Tag Archives: The Real Housewives

Jan20

January 19, 2016 — GH, BH & the H & HN

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Anna and Robert meet at the MetroCourt for a meal. Seriously, does no one eat at home anymore? They talk about missing Robin, but Anna says she knows Robin made the right choice. She tells Robert she’s concentrating on work now and she’s going to take Paul down.

Olivia sees Ava with Avery. Ava is looking for the Mommy & Me yoga class. Olivia, who is headed for the same class, makes some rude remarks and says she’ll take the service elevator.

Jordan and Dante and looking at speed cameras to see if they can figure out where Valerie is. Andre brings Jordan some coffee. She says she’s sorry she missed their dinner date, but it was because of Valerie’s disappearance. He says his ego is safe then. I love Andre. He’s all kinds of cool.

Maxie runs in and asks Dante if she’s heard from Lulu. She sees the picture of Valerie with Johnny.

Valerie and Lulu apparently did spend the night in the car and survived. They get out and do some jogging moves to get warm. Valerie thanks Lulu for saving her, but then asks how she knew where to go. She asks if Johnny and Lulu set her up.

Johnny has been apprehended. Jordan asks him where Valerie is.

Anna fills Robert in on the chain of DAs before Paul. She questions whether Mayor Lomax should be in office and says it should have been Felicia. I have some vague recollection of Nicholas being involved with the election fix.

The mayor and Paul discuss focusing their efforts on Sonny. Mayor Lomax says Sonny is a Teflon Don who nobody has been able to nail yet. Paul asks if he should back off, but she says no, just be smart. The mayor notices that Anna and Robert are there.

Dante gets Johnny alone and shakes him down about Valerie. Johnny asks why he cares, which hits a nerve. Nathan says Johnny is his collar, so he needs to take him for questioning.

Lulu tells Valerie she saw the fire from the road. Valerie says Johnny made a phone call to someone to bring his bag and the last thing he told her was that someone would find her. Lulu says she sounds paranoid and Valerie says Lulu sounds guilty. She adds that this begins and ends with Dante.

Jordan tells Johnny that if Valerie gets hurt, he’s going to regret it. He says he’s been read his Miranda rights and until his attorney gets there, he’s not talking. On cue, Scotty comes in and Johnny is like, no way.

Ava sees Olivia at the bar and asks if anyone turned in a toy Avery dropped. They did and Avery gets her giraffe back. They talk a little about babies and yoga, which weirds me out since there was such animosity five minutes ago. Ava leaves and Mayor Lomax approaches Olivia about hosting an event at the hotel.

Paul says hello to Robert and asks what brings him back to Port Charles. Robert laughs about Paul becoming DA and Paul says he owes it all to Anna. He says together they’ll eradicate organized crime. He asks Robert if there’s anything he should know in a professional capacity.

Johnny says having Scotty as an attorney is a conflict of interest. Scotty says Johnny was involved with the death of his son. Jordan asks if Johnny can afford his own attorney, and he says he wants a public defender. Jordan says none is available right now, so all he’s got is Scotty. She says either Johnny talks or he’s going into the slammer. Scotty tells him not to answer the first question. Honestly, a real PD would not have him standing in as Johnny’s attorney. I don’t mind suspension of disbelief while watching a show, but sometimes GH stretches it a little too far.

Lulu says she was driving to clear her head. Valerie says she’s lying and there’s no way the fire could have been seen from the road. Valerie has finally put two and two together and realizes she was set up. She says she didn’t know Johnny and he had no reason to kidnap her. Valerie keeps going on and on, asking if Lulu wanted her killed, and Lulu finally lets it slip that she just wanted Valerie away from Dante.

Anna tells Paul that she and Robert have more in common than the WSB, and Robert is here on family business. Paul says he admires that, since he and Tracy can barely have a civil conversation. He says he’d just been commending Anna to the mayor, and hopes to see Robert again.

Olivia and the mayor are going over the event menu. Leo starts fussing and Olivia begins to breastfeed. The mayor freaks out like she’s never seen or heard of such a thing. Really?

Paul isn’t buying that the meeting between Anna and Robert was just quality time between exes. Ava comes to his door and says she has something for him. I’ll bet.

Johnny insists he didn’t contact anyone in Port Charles. Jordan says they’ll interrogate everyone he knows if he doesn’t speak up. He says if that includes Maxie, even though she turned him in. Scotty keeps telling him to shut up, but he says that no one helped voluntarily and he threatened Lulu to get her to help him.

Valerie and Lulu go back and forth. Valerie says Lulu’s marriage was a three-way train wreck: her, Dante and Lulu. She says that what happened with Johnny was way out of line. Lulu says she only wanted her to stay away from Dante. Valerie says she’s so stupid that she didn’t realize what she had and still does. Valerie smacks her and they both start to go at it. Dante suddenly arrives.

Dante asks what’s going on. Valerie says Lulu tried to kill her. When Lulu says Valerie hit her first, Valerie says that she’s not talking about that. Lulu says Valerie is making stuff up, but Dante tells her to shut up. Valerie tells Dante about how Johnny set her up. An officer arrives to deal with the crime scene and Lulu freaks a little because her phone is in there.

Johnny says he told Lulu if she didn’t help him, he’d hurt her family, but he didn’t really mean it. He says he didn’t target Valerie, but they’d run into each other when her car broke down, and he thought it would be a good idea to have a rookie in his pocket and bribed her, but later she relented and he left her in the cabin.

Paul tells Anna that there’s another reason Paul is interested in her, and that Paul has the hots for her. Robert says that’s her way in and a way to bring Paul down.

Paul tells Ava that they weren’t supposed to see each other publicly. She says she thought their next exchange should be made in private and shows him a painting that she invested the proceeds from the gun sale in. She asks if he’d like her to stay and he says suit herself. They kiss.

The mayor says that breastfeeding should be done in private. Olivia says when her baby is hungry, she’s going to feed him. The mayor threatens her with public indecency. The mayor who has never been on the internet or even read a recent newspaper. Olivia tells her that breastfeeding isn’t illegal. The mayor continues on about how breastfeeding in public is indecent, and Olivia suggests that the last time she was half-naked, it was probably the stone age.

Ava and Paul are basking in the afterglow. That was fast.

Anna says they’ll be wearing overcoats in hell before she seduces Paul. Robert says she doesn’t have to do all that, but she could warm up to him a little. Anna says that he’ll get suspicious if she’s suddenly friendly. Robert says Paul isn’t fit to shine her shoes , but he’s an egoist who doesn’t know that. He tells her to worry about Paul and he’ll take care of Carrrlos. He has an expert who might be able to give him some insights as to where Carrrlos and Sabrrrina might be.

Andre and Jordan flirt. He tells her congrats about Johnny, and that he’s going to continue to try and get a third date out of her. She tells him the power jaguar is working.

Lulu and Valerie are at the hospital. Valerie leaves for an examination. Lulu tells Dante she can explain, but he says that’s not possible.

Ava says art, sex and money is the basis for their relationship. Paul wants her to make some inquiries in regard to the next shipment. She asks some questions, but Paul says it’s better if she doesn’t know.

Anna says she feels like this is her last chance to get justice for Duke. The doorbell rings.

The mayor acts like a huge jerk. Olivia wonders why it’s mostly women who have a problem with public breastfeeding. I can hazard a guess as to why men don’t, but the mayor says it’s because women don’t want to have to explain things to their kids, and that Olivia is not only being indecent, she’s annoying a public official.

Dante says he made a huge mistake that destroyed half of them as a couple and now Lulu finished the job. He tells her what Johnny told them and says he might hate Johnny, but at least he has a shred of decency. He goes to check on Valerie. Maxie arrives, and Lulu collapses in her arms, crying.

Tomorrow, Doc is back and Olivia has an emergency.

BTW, I knew I recognized the mayor, who is now a different actress. It’s Shari Belafonte and she looks amazing!

The Haves and the Have Nots

The “dead” Quincy grabs Candace’s ankle. He begs her to call an ambulance and she says no. He tells her to remember he loves her. She says she remembers her own begging for an ambulance when he broke her jaw. She remembers him pimping her out too, and she asks if he really wants her to remember anything. She tells him she’ll never help him and that no one is going to miss him. She says she’s going to sit there and wait for him to die. She’s cold, but I don’t blame her.

The cop (I wish they’d say his name) brings Jeffrey to some isolated place and pats him down. He starts asking Jeffrey questions about Candace. The cop says Candace told him Jeffrey was gay and he can’t stand “queers.” Methinks he’s a closet case. He asks if Jeffrey wants him and Jeffrey says no, but he says he can see it in Jeffrey’s eyes. He says Jeffrey makes him sick and tells him to get back in the car. What that was all about, I have no clue.

Ohhh, wait. He’s getting in the back seat with him. I know what this is about now. He asks Jeffrey what he likes to do with guys. The cop uses the word “fellatio,” which I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use IRL. Just as it’s about to get dicey, the cop gets a radio call asking if he’s picked Jeffrey up and that the DA needs to talk to him. He says he’ll be there in five minutes and orders a tow truck for Quincy’s car.

The cop tells Jeffrey that what Jeffrey was about to offer him was illegal, says he could bring him up on more charges and tells him he’s disgusting. The cop gets back in the front seat and drives to the station.

Quincy continues to beg Candace to help him and says they have a son together. She says he never cared about that before. Quincy says if she doesn’t get an ambulance, he and her son will both die. He says their son needs medicine. Both Candace and I have no idea what he’s talking about and he won’t elaborate unless she gets him some help. Candace tells Quincy his son is better off with him dead.

Quincy says when she finds her son dying to remember she let him die. Candace tells him good-by and to rest in hell. Exit Quincy.

Back in Quincy’s neighborhood, which has the cleanest looking graffiti I’ve ever seen, some guy asks Quincy’s sister (Queen) if she’s seen him. She says no, so the dude suggests she trace his phone. They have a discussion about a job coming up and some money. She says Quincy is going to want his cut. I don’t think Quincy cares about his cut anymore.

Judge Marx comes in to congratulate DA Jennifer on collaring Jim. She wants the judge to sign off on Wyatt’s trust fund. She says if they can’t get him to leave the house, they won’t be able to get him to testify. The judge signs the paper and says they’re rooting for her.

Tony and his girlfriend show up at the tow yard. Benny is on the phone and he’s obviously very busy. Tony tells his girl to answer the phone. Benny asks Tony if he’ll work for him. Tony wants to know how Benny got the tow yard in the first place. Tony says Candace must have hooked him up. He’d run into her and she said she came into some money. Benny asks if he knows how she got it, but Tony says no. Tony says he’s a thug, and Benny says it’s time to go legit.

Enter Mitch. Tony and Mitch start arguing. Benny tells them to chill and says that he needs some help. Mitch wants to know how Benny got the tow yard, since he said he had no money. Benny explains that his sister got it for him. Tony looks seriously puzzled. Benny says however she did it, she paid for it and it’s all on the up and up. Benny says just because it’s bought and paid for doesn’t mean it will pay the bills, and he needs their help. Tony asks where Candace is now.

Hanna calls the front desk. She wants to stay another night, but doesn’t have the cash. She asks if she can do some work for them, but the desk clerk says they have all the help they need. Hanna calls the social worker, who says she’s been trying to get ahold of Hanna. She asks what happened to Hanna’s house. Hanna says there was a fire and she and Quincy Jr. are staying at a hotel. The social worker says that’s not a stable environment and she’ll have to pick him up. Hanna asks if she can wait until Monday evening. She says she’ll give Hanna until 3 on Monday. Geez, I guess they don’t give much leeway.

Quincy Jr. Is awake and says he doesn’t feel good. He says he’s hot and Hanna says he doesn’t seem to have a fever. He asks when they’re going home and says he needs his medicine. Hanna asks what he’s talking about. He says he doesn’t know, but it makes him feel better. Hanna says the hospital didn’t say he needed anything, but she’ll check with them in the morning.

Maggie’s assistant, Landon, has given the story she wanted to the press. She gets a call and sets up an emergency hearing for David. Landon asks what’s up with that, and she says David is being released. Landon says he doesn’t feel good about it, and Maggie says good thing he’s not her then.

The clerk at the police station calls Jennifer and says Jeffrey is coming in. Jennifer says to keep him there. The clerk (Sally) says that won’t be a problem since he just got arrested for a DUI. Jennifer asks Sally to arrange three empty cells together and put Jeffrey in the middle one. After some discussion in which we hear that Sally wouldn’t have her job without Jennifer’s help, Sally says she’ll see what she can do. She also tells Jennifer to check her email. When Jennifer does, she sees the press release. Jennifer tells Sally to get copies of the paper and make sure Jeffrey and the others see it.

Nameless cop brings in Jeffrey. Sally looks nervous as all get out.

Wyatt’s doorbell rings. Pete the drug dealer is at the door and Wyatt asks if he has what Wyatt asked for. He says yes, but where’s the money? Wyatt says he has jewelry and the dealer says he’s not a pawn shop. Wyatt says he has no cash, but Pete says he’ll take a credit card. They take Visa now? Man, I am out of the loop. Wyatt hands over some credit cards and Pete gives him a kit to pass a drug test, along with a bag of heroin. Wow. This is some service. Pete says he’s not giving him everything until he has the cash. Wyatt says he’s getting a $12 million inheritance and asks if Pete wants to be replaced after he gets it. Pete says it’s $80 grand worth and the guy he got it from will kill both of them if he doesn’t get paid, so Wyatt had better come up with the money. Pete says let’s share a hit for old times’ sake.

A newspaper is tossed into Kathryn and Veronica’s cell. Kathryn looks at it first and gives it to Veronica, asking if she had an affair. There’s a picture of her with Benny on the front page, but only Veronica’s face can be seen. Veronica immediately knows Maggie did it to get to David. She tells Kathryn that Maggie told her as much. Kathryn says she gave Maggie the ammunition and asks who it is in the picture with her. Veronica gets testy and then apologizes, but says she can’t talk about it there because the walls have ears. Kathryn asks if she thinks David has seen it and Veronica says he’s probably seeing it right now.

Yep. Jim asks David if Maggie wants him to run for governor instead of him. He says he understand why Maggie would want to separate the two of them, but why would she want to separate David and his wife?

I think Quincy is dead now. I think. There’s a knock at Candace’s door. It’s Tony. He asks to come inside, but she says it’s late and wants to talk outside. He forces his way in and shakes her down about giving the money to Benny. He pushes her down the hallway and the two of them practically trip over Quincy’s body. This should be good.

Next week, Maggie demands David be let out and Veronica claims she was raped.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Kyle is opening her pop-up shop in the Hamptons. It’s a very cute store. Clothing and accessories and some books.

Eileen, in the limo with some of the other women, feels like she offended LisaV. Bethenny is the first to arrive at the store, where Kyle says she thinks Bethenny might have offended Erika. Are you getting all this?

Kisses all around. Kyle and Eileen are discussing Erika’s alter-ego. For some reason, they’re all wondering why she’s also a disco queen or whatever, especially since she doesn’t need the money. Um…there are other reasons to be an entertainer. I get so wrapped up in looking at the store merchandise, I don’t know what they said.

It’s Bethenny’s book that’s being sold and she’s doing a signing. An aunt Kyle is close to, who reminds her of her mom, comes and gives her a cool old photo. Lisa arrives. Giggy! Oh, Ken is there too.

LisaR tells Bethenny about a weird exchange she had with Kim last season. She says she was Kim’s worst nightmare because she was like a mirror. By that, I assume she means she was honest with her. Eileen joins the conversation. Kyle and her aunt also discuss Kim. Lisa says she feels like there’s no resolution since she can’t talk about it without bothering Kyle, who isn’t speaking to Kim.

Kyle comes by and Bethenny tells her, in surprisingly diplomatic way, what they were talking about. Kyle says it does keep her up at night, but now it’s time to focus on having fun.

Giggy! Everyone is sitting down to dinner at Kyle’s and she forgot to set a place for Giggy at the table. How dare she? Eileen and LisaV start talking about how Eileen feels she offended Lisa, when all she was doing was explaining how she felt. Ken tries to interject, but backs off when Eileen says she was having a conversation with Lisa. Kyle says Lisa has a way of turning things around and making the person who she should be apologizing to say they’re sorry to her.

LisaV says Erika is getting a good picture of what goes on in listening to the various conversations. Erika says they talk about Brandi a lot and that they’re obsessed with her. I think they’re probably just trying to get over all the bad stuff she did and letting the feelings out that they couldn’t when she was around. LisaR says it was a difficult time with Kim. Kyle says it’s impossible to deal with because her stuff is out there for everyone to see. LisaV says she should figure out a way to protect herself.

LisaR says if Kyle knew how she really felt about Kim, she’d never speak to her again. She says the whole thing affected her greatly.

Erika says she got a text from Yolanda and hopefully, she’ll be coming home the next day. LisaR says that she hopes Yolanda is better but wonders what the blip it is making her sick. Kyle asks what Keeps LisaV up at night and Lisa fudges around and tries to be funny. Kyle says she wonders if Lisa doesn’t want to dig too deep. In her individual interview, Lisa says that there are things in the world that make her cry, but she doesn’t have any personal issues going on right now.

Eileen wonders why LisaV is so guarded. Erika says she thinks Lisa wants to get everyone else’s story but is guarded about her own. Eileen suggests they all tell something about themselves they’ve never told each other before. Eileen starts with saying she’d been in an abusive relationship. She had the crap beat out of her and no one would think someone like her would be dealing with an issue like that. She finally had her nose broken and made the decision not to go back. The ladies give her kudos and hugs. Eileen says she’s an ugly crier. In her individual interview, LisaV doesn’t understand why Eileen can be so open here and not when Lisa was asking her questions.

Kyle says it was an awesome weekend and that since no one had wine thrown at them, it was a 10. Erika says they’re a bunch of tough bitches.

Erika goes on her private plane to pick Yolanda up in Ohio. It looks pretty fancy inside that plane and Erika gets a little snippy with the attendant over a tea bag. On the other hand, since she’s the only one on the plane, what else does the attendant have to do? When Yolanda gets on board, Erika asks how David was, and Yolanda says he was a great nurse. She says the doctor never saw a person with as much leakage as hers. In her individual interview, Yolanda says the implants were pushing on her lungs and she took a deep breath for the first time in a long time. She tells Erika that the worst thing is that a lot of people thought she was crazy and they lacked compassion. She says she feels sorry for people who have no empathy for fellow human beings. In the interviews, Yolanda looks and sounds a million times better. I have no clue why someone didn’t steer her in this direction years ago.

Giggy! Faye Resnick is visiting Kyle. (Giggy isn’t with her, but there was a gratuitous shot before this scene.) Faye designed Kyle’s store and has done other work for Kyle’s family. Now she’s helping Kyle redesign her closet. Faye tells her she should reach out to Kim since she might regret it later. Kyle says she doesn’t know how to help her. Faye says just don’t close the door.

LisaV is hosting an event for the Hero Dog Awards at Pump. Giggy! The girls and more cute dogs, one of which is a Pekingese puppy, join the crowd. Kyle tries to get LisaV to hand over the Peke, but Lisa says no way. I’d hang on to him too. Kathryn, the other of the new BH Wives, arrives. She’s friends with LisaR, so they chat. Kathryn says she was never that ambitious of an actress, but we see pictures from her modeling days and she looks familiar.

