What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Chase wheels himself into the Quartermaine foyer, and Austin closes the door. Chase says he doesn’t want do this yet, and Austin says, sometimes it’s easier to talk to a complete stranger than someone you know really well. Chase says, like about how he just found out his entire marriage is a lie? and Austin says, yes. Why are they bothering with this? Why don’t they go back out and get a beer? Chase says, his wife is sleeping with the guy who used to be his best friend. He needs to face them. It’s time to end this.

Stella asks if Curtis hears what she’s saying. She did something terrible. She’s not sure how to fix it, or if it can be fixed. He says, it can’t be that bad; it’s not worth her getting all worked up like this. She tells him, he says that now, but she blew up a secret that’s going to hurt him, and a lot of people.

Portia is glad to see Trina. She was worried, and calling everyone. Trina says, great. Now they’re all going to wonder what’s wrong. Portia says she’s sorry Trina overheard her conversation with Stella, and Trina says, that makes two of them. Portia cheated on her dad, and that’s why their family broke up.

Laura hugs Spencer outside of Kelly’s, and says she’s glad he could meet her. She can’t believe he’s home. Is he settling in? He says, more or less, and she asks if it’s nice to be back at Windymere. He says, it’s satisfying to know it’s back in the hands of its rightful owner instead of that interloper Valentin. She laughs, and says he made his feelings about Valentin very clear, but that’s beside the point. He was adamant about having a gap year, and traveling the world. Why did he change his mind? Why did he come home now?

Alexis pulls up a chair across from Ryan, and says she thought he’d be interested to know that Nikolas doesn’t think he’s the one stalking Ava. She led Nikolas to believe that she doesn’t think so either, but she’s not entirely convinced. Let’s see if she can make this clear. If she senses even a scintilla of danger living inside him, she’ll find a way to get his ass thrown out of this Club Med, and locked up in a hole where worthless human beings go to die. Does he understand? He blinks, and someone tells her, he said, yes. She turns to see Harmony.   

Brook takes photos of Michael, Willow, and Wiley, and Michael says he thinks they got enough. Josslyn took photos too. Brook says, never enough. It’s a momentous occasion; Wiley’s turning three. Michael agrees it’s a special day, and Willow says Wiley gets to celebrate being three, and they get to celebrate him. Chase wheels himself in, and says, an ideal family photo, and Willow says, there he is. She was asking about him. He’s just in time to open presents. Where’s he been? He says he was about to ask her the same thing. Was she looking for him, because he was looking for her. He is not going to ruin a kid’s birthday party, is he?

Trina asks if Portia can honestly say her cheating on dad didn’t lead to the breakup, and Portia says, it was complicated. They had a troubled marriage. Trina says she’s asking if the affair caused the divorce, and Portia says she understands Trina is upset. The reason she didn’t want to tell Trina was that she didn’t want it to affect her; affect how Trina saw her or her father. Trina says Portia should have told her instead of keeping it from her, but Portia says, this is the 18 year old Trina she’s talking to. She was just a little girl then. She was a child when they divorced. It wouldn’t have been appropriate. Trina says, so it was more appropriate to leave it like a ticking timebomb to blow up in her face? Portia says, as Trina knows from her father faking his own death, sometimes parents keep secrets to protect their children

Curtis guesses the conversation with Portia didn’t go the way Stella wanted. Is she finally done meddling? Stella says, yes, but she’s afraid the damage is done. She confronted Portia about the affair she and Curtis had years ago. Unfortunately someone overheard. Curtis asks, who? and Stella says, Trina.

Monica says, if the birthday boy will make his way to the living room, he can open presents. Carly asks if there’s anything she can do, and Monica says, come with her to have a little chat. Carly literally stamps her foot and makes a face behind Monica’s back.

Brook brings Valentin a drink on the terrace, and he says she’s being awfully kind. Should he worry that she has some kind of sinister ulterior motive? She says, more like a gesture of sympathy, since he’s about to lose his spot as CEO. He says she’s not worried, and she says, because of his new interloping buddy? Is he keeping Austin in his hip pocket? Where is that guy anyway? Casing Lila’s silver? Valentin says, Austin does seem to have a chip on his shoulder where the Quartermaines are concerned, which he plans to exploit without mercy when Austin claims his voting shares. But that’s weeks, maybe even months away. She says, Austin is here now, and he intends to cash in, and Valentin intends to be his co-conspirator. Valentin says, when he proves his claim, when he’s legitimized and his shares are in place, Brook’s family is going to climb over themselves to gain access to Austin. There’s no shame in it, but he’s going to do it first. She asks if he ever doesn’t calculate ten steps ahead, and he says he was spontaneous that night at the MetroCourt, and they had Bailey. He’d say she was there for the single greatest impulse he ever acted on.

Chase asks if Willow got the extra present wrapped, but she says, after her mom’s surprise visit, she needed to take a minute. He says, that makes sense. Did Michael  find her? She says, he did, and he calmed her down. Brook said Chase was tired earlier; did he get some rest? He says he had a chance to clear his head, and she asks if something is wrong. He says he’s glad she asked. There’s something he wants to say to her, and Michael.

