Category Archives: little women LA

Oct29

October 28, 2015 — GH Interrupted & Twice the LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Liz tells Ric about her upcoming nuptials. Ric gets together with Sonny to discuss the custody case.

Scotty goes to Ava’s gallery, which is chock full of cartoonlike paintings of lizards, to discuss the custody case with her. Ava brings up the obvious, that Sonny is in the mob. Scotty says that every time he goes to prison, he commits an act of heroism and everyone loves him. Scotty tells her that she’d better make nice with Kiki before the custody hearing, so that Kiki will be supportive.

“Jake” apologizes to Spinelli for his outburst. Spinelli says that he purged the files when he got caught (much to his “everlasting shame”) and needs “Jake” to get a legitimate copy of his medical records.

Just as Dillon is about to tell Lulu about Dante and Valerie, Nathan and Valerie come in. Nathan tells Lulu that her beer delivery is there and she says she’ll be right back. I pass out from holding my breath for the last 24 hours.

Kiki wants to text Morgan an apology (why?), but hesitates in sending it. She does. He recieves while at the hospital where half the cast lives now. He comes to see her, and she apologizes for being a drunken jerk. She also says there are a lot of leftovers from Nathan and Maxie’s visit. No doubt they are soggy and stale, but Morgan says he’ll go fix them a plate. Ha-ha-ha! While he’s out of the room, new girl Darby texts Morgan, asking him if he wants to hang out and Kiki texts back that he can’t because he’s “busy having sex with Kiki.” Good one!

Maxie tells Nathan that Dillon told her he has something on Dante, but she still hasn’t found out what. Valerie takes Dillon aside and asks what’s up. Dillon says he’s had enough of Dante’s hypocrisy. Valerie says it will destroy Lulu, not to mention her, which I file under “who cares.” Lulu comes in and Valerie covers by saying she’s back together with Dillon, to which he agrees. Dammit!

Maxie asks Dante to make Nathan tell her his secret because they should share everything and he gets really nasty, saying she’s the last one who should be talking about giving up information, since she carried a child for nine months, telling them it was Dante and Lulu’s when it wasn’t. I want Lulu to find out about him more than ever.

“Jake” is having lunch with Elizabeth and she says she has an early wedding present for him. While she’s off fetching it, he goes to the desk to get a copy of his medical records.

Nice. ABC broke in for a memorial service. I feel badly about the cop that was killed, but it’s gotten ridiculous that they think everything needs everyone’s attention, and nothing can wait until 4 pm’s news anymore.

Turning to People’s Court.

Little Women LA – Reunion Part 1

I can tell you right now, it’s hard to take someone seriously who’s wearing a blue wig or a mohawk.

Oh great, it looks like Bravo is getting them drunk first. This ought to be a real sh*tshow.  I don’t even see one hors d’oeuvre there. Just liquor.

Before they even introduce the women, we trip down Memory Lane with every argument they’ve ever had. Way to warm them up. At least it doesn’t look like they’re sitting in someone’s garage this time.

We start off with Jasmine’s introduction to the group and Tonya telling her she can’t just “walk in and fit in.” Tonya thinks it’s funny that she tried to aggressively grab Jasmine’s hair when Jasmine tried to avoid a fight with her. Elena says Jasmine tried to be too sweet to everyone. Whatever that means. Jasmine says that’s just how she is. Elena says Jasmine had texted her about getting into the entertainment industry and apparently this is a bad thing. I guess because it’s competitive? Terra says Jasmine is secretly just as loud and obnoxious as the rest of them. Okay.

Whoa. These girls are really picking on Jasmine. Elena seems to think Jasmine had an ulterior motive to make friends with them, but this really sounds like some kind of sour grapes thing. I didn’t get that vibe from Jasmine at all, and she certainly didn’t come across that way in her individual interviews, which is where they usually drop any pretense.

Now we’re on to other new girl, Britney. This chick really did get off to a bad start, by intimating that Elena had some kind of unsavory relationship with David, Britney’s dad, while she was married. Terra says she’s worse than Jasmine because she makes up things. Terra is also the only one in this group who calls Britney’s dad “Davide,” and I want to know why. Britney looks like she’s going to cry, although she kind of backtracks about the Elena thing. (I have to admit, he is cute and charming.) Now Elena is on Terra’s case because what Terra said Britney said (ha-ha! I sound like I’m I middle school) wasn’t exactly what Britney said when Elena saw the episode. Of course Terra says that there was more to it that wasn’t aired. Like Bravo wouldn’t have stirred that pot. David comes out to clear things up. He says he dated Christy before she was with Todd, but he was only friends with Elena. Now Terra is changing Elena’s words from David being supportive when she was going through a tough time with Preston, to that David hit on her.

I guess we’re going to drag this out. Elena says that she told Terra that she thought maybe David was having feelings for her. The moderator asks if David regrets anything. Yeah, just getting involved with this group is probably a world of regret.

Next, we’re on to Todd and Christy’s efforts to have a child. Todd joins them. He says the artificial insemination process was very painful physically for Christy, which is why he didn’t want to go that route again. He says they were so focused on the whole thing, they neglected everything else, like each other. Christy says they’re both goal oriented, so they both forgot to stop and smell the roses. Or something like that.

We see some “lost footage,” that’s not that lost, and is mostly sex talk during their Palm Springs weekend. Briana says it was a great weekend, but Christy says the only thing that stands out in her mind is that Briana was lying by not telling them she was married. Tonya says when you hide something, it means you’re not sure of it yourself. I can’t say I’ve ever heard that theory. Elena says that Briana didn’t say anything because everyone hated Matt from the get-go. They go on and on and on about how Briana lied and I get dizzy.

Matt joins the group. We flash back to everyone lambasting Briana for breathing the same air as Matt. In one of the clips, Terra says that since Matt has a record, he won’t be getting a job. Someone should clue her in that plenty of people with records get jobs. Briana says that every time his name even came up, she got grief, so she decided not to say anything about it to the girls. Briana says they were in Vegas for her birthday, and it was a spontaneous move. Terra says Briana had said she wanted to move slowly with him, and she knocked them for a loop. Jasmine says she’s a grown ass woman, and Terra counters with then she shouldn’t behave like a child and lie. Matt’s cheating is brought up. IMO, I have no clue if Matt is a bad guy, and although I understand girlfriends protecting each other, these girls went at her like a bunch of machine guns constantly. It’s not surprising she wouldn’t tell them her business. It wasn’t the message, it was the delivery.

Matt and Terra start getting into it about whether or not he has a record. It sounds to me like he might have been arrested, but never convicted and it was probably a domestic dispute. Matt says that when he cheated (which was sexting), Briana had dumped him and they weren’t together. There is some argument about this, since the girls say Briana had said they were together at the time. Briana says not so. I have no idea since everyone seems to make it up as they go along.

OMG, they bring out their special guest, Michaela, the woman Matt sexted. I don’t want to say she’s unattractive, but…

We have to wait until next week to see what Michaela has to say. It looks like there’s going to be quite a ruckus. A few ruckuses actually.

Million Dollar Listing: LA

Madison, a dude from previous seasons, is showing James and his clients a house in Malibu. It’s really modern and not my style, but everything always seems to be about the view anyway. I guess that’s because you can always tear down a house, but the view is the view. The house is right on the ocean. I mean right on the ocean. Like 3 feet away. The potential buyer couple is concerned about natural disasters, and rightly so. I live near the ocean myself. Although not that close.

