almost there, about 80%. The party’s overriding homage is Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, a softcore film from the mid-60s by his favorite filmmaker Russ Meyer. Patricia says, no one but him knows who Russ Meyer is, and asks if he invited any young ladies? He says, no, and you can’t rush these things. Patricia says, but he has to look, and he says, it’s not as easy as she thinks. In Patricia’s interview, she wonders if her having had three husbands affected Whitney’s outlook. She wants him to get married. She tells him, when she kicks the bucket, who’s going to take care of him? and he says, Shep. (Can you imagine? Shep can’t even take care of himself.) In her interview, Patricia says she wants Whitney to have a family. He’s an only child, and with his father passing and her accident, it seems like life is slipping away. She gives Roy back to Whitney, and says she’s got dog fur in her mouth. Yep. Rich people. Just like us when it comes to their pets.

Everyone gets ready, and Shep tells Little Craig that Whitney wants to be one of The Who, so now they have to dress like what he wants to be. Whitney supervises the party set-up outdoors, but it starts to rain. On the way there, Paige and Craig discuss the moon landing being fake. It begins to pour, and Paige tells Craig that her hair is the most important thing here. The cottage is impressive, and in Craig’s interview, he says, if Whitney was trying to build a place to bring single Charlestonian girls, he achieved his goal. Shep comes in and says he’s Dieter from Dusseldorf. He likes fashion and new wave sh*t. While getting ready, Taylor tells a friend Chelsea that Shep said he wants to talk to her. Their friendship is confusing, and everyone says he still loves her. In Taylor’s interview, she says, her interactions in the last few weeks with Shep have been positive and good. We flash back to that, and she says, she’s glad to be able to have a good friendship with him, but sometimes she hopes there’s something still there. She still loves him and misses their relationship. Austen tells sister Katie that he’s hoping Olivia apologizes. He can’t walk on eggshells anymore around all these people.

In Shep’s interview, he says, he may not be able to have a friendship with Taylor at this point. What they’re doing isn’t working. We flash back to Whitney saying that Shep may be leading her on, and Shep says he wants to draw some lines in the sand. In Olivia’s interview, she says, it’s a relief not to act like her friendship with Taylor is worth fighting for, because it isn’t. In Taylor’s interview, she says she’d hoped to mend things in Jamaica. She’s owned up to everything and can’t do any more. Whitney says, Madison looks like a porno Jackie O, and she asks if that’s not the point. There’s brick oven pizza, lots of food porn, and whatever you can think of to drink. The party half-moves to Patricia’s house, and Madison says she wants to take Patricia some champagne. She asks Brett to get a coupe for her, and goes upstairs, Brett following with the goods. Patricia says she feels like in another couple weeks, she’ll be back to getting into trouble, and Brett wisely leaves the women to it. Patricia says she’s never seen Madison’s boobs so contained, but Madison says, it still gets the point across. Patricia asks about Jamaica, and Madison says she looked at it as her last hurrah, since it’s time she had a baby. Patricia asks how she feels, and Madison says, scared. Patricia says she saw Madison at nine months pregnant with Hudson, then didn’t see her for three months because of her broken pelvis. Madison says she was on bedrest and had to use a walker. She has no idea how long it might take her to get pregnant since she never tried. She loves Hudson, but she’d love to have a daughter. Who will take care of her? Patricia says, Whitney is an only child. When she kicks the bucket… Madison says, she’s never kicking the bucket, and Patricia says she’s not planning on it, but Whitney is an only child and needs to have a family. In Madison’s interview, she says she doesn’t think Whitney is ready. He hasn’t found the right girl. She hopes and prays he does, but until then, he’ll have to put up with her as his sister. She tells Patricia that if she has twins, she’ll give her one. In my head, I see Patricia as Rumpelstiltskin.

JT asks if he can talk to Taylor, and they go out on the porch. He asks if she knows she’s one of his best friends. They had a lot of fun laughing in Jamaica. Taylor agrees, and says, when she needed comedic relief… He says, he’s her guy. When they when hung out, it was constant laughter and joy. He says a few other things, but way to quickly he says he loves her and would marry her tomorrow. She looks super uncomfortable, as we all would. Venita, Madison, and Olivia are hanging out together when Austen asks to talk to Olivia. Since Olivia is incapable of speaking for herself, Venita says, that’s not happening, but Olivia says, okay.

Taylor says, she and JT haven’t crossed the friendship threshold. He doesn’t know her. She could be a psychopath. JT says, she is a psychopath, making her laugh and him hopelessly hopeful. Going for full awkwardness, he says, what’s psychopathic is, knowing they could die tomorrow and not giving it a try. She tells him that she’s got a lot going on. Shep is still in her head, and she still needs time to process, heal, and move forward. In Taylor’s interview, she says she wishes she could wake up tomorrow and JT would be her person, but she’s more attracted to a-holes. I’m not sure what to say here, since JT is a total a-hole, just in a different way. And I’m not sure he’s anyone’s person. Shep approaches, which I’m sure thrills JT. Shep says, JT is looking like Justin Bieber (again, not very 60s), and JT says, he’s washed-up Justin Bieber’s dad. Shep asks to talk to Taylor, and Taylor takes this opportunity to run from one a-hole to another one. JT says he’ll go back to suppressing, and in his interview, he says, the good guy never wins. It happens in every movie, except Braveheart. Maybe he’s not the one for Taylor, but he knows she’ll eventually find a good guy, and guys like Austen will lose. He says this, even though it was Shep who interrupted. Obsessed. Inside, Shep asks what JT was talking about. Did he and Taylor hook up in Jamaica? Taylor says, nooo. They haven’t crossed that threshold. Shep says she doesn’t want to do it again, but Taylor says, she doesn’t regret what happened with Austen. Shep looks stunned.