Spencer asks if the prodigal son can’t return and make peace with his father, and Laura says, nothing would please her more, but Spencer thought his father was dead for three years. When Nikolas came back, Spencer was deeply hurt and angry. Where did his resentment go? He says, a lot has happened, and life is too short for grudges and regrets. She says she likes the sound of that, and asks how things are going between him and his dad. He says he thinks they’re making headway, and it helps that there are no distractions. She says, meaning what? and he suggests they grab a table inside. Will her husband be joining them? She says, her husband? Does he mean Doc? The man who lives with her and went to visit him numerous times in France? Doc is busy tonight, and she wanted to take the opportunity to spend some time alone with Spencer. Spencer says, good. So there’s no trouble in paradise. She says, she doesn’t understand the impersonal euphemism. Does he have a problem with her husband all of a sudden? He says he doesn’t have a problem with the illustrious Dr. Collins, brother of Ryan Chamberlain.   

Alexis asks what Harmony is doing there, and Harmony says she works there as a health aid. She asks if Ryan is ready for a nutritional break. He blinks, and she says, she’ll order up a tasty bag of protein for him. Alexis asks what this is all about. Harmony is conversing with him because of mental stimulation, the way people do with comatose patients? Does he actually comprehend what she’s saying? Harmony says, he has Locked-In Syndrome, and can’t move or speak, but his mind is alert. He can even communicate. Go ahead. Ask him anything.

Trina says, Portia claims she kept quiet about her affair with Curtis to protect her, but it seems like she did it to protect herself. Portia says, maybe on some level that’s true, but Trina will discover, once she becomes more of an adult, life is complicated. Trina says, adults always use that as an excuse, but life’s been complicated for her for a while now. She’s had to navigate a lot, including thinking her dad was dead and being a hostage, so please, don’t even. Portia says Trina has been through a lot, no question, and has a right to her feeling, but she’s still Trina’s mother, not her best friend. She loves the closeness they have, but she’s not obligated to tell Trina everything about her life, past or present; especially things she’s having a hard time reconciling herself. Trina asks if she’s shamed about what happened, and Portia says, it’s a difficult question. The deception was the hardest part. Trina says Portia made it seem like it was dad’s fault for the divorce, but Portia tells her, she never said that. Trina says, not in so many words, but that’s what she believed. She’d hear them fighting sometimes, and Portia would complain about how lonely she felt, and how distant he was because of his job and all the time he spent undercover. But now she has to wonder if Portia was at fault too. Did dad know about the affair?

Stella says she can take the anger; it’s well-deserved. She can’t take the silence. What is he thinking? He says he’s thinking about Portia and Trina, and how they’re doing, especially Trina. What did Trina say? Stella says, she ran off. When Stella left, Portia was still trying to reach her. She offered to help, but Portia refused. Curtis shakes his head, and gets up. He says, he’s going to the hospital, and see if he can help. Stella offers to come, but he tells her, stay there and finish her soup. The best way for her to help is by staying out of it. Plus, the doctor warned her against letting her pressure spike. She says she didn’t want to hurt him or Portia, but she just didn’t want what happened to her and Marcus to happen to him and Jordan. Losing out on true love has lifelong ramifications. She just wanted him to realize that before it was too late.

Laura asks why Spencer would utter their names in the same breath? Doc and Ryan are twins, but they couldn’t be more different. Ryan is a sociopath who fooled everyone, Doc included. He held Doc hostage, and could have killed him. Spencer says she could have been killed herself. Ryan stabbed Aunt Lulu, nearly killing her, and none of that would have happened if Doc had turned Ryan over to the authorities as soon as he knew Ryan was alive, instead of stashing Ryan in Ferncliff to try and treat him on his own. Laura says, the list of people Spencer detests is growing; his dad, Ava, now Doc… Is she on the list? He says she’s the one person who’s never failed him. Who else would drop their life to rush to France to nurse him back to health? She says, who else would break both legs on a ski trip? He says, foolish pride is his weakness. He doesn’t know why she puts up with him, but he’s glad she does. He loves her. She says she loves him too, so she would appreciate a bit of honesty. How are things really going between him and his dad? He says, better. He has high hopes now that his father’s hopeless marriage is truly over. He opens the door to Kelly’s.

Harmony says, the device was made so that Ryan could communicate with his health care providers and legal advocates. Go ahead. Yes or no questions are best. Alexis asks if he’s a twin, and Ryan blinks. Harmony says, one blink for yes, and Alexis says, not dry eye? Harmony tells her, try again, and Alexis asks if he has two kidneys. He blinks twice. Harmony says, two blinks for no, and Alexis says, fascinating. Harmony says, isn’t it though? Non-verbal communication opens up a world for patients with a loss of motor function. Can she imagine not being able to convey thoughts or feelings to care providers or loved ones? Alexis says, he doesn’t have loved ones. One more question. Is he still obsessed with Ava? There’s no response, and Harmony says, he’s probably tired. Going too long without rest can cause tension on the optic nerve. Time in the garden is just what he needs.

Brook says she thought it was sweet that Valentin was willing to return her shares to gain access to Bailey. He says, at that point, they were his shares, and she says she sees now that he’d always planned on out-maneuvering her and her family. As long as they’re squabbling amongst themselves, they can’t put together a majority to run him off. He says he’ll give her this. They had him worried that he’d miscalculated and they’d all rally behind her father, and she says, enter Austin. He says, speak of the devil, and Brook says, right on cue, as Austin joins them. She asks what’s up? and Austin says he wanted to see the rose garden. She says, any reason in particular? and he says, yeah. His father used to tell a story about his mom… Brook says, Beatrice LeSeur, and he says, she wanted to have a private word with Edward. Brook says, blackmailing him, but Austin says he can’t confirm or deny. They were having a conversation, when Edward saw Lila… Brook says, and he shoved Beatrice into the rose bushes. It’s a family story; they all know it. Edward might have been a dog, but he loved Lila, and never wanted her to know about his indiscretions. That’s why he left Austin’s father out of the will. Valentin asks if Austin still wants to be part of this family, and Austin says, absolutely. It will take more than that to get him to bail.

