What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Dressed like Einstein (Albert, not my dog), Leo trades math equations with Lois. Who knew she was a math wiz? Leo tells her that she’s pretty good and they high-five. Eddie/Ned comes in and says, looks like this is where the fun is. He asks what they’re playing, and Leo says, some math stuff. He says, that’s his cue to exit. Carry on. Lois calls him a scaredy cat, and he says, uh-huh. She and Leo continue, when Brook comes in and asks if they’re still at it. Lois says, of course (🍷). Brook leaves, and Lois stumps Leo.

In the foyer, Tracy asks why Brook isn’t looking for some new musical protégé, and Brook asks, what’s it to her? Tracy says, everything in this house is something to her.

Outside Kelly’s, the courtyard is all decorated in pumpkins and haystacks, and there’s a closed sign on the door. Carly is doing last minute touches, when someone walks in. She says, sorry, they’re closed, and Cyrus says, trick or treat.

Ava meets Lucy at the Bistro, and Lucy says she’s glad Ava could make it. She has some mega, mega exciting news. Ava says, Lucy told her it was important, and Lucy says, it’s very, very important. As in… Ava says, don’t keep her in suspense, and Lucy says, as in, this is Ava’s golden ticket. This is her chance to unload wicked Windymere and spooky Spoon Island. But they have to act fast before the prospective buyer changes their mind.

Scotty tells Robert, this is a textbook case of misunderstanding, so why don’t they just cut to the chase and drop these charges? Robert says, in his dreams. They have some very interesting footage that the jury will just love. Scotty says, what footage? Nothing’s been entered into evidence. Diane approaches Robert’s office door, and listens. Robert says, Scotty should tell his client to cease with the intimidation tactics, and Scotty says he’s not going anywhere until he sees this alleged footage. Robert says, the only thing Scotty is going to see is him throwing Scotty out of his office when it goes viral, and Scotty asks if the District Attorney is threatening him. Diane walks in and tells Scotty, now might be the time to make a tactical retreat. He seems to have worn out his welcome. Take the hint. Anything he was hoping to accomplish here ain’t going to happen. Scotty says, Lady Justice herself, coming to the rescue of Crocodile Dundee (ha-ha). There’s a first.

Anna approaches Valentin’s door, the porch adorned in harvest décor. She knocks on the door, and Valentin invites her in. She says, he’s gone all out on the spirit of the season thing, and he says, it’s his first Halloween with Charlotte in a while. He figured he should make some effort. Anna says, something smells really good, and he says, that would be Charlotte. She’s inspired in her new kitchen. That, and a rivalry with Jake Webber’s little brother has lit a competitive fire. She says she’s sure Charlotte will accomplish whatever she sets her mind to, when Charlotte comes in. She says, Anna’s just in time. Does Anna want to be her guinea pig?

Diane says, with all due respect, Scotty’s made his argument, the DA’s not having it. Exit, stage left. Scotty says he knows when he’s being double-teamed. His wallet is already fat. All Robert is doing is wasting the taxpayer’s money. Robert asks, since when did Scotty care about anyone but himself? Scotty waves his hand dismissively and leaves. Diane asks why Robert lets Scotty get to him, and Robert says, history. He thanks her for being his noble wingman, and she says, anytime.

Charlotte tells Anna that she’s making pumpkin bars. The first batch just came out of the oven. Anna says, sounds good. Since when is Charlotte a baker? Charlotte says she’s not, but Jake’s brother Aiden sure is. He always brings these amazing creations to school, so she thought she’d try it before her friends come over. Anna asks if they’re having a party, but Charlotte says, they’re all meeting here before going trick-or-treating. Papa is going to drive them, and then drop them off. Anna says she’s thinking of buying herself some candy in case there’s any trick-or-treaters at her door, and Valentin says, at the hotel? but she says, no. That’s why she’s here. She’s no longer staying at the MetroCourt. She’s taking over Maxie’s flat. She shows them the keys, and Charlotte says, Georgie’s old apartment? Valentin says, she’s kidding. When did this happen? Anna says, it happened this morning. Felicia’s idea, and then when she had a look, it just seemed right. Charlotte tells Valentin, isn’t this great? She congratulates Anna and says she’s so glad Anna has a place of her own. Anna thanks her, and Valentin sort of smiles.

