What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Alexis and Julian are using their gift certificate. Julian suggests using room service for dinner.

Griffin comes to Tracy’s aid and Hayden makes a call to the family.

Ava tells Franco she’s not confident that Paul can get her out of being arrested for arms trafficking.

Jordan tells Paul she still has quesitons for Ava.

Jason pays attention to Sam and plays with Danny in the Shriners waiting room, totally bumming Elizabeth out. She acts all nice when we all know what’s really going on in her head. Danny has brought a toy truck for Jake. Great choice for a kid who just got hit by a car. Elizabeth and Jason go with Danny to give it to him.

Tracy asks what happened. Hayden tells her she had a seizure and Griffin wants her to go to the hospital to get checked out. She says she thinks she’s dehydrated and asks for some water. Griffin helps her to a chair. Griffin says it might not be anything serious, but she should get checked. Dillon comes in and seconds that.

Franco says that if Ava can’t be there for some reason, he’ll look after Kiki as if she was his own, no matter what. He says he thought she was his daughter for a long time, and the feelings didn’t go away.

Paul asks why Jordan needs to discuss Ava’s immunity deal with her. Jordan says she is the police commissioner and wants to be up to speed. Paul tries calling Ava when Jordan leaves, but she doesn’t have her phone with her. Really? With Kiki in the hospital?

Ava says it surprises her to say it, but Franco has been a great surrogate father for Kiki and she’s happy to have him. Franco says that Paul is good at covering his tracks, and he’ll probably cover hers fine as well. Jordan shows up and asks to talk to Ava.

Jake thanks Danny for the toy truck and again seems like a normal kid. The boys go with Jake to the hospital playroom. Elizabeth tells Jason she finds it strange that Sam brought Danny for a visit. Because thinking about someone other than herself is a foreign concept.

Nicholas sees Sam in the waiting room. They talk about Shriners and how Spencer made the bow ties to drum up donations. Where is Spencer? They talk a little about the wedding. Nicholas asks if there’s an update on Hayden.

Tracy keeps denying she had a seizure, but Griffin and Dillon insist she go to the hospital.

Alexis and Julian peruse the room service menu, but toss it aside for more nookie.

In the hospital, Tracy says this is a waste of time. Griffin says he wants to check her PET and CT scans before she leaves. Tracy says she wants the best neurologist. Griffin says what about the best neurosurgeon? She says she wants someone who’s been working at GH for more than five minutes.

Elizabeth says she’s surprised Sam just showed up. Jason says she didn’t, he called her. Elizabeth asks if he wanted to see her. He says he wanted to see both her and Danny. Elizabeth says she didn’t realize how serious things were already, because she is a clueless self-centered idiot.

Sam’s phone rings and it’s Baxter. She says she’s come into some money and wants to invest it. She makes a date to meet with him in Manhattan. Nicholas says he can’t wait to see what she finds out as Jason looks on from a distance.

Franco sits next to Kiki’s hospital bed and talks to her. He pulls out his phone and tells Kiki a cat story he finds on the internet. Deciding the internet is nothing but crap, he wonders what he can say or do to inspire Kiki to come back.

Jordan tells Ava that Paul told her about their arrangement. Since she’s being vague, we know she’s trying to trick Ava into spilling the beans. Ava asks if Paul told her all of the details. At just the right moment, Paul comes in and says Jordan knows all about the immunity deal. Jordan says Ava was about to tell her the intimate details of their relationship. Ava says she realizes how that sounded, but now that Paul is here, he can do that. Jordan wants to talk to Ava alone, but Paul says Ava needs to tend to Kiki. Jordan leaves and Paul tells Ava she’s welcome.

Franco reads what sounds like an online privacy agreement to Kiki. He wants to bore and annoy her so much, she wakes up. He babbles as only Roger Howarth can do, talking about magic wands, Morgan and Griffin. He asks what he can do to bring her back.

Jason joins Sam with Danny. Jason says he knows Nicholas is her family and she doesn’t talk about cases so he’s not going to talk about Nicholas. It turns out he and Sam are staying at the same hotel, so they leave to put Danny to bed. Elizabeth sees them leave together because she just can’t mind her own business.

Paul says thanks to his efforts, Ava won’t have to serve jail time for their arrangement. She says an arrangement he roped her into. She says he got there just before she told Jordan everything, and she would have protected herself at all costs. They talk about Kiki. Ava says she’d give anything for Kiki to wake up.

Jake is having FaceTime with Franco. Franco asks if he can show Jake’s latest picture to Kiki. Franco asks about Elizabeth and tells Jake she loves him and is the best mom ever. Franco talks to Kiki about Jake getting better and says Kiki is going to get better too.