Austen tells Olivia, in lieu of Jamaica, he wants to get to the bottom of things. I don’t think in lieu means what he thinks it means. He says, it seems one way when they talk like this, and another way in public. Olivia says she knows she’s been inconsistent, but it’s not a good friendship. Nothing is genuine. Austen says he’s trying to be here for her, but she says, he’s not. He gets off on getting two girls pit against each other. Look at the paper trail of pissed off women he’s left behind, and they all say the same thing. He needs to stop having these conversations and have one with himself. I’m not backing Austen or anything, but he is the one going to therapy and seems to actually be working his program.

Shep tells Taylor that he wants to get to a place where they can be super supportive and kind. He thinks they made a cool step. Taylor says she’d hoped for something more, and Shep asks if she wants to get back together. She says, possibly. Olivia says she appreciates Austen having been there at times, and Austen tells her that he thought she’d say her emotions got the best of her. She says, he thought she was going to apologize? In Olivia’s interview, she suggests he take his head out of his narcissistic a-hole. She’s going through a lot of things, but an apology to him isn’t one of them. Austen says, things are not right. There’s a major f***ing disconnect. Olivia agrees and leaves. Taylor says, Shep loved and cared about her, but she also cared about them as a couple. He tells her, us is over; it’s not reparable. She asks why they’re talking then, and he says he wants to if they can be supportive of one another. Taylor asks, what if she wants to date Austen?

Shep wonders if Taylor wants to date Austen, but she says, what if she did? He says he’d shake his head and be like, wowza. She asks if it would bother him, and he says, if they were genuinely in love, he wouldn’t stand in their way. Outside, JT acts like a two-year-old, banging his wineglass on the railing like he’s winding up to have a tantrum. Rod brings bourbon shots over, and JT says he told Taylor that he loved her. And she was like, I appreciate you, bud. Shep takes Taylor’s hand and asks why she’s mad at him, and she says she’s not, but she doesn’t get it. He asks if they can co-exist and be supportive and forget the romantic stuff. He’s still going to message her, but if it messes with her head, tell him. Taylor says, she might need to be selfish and take some time, and he thanks her for talking. They give each other a side hug, and Shep says he’s sorry for anything from the past. In the future, he’ll try to be her biggest advocate. She says, water off a duck’s back, and leaves. Outside, she cries. In Shep’s interview, he says, it breaks his heart. He wants to make her happy, even if he’s not with her. He made the right decision. Maybe they can be happy for each other in the same realm. That’s his big goal.

30 minutes later. Everyone is hanging around the bars and drinking, and Austen tells Craig that he’s done with Olivia. In JT’s interview, he says he can’t stop thinking about Taylor kissing Austen. And she doesn’t want him, an actually successful, good, positive man. JT is kind of kneeling on the bar stool, and Austen says, they’re finally eye-to-eye. JT says, Austen is a snake coward, the genesis of so much pain and tears, and in Austen’s interview, he says, JT is the one initiated the whole thing when he put his nose where it didn’t belong. We flash back to JT talking about the sleepovers, and Austen says, what the f***? like four times. JT says, Austen is an at arm’s length friend who can’t be trusted around women, and Austen asks why he’s upset. JT says he wants to understand how Austen can be such a piece of sh*t. How many people has he hurt? Taylor asks why JT has to come after Austen, and JT gets pissed that she’s taking Austen’s back. She says she’s not, but JT says he’s never going to forget this, like the kindergartener he is. Austen asks what he’s upset about, and in his interview, he says he gets it. JT is jealous of him. JT wanted Taylor so bad, but he gets the girl and JT doesn’t. Guys like him don’t. JT says, Shep had it right in saying Austen is like a boy in a sandbox who wants everyone else’s shiny toys. Austen asks why JT is so upset, and JT says, Austen f***ed Shep’s girlfriend. Everyone in the whole place goes, whoa, and Austen calls JT a child and pushes him off the stool. JT is unfazed and headbutts Austen like a tiny wrestler. They start to fight, and production comes in to break it up. JT says, Austen loses. See him never. Austen says, JT can’t help himself, and JT tells Whitney that he didn’t want to go there. Whitney suggests he go outside, and tells Austen to calm down. In Shep’s interview, he says, his and Austen’s relationship is frayed. He gave Austen the benefit of the doubt. He did wrong. He was a bad friend, and it hurts. He hates to say it, but Austen kind of deserves it. No one can dispute that.

Next time – the Reunion – JT wants to do a f*** boy exorcism; Shep wishes the finish line for girls was simple like it is for guys (apparently, he doesn’t want to even put any work in there); no one thinks Paige is moving to Charleston; JT says, blah-blah-blah-blah Austen; Austen says, JT is obsessed with him; Andy asks if Taylor hooked up with Whitney; Shep says he made a mistake with Taylor; and Olivia and Austen argue.

🧀 Confused, Full Of Cheese, Unsure Of the Day Of the Week….

Revisit tomorrow for soap and post New Year combo platter of nonsense and wisdom. Until then, stay safe, stay open to changing your mind, and stay not putting your nose where it doesn’t belong.