What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Sonny asks, what brings Dante by? and Dante says he was checking on Sonny.

Michael tells Dex, open up. They need to talk. Throwing on his clothes, Dex says, it’s not a good time, but Michael says, make time; it’s important. Josslyn gets dressed, and Dex opens the door. Michael asks if he can come in, and when he does, he sees Josslyn. She says, it all makes sense now. Michael is Dex’s mystery boss?

Willow says, Brook still loves Chase, doesn’t she? but Brook says, it doesn’t matter. They’re over… which really hurts, because yes, she’s still in love with Chase. She keeps telling herself she’ll get over it, that the feelings will fade and disappear, but every time she sees him… Willow says, her heart starts to race, and Brook says, and butterflies kick in. It’s all she can do not to grab him and tell him how much she wants him back. The doorbell rings, and Brook says, literally saved by the bell. She opens the door, and Chase is there with a bouquet of daffodils.

Anna asks if this is mousy librarian, and Lucy asks if she likes it, but Anna says, no. It’s not altogether original. Let’s go. She grabs Lucy’s arm, but Lucy doesn’t budge, and says, where? Anna says, they’re going to the safehouse, but Lucy says, no. The Nurses Ball can’t survive without her. Maxie says, hello? She’s standing right here. Anna says, if Victor realizes Lucy is alive, this whole operation goes up in smoke. Not to mention, people’s lives are at risk. Does she understand that? Does Lucy want that on her head?

Drew says he’s guessing Laura refused to sell Charlotte’s ELQ shares because she knew Valentin was still alive. No more games. What is going on? Valentin says, a group of them, including Laura, are working secretly against Victor Cassadine, and Drew asks, who else is in the group? Valentin says, Anna, Felicia, Robert Scorpio, and Lucy Coe. Drew says, not exactly a combat worthy bunch. If Victor uses the same firepower he did in Crete, they’ll need somebody with a military background. Valentin asks if he has anybody in mind, and Drew says, me.

Lucy says, of course (🍷) she doesn’t want people to die. She didn’t want Luke to die; he was a very special friend to her. She remembers his Nurses Ball performances, and the disco he did. Nothing else was so important to him, and he’d want her… Anna says, stop talking. She understands Lucy is disappointed that she can’t participate in this year’s Nurses Ball, but Victor is planning something big, potentially catastrophic, and it’s up to them to end it. Lucy says, at the expense of the Nurses Ball? Come on. Anna knows everything the Nurses Ball did for Robin. Anna says, don’t play the Robin card, and Lucy tells her, she’s just saying, the Nurses Ball is very, very important. Anna says, if anybody knows that, it’s her, and Lucy says, that’s her point… Maxie says, all right. Enough. She can’t believe she’s about to say this, but they already have a solution. Lucy came up with it.

Valentin asks if Drew is volunteering, but Drew says, that depends. He needs to hear the plan first. Valentin says, Victor has some long-term plan; some grand design that has to be stopped. He doesn’t have details, but he knows it involves a necklace containing diamonds cut from the Ice Princess. Drew wonders why the necklace is so important, and if it has anything to do with Operation Demeter, but Valentin says he doesn’t know why Victor would go to such great lengths to interrogate Drew over Operation Demeter. He wants the necklace because it has a code or a formula engraved on one of the stones.

Brook says, those are beautiful, and Chase asks if Willow is here. She says, Willow’s in the living room, and he goes in. He sees Willow and asks how she’s feeling. She says, pretty much the same, and he says, it’s not worse, so that’s good. He gives her the daffodils, and she says, he remembered. He says, of course (🍷) he remembered she’s obsessed with daffodils, and she thanks him. Brook says she’ll leave them to visit, and leaves. Willow says it’s good to see Chase, and he says, it’s good to see her too. He asks, what’s the latest? and she says, they decided to reschedule the wedding for after the bone marrow transplant. He says, so there’s more to celebrate, and she says, exactly. He asks if she has a date for the transplant, but she says, not yet. Her Great-Aunt Liesl was on medication, and it has to be completely out of her system before she can donate. So in the meantime, she’s keeping herself busy planning a summer wedding in the rose garden. Everyone’s pitching in to pull it off. Brook has been a huge help. In the foyer, Brook tells herself not to eavesdrop, and get it together. Chase says he’s not surprised Brook is stepping up. Willow brings out the best in everyone. Michael’s a lucky guy.

Michael says he thought he made it clear that he didn’t want Josslyn anywhere near this, and Dex agreed. Dex says, that’s right, but the situation has changed, and Michael says, apparently. Josslyn has to go. They’ll talk about this later, but right now, he has to talk to Dex. Josslyn says, it doesn’t matter. There’s no point. She already knows Dex is collecting evidence against Sonny, and she knows about Pikeman. What she didn’t know was who Dex was working for, and now she does. Michael tells Dex, the job’s over. Dex is leaving Port Charles tonight.

Dante tells Sonny that Rocco said he saw Nina in the lobby looking upset. For his self-absorbed teenager to notice, she must have been upset about Willow. Sonny says, everything’s the same on that front. They’re waiting for Liesl to be cleared for the transplant. Dante says, Sonny’s relationship with Nina is his business. He doesn’t want to pry, but if Sonny wants to talk, he knows where to find Dante – down the hall. Sonny says, Rocco’s right. Nina is upset and it’s his fault.

Dex says, as his employer, Michael can fire him, but Michael can’t force him to leave Port Charles. Josslyn says, he can’t leave. Sonny will think he’s a traitor, and then what happens? Michael says, Sonny will track him down and have him killed, and Dex says, there’s something more important. She says, more important than his life? He says, Joss, and she goes to his side. Michael says, it sounds like they already talked about this, and Josslyn says, they have. The best option is for Dex to finish the job Michael hired him to do, so Michael can turn Sonny into the Feds. Michael says, this is why he didn’t want Josslyn involved in this, and she says, why not? He knows how she feels about Sonny. Let her help take him down. Michael says, then what happens after that? and she says, Sonny goes to prison where he belongs. Michael says, and Avery and Donna are devastated. Not to mention Dante and Kristina. He’s prepared to take on the fallout from that, to take on their anger and blame, but he doesn’t want any of that to fall on her.