Hayden waits while Dillon gets a soda. Griffin leaves Tracy’s room and Hayden goes in. Tracy says he went to get the rest results. Tracy says she bets Hayden can’t wait to hear that something is wrong with her. Hayden says it’s not like that and Tracy tells her to go away, calling her Rachel. Dillon overhears and is like, what? Griffin comes back and kicks them both out.

Nicholas talks to Elizabeth in the waiting room. Elizabeth says Sam is going to be part of her life forever because they both have sons with Jason.

At the hotel, Jason hugs Sam and says he’s glad she’s okay. He says he wishes he’d been there and she says she does too.

Griffin brings Dr. Mays (the nasty one who Sonny blew off) to Tracy’s room. Back again, Hayden and Dillon thank Griffin for his help. Tracy insists she didn’t have a seizure. The doctor asks if it’s happened before. She says no, but Dillon beings up her spacing out and Hayden chimes in with what she’s observed. Tracy says she was just having senior moments and she asks Dillon and Hayden to leave. Dillon is afraid she’ll lie to the doctor, but they go.

Julian and Alexis make sweet pillow talk. I don’t have a senior moment, but intentionally space out. Julian says getting a second chance with her was the most important thing that’s ever happened to him and he doesn’t want to blow it. Does that mean he’s going to? Blah-blah-blah Julian has changed and Alexis is sooo happy about that. Bluebirds with ribbons in their mouths fly around the happy couple. Bippity boppity boo.

Dillon tells Hayden that Tracy is just scared and taking it out on her. Hayden says she should probably go, but to keep her posted. Dillon says he thinks there’s something seriously wrong with Tracy and that she’s suffering from delusions. Hayden says she might be having seizures, but she’s sharp as a tack. He asks why she would call Hayden “Rachel.”

Paul says he was happy to get Ava off the hook since the thing with Kiki is enough. Ava says its her fault and Paul says she can help by getting out of the business. He says she has a clean slate now, but she brings up the flash-drive that he has. She asks if she can have it.

Franco calls Elizabeth and tells her about the conversation with Jake. He wants to apologize for thinking he understood what she was going through with her son. He says he’s got a better understanding now that Kiki is in the hospital. He says he doesn’t know what to do to get her to wake up. Elizabeth says the only way to get through it is to get through it. Thanks, Yoda.

Sam says she knew in her gut that Jason could stop the bad guys. Jason asks if it’s because of his past. Sam says yes. He asks if that’s why she trusts him, because of his past life. She says yes. Well, that was kind of a dull ending.

Tomorrow, Sonny says he would kill to protect his family (like we didn’t know that already), Tracy tells Dillon what’s wrong with her, and Jason wants to know if Sam trusts the new him.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Candace’s nosy neighbor calls her son the cop. She keeps seeing Quita circle the block.

Quita and her friend Taylor break into the back door of Candace’s place. How come nosy neighbor didn’t see them go back there? They use the GPS to find Quincy’s phone, which stupidly, no one has gotten rid of. Quita sees a way too clean floor. Quita wants to find her brother, but Taylor says they’d better book.

Jim tells Veronica that he’s going to miss her. She says she can’t say the same. He asks if she’s going home to freshen up, and she tells him to get comfortable in the cell since he’s going to be there for a while.

The cops show up at Candace’s place. They handcuff Quita and Taylor. Quita insists she knows Candace and she was invited there. The cops ask for Candace’s phone number, but Quita doesn’t have it.

Jeffrey, who can’t stay away from trouble, comes by and the neighbor points him out. The cops ask him if he knows Quita and Taylor and he says no. He asks Quita if she knows Jeffrey and says he was driving her car. Quita asks Jeffrey where Quincy is. Justin, nosy neighbor’s son and bad cop, wants to talk to Jeffrey in the house. Ugh! I can’t stand this guy and it makes me nervous when he’s around Jeffrey.

Justin asks what’s up and if there’s drug running out of the house. He says something is going on and he knows it. Jeffrey says he doesn’t know what Justin is talking about and he just came to get keys that he left there. Justin wants him to call Candace, but he says he doesn’t know the number by heart. Justin says they’ll wait then. He tells the other cops to take Quita and Taylor in, and says he and Jeffrey are going to wait for Candace.

Justin acts like he’s king of the castle. He asks if there’s some wine around and tells Jeffrey to find him some. Jeffrey asks if Justin is still on duty. He asks Justin to leave and says he’ll have Candace call him. Surprisingly, Justin says okay. Then he gets a little bananas. He tells Jeffrey that Quita said she’s looking for her brother, Jeffrey had her car, there was blood in the car and his mother told him three men came in and only two came out.

