Tag Archives: The Real Housewives

Dec7

December 6,2015 — No Dead, But an Eclectic Night

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

When we left the…um…ladies, a fight was brewing between Cynthia and Porsha. We now move to fingers in the face. Porsha makes a weird, aggressive move, putting her foot up on Cynthia’s lounge chair and straddling her. Cynthia responds by kicking Porsha In the stomach. Porsha lunges for Cynthia and is held back by the crew or security or whoever. Kandi, coming back from the bathroom, is just like, whaaat?

In her individual interview, Kim says that she has a low tolerance for foolishness. Her and me both. This might be the wrong show for her with this crowd.

Porsha is squeaky screaming and Kenya says that Porsha can’t control herself, the disagreement always has to escalate to violence. Kenya wants Porsha and her buddy off the boat. Bye, Felicia!

Cynthia calls Peter. She says he’s still her rock. Really? She tells him she needs for him to come home, and he says he will.

Kim is pretty appalled. In her individual interview, she says that the worst part is how disappointed they’re both going to be in themselves after they catch a breath. I doubt Porsha knows that emotion.

Porsha is tucked into her chaise lounge at home, with her court of yes men girlfriends around her. She shows some bruises, but it looks like she got them from the guy who had to tackle her. Maybe Cynthia shouldn’t have kicked her one, but she shouldn’t have come up on Cynthia so aggressively. Especially considering her past. She makes noises about being supportive of Cynthia and “dumbing [herself] down.” I’m quite sure she’s so dumb she doesn’t know what that means.

Porsha starts to get loud and squeaky again. She’s rambling about Peter and what she knows. Come on, she doesn’t know anything everyone else doesn’t already.  Including an audience of millions.

Kim and Phaedra meet at a juice bar. Kim is not too happy that the boat ride turned out the way it did. She says she should have opted out like Phaedra did. She said she was just looking forward to a nice ride with her book and her snack. Ha!

Kenya is telling her friends, as Kandi is telling her staff, about the altercation. Phaedra says she saw bruises and cuts, but again, I don’t think that was from Cynthia. Kim says it’s being analyzed like the JFK assassination.  Kenya’s aunt suggests she get the girls together to smooth things over. I think her aunt is crazy. Phaedra says she told Kim it was a wild bunch.

Peter arrives home. Bleh. I can’t stand him. Cynthia says she keeps thinking of how she could have changed the situation, and Peter keeps saying all the wrong things. Her rock. Peter says Cynthia needs to forget about Porsha and examine how she feels about herself. I’m sure what he really means is to think about him.He says he wants to work things out and they get lovey-dovey. How long this will last, who knows.

Kandi has a doctor’s appointment. She goes to Dr. Jackie from Married to Medicine. Kandi is nearly halfway through the pregnancy. Dr. Jackie listens for the baby’s heartbeat. Todd suddenly has to make a call and Kandi is like, really? It couldn’t wait until after the appointment? Dr. Jackie finds the baby’s heartbeat and they look on the sonogram screen. Todd comes back in and they try to fool him into thinking the umbilical cord is something else. Ha-ha! They can’t tell yet though, if it’s a boy or girl.

Phaedra says that her focus has been on the kids. They seem pretty well adjusted considering Apollo’s fall from grace and back into prison. Phaedra whines about being a single mother, but it doesn’t look like she’s hurting any.

Cynthia calls Kenya. Kenya jokes about Cynthia’s Kung Fu Panda moment. Cynthia says she feels awful. Kenya says she wants to give a brunch to get things back on track. Cynthia thinks maybe it’s too soon. Kenya says the problem with her and Porsha is that they waited too long to address things. She might have a point, but it’s empty-headed Porsha we’re talking about. Kenya says if she was able to get past things with Porsha, Cynthia should be able to. Cynthia says, in thinking about it, she may have overreacted.

Kenya wants to meet with Porsha privately before the brunch. They meet at a little coffee/dessert bar. Porsha asks what’s up. Like she doesn’t know. Oh, wait, it’s Porsha. Maybe she doesn’t. Kenya says they once had their own altercation and what happened on the boat didn’t sit well with anyone. Porsha tries to act like it’s somebody else’s fault and talks about Kenya throwing shade at her friend, Shemia.

Kenya  says Porsha never takes responsibility for her actions. She tries telling Porsha that, considering their history, she could see how Porsha looked like the aggressor. Porsha says she doesn’t trust Kenya and she doesn’t need to justify her actions to anyone. She says she’ll be glad to talk to Cynthia, but it was just one of those things that snowballed. She gets angry that Kenya is telling her the truth, because she’s stupid and vain. She’s about to run from the situation, when Kenya calls a time out and says she should just tell Cynthia they were both wrong. They clink smoothie take-out cups.

Kandi and Kim are first to arrive at the brunch. Everyone else is late. Kim is annoyed and I don’t blame her. Phaedra strolls in, calling it a “unity luncheon.”  Kandi still isn’t sure if Phaedra is being genuine with her. Cynthia is feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. Kim is like, let’s just say it, and asks Cynthia how it’s going. Kenya and Porsha come in together.

Kenya says she wanted to bring them together because of what happened. Kim says, being new, she doesn’t have a side, but it’s important to have clarity to move forward. Porsha and Cynthia decide to talk privately. Kim says she hopes they come back in one piece. Ha-ha!

Cynthia asks Porsha if she’s okay. Porsha says yes, but emotionally, she’s hurt.

Kenya says her talk with Porsha didn’t go well, and Kandi says Kenya seems to be good at pointing out other people’s flaws, but her own, not so much. Phaedra suggest that Jesus take the wheel , and drive fast. Kenya says she was just trying to be a grown up and help make things right.

Porsha says she’s sincere in wanting to move forward and feels Cynthia is sincere too. They hug it out. When they come back, applause all around.

Next week, Atlanta is in the Miami house! Oh wow, it looks like there will be another strange-men-in-the-house situation. Like there was with the New York Wives, except this looks more serious. And speaking of Miami, are those Wives ever coming back? I noticed they snuck in a Real Housewives of Cheshire on Saturday afternoon. Trial run?

Once Upon a Time

Hook is flashing back to his childhood, where his father wasn’t such a nice guy and he got sold into slavery. Mr. Gold/Rumpelstiltskin has Excalibur.

Dark Emma says the man she loved died in Camelot and all that’s left is the darkside. She and the others are splitting up to find Hook.

Zelena pops in poof! in front of Robin and Regina. She wants to discuss her daughter with her baby daddy, Robin. She says they’ll all be dead soon, so it won’t matter anyway. Two hooded figures come up behind Robin and Regina. At the same time, hooded figures surround the other groups. One walks through Henry.

Rumpel appears out of nowhere and tells them to look at their wrists. They have the mark of Charon, an old guy who runs a ferry to the underworld. Rumpel says the underworld is a worse place than even fire and brimstone. He tells them to use their time wisely, to say good-bye. DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Regina finds Hook by the water. BTW, his first name is Killian. Regina says he might be the dark one now, but he’s not the same guy he was when they first met. He says she has no idea what kind of man he is. And he doesn’t mean that in a good way.

He flashes back to when Enchanted Forest Regina recruited him to kill her mother. In exchange, she promised to send him to a land with no magic so he could get his revenge on Rumpelstiltskin.

Henry looks through a spell book, hoping for something to counteract the curse they’re under. They decide to gather at Granny’s diner. They leave Dark Emma to continue searching. She tells Regina if she can destroy the dark ones, they’ll all be spared. Dark Emma reminds her of when she said they have to do whatever it takes to get rid of the darkness. Regina says it has to be put into someone, a sacrifice. Dark Emma says it will be herself.

Belle meets Rumpel at the shop. He tells her to go see the world and fulfill her dreams. He tells her to take the car, say good-bye to her father, and start living. She says she knew there was a hero inside him and they say good-bye.

Regina and Dark Emma enter the shop. He tells them to go away. Regina says no way, there are a lot of people in the underworld who would like to see the both of them. She tells Rumpel that Emma wants to take the darkness into herself, which will destroy the darkness – and her. Rumpel gives them Excalibur. For nothing, which is a surprise. Doesn’t magic always come with a price? He says it might not work because the blade chooses who it finds worthy. Regina says, later. She has to help Robin protect the baby from Zelena.

In the old days, Regina and Hook stop at a tavern. Someone yells pirates aren’t welcome. Hook turns to face them.

Robin and Regina come home to find Zelena looking at color swatches to redecorate their house. She says in an hour, they’ll be dead, and she’s moving in. Zelena says last time Regina tried to use the dagger it didn’t work. Regina says that’s because she didn’t believe in herself and says let’s take it outside. They go to the clock tower, and Regina uses the power of the dagger to blow Zelena back to Oz.

Dark Emma goes to the diner and silently says good-bye to her family. A dark figure tells Hook he knows what he needs to do.

Old days Hook reveals himself to his father at the tavern. His father is surprised he’s alive and he says they both cheated death. Hook wants to know why he was sold into servitude. His father says he met a woman who helped him see the error of his ways and wishes he’d known her back in the day. He says he’s sorry. Hook wants to know where she is.

Hook’s father says that she died. Hook says he came there to kill him, but they’ve both suffered enough already. He says he can arrange a letter of transit and transport for his father, but can’t come along. His father asks if he can arrange transport for two because he has another son.

Storybrooke Hook stops Dark Emma from leaving. He says he’s saving her because she made him the man he always wanted to be. She says she’s sorry, but she couldn’t watch another person she loved die. He says now she’ll watch everyone die. She brandishes Excalibur, but sees Henry who takes the sword from her. Poof! in a cloud of red smoke, he turns into Hook. She tells him please, don’t do this, but he says nope, he is, and poof! he disappears in another cloud of red smoke.

Snow finds a note from Dark Emma on the diner jukebox. Belle appears and says Hook has already stopped her and there’s no way to prevent their trip to the underworld.

Everyone appears in a forest, where there are a bunch of dark, hooded figures hanging around, along with Hook. Dark Emma runs out of the forest to join them. Regina says Hook can’t do this and he has to ask himself the same question he did on the night they don’t speak of: what kind of man do you want to be?

Hook’s stepbrother tells his father he doesn’t want to leave. Hook’s father says they’ll be fine and he’ll never leave him. Hook is outside and says that his father is telling his stepbrother the same lie he told him. He kills his father with his hook. The last thing his father says is that he can always change.

A hooded figure says it’s time. Dark Emma tries to stop things and suddenly chokes. The figure says maybe she can’t kill Dark Emma but she can stop her. Dark Emma keeps choking and Hook says enough. He pulls the Excalibur card and black snaky things come out and make the hooded people disappear.

He says the darkness won’t stay in Excalibur much longer and tells Dark Emma to take it from him and let him take on the darkness because her family needs her. She doesn’t want to do it, but he wants to die a hero. She takes the sword. She tells Hook she loves him and then – is she supposed to stab him with it or what? Yes, she is. And she does. Lots of tears. I’d cry too, but it’s all more confusing than anything else.

They all pop back to Storybrooke and voila! everything is cool again. Excalibur turns to dust. Wait, not so cool. Hook just keeled over.

The EMTs (God only knows what they must be thinking) cover Hook’s face over and put him in the ambulance.

Rumpel  is having a drink (what does he need one for?) in the shop. Belle comes in, says Henry told her everything, and gives him a big kiss. (I guess because he handed over Excalibur?) She says she wanted to see the world, but with him. While Belle is sleeping, he puts on his Mission Impossible clothes. He gets a text from Emma, who’s in the shop.

Rumpel is like, this isn’t the diner, you people have to stop just showing up. Emma says the dagger called to her and she knows he has it. She says he must be the dark one. When Hook thought he was destroying the darkness, he was only moving it. Rumpel says things are as they should be now.

Emma tries to throw some magic at him, but he says he has all the magic of all the dark ones who ever lived. Emma says she still has magic and he has to do something for her. Rumpel says why should he? And Emma says she’ll tell Belle who he really is if he doesn’t.

Rumpel opens the door to the underworld for Emma and the others. It’s pretty cool looking. Kind of like a pretty swamp with blue lighting. Here comes that guy in the boat. Don’t they have to answer three questions or something? Or was that just in Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

They get ready to board the boat.

On March 6, the story of Storybrooke takes place in the underworld and the quest to find Hook is on.

No Walking Dead tonight. There’s a marathon of Into the Badlands instead. I definitely give it a thumbs up.

Work Out New York

Just a first impression. Hot trainers with egos the size of the state of Rhode Island, but who are also insecure. I’m in! But, hey, what ever happened to Jackie What’s-her-name and that other workout show? She was pretty interesting.

Bad Words

Another quickie. I had never heard of this film and caught it on HBO today. It was on the TV when I came back from the store (yes, I leave it on for the dogs), and I just didn’t bother changing the channel. I’m glad I didn’t, because this was a terrific film.

In a nutshell, Jason Bateman is a 40-year-old guy who finds a loophole in a national spelling bee contest. (He has his reasons for wanting to be in it.) He enters the contest, competing against children. He befriends one of the kids, and they both grow in the process. It was heartwarming without being obnoxious, was well-written, and the acting was great. It was a unique story as well. I’m really glad I stumbled across it.

Dec2

December 1, 2015 — GH, a Good-by & a Welcome Back

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Alexis is skeptical as to whether Helena is dead. Nicholas says he buried her himself, which is another reason I’m skeptical. Alexis starts singing about the wicked witch being dead. Geez, control yourself.

Elizabeth tells Carly to get lost. Carly says she’s concerned about Jason. Elizabeth says Jason is his own man, but Carly says Jason doesn’t know who that is. Check and mate. Carly tells Elizabeth she doesn’t care about him and just wants to trap him.

Laura asks Sam what’s up. Sam says that when she and Jake were talking, he said that she and Elizabeth were keeping a secret. Way to make Laura nervous.

Commercial break. This is a first. General Hospital is being brought to us today by the US Army.

Julian tells Maxie and Nina that if they don’t bring the magazine’s numbers up, he’ll have to shut it down. Maxie tells him that headhunters are already after Nina,but with their budget, there’s not a lot they can do.

Nicholas tells Alexis that Helena taunted Jason with her last breath and then keeled over. Alexis is concerned that Nicholas is picking up where Helena left off. I have news for her, he picked that up long before she left it off.

Laura says she can’t imagine what Sam is talking about. Sam tells her it involves Jason.

Patrick continues to act like an idiot. He’s annoyed that Jason has a son with Sam, and intends to stay in their lives.

Elizabeth says Carly just wants the old Jason back because she’s selfish. Carly says she wants him back because she’s his friend and he still has the old Jason instincts and wants danger and excitement. She says he’s going to end up seeking it out. Elizabeth says a bunch of nasty stuff, adding that if she has her way, Carly is not getting the old Jason back.

Laura plays it cool. She says Jake has an active imagination, and she’ll let his parents know he’s telling stories. Sam says she doesn’t think it’s his imagination and comes out and asks if they knew Jason’s identity before he did.

Jason tells Patrick that if he loses Sam, it won’t be because of him.

Carly tells Elizabeth that she always tried to make Jason feel small so he’d fit in with her. Snap! She reminds her of all the lies involving Danny. She says the only reason Jason is with her is because he doesn’t remember Sam or pretty much anything else, including what a manipulator Elizabeth is. Elizabeth says they’re together now and there’s nothing she can do about it. Carly says one day Jason might wake up to what’s going on.

Maxie says they need to give Nina a makeover and make every woman want to look like her and every straight man want to be with her. She’s bringing in a stylist. She tells Nina,”Change your clothes, change your life.” Preach it, sister.

Franco corrals Julian. He says Nina is brilliant, but can’t figure out why he would hire her with no experience. He tells Julian that if he hurts Nina, he’s going to clean up the floor with him. He says Nina has been through enough. Julian says that he only gave her a break because of her rough life. Please.

Nina gets a makeover! The stylist says Nina is her masterpiece. Nina says the shoes are pinching her feet, and Maxie says that’s okay because her feet will be numb soon. Ha-ha! They reveal Nina, and honestly, she doesn’t look much different than she did before. Just more dressed up. And in all black as a fashion editor should be. At least in New York.

Nicholas tells Alexis about the whole trip to Greece.

Carly says the second Jason remembers who he is, he’s going to leave Elizabeth. Elizabeth whines that Jason loves her. Carly says if that’s the truth, then she should give him a chance to remember. Well played!

Jason comes by Sam’s to pick up Jake. Laura is still there and Jason is like, hmm…what up?

Since Nina has mother issues, she says her sole purpose when she came out of her coma was to have a baby and seek revenge. Maxie points out that’s two purposes. The bottom line is that Nina always felt inferior, but she’s really happy right now. She vows to make something out of the magazine and her life. They fist bump to proving Julian wrong. Julian is at the office door and Nina says they know exactly what to do, but need his money to do it.

Alexis and Nicholas discuss Sam and Patrick. They agree that Patrick is a better match for keeping her safe, but Alexis says ultimately, it’s not their decision.

Elizabeth tells Carly “nice try,” and goes back to work. Patrick tells her about asking Jason to leave Sam alone.

Laura, who now has a perpetual worried face, tells Jason she’s sorry the whole Greece thing wasn’t more fruitful, but he got a couple of answers, so she hopes they can move on. She leaves and Jake is ready to go. He tells Sam he promises to keep her secret. Too bad that plan didn’t work.

Franco sees Carly and says he’s working there again. She says Obrecht must hire people who make her look sane. Ha-ha! She tells him to stay away from Morgan. He says he owes her one for dropping the charges against Kiki. Carly says shedid it for Kiki and enjoy feeling comfortable right now, because everything is going to come crashing down. I’m perplexed as to why she’s so angry with him.

Julian says if they need money, they have to draw up a proposal. Nina hands him a folder that she’s already put together. Julian leaves and Nina wants to show Maxie her brilliant idea.

Jason asks Jake if he wants to talk about anything, but stupid Elizabeth walks in. Jake goes off to watch TV, and Jason tells Elizabeth sorry he didn’t stick around for the lunch they were supposed to have. He calls the argument with Patrick “fallout,” saying that he thought things would normalize when he found out who he was, but that hasn’t happened.

Patrick has invited Alexis to Sam’s house to be her divorce lawyer. That’s kind of presumptuous of him. He’s really getting on my nerves. Sam tells her that when she’s ready to get a divorce, she’ll call Alexis, not Patrick. Good. Alexis leaves and Sam is not too happy with Patrick. I wouldn’t be either.

