What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Willow says, Chase, please. Don’t give Austin the power to go after the Quartermaines, and he tells her, considering she just told him that she’s in love with Michael, maybe she isn’t the best person to make this argument. Michael says he gets it. He and Willow kept the truth from Chase, but that’s on them, not the rest of the Quartermaines. Chase says he’s right. His family didn’t do anything. He hands Michael the paper, and tells him to do what he wants with it. He starts to walk out, and Brook says, his wheelchair. He says he doesn’t need it anymore. He doesn’t need any of this. Austin says, congratulations. The better man won.

Sonny finds Phyllis outside, crying. He hugs her.

Maxie shows Carly her phone and says, well? Carly tells her, she said understated, remember? Maxie guesses polka-dots are a bit much. She’ll find something less 50s retro. Carly asks if they can do this another time. She’s meeting Josslyn and Jax for a dinner date. Maxie says, absolutely, and don’t worry. Her wedding is going to be gorgeous. Carly says she knows it will, and thanks Maxie for helping her. Maxie thanks Carly for keeping her mind off Louise, and says they’ll talk tomorrow. In the hall, Maxie runs into Valentin carrying Bailey/Louise in a sling. He says, hey, Maxie.

Peter says, the more interesting question is, what is Sonny Corinthos doing here, alive and well, and calling himself Mike? as Nina takes out the gun. Nina says they haven’t talked about Peter, and he says, why don’t they sit? They obviously have so much catching up to do. Before she can bring out the gun, he points his own at her.

At the pool (🍷), Spencer tells Esme, that was Doc. He wants to talk about their plan. She says, sounds ominous. Does he want them to get jobs? He says, bite your tongue. His grandmother leaves town for two seconds on mayoral business, and Doc thinks he needs to take her place. He didn’t mind Doc at first, when they first got married, but it’s not like they kept in touch that much when he was away at school. He doesn’t understand why Doc is trying to intervene, and take control of his life. She tells him everything will be fine. They have a plan. It’s just not the one Doc thinks they should have. He says he never asked her to set fire to Ava’s car, and she says, but now he has an alibi, and daddy dearest is pretty guilty about talking to Ava. He’s got his father right where he wants him. Relax. Enjoy the moonlit pool (🍷), and of course (🍷) his girlfriend. She calls to Trina, who comes over to their table.

Carly thanks Cameron for joining them, and Josslyn thanks Carly for doing this. Jax says, it’s a real pleasure. This is a big event. It’s their little girl’s freshman year of college. Josslyn says if he calls her their little girl one more time, she’s going to leave, but he promises to be on his best behavior. He can’t say the same for her mother. Carly says they don’t have to worry about her. She’ll be just fine, and keep Josslyn’s dad in line too.

Peter asks Nina if they can’t play nice, and she says, absolutely. He should really put that gun away before Mike returns. He asks if she doesn’t mean Sonny. He guesses he’ll just have to take care of him too. She tells him that he should relax more. Would he like something to drink; perhaps some wine? He says, just her cell phone. Please. She takes it out, and comes around the bar, putting on a table. She says, happy? and he says, very. He takes the phone, and she sits down. She asks where he’s been, but he says, details aren’t important. Of course (🍷) once Maxie betrayed him, and secretly recorded his confession and sent it to Mac, he had to disappear. No easy task. She says, no one knew if he was dead or alive, and he tells her, let’s just say he was lying low. He also searched for his precious Louise. A search that’s taken him straight to Maxie.

Valentin says, it’s wonderful to see Maxie, and asks, how was Texas? She says, Georgie and James really enjoyed seeing their great aunt; she of course (🍷) spoiled them rotten. Bailey’s grown so much since she’s been gone. He says, a couple more pounds, and she’ll be ready for management at Deception, and she says she’ll be happy to work for Bailey any day. How is Deception? She was on her way there now to go through her accumulated messages. He said he just came from there. He was showing Bailey off to some of the staff. She notes what Bailey is wearing, and says, she’s going to be so beautiful and stylish when she grows up. She says she’d better go, but he asks her to wait. There’s been a development in Louise’s case.

Willow tells Michael, she has to talk to Chase. She can’t leave things like this. He asks if she wants him to come with her, but she says, it’s between her and Chase. She leaves, and Brook asks if Austin is proud of himself. Or are there any other lives he’d like to destroy? Michael says, Brook… but she says she means it. This Gatlin-Holt creature better scram before she calls the cops on him for trespassing. Austin says he’s not going anywhere until he gets what if he came there for, so if they don’t mind… He holds out his hand for the paper, and Michael says, what he minds is Austin manipulating Chase to get this. That’s as underhanded as a person can get. Austin says, no more underhanded than sleeping with the man’s wife. (Touché.)

