What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Sasha and Nina walk into Rice Plaza with some boxes. Nina says, the volunteers aren’t hear yet, but Sasha says, that makes sense, considering they’re early. Nina thanks Sasha for doing this; it’s no small task supervising the decorating of Rice Plaza. Sasha says, it should be fun. Besides, she should be thanking Nina for putting her in charge. She doesn’t exactly have the best rep these days. Nina tells her not to be ridiculous; she’s the perfect person for the job. Sasha says, if that’s the case, get out of here. Start her day. Nina asks Sasha to text her if there’s any issues, but Sasha says, there won’t be any issues. Nina says she can’t wait to see the finished product. Good luck. She leaves, and Sasha says she’s going to need it. Chase comes along, and says, fancy meeting her here. What’s she up to? Sasha says she’s decorating Rice Plaza. Does he want to help?

Brook thanks Dante for coming over. She’s sorry it’s so late, but voila! One highly-anticipated letter to the Civilian Complaint Review Board. She hands him a manila envelope, and says she knows she could have just sent an email, but she thought it would be better if a cop delivered it… Dante is that cop, FYI. He doesn’t say anything, and she says, he’s the one who begged her to write it; all the circumstances surrounding Chase punching Valentin and Linc. It’s very persuasive if she does say so herself. She took full responsibility for both incidents. He says, it sounds like an awesome letter. Unfortunately, it’s too late.

Michael and Willow enter the gatehouse, and he asks if she wants to go upstairs and rest, but she says, the couch is fine. She tells him that he can go back to work, but he doesn’t want to leave her alone. She says, there’s an estate with an entire staff right up the driveway. Please. It helps to know he and Wiley are keeping things as normal as possible. He says, fine. He’s going to take care of a few things and he’ll be back. He puts a blanket on her, and she says she doesn’t deserve it, but he says, she deserves the world, and he intends to give it to her. Lay back and close her eyes. She does, and he leaves. She tells the baby, that daddy of yours worries too much.

Dex dozes on his couch, and dreams about kissing Josslyn. He sits up with a start.

Carly sees Josslyn in the kitchen near the beloved moss bowl🎍, and tells her, good morning. Josslyn is concentrating on her laptop, and Carly asks if it’s an important assignment. Josslyn says, an application actually. She’s changing her major. Carly says, to what? and Josslyn says, pre-med. She wants to become a doctor.

Valentin knocks at Sonny’s office door, and Sonny waves him in. He asks how Anna is and if she needs anything from him, and Valentin says, she wants to be left to her own devices for a while. If she needs anything, she’ll reach out. Sonny asks why he’s here, and Valentin says he’s got a business proposal for Sonny.

Josslyn says, she has a 4.0, but she’s weak in sciences, and Carly says she can’t imagine Josslyn is weak in anything. Josslyn says, it’s true. She only took bio her freshman year. Luckily, the application includes an essay where she can explain her reasons for changing. Carly asks if she’s going to include treating a gunshot wound off the books, but Josslyn says she doesn’t think she can include that. Carly asks, what prompted this? Changing majors is a big deal. Josslyn says, not really. Communications was just a place holder until she figured out what she really wanted to do. Now she knows. Carly asks, what made her realize she wanted to study medicine? and Josslyn says she hates feeling helpless. And that’s exactly how she felt when Dex got shot.

Dex lets Michael in, and Michael hands him a phone, saying, he believes this belongs to Dex. Dex thanks him, and Michael asks how it ended up outside the gatehouse. Dex says he dropped it, and Michael says, that’s pretty careless; not Dex’s usual M.O. Dex says, it wasn’t a usual night; he’d just been shot. Michael says, shot doing what? and Dex says, helping Anna Devane escape… on Sonny’s orders.