Julian tells Alexis that Nina has an idea that will put Crimson where he wants it, which is in the dumpster. I’m not sure what she told him, but Maxie seems pretty psyched. However, the money is still the issue (no pun intended). Nina says she’ll pay for it herself. She’s going to put in everything she has to make sure Crimson rises from the dead.

Carly continues being nasty to Franco. She says when Jason remembers how much he hates Franco, he’s going to make sure he’s dead.

Laura comes flying into Wyndemere. She tells Nicholas that Sam is thisclose to figuring out the truth.

Patrick says he wasn’t forcing Sam to do anything she didn’t say she wanted. Jason is divorcing her, and he wanted to make sure she had representation. Sam says yeah, right, he’s trying to manipulate her.

OMG – don’t tell me Elizabeth is actually going to do the right thing for once. She tells Jason she’s hanging on so tight to him, neither one of them can breathe. She says she’s letting him go and takes her ring off. This has to be a trick.

Tomorrow, Laura freaks out.

Below Deck – Reunion Part 2

We start off still discussing the oven fire debacle and whether Kate had been drinking or not. This is coming from Rocky to deflect from the fact the fire started because the oven was dirty. I’m sure that if Kate really did have a cup of wine around, it wasn’t affecting her job performance.

Andy says Captain Lee is a “man of mystery,” but I think it’s more like he wants to keep his distance from the drama. Andy asks if he’s a celebrity in the yachting community and he balks, but the other crew members say he is. We learn his first name is Harold. All this time, I thought it was Lee.

Andy asks Rocky what she thinks of him as a captain. Why her opinion should mean anything, is beyond me. She says he’s supportive of his main people, Eddie and Kate, but the others disagree. They say he’s supportive of everyone, but doesn’t put up with nonsense. Captain Lee says his main deal is that he needs it to be real and honest. No wonder I like him so much.

Andy asks Connie what her goal is and if she aspires to be a captain. She says not necessarily, but she’ll always want to work on boats. We flash back to when Connie’s father passed away. She says she was also on charter when her grandmother died (who she was close to, unlike her father) and that it’s difficult to get news like that through a text message, and she often doesn’t react until she gets home.

Eddie says together, Emile and Connie make the perfect deckhand. Andy reads a tweet that talks about how Connie and Rocky started off fine, but didn’t end on a good note. Connie says every time the cameras pointed at Rocky, she acted like a theatrical lunatic. Connie says you can still have friends that annoy you.

Rocky brings up when Connie put the whipped cream bikini on. Kate says that was different because it was off time, while Rocky took her clothes off during charter and dove off the side of the boat. Rocky says she had to take her clothes off because she was wearing an expensive mic. Okay. Captain Lee says her problem is, she doesn’t own her stuff. She always makes excuses for her mistakes. I’m with him on this. I hate that.

Rocky says she’s learned a lot since then and apologizes. She says that she thinks she was just overwhelmed with the whole thing. Kate and Rocky hug and I actually think it’s sincere. Kate says she’s ready for “the list,” a term she uses for people who have their job down and you don’t have to show them how any more.

They talk about the night Chef Leon quit. Andy says Chef Ben flew in like a yachtee superhero. Enter Ben. He says as a yacht chef, your job is to follow the guests’ preferences rather than just doing whatever. He says the galley was a disgrace and the health department would have shut it down.

They talk about Chef Ben’s accident and how Rocky literally had to be his left hand. Ben says she has the potential to work in the galley.

A tweet asks if Kate gets along with anybody and we flash back to an argument between her and Ben. Not really a fair example. Kate and Ben say that it’s more like banter between them. Andy asks about their “fling,” and they make jokes about how it didn’t last all that long. Andy asked if Kate had thought to rekindle the flame when Ben returned, but she says it was more like she was just grateful for a friendly face. Andy keeps pushing for them to get together again and it’s kind of annoying.

Dave, the final replacement deckhand, joins the group. Emile has all good things to say about his bunkmate. All of a sudden, Andy switches gears and starts talking about Eddie and Rocky’s hook-ups in the laundry room. Andy asks who made the first move, and Eddie says it was Rocky even though he texted first. Rocky acts like being on a yacht is a prison sentence where you have no other choice but to get together with your co-worker. Eddie says he doesn’t deny what happened, but it wasn’t exactly a relationship. More like friends with benefits. Rocky says usually friends with benefits act like friends.

Andy asks if Eddie thought it could really be kept secret and he says yes. Huh? He does know this is on TV, right? Rocky says she thought she could trust Emile because they were friends. Emile wants to deny that he had a crush on Rocky. Please. Especially after he wanted to fight for her honor. Amy calls Rocky out that she should have known better since Emile worked closely with Eddie.

Ben jokes about tipping his hat to Eddie for his sneaking skills. He says yachting is a concentrated environment and stuff is going to happen. Andy asks Rocky if she thought it was going to continue after charter. She says not after he went around talking trash about her. Connie hadn’t believed it at first and she says that’s because all anyone ever talked about Rocky was smack, and she didn’t think her boss would be “banging a cuckoo bird.”

The big denial is discussed. Like seriously, did Eddie think that was going to fly? He says he was ashamed of himself for his unprofessionalism. Rocky says she was surprised he didn’t feel something more for her. Eddie said he’d liked her, but when she went crazy and dove off the boat, things changed.  Eddie says that was the end, but Rocky interjects there were two more times after the show. What is wrong with Eddie? I hope his girlfriend gets a clue and dumps him.

They interject a scene where each of the crew members reads what their Real Housewives tagline would be. My favorite was Leon (read by Andy): Tonight, I’m serving beef cheeks.

Seriously, what is wrong with Eddie that he thinks this wouldn’t come out? He continues to deny it, but Rocky says she has no reason to lie. Stir-the-Pot Andy says Eddie does, since he’s back together with his girlfriend. Rocky says that they had been broken up at that time. I never get why people pretend something didn’t happen when they have it on film, but this dude just continues. Captain Lee says he was extremely disappointed in Eddie and it feels like when your father says something like that.

Andy reads a tweet that asks why Rocky seems to be solely to blame for the male reaction to her. I do kind of feel sorry for her here because she says she thought Eddie was at least a friend. Eddie says he told his girlfriend before he even got home. Andy asks if he hadn’t been caught, would he have told his girlfriend and he says yes, but come on. Eddie is like, can we just move forward, and Rocky says she forgives him. 1…2…3…awww!

Commercial break. I don’t recognize one couple on the new season of Marriage Boot Camp, except for Mama June and Sugar Bear. Maybe I’ll be skipping that one.

Andy asks if everyone sees themselves working on yachts in the future. Eddie says he’s going to concentrate on his career in tugboats. A spin-off series, Below Deck: Mediterranean will be coming up, with Chef Ben in the galley. I’ll definitely be watching this, but some of the scenes where the guests are treating the crew members like trick ponies are a little disturbing.

I’ll miss these guys, especially Captain Lee. I hope they come back for another season some time.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Giggy! A dude from the LA Dodgers comes to Lisa’s house because she’s going to throw out the first pitch for LGBT Night, and he’s going to teach her how to do it. The dogs go crazy as soon as they see a ball. Ken tells Lisa to pretend the guy is Brandi. Ha-ha! Lisa says she doesn’t have anything to do with Brandi anymore and I don’t blame her. That girl (and I use the term loosely) is a menace.

LisaR is doing an Oprah: Where Are They Now? show and the producer is there to go over things. LisaR says to actually get Oprah, you have to be at the next evolutionary level, which she’s working toward, but isn’t there yet. She says the longest she’s worked at a job is three years, so she has me beat by one. Except for my six year stint as a mother’s helper.

Eileen says her latest soap storyline is a complicated one, including a love triangle between her, her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend. She says the last time she did that, she was the daughter, and wonders if she’ll be in the business long enough to do one being the grandmother.

LisaR says she hopes the rest of her career eclipses her Depends commercial, so it doesn’t say “she wore diapers” on her tombstone.

Kyle gets ready to meet Lisa at Villa Blanca. I’m glad those two made up.

Yolanda is not doing too well physically. Her daughter, Gigi Hadid, calls and Yolanda says Gigi had to leave school because the modeling contracts are plentiful right now.

Lisa wonders why Yolanda is doing so many different treatments. Yolanda was diagnosed with neurological Lyme disease a few years back, and is at a loss as to what to do, so she’s doing it all. She says it’s like trying to uncover a murder mystery.  She hasn’t even driven a car in three years. Kyle tells Lisa it’s weird how Yolanda never leaves the house anymore. Lisa says she wasn’t thrilled with how Yolanda treated Ken last season, but she’s letting it go under the circumstances.

Kyle says she’s in talks for a scripted show about her life in the 70s. Her sister Kathy is skeptical, but Kyle says the show isn’t about her. She says she hasn’t even been speaking to Kim. Kyle talks about Kim being arrested for drunk and disorderly at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Kyle says at least it’s easier now that everything is out in the open, and we flash back to several scenes where Kim was obviously out-of-her-mind drunk.

LisaR is having a dinner for her birthday. She invites Yolanda, who says husband David is away working, but maybe she’ll bring her friend, Angie. After she hangs up, she gets down about not being able to go places. She says if it wasn’t for her kids, she would have jumped off the balcony. In her individual interview, she talks about how she used to be so in control of everything and making it perfect, which she can’t do anymore. It’s really kind of sad. I’ve since read that she and her husband are divorcing, which makes it even sadder.

Giggy! Lisa is honored to be throwing out the first pitch, but is wishing she had a shot of vodka first. Giggy is with Lisa and Ken, looking as handsome as ever. He makes a big yawn and I squee. Lisa can’t pitch her way out of a paper bag, but everyone cheers anyway.

LisaR goes shopping with her daughters. It’s a cool store called Dungarees, not like those rich people stores that only have three items in them. LisaR sounds like a great parent. One of the kids wanted a car, so she told them to get a job. That’s what my father said when I was old enough to work and wanted a big ticket item.

Eileen is getting rid of some things in her house. While she’d thought it was eclectic, Brandi had said it was more like American Psycho.Eileen said it was hurtful, but it gave her a different perspective of her clutter. And actually that comparison is wrong, since the guy in that story was a minimalist. Eileen’s FIL, Dick van Patton, has also passed away recently, and left a void in the family.

I can assure you, LisaR’s birthday dinner venue is nothing like mine was. While I sat in front of the computer eating Arby’s, this restaurant looks like a fantasy villa with twinkling lights, flowers and columns. Yolanda shows up sans makeup and really doesn’t look too well. She still looks better than me on my best day, but in comparison to what she normally looks like.

Lisa and Ken have plans to join Kyle and her family on a vacation in Tuscany. Yolanda feels akin to a “car overheating” from pushing herself to go out and has to leave. LisaR’s husband, Harry Hamlin, arrives. She says he has a lot going on and hasn’t stopped since Mad Men. The food looks fantastic and LisaR gets a surprise gift from Eileen and Vinnie, who couldn’t be there because of Dick’s death. Harry gives LisaR a gorgeous pair of earrings. I have a similar pair, but I can guarantee mine were cheaper. Harry makes a joke about them being cubic zirconia, but that’s highly doubtful.

LisaR says Yolanda was brave to come out without any “protection,” meaning the façade of makeup. She’s very touched that Yolanda showed up.

Back at home, Mauricio and Kyle discuss Kim. Kyle says that when she was younger, you kept things like alcoholism private and this was part of the problem, and at least everyone is being honest about it now. She says there was never a chance to have an open and honest conversation. She says she feels selfish not swooping in to save Kim, but Mauricio says the only way to help is by tough love. Kyle says it’s not like Kim is banging on her door to apologize either.

Next week – Tuscany!

Although I’m not adding it, I highly recommend The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce. It gave me my quote of the week.

You know the last time I had a night out? Never.

Dec1

November 30, 2015 –Keeping Secrets in PC; Not So Much in LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Jason wants to see Diane to get his financial stuff together. Elizabeth suggests he seek a divorce from Sam while he’s at it. No surprise there.

Morgan is getting reevaluated at the hospital. Sonny is fretting about Dante and Lulu. Carly tells him to give Dante some space. They talk about mystery child Christina, who is apparently getting over a broken heart.

Ugh! Valerie wakes up next to Dante and I want to throw up. These two disgust me to no end.

Laura (who is looking really good) calls Lulu to tell her good luck with Dante. Laura has no idea how much Lulu is going to need, especially when she walks in and Valerie is in her shower. Nicholas is back with the news that Helena is dead, but I don’t believe it. She’ll be back. They always are. Laura says she’s sorry for Nicholas’s loss. He’s like, really? After everything Helena put her through? She says Helena was still his grandmother. He says it’s hard for him to grasp that she won’t be around to wreak havoc anymore, but in a way it’s a relief. Laura says at least he and Elizabeth are in the clear. Hardly.

Hayden goes to the bar at the only favorite restaurant of Port Charles. She meets a guy named Curtis, who Sean sent to help her expose who really shot her.

Patrick has to go to work (at least somebody does) and Sam wants to plan a romantic evening. I get the feeling her heart isn’t entirely in it though.

Ava asks about Morgan and Carly tells her to just hand over Avery for visitation time. She says she agreed to supervised visits and behold! the supervisor.

Sam calls Jason and asks if he can arrange a play date for Jake and Danny. Elizabeth of course volunteers to drop Jake off. Jason tells her to stay at work, he’ll handle it. I wonder if anyone ever puts in a full day at the hospital and how anything even gets done in Port Charles. You’d think these people all work for the government.

Dante answers the door to find Lulu. She starts to talk about fixing things, but here comes that witch Valerie, wrapped in a sheet. Seriously, does anyone ever really walk around wrapped in a sheet like they do on TV or in the movies? I’ve never once done that. Valerie says she’ll get dressed in the bathroom. Lulu asks Dante if he’s going to say it’s not what it looks like, but he says it’s exactly what it looks like.

Carly tries to argue with Yvonne, the child visitation supervisor, saying that Avery is Sonny’s daughter. Why is she bothering with that, since she knows they have to go according to the court order?

Laura says that with Helena gone, the truth about Jason is gone. She tells Nicholas the only one he has to worry about now is Hayden.

Hayden tells Curtis she knows who shot her, but she needs evidence.

Elizabeth tells Patrick that Jason is going to talk to Diane about a divorce, even though that’s not exact;u what he said he was doing. Although why should Elizabeth tell the truth about anything at this point?

Jason drops off Danny at Sam’s. They say blah-blah-blah about how they want the best for each other. He tells her he’s going to see Diane and Sam says it’s time for them to get a divorce and he won’t have any problem with her about it.

Patrick says he’s not surprised about Jason getting a divorce. Jason told him Sam is just a friend and he belongs with Elizabeth, who gloats like the cat who ate the canary.

Jake spills something and asks Sam not to be angry. She tells him that she once spilled a whole carton of milk and blamed it on the cat, and that this is the first time she’s ever told anyone. Since she shared this secret with him, she asks if he would like to return the favor.

Nicholas says he can trust Hayden. Laura says she doesn’t want to see him get hurt like what happened with Britt.

Curtis says if Hayden knows who shot her, why not just call the cops? She says she doesn’t want to involve them. Curtis is hesitant, as he doesn’t want to end up in prison with Sean.

Some guy is in the gallery when Ava walks in and she says she’s going to get the police if he doesn’t leave. Paul pops in and introduces her to “Raj.” He also tells her that he’s brought a new piece of artwork, which we know isn’t really artwork, but will probably never find out what it really is.

Carly asks Yvonne if she can give Sonny some space and just hang around outside. Surprisingly, she agrees, which I seriously doubt would happen in real life. Oh sure, I’ll just go get coffee when I’m supposed to be supervising the visit.

Lulu is like, I can’t believe it. Dante says she gave him separation papers, ignorant of the fact that the body isn’t even cold yet. She says he couldn’t even wait one day? and that she had come to tell him she’d made a mistake. She should really get rid of him. He’s just way too impulsive and has proved this over and over. Since that’s still her house, she should also drag Valerie’s ass out, dressed or not. And burn that sheet she was wearing. Maybe with her in it.

Jason is back at the hospital and tells Carly he wasted the trip to Greece. She says maybe he has to look inside himself for the answer. (More Wizard of Oz wisdom.) He says he has what he needs with Elizabeth and the kids. Carly says, what about Sam? and Jason acts like he’s never met her. Patrick tells Elizabeth he’s not so sure Sam doesn’t still love Jason.

Sam tells Jake to think of a secret and she’ll try to guess what it is. When she asks if it’s about his mommy, he practically spills every bean, except the actual secret.

Laura tells Nicholas that Spencer got attached to Britt and now he’s getting attached to Hayden. Nicholas says he knows what he’s doing and Laura says she hopes so.

Hayden tells Curtis that she thinks there’s a bullet in the wall at the garage. He says it might not provide the information she wants, but she says just get it and she’ll do the rest.

Ava asks my eternal question – what the blip is our business? Paul says they’re in international shipping and what difference does it make? Well, for one it makes a difference to customs.

Sonny teaches Avery Beautiful Dreamer. Ok, this is pretty cute and he actually knows words to the second verse.

Dante says Lulu said they were over and he believed her. Oh, I see. This he believes, even though he’s constantly double-checked everything she has to say up until now. Valerie, instead of keeping her stupid nose to herself, has to put in her two cents as she walks by, that it’s Lulu’s fault because she gave Dante the separation papers. Lulu is like, well, you were right there to jump in, and Valerie acts all high and mighty like the blippity-blip she is.

Lulu goes off like a rocket. Valerie says she wanted to play the victim and make Dante grovel. What’s wrong with that? I ask before screaming, “Smack her!” at the TV. Valerie says she was sorry for sleeping with Dante, but she didn’t destroy Lulu’s marriage, Lulu did. She leaves before I’m able to find something to throw at the TV.

Laura goes out for a glass of champagne and does a whole thinking out loud monologue that they rarely use on the soaps anymore. I love it! She makes a silent toast to Helena’s death, vowing to fix things with Nicholas that Helena messed up.

Jason tells Carly he wants to move on with Elizabeth and if it doesn’t fit her expectations, too bad. Carly says Elizabeth has tried to put him into a cookie cutter life and that he’s running from who he really is. She says Jason isn’t a stranger, Jason is him. Jason says get used to the new him.

Sam digs deeper to find out what Danny knows. When he seems uncomfortable, Sam tells him his secret with mommy is his secret with mommy and he doesn’t have to tell her. Sam makes a phone call to someone saying she needs to talk to them right away.

Sonny wants more time with Avery. Yvonne tells him she has to go by the rules and doesn’t want t o tattle to the judge, but Paul intervenes and says it’s cool if Sonny wants more time. What up wit dat?