JoshA is meeting with a developer. He shows Josh his house, and asks the developer’s young daughter what she thinks of the ceiling detail. She says it’s “modern, yet inviting,” and we know she’s precocious. When they sit down to deal, she’s a shark. As always, the sellers want more than the broker thinks they can get. He says that to overprice in a hot market is a bad idea. Josh thinks he’s being punked when he asks what happens if he doesn’t get a bite in the first week, and the kid says it’s on him. They compromise by agreeing that if there is nothing in the first week, the price goes lower.

JoshF is showing houses to buyers who are hinging their decision on if their painting likes it. Yes, you read that right. He shows them an “arts and crafts” bungalow from the 1920s. I’m in, and the painting likes it. Hey Mikey! It hasn’t hit the market yet, and Josh says that they need to go to full ask, which the husband is not too keen on. He wants to start with $1.7 million, when full ask is $2 million. It always boggles my mind when the buyers get stupid over what’s a small amount in the long run. I think these two might be making a mistake.

James and Madison show James’s couple a house with an empty property in back of it. Just by coincidence, a friend of Madison’s owns the empty lot and will be happy to sell it. Since they want privacy, it’s a win-win all around. James gives them some lemons that are the size of footballs in celebration.

Josh is showing the developer’s place. He explains to his assistants the ins and outs of how the property should be presented for what the buyer is asking. It’s a brokers’ open house and they all balk at the price. David has teamed with JoshA on this one too. Bravo realizes we’re bored, so they’ve decided to shuffle the broker deck.

The couple’s lowball offer was rejected. The seller didn’t counter either. JoshF says offering anything other than full ask will just piss them off. The husband is being a real jerk, and the wife already wanted to offer the full price. This guy is going to lose the house over $39K. He finally relents and Josh makes the deal. Not sure if the husband will be sleeping on the couch tonight or not.

It turns out James’s client is afraid of heights, which is a liability in the Hollywood Hills. David suggests the overpriced house. James calls JoshA and he joshes him (I couldn’t resist) by pretending he doesn’t know who James is at first, but business is business and he’s glad to show the house.

JoshF is at his parents’ house for dinner. They just remodeled their home. I never saw the before, but the after is fabulous. His mother tells him that he needs to stop living in a hotel, and Josh tells her he wants to live in Grandma Enid’s penthouse. His mother thinks that’s a bad idea because he would turn it into a shrine to her, and Josh has to admit that’s a possibility. I liked her too, so I can get where their coming from.

JoshA gets his wish and the developer lowers his price. The daughter makes some remarks that seem scripted. Since James’s buyers are also real estate novices, he tells them to keep a poker face even if they love it. Josh rubs his hands in glee, spying a naïve young couple who are loaded. Of course James is going to try to get the price down, even though they can afford full ask. James makes an offer.

JoshF says it feels like Grandma Enid is just on vacation. He says the penthouse isn’t the same without her, and I know how he feels. When my father died, the house I grew up in was no longer the same either. Josh’s husband comes to the penthouse. He says that Josh doesn’t seem like he’s ready to make a decision. Josh agrees, and says maybe he’ll “hear from her” in the meantime.

JoshA confers with his brother (who also works with him) on the not-as-overpriced-now house. James and David come to the office. Josh counters their offer with almost a million more. They up their ante by $200K all cash, but Josh says all cash isn’t a big deal anymore. The developer is okay with that, but Josh wants to get more. The developer says his daughter will appreciate that. Josh counters, but then takes the next counter offer. Sold for $7,4 million.

Oct22

October 21, 2015 — PC, Tyler Perry & Twice the LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Alexis wastes no time in telling Julian that baby Mateo is baby Leo. She shows him the DNA test results. Julian makes the genius connection between Olivia wanting to tell him something and stopping when the police showed up to arrest him. Julian says he should have felt a connection with Leo. Why, when he can’t even find a connection to his shirt?

Nathan tells Dante that he should really come clean with Lulu, but he won’t tell Maxie anything even though she’s prying like crazy. Fat chance and fat chance.

Junior has graduated from door guarding to wheelchair pushing. Maybe he’ll get an actual line of dialogue if he sticks around long enough. I’m wondering where he’s considered on the pay scale. You have walk-ons, under 5s (meaning under 5 lines of dialogue) and bit parts. What happens if you’re doing more than walking on, but have no dialogue?

Sonny bursts in on Patrick and Carly, and asks why Patrick is telling Carly he might never walk again and hasn’t told him. Um…he did. You didn’t listen. Patrick says Sonny doesn’t want to deal with reality (when has he ever?) and Sonny says he’s getting a new doctor.

Nina has bought 10,000 thread count sheets and Franco suggests they christen them, even if it’s just with cuddling. (Aww!) Kiki comes in, acting like her usual half-drunk self, and Nina says she’s going to put her new sheets on and take an example from Kiki by spending the day in bed doing nothing with her life.

Lulu tells Dante that Dillon said he knows something. She says Maxie thinks he’s just being bitter, but she has the feeling there’s more to it than that. Lulu wants to know what Dillon knows that she doesn’t. Come on, Dante. You know it’s going to come out eventually. Maxie tells Dillon that she hasn’t given up on finding an investor for Dillon’s film. What happened to yesterday’s idea about splitting the take on The Haunted Star’s Halloween party?

Franco tells Kiki that for him, hating Morgan is like a hobby, akin to planting a rock garden or trimming bonsai trees, but it seems to be costing her, so she needs to act like Elsa and let it go. She’s not having any, and he asks her to do it for him. Kiki agrees to try and be nice, and puts herself on snack detail for a get-together with Maxie and Nathan.

Julian is his usual entitled self and thinks he can just go over to Olivia’s and take the baby.  I used to kind of like him, but now I kind of dislike him. Alexis says she can identify because she also tried to hide a baby from Sonny, and begs him to act like a mature adult. Good luck with that.

Maxie and Nathan arrive at Nina’s. Just as they’re relaxing, Franco suggests since their visit was so out of the blue, they must want something. Nathan says he’s right, that they’re looking for film funding.

Dante is talking about Olivia with Lulu and she says it’s just more proof that lies have a way of compounding. Do they also accrue interest? Julian doesn’t listen to a damn thing Alexis said and busts in on Olivia and Morgan. He shoves the test results in her face and says he wants his son. Liking him even less now.

Patrick tells Sonny that he doesn’t want anyone to see that he’s weak just like everyone else. He says Sonny needs to act like a real man and face reality.

Nina gives Maxie some bucks and gives Kiki her credit card for the evening. The latter is probably a huge mistake, but giving stuff away has made Nina happy. She suggests she and Franco check out the new sheets. He decides to go for a walk. Huh?

Morgan is ready to head out of the hospital with Sonny and Carly stops them.

Not very exciting today, but tomorrow looks better.

If Loving You Is Wrong

I didn’t forget; I just didn’t have time yesterday, so I watched it On Demand.

Lucien is trying to get the tape of the shooting, but keeps getting thwarted. He tells Esperanza she doesn’t look good and she’s like, excuse me? He means she looks troubled, but she says everything is okay. She keeps talking though. She says that Eddie is a good guy at his core, but he’s out of control. They’re seeing each other, but they’re not really seeing each other, and she asks Lucien not to tell Natalie because she doesn’t need extra grief.

