What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Sonny thanks Margaux for stopping by. She says this is the last time she’s responding to a summons. Next time, make an appointment. She sees Jason, and asks, why is she there? Sonny didn’t think she wanted to hear the information he has in public. She asks, why? and Jason says they have something that will send her friend Shiloh straight to prison.

At the MetroCourt, Lulu tells Peter and Maxie, it was a twist no one saw coming. Maxie says the only reason Ryan agreed to donate his kidney was to get a break on his sentence. Peter says, not likely, since his crimes span several states. Maxie says it doesn’t sound like Ryan on any level, and Lulu suggests, maybe he’s in it for the headline. Peter says, if anything is front page news, that is. Lulu says, speaking of front page news… Peter asks how her story is coming.

Harmony goes to Shiloh’s hospital room. He says, she came, and she says, of course (🍷). There’s no place she’d rather be. Tell her if there’s anything he needs her to do. He says there’s only one thing she needs to do. He grabs her arm, and demands she tell him about her part in keeping his child from him.

At Charlie’s, Michael holds Wiley while he sits with Brad. He says he missed Wiley. So does Willow. Brad tells him to be careful. What if DOD members are listening? Michael says, a lot of people love Wiley, and will do everything they can to protect him. He asks Brad how he and Lucas are holding up. Brad says he’s wreck – what else is new? – but he’s never seen Lucas this afraid.

Lucas goes to Willow’s classroom. Lucas says he’s been wanting to talk to her since the Nurses Ball. She asks him to shut the door. He does, and says, he can’t stop thinking about her relationship to his son, and what it means for the future.

Sam and Julian stand outside a county clerk’s office. Julian gives Sam a manila envelope, telling her it has ID, a passport, and driver’s license. Everything she needs is all there. Sam looks through everything, and thanks him. He says she might as well be a decent criminal. She goes into the office, and tells him that she needs help regarding an adoption. He checks her ID, calling her Miss Tait. She tells him, call her Willow. She gives him a court order, and says she wants to alter some information on her son’s adoption. He’s their son now, and she wants him to stay their son, but if he comes looking for his birth mother, she wants him to know how to find her. She acts distressed, and Julian comes in. The clerk leaves to get the records, and Sam pokes Julian, saying he’s early. He says, when the clerk comes back, it’s go time.

Jason tells Margaux that they have recordings proving Shiloh gave Sam drug-laced tea, which were confirmed by the toxicology report. Then he moved Sam to a second location without her consent, where he sexually assaulted her. Margaux asks if Shiloh raped Sam, and he says, no, but it was clearly Shiloh’s intent, until he interrupted them. Margaux says that might explain Shiloh’s sudden unexplained injuries. Sonny says, maybe Shiloh is just clumsy. She says Sonny’s daughter Kristina is a DOD member, but he says, not anymore. She gets it. He’s protective of his children, but it looks like Kristina found s man she looked up to more, and Sonny forced a wedge between them. Sonny says the only thing he did was tell the truth, and Kristina made up her own mind. He’s hoping Margaux does the same. She says, what truth? and Sonny says, that Shiloh is a sexual predator. She thinks Sonny might have manipulated the evidence, but Jason says the recordings are on the flashdrive, and it’s Shiloh’s voice. Sonny says if she won’t take his word for it, take Shiloh’s.

Harmony asks what Shiloh is talking about. Is he sure? He says, it explains everything. Why Willow ran and his. She was carrying his baby. Harmony suggests maybe he’s just seeing what he wants to see. He says the truth is that Willow had his child, and she’s keeping the child from him. Did Harmony help? She says, no. Why would she? She’s his most loyal follower, and knows what s child represents. He says Willow had his child, and is keeping it from him. it’s Harmony’s mission to unite them.

Michael tells Brad that he knows things are difficult, and emotions are running high, but Willow is not the enemy. Just the opposite. She sacrificed everything to keep Wiley safe. Brad says he’s not insensitive, but finding out they could lose Wiley because Willow didn’t tell the father isn’t great news. Michael says Brad was blindsided, and it’s understandable, but now that he’s had time to process it, there are some things he should be aware of. When Michael met Willow, she had no idea Wiley was his godson. They met in a support group for grieving parents, and eventually, she confided in him that she gave her son up for adoption. Brad says she didn’t notify Shiloh. Michael says she couldn’t. She would have been dragged back to the compound in Beechers Corners. She wasn’t negligent or deceptive; she was incredibly brave. Chase comes in, saying he’s glad he caught Michael. Michael asks how Chase knew he was there, and Chase says he’s a detective – and someone at Michael’s office told him. Michael says, someone is getting fired. He’s just kidding. Brad says Wiley’s grandmother is expecting them. Chase says the baby really likes Michael. I have to laugh. Wiley is wearing a little bow tie, and smiling his baby butt off at something off-camera.