He says he knows something’s going on and if he leaves, he’ll be in investigation mode. He asks if that’s what Jeffrey wants and Jeffrey says no. Justin tells him, good choice, and says to pour a drink for himself too, making me nauseous.

Candace meets Landon at a restaurant. Landon says he wants to go back to Atlanta, but Maggie wants him to stick around. Candace asks him if he’s too exhausted to meet a nice, hot young man. He says never, and she says she has someone she wants him to meet and suggests they go to Landon’s room.

After the fastest downing of a bottle of wine ever, Justin asks if there’s more. He walks around, making Jeffrey and I anxious, and then tells Jeffrey to come upstairs with him. It’s hard to know which character to hate the most on this show, but he’s way up there.

Quita sees Veronica at the jail and tells her not to go to her house. Veronica doesn’t know who she is, but Quita says get her out, and she’ll tell Veronica everything.

David, who is driving like a maniac, keeps trying to call Veronica. Veronica is picking up her belongings at the jail and sees that he called. Veronica says her wig is missing. The guard says there’s no wig on the list. I’m not sure what the big deal is about Veronica’s hair, since it’s actually a good look. She could probably go bald and she’d look good.

David calls Jennifer. He tells her not to let Veronica go home. Jennifer tells him off, saying he’ll sleep with that whore and not her, and hangs up. Veronica asks Jennifer if she’s playing games with her belongings. Jennifer acts clueless and Veronica says it’s an $8000 wig and she’ll be suing. There are cameras out front, but Jennifer won’t let Veronica leave by the back way.Veronica says she’s going to the bathroom first and will show Jennifer the beauty of a natural Black girl.

Justin points out what a nice bed Candace has. He asks what she does for a living and Jeffrey says she’s in law school and other than that, Justin will have to asks her. He asks why Jeffrey thinks Quita was looking for her brother here. Justin says he ran them and Quita is bad news, but Jeffrey isn’t. He says the DUI is the only time he’s been in trouble. He shakes Jeffrey’s hand, but then pulls him into a headlock. Jeffrey wrestles with him and ends up the victor. Jeffrey asks if Justin is done playing games and lets him up. At first, Justin acts like it’s all fun, but then he draws his gun and says if Jeffrey ever does that again, he’ll blow his brains out.

Commercial break. If Loving You Is Wrong is back on March 15.

Jeffrey asks Justin why, since he enjoyed it. Justin says he’s crazy and Jeffrey says maybe they both are. Justin says don’t do it again, and Jeffrey says sorry, maybe it was he wine talking.

Holy! Veronica takes a strip off her slip (who still wears those?) and makes a fantastic hair-do out of it. She tells the driver to take her around to the back of the jail, that she’s not leaving yet.

Candace tells Landon how great the guy is that she’s setting him up with. The’re barely in the room when there’s a knock at the door. It’s a humongous guy with dreadlocks. Landon says that’s not his type. Next, Erica and another thug come in. Candace tells Landon to pay attention and slaps him. She wants to know where Landon got the phony information he showed her about Oscar.

Landon tries to act like he’s Candace’s friend, but she’s not having any. Thug #1 starts moving around. Candace tells Landon he’s so pretty, but they can mess him up so his own mother doesn’t recognize him. He says Oscar gave him the link and wanted him to show it to her. Candace is like, and you didn’t think anything was weird about that? Landon says he thought Oscar was into her. Candace asks if he knows where Oscar is and Landon says no. Candace tells Erica she knows Landon is telling the truth because he just peed himself. Although how that’s any indication of truthfulness, I have no idea. Before she leaves, Candace asks Landon if he’d like Thug #1 to stay, since she did promise him a date. Landon doesn’t answer, but I assume it’s a no.

Justin, who is getting tedious, asks Jeffrey if he has any questions. Jeffrey says no, but then asks what Justin’s story is and where he gets off abusing his authority. Justin says that’s not what he’s doing. Jeffrey says yes it is and there’s no telling what he would have done if Jeffrey hadn’t stopped him. Justin says that’s not the case and Jeffrey asks why he’s there then. Justin says he thinks something isn’t right and he’s going to find out what it is. Jeffery says what’s not right is him, touching him sexually, keeping him here, and hiding behind his badge. Justin says he hates queers and Jeffery suggests he wants to be punished because he’s closeted.

Justin asks if Jeffrey’s a therapist and Jeffrey suggests that Justin is a control freak. He says Justin doesn’t hate him, he wants him. Justin says Jeffrey is sick. Jeffrey says Justin is sick because he won’t admit he’s gay. Jeffrey asks who told him it was wrong and asks if he was punished for it. Jeffrey asks Justin to leave, and when he won’t, Jeffrey touches him a place we don’t see and says, the body doesn’t lie. He suggests Justin get some therapy.