Wow. I never realized how many commercials this channel had until I just fast-forwarded through them. There were at least 8. I’m not kidding.

New girl, who is supposed to relieve Esperanza at the 911 board, comes in, but we don’t even get introduced.

Lucien’s new partner, Pete, comes to the hospital to see Ben. Andrew, the desk guy, tells Ben to be careful of Eddie. Pete says Eddie’s not a bad guy, and Andrew says he’s not a good one either. They both think that Ben getting all his fingers blown off by a perp is weird, so I guess they don’t know the real story. I’m guessing we don’t really either. I think Eddie has something to do with it.

Pete tells Ben to look at the bright side – he’s right handed and it’s the left hand that got shot. I’d actually thought the same thing last week. He suggests Ben can come back to work eventually, but I don’t think Ben wants to. Pete leaves and Ben hassles the nurse about getting pain meds. She tells him that he’s had enough for somebody twice his size four times over. She intimates he might be an addict. He says, “Go, bitch!” like he’s a pimp or something.

Commercial break. In fast-forwarding, I see an ad for Ilyanla, Fix My Life. One of the funniest skits I ever saw was Wanda Sykes doing Ilyanla, Fix My Flat. Now every time I see an ad for that show, Wanda pops in my head.

Joey is cleaning up the burger place after closing & Faun, whose dad owns it, shows up. You’d never know the place had been in tatters like a week ago after the shoot out. Faun pulls out a joint and says if he smokes it with her, she’ll help him clean up. Geez, twist his arm, why don’t you. I have to say, no one has ever given me an offer like that. She flips on the vent, Joey lights the j, and it looks like they’re going to do more than just smoke. Or maybe smoke in another way.

Kelly hears someone breaking into the house next door. New girl answers the 911 call, but Esperanza takes it from her, and sends Lucien to Kenny’s house. She says it’s next door, but I’m still not sure which house she means. I’m guessing it’s Randall breaking into Brad’s house. Or maybe his own house, since he and Marcie aren’t exactly on good terms. Esperanza tells Kelly to make sure her doors are locked.

Alex tries to call Brad from the hospital, but the phone is ringing unattended on the counter. Her caller ID is “Lying Bitch” on his phone. Ha-ha-ha! My husband’s parents are “Old Folks Home” on his.

Lucien gets to Kelly’s and they have a guy in cuffs. He says his name is Ramsey, it’s his mom’s house and she told him about Kelly talking to her the other day. I guess his mom isn’t close enough to him to give him a key? He says he hasn’t been able to get ahold of her and he’s worried something is wrong. He wants the cops to check and of course they have to tell him to calm down. Nothing pisses off an uncalm person more than someone telling them to calm down.

Oh, this is kind of sad. Ramsey’s mother is dead. Pete says he thinks she died in her sleep. It would be really nice of them to take the cuffs off. I never took Lucien to be a heartless jerk. Okay, he’s taking them off now. On a side note, I really think more cops need sensitivity training. This scene seemed pretty accurate. I wonder if Ramsey will move into his mom’s house and be a love interest for Kelly.

Alex calls the house landline, and her little girl, Paisley (cool name!) answers. While her son talks to her, Paisley goes looking for Brad, but can’t find him. Alex tells her to see if the car is in the driveway. It is, so she says good night.

Eddie and Ben are in a car outside the mini-mart where the tape is. Eddie gives Ben – we’ve been given no explanation how he got out of the hospital – some painkillers, and tells him to get the tape. Too late. Pete’s there for the same reason. Eddie kicks Ben out of the car and confronts Pete. He makes stupid chitchat, and then asks Pete what he has in the bag. Pete is pretty shaky, but says it’s just cream for the coffee he also has. Eddie wants the bag, but Pete won’t give it to him. Lucien calls and Pete lets him know Eddie is there. Ah-ah (in Nelson voice)! Pete leaves, but Eddie tells Ben (who is allowed back in the car now) that he’s going to “get” him.

Lucien recognizes that the coffee isn’t from their regular place and asks Pete if he was after the tape. Pete says no a thousand times. Lucien tells him they’re supposed to stay out of it, and he’d better not be lying. Since I don’t believe him for a second, I wonder why Pete’s so interested in the tape.

Alex talks to Kelly who tells her about the woman next door and her son. At first, Alex thinks that’s where Brad must have been, but Kelly says no. Alex tells her the kids are alone, and would she look around for Brad. I yell, “He’s in the shed with Marcie!” but no one hears me. Alex wants Kelly to go to Randall’s, but Kelly has been trying to avoid Marcie and doesn’t want to. Alex says she’ll come home then, and Kelly relents. Kelly hears Brad and Marcie going at it so loud the whole neighborhood must be hearing it. I wonder why she didn’t hear this from the front yard. She basically pulls a Schultz and says she knows nothing and hangs up. Randall comes home, but before he can shake Kelly down. Mom pops out and drags him to the shed. This ought to be good.

Little Women LA

Christy is going off like a rocket about Briana having lied about being married. Elena’s vow renewal weekend in Hawaii is not the place, girlfriend. Tonya adds to the fire, but at least keeps her cool. Whoops! There goes Terra. It’s not like Briana can go back and change it. Chill already.

Terra says Briana is clearly being taken advantage of, and Matt calls them a bunch of bitches. For some reason, this isn’t allowed. Everyone except Brianna has started to degenerate into a bunch of 5-year-olds. They’re firing questions at Matt, but he’s not allowed to speak. Briana does mention that being screamed at while everyone has clay on their face is ridiculous. Christy literally stomps off to keep her flip-flops on her feet.

Terra says she’s glad Elena and Preston couldn’t make it to the couples’ retreat, even though she was disappointed at first, because they don’t need the stress. I get where everyone is coming from, but the ones creating the stress aren’t Briana and Matt.

Briana gets together with Jasmine and Britney. Jasmine is annoyed because the others keep playing telephone with her words. She had told them that Todd said he could have Briana any time he wanted. This translated to Todd is still in love with Briana, which isn’t the same thing. Apparently, Todd has been texting Briana the entire time he’s been married to Christy too. Bleh.

Ha-ha! The irony isn’t lost on Britney that Terra didn’t want her there because she was afraid Britney would start trouble. Yet Terra quickly jumped on the scream-at-Briana bandwagon. They’re going snorkeling, and Tonya is pissed that Jaa didn’t jump to her defense when Matt called them bitches. (Bitch, please.) She says she’s not letting his snorkel anywhere near her. Ha-ha!  I’ve never been snorkeling, and I’m both jealous that they’re in paradise and annoyed that they’re not totally appreciating it. Sea turtles abound!

Jaa has planned a private romantic dinner for himself and Tonya. He reads her a romantic poem. Tonya brings up the bitch thing. He says they were all acting like it. Ha! She says she wants a man to “protect her,” which sounds idiotic. It’s not like Matt was all in her face or even singled her out. She doesn’t understand how he basically didn’t want to step in because she was wrong. Or at least the timing and delivery were wrong. I like Jaa. I’m the most loyal person you’ll ever meet, but if you’re wrong, I’m going to tell you. People might get pissed about that sometimes, but I’ve actually had them come back and thank me later. I’m not so sure Tonya is going to thank Jaa though.