Sonny says he collaborated with Valentin for Anna’s sake, because she’s more than a friend of his, and Robin’s mother. Valentin says, and Sonny would do anything for Robin, and Sonny says, and Stone’s memory, but that doesn’t make them allies. Valentin threatened Spencer as a kid. Valentin says, Spencer was never in any real danger from him, and Sonny says, Valentin is telling him that now, but it didn’t seem that way at the time. He doesn’t know what Anna sees in Valentin, but he does know that Valentin’s first loyalty is always to himself. Valentin says he’s here as an intermediary bringing Sonny an offer from a third party. And yes, there’s something in it for him, but there’s a helluva lot more in it for Sonny.

Dante tells Brook, the CCRB is already reviewing Chase’s appeal. The meeting started 15 minutes ago. She says, so take the letter over; do his whole lights and sirens thing. He’s the one who begged her to write it. He says, they needed this information last Friday; he’s sorry. She says she’ll go with him. She’ll talk to the Review Board herself, and make them see she has pivotal information… He says, that she didn’t give them, and she says, because she was unavoidably delayed. He says, they won’t let her in the meeting, but let’s say for argument’s sake, they did. What’s the unavoidable delay? She says she’ll come up with something crazy convincing, but Dante says, Chase wouldn’t want that. They both know Chase wouldn’t want her to save his badge with a lie.

Sasha tells Chase that she’s overseeing the decorating, and he says, it’s generous of her, but she says she’s glad to have something to focus on. She pitches in where she can at Deception, but after all the PR she generated last year – and not in a good way – there’s only a limited amount she can do. Who doesn’t love decking the halls? He asks if she’s really supposed to do this all on her own, and she says, volunteers should be arriving soon. Fingers crossed they actually show up. He says, one of them’s already here, so put him to work, but she says she was just teasing before. He says, it will be good for him, and she asks if he needs something to focus on too. He says, actually, he does, and she asks if everything is okay. He says he and Brook broke up.

There’s a knock at the door, waking Willow. She answers it, and Nina is there. Nina asks if she woke Willow, but Willow says she was just resting her eyes. What can she do for Nina. Nina says, she knows it’s bizarre that she’s here, but she was wondering if she could come in for a few minutes. Willow says, Wiley’s at school, so if this is an attempt to accidentally run into him… Nina says, it’s not. She actually chose this time because she knew Wiley wouldn’t be home. The last thing she wants is for him to be confused. Willow lets her in, and says, if she’s not here about Wiley, then why? and Nina says she was hoping Willow might want to help out a friend.

Valentin asks if Sonny is familiar with the Pikeman Security Group, and Sonny says, he’s heard they do munitions for mercenary operations. Valentin says, that’s exactly right. Pikeman is interested in moving certain classified merchandise through Port Charles without the interference of government or law enforcement. They feel Sonny’s organization’s facilities would be perfect for their purposes. Sonny asks what he gets out of the deal, and Valentin says, money, a lot of it. For every successful shipment, Sonny will get ten million.

Dex says, in a last minute change, an inmate from D’Archam was added to the transport, and Michael says, the inmate had a guard of their own. Dex nods, and says, he was made when the guard realized he wasn’t headed to Pentenville. The guard drew his gun, they struggled, Dex got shot, and the van crashed. Michael says, and Anna? and Dex says, she managed to get away. Fortunately, his wound wasn’t too bad. Michael asks how Dex ended up at the gatehouse, and Dex says he was on foot, bleeding, and actually looking for Michael. He was hoping Michael could get him medical attention, or at least a ride home. Michael says, but he wasn’t there, and Dex says, but Josslyn was.

Josslyn says she did what she could to help Dex, and Carly says, she did a helluva lot more than most people would or could have done. Josslyn says, but if Carly hadn’t shown up, and figured out a way to get antibiotics, who knows what would have happened? and Carly says, Josslyn would have had two choices. Josslyn says, take him to the hospital, where he probably would have been arrested, or wait it out, and he might be dead. She never wants to get put in that position again. If someone in front of her is sick or hurt, she needs to be able to help them. She needs those skills and training to be able to treat them. Carly says she gets that, but wants Josslyn to be honest with herself. Is that the real reason she wants to be a doctor? Josslyn asks, what other reason is there? and Carly says, her feelings for Dex.