Michael brings Wiley in to Willow, and says he thinks Wiley is getting antsy, and they should open gifts soon. He asks if Chase is okay, and Chase says he was going to ask what happened with Harmony before he arrived. Willow says she opened the door, and there she was. She was hoping to celebrate Wiley’s birthday. Chase says, people show up at the most inopportune times, don’t they? and Willow says, Harmony wants to reconnect, but she still needs to be careful with Harmony. Chase asks if she’s saying she doesn’t believe in redemption, but Michael says Chase knows Willow better than that. She’s just being protective of their son. Chase says he likes to think he knows Willow better than anyone, but he agrees. It’s good to show caution when it comes to Wiley. He thanks Michael for consoling Willow. It’s nice to have a true buddy who can step in when he can’t.

Monica says she hasn’t had a chance to congratulate Carly on her engagement. Carly says, thank you? and Monica tells her, don’t be apprehensive. She knows there’s a lot of water under the bridge with them, but she’s always respected Carly’s bond with Jason. If it’s gotten to be more than friendship, who is she to stand in the way? Carly thanks her, and Monica says she figures if she can get along with Tracy, she can get along with anybody. She’s going to rally the troops. She leaves, and Cameron approaches Carly, asking if she has a minute. He’d like to discuss his intentions for her daughter. I actually say, aww, out loud. He’s being so cute.

Cameron tells Carly, Josslyn is one of his best friends, no matter what their status is. Carly says, yes, and as a mother, she just wants Josslyn to feel valued, respected, and happy. He says he does too. He never wants to make Josslyn unhappy… again. Because he knows that’s what he did when he accused Jason of killing Franco. Carly says he was manipulated by Peter and Cyrus; even his mother made that mistake at first. What concerns her the most is that he picked up a gun on impulse. He says, it was a huge mistake. He realizes how lucky he was that things didn’t end up worse for him. He’s extremely grateful to Commissioner Ashford for how she handled the situation. Carly says, her too, and he says he’s been trying to make up for everything. He hopes his mistake won’t stand between him and Josslyn being together. Carly says she appreciates his appreciates and respects him speaking up. She thinks he and Josslyn will be good  together, but making a misstep like that when he’s not dating her daughter is one thing. It’s quite another when he is. Understood? He nods, and she tells him, now have a cupcake. They have tons to celebrate.

Portia says she never told Trina’s father about her indiscretion. She was too torn up about it, disappointed in herself, and just wanted to put the whole thing behind her. Recently, Trina’s dad told her that he’d known for years, and he understood. It hurts that they weren’t able keep a home together for Trina, but they made a vow together that Trina would always feel like the most important person in the entire world. She hopes Trina recognizes it. Trina asks why Portia didn’t tell her this when they were talking about her dating Curtis. Was it because she knew Trina wouldn’t wouldn’t approve? Curtis got her to betray her husband. Portia says, Curtis didn’t know she was married when the relationship began. When she told him the truth, he ended things. Curtis is blameless. Trina says, now Portia wants to be with him again. Has she been waiting all this time for him? Has she been in love with him all these years?

Curtis says he’s sorry Stella didn’t get her happily ever after, but that doesn’t mean she gets to decide what his looks like. Whatever decisions he and Jordan make don’t concern her. Promise him that she’ll take it easy. He has to go do damage control. She says please apologize to Portia for her, and he says he’ll do that.

Laura says, it’s true, Spencer’s father and Ava filed for divorce, but between them she hopes it won’t last. He says, it will if Ava knows what’s good for her, and she asks what he means. He says Ava admitted she’s been sending his father mixed signals, and that’s why he’s been fighting the divorce. But it also might telegraph to the stalker that the break-up was just for show, and putting their loved ones at risk. She says, he knows all of this how? and he says he and Ava spoke and cleared the air. He’s capable of finding common ground with anyone. Even someone as common as Ava. Laura asks if he expects her to believe he’s formed an alliance with his sworn enemy.

Alexis asks if Harmony knows who she’s attending. Ryan makes Satan look nice. Harmony says she knows her patient’s history as well as their diagnosis, who he is and what he’s done. Alexis asks why Harmony is helping him, and Harmony says, it’s her job. Alexis says so her interest is strictly professional? and Harmony says, excuse me? Alexis says she’s been watching how Harmony ministers to him, and it seems like she’s enthralled with another charismatic puppet master. Or maybe she’s trying to resurrect DoD with a new figurehead. Harmony says she  wondered how long it would take until she had to address this, and Alexis asks if the people there know who Harmony is and what she’s done. That she was second in command to Shiloh? That she drugged and almost tattooed Alexis’s daughter? That she sex trafficked other girls, including her own daughter, all for a deranged cult leader?

Michael tells Willow and Chase that he just promised his grandmother that they’ll be right there, and she’s holding Wiley as collateral. Are they coming? Willow tells him, in a minute, and he leaves. She tells Chase, it’s been a day, and he says she probably hasn’t had time to process. Sometimes when there’s a shock, like her mom showing up, it can affect you in unexpected ways. If she wants to talk, he’s right there. She says, right now, she just wants to sing to her son, and watch him tear into his presents. Is he ready? He says he knows it’s early, but he thinks he’ll turn in. He asks her to give Wiley his present after the rocket she and Michael got him; it’s the accessories and batteries. She says he thinks of everything, and he says, not always; he misses things. She says she’ll look in on him before she goes to the gatehouse, and he says she doesn’t want to keep Wiley waiting on his account. He wheels out angrily, which  I might be projecting, but I don’t think so.