Brook says, there’s the granny she knows. Godmother of the Quartermaine clan. Tracy asks, to what do they owe the honor of this visit? and Brook says she just came to see Leo’s costume. Tracy asks what he’s going to be, and Brook says, Albert Einstein. Tracy says, good choice. He’s the smart one in this house. Brook asks if that’s a general dig, or just for her? Her mother told her about Tracy’s gift of Deception. She gathers she’d be stupid to pass it up. Tracy says, she could do worse, and Brook says she doesn’t want it. Tracy asks, why not? She seemed to be happy there. Brook says, so Tracy noticed. Her, surrounded by her best friends, working on a project they loved, until Tracy poisoned it by blackmailing her to betray them. Tracy says, but she’ll be the boss, giving them incentive to mend fences. Problem solved. Friends again. Brook says, wow, Tracy knows nothing about friendship, and Tracy says, maybe not, but she knows about family and loyalty, and the sacrifices they make to take care of one another.

Eddie comes back and asks if math class is over, but Lois shushes him. She and Leo are bent over papers, solving a problem, and Leo finishes. Lois says, rats! Congratulations, kid. He holds out his hand, and she takes some money out of her bra, giving it to him. Leo says, see? He knew money was in math. He runs off, and Lois says, he’s a wonder. He rattled off the heights of the tallest buildings all over the world. She hates to tell Eddie, and she’s very sorry, but he’s going to have to take Leo to play the banjo at the top of the Burj Khalifa. She thought knowing the length of the Brooklyn Bridge was impressive. Eddie remembers kissing Lois there on their wedding day, and she asks if he’s okay.

Ava says, Lucy is a miracle. Windymere and Spoon Island have their charms, but they’re hardly the Maldives. People with the means to buy a private island, typically are drawn to warmer climates. How in the world did she find somebody who’s interested? Lucy says, Ava doesn’t have to act so shocked, because she has kept her finger on the pulse of the high-end real estate market. She just picked up the phone, put the word out, and given her track record, the referrals started rolling in. She just had to pick the most promising one. Ava asks, who is it? Who wants to buy Spoon Island? (Um… Nikolas perhaps?)

Cyrus says he likes what Carly’s done to the place, and this décor really captures the holiday season. She says, get out, and he tells her, don’t be so inhospitable. She says, this is her place, and he’s not welcome here. He says he just thought with their history, she would at least hear him out, and she asks what he wants. He says, a job, and she asks if he’s serious. He says he has experience as a cook, and she says, from the prison kitchen detail? That’s not what they do here. He says, touché. Many incarcerated do learn valuable skills in prison, however, he’s been cooking since his youth. When he had to fend for himself, he was living out of his car… She says, that’s touching. If he has to impress his parole officer by getting a job, he’s barking up the wrong tree, because he will not be working here. He says he never expected her to be someone who discriminated against ex-cons. Her beau Drew will be one eventually. She says, half the people she cares about have rap sheets. So him being an ex-con is not why he’s not going to be working here. It’s because she knows who he is. He’s a monster.

Brook says she doesn’t need a caretaker, especially not one with Tracy’s manipulative tactics. Yeah, she loved working at Deception, but it’s not one of her passions. Tracy says, passion doesn’t pay the bills, and the ups and downs of the music business – mostly downs – will not support Brook in the style to which she’s become accustomed. Brook says she can make sacrifices if she has to, and Tracy laughs. She says, been there, done that. She thought she could subsist on the great love she had for a pauper. It didn’t end well. Brook says she’s not Tracy, and money’s not everything. Tracy says, no, but it’s far from irrelevant, and Brook would be foolish to think otherwise.

Eddie says he’s fine, and Lois asks if he’s sure about that. It looks like he’s seen a ghost. He says, they were married, right? and she says, yes, they were. He asks if that was at the Brooklyn Bridge, but she says, no, it was at St. Ignatius, but after the wedding, they went to the top of one of the towers of the Brooklyn Bridge. He says he has to go, and jets. Leo comes back, and asks where Eddie is going, but she says she has no idea. He asks if she wants to play Suduko, and she says, you’re on, kid.