Lulu asks Dante if Valerie is speaking for him and if he agrees with her. He says he speaks for himself and shows her the signed separation papers. Even though I detest him, I was hoping he’d rip them up for her sake. But nooooo.

Sonny thanks Paul for the extra time. Paul says he had the same experience with Tracy a million years ago. Paul says they also share a love for Port Charles and he wants to put an end to the kind of criminal activity that put Sonny in the wheelchair. Sonny says a lot of DAs have come and gone, and Paul says he isn’t like the rest.

Ava is trying to get into the crate that’s been delivered. She gets it open and there are weapons inside. I’m pretty shocked that this has been revealed, and wonder if the weapons are a front for something else.

Hayden tells Nicholas it’s been too quiet without him. He says he’s glad Spencer didn’t create chaos. She says that’s not the kind of excitement she’s looking for and they kiss.

Carly grabs Elizabeth and says she wants her to let Jason go. Jake leaves a message for Diane.

Patrick tells Jason thanks for divorcing Sam & it’s about time.

Sam opens the door to Laura.

Tomorrow – Franco! And more of Carly getting on Elizabeth’s case.

Vanderpump Rules

I gotta say, Lisa is an incredibly gorgeous woman. Lisa asks Scheana how it’s going with Shay. She says they’re going to hit the gym five times a week and eat healthy. Lisa says addiction isn’t cured by scrambling some egg whites. Amen.

Jax is pretending to stock the bar and probably slipping several bottles of wine into his car as he does it. He’s one of those people who can’t comprehend that cheating, lying and thievery is wrong. He says he has milk with a longer shelf life than Scheana and Shay’s marriage and generally throws them shade. Lisa chides him and tells him to keep his new nose out of it. It’s amazing how her beauty and her accent allow her to totally insult people and they don’t mind.

Lala is hung over and apparently made out with James at whatever party/bar/get together they were last at. James told her he and Kristen had broken up. He says in his individual interview that they have, they just haven’t broken up yet.

Kristen shows up at SUR and asks Lala (who she doesn’t know) to tell James that she’s waiting for him. Lala says it’s like a horror movie. Just wait. James is like, you’ve got to be kidding, and steps out to see Kristen. She’s a psychopath, but she knows how to pick an outfit. Her dress is amazing. Kristen is just back from a modeling shoot and there are two different stories according to the both of him. In James’s version, she went on a bender, probably had sex with some guy and never called the whole time; and in Kristen’s, she went out with friends and her phone died.

James tells her she will never see his gorgeousness again. He says that the only time that will happen is if she stalks him like she did Tom. In the meantime, Lala is telling Jax and Tom that she’s freaking because she made out with James and crazy Kristen is outside. Jax tells her that on a one to ten scale of crazy, Kristen is probably around 457. I’m making that up. He actually did a crazy scale with hand gestures, but I know he’d agree with my numbers.

Kristen brings up stuff that she’s done for James. He tells her that she’s crazy and a joke. She says she’s sorry her past has affected him, that she’s worked hard on herself and that it’s obvious he’s just trying to hurt her. She tells him he’s gorgeous (debatable) and talented (also debatable) and he’s throwing it away (still debatable because he’s only like 12). James says the only thing screwing up his life is her and tells her it’s over. He can’t help tossing back more insults as he walks away, saying he has a date tomorrow and it’s going to be a better time than he ever had with her. I can’t stand Kristen, and maybe James has a reason to be saying all this, but I’m liking him even less than her in this moment.

Scheana and Shay are having morning coffee. She has on these phenomenal blue framed glasses on that I’m sure weren’t cheap. She says they shouldn’t be as out of shape as they are at their age, and Tom is going to give them cooking and nutrition lessons.

Tom and Ariana arrive. Tom is going to cook them some omelets. As it turns out, he’s quite the omelet whiz and was once a professional omelet maker who cooked rich peoples’ breakfasts. The breakfast looks awesome, but there’s no way I’d do all that first thing in the morning. With the exception of Kristen, I think these kids are all good hearted, but misguided if they think babysitting Shay is going to keep him sober.

Peter is getting a haircut! I’ll bet this will make him look 10 years younger. When men wear long hair after a certain age, it just ages them. Maybe because it seems like they’re trying to hard to look younger. Jax tries to tell on James dating Lala (I guess she’s his tomorrow date?) and misuses the word “fraternization,” but Lisa isn’t having it. She says he’s just jealous. He says he doesn’t want to date Lala; he just wants to sleep with her. At least he’s honest. Although sleep is not what he means.

Rachel is the friend Kristen inflicts with her problems. Or in her words, when she’s having difficulties with her life, Rachel is the person she has a drink with. Or five. Her “girl power” friend. You go, Psycho Spice. Up until now, James has been telling Kristen that Lala is a whore, but she’s put two and two together that Lala must be his date. She barely slept and threw up all day. Have another drink.

Peter goes to the salon and brings his posse with him (Jax and Tom). The hairdresser is rocking some sort of natural style with a shocking pink blaze in the front. Peter’s ponytail gets cut and his head must feel lighter. He asks what was up with James the other night.

For whatever bizarre reason, Jax says the SUR bunch have invited both Kristen and Lala out for drinks at a club. Are they insane? Yes. Tom says he doesn’t think Jax will ever have a real relationship because he loves to stir the pot. He and Ariana are distancing themselves from the drama.

The girls go for pedicures. Scheana says that Kristen has been blowing up her phone. Scheana wants to call Lala out for being the type that goes after other people’s boyfriends. She thinks everything is okay with her and Shay, ignoring the fact that he’s been addicted for many years. They’ve decided to pretend the last week never happened, and she’s threatened him with divorce if he ever takes another pill. She seems to think this can replace rehab or meetings. Ariana is concerned that they will continue to sweep things under the rug.

Lala and James go to some burger place. Yay! They’re in time for happy hour. Lala says she was nervous all day. I would be too. Kristen is probably in the next booth. In her individual interview, she says he’s not her usual type, and that she usually goes for the steak, but she’s enjoying the string beans. James says it’s obvious Jax told Kristen what’s up with them. Lala doesn’t seem too concerned though, and I’m guessing she can hold her own against Alex Forrest Kristen Doute.

Lisa has brought in Jesse and Jen to teach the staff about wine and wine pairings. They hate being schooled, but at least Jax keeps his remarks to himself this time. Scheana stays behind and Lisa asks her for an update. Lisa says it’s not a good idea for Shay not to be working. Scheana says it’s more important that they work on their marriage, but Lisa tells her she’s going to end up resenting it. And she has on a fabulous pink sparkly ring! Frankly, I think that dude needs to start doing something with his time other than working the remote. Scheana says he’s trying, and Lisa says maybe not hard enough. If I was married to him, his behind would be out looking for a job, even if our last name was Rockefeller.

It’s time to go to the club for the interrogation drinks. Shay took a pass on the event for obvious reasons. Scheana starts off by saying she’d like to get to know Lala better, but dives right in to how James was still going out with – and there she is. Lala wonders why Kristen is there when everyone says how much they hate her. That is a really good point.

James tries to put his arm around Lala, and she tells him to have some respect. He says she’s no fun anymore. Really. It sounds like I made that up, but I didn’t. He said that. James follows Kristen, Jax and Tom outside, but sits separately. Kristen gives Jax some BS about how she’s so chill now. Lala bravely steps in and introduces herself and Jax runs like hell. Lala  tells Kristen that James said they were broken up. Kristen says James has called Lala a slut and a whore. In her individual interview, she says James was no doubt covering in case Kristen caught him texting her, which he’d been doing for a while.

James sits down, Lala says she’s offended, and the girls leave him sitting there by himself. Everyone reconvenes in the club. Lala tells James she didn’t like what he’d said about her. James acts like Kristen must have lied to her. Scheana says it really wasn’t cool and Jax is laughing his head off. Of course nobody has actually told James what they’re even talking about. James says it was before he really knew Lala and he was only talking about her outfit.

Next week – Gay Pride Day and Shay at the gym. Lala also gives James the brush off.

Tidbit from the After Show

Kristen says she smacked her face on the bumper of an Uber, which is why she has a black eye. Hmm…

I was okay with the bitch until he attached the basic to it. Lala, referring to James’s insults.

 

Nov30

November 29, 2015 — The Dead Walk, the Wives Squawk & Dark Clouds Stalk

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

The Walking Dead

Ok, it’s creepy already. We’re going down a hallway while Tiny Tim’s Tiptoe Through the Tulips plays in the background. Jessie’s son, Sam, is drawing weird pictures in crayon. A bunch of ants crawl down the frame of his window to the plate of uneaten food next to the bed. WTF?

Moving on. Last week, the church tower fell, opening the walls of Alexandria to the zombie horde. This is not good news. The zombies are getting pretty gross too. Rick gets it together quickly and tells everyone to get inside.  Very intense stuff.  Deanna comes out shooting, but she’s a bad shot so not much help.

This really sucks. Even Carol is falling all over the place, she’s so startled. Rick drags Deanna’s ass inside. Maggie is having a tough time of it, but manages to climb a ladder. Since she’s climbing for two, she’s pretty motivated. The ladder falls out from under her, but she pulls herself up there. Geez, I’m tired now.

The green balloons are still floating in the sky. Eugene is somehow remaining unobtrusive, but is still outside, and Tara and the girl whose name I don’t know, save him. I’m sure someone must have gotten eaten here, but all the main characters get to safety, such as it is, while the zombie horde roams the streets of Alexandria.

Commercial break. Dammit! Why does Krampus have to be PG-13? It looks so good, but I can’t deal with a room full of kids and their cell phones.

From a distance, Glenn and Enid can see what’s going on at Alexandria. Glenn says people are still alive, but Enid says this is how it happens and it always happens. Glenn says they’re still alive and why lose people before they’re even gone? Very good point.

Jessie’s son is acting very freaky. Jessie comes busting in with Rick and a bunch of people and this kid is on his last nerve. Jessie tells him to pretend like it’s all good, but he’s petrified and not functioning. He needs to turn off that music.

Carol and Morgan are stuck together. Carol says she doesn’t trust him, but she doesn’t think he’s a liar either. She asks how it is outside and he says they’re still in the streets. Did they think the zombies would be gone by now? Carol is hurt and Morgan tells her she needs to sit down before she falls down.

Somehow Denise got stuck with the Wolf that Morgan captured. He’s like, it’s cool to talk, and she says she should be out helping people. She says he’s killed people, and he says they were freed. Denise says Morgan doesn’t want to let him go until he knows he won’t kill again. The Wolf says he has an infection from cutting himself on a rusty bumper. Denise takes a look at it and tells him he can change. Let’s hope that wound is what he’s saying it is and he doesn’t change into a zombie. He looks at Denise like he has a crush on her. Or maybe he wants to eat her. I’ve looked at cakes that way.

Michonne is checking out Deanna’s would. Are those teeth marks?

Yep, I guess so. Rick says she doesn’t have much time. He says he’s going to try and get a vehicle and get the zombies out of there.

Michonne tries to distract Deanna by discussing the plans she gave them for the new Alexandria. Deanna says that she got to do what she wanted up until the end and asks Michonne what she wants for herself. Michonne says she doesn’t know and Deanna says she’d better. She probably knows she doesn’t want to turn into a zombie.

Ron whines to Carl that they’re all dead and tells him his dad’s a killer. Carl says so is his, and that gives Ron pause for thought. Ron locks the door and attacks Carl. Then he busts open a window like a freakin’ jerk. The zombies are all focused on getting in now. Idiot! They should throw Ron out there with them.

Now everyone has to run like crazy to get away and they can barely hold the door shut with a couch. Rick asks Carl what the blip happened. This probably isn’t the time to have some big discussion. Ron goes upstairs and Carol follows. Carl draws his gun and tells Ron to give him his gun. Carl takes the gun from him. Carl says he gets that his dad killed Ron’s dad, but Ron needs to get that his dad was an a-hole. His word, although I concur.

Commercial break. Episode of Fear 462. The first passenger turns into a zombie.

Great. Baby Judith is crying and attracting zombies. Uh-oh. Deanna is gone. Rick opens the door and finds her over the crib and almost chops her in the head with an ax, but she’s like, hold on there, I’m still alive. Rick says from now on someone needs to be with her. And it can’t be Judith. Oh wow. Rick made a funny. She gives him something from Spencer to Maggie and Rick says he’ll make sure she gets it. Deanna tells him she didn’t run out to help him because she liked him, or a bunch of other reasons, but because he’s one of them. They are all his people.

Girl whose name I don’t know asks Tara if she thinks it’s curtains for Alexandria. Tara says no. For some reason Girlfriend says she thinks Abraham is dead. Tara is like, is not. Girlfriend wants to spread out from the area of the building they’re in, and Eugene says lock picking is within his skill set.

Morgan asks Carol if she’s all right and she says she’s just resting her eyes. That’s what my dad used to say when he was falling asleep in the recliner. Morgan is looking around and doesn’t see Carol. She pops out and grabs some keys from him and takes off. What?

Rick and company are having a hell of a time and the zombies have gotten totally into the house. Damn! They block the staircase with the couch.

Denise is tending to the Wolf’s wound and Carol comes in with a knife saying get away from him. Denise says he’s tied up, but she moves. I would too if Carol had a knife in my face. Morgan is right behind her with his stick. WTF, Carol?

Rick and Michonne pick off a couple of zombies and drag them upstairs. The plan is to gut the zombies, put the guts on bed sheets, and get to the armory. Rick says anyone who stays will die. Will someone please turn that record off?

Morgan says they can be better than the Wolfs; they don’t have to kill. Carol says she doesn’t want to have to kill Morgan too. I have a bad feeling about this, Beavis.

Deanna asks Michonne what’s going on. She’s not looking too good. She says it’s her life from start to finish. She has a gun and says she’s not ready yet, but she will be. She tells Michonne to go. Michonne thanks her for believing in them. Deanna tells her to figure out what she wants. Probably surviving is at the top of the list.

DAMMIT! TURN THAT RECORD OFF! Jessie tells Sam that he has to pretend to be brave and they have to go.

Carol says she’s going to kill Morgan to kill the Wolf because she doesn’t want anyone else to die. This makes perfect sense, said no one ever.The Wolf says they should kill him, but they’re all going to die anyway. Morgan knocks the knife (scissors, whatever it is) out of her hand with the stick, and they tussle. Carol gets knocked out and the Wolf gets free and grabs the knife.

Rick and company put the gut covered sheets on. Stupid Father Gabriel claims that he won’t turn back no matter what happens. We’ll see.

Denise begs the Wolf not to kill them. She says he claimed they were dead anyway. He frees himself, and comes after her with the knife and she tells him he’s full of sh*t. Eugene, Tara and Girlfriend come in, but the Wolf puts the knife to Denise’s throat, so they lower their weapons.  He takes one of the guns and walks past them, holding the gun to Denise’s head. Why he wants to leave is beyond me.

Rick and the others are ready to leave the house. Hopefully, it doesn’t rain this time. This looks so disgusting, I can almost smell it. The crowd of zombies in the house reminds me of some NYC parties I’ve been to. Glenn and Enid see them come out of the house from a tree.

Deanna is about to shoot herself, but shoots a few zombies first. You go, girl!

I can understand not moving fast, but this group should probably get off the porch. That stupid freaking kid! He starts going, “Mom…mom…mom…” Shut the blip up!

Next week, Daryl and company can’t catch a break.

Oh, and thanks for the earworm, Walking Dead.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Kenya “stops by” Sheree’s house. It does look like kind of a mess, but really just a work in progress. Kenya says it’s at least 15 to 20,000 square feet. Yep, it’s big. Kenya talks about how she had her entire house gutted and it sounds like a headache. Kenya invites Sheree to a party on a yacht. She wants to give Cynthia a good time since she got stuck with that cretin, Peter, as a partner in life.

Phaedra is out shopping with Porsha, who’s looking for some cute, trashy close for Facetime with her boyfriend.

Peter is in Charlotte (good, stay there) and Cynthia invites Kandi over. Kandi tells her that she has some pregnancy issues, but she feels she’s taking it easy enough. She talks about the restaurant she and Todd want to open. Cynthia makes excuses for Peter like she usually does, but she also admits their relationship isn’t working. Please, get rid of him already.

Kim is talking to Phaedra about an event she went to with “too much boobage” and Phaedra says that she might be in with the wrong crowd here. She says she doesn’t really have a huge social life, it mostly revolves around her husband and kids.  She tears up, realizing she’s lost herself somewhere in there.

Porsha dresses up like a porn star for her chat with her boyfriend. She keeps checking herself in the mirror while eons go by and she can’t get ahold of him. An hour goes by. She calls Phaedra to complain about having to wait on Duke. Phaedra says the thrill is gone and it’s run its course. Geez, it didn’t take much.

Kenya picks up Cynthia and her friend, Tammy. Kandi picks up Kim in what looks like an airport limousine. She says she needs a lot of room because of the pregnancy. Kim says she admires Kandi’s entrepreneurship. They talk about sex toys, as Kandi has a line of them. Kim says this is very different from her normal carpool experience.

Oh this should be good. Tammy’s best friend is Sheree’s ex-husband. She let’s fly that Sheree was a gold digger.

Kandi picks up Porsha and some friend of hers that we don’t get introduced to. Kim expresses concern that Kenya will bedriving the boat, but they have a legitimate captain. And some hunky bartenders. Kenya greets the rest of the guests, indicating that she didn’t invite Shemia, who is the tagalong friend. She was also at Kenya’s launch party. Kenya has to explain to Porsha that not all parties include a plus one.

Tammy acts all fangirl with Kandi having been in Xscape.  Kenya makes an announcement that the party is all about Cynthia. Sheree comes on board and they shove off.

Tammy talks to Kandi about her son’s rap song and says she wants to get him in the studio with Kandi. Tammy says Sheree’s ex is producing him. Kandi is evasive and rightly so. This is no place to be bugging her about work stuff and Kandi says in her individual interview that she doesn’t want to hear about anything without a budget. Tammy says her husband is “Nazi white.” What is this girl on?

Kim pulls out a book, which is probably what I would do, and Kenya throws it overboard. Everyone is drinking heavily, except for Kandi and Kim. Now they’re going to get in the water. Brilliant. They’re wearing life jackets, but still.

Kenya says thanks to everybody for being supportive at her event despite the heat. She says the only one who threw shade was Shemia, and next thing we know, Kenya is looking to have this uninvited guest escorted off the boat. Portia uses the term “bitch” in reference to Cynthia and even though they’ve been using this word toward each other all day, Cynthia isn’t liking it. In her individual interview.  Porsha says she didn’t mean it in an insulting way and suggests that the last shot must have turned her into Peter.