Lucas asks if Willow’s mom knew what was going on. Willow says, she was one of the first to be initiated. She considered it a great honor when Shiloh chose Willow for the Trust. She was all for it. Shiloh convinces you to trust his will over your own. If he wants you to recruit or organize, you do it. She found out she was pregnant, and maybe it was maternal instinct, but she realized what Shiloh was doing was wrong, and didn’t want that for her child. She had to escape. Lucas is sorry. He has so many questions; he doesn’t know where to begin. She says she’s an open book, but doesn’t see how it matters. She thought she did everything she could to keep Shiloh from finding out, but it wasn’t enough. She should have hidden better or kept going. Lucas says if she had, Wiley wouldn’t be with them. He’s grateful she made a plan to protect him. She says, except it didn’t work. She doesn’t want Wiley trapped in the life she risked everything to get away from.

The clerk comes back, and gives Sam a folder. Julian says he’s in a hurry. He’s on the clock, and time is money. A smoke alarm goes off, and the clerk goes in the back. Sam and Julian shuffle the papers all around, and exchange them for other papers. On the phone, the clerk says, that’s the third time this month. There’s no fire. He returns, and tells Julian and Sam, false alarm. Between pranksters and an outdated system, this happens too much. Julian says he’s out of time. Thanks for wasting his morning. Sam says, how rude, and the clerk says he’ll file the documents. Sam thanks him, saying it will make a big difference to her little boy’s life.

Lulu feels like she’s missing something, and Peter asks if she interviewed the victims and got police reports. She says she did, but she feels terrible saying it seems like front page news. Peter says that’s the nature of the beast. She’s not hoping for another serial killer, but the story feels cheesy. Maxie says, the story is important to women who were looking fall in love, and who got robbed instead. Lulu says, Maxie is right, but she wants to make an impact. Peter suggests she let the police do their job. Lulu says they’re not prioritizing it. To them, it’s just stolen property, most of which was insured. Maxie asks if Lulu thinks she’s the person who should bust the guy, and Lulu says she thinks she’s in a position to do so. Peter says, as her boss and friend, he’d like her to consider another way to prove herself without actively looking for trouble.

Harmony tells Shiloh, that’s impossible. He can’t prove Willow had his child. Even if he could, there’s no chance Willow will confide the truth in her. Shiloh says he’s disappointed in Harmony’s absence of common sense. Doesn’t she think he can see her for what she truly is? A sad, insecure, empty vessel, jealous of her own daughter. When she should be elated, she chooses to prefer thinking the child doesn’t exist or can’t be found. Harmony says, that’s not true. The child would be a blessing for all of them. He asks if she means that, and she says, with everything in her. He says, then she should be grateful for the opportunity to redeem herself.

Lucas apologizes for how he treated Willow at the Nurses Ball. She says he was blindsided and it was understandable. He says angry and paranoid isn’t who he wants to be, and when he had time to process everything, he realized Michael thinks highly of her, and he thinks highly of Michael. Willow says Michael is a great guy. Lucas says his husband has his own concerns, but realized she wants the best for Wiley, and they decided to trust her. He’s not sure why, but he’d gotten it in his head that she was the enemy, and he was mistaken. She says they’re on the same side; team Wiley all the way. He asks why she let them keep Wiley, and she says they lived up to all their promises in the application. She ultimately realized Wiley might have been her baby, but he’s their son. She loves him, but as much as it hurts to let him go, she has no doubt Wiley is where he belongs. Lucas says they’d wanted an open adoption, and now that they know her, it would be an honor if she would be part of Wiley’s life. She thanks him, but she’s afraid that’s not possible. She can never see Wiley again.

Chase thanks Michael for staying with Willow at the Nurses Ball. Michael says he heard Chase caught Ryan, and congratulates him. Chase says it was a strange team effort. He’ll tell Michael all about it sometime. Meanwhile, there are other people he’d like to see behind bars. Michael says, Shiloh? When he found Willow, Shiloh was looming over her, using physical intimidation. Chase says Willow didn’t tell him that, but he’s happy Chase was there for her. He doesn’t know what might have happened, or what he’d have done if Shiloh hurt Willow. Michael says they’ll do anything to protect Wiley. Speaking of which, he needs to ask, how long did Chase know Wiley was Willow’s child? Chase says he put the pieces together a while back, but it wasn’t his truth to tell. The more people who knew, the more danger Wiley was in. Michael says they’re past that now. They need to be willing to do anything to stop Shiloh. Chase says, he’s in.