Charlotte tells Anna and Valentin, watch out; they’re hot. Anna says, they’re delicious. Really good. Not too sweet, nice texture. Charlotte says she’s so glad, and Valentin says, these really are good. Anna says, quite delicious actually. She thinks Aiden’s going to be impressed. Charlotte says, that’s the plan. Another batch is in the oven. It could be a housewarming gift for Anna for her new place. Anna thanks her, and Valentin says, her new place that he didn’t even know was on the horizon. Anna says, it all came about because she needed a caffeine transfusion. She needed some coffee and met with Felicia at Kelly’s. She said Maxie was subletting her apartment because she and the kids were moving into a new house. The smoke alarm in Valentin’s kitchen goes off, and I nearly jump out of my chair it’s so loud. Charlotte runs to the kitchen, and tells Valentin, the oven’s on fire. Anna tells her not to worry about it, and she and Valentin go into the kitchen.

Diane tells Robert that she has ticket to a fundraiser for a cause near and dear to her heart, Animal Advocacy, and she was toying with the idea of asking him, but ever since that time… He tells her, just say no more. He is in. Where? When? What’s the dress? Cocktail attire? Maybe a tux. She says, yeah.

Ava says, a holding company? That’s the impressive buyer Lucy selected? Just a faceless LLC? Lucy says, that’s how it’s done these days. Important buyers use holding companies. (It’s gotta be Nikolas, right?) Ava asks if Lucy verified this company’s financials. Just because they made the offer, doesn’t mean they have the 25 million in cash to back it up. Lucy says she’s in the final stages of verifying all their assets, and Ava says, if they don’t put the whole amount in an escrow account, there’s no deal. Lucy asks if she understands they could lose this sale. Putting the whole amount in escrow is not standard practice. Ava says, why get herself mired in some drawn out real estate mess? and Lucy says, what Ava needs to understand is, sellers of private islands in upstate New York can’t really be too picky. Ava shrugs and says she’s not just any seller, and she can afford to wait for the buyer who meets her exact terms. So if Lucy wants her big, fat commission, she’ll get this buyer to put up the whole asking price, or there’s no deal. She gets up, and Lucy asks where she’s going. Ava says, people and places, and leaves.

Diane says she’s loving Robert’s enthusiasm, and yes, definitely a tie, black tie. He says he so kills a tux, and she says she’s seen him in a tux, and yes, he does. She’s off. That’s enough for now. He says, wait. She’s going to leave him in suspense? She says, suspense is the spice of life. Details to follow. She leaves, and he says, a tux… Oh, a tux. He puts tuxedos near me into Spyder Finder, and says, there we go. Freddy’s Formals. He calls the shop and asks what time they close.

Cyrus says he understands Carly’s position, but she should know, he turned over a new leaf. He’s here to set her mind at ease. She says she was there. She held the line while Sonny was gone and protected their territory from him. He says, that white dress she wore. He remembers that… She says, remember this. She knows who he is. He’s a predator and he’s dangerous. Those spots don’t change. He can walk around town telling everyone he found the Lord, but she knows better. He’s lying in wait and seeking out vulnerability, but that’s not going to happen here. So he can take his phony humility and sob story and get the hell out, because Kelly’s is off limits. He says, she’s every but the fierce woman he remembers. That hasn’t changed but he has. Ask Drew. That man she described would have let Drew die, but he saved Drew. He tells her, farewell, and leaves.

Tracy says she didn’t do all this to sabotage Brook’s friendships. She worries about Brook. Brook says she never asked Tracy to worry, but Tracy says, she doesn’t have a choice. Brook has no stake in ELQ. And they’ve all seen firsthand what the music business did to her mother. Years of hard work and nothing to show for it. Brook says, her mother’s overseen four Grammy nominated albums, and countless national and international tours. Tracy says she’ll be sure to look all that up when she surfs the net. The point is – the truth is – she wants Brook to have something real, something stable, something lasting. That’s Deception. And yes, maybe she let her disdain for Lucy Coe color her approach. Brook says, ya think? and Tracy says, everything she did was to secure Brook’s future. Brook says she gets it. In her own twisted Tracy way, Tracy thinks what she’s doing is best, but it’s not. Accepting Tracy’s gift would be like declaring herself and her dreams a failure. It would rob her of any confidence she had, confidence she sees in Tracy. Something she’s still trying to build. Do not sabotage her. Tracy says, sabotaging Brook is the last thing she wants.

Eddie brings his guitar into the nook to work on his song.

Lois gets up and tells Leo, pause the timer. She’ll be right back. She dashes out.