Sonny gives Dante a beer, and says, it’s not like he and Nina are breaking up; at least he hopes not. He loves her as much as ever. Dante says, so what happened? and Sonny says, she’s experiencing what he calls the realities of his world. It’s a lot to process. Dante asks if that’s why Sonny has guards all over the building, and Sonny says he had a security issue. Dante says, they haven’t heard anything about shots fired or a missing person, so he assumes Sonny hasn’t told the police, but Sonny says he has reason to believe the focus was solely on him. The reason he has guards on his kids and Nina is… Dante says, a precaution? and Sonny says he told Carly that he doesn’t want Donna or Avery anywhere near him. Dante says he’s guessing Sonny told Nina the same thing, and Sonny says he’s just hoping when this is over, Nina comes back to him.

Lucy asks, what solution? and Maxie says, wasn’t the point of this rude ambush… Lucy says, it might have been an ambush, but not rude, and Maxie asks if the whole point wasn’t to get her to be Lucy’s eyes and ears of the Nurses Ball. Lucy says, yes, but Maxie seemed less than enthusiastic, and Maxie says she’s sorry. Didn’t she have the reaction Lucy wanted? Lucy asks if Maxie needed time to adjust, and Maxie says, yes. She happens to be an amazing even planner. She has her own ideas and vision, as Lucy calls it. She’s happy to collaborate, but she won’t just be taking Lucy’s orders. Lucy says, they don’t have time for collaboration. The Nurses Ball is syncing up with the 60^th anniversary of the hospital, which means it’s like they’re right in front of a speeding freight train that’s bearing down on them. She’s the only one who can pull this off, and… Anna says she agrees, and Maxie says, what was that? Anna says, 100%. Maxie should do everything Lucy tells her to just the way Lucy tells her to do it. She’s sure Maxie is an excellent event planner, but she’s sure Maxie is more than capable of following Lucy’s lead – especially when it’s for the greater good. Maxie says, fine, and tells Lucy, anything you want, just the way you want it. Lucy says she really thinks this could work.

Willow congratulates Chase on his latest duet. She loves it. It’s a beautiful ballad. He thanks her, and says, the majority of the props should go to Blaze; her vocals were off the charts. Willow wonders if a girl could get an autograph, and he says he never pegged her as a groupie, but her wish is his command. He signs a napkin, and she laughs.

 Brook sits at the piano, and tells herself that she’s a grown-up and is not going to listen in on the conversation. Besides, she doesn’t want to know what Chase thinks of her now anyway. She flashes back to him saying, Brook’s also kind, passionate, and incredibly sexy. He’s fallen for her, and even if she doesn’t feel the same way, he had to tell her because we miss 100% of the shots we don’t take. She remembers them kissing, and spending the night together. Then she flashes back to him finding out she was supposed to write a letter to the Civilian Complaint Review Board to help get his badge back, but didn’t, and saying, she lied to him. She kept him from the thing he’s most passionate about, and there’s nothing to work out. It’s over. She tells herself that she blew it. Maybe she should write a song about that.

Willow looks at the autograph, and reads, to one of the bravest, strongest, and best people I know. Back at him. She asks what it’s like being an honest to God rockstar, and he says, it’s cool. He guesses he’s going to miss it. She asks why he would, and he says, hopefully, when the Review Board meets in the spring, they’ll reinstate him. If it all works out. He enjoys singing, but the only reason he agreed to performing is so he could stick close to Blaze’s sleazy manager. Willow says, Brook’s ex-manager, right? and he says, Linc Brown. He’s the worst. Sexual harassment, shady business practices; you name it. Willow asks if the plan is finding something to charge him with, and Chase says, hopefully soon. He won’t feel right going back to the force if it means leaving Blaze and Brook to deal with that sleaze. Willow says, aha! This is really about helping Brook.

Michael says, when Sonny was holding Dex because he suspected Dex of being The Hook, Josslyn came to him for help. How could he not see it? He should have known right then that she was too close, and pulled the plug. She says, no he shouldn’t have. Dex saved her life when Heather attacked her on New Year’s. Michael says, Britt Westbourne saved her life, and Josslyn says, she fought Heather off, of course (🍷), but she was losing that battle until Dex showed up. He’s the one who fired the shot that drove off Heather. Michael says he’s just hearing about this now, and Dex says he works for Michael. Anything related to that is fair game, but what he has with Josslyn is personal. Steam comes out of Michael’s ears.

Dante asks Sonny why Nina wouldn’t come back. She’s obviously crazy about him. She’d have to be, given the grief they endured getting together. Why would she leave after going through that? Sonny wonders how to explain this. He was a different man in Nixon Falls. Kinder, simpler… Dante says he noticed a lot of that followed Sonny back here. There was a peaceful time in his business. Sonny says he was free to focus on his family, and Dante says, and Nina? Sonny says, Nina made him better in a lot of ways, and Dante says, Sonny cut back on his drinking. Sonny says, that was the least of it. He thinks he misrepresented his life. Not that Nina didn’t know it was dangerous, or what he does for a living is allegedly – Dante thanks him for that – illegal. Dante says, but now she’s getting an up close and personal view of it for the first time. Sonny asks, what if she doesn’t want to be in his life? and Dante says, what about Sonny? If Nina’s not in it, is it still the life he wants?

Valentin says, they haven’t been able to crack the code, but they know it’s pivotal to the success of his father’s plan, and Drew asks how he knows that. Valentin says, because he’s still looking for the necklace, with the help of his operative Eileen Ashby. Carly (remember her?) says, Deputy Mayor Eileen Ashby? and Valentin says, that’s the one. Carly says, she’s working for Victor, and he says, she was. Now she’s working for them. They’re having her deliver a duplicate necklace to Victor. Drew says, with a false code engraved on it, and Valentin says, that’s right. They’re hoping once he has what he says he needs, Victor will make a move. Drew says, so they tricked Victor into making his final play, but didn’t give him the means to get what he’s after, and Valentin says, and in the process, he incriminates himself. And that’s how they’re finally going to bring down his father.

