What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

The Haves & the Have Nots

For some reason, I thought yesterday was Monday and forgot to watch it. Once again, those reruns came in handy.

I love me some Tyler Perry drama! I’ve always been a fan of him as a person, but sitcoms and Medea just aren’t my thing. When he created this show, I could tell by the previews it was up my alley. If you like the old nighttime dramas like Dallas and Dynasty, and you’re not watching this (and its counterpart, If Loving You is Wrong) you’re missing out. It’s basically about a rich guy named Jim Cryer (John Schneider, a long way from Dukes of Hazzard) who is running for governor, and trying to run away from his problems. The show hit the ground running, with married Jim being blackmailed by escort Candace, who is also the daughter of one of his maids, Hanna, and friends with his own daughter. Hilarity intense drama ensues.

My favorite character is Veronica, the wife of Jim’s business partner, David, who’s also involved in Jim’s campaign. And she ain’t like Archie’s Veronica. She’s probably about the most evil character in a soap ever. And Angela Robinson plays the hell out of the part. Veronica is under the misconceived impression that she can force her gay son to be straight, but since ruining his life isn’t enough, she ends up burning down the house with David in it. I told you this was a fun show!

This week, while Jim is being interviewed live on television, he’s hit with the bombshell that one of the other maids, Celine, has had two sons by him. DUN-DUN-DUUUN!!!

General Hospital

Oooh, first commercial is for Oreo Thins. I seriously want to try those.

Morgan needs to confess to something soon before he gives himself a heart attack. Besides, going to jail isn’t too bad in Port Charles. Pretty soon, the guards will be taking McDonald’s orders from the prisoners. And here comes Sonny – known mob boss – allowed to visit whoever he pleases, unattended. While I’ve never been in jail, I don’t think it works that way. I am so glad that it’s finally dawning on Nina that she only hears that baby crying when Rick the weasel or Madelyn are around. That’s been bugging me for a while. Where’s that cry coming from? Oh, your phone. Case closed.

I understand that it’s just a show, but they could try just a little bit to make it believable. I can’t wait for them to drag Rick and Madelyn off to the country club jail.

I’m not sure what Kiki (or Ava) see in that cranky Morgan anyway, especially since he got that haircut. That’s when I remember who Kiki is. Why they had to make her so blond after Kristen Alderson left is beyond me. Like that whole character switcheroo thing wasn’t difficult enough. I’d just finally stopped thinking Kiki was Starr. I did love her final scene with Roger Howarth though. She pretty much grew up with him as her second father, so it must have been heart-wrenching for both of them. It was sweet how the dialogue wasn’t just about Franco and Kiki, but about the real actors.

Nathan, I don’t think Dante is the best guy to be helping you solve anything. His decision making skills have been pretty poor lately.

Oh, that’s a good one Sonny. You always put your children first? When did that happen?

MasterChef

Let me confess now. I hate to cook, but I love watching cooking shows. It’s not that I’m a bad cook – ask anyone who’s had my lasagna – and it’s not that I can’t be creative in the kitchen – ditto – but I’m an impatient cook (when I want to eat, I want to eat now, not 2 hours from now) who’s always had a kitchen the size of a postage stamp. Other than a one semester home ec class in 8^th grade, I’m fairly uneducated in this department as well. When Gordon Ramsey says, “You tell me,” I have no clue. As we always say, my husband didn’t marry me for my cooking in the kitchen. For some reason though, I like to watch other people cook. And of course there’s the food porn aspect.

I’m not sure what’s up with risotto, but it seems to be very telling as far as cooking goes. I can’t count the times I’ve heard Gordon go insane about it.

I stink with names, so I’m glad the contestants have theirs on their aprons. I wish Survivor would do the same. As a matter-of-fact, I wish everyone would go around wearing name tags. It would make life far less embarrassing for me.

If tuna tartar is involved, I’m in. I never said my palate was uneducated.

It’s a blue team (Derrick)/red team (Stephen) thing tonight. The red team wins, so Derrick, Katrina and Hetel have to face tonight’s pressure test – 3 pasta dishes in one hour. “Impossible,” says Nick. The dishes are manicotti, scallops and clams with pasta, and egg yolk ravioli, which I’ve never heard of, but sounds really good.