Monica says, okay, people, let’s do this. Michael asks Willow if Chase is okay, and she says she hopes so. Something felt off. Wiley blows out the candles, and they sing Happy Birthday. Wiley gets a look on his face like, WTF? It’s not my birthday. Chase watches, then wheels himself out to the foyer. Austin comes in, and says he can tell it’s not going well. Chase says they lied to his face. They had sex, and now they’re celebrating their kid’s birthday. He asks if Austin will help him pack and get the hell out of there. Austin says they could do that, or they could take a breath, and get this out.

Harmony says she deeply regrets her complicity in Dawn of Day. Shiloh had a very powerful hold on her at that time. She’s sincerely sorry about what happened to Kristina; how is she? Alexis says, it’s none of Harmony’s business. If it weren’t for Jason, both of her daughters would have been assaulted by that monster. Harmony says Alexis’s daughters were more fortunate than hers. She handed Willow over to Shiloh, and they may never get past it. Alexis says she doesn’t think many people could blame Willow for not wanting anything to do with Harmony, and Harmony says she paid for her crimes in more ways than one. She testified against Shiloh, she did her time, and yes, the administration there knows about her past and her subsequent early parole, but she’s dong her best to turn her life around. Alexis asks how falling in with Cyrus fits into that, and Harmony says he was threatening her daughter. Anything she did for him, she did to protect Willow. Alexis says she’s seeing a familiar pattern, where Harmony falls under the spell of powerful men with bad intentions. Like Ryan Chamberlain. I say, and like Alexis did with Julian, et al. Why is she being like this?

Laura asks when Spencer and Ava had this meeting of the minds? and he says, earlier today; they crossed paths at the MetroCourt, and it was more of a détente. He promised to look out for his father, and she promised to limit contact. Laura says, she’ll feel a lot better when they find the stalker. It’s bad enough he’s directing his anger at Ava and Nikolas, but it’s another thing to involve a young child. And the incident with the fake blood shows how sinister he is. Spencer says it’s his goal to help avoid the escalation of these pranks, and she asks if pranks isn’t a bit of an understatement. Maybe now that he and Ava are on the same page, he’ll see how much Ava cares for his father. He asks if Laura is on Ava’s side now, and she says she never would have predicted it, but she could see how happy they were together, and it made her happy for them. But Ava is the real target, and it does all come down to her. She convinced Spencer’s father to give her a divorce. Spencer asks if Laura believes she’ll hold up her end, and Laura says, she’s committed to it. It’s a horrible situation and breaking both of their hearts. What about him? Does knowing about Ava’s sacrifice change his antipathy toward her just a little bit?

Portia says she hasn’t been waiting for anyone; she’s been busy raising Trina, and managing a career she loves. It’s a very full life. But when you care about someone, the feelings don’t just go away. Trina says, when Portia told her that she wanted to see where things went with Curtis, she didn’t tell Trina about their past relationship. When she talked to Curtis, he didn’t mention it either. It makes her wonder if there isn’t more they’re not telling her. Curtis comes out of the elevator, and sees them. Then they see him.

Josslyn and Cameron walk into Kelly’s, and go over to Laura’s table. She says Cameron’s mother told her that they were an Item. What took them so long? Spencer says, maybe Josslyn was waiting for Cameron’s voice to drop an octave, and Cameron says, isn’t it amazing that Spencer finally grew, and now has enough body to hold that massive ego of his? Laura says, that’s enough; both of them. Laura asks where they’ve been, and Josslyn says, Wiley’s birthday party. Cameron says, it was a ton of fun, and despite Spencer’s attempt to psyche him out, he’s there in one piece. Which reminds him, he’d better get back to work. Spencer says, Cameron has to slay those kitchen dragons. While he’s at it, why doesn’t he top off grandmother’s ice tea? Laura says, really? but Cameron says he doesn’t mind. Anything his grandma wants, he’ll gladly give her. She says she’s proud of him and how hard he’s working. He thanks her, and says he’ll be right back. Josslyn follows him, and sits at the counter. Laura tells Spencer, Cameron lost his stepfather not too long ago, and has a single mom with two younger brothers. Money is tight, and Cameron is working his way through college. He could have gone to California, but he decided to stay local to help with expenses so she doesn’t want to hear any more petty comments coming out of Spencer’s mouth. Does he understand her? She’d like to see him work as hard at a worthwhile goal.

Harmony tells Alexis that she can’t say Ryan is a changed man. Her judgement has improved, but it’s not foolproof. The bottom line is she needs this job, and didn’t have a lot of options when she was released from Pentenville. She’s lucky she got the job at Turning Woods and now this facility. Alexis says, she’s working two jobs? and Harmony says, part time. She’s just grateful to be employed. Since she’s far from perfect, she can’t expect her patients to be. Alexis asks if Harmony is sure it’s not DoD speaking, but Harmony swears she’s done with that. She’s just grateful she’s been released from Pentenville, and hopefully have another opportunity with her daughter and grandson. That’s all she cares about. Alexis says she gets that part, and Harmony says she needs to get her patient back inside. That thing Alexis said about falling under the spell of bad men? She hopes the work she’s doing on herself will prevent her from making that same mistake. Alexis says, they agree on something. One day at a time.  