Tonya asks where the relationship is going. She wants a commitment, but he’s not ready. Jaa suggests they take a hiatus. He doesn’t want to stand in her way of happiness (yeah, yeah). She says in her individual interview that she’ll leave the door open, but she’s not going to wait forever for a brother. At least he was honest, and he kindly asks if it’s okay for him to stay. Tonya says yes. How good of her to not kick him out of Hawaii.

The ladies are having a spa day. Elena tells Briana that she heard the couples’ retreat wasn’t “too retreating.” Briana says that’s true, but she doesn’t want to interfere with Elena’s weekend. She’s the only one who’s acting halfway normal. Tonya tells them what happened with Jaa. I’ve never gone on a trip with a group of friends, but this is making me think I never want to.

Elena and Terra are meeting with the wedding planner. Elena wanted the ceremony to be right on the beach, and that’s a no. Because of county ordinances, they have to have it on the property of the hotel. The planner splits for a meeting, and Elena is a little pissed because the planner didn’t let her know about this beforehand. Nothing seems to be going right and Elena starts to cry. I feel badly for her because these are things the planner should have gone over with her, and she did all this in the first place because she wasn’t happy with it the first time around. Seems to me, no one is getting their expectations met on this trip, but she’s the one who really counts.

Preston can tell things aren’t right with Elena, and she says she’s not feeling it at all. Preston says that no matter what, it will be special, and he’s thrilled their families will finally get to meet. Elena gets a boost when the family luncheon goes well, but then the planner brings her back down again. She doesn’t have a picture of the bouquet. She says it’s never been made before, but her description is very elaborate, and that’s not what Elena wanted. She wanted simple. She says she feels like the planner hasn’t even listened to her requests and I tend to agree.

Tonya confronts Matt privately about the bitch thing, and he gives her an eloquent apology. He says he shouldn’t have lumped her in when she was actually trying to have a conversation.  Again, I’ve never seen this guy be anything but okay, and treat Briana any way except like a queen.

Briana decides that if Matt and Tonya can make up, maybe she and Christy can too. Christy thinks it’s okay to call Matt whatever she wants, but he shouldn’t have called her a bitch. Briana tells her about Todd’s texting, but she doesn’t want to hear it. She starts getting all loud and emotional again, and Terra steps in to cool things down. I’m totally with her on not wanting more drama to happen at Elena’s weekend, but she seems to think Briana is starting something with Christy. She tried to talk to Christy, and Christy is the one who got weird.

Elena sees a picture of the bouquet and it’s not what she wanted. Now she’s worried about everything else, like the cake and the ceremony itself. She’s having major second thoughts. The space looks beautiful though, with an archway set up for the couple, and the ocean in the background.

Christy says Todd showed her all of the messages between him and Briana, and that Briana’s lying again. Like he couldn’t have deleted something. I believe Briana.

The worst thing about all this is that it’s so unfair to Elena. If these girls were really friends of hers, they’d avoid having these confrontations and save it until the weekend is over. It’s not like they don’t have any distractions. It’s Hawaii for Pete’s sake!

Everything is gorgeous, including the bride. Elena is finally happy and she looks like the most beautiful Barbie doll in the world. When they exchange the vows they’ve written, everyone starts to cry. They are so obviously in love, it even touches my heart. At least no one started anything during the ceremony.

Back to middle school. This is just sad. The table is filled, so Matt and Briana have to sit by themselves.

The not-so-newlyweds enter and do their first dance. Preston sings to her and she says she wants to consummate the vow renewal now. She looks absolutely hot, in a red lace dress that isn’t quite as revealing as the wedding dress. Elena also has a dance with her father. She says that of all the American wedding traditions, this is her favorite. This touches me as my father passed away before I got married, so I didn’t get that experience.

Christy is going on and on and on to Tonya about how Briana is the one who started texting Todd, when she’d said she didn’t have his number. Doesn’t she know he can delete stuff??? Don’t do this here. Please. Please.

She confronts Briana like she’s five. In a sing-songy voice with her hands flailing about. I think Christy is incredibly insecure. And I think Todd does try to flirt with Briana.

Tonya catches the bouquet. It’s the finale, so they have those things that tell you what everyone is doing now. The best one was that Elena was expecting two bundles of joy…she’s getting breast enhancement surgery. I’ll miss the girls a lot, but I’m looking forward to the reunion.

Million Dollar Listing LA

Because the Little Women ran overtime, I missed the first half hour. I came in to James showing some developers a property with an amazing view. Basically no different from any other episode. I see from the blurb that both NBA player Kris Humphries and Brian Wilson are going to be clients. I don’t know squat about basketball, but I’m assuming Kris is the really tall one with the developers.

Brian Wilson seems really weird. Really, really weird.

JoshF is showing the cutest house! It looks like a fairy tale cottage. But with new appliances. The client sounds hard to please and is judging the appropriateness of the house by the vibes of some painting she’s hauling around with her.

JoshA is still having problems with the Aberdeen house. The buyers want a three month extension which is like a death knell in real estate land. They decide to cancel the deal. JoshA is supposed to meet Brian Wilson at a tattoo parlor and it looks like he’s not going to show. Brian has left instructions for Josh to get a war eagle tattoo and he does, but just a stencil.

James and David have sellers that are very attached to their house, the one with the view. That means they won’t want to part with it under their asking price. Aww, the lady is crying about the house. I love my house too, but if I was getting 6+ million, I don’t know if I’d cry over it. It looks like they have a deal, but after they shake hands, Kris is having second thoughts about the 60 day something-or-other. A lot of this stuff always seems petty to me.

Commercial break. Okay, this is kind of cute. A guy bribes hotel personnel with Cheetos so he can use his float in the pool.

Kris says if they’ll do it in 30 days, he’ll kick in another 50K and make sure their move is smooth. Deal done.

Me too!

Oct15

October 14, 2015 — Port Charles, LA Ladies & Mansions

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Paul has plans to dismantle the Corinthos organization. Good luck. I’ve wanted it dismantled for at least 10 years, but no one listens to me. Plans have been set in motion, he says. Who talks like this? Paul tells Ava that there will be some “business associates” calling her and she says to find someone else. Ava wants to wait until she has full custody of Avery before she concentrates on mob business. Paul is extremely understanding and agreeable, which is surprising. He tells her that Carly and Sonny are getting married and it will be a tough fight. Since Paul is also the DA, can’t he pull some strings?

Everyone is getting Carly ready for the wedding. One of the kids says she has a lot of hair products and doesn’t travel light. I’ll bet. She’s got so much going on with her hair-do. Highlights, lowlights, a cut that needs maintenance, and probably extensions.

Lovey dovey stuff with Dante and Lulu. Valerie tells Nathan he has a big mouth and I agree. There is no hope of keeping anything a secret in this town.

Maxie tells Dillon he needs to confront his issues. No kidding. They’re down at the docks and see a body in the water. Carrrlos, perhaps? Jordan is pumping Anna for more Carrrlos info. They might have all they need in a minute. Jordan is actually believing that Carrrlos might have shot Sonny. This ought to be good.

Yep, it’s Carrrlos floating in the river. Except I thought his wallet was in the safe deposit box. Why is it now on his dead body? Did Paul somehow dredge the body up and plant it there? That seems crazy even for this show. It’s more believable that they forgot some continuity.