Lucas asks Willow, why? Shiloh? She says, as long as Shiloh is breathing, it will never be over. He’ll find some way around any roadblocks. The only reason she’s talking to him now, is that Shiloh is in the hospital. He has no time to send his minions to spy on her. Once he’s out, he’ll gather his most trusted followers, telling them about the woman who’s too selfish to allow him to raise his own child. There will be eyes on her day and night, watching where she goes and what she does, and especially who she talks to. Lucas says, no last goodbye, and she says she can’t risk it. Neither can he. It will give Shiloh no reason to connect them. Lucas says, what about Michael? He’s Wiley’s godfather. She says she’ll stay away from him when he’s with Wiley. If Shiloh or the DOD members see how she looks at Wiley, they’ll know he’s not just some random kid. Lucas is really sorry. He wishes Wiley could get the chance know his brave, remarkable mother. She says, just keep him safe. He thanks her for everything. The courage to get away from Shiloh, for choosing them, and giving Wiley up. One day when Wiley is old enough, he promises to tell Wiley about his mother and how much she loves him.

Harmony tells Shiloh that she’d do anything to prove herself. He’s relying on that. She asks how she finds a child they’re not sure even exists. He tells her to remember the day she came to him, eager for guidance. He took her under his wing, and gave her a home. She says she’d be lost without him. He believes that, and would hate to see it happen, but if she doesn’t bring him his child, she has no plac in DOD, the Trust, or with him.

Margaux watches the video of Sam being drugged by Shiloh. Jason says, after that, Shiloh took Sam to another location. Margaux asks if Sam gave consent to the recording, and Jason says, yes. It’s admissible in court. She says she knows New York law. Sonny tells her to think of how many others he’s scammed out of money, secrets, and their free will. She says she gets it. Jason says she heard what Shiloh told Sam. It’s clearly a ritual. He drugs them, tattoos them, then has sex with them, and there have been multiple victims. Sonny says he’s going to do everything in his power to see that Shiloh is exposed for the sexual predator that he is. She has to figure out if she’s going to bring him to justice or be his accomplice. She says there are circumstances that prevent her from taking action, but Jason says he found Pledges; personal, incriminating letters and audio recordings from DOD members. She asks what he proposes to do with them, and he says he already destroyed them. Sonny says, except this one, taking an envelope out of a drawer. Jason says he has to be somewhere. Sonny says he’ll take care of the rest of this. When Jason is gone, Sonny asks Margaux, what next?

On the phone, Margaux tells someone to text her when the judge signs off on the warrant. Sonny says she won’t regret it, and she tells him, go to hell. He loves dangling her Pledge over her. He says that’s not what he’s doing, but she says he loves every minute of it. He says Shiloh exploited his daughter. What he’s doing isn’t about her. It’s about saving innocent victims from a con artist and rapist. She has to be the hero. Shiloh has nothing to hold over her. She says, but Sonny does.

Lulu says the thief is probably using a different picture each time. Her profile is dull. She wouldn’t even rob herself. Maxie suggests a night out would lift her spirits, but Lulu says, a night out with a man who’s not her husband won’t lift her spirits.

At Charlie’s, Jason asks Michael how Kristina is doing. Michael says she’s trying to convince everyone that she’s not as fragile as she is. Jason says he has news that might help. They’ve talked to the DA, and there’s a good chance Shiloh will be arrested. Sam joins them, and says she thought Michael would be at the office. He asks if that’s her way of getting rid of him, but she says, never. Jason says everything is taken care of. Margaux just needs to arrest Shiloh. She heard the recording of Sam and Shiloh at the DOD house. Michael asks if he wants to know, and Sam says it was vile and disgusting, but it’s over. Michael says, once Shiloh is behind bars, the people he hurt can begin anew.

Chase visit’s Willow’s classroom. She tells him, Lucas is a good man. She’s glad she picked him to be Wiley’s father. Brad too, but Lucas stood out. He even offered to make room in Wiley’s life for her. She wanted to say yes, but there’s no way with Shiloh lurking around. Chase says, it isn’t forever. Too many people have Shiloh on their radar. She says, he has a way of getting out of trouble more easily than he gets in it. Chase’s phone rings, and he says, right away. He tells Willow that he’s psyched. A warrant has been issued for Shiloh’s arrest. Someone must have finally pressed charges for sexual assault. He’ll be too busy with the trial and going to prison to look for Wiley. Willow says she’s not jinxing it by saying anything. She’s not believing it until Shiloh is truly behind bars once and for all. Chase says the first step is to arrest him, and this one is his pleasure.

Michael asks Sam how Danny’s birthday was, and she says Danny got a great present. So did she. Jason is moving back in. Michael says, it only took two years, and Jason says, some things are worth the wait. Sam approaches Julian, and orders coffee. She thanks him, and he says he couldn’t have done it without her. It’s nice to be on the same team. Sam kind of smiles.