At the hospital, Charlotte says, how could she be so stupid, turning on the broiler? but Valentin says, don’t worry about it. It’s just a minor kitchen disaster. It’s not like she burned the house down. (I say, ooh, out loud.) She says, at least the first batch of pumpkin bars turned out okay. Doc comes out and asks them to come in, and Valentin thanks him for seeing them on such short notice. Doc says, it’s his pleasure. Charlotte’s family. Valentin says, full disclosure, this was his idea. Charlotte’s had a difficult year and they’re kind of navigating it alone. It would be nice if she had somebody she could tell everything to. He’ll just be waiting outside. He leaves, and Doc asks if they should have a seat. He and Charlotte sit down, and he asks what she thinks. Does she feel comfortable talking to him?

There’s a knock at Robert’s office door, and he says he swears, if it’s Scotty, there will be manslaughter. He says, come in, and Anna walks in. She asks what he’s doing. Off to save the world? She kisses him on the cheek, and he says, no. He’s finding a tuxedo. The last one finished up with a bullet hole in the lapel when they were in London. He’s still waiting for a call. What’s up? She says she just sublet Maxie’s apartment, and she’s wondering if he can help her move. He says, everything she possessed in the world went up in smoke. What exactly are they moving?

Lois comes into the nook and listens to Eddie play. When he stops to write something down, she says, he’s still got it.

Tracy says, the confidence and poise and smarts Brook’s developed is all her. Nobody can take that away. She wants to build Brook up; she doesn’t want to break her down. Brook says she’s sure Tracy believes that, but in this family, nothing comes without strings. Even when they’re giving, they’re usually taking. Tracy says, they’re flawed. Most people are. Actually, it’s what keeps things interesting. Brook says, interesting is exhausting. (Agreed.) She just wants something mundane and predictable. A little peace and quiet in this house. Tracy says, that’s never going to happen.

Scotty meets Lucy at the Bistro, taking Ava’s seat. He asks, what’s so important that she had to drag him away from his important business? And give him back his pen. (Ha-ha! He’s so me with that.) She asks, what’s so important about the pen? She doesn’t know where it is, and it has bad mojo. She thinks she threw it in the bushes at the Quartermaine’s. Maybe Yuri has it. He says, Yuri? and she looks at her phone and says, this is exactly why she bailed on the cutthroat real estate business. Fussy sellers, slimy buyers, and they just want more and more. You know what? She tries so hard to keep the peace. She tries to broker the peace, but she can’t. All she wants to do is end up with her cut. He says, she’s got to dial R for real estate lawyer. If she wants to dial him, go to T, because he’s a trial lawyer. She says she knows that. That’s not what she wants. Look at her. She needs him to help her break that agreement she made with Tracy.

Avery runs into Kelly’s yelling, Mama Carly! They hug, and Ava says, they’re ahead of schedule. She hopes that’s okay. Carly says, it’s okay; it’s amazing. Avery’s costume. Spin. Mermaid Avery twirls around, and Carly says, it’s great. Does she want to be the first to decorate a pumpkin cookie? Avery says, yes, please, and Carly brings her over to one of the tables and shows her all the cookie toppings. She tells Avery, go for it, and goes back to Ava. She says, Avery seems to be doing great, and Ava says, yeah. She’s very excited about this party. She didn’t even mention trick-or-treating. Carly says, good, and Ava says, it will ease her mind. It’s easier and well out of harm’s way.

Robert and Anna carry a trunk into Maxie’s old building, and he says, it’s not what he was expecting, rubbing his back. She says, it’s heavier than she thought. Robin was holding on to it for her. She guesses it got stuck in storage somehow when Robin moved. She’s been meaning to go through it for years. He asks, what’s in it? and she says, her and Alex’s leftovers from a life she’d rather not dig up. It’s just personal paperwork from her early years at the WSB. Files and journals and even draft mission reports. She’s hoping maybe there’s a clue in there to help her find out who it is that’s targeting her at the WSB. She goes through her pockets, and he asks what she’s looking for. She says, the key. It’s typical. She thinks she’s lost the key to this apartment.

Doc says he wants to assure Charlotte that their conversations are confidential. Whatever they talk about in here is privileged information. She says, anything? and he says, uh-huh. She asks if that means he won’t tell papa what they talk about, and Doc says he might give him his general findings. For instance, if he thinks she’s under significant stress or she needs additional support, he might tell Valentin that. But the details of what they discuss in here, that stays in this room. And he meant what he said; she’s family. His only goal is to help her. And if she’s uneasy about it, it’s fine. He can always recommend someone else. She says she’ll talk to him; it’s okay. It’s not like there’s a big secret or anything. Papa’s overthinking this. She did miss him when she was away, but nothing terrible happened when she was at boarding school. He suggests they start there. Why doesn’t she tell him about her experience at boarding school?