Hanna checks on Quincy Jr. in the hospital and says she’ll be there soon. Kathryn comes home. She asks what the hell happened to the house and Hanna says her son. Kathryn asks where he is and Hanna says the last time she saw him, he was driving away in a new car.

Hanna asks where she’s been. Kathryn asks if it can wait. Hanna says it’s waited too long already and to have enough respect for her to tell her the truth. She asks if there’s something she wants to tell Hanna about Wyatt. Kathryn says, so you saw the news, like Hanna is some kind of dimwit, since I’m sure the headlines are all over the place. Hanna says Wyatt told her. Kathryn says she’s sorry. Hanna says she told Kathryn that protecting Wyatt wasn’t going to be good and that he’ll have to pay for what he’s done. She asks if it was all worth it. Kathryn says Hanna is her only friend and she doesn’t want to lose her too. Hanna says she doesn’t lie to her friends and when she asked Kathryn about the girl who was killed, she didn’t say anything, Kathryn says that’s because Hanna knew and saw right through all of them. She says if Hanna hadn’t been there when Amanda died, she doesn’t know what she would have done.

Hanna says she once saw her uncle steal a TV and tells a story about lying that has a tragic ending. She says her uncle died for a TV he didn’t steal and now she makes sure she has the facts straight. Hanna says Kathryn covered for Wyatt who killed the girl and hit her son. She thought the reason Kathryn paid the hospital bills was because she cared. Kathryn asks why she was there for her cancer, and Hanna says it’s because she’s a child of God. Kathryn says Hanna has her there. Hanna says Kathryn still won’t tell her the truth. Kathryn says it’s still under investigation. She says if Hanna quits, what will she do without her? She says she doesn’t care about a clean house, but Hanna is her friend. Hanna says she lied and Kathryn says she chose her son. Hanna says right now, she’s choosing hers. Kathryn says Wyatt is in trouble and needs Hanna. Hanna says she can’t put this out there and not reap it back. She asks for her check. Kathryn won’t give it to her. Hanna says she needs the money. Kathryn says she gets paid on the first and if she’s not there, Kathryn will mail the check. Hanna says don’t do this to her and Kathryn says she has work to do. I’ve always liked Kathryn, but not right now.

Next week. Quita tells Veronica about Quincy, Jeffrey tells Candace that Justin knows something and Kathryn tries to get Hanna to stay.

Takeaway point: The problem with the rich is that they can buy anything they want, but have to beg for what they need.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

What would Kim’s tagline be if she were part of the cast this season? I’m going to stop with that thought, since even I can’t be that mean.

LisaR’s daughter, Amelia, needs her tonsils out. They’re discussing the things she can eat when she gets out of the hospital. The doctor calls and they go over the procedure. He says he can show them the tonsils when they’re done. The girls go eww! but Lisa says she might want to take a look.

Yolanda is hosting a dinner at Wally’s. And by that, I’m assuming she doesn’t mean Walmart. David is still acting like he’s a supportive husband, and they’re going to have a surprise guest entertainer. Yolanda says that even if you’re chronically ill, it’s important to participate in life. She’s having the party at a restaurant rather than her home to lighten the load.

The ponies are running about at LisaV’s house. She says pretty soon they’re going to be in her bedroom and she already has one stallion in the bedroom. Ha-ha! Kyle drops by. She doesn’t really feel like going to Yolanda’s party after their last encounter and Yolanda’s email, but she feels like if she doesn’t show up, she’ll make it worse. Kyle decides she’s just going to apologize and tell Yolanda she was having a bad day. Lisa asks if she can include her with that one.

Yolanda tells David she feels out of touch. He pretends to be concerned. In the limo, Kyle tells LisaV that she and Kim are inching their way toward fixing things.

Even though Erika worked until 2 am, she’s there with bells on. Kathryn tells Erica that Kyle is fired up over Yolanda’s email. Just as she starts to talk about LisaV, Lisa, Kyle and Ken come in. Yolanda and David follow. Kyle takes Yolanda aside and asks if they can talk about the email later. Yolanda asks if she and LisaV can have tea. Lisa says sure, but she wants Yolanda to know she’d never talk smack about her kids.

I love, love, love LisaV’s magenta highlights or extensions or whatever.

Eileen arrives and feels trepidation at seeing LisaV again. LisaR comes in with husband Harry Hamlin, who the girls are excited to meet. Kathryn tells LisaR about her boxing session with Erika and how they talked about LisaV. Kathryn says LisaV can be persuasive, but LisaR disagrees.