Sonny and Carly exchange vows that they apparently wrote themselves. Zzzzzz….  Wait. What? Her name is really Caroline? I’m sure someone is enjoying all this, but it’s not me. Her dress is beautiful though. Just before they’re pronounced man and wife, Dante’s phone rings. You mean to tell me he couldn’t put that thing on vibrate? Dante doesn’t know how to use his phone, but manages to shut it off. Reprieve.

Maxie and Dillon go to the station to give statements. Maxie says her brain is in a fog (when isn’t It?) and Valerie tells her to take a break. Maxie wonders why Valerie is being so nice because she was in a “scratchy” mood the day before. What kind of mood is that? Does she mean sketchy? Maxie brings up the pregnancy test to Valerie and she tells Maxie that it wasn’t hers and to mind her own business.

Paul goes down to the docks to pretend to investigate. Paul suggests Carrrlos was killed because Sonny wanted revenge, but aren’t they going to be able to tell how long he’s been dead, which is like 6 months?

After they finish the ceremony, Dante miraculously turns his phone back on and finds out about Carrrlos. This whole thing pisses me off because I liked Carrrlos and I wanted him to redeem himself and end up with Sabrrrina. Now that there’s a body, that will never happen. Well ,actually, who knows? Sabrrrina, who has an absolutely gorgeous dress on, is totally freaked out. Oooh, maybe that baby is Carrrlos’s, and there was more going on at her place when he was staying there than we know. Morgan gets paranoid (no surprise) and thinks Carly is looking at him funny. Sonny doesn’t believe his idiot son is even capable of carrying out that kind of thing, and thinks Ava must be involved.

Anna shows up at Ava’s gallery. Anna accuses Ava of covering up for whoever shot Sonny. Paul calls Anna and asks her to meet him at the docks. With the docks, it’s either feast or famine. Either nobody goes there for half a year, or everyone is congregating there.

Sonny makes a joke about honeymooning in Iowa because of the corn, and I’m wondering where the real Sonny is. Sonny and Carly make out in his hospital bed.

Sabrrina tells Michael that she’s known Carrrlos most of her life and she’s not buying that he shot Sonny.

Paul tells Anna that the body was Carrrlos. DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Little Women LA

The ladies and their significant others are in Hawaii for Elena’s vow renewal. I honestly don’t get why the girls are so up-in-arms about Brianna having kept her marriage a secret for 5 minutes 4 months. It wasn’t like they were all supportive about the relationship. Perhaps if they hadn’t bombarded her with negativity on a constant basis, she might have done things differently.

The island is stunning and so is the hotel. It’s the first time Tonya has seen blue water and she’s really psyched. I’m so glad Terra’s husband, Joe, is on this trip because he cracks me up. When the girls are dancing around and Terra is shaking some booty, he says, “Let’s have some jelly with that roll!” My dad used to say that, along with, “It must be jelly, cuz jam don’t shake like that.”

These girls constantly come up with wild hairstyles, and Britney has some long cornrow/braids going on that have neon pink accents. I don’t think it’s something I could rock, but more power to her.

Christy wants to do a couple’s retreat thing (how long are they staying?) and wants to include Brianna and Matt, but they haven’t shown up yet. Joe suggests they all need couples therapy instead. Jasmine’s husband couldn’t make it, so she says that she and Britney will hang out when the couples do their thing. Jasmine also lets fly some information Matt told her about Todd, that he’d said he could “have Brianna any time he wanted.” (Has he looked in the mirror and then looked at Matt?)

Tonya has set up a surfing lesson for her, Terra and Britney, in the hopes that there’s just a miscommunication between the latter two and they can reconcile their differences. It doesn’t happen. Britney says she can’t focus because there’s a shark in the water – Terra – and Terra says her surf buzz is being harshed.

After the surfing lesson, Tonya, Terra and Britney are sitting on the beach. Tonya is desperate to chill, but she says, “all these heifers want to do is fight.” For whatever reason, Terra thinks Britney is going to cause a scene. Britney doesn’t get why and neither do I. She and Elana had a misunderstanding at the beginning of the season, but they got over it, so why can’t Terra? Especially since it had nothing to do with her.

Elena is panicking because there are still details to attend to and her dress isn’t fitting quite right. I don’t see it, but she’s the one wearing it. IMO, she could wear a potato sack and look fabulous. Brianna and Matt finally show up, and Elena tells them about the couple’s retreat Christy is setting up. Jasmine stops by Brianna and Matt’s room to give them a heads up about what they were discussing earlier. Matt didn’t think it was a big deal because Todd was drunk, but Brianna says Todd has made her uncomfortable a few times. We flash back, and yep, he did.

Now Britney has added a nose ring, but I’m not too crazy about the look. While the couples do their thing (I guess it’s a one day retreat), Britney tells Jasmine how Terra told her not to come to Hawaii. I love Terra, but that was not her call.

The place where the couples go for retreating is magnificent – lush greenery and flowers, a river running through it, and waterfalls. The couples are told to find a “sacred space” and put some kind of mud paint on each other. Already Christy is arguing with Todd about how he’s doing it. She feels he’s being thoughtless and aggressive. I think the argument is really about the comment to Matt. Todd says he’s no Picasso and she feels that he’s just not putting enough thought into it, or anything else where she’s concerned. Basically, she’s feeling unloved.

Christy can’t believe everyone else is having a good time and she and Todd are fighting. The “Big Kahuna” (the therapist) comes over. Christy says she knows when Todd is doing something with his heart in it or he’s just trying to get it over with, and that he says one thing, but does another. Todd says that a lot of things Christy wants to do, he physically can’t. Christy says that Todd is over 100 pounds overweight and isn’t addressing the issue. The Kahuna speaks softly to them and makes everything okay.

Ha-ha-ha! Joe’s hair! Terra did some kind of Mohawk thing with the mud/paint. The couples reconvene, and Christy walks away. Tonya follows her and Christy explains how disappointed she is in Todd’s physical limitations. Tonya is like, you knew he was overweight when you married him, and she’s right. Tonya thinks that some of this has to do with what Todd said to Matt. I said it first. After hemming and hawing for a while, Christy finally admits that it’s a factor. Told you.

Commercial break. I like pumpkin spice lattes too, but why does everything have to be pumpkin or pumpkin spice at this time of year? I saw a funny thing online that was a fake ad for pumpkin spice scented cat litter. I’ll bet a lot of people tried to buy it.

The others are hula-ing, and I have the feeling this joyous mood is going to be broken as soon as Christy comes back. She’s really pissed off that Brianna and Todd are pissing her off. Uh-oh, Christy says she has a question. Why didn’t Brianna tell anyone – meaning her – about getting married? Brianna answers honestly that she thought they didn’t care. Brianna is keeping her cool, but Christy goes apesh*t, calls them both a-holes, and says she’s done with the friendship. Geez, even if that’s the case, she could have conveyed it a little more diplomatically.

Ha-ha! Next week, Brianna will be telling everyone that Christy went apesh*t. Again, I said it first.

Million Dollar Listing: LA

JoshF’s car has been saran wrapped with JoshA’s logo everywhere. JoshA says that JoshF has had everything handed to him his entire life, including his clients, and he doesn’t like that JoshA is successful. Oh, I see. In JoshF’s individual interview, he says that JoshA isn’t from the area originally. That’s his beef with him.