Curtis says he heard about what happened. His aunt is very sorry things unfolded the way they did. It must have been upsetting for Trina. Trina says, it was, but she’s glad he’s there. She always seems to be apologizing to him. He says she has nothing to apologize for, and she asks if he remembers when she asked if he and Jordan were getting a divorce because he was already involved with her mom. She was wrong. So she’s apologizing for thinking he was the cheater when it wasn’t him at all.    

Stella sees Cameron, and asks for the check. Josslyn says she’s heading out, but she’s impressed how he spoke with her mom earlier, and knows she is too. They kiss, and she says, see him around.

Austin says, everyone in Chase’s life is lying to him. He’s not going to do the same thing. He’s going to be straight with Chase, and tell him the truth. He thinks leaving tonight would be a mistake. Chase asks, why? and Austin says, because Willow is his whole world. Chase got out of the wheelchair and walked for her. Is he going to throw that away because of one day? Don’t throw the marriage away until he knows there’s nothing worth salvaging. He’s a fighter. Stay and fight. Chase turns around, and sees Willow and Michael come out of the living room.

Laura tells Spencer, she loves both of her grandsons equally. She’s confident he’ll forge his own path. He says, there are no worries on that front. He definitely has big plans of his own.

A worker tells Alexis that her AA meeting is starting soon. Harmony reads, I’d like to request improved communications technology in keeping with humane treatment standards. She tells Ryan, let’s continue. She holds up an alphabet board, and points to a letter. She says, D, and he blinks once. Alexis asks what she’s doing, and the worker says, she takes letters for him.  

Trina says she has to go, and Curtis says if there’s anything she wants to ask or say, he’s there for her. She thanks him, and says she needs some time alone, and leaves. He tells Portia that his aunt sorry. She feels awful, and rightfully so. She says he was right. She should have told Trina the truth from the beginning. She never saw Trina look at her like that before. Curtis says, it will be okay, but she says she doesn’t know. It’s like her past mistake is hurting the ones she loves the most.

Willow says she thought Chase was going to rest. Does he need help? Chase says, no. He got to talking with Austin, and he’s glad he did. Because here she is. He realized no matter how early it is, he can’t call it a night until he kisses his beautiful wife and wishes her sweet dreams. She says, sweet dreams to him, and kisses him on the cheek.

Cameron tells Stella that Curtis took care of the bill. She says she knows Cameron’s name but can’t think of it. She takes the envelope with the divorce papers out of her bag, and says, mailbox; she needs a mailbox. He says, there’s one on the corner, and it’s Cameron. She says, that’s right. She knows his mother. She gives him five dollars for a tip, and says, she’s just got to… She starts to get up, and falls to the floor. Cameron yells for somebody to get help.

Tomorrow, Curtis wonders what caused Stella’s attack, Sasha has another perk in mind for Brook, and Josslyn tells someone that Jason will definitely be looking for them.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

The women came down to a disgusting kitchen full of dirty dishes. In Kyle’s interview, she said, after Erika left, there was heavy conversation. A producer asked why it turned into a dance party, and Kyle said because they like to have fun. We see a clip, and it’s more like, they had a lame dance party because they like to drink. Kyle said she needed coffee to be human, but they all seemed hung over. Kyle checked out the latest headline, and it said Tom had been secretly hospitalized with a serious illness. She told the others that it was never-ending, and in her interview, she said, every day there was a new story and new allegations. Crystal arrived wearing pants that were even more dumbass than the leather ones; some kind of leggings that had sparkly stars on them. I was reminded of my niece bawling over having to wear something similar when she was little. Erika arrived next, saying she was hungry. In her interview, she said last night had been intense, along with the lawsuits, hearings, and everything else that was happening. In Dorit’s interview, she said she knew Erika held things close to her chest, and she was having a hard time last night. She didn’t begrudge Erika not sharing how bad it was, but sometimes she wondered why Erika didn’t trust them or feel comfortable. Kyle suggested biking, and everyone except Erika, Kathy, and Sutton went. The bikers stopped for breakfast, and Kathy called Kyle, wondering if there was a straw for her shake in Kyle’s house. Kyle wasn’t sure, and Kathy asked her to bring one back. Kyle explained that Kathy had lived at the Waldorf, and thought everyplace was like a hotel. They talked some more about Tom’s cheating. I don’t know why this is such a shock. It’s not like beautiful women don’t get cheated on too. Dorit hoped Erika had someone advising her, since it seemed like she still wanted to protect Tom.

Kyle asked who wanted to decorate the tree, but Sutton was the only taker. Erika joined them, and Kyle said they were playing croquet today. Erika said they were having dinner at her place, meaning the hotel. She told them that Tom had a house nearby, but she didn’t know where it was, and didn’t know the address; she’d never been in it. Kyle told Kathy they were on a scavenger hunt for Erika’s address, and in her interview, wondered how you could own a home and not know the address. In Erika’s interview, she said she never got a straight answer, and in Sutton’s interview, she said, until the divorce, she didn’t know she was partial owner of two Minor League Baseball teams. Erika said she’d thought of all possible scenarios, including a whole other family living there. Kathy said she had homes all over, and got confused. Since this was typical Kathy, no one thought it was weird. They discussed Tom some more, and LisaR wondered if Tom’s lawyers would use the excuse that he was sick, and just forgot to dole out the money to whom it belonged.    