Kathryn was married to Marcus Allen who was O.J.’s best friend, and there were rumors Nicole had an affair with him. LisaR brings it up and Eileen says she dated Marcus a few times. Kathryn is married to someone else now, a retired linebacker nine years her junior. LisaV comes up and Kathryn says she’s a huge supporter of Lisa’s charity and that she loves all animals, but especially dogs. LisaV says she likes dogs more than people. Me too.

Kyle wonders if Kathryn, who is sitting at another table, knows Faye. In her individual interview, Kyle says that Faye wrote about Marcus’s affair with Nicole while he was married to Kathryn, although he’s always denied it.

Yikes! All the ladies are fanning themselves and Kyle says it’s 105 degrees. No, no, and just no. Camille Grammer is there too. They start looking for tequila and move on to a bar. Kathryn joins them. She orders a vodka and soda and I wonder if the house vodka is a good brand or she doesn’t care. LisaR asks if Kathryn knew Yolanda back in the day, but Kathryn says she only saw her from afar. She says she was a lazy model.

LisaV arrives last. Eileen talks about how her sister loved Italy and was learning Italian when she passed away. She says she’s going to scatter some of her sister’s ashes in Italy. She hopes it will bring her more closure.

Kyle asks if Kathryn knows Faye, but Kathryn says she never met Faye. Kathryn says she never read Faye’s book, but she knew Faye had misjudged her. She says she didn’t hang out with that group and wasn’t married to Marcus that long.

Next time, Ken takes a lease on a sex shop and Eileen scatters her sister’s ashes. And Kathryn meets Faye. It doesn’t look pretty.

Jan18

January 17, 2016 — A Potomac of Etiquette & Nene’s Return

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

The Real Housewives of Potomac

First up, Gizelle. She tells us Potomac is one of the most exclusive areas in the country and only pedigree or cash can get you in. Her father was big in the civil rights movement. She was married to Jamal Bryant who was a bigwig pastor and also a civil rights leader. Unfortunately, he was also a cheater, so she’s now divorced. She also has three young girls, and so far, everyone looks pretty normal.

Katie is next, meeting her boyfriend, Andrew, for lunch. He orders for her. Enough said. She has three kids under the age of three. Now really enough said. She wants to go to the Preakness, but Andrew wants her doing something to support his career. She mentions that she’d like to get married again. She can’t imagine why Andrew doesn’t want to marry such a great catch. I’m sure it won’t be long before I figure it out.

Robyn comes from a family of doctors and lawyers, but she’s in public relations because she’s not into a suit type job. Gizelle comes over. Robyn says Gizelle has a rocking sense of humor, but a lot of people in Potomac don’t get her. Robyn lives with her ex-husband, Juan, and they’re raising their kids together. While this isn’t unheard of, they also sleep in the same bed, so I’m not so sure how different this Is from being married, since she also says neither one of them is dating. Gizelle says they tried to get rid of Juan, but he only went to the mailbox and back.

Next is Karen. I can already tell from the previews that she’s a piece of work. She says her husband Raymond is the Black Bill Gates. She says money isn’t everything but she’s never met a happy poor man. Really? Has she ever left her yard?

Karen arrives at Gizelle’s house where she has a problem negotiating the steps in those sky high heels all the Wives wear. In her individual interview, Karen talks about her leadership position in the community. Her youngest daughter is getting ready to go to college and the ladies talk kids for a while. Gizelle says that anything you can do, Karen can do better. She says she also feels judged by Karen, but it comes with the territory.

Katie and Gizelle meet at a family restaurant that also has a burlesque show going on, which seems like an oxymoron or something. Robyn and Cherisse show up. Cherisse’s husband is some kind of coach and that’s how Robyn knows her. She’s also a good friend of Karen, in whose honor this luncheon is being thrown. There’s some disagreement about who should get the middle seat. As the honoree, etiquette dictates Karen should have it, but Gizelle isn’t budging, so Karen acts passive aggressive. Let me get this straight. You’re having a lunch at a burlesque house and you’re worried about the seating manners?

Cherisse’s husband travels a lot and she says it’s good with her. Sounds like a good way to keep the marriage going to me. They toast to Karen and the compliments flow along with the champagne. I gag because I’m sure these women don’t all love Karen. I certainly don’t.

Charisse is going to have a crab boil as another tribute to Karen, and needs Gizelle’s help with learning how to boil crab. Gizelle brings a stylist friend along, and apparently three or more people are needed for this operation. The second they open the bucket, all the crabs take off running. Can you blame them?

They’re not much better at this when they round up the crabs and get them inside. Why didn’t she just have this catered? When Charisse is getting dressed, Gizelle and friend look through her kitchen. Friend asks about the Coors Light in the fridge, as though rich people might not drink that. The two of them make so much noise, Charisse can hear them and starts to get annoyed.

Gizelle and friend goof around with the housekeeper. Charisse acts all indignant that these two are being playful. They start coming upstairs and she asks them to wait downstairs, threatening to kick them out. Her nose is so far up in the air, she must trip on sidewalk cracks a lot. Oh, wait. She probably travels by a sedan carried by servants.

Because Charisse is taking so long to get ready, Gizelle greets the guests. Karen arrives, annoyed that there’s no valet parking and she has to walk twelve feet. Gizelle talks about bringing her stylist and Karen is aghast that someone dares to hang out with the help. She also has some weird notion that Charisse shouldn’t have brought the help to help.

Karen brings up Charisse sitting in the center at her birthday. Oh brother. Karen says etiquette is everything and gives Charisse a framed set of etiquette rules. These are all rules that apply directly to this birthday lunch, which BTW, Karen was late to. This is possibly one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen on a Wives show and that’s saying a lot.

Some friend of Charisse’s goes running upstairs to tattle that Gizelle complained about her. Charisse is acting like Gizelle is being ghetto just because she’s acting like a normal person. Gizelle says she has a legacy and a pedigree and Karen comes from a farm. This is said during her interview segment, but I have the feeling she wouldn’t be afraid to say it to Karen’s face. Karen gets ridiculously wound up and offended, and walks away from Gizelle.

Next time, the girls take a vintage photo, try on bathing suits, and surf. It also looks like the drinking guns come out. This season, lots of shade and drama.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Phaedra and her boys are going to Washington DC to support the Million Man March. The boys are helping her pack, which basically means not helping. Phaedra is also meeting with some politicians for support with her organization, Save Our Sons. Porsha , Kim and Sheree are coming too. Does Porsha know what Washington DC is?

Todd and Kandi discuss opening a restaurant. Todd says Kandi has a fabulous book of recipes and they should share them with the world. Wouldn’t it be simpler to publish a cookbook? Todd wants to meet with the relatives about using the recipes.

Kenya continues to have work done on the money pit house. She’s behind her timeline, but now that she’s back from Detroit, she’s determined to get the project finished. Cynthia comes by the construction site and asks about the reunion. Kenya tells her about the better relationship with her father, but also about her mother’s snub. She also talks about her mother calling her Aunt Lori and then Lori leaving the reunion. Cynthia says she would have kicked the door down, but I think she’s being rude in saying that. You never know what you’d do in another person’s shoes. To her credit, Cynthia weeps a little with Kenya.

Kenya says she hasn’t spoken to her Aunt Lori and she hates the tension between them.

Phaedra gets a call from Apollo in prison, which sounds like the name of a band or B-movie. He talks to Aidan and Aidan tells him about their impending trip. Apollo tells him he needs to behave better in school, as he’d gotten a bad report. Phaedra says she tries to get Apollo on the phone with the kids as much as possible.

Congresswoman Wilson is a friend of Phaedra’s and has a program to help send young Black men to college. Phaedra is going to meet with her in DC as well. Phaedra has a team coming with her because it takes a village, but on the other hand, Kim likes to handle her own stuff, so she’s going to be juggling a couple of kids on the trip.

The ladies check out the House of Representatives and meet with the Congresswoman, who is wearing quite an outfit, including a sparkly red cowboy hat. She also has some kind of cool table runner with 3D giraffes on either side in her office. Phaedra asks to pick the Congresswoman’s brain. She’d better look out or she won’t have anything left when Phaedra is done. Porsha makes noises about wanting to learn about her heritage, but I’m guessing this is just a passing thought.

The Congresswoman starts talking about how America hates young Black men and I flash back to Michael Meyers’s face when Kenye West spouted off about President Bush and he looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him up. Kim excuses herself with her boys because she feels the topic is a little mature for her kids. Phaedra says she doesn’t want to “sugar coat” things with her sons, throwing shade at Kim. I toss it back, thinking, I suppose not, with dad in prison and all. Kim explains things to her kids in a more appropriate way in another room.

Aunt Lori comes over to Kenya’s, along with someone else (a cousin?). Lori says they want to talk to Kenya about something. They all sit down with a drink. Lori says she never wanted to be in the middle with Kenya in her mom. She says she loves Kenya, but she also loves her sister. Lori says Kenya’s mom was young when she had Kenya and had every right to give up her child. Kenya says she’s not judging her for that, but objects to her treatment of Kenya in later years.

Lori tells her “enough is enough.” Kenya says she saw her mother at family functions over the years where her mother talked to everyone else, but ignored her as though she didn’t exist. This sounds just incredibly bizarre. No wonder Kenya has issues. Kenya asks why Lori left the reunion. Lori says her sister had been alone when Kenya came by, was frightened by Kenya, and she should have called first. Kenya says it’s her mother. The cousin says something about it being a sensitive situation with the family. Lori says Kenya has no idea what went on behind the scenes and that it doesn’t matter what happened but it’s time to let it go and move on. Kenya says that when she left her mother’s house, it was like a dark cloud blew away. The cousin, who turns out to be Lori’s daughter, says Kenya can share her mother. It’s all good at the end of the meeting and everyone hugs.

Phaedra has put together a luncheon for the members of Congress who have helped her out. I barely know who my Congressman is, but she seems to know all these people personally. One of Kim’s kids starts screeching and she has to go. Sheree suggests that Kim should have brought a team. Kim says these activities are not for kids.

We flash back to Porsha thinking the Underground Railroad was an actual train. She’s come a long way. Maybe. Sheree goes out to the limo and suggests Kim come back in and not be disrespectful. Kim says she’s not; she’s trying to take care of her kids. Sheree is incredibly dense and seems to have forgotten what it’s like to have small children. Well, it was a long time ago. Bloop!

Kandi is having a family dinner to butter the relatives up about the recipe usage. Mama Joyce is loving on Todd who’s wondering who this woman is. Todd compliments all the women on their cooking and says he and Kandi were thinking about opening a restaurant. One of them is like, I’m not doing the cooking, but Kandi explains they would just be consultants. Aunt Bertha seems hesitant, but the others are liking the idea.

Phaedra and Porsha have room service. Phaedra says that Louis Farrakhan called her personally to be on stage during the march. The ladies get in some kind of limo bus and head for the march. Kim is leaving early for an event supporting lymphoma research, and both Phaedra and Sheree have a lot to say about that, just not to her face.

Phaedra introduces some mothers of murdered sons to the ladies. Porsha acts like she understands what’s going on.

Nene is coming to visit Cynthia. Interesting how the very person propelling her reintroduction is the same one she thought should be let go from the show on Watch What Happens Live. Cynthia tells Nene she can unblock her on social media now and everyone acts like nothing happened, although we get reminded with some flashbacks, including Cynthia burning their friendship contract.

Nene says she’s had the time she needed and now she wants to start a friendship again. Ugh! Does Cynthia understand what she’s getting into? It’s not like Nene has changed. When Cynthia says that she’s friends with Kenya, Nene makes a fish face. Cynthia brings Nene up to speed on the group.

Nene says the queen is back. But I don’t see RuPaul anywhere.

Next time, Phaedra makes plans to take the kids to visit Apollo and Kenya calls Kim a pretentious piece of tootie.

Jan13

January 12, 2016 — GH, BH, Havings & Nots

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Sonny has a bad dream and wakes up to Morgan, another bad dream.

Paul gets a cash delivery at the docks.

Ava is at the MetroCourt and since Kiki is the only waitress there, she has to wait on her.

Dr. Andre gives Jordan a carved jaguar which he says is a symbol of power.

Michael runs into Sabrrrina at Kelly’s. He asks how she is and tells her to let him know if she needs anything. She says it isn’t right for them to act like they’re strangers. Although no stranger has ever offered to provide anything I needed.

Michael says he’ll keep his distance since he doesn’t want to cause Sabrrrina stress. Because that’s the only other alternative. She says that’s not what she means, that she hates the wall between them. He says he wishes he felt differently, but he doesn’t. Ugh! Get rid of this guy already. Michael leaves and Sabrrrina sits down with Anna.

In his dream, Sonny was able to save people and he interprets this to mean that he can handle whatever comes his way. Morgan wants to help with the business. Sonny says if he wants to help to stay on his meds and see his shrink.

Paul says since the first shipment went smoothly, should he expect more? Dude says he’ll keep in touch.

Kiki sits with Ava. Kiki says she can’t sit and chat every time Ava comes in and ignore the other customers. Kiki says she’s grateful that Ava let her take Avery to Sonny’s on Christmas, but it doesn’t wipe the slate clean of all the bad stuff between them. Ava says she doesn’t see the point in rehashing everything. Kiki doesn’t respond well, but then says she’ll set up boundaries so they can have some sort of relationship.

Jordan says she’s suitably impressed. She and Andre make cute small talk and Andre asks her out on a date. She says yes, and he says he’ll call her later.

Morgan says he wants to make sure Sonny is protected, because Sonny was born yesterday and just started in the “coffee” business. Sonny asks how it’s going with the meds, and Morgan says it’s become more manageable, but he doesn’t really like the way they make him feel. Sonny says his doctor will help him find the right balance. Morgan asks how Sonny feels about taking his meds and Sonny says most of the time it’s okay.

Michael comes in and Morgan acts a little snotty and leaves. Sonny asks how Sabrrrina is, and Michael says she misses how they used to be. He says he misses what he imagined things were going to be, but it wasn’t based on anything real. Sonny asks if he’s sure about that.

Sabrrrina says she’s happy everything worked out for Patrick, Anna and Robin. Anna says she noticed the tension between Sabrrrina and Michael. Sabrrrina explains they broke up because Michael isn’t the baby’s father. Anna asks if the father is going to be in her life. She probably has a pretty good idea that it’s Carrrlos.

Ava asks what kind of boundaries Kiki wants. Kiki says if she wants to see her and Avery, she’ll text her, and it should be vice versa. She adds that if it’s a no on Ava’s part, she won’t take it personally, but Ava has to do the same. Ava asks if she wants to go shopping. Kiki gets a text from Morgan and says no. Ava asks what’s up and Kiki says another boundary is not discussing Morgan.

Paul, who’s been having a drink at the bar, sits at Ava’s table. He says she’s going to be happy when she sees what he brought and sets down the briefcase with the money.

Dr. Andre says if Morgan doesn’t take the pills on time, they can’t tell what works properly. He asks if Morgan has been drinking and Morgan says he had like half a beer on New Year’s Eve. Andre chastises him and Morgan says he has a good friend he can turn to. He adds that he doesn’t know where he fits in with his family.

Michael says he can’t get over Sabrrrina lying. Sonny says he knows how Sabrrrina feels because he loves Michael and lied to him as well.  He says Michael shouldn’t be angry with Sabrrrina, and Michael says it’s more like he’s angry with Carrrlos. Sonny tells him Carrrlos is dead and he should bury his anger with him.

Sabrrrina says the baby’s father doesn’t factor in to her situation. She says she loved Michael and wanted to raise the baby with him, so she lied. She says that Michael would have loved the baby regardless, but she couldn’t trust him enough to be honest, so things went sour. Anna prods a little and Sabrrrina admits Carrrlos is the father.

Anna asks if Carrrlos assaulted her. Sabrrrina says no, that he was her first love, and she knows another side to him. She says they spent the night together and she realized her mistake. Later, after she got together with Michael and realized she was pregnant, she hoped it was Michael’s and fooled herself until she had the sonogram. Anna says she understands knowing another side of Carrrlos, and it’s too bad he died before he knew he was a father. Sabrrrina nearly knocks over some tea.

Sonny asks Michael if he can’t understand why Sabrrrina lied when she knew how much he hated Carrrlos.

Andre tells Morgan that there are plenty of bi-polar people who are successful and creative. He says stability is everything, and Morgan has to remind himself to stay away from alcohol and take his meds. Morgan says he wanted to do more with his life than just stay stable. Just wait until you’re a little older, Morgan. You’ll be happy if you can just accomplish stability.

Ava says Paul just gave her a suitcase full of dirty money in a very public place when they’re supposed to be on the down low. Paul says they can pretend it’s an art transaction. Paul tells her about Tracy giving him the heave-ho and he’s living in the hotel now. Ava asks if she gets a key to his room.

Michael says that Sabrrrina doesn’t know him well if she thought he wouldn’t love the baby because of Carrrlos. Sonny says she made a mistake, but Michael has another chance to correct it now.

Anna says something about Duke and Sabrrrina says she’s sorry Carrrlos took Duke away. Anna says Carrrlos paid for it in a roundabout way, but now Sabrrrina has to bear the brunt of everything. She tells Sabrrrina If she ever needs anything, to let her know. She says the best advice she can give is to do what’s right for the baby.

Outside Kelly’s Anna calls Jordan and says she’s coming over because there might be a break in the Carrrlos case.

Michael says he wanted to do something special for his family. Andre says if he could do anything for Sonny, what would it be? Morgan says to run the business, but Sonny says he doesn’t want the kids involved even if he needs him. Andre asks how Morgan can be the person his family can count on? Morgan has to admit that staying stable would be the answer. Morgan says Sonny wants to walk more for his family than himself, and Andre says Morgan should look to Sonny as an example.

Paul says for now they have to keep things strictly business because Tracy is vindictive. He tells Ava there will be another shipment coming in. He leaves and Kiki asks what Paul wanted.

Michael says it’s different now and he doesn’t know if it can work. Sonny says he should think with his heart and not his head, and ask himself what’s going to make him happy.

Sabrrrina leaves Kelly’s and calls Carrrlos, leaving a message for him to call her right away.

Anna tells Jordan about what Sabrrrina told her. She says when she mentioned Carrrlos’s death, Sabrrrina practically freaked out. She thinks that Sabrrrina knows Carrrlos isn’t dead. Anna suggests they monitor her phone calls.

Ava tells Kiki that Paul is an art collector, but to keep it under wraps because that’s how art collectors are. Really? Morgan butts in, asking if Ava is bothering Kiki. Ava says no. Morgan says thanks for bringing Avery by on Christmas. Ava says maybe they can all act civilized for once and Morgan says anything can happen.

Morgan and Kiki talk on the side and he says he’s feeling better.

Some guy (Raj?) comes up to Ava and says that he saw Morgan on the pier on New Year’s and he seemed too interested in what’s going on.