JoshA’s brother encourages him to make time for a relationship. Last season, Josh and his girlfriend, Heather, had gotten engaged. By the end of the season, the wedding had been postponed, but they’re still living together.

These guys all drive amazing cars. It’s not so much the sportiness that I like, but the seats look unbelievably comfortable. JoshF is taking a couple of developers to look at “view property.” He says something about a billion dollars and my mind goes blank.

Frick and Frack David and James show us some awesome software that can be used to show overseas clients a walk through without having to be there. I love stuff like that. They’re still trying to unload that apartment with the ghastly view. They did have an almost offer, but the broker has to contact her buyer.

Tom Brady is the name of Heather and JoshA’s tiny Yorkie. This has nothing to do with the episode, but I love gratuitous shots of tiny dogs. And he’s in a tiny cone of shame. Josh and Heather are having a date night. He’s dreading it because he needs to discuss the relationship. She wants to have kids, and he had agreed the time was right, but now he’s afraid that he won’t be around enough because of his job. If he’s being honest, I can see his point. He doesn’t want to be the guy who just shows up every third ballgame for 15 minutes, while still working on his cell phone; he wants to be the team’s coach. She seems okay with this, so okay.

JoshF’s developers think the property is a million too expensive at $7.2 . At a subsequent lunch meeting, Josh encourages the developers to take the deal because in the long run, they’ll make a lot more than the extra million they’ll spend now. We have a deal! $518,750 is Josh’s commission. I missed my calling.

James and his wife, Valeria, are also having a night out, for their 5th anniversary. They’ve been together a total of 8 years, so James has gotten a retrospective of their time together, with photos and videos. David is babysitting, so the kids probably won’t know the difference.

I really don’t know what “chef’s kitchen” means, but it looks wonderful. OMG, another gratuitous shot of Brady in a little suit jacket.

Valeria is wearing a dress with one of those patterns that, from a distance, makes the dress look like it’s streaked with blood. Note to self: check all patterns from a distance before buying. James has rented a movie theatre and he’s showing her their home movies. Here comes David (the producers must have made him grow a beard just so we could tell them apart) and the kids bearing gifts. Awww! David skedaddles, and the kids present their mom with a dazzling diamond ring from dad.

James gets an offer for the dreadful view. It’s under asking and they want the trees replaced to the tune of 100k. He gets David and JoshF on the phone. Josh calls the seller, who says the trees aren’t his problem and gives a counter offer. There’s always one tense going back and forth deal in every episode. The broker talks to James like he’s five, but the deal is made. This is the property from when they went door knocking, so not bad.

Next week, it looks like Brian Wilson is a client. It isn’t clear whether he’s a buyer or seller.

Other shows that I find worth watching, but don’t necessarily write about:

American Horror Story: Hotel (Oh my Lady Gaga!), Intervention, Scream Queens, Hoarders or the interchangeable Hoarding: Buried Alive (I love them! I love marathons of them!), Survivor (I haven’t watched it for a while, but I’m back with Second Chance), every court show on the air.

Oct8

October 7, 2015 — Port Charles & Double the LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Oh, look! It’s Felix! Where has he be–…he’s gone again. And while I’m on the subject, where has Brad been? And his boyfriend, the cop. It’s been so long, I can’t remember his name.

Sabrrrina explains to the two idiots, Michael and Morgan, that it’s too early to tell if Sonny’s paralysis is permanent. I’m sure Morgan will want to beat someone up over that. Or shoot someone. Or sleep with them. Corny stuff with Carly and Sonny continues.The two stooges descend on them because it’s a hospital and he’s just had major surgery, so everyone, come on in.

Emma, one of the cutest kids on the planet, and Anna are making necklaces. Sam walks in and Emma hides the necklace she’s making because it’s for her real mom (Robin) and she doesn’t want to hurt Sam’s feelings. I feel about kids on soaps about the same way I feel about getting hit in the head with a hammer, but the ones on GH blow me away. Emma remembers that the last time Patrick was getting married (to Sabrrrina), Robin showed up out of the blue and wonders if that will happen again. Now that she mentions it, me too.

Elizabeth gives “Jake” some BS about the Hayden phone call.

Nicholas asks Laura if she really thinks he could have someone killed. Hell yeah. She tells him that Elizabeth made a good case for it, which will probably get Elizabeth in trouble, which is okay with me, but why did she tell? Nicholas says, yeah, well, maybe he did that, but hasn’t Laura done some dumbass things? Like leaving him with the Cassadines to run away with Luke? To be fair, he is a Cassadine and she didn’t have anyone shot.

Just as Nicholas says “Blah-blah-blah ‘Jake’ is really Jason,” Jason Jake That guy shows up in the hallway right behind Hayden who’s been listening to the whole thing. Nice moment!

Anna assuages Emma’s fears about Robin, but then overly astute Emma asks what if someone else stops the wedding? That’s a good question, little kid. Somehow this turns around to everyone lighting candles in church. Because they’re all soooo spiritual.

“Jake’s” presence is made known. Hayden says she just wanted to know what was up with the memory she had and “Jake” is being overprotective of his fiancé. Laura questions whether Jake should be getting married, since he might have a family somewhere else. Nicholas tells her to shut the blip up. Not really, but he wants to. “Jake” says it’s all good, and if anyone was looking for him, he’d know it by now. He leaves, Laura goes upstairs to say good night to Spencer (where has he been?) and as soon as she’s gone, Hayden tells Nicholas she heard everything.

Ava has freaked out over a rash that baby Avery has and brought her to the hospital. Didn’t she raise Kiki? Who runs their second kid to the ER over a rash? She also runs into Sonny on his way to an MRI. Sonny is awfully damn perky to have just come out of major surgery and awfully tan too. He looks like he just came back from the Bahamas, and although I’ve never had an embolism, I have the feeling you don’t look all that great afterward. Hello? Director? Is this thing on? In the meantime, Carly and Dumb & Dumber are saying they need to tell Sonny that Ava has Avery.  Um…

I give my eldest dog, who just had her 13th birthday, a piece of egg and my other dogs stare at me like I’m a mass murderer. This isn’t part of the GH plot. I’m just wondering if you’re paying attention.

Sabrrrina and Felix are having dinner and drinks. Felix questions the fact that Sabrrrina isn’t drinking and doesn’t want a floating rib. He wonders if she’s pregnant. Even though she insists she isn’t, she tells him she’ll take a test in the morning. Ugh! Just what we need, another Corinthos, I mean, Quartermaine.

Sonny threatens Ava and then says he doesn’t want his MRI, that he’s taking his marbles and going back to his room. Lord help me. This character is so irritating sometimes, I can’t stand it. Carly is a day late and a dollar short, telling Sonny what he already knows when he gets back to the room. He asks Carly to marry him, they kiss, and I gag.

Sam is still questioning Anna as to whether they shouldn’t be looking for Carrrlos. Anna needs to make up something better, since Carrrlos killed Duke and Sam thinks she’d want his ass for that alone. I’d think the same thing.

Ava is still wandering around the hospital because it’s the social hub of Port Charles. Morgan starts hassling her and he does one of those things I hate, talks to the baby saying what he really wants Ava to hear.

“Jake” calls Sam and wants her to help him find out who he is before he marries Elizabeth. For someone who has so much work, I don’t see Sam do a whole lot of it.