Brad comes into Charlie’s, and tells Julian that Lucas texted him to meet there. It sounded urgent. What’s going on? Julian thinks Lucas should fill him in.

Shiloh tells Harmony that he’s said what he had to. Goodbye. She says, don’t do this, and he says he’s not doing anything; neither is she. I desperately want to punch him in the face. He says she has one simple task. Bring him the child. She doesn’t know where to start. He says if she brings his child to him, she’ll be the most important person in his inner circle. He starts touching her face, and she says she’d love that more than anything. He says, then she knows what to do. The only thing that matters – now he’s grabbing her face – is for her to bring his child to him. He pushes her back, and she says, of course (🍷), and leaves. Shiloh gives his creepy look.

Lucas comes into Charlie’s, and goes over to where Michael, Jason, and Sam are sitting. He says he was expecting to just meet Brad, and asks if Jason knows. Jason says, he knows everything, and Sam says she has good news for them. Brad says Lucas looks calmer, and Lucas says the fear of losing their son made him understand the desperation Brad has been feeling. They’re in this together. He spoke to Willow, who cleared everything up. He wanted her to know she’s not alone in the fight. Michael says he thought Sam swore she’s never cooperate with Julian under any circumstances, but Jason says she was motivated. They still can’t trust Julian though. He has his own agenda. Sam says, Wiley is in a safer place than he was yesterday. She takes that as a win.

Sonny says Margaux put out the arrest warrant because of her Pledge, but Margaux says, she did it because it’s her job. For as long as she has it. She tells him, let’s be honest. If the Pledge becomes public, her career is over. Sonny’s got her where he wants her. He asks if she’s sure about that. She says her mother conspired to have her father murdered, and he has proof she covered it up. He has all the leverage he needs. Congratulations. He wins.

Lulu tells Peter and Maxie that she has to get started, and jets. Maxie says she thought Lulu would never leave. They have to get moving on their plan to get Dante home. Peter says, the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks it’s a bad idea. Dante’s condition is unstable. If there’s a chance something could go wrong, and Lulu or the kids could get hurt, he doesn’t want to put Dante in that position. The most important thing is Dante’s complete healing. Maxie says, without Lulu, he can’t completely heal, but Peter says he has a psychological issue. Maxie says Lulu won’t be happy without him. Peter says, it’s not up to her to decide what makes Lulu happy. She says, good point. He says, at the very least, they need to know what they’re dealing with. She says, to do that, they have to find Dante.

Margaux gets ready to leave, and Sonny tells her, wait. Don’t forget this. He gives her the envelope, saying, it’s the only copy. He doesn’t want any part of her life in his hands. As far as leverage goes, blackmail is a crime. He takes it she’ll do the right thing, and tells her to take care of herself.

Julian tells Lucas that if the birth father goes looking for a paper trail, he won’t find one. Lucas asks if he’s sure, and Julian says Lucas asked him to handle it; it’s handled. Lucas and Brad hug.

Sam says, here’s one for the good guys. They scored a victory. They clink coffee cups.

Harmony goes to Willow’s classroom, and Willow asks what she wants. Harmony closes the door. She says she just came from seeing Shiloh, and Willow says, color her shocked. Harmony says, he knows his child is alive, but Willow says she told him the same thing she told Harmony – she lost the baby. Harmony says she doesn’t believe that. Willow says if her lack of belief could magically bring her baby back, that would be great, but it’s not how life works. Harmony says, of all people, Willow should know who she’s dealing with. Willow says Shiloh isn’t an unstoppable force of nature; he’s a man. Harmony says, exactly, and she knows what kind of man he is. Harmony protected her secret, and kept it from him all this time. Willow needs her help again. Tell her where the baby is.

Chase tells Shiloh that he’s under arrest. Shiloh asks, what for? and Chase says, extortion, attempted rap, sexual assault, and other assorted offenses. He cuffs Shiloh to the bed, and reads Shiloh his rights. Does he understand? Shiloh glares at Chase, who glares back.

Tomorrow, Jordan needs to speak to Stella alone, Harmony thanks Willow for confirming what she knew, Carly isn’t running from Ava, and Shiloh trusts Margaux has a way to vindicate him.

The Real Housewives of New York City

When we left the women, Sonja had just taken a drunken fall at the dinner table after saying she was going to knock Bethenny out.