Dante asks why Brook didn’t just write the letter the first time, or the eighth time, and she says, because she was selfish. Shocked, right? She wanted to have her cake and eat it too, which is the dumbest expression ever. Who has cake and doesn’t want to eat it? Dante says, it means you can’t have everything, and she says she gets it. Of course (🍷) after it’s too late, but she did. She wanted it all; revenge on Linc, make Chase a star, keep her and Chase together. She was so scared if he went back to being a cop, it would mess with her first two objectives. She guesses she just wanted the music and her to matter more. She wanted to keep Chase in this world they were making, not doing police work. He says, so she stalled on the letter, and she says, now Chase knows. Now it’s over. She lost him.

Sasha says, if Chase doesn’t want to talk about it, she completely understands. God knows she’s had her fair share of people nosing into her business lately. But if he wants to talk, she’s here to listen. He says, the details are incredibly convoluted because… well, Brook. But the underlying issue is really simple. He and Brook have different priorities. She says, how different? and he says, hers was making him a popstar, when all he wanted to do was get his badge back, and it turns out Brook could have helped him with that, but she chose not to.

Nina tells Willow, the hotel is sponsoring the Community Decoration Project, and she pinned Sasha to oversee the decorating. Willow says she’s sure Sasha will do a great job, and Nina agrees, saying, she’s at Rice Plaza right now with a crew of volunteers. If she knows Sasha, she’s probably trying to do all the work herself. She could probably use some helping hands. Willow asks if that isn’t what volunteers are for, but Nina says she means helping hands that belong to a friend. Would Willow be willing to pitch in? Willow says, this isn’t a great day for her, and Nina apologizes for it being last minute, but this is a bigger project than they thought. She’s sure Sasha would be grateful for Willow’s help. Willow says, it’s not that she doesn’t want to help, and Nina says, Sasha has had a tough time this year, and with Christmas around the corner, it’s a triggering time. Sasha really needs her friends to rally around her.

Carly says, it’s safe to say most of Josslyn’s interactions with Dex have been under highly stressful circumstances, right? When emotions are running high like that, it’s easy to get confused. Josslyn says, Carly doesn’t want her to go into medicine? But Carly tells her, that’s not what she’s saying. Pre-med is really hard, and it’s a lot of time she could be spending doing other things with other people. Being a doctor is amazing, but she thinks it’s important for Josslyn to be clear on her why and her motivation. Is Dex a factor in her decision? Josslyn says she’s not switching to pre-med to be Dex’s on-call doctor, if that’s what Carly is implying, and Carly says she just wants Josslyn to be truthful with herself. Josslyn says she doesn’t know what that means, and Carly asks if she wants to become a doctor because it’s safer than admitting her feelings for Dex.

Michael says, they’ve been over this, and Dex says, he knows. Michael wants Josslyn nowhere near their plans to take Sonny down, but she insisted on helping him. Michael says, it makes sense now. He knew Josslyn was acting strange that night, but he was distracted, so he didn’t press her on it. Dex says, Josslyn helped patch him up. He was actually in the gatehouse when Michael and Willow got home, but he slipped out. Michael says he’s not faulting Dex, but he doesn’t like it, and Dex says, Michael’s really not going to like what happened next.