Esme asks if Trina is there alone, and Trina says she’s there to meet Joss and Cam after their dinner with Joss’s parents. She came a little early to work on an assignment for one of the electives they’re taking at PCU together. Esme says, how adorable. She’s never had childhood friends that she’s known since forever. Trina says she and Spencer aren’t close; they just met. Spencer says she knows that’s a lie.

Josslyn tells Carly and Jax, she was starting to believe Spencer was behind it all; then the call from Ryan Chamberlain, the writing on the wall that said, this ends tonight, the power outage… Cameron says, when Joss’s bodyguard started talking about getting them off the island in a Corinthos boat, he knew Spencer wasn’t behind it. Josslyn says, it turns out Spencer’s father was pulling the strings, and Cameron says, all to keep Spencer a lesson, when he hadn’t even done anything. He guesses Spencer did throw a huge party without permission, and Josslyn says, but he didn’t stalk Ava. It blows her mind that his dad even thought he was capable of that. Anyway, she’s sorry Tony called Carly. Jax says, it’s better to err on the side of caution, and let her mother know what’s going on. Her life, unfortunately, is more dangerous than most kids her age, even if… Carly says, even if what? and he says, even if Carly is preoccupied with other things. Carly says, she’s never let other things, or business, get in the way of protecting Josslyn, or her other kids. He knows that. Josslyn says she really wasn’t in any danger, and Jax says, they know that now, but it wasn’t that long ago that Novak guy approached her at Kelly’s and harassed her. Carly says, Josslyn is fine, just like she said Josslyn would be, so they can just let that go.

Brook tells Michael, don’t listen to this snake. Just let him slither on out of here, and back under the rock he came from. Michael says, Austin took advantage of a complicated situation he knew nothing about. Chase has been through hell, but so has Willow. Not that it matters to Austin. He just cared about finding an opening he could exploit. Austin says, Chase is a grown man; he doesn’t think he exploited Chase at all. Despite what they think, he’s not some heartless bastard. If he did let his baser instincts guide him, maybe he does owe Chase an apology. Brook asks how that will make anything better, and Austin says, all he’s trying to do is right a terrible wrong that was done to his father. His dad was not a perfect guy – far from it – but he was always there for him. He worked really hard to put Austin through medical school, and in return, he watched his father die a slow and painful death. Brook says, it’s too late, and any sympathy points he earned for his dad were gone the second he used Chase to poke around in Edward’s office. It’s a nice sob story, but they’re not buying it. Right, Michael?

Chase opens his door to Willow, who says she’ll understand if he wants to slam it in her face, but she would really like to talk to him. He asks, what else is there to say? and she says, besides the million apologies he probably doesn’t want to hear, the AC conked out in her car, and she could use a glass of water. He steps aside, and she comes in. He says, what she’s probably going to say, is that she didn’t start out intending to lie to him. She says, she and Michael realized how much they cared for one another, and she came there to tell him. He gives her some water, and says, he was so sick, he passed out on the floor. She took him to the hospital instead. He gets why she didn’t break up with him that night, but after that, she had plenty of chances. And she was going to tell him, the night of his pretend Nantucket getaway, but then Finn interrupted, saying he had the cure for the poison that was killing him. She says, when it didn’t work, she knew she couldn’t tell him. He says she should have, and she should have turned down his marriage proposal, but she says she could never say no to him when he needed her.

Trina asks if Spencer is calling her a liar. He says he just meant she doesn’t have to cover for him. He told Esme that Trina knew he was in Port Charles before anyone else. Esme says, she and Spence have no secrets, and he says, Trina wasn’t thrilled to find out that Victor was just an alias, and he was really Spencer Cassadine. He thanks her for not telling anyone, and Esme says, aw, Treen. <gag> What a true friend. Spencer says she is; he’s lucky to have her. Esme suggests he rustle up some truffle fries for them. Are they as good as the ones they had in Brussels when they were studying for midterms? He says they’ll find out, and leaves. Esme says, he’s so sweet, but Trina already knows that. Trina says she really doesn’t know Spence that well, and Esme says, it’s just them. They can be real with one another. She knows Trina has a crush on her boyfriend.

Peter tells Nina, since his own search didn’t turn up any results, he was hopeful Maxie might be following some leads. Nina asks if she was, but he says, no. It’s all the same. He’s going to be the first one to find his daughter, and when he does, Maxie will have a choice. If she wants to be in her little girl’s life, then Maxie will have to share her life with him as well. She says, Maxie doesn’t know he’s following her, and he says, once it was safe for him to resurface, he tracked her to Texas, but when he arrived, Maxie was already leaving. He followed her there to this quaint little town, and this quaint little bar. When he found her… and Sonny. She says, Maxie’s not here anymore, and he says he’s aware of that. He was about to follow her, when he ran into Sonny… or is it Mike? He’s told her his story; now let’s hear hers.