Tomorrow, Carrrlos is still in Port Charles, Valerie acts like an ass to Olivia, and someone (Johnny?) sneaks up on Lulu.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Candace and Jeffrey have the police knocking at their door, while Quincy’s dead body is still lying there. Candace says she’ll handle things. Jeffrey wants to get the body off the floor first, but Candace answers the door. Luckily, she’s in a towel, which is pretty distracting for the officer, who asks her to put some clothes on.

She puts on her robe and asks what the problem is. The officer says they got a call from a neighbor. He says frankly she calls them a lot, but they have to come when she does. He says the car across the street (Quincy’s car) needs to be parked in front of her place due to homeowner association rules. He asks her to move the car asap, or the neighbor will be calling them all night.

Candace tells Jeffrey they need to find Quincy’s keys. He says he can’t do it. What a wimp this dude turned out to be. Candace says if she doesn’t move the car, the officer is going to come in. Jeffrey starts to cy and I want to slap him silly. Candace says she’ll get the keys, but then he has to move the car. He says he can handle that much. Candace rifles through Quincy’s pockets. She finds the keys and useless Jeffrey is freaking out. She tells him he has to be cool and The Jets Song from West Side Story plays in my head.

Jeffrey takes the keys and barely shuffles to the door. Come on, dude, grow a pair. Jeffrey heads to the car. The officer asks if Jeffrey is her boyfriend and she says he’s just a friend. A friend who is obviously having a problem. The officer asks Candace way too many questions and seems to know way too much about Candace. It turns out the nosey neighbor has clued him in and she’s also the officer’s mother.

Jeffrey seems to have a problem starting the car and barely gets it across the street, but then drives away. The officer asks if he’s okay and if he’s been drinking. Candace says he’s just tired. When the officer offers to help, she says he’s been having problems with his mother because he’s gay, and it’s better if he doesn’t. Candace distracts him with a bunch of nonsense and flirting. It doesn’t seem like he’s buying it though. And I have no clue where Jeffrey went with the car.

Nosey mom comes out and asks where the “other guy” is and tells the officer that Candace has had four guys visiting since she moved in. What a scandal! Since the officer is probably used to this, he just leaves.

Quincy’s sister, the woman who was trying to call him, is looking for him. She asks a group of guys hanging out on the street if they’ve seen him, but no one has. The group hears about the arrests regarding the car cover up. One of the guys talks about killing the lawyer, although I don’t know how this bunch of strangers suddenly got involved, and I don’t know if he means Jennifer the DA, Veronica, Candace or what.

Benny comes over to the hotel to see Hanna. He says she can’t stay there forever and asks her to come home. She says her home burned down and she doesn’t want to talk about it. She tells Benny to go home, but he says he has something to say. He says no one loves her like he does, and he didn’t tell her the truth because he wanted to protect her. Hanna says he can’t protect her with a lie. He says she didn’t tell him who his father was to protect him. That’s right. It’s always different when it’s you.

He tries to talk about Candace, but Hanna doesn’t want to hear it. He says he never wanted Hanna in harm’s way. Hanna says she’s not going back to the house until she knows where Candace got the money. Benny says he’ll find out, but Hanna says Candace will just tell him another lie, so she wants to be there. She asks him to leave and he says he’ll come back later to talk. She says she loves him, but she’s still mad at him.

Kathryn tells Veronica she’s never been locked up before. She says Jim was sure he could scare their son straight, but instead it backfired. She doesn’t know what happened to make him this angry. Veronica says prison is pretty rough. Kathryn asks if there’s rape by other inmates. When Veronica says yes, she says she thought the guards are supposed to prevent that, and wonders if that’s what happened to Wyatt. She talks about a time at camp when he came home angry and she knew something was wrong. She says she’s going to discuss it with Jim, who let their daughter die, and if she finds out anything happened to Wyatt, God help Jim.

Kathryn says her father was a ruthless man and she takes after him. She says that if she finds out anything happened, there will be no escaping her wrath, just like she handled the camp incident. Veronica suggests she just let it go, that Jim is going through enough rightnow. Kathryn wonders why she cares all of a sudden.

Back at the Cryer house, Wyatt is having one helluva party all by his lonesome. Guzzling alcohol, playing loud music and air guitar in his underwear. Jeffrey calls. Wyatt says he and the DA have been trying to reach him. When Jeffrey asks what he’s talking about, Wyatt reminds him about the immunity deal. Jeffrey wants to come over, but Wyatt says he’s expecting company. Wyatt asks if Jeffrey’s been drinking and he says he has, and he’s coming over. I don’t see any company, and if somebody’s coming, Wyatt is going to be passed out by the time they get there.

The DA visits Jim and David’s cell. Jim gripes about not being allowed a phone call. Jennifer asks to see David and David says he doesn’t want to cut a deal. Jennifer says he doesn’t even know what it is and he says, yes he does. David has to choice but to go with her.

David and Jennifer sit in the interrogation room. Jennifer says Jim is going down, and asks if David is willing to crash and burn with him. She says she misses him and I go, what? Jennifer offers him immunity for testifying against Jim. David wants immunity for Veronica too. Jennifer says she hates Veronica and was tempted to tell her. Tell her what?! David says too bad, and Jennifer says okay, Veronica can walk too. Jennifer says David is loyal to a fault. She talks about the night of the fire and how she knows Veronica tried to kill him. And she says that she still loves him. Holy Christmas! She’s suddenly all over him like an animal. (He’s in handcuffs BTW.) Man, this show never ceases to startle me. He’s like, woman, get a grip and she finally gets off of him. She tells him to take the deal. David says no and she says she has no choice then. She calls an officer to bring David back to his cell. Wow.

David goes back to the cell and Jim asks what the deal was. David tells him and he asks why David didn’t take the deal. David says that’s not what friends do. Jim says Veronica tried to destroy Kathryn, although I’m not sure what he means by that unless it’s because of what she had done to Wyatt in prison. David says he’s done a lot for Jim and Jim calms down a little, realizing that David is his friend. David asks if he’s going to try to get even. Jim says not this time because David stood by him. He asks David to promise him that he’ll punish Veronica in some way. He says it would be better coming from David because he loves Veronica and it will be fair and if he does it, there will be no love. He says sometimes you have to punish people you love and I think he’s confusing this word with discipline or maybe he’s just nuts. David says he won’t do it and Jim says he’ll extend the olive branch one more time.

The same officer who was at Candace’s pulls Jeffrey over and asks  for the license and registration. Jeffrey says he doesn’t have it and that it’s a friend’s car. The officer asks him to step out of the car and asks if he’s been drinking. Jeffrey says no, but the cop can smell it. He says he can also smell a burned out clutch. He makes Jeffrey do the finger to nose test and he fails miserably. Then, because it’s not bad enough, the officer notices blood on Jeffrey’s shirt. He puts Jeffrey in the back of the squad car.

But Candace’s evening is no better. She has Quincy’s body to deal with by herself. Not that Jeffrey was any help. Note to self: Do not commit a crime with Jeffrey as an accomplice.

When Candace turns her back, Quincy grabs her ankle.

A lot happens next week too. I need to recover from this week now.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Giggy! Okay, it was the intro reel from last week’s episode, but it’s still a gratuitous Giggy shot and I love him.

It’s dinner hour at the Bella Magazine party. LisaV says she’s very flattered about being on the cover of a magazine at her age. LisaV and LisaR discuss a couple they knew for a long time who suddenly divorced. Prophetic of Yolanda and David. LisaV asks Eileen a bunch of questions about how she met her third (and hopefully final) husband, Vince. It sounds like an interview for Soap Opera Digest, and it’s making Eileen uncomfortable. I can understand both sides. In her individual interview, LisaR says that whether she knows it or not, LisaV is being insensitive. I have to side with her on that, but Eileen should just say something. Kyle toasts the magazine cover.

Bethenny calls Kyle; they’ve been friends for a long time. They make plans to meet.

The ladies have a wine tasting scheduled. Giggy! Ken looks hung over.

Giggy is coming to the wine tasting and I’m thrilled. Eileen says she still feels uncomfortable, which is too bad because they’re all in the same limo and it’s not that big. The vineyard is gorgeous and they go to an outside, covered table.

LisaR is curious to meet Erika after googling a video she made. LisaV says she’s being a prude. LisaR says she doesn’t want to meet Erika and think of her behind up in the air. Everyone watches the video on LisaR’s phone. Even though LisaR hit the nail on the head by saying it’s just a performance, it still makes her uncomfortable somehow. Geez. It could be a lot worse. A lot. Bees join the party, and some of the girls take off running.

Kyle is going to Bethenny’s early and the others are meeting her there. Erika arrives. She says she’s tired (she just flew in from performing in Chicago at Gay Pride – we get a glimpse), but she’s ready to rock and roll. Eileen says they watched her Painkillr video, and she explains it’s a character. She has to explain this to adults? And BTW, LisaR has posed for Playboy, even though she’s all weird about this. Kyle leaves for Bethenny’s. Erika says being with the Beverly Hills wives is a lot different than being amongst the gays. Is this something else you have to explain to adults?

Erika says she spoke to Yolanda, and tells the ladies about Yolanda’s surgery. She says this might be the key to Yolanda’s illness and I agree 100%.

David is playing nurse and pretends to care. LisaV calls. She’s on speaker and Yolanda tells her how things went.  David jokes that Ken’s breasts are bigger and I don’t laugh even a little bit. Lisa wishes her well and says she hopes that this is the answer. Yolanda says she’s not coughing for the first time in years, so her immune system has improved. How healthy can you be with silicone floating around in you?

Kyle gets to Bethenny’s place, which is of course fabulous. There’s even a separate beach house with a bar that she redesigned with reclaimed wood. It’s amazing how Bethenny took herself from nothing to a skabillionaire. She asks Kyle about Kim, and Kyle says people can pry too much and be judgmental. Kyle starts to tear up, saying that her mom wanted them to stick together, but it’s not always easy. Kyle says she doesn’t feel weird about Bethenny asking her questions because she’s known her and Kim for so long. They go over some old times.

Kyle tells her about Erika and her husband. Then shows her the video. Ha-ha! Bethenny’s reaction is priceless. Bethenny says that’s a lot of upkeep. Kyle says it’s Erica’s alter-ego.

The ladies pick up LisaV and Ken on their way to Bethenny’s. Giggy! Both Lisas have met Bethenny before. Bethenny has cocktails ready. Bethenny says she’s jealous of Erika’s alter-ego and Erika says not many people get to live two lives. Ken makes himself scarce and I don’t blame him.

Erika goes to the bathroom and Bethenny says she likes Erika, but makes rude jokes while she’s gone, which Eileen isn’t thrilled about. The ladies sit down to lunch and go over more old times. They’re amazed at time flying. Welcome to the club.

They talk about Erika’s video like she’s not there. Bethenny starts talking branding. Suddenly LisaR isn’t feeling well, like seriously nauseous, and says she’s calling it a day. It sounds like she might have food poisoning. They play the video for Bethenny. She says she doesn’t like the production value and goes on about every detail. Erika says everyone’s entitled to their opinion, but she doesn’t agree. LisaV says Bethenny has good advice but needs to sweeten her delivery. They discuss the whole alter-ego thing. In her individual interview, Kyle says Bethenny often gives unsolicited advice. I like Bethenny, but both ladies are sooo right. Erika says she doesn’t know anything about margaritas or being skinny, and doesn’t tell Bethenny how to do her Skinny Girl gig.

Erika gives Bethenny a dance lesson. Okay. Bethenny rips her pants and Erika says it’s not as easy as it looks and that’s what Bethenny gets. Ah-ha! in Nelson voice.

The next day LisaR and Eileen get together. Eileen talks about how LisaV grilled her and how uncomfortable it made her. Giggy! The other ladies and Ken are on their way to meet them. Eileen says LisaV isn’t stupid and she can’t figure out why she would do that. I do think she was just genuinely interested, and Eileen should have said something. But in lieu of that, I agree with LisaR saying Eileen needs to talk to her.

In her individual interview, Erika says LisaV is the self-appointed leader and enjoys making people feel uncomfortable. I think she’s just nosy and if you assert yourself, she’ll back off.  They get to the house and Erika talks about Bethenny’s comments. She wonders if Bethenny is being a bitch or being jealous.

Eileen asks LisaV for an aside talk. She says maybe she’s being over-sensitive, but when Lisa asked her about Vince, it made her uneasy. She brings up when Brandi called her a home wrecker. Lisa says she’s nothing like Brandi and Eileen should have said something. (What did I say?) Lisa says she apologizes if she asked too many questions, but Eileen should never answer what she doesn’t want to. Eileen says she’ll do that next time, but she feels like Lisa turned things around on her.

Next time, Bethenny apologizes to Erika, Eileen tells a sad story, and Yolanda comes home.

Jan12

January 11, 2016 — GH, 10 Little Chefs & the Scent of a Stassi

Posted on by
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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Elizabeth says someone must have broken in, since the picture was fine when she went upstairs.

Maxie freaks after seeing Johnny. She says she’s going to get the police, but Johnny stops her.

Sonny sees Lucas at the hospital and asks if he can be Sonny’s new doctor, but Lucas says no can do.

Nicholas says the lawsuit is going to be a real pita. Hayden says she’s got an idea to prevent that, and asks him to marry her. She says it will protect ELQ. I can’t wait to hear the logic for this.

Sam is moving back to the apartment and tells Alexis that she and Julian will finally get some privacy. Kristina looks at a letter saying she’s on academic suspension because her grades totally blow. Alexis startles her, so she eats the letter. Not really. Just seeing if you’re paying attention.

Kristina stashes the letter and talks nonsense about how great Alexis and Julian’s privacy will be when everyone leaves. Kristina makes up some story about why her classes aren’t starting next Monday. When Alexis asks just when they’re going to start, Sam saves the day by walking in and diverting attention. Kristina asks Sam what’s going on and Sam says Jason remembered kissing her.

Jake pops downstairs and asks if “the bad man” broke the picture frame. How old is he supposed to be? He certainly looks older than a kid who would use the phrase “the bad man.” And he spent his formative years with Helena. You’d think he’d be reciting Shakespeare. Jason tells him everything is going to be okay and he says he agrees because his dad is here now.

Nicholas says the court case will hurt the Quartermaines as much as it will hurt him. Hayden says she saw it happen all the time when she worked in finance, that most of the time, companies were hit the hardest in a lawsuit among the individuals in them. She says the Qs might pull a Medea and destroy ELQ entirely. Her bright idea is to get married and put some of the shares in her name. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! She’s good.

Lucas recommends Dr. Maze, who is highly skilled, but doesn’t have e a great bedside manner. How convenient – here he comes! Nathan introduces Dr Maze to Sonny and Carly, but he says he just needs to meet the patient. Sonny isn’t too happy about that.

Johnny has Maxie’s phone. Lulu reminds Maxie of the time she helped Johnny out, and they go down Memory Lane to get everyone up to speed. Maxie asks where he’s been all this time. Johnny says no one has really been looking for him and that it’s a cold case. While Maxie distracts him with this question, she grabs her phone back and says she owes it to Nathan to call him.

Johnny asks Maxie to give him the phone. She says Nathan has been working a super secret case and maybe it’s him. He says hardly, and I tend to think he’s telling the truth. Lulu interjects that she would be in trouble too. Maxie says she can lie and Lulu says she won’t.  Maxie sees some flowers and asks where they came from. When Johnny says from him, she jumps to the conclusion that Lulu and Johnny are sleeping together because that’s a sure sign of it.

Dr. Maze is certainly abrupt. He says he’s not a family doctor so he doesn’t have to be nice. He reminds me of some doctors I’ve worked with. Sonny says he’s had movement in his legs and Carly says how great that is, but already obviously a wet blanket Dr. Maze says he’ll decide if it’s great after he examines Sonny.

Kristina suggests maybe his environment helped jog Jason’s memory. Sam says they were in his apartment, and Alexis asks if they’re moving in together and looks like she’s about to panic. Sam says no, Jason just said she and Danny could live there. Sam says something about Kristina studying law, and Alexis gets all excited. When she has to answer the phone, Kristina tells Sam to let her tell Alexis about her plans.

Elizabeth acts all weird, saying it’s her fault that Jake is a loony toon. Jason tells her to get a grip and the police knock on the door. He suggests maybe they can figure it out.

Hayden says that when it’s all over, she’ll give Nicolas back the shares. Nicholas says it’s his and Spencer’s future and he’s not letting it go. Hayden says he won’t have to if he marries her. He counters with what if she’s up to no good?

Sonny says the doctor doesn’t get to tell him whether his wife can be involved with his treatment. He says he wouldn’t be where he was today if it wasn’t for Carly. That probably wasn’t the best way to put it, considering where he is today. Dr. Maze says he’s the only doctor on staff who can treat him. And there are no other hospitals anywhere in the world.

Alexis says it was Diane on the phone and she’s going to take a trip with Max. Sonny’s Max? Are they an item? Alexis says Diane wants her to take over Jason’s case while she’s gone. Alexis says it’s going to be rough because both Nicholas and Hayden are saying the same thing, that Jason deliberately pushed Nicholas over the balcony.

The police tell Elizabeth that since it’s the second incident, they’ll send in CSI to take fingerprints. Jason has to tell them that he has a record and he’s out on bail now. He says he had nothing to do with what’s going on here, and the way Elizabeth jumps to second that, if I didn’t know better, I’d think he did. The police ask if he has any enemies. How much time do they have?

Hayden says trust is trust, but Nicholas says trusting emotionally and financially are two different things. He says that she was a shark once before, and he’s not willing to take the risk. She suggests a pre-nup.

Sam says it was an accident. Alexis says Sam wasn’t there, but Hayden was . Alexis says she’s surprised Jason even got out on bail. Sam says someone else must be in their corner and she’s going to find out who else might have seen the fight. Isn’t that something Alexis should be pursuing? Like right now?

Dr. Maze says he wants to focus on the patient, not field questions and feelings from their loved ones. Sonny says too bad. Carly takes him aside and says it’s fine with her that she wants Sonny to concentrate on getting better and she has work to do anyway. Dr. Maze tells Sonny it’s really the best way and let’s get going.

Nicholas says Hayden lied to him for a long time, saying she’d lost her memory. Hayden says she thought they were past that. Nicholas says she does enjoy his money. Hayden says of course she does, but that she’s made money for other people and for herself and she’s seen it destroy families and love, and she doesn’t want to be part of that.

Jason says he didn’t see anything weird in the neighborhood. The officer asks him if he thinks there’s any connection to what he’s out on bail for. Jason says he doesn’t think the incidents are related. He asks if they can keep a patrol car outside, but the officer says they can’t exactly waste a man on that. Jason is like, oh come on, and the officer says he can’t promise anything, but he’ll see what he can do. When the police leave, Jason tells Elizabeth to pack up the boys and they’re spending the night somewhere else. Ah-ha! in Nelson voice. Elizabeth thought he was going to move in there. I’ll bet she gets around this somehow though.

Maxie says Johnny is who Lulu was with on New Year’s Eve, and how can she do this? Lulu says, to Dante? And Maxie says no, to her. How could she do this and not let her in on it? Lulu says she’s not sleeping with Johnny, but she was in the stateroom with him when Dante came by and Dante assumed she was sleeping with Dillon. Maxie says that things with Dante will be over if he finds out Johnny is there for whatever reason and he has to go.