They went to the croquet place (Kyle’s technical term, not mine), and LisaR had to refresh her memory on the rules. In her interview, she said the family played until they got a pool. In Kyle’s interview, she said people had the idea if you’re successful, you play croquet. She thought it would be a good distraction for Erika. Erika said it was supposed to make her feel good, but was making her feel worse, so they started playing by their own rules, and wickets went flying. They ended up sitting on the ground, when Kathy joined the group, wondering if they were playing Duck, Duck, Goose. Kyle asked if LisaR was good with Garcelle, and LisaR said they were taking it one day at a time. In LisaR’s interview, she said they weren’t where they used to be, but it couldn’t be rushed, and she didn’t want to force it.

Back at the house, Garcelle showed up in a Hazmat suit with a sanitizing wand, and swept the women. I think she was only half-joking, since in her interview she said she wasn’t going in without being prepared. In LisaR’s interview, she said this was the Garcelle she wanted to see; fun, free, and non-judgmental. They discussed Tom’s cheating, which was getting pretty boring by now, and Garcelle said Erika had worn her heart on her sleeve last night, but when they were at Garcelle’s house, it had been a different story. We flashed back to Erika insisting there had been no third party involved.

The women gathered in Erika’s hotel room, which was like a house, and had a private pool. Crystal played bartender, and Erika told them that she didn’t know how to do simple banking; it was a whole new world. Erika had ordered room service, and it came in bags like Chinese food. Garcelle said she was sorry she’d missed the night before, and Kyle said she made lasagna. Kathy insisted she’d helped by sweeping the floor, and Kyle said she’d used a spatula, and we flashed back to that. Kyle told Erika that she’d googled the house, and had found the address, but it had been sold. Erika wondered how Tom could sell the house without telling her, and I started wondering if she isn’t really very smart. Like seriously, you never learned out to write a check or make out a deposit slip until you’re 65 60 55 50? Sutton said her forensics team would find it. They were the ones who looked for the spouses assets, which were communal property. The forensics team was almost more important than the attorney. Dorit said they dug deep to find out if money was offshore as well. Kathy suggested they go around the table – to which everyone responded, nooo! – and give one word that described how they thought of themselves. Kyle asked Crystal what Confucius would say, and everyone thought she was being rude, until Crystal said she was related to the philosopher. Her father had been born where Confucius was born. She was from the first generation born outside, and the 76^th generation in the lineage. Garcelle said she thought she and Erika both had tough shells and soft insides, and Erika would end up on top. In Kyle’s interview, she said Erika had a tough girl persona, but still could only take so much. She didn’t know about coming out on top. All I know is, that hotel room probably costs per night more than my monthly mortgage

The next day, Crystal, Erika, and Garcelle went for a walk, and the others went shopping. I don’t think the desert is for me as far as nature goes. I need a few actual trees. Erika said there was a new story every day, and today there was a hearing in Chicago. She didn’t even know what it was about. She was hoping the walk would clear her mind. In Garcelle’s interview, she said she knew she wasn’t supposed to ask about finances, but Erika had no debit card pr allowance. She was going to ask. In Erika’s interview, she said she just got cash as she needed it from Tom. I’m guessing she must have had a credit card though. Garcelle asked if Erika got any heads up on the lawsuits coming, and that’s why they divorced. Erika said it had been a long time coming. It was a long battle with a person who had changed. When Tom got a head injury, there was a shift in his personality. There had been a severe decline. There was no more conversation. He would forget what he was talking about, or she’d hear a story ten times in one day. If she said she remembered it, he would go into a rage. She was his whipping boy. She thought he was in denial about having Alzheimer’s, like Crystal’s dad had been. Crystal said the caretakers got the brunt of it, and Erika said she tried to help, but Tom resisted everything. In her interview, she said when she got home from the Broadway run, they were eating together again, but Tom was changing rapidly, and refused to acknowledge what was happening. His own lawyer was crying on the phone, saying they had to do something. Tom was calling every day, but she couldn’t talk to him, and asked her attorney to tell his attorney to stop him from calling. In her interview, she told us that she needed to be able to say the last time she spoke to him was the day she left. Garcelle thought Tom calling was the saddest thing.

Everyone gathered back at the house, and Kathy brought tacos. In Sutton’s interview, she said Kathy couldn’t do not extra. She couldn’t get 8 tacos; it had to be 58. Kyle asked what the latest was on Erika, and in Erika’s interview, she said she had be careful. Her lawyers told her it was best to be quiet and close to the vest. She said she might go back early, depending on the news. She might need to deal with sh*t. Garcelle said Erika had shared about Tom calling her, and hoped Erika didn’t mind her saying it. Erika got pissed off, and said she did mind Garcelle saying it, since she was betraying their friendship, but please, have her moment. She said she wouldn’t take Tom’s calls, and Garcelle got it out of her once, and won’t again. I don’t know what she meant by getting it out of her, since there was no struggle for that info. Garcelle said it wasn’t her intention, and Erika said she wouldn’t sugarcoat it. Again, no clue what that meant. In Kyle’s interview, she said she’d seen Erika lose her temper, and we flashed back to several times when Erika got unreasonably angry. Kyle said she didn’t know why, but when Erika was triggered, she went from 0 to 100. In Garcelle’s interview, she said, WTF? Erika had been open, and talked about Tom’s cheating, said something had changed in his brain makeup, and she couldn’t understand why this set her off. Erika started crying, and whined that she’d shared a private moment. It was something she hadn’t said, and sometimes not everything was up for discussion. She’d been very open and honest, and thought was Garcelle had done was dirty. She got it once, and didn’t have to say something in front everyone. Once was enough. Got it? In Garcelle’s interview, she said she thought Erika wanted to share it with the group, and didn’t think it was a big deal. Erika ran to the bathroom, and Kyle said it was a lot right now. Crystal said Garcelle had already been in the car when Erika said she didn’t want to talk about it, and Garcelle said she’d never intentionally hurt Erika. Erika hadn’t told her not to say anything. In Crystal’s interview, she said she knew Erika didn’t want to talk about it, but Garcelle didn’t, and went to the worst possible place. In Sutton’s interview, she said people didn’t react like that unless something else happened. Erika whined and cried in the bathroom about being open and honest. Every time I start to feel badly for her, she does something that reminds me she’s an entitled a-hole.