Sonny tells Phyllis, eight months ago, he washed up in Nixon Falls with only the clothes on his back, and a watch that was engraved with his name on it. She not only gave him a place to stay, she gave him a life, and made him a part of her family. They’ll miss Lenny. She cries, and he takes her hand.

Jax and Carly toast to Josslyn, and Cameron says, speech! Josslyn thanks them for embarrassing her in a public setting, but she wouldn’t love them as much as she does if they hadn’t. No way is this goodbye. She’ll still be home every weekend with her dirty laundry, and she’ll be there for the wedding of course (🍷). Jax says, oh yes, the wedding. Have they set a date? Josslyn says, they did; September 17^th, and Jax says, so soon. Carly says, why wait? and he says he can think of a few reasons. Josslyn asks if there’s something wrong.

Valentin says, Anna is certain that Peter survived, and Maxie asks how that’s a development in the search for Louise. He says, Peter is very well connected, and well financed. He’s Faison’s son, and could have all of his father’s assets and contacts. If that’s the case, he’ll use them to find Louise, unless he’s already found her. Maxie says she doubts that, and he asks why she says it like that.

Nina says, since Carly covered up the death of her daughter, she desperately needed to get away. So she came to this quaint little town, Nixon Falls, to visit a friend. He says, Phyllis. She and Sonny mentioned him. She says she was just as surprised as he was to find Mike there, and he asks if she doesn’t mean Sonny. There’s no one there except them; no need to use Sonny’s alias with him. She says she calls him Mike because he’s Mike to her. He’s kind and he’s gentle, and he loves the simple life. She hasn’t thought of him as Sonny in a very long time. He asks how Mike came to be, and she says, he lost his memory when he fell into the river looking for Julian Jerome. Peter asks if the memory loss is permanent, and she says she doesn’t know. All she knows is that he’s happy. She didn’t tell him the truth because she thought it would ruin everything he found there. Peter says, oh Nina. It’s very kind of her. He’s sure getting one over on Carly never even crossed her mind when making that decision. Nor the fact that she’s fallen for Mike.

Carly says she and Josslyn’s father had a little disagreement, but that’s okay, because tonight is about her. Jax says, absolutely, and suggests they order. Josslyn asks if they’re going to be like this all night, and Jax says, like what? Carly asks Josslyn and Cameron to give them a minute to talk. Head over to the pool (🍷), and they’ll call them when it’s safe to come back. They leave, and Jax says, Carly just told Josslyn this was about her, then sent her to the pool (🍷). Is this what it’s going to be like from now on? They can’t even be in the same room?

Josslyn tells Cameron that she’s so sorry. She’s never seen them act like that before. They’ve had their fair share of arguments, but never in front of her or her friends. He says she doesn’t have to hide the messy parts of her life from him. His family’s far from perfect. She says, still, and he says, it’s him. The boy she pushed in the sandbox when she liked his pail better than hers. The boy who went trick-or-treating with her all three years when she dressed up like a stalk of corn (the corn again!). She asks him not to bring that up, and he says he knows her. He knows her family. He’s sorry her parents are fighting, but it doesn’t matter to him. She’s so amazing, and makes him feel like the luckiest guy in the world. They kiss.

Esme tells Trina (Treen – ugh), it’s okay. She only brought it up because she didn’t want there to be any awkwardness between them. Trina asks why she cares. Why is she going out of her way to be nice to someone she thinks likes her boyfriend? Esme says, Trina didn’t do anything wrong. Spencer didn’t even tell her that he had a girlfriend. Trina asks if it doesn’t make her mad, and Esme says she knows how guys are. They’re denser than a redwood forest, and Spence is no exception. She’s sure he didn’t mean to lead Trina on. She’s not into girl-on-girl rivalry. Trina asks if she walks on water too, and Esme says she likes Trina’s sense of humor. She seems like a really nice girl, and Esme would like to be friends with her. At the very least, she’d like them to get along for Spence’s sake. She can tell Trina’s friendship means a lot to him. Spencer comes back, and asks what he missed. Esme says, just a little girl talk.

Willow says she never wanted to hurt Chase, but that doesn’t change the fact that she did. She gave him hope, then took it away. All she wanted to do is repay him for everything he’d given her. He asks if she’s talking about Wiley, and she says, before Wiley. After she gave her baby to Brad and Lucas, she was so empty and alone. She had no family, no one to turn to. Then he walked in; Detective Harrison Chase. Handsome, intelligent, and above all, kind and understanding. She thought, I could build a home with this guy. Her horrible past no longer mattered. Just the present and future she was going to have with him. Then… He says, then he and Sasha staged the affair.