Little Women: LA

All anyone can talk about is Brianna’s secret wedding to Matt, which is understandable. Christy’s husband, Todd, looks up the records online because no one has anything better to do, and it turns out they’ve been married for a while. They also bring up how Matt sent rude pics to some girl when he and Brianna weren’t together. While I’m not a fan of d*ck pics, they need to get over this already. It’s funny how in both this show and the OC Wives, the friends are more concerned about the other person’s love life than the other person is. Did that make sense? I love Brianna and Matt’s ring sets – he’s the “dark knight” and she’s the “glamorous queen.”

Terra is all shocked that Brianna kept the marriage from them. I don’t get that, since they were all so down on him. I do agree though, the announcement at Elena’s bachelorette party was pretty bad timing. Brittney, however, thinks it’s pretty “badass,” and I can kind of see it that way too. Brianna has been struggling with these friendships for a while, so even though I don’t think she meant it that way, it was kind of a big F-U.  In a flashback, they’re showing Brittney and her gigantic butterfly earrings are amazing.

Yay! It’s time to see Elena’s wedding dress! Absolutely anything would look good on her, so I can just imagine her draped in a white confection. Tonya nearly freaks out, seeing the dress before we do, and I can see why. It looks more like something you’d wear on your wedding night. Don’t get me wrong, it’s incredible, a lace dream, and she looks fabulous in it, but it barely covers her lady parts. Both Terra and Tonya are wondering how Elena and hubby Preston’s parents are going to react. Me too.  It must be nice to not be self-conscious though.

Despite their bad start, Tonya and Jasmine are friends now. They both have average sized children, so they have that bond. It must be challenging, because by the time the child is 5, they’re the same size as the mom. That’s one of the reasons I love this show. These are things that the average sized person doesn’t even give a thought too, and it’s good to expand your knowledge of how someone different from you deals with life.

Of course Jasmine knowing about Brianna’s marriage comes up. Jasmine is afraid this is going to affect her friendships with the other ladies, but IMO, it shows that she can totally be trusted with a secret.

Todd and Christy meet Terra and Joe for lunch at a really nice outdoor restaurant. I’m glad to see Joe. He hasn’t been around much. They say that Matt has kids who live with his ex (I assume their mom) and how could this be without him being a total lowlife?

For Elena, the upcoming party is more than a vow renewal. It’s everything she never got to do. She came to the US for a short trip from Russia and ended up marrying Preston. Last season, we learned that her first two years of life were spent tied to a bed in a hospital. It’s a real miracle that she turned out so well-adjusted. I once was on a team that took care of a child with institutionalized autism. He came from a similar situation, but in the Ukraine instead of Russia. I needed special training to learn how to teach and deal with him. I thought he was very bright, but he could also turn violent at a moment’s notice, and I did experience that. He and his parents eventually moved to Oregon where there was a facility that could handle his needs. No surprise there was nothing in this state.

Elena’s family arrives. They’re very cute. It would be good of her to translate though. Unless Preston knows Russian, which for all I know, he does.

Brittney and Terra are having a confab at Terra’s house. Terra says she wants to make sure Brittney isn’t going to create a problem in Hawaii. This is kind of stupid, since the issue she had with Elena is between them and all was forgiven. Terra and Brittney were both back-up dancers on Miley Cyrus’s tour, so Terra, having brought Brittney into the friend circle, feels responsible. Brittney says the whole thing with Elena was really Terra’s fault because she opened her big mouth. Terra tells Brittney she shouldn’t come to Hawaii, which really isn’t her place at all. I love Terra, but she can seriously be controlling. I’d tell her to bugger off.

Million Dollar Listing LA

Josh A. is making plans to change an address on one of his listings. It turns out changing an address can make more money. I can assure you, not if it’s changed to my address.

The twins James and David, and Josh F. are going to knock on doors and cold call in person for real estate listings. They say it’s a neighborhood that the Shahs of Sunset might like to live in and developers are very interested in buying at tear down prices and building more contemporary homes. That rubs me the wrong way and makes me think Joni Mitchell was prophetic in writing that “they paved paradise and put up a parking lot.” These houses are beautiful and have a lot of charm, but no one cares about that anymore. My sister got a degree in historical preservation, and moved to New Orleans thinking she could use it there. Instead, she found a bunch of Walmarts and got slammed by Katrina.

Josh F. left a business card at a house where no one was home, and he gets a call. Nice. Josh A. is having trouble generating interest in a property on Aberdeen, which sounds familiar to me, and I think it’s because Jeff Lewis from Flipping Out had a property there. It’s a fabulous property and the downstairs has a really nice recording studio, but the problem seems to be the high price.

The David/James/JoshF team check out the house Josh was called about. It’s a little modern for me, but if you wanted to give it to me, I’d take it. The outdoor space is gorgeous too, but then we see the view. An entire apartment building is looking down on it. The owner tells them the Cypress trees will grow a lot in a couple of years, but that’s not helping right now. They make a good point in that the owner is a developer and a sale would get his name out there. They have a deal. Sometimes this is kind of exciting.

David and James have a “spa day.” They do two minutes in a cryogenic chamber that seems scary and uncomfortable. No thanks.

After showing him several comps, Josh A. tells Aberdeen guy that if he doesn’t lower the price, he can’t list the house anymore for him. He gets the price reduction.

Did you know that parking a Lamborghini out front is foreign investor bait? Me neither. The J/D/JF team has decided to try and distract potential buyers from the ghastly view by putting a mermaid in the pool. It’s a freaking amazing house and if I had the money to buy it, I’d have enough for a house in the Hamptons when I wanted privacy and wouldn’t care less about the apartment building. The mermaid is cool and everyone loves it, but seriously, it doesn’t make the apartment building disappear.

Josh A. is still annoyed about the glitter bomb from last week, and when he sees that Josh F. is listing with the Double Mint twins, he makes plans to ruffle feathers. He Saran wraps his own advertisement all over (I think) David and Jame’s car at the open house.

Next week, Larry Flint is selling his home. That should be interesting.

Oct1

September 30, 2015 — Farewell September — GH & Lots of LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Running a little late. I come in to Morgan asking Ava not to fight for custody of her own daughter. At least she changed clothes. She’s now rocking a nice black and white body con dress, and another pair of cool earrings. I somehow think Morgan is the wrong guy to send on this mission.

Dillon is going to star in and direct his own film. Does he think he’s Clint Eastwood? Maxie practices the love scene with Nathan. Like this will help him be less jealous.

Dante needs to go back to detective school and/or math class.  He seems to have difficulty putting 2 and 2 together. He also seems to have difficulty not being chummy with Valerie.

Paul confronts Anna with the Carrrlos information and it’s fun watching her squirm. Anna says blah-blah-blah to Paul, trying to cover her tracks. I don’t think he’s buying it. She claims she had some other conflicts with Sloane and that’s why he’s trying to set her up. She says that it’s an unrequited love thing, and asks if Sloane had any proof. Paul makes a soap opera face.

Morgan admits to being a huge baby, hoping to win Ava over. Her consolation prize for handing Avery over will be him moving in. So instead of cleaning up after a real baby, she’ll get to clean up after a baby man. I don’t think this is a fair trade. Morgan asks if she “can’t do this one thing” for him. She tells him she’ll do anything for love, but she won’t do that. I don’t blame her. It’s not like he’s the ideal guy, especially when he’s in a manic phase. Did he get to that doctor yet? I’m thinking, no.