Sonny says, in his experience, if something sounds too good to be true, it usually is, but Valentin says, this isn’t a something for nothing situation; the risks are significant, and the rewards should be substantial. Sonny says, before he even considers the offer, what’s in it for Valentin? and Valentin says he’s worked for Pikeman several times as a logistics coordinator. It was their idea to use him as an intermediary. Sonny says, that’s not what he asked, and Valentin says, he’d be doing them a favor, hoping they return it. Sonny says, what’s the favor? but Valentin says, it has nothing to do with Sonny or his organization. Sonny has his word. Sonny says, Valentin’s word don’t mean much to him at this point, and Valentin says, that’s fair enough. Sonny either believes him or doesn’t, but Pikeman wanted him to bring Sonny the offer, and here he is in. They want to do business with Sonny, and in Valentin’s opinion, it’s in Sonny’s best interest to agree.

Josslyn tells Carly, the situation with Dex definitely shifted her perspective. It not only showed her that she wanted a change, but it showed her what that change was. Carly says, to change her major and medicine, and Josslyn says, so she can eventually practice medicine. This is a decision she’s making for her future. She’s sorry, but she thinks parents are usually excited when their kid comes to them and says they want to be a doctor. Carly says, she will support Josslyn 1000%, but she’s Josslyn’s mother, and it’s her job to offer Josslyn advice. If Josslyn does have feelings for Dex, there are two things she needs to consider. Josslyn says, he works for Sonny, and Carly says, and he’s already been shot. The odds are good he’s going to have more violence in his life. Josslyn grew up in Sonny’s world. She knows what that life costs. Josslyn says, Carly is right, and Carly says she saw so much heartache during her years with Sonny, selfishly, she doesn’t want that for Josslyn. Josslyn says, Carly is getting way ahead of herself. They’re not there; not even close. Josslyn consults her tablet and the moss bowl🎍, and Carly says, Josslyn’s not there yet. Josslyn says she’s not going to lie to Carly. She does feel something for Dex. She has yet to define what it is. She doesn’t even know if it will last. Half the things she knows about him, she doesn’t like. The things she does like are significant, but that’s not the reason she wants to change her whole life. She knows she can be a doctor. She knows she’s smart enough and hardworking enough, and she’ll do what it takes; she’ll put in that time and dedication. So she’ll never have to feel helpless the way she did with Ava. Dex saved Ava’s life, not her. She didn’t think about it until now, but if Ava had died because she didn’t know what to do, she couldn’t put that down. So she’s doing this so she knows what to do. And Dex is a part of that, because he did.

Dex tells Michael, Josslyn got him back to her dorm. He’s not sure how, since he doesn’t remember. By then, he was spiking a fever. Michael says, it’s not that he doesn’t care about Dex’s health, but Dex understands how concerning this is, right? Was he delirious? Dex says he was pretty out of it, but doesn’t think he said anything compromising. Michael asks how he can be sure, and Dex says, Josslyn would have called him on it. She’s not one to shy away from asking questions. Michael agrees, and Dex asks if Josslyn asked him anything about it. Michael says, about them working together? No. She would have been all over him if she was suspicious. They dodged a bullet on that one (well, Michael did), but that doesn’t change the fact Dex committed a crime by helping Anna escape. Now if Dex goes down, Josslyn could go down with him.

Willow asks Nina to tell her if she’s got this right. She wanted Sasha to be busy over the holidays, so she took over the Community Decoration Project, and nominated Sasha to run it with no input from her. Nina says she thought it would be nice for Sasha to do something for someone else, and it seems like she’s right. She just left Sasha at Rice Plaza, and she was upbeat and energetic. Willow says, yet Nina’s first stop was to see her. If Sasha’s dong so great, why does she need her friends to rally? Nina is spinning her own narrative like she always does, with zero consideration for anyone else. Pick a lane. Is this project good for Sasha or not? Willow is losing me here, since, even if it was good, Sasha could still be feeling badly about her first holidays without Brando. Nina says, God forbid there should be shades of grey. She came here because Willow is Sasha’s friend. Clearly it was a mistake. She was foolish to think Willow could put their differences aside to help a friend. Willow says, there goes that narrative again, and Nina says, other people might buy Willow’s goody two-shoes image, but not her. Willow is as selfish as they come.