Maxie says she’s not keeping another secret from Nathan. Johnny says she wasn’t directly involved, so it’s no big deal. Maxie says she and Lulu have to think about their children. Johnny asks how Georgie is and she tells him how Spinelli brought her to Port Charles for Christmas. Johnny says Spinelli is one of the good ones. Somehow, Johnny gets the phone again. They’re going to go back and forth like this until someone else, probably Dillon, walks in.

Dr. Maze says he’s the best doctor on earth. Sonny says he doesn’t care because he’s also an a-hole and to move along to his next patient. Lucas comes by and Sonny asks if he has a plan B. Because, even though they’re not far from NYC, they can’t travel to see any other doctor. Maybe Port Charles is like Brigadoon and they’re not allowed to leave.

Sam meets Carly at the MetroCourt and they discuss who might have been able to see the fight. Carly goes to get the guest list from that night.

Jake asks if it’s safe now and if the bad man is coming back. How come the police didn’t talk to him? Jason says they’re going to sleep somewhere else tonight and Jake asks if he’s coming. Elizabeth says no, and that he doesn’t have to because she’s a fake witch.

Nicholas says he believes Hayden, but he has a team of fabulous attorneys who will get him off the hook, so she doesn’t have to enter into a charade. Hayden says she really loves him and she thought her feelings mattered to him. Nicholas says they do. Hayden says they’re happier together than apart and isn’t’ that a good enough reason to get married.

Johnny says he wasn’t planning on staying long and he’ll be gone before Maxie knows it. She gets her phone back again and runs off. Johnny says she’s bluffing, but Lulu says she’s right about Dante. Johnny says she doesn’t deserve the way Dante treats her. Lulu says getting rid of Valerie is her only hope, but after they’re finished with that, Johnny has to leave.

Lucas phones another doctor for Sonny. Because no one has a car.

Alexis says she can’t believe Kristina is taking pre-law and didn’t tell her. She says she must have had a really tough semester. Alexis tells her that when she’s arguing in front of the Supreme Court, she’ll come and watch. Kristina looks guilty as all hell.

Nicholas says he thinks marriage would be a huge burden so early, and he doesn’t want to sacrifice what they have for ELQ. Hayden says she can’t believe he’s putting them before the business. He says that they should explore their relationship more and Hayden says cool.

Jason says he wants to set Elizabeth and the boys up at the MetroCourt. Elizabeth says thanks for looking out for them.

Carly asks Sam about Jason. She says it has to be hard on him because he doesn’t understand why they love him so much and he must feel pressured. Carly checks to see what guests had a view of the terrace that night. I guess we’re assuming these people were all at a window or balcony at just the right moment. Carly recognizes a name and says they would have had a perfect view, but they’re someone she knows would not want to get involved. Elvis is alive!

Tomorrow, Michael wants to get back with Sabrrrina, Anna thinks there’s a break in the Carrrlos case, and Morgan sees a shrink. That guy is going to have a field day.

MasterChef Junior

We’re down to ten contestants. Immediately starting with a Nickolodeon moment, Graham is dressed like a chicken and the kids have to crack eggs on his head to find out which team they’re on. I want to know how they got the coloring inside the eggs because these sure seem like real eggs. It’s a deviled egg challenge and Graham and Gordon are the third team. I would think they’d be automatic winners, but maybe not.

Graham and Gordon end up being the big losers, but needless to say, every single deviled egg made is better than any I would make.

The elimination challenge has the kids making their signature dish from their future cookbook. One kid says he’s been working on his signature dish since he was four. Another one talks about taking a cupcake to “the next level,” when I haven’t taken one to the first level. . I throw out everything in my kitchen except the microwave.

Uh-oh. The cupcake idea did not go over well as a signature dish. Because it’s a cupcake. At least she doesn’t cry. I would. The next mistake is infinitely worse. Raw chicken. Now that’s one thing I’ve never had a problem with. I cook the crap out of chicken because I’m so afraid it will come out raw.

My favorite and my pick for the win, Addy, barely squeaks by. The cupcake and the chicken go home. Raw chicken aside, these kids have every reason to be proud of themselves. The top ten in what’s essentially an adult competition is extraordinary.

The next challenge involves a mystery box put together by Christina’s mother. It’s a box of Christina’s favorite childhood foods. What these kids are going to do with Fruit Loops and chicken breasts is definitely a mystery to me. The kids also get to make a Skype call to their best friend for inspiration. I wonder who they pal around with? Guy Fiery?

Another team challenge, this time in teams of two. The winner of the last challenge pairs up the teams. The kids have to make international street food. This is not to be confused with a dirty water dog on the street in NYC. They’re making three different dishes at once and switch team leaders every couple of minutes. This seems confusing to me, I can’t imagine how pressured these kids are feeling.

Gordon says pressure is good, and when we’re at our weakest, we find our strongest parts. Thanks, Kahill Gibran.  I don’t know what this is on a bun with a pickle, but I’d like one right now. Especially since my dinner is kale and quinoa soup due to too much holiday food cheer. When Gordon examines something that looks like lamb on a stick, he says the only thing missing is the wool, it’s so raw. Ouch! I’m glad the judges make it fun for the kids, but aren’t patronizing. Might as well learn about the world now.

Good-by little girl with the braids and kid with the mowhawk. Just remember, even if we lived to be 100, most of us won’t cook as well as you on your worst day. You put us all to shame.

Vanderpump Rules

Katie and Schwartz are having a picnic in a gorgeous park. They’re all happy and in love and just engaged. I hope it lasts for them. Katie reads a text from Stassi. Stassi says she’s thrilled with the engagement. Schwartz says Katie has been more relaxed with Stassi out of her life (no surprise), and Katie says she’s not really interested in that friendship anymore (understandable).

The girls fawn over Katie’s ring at work. Lisa says she’s almost as excited for Katie as she was for Pandora. I think Lisa just likes a diamond ring and a good party.

Jax has this huge quandary about who’s coming to the Hawaii trip, because thought processes are hard for him. He says James is definitely out, and although Kristen is out too, he’s inviting her to his birthday lunch. He invites Ariana to the lunch, but warns tells her Kristen will be there. Ariana says maybe she should take a pass. Scheana says she’s creating something where there isn’t anything. Ariana says Scheana is always talking over her and putting words in her mouth and that’s not a real friend. Scheana says that she’s not having this conversation and walks away. Because rainbows and butterflies.

Katie and Scheana are taking a break outside. Scheana tells Katie that Ariana doesn’t think they’re true friends because they keep throwing Kristen in her face. Scheana says Ariana is being like Stassi, although I disagree. Geez, let Ariana have some space from Kristen.

These guys steal so much liquor from the bar, it’s disgusting. Lisa comes in and says Stassi is back in town, and she doesn’t want her being “enabled” hanging out there again. Lisa says Stassi was seriously disrespectful and she doesn’t need to be giving her free drinks when she’s done enough for her and it wasn’t appreciated. Jax concurs that they’ve been getting along just fine without Stassi.

Max and James discuss James not being invited to Hawaii. Max seems to think it’s some passive aggressive thing about Kristen. And maybe James’s drinking has a little to do with it. Yeah. Maybe it has a lot to do with it. James says he’s just going to kiss Jax’s ass, and because Jax is so stupid, he’ll invite him.

Jax tells James he’s a liability. He brings up James acting like a d-bag when Jax was talking to Lala. (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, who names their kid Lala? It’s a lot easier to type than Scheana though.) He says if he wanted to sleep with Lala, he would. James begs like a dog (not to insult dogs) and Jax says he doesn’t want to be sorry about it. Jax says if he didn’t forgive James, he’d be a hypocrite and tells James he can go. James calls him a dumb ass in his individual interview. That says it all about James. I like him even less than I do Jax.

Katie says Kristen did some f-ed up things, but she’s apologized and is doing better now, so she thinks they can be friends again. Katie tells Kristen about Stassi’s text. Kristen is still friends with her, and she says that Stassi is heartbroken over the loss of Katie’s friendship. That’s funny, since she’s the one who didn’t want to be friends anymore.

James tells Lisa that Jax told him he can come to Hawaii. James says that Lala is going to be there too, and his tongue hangs out, which ticks Lisa off. She says Lala is a human being, not a trophy. Lisa isn’t thrilled about Max coming along either. Lisa astutely points out that if Max is with Faith, that opens up the door for James with Lala. Lisa tells him not to do anything stupid, which she knows are futile words.

The girls go bikini shopping. Faith and Lala are going to be rooming together on the trip. Scheana says she wants to renew her vows in Hawaii. Didn’t they just get married? Lala comes out modeling pasties and a thong, and Scheana thinks this might be a bad idea, since there are a lot of other girls coming along. Scheana predicts Lala will sleep with James on the trip, but Lala says she can’t stop flirting with Jax. Ugh! I’m starting to really not like her. She acts like this is okay on days when he’s not with Britney. Of course he thinks it’s okay too, but I already can’t stand him.

Britney is moving in and Jax says they’ve hit a good stride, whatever that means. Jax asks if she’s okay with Lala going on the trip, even though he’d originally said he wasn’t inviting her. Britney tells him Scheana told her what Lala said when they were out shopping. Britney adds that he doesn’t help any. Jax asks if Britney is going to make things awkward and Britney says she’s going to have to speak with Lala. This makes Jax cringe, but this is his own damn fault.

It’s time for Jax’s birthday lunch! He’s 29 for the 7th time, which means he shouldn’t be hanging out with this crowd. Ariana and Tom show up, and Kristen says she’s not going to waste any more of her time trying to be friends with them. She makes a toast starting off with “since I’m not going to Hawaii” and in his individual interview, Tom says Kristen can’t help but be passive aggressive.

Lala, Faith and James visit Max at Lisa’s house. Max was in an accident and has a mess of dental work that needs to be done, so he doesn’t know if he’s making the Hawaii trip. James was some kind of hero in this because he’s the one who got him to the dentist. He’s probably the cause of it in the first place. Or Lisa arranged it rather than seeing Max vacation with these cretins. James goes on about how selfish Max is, since this blows his plan of hooking Max up with Faith so he can get to Lala.

At the birthday lunch, they discuss James’s…size. Why? Then they move on to Lala being man hungry.

Back at Lisa’s, Lala and Faith are topless in the pool and cavorting with James. What is this? The Playboy mansion? BTW, it’s up for sale, but you have to take Hugh Hefner with it. I’m not kidding. Google it.

When Tom gets up to have a smoke, Kristen follows. For God’s sake, leave that guy alone. Kristen asks for a light and Tom sets her on fire. Not really, but I wish he did. Kristen tells him she’s not going to Hawaii and wants to know what it’s going to take for him to stop being so hard on her friends. Using like about 12 times in a sentence, he says she makes him and Ariana uncomfortable. He says this is about her and not her friends.

The others notice they’re gone and Ariana says Kristen is on her Apology Tour 2015. Ha! She says it’s really about Kristen wanting to go to Hawaii. Kristen tells Tom she’s tired of the tension because she’s not going anywhere. She says she’s going to be helping out with Katie’s wedding too. Tom says she has to understand how truly horrible she was and sometimes actions have consequences. She says she respects his feelings but she’s going to be around. Thanks for the warning.

Scheana asks Ariana to meet her at the bar. Katie comes along. Schwartz says they keep losing people from the lunch. Scheana says that Ariana is being mean and unreasonable, and Katie days she feels like she’s being backed into a corner. Scheana says that Ariana and Tom act like Kristen holds a grudge, when really it’s the other way around. In her individual interview, Ariana says that they’ve all hated Kristen at one time or another, and that she’s never been friends with Kristen for a reason. Scheana says she spoke to Ariana’s mom, who thinks Ariana has been in a bad mood, so it’s not just them. Ariana finds it hard to believe her mom would prompt something like that. She says she’s not going to put herself in a situation where she feels uncomfortable and I don’t blame her. She says she’s now going to have to get on a plane with a bunch of a-holes who look like people who used to be her friends. Man, I’d keep my distance from Kristen too. This bunch is living in unicorn-bunnyville.

At the airport. Jax isn’t thrilled with James being there. James is thrilled because he wants to get with Lala. Scheana says it’s too bad Kristen isn’t there, but Tom and Ariana got their way. All these people claim to be such good friends, yet they all seem to have forgotten it’s Tom’s birthday too, and this is supposed to be a joint effort.

The plane takes off.

Next week, we’re in Hawaii and Jax gets arrested. Looks like lots of Stassi crying this season too.

Dec30

December 29, 2015 — PC NYE & the Hills of Beverly

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Sonny tells Dante that he’s grateful to Kiki for getting Avery to him for a Christmas visit. Meanwhile, Morgan, who is at the MetroCourt, asks Kiki to join him. She says since she’s working, that wouldn’t be very professional.

Nicholas tells Hayden that if he shows mercy to Jason, Jason could be in his debt. Hayden says she saw him go over the railing and thought he was dead. Nicholas flirts with her a little. I have news for him, I don’t think Jason would ever feel like he’s in Nicholas’s debt.

Maxie shows up at Patrick’s to see Robin. Patrick says she’s not there, and Maxie tells him he’s nuts for losing sight of her.

Jason tells Robin that even though she’s like a stranger to him, he owes her his life. She says ditto. She gives him the Reader’s Digest Condensed version of what happened to her. She tells him he’s the reason she has a life to come back to.

Hayden says she missed Nicholas, for the obvious reasons, that he takes care of her, but she missed his company as well. Geez, it’s not like he’s been there that long. She says she missed the dance they do with each other. He says maybe they should stop dancing and start trusting. Yeah, that’s the ticket. You do that.

Kiki tells Morgan that hating her mom wasn’t getting her anywhere, so she’s decided to move on. She’s not forgiving or forgetting, but she’s willing to tolerate Ava for Avery’s sake.

Dante is under the impression that Sonny made up with Ava, but Sonny says she’s even more dangerous now. He tells Dante that he needs to decide where he stands with Lulu.

Lulu tells Johnny that she and Dante made an effort to get along on Christmas for Rocco’s sake. She thinks once Valerie is out of the picture, they’ll have a chance. Johnny says he’d be remiss if he didn’t tell her he thinks she’s making a mistake.

Sonny tells Dante if he put half the effort into getting Lulu back that he does in justifying why he shouldn’t, everything would be different. Sonny says that because Dante screwed up, he thinks that’s that and isn’t even trying to fix things. Yep. Lazy. Moving on to the next one is just so much easier.

Jordan tells Valerie that she has a New Year’s date with someone she met at a law enforcement convention. She likes that he understands her job, but they don’t work together. She tells Valerie that she’s lucky her dalliance with Dante didn’t ruin her career.

Dante comes to the hospital to question Nicholas and Hayden. Hayden doesn’t want to leave Nicholas and Dante asks if that’s because she’s afraid their stories won’t match.

Jason says he wanted to get away to think and that he likes the view of the city. Robin says the bridge is important to her because that’s where they fell in love.

Paul is having a drink and texting Raj about the next transaction. Raj says they’ll talk soon. Dillon appears and says he and Paul need to talk and how could he screw over Tracy again. Dillon says he’s spent all this time regaining Tracy’s trust and then caused her to mistrust him all over again. Paul says he wasn’t being unfaithful as he and Tracy had no plans for the future. Dillon says he played the both of them.

Dante questions Nicholas. Hayden watches from the hall wondering what they’re saying. Curtis calls Hayden and says he’s found a match for the bullet.

Sonny tells Max he’s expecting a call that should shed light on some things.

Patrick tells Maxie that Robin was coerced into leaving him and Emma, and he doesn’t want to push anything. Maxie doesn’t understand why they don’t just get back together.

Robin tells Jason about Stone dying from AIDS and how he wanted to bungee jump off the bridge. She says after he passed away, she found out she was HIV positive. Back then it was a death sentence and she would come to the bridge thinking about the future she was never going to have. She says one day Jason showed up, and after he’d had an accident, he was a changed man. Jason says he’s changed again and wishes people would accept it. Robin tells him his friends aren’t the sit and wait type and they just want their old Jason back. He says what she’s telling him is a story, but not a memory. She says he’s back where he started, without a past, but not she has a future because of him.

Robin says she was lucky because her family and friends were so supportive. She says there was a lot of pressure to be positive all the time, but with him it was different. She could tell him everything. Jason asks her to tell him more. Robin says she was offered a meds cocktail. She would have to take 30 pills a day and she wasn’t sure if she wanted that kind of commitment without knowing if it would work. She says Jason told her he would be supportive no matter what, but that her life was important and she should fight for that. She says everything she’s done since then wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t helped her make that decision.

Patrick says he’s already lost Robin twice and doesn’t want to again. Maxie says if Robin gets hit by a bus, he’s going to be sorry he didn’t do everything possible to keep them together. I swear, the men of Port Charles are lazier than the ones IRL.

Curtis makes small talk with a cop while he gives back the gun evidence. He tells him that his gratuity will be at The Floating Rib tonight. Curtis sees Jordan and says his job was a success. She says good, he can leave now, and he says no chance of that.

Dante asks Hayden who threw the first punch. She says everything is a jumble now, but when things become clear, she’ll contact the police. She goes in to see Nicholas.

Lulu says she doesn’t want a lecture on how Dante isn’t good enough for her. Johnny says he just thinks she can do better. She says, with who? You? And he says, why not?

Paul tells Dillon in retrospect it was probably a bad idea to get close to Tracy, but he thought they could be a family again. Dillon says they weren’t a family to begin with. Paul says he really wanted to connect with Dillon. Dillon says he’s done fine without Paul all these years, and he can do fine again. Paul says he hopes Dillon changes his mind.

Morgan hears Sonny talking in Spanish on the phone, and telling Max that Raj has a shipment coming that they’re going to shut down.

Curtis tells Jordan that he can understand what she likes about Port Charles. He says no one would have suspected how well she was going to do, and that Jordan is going to play a big part in his future.

Valerie sees Dante and says she has a present for him and asks if they can meet later. He tells her that he saw Lulu over the holidays and things are better.

Johnny reminds Lulu that they once loved each other. She says it was a long time ago and their lives took different paths. Johnny says look what going for the good, stable guy got her. She says Rocco is her reason for everything.

Robin says Jason was a good guy and she thinks he still is. He says he doesn’t think so, but his friends keep coming back. He asks what happened between them. Robin says his loyalty to Sonny stopped them from being together. Jason says he must have been an idiot, but Robin tells him he was just being true to himself. She says she went to Paris and he wished her well. He says he’s glad his wishes for her came true. She says he was reckless and fearless and no one thought he’d live past 30, except she believed he had a future and she still does. She kisses him on the cheek and leaves.

Dante, being the moron he is, tells Valerie he still has feelings for her. She says she’s ending things for both their sakes. She says it’s only hurting both of them and she doesn’t want to jeopardize her career either.

Lulu says if there was no Rocco, she would throw down with Valerie herself, but she has to make mom choices.

Morgan hears Sonny giving details about the pier Raj is going to be at later.

Maxie tells Dillon he might change his mind in the future. She says he’s changed, so there’s always a possibility. She asks him to come with her to meet Georgie, who is probably in college by now.