Next time. LisaR wants to play a game, more headlines that Erika was complicit, and Sutton isn’t sure that she wants to be around Erika at this time.  

The Real Housewives of New York City

Eboni got the DNA test done. Sonja met LuAnn at a restaurant, and told her the matchmaker was setting her up with a serious guy, not just a fun guy. In Sonja’s interview, she said she was looking for Mr. Right, but if Mr. Right Now was waved in front of her, she couldn’t refrain; any guy would do. LuAnn asked if Sonja got sex last night, and Sonja said she could hardly walk. Ramona joined them, and in her interview, she said she was shocked that Sonja went home with Dylan, but more shocked that he took her home. They talked about Eboni’s upcoming shabbat dinner, and Sonja said Eboni’s boyfriend broke up with her. He wanted her to be Jewish, but not convert. I honestly have no idea what that meant, but in her interview, she said she couldn’t with these men sometimes, and that I get. Sonja called Eboni, apologizing for telling everyone. Ramona wondered why the guy got involved with her in the first place. Eboni told them not to feel bad for her, and they’d discuss it at shabbat Ramona wanted to know why he waited to tell her, and thought he wasn’t honest with himself. In LuAnn’s interview, she said breakups were never easy, but doing a Christmas song and video would make it all good. Sonja said she was tired of men thinking with their d*cks.

Leah’s brother Daniel and sister Sarah came for lunch. In Leah’s interview, she said Daniel was the youngest, nine years younger than her. She wasn’t sure if he was planned, but he was definitely her mother’s favorite. Daniel gave Leah the rosary that had been wrapped around her grandmother’s arm, saying it smelled like her, and he thought they sprayed it with her perfume. Leah sniffed it and cried. In her interview, Leah said they were all going through the same thing, and it was naturally bringing them closer. Sarah said she’d been nauseous and wondered if she was pregnant. Leah said in her interview, that she was the most non-adult adult. She was basically a teenager trying to be an adult. Daniel asked about Leah’s rabbi, and Leah said, he was a New Yorker, cursed sometimes, and was funny as hell. And no, she wasn’t having sex with him.

Sonja’s healer, Aleta St. James went to Sonja’s place, and we flashed back to the séance. In Sonja’s interview, she said she’d never done any work regarding her dad. She felt she might have a daddy complex, but didn’t realize it went back to her dad. Huh? She told Aleta that her dad had felt badly about being absent, and her mom’s second husband didn’t look at her as his child. In her interview, she said it became most evident when he came with his convertible, looking handsome and dashing, and all the kids clamored into the car, but he asked her to get out. Why didn’t he take her? She was a great kid, and took care if his children when her mom was working. Aleta said two things were going on; she wasn’t special to real father, and not good enough for the other one. Men abandoned her, and she didn’t want to create an unconscious pattern. She needed to take care of the trauma her father caused by not cherishing her. Aleta banged on a drum to make it all better. Then she rang some chimes, and Sonja said she felt a release in her left ankle. In her interview, Sonja said she didn’t know her worth. Don’t let people step on you to be a pleaser. She asked Aleta to do her chakras, and Aleta rang more chimes.

Eboni got the results from the DNA test, and in her interview, she said her whole life changed with that envelope. Either she opened it, and everything made sense, and she got a new family from the guy she thought was her dad, or she went back to being a fatherless child. By her face, we could tell the news wasn’t happy, and she called Ashley. She told Ashley that bloodwise, the test didn’t support that they were sisters. Ashley seemed sadder than Eboni, and said she’d wanted it so badly. Eboni said she’d felt like she had a family, and now she felt like she had to start over. She didn’t want Ashley to feel like the answer meant goodbye. Ashley wished Eboni the best on her journey, and Eboni said Ashley was special to her, and it wasn’t the end of the relationship.

In Sonja’s interview, she said Century 21 had gone bankrupt, but she’d been told she’d been their best sellout and online item. She wondered why her partner Gaurav wasn’t telling her that, and wanted to see the books. She invited Ramona to the meeting but was having second thoughts, since Ramona was so unfiltered. She might make things worse. Gaurav and VP Laura arrived, and Gaurav said they’d lost money with Century 21; there was a lot going on. In Sonja’s interview, she said whenever she asked financial questions, Gaurav gave her vague answers. She was taking Aleta’s advice to stand up for herself. Ramon joined them, and explained she was educated in business. In Ramona’s interview, she said her goal was to get Sonja her money. Gaurav threw some figures out, and Ramona thought they should be making a profit, since there was a website. There should be enough for Sonja to get something every month. Gaurav said Sonja had $10K in uncashed checks, and in her interview, Ramona said she didn’t understand. Who leaves money sitting around? She was confused. Obviously, Sonja needed a new deal with Gaurav. Sonja said she needed to see the books. She couldn’t continue with no money. In Sonja’s interview, she thought the meeting was worthwhile. They needed to renegotiate and find a new way of working together.