Upstairs, getting ready to go out with Tinsley, Ramona digs for a Ziplock bag of make-up. Barbara and Bethenny examine Sonja’s head. Bethenny wants the paramedics to come, so she knows Sonja is okay. She puts Sonja in bed, and Sonja says Bethenny’s ass is amazing. Tinsley asks, what happened? Bethenny gets in bed with Sonja, and Tinsley asks if they’re not going out now. Ramona says they’ll be back in an hour. Bethenny asks Sonja how many fingers she’s holding up. After Sonja answers correctly, she asks who the President is. Sonja says, Clinton, but after a few tries, gets it right. Ramona tells Tinsley, Sonja is in good hands. She’s out of there.

The paramedics come. Bethenny tells them that Sonja tripped, and she wants to make sure she didn’t hit her head. Sonja declares the paramedics hot, and asks if they can check Bethenny too.

Ramona sees a gurney outside, and blathers about going to the hospital after a car accident. Tinsley thinks it looks scary. Sonja yowls as the paramedics take some blood. In her interview, LuAnn says, after everything that was said, she can’t look at Sonja right now. The paramedics ask if Sonja takes any medications, and she says she’s allergic to dust mites. Okay… Bethenny is relieved that Sonja’s pupils don’t look like she’s taking anything, and wants to shove that up LuAnn’s ass. It’s not a cavalier thing you go around saying.

Tinsley and Ramona go to a bar. Tinsley doesn’t want be super annoying, but Miami brings up Scott. In Tinsley’s interview, she says it brings up the fun and excitement of something she thought was forever. Miami was their first long date ever, and he got her flowers. We flash back to the mammoth flower heart that he had delivered. She says he sent flowers when she was in Mexico too, and we also see those. She says they’re not together now, and no flowers. Ramona asks what kind she wants. She’ll buy them. In Ramona’s interview, she says Tinsley is obsessed with Scott, and needs to get back in the game. She tells Tinsley that she can’t put all her eggs in one basket. Ramona demonstrates what life is about using wine glasses.

LuAnn wonders why there’s no one to help in the morning. Bethenny says even though the evening was a traumatic experience, she liked how much they laughed. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she needs time to be alone, and process; ease her way into the day. She’s not in a rush. She does a yoga class.

Dorinda wakes Ramona. She’s decided to do yoga, and says it’s too beautiful out to sleep. Sonja asks if they took blood (they did). In her interview, she says, Miami Vice houses aren’t made for going all four legs out like a pony, but she learned to fall from horseback riding. She apologizes for scaring everyone.

Sonja tells Bethenny that since she came to dinner late, she missed the drama with LuAnn. She left before Bethenny got there. Bethenny says LuAnn was just screaming at someone for coffee. Where are her minions with the coffee? In her interview, Bethenny says LuAnn is the Joan Crawford of coffee. She’s making her success look bad.

Ramona tells Sonja that they’re looking good. All this working out is working out. She and Sonja are ready to go to the water. Bethenny decides to make breakfast. Sonja says she feels great, but has a bruise. She thanks Bethenny, and they agree LuAnn is in her own world. Dorinda says she tries to treat LuAnn with fragility, but LuAnn makes her feel like less of person, and she doesn’t want to deal with it. In Dorinda’s interview, she says LuAnn is a narcissist, and she doesn’t want to deal with narcissists.

Ramona goes out to talk to LuAnn. She asks how yoga was, and LuAnn says it’s what she needed. Last night was awful. What was awful was the girls getting trashed, and trashing her. She thinks they have a problem with her success. Ramona disagrees. LuAnn says she found something she loves, and they’re trying to rip it apart. We flash back to the dinner the night before. Ramona thinks the women feel she has an attitude toward the group that’s aloof and condescending. LuAnn says, they hide behind calling her the Countess because they don’t want to support her doing well.  She adds that she’s trying to stay sober while they’re getting wasted. She can be around people drinking, but not sloppy drunk. They don’t want to see her do well. Ramona says she’s completely wrong, and LuAnn asks, why treat her that way then? Did Ramona see what happened at the table, or is she blind?

LuAnn says she has a bone to pick with Sonja. Every time she sees Sonja, she’s drunk. As a friend, she can’t watch Sonja spiral into darkness. She’s lucky she didn’t kill herself. In LuAnn’s interview, she says after Sonja said all these devastating things to her, no one checked on her, and Bethenny was extreme. Sonja tells the other women that she had five drinks, and in her interview, Dorinda wonders in what kind of glass. A 24-ounce tumbler? Sonja says, the welcome drinks always get you. LuAnn tells Ramona that she’s going to ask if Sonja wants to join her at the AA meeting. She’s not asking her to join the program, but just come along. Ramona says, everyone is in discord. LuAnn doesn’t want it like that. She needed this trip. Ramona says, it will work out.