Kenya has to explain that Porsha should just apologize and let it go. Porsha goes to find Cynthia, who has gone to the other side of the boat with Kim. Cynthia claims that Porsha was being disrespectful. Porsha says she’s sorry, but she doesn’t feel like she did anything wrong, which isn’t exactly an apology. They get into a finger-in-your-face shouting match that ends (at least for tonight) with Porsha jumping up and onto Cynthia. I flashback to when she did the same thing to Kenya on the reunion. This girl has no self-control. They tend to throw the term “ghetto” around too, but I think this is actually it.

Next week – the fight continues and Porsha ends up flailing about on the floor again.

Once Upon A Time

I’m putting this show last, even though I watched it first. I thought if somebody new reads this and it’s the first thing they read, they’ll think I’m high or something. It’s not me, it’s the show. I’m sure my writing is as hard to follow as it is for me to follow the program. If this was the 80s, I’d swear the writers are on crack.

Hook throws the dreamcatcher in Dark Emma’s face and those black stringy things go all over, roping him in. He remembers coming to the dark side and emerges out of the forest sewer cap in the hoodie required to be in the dark one club. Rumpel is waiting for him.

Rumpel says he can get his revenge for him.  And then he’ll be capable of doing what he’s always wanted to do – killing Rumpel.

Regina tells Dark Emma thanks a lot for turning Hook dark. Snow tells Dark Emma to give back their memories. David says the dreamcatchers are gone.

Hook goes to Mr. Gold’s shop and says he wants to savor killing him. He reminds Gold/Rumpel of how he came to be dark in the first place. Hook says all Rumpel has to do is get Excalibur from him and asks if they should finish what they started.

Rumpel says they have to find out more about the first dark one to stop Hook. Dark Emma says she can help, but she needs the cuff that’s holding her back to be taken off. She pleads with Henry to believe she’ll behave herself, but Henry is like, oh no, you’ve lied one too many times and you just want your dark magic back so you can be bad all over the place. Emma is bummed because they don’t trust her, but what did she expect? Trust has to be earned, dark one.

Everyone goes to the forest sewer cap, but it’s shut and they can’t get down there.  Snow thinks Lancelot’s mother, the Lady of the Lake, can help. Lancelot leaves to find her. Hook asks why dark ones must dress like monks. Ha-ha! Rumpel finds him wandering about the forest whining about how he’s stuck in Camelot. Dark Emma joins the both of them. She says she wants a future with Hook, and he has to want it too. He says he does and Rumpel disappears. Emma says they can get rid of the darkness in themselves by bonding with their loved ones, and I’d swear it was Iowa from all the corn.

Mr. Gold tells Belle that if he survives the duel with Hook, he’s going to be the man she wants him to be. He’s run from battles his whole life and isn’t running from this one.

Zelena tries to come into the hospital to get her baby, but her daughter is gone. Regina says they needed to protect the child from her. Regina says the only reason she has the baby is because she killed Marion and deceived Robin.

Merida is guarding Dark Storybrooke Emma. Hook startles her and she almost shoots him. Dark Emma says the reason Hook is there is because he still has feelings for her. Hook says he’s free now, and no one can stop him. Dark Emma says the darkness is just using him; it doesn’t care about what he wants. He says she’s so afraid of losing the people she loves, she pushes them away. He says she doesn’t need the darkness, she does fine on her own. He says he wants to hurt her like she hurt him. Even when you’re a dark one, you can’t escape middle school.

In Camelot, however, Dark Emma and Hook are making out in the woods. Hook goes to get water (can’t he just conjure some up?) and he gets a headache. Rumpel appears and says it’s the sound of the dagger. He says Dark Emma must have it and she’s lying to him. Dark Emma comes looking for Hook and he asks if she knows where Excalibur is. She says something unrelated like, “How about them Mets?” to deflect the question. He asks if she used its magic on him. He’s pretty pissed that she turned him dark. He says he stopped Regina from using it on her because she should make her own decisions and she should have let him make his. Then he’s gone, poof! in a puff of red smoke. Burgundy really.

Rumpel is in the shop practicing with the sword and gets interrupted by Dark Emma. She wants Hook to last long enough in the duel for her to steal back the dreamcatchers and suggests he use magic. Rumpel says he wants to win with honor. She’s like, good luck with that.

Regina brings Zelina to her house where Robin and the baby are, reminding Zelena that she has her powers back too. Zelena says,  “Once you go green, you never go queen,” referring to her tryst with Robin. Regina says she’s spent years doing terrible things beyond Zelena’s imagination, but having a child changed things. She hopes that kind of love does the Jessiee for Zelena. Robin says although he and Zelena can never be a family, she can have supervised visits with the baby. Does this baby have a name yet?

Belle, David, Henry & Snow are at the library doing research. How come they’re not using a computer? Dark Emma ambushes Henry. She asks for help with the dreamcatchers and Henry agrees.

Dark Emma searches for Hook with no luck. She summons him with Excalibur. He says it wasn’t cool for her to make him feel out of control. She says she called him because she does believe he should control his own fate. She gives him Excalibur and says let’s do this together. She says she loves him. He returns the sentiment and they make out in a field of flowers.

Mr. Gold shows up at Hook’s ship. Hook says it has to be a fair fight (that’s good of him) and heals Rumpel’s leg. They duel with swords.

Commercial break. Galavan is coming back! I liked that show & I also forgot about it. It was so weird, I didn’t think it would come back. Certainly not after all this time.

Hook and Dark Emma hook (ha-ha!) back up with the others. Merlin is staring into a bubbling caldron. Hook walks in on him and steals his heart. Rumpel says be careful, it’s pretty old. Nimue also pops in. (Every time I hear her name, that song The Lion Sleeps Tonight plays in my head.) She says she’s always loved Merlin. Hook says she lives in all dark ones, so when he crushes Merlin’s heart, so will she.

Hook and Rumpel continue to fight. Rumpel loses his sword and Hook has him at a disadvantage.

Henry, who has brought stuff to make a new dreamcatcher, takes the cuff off of Dark Emma.

Dark Emma finds Hook with Merlin’s heart. She’s pretty pissed because he tricked her. She asks Nimue what she wants and she says Dark Emma wants it too. Dark Emma gets the feels and tells Hook revenge isn’t his happy ending and if he destroys Merlin’s heart, he’ll destroy his happy ending. He says the happy ending died when she turned him into a dark one and he crushes Merlin’s heart.  Whoa. That’s cold.

Hook prattles on and magic forest Rumpel pops in asking what’s the delay. When Hook looks at him, Mr. Gold/Rumpel turns the tables. I don’t think he kills him though. Belle meets Rumpel in the woods, but they don’t make out. She tells him he’s broken her heart too many times. He says, but wait a minute, I won the battle, my heart is pure now, so let’s make out. Belle basically says she has to go find herself and needs to protect her heart. There you go. After all that.

Dark Emma makes Merlin’s body go poof! in a cloud of grey smoke. She tells Hook she’ll never abandon him, not even now, makes a hand gesture (not that one) and he keels over. She brings out a dreamcatcher. She makes everyone go to sleep. She uses the dreamcatcher to erase the memories of her turning Hook dark.

Rumpel tells her no good is going to come of this. Lots and lots and lots of blue smoke envelops everything.

All of a sudden, Excalibur is back at Camelot and Arthur’s eyes bug out of his head. From the tower window, Arthur and Guinevere see the humongous cloud of smoke coming their way too. Arthur tells Guinevere that it’s dark magic coming.

Everyone gets dreamcatchers like they’re party favors. Emma says she remembers and she knows what they’re doing, meaning Hook and Rumpel.

Hook and Rumpel are at some creepy pond. Hook dips his hook into the pond. A ghost ship appears! Well, more like a gondola. There are a bunch of hooded dudes in it and one comes across the pond, walking on the water. It’s Nimue and she says she’s hear to do what dark ones do best, snuff out the light. Hook says welcome to Storybrooke. And I thought those snuffers all lived in my town.

The winter finale – whatever that is – an excuse to take a break – is next week.

Nov24

November 23, 2015 — GH,SUR & Vicki

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Anna makes an appointment with Dr. Andre, but says she has nothing to say. Well, there’s a waste of everyone’s time and money. Dr. Andre says he thinks it all has something to do with Duke. I finally had to look up Dr. Andre’s name, since no one will say it. I can’t believe I can’t get it to stick in my head when I used to go to a Dr. Andre.

Michael asks Sabrina why she canceled the sono.

Carly tells Sonny she thinks Morgan is in trouble. To back this up, Morgan acts like he’s out of his mind at the cabin. He runs outside and Kiki hears a gunshot.

Jason asks Helena how he can get his memory back.

Carly says Morgan has been more reckless than usual and she thinks he’s building to a manic episode. Building? He’s there. Morgan tells Kiki he just shot at a branch, but he’s sure there’s something out there and to stay inside and get down. Great.

Anna says peace isn’t an option for her at this point and she has a flashback of shooting Carrrlos. She tells Dr. Andre she was thinking about Duke.

Sabrrrina says the more she invests in the baby, the greater she’ll feel the loss if she doesn’t go to term. Michael asks if she’s not afraid he won’t stick around, and that he won’t be like that; he can’t wait for the baby to come. Until it comes out with an accent. Michael’s phone rings. It’s Kiki who tells him Morgan needs him.

Sam asks if there isn’t an antidote. Helena says Sam has an overactive imagination. She says she had nothing to do with Jason’s memory loss and there’s no such thing as an amnesia drug. (Ok, but I guess you can freeze someone for years and they wake up good as new.) Jason realizes that he lost his memory when he was in the car accident and Helena wasn’t involved with that. Jason asks who else knew his real identity. I doubt Helena is going to out Nicholas, but who knows with her.

Kiki explains what’s going on and Michael rushes out. Felix comes in and scolds Sabrrrina for not telling Michael about her concern that it’s Carrrlos’s baby.

Anna talks about her relationship with Duke, the ups and downs, and how they still loved each other no matter what. She said they became agonizingly close to making it, but then he was gunned down, collapsed when he got to her, and died in the hospital. Check Cassadine Island. Maybe he’s in the freeze tank. She tells the doctor that Julian was the man behind the murder, but Carrrlos carried it out. Instead of going after Carrrlos to turn state’s evidence, she killed him.

Carly and Sonny argue over who’s responsible for Morgan not seeing a shrink. I guess it couldn’t possibly be Morgan, since he’s 12. Michael pops into the gym and tells them that he heard from Kiki and thinks he knows where they are.

Kiki can’t find Morgan and picks up the phone to call Carly. Morgan comes in behind her and asks who she’s calling.

Helena likes how Jason gets to the point. She says she’s a connoisseur of irony and the room is filled with it. Boy, did she get that right. She calls out all the idiots as always. She reminds Elizabeth of her baby charade, and says she (meaning herself) has done worse, but never claimed to be an innocent flower. Sam tells her to quit stalling and Nicholas says she’s not, she doesn’t know the answer. Au contraire, Helena says, she’s going to make their trip worthwhile. I love her so much!

Anna says according to criminal justice, she murdered Carrrlos, even though she tried to kid herself that she did the world a good deed. Dr. Andre says he’s choosing to keep her confidence, and she needs to process what she did and how it’s affected her view of herself. Anna tells him someone else knows and is holding it over her head.

Carly and Michael leave for the cabin. Epiphany tells Sonny he has to stay. I’m sure she’ll be sitting at the mob boss table in no time, since she has the personality for it.

Morgan wants to know why Kiki was trying to call Carly, since they’re in this together. She tells him he’s making her nervous with the gun and to put it down. Surprisingly, he does. Then he tries to put the moves on her.

Helena tells Jason that the life he had is over, and he should figure out how to work with what he has now. Jason asks again who knew he was Jason. Helena starts to tell him and – you’ve got to be kidding me – she goes unconscious. With no warning? This is just not fair and I am not amused.

Anna says she can’t risk exposing her blackmailer. She says she’s going to comply until she’s in a position to turn the tables. Time’s up! Dr. Andre says it was a positive step and Anna thanks him.

Elizabeth tries CPR. The doctor comes in and pronounces Helena dead. I refuse to believe it. Nicholas tells the doctor to fix it and he says he can’t. I still refuse to believe it. Nicholas says he wants “a moment,” and the others leave. He tells Helena that he assumes she didn’t want it to end like this. And I still refuse to believe it. We thought Glenn from The Walking Dead was dead too, until last night. Get that woman into the freezer stat!

Carly shows up at the cabin with Michael and Max. Michael gives the gun to Max. Morgan whines that no one is taking Kiki away from him. Has he confused her with the gun? Carly says they’re there to help him.

Felix wants to cancel his Thanksgiving plans, but Sabrrrina says she can handle things and that she finally sees a way forward.

Anna thought she saw a way forward, but then sees Carrrlos. I guess that session didn’t exactly set everything right. I swear, Carrrlos is getting more play on this show dead than he did alive.

Epiphany says Carly is very capable and a great mom, so Sonny has nothing to worry about. She tells him that he’s no angel, but he’s always done right by his children. Sonny frets that Morgan got his mental illness from him.

Morgan insists Kiki doesn’t want to leave. Kiki says she’s the one who called Michael. Carly tells Morgan that she’s sure he’s feeling awesome right now, but it’s going to change when he comes down. He says he’s changed his mind about seeing a shrink and doesn’t want to. Carly says she loves him and won’t give up on him. She says if he gets evaluated at the hospital, and they say there’s nothing wrong, she’ll back off. Morgan tries to leave, but Max grabs him

Elizabeth tries to say everything’s cool and let’s go home. Jason says too bad about Helena, he wants to know the truth now. Nicholas tells him the Jason he knew wouldn’t be wallowing in self-pity, so apparently his face isn’t the only thing that changed. I’m not sure where he’s getting the self-pity thing from though. Why shouldn’t he want to know?

Anna chases Carrrlos’s ghost and finds a pendant on the ground. It’s engraved with Carrrlos and Sabrrrina. Just as I’m about to say that ghosts don’t wear jewelry, Carrrlos shows up at Sabrrrina’s door. YEEESSS! Although it’s probably not good to startle a pregnant woman like that.

Jason attacks Nicholas. He tells him to go ahead and grieve, but he’ll see him later. The doctor says Helena’s passing was unexpected, that he thought she had at least a few months. Well, I think she still does because I don’t believe it. Elizabeth takes Jason by the hand like he’s one of her kids and they leave with Sam in the rear.

Nicholas tells Helena that he hated her as much as he respected her, that she was elegant, fearless and didn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thought about her. He says he’ll find a way to grieve and I fully expect her to sit up and slap him upside the head.

Sonny tells Epiphany how he hid his illness so no one would think he was weak, and he gave Morgan the same attitude. He says Morgan doesn’t want to take the medication and give up the highs, and admits he feels the same way, but still takes his meds.

Morgan tells Carly and Kiki he hates them as Max and Michael drag him out the door.

Tomorrow, more Carrrlos!

Vanderpump Rules

Katie has a fashion blog, and is discussing her vision with Scheana. Scheana fills in Katie and Schwartz on her talk with Lisa about Shay. Schwartz has been knocked for a loop that Shay is having addiction problems. Well, Scheana was good at keeping it a secret and then let everyone know at once.

Scheana is doing a photo shoot for Katie’s blog, but she’s having a hard time putting on her happy face.

Lala is at the SUR register and Jax comes over to bother her. Jax is just so undesirable, I don’t get why all the ladies are attracted to him. I guess Lala is from Utah, and Jax asks some obscene TMI questions about Mormons. We all know Jax has a foot fetish and it makes me think about that too. Lisa breaks up the conversation because, you know, you’re supposed to work at work.

Lisa basically says don’t crap in your own backyard, and doesn’t like that out of all the women in L.A., Jax has to bug her hostess. Jax’s not-a-girlfriend-yet is going to be moving to L.A. and Lisa says she’s in for some disappointment since Jax doesn’t know what the word “commitment” means.

The guys all go for a night out. James talks about how often he and Kristen break up. He says all they do is fight until they find something new to fight about. They’re going for counseling, and Tom says the therapist is going to end up needing a therapist. Schwarz is acting all mature and talking about getting a real job.

Jax asks what they think about Lala. James is obviously getting quite intoxicated and a lot of animation goes along with it. He says something that barely makes sense; so much so, that I can’t even put it together in my head to type out.

James wakes up with a hangover – and Kristen in his face. Who needs this kind of life? She talks to him like she’s his mom. He says he’s been away for 38 seconds, and it’s already the worst day of his life.

They go to couples therapy. Kristen says she’s been going to therapy for 9 months (!) already and it’s done a world of good. I think she’s wasting her money. The therapist says it sounds like there’s some unhealthy things happening. This is an understatement. She says they have to stop the retaliation thing. James lists the lies that Kristen has told in the past, and says she tries to parent him. (What did I say?) Kristen claims he has a lack of responsibility. She talks about him cheating with her ex-friend, Jenna. James lied and told her that he only made out with Jenna, so I’m not sure if she considers that cheating or if she knows he really did have sex with Jenna. The therapist asks if they want to work it out or do they just want to stay angry and keep hurting each other? Kristen says what they’re doing isn’t working (another understatement) and James heaves a huge sigh.

Swartz, Ariana, Tom and Katie are triple dating with Peter and his girlfriend, Sara. Sara has a 4 year old, and Schwartz says they’ve never met a grown-up before. Ha-ha! They all discuss their views on marriage. Tom says he could see getting married, but Ariana isn’t so sure that’s what she wants. Everyone looks at Schwartz because it’s down to the wire with Katie’s proposal ultimatum.

Tom brings up Shay. Schwartz says it’s obvious he and Scheana aren’t communicating. Well, yeah, he hasn’t been home in days. Ariana says they’re both good at putting up a happy front. They talk about Shay’s drinking and how it’s just depressing him more. Tom says because Shay isn’t bringing in the bucks right now, he feels inferior. He thinks they should have a couple’s intervention.

James flirts with Lala at the first opportunity.

Tom and Schwartz want to approach Lisa about an idea. Schwartz says that he’s been on enough auditions to know you have to dress the part, so they wear their business attire. Or what passes for that in L.A. They go to Lisa’s phenomenal house, Villa Rosa. First, Tom talks about Shay. They agree that he’s feeling emasculated. Tom asks if Lisa could give him a job at PUMP. She says he needs to get clean and sober before he can execute a work plan, and she doesn’t think working in a bar will help. She does say that she’s impressed with their concern for their friend. So am I.