Anna brings Lucy back to the safehouse, Lucy furiously texting. Anna makes sure the safehouse is really safe, while Lucy continues to text. Anna says, all clear, and Lucy says, it’s impossible to text with the glasses on. Removing the glasses, she mumbles to herself as she texts, and Anna says, will she just stop? taking the phone from her. Lucy asks, what is the problem? as Anna puts the phone in her back pocket, and Anna says, Lucy almost got them all killed.

Valentin says, this whole plan hinges on complete secrecy, and Carly says, with him and Lucy faking their deaths, and Anna playing fugitive? Valentin says, Victor thinks Anna’s dead as well, and thinks he has a straight shot at the necklace. So what does Drew say? Will he help them? Drew says, if secrecy is key, what is Valentin out in the open like this? and Valentin says, Lucy Coe has gone rogue. Carly says, of course (🍷) she has, and Valentin says, she wants to take control of the Nurses Ball. Anna’s gone after her. Drew says, so Anna’s risking discovery too. Maybe it’s a good thing they showed up. Valentin tells Drew, like he said, they’re not exactly combat ready. They could use Drew. Drew says, they’ve got him.

Chase tells Willow, yeah, the only reason he got into the music business was to help Brook, and in the beginning, it was great. Until he found out there was a bunch of stuff she wasn’t telling him. Willow says she’s sorry. He didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Not by Brook or her. He says he wasn’t trying… and she says she knows he wasn’t, but that doesn’t make it any less true. She married Chase when she was already in love with Michael. He says, because she thought he was dying; they all did. She says she told herself she was doing the right thing, giving him one final gift to make him happy. He says, she doesn’t believe that anymore? and she says she does. Her intentions weren’t the problem, but now that she’s faced with dying herself… He says, she’s not there yet, and she says, faced with the possibility. She realizes life isn’t just too short, it’s too precious, to waste any time on lies.

Michael says he’s grateful Dex saved Josslyn’s life. He doesn’t even want to imagine what would have happened had Dex not been there. But the bottom line is, they had a deal. Dex says, they did, and in the beginning, when Michael told him to stay away from Josslyn, he had every intention of doing just that, but it became impossible. Michael says, so he lied, and Dex says, about his personal situation. He’s never lied about anything related to Pikeman or Sonny. Speaking of, there’s something Michael should know. Someone tried to kill Sonny in an ambush the other night. Michael asks, where? and Dex says, in one of his warehouses. Michael’s father wasn’t hurt, but he was grazed. Michael asks if he’s okay, and Dex says he’s fine, but the good news is, Sonny trusts him now more than ever. Michael says he can’t have Josslyn near this. God forbid something happens to her. She asks why anything would happen to her. She’s not in the line of fire, Dex is. Michael says, because it’s his job. He hired Dex because he wanted somebody who understood the danger. Josslyn says she gets that Michael hired Dex to perform a service, but Dex is so much more than that to her now. She cares less about bringing Sonny to justice than she does Dex surviving this. Michael says, that’s going to require some sacrifices. If she wants Dex to see this through, Sonny is going to have to trust him. She asks if he didn’t hear the part where Sonny saved Dex’s life, and Michael says, it won’t matter if he finds out Josslyn and Dex are together; which means he can’t. Dex asks if Michael is ordering him to stay away from Joss, but Michael says, he tried that before; it didn’t work. Even if Dex was willing, clearly Josslyn isn’t. This isn’t about policing their relationship. This is about taking Sonny down. And until that happens, Sonny can’t have any reason to suspect Dex. If Josslyn wants Dex to live through this, make sure Sonny doesn’t find out the two of them are together.

Sonny says, it’s a little too late for Dante to ask him if this is the life he wants. It’s the life he’s got. Dante says, he chose it when he didn’t know any better, and Sonny says, Dante knows how it works. If he wants to leave the business, he’d have to leave the country. He’d have to leave his family, and he doesn’t want to do that. Dante says, maybe there were some things Sonny liked about Mike from Nixon Falls. There were some things Dante liked about Mike from Nixon Falls. Sonny was less reactive, calmer. He seemed like he was prioritizing his family over the business. He has the feeling that’s about to change. Sonny says, it has to. It’s just harder than he thought.

Willow says she wasn’t honest with Chase when they were married, but she’s learned her lesson, and she’s going to be honest with him now. He says, this sounds serious, and she says, it could be, and swears she’s not trying to meddle. He tells her, says every person before they dive into meddling, and she says, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of Brook earlier. He says, what? and she says, it’s true. He lights up when he’s around Brook. She would know. Once upon a time, he lit up like that when he was around her. He says he thinks she’s seeing things that aren’t there, and she says, is she? He says, all right. He still has feelings for Brook, because what they had was real. She says, what they had was love, and he says, he can’t just flip a switch and turn that off, because Brook really hurt him. She says she’s not saying Brook didn’t, or even that he was wrong to end things between them, but what if Brook is his person? Is being right really worth being without her?

Valentin having slipped back into the night, Drew says, Carly is being uncharacteristically quiet, and she says, from the minute Drew showed up, she knew Valentin would want him involved. It was his choice to make, and she didn’t want to influence his decision. He says, now that he’s made his decision? and she says, first, tell her why he said yes. He says, Victor stole two years of his life. He can’t let Victor get away with it. She says, that’s not all of it. It’s not about revenge for him. He says, it’s about Victor’s lust for power and control, and this has been going on for decades. He infiltrated the WSB, always moving toward some mysterious goal that no one knows what it’s about. But he doesn’t need to know to know it’s a serious threat. The man has to be stopped, and he thinks Valentin and the others need his help to do it. So now tell him what she thinks. She says she thinks he’s doing the right thing, and he says, but she has reservations. She says, doesn’t he? and he says he has many. She says, Jason died on Cassadine Island. Now Drew is going after Victor. She doesn’t want to lose him too.