Chase tells Sasha that he doesn’t know if Brook’s letter would have made an impact on the Review Board’s decision, but the point is, she didn’t even try. He thought Brook knew how much his badge means… meant to him, since he told her every five seconds. She either didn’t understand or didn’t care. Sasha doubts the latter is true, and says, maybe Brook thought she knew what he needed better than he did. She’s not saying Brook’s right, but neither were they when they decided they knew what was better for Michael and Willow. In their minds, they were doing the right thing; taking themselves out of the equation so Michael and Willow could win custody of Wiley. They were convinced everything they were doing was for the greater good. Maybe Brook thought she was too. Chase says, her greater good, and Sasha says, what if Brook sincerely thought he’d be better off as a singer? What if, in her heart, she was doing it for the both of them?

Dante says he’s sorry, but Brook says, he’s not. He never thought she was good enough for Chase. He says he actually thought she was very good for Chase. Instead of moping around about losing his badge, she lit a fire under him. She had him engaging in things again. Then they started going out together, and Chase hasn’t been that happy since he split with Willow. She asks if he really thinks Chase was happy, and he says he does. Why wouldn’t he be? She’s smart, fun, creative… She says, a very generous description, and he says he’s serious. She could actually do some good if she got out of her own way. She wonders why that’s so hard for her sometimes. It’s like she had tunnel vison, and couldn’t or wouldn’t see that what made Chase truly happy was being a cop. She asks if he’s sure there’s no way to fix this, and he says, not unless she has connections with the CCRB, but he doesn’t think she should use them even if she did. Chase wouldn’t want her to do that. She sighs, he says he’ll see her soon, and leaves.

Sonny says, this better not be take the deal or else, because that usually doesn’t turn out well, but Valentin says he’s just the messenger. He’s not threatening anyone. If Sonny doesn’t want to do business with Pikeman, they’ll just go to another guy. Sonny says, that seems like the best thing to do; go to another guy in a different city. Valentin says, that’s the thing; Port Charles is the city. It’s the shipping hub with access to both Atlantic and Canadian sea lanes. Pikeman’s going to be moving their merchandise through Port Charles no matter what. Unfortunately, now that Sonny knows their plan, and doesn’t want to cooperate, that makes him a problem they’re going to want to remove.

Carly hugs Josslyn, and says she’s proud Josslyn’s decided to be a doctor. She didn’t have that kind of clarity at Josslyn’s age. She spent so much time chasing what she thought she wanted, she couldn’t see what was right in front of her. She couldn’t see that she was in love with Jason until it was too late. Josslyn says, Carly is going way too far with this; she’s not in love with anyone. Carly asks, where’s Cameron in all this? and Josslyn says she does love Cameron. They grew up together, but things are not how they used to be. She doesn’t know why or when it happened… Carly says, but Josslyn’s feelings have changed? and Josslyn says, yes, but this is not about Dex; it’s about her. Something shifted. She does care so much for Cam, but they don’t have the same connection they used to have anymore. She doesn’t feel like half a couple. Carly asks if she’s shared any of this with Cameron, but she says, no. She can’t stand the thought of hurting him. Carly hugs her, and says, because she’s kind, sweet, and amazing, but the longer she waits, the harder it’s going to be for Cameron. This isn’t going to be easy. Josslyn says, breaking up with her best friend; it’s going to be brutal. Carly tells her to prepare herself. She’s probably going to be labeled the bad guy, and part of that’s her fault. People are going to say, like mother, like daughter. Josslyn says, screw those people, and Carly agrees, but says, it will be easier to withstand the criticism if she knows in she was honest with herself, and Cameron. Josslyn says she’s going to change, and Carly asks if she’s going for a run. Josslyn asks how she knew, and Carly says, because Josslyn says it always helps her thing. Josslyn says, let’s hope today is no exception.