Pandora and her husband, Jason, are also there, looking gorgeous as ever. Tom talks about how he goes back to St. Louis once a year and he’s well-known there and wants to promote Lisa’s sangria. Pandora says she gets it, but she thinks it should be a global endeavor. Lisa says the guys probably don’t quite understand how big this could be. Pandora says they constantly get resumés, but of course they’d rather go with local people they know. She says they’d have to take it seriously, not like they do their jobs at SUR. Lisa tells them to think about it. Schwartz says walking out with a homework assignment wasn’t ideal, but it was better than a no.

Schwartz and Katie come to visit Scheana, who’s waiting for Shay to come home. Tom and Ariana follow. Scheana says Shay is more comfortable talking in a group setting, so she’s invited them there for…what? I guess to discuss their issues. Shay comes in. Hugs all around.  Shay and Scheana both start crying.

Shay says he’s been going through a lot of personal stuff and he’s been staying with his parents. He says he got everyone’s messages, but needed space. Tom asks if he feels like he’s addicted to the. Shay says he’s been taking five a day and at max, ten. I’m pretty sure no doctor is prescribing ten a day unless you’re dying. He says he’s been on them since he’s known them, which is definitely news. He says he was afraid of being judged, so he never said anything. Scheana says she didn’t realize she’d married an addict and she feels like he’s miserable with her. She says she’s been unhappy and lonely, and why did he marry her? Tom tells her to pull back. Shay says he’s intimidated by her, that when he expresses himself, she interrupts him and controls the conversation. He says he’d rather just stay in the background. Ariana says Shay needs to be more assertive and Scheana needs to give it a rest.

Shay apologizes and says he’s back to stay. He says he has to work on some things and Scheana says he needs to be more forward and cut her off. He needs to tell her to stop and let him finish. I like the both of them and hope they’re able to work things out. I don’t think either one of them is the brightest bulb in the box, but that’s less important than their good hearts.

Jax brings not-quite-a-girlfriend, Britney, in for an interview at PUMP. Once again, she shows up underdressed. Lisa asks for her resumé, and once again, she doesn’t have it. Has she ever had a job before? Lisa asks where she’s worked. Hooters. I’m not making that up either. Yes, I know it’s a job, but she might as well have said McDonald’s. Lisa says it’s good she didn’t bring her resumé, because it gives her a reason to say it’s not going to work out. She tells Britney that it’s a problem because she’s dating Jax. Jax says they don’t have to work at the same restaurant, but she tells them inter-company dating isn’t encouraged. Bye, Felicia.

Shay and Scheana are having dinner on tray tables. She says she can’t wait until they eat like humans at a real dining table. He feels he hasn’t been able to get a word in edgewise, and she says she’s working on it. Shay says he wants to leave the person he was behind. Apparently, Scheana doesn’t understand addiction, because she says in her individual interview that she doesn’t think a completely sober person would be fun to be married to, and thinks it’s okay for him to just get a buzz on once in a while. Then she presents him with a drug test, and says she’ll give him a pass on weed. If I was him, I’d be stocking up on those loose joints from the park right now. She says she wants to be able to trust him again, and I get where she’s coming from, but geez. Overwhelm him why don’t you?

Cool! Julie and Brandy from The People’s Couch are doing commercials for Bravo now – and hosting the Vanderpump Rules after show.

Scheana sits down with Lisa. She says that they had a good conversation and thinks they’re on the right track. Lisa says that he’s been on drugs for 8 years, so it’s not going to happen overnight. Lisa says how does she know he’s not lying? Scheana says because she’s giving him urine tests. Lisa says that’s not the foundation for a healthy marriage.

Next week, Kristen and James call it quits, and Kristen confronts Lala about James. Scheana continues to be delusional.

Watch What Happens Live – One on One with Vicki Gunvalson

Andy starts off with discussing City of Hope having issued a statement that they’d never treated Brooks. Vicki talks about how she actually met him there, supposedly after a chemo treatment, and they were all over the place. I gotta hand it to him. If this was a ruse, it was certainly a complicated one. Seriously.

Andy asks if she was vulnerable because her love tank was empty. She says she definitely had blinders on about a lot of things. She says he was so attentive, it was like she had a wife. He sounds like he was a decent boyfriend. It’s just all so bizarre.

They go through a lot of the medical stuff, how it didn’t make sense, and how Brooks had an answer for everything. She says that once the women started “circling,” she was arguing with him every night. She was obviously questioning the whole thing too, but what? Didn’t want it to blow up on TV? None of this makes me dislike Meghan any less though. I’ve said it before that I think the death of Vicki’s mother caused her to have a breakdown or a disconnect (word of the day) or whatever, and that the women’s approach to her was all wrong, especially Meghan, who she didn’t know from a hole in the ground.

Brooks did really show symptoms of being sick, and someone suggested to Vicki that he was ingesting eye drops (!) to get violently ill. Andy asks if she thinks he has cancer and she says no. Vicki says that she thinks because no one liked Brooks to begin with, he concocted this whole thing to get sympathy and be relatable. Again, my hat’s off to him for being so detailed and dedicated.

Andy says that the women, as well as many viewers, think she was in on it. I don’t. I think she was delusional and had the love blinders on, but I don’t think she was in on some kind of plot. Vicki makes individual public apologies to everyone. Vicki says she messed up by not believing the girls, but she wasn’t being malicious. She said she had to come to the truth in her own time. Andy reads a tweet (ugh!) from Gretchen, who is surprisingly sympathetic, especially since she lost her fiancé to cancer.

Vicki says if she had it to do over, she wouldn’t have divorced Don. She’s going to see him over Thanksgiving. Oddly enough the psychic who started the whole Brooks thing had said they would get back together. Vicki says that would be great from her end, but she doesn’t think Don has gotten over the hurt.

Andy asks if she’s afraid of Brooks. It doesn’t seem so, and really, there isn’t much he can do to her. Send mean tweets? Please.

Vicki talks about the position she was in. Her mother dying, Brooks having been diagnosed (as far as she knew), her family being far away, and being all alone filming a reality show. She said it was easier to fix what she had than to start over. Andy asks if she’s in denial over the severity of the situation. She says she hopes Brooks loved her, doubts he did, but she’s not in denial.

Vicki looks good. The whole thing is just sad, and I hope she’s able to move on. I think she is. It’s those others I’m concerned about.

Nov23

November 22, 2015 — Atlanta & the Dead

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Phaedra is treating Porsha to a colonic. A colonic is the new brunch. I’m on the fence as to whether those are really a good idea or not. Oh I see, the people who administer them are called “colonic therapists” now.  Phaedra stays in the room and Porsha makes a bunch of noises when it starts. TMI right off the bat.

Porsha says that a couple of the ladies brought up some tabloid headlines that were about her new boyfriend, Duke (what is he, royalty or a Great Dane?), like him dating a transgender woman. Porsha doesn’t care as long as he has a package and he’s breathing. Phaedra goes on and on about how Apollo’s motorcycle was at Kandi’s house when the tax man was looking for it. As Kandi said last week, I think he was looking for more than that, but Phaedra wants to misdirect her anger.

There’s also a dog wandering around the colonic room. Never mind, it was Kandi’s dog as one scene was edited into another.

Peter hasn’t contacted Cynthia in a week. I’d change the locks. She’s interviewing tutors for her daughter and both her assistant, Leon, and the potential tutor are fine looking men. She does not need Peter. Nope. Not at all. Unless she wants to lose every penny she makes and be embarrassed for the rest of her life.

Leon talks to Cynthia about her Peter issues. Leon says she’s walked away from a lot of relationships and he thinks it’s worth fighting for. What?! Why? This makes Cynthia want to reevaluate things. Thanks, Leon. She had a foot out the door.

Commercial break and important information. Andy will be doing a one-on-one interview with Vicki on Watch What Happens Live, Monday at 8:30 pm.

Porsha has signed up for a celebrity charity track meet. D list apparently.  I don’t recognize one other person and I watch a lot of crap. Oh, wait, is that Carrie Underwood? How did she get talked into something like this? It’s not even a real race; they’re doing sprints and acting like it’s a triathlon.

Friends are suggesting Porsha do a background check on Duke, but I don’t even think she googled him. Porsha says she wishes they’d just be supportive. Honey, that is being supportive. You don’t have a brain, so they’re looking out for you.

Kenya is having a Kenya Moore Experience event to promote her haircare brand. The event planner is the same one Cynthia used for her sunglasses launch. Kenya asks Marlo what up at Cynthia’s event with Sheree? and suggests they have a pay-the-rent party for her. I remember those.

Cynthia says it doesn’t feel good to come home to an empty bed. I have a suggestion, get rid of Peter and fill that space with someone else. He’s not even returning her calls. I have no clue what she sees in this Neanderthal.

Kim and her husband are going to Kenya’s event, and are excited about the prospect of going out sans children.  She has such beautiful hair and did that platinum highlight thing that I hate. Why? She seems to have a really great relationship with her husband and has done really well with her life, which is good to see when there are so many horror stories of too much too soon with young actors.

After giving explicit instructions about wanting the air conditioners blasting, it’s hot at the event. Porsha and her plus one friend are ragging on Kenya, but since Porsha only seems up to the task of letting a man take care of her, I don’t think she should be criticizing Kenya’s efforts. I’ve grown to like Kenya. At least she can form a sentence and do basic math.

Kim shows up and a lot of flashbulbs pop. Kim says she’s not impressed with a lot of people, but gives Kandi props. The heat plus Kandi’s pregnancy is not working though, and she has to leave. Kim says it’s not her and her husband’s ideal date, but beggars can’t be choosers. Sheree comes in.

Kenya makes her entrance. She has a man with her whose name I forgot already. Needless to say, she’s not thrilled with the temperature. Cynthia says Kenya twirled out faster than she twirled in. Ha-ha!

Miss Lawrence arrives! I’d forgotten he and Kenya are friends. Kenya  gets on the mic and apologizes about the heat. She thanks the people who worked on the event and tells everyone to have a good time. Eugene is the name of the guy she’s with.

Sheree says she doesn’t know if she can trust Kenya since she still wears color contacts in 2015. Okay… Shree throws more shade, and Kenya asks if she can speak to her on the side. Kenya thanks her for coming, but asks what’s up. Sheree says Kenya shouldn’t have talked about her unfinished house at Cynthia’s event. Kenya says she wasn’t making that big a deal about it, they talk contractors, and they make peace. We’ll see. Sheree is kind of a dim bulb.

Cynthis tells Peter he acted inappropriately at the party. He says he was ambushed by her friends about the video. She says if you give people something to work with, they’re going to work with it. Yep. He says he flashed back to their wedding when she came down the staircase, and all there’s been is work since they got married. Welcome to that thing we call “life.” Cynthia says there’s a disconnect between them. He seems to think it’s because they don’t spend enough time together and says it’s her fault. Cynthia says she freakin’ moved here from NYC for him for Pete’s sake, when he built that stupid bar and lost their money. He whines that it’s not his fault. She says she’s not saying that, but she’s unhappy and maybe she’s not in love with him anymore. He asks when she stopped and she doesn’t know. He says he never stopped being in love with her, but she says she doesn’t feel it and he doesn’t show it.

He says he’s been watching them drift apart, but he can’t stop doing what he’s doing (I have no idea what he means by that). He whines some more. Cynthia says they can give it one more go, but it’s not happy at present and is he up for that challenge? He says that when they’re as deep in love as they’ve been, there’s no back door. They’re definitely at odds as to divorce being an option. He says he’ll do whatever it takes. She says that she’s not going to say it’s going to be okay, just because he wants it to be. My hat’s off to her. She’s finally grown a pair.

Next week, the ladies go on a yacht day trip and there’s a lot of finger-in-your-face arguing.

The Walking Dead

Flashback to Glenn getting ripped apart. Wait. He’s not getting ripped apart. It’s Nicholas, the guy on top of him, and he scrunches underneath the dumpster. This is in a snow globe or it’s a dream, isn’t it?

Lots of zombies wandering around while Glenn looks to see how much water he has left. He emerges in the morning. The first thing I’d be doing is looking for a weapon. He looks for water instead. Hey. Stop making that crinkly noise with the bottle.

Enid yells to him from the top of the wall and tosses him some water. I’d totally forgotten about her. Glen climbs into the building and calls to Enid. He asks what happened in Alexandria. She says it’s what always happens, people die. He asks if the zombie horde broke in and what was the air horn sound. She tells him he should go. He asks if Maggie is okay.

Enid runs off and Glen follows. Okay, I guess they fooled us with his “death,” eh? Very clever. Ha-ha-ha. Now bring back that goat from the Morgan episode.

Rick sees Morgan and says he’d like to talk later. He checks out the blood that was dripping down the wall after the zombie attack. He sees Maggie at the lookout point, watching for Glenn. Rick says they’ve come back from harder things, and all of them will return. I wonder who kidnapped Rick and replaced him with this optimistic guy.

Glenn sees a zombie with his eyeball stuck to a fence and stabs him in the head. I’m sure there’s absolutely no reason for this scene except for us to see the stuck eyeball. He finds a note we assume was written by said zombie when they were alive.

Creepy Father Gabrielle is posting a notice for a prayer service. I don’t want him praying with me or for me. Rick is giving Ron gun lessons. Is anyone making bullets? That would be a lucrative profession right now. Rick gives Ron a gun so he gets used to the feel of it. It’s not going to be loaded until he learns more, but he seems a little eager to use it and I’m not liking that.

Morgan is about to talk to Denise, who has the idea Morgan is not as fine as he says he is. Rick comes by and asks Morgan to talk and they go to a mini meeting with Carol and Michonne. Carol has told Rick that Morgan refused to kill the Wolfs. Morgan says he doesn’t want to kill anyone he doesn’t have to and that Rick didn’t try to kill him way back when. He says he doesn’t know what’s right anymore, that he wanted to kill them because of what they do, but there is still the possibility that they might change, and that all life is precious. He doesn’t want to let that idea go. Michonne says he might have to. Morgan asks if they want him to go. Rick asks him if he really thinks he can stay and not end up with blood on his hands.

The zombie horde is banging on the walls of Alexandria. Rick tells Michonne they need to get to their cars and go back to diverting the zombies. He doesn’t want to tell anyone else because there isn’t time and that they haven’t even had time to catch their breaths. She says they’re doing that right now. She reminds me of one of the video exercise instructors I follow who thinks jumping jacks are a resting move. Dieanna comes out with plans for the new Alexandria.

Eugene is at zombie killing lessons and not paying attention. The instructor tells him it doesn’t matter if you die, but if the people around you die, it’s worse because you have to live with knowing you didn’t do all you could. Perhaps she’s speaking from experience.

Glenn grabs Enid before she can get out the door. He says he’s taking her home. Enid refuses. Glenn is insistent and she draws a gun on him.

Commercial break. An episode of Fear 462. The stewardess is about to use a defibrillator on a patient and this is amusing since it’s Dr. Obrechy from General Hospital. There are a few familiar faces on this series.

Glenn tells Enid to give him the gun. For a moment, I wonder if he survived the zombies only to die here, but he takes it from her. He tells her half the herd broke off and is headed for Alexiandria, so they need to get back.

Rick compulsively works on the walls while reciting “all work and no play make rick a dull boy.” Tobin comes along and starts helping.

Enid puts a struggling zombie out of its misery. She and Glenn see some green balloons tied to a post. It’s Glenn’s birthday! Enid takes the balloons.

Blood is still oozing through the wall at Alexandria. Tobin says Rick scared the hell out of him when he first came. He said things had moved slow in Alexandria and then started moving too fast, and not to give up on the people there.

Enid tells Glenn she lived with Olivia in Alexandria, but she was really on her own. Glenn says he realizes she’s scared. Enid says she isn’t and not to lecture her. Glenn tries to talk to her, but she doesn’t want it right now.

Stupid Ron gets into where they keep the firearms and steals some bullets. We already know nothing good will come of this.

Glenn and Enid, who still has the balloons (way to draw attention to yourself), get to Alexadria and see a million zombies outside. Enid says the world is trying to die and they should let it. Glenn says they’re not supposed to let that happen and he’s not going to let her die.

Holy!  A Spencer is crawling across a wire above the zombies. Whoa! He almost drops into them. And he does drop into them. Tobin and Eugene shoot at the zombies as rick tries to pull Spencer back up the wall. This is pretty intense. He makes it. Rick asks what the hell they were doing and Tara gives him the finger. Spencer says he wanted to get to a car and divert the zombies. Rick says come to him first if he gets any more bright ideas.

Denise asks Morgan if everything is okay and he says it’s fine. He sees her “cheat sheets” for medical instructions. He asks how well their stocked for antibiotics. He says he needs to dress a wound and he’s not sure if it’s infected. She starts giving him the symptoms and he covers the cheat sheet, but she still knows. He says he didn’t know if he should get her involved, but it’s not his wound.

Nosey Carol sees them going down the street and follows with baby Judith. Why they don’t realize she’s behind them is beyond me, since there’s absolutely no one else outside. Carol asks Sam to watch Judith. I’m kind of not liking Carol at this moment. Sam’s son asks Carol if his father turned into one of the monsters. Carol says he only thing that keeps you from becoming a monster is killing. I have no idea what she’s talking about.

Carol goes to where Morgan is (some kind of cell) and asks what he’s hiding. Ron comes up behind Carl with the gun. Rick and Tobin continue to work on the wall. But unlike Nehemiah, Rick is distracted by Tara walking by. They banter about the Spencer thing and Deanna joins in, thanking Rick for saving Spencer. Rick says he could have gotten out to get a car in the moment Spencer fell, but he chose not to.

Everyone sees the green balloons in the distance. Maggie runs to the gate. Worried faces all around and then we see the church tower fall and smash open the wall.

The mid season finale should be a doozie.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Uncensored

Not much to say about this other than it’s a chance for Bravo to milk the franchise some more. It’s still worth watching though. From the audition videos to the outing of Kim as an alcoholic to outtakes from the dinner party from hell. Sometimes you get the best stuff in these in-between shows.

The “real” Real Beverly Hills Wives begins Tuesday, December 1.

Nov18

November 17, 2015 –GH, Last Charter & Couch Quotes

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

It’s Nina’s first day of work. Kiki is skeptical she knows how to work.

Lulu interrupts Alexis and Julian’s dinner at the only restaurant in town, and tells Alexis she wants to file for legal separation from Dante. Alexis tells her to call the office because this probably isn’t the best venue to discuss a pending case and she would actually like to eat dinner.