Even though Anna asked a really stupid question, Paul tells her that there’s no concrete proof. Anna tells Paul he shouldn’t waste his time with Sloane and he tells her that’s not a problem, since Sloane is dead. Ok, he didn’t add that last part, but he thought it in a flashback.

Dillon isn’t over Maxie and she catches him talking to himself about it. Uh-oh. Lulu just walked in on Valerie professing her love for Dante. This ought to lead to some questions.

Ava shows up to get Avery and we’re out.

Little Women LA

Tonya and Terra are planning Elena’s bachelorette weekend while discussing Brianna. It just so happens, at the exact same time in TV land, Brianna is visiting with Elena. Elena wants her at the party, even though the last time the ladies got together it didn’t go well.

Christy is out shopping with Autumn, her teenage daughter from a previous relationship. They both have surgeries coming up – Christy for her neck and Autumn for her legs. The leg surgery sounds like a nightmare. She’ll need to have her legs broken and reassembled. Autumn is concerned that if Christy gets pregnant, she won’t be able to look after her. This is a surprise to both Christy and me, since she’s never brought it up before. Kind of late in the game, since Christy and Todd have been trying to have a baby for two seasons.

Bikinis, booze and best friends are all Terra says you need for a great weekend. Sounds good to me. Elena is a little conservative and Terra thinks you can’t have a bachelorette party without penises and strippers. Um…I did.

The girls all go to Palm Springs, where they’ve rented a place. A gorgeous place. Brianna makes a good point in that when something bothers the other girls, they throw it at her rather than discussing it with her. Brianna has a secret too, something that’s stressing her out. Is she secretly married? Is she pregnant? What?

Elena springs the news that they’re going to have the vow renewal in Russia where she’s from. This doesn’t go over too big. Most people who have destination events don’t pick Russia. Although, it’s not as awful as you might think. When I was in high school, I took a trip there with some other Russian history students and we had a blast. And this was before the Iron Curtain came down. She’s just kidding, it’s going to be in Hawaii.

The girls get gussied up and go to a club called Toucan’s. Terra promised no strippers, but she didn’t promise there wouldn’t be drag queens. Elena gets pulled on stage to dance, but says she’s not drunk enough yet. So everyone does a shot. Now they’re all up and dancing. I’d totally get into going to this place. Back at the house and pool, Christy says she’s glad she’s sober when everyone is getting silly with a hot dog float. Brianna passes on the drinking and the pool party because she doesn’t want it to turn into a drunken brawl. Can I have her spot?

The next day they go to a humongous grocery store to get supplies for a barbeque. Jasmine tries to explain why Brianna is so upset, and that Brianna feels the others don’t really care about her. After all, they’re making this huge fuss over Elena, who’s married already, and aren’t even acknowledging Brianna’s engagement to Matt. Christy and Brianna have stayed behind and are having a confab. Brianna says she’s totally happy with Matt, and feels that she’s being attacked rather than supported. A few episodes ago, we’d found out that Matt sent nakey pics to another girl. Not that he deserves a prize for that, but they were broken up at the time, so I don’t get what the big deal is.

The ladies are boozing it up at home and playing some kind of truth game that involves a lot of sexual questions. ♫ La-la-la! ♫ Ok, I am really listening. Brittney starts weeping about her ex that cheated on her and is still calling her. I don’t think this is how you’re supposed to play this game. Time to eat.

Nice spread, but when is Brianna revealing that secret? Oh, that would be now. YES! I was right! She’s already married. I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

Commercial break. They always tease me with these Lifetime movies that look so good. This time it’s the 90210 movie. Lifetime always sucks me in and then the movies end up sucking. Even when they’re good, the endings always suck.

In her individual interview segment, Terra wonders what else Brianna’s been keeping to herself, since this is so huge. Jasmine already knew, but she’s the only one who’s been supportive. Everyone else is either shocked and/or offended, but I don’t get why. They’ve never liked Matt and have been rather vocal about that. I might have done the same thing in her position. One on one, Elena tells Brianna that she doesn’t know what to say and that Brianna’s timing is atrocious. She might be right with that one, since it was supposed to be her weekend.

I can’t wait to see Elena’s “wedding” dress. They showed a glimpse on the preview and it looks amazing.

Million Dollar Listing LA

Josh A. is all impressed with a house by architect Wallace Neff, but it looks industrial to me and it’s probably one of the few houses I haven’t been that thrilled with. The sellers want a buyer who’s not going to tear it down. Um…it’s not Grey Gardens.

Commercial break. I cannot wait for The People’s Couch to return. It’s one of the funniest shows on TV. I’d also like to know how I can get on it.

After throwing the huge Burning Man party and generating a lot of interest, David and James can’t get back onto the property to show it to anyone. They finally track down the owner’s father, who tells them his son is in Russia. (Lots of Russia going on tonight.) He also informs them that if they can’t get full asking price, his son is going to move in to the house. What they figure that means is, he doesn’t really want to sell it and has disappeared for the duration. David and James gain access to the house, but the ridiculous price is a turn off to the buyers. The house is $9,995,000. I hate when it’s not a round number. It reminds me of how things are priced for $9.99, like I don’t round that to ten bucks in my head.

Josh F. is making a video about one of the properties he’s selling. He pretty much stinks as a narrator and I’m surprised. I understand that he might not want to detract from the video tour, but he could show just a little more enthusiasm. He’s having exclusive showings for brokers, but everyone shows up all at once, so it turns out to be a not so exclusive open house instead.

James gets a gold star in my book when he says he works hard, but his wife works ten times harder staying home with the kids. That’s right. Being a mother is a job and not an easy one. No vacations or sick days for at least the first 18 years either. That’s why I don’t have kids. They have a really cute house that’s surprisingly not very ostentatious.

Josh A. is showing the Neff house and some guy says it would be great for his son to play hide and seek in. Would he like to adopt an older child? One of the buyers (who will be tearing it down) offers half a million over asking price, but wants the deal done in two hours or the offer is withdrawn. This sounds so stupid, that I’m thinking it must be a set up by Bravo.

The sellers aren’t keen on the buyer being a developer. The guy also says he doesn’t like a gun being held to his head either. I’m with him on that. An architect lover has also made an offer, but this time it’s under asking. The sellers decide to go for the money. Good choice. Seriously, it’s not Grey Gardens.

What’s kind of amazing is how young these guys are and how they’ve been plugging away at this since they were 12, and now they’re skabillionaires. When I was their age, I didn’t know what was going on. Hell, I don’t know now.

Oh Lord, one of Josh F.’s buyers has a man bun. I hear that contributes to baldness. Good. Guys need to stop wearing those.

David is growing a beard and I’m really glad because I can’t tell the difference between him and James. Both of them are recovering alcoholics too, which they discuss openly, so I’m not gossiping here, but it’s one more way I can’t tell them apart. They remind me of the twins Jeremy Irons played in Dead RIngers, except a lot cheerier. The broker who couldn’t get in to the property last week with James shows up for round 2, but isn’t pleased that there’s no wiggle room on the price. I fail to see why, when you’re paying millions, another $230,000 makes or breaks a real estate purchase. Sure enough, her client wants the house anyway.

Ooh, there’s going to be a mermaid in next week’s episode!

And Vanderpump Rules is back soon! Gratuitous shots of Giggy!