Michael says he understands where Austin is coming from. He lost his own father recently. Austin says he’s sorry to hear that, and Michael says, family was the most important thing to him, and he’s like him in that respect. Family is everything to him too. Austin says he’s not trying to threaten Michael’s family, and Brook says, Austin coming after ELQ is coming after the family. Austin asks how that’s hurting them; to be getting a few shares of ELQ? That document proves that Edward wanted his father to have those shares. His father isn’t there to claim his rightful seat at the table, so he’s going to have to do it for him. Michael says, that’s very noble of him, but you know what’s not? Using Chase. Taking advantage of a very painful situation. Why would Michael ever let him in by those methods?

Austin says he made a desperate play using Michael’s friend Chase – who’s not his friend, by the way – and that’s it? There’s no coming back from that? Michael says he’s in no position to judge. His father could never stand a hypocrite. Michael hands Austin the paper, and Brook asks what he’s doing. Has he lost his mind? Michael says, Austin played dirty, but he’s not the only one. Their family has a history of playing dirty, especially when it comes to ELQ. It’s time to break the cycle. Austin thanks him, and says, it means a lot. Michael says, don’t thank him yet.   

Chase says, when he and Sasha came up with the plan, he knew there was a possibility of losing Willow. He told himself it was worth it, no matter how painful. It was more important that she and Michael get custody of Wiley. Then he took a step back, and didn’t tell her the truth when he saw how close she and Michael were getting. Then they started spending all this time together, and it was like it was before. She says she felt like if there was a chance she should take it; she wanted to take it. He says, what really hurts is that he truly believed she loved him as much as he loved her.

Esme asks if Trina plays tennis. It was mandatory at their school. She’s good, but Spence is addicted; he’ll probably play all weekend. While he’s out pursuing athletic glory, can she interest Trina in a mani/pedi? What time works for her? Josslyn and Cameron arrive, and Josslyn says, they have a bunch of startup semester parties and events to go to. She doesn’t think Trina is even going to be available this weekend. Trina says, that’s right; she’s totally booked. Esme says, that’s okay. Some other time then. She takes a fry from Spencer, takes a bite, and says, they’re amazing. As good as the ones they got in Brussels. Why don’t they get more; her treat. He says, at your service, mademoiselle, and glances back at the others as he and Esme walk away. When they’re out of earshot, he says, what’s with the girl bonding thing? Esme says, Trina is a nice girl, and she’s got good taste. He says, Esme… and she says, it’s fine, Spence. They just have to be careful. Trina knows things about him that could hurt his plan. He says Trina’s not like that, but she says, broken hearts can do strange things. She wouldn’t want all his hard work to be for nothing. She wants him to have everything he deserves.

Josslyn asks, what’s going on between Trina and Esme? but Trina says, nothing. She’s got it handled. Josslyn looks at Trina, as Trina looks at Esme sitting down with Spencer. Trina says, okay. Maybe she doesn’t.

Sonny says he told Nina that this feeling of loss is really familiar, and Phyllis asks if he remembers losing someone. He says, if he did, he doesn’t know who, but it was a real aching… in here. He touches his chest. He says he knows if it was somebody, they’d have to be important, like Lenny was. She hopes he knew love in his previous life. It’s the greatest gift a human can receive. He says he’d be lucky to find what she and Lenny had, and she says, he has. Even if he doesn’t know it yet. She thinks he’s in love with Nina. He smiles.

Nina says Peter has a vivid imagination. She doesn’t have feelings for Mike. He laughs, and says, it’s too late to cover. He saw the way they were looking at each other. Imagine if he told Carly that her husband was alive and well, and being kept secret by her. How fast does she think Carly would ensure she’d never see Wiley again? She says, just tell her what he wants, and he says, there we go. He’s always thought she was a smart woman. Cards on the table. He found it very difficult, searching for his daughter while being forced off the grid, so he needs some shelter and a place of operation. She says, he’s Faison’s son. Why doesn’t he just tap into Faison’s former contacts? He says, it would be simpler to have her ask Maxie and Valentin for him, without raising any red flags. They trust her, and they’ll tell her what they’ve learned. And she, in turn, will relay it to him, so he can find Louise first. She says, and if she doesn’t do it?

Carly asks what Jax thought would happen when he tried to blackmail her? He says, it wasn’t blackmail, and she says, he recorded their conversation on his phone, and tried to get her to admit to criminal activity. He says he was just trying to protect Josslyn, and she says, if he was, he’d respect the decisions she made about Josslyn’s well-being. He asks, what about respecting his decisions? Does she ever once see things from his point-of-view? In what world does she think taking over Sonny’s business is safe for their daughter? She tells him to keep his voice down. Josslyn doesn’t need saving, and neither does she. He, on the other hand, could learn a lesson in humility. He asks what that’s supposed to mean. Is she going to tell Josslyn what he did?  