Ava asks Carly if Nina and Sonny are bringing Donna, and she says, yes. They’re going to take Avery home with them, and the girls are going to be spending the night. (Revolving kids!) Ava says, nice. It’s too bad really. Windymere would have made the perfect backdrop for a Halloween party. Just the right amount of spooky. Carly says, it really would, once they’re old enough not to have nightmares; when they’re like 13 or 10. Ava says she’s hoping Windymere will be someone else’s problem long before then.

Scotty says, there’s no such thing as an undo button when it comes to signed contracts, and Lucy says she knows. She just can’t take it. She can’t take Tracy having 51% of Deception, and Tracy is sabotaging her creative vision. She has to do something. She has to get Tracy out. She wants to get her out. Scotty asks what she’s going to do about that, and Lucy says, her? He’s the smarty pants lawyer. He has all the legal expertise. There has to be something like… Wait a minute. A loophole. Some sort of loophole they didn’t see. She thinks that contract is not written in the right kind of font – he holds his head in his hands – or what about this? There was none of that blue paper, that stuff on the back of the pages… He says, come on, man. She’s got to get in the twentieth century. All of that went out with electronic signing. And if – and it’s a big if – what if she could nullify the contract? Tracy would just reinstate the lawsuit and Deception would go down as fast as the Titanic did. She says, over her dead body.

The super lets Anna in, and she says she’s so sorry. She doesn’t know what happened to the key. She must have dropped it in the chaos of moving. The super says, it happens to the best of us, and hands her a key, telling her to make sure she returns that after she makes a copy. She says she will and thanks him. She says she really appreciates it, and the super leaves. She tells Robert, shall we? and he says, of course (🍷). They lift the trunk, and go inside. I have to give them this. They made that trunk look heavy. I hate when a character is carrying a grocery bag or to-go coffee, and it looks like it’s empty by the way they hold it. Kudos.

On the way out, Charlotte tells Doc that she made pumpkin bars for her friends. He says, great, and Valentin asks, how was their chat? Doc says, Charlotte was just telling him about her trick-or-treating plans for this evening. Charlotte says, papa is the chauffeur, and Doc says, have a wonderful time, and he’d like to continue this next week if that’s all right. Valentin asks how she feels about that, and Charlotte says, it works for her. Doc’s easy to talk to. Valentin says, they’ll sew up the details later, and Doc tells them, happy Halloween. Charlotte thanks him, and she and Valentin leave.

Lois tells Eddie, that’s really good. Play the rest for her. He says, no can do. That’s all she wrote. He puts his guitar on the table, and she says, come on. Her and him, they go way back. There’s no reason for stage fright. He says, seriously, it’s a work in progress, and literally, it’s only half-baked. She says, he’s in the zone. She doesn’t want to mess with his mojo. She gets up, but he says, no. No mojo. Just a creative dead end. She sits back down and says, he’s got something there, so don’t trash it, but he says, easier said than done. She says, listen. The same fire that got you there will also see you through. Okay? Trust her. Leo yells, the clock’s ticking, and Lois says she forgot. Sudoku showdown. She’s got to go.

Tracy tells Brook, all right. She’ll back off. No more pressure from her. Brook says she appreciates that, and Tracy asks if Brook will think about her offer. Brook says, think, but no think. She’s on a new course, one Tracy inadvertently helped to set. She really wants to make a go of it, and she has a new musical protégé. She signed a rising star named Blaze. Tracy says she’s heard of her, and Brook says, she has? Tracy says, yeah, and she has every confidence Brook is going to make her a household name. Brook says she’ll do her best, and Tracy says, of that, she’s sure. She goes back in the living room, and Brook smiles.