Anna says, the only reason Lucy wasn’t shot with a real bullet, the only reason she’s breathing today, is because Victor thought he had use for her. But if he’d seen her tonight, he would have killed her in a heartbeat. Lucy swears she gets it, and apologizes. She says she would have never had the intention of jeopardizing them or the whole plan with Victor. It’s just her. Sometimes she gets carried away. Anna says, she’s the poster child for getting carried away, and Lucy says, well good news. She’s 99.9% sure Victor didn’t see her in the restaurant. Anna says, great… What restaurant? She was in the MetroCourt with Victor? Lucy says, one minute… two minutes tops, and they see Valentin standing in the doorway. Anna says, he’s right. Lucy’s blown the entire operation.

Dante asks if Sonny is all right, and Sonny says he just hopes his family and Nina stick with him. Dante says he’s not going anywhere, and Sonny says he appreciates that, especially coming from Dante’s profession. Dante says, because he’s a cop and Sonny is an alleged – Sonny laughs, and says, thank you for that – gangster? Dante says, it isn’t about that. It’s about being father and son. They hug.

Josslyn says she doesn’t want to leave Dex, but he says, the sooner he gets evidence against Sonny, the sooner this will be over. Until then, he can’t risk alienating Sonny or making him suspicious. Josslyn says, which means he can’t risk being seen with her. Michael was very clear about that. She doesn’t like it, but she gets it. Dex says he’ll be staying at Sonny’s for at least another day. After that, maybe they can figure out a way to meet. In the meantime, she can’t come here, and if she sees him for some reason… She says, act like she doesn’t know him? and he says, that would be suspicious. She can say hi, just don’t… She says, act like she cares. She’ll try, but she does care. They kiss, and Josslyn heads for the door. He says, any regrets? and she smiles at him. He says, him neither, and she leaves.

Chase says, when Willow meddles, she doesn’t mess around. She just goes right for that jugular. She says she has less patience for wasted anything these days, but especially for wasted time, when Michael walks in. Chase says he hasn’t seen Michael since the news broke. Congratulations on his upcoming wedding. Michael thanks him, and they bro hug. Chase says he’s sure he doesn’t have to tell Michael this, but he’s about to marry a very wise and perceptive woman. If they’ll excuse him, he has somewhere he needs to be. He leaves, and Willow asks where Michael disappeared to. He says he was near the end of a project and was tempted to cut his losses, but he realized the best way forward was to see it through, and the sooner the better. She says he sounds like he has it all figured out, and he says he wants to focus on what really matters, her and the kids. She says she likes the way he thinks, and he says, coming from such a wise and perceptive woman, he’s honored. What was all that with Chase? She says, it was driving her crazy, watching him and Brook dance around each other, so she may have stuck her nose in where it doesn’t belong. Let’s hope it works.

Chase finds Brook at the piano, and asks if she’s working on a new song. She says, so far, she has about three verses she regrets. It’s garbage. He says, Brook Lynn Quartermaine does not create garbage, and she says, he’s just being nice. He says he’s being honest. He loves her songs. He loves a lot of things when it comes to her. Talking with her, spending time with her… He misses that. He misses them.

Carly says she’s being ridiculous, and starts to walk off, but Drew grabs her, and says, she’s not being ridiculous. If their positions were reversed, he’d be scared for her too. She says she’s tempted to go to keep an eye on him, but he says, she can’t go anywhere. She says she knows. Willow is sick, and her kids and grandkids need her. He says he’s actually kind of happy that she’s going to stay and be safe, and she says, he has to stay safe. He says, if it makes her feel any better, he has had training and experience in this sort of thing. He can handle himself. She says she’s counting on it, and she knows he has to go for the reasons he said, but if and when he goes, promise her that he’ll come home. He says he promises, and kisses her.

Lucy tells Valentin, she was totally unrecognizable. She’s dressed as a librarian. She asks Anna to tell him, and Anna says, she’s dressed as a librarian. Lucy puts on the glasses, and says, see? And she promises, the second she saw Victor, she turned her back. Valentin says he supposes this near-miss underscores the need for them to stay indoors until this is all over, and Lucy says she gets it. From this moment on, she’s going to be the essence of cooperation. He says he hopes she means it because he really needs her to, and she swears she does. Maxie’s going to be her eyes and ears at the Ball, and Maxie’s going to follow all her instructions to a T, so that’s good too. She’s going to be really good, so could she please have her burner phone back? Anna hands her the phone, and Lucy keeps saying she’s sorry as she walks to the bedroom. She’s sorry for any trouble she may have caused. Anna looks at Valentin and says, may have caused.

On her office phone, Maxie tells Bobbie that she’s calling from the landline. Her cellphone repeatedly dings, and she says, something is going on with her cellphone. She wanted Bobbie to know she had some new ideas for the Nurses Ball. She looks at the phone, and there are a bazillion texts from Lucy. She says, lots and lots of new ideas.

Valentin and Anna right the coffee table he knocked over, and Anna says she would have thought he’d be more upset. He says, if he was he’d be a hypocrite, and she says, how come? He says he couldn’t leave without her, so he went for a walk, and ran into Carly and Drew Cain. She says, a regular party, and he says, long story short, they’ve been briefed, and Drew Cain is on board to help them out. She says, that’s actually very good news, and he says he hopes it is. She says she’s sorry, and he says, he’s sorry. She says she kind of attacked him, and he says he really overreacted. She says, but when she came in here, and saw the table overturned, she thought he’d taken her at her word and gone to Europe. Which she would have deserved, but she would have missed him. He holds out his arms, and she goes to him. He says, if Victor knew she was alive, he’d kill her, and Valentin has loved her always. If he were to lose her now, he couldn’t take it. They touch foreheads, and she says, let’s not lose each other through all this. Let’s bury Victor instead.