Michael says, Dex is lucky his fever broke; he obviously had an infection. Dex says, it was more than lucky. Josslyn was able to get him antibiotics with Carly’s help. Michael says, his mom’s involved in this now? and I laugh because Michael’s head is thisclose to exploding. Dex says, they just know he was shot, not how. He’s guessing with the timing, and the fact they know he works for Sonny… Michael says he’s sure they assume he was helping Anna escape, and Dex says, but that’s fine as long as they don’t know he’s working for Michael. Michael says, none of this is fine. He wants to dismantle Sonny’s life, but not at the cost of his mom and sister. Dex says, their involvement was a one-time thing, and Michael says, for his mom, but they both know Josslyn is an issue. He’d rather blow this whole operation up than put his sister at risk. Dex needs to find a way to keep Josslyn at arm’s length. Dex says he understands, and Michael leaves.

Brook reads, as you can see, both incidents were entirely my fault. Detective Chase acted in my defense because he embodies all the qualities you should want in a police officer. He’s protective, courageous, and above all, he is compassionate. Detective Chase is committed to his badge and his duty, and deserves to be reinstated. Port Charles will only be the better for it. She cries a little, throws the letter down, and says, there has to be way out of this. There has to be.

Chase says, Sasha has a point. Playing God with someone’s life, no matter how good the intentions isn’t fair to them. She asks if he can say karma. She’s in a guardianship, which by definition means she has no control over her life. Meanwhile, Brook made decisions for Chase that had a direct impact on his future. He says, so it’s payback time? and she says, seems a little ironic, no? He asks if that means she thinks he shouldn’t judge Brook, that he’s a hypocrite if he does, and she says she’s simply pointing out that they all make mistakes. Dante comes by, and Chase asks if Dante’s heard back from the Review Board about his case.

Nina asks if Willow can’t see everything she has in comparison with everything Sasha lost. She’s lost Liam; she’s lost Brando; she’s had nervous breakdowns multiple times. She’s under a guardianship now, but Willow has a perfect life. Willow just graduated nursing school with flying colors, and gets to take days off whenever she wants to rest her eyes. She lives on this beautiful estate with the man she loves. She has a son she adores, and a baby on the way. Her life is perfect, but she can’t be bothered to show even an ounce of compassion for the woman she claims is a… Willow screams, shut up! Shut. Up.

Dante tells Chase that he wasn’t there. He’d already said his piece. He made the best case he could for Chase to be reinstated. Chase thanks him, saying, he appreciates it, and Dante says, everyone is pulling for him. Chase says he knows it’s a long shot, and it probably won’t go his way, but he still can’t help but hope. Sasha says, Chase has been burning off nervous energy by helping her decorate, and asks if Dante wants to join. Dante says, he could throw up a wreath or two before he goes to work, and Sasha says she’ll be right back. She leaves, and Dante asks if Chase volunteered here, but Chase says, no. He just happened upon Sasha and offered to pitch in. Dante says, of course (🍷) he did, when Chase’s phone chirps. Chase looks at it, and makes a sad face. He says, it’s final. The Review Board turned down his appeal. Dante says he’s sorry, and Chase says he’s not a cop anymore, and never will be again.

On the phone, Brooks says she’s so glad they answered… It’s Brook Lynn… Yes, that Brook Lynn. She made a mess. She’s got to fix it and can’t do it alone.

Dex is about to text Sonny, when there’s a knock at the door. He opens it to Josslyn.  

Sonny asks if Valentin is threatening to remove him, but Valentin says he’s not threatening anyone. He knows these people, and knows how they operate. Sonny’s been in power a long time. They’re satisfied he can achieve their objectives. Sonny says, if he refuses? and Valentin says, they’ll go with someone else, and Sonny will be reclassified as a liability. So he can either make a boatload of money, or make a whole new set of powerful enemies and lose everything. The ball is in his court, but however he chooses, he should choose quickly. These folks are not known for their patience. He leaves, and Sonny calls Brick. He says he needs Brick to get as much information on the Pikeman Security Group, and Brick’s got to get it to him as soon as he can.