LisaV asks Erika about the web comment. Erika says she meant that Lisa can be influential and uses it sometimes. Erika wonders why Kathryn and LisaV would both ask how long she’s known Yolanda back to back. This actually seems like a normal question you would asks someone you just met, so I’m not getting this. LisaV, reading my mind, says almost the same thing, but Erika says it is a normal question, but she thinks Lisa has other motives in asking. She says she feels like LisaV is trying to discredit her friendship with Yolanda and in her individual interview, says that for some reason Lisa doesn’t like her and Yolanda together. She says her gut tells her Lisa is not her friend.

Eileen sent Kim a birthday text and LisaR asks if it would be weird if she did. The general consensus is yes. Lisa wonders how Harry puts up with her.

Erika confronts Kathryn about repeating what she said to LisaV. Erika says she thought they’d spoken in confidence, so thanks a lot. Kathryn says she wasn’t specific in saying it was just between them. Hmm…. I don’t expect my friends to repeat things that I obviously wouldn’t want repeated. I like Kathryn and I think Erika is wrong about LisaV, but Kathryn is also a big mouth. Once again under the Wives guise of honesty.

LisaR says she thinks Eileen is mad at her. Eileen says she’s not mad, but she doesn’t think it’s nice to question Erika when she knows LisaV can be manipulative. LisaR says she really likes LisaV, but feels loyal to Eileen, so she’s torn.

David invites them into another room. Kyle says David’s surprises are always amazing and for all she knows, he brought Elvis back from the dead. Nope. It’s Andrea Bocelli. I think I have a CD of his somewhere that someone gave to me. He sings Ave Maria, it’s fabulous and everyone is enthralled. Kyle takes this as a sign from her mother that she should check on her sister.

LisaR drives her daughter to the hospital. Amelia is concerned about having IVs in her arm and Lisa says she’s probably more worried than Amelia. She calls Harry from the hospital. Lisa says she’s a worrywart by heart and will create a problem if there isn’t one. My father always said that when there was nothing to worry about, my grandfather would worry about that, so I get this. She says the wait is excruciating. Amelia’s doctor comes out to tell her everything went fine. In today’s hospital here’s-your-hat-what’s-your-hurry fashion, Amelia will be sprung shortly.

Kyle is cooking with her daughter Portia. Even though she’s only 7, Kyle tells Portia that some children live at home until they’re married. Wise at a young age, Portia responds with, “Lovely.” Mauricio comes home and one of the dogs steals a baked potato from the table. Kyle says she can’t count the times Bambi has stolen food.

Kyle has been dabbling in ancestry and she would love to go to Ireland. She also says that she met with Kim and Kim seemed like her old self. I’m not sure how these two things connect. Either because they’re family oriented or she’s thinking of going to Ireland with Kim.We see Bambi swiping something else from the kitchen.

Yolanda, Kathryn and Erika meet in the park for a take-out picnic. They talk about Bocelli. Eileen says the evening was a little weird, and tells them how Kathryn had told everyone what Erika said. Yolanda says that wasn’t cool and Kathryn possibly burned some bridges.

Mohammed comes by LisaV’s massive property. Giggy! He has a little house for the ponies and jokes that it‘s for Ken. Lisa thinks maybe her friendship with Mohammed colors her relationship with Yolanda, and between them, her loyalties would lie with Mohammed.

Eileen says she’s had issues with LisaV lately and feels everyone acts like the issues are resolved, but they just sit there. Yolanda says on a personal level, she and Lisa have never gotten intimate, but that’s okay. Eileen says she likes Lisa, but they’re not the friends she thought they would be. She also thinks LisaR’s reaction to the LisaV smack talk was over the top. What I think is that everyone always says they want to move on, but then they have a hard time letting go.

Kathryn is meeting her sisters for lunch. She has three sisters and says all of them were unplanned. Their mother is in the early stages of dementia and they discuss that.

Kim visits Kyle. Kyle says it’s easy for Kim to pretend things didn’t happen, but not so much for her. They talk about Kim’s birthday. In her individual interview, Kim says she doesn’t want to discard what happened, but wants to have a fresh conversation. Kyle asks why Brandi has to send out a picture to social media every time she and Kim are together. Because she’s a self-centered, thoughtless drunk, that’s why.

Kim says bringing up past things can be detrimental. We see a flashback of the infamous limo scene where Kyle first calls Kim an alcoholic, which Bravo will never, ever let us forget. Kim says if it’s going to affect heir lives, they need to talk about it, but not in public and not at the top of their lungs. Kim says not talking to Kyle was hard.

Erika tells everyone all about how LisaV feels about herself, even though she doesn’t really know her. To be honest, and even though she can do no wrong, I do think Lisa has a hard time apologizing. But I also think this stuff is extremely petty and considering what a good friend she is otherwise, I’d let it slide.