Scotty tells Lucy, Tracy’s always had the upper financial hand. That’s why she agreed to the deal in the first place. Lucy says she’s very well-aware; she knows. He says, so she can just ride it out until Deception is bankrupt, and Lucy says she can’t let that happen for Maxie or Sasha. You know though, she is quite the dynamo at real estate. She could just pivot back to that. He says, like a rat deserting a sinking ship, but she says, no rats, no sinking ship. She would never do that to them. Maxie needs Deception for her future, and that ridiculous Gladys almost took everything Sasha has. He asks why she doesn’t just become a silent partner, but she says, no way. And let Tracy run her company? She doesn’t think so. She won’t let that happen with the last breath left in her body. She won’t… let that happen. She picks up a piece of muffin, showing it to him, and he says, she’s going to poison Tracy’s muffin? She’s better off poisoning Tracy’s cognac. Lucy says, as tempting as it is to poison her, she thinks she just got it. Think about it. She doesn’t need to get that 51% back, does she? No. If she can wiggle just a teeny tiny 2% out of Tracy’s greedy hands, then she’s the major shareholder again, and Deception is hers. All hers. She eats the piece of muffin.

Avery asks if she can have Ava’s phone to take a picture of her cookie, and Ava says, of course (🍷), handing her the phone. Avery runs off, and Ava tells Carly, isn’t it lovely how kids can find joy in the simplest things? We adults are burdened by adult things. Carly says, adult things. Like selling Windymere? Ava says, yeah, like selling Windymere. She has to move on, but she can’t do that while she’s anchored to that place. And after what happened with Austin’s cousin Mason, she’s determined to sell. Carly wonders what kind of buyer she can get for that place, and Ava says she has no idea, but Lucy assures her that she’s found one. Carly says, really? Who? Ava says, that’s vague, but if Lucy can get confirmation that the buyer has the money, Windymere and its torturous memories will be in her past.

Anna open the trunk, and Robert says, whoa. Someone’s a bit of a packrat. (Not really. It’s not even full.) She says, you never know what type of information could be handy down the line, and he says, in this day and age, all of that goes on a thumb drive. She says, that can be hacked into in a heartbeat. He does realize this stash is completely off the grid, and no one has any idea this information even exists. He asks if she’s sure about that.

Speaking into a recorder, Doc says, subject, Charlotte Cassadine, session one. Charlotte displays a maturity that belies her years. She’s both insightful and evasive. We see Valentin and Charlotte going back to their house, and Doc says, she’s already mastered the art of camouflage, presenting only what she believes people want to see and hear.

Valentin and Charlotte go inside, and Charlotte says, it still stinks in here. How are her friends going to be smelling burnt pumpkin bars? Valentin says, don’t worry. He’ll open the windows in the kitchen and air the place out. He thanks her for meeting with Doc. He knows it wasn’t her first choice, and he appreciates it. She says, a deal’s a deal. She kept her side of the bargain because she knows he’ll keep his. He says he loves her – he kisses her forehead – a lot. She says, papa? and he says, what? She says she’s sorry, and he asks what she’s sorry for. She says, for… burning the pumpkin bars, and he says she worries to much, and goes into the kitchen. Charlotte flashes back to reading Victor’s letter: Anna Devane is not who she seems. Do not trust her.

Doc continues, she is anchored to her father, a relationship that seems almost symbiotic. Charlotte takes Anna’s key out of her pocket, and Doc says, he is very protective of her and in return, she feels a great responsibility to protect him. Charlotte looks at the key and smiles.

Tomorrow, Anna finds something important; Valentin asks what Charlotte is doing; Halloween continues; and Josslyn tells Adam, it looks like he’s seen a ghost.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I get irritated at Erika before it even starts. Over that hair flip at BravoCon.

Erika meets with Dorit, since Dorit is apparently still irritated about it too. Dorit tells her that it sucks she had to ask for an apology. Erika acts all contrite and says, what she did was wrong and Dorit means a lot to her. In her interview, Dorit wonders where this was on the retreat. She tells Erika that it had a bigger impact because of the year she and PK had. In Dorit’s interview, she says, it was 14 months since the home invasion, and she took $10K out of the bank for Christmas gifts. (Yeah, I know.) She had her handbag in the shopping cart and walked away. When she came back to the cart, she realized it was gone. I want to feel bad, but why do that? And I know women do this. I have told complete strangers, don’t leave your bag like that. Seriously, bad, bad, bad idea. She says, the surveillance footage showed she was followed by three men, and it threw her back into throes of PTSD. Erika says she wants to repair the friendship because she doesn’t have many friends. (No surprise.) She wants them to move forward together and they hug. How long this will last is anybody’s guess.

Sutton calls Garcelle, who’s bummed about Jax leaving. In Garcelle’s interview, she says, she and Sutton are planning an amazing weekend in Vegas for Crystal’s 40^th birthday. They want her to have fun and hopefully get the stick out of her ass. We flash back to Sutton and Crystal butting heads, and in Sutton’s interview, she says she hopes they can start fresh.