Hayden tells Nicholas what she told Dante. He says it took a tragedy for them to get to a better place in their relationship. He asks if it’s New Year’s Eve tonight, and she says yes, but he’s not going anywhere. He says he wants to kiss her at midnight and she says let’s have a preview now.

Jason, still on the bridge, remembers talking to Robin years ago.

Robin gets back to Patrick’s and he tells her she just missed Maxie. He says Maxie also gave him an earful and they talked about the future. Robin says she saw Jason, and they also talked about the future. She and Patrick gaze lovingly at each other.

Tomorrow, some Franco and some New Year’s Eve.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Mauricio told LisaR to go to Kyle’s store, pick out what she wants and send him the bill for her birthday gift. How do I get on that list? Lisa says she had a store at one point, but it became a liability after being robbed three times in six weeks. (!) Kyle says that her store is doing so well, they’re doing a pop-up shop in South Hampton and they discuss a field trip. Lisa picks out a trendy Moto jacket as her gift. Side note: Rich people always have the best sunglasses.

LisaV’s swan, Hanky, has a stomach infection and needs to go to the vet. She’s afraid he’s not going to make it. She has an event, a white party for Bella magazine, to attend and wants to make sure the swan is fine before she leaves. Swans are kind of nasty and Hanky is no exception. Yep. He drew blood on Ken and Lisa.

LisaV says animals are like children because they depend on you and that makes her love them even more. The vet says Hanky isn’t out of the woods yet, but he’s improving.

Yolanda introduces Erika to Kyle. The three ladies are walking in the park. Kyle asks about Yolanda’s trip to Canada. She saw the pictures on Instagram and says it’s a huge difference between those and the sick Yolanda. She’s decided to keep LisaR’s theories to herself. Kyle says she had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia after her mother died, but a lot of it was due to depression. In her individual interview, Yolanda talks about Lyme disease being a whole lot of things at once. She tells Kyle that you can’t judge someone by how they look and that is so true.

Erika tells Kyle she’s a show girl. She also has a son who’s a cop. She says her ex is a great guy, but it just didn’t work out. Yolanda suggests they go for a drink to introduce Erika to the other women. Erika says she only hangs out with gay men, except for a few exceptional women like Yolanda.

The doctors found silicone in Yolanda’s lymph nodes, so she’s going to Ohio to have her breast implants and whatever is floating around in her removed. I’m wondering if this isn’t the basis of her problem. She also says she breast fed and two of her children have Lyme disease and compromised immune systems. Kyle thinks this is odd, but Yolanda says they grew up on a ranch and in the barn and riding horses. Yolanda adds that there are no studies on how Botox affects the brain, so no more for her. Erika and Kyle balk at this, but Yolanda and I are in agreement here. One day they’re going to find out that all these implants and injections shorten life.

Lisa is getting a wax at home, since she’s going to be in a bathing suit soon. There’s a lot of personal talk between her and the…waxist (?) that doesn’t bear repeating here.

LisaV and Kyle are going to tour the studio at The Young and the Restless. I got to go to a taping of One Life to Live once, and it was a blast. Lisa keeps joking about wanting Eileen’s part and Eileen says it’s like All About Eve, one of my favorite movies. They check out wardrobe first and Eileen asks them to help her run lines. They try using the vending machine for a snack and have about as much luck as the rest of us trying to get it to take a dollar.

In Eileen’s very cool private space, Kyle brings up meeting Erika and they talk about going out for drinks. They also talk about Yolanda. LisaV says she didn’t like the conversation LisaR started about Munchausen’s Syndrome. Eileen says LisaR isn’t malicious and Yolanda must know people are talking. She’s of a mind that LisaR should bring it up before someone else does.

Yolanda introduces Erika to LisaV, who’s the first to arrive at this gorgeous outdoor area of some restaurant. The color scheme is amazing greens and blues. In her individual interview, Lisa says Erika looks like a Barbie she used to have. This isn’t a mean remark at all and she’s kind of right. Kyle joins them next. They pass around a Cartier ring of Erika’s that has a price tag of $189k. Kyle says it’s like wearing a Lamborghini on your finger. LisaV asks what Erika did for it, and Erika says what every woman does and she’s good. Wink, wink. Kyle says Erika might give Lisa a run for her money.

They talk about Yolanda’s children having Lyme’s disease. LisaV says this is the first time she’s heard about it. Yolanda says she doesn’t normally talk about it, but she’s made it her life’s mission to find a cure. Kyle says all the talk about Lyme disease is making her think she has it. I know this feeling. I had a hard time watching Quincy without thinking I had every rare disease described on the show.

Eileen arrives next. Kyle tells Eileen that Yolanda is leaving on Monday for her surgery, so she can’t join them in the Hamptons. Erika says she’s going to be performing in Chicago, but she’ll hop on her plane to get there. She says in Beverly Hills everyone has a private something. Eileen says she wants to be a dance disco queen too.

Erika says she’s been married 15 years and they’ve been together almost 17. She mentions that her husband is 76 and she’s 44. Everyone makes weird faces, which is not only rude, but surprising. LisaV asks how he is in the sack. Erika says he doesn’t even need Viagra. LisaV said she was hoping Ken might slow down, but since he had his hip surgery, he’s even randier. She jokes that she loves him madly and won’t ever leave – unless someone better comes along.

They talk about Ken’s birthday party. LisaV says she wanted to slap Taylor. Yolanda says she heard Taylor had some things to say about her illness, but she hasn’t seen Taylor in 3 years, so she has no idea what’s going on.  In her individual interview, Eileen says LisaV felt guilty about repeating what she’d heard. She feels like she betrayed Yolanda in talking about it, and wants to talk to her. Yolanda says she can’t deal with it right now, and makes an exit. Erika thinks that anyone questioning someone’s illness is making a cheap shot. She wonders who would do something like that, so apparently she didn’t watch the last season of The Real Housewives of Orange County.

Hanky is home and he’s put on weight and doing well. LisaV gives him kisses and he tries to bite her. Back in the pond with you, Hanky. Lisa says maybe her animals are filling the void of the grandchild Pandora hasn’t given her yet.

Yolanda is in the kitchen with her mother and kids. Daughter Gigi is making tomato soup and grilled cheese dippers. Yolanda gushes over Gigi and Bella doing so well in modeling. She says it’s not as easy as people might think. Yolanda goes out with her mom to pick lemons. She says she used to spend hours gardening in her lemon orchard. Yolanda and her mom take a break in a picnic area. Yolanda says she just wants to be healthy and alive and see her babies grow. Yolanda says you don’t think about needing your mom as much when you get older, but there’s no one closer and she needs her mom right now.

The kids bring the soup and sandwiches up to the picnic table. Yolanda shows the kids a folder with her will in it, freaking them out. She tells them it will be in her safe. In her individual interview, she talks about her father’s sudden death and she wants her children taken care of. Yolanda tells them to make sure to take care of her mother if anything happens, freaking them out more.

Next week, Isaac Mizrahi meets with LisaR and the Hamptons trip is on. Also, Kim’s arrest for shoplifting.

Dec23

December 22, 2015 — Port Charles & Beverly Hills

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

We come in a little late because ABC news can’t wait.

Hayden and Nicholas arrive at the gala. I’m confused since it seemed like it was wrapping up at the end of yesterday’s episode.

Sam is sorry she told Jason that she doesn’t love Patrick the same as she loves him. He’s like, no worries, because he’s dense and doesn’t understand how she’s feeling.

Idiot Elizabeth wonders where Jason and Sam are. Can’t this witch give it a rest? I hope someone dumps the punchbowl over her head. She also sobered up the quickest I’ve ever seen anyone do it.

Julian gives Alexis a gorgeous ring in the middle of the basically empty gala. Why he didn’t give it to her when he actually proposed is a mystery to me.

Jordan arrives late. She tells Maxie she heard that Paul was the keynote speaker and says the DA has a talent for keeping people happy.

He’s about to make Ava happy, that’s for sure. And where does she find these amazing earrings? (She’s not wearing much else, so they really stand out.)

Michael tells Sabrrrina they need to talk about the baby. He says everyone keeps saying how big the baby is and he wants to know if there’s a reason why. Is there something in the Port Charles water system that makes people thick in the head? Duh. Why does he think that might be?

Patrick sees Robins body on a slab in a mausoleum (that just happens to be on the grounds). I don’t think she’s really dead though because I can see her breathing. Geez. Patrick kisses her and this is reminding me of the end of Romeo and Juliet, so I’m thinking maybe she took something to make herself appear dead.

Robert and Anna have their guns on Jerry. I guess his lackeys flew the coop without him.

Robin opens her eyes. Surprise! Maybe she can go home now. Or at least have a bathroom break.

OMG THEY’RE STARTING TO RUN OUT OF CHAMPAGNE AT THE GALA    ! Get with it, Carly.

Alexis and Julian make googly eyes at each other and Julian gets the last two glasses of champagne for a toast. Very thoughtful of him to take the last two.

Elizabeth asks Molly if she’s seen Sam. What’s wrong with her? Never mind. It’s too long a list. Molly says she thinks Sam left.

Jason says he wishes he could love Sam the way she needs him to. She says she’s made peace with it and when she says she loves him, she means she loves the life they once had together. He asks what now, and she says they can start off being friends and take it from there.

Paul says there’s so much going on at the gala, he won’t be missed. That’s funny, since there are so few people wandering around, it looks like the end of a high school dance. Ava asks if he’s going to be seen with a known criminal now or is he going to arrest her? He says he’s going to make sure she stays right where she is.

Sabrrrina tells Michael that he was there when Dr. Lee said the baby is fine. He says that’s not what he’s talking about and Monica said the baby is due in a few weeks. He asks if he’s the baby’s father and she says no. Good for her. And good for him, finally figuring it out.

Robin asks what Patrick is doing there. He says Jerry told them she was dead and she explains she took a drug to fool Jerry and that one of the guards helped her. She suggests they get the blip out of there.

Hayden tells Nicholas that a man who knows what he wants and won’t back down is incredibly sexy. She adds they’re in enemy territory, but she wants everyone to know she’s here to stay.

Jason asks if he and Sam could really be friends, since technically they’re past that. He says he wouldn’t call it just friendship. She asks what he wants to do. He says he doesn’t know, but do they have to call it anything and can’t they just be there together. Did they run out of dialogue?

Carly rsees Elizabeth. She tells Elizabeth that Jason and Sam are being all close and to leave them alone. She notices Elizabeth is still wearing the engagement ring and tells her to take it off.

Ava is all tied up. Literally. Looks like we’re going 50 Shades of Grey here.

Jerry says his problem is he’s too generous and he should have shot them on sight. He starts babbling about some restaurant in Rome and Anna asks Robert to get someone to take him away before she shoots him. Robert calls for reinforcements.

Patrick explains how he, Anna and Robert got there. Robin asks about Emma and he says she’s fine. Robin says she’s sorry for lying and she never stopped loving him. She says she understands he’s with Sam now and she doesn’t want to interfere with his new life. Anna is looking for Patrick and he calls to her. She sees Robin and is pretty startled. Lots of hugs.

Anna says she thought she’d lost Robin again and Robin says she can’t get rid of her that easy. Robin explains how the guard helped her to fake her death. Anna says they’ll make sure the guy who helped gets amnesty, but they’re going to put Jerry away forever. Robin says she’s been dreaming of this day.

Michael asks Sabrrrina if she was cheating on him. She says it was just a onetime thing. Then idiot Michael asks if she picked someone up at a bar because that must be the only answer. She says no and he finally gets a clue that it’s Carrrlos’s baby.

Elizabeth says she’ll take the ring off when she’s good and ready, and that Carly has no idea who Jason is now. Carly tells her how stupid she is and she’d best not drag Jason back into her delusional world.

Tracy tells Monica that Paul has a surprise for her. I think she’s going to be surprised, but I don’t think Paul is the one who set it up.

Dillon makes a speech about Toys for Tots and introduces India Arie. She sings Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, which is one of my favorites. If you’ve never seen Judy Garland sing it in Meet Me in St. Louis, it’s actually a sad song. India also looks smashing in a glittery gold number with a feathered turban.

During the song, we get snippets of what everyone is doing and Elizabeth goes up on the roof, where I can only hope she’s going to throw herself off.

Apparently, the surprise is a key to the same hotel room where Paul and Ava are going at it and Tracy walks in. Surprise all around and I wonder if it’s Ava who sent her the key.

Jerry is arrested. The inspector, or whatever he is, tells Robert that the local police will be there soon. Jerry says Robin could have made millions with her research, but she was too altruistic. Save it, Jerry. Anna comes in and says nothing about Robin being alive. After Jerry is taken away, she tells Robert to come with her.

Emma is probably going to need therapy for the rest of her life.

Sabrrrina admits it’s Carrrlos’s baby. Michael asks why she lied. She says it’s because she loves him and she wanted him to be the baby’s father. He says, but he’s not and that if Carrrlos wasn’t dead already, he’d kill him.

Paul tries to present Tracy with a gift of a pin commemorating their hard work on the gala. It’s not going over too well.

Sam asks what they’re going to do now. She says she and Danny are busy until after Christmas and after that who knows. Sam gets a call from her mom and Jason says they’ll pick this up later. She leaves. The revolving door happens and Nicholas and Hayden come out on the balcony.

Robert reunites with Robin. Anna suggests they get out of “this hellish place.”

Tracy says she should have realized that Paul was the same selfish bastard he always was. She wonders what his constituents are going to think about him being in bed with a criminal.

Michael says that Sabrrrina must not think much of him, since he would have loved the baby as his own. Uh-oh. Sabrrrina slips and says she thought Carrrlos was dead. She corrects herself and dum-dum Michael just shrugs it off. He says if he hadn’t shown the sono to Monica, he might never have known. She asks if there’s any way they can put this behind them and still be a family. Oh what a tangled web we weave and all that.

Carly asks Sam how things went. Sam says she and Jason managed to connect, but things are different. Carly says Jason is still the same inside and Sam has to fight for him. Sam says they’re going to figure things out together.

Nicholas tells Jason he should thank him. He says that Elizabeth loved him and now that he knows the truth, what has he gained? He says his grip on ELQ is iron clad and asks if Jason is going back to his old life working for Sonny. Nicholas pretty much sucker punches Jason.

Robin tells Patrick how much she’s missed Emma and that she’s spent every waking moment wishing she could get back home. She tells him she wants him to be happy with Sam and he tells her they broke up. He says they have a lot of catching up, but there’s plenty of time to do it. He says they have the rest of their lives.

Sabrrina says she lied because she wanted the baby to have the best possible father and she loves him. She says they can still be a family, but it looks like Michael isn’t having any.

Tracy calls Paul a lying, selfish, pathetic shell of a man. She tells him they might share a son, but she never wants to see him again and storms out. Ava tells Paul he’d better hope Tracy doesn’t tell anyone.

Maxie, Dillon, Nina and Franco toast to Crimson’s coverage of the gala. Nina says let’s go the office now and check out the photos.

Wah-wah-wah. Elizabeth takes off her ring.

Jason clocks Nicholas. Whoops! The next punch sends Nicholas off the roof.

Tomorrow, repercussions from that punch.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Giggy! LisaV was pretty upset about the mini horse having leg problems, so some friends of hers (Frank, Tina and Houston) have gotten her another mini horse. It arrives with its companion, a baby mini horse, and they’re both the most adorable things on earth. Lisa now officially has 8 swans, 7 dogs and 2 mini horses. I guarantee, these horses are going to have the best lives ever. I’m still trying to figure out how to get Lisa and Ken to adopt me.

Erika is on the phone with her husband, Tom. She says they talk briefly four or five times a day, but he’s a pretty busy guy. They make plans to meet for dinner. Erika says Tom has always been supportive of her career as Erika Jayne and never told her what to do, but she doesn’t tell him how to practice law either.

She’s trying on some costumes – mostly netting with sparkly things to cover her lady parts. She’s having a hard time squeezing into one of them. She says every woman has a bit of Erika Jayne inside of her dying to get out. Yeah, if I could squeeze into that costume myself, she’d get out.

Eileen and husband Vince meet for lunch. All of these people work so much, it seems to be the norm. Meet you for a meal somewhere. Eileen talks about how Vince’s dad, Dick Van Patten, went to the track all of the time with his friends. His motto was: tennis in the morning, poker in the evening, racing in the afternoon. Vince has been to the races and swears Dick was with him, since he won $600.

Eileen apologizes to Vince for being bitchy. She says sometimes it seems like he has all this freedom, while she’s running around handling everything. He says she shouldn’t attack him first thing in the morning. She says women see it as expressing themselves, but men see it as an attack. Eileen is pretty astute about male/female relationships. He says they shouldn’t talk about anything until 9ish. She says it would be hard to hold it in until then. Eileen says she’s a lot more accommodating than Vince is. She didn’t say those words, but I’m translating the wife language.

LisaR is out for lunch with her daughters. Everyone gets salads. Sigh. The family takes a trip to Canada every summer where Harry used to vacation as a boy. She says instead of sending the kids to camp, they have their own camp. She says raising teenagers ain’t for sissies. I believe her. Lisa says she doesn’t even listen to them anymore and it’s like ♫ la-la-la ♫.

Kyle and daughters go to get ear piercing. The eldest daughter is getting an extra piercing and the littlest is getting hers done. I didn’t pierce my ears until I moved away from home. Kyle says teenage daughters are experts at manipulation. The older one getting the extra hole is being a total baby. Geez, I used self-piercers and pushed them through early because I got impatient. Way to freak out the little one too. Oh, I see, the little one (Portia) only has one ear done and is getting the other one. This probably happened the last time. Looks like she’s sticking with just one this time too.

LisaV calls Ken to the back yard and tells him happy birthday. Lisa’s friends are waiting with the little horses. Ken tries to act happy, but in his individual interview, he says he knows he’s going to be picking up a lot of poop. You’d think they’d hire someone for that, but they are pretty down-to-earth. Lisa says Ken is speechless. Yep.

Yolanda says she hasn’t done anything and she’s exhausted. Erika and Tom come over for a visit. Yolanda says they’ve really been there for her. David is joining them (schmuck). Erika says it’s good to see Yolanda smiling. David says he has to go to Europe soon for some kind of Andre Bocelli thing with the Pope. Yolanda suggests Erika perform with David, but Erika says she’d probably burst into flames. Erika explains that Erika Jayne isn’t exactly Pope material.

Kyle comes to pick up Portia from her acting coach. Kyle says Portia is the only one who’s expressed an interest In acting and she wants to be supportive. She says she got into acting by default, because when her parents divorced, they needed the income. (Way to take care of the family, dad.) She says it will be better for Portia since it will be something fun and not a job. Kyle says for her it was a positive experience, but it’s not for everyone. No kidding. She talks about Kim feeling more pressure, and that people point at her being a child actress as the reason for her addictive behavior, but she thinks either you are or you aren’t, and I agree.

Yolanda is looking forward to being with David so they can “reconnect their souls.” I feel sick because I know they’re divorcing now. She has a whole slate of supplements she takes and says that if someone told her to eat bark, she would because if she goes down, she wants to go down fighting.

LisaR is trying to do Facetime or something with Harry. She’s juggling the phone and the iPad, and I can’t really figure out what she’s doing. She says that technology isn’t her friend. Apparently so. Harry and the girls are already in Canada, but Lisa’s going back and forth because she’s working. She has a QVC clothing line and is very proactive. She’s not one of those celebrities that just stick their name on something.