Michael says Austin might not get a seat at the ELQ table, and Austin says, why not? Michael says, because the lawyer wrote to Edward after a conversation about changing his will, but Edward never followed through. The will was never changed. Austin says, the letter proves that Edward was at least thinking about his father. He’d like to believe a judge would agree. Michael says, good luck then, and Austin thanks him, adding, this would make his father so happy. He leaves, and Brook asks if Michael is happy now. He just cost them ELQ.

Maxie tells Valentin, she prays every day that her daughter is returned home safe, but she’s done with false leads and dead ends. It’s part of the reason she left town. She’ll never stop hoping Louise comes home safe, but until that actually happens, she needs to focus on being her best self. For Georgie and James. And for her. It’s the only way she’s going to heal. He tells her not to take this the wrong way, but if she’s not ready to return to work, don’t rush it. She thanks him, and says, but she needs to keep busy, even when it’s hard.

Peter says, if Nina won’t help him find his dear Louise, know this. James will be a more than adequate replacement. And if she even thinks about telling Maxie, he’ll return the favor, and let Carly know that her not-so-dearly departed husband is there, and exactly who he’s spending his time with. So she has a choice to make. She either helps him find his daughter, or she suffers the consequences. She asks if she has his word that he won’t touch James, and he says, if he has her word that she’ll do everything in her power to tell him where Louise is. She stands up, and says, they have a deal.

Sonny tells Phyllis, even if he and Nina are… Look, all she has to do is go to Port Charles, spend time with her grandson, and then she doesn’t have to come back. Right? Phyllis says, mm-hmm, and takes his hands. She says, you can always come up with excuses not to go after something because you’re afraid. She can’t tell him the number of people who told her it was too soon to marry Lenny; he could be deployed at any time. They’d be separated more than they’d be together. But she knew. In her heart, she knew Lenny was the one. Her only regret was that they didn’t have enough time.

Carly says she would never undermine Josslyn’s relationship with Jax, and he says, glad to hear it. She says, but Josslyn’s not their little girl anymore, as she keeps telling them. If he wants to say on his moral high horse, he’s going to lose her all on his own. He asks if that’s what Carly is hoping for, and she says, no. She always wants him to be in Josslyn’s life, even if he’s not in hers anymore. He says, they’re always going to be in each other’s lives because they’re co-parenting Josslyn, but she says, they’re not. Josslyn’s moving out; she’s moving to the dorm. The days of them raising Josslyn together are over. He says, just because Josslyn is going to college doesn’t mean they’re not going to see each other. They’ll be at volleyball games, graduation, a wedding hopefully. She says, yes. Their paths are always going to cross, and Josslyn is always going to connect them, but the days of raising Josslyn are over. They’re going to show up as mother and father. Nothing more.

Willow says, she and Chase shared a beautiful, once in a lifetime love. Then he sacrificed it for her and Wiley. She’ll always love him for that. He says, Sasha told him that Willow would leave him for Michael, but he knew it was worth the risk, because Wiley is her life; he’s her whole world. He couldn’t forgive himself if he did nothing to help her keep him

Jax says, Carly has been one of the most important people in his life, and they just walk away; that’s it? She says he’s been one of the most important people in her life. He gave her Josslyn, and she’ll always love him for that. But she doesn’t trust him anymore, and let’s face it, he doesn’t trust her. He asks how many times she’s forgiven Sonny, or how many times Jason and Sonny have forgiven her. Were his actions that unforgivable? She says, he never used to live in a black and white world. She remembers when him living in a grey area suited him just fine. But he changed, at least when it comes to her actions, and she can’t have somebody in her life who’s going to judge her all the time, or go behind her back and hurt her. So this is their new reality, and it’s totally on him. He’s going to have to find a way to live with it.

Esme says she’s been thinking, and Spencer says, always dangerous. She says they’re going to be in Port Charles for a while, seeing their plan through. He says, her point? and she says, they may as well find something to do. Maybe they should prey on his step-grandpa. He asks if she thinks they should get jobs, and she says, ugh, no. She suggests they audit some classes at PCU. She’s feeling collegiate.

Chase says he’s really grateful for having Willow in his life, and she says, her too. How many people could say they loved as deeply as they did? He says, not many. They were lucky. She says, they were, and he says, no more apologies. She takes off her wedding ring, and he holds out his hand. She places it in his palm.   