Tomorrow, Elizabeth doesn’t see how she has a chance; Finn tells Gregory, it’s too early to determine the results; and Laura tells Esme that she and Doc have wonderful news.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Danielle meets Rachel to shop for a luau. We see a clip of Melissa saying that she has a party at the shore every year, and this year, it’s a luau party. In Rachel’s interview, she says, this is a group of women like nothing she’s ever seen before. It’s nice not to be alone in the boat, and Danielle makes her laugh. They also both have young children. We flash back to some moments with them, and Rachel says, Danielle is no bullsh*t and shoots it straight. It’s refreshing. Danielle says she hasn’t gone to the shore since she was 25, and Rachel says she avoids it at all costs. In Danielle’s interview, she talks about her shore life back in the day, and we see pictures. Rachel says, Danielle talked to Joe #2 at the softball game for more than five weeks, and Danielle says, it was an emotional conversation. We see a clip of them talking about their brother/sister issues, and Danielle says, he told her, don’t ever give up, and she’s not, but she has to protect herself. She has hope for Joe and Teresa, but thinks her situation is a lost cause. In her interview, Rachel says, if her brother blocked her on social media, she’d call him, and if he wasn’t receptive, she’d call their parents, and every other relative to figure out what was going on. Danielle says she talked to Marge, and would like to figure out the Marge/Jennifer situation. Rachel says, Marge doesn’t like the sh*t Jennifer is talking about her, and Danielle says she thinks Marge is too judgmental with Jennifer. And she drops bombs on everybody. Laura said that Marge has an arsenal of stuff, and Rachel wonders if they really know that Marge is locked and loaded, and ready to fire. In Rachel’s interview, she says, it doesn’t make sense to her. Why is Danielle reading so much into it? There’s only two people Marge allegedly dropped a bomb on, and Teresa and Jennifer’s words are their bonds? That’s not how it works.

Teresa goes jewelry store to get gifts for her bridesmaids, and Jennifer meets her there. The owner Benny is her husband’s cousin. Teresa says she thought she’d keep her earrings simple, but Jennifer says, it’s the day when she gets to be extra-extra, so Teresa gets a new, gaudier pair. Teresa says she wants everything to be good. It would have been nice for her brother and Melissa to make things better by asking her and Louie to stay at their house. Teresa says she’s only been there once, and when Gia asked to stay, Melissa said no. I can’t believe there’s not more to it than that, but Jennifer is gullible, and says she can’t imagine her brother not staying at her house when he came to the shore. In Teresa’s interview, she says, Melissa and Joe are upset that she didn’t invite Melissa’s family to her wedding, so why didn’t they invite her and Louie to their shore house? Like this is the same thing. Is she really this stupid at this point? Or is it an act? Jennifer says, Melissa and Joe are always Team Marge, and suggests Marge knows too much about them. Teresa says, keep your enemy closer, and I think, this bullsh*t just gets more unbelievable.

Melissa says she’s got cigar rollers and hula girls for the party. Paulie tells Dolores that he’d be there, but he’s still sore after surgery. Dolores says, normally she’d stay at Frank’s house, but she’s staying with Rachel. Paulie says, she’s doing things differently now, and she says, Frank is emotional, but she’s not worried about it. Jennifer asks Bill what he thinks about Dr. Judy, and Bill says, she was insightful. She says, he was silent, and feels a lot was left unsaid. They keep pretending everything is okay, when it’s not. Bill says, life is complicated, and it’s not about who’s right or wrong, but how they feel. In Jennifer’s interview, she says, when Bill actually starts talking, it drives her nuts. This is Bill’s way of not saying anything. Put your f***ing Confucius out the window and be supportive of your wife. Bill says, small steps.

Rachel and John also have a shore house that’s actually on a shore, and in Jennifer’s interview, she says she’s excited that she now has a shore house to call her own. They literally moved in last week. They bought it with all the contents, and she even took the bed sheets. There’s no reason to dump any money into it. This we can agree on, since I’m sure the house was staged when it went on the market. It’s not like anyone just slept on those sheets. Jackie, Evan, Marge, and Joe #3 are staying at Melissa and Joe #2’s house. Jen and Jeff, and Dolores are staying with Rachel and John, and Danielle and Nate go to Jennifer’s house, along with Teresa and Louie. This house is right on the boardwalk, which is pretty busy, so it seems there’s no shore and too shore, with Rachel’s house being just right. Marge says, Marge Sr. got herself invited to Teresa’s wedding, and Melissa says, her mother isn’t invited. Joe #2 says he talked to Danielle, but he’s skeptical that her beef with her brother is only about Instagram. In Melissa’s interview, she says, Joe and Teresa have had endless fights over the years, and we flash back to several of those, including the classic Juicy Joe versus Joe #3 knock down drag out. Melissa says, they’ve always been able to find a way to bring themselves back together. She doesn’t think it’s the whole story. Jackie says, Danielle must have done something that made her look bad.

Everyone gets ready for Melissa’s party, and Teresa tells Louie that she’s all about love, love, love. Bill suggests he and Jennifer make sure they don’t get kicked out, and far as Marge goes, they would carry themselves with class. The luau looks really cool, with tiny pineapples everywhere and fabulous food. Jennifer toasts to a great night, and says, let’s get sloppy drunk. I can’t say I’ve never been sloppy, but I can say, that’s never been my aim. Frank arrives with Brittany, and Marge asks Rachel if Teresa really warned Danielle that she made a better friend than an enemy. Rachel tells her about discussing it with Danielle in the store, and says, Danielle claimed Marge had information on everyone and was judgmental. Marge says, she’d like to think she was opinionated, and in her interview, she says, bougie mama has some nerve talking about her when she doesn’t know her. There’s lots of eating and drinking, and Marge tells Melissa that Danielle claimed she had an arsenal. Melissa thinks arsenal means book, and Marge explains it’s where weapons are kept. In her interview, Marge says, maybe Melissa and Teresa are a lot more alike than they think. As many of the partygoers drink shots straight from the bottle like they’re on spring break, Marge asks Teresa about what Rachel told her. Teresa says she doesn’t remember saying anything negative about Marge, and asks if Rachel is trying to start trouble by twisting her words. In Rachel’s interview, she says she’s straight up. If you ask her if you look fat, she’ll tell you. There shouldn’t be a problem with her repeating what someone said. If there is, they shouldn’t have said it. Teresa says, this is like high school, and Danielle tells her, it’s exactly what she said.