Matchmaker Alessandra visits Sutton, and in Sutton’s interview, she says, dating apps not working for her. She’s getting a callus on her finger from swiping left. She’d rather meet in person. Alessandra is known to be the best in Beverly Hills, and Alessandra is her only hope, like Obi Wan Kenobi. Sutton tells Alessandra that she doesn’t click with people, and usually doesn’t get a second date. In her interview, she thinks she can be slightly intimidating. She’s highly intelligent, nervous, acts strangely, and wears things like cat sweaters. Alessandra asks about her ideal man, and Sutton says, tall, handsome, and a college grad. They’ll talk about the wealth part later. Alessandra says she’s a believer in letting the men lead, but Sutton gives a hard no, which is funny since she sounds like she’s waiting for them to ask her out if she’s not getting a second date. Or is she asking and they’re turning her down? It’s not clear. In her interview, Sutton says she’s a first child and an overachiever. She wants to win with Alessandra and needs to get to a second date. Alessandra says she’ll bring 3 men (I assume she means their profiles) and Sutton can decide which she wants to meet.

Crystal and Rob meet Crystal’s brother Jeff for dinner, and in Crystal’s interview, she says, she and her brother are close, but even though he’s older, she’s the more mature of the two. He’s a pop star and is known as the Bieber of China. He’s like a little kid who happens to have money. He was engaged three years ago, but before the wedding, the pandemic happened. She and her mother begged him to come home, but he couldn’t because his fiancé only had a Chinese passport. It led to the breakup, and Crystal thinks he blamed them. The food comes and I want what they’re having. Jeff asks if Crystal would be okay if he was with someone younger, and in his interview, Jeff says, when he first met Rob and found out he was twenty years older than Crystal, he said, oh no. Rob and Crystal determine that if his girlfriend is fabulous like her, she’ll welcome her with open arms.

Kyle picks up Dorit, who thinks they’re going to lunch for her birthday, but PK intends to recreate Pretty Woman for her at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. In Kyle’s interview, she wonders what message PK is trying to send. Dorit asks Kyle, what’s up with her, since she’s sensing a heaviness. We flash back to the retreat, and Kyle saying things weren’t exactly in sync with Mauricio. Kyle tells Dorit that she thinks it will pass, but in Dorit’s interview, she says, she and PK used to go out with Kyle and Mauricio, but haven’t seen them as a couple in a long time. Something is up. Dorit tells Kyle, even on Instagram, it seems like they’re apart a lot, and Kyle says she needed some freedom. Dorit asks if she means specifically away from her husband.

Kyle says she wanted to get away from everything, but Dorit feels like Kyle isn’t telling her something. In Dorit’s interview, she says she needs to respect Kyle’s boundaries even if she suspects something’s up. When Kyle brings her to the hotel, she wonders what’s going on. Meanwhile, Garcelle visits Sutton, and asks about the matchmaker. Sutton says she thinks she was a bit hard on Alessandra. Traditional doesn’t work with her. In the beginning of her marriage, she gave up her power. In Sutton’s interview, she says she wasn’t invited to the boardroom in her marriage. He made decisions about the finances and the kids, but the one thing she got to do was plan summer vacations because he didn’t come until the end. She tells Garcelle that she’s holding on to her power now. She asks what’s going on with Garcelle, and Garcelle immediately tears up. She says she Jax thinks she’s doing it wrong. We flash back to last week on the beach, and in Garcelle’s interview, she says she thought Jax was being a brat, and the realization is now hitting her. She tells Sutton that being a mom is the most important thing to her, and Sutton says, teenage boys are kind of a-holes. Garcelle says, when Jax asked to live with his dad, it hurt her, and in her interview, she says, during the summer, Jax was hinting around. She thought he was punishing her, but also seeing how much he could get away with. In Sutton’s interview, she says, people don’t understand why she and Garcelle are friends, but they’re both single moms dealing with an ex.