Kyle says she feels like Kim hates her. Kim says she loves her with all her heart, but she does have feelings of resentment. Kyle says every time there’s an altercation, the silence between them gets longer. In her individual interview, Kyle says as much as she hates to say it, a lot depends on Kim’s sobriety.

Next week, the ladies take on Habitat for Humanity, LisaV confronts Erika again about the web comments, and Erika’s husband orders Kathryn to leave (or at least that’s the impression we get from the preview).

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Lulu is handcuffed with duct tape over her mouth. Raj says she shouldn’t have been there.

Kiki tells Michael about the message Morgan left, including the change in time for the arms shipment. Michael says he’ll handle it. Anna says Morgan is going to walk right into the gun deal.

Morgan says Dixon is disrespecting Sonny in running arms through his territory and if he doesn’t throw his gun into the water, Morgan is going to shoot.

Since Kiki is really, really stupid, she leaves for the pier.

The minister reads 1 Corinthians 13 because it’s a requirement.

Carly wants to get Morgan out of there

Jordan asks Dante where things stand between him and Lulu. He says they’re talking, so he’s wondering why she’s ignoring his texts. Jordan tells him to give Lulu some room.

Raj tells Lulu about the text. He throws her phone into the water. He says he has work to do and looks through the binoculars to the pier.

Paul tells Morgan to cool his jets. All the guns go into the water. Paul says he doesn’t have a gun and Morgan says he doesn’t believe it. He tells one of the thugs to open a crate. Yep, it’s weapons. Dixon tells Morgan he should call his father because he’s 3 seconds away from starting a war. Someone moves and Morgan shoots.

The minister reads the whatever it is that makes you man and wife. Weren’t they writing — oh, okay, usually they do that before the I do’s — Alexis and Julian read their own vows. Alexis says that Julian has made her think all things are possible and that she found the life partner she never knew she needed. Julian says that when he found Alexis, he realized what he truly wanted and he’ll spend the rest of his life doing whatever he can to make her happy. Obviously, I’m paraphrasing.

Anna is calling her lead agent, while Carly and Michael try to explain Morgan’s illness and that they need to go to the pier. They rush out the door, leaving Anna still on the phone.

Jordan tells Dante someone walking their dog heard shots fired at the pier and everyone tears out of the station.

Raj complains about something always going wrong and I identify. He says the cops will be there any minute. He says he has to go and so does Lulu. I’m not sure why he doesn’t just leave her there. It’s not like she even knows who he really is.

Morgan tells everyone not to move. Paul says someone heard the shot and how is he going to make the cops believe Sonny isn’t culpable? Paul tells him to leave before something happens he can’t take back. Morgan says he’s the king of the world and can do anything.

Commercial break. I try to calm down from a plumbing problem I just had a half hour before the show where I couldn’t get the water in the upstairs sink to shut off.

Dixon and one of the thugs rush Morgan and Dixon gets his gun. Dixon says give him a good reason not to put a bullet in Morgan’s head and I can’t come up with one.

The happy couple are about to exchange rings, but Lucas can’t find them.Franco suggests to Nina that Sonny paid someone off to hide them. Molly tells Lucas to check his inside breast pocket and voila! Rings. Brad says it’s bad luck for a wedding to go off without a hitch. Maybe this explains my life. My wedding was relatively trouble-free, except for a friend’s date who tried to keep up with my husband’s friends in the drinking department, and ended up sick in the bathroom for half the night. Ava wonders where Kiki is. The rings are finally exchanged. Applause.

Lulu struggles with Raj who throws her over the side of the boat. Um, her hands are free. Won’t she be able to swim?

Dixon says Morgan is going to pay for messing things up. Morgan says go ahead and shoot him.Dixon say Morgan is trouble he didn’t need. Paul tells him it will just make things worse and there will be huge problems with Sonny if Dixon shoots Morgan. Paul says this is not what he signed up for and that Morgan is crazy. That makes Morgan go crazy.

No surprise, Kiki comes running into the mix. Dixon shoots. Who, we won’t know until after the commercial. I’m guessing Kiki, who should never have gotten involved with Morgan again.

Yep, I’m right. I ain’t been watching this 50 years for nothing. Anna and the Feds show up and tell everyone to get on the ground. An agent tells Morgan to get away from Kiki so he can see his hands. Carly and Michael show up.

Lulu gets to the surface and gets the tape off of her mouth.

The minister says no applause until he actually makes the pronouncement. He does, they kiss, and more applause. Lots of comments among the guests.