In her interview, Teresa says she’s just getting to know Rachel, but it doesn’t sit well with Rachel running to Marge and twisting what she said. We flash back to what Teresa said, and that was exactly what she said. Teresa says it shows her what kind of person Rachel is. Um… honest? Teresa moonwalks back, telling Marge, what she said was, if you get on Marge’s bad side, she has no problem taking you down, and admits to being ruthless herself. Marge says, Teresa was undermining her character, and they hear the guys chanting Fuda! Marge says, when she and Teresa made up, she told everyone they were good, and Teresa insists it was genuine. If anyone pushed the wrong button on any of them, they would fight back. Marge says, historically, she’s never done anything bad to anyone. Jennifer lights a cigar, and says, it tastes like sh*t. Bill gets the equivalent of eight shots poured down his throat, and Jennifer tells him, spit it out. Melissa says, now that they’re nice and toasty, they’re going to watch a hula show. In her interview, Marge says, of course Bill drinks. How else could he stand being around Jennifer? Everyone watches the dancers, and some of them dance around. Frank tells Dolores that he’s got a kit to wax John Fuda as an initiation, and she says, he’s got a nice group of guys. Frank whines that he and Paulie are never in the same place, and Dolores says, he would be here except for his health situation. Frank wants her to push Paulie to spend time with him, but Dolores says, it has to be organic. Brittany joins them, and Frank says, it’s the first time Dolores isn’t at his house. Brittany says, they miss her, and in Dolores’s interview, she says, Frank is feeling sorry for himself. The last she checked, he had a hot blonde running with him. He’s good. Jackie tells Jennifer, Bill is so wasted, and we see him crawl on all fours under a limbo pole that’s about five feet up. Dolores tells Jackie, Paulie is the first guy who doesn’t want to sleep with Frank, and Jackie asks if Frank reached out to Paulie. Frank says he reached out to Dolores, and Dolores says, this is when Frank gets in a stupid place. Frank wails for her to fix it, but she says, there’s nothing to fix.

Louie and Teresa talk about the upcoming wedding, and Jen says, it must have been an oversight that Teresa didn’t invite Melissa’s mom. Teresa says, it’s not. They have an history, and she’s leaving it at that. In her interview, she says, to be honest, ten years ago, she got busy, and they got jealous. Melissa’s mom and sisters posted stuff about her on social media, something her mother never did. After that, she kept her distance. She forgives, but never forgets. Jen asks if it won’t put a bigger wedge between Teresa and Joe #2, and Louie says he apologized to Melissa’s mom. We see a clip of that, and he says, he’s not part of her and Teresa’s history. In Teresa’s interview, she says she wishes he’d discussed it with her, but she loves him and knows he’s being a peacemaker. She wishes her brother had come to her, but he loves a spectacle. Louie asks if Teresa would be mad if he invited Melissa’s mom, and she asks why she’d be mad. Everyone cheers, and Louie runs off to find her. In Marge’s interview, she says, thank God Louie has some sense. Joe #2 announces that they’re heating the wax for John’s initiation. They put wax strips on John’s chest, and he barely flinches when they’re pulled off. In Jen’s interview, she says she doesn’t care if she’s bush woman; Joe’s not coming near her with hot wax. The guys do shots for the new brother, and Jennifer wanders around aimlessly. Jackie asks if she’s okay, and says she wants Jennifer and Marge to make up. Marge felt like they had, but didn’t like that Jennifer was still trying to hurt her. Jennifer says, it didn’t mean they were going to be besties. Marge did something hurtful to her children, and her youngest daughter suffered severe trauma; it had the domino effect. In Jackie’s interview, she says she knows firsthand the ramifications of saying someone’s father cheated on their mother. When there were unfounded rumors about Evan, their daughter was scared they were thinking about divorce. Jennifer tells Jackie that she and Bill are going to therapy. Bill is into scholastics with the children, and almost blames her, asking if she wants her kids to be average and have an average life. She told him, don’t call her kids average. Jackie says, that’s a lot of hurt, and they hug.

Jennifer starks talking about sticking fingers in butts, and I tune out in self-defense. Jackie thinks a piece of Danielle is not so nice, and Danielle’s radar goes up hearing her name. Dolores says that Marge is upset about what Danielle repeated, and in Danielle’s interview, she says she was just stating what she heard. There’s was no sh*t talking. But instead talking to her like grown-ass women, they’re bringing her back to her childhood when she was bullied. The only difference now is, she can throw a right hook. Danielle tells Dolores that it irks her to hear her name, and whines to Nate about everyone’s conversation involving her. Marge says she’s calling BS on Danielle’s story about her brother, and in her interview, she says she thinks they’re not getting the whole story. Teresa says, they each have a side, and Italians hold grudges. Marge thinks it’s not the full story, and maybe Danielle is hiding stuff. In Melissa’s interview, she says, regardless of how Danielle and her brother got there, she feels bad. She finds Danielle and says, Danielle looks annoyed, and Danielle says she’s hearing her name. Melissa says she just heard it once about the situation with Danielle’s brother. Melissa says, with her and Teresa, there’s their sides and the truth, and Danielle says she’s pissed. In her interview, she says, everything in her wants to run up and unleash on them. What happened with her brother is her truth. She opened up and now they’re questioning her character. She’s done. If any of them approach her, she doesn’t know what will come out of her mouth. They’re lucky she’s leaving. She gathers Jennifer and Teresa, who says, they came together, so they’ll leave together. Danielle bitches about hearing her name all the way out and during the car ride. Teresa says, Jackie started it, and in Danielle’s interview, she says, Jackie was poking and trying to make her look like an ass. They come from the same place, but she’s a better version of a Staten Island girl, but only if we were still in Staten Island. She tells the others in the car, the one person you don’t want to have as an enemy is her.