They wonder where Barbara is. Bethenny says Barbara experienced trauma. In her interview, Bethenny says it was mean of Ramona to exclude her. Maybe it’s like she’s at the wrong lunch table, and it’s not her vibe. LuAnn asks if Sonja is okay, and Sonja says she feels great. LuAnn says she’s worried about her. It’s not normal to face plant at the dinner table. Sonja says, you, who fell in the bushes, and we see the clip that’s the gift that keeps on giving. LuAnn says she owns it, like that makes it okay. Sonja says she just needs to find that place of moderation. LuAnn say she worries about Sonja. Sonja asks why LuAnn is complaining about her to the girls, and not coming to her? If Sonja went around saying that about LuAnn, LuAnn would be in jail. LuAnn claims she tried to talk to her, and Sonja says she has to keep between them. LuAnn says she’s worried about Sonja, and Sonja says she heard her; she’s got it. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she’s not the drinking police, but she doesn’t want the same thing happening to Sonja that happened to her. She asks if Sonja wants to go to a meeting with her, and Sonja says she’ll see how she feels. In her interview, Sonja says she doesn’t want to go to a meeting with LuAnn while they’re on vacation. She doesn’t think she has a drinking problem. They go back inside. Sonja says they have two points of view, but they’re good. Dorinda says, just treat each other with respect. They decide it’s bathing suit time, and LuAnn says she’s going to a meeting first.

Seeing LuAnn on her way back in, Barbara says she went for a run. It was a tough night. LuAnn laughs, and says she’ll see Barbara at lunch. Ramona apologizes to Barbara. She says they both have strong personalities, and aren’t easy to handle. Ugh. She’s one of those people who says, we were all drunk, when they were the only one behaving like an a-hole. The women go to the pool.

Bethenny is first in the pool. Dorinda comes out, and realizes she didn’t take the plastic off the crotch of her bathing suit. She asks how many people are coming to dinner, and Ramona says, thirty in total. In Bethenny’s interview, she says Ramona is controlling how many people are coming, and has a whole bunch of rules. Dorinda takes picture of Bethenny, and Ramona photo bombs, going by on her pool noodle.

Ramona tells Tinsley that Mario met her in the city with the girls, and he’s going to come tonight. LuAnn joins them, and Bethenny asks Ramona if Mario could be a friend with benefits. LuAnn says, it’s hard to put on old slippers. Bethenny asks if Mario is bringing someone, but that’s a no. Ramona, however, has invited someone for herself. Bethenny asks if that isn’t a double-standard. Mario can’t bring a date, but Ramona gets to flirt. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, thank God the women agreed to leave the house for a day. She’s taking them out for some culture to Wynwood Walls, an artist enclave. Bethenny says she doesn’t want to go crazy tonight. Her goal is to find men for Tinsley to meet. Tinsley says her sister Dabney is coming.

When they get to the venue, Ramona says she’s visiting friends in another hotel. In her interview, she says the women are going to be walking around for two hours, and they have a big party tonight. She’s invited a date and Mario is coming. She has to figure out how to play both men. Alrighty then. Sonja wonders, how many guys can one woman handle?

LuAnn introduces the women to artist Peter Tunney; she’s known him for years. He’s a New York based artist, who moved to Florida. Bethenny buys a piece of his art, and he gifts everyone with something cool from his collection. Afterwards, they go into another building, where Bethenny’s friend, artist Romero Britto, works. Bethenny says he’s all about joy and love and fun, the same as his art. In her interview, she says she wanted give the girls a gift; something special to remind them of the trip. They’re not being vapid arguers when they do something like this. Romero gives each of them a sparkly heart sculpture. Bethenny says Ramona doesn’t get one, since she couldn’t be bothered to come. Another bar, another pool, Ramona doesn’t get two pieces of signed art.

Getting ready for dinner, Ramona feels like she’s going to the prom. In Ramona’s interview, she says she loves entertaining, and knows it will be a great party. She planned the menu, and invited great people. She’s psyched. She tells Sonja about her date, Kevin. She told him that her ex would be there. In her interview, she says she wanted a buffer. She didn’t want Mario to feel like she was pressured to be with him all the time. Oh come on. Bethenny tells Tinsley to have fun, but not keep her awake all night.

Mario arrives. In Ramona’s interview, she says she can’t help it. They’ve always had chemistry, and always will. We flash back over several years of that. She says that’s why they were married for over twenty years. In Sonja’s interview, she says she wants to watch how much she drinks tonight. She doesn’t want to go overboard. Ramona picks a wedgie out of her ass right in front of everyone. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she’s never seen Ramona flirt. Is that sexy? She thinks she missed that chapter. She doesn’t know if Ramona has Mario there to play with him, but she’s jsut sitting back and watching. She tells Mario that Ramona told her date he was going to be there. So there won’t be any funny stuff. Ramona acts like she’s fourteen, and I’m embarrassed. In her interview, she says a little part of her wants to make him jealous.