Dante is some kind of stakeout with Valerie. This just would not happen.

Paul wants Ava to get info from Morgan. Ava says she won’t be Paul’s whore. So there!

Sonny tells Carly they can end the marriage as easily as it started. She says she’s calling his bluff, but then doesn’t really. She asks him what he’d do if she walked out and never looked back. Sonny acts like a tough guy idiot, telling her if she can’t pull her weight she needs to get out.

Since these poor people can’t have dinner in peace, Olivia drops by Alexis and Julian’s table, telling them all about baby Leo’s latest diaper change.

Franco tells Kiki she’s being unfair and maybe she should look for a job, since she seems to need a purpose. What happened to her job as town drunk?

Maxie is hard at work at Crimson already. Lulu comes by the office because nobody is allowed to do anything without interruption in Port Charles. Lulu makes a crack about Nina. Lulu says the magazine is in trouble, but she’s confident they can save it. Nina comes into the office and hears Lulu say she doesn’t think Nina will last 3 issues. Geez, how does anyone even know what she can do yet? Maybe she’s a freaking genius. She can pick out amazing clothes.

Nina introduces herself to Lulu and is more gracious than I would be. Maxie gives Nina a huge binder with all the info on Crimson. She explains that the magazine isn’t doing well. Maxie suggests bringing Crimson back to its roots and making it fabulous again. Glad she has a specific plan.

Seriously, would Jordan have allowed Dante and Valerie to even be near each other?

Carly says Sonny is trying to force her to leave before the going gets tough. Sonny says because he had a weak moment, he lost Avery, and you can’t show weakness to enemies. Carly reminds him that she’s not his enemy and says she took her vows seriously. She says if he didn’t, he needs to tell her.

Kiki is staring at the liquor bottles like they might come alive. And they do! No, not really. Morgan is at the door. He says he’s making sure she’s okay after the custody hearing.  She tells him Franco was right; she needs a job.

Franco has to take a psych exam to get back his job at the hospital. The shrink says he notices a preoccupation with death. Franco says that his past involves taking people’s lives, but he had a brain tumor. The shrink says they need to talk about what he did afterwards.

Julian stops by the magazine for a progress report.

Sonny apologizes to Carly. She says he has to stop taking out his frustration on her. She says she knows it’s difficult, but he needs to understand that he’s still the same indestructible guy he was before, and that throwing tantrums is…what? Stupidity, Sonny says. Carly says that’s right. Today’s lesson learned. Nathan drops by and says he has info about Carly’s accident.

Lulu is at the hotel bar, and Olivia tries to talk to her about Dante. Lulu says she has no idea what she wants.

Dante tells Valerie about him and Lulu checking into the legalities of the embryos remaining. Why is he telling her his personal stuff?

Nathan says they have a witness who gave them the make and model of the car, but then has to dash off. Enter Epiphany, who seems entirely out of context.

Paul says he heard Ava’s voice when Morgan was there, and wonders if she would have thrown herself at Morgan if he hadn’t been there. Ava smacks him one. He just smiles because he oozes cool.

Epiphany is Sonny’s physical therapist. Carly tells her that Sonny has been skipping exercises. Bad Sonny! Epiphany says that for someone who spent so much time in the hospital yelling about how he’s going to walk again, he’s certainly working against it.

Kiki and Morgan are discussing her work experience which is pretty much nothing. Nathan knocks and says he’s there to see Franco.

The shrink brings up Franco’s hand in Nina kidnapping the baby. He says he was only trying to get her to bring the baby back without damaging her psyche.

Julian says that Maxie and Nina should work on something that doesn’t cost money, like upping the magazine’s profile on social media. This actually isn’t a bad idea.

Olivia suggests counseling. Lulu says you only go to counseling when you want to work things out and she’s pretty angry. Olivia says she’s having both sides of the conversation by herself, and if she doesn’t want to see a counselor, she needs to talk to Dante. Lulu calls Dante, but he tells her he’s in the middle of a stakeout. She says he can take Roccco for as long as he likes tomorrow.

Ava tells Paul not to question her ambition, and that she’ll get the job done without Morgan. He says maybe that’s good since he doesn’t want her to be distracted. She almost smacks him again, but Carly is at the door and he hides. He must be getting tired of hiding. Carly tells Ava to get ready for the fight of her life and it isn’t over until Avery forgets who she is. Ave tells her buh-bye, but Carly sees the blanket Morgan brought over and wants to know what it’s doing there.

Ava says Morgan was there, but not by her invitation. Carly says she protects her children and Ava says she controls them. Carly threatens her with “resources” and leaves.

Kiki gets rid of Nathan and says she was nervous he was there for her. (Um…it was Franco’s car, you twit.) Carly calls and& says she wants to see Morgan now. Yep, controlling.

Why this is any of the shrink’s business, I don’t know, but he asks if Nina and Franco are lovers. When Franco says not yet, the shrink asks why. Franco says a lot of reasons, but he’s financially strapped and doesn’t want to live off of Nina’s money. The shrink asks if he’s willing to work hard. (No. What a stupid question.) Obrecht come in the shrink says Franco didn’t fail, but didn’t pass either, and he wants another session. Obrecht says too bad, the deal was one session and she welcomes Franco back to the staff. Franco tells the shrink that if you wants to entertain himself, he should read Obrecht’s file.

Lulu cancels the appointment with Alexis and runs off. Somehow I think this isn’t going to end well and she’s going to reissue that appointment. Alexis invites Olivia and Leo to Thanksgiving.

Epiphany bosses Sonny around and won’t even let him take a phone call. This should be good.

Ava gets ballistic in front of Paul. She says she’s going to take what she wants from Sonny and then from the rest of Port Charles. This really turns Paul on and they grapple. In a good way.

Nina is panicking about not being able to run the magazine. Maxie says she’s smart, stylish and makes good decisions. She says Nina has to embody the magazine, and walk the line between classic and in the moment.

Valerie falls asleep against Dante’s shoulder. Yep, before I could even say it, Lulu sees them from behind the car.

Kiki goes to Olivia to apply for a job.

Epiphany says she’ll be back every day. Sonny asks if she’s threatening him and asks, do you know who I am? She says yeah, my patient, and Sonny can barely keep a straight face. These two are going to be fun together.

Carly shows Morgan the blankie and tells him he’s going to see a shrink. That dude is going to be busy in this town.

Nathan arrests Franco.

Below Deck

It’s the finale. How long was this season? Like two weeks?

Emile wants to be a big shot and get in Eddie’s face about dumping Rocky. You know he thinks if he does this, he can get with her.  Not. Going. To. Happen.

Chef Ben cutting onions is like looking at a magic trick. Uh-oh, the trick didn’t work. He hurt himself. That was probably his billionth onion though. If I cut onions that way, I’d lose my whole hand on the first try. Crap. He really did a good job. Eddie says it’s down to the cartilage and I don’t even want to look at it. Ben says he has a big dinner to accomplish in 40 minutes, which is hard enough with two hands.

Rocky tries to approach Eddie, who isn’t having it. He says he thought she understood there wasn’t anything between them, but apparently not. It reminds me of when Julius Krug told Little Edie that the only thing they had between them was sex in HBO’s Grey Gardens. Ben says he’ll need Rocky to literally be his left hand. Hopefully he’s right handed.

Captain Lee calls Connie to the wheelhouse. She says, “If you hear the captain call your name, be scared; if you hear the captain call your name to a specific place, be more scared.” Connie had nothing to be scared about though. Captain Lee offers her a permanent position. She says this almost never happens with a first timer. I think he made a wise choice. It’s obvious that she’s the hardest worker he has – and she loves her job. I could totally see doing this if I was 30 years younger.

Emile is so immature; he should really be working at a fast food place.  Or maybe be in day care. I don’t mean working in day care. I mean being literally in day care. Rocky complains about being Ben’s bitch because he’s giving her instructions. Amy says she shouldn’t complain even though she has Eddie stuff going on, because the galley is where she’s always wanted to be. Let me remind everyone of the raw chicken she cooked. Maybe she wants to be there, but that’s different than knowing what you’re doing there. I don’t blame Ben for micromanaging. He also had a vision for the dinner.

Ben gives her a warning. She asks what happens after a warning. He says he doesn’t know, but it’s nothing that will make her life easier. Rocky says she realizes that Chef Ben is right. He says he started off peeling carrots and it took a couple of years to move forward. Captain Lee is having dinner with the guests as well.

Chef Ben says if there’s one devious trick he’s learned as a chef, it’s that the way to a woman’s heart is through her tummy. And he’s totally right. He gives Rocky a nice sampling of food and she calms down.

The guests light up some Chinese lanterns and set them free. Let me tell you about the one I found in my backyard still on fire once. Good thing it didn’t land in a tree. Please, people, do not do this at home. Kate and Amy light a lantern away from the guests, and Kate thanks her for being a good stewardess. I don’t care what anyone says, I like Kate.

Everyone seems to be in the galley cooking breakfast. Ha! Eddie says Emile is making a meal. That was good. Amy says Emile is like a ticking time bomb and she knows no good is going to come from this. The guests are served breakfast and it’s time to dock for the final time this season. I would say it went off without a hitch, but without a hitch, they can’t dock.

My favorite part, time for the tip, is early in the episode because they’re going to focus on the crew. The primary guest is ecstatically happy and says he doesn’t know how he’s going back to real life. This bunch was relatively low maintenance, but I’d be happy just being there.

When the captain pulls out the envelope, Ben says that’s a load of plane tickets. This is only funny if you know that if a crew member really messes up, they get their tip plus a plane ticket out. $13K equals $1300 and change each. Wow. They’ve made almost $150K in tips this season. I didn’t add it up, the captain just said that.  Kate has flowers in her hair and looks really pretty. Rocky suddenly gets an attack of mature, and apologizes for being an a-hole and thanks everyone, especially Kate, for their patience and guidance. Well, good for her. I still don’t like her, but good for her. The yacht owner has arranged for a beach party for the crew.

Eddie is video chatting with his girlfriend and says they’ll have things to discuss when he gets back (I’ll bet), but they both seem excited at the upcoming reunion. I don’t know what he’s going to discuss, but I guarantee she’ll get excited when she sees this season. And not in a good way.

Amy gives Eddie a heads up about Rocky having blabbed about them. Eddie stomps off to find her, and Ben asks wtf? Amy tells him what’s going on. Eddie asks Rocky (pretending to be asleep) what she thinks she’s doing talking about this stuff. He wants to know what he did for her to make him look like this. She says she doesn’t want to do this now and hides under the blankets. Oooh, he says nothing happened. Bad Eddie! Emile, whose nose is in there too, asks why she would make something like that up. Rocky tells them all to leave her alone.

Amy stays behind and Rocky tells her they hooked up multiple times. Emile asks why Rocky would lie, and Eddie says maybe to make Emile jealous. Emile says Eddie is a d-bag and I have to agree, even though I don’t want to. Connie tells Emile she doesn’t believe Rocky because Rocky is nuts. It’s one of those boy who cried wolf situations. Kate just shrugs it off and says that explains why laundry wasn’t getting done. Ha-ha! She says she doesn’t give a flying if they’re doing it right now, because tonight she has off work and it’s all about her.

In his individual interview, Eddie says of course he’s going to deny it at first. Of course? What?

They have a drink on the beach, which is beautifully decorated, and Rocky looks like she might kill someone. They sit down to a beach dinner and Eddie builds a bonfire. Kate says it’s the most beautiful beach party ever and they have a sad love triangle ruining it.

Rocky approaches Eddie and asks to talk. Eddie says she’s a bright girl, he screwed up, he’s sorry if he hurt her, but she shouldn’t have blabbed their business to everyone, that they could have worked it out between them. Eddie apologizes in his individual interview. They decide to finish the season as friends and hug.  When they get back to the others, Eddie raises his glass and says it’s true, they shagged, which made me literally lol.

The girls burn their white work shirts. The shirts have the name of the boat on them and it changes every season, so I guess they don’t need them anymore.

Rocky says it was wonderful with Eddie, and she and Eddie banter back and forth. They’re saying some really inappropriate things, and needless to say, Emile is not happy. The captain says that he’s disappointed in Eddie. Me too. Eddie asks how he can make it right. Captain Lee says you can’t go back and change it, but he needs to own it and what he does moving forward is what counts. Did Eddie just say, “Thanks, dad?”

Eddie tells Rocky he made a mistake and suddenly becomes a d-bag again. He makes it sound like it’s all Rocky’s fault. She teased him and forced him to have sex with her. I’m on her side with this one. He says he’s off to tell his girlfriend and she wishes him good luck.

Ben tells Kate she deserves a really good guy, but he’s not there yet. Kate says she knows. He says he always wants to be there “even as a friend” for her, and we all know what that means. Although who knows with those two.

Rocky and Emile make plans to meet up in California. Emile says he doesn’t really have a crush on Rocky. I believe it if he believes it. He claims he’s not arrogant, he’s truthful. I have no idea what that means.

It’s time to say good-by. Kate gives Rocky a cold adios and Rocky takes one more dive off the boat. Kate says at first, you always want to run free on land, but then you miss the camaraderie and life on the water.

Captain Lee says it was a real sh*tshow, but at the end of the day, they made a ton of money, so they must have been doing something right.

The People’s Couch – Quotes of the Week

This show is so inappropriate. Mrs. Zeno referring to Scream Queens

The whole thing about this show is, don’t think too hard. Blake referring to Scream Queens

You’re a has-been at 15 today. Teddi, referring to Project Runway Junior

The People’s Couch is the funniest hour on TV. And that includes the hour The Big Bang Theory is in. I’m not a sitcom person, but I love that show. I used to hang out with a group of engineers and physicists, and it’s really like that. Just not as much fun. Next week, it’s the season finale for People’s Couch. Come on. They’re taking away my favorites, even though The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills being right around the corner (December 1) alleviates some of the pain.

Important information: The Beverly Hills Uncensored special is on Sunday, November 22 at 9 pm. Be there or be out having actual fun.

Nov13

November 12, 2015 — GH, the OC & Brooks

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Elizabeth comes downstairs to find Jason (I almost called him “Jake”) on the laptop. He tells her about visiting Sonny and says he was looking up bad stuff about himself online.

Sam is once again mooning over her old wedding ring. Patrick comes in and she drops it like it’s hot. She tells Patrick about giving Jason the motorcycle. Patrick says they need to tell Emma asap. Sam says that oddly enough, Emma had asked what would happen if Danny’s father came back, and she had said that was impossible. (Impossible earworm now.) Patrick notices she’s still wearing her engagement ring, so he’s hopeful that everything will work out. Good thing he didn’t catch her a few moments earlier.

Paul is all dapper and bouncy, telling Anna he’s glad she took the special investigator job. She says he didn’t give her much choice.

Jordon tells Dante she heard what happened at The Haunted Star.

Lulu and Dillon are getting jiggy with it.

Alexis shows up at Sam’s and asks how she’s holding up. Alexis says she can’t even imagine the emotional roller coaster Sam must be on, and Sam thanks her. I’m not sure why. Alexis tells her that the first thing they have to do is rescind the claim that Jason is dead, and then asks Sam if she wants to divorce Jason, since obviously she has to do that if she wants to marry Patrick.

Jason tells little Jake who he is. Jake is like, I knew it, because he did. I noticed he didn’t say anything to his mother about how she’d said it first. Monica is at the door. I’d forgotten that Jason is her son.

Paul tells Jordan about hiring Anna. She says that’s cool, but the timing is weird, since there’s not much in the way of organized crime going on right now. Unless there’s something Paul isn’t telling her. Yeah, like everything.

Dillon and Lulu are still getting it on, and I thought one of their phones was ringing, but it was really the background music being too loud. She stops things before they get totally nakey. She says she’s doing the same thing Dante did, and Dillon asks if she’s going to forgive Dante. Please don’t let it be this easy.

Dante tells Valerie (why is he even talking to her?) that he’s not sure how much space to give Lulu. If she sees them talking, he’s going to have to give her a whole lot of space. Like forever space. Valerie says to give Lulu a little time and she’ll come around. And blah-blah-blah about what a great guy he is.

Lulu tells Dillon they aren’t such great friends anymore, and he gets kind of offended. He insults Dante and deservedly so, but she says she still loves Dante, even though she wishes she didn’t.

Sam tells Alexis that she and Jason might be married, but he doesn’t remember and started a new life. When Alexis asks what she wants, Sam says to go back in time before Jason disappeared. Nobody asked me, but I’d like to go back to the 80s.

Monica says grandma stuff to Jake and Elizabeth takes him to school. Jason says he hopes Monica doesn’t expect him to call her mom. He says he doesn’t want one more person telling him what he was like or what he should feel. She says she has no intention of doing that, but if he wants any truths, to let her know. Monica says she learned to let go of the man he was and love the one he is now. She just wants a conversation about who he’s become. She asks for a hug and he gives her one. She invites him to the annual Thanksgiving pizza dinner. He promises to think about it and she promises that, per tradition, it will be a disaster. I love Thanksgiving at the Q’s! Waaah! I miss Alan, and Lila, and Edward.

Elizabeth whines to Patrick about how the man she was going to marry is married to his fiancé. Patrick has an astute moment, and says something about how Elizabeth acted like something might go wrong just before the wedding was supposed to happen. She says if he just keeps Sam away from Jason, everything will be okay.

Dante wishes Valerie the best of luck (really, that’s what he says) and they have an awkward hug.

Lulu apologizes to Dillon. This time, her phone really does ring and she says it’s a reminder that she has to be somewhere and dashes off. Paul arrives. Dillon apologizes for taking Paul’s half a million, but Paul is like, it’s cool, I’ll write it off. I wish Paul was my dad. Dillon says he’s pulling the plug on the film. Paul says he feels partially responsible for encouraging him go after what he wanted. Paul and Dillon do some exposition dialogue to catch people up who missed the last few episodes.

Jordan isn’t totally buying that Paul hired Anna to keep everything going well. Anna says she’s got too much time on her hands and just sits around thinking about Duke. Jordan tells Anna to keep an eye on Paul because she doesn’t quite trust him. Anna says she has every intention of doing that.

Elizabeth tells Patrick that Sam will want Jason back. He says, “Ouch!” and I agree. That was freakin’ rude, but no surprise since she is soooo self-centered. Patrick says to give him some credit.

Sam says she understands that she and Jason might have taken different paths, but it freaks her out that he remembers nothing of their life together. She said she always had the feeling he was alive, even when everyone told her to shut-up and move on. She’s says Spinelli felt it spiritually, but she felt it physically in her heart. She can’t believe Jason didn’t feel it too. And – no surprise – there he is at the door!