Michael tells Brook that she’s wrong. They keep ELQ by ending their family dysfunction. She says, they don’t keep ELQ by handing out shares to random strangers, and Michael says, maybe Austin wouldn’t have been a stranger if grandfather wasn’t so harsh, or Tracy so self-serving. She says he doesn’t know that. No one does. There’s no point in worrying; they’re only in the here and now. Despite all of Michael’s noble intentions, that doesn’t change the fact that he just made a big mistake.

Valentin sees Austin come in, and asks Maxie to hold Bailey for a second. He’ll just be a minute. She tells him to take his time, and is obviously thrilled. She picks up a binkie from the table.

Valentin sees Austin at the bar, and asks if it would have been luckier to schedule a dinner than a lunch. Austin says for Valentin, not for him, and Valentin says, productive day? Austin shows Valentin the paper, and says, check it out. The keys to the kingdom; the kingdom of the ELQ boardroom. He’ll see Valentin there. Valentin says, yes you will.  

Nina and Peter are about to shake hands, and Peter pulls her a little closer. He says she mentioned he was Cesar Faison’s son. Remember that if she ever thinks of double-crossing him. Sonny comes back in, and says he hopes they’ve had enough time catch up. Peter says, not quite as much as he’d like. He’s sticking around Nixon Falls for a while. Nina said she’d show him around. Sonny says, okay. He looks forward to getting to know one of Nina’s friends. Peter says, it will be really great to get to know him too, and Nina looks sick.

Tomorrow, Michael asks if it would really be the end of the world, Finn asks if Chase would do things differently if he could go back, Carly tells Josslyn that she doesn’t know why it feels weird, and Peter tells Nina, an eye for an eye

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I missed the very beginning – meeting ran late – but I doubt it was anything earth-shattering. When I tuned in, LisaR was whining that she felt like she was losing her grip on her kids. They were leaving the nest, Harry was in Romania working, and everyone was gone. She and Harry were beyond proud of how their kids had overcome challenges. In her interview, she said Crystal had offered to host a launch party for Rinna Beauty at her house. LisaR thought maybe Crystal wanted to balance out the last time they were there, and we flashed back to the ugly leather pants incident.

In Crystal’s interview, she said she hosted parties all the time. It fed her intense control scheduling personality. I guess that’s a fancy way of saying control freak. Dorit came by, and said Kyle’s dinner had been intense. We flashed back to that, and Dorit said, it was a holiday party, and Erika was a shell of herself. It didn’t seem night to pounce on her. She also felt that Garcelle had been making jabs at her. In Dorit’s interview, she said it was happening too often. We flashed back to what Dorit thought were jabs, but I thought of as the truth. Dorit said it was starting to piss her off, and Crystal thought it was best to address things like that early. In her interview, Dorit said she and Garcelle had been friends, and obviously she was trying to say something she didn’t have the guts to say.

Erika said she hadn’t lived alone in almost 30 years. Cleaning was her way of meditation. I totally understand this. My motto is, when in doubt, clean something. She said if she was having good sex, it wouldn’t be as depressing. I’ll bet she hasn’t had that in over 30 years either. BA-DUM-CHH! My heart bleeds for her. LisaR arrived with champagne, as the three of them were going to celebrate Kyle’s birthday. She asked Erika how it was going, and she said, like she told her lawyer, she needed to get past this, and unpack the emotional stuff later. Kyle joined them, and they popped the champagne, drinking out of fancy glasses Erika said she’d snuck out of the house in the night. LisaR also got Kyle a very pretty grey faux fur coat, and in LisaR’s interview, she said it wasn’t from her garage; she actually purchased it. For those not in the know, she has racks of designer clothing in her garage. She said she’d seen Dorit, who said Sutton was still nervous because she hadn’t asked the question she’d wanted answered. Kyle said she wasn’t being a bitch, Sutton was just saying she didn’t want legal and/ or society problems. Erika said, how small town of her. What will the neighbors think? In her interview, she said, we’re not in Augusta, Georgia, bitch. It had zero to do with any of them. She asked, how about her effing fear, wondering how this was going to play out? She talked about having discovered Tom’s cheating, saying, Yolanda had said, boys will always protect boys. When she got home from Yolanda’s condo, Tom was sleeping. She opened his phone, and wanted to make sure she was seeing what she thought she was. In Erika’s interview, she said she’d thought of leaving before, but how and where? She was solely dependent on her husband. She told Kyle and LisaR she’d made plans not to leave, but work for her own money. LisaR reminded them, we have champagne and cake, bitches. I have to say, I don’t remember ever having called by girlfriends bitches. And it looks pretty unattractive coming from a 75, 68, 58 year old.