Commercial break and important information – Vanderpump Rules will be on Sunday.

Yolanda enjoys being out in the country with David. (Oddly enough, they’re also in Canada.) They’re in a beautiful lake area surrounded by mountains, and I’m thinking he doesn’t deserve this – or her. She says her illness has been very taxing on the relationship. She says he gets impatient, but she understands because they used to do everything together. They go out on a speedboat.

LisaV is having a coming out party for the mini horses. LisaR shows up first. She says if anyone should be first, it’s her, and she feels a sense of entitlement here. Giggy! Ken says it’s been a long birthday and LisaR says I’ll bet. Kyle arrives next and Ken leaves with my precious Giggy. Kyle gets kind of annoyed because the girls always bring up Kim. LisaV says something about Kim trashing her on Twitter and calling her a phony. She says she tweeted back that she’s always been supportive of Kim. I’m wondering why all these adults are on Twitter so much. LisaR flashes back to the reunion where Kim said she wouldn’t do anything for a buck, then they show a clip from Sharknado 3.

LisaR says she was looking at Instagram pictures of Yolanda in Vancouver and Yolanda was looking good. She says she’s wondering what Yolanda is trying to accomplish with confusing pictures, that one minute she’s got needles in her arm and looking sick, and the next she’s on a yacht having the time of her life. She says people are questioning it and it’s awkward. In her individual interview, Kyle suggests LisaR should probably keep it to herself.

Lisa brings up Munchausen’s Syndrome and reads the definition. LisaR says that it’s something people can create themselves, making themselves sick even though they’re not. Kyle says Yolanda’s symptoms match a lot of things. Eileen arrives and LisaV suggests they change the subject.

Eileen says she can tell something’s up, so what is it. She asks LisaR for an abridged version. Lisa explains how she was telling them about people questioning Yolanda and the Instagram photos. Is this turning into a Brooks thing? LisaV says they’re probably people who don’t know her and LisaR feels guilty for not having Yolanda’s back. She thinks she should say something to Yolanda, but LisaV thinks that’s a bad idea. So do I.

The ladies see the horses and there’s a lot of squeeing. Kyle says it was built up so much, she expected them to be about Barbie sized. They’re making the poor horses nervous and the horses ditch them. LisaR tells Kyle that she feels badly about saying something regarding Yolanda.

Next week, a swan bites Ken and Eileen approaches Yolanda. Erika also says her husband is 76, but I honestly wouldn’t have guessed he was that old.

I dunno. Is it possible some of these reality stars could be manufacturing illnesses because of a need for attention? I don’t think I’d ever question it, since there are illnesses where people have good days and bad days, and don’t necessarily look sick. That’s actually a pet peeve of mine when someone says, “Well, you don’t look sick.” Well, you don’t look like a sick person just gave you a black eye.

Dec15

December 14, 2015 — GH, a party at SUR & a Quote

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Paul, Tracy and Monica get together to plan the Nutcracker Gala. Monica wants to get going to push ticket sales, but Tracy wants to decide who’s making the keynote speech. She suggests Paul.

Lulu asks Johnny if he came up with a plan to get rid of Valerie. He says first he needs to know more about her. Lulu gets a text from Dante, but she says it’s nothing important and ignores it.

Dante tells Jordan he signed the final separation papers. He’s surprised Jordan doesn’t give him a lecture, but she says sometimes when things are over, they’re over.

Hayden tells Curtis that to get the gun, he’ll need to bribe someone. Nicholas comes by and asks who her friend is. I’m sure she’ll have a good answer. She’s no slouch in the lying department.

Elizabeth finds Jason on the porch. He’s getting a call from Sam, but he doesn’t answer. Elizabeth gets way too obviously excited. I hope he douses all her hopes with some really cold water because I hate her so much.

Paul balks at making the speech. He says he needs to check with his assistant and steps away.

Johnny asks if that was a text from Dante, and Lulu repeats it was nothing important. She says since he’s a fugitive, they have to use their time wisely, and wants to get going on the plan. She says as long as Valerie is around, she and Dante won’t have a chance at getting back together. Lulu gives Johnny Valerie’s particulars. When Johnny finds out she’s at the police academy, he goes to the website.

Jordan tells Dante that moving on and letting go is part of life. She says if things are really over, then they should be over, and that a lot of people have trouble accepting when good things go bad. She makes a little speech that sounds like she’s talking about herself.

Hayden introduces Curtis as an interior designer that she’s hired to redesign ELQ’s offices, and says that she wanted to surprise him. Curtis is amazing at playing along and has an answer for everything. Curtis is a fine looking man too, so I’m hoping when things finally go south with Nicholas, Hayden will pair up with him. Curtis leaves. Nicholas says yesterday Hayden told him she was going to reduce the work force and today she’s redecorating. He asks what up wit dat?

Too bad Elizabeth. Jason is there to figure out what they’re going to tell Jake about his moving out. Ah-ha! in Nelson voice.

Monica tells Tracy her brain went on vacation and her libido took over. Tracy says the only connection she and Paul have is that he’s Dillon’s father. Monica tells her to be careful and remember what a lout Paul was when they were married. She says the last time Tracy followed her heart, they almost lost ELQ.

Dante says just when he thinks he has a hold on everything, something else pops up. He says walking away from the mess he created isn’t the answer.

Johnny asks for Dante’s password which happens to be Dante and Lulu’s wedding day. Lulu goes down Memory Lane about the wedding. Johnny puts in the password and finds the cadets’ schedule. He says he has to get going and Lulu says hold on, you’re a wanted man. He says it’s not like he’s Public Enemy #1.

Hayden says she’ll be cutting dead wood and insignificant jobs. She says she can tell Curtis forget it though, if he wants. Nicholas says it’s fine, but he needs a drink. He tells her Elizabeth’s fears have been realized.

Elizabeth tells Jason he should take some time to think things out. Nice try. She says maybe she can make up for what she did. Jason says he’s going upstairs to pack. Good. Don’t let her suck you in.

Paul says his schedule is clear and he’ll be happy to make the keynote speech. He tells Monica that he already has someone working on selling tickets and making sizable donations even if they can’t make it. Monica asks if they have any more ideas for raising money and suggests a gun amnesty program attached to the gala. Because that makes total sense…not.

Jordan tells Valerie she’s one of their most promising cadets. She tells her that it’s a critical time and she needs to focus if she’s going to get through training. She says she’s noticed Valerie checking out Dante and just because he and Lulu are separated, that doesn’t mean they won’t get back together.

Lulu wants to know what Johnny’s plans are, but he says the less she knows, the better.

Curtis calls in a favor from a cop he knows and gets into the evidence room.

Nicholas tells Hayden about what happened with Elizabeth and Jason. Nicholas says Jason already knows he was involved and has probably figured out that Hayden is involved too. Hayden asks if any charges can be brought against them. Nicholas says he’s not sure, but Jason will be providing his own repercussions. Hayden says she doesn’t need any legal trouble right now. Although I don’t think there’s ever a time when anybody needs it.

Elizabeth says that if Jason still loves her, it’s wrong of him to leave. Jason says forget about making it up to him, what about making it up to Jake, Sam and Danny? He says she doesn’t really love him because love takes other people’s feelings into consideration. Elizabeth says Sam and Danny didn’t need him like she and Jake did. She begs his forgiveness. He says he did love her, but the love was built on a lie, and that lie is over. Wild applause from me.

Paul says it’s an interesting and unexpected idea, but how is a gun amnesty going to help Toys for Tots? She says it will both reduce crime and spit shine Paul’s profile. He asks how they would make money on it though. Monica says she’ll donate a thousand bucks for every gun turned in.

Dante shows up at the Haunted Star. He says she didn’t respond to his text. Lulu says the less time they spend in the same room the better. He says she’s going to hate him for what he has to say.

Jordan sees Curtis and obviously knows him. She asks what he’s doing there.

Diane shows up at Elizabeth’s with the papers Jason requested. She says it’s a confidential matter and puts them in an envelope and tells Elizabeth to give them to Jason. Elizabeth asks what would stop her from opening it when Diane leaves. “Right you are,” says Diane, and puts them in her pocketbook.

Hayden says Jason can easily make trouble for them, between ELQ and his best friend, Sonny. She and Nicholas are about to embrace, but boo! there’s Jason right next to them.

Dante says they need to talk to each other for Rocco’s sake. He tells Lulu that when he went out for baby aspirin, he left Rocco with Valerie. Lulu barely reacts, so he knows Olivia told her already. He says he thought she’d be furious. She says she thought about making a scene, but decided he’s not worth it. She says she refuses to believe that the family they built was meaningless, but his priorities have changed and it hurts. Still, overreacting isn’t going to solve the problem.

Jordan tells Curtis that if he came to Port Charles for her to give him a job, don’t hold his breath. He says he already has a job and he figured since he was in town, he’d congratulate her on her success. He asks how TJ is and reveals that he’s Jordan’s brother.

Diane says on second thought, she’ll just leave Jason a voicemail rather than relying on Elizabeth to give him a message. Elizabeth says Diane doesn’t approve of Jason divorcing Sam. Diane says her approval doesn’t enter into it. Elizabeth tries to be insulting, but Diane just says, sorry, I’ll be going. Elizabeth then starts to act like the pathetic shrew she is and tells Diane to get out.

Jason wants to know how long Nicholas knew and what it was worth. Nicholas says as far as he’s concerned, everyone is better off without him. Jason punches Nicholas in the face.

Paul excuses himself from the meeting, saying he has to get to court. Monica tells Tracy she’s shameless and Tracy says she was more fun when she was a slut. I love these two together.

Curtis tells Jordan to have a nice day and splits. Outside, he takes the gun out of his pocket and puts it in his bag.

A brawl nearly starts in The Floating Rib between Nicholas and Jason, but a couple of guys step in and break it up.

Elizabeth is all weepy and finds a shirt she gave Jason as a present on the floor. She sniffs at it – what is it with her? – and she folds up like a cheap suit.

Lulu says she’s planning on cutting Dante out of her life as much as possible. He says he won’t let Valerie look after Rocco again without her knowing. She tells him to get lost because she has a lot to do. She looks at Valerie’s website pic and says pay back is a bitch.

Valerie’s car breaks down and who is there to help? That’s right. Johnny.

Tomorrow, Franco and Nina! And we’ll see how Johnny is going to “help” Valerie.

Vanderpump Rules

Giggy! (And another cute little dog in an outfit.) Lisa and Ken are meeting with Arielle, who works with homeless teens. Lisa says she’d love to help out. The kids have never been to a restaurant, so she’s going to host a dinner for them.

Tom and Schwartz are going to have another meeting about promoting Lisa’s sangria. Schwartz says he has a problem with the word commitment. Katie says to avoid the term “non-committal” when she’s around. She says she’s allergic to it and it gives her a tingling sensation around her ring finger. Tom says Schwartz should let him do the talking. He says that Schwartz makes him nervous because he’s nervous. Katie says apparently their plan is to not have a plan.

Lala tells Jax that James keeps texting her, but she’s ignoring him. Jax says that’s probably the best idea. Lala says James is like a sad puppy, begging and apologizing. Even though Britney is moving to L.A., Jax is still avoiding any commitment (I’m going to hate that word soon) because she’s not there yet, so he and Lala make plans for drinks.

James’s mother joins him for dinner at SUR. His mother was an Elite model for many years and still looks pretty good. His mother asks about Kristen, but he says it’s way over. His mom says he’s young and should just enjoy himself and avoid drama, as there will be enough later in life. James tears up and I’m wondering why. Because he got rid of that crazy maniac? Oh, never mind, his parents are getting a divorce. I guess that’s hard on a kid no matter how old they are.

He admits to using alcohol to self-medicate. His mother says that it’s no way to deal with things when you’re in a dark place, and she knows of what she speaks having been in the modeling business. She says she loves him and that she’s proud of him. They hug. 1…2…3…awww!

Kristen tells Jax she has a date with some guy named Alex. They’re at the gym, working out with the punching bags and Kristen pretends it’s James’s face. Afterwards, Kristen says she heard a rumor that Jax has broken up with Britney. Jax says they’re just trying to see where things are at and she’s still moving to L.A. Kristen says no way would she ever get back together with James again. Jax suggests she get a dog.

Lisa calls a meeting of the SUR staff. They wonder if they’re in trouble, but Lisa says for once, they’re not. She tells them about Arielle and the dinner they’re going to have for the kids. Good-hearted Scheana says if Lisa can find the time to help, they can too.

Lisa asks Tom how it’s going with the sangria pitch. He seems vague and she tells him he has to do his research. She says she has the feeling they’re not going to be any better prepared than they were at the last meeting. I have the feeling she’s right.

Scheana says she and Shay are going to start therapy and she hopes it’s the start of him turning over a new leaf. Scheana thinks she and Katie should give Lala another chance at being friends, but Katie doesn’t want to because of Lala lying to them.

Jax tells James he was at boxing class with Kristen. James asks if Jax doesn’t think it’s weird to be hanging out with Kristen. In his individual interview, James says maybe Jax and Kristen were made for each other, and I think that’s a possibility since they’re both d-bags. James wonders why Jax was waiting right there when he and Kristen broke up. Tom, Jax and James all start talking at once and I have no idea what they’re saying.

James goes over to Kristen’s apartment. He mentions that Jax told him about her going out with Alex. He says he thought he’d miss Kristen after they broke up, but he’s thinking about Lala more than her. Kristen says he has a lot of nerve, since a few days ago he was telling her he loved her. She also talks about how he paraded his bite marks from Lauren all around. They start to argue. She tells him that he’s going to drink himself into oblivion, lose his job and lose all his friends. He counters with all she has is Jax, that she’ll never get married and if she does, she’ll be divorced In three years. He leaves, spitting on her door on the way out. That pretty much sums up the maturity level of these two.

Jason tells Lisa that he’d like to say his expectations for Tom and Schwartz are high, but they’re really not. Tom and Schwartz show up for the meeting. Schwartz says after a lot of deliberation, they thought the best course of action would be for the two of them to be brand ambassadors. Lisa wonders what he means by that and tells him it’s not a modeling job. Schwartz doesn’t seem to have a solid idea and Tom says he wishes Schwartz would have let him speak first. But when Tom starts talking, it’s even worse. In his individual interview, Tom says, “What is a career anyway? Except the beginning of the march to death.” Avoidance of responsibility, anyone?

Jason says he wonders what they’ve been doing since the last time they met. He says they seemed excited at the last meeting, but seem to have lost their drive. Pandora says they seemed like they wanted to change careers, but now it’s like they want to be the guy with the tray passing out shots. Lisa says if they started on Monday, what would they do? Once again, they’re unclear. They leave the meeting in a cloud of vagueness and I have no idea if they’re going to continue working on this project or what.

Britney arrives for a visit. Jax says when she’s there, she’s the only one he wants to be with, but it gets fuzzy when she’s not around. He also makes it sound like Lala was hitting on him, but being such a great guy, he only had a few drinks with her during the day time. He says he likes Britney a lot and doesn’t want to screw things up. He says she should stay with him, even though we flash back to where he said a thousand times he wasn’t going to let that happen. This girl must be an idiot if she believes anything he says.

Schaena and Katie are getting ready for the teens to come. Giggy! Tom tells Ariana that he should have never let Schwartz speak first. He thinks he was able to rescue things…a little bit. He says they’re taking baby steps, but he’s taking steps. In her individual interview, Ariana suggests they’re fetus steps.

Lala says she feels a little uncomfortable working with James. Kristen told Jax about the door spitting and he says he needs to have a talk with him, changing her story to say that James spit on her. Lala says she really doesn’t want to be a part of it. It’s funny how they all keep talking about how young and immature James is when none of them are much older and not much more mature. Kristen is the exception to everything because she’s batsh*t crazy.

Tom has the idea to have lemonade mocktails on a platter for when the guests first come in. Ariana is annoyed because he didn’t confer with her first.

Lisa wants the kids to feel welcome and have an experience they haven’t had before. Lisa introduces them to Ken and Giggy. Lisa asks the kids questions about their lives. Scheana says that seeing how grateful the kids are, she realizes there are bigger problems in the world than hers. Gee, really? Lisa says life is about give and take, but giving is more important.

Ariana’s 30th birthday is coming up (“six times cooler than your average five-year-old”) and she’s planning a major party. Peter’s also having a birthday soon, and he’s inviting all the guys to Las Vegas. Ariana is annoyed again because she’s feeling left out. She says it’s nice to know that the day after her birthday, Tom is going on a trip where she’s not invited.

Jax confronts James about his craziness at Kristen’s. He says he didn’t spit on her, just on the door. Which makes it okay. Jax is like, you didn’t have to do that, and James says he’ll apologize the next time he sees her. Jax asks if he’s getting tired of saying I’m sorry, and the two of them get into a shouting match. Lisa breaks it up and tells them to go in different directions, but neither of them will shut up. Lisa tells James to go home and adds that if he raises his voice in her restaurant, it will be the last thing he does. She doesn’t mean she’s going to kill him, but that he’ll be fired. At least I think so.

Lisa tells James to calm down, put a smile on his face, and realize how bloody lucky he is. Lisa tells Jax he needs to lower the volume too. Peter asks James what the blip is going on. Lisa tells him if he doesn’t change his attitude immediately, he’s seriously going home. Some days, she must want to bang her head against a wall when she gets home.

Next week – Ariana’s birthday party and Vegas!

Vanderpump Rules After Show – Quote of the Week

I’m just amazed that somebody used the term heteronormative. I thought it was groundbreaking.  Brandy referring to Ariana on Vanderpump Rules.

Dec10

December 9, 2015 — Port Charles, L.A., a Divorcee & a Wife

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Lulu says what the hell and has another shot with Johnny.

Dante and Valerie go back to Dante’s place where they continue to make me ill.

Michael asks Felix if Dr. Lee is around. She’s not, but Michael says he wants to talk to her about Sabrrrina.

Sabrrrina is waiting for Michael at The Floating Rib and sees Patrick at the bar. He says he feels like he’s having a bad dream that he can’t wake up from. Welcome to my life.

Sam tells Jason that Elizabeth knew for months who he really is. He says it was a mistake to come over. Sam says he knows deep down something isn’t right and he can run away or hear her out.

Elizabeth tries to call Jason, but he doesn’t pick up. He says she’s probably worried about him, and Sam says she’s worried about something all right. Sam says he can run back to Elizabeth or give her five minutes to tell him the truth. He says she’s got five minutes.

Dante and Valerie are making out when there’s a knock at the door. Valerie makes herself scarce, but for once it’s not Lulu. It’s Olivia with Rocco. She asks how long the nonsense with Lulu is going to go on and when are they getting back together. Valerie eavesdrops. No surprise.

Johnny and Lulu flirt a little. Johnny says he was hoping he could stay there. He says his offshore accounts are being monitored, but if she can spare some cash, he’ll pay her back with interest. She tells him he can crash there, but she’ll have to see what she can spare. Dillon shows up and Johnny hides behind the bar.