OMG – one of the clams just moved! I’ve cooked them several times, but thank God they’ve stayed still. I admit to being squeamish about certain food items. One time, I bought what I thought was a nice square of frozen fish. The instructions said to soak it in water before cooking. When I did, the tail that had been heretofore stuck hidden to the underside, unfurled. I had to throw it out.

Katrina is “sweating biscuits?” Did I hear that right? At least she lost the hair bow this week. Today she has some sparkly thing on her head.

Why is the guy on the Bud Lite commercial trying to channel Will Ferrell? Was Will not available?

I love how Graham Elliot holds the scallop up like it’s a diamond.  Ooh, Gordon just said Derrick’s garnish was like eating an air freshener. Not exactly a compliment. Katrina put ricotta in the ravioli and apparently this is a really bad thing. Hetel’s ravioli looks good to me, and ground pepper always gets my vote, but Gordon said it was “heresy.” No one is looking good here. Hetel’s out. She kind of flew under the radar anyway. Being a vegetarian, it was rough for her. I don’t know how you can cook something without tasting it at some point either. Although it’s to her credit that she’s gotten this far.

Geez, could they spare the vegetables in the spring onion rice noodle soup bowl I’m having for dinner?

Little Women LA

Brittney has a new boyfriend and Tonya’s talking about moving in with her boyfriend, John, and is also wearing some amazing earrings. Too bad John doesn’t exactly feel the same way. He’s obviously not the husband material you want, Tonya. Move on. Ha-ha! Terra is talking about how nice it would be if everyone got along. This is reality TV, so not bloody likely. Lots of goings on in the romance department tonight. Briana’s boyfriend, Matt, is moving in with her. This dude has been a bone of contention since he came on the scene – with both her family and her friends. My jury is out about him. I’m hearing the same stories they are, but so far he’s been on good behavior.

Ugh! What a shame that Christy allowed her mother to influence her decision about the IVF. I’m not saying she should or shouldn’t do it, but it’s obvious that mean old woman was huge factor here. The ending is happy though. Christy and Todd make the decision to go for artificial insemination while picking strawberries next to a field of sunflowers. Nice!

Beach party! Elena is so gorgeous, I can never take my eyes off of her when she’s on screen. She’s also insecure about her appearance, so what hope is there for the rest of us? The last time they had a bonfire on the beach, the outcome was not positive. Already there’s tension between Elena and Brittney, and Tonya and Jasmine, and Matt and everyone. Same sh*t, different day. Time to roast marshmallows.

“Short arms, short sticks, someone’s weave is definitely going up in flames tonight. I’m glad I’m no longer packing.” Terra cracks me up!

Brittney’s sparkly purple eye shadow is really distracting!

Ha! For a moment there, I thought we were ending on a good note. Brittney confessed to being an idiot and Elena was okay with it. But Jasmine brings up the “other elephant in the room,” Tonya. Wait, that didn’t sound right. She wants to know what the blip Tonya’s annoyed about (and so do I), but instead it ends up being a rehash of the last argument about the same vague thing. That didn’t even make sense to me and I wrote it.

Terra’s Little Family

Someone please explain why, instead of an hour long episode, Lifetime decided to show two back-to-back half hour episodes? Anybody? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I would laugh uncontrollably at Terra’s hair the morning after her bachelorette party, but I’m sure mine looks no better the morning after the night before.  Terra is going to check out the bridesmaids’ dresses for the first time, their only instructions having been to get beige dresses and cobalt blue shoes, which looks better than it sounds. Not an easy task to critique their choices with a hangover though. Elena says it will be like “50 shades of beige.”

Joe had to jet the day before for a gig (he’s a drummer) and missed the rehearsal, but swore he’d be back in time for the pre-wedding dinner. No surprise his plane is late. If this was Bravo, I’d say Andy Cohen probably threw his body in front of the plane.  Her mom still hasn’t gotten there either.

Whew! They both make it and the yacht sets sail for the dinner. Interesting note: Terra’s mom is one of those crazy cat ladies that you always hear about. She’s like an old hippie and really cool. Unlike Christy’s mom.

The earrings on this show are just fabulous!

Terra says Joe is like her missing puzzle piece. So much better than “you complete me” or “my soulmate.” These two are just precious!  We’re on shaky ground by the end of the episode, with Terra being a bit of a Bridezilla to Joe, but I have no doubt they’ll make up since they’re both at the wedding in the previews.