Patrick tells Elizabeth que sera sera, and if what they have is real, it will work out. Like Elizabeth is going to let things alone. Monica arrives at the hospital and tells Elizabeth that Jason told her he feels like he’s being pulled in all directions, and she needs to back off. Go, Monica!

Alexis “introduces” herself to Jason, and leaves. Sam calls Danny and if those two don’t say something about the Lucky Buddha (which I think is actually not the right name) vow renewal, I am going to go out of my mind.

Paul tells Dillon not to give up on his dreams. I wouldn’t have expected him to be so cliché.

Dante and Lulu both show up for the doctor’s appointment they had to prepare for the embryo transfer. Very awkward. The Nurse Practitioner (I don’t really know what she is, but that’s what I decided) says the doctor is in surgery and gives Lulu some prescriptions. She says, “So. Are you ready to make a baby?” and I almost lose it.

Lulu says they’ve decided not to move forward and please tell the doctor they’re canceling. The NP asks what they should do with the embryo and she says don’t do anything and runs out. Dante follows, and asks what her plans are. She asks what shade of lipstick Valerie wears since it’s on his collar. D’oh! Then she tells him she might want to give Rocco siblings one day, and she doesn’t need him to do it. Oh, snap! Quadruple snap.

Valerie gets a call that she’s going to be working with Dante. No way, no how, would that ever happen IRL.

Monica tells Elizabeth to give Jason some time to remember. Another unbelievable scenario.

Jason tells Sam he has questions. She says if she can help him, she will, whenever he’s ready. She says he’s welcome to see Danny any time, and since Danny really doesn’t know what’s going on, there’s no drama or pressure. They almost hug, but it’s too awkward, so they shake hands, which is even more awkward. Lots of awkward in this episode. He starts to leave and Sam asks him not to go.

The Real Housewives of the OC – Brooks Tells All & Secrets Revealed

We’ve already seen the main point – Brooks telling Meghan to f-off.  This is basically a one-on-one interview with Andy Cohen to follow up the whole does-he-or-does-he-not have cancer debacle this season. There isn’t a lot to say about the show, since we’ve pretty much heard it all. Brooks has admitted to throwing around false documents for the show’s sake, but still insists that he did/does have cancer. He is not, however, going to make anyone privy to his real medical records. While we haven’t heard great things about him, my jury is still out on this. He seems like a real schmuck, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t sick.

My main gripe with the whole thing though, is how Vicki was treated. Maybe she knew, maybe she didn’t, but I’m sure she believed him up to a point. Things changed though, when her mother died. Vicki was tremendously affected by this and no one took that into account or even seemed to care. Meghan actually said, like the insensitive, unempathetic brainless twit that she is, that a death doesn’t affect other areas of her life. I don’t wish ill on her, but one day she will be sorry for those words. Oh, unless she is really heartless and once someone dies, they’re out of sight out of mind for her.

My father raised me and passed away just before I got married. It’s been 30 years now, and it still affects me in some ways. Time doesn’t heal all wounds; it just makes them easier to live with. When this was fresh, it affected me greatly. It’s like your world stops and you wonder how everything else can still be going on. I could see the tremendous pain that Vicki was, and still is, in. Perhaps Brooks was someone she could cling to in that time, and she didn’t want to see that there was anything wrong. If her friends really loved her, they would have backed off for a minute. Instead, they were absolutely relentless in their quest to prove Brooks was a liar and hammer opinions and questions at her. Meghan really does seem like there’s something wrong with her thinking, and she didn’t know Vicki, so that (almost) makes sense. But I’m disappointed in the other ladies. They should know better. Shame on them. And I see they’re still bitching about it. I hope they come around, but regardless, I hope Vicki is able to pull herself out of this funk she’s in. I haven’t always liked her behavior, but I think she has a good heart, and I’m rooting for her.

On to some revealed secrets. I’m glad they stopped using the term “lost footage.” Did they expect me to think Andy dropped it behind his desk and then forgot about it? Don’t insult my intelligence. I feel stupid enough already just watching this stuff.

I like these shows, because they often save the best for last, and there will be scenes that have me wondering why they weren’t included in the regular season. It’s also the time we get to see the women getting along, just having fun

Tamra says she hasn’t had a potato in 10 years. Ha-ha! Shannon says a Michigan diet is potato, potato, potato. I say an Oklahoma diet is beef, beef, beef.

We get to see some more of Heather shopping for the house. It has 70 doors! She says her closet, which I’m sure is also a dressing room, needs a combination to get in to. Is it a panic room too? Terry must be freaking loaded. I don’t think it came from Heather’s TV movie income. I’m not criticizing, just making an observation.

There wasn’t much Meghan in this show. I’m wondering if she left a bad taste in fans’ mouths or if she just didn’t contribute anything except negativity. She was even excluded from the additional footage of the cancer argument, which I somewhat tuned out since I’ve had enough now.

I’m glad to see The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is coming back on December 1 (Giggy!), but it makes me think of how close Christmas is, and how unprepared I always am. Maybe I should get out the decorations tomorrow. Yeah, right.

Nov2

November 1, 2015 — A Giant Bear, a Backstory & Vicki in the Hot Seat

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon A Time

Lance and Merida are imprisoned, and Merlin takes David, Hook and Belle to free them. Merida says Arthur took her wisps and she needs them to save her brothers. Merlin says that her brothers will have to wait, as they have more urgent business.

In Storybrooke (that I’ve been spelling wrong), Belle suggests that instead of wasting time finding Merlin, they should ask Rumpelstiltskin for help. Rumpel is in the woods mooning over his teacup. He smashes it to get something to cut his rope bonds. Dark Emma and Merida see that he’s gone. Dark Emma tells Merida to kill Belle in order to get Rumpel to fight for something. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to work, but okay.

In the parallel world, Merida bops Belle in the head to get her to help with some magic. Belle says that she could have just asked, and Merida says she’s a bop you in the head first and ask questions later kind of lass. They go to a cute witch’s cabin when the witch is out at the mall or something, and borrow the use of her cauldron. Merida sees her brothers. They are about to be executed because Merida won’t marry some guy.

In Storybrooke, Belle finds Rumpel hiding. He tells her that if it wasn’t for her, he wouldn’t even be alive. I’m not sure if he’s talking about the teacup or something else. He tells Belle that Dark Emma is after her because she wants Rumpel to defend her.

Wicked Witch, Zelena, has also been imprisoned, in a hospital by Regina. She’s reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting, because she is. A nurse brings her a tray with food. Zelena is hoping for onion rings, but the nurse says she’s only supposed to have locally grown produce and shows her a yummy plate of broccoli and carrots. She tells the nurse to take a hike. Dark Emma pops in and spirits Zelena away and gives her onion rings. Zelena asks what Dark Emma wants.  Emma wants her help in exchange for her freedom. Zelena says forget you and disappears poof! in a cloud of smoke. I don’t know if she took herself back to the hospital or somewhere else.

Belle tells Rumpel to forget about the stupid teacup, and that she’s always seen that he’s a hero underneath. They go to Mr. Gold’s (nee Rumpel’s) shop and Merida shows up. She says she couldn’t resist Emma and now Belle’s fate rests in Rumpel’s hands.

Parallel world Merida says her father taught her everything she knows and that if she remembers what she’s fighting for, she’ll never miss her target. She’s given Belle a recipe for a potion to change her (Merida) into a bear, so that she can fight the clan who has her brothers.

Storybrooke Arthur says he’ll help Regina get Merlin back, but he has to be alone with the magic mushroom to do it. (That’s what they all say.) The second he’s by himself, he throws it into the fire. I didn’t think he was really there to help. He tells them some story to cover up what he did.

Merida is about to shoot Belle with an arrow, and tells Rumpel to be the man they need. He says, sorry he can’t, and while Merida is taking aim, Belle pulls the rug out from under her. Literally.

Parallel Merida tells Belle that her father died because of her. She tried to protect him and missed the target. She says the clans lost faith in her. They didn’t believe she could rule alone and wanted her to marry. Belle gives her the bear potion.

Rumpel and Belle drive out of Storybrooke. Belle tells him running never made anyone a hero and makes him stop the car. He tells her about how he injured himself to avoid combat, that he’s a coward and it’s not going to change. She walks away back toward Storybrooke and runs right into Merida. Merida says Dark Emma isn’t taking chances and is making her drink the bear potion. She turns into a bear the size of the Empire State Building.

Just has the clans are celebrating their victory in capturing Merida’s brothers, Merida shows up and drinks the bear potion. Nothing happens and Belle tells her that she switched bottles because Merida needs to defend herself as their queen, otherwise they’ll never respect her. Just as arrows are let fly toward her brothers, Merida shoots her own arrows that stop theirs.  The clans are so impressed they kneel before their queen and release her brothers. She tells the dude who wanted to marry her that he’s lucky she knows the meaning of mercy.

The gigantic bear chases Belle through the woods. This thing is freaking massive and she tumbles down a cliff. Belle and the bear are face to face, and Rumpel shows up. Belle tells him to run, but he says he’s not running this time. The bear cracks him one and he goes flying. He tells the bear to do her worst, and then throws a bag of magic whatever in her mouth and the bear changes back to Merida. Belle asks how he knew it would work and he says he didn’t. Mushy stuff with Belle and Rumpel, while Merida lies there on the ground feeling like an idiot.

Merida thanks parallel Belle for helping her get her kingdom back, and Belle leaves to go to Rumpel.

Storeybrooke Merlin tells Emma that he’s always wanted to try a certain candy bar, and Emma remembers him being an usher in a movie theater where she saw The Sword in the Stone as a girl. He had told her that one day she’d be in a position to remove Excalibur, but he tells her now not to do it.

Rumpel wants to make a deal with Dark Emma. He says he’ll remove Excalibur if she gives Merida her heart back. After balking for 5 seconds, Dark Emma puts Merida’s heart back where it belongs. Rumpel tells Belle that if things don’t work out, he’s sorry for everything. He removes Excalibur and cuts off Dark Emma’s head. Just kidding. He says a deal’s a deal, and gives her the sword. He tells Dark Emma that she’s made a mistake in turning him into a hero. She says Storybrooke is loaded with heroes and none of them have been able to stop her. He says that’s because none of them are him.

David finds the burned mushroom and says they obviously can’t trust Arthur. Regina says Henry can help them since he’s the author of the story. Henry puts the mushroom into a bubbling cauldron, and Hologram Merlin rises out of it. He starts telling them something, but then says the dark one has found him and disappears.

The Walking Dead

We begin with Morgan talking to someone we don’t see. He says they’ve wanted everything from him and he’s going to give it to them. The word “Then” is shown and Morgan is in what looks like some kind of cell with a blackboard. He’s yelling at someone while a lantern on the floor looks like it’s going to burn the place down. This is a confusing episode start, but they like to do that.

Now Morgan is in the woods picking off some zombies. He puts them in a pile, covers them with dried leaves and sets them on fire. Way to start a forest fire. Where is Smokey the Bear when you need him? Oops! One of those zombies wasn’t quite dead and gives a whole new meaning to the term burning man festival. Satisfied with his day’s work, Morgan has a beer.

Two guys who are not zombies come running through the woods. Morgan gets one in the throat with a sharpened stick and strangles the other. He burns them too. I have no clue what’s going on here, except that Morgan is a firebug.

Morgan is talking to himself, saying, “You know what it is,” and does some clumsy ballet moves with the stick. He sees a house with a goat tied out front. He’s about to steal the goat when a voice tells him to leave the goat alone. The voice tells him to put the gun down and come inside for some falafel. I’m not even making that up. He comes closer to the cabin and the voice tells him it’s his last chance to put the gun down. When he doesn’t, he gets whacked in the head from behind by a guy who looks like Friar Tuck.

Morgan comes to in a cell. There’s a lot of that going around. The friar has changed into work clothes, and tells Morgan he should be more careful. Morgan yells “Kill me,” a couple of times. He tosses Morgan a book on The Art of Peace. The watch goat sounds an alarm and the guy runs out and intercepts a zombie. He gives Morgan some food.

The next day, he tells Morgan his name is Eastman and that he rehabilitated prisoners before the apocalypse. He asks Morgan what he does or did. Morgan says kill anyone who gets near him. Nice. When Eastman is out on his morning constitutional, Morgan works the zipper pull of his jacket and tries cutting around one of the window bars. When Eastman comes back in, he says he believes Morgan must be suffering from PTSD. Morgan tells him about killing the two guys. Eastman asks if Morgan has saved anyone. He says he saw a wedding ring, so Morgan must have had someone in his life. He supposes Morgan saw them get zombiefied. Morgan says he has to kill him because he was born to “clear,” whatever that means. Eastman says that he’s only met one truly evil person, that it’s usually some kind of trauma that causes people to do bad things. It turns out the cell door was open the whole time. I’m sure this is all very philosophical and Morgan wrecked his jacket for nothing. Eastman tells him he can go or stay, but he won’t allow Morgan to kill him. Morgan opens the cell door, acts like he’s leaving and then attacks Eastman with his stick.

Eastman gets the better of him, but then Morgan gets the better of Eastman. It reverses again, but in the end Eastman pins Morgan to the ground until he gets ahold of himself, like you would with a kid having a tantrum. Morgan asks Eastman to kill him again, which is getting old, but Eastman says he gave Morgan two choices and that wasn’t one of them. Morgan goes back to the cell and closes the door. Eastman opens it and Morgan kicks it shut again.

Later, Eastman tells him that it was aikido he was using to kick Morgan’s ass. He tells Morgan about how his daughter found him crying in the garage after work. She gave him her rabbit’s foot and told him it will make things better. He discovered aikido the next day. Eastman says they’re going on a trip. He has no idea where, but he doesn’t want to go by himself.

Eastman is also on a mission to learn how to make goat cheese. He tells Morgan he has a lot of supplies, but wants to scavenge some things for the trip. He asks Morgan to watch the goat while he’s gone. I swear, if Morgan touches that goat, I’ll kill him myself. He picks up the book and reads that the basic creed of aikido is to not kill, even if it’s the most evil person. He hears the goat making warning sounds and knocks off a couple of zombies.

I hope his attitude changes by the end of this episode, because he’s annoying the crap out of me. He finds a makeshift graveyard and is burying the zombies when Eastman comes back. Eastman thanks him for saving the goat and checks the zombies’ pockets for ID so that he can make grave markers. I am having such a bad feeling here that this is going to end in some depressing way.

Commercial break. The Talking Dead is having 2 surprise cast members tonight. That’s not good.

Eastman wants to teach Morgan aikido. He says you’re to care about the welfare of your opponent and that all life is precious, not just yours. Morgan gets aikido lessons and reads the book. At dinner, Morgan asks what’s up with the cell in his living room. Eastman tells him that back in the day, he interviewed prisoners up for parole and there was a guy who said and did all the right things, but he could see the guy was a psychopath. The prisoner discovered that he knew, dropped the facade and was going to kill Eastman because he knew Eastman would make sure he’d never get out of prison. I would say that’s not the best solution, but he got out anyway and killed Eastman’s family. (Here I would say this is pretty far-fetched, but I was friends with Richie Adan who was murdered by Jack Henry Abbott after Norman Mailer had helped him get released.) Eastman built the cell because he was going to put this guy in it, but he came to believe all life is precious.  I just know this episode is going to break my heart somehow.

Eastman asks Morgan who he lost and what were their names. Morgan wants to have a pity party, but Eastman says no, we’re doing some aikido instead. While they’re doing a drill, a zombie comes out of the woods. It’s one of the guys Morgan killed and Morgan becomes paralyzed. Eastman intervenes and gets bitten. My prediction was correct. Morgan is furious. Eastman says let’s go home, that Morgan “made it out,” and can’t go back. They fight with the aikido sticks and once again Morgan goes back to the “kill me” business.

Commercial break. An “episode” of Fear 462. One of the characters used to be on All My Children a really long time ago. So long, I don’t remember what her name is or her character’s name. Julie rings a bell, but I’m not positive.

This is just dismal now. Morgan is on a hunt for zombies in the woods. He kills one and there are two hikers that had been frozen in their tracks. The girl takes a can of beans and a bullet out of her bag, puts them down as an offering to Morgan and says, thank you. I’m glad he didn’t kill them.

Oh my heart. I can’t take this. Morgan comes home to find the goat being eaten by a zombie. Eastman is a beat behind him and says she must have figured out the door wasn’t locked and gotten out. I want to cry.

Eastman finishes the story about the prisoner. He did accomplish his mission and when the prisoner was eventually released, he kidnapped him. He put him in the cell and let him starve to death. It took 47 days. He says he was like Morgan was, but it gave him no peace. He found peace when he decided to never kill anything again. I guess this cabin is pretty remote, because when he went to turn himself in, he found out about the apocalypse.

Eastman isn’t looking too good. He says he’s ready to go and he has a gun locked away. He gives Morgan his rabbit’s foot and says he hopes it’s lucky for Morgan too. This whole thing is very painful and I’m glad they’re not showing the suicide. Morgan is truly alone once again.

Morgan leaves the cabin, walking past Eastman’s grave marker. He sees the sign and map for Terminus, smiles, and heads down the train tracks. And we all know how that ended up.

We’re back to now, and Morgan is with a Wolf that he’d abducted, to whom he’d been telling the story. The Wolf asks if Morgan thinks there’s hope for him and Morgan says yes. The Wolf shows Morgan that he has a bite mark. He says he knows he’s probably going die, that if he doesn’t, he’ll have to kill everyone there. All righty then.

Morgan leaves and locks the door. And I still don’t know what was going on with that fire in the beginning.

The Real Housewives of the OC – Reunion Part 3

I love Heather’s dress and earrings! We dive right into the Brooks thing, even showing an ancient clip with an ex-Housewife Laurie. Tamra tells some old story too. Shannon asks if Vicki thinks Brooks really has cancer and she says yes. Briana says early on, Brooks had said he had pancreatic cancer, but it was really pancreatitis.

They cut to a one-on-one interview by Andy with Brooks, who “couldn’t be there.” I’ll bet. I wouldn’t want to be there either with that bunch of women ganging up on me. He talks about the Newport Imaging PET scan. Brooks says that he went to Hogue for the test, but his oncologist practices at both places and the results were dictated at Newport.  Andy brings up the pancreatitis thing. He says he never talked to Briana directly about it, that it was Vicki who passed along the wrong info. Briana makes a bunch of faces in a little box in the corner of the screen.