Michael says he’s concerned about the baby’s size. Felix says it’s wrong to go behind Sabrrrina’s back, and that the baby is healthy and everything’s fine. Michael asks him to come with him to meet Sabrrrina.

Patrick, who has a nerve even discussing this with Sabrrrina, says he has trust issues with Sam now. Sabrrrina says she came out of things with Patrick fine (well, if you can call telling Michael that Carrrlos’s baby is his “ fine”), and he has to decide if he wants to fight for Sam or not.

Elizabeth leaves a message for Jason. Jake comes downstairs and says he can’t sleep, and wonders where Jason is.

Jason asks what proof Sam has. She tells him about how she found Elizabeth in the chapel and Elizabeth said she was hesitant to marry him because of Sam. She didn’t understand it at the time, but now she knows it’s because Elizabeth knew Jason was her husband already. She also tells him about Jake keeping a secret with Elizabeth and Laura. She tells him to open his eyes. She asks if Elizabeth has ever almost told him something and stopped, or shown him some other kind of weirdness. Jason asks if she’s just trying to convince herself so that they can get back together.

Dillon asks if he can talk to Lulu. She says now isn’t the time and she has to get the boat decorated. He says he can help, but she says she works better alone. He asks if he ruined their friendship.

Dante asks if he can talk to Olivia in the morning. She tells him to think of Rocco. He says it isn’t working out with Lulu and Olivia says he sounds like he’s giving up and he has to fight for his marriage. Isn’t that what you want? she asks.

Sabrrrina says when she saw Robin in the church, she knew things were over between her and Patrick, and she could have saved everyone a lot of heartache by just accepting it. She says he has to make a choice and that dragging it out causes the most damage. Michael comes in with Felix. They invite Patrick to join them for dinner, but he takes a pass.

Elizabeth tells Jake that his daddy will be home soon. Jake asks why she said she was worried in her phone message and she says that’s what moms do.

Sam says she understands that Jason doesn’t remember their life together, but she thinks he deserves to know the truth. She says that if Elizabeth had had her way, she and Danny would have never known he was back. She says to look into her eyes and then go home and look into Elizabeth’s eyes. IMO, he knows Sam is telling him the truth.

Felix makes something up to get rid of Michael for a minute. He tells Sabrrrina that Michael is asking questions about the size of the baby.

Lulu says she didn’t love that DIllon publicly exposed Dante as a cheater, but only Dante is responsible for his actions and she wouldn’t take her anger out on him. She suggests they “hit the reset button.”

Olivia asks Dante if he loves Lulu and wants to save his marriage or is he just throwing up his hands and giving up. Dante says Lulu still doesn’t trust him. Please. It’s only been five minutes and even after that you couldn’t wait until the body was cold. Olivia says there’s nothing odd about that, and he shouldn’t let the love of his life go. Dante tells Olivia about what happened on Thanksgiving and she calls Valerie a home wrecker. I concur.

Patrick comes home and Sam tells him Jason went back to Elizabeth and he has to figure out his own life.

Jason gets back to Elizabeth’s. Jake has fallen asleep on the couch. Jason says as soon as he gets Jake settled, he wants to talk to her.

Lulu tells Dillon that she and Dante are officially separated. She tells him Dante signed the papers, but doesn’t mention Valerie being there. She says she thinks Dante wants the marriage over and she does too. Dillon says he doesn’t believe it because she seems miserable. He says no matter what, he’ll be supportive. The he tells her he’s moving back to L.A.

Olivia says she thought Valerie was a one-time thing. Dante says he did too, but things changed. Olivia says Valerie was a mistake and he needs to man up and get rid of his bed buddy. Dante says Valerie is his friend and not to talk about her like that. Olivia says that it’s too bad he doesn’t have the same concern for his marriage.

Felix says that it’s better if Michael hears the truth from Sabrrrina rather than someone else and that when Monica sees the sonogram, she’s going to know.

Sam tells Patrick she told Jason everything. He asks if Jason believed her and Sam says he wanted proof. She brings up her interaction with Elizabeth in the chapel.

Jason comes back downstairs. Elizabeth asks where he was and he says he needed to talk to Sam. Elizabeth asks why he’d want to hear more of her lies. She says Sam is trapped in the past and she wants him to be trapped with her. Jason asks Elizabeth if she knew who he was before he did.

Olivia leaves and Valerie comes out of hiding. Valerie says she doesn’t think Olivia likes her too much, which is an understatement. Dante says she’s a fair person and will come around.

Dillon says he has to go where the work is. Lulu says, what about New York, but Dillon says his heart is in the San Fernando Valley.  (Ha-ha! I almost typed Valerie.) Johnny makes a noise and Dillon hears it.

When Michael gets back to the table, Felix says he’s got to jet.

Sam tells Patrick that what Jason chooses to do with the information she gave him is up to him. Patrick says he doesn’t know if he can trust her because she says one thing, but her actions indicate she’s still in love with Jason. She says a part of her will always love him, but she’s let that go. Patrick says she’s lying to herself and the future they were building doesn’t apply anymore

Elizabeth dodges the question totally, going on and on about how Sam is jealous and being spiteful. He says just answer the question, but she still doesn’t. Whoa. He says she’s making him not trust her by her evasiveness and if she doesn’t answer, he’s leaving. About time.

Valerie is sitting with Rocco and I tell her to take her hands off Lulu’s kid. Dante steps out to the store and I wonder who is going to show up while he’s gone.

Lulu asks Dillon if he wants to go to dinner. She tells him the noise was probably a harbor seal. Aren’t they in New York state? He pretends to go along with it, but then finds Johnny behind the bar.

I am so psychic. There’s a knock at Dante’s door and it’s Olivia.

Michael tells Sabrrrina that he’s worried about her. She says she understands it’s a scary time for him. He says he still wants to talk to the doctor, but she says they need to set up an appointment together. She asks if they can give it a rest for tonight though and just enjoy dinner. Good luck with that.

Patrick says he loves Sam, but he doesn’t think they can make it. He says she really wants to be with Jason and that’s okay because she deserves to be happy. He tells her they’re over.

Elizabeth tells Jason that the truth is she loves him. He doesn’t care, he wants his question answered. She says she accepted him with no questions asked. He says he just wants one question answered and why can’t she – OMG – SHE’S SAYING IT! SHE LIED ABOUT KNOWING WHO HE IS!

Tomorrow, everyone asks for more time with everything and Robin has some scenes.

Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles

JoshA brings Heather breakfast in bed. Heather isn’t pregnant and Josh is a little disappointed. Heather is surprised at that, but Josh says that when confronted with the possibility, he realized that she was a priority. She says he’s sweet and who exchanged him for the real Josh? He says he was just making excuses before, but now he’s ready for whatever comes. He wants to get married asap and suggests early spring.

They call Josh’s parents in Barcelona. I wonder what being a jet setter is like. He tells his mom that he and Heather are getting married April 2nd, and she gets pretty excited.

Mauricio from the The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is the head of the agency where James and David work. They’re having their weekly staff meeting. David and James’s client looks like Dennis Hopper and scares me a little. The client is putting in an infinity pool to up the price on the house. The client wants it at $14 million, but David and James are like it’s more like $12.5. James says the best way to find out is an informal office poll.

JoshF is currently the number one agent in volume and two in commission. Josh and his husband are buying a house. Josh would rather live in a hotel, but he realizes Colton wants a normal life with a yard and a dog. The property is very pretty and Paul McCartney lives next door. Colton says it seems rushed though. Josh has gone from wanting to live at the Four Seasons, to Grandma Edith’s penthouse, to this house.

JoshF admits he’s been on an emotional roller coaster and Colton has been supportive, so he wants this for him. Colton says he thinks Josh is looking at it more as how much he can flip it for later, but Josh says he really wants some stability right now.

David is feeding his cute basset hounds. In a few weeks, he and Adrian are going to Italy where he’s going to propose. He tells Adrian he wants to bring the dogs (they have 5 between them), but he’s just having fun with her.

JoshA is selling a house on Doheny that he says has an “east coast vibe.” Unfortunately, it has construction going on next door, so they’ve had to drop the price by a million. In our language, I’m guessing that’s like $50K. He’s about to have a showing and his brother tells him the power is out. He’s checked the circuit breakers with no luck. The agent’s client is coming in the morning, so they show the agent the house using flashlights. Considering the camera people also have lighting, you can actually see it pretty well.  Josh says the consolation prize for the construction is the lowered price and the agent thinks it’s not a bad deal.

James and David are showing the infinity pool house to some agents. Did that guy just say there are no bathrooms upstairs? What kind of a skabillion dollar house is this? All of the agents agree that it’s worth closer to $12 million. They get together with scary guy Jay and tell him the bad news. Jay says they’re done because besides being scary, he’s unrealistic.

Jay says it’s a special project and they need to open up their minds. Ohmmm, James says they’re not going to spend a bunch of bucks in marketing to find out that they can’t sell it. Jay says he’s going in at $13.5 with them or without them. James and David say they’ll have to take a pass. David tells Jay he’s a schmuck if he goes with someone else after they gave him the idea for the pool that upped the value of the house. They all compromise at $12.995.

JoshF is getting himself beautified. His phone rings and he actually doesn’t answer it. It doesn’t matter. His office assistant hunts him down. He’d lost the house he wanted to buy to another buyer, and the seller is calling to see if he’s still interested. They go back and forth for a while with the assistant relaying the information. JoshF gets on the phone himself and says buyers aren’t exactly lining up for the property and makes a cash offer. He ends up getting the house. He says after Colton gets ahold of the property, it will be ready for Architectural Digest.

JoshA meets for lunch with Max and his business partner, John. He’s received an offer for the Doheny property, but both guys think it’s low. Josh says they should counter regardless. Josh calls the agent with a counter offer, but lets them know the clients really wanted to tell them to pound sand. He tells Max and John they should take the $8.5 million offer. He says if they wait, the market could change and the property could become stale. He says they should take the money and run. Everyone agrees. John says he’s never happy, but he’s satisfied.

Scary client Jay has everything staged and ready for the open house. The furniture has been custom made for the house and is included in the price. David is hoping they wrap things up quickly because he’s leaving for Italy the next day. Everything is gorgeous, but I think it would be weird moving into a place that had furniture already. I guess it’s good if you’re really busy.

James tells David that he wants him to enjoy himself in Italy and to turn his phone off and concentrate on Adrian.

JoshA was burned by JoshF showing a client a property before he could. He shows the client a different property. The client says he loves it, but he just bought the other property from JoshF. JoshA says compared to that property, this one is an estate and a better fit. And it’s move in ready. He says so much work needs to be done on the other one, he won’t be moving in for two years. The client decides to take the property and develop the one from JoshF. Since the sellers are also JoshA’s clients, he’s going to make out like a bandit.

It’s the finale. JoshA lists his blessings and says he feels like the luckiest guy on the planet.

David calls James and tells him Adrian said yes. He did a beautiful job in picking out the ring too. I’m impressed. David says how happy he is to be marrying the girl of his dreams.

James goes down Memory Lane with the properties he and David have sold. It’s been a phenomenal year.

Josh and Colton are moving into the new house. He reflects on the work ethic Grandma Edith gave him. He says things couldn’t be any better. He says although Edith isn’t with him any longer, he knows she’s looking down on him with pride.

Just a note on The Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce

This is a good show. Well written and acted. A divorcee Sex in the City. In the second season, main character Abby and her ex-husband are entertaining the notion of getting back together. Abby is hesitant though, because not only has she become the “new face of divorce” through her journalism, she’s enjoying her new life.

Last night, Bravo did a bit of a crossover. When Abby is out with her ex, she sees some paparazzi and assumes she’s been recognized. But it turns out they want Shannon from The Real Housewives of the OC . I like Shannon because she’s not afraid to poke fun at herself. When one of the photographers asks about her husband, she says it’s date night, the feng shui worked and to put nine in a bowl.

Dec9

December 8, 2015 — Port Charles & Beverly Hills

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Lulu is putting up Christmas decorations at the Haunted Star while listening to death metal. Maxie comes in and says she’ll untangle the lights. Lulu suggests that when she gets them untangled, she strangle Valerie with them. That gets my vote.

Bobbie asks Valerie what’s up. She’s been sneaking in and out to avoid everyone. Bobbie invites Valerie out to dinner. Hopefully on the docks where someone can push her into the water.

Nathan is meeting Maxie at Kelly’s, but Dante is also meeting Valerie there. Nathan suggests Dante change his venue since he won’t have any peace with Maxie if the two of them are there. Nathan reminds Dante about fraternization. Dante says what’s the big deal about having dinner with a friend? Nathan tries to give him good advice, but Dante is such a jerk, he doesn’t get it.

Nicolas tells Hayden he wants to love her but doesn’t think he can. He says he knows what she’s up to and tries to smother her. Ha-ha! It’s all a dream. They always get me with those.

The ten thousand roses arrive at Patrick’s. Emma makes a joke that the next time her dad buys her flowers, she’d prefer a different kind.

Sam tells Elizabeth to tell Jason how she’s been playing God with his life. Jason tells Sam to accept reality and calm down. She tells Elizabeth to tell the truth and Elizabeth says okay, but not with her there. Oh yeah, I’d totally trust that.

Commercial break. It’s that Ferraro Rocher time of year. Bring it on! My God, I love those candies.

Bobbie says she’s no one to throw stones and she knows Valerie will have a hard time with the first holidays without her mother. I don’t want to feel sorry for Valerie, but I know what that feels like and it’s not pleasant.

Maxie tells Lulu they’re adults and revenge isn’t the solution. She says it will just make things worse. Maybe she should let the rest of Port Charles in on that.

Sam is like yeah, right, you’ll tell the truth as long as I’m not here. She tells Elizabeth she’s no better than Hayden and goes off on her. When she gets to the word “bitch,” Jason gets loud. Please, someone hit this guy on the head and bring his memory back.

Nicholas comes in to the now-awake Hayden’s room. She says she’s afraid of her feelings for him, and he says he’s on to her, just like in the dream. He says she’s been lying about going to ELQ meetings. She says yes, she lied, but he might not like the answer.

Jason tells Sam he’s done with her and “this.” Sam asks what if he’s wrong. He says he doesn’t care and to get out. Sam tells Elizabeth to do the right thing while she can and leaves.

Emma is going to a sleepover so Patrick can get romantic with Sam. She says tomorrow they can start getting ready for the wedding. I don’t know about that…

Valerie says she wanted Dante and Lulu’s marriage to work out, but even though Dante apologized to no end, Lulu gave him separation papers. Bobbie says the distance between separation and divorces is like the distance between Florida and Alaska. She tells Valerie to be careful. She’s concerned that Valerie is taking shelter from her grief with the wrong guy.

Lulu asks how things could get worse and Maxie suggests she think about how things can get better. Lulu says Valerie falling off the face of the earth would make it better. Maxie says Rocco might be affected if Lulu does something stupid. She says Valerie doesn’t matter and Lulu and Dante need to fix things. She leaves to meet Nathan for dinner.

Nathan says he’s going to have to work and has to cancel his plans with Maxie. He begs Dante to stop seeing Valerie until he knows what he really wants.

Alone at the Haunted Star, Lulu hears someone. She has a giant candy cane in her hand and calls out that she’s armed. Who walks in but Johnny, and he says oh, look out, she’s armed with a candy cane.

Hayden says what she told Nicholas about downsizing ELQ is true, but she’s been working with a consultant outside of the office. She shows him a folder with her plans on how ELQ can save money. She says if they lay off a third of the employees, they can increase their profit margin. Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!

Valerie and Dante are at Kelly’s, which has suddenly replaced The Floating Rib as the place to be. Dante says he needs to tell her something, but she wants to go first. She says her feelings for him have grown stronger and she needs to know if he’s going to get back with Lulu.

Maxie comes to the station. She says she needs five minutes of his time. And she brought him some ribs from Kelly’s. Come on now, wouldn’t The Floating Rib be the place to get ribs?

Lulu tells Johnny that he’s a wanted man. He says he doubts he’s very important. He knows she and Dante split up and says he saw it coming.

Elizabeth says thanks for defending her. Jason says he came from an argument with Carly and couldn’t deal with any more. Elizabeth says he knows she doesn’t have anything to hide, right?

Sam comes home to Patrick. She tells him that she was at Elizabeth’s. He says he thought she was past that and she says she did do, but apparently not. She says that she just wants to see it through, but Patrick says she needs to do better than that.

Elizabeth says that Sam is just jealous. Jason asks what it was that Sam says she’s lying about, but she says she doesn’t want to dignify it with an answer. Jason ponders that.

Hayden says she clearly remembers why she broke the vase and it wasn’t because she was jealous of Elizabeth. She knows she was blackmailing Nicholas. She asks why he lied to her.

Dante says that right now he’s being selfish and wants to be with Valerie. He asks if she can handle an uncertain future. Oh I see. He wants to try and work things out with Lulu, but have Valerie just in case it doesn’t work out. Nice guy.

Johnny reminds Lulu of how Dante wanted her to get rid of the Haunted Star when he found out Johnny owned half. He says that their problem has always been that Dante didn’t trust her. Johnny says he’s sorry about what happened. Lulu starts to cry and Johnny hugs her. In a friend way.

Johnny and Lulu have a couple of shots, but Lulu says any more will just make her get sentimental and feel worse. Johnny asks what he can do for her. She says get rid of Valerie. Johnny asks if she wants him to kill Valerie.

I wish he would. Dante is going on and on about not facing up to his responsibilities and just wants to be in the moment with Valerie. She says she’s okay with the uncertainty as long as it means being with him for a while, even if it won’t be forever. These two are ridiculous.

Nicholas says he lied to protect Hayden. She says once she realized, she never said a word to anyone about Jason’s real identity, so why won’t he trust her? He tells her about Britt. Hayden says she had the same problem with her ex-husband, and when she came to town, she just wanted to take it out on everyone. Nicholas wants to get it on, but she says she can’t move forward unless the relationship is based on trust.

Patrick starts wigging out about Sam basing her accusation on what Jake said. He gets a little out of control and does a table flip like he’s on Real Housewives.

Jason says he doesn’t believe Elizabeth is a lying manipulator like Hayden. Man, has he got a lot to learn; she could teach Hayden a thing or two. Elizabeth says she wants to be with the man he is now. They say I love yous and I gag. Elizabeth goes upstairs, but the look on Jason’s face tells me he’s not totally buying that she’s telling the truth.

Hayden tells Nicholas that her dreams are a metaphor for Nicholas getting past her defenses. He says he thinks they’re both in trouble.

Nathan finally finishes work and goes into the interrogation room to find Maxie asleep.

Lulu says she wants Johnny to get rid of Valerie, but not kill her. She says she wants Valerie to go out of their lives and never come back. He says he’ll handle it, but the less she knows the better. I can’t wait to see what he has planned.

The two idiots Valerie and Dante come to the conclusion that maybe they shouldn’t be seen together where everyone else from the station hangs out.

Elizabeth comes downstairs to find Jason gone.

Sam says she’s totally committed to Patrick and is moving forward with the divorce, but Jason still has a right to know the truth. Patrick says it’s over, and goes to leave. Jason is at the door. Patrick leaves and Jason comes in. He apologizes to Sam. He says she’s been nothing but kind and he’s sorry. He says now that he’s more rational, he wants to know what’s going on. Sam tells him that Elizabeth knew for months who he really is.