When they get to the hotel, Dorit nearly freaks out because Kyle won’t tell her what’s going on. When they get to the room, which Dorit complains is not the presidential suite, there are tables with everything on the menu, a la Pretty Woman, but it takes Dorit a while to get it. In her interview, Dorit says, plating her own food doesn’t scream, it’s your anniversary. She suddenly panics about who’s taking care of the kids, and goes out on the balcony for some air. Kyle calls PK, who tells her to tell Dorit that it’s a surprise the whole family is in on. Dorit calls her kids, who tell her to stop stressing. They’re fine and with Winnie the Dog. Their exchange is very sweet and cute. In Kyle’s interview, she says, the control is out of Dorit’s hands and is freaking her out. Dorit’s stylist Justine arrives with a rack of red dresses, and now more relaxed, Dorit gets all into it.

In Dorit’s interview, she says, like in Pretty Woman, she’s leaving reality behind for one night and living out her movie fantasy. She’s excited now. PK awaits her wearing a tux, and in her interview, Dorit says, they’re good at surprising one another and big grand reveals. We flash back to some of those, and she says, she needs to do some work to get back to surprises or hang up her grand reveal hat. PK presents her with a Peter Marco necklace that’s on loan and worth $5 million. He puts it on her, and they go to an incredible suite. He tells her that he wanted to take her breath away as they walk in, and singer Berlin is there. She sings, You Take My Breath Away, and they dance. The text below reminds us that the song is from Top Gun, not from Pretty Woman. It’s not my fantasy, but I’m happy for her. In PK’s interview, he says he likes the idea of switching the soundtracks of movies, and suggests taking the Jungle Book soundtrack and putting it in The Godfather. He and Dorit have an incredible dinner, and she says, it was a difficult year, but this is so much better. It’s not that she doesn’t love surprises, but a lot of effort goes into looking a certain way. In their dual interview, Dorit says she doesn’t like someone else choosing what she’s wearing, and PK says, sometimes she needs to let her husband take control. PK says that he struggles to understand her PTSD. The concept of her not being in control is unusual. In Dorit’s interview, she says, she doesn’t need a grand gesture. She needs him to step up and help with the kids, house, and daily stuff, but it’s not in his personality.

Oh no. Mauricio is on the Lovebean train again. I’m not a huge fan of pet names, but that’s especially annoying. Maybe because it almost seems forced. In Kyle’s interview, she says she and Mauricio have always been in sync, but now it doesn’t feel that way. She thinks his heart and soul is in the agency. It’s the other woman. It’s Portia’s birthday, and they have a huge Mexican food spread. Kyle’s MIL Estella asks her about the rumors of trouble in their marriage, but Kyle says, it started because she was seen without her ring. In her interview, Kyle says, it had nothing to do with them having a hard time. It was one time when she was lifting weights. It’s not what she wants to hear at her daughter’s birthday dinner. She tells Estella about her tattoos, and Estella doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Then as a joke, she tells Estella that Mauricio has one, but when she gets zero reaction, she says, not really. She tells Mauricio about it, and he gets all pissed off. She says she thought it was funny in the moment to see Estella’s reaction, but she didn’t care. Mauricio stomps off and says he doesn’t want to talk about it. I don’t get this. Doesn’t he smoke a lot of weed? Where’s his usual mellow?

Oh I misunderstood. I thought only Garcelle and Sutton were going to Vegas, but they were just the ones planning it; everyone is going. This probably won’t end well, since no Housewives vacations do. They get on a private jet, and I say a prayer: Please God, let me one day make friends with someone who has a private jet. They give Crystal a $3K necklace, and Erika says she’s taking Crystal to Magic Mike. She wonders if Channing Tatum will be there. Sutton says they’ll all bond and have fights, but Erika says she’s given up fighting with them for Lent. In Erika’s interview, she says, a higher power told her that she needed to give up fighting with them for Lent, and in Kyle’s interview, she says, that could have come in handy a while back. I don’t need to tell you that the hotel is magnificent and so are the rooms. They’re met with champagne, and the rooms even have personalized pillows on the beds. In Garcelle’s interview, she says, Sutton’s assistant went on ahead and unpacked her clothes. She just gets a corner of the closet.

4 hours later. The women are at Magic Mike, and Erika gyrates on stage with the dudes. There’s some kind of altercation that we really don’t see, but my interpretation is that Erika was not wearing underwear. Crystal says Sutton is upset and they’ve got to go. Kyle calls Sutton a bitch, and Erika says, Sutton is being Judge Judy.

To be continued…  

💀 Sugaring My Skull…

Join me tomorrow for soap and Charmers too old for their behavior. Until then, stay safe; stay getting your holiday act together, since it will be here before you know it; and stay finding joy in the simplest things even when you’re burdened by adult things.