LuAnn looks amazing in a red strapless jumpsuit that has a cut-out neckline. Even with all the men around, Tinsley is more excited to see Dabney. LuAnn says she plans on having fun, and hanging out with her friends. No repeat last night. Ramona tells Mario that Sonja makes sh*t up all the time. Mario wonders who Ramona’s date is, and asks each of the men, are you the guy? causing Ramona to act juvenile and stupid. Sonja eats an eel sushi, and Dorinda laughs at how she chugs it down. Sonja tells Dabney that she just deep throated a sushi.

Kevin arrives. Bethenny asks Mario how he’s doing, and he says golfing, tennis… She says he’s living the good life. In her interview, Bethenny says the dynamic between Mario and Ramona is modern. She’s jealous, and she loves it. She asks if Mario and Ramona are friends, and have consciously uncoupled now. Out by the pool, Kevin asks Ramona which one is her ex, and how long they’ve been split. She points out Mario, and says four years; he had a midlife crisis. Tinsley tells Dabney, the place suddenly became Scott, and gets squeaky weepy. Dabney says Tinsley needs to appreciate and respect herself, and not beat herself up over someone who couldn’t handle how special and awesome she is. In her interview, Tinsley says Dabney is her little sister, but gives tough love. She knows what Dabney is saying is from her heart. Dabney is wiser than she is, so she listens.

Bethenny tells Tinsley to come downstairs. There’s a guy she wants Tinsley to meet. In Bethenny’s interview, she says Tinsley wants to meet a successful, good-looking, wealthy guy, and she knows him. She was set up on a date with Brent, and he was a lot of fun. Even if he’s just a temporary distraction from Scott, it’s a win. Tinsley can’t talk to him, and tells Dabney that she’s a loser. She has more game than this, but she can’t do that right now.

Dinner is served. In Bethenny’s interview, she says Ramona takes joy in this being her house and her party, so they’re going to play with her. Dorinda makes a toast. She thanks everybody for coming, and says what a beautiful house it is. They’re happy to have everyone there, and she thanks LuAnn for bringing them to Wynwood Walls. She thanks Bethenny for arranging to have the sculptures made. They came home with thousands of dollars’ worth of art. Ramona – probably in hearing that it was free- said she missed out on art? Dorinda says the pieces were worth at least twenty grand. One artist is working with the Pope, Presidents, and the Queen Mother. Bethenny adds, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and starts laughing. I do too, since it was perfect. In her interview, Bethenny says, if you play for a bigger, better deal, you miss out on some special deals. You flooze, you lose. Ramona claims she was trying to organize something, but Sonja says she was at the hotel with guys. In Ramona’s interview, she says she’s surprised they didn’t bring something back for her. When Sonja didn’t go to the clambake, she brought back lobsters. We flash back to her dumping food in her tote bag.

Ramona introduces Mario to Kevin. In her interview, she says she and Mario are in a good place, but she doesn’t mind giving him a taste of his own medicine. Mario says something about Avery, and Kevin wanders off, looking for coffee. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she feels sorry for Mario; it’s so awkward. She doesn’t know if Mario is jealous or horrified.

Sonja tells Mario about Ramona making out with Harry. Ramona says she did not, and tells Sonja to shut her effing mouth. Dorinda wonders what difference it makes, and Mario asks if Sonja is jealous. Sonja says she doesn’t want Harry, but Harry’s in love with her. In Ramona’s interview, she wonders what Sonja is thinking. She’s not thinking. Mario asks if Harry is back in the picture. Dorinda says there’s a lot of cross-pollination in the group. Then Mario says something I totally miss. I’m pissed because it’s obviously the punchline for the end of the show, and has irritated Dorinda. Dorinda says she’s not a loser.

Next time, Sonja feels alone and overwhelmed, Sonja says LuAnn is judging her, and Bethenny tells LuAnn that life is not a cabaret – then breaks down.

Southern Charm

Austen was thankful that Craig and Shep set him straight about Madison. Craig said Madison was so sneaky. It seemed like she’d done this before. I thought she couldn’t be that sneaky, hitting on the boyfriend of a girl in the group. Craig summed it up perfectly, saying, people suck. Chelsea didn’t have much sympathy about Austen being upset, since they’d already cheated on each other. Do better and you’ll find better. She told Shep that Austen had talked sh*t about her. She finds it odd that he’d talk about his ex to his girlfriend, and then his girlfriend told his ex, i.e. her.

Cameran felt like she was drowning in motherhood. Some women flourish in it, but she didn’t think she was up to the task. She thought maybe it was a lesson from God that she needed to allow someone to help her, but she was afraid something bad would happen to Palmer.