In LisaR’s interview, she said she couldn’t have launched at a more difficult time, but when you’re a hustler, you do what you need to do just to keep going. She was like a cockroach; you couldn’t get rid of her. Agreed. During the interview, a bug literally flew into her lip-gloss and got stuck. If that wasn’t repulsive enough, she plucked it off, showed the camera, and then put more lip-gloss on. Bleh. The launch party was set up in Crystal’s backyard, and it looked beautiful, with bowls of pink roses on the table. Although I was surprised to find that the launch party only consisted of the women on the show. I guess it was a more upscale way of LisaR handing out lipstick samples in her living room. They began with cocktails, Erika asking for a drink called No Apologies; no hot toddy this time. In Garcelle’s interview, she thought it was ironic that Erika had made that choice. In Erika’s interview, she said she wasn’t putting any expectations on Sutton, especially since it was her own reputation being trashed. In Sutton’s interview, she said she still didn’t like it and had questions, but she could go to a lipstick party. They toasted to LisaR launching a beauty line in a pandemic year. She’d killed it. They sat down for lunch, and Dorit said she’d been thinking about Garcelle a lot. Something had been bothering her for the last couple of months. Garcelle had been making jabs at her. She didn’t know why, but she’d been noticing it, and it didn’t sit well with her.

Garcelle asked, what kind of jabs? and Dorit said it was more her tone; it was obnoxious and rude. We flashed back to Garcelle saying, as if Dorit would ever stick up for Sutton, and in Kyle’s interview, she said, Garcelle wasn’t wrong, but go ahead. We also flashed back to Garcelle calling Dorit on what she’d said about Erika, and then flashed back further, to when Dorit said everything she knew to be true about Erika was really the opposite. In Garcelle’s interview, she said she wasn’t wrong about that. Dorit said Garcelle caught her off-guard, and seemed like a bully. Garcelle told her, stop it right now, and in her interview, she said, a bully picks fights. She was reacting. Bully was a loaded word, and it wasn’t okay. Dorit asked why Garcelle was doing this, and if Garcelle had a problem with her. Garcelle said it wasn’t a problem, but she felt like when they were all discussing something, Dorit hijacked the moment. It felt like no one had a chance to say anything. Dorit asked if Garcelle considered them friends, and Garcelle said she did, but Garcelle also didn’t know where she sat with the group, and felt like an outsider in a way. LisaR said they’d had a great relationship before, meaning before LisaR acted like a complete ass about Denise. Garcelle said they’d talked about that, and we flashed back to Garcelle telling LisaR that it was going to take some time. Dorit said there was an easy way to feel like a part of the group; be honest. I’d thought that’s what Garcelle was doing, and Garcelle said she didn’t have a problem with Dorit. Only when she wouldn’t let anyone else speak. And she didn’t believe she was the only one who thought that. Kathy diplomatically said, it wasn’t like Dorit hadn’t heard it before. In Kyle’s interview, she said, Garcelle had a point. If you asked Dorit what time it was, she’d tell you how to build a clock. Yep. I know those people. Kyle told Garcelle that she might have been passive/aggressive about it, but she was being honest now. She’d gotten into it with Dorit, as had Erika. In Erika’s interview, she said Dorit was known as a marathon talker. When Dorit is talking, she checks in with herself… How’s the dog?… Did she lock the door?… Where is she going tomorrow?… Then she said she absolutely agrees with what Dorit is saying.  Then, because Dorit really doesn’t know when to shut up, she brought up how Garcelle relayed what Erika said about Tom calling her every day. We flashed back to Erika saying Garcelle had betrayed their friendship. In her interview, Dorit said Garcelle poked until she made you uncomfortable, and then acted surprised, but she knew what she was doing. Garcelle got up, and said, f*** you, to Dorit. A few times. Dorit asked if Garcelle was taking the easy way by walking out, or were they going to talk it out. Garcelle said, f*** her with that. She knew exactly what happened. She’d talk it out if it was going to be fair. In Erika’s interview, she said she wasn’t mad about it; she understood. It was a misunderstanding. We flashed back to them hugging it out, and in her interview, Garcelle said Dorit kept bringing it up because she was looking for stuff on Garcelle.

Garcelle sat back down, and in Crystal’s interview, she said she got why Garcelle was upset. This was the third time they’d talked about it. She told the women, Garcelle wasn’t there when Erika said she didn’t want to talk about it, but Erika said she didn’t say not to mention it, confusing everyone. Sutton tried to interject something, but Erika wasn’t having it, and told her, shut up, small town worried about her reputation. Sutton laughed, and Erika said she could go all day with Sutton. Go get another mo fo legal opinion. Sutton told Erika not to take her problems out on her, and Erika said her problems didn’t effect Sutton. Her small town sh*t was whack. Crystal said she thought it had been a private moment, and Erika said, it was. Dorit said she believed Garcelle was smarter than that, and Garcelle told her not to jump in on something when she wasn’t there. Dorit got back on the hamster wheel, and said, Garcelle had been giving her jabs, but she didn’t want to be accused of belaboring a point. Garcelle said, case in point. She’d say whatever to Dorit’s face moving forward. Dorit could let it go just yet, and said it made her feel sh*tty. Garcelle said she heard Dorit, and would approach things differently. LisaR said she was glad they were talking about it. We flashed back to years ago, when LisaR said in her interview, if someone else didn’t want to talk about it, you’d better believe she’s going to talk about it.