Dixon comes running into the church with a gun. He says nobody move. He puts the gun on Sonny and Sonny tells him he has one chance to live. He tells Dixon to put the gun down and get out. Man, he’s got some confidence.

Commercial break. I ponder what a freaking jerk Morgan is.

Dixon tells Sonny it was his kid who caused the trouble. Sonny says the last place Dixon should have come to was the church. Dixon is like, Morgan is a nut and what’s Sonny going to do in a wheelchair. Dixon tells Ava since the shipment was going to her gallery and she’s going to help him now. He tells her that Paul was working for the Feds and asks if she was in on it, or was Paul screwing her too. Well…..

Carly tends to Kiki an they call for an ambulance. Anna asks Paul what went wrong. He says everything starting with lunatic Morgan. Paul tells Anna the details of what happened. He says they had Morgan subdued, but something Morgan said set Dixon off and he ended up shooting Kiki instead of Morgan.

Jordan arrives with more cops. Anna gets on the phone. Carly says Kiki needs medical attention now.

Dante goes to The Haunted Star. Lulu is gasping for air in the water, as he calls her name. I guess she must be weighted down somehow. She tries getting his attention, but he can’t hear her. Instead of trying to form a sentence, maybe she should just yell.

Dixon says if anyone leaves their seat, they’ll be shot. He asks whose idea it was to have a wedding the night of the shipment, and starts talking like he’s crazier than Morgan, having everyone introduce themselves. He says no one will have a better name that Bradley Cooper and they can skip the others. Franco says how disappointed he is and how he’s so unpopular. He says he’s taken hostages in his day and Dixon is going about it all wrong. He suggests Dixon only keep one hostage. First, he suggests Sonny because he’s a lowlife, but he’s in a wheelchair which is problematic, so maybe Julian, since it’s his fault they’re all there. Alexis says why doesn’t he volunteer, but Franco says he’s the worst hostage ever. Dixon tells him nice effort.

Dixon has Brad collect the cell phones and it reminds me of the time Todd held everyone hostage with a fake bomb on One Life to Live. Dixon asks the minister how he gets out of there. The minister explains the layout of the church, for so long that I’m wondering if it’s the Vatican. Everyone whispers among themselves.

Jordan says no one told her about anything. Anna runs to Kiki. Paul tells Jordan to get Morgan out of there and take him to the station for questioning. Morgan doesn’t want to go and Jordan tells Michael to deal with him. Michael tells Morgan he can’t help Kiki by arguing with the police and they’ll do this together. Anna calls for paramedics again.

Brad collects the phones. Dixon wants a show of hands to make sure no one is armed. Sonny tells him to relax and think of a plan. Dixon says who needs it with all the hostages. Sonny says maybe Franco was right, he is wealthy with resources. He says one phone call he’ll have a car with clean plates and two million dollars. Sonny tells him they don’t have much time and if the cops get there, time’s up. Nathan — for whatever reason, since Sonny was doing really well there — decides to jump up. Dixon shoots him.

Lulu manages to call for Dante, but he’s wandering around the boat. He keeps calling for her. She starts to sink, and their relationship flashbacks through her mind.

Morgan is going apesh*t at the station, rambling on about taking his dad’s gun. Jordan says if he doesn’t calm down, she’s going to arrest him. Michael says Morgan isn’t talking without a lawyer. Morgan gets crazier and Jordan reads him his rights.

At the pier, the Feds take stock of the shipment, but they realize Dixon is gone.

Lucas says he can help, but Dixon says the rules haven’t changed and to sit down. Maxie says he’ll have to shoot her too and please let her help. Dixon says he’s a sucker for a pretty face, and she asked nice, so okay. He says anyone who moves gets shot. Then he says maybe he should just shoot Sonny right now.

Tomorrow, Anna tells Paul the sting was a disaster (like he doesn’t know), Ava volunteers to be a hostage, and Maxie says she can’t stop Nathan’s bleeding.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Candace is beating the crap out of the social worker, Aliyah. Candace asks if she’s going to talk now. Aliyah says okay, but she doesn’t know where Oscar is. Candace asks how she was paid. Aliyah says in cash. $25,000. Whoa. Aliyah says Oscar said he’d pay her if a judge needed to see that Candace had money in the bank. Candace asks where the cash is and Aliyah says she spent all of it. Another whoa. Aliyah asks Candace not to say anything because she could lose her job, adding she won’t go to the police. Candace says she could lose her life if she doesn’t come up with the 25K. Aliyah says she’ll go to her credit union. Candace tells her she wants 100K then, and her son. She wants a recommendation that she get custody and gives Aliyah six hours.

Candace tells her to find out where Oscar is too, or she’ll be sorry. Man, this chick has some cojones. After Aliyah leaves, Wendy says they might not find Oscar, so she hopes Candace is thinking about plan B.