Tomorrow, more truths from Sam.

Just a note to those who would perpetrate dastardly deeds. I’d rather you didn’t , but if you’re going to, please make it after 4 pm. Kay? Thanks.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Kyle and family are going overseas for a vacation, ending with Nicky Hilton’s wedding at Kensington Palace in Kensington Gardens. Lisa and Ken are coming along for the ride.

Giggy! And Lisa’s closet! Lisa is trying to find something for Kyle to wear at the wedding. I’ve seen Kyle’s closet too, so I’m not getting this.

LisaR is showing off her birthday earrings from Harry. They’re simple round diamond drops set in silver and I love them too. Lisa is having Facetime with her parents. She says she’s able to cope with them getting older and in not such great health by living in the moment. Her mom gives us all TMI about her dad. LisaR signs off by saying she hopes his penis feels better. ♫ La-La-La! ♫

Kyle tells Lisa she’s not going to the wedding anymore. She says she was told it would be better if she didn’t come. She tells Lisa not to bring the dress, but I’ll bet Lisa does anyway. It sounds as if there’s some dispute about Kyle doing the new TV show based on her life, so I guess Kathy is being an idiot. What a shame.

We haven’t seen Yolanda yet, but just for the record, I’m hating on David Foster. What a freaking creep he is to divorce her when she’s so ill and she’s been so supportive of him. Typical though. It’s like when a woman works to put her husband through school, and then when it’s her turn, he books. I hope the next one takes him for everything he’s got and pawns his Grammys.

Eileen and Vince go to Palm Springs where Dick Van Patten has a star on their walk of fame. Eileen had recently lost her sister as well. Her sister had cancer, but had not told anyone she was in the final stage of life, and ended up dying in Eileen’s arms at the hospital. This makes me want to call my sister, who had a stroke last year.

LisaR is meeting LisaV for lunch. LisaR says she likes to be around sparkly things and LisaV sparkles. LisaR talks about going to Dick Van Patten’s memorial. She says he was beloved by everyone and it’s been very difficult for the family.

LisaV says that Ken is going to be 70 soon and she wants to do something special. She’s found the smallest horse in the world in Ohio. The owner is willing to sell it and LisaV wants LisaR to come with her to pick it up. She also wants LisaR and Kyle to help care for it until Ken’s birthday, but the horse likes to sleep in bed with people. It is pretty cute and probably not any bigger than a large dog.

Yolanda is at the oral surgeon. She’s had all her old fillings taken out and replaced with gold crowns, but themetal levels in her blood are still high. So she’s having the crowns tested for what metals are in them and has brought an analysis of her blood work for the surgeon to look at.

I feel so badly for Yolanda. And now I feel even worse because that beast, David, shows up. (The show was taped ages ago, so he’s still pretending to be supportive.)

Yolanda starts to choke and David says it’s the numbing in the back of her throat that’s causing her to think she can’t breathe. When I think about it, it makes sense. David the Cretin jokes about how soon they can have sex.

Boom! We’re in Italy! Kyle and her family have chartered a yacht. It’s not Captain Lee though. As always, the food looks fabulous. Kyle says she never vacationed as a child; she only traveled for work. I’m quite sure this trip alone makes up for it.

Lisa and Ken arrive.  The countryside is absolutely beautiful. Lisa says it’s a different sensibility in Europe. Lisa says she’s glad to be away from the restaurant. I’ll bet.

Kyle and Mauricio have rented a villa. Is there any other way? Mauricio has also rented a Ferrari and is driving to the villa with one of the kids, while Kyle gets there in a van. Mauricio gets lost, so Ken and Lisa arrive before he does. The car keeps telling him to make a U-turn. Of course he doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. What is it with men and not asking for directions? Bible teacher Joyce Meyer says that’s why it took the Israelites 40 years to make an 11 day trip. Ha-ha! Yep. I’ve been a passenger in that car too.

Mauricio tells his daughter that had her mom been in the car, it would have been so not fun for him. They finally get to the villa, and immediately hit the pool. Kyle and Lisa are going to take the car and go exploring. Kyle says it’s nice to be away from all the family drama with Kim.

Back in Beverly Hills, LisaR and Eileen stop by to visit Yolanda. Yolanda’s aide, Daisy, answers the door. They see Yolanda’s medicine cabinet, which is really a linen closet, and there’s a mind-boggling array of stuff. Eileen says it’s like when her sister had cancer. The girls get together with Yolanda in the living room. Yolanda says she can’t remember what it’s like to be normal. She talks about parasites that she had removed and they were quite long. She tells them about having her teeth removed. Eileen says it’s real flashback to her sister trying everything to fight for her life.

After they leave, LisaR says she feels a deep sadness and darkness in seeing a young woman not being able to live her life. She says it seems like she’s succumbed to it and accepted it. Truth be told, she really isn’t looking too good.

Kyle and LisaV are strolling around the grounds with Margaritas, and Kyle says it’s like walking in a painting. Lisa tells Kyle about Yolanda having her teeth taken out. Kyle says she’d asked her doctor about that and he said it can open you up to more problems. Lisa says she believes Yolanda thinks it’s more than Lyme disease and is stabbing in the dark. Kyle says when her mother died of cancer, she suddenly felt like she had weird symptoms and spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it was. Is she intimating that Yolanda is maybe not sick?

Everyone sits down to an enormous dinner at the villa. Ken says he’s getting so old, Lisa should start looking around now for a replacement. She asks why he didn’t tell her that when she was on Dancing with the Stars?

Kyle says she’s going to the wedding now, but Lisa says she didn’t bring the dress because Kyle told her not to. (Okay, I was wrong on that one.) I don’t see why she just can’t buy something new anyway. Mauricio says he’s not going, two of the daughters are in the wedding, and the other kids aren’t going. Huh? Lisa talks about the roller coaster that’s going on with Kathy pulling the strings, but Kyle doesn’t want to talk about it in front of the kids. It just sounds weird. It’s probably not just rich people weird either. Weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people.

Lisa says as her friend, she hates to see Kyle putting her all into relationships only to be manipulated and devastated. In her individual interview, Kyle says there’s been tension in her family and that’s why Mauricio isn’t going. And kids aren’t invited, except for the ones in the wedding party. Lisa says none of it makes sense and she thinks Kyle should detach herself. She says she doesn’t want to overstep her bounds, and one of the daughters says can we please not talk about it now.

Next week, shopping in Europe! And we finally get to meet new housewife Erica – and the tiny horse. Also, a lot of people diving into a pool with their clothes on.

Thought for the day: It must be a lot of responsibility being Joan Collins.

Dec8

December 7, 2015 –GH, Pump & a Little Longoria

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Without wasting any time, ABC breaks in with news that could easily wait until 4 o’clock.

When we finally return, Patrick is talking with Epiphany about Sam. He says, logically, she gets what’s going on and that Jason just doesn’t remember their life together, but in her heart, it’s hard for her to accept. Epiphany says he has to give it time.

Carly is still pressuring Jason about seeking his memory. She says no matter what, she loves him and he says, ditto, but get off his back. She says he keeps having flashes of memories, so he shouldn’t give up. She also says he still has the same instincts. He says she’s still his closest friend, but when he found out he was Jason, nothing happened. He says he wants to move on with Elizabeth, but Carly isn’t receptive to that idea.

Sam tells Elizabeth that Jake told him about the secret between her and Laura. She says Elizabeth saw Jason struggle to find answers, but did nothing. Elizabeth says that’s not true, but Sam says Laura confirmed it. Yep. It’s that old trick of telling them you know already to get them to say what they know.

Anna is at the docks where she lives now. Mac shows up and says that he was able to get Sloane’s computer and phone records. He says the last text was to her and after that, messages were picked up, but not responded to. He asks her to tell him what she knows. She says she thinks Sloan is dead. She tells him about dialing the number on the back of his business card, and that when she dialed, Paul picked up the phone.

Paul is checking out Sloane’s apartment. The super shows up and Paul says that he’s investigating the tenant from the apartment, and that the apartment was recently broken into. He asks if the super saw anyone and he says he thinks so.

Sonny is questioning Ava as to whether she knows gun importer Raj. Sonny says he deals with military weapons and everyone he deals with is on the NSA list. He says she’s jeopardizing Avery’s life. Ava says she would never do that. Sonny tells her she’s headed for prison or death, and he doesn’t want Avery exposed to it.

Jason tells Carly to quit bullying Elizabeth. Carly says Elizabeth is manipulating him and using his gratitude against him. He says he loves Elizabeth. Carly says if he does, that’s fine, but he needs to start trusting his instincts. He tells her again to lay off Elizabeth.

Elizabeth tells Sam she’s full of it. Sam says she can see fear in Elizabeth’s eyes, and she saw it on Cassadine Island too. She says Elizabeth is worse than Helena (which I totally agree with), because Helena never pretended. She says Elizabeth stole Jason’s life from him, Danny and everyone else who loves him. She says Elizabeth knew who he was the entire time and to stop lying. Elizabeth says Sam is lying – to herself.

Ava says Sonny can waste her time with his baloney all he likes, but she’s not putting Avery in harm’s way. She says she used to be afraid of Sonny, but she isn’t anymore. She says he’s weak and no longer a threat to her.  Julian is like, let’s hold on, but Sonny says he’s going to bring Ava down.

Patrick thanks Epiphany for listening. She says listening is easy, but taking action is the hard part. She says all she’s heard from him is how Sam thinks and feels, but what about him? He says he loves Sam. Epiphany says maybe he should remind her and that if he loves Sam, he needs to show her. Yep, lotsa men have a problem with that action part.

Elizabeth says that what Sam really wants is a Jason who doesn’t exist and she lies every time she says she loves Patrick. She says she didn’t take anything from Sam, that her husband is gone. He’s a different person now, and he loves her.

Carly agrees to stop being so pushy. She asks when Jason feels most alive though. She says he loves the rush of putting his life on the line, and Elizabeth will never allow him to be himself. She says she doesn’t want him going through his life half alive. She says it’s his decision, but she thinks marrying Elizabeth is a big mistake. Me too. She says in the old days, he was the one stopping her from being impulsive, but now it’s her turn to tell him to count to ten.

Julian asks if there’s any truth to what Sonny said. Ava says he’s just jealous because she has custody. Julian mentions that Ava said she was seeing someone new and asks if it’s Raj. She says no, but is cagey about whom it really is.

The super says he only saw the guy’s back. Paul says to keep everything on the down low and not to say anything about him being there because the investigation is under wraps. He says maybe he can swing some money the super’s way to pay for the lock and back rent.

Mac says he and Paul got to Port Charles around the same time, but he thought Paul had given up his wicked ways. He asks Anna if she’s sure about his involvement. Anna thinks that Paul killed Sloane and passed the body off as Carrrlos’s. Mac thinks it’s a possibility. Anna says if Carrrlos is alive, Paul has no leverage. Anna is afraid Paul will get to Carrrlos before she does. She wonders why Paul came back to Port Charles in the first place. Mac thinks he knows where to start.

Epiphany tells Sonny he’s missed half his PT session and Carly is annoyed.

Sam says maybe she doesn’t have proof that Elizabeth has been lying to Jason, but she can find it. And when she does, Elizabeth is going to regret every second she kept it to herself. Elizabeth yells at her to get out and when she opens the door, Jason is there. D’oh!

Mac tells Anna they’re going to figure things out together. Anna says they have to investigate Paul without his knowledge.

Paul talks to himself while he’s bagging stuff in Sloane’s apartment, vowing to find out who broke in.

Julian says he’s not going to ask Ava any questions about Raj or guns, because he’s promised Alexis that he’ll have nothing more to do with the mob. He tells her not to underestimate Sonny though. He says Sonny is down but not out.

Sonny says he can’t kidnap Jason for Carly. She says she doesn’t want that, but she wants him to be happy and Elizabeth isn’t putting Jason’s happiness first. Sonny plays devil’s advocate and says maybe he’s happy with Elizabeth. He does add that he wants his old friend back too.

Patrick orders lots and lots of flowers.

Elizabeth says Sam was just leaving. Sam says, no way, either you tell Jason or I will.

Tomorrow, Jason gets really pissed off at Sam.

Vanderpump Rules

Lisa tells the staff that Gay Pride Day is coming up. Jax says last year Lisa focused on PUMP, so he’s hoping that SUR will also get some attention this time around. Lisa says that PUMP was new last year, but she’s also throwing a party at SUR this year.

Jax asks Scheana what she would do if she only had 5 days to live. She says travel, but he says make a hit list. Geez. He says James would be on the list and Scheana asks if that’s because he ended up with Lala instead of Jax. In her individual interview, Scheana says that ever since James started to DJ, the ladies have been loving him, but she couldn’t date someone whose clothes are smaller than hers. Ha-ha!

The dresses for the SUR party arrive and they’re pretty darn cute. A 50s halter style in a mini, pink with a black and white floral pattern. Lisa asks Katie and Ariana to be supportive of Scheana, because she and Shay are going through a tough time. Scheana says that things have been going well, but she doesn’t want him to go overboard with drinking at the party. Jax says he shouldn’t even come, since it’s like a circus of drunks.

James comes over to Lala’s apartment. She has a cute black lab mix named Lily. This has nothing to do with the story, but I love dogs, so I mentioned it. James says that she bummed him out when she was cold to him after talking to Kristen.  James gives us TMI about what he likes sexually, and in her individual interview, Lala says she doesn’t think they’ll ultimately be compatible.

Lala says she has to lay out boundaries for James or he’ll be overly-aggressive. She just wants to date him and not get too involved. James has brought his keyboard and they practice some tracks together. Lala says that she just wants to see how things go, but James says he doesn’t like to leave things open-ended. Lala says that if he’d just shut up and speak through his music, life would be a lot better.

Sxhwartz and Tom take Shay to the gym. Tom says he thinks Shay can benefit from “Afro Brazilian Dance Fighting.” I’m not sure if he’s being funny or this is a real thing. The instructor says he combines a lot of different techniques. The class looks difficult, but fun. They do that rope climbing thing we had to do in elementary school phys-ed, but with some kind of heavy cloth. I’ll bet that’s easier to climb that that stupid rope that hurts your skin. Shay throws up in the parking lot. Maybe they should stop working out for now. Tom and Schwartz do push-ups, while Shay cheers them on.

Tom says the first day of working out is always the hardest. I agree. Tom asks Schwartz about the engagement ring he’s having designed for Katie. Schwartz says it’s awesome and he’s pretty excited about it. They talk to Shay about his addiction, and he says it’s not so much about alcohol, but he had a hard time with kicking the pills.

Scheana is getting her name changed on her driver’s license. Ariana is along for the ride. Scheana has the best experience anyone ever had having their picture taken at the DMV. She’s dressed to the nines and you’d think the “photographer” actually cared. Ariana says she doesn’t believe in marriage for herself – her parents split up, got back together, had another baby,and split up again – but she’s supportive of Scheana and Shay.

Shay says it sucks because Scheana has something to hold over his head now. Schwartz says Shay is one of his few married friends and Shay makes marriage look scary. He says if Scheana and Shay are having problems, what hope is there for him? Dude, the guy is an addict.

Party planner, Kevin Lee, is helping Lisa decorate at PUMP. Lisa wants them to pink it up and gay it up. James is running late and breezes in. Lisa sees some scratches and bruises on him and asks what happened. We both go la-la-la, but he says it wasn’t Lala. I guess they’re not exclusive. Does Lala know that?

Ken tells Lisa that James is getting it on with another hostess at SUR. Lisa is like, in a world full of women, why at my restaurant?

Man! It’s crowded in the streets for Gay Pride. Lisa says she wears a wide brimmed hat to give herself a little barrier because the crowds can be overwhelming. It probably keeps her from getting everyone’s germs too, since everyone does that double-kiss thing in L.A.

Jax says it’s not a restaurant it’s a smorgasbord of people having fun and doing bad things. Lala asks if she and Jax could have a drink, as she wants to talk to him. He tells one of the customers he’s going to <bleep> her. Tell us how you really feel.

Schwartz says Peter with short hair is like Popeye without his spinach. At least he didn’t use a Samson reference. Schwartz isn’t working and Katie is jealous. I’ll bet it’s worth the tips though.  Jax is drinking while he’s bartending and Katie says he’s like a bull in a china shop on roller skates during an earthquake.

Lala sees the marks on James. She asks where he got them and he tells her he was with someone else. Lala asks if he slept with a cobra. Lala says she told him she wouldn’t be annoyed, but she is. She tells him to get out of her face. Lauren (the cobra) asks James to take a walk with her.

Things are as busy at SUR as they are at PUMP and Lisa is mighty pleased. I don’t know if I’ve ever been in a place this crowded. Jax is basically arguing with the customers, telling them that they want more liquor than they’re ordering. Then he breaks a glass – into the ice chest. Good job!

Shay tells Scheana he’s taking it easy. He’s only having a few beers while watching everyone else do shots and get wasted. He says it’s actually embarrassing to think that was him.

The female staff is having a group picture taken and Kristen tries to get into it. She keeps saying how much she’s glad to be away from SUR, but she never seems to really go away.

Lauren tells Lala to let things with James go and that for all he knows, she’s sleeping with other guys. She says Lala shouldn’t ask him a bunch of questions. Isn’t she the one he slept with??? They hug. Isn’t she the one he slept with???

Gay Pride is wild in the streets and the PUMP and SUR parties are still rocking. Lisa says she’s exhausted. I would be too.

Scheana is counting out her tips and it comes to $748. Not bad for a day’s work. She says she feels like a stripper.

Lala asks Kristen if she can take James back. James comes by and asks why she’s angry. Kristen says he’s disgusting and should go away. Jax says James has a self-destructive pattern which is the pot calling the kettle black. Jax and Lala say they’ll speak later, but I don’t know how much that’s directed at James to make him jealous. Lala insists on knowing who it was James slept with. Yep. It was Lauren. Lala doesn’t know who to beat up first.

She’s gunning for Lauren and hunts her down. Lauren says they’re not talking about this and walks away. Apparently, Lauren is also with Anthony the bartender, so Lala lets him in on it. Now Anthony is gunning for Lauren. Lauren makes the camera go away. Lala says it’s not fair and this isn’t happening. Lala, Anthony and Lauren go behind closed doors.

Jax is waiting like a vulture. Jax asks what Lala expected, and Lala says not this. She says at least Jax was real with her from the jump. She leaves with him. She says she’s over James.

Next week – James is pissed at Jax and spits on Kristen’s apartment door.

Telenovela

I knew I was going to like this show even before I saw it. Eva Longoria playing a Spanish telenovela star who doesn’t speak Spanish? What’s not to like? Eva is very funny and has a flair for physical comedy. I love Devious Maids, and since this comes from the same gene pool, I expect I’ll love it too.

A guy from Santo Domingo that I dated for a while turned me on to telenovelas. I had no clue what they were saying, but they were so broadly acted, it wasn’t hard to understand. In one episode that stands out in my mind, two guys were throwing voodoo at each other in the hospital. It was pretty wild stuff, and I think lends itself to satire.

So far, so good. It’s also very reminiscent of Ugly Betty. The real premiere is on January 4.