Kathy’s cutest, tiniest white Pomeranian named Muffy, was sitting on the presents under the tree. At first, I thought she was going to pee on them, but she was a good girl. Kathy said she did it every night. She showed Kyle the glassware and such she was going to use for her dinner, and in Kathy’s interview, she said it took a good four days for her to lay out what she wanted to use. I noted that her candle holders were $950, and she also had $150 party favor tiaras for everyone. I want to go to one of her parties. In her interview, she said, Dorit liked to do a entire look for the evening. She does it on the table. They had lunch on TV trays, and in Kyle’s interview, she said, growing up, their mom used TV trays, and Kathy still does. It made her laugh how Kathy brought it to another level; TV trays, but elegant. Kathy asked what Kyle thought of the launch party, and Kyle said, it was great… until it wasn’t. She was surprised when Garcelle told Dorit, f*** you. Kathy wondered when that happened, and Kyle said Kathy was probably putting on her lipstick. We flashed back, and sure enough, Kathy wasn’t paying one bit of attention to anything going on around her. She was just concentrating on that mirror.  

At LisaR’s afterparty, they had a lipstick reader, who seemed incredibly accurate, and told Kyle her mom was disappointed. Kyle said she’d later admitted she had googled everyone, and American Woman came up. Kathy said their family had put up with scrutiny for so many years, it drew attention to them. In Kyle’s interview, she said she and Kathy had their first setback in their relationship when she and Mauricio started an agency. It was the first time they’d had an issue. We flashed back to 2011, and Kyle and Mauricio on the beach, talking about family. In her interview, Kyle said Kathy thought it was going to disrespect her mother or sister. We flashed back to 2015, and Kyle talking to LVP, telling her, any time she tried to have a conversation to create peace, it just never went well. Then we flashed back to 2017, with Kyle talking to Dorit about being estranged from her family. Kathy said there were so many things out there, there was no way it could be anybody else. It put their mom in a bad light, and jealous people made comments. In Kathy’s interview, she said she did have her lawyer send a letter saying she and her family couldn’t be used. She would have done it with her own kids. I can’t believe anyone cares that much. Kyle said it was inspired by their mom, and a love letter to her. In her interview, Kyle said it was difficult to talk about. She was so scared it was going to spark another issue. Kathy asked why Kyle didn’t talk to her about it beforehand, but Kyle said they weren’t speaking. Kathy insisted she wouldn’t have done it without talking to Kyle, and Kyle said if it had been a real story about their real family, she wouldn’t have done it. It was about a single mom in the 70s, learning how to navigate. Kathy said some of it was off-color, and talked about things you’d only understand if you’d watched American Woman. In Kyle’s interview, she said one of the things Kathy was talking about was Alicia Silverstone on a floaty in a pool, smoking. She thought it was benign. In Kathy’s interview, she said, if it’s shown, people think it’s their family. It’s unacceptable. Okay, your highness. She told Kyle that Kim had never said an unkind thing about it, but Kyle thought Kathy probably just forgot things Kim had said. There were times Kathy and Kim had been close, and she was the outsider, and times Kim was the outsider. There was also the Christmas when Kyle wasn’t included. In her interview, she said, when her mom passed, the dynamic changed. Her mom had been the mediator. We flashed back to the infamous limo scene, where Kim accused Kyle of stealing her goddam house. In Kyle’s interview, she said if their mom was still alive, they’d still argue, but their mom would have brought them together. She thinks it’s time for healing the wound. Kathy reached out for her and Mauricio to join them for dinner.

Two months earlier. We saw Kyle and Mauricio talking, and Mauricio said, all wounds healed with time, but this one was taking longer. In Kyle’s interview, she said she never wanted to go back to that place, and got all teary . Kathy got teary in her interview too, saying, what a waste.

Next time, Kyle asks Sutton about Erika’s divorce being a sham, Sutton thinks the divorce looks fishy, and Erika tells Sutton to STFU.

🏂 Slip Slidin’ Away…

Tomorrow, the cheese soap stands alone, while Friday will bring the finale of some major real estate. Until we meet again, stay safe, stay unruffled, and stay not letting your broken heart do strange things.