Willow says, how dare Nina? This isn’t about Sasha; it’s about Nina. Just like everything is always about Nina. Nina says, that’s not true… and Willow says, Sasha was just the latest excuse for Nina to try and get closer to her, so she can steamroll her way back into Wiley’s orbit. Willow laughs, and says, which after the lies Nina spread is just ludicrous. Nina says she didn’t spread any lies, and Willow says, Nina didn’t tell Michael that Willow and TJ were having an affair, even if nothing can be further from the truth? Carly comes up the walk, and Nina says, she did do that, but it was a mistake, and she said she was sorry, and Willow told her to drop dead. Willow says, that’s right, because nothing else would get through to her. She doesn’t listen. She doesn’t stop; she just keeps pushing. Go away. Leave her family the hell alone. Carly comes in, and Willow drops to the floor. Carly says, oh my God, and runs to her.

Tomorrow, Victor tells someone that they don’t want him as an enemy, Drew tells Michael that he and Carly could be facing criminal charges; and Nina calls 9-1-1.

🏂 And for Winter House, and the creepiest too-old-for-this people in the world… Jason requested a sit-down with Lindsay, and told her that some of her actions created unintentional consequences. When she broadcasted her miscarriage story, he wasn’t involved, got caught unawares, and people started asking questions he couldn’t answer. It hurt. She said, there was no handbook on how to handle these things, and for most women pregnancy was terrifying. Really? I think plenty of unterrified women give birth every day just fine. She said she told Jason that she was putting it out there, but it wasn’t like she sought out the media. I’m not sure what she thought would happen when she put it out there, like websites wouldn’t pick it up. In her interview, she was pissed because Jason wasn’t acknowledging her feelings, which had nothing to do with him. I didn’t quite grasp why he should acknowledge feelings that had nothing to do with him, but that’s the kind of contrary talk that comes out of her. In Jason’s interview, he felt he should have been involved in the conversation, and she ignored his feelings. With all these feelings flying around, apparently, no one saw the red flags. Lindsay apologized, but I doubted the sincerity. True to form, Kyle put a foxtail in his pants to represent a penis, which is about the level of this show. Lindsay whined to Carl, saying, Jason attacked her character. How? By saying he felt left out of something he was very much a part of? Carl said she’d communicated as best she could in a way that was comfortable for her, which was basically Jason’s complaint – she’s incredibly selfish. Good luck down the road, Carl, when you get tired of being supportive of that. Jason said he was cool after getting things off his chest, and moved on with Rachel. Like this show isn’t bad enough, there were a lot of kissing smacky noises. I always wonder if they put the mics in their mouths. Does anyone really kiss that loud?

Jess was all in love with Kory, but in his interview, he said he wasn’t ready for the L-word, and I don’t blame him. Luke announced he was going ice fishing, and told those who wanted to join him, bring their best lures and good luck charms, and hopefully they’d catch something. Austen, Kyle, Carl, Lindsay, and Jess joined him, Jess wondering if the fish were still alive since they were in ice. That was definitely a Jim from The Office moment for me, as I stared at the camera in my mind. However, it was impressive that they were out in minus 2 degrees. Carl was the TMI winner this week, talking about his intimate relationship with himself. In Kyle’s interview, he said the Carl/Lindsay pairing was a headf*** for him. His concern was, what happens when Lindsay starts drinking again? The end result of the expedition was Austen saying, it was a good thing they weren’t fishing for sustenance or they’d be starving. Kory, Rachel, Craig, Ciara, and Amanda stayed behind and day drink, continuing to talk about the Lindsay/Carl/Austen timeline. In Paige’s interview, she took the grabbing of Austen’s weenie a step further, and said she thought Austen and Lindsay must have slept together. In Lindsay’s interview, she said she appreciated Austen giving up his room, but he’d disrespected her super publicly. This had nothing to do with the weenie grabbing incident, but a guest spot Austen had on Watch What Happens Live, where it was some stupid Ciara or Lindsay game. Jess said she was in love with Kory, and in her interview, she said, even though they’d only been in the house six days, in house years it was two months. So technically, it wasn’t too soon to be in love.