Danni told Naomie that Kathryn was MIA again. We flashed back to last year when Kathryn shut out the world, and also when Danni told her that she had to communicate. Danni told Naomie it was draining her. Cameran told Chelsea that even though it was Kathryn’s trip, they were doing something even if they couldn’t hunt her down. She already told her husband she was leaving, and wasn’t missing the opportunity.

Kathryn returned home to a million texts, and smiles at the ones from new boyfriend Joe. She was in New York and Miami. She called Danni, who made a big deal about it, and Kathryn said Danni was the only one who’d called. She’d made concrete plans, and didn’t know why it was an issue. Cameran said the best thing was to not meddle in Kathryn’s business. She always resurfaces. The girls met at Kathryn’s house. Kathryn made plans for them to go to a vineyard and dinner, but wanted them to mainly relax. In the car, one of the girls announced that people were shoving gummi bears up their butts. Cameran didn’t understand why anyone would shove anything up there, including a wiener, and I’m totally with her there. Kathryn talked about Joe. He wants to open a law office in Charleston. Kathryn says it’s the first time since meeting Thomas that she felt excited about someone.

Eliza went home to where she grew up, Airy Hall lime plantation. Her dad was her idol, but after his public affair they didn’t talk for a year. She just wanted to hide. While she’s forgiven him, she doesn’t think it will ever be like it was. She’d been scheduled to go to the Bahamas, but boyfriend Don forgot his passport. She was pissed that the missed the plane – until it crashed. She told her father about not being as welcomed by society since his affair, and the hugged it out. We haven’t met him yet, but he already seems like a million times cooler on his worst day, than Thomas is on his best day.

Chelsea thought the forest they’d be staying in was like Robinhood, Prince of Thieves, but Naomie thought it was more Blair Witch Project. They were staying in fancy treehouses, and Cameran said it looked like something from a fairytale. I had to agree; the whole place looked magical. Danni had concerns about Kathryn, but Naomie said Kathryn was acting normal, and to leave it alone. At the vineyard, they did a wine tasting, with Kathryn having juice from the same vineyard. Kathryn got a text from Whitney, saying, yo, where u at? How old is he? Nineteen? The girls asked Kathryn what Whitney was like, and pumped her for information. We found out he kept his glasses on, and I literally lol’d. So did they.

On a sad note, Whitney’s dog Smoochie wasn’t able to walk. Whitney said she was the only woman who hadn’t let him down.

Danni wanted to call Kathryn out, but didn’t want it to be counter-productive. Dinner was served in another treehouse. Cameran toasted to having wonderful men, but not needing them. She said the sign of a good man is when they never put you down, even in an argument. In her interview, Kathryn said she always had to learn the hard way, and we flashed back to one of Thomas’s not-so-shining moments. Kathryn wanted the girls to meet Joe, and said he was going to be in town next week. She felt there was something special between them; he’s easy to be around, and encourages her success. Danni chose that moment to ask why Kathryn was MIA all week.

Kathryn said she went to a charity event in NYC, and missed her Charleston flight, so she went to Miami (presumably to be with Joe). Danni said Kathryn had built so much, and she thought Kathryn was self-sabotaging. She wasn’t responsive, and they thought she’d be home sooner. Kathryn said she had no reason to be back, and was feeling attacked. Danni said she was worried. Kathryn had been testy, and her moods coincided with her seeing a new guy. Danni said she knows how Kathryn avoids, but Kathryn insisted she wasn’t avoiding. Danni whined about Kathryn not being accountable for day to day stuff, like being late. Kathryn says she’s changed homes a bunch of times, and has had no structure, while dealing with depression. She wasn’t doing it on purpose, and was working her ass off to get her sh*t together. Naomie said, everyone has a battle, and Kathryn said she was doing her best. If they had any suggestions for time management, she’d be glad to hear them. In her interview, Cameran said she thought Kathryn was under a lot of stress, but had to put on her big girl panties.

Naomie pointed out that Kathryn had bought a new, expensive car. She said she wouldn’t be a friend if she didn’t tell Kathryn it was foolish. She wanted Kathryn to think things through. The perception wasn’t great, In Kathryn’s interview, she said what she did with her money is her business. She didn’t ask them these questions, because it’s of no concern to her. She wondered why Naomie should care, and Naomie said if Kathryn claimed she was fine, it was the only answer they needed. Kathryn said it had gotten considerably awkward.

Next time, Shep says Madison is diabolical, Austen admits he sabotages relationships, Craig tricks the group into helping him make pillows, and Kathryn tells Danni to eff off.

🍹🍹 Yep, It’s a Repeat…

But worth hearing again, and I’m tired.