Next time, Louie talks to Joe #2; Teresa says, Joe #2 needs therapy, and tells Jackie to STFU; and Marge says, Danielle spreading bullsh*t is f***ed up.

🏖 On what I’d hoped was the finale of Summer House, but wasn’t, the housemates decorated for Gabby’s Studio Fifty Forest party. For a bunch of influencers or whatever, their decorating skills left a lot to be desired. Carl hadn’t spoken to Kyle, and was worried their friendship was in serious jeopardy. He wanted to tell Kyle not to talk to Lindsay the way he had, but communication is no one’s skill on this series. Kyle and Amanda brought their wiener dog mixes for the weekend, which would be points in their favor if they had any other redeeming qualities, but instead, we’ll just give the dogs those points. No surprise, all the girls squeed over these cute little nuggets. The dogs I mean. In Amanda’s interview, she said, they’d decided to come back because she wasn’t allowing anyone to dictate her life. Tomorrow was her 12^th 31^st birthday, and she wanted the majority of the housemates to celebrate with her. Everyone put on their disco outfits – lots of wigs and sparkles – and in Lindsay’s interview, she said she had zero interest in having conversation. She just wanted to have a good f***ing time. Amanda had sent a text, but she hadn’t responded. Like the newly mature person she is.

Anxiety and liquor being the mainstays of the house, in Kyle’s interview, he said he was anxious about what to say to his best friend. Carl was right across the hall, and they were getting ready to party, but there was tension in the air, and he felt like a fish out of water. Life is tough when you haven’t been able to form a full sentence by the time you’re 40. I’m not joking. Kyle is 40. Can you say, no hope? Ciara dressed up in a huge afro, sparkly dress, and heels, and said she was Karma Brown, and she’d come to bless this house. Bam! I don’t think the Pope himself is capable of that, but good try. She said she wasn’t involved in the drama, and was going to have a good time. I’m liking Ciara this season… for now. Chris tried to help decorate, but was just as inept as the girls. Mya’s boyfriend Oliver arrived, and Sam got a text from Tim, who said he couldn’t make the party, but he invited her to Montauk for a party there. In her interview, she said she had the biggest crush going on, a word I haven’t used since high school, so no surprise here. Karma wondered where the champagne tower was. They were supposed to be popping bottles, and the task was given to a rookie.

Since Kyle has the courage of a really scared Chihuahua, Carl had to initiate a talk, and they told the others that they were going to catch up before the party started, like no one knew what happened last week. On second thought, considering their attention spans, maybe they didn’t. Carl said, last Saturday night had been hard, and master of understatement Kyle said he’d kinda snapped. Carl said he’d never seen Kyle that angry, and we flashed back to Kyle’s tantrum. Carl said he appreciated Kyle’s text, but didn’t appreciate how he’d talked to Lindsay. Did Kyle even like them? Kyle said, Carl had changed and was spending more time with Lindsay, clearly not understanding what being a couple meant, even though he’s married, and Carly said he wanted to marry Lindsay. Kyle claimed the tension stemmed from the tension between Lindsay and Amanda. Carl said Lindsay felt hurt because when she’d told Amanda that they were looking at houses, she’d said it was too soon. Lindsay thought Amanda was being negative about her relationship with Carl. It seemed like there was deeper sh*t going on. Everyone else kept pointing out that Carl and Kyle were talking, but stopped short of eavesdropping. Kyle said he and Amanda felt like they had to walk on eggshells with Lindsay, but Carl felt it was the other way around. He admitted Lindsay could be polarizing and complicated, but she was trying. Kyle said, in a perfect world, they’d be going on double dates, and Carl said he and Lindsay cared about the friendship. He wished they could talk, regardless of what happened with Loverboy in the future, and Kyle swore that, no matter what, he wouldn’t get in the middle, and wouldn’t let Amanda and Lindsay’s issues drive a wedge between them. It wasn’t simple working with a best friend, but he promised they’d figure out a way to put that sh*t behind them and work on the friendship. In Kyle’s interview, he said he was going to put the Lindsay stuff behind him, and get back to what it was about; spending the summer with his best friend.

Amanda told the other girls that Lindsay weaponized their friendship against her. She could apologize for how Lindsay felt, but wasn’t in a place to apologize for anything else. She couldn’t care anymore. Karma said she thought Kyle was crying, but that’s okay; a man can cry. A confetti balloon exploded, and there was dancing and more confetti. Paige texted Craig, who asked how the party was, and she said, it was off to slow start until Karma Brown showed up. I’m sure there was a huge question mark over Craig’s head. Chris told random girls a bunch of BS about himself, and in his interview, he said he loved messing with girls. If they give him sh*t back, he knows they’re a keeper.

Lindsay told Carl that he looked like a washed up rock star, and asked how the conversation with Kyle went. Carl said he felt better, but not good. Kyle’s reaction to Lindsay was the result of something that happened between her and Amanda. Since she’s a narcissist, Lindsay asked if the whole thing was about her, but Carl said, and Amanda. He thought she and Amanda should have a conversation, and Lindsay said, if she had her way, they’d talk all the time. She was a direct communicator when she was coherent and not spinning bullsh*t, but she wasn’t begging for an apology. Carl said he was dealing with his own sh*t, and Lindsay told him not to come at her. He said he wasn’t, and she’d know when he did.