Luke tapped some trees, which was cool. I like the outdoorsy side of Luke. It’s the rest of him I can’t stand. Kyle sabered a champagne bottle. Is that still a thing? In Ciara’s interview, she said she felt like Snow White with two dwarves, Sleepy and Dopey (i.e. Austen and Luke, or the other way around, I’m not sure), that she couldn’t get rid of. Still, she gossiped about Carl and Lindsay with them. Austen said he’d told the girls in confidence about Lindsay touching him, and now it was spreading. I don’t know why he thought it wouldn’t. Maybe he’s Dopey. Jason was happy with the gradual growth of his and Rachel’s relationship, which was the opposite of what he’d had with Lindsay, and what he needed. If I had to pick a favorite it would be Jason. He stays lowkey, and cooks amazing meals. Luke wanted Lindsay to get ahead of the curve, and told her about the Austen talk, adding how annoyed he was that it was being talked about, but leaving out the part about him being in on that talk.  He said they were in the house with wicked people (!), but Lindsay said it was a non-issue. In her interview, she said, the girls had slut shamed her last summer, and wanted to keep doing it. We flashed back to Lindsay bringing home yet another stranger, and Paige asking, what kind of brothel are we running here? Lindsay told Carl that Ciara was starting sh*t, conveniently leaving out all the others starting sh*t along with her. In Carl’s interview, he said, he and Lindsay had been together throughout the whole wedding, but then he was tired, and she and Austen wanted to hang out. Lindsay told him that she and Austen slept in the same bed, but nothing happened, and he believes her. Amanda predicted another awkward tension night up in this bitch, and they went to that weird empty gymnasium/ cafeteria bar, where they played cornhole or whatever.

At the bar, Austen asked Lindsay for a talk, and they sat by themselves. He said he felt they were in line over the summer (whatever that means), and they’d had fun at the wedding. Watching from another table halfway across the room, Amanda told the girls, Carl should know what’s being said. WTF? I can’t stand Lindsay, but she’s not allowed to talk with anyone else privately? Is this the 1950s on planet Stepford Wives? Austen said their friendship was and is important to him, and he felt he couldn’t give her a run of the mill apology. Then he apologizes for the nonsense on WWHL, totally leaving out the weenie grab story. Lindsay, also avoiding the subject, said, sh*t happens in a friendship, and they hugged it out. In Austen’s interview, he said he couldn’t bring up the d*ck touch thing. Jess was clinging to Kory like he was that scrap of wood in Titanic, and he told her that he wasn’t into PDA. It didn’t seem to faze her. Austen told Amanda, who is apparently the overseer of this group, that he could only apologize for one thing at a time. Craig’s gossip antennae alerted him, and he asked if Austen talked about the wedding night. No one had told Carl, and Craig wondered if Austen was protecting Lindsay or himself. Amanda decided to clock out, and fled the table, and Paige said she thought it was sh*tty that Carl didn’t know. If it was her, and Craig had touched a who-ha, she would break up with him.

Next time, skiing; Paige sees herself moving to Charleston (beautiful place; too hot); Austen says he can’t bring his girl to the house of evil, but Ciara can bang who she likes; Ciara calls Austen an a-hole; and Amanda tells Carl that Austen’s been telling tales.

🍃 Gonna Make Like a Tree…

Drop by tomorrow for Friday’s soap, a pile of tea leaves, a variety of quotes, and an appropriate tune. Until then, stay safe, stay cultivating composure, and stay not playing God with anyone’s life. No matter how good the intentions, it isn’t fair to them.