It was Christmas in NYC, my favorite time of year there. In LuAnn’s interview, she said she wanted the song and video to reflect the holiday, being together, celebration, and joy. She knew the vibe she wanted, but didn’t know what she was going to get. Billy thought LuAnn should do a Christmas album, and they made tentative plans to record in the summer. He said Leah could rest assured the paperwork would be in order.

Leah picked up Eboni, bringing along pup Angel Marie. In Leah’s interview, she said she was happy with the Jovani dress, and was glad she didn’t get sweat pants in a paper bag. We flashed back to her being in Sonja’s fashion show. Eboni told her that she and Ashley weren’t a match, as much as she’d wanted it. Leah said maybe Eboni’s dad was alive. In Eboni’s interview, she said at this point, she’d dealt with disappointment and what she’d been scared of. She had nothing to lose in finding out once and for all. She was meeting with a geneticist, who would use her DNA to find her dad.

LuAnn did several takes for the opening shot, and Ramona started kvetching about how long it was taking. LuAnn said she couldn’t hear her cue because she started outside, and Ramona suggested they wave. She said she got there just in time, since obviously no one else would have thought of that. In her interview, Ramona said she always captured what needed to be done. You name it, and she can do it. Leah and Eboni arrived, and Angel immediately got away from Leah. In LuAnn’s interview, she said, champagne was flying, the dog was running around; it’s supposed to be a music video. What was going on? Go eat caviar, and let her get her first shot in. In Leah’s interview, she thought this was what LuAnn viewed as eternal life. A 16 foot Christmas tree, everyone wearing Jovani, boxes from Tiffany’s, and her as the star. LuAnn told the women that she and Garth had been spotted, and the article from Page Six went everywhere. She wanted a guy that an article wasn’t going to throw off. In Ramona’s interview, she said, men were intimidated by women who were smarter, richer, and more high profile than they were, and had more connections. Eboni said LuAnn would meet another great guy.

Leah carried Angel when she did her part, and I already know the dog will be the best part of the video. Ramona told LuAnn that Sonja went back to Dylan’s hotel room, along with Dylan’s girlfriend. She saw it on the girlfriend’s Insta story. Then Hank got a call at 2 am, and Dylan told him to come get Sonja; she was passed out drunk. In LuAnn’s interview, she wondered why Sonja had to make up a story that she had hot sex with a hot guy all night, when she’d passed out and someone had to get her. LuAnn said they knew Sonja still had it. She didn’t have to prove anything to them. Ramona said Sonja had been jealous of Garth. Luann said she got it that Sonja needed an escape, but the worst part was that she’d left the caviar LuAnn had gifted her with at the hotel.

Sonja arrived, and LuAnn asked if she liked the caviar, and Sonja said she had it with Dylan, i.e. the model. In LuAnn’s interview, she said she loved Sonja but she made up stories all the time. Ramona bitched about not being able to concentrate, and LuAnn herded everyone into the other room, saying in her interview that she hoped they understood that a lot went into production, and she wasn’t just a diva. It was a lot of hard work. She explained that it was too late to get the video out properly for this coming Christmas, so it would be released next year. She made sure to tell Leah that she had enough time to get her paperwork in order. In Leah’s interview, she said she was glad LuAnn had mentioned it, even if in jest. Ramona asked Sonja how she liked the caviar, and Sonja got cagey, saying that’s not what she remembered. LuAnn and Ramona started cracking up, and Ramona did that squeaky laugh that I absolutely hate and makes me want to smack her. Sonja said Dylan was a good lover, but she had a serious date tomorrow. LuAnn suggested she focus on the marriage material and not the toy boys. Leah said it was a good confidence booster for Sonja’s serious date, still buying Sonja’s story because she didn’t know about Hank’s call. Leah asked Sonja if she had a picture of the girl, and Sonja started getting vague. Leah said she wasn’t asking for details, but wondered if the girlfriend watched or got involved. Being evasive, Sonja said it was nothing new in the book of Sonja. Ramona told Eboni that Sonja claimed it was great sex, but she’d passed out. She wondered why Sonja was lying. In Eboni’s interview, she said it seemed like Sonja felt that she had to come up with a bullsh*t story to entertain and please the group, but she didn’t have to sing for her supper.

They gathered at piano for group shots, as well as around a spinning globe. Ramona held things up somewhat since they had to wait for her. She was on the phone with a situation, trying to get Sonja her money. LuAnn said Sonja was like a diva already, holding things up. In Ramona’s interview, she said they had to wait; real money always came first. In LuAnn’s interview, she said she’d hit a wall and was diva-ed out. She told everyone it was a wrap, and they were out of there. In her interview, she said she thought it turned out amazing. At the end of the day, as much of a pain in the ass as the women could be, it turned out great.

Next time, Sonja’s serious date (ha-ha! sounds like a kid’s book), Leah has to quarantine, Eboni has her Black Shabbat, and Ramona says she was boycotted by the Jews in college. That should be an interesting fairy tale story.  

💊 Cough, Cough…

Still on the mend, so until we meet again, stay safe, stay farsighted, and stay not telling bullsh*t stories when you don’t have to sing for your supper.