Carl told Lindsay that he wished the four of them were closer, but Lindsay said, how? When Amanda said sh*t, it hurt, and she didn’t need to beg for an apology. Ciara said, Karma Brown can’t comment on this, and Chris said, if Kyle wasn’t in the right state of mind, they all felt it, which again made me question everyone’s sanity, since they keep bunking together every summer. Carl told Lindsay that Amanda had apologized over text, and Danielle said, it looked like Carl and Lindsay were arguing. Lindsay said she was led to believe there would be a bigger conversation in person, but it didn’t happen. She wanted to fix things quick. Carl said, perfect. Let’s play beer pong, which is always the answer to everything. Danielle wondered how they could have a heated conversation, then play beer pong, and Sam asked if anyone was going to Montauk; she wanted to get some d*ck. One of the dogs caught a ping pong ball, which was pretty impressive, and Danielle asked Carl about what looked like his heated chat with Lindsay. Carl said, communication was hard when Lindsay was drunk, and Lindsay told Paige that communicating was hard when you’re in middle school. Paige suggested she just talk to Amanda, like no one had thought of that, and Carl told Danielle that Lindsay wasn’t receptive, so he just walked away. Danielle said, they were the two most outspoken of the group, yet internalized a lot. Lindsay griped to Paige that Amanda felt she and Carl were moving in together too soon, and Paige told her Danielle had said that too. She said it felt like Lindsay and Carl were living in a fairytale. Danielle told Carl that things couldn’t always be great. She had fights with Robert about him always working. They hardly saw each other, and it was hard. In Danielle’s interview, she said things aren’t always perfect. She wanted Carl and Lindsay to talk about the hard stuff. Paige said she was under the impression Lindsay knew how Danielle felt. Wasn’t Danielle her best friend? She thought they should talk, and when Danielle came by, she wisely got the hell out of there. Danielle asked Lindsay what she and Paige had been talking about, and Lindsay said, her. Danielle said, good or bad stuff? and Lindsay said she heard Danielle was concerned about her and Carl’s relationship. She’d thought it was too soon for them to move in. Danielle said she thought they were moving hella fast, and Lindsay said, they’d known each other six years. Danielle said, but they weren’t in a relationship, and in that sense, it was fast. Lindsay whined that she wanted to have babies with Carl, and Danielle said, Lindsay was getting so defensive, it was annoying. Truth!

Lindsay wanted to know what fairytale she was living, and Danielle said they had no fights or talks about the heavy stuff. Lindsay said, Carl didn’t like the hard conversations, and Danielle said she was surprised Lindsay didn’t ask why Carl didn’t stick up for her during Kyle’s tirade. Lindsay said she was pissed off, but Danielle said she didn’t show it. She didn’t want to lose her two best friends. Lindsay said she wouldn’t, but Danielle said, sometimes she felt that Lindsay and Carl’s relationship was off-limits. Lindsay said, at least tell her first before Danielle talked sh*t, and Danielle said she wanted to see them going at the real stuff, and not keep it bottled up. Pizza was ordered and the outside friends were kicked out. Ciara said, Karma Brown’s got to go. Nice knowing you. Danielle rated the party a 6.5, since there was no music. Seriously? No one had a phone with a playlist on it? Gabby said, 65 out of 100 was a fail. Bad decorating, no music, fair to middling food, and Kyle? Yeah, I’d say it was a fail

Kyle said he feared raising children. What if the kid didn’t like him? I’d say that’s highly likely, and I also fear him raising children, but not for that reason. Sam said his energy effected the house, and she thought it was a good quality, clearly forgetting about the previous weekend. Kyle said he wanted everyone to have as much fun as possible, and Sam said, as a friend, she wanted him to be happy, and have fun. Cool positive energy brought the house up. In Chris’s interview, he said, after he graduated, he went into the marines. This summer he wants to talk to and meet girls. If he’s learned anything, it’s that you can’t force things to work. Danielle said her boobs were pointing east; she was going to the party in Montauk. Amanda said she couldn’t go. She was a (dog) mom now. Lindsay said she was part of a couple now, and wasn’t leaving Carl. In Danielle’s interview, she said, in the past, if she’d said party in Montauk, Lindsay would have asked how much time she had to get ready. She hated seeing Lindsay holding back.  I thought if I heard going to Montauk one more time, I might scream. Kyle was surprised the dogs were the first ones to poop on the lawn.

Gabby, Danielle, and Sam finally went to Montauk, and we saw a bit of Danielle’s phone cam party. In Sam’s interview, she said, Tim ghosted her. He put her in an Uber and sent her on her way. She’d said she didn’t want a hit and run situation, and he said he’d never do that. She laughed, and said, she felt stupid saying it now. She was having a crush crisis. She’d come out of an abusive relationship, and this brought back her insecurity. Danielle told her that she had a right to be herself. F*** what anybody thought. Her real friends valued who she was.

Paige said, Amanda deserved a beautiful birthday lunch, and got up at 7 am because she loved Amanda. She and Mya cleaned up, made breakfast, and talked about Lindsay trying to act better for Carl at her own expense. They thought it was going to lead to resentment. In Mya’s interview, she said she’d been in relationships where they wanted different things, and it worked out. Oliver was outgoing, and had 400 friends, while she had maybe 5. Everyone put on birthday hats, and sang Happy Birthday when Amanda came down. Danielle said, the party was fun until Sam laid on a pool table or something. Maybe there was more to putting Sam in that Uber than she thought. Paige said she already put in a full day, and Kyle said, Amanda’s last birthday was a big one – 30. They’d been caught up in wedding planning, and he wanted to make up for it.

He brought out a giant package, and Amanda said he did listen; it was definitely artwork. She unveiled a piece of modern art that said, fruit therapy. It was actually pretty cool. Amanda said, Kyle got married and was a new man, and Kyle toasted to Amanda’s 31^st. Amanda thanked everyone for the special breakfast, and said it was how she preferred to celebrate, low key. Lindsay asked if Amanda wanted to get together, and in Amanda’s interview, she said, she and Lindsay hadn’t had a one-on-one and hung out in years.

Next time, we’re tortured with a party bus; Carl wants Chris to have a proper initiation; Danielle talks to Robert about their relationship, or lack thereof; and Paige wants Lindsay to talk about the real sh*t.

🪄 Dreaming I’m Awake…

Hook up with me again tomorrow (no, not that way) for soap and the VanderPlot thickening. Until then, stay safe, stay childlike, but not childish, and stay not wasting any time on lies. Life isn’t just too short, it’s too precious for that.