Vicki says she doesn’t have proof if he has cancer or not and everyone yells at her for “protecting” Brooks. Shannon says she has proof. She took a screen shot of the report and compared it with a test she had taken there. She whips out a copy of one of their reports and gives us all kinds of information about how they do stuff there. She says the mess that his report was isn’t even comparable. Vicki heaves a huge sigh. Back at the Brooks interview, Andy points out the inconsistencies between what Vicki and Brooks have said. Brooks says she misspeaks quite a bit. Andy asks if he has anything to say to Meghan, and he says F-off. Now tell us how you really feel. Andy asks why he doesn’t show Heather’s husband Terry the report, and he says he wishes he had and that he will. Heather says it hasn’t happened yet. Vicki admits to fabricating a story about Terry’s involvement because she wanted people to have compassion. The women go nuts on her and at least Andy comes to her defense for telling the truth.

Andy says Meghan went to great lengths to disprove Brooks’s cancer. Meghan starts crying about the dinner party where Vicki went off on her and her husband’s ex-wife just dying from cancer. Vicki says she still believes Brooks has cancer and she had even gone to chemo with him once. Heather says Vicki is too smart for this and Tamra asks what does Brooks have on her to make her lie? Andy asks if Vicki is scared of Brooks and she kind of nods. She says he was more verbally abusive. Briana says that she’s seem him be physically abusive. She says she saw Brooks shake Vicki and it was in front of a room full of people, so what does he do behind closed doors? I’m wondering why nobody in that room full of people, including Briana, say something?

Vicki says that no one seemed to care when Brooks was diagnosed, and Shannon gets pretty upset. We flash back to just about every interaction with Shannon and Vicki last season. We also see the bit where Tamra said Vicki might be going to hell for lying. All the women agree. I wonder where on earth the Christians in the bunch get this stuff, and consider writing to Tamra’s “pasture” again.

Shannon goes nuts, talking about how she was loyal to Vicki. Vicki talks about her mother passing away and Meghan idiotically says that shouldn’t affect the other areas of her life. Vicki admits that her gut reaction is that Brooks doesn’t have cancer. Andy says Vicki seems disconnected and outs Vicki for taking some Xanax. Geez, nothing is sacred. She says nobody wants to feel duped, and she feels sad, but relieved to not be with him any longer. However, she sticks with the fact that she never had definitive proof that he does or doesn’t have cancer. Briana talks about how she’s been back home and has her old room back. There’s something about her that I just don’t like. Maybe it’s that she claims to be so independent, yet I get the feeling she’s very dependent.They take a break and Tamra, Briana and Vicki discuss the whole thing. Tamra says she’s heartbroken and wants the old Vicki back.

I think my problem with this bunch is, although they might be coming from a good place (I’m not so sure about Meghan – I think that one has a screw loose), they’re loud and relentless. They never once gave Vicki a break when her mother had just passed away. And yes, Meghan, something like that can affect other areas of your life. It was like they were torturing this poor woman instead of helping the situation. Honestly, sometimes they come off like they’ve had no life experience whatsoever, and certainly can’t seem to walk in anyone else’s shoes.

Awww, it’s our final moments of the reunion. Andy asks Meghan how her experience was, and I don’t care. He points out that Vicki copped to her culpability in the Brooks business, but says it wasn’t enough to satisfy the other wives. Shannon says blah-blah-blah about her marriage and that she’s disappointed in her friendship with Vicki. Tamra gets all choked up about being grateful and says she hopes her friendship with Vicki can be mended. Vicki says she’s not in a good place, that she’s sad, but she also feels refreshed.

Andy passes out fireball shots and I wish I’d had several while watching this.

Oct27

October 26, 2015 — GH, the OC Reunites & Ladies Go To Denmark

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Diane! I’ve missed her! It should be interesting too, since she’s going to be Spinelli’s attorney. I can’t believe they have him handcuffed to a chair in the police station though. Not too much overkill. Are they afraid he might break out an iPhone or something?

Sabrrrina and Michael tell Sonny that they’re having a baby. Sonny says fatherhood changed his life. Apparently, not enough to get him to change careers. They discuss whether they want to know the gender of the baby before it’s born, and I have this vision of a sonogram picture and the baby has Carrrlos’s face. Sabrrrina and Carly leave the room, and Sonny tells Michael he has to make an honest woman of Sabrrrina. I guess she doesn’t get a say in that.

Dante says he wants to leave the police force if he and Lulu are going to have another child. Their doctor says not all embryos are viable after thawing, so they should slow their enthusiasm roll.

Jordan is telling Diane about how Spinelli could be facing federal charges. She says he can meet with Diane after he’s processed. Diana asks Sam what Spinelli was looking for when they’re alone.

“Jake” is arguing with young Jake about what his father position is. Jake keeps insisting that “Jake” is his real father. When “Jake” goes to the kitchen, Elizabeth tells young Jake that when they get married, “Jake” will be his step-dad, but he says that’s not what she told Laura. Take that, Elizabeth. With the worst timing ever, “Jake” returns with a plate of cookies and some milk. Is milk still considered good for kids? I thought there was some argument about that. Cow’s milk anyway.

Sam tells Diane that she knows what it is not to have family to lean on, and that’s why she wants to help “Jake.” Diane notices her engagement ring and asks if Sam thinks it’s a good idea. Hmm… Is Patrick still legally married to Robin? Nope, that’s not what Diane is thinking anyway. She says she had a front row seat for Sam’s relationship with Jason, and that she thinks Sam loves the excitement and Patrick is about the most boring guy on earth.

Elizabeth tells “Jake” that young Jake’s perception has been skewed, and that he needs to see a therapist. Jake calls Sam and she says she’ll meet him at the docks.

The doctor tells Dante and Lulu that with only one embryo, they only have a 16% chance of success, and if that part is successful, they’ll have a one in five chance of getting a baby out of it.

Carly tells Sabrrrina she should take her time with things. Not if Sonny has anything to say about it. He’s probably making up wedding favors in his hospital bed. Sonny tells Carly that he told Michael he should marry Sabrrrina, and she says, “No. Hell no,” which is my usual reaction whenever I see Michael. Carly insists that Michael doesn’t love Sabrrrina and I have no idea where this is coming from. She claims she can tell that neither one of them love each other. She says they were only consoling each other and it’s no basis for a marriage. Thank goodness they both have Carly to tell them how they really feel.

Dante Is having second thoughts about Lulu getting pregnant. He’s afraid it will be a long, hard road for her and it might not result in a baby and she’ll feel like she failed. Maybe he should get together with Carly, and they can tell everyone how they’re supposed to be feeling.

Diane meets with The Jackal. Diane tells Jordan that she should be getting a call from Judge Cole soon. As soon as Jordan leaves, Diane lambasts Spinelli. Not for what he did, but for getting caught. I love her and wish she could be my lawyer if I ever need one.

Elizabeth tells young Jake that “it’s complicated.” That’s mom code for I’m not telling you anything.

“Jake” apologizes to Sam for his outburst after finding out about the deleted file. Jake tells Sam that Elizabeth had told him to make like Elsa and let it go, but he doesn’t want to do that because of what young Jake said. It’s not because he believes what Jake said, but that Jake is invested in him now and he doesn’t want something from his past to come along later to screw that up. He seems like a smart guy, so why can’t he put 2 and 2 together? He seems very aware that he knew what he was doing when he killed some guys, and he wants to make sure Elizabeth and her boys are safe around him. Sam tells him they “hit a little snag,” and lets him know about Spinelli’s arrest. She still believes that when Spinelli gets sprung, he can finish the quest.

Lulu wants to try the in vitro anyway, and says that if it doesn’t work out, she’ll be happy the way things are. She wants the chance of them to create a life together. Man, if Valerie turns out pregnant, there is going to be one load of grief.

Carly tells Sonny that Michael should have passion in his relationship. I guess she’s been in the bedroom with them too. She says Sabrrrina is fine for Michael to date, but not marry. Huh?

Sabrrrina (who IRL must be at least 5 months along, considering what she’s wearing) is impressed with how well Michael took the news. We’ll see how he feels when the baby comes out speaking Spanish. He says that he wants the three of them (meaning him, Sabrrrina and the baby) to be a family, and asks her to marry him. She says he’s great and all, but that would be a no.

Lulu tells Dante that no one ever got what they wanted by being afraid to try. They agree to start the procedure the day after Halloween.

Jordan tells Spinelli that he’s free to go, but there had better not be a next time. She says if she catches him messing around with the hospital records again, that even his well-connected attorney won’t be able to help him. Diana tells him his skills aren’t what they once were, and he should stay away from hacking.

Elizabeth says blah-blah-blah to young Jake and that “Jake’s” past doesn’t matter.

“Jake” thinks differently though, and wants to make sure he hasn’t committed any crimes he doesn’t know about. Sam is up for the challenge, but she believes that if he wasn’t a good guy to begin with, he wouldn’t be as concerned as he is. She says that by the time he marries Elizabeth, he’ll know who he is.

Does that mean we’ll know by November 6?

The Real Housewives of the OC – Reunion Part 2

We revisit some weird stuff like Heather’s foray into leech territory and Shannon’s colonic mishap. Then we discuss Heather’s massive house. Heather also says she has frozen embryos, but I’m not sure where they’re being stored. That house is so big, they could have a lab in the basement for all I know. Heather says she’s 87 now (ha-ha, Heather – you would be saying that if you didn’t look so good at 46), so she won’t be using them and Andy offers to buy them. Hey, Lulu and Dante could use a spare egg.

Ugh! It’s Meghan’s husband Jim, joining them on the couch. It is funny though, that people are starting to recognize him as Meghan’s husband instead of a famous ballplayer. We go back to some of the nastier moments when Meghan behaved like twit and Jim behaved like a tool. Andy points out that he often treats Meghan like a child, and they both say she doesn’t let him get away with that. Okay. I believe it if you believe it. He says he wasn’t ready for the bright lights of reality TV, and that’s why he acts so condescending. He makes more excuses and my hearing turns off. Heather says “Jimmy is the coolest guy ever.” I doubt it.

Vicki says that she misunderstood what Brooks had told her when she said Jim had told Brooks that two months out of four had been “challenging,” when he’d actually said it was a couple of situations. Two is two to Vicki. Meghan climbs onto her high horse and declares Vicki a liar. This leads to a flashback of an offhand comment Vicki made at Tamra’s “sex party.” Tamra was dressed entirely in black lace, gyrating around  with a…device strapped onto her, when Vicki told Heather that Tamra’s kids weren’t going to like it and she’s already had one taken away. Yep, that was kind of mean, except I do think she might have a point without even knowing it. Tamra seems like a good mother, but the daughter is not happy about her airing information about them on TV. We move to Vicki saying that Jim and Meghan’s marriage wouldn’t last 5 years. I still think so.

Meghan signed a pre-nup and claims it was her idea. It was out of the goodness of her heart, so that the children would never feel that something can be taken away from them, and it would ease Jim’s mind about her intentions. I don’t know if I believe that, but he says her family was all on board with it too. He probably paid them off.

On to David’s affair. God bless these two for being able to move past it, and being able to move past it on television. I didn’t like David very much at first, but now I understand what was going on, and why he was so irritated and distant. When they were on Watch What Happens Live, he was criticized by some viewers for being “emotionless” and “wooden.” Hello? He’s not an actor. I’d like to see them have cameras up their ass 24/7 and act even halfway normal. When Andy asks Shannon if she has any insight into why he had the affair, she starts saying that he was unavailable because of work and she was being a nag thinking she could get what she wanted that way. All of the ladies start freaking, telling her not to make excuses for him. Heather says you fix it or leave, you don’t cheat, and on this I agree.

We get one of those short bits in between commercials where Andy questions Vicki’s perception of what a mammal is, since she thought a shark was one. That’s not too far-fetched though, since they don’t lay eggs, but give birth. That isn’t always the criteria though. Our mammalogy lesson for today.

Shannon says she’s not making excuses for David, that she blames him plenty. Heather tells us about how she was at a lunch and the topic came up. She tried to squash it, but she caught one of the other women texting the mistress. Andy reads a viewer text that asks if Shannon thinks it was a good idea for the kids to see what happened on TV. She said the kids had already known. Not that she told them, but they’d seen something on his phone, and if they hadn’t, she wouldn’t have put it out there. She says though, that since it did happen, it’s good for the kids to see that it’s possible to put things back together. And they seem well-adjusted to me. Andy makes a joke like he’s going to bring the mistress out. Ha-ha-ha, Andy! I’ve said it before, he has replaced Jeff Probst as the reality TV antichrist.

Another ugh! Briana joins the group. Not only do I not like her, she always looks like a slob. Is she wearing black eye shadow? Does she think this is The Rocky Horror Picture Show? And why can’t she ever comb her hair? As we already know, Vicki and Brooks aren’t together anymore. Brooks technically broke up with her, but she says the main reason was the conflict with Briana. Briana says he would do terrible things when Vicki was on the other side of the room. For example, he hit on her while she was pregnant. The only thing I can think is he must have been drunk as a skunk. I do actually have some experience in that vein. When I got married my (now ex) brother-in-law hit on every girl at the reception, including the bride.

Meghan says Brooks’s lawyer had contacted her, telling her to leave him alone. At this point, I don’t care if Brooks is an ax murderer, I still like him more than Meghan. We get a clip of Andy’s interview with Brooks, who says Briana seems to be the only relative that has a problem with him. He says that Briana was leaning on Vicki for financial help and Briana goes apesh*t. She says she makes 6 figures and doesn’t need help. Please tell me why Vicki did things like buy her a car this season if she makes so much money? She then gives a laundry list of all the bad stuff Brooks has done and says the whole family hates him.

Part 3 looks like a doozie! I do feel sorry for Vicki though. Nobody’s ever given her a moment to breathe and I can identify with that.

VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION: Part 3 of The Real Housewives of the OC’s reunion is going to be on Sunday night – not Monday. Thanks Bravo! I live for this stuff and now you have to create conflict.

Ladies of London

More great pop music! Geez, maybe Caroline #1 should sell off a few of her purses and get some money to keep the business going. I think she has about 5000 of them. And I’m pretty sure they’re more expensive than mine.

London Fashion Week is starting with a “Fashion for Relief” show that benefits Ebola. That makes it sound like it’s promoting Ebola, but you know what I mean. It seems to be a problem over there. It’s not the first time it’s been mentioned. Annabelle is on the runway. We flash back to her riding accident, and I have to give her props. She had a broken pelvis, among other injuries, and you would never know it. She’s working the runway like a boss and wearing an amazing black gown.

It looks like Caroline #1’s business is tanking. She says her several million pounds investment ran out 6 months before she thought it would. Seven years down the drain. She says there’s no shame in failure (didn’t someone say it’s a lesson in what not to do?), but she’s incredibly sad.

Naomi Campbell is visiting with Annabelle. They’ve known each other for a while. The funny part is how Annabelle says Naomi is such a great friend because she doesn’t create drama. I choke on my Cup O’Noodles.

Marissa (bleh) is meeting The Baroness (Caroline #2)for tea. The Baroness says she hasn’t slept in days and looks like it. Even though she says she never wanted to talk about it again, The Baroness brings up the crappy thing that Marissa did by talking smack about The Baroness’s boyfriend to her sister. She wants a promise from Marissa that it won’t happen again. Marissa says that she can only apologize so many times, but in her individual interview, The Baroness says she doesn’t feel it’s been sincere. I can totally understand this. I don’t think Marissa grasps that what she did was actually a big deal.

Julie is doing a body-painted shot, an ad campaign for her JUGS. No not those kind. It’s Julia’s Unbelievable Balls. No not those kind. They’re similar to energy bars. She does a shot where the back of her is painted and she’s up against a painting where she’s the middle panel. Her body is freakin’ fabulous, although she’s nervous about the whole thing.

Joan Collins Sophie, The Baroness and Caroline #1 are having lunch. Caroline #1 wonders what she’s going to do on Monday now. The Baroness says she’ll rise like a phoenix and invites everyone to her family home in Denmark for a holiday. Ivana Trump Sophie says there will probably be drama because the American girls are not as tough as the British ones. Like these British girls don’t stir the pot.

One look at Caroline #1’s closet makes me wonder if she really had to close the business. Her closet is about as big as my house and it’s not empty. I seriously doubt it’s filled with items from K-Mart either. The girls are all getting ready for the Denmark trip. Everyone is wearing either black or navy blue. Annabelle is late, but manages to make it in time. And she’s wearing a while coat. Congrats on bucking the system!

They’re flying economy class and I have no clue why. Maybe it’s a novelty for them. I can assure you that if I could afford first class, there would be no going back. In Denmark, The Baroness is very famous, so there’s a photographer at the airport. She says once the news gets out, they probably won’t be left alone. Mo’ money, mo’ paparazzi.

Back in the old days, The Baroness’s family did the king of Denmark a favor, and since he didn’t have enough gold for a reward, he gave them several castles. Nice. For some reason, Annabelle thinks it’s “rude and childish” of Julie to want to go to a coffee shop while the others shop at a furrier. I don’t get it. I also don’t get why she even cares, since she had nothing to do with the trip. Julie is a vegan, so it should be no surprise that she doesn’t want to buy a fur. Alexis Carrington Sophie says the coat she’s picked is 69,000 Euros, but I have no idea how much that really is. Judging by Juliet’s reaction, I assume it’s a lot.

Annabelle tells Julie that she’s annoyed with chatter behind the scenes. I’m not sure what’s up with her, but she seems kind of unreasonable right now. The Baroness wants them to get everything out in the open at dinner. Good luck with that not turning into a screaming match. They all go to some fancy restaurant called Geist. It’s really beautiful and reminds me of some restaurants in Manhattan. The Baroness tells an amusing story about how the restaurant went out of their way for her, getting a dish they didn’t have from somewhere else, and Marissa acts incredibly rude in her individual interview by making snoring noises. This is the second time she’s done this in regard to The Baroness.

Uh-oh. The Baroness makes an announcement that if anyone has anything to say, say it now. Juliet says that she’s very happy because she’s learned her lesson about creating drama. Oh good. Annabelle is going to say a couple of things. Maybe now we’ll find out who put that stick up her ass. She says Juliet should listen more instead of going directly to drama. Nice after what Juiet just said. She tells Caroline #1 to basically quit being so rude. Julie gets bestowed with the information that she should hold some things in rather than letting them fly. Caroline #1 counters with that sometimes Annabelle seems absent, and that she comes in with “a face,” rather than letting everyone know what’s up. That’s it? What about the others?

Next week, we go to the castle, there’s another dinner where everyone gets a lecture, and Annabelle gets an ominous phone call.