Oscar goes to David’s office. The only thing he’s come up with on Veronica so far is the name of the photographer Maggie hired to take the picture of Veronica and Benny. He says the affair started when Veronica got Benny out of jail. He asks that David not give up the photographer’s name because he wants to continue their business relationship. David thanks him and Oscar says he’ll keep David posted.

Kathryn arrives next. She tells David that the DA let her out, but Jennifer refuses to release Jim and Veronica. Kathryn’s cell phone rings. It’s Lloyd from the bank. She says she’ll call back when she has time. David says he’s working on something to get Jim and Veronica out. Kathryn doesn’t believe him because she spoke to Judge Carter who told her David isn’t getting Veronica out. He says she’s safer in jail. Kathryn says he needs to put on his big boy pants and deal. He says it’s not about the affair, and Kathryn doesn’t have the whole picture.

He asks where Veronica lives. Kathryn says she doesn’t know, but what does that have to do with getting her out of jail? Then she asks how David got out. He says Maggie called in favors. Kathryn asks why she didn’t call in favors for the others, and Maggie, standing behind her, says she didn’t want to. She tells Kathryn she needs to put some distance between herself and Jim. Kathryn says if no one will help Jim, she will. Maggie says that’s not wise. Kathryn says it’s not wise for anyone to underestimate her power.

When Kathryn is gone, David tells Maggie she shouldn’t have lied to him about the photos and leaves her standing in his office by herself.

DA Jennifer calls bank guy Lloyd. He says he got her emails, faxes and court order this morning. She asks why he hasn’t responded. She says she knows he does a lot of business with the Cryers and doesn’t want to upset that, but the court order was signed by a judge. He says he knows the family and something isn’t right here. Jennifer mentions the court order again and tells him that when Wyatt comes in he’d better hand over the funds. If he calls Kathryn or tries to interfere in any way, she’ll consider it attempting to tamper with the safety of a witness.

Candace tells Wendy that she had it all, she had money and was going to take the bar, and Jim took everything. She says maybe her mother is right. She says she’s been in deep with people who had everything to lose, now she’s in deep with someone who has nothing to lose — Warlock.

Wendy says she hopes Candace didn’t cross him. Candace says she just didn’t tell him everything. Wendy tells her to remember a couple of other girls who crossed him and please say she has a plan. Candace says the only plan is to find Oscar. Wendy says she has to tell Benny. Candace says she can’t, and hopefully the money from Aliyah will be enough to buy her time. Wendy says that girl isn’t going to come up with the money.

Candace says maybe she can mortgage her place. Wendy says Benny will help if she tells truth. Candace says if Benny finds out Warlock is shaking her down, he’ll go crazy. She wonders why she puts herself in these situations. She says again maybe her mother was right. Wendy says stop saying that because that would mean her preacher father is right. Candace says let’s do what we do. Wendy tells her she’d better tell Benny about mortgaging the house.

Kathryn is at he jail with a lawyer. Veronica comes in and makes me laugh, saying she thought Kathryn would have changed clothes by now. Jim comes in too, and Kathryn says no one will help them. The lawyer says they should see the press. Veronica says they have Maggie to thank for that. Jim asks how bad it is and the lawyer says pretty bad.

Veronica asks if David is trying to get her out. Kathryn says no and Veronica asks why not. Jim asks her if she saw the paper and that he’d leave her rot. I note that Jim realistically looks like he hasn’t shaved in a while. Jim tells Kathryn to tell Veronica the truth. At first Kathryn says David is working on it, but then she admits David isn’t going to help her.

Veronica tells Jim to keep enjoying this. He says he will, but she has no idea how much he’d like her to get out. The lawyer says he’s sure he can get both of them bail. Veronica says she’s going to represent herself. The lawyer tells her that’s a bad idea, but she brings up how many times she’s beat him in court and says she’ll get herself out.

Wyatt comes to the DA’s office. Jennifer tells him his mother is out of jail and his father is having a bail hearing, but he won’t be released . Jennifer gives him paperwork and says she called the bank. She says if Lloyd won’t give Wyatt his inheritance, he’ll go to jail. Wyatt asks what happens if his mother shows up. Jennifer says that’s why she called the bail hearing for today. Man, this is about the most corrupt town ever. She tells Wyatt she’s counting on him. He says he’ll be there. She asks him to please get out of the Cryer house. I hate this woman.

Hanna is sitting in the Cryer’s kitchen when David walks in. He asks what happened and Hanna says Wyatt happened. He asks if she’s going to clean it up and she says no. He says he just came from her house and he’s sorry. She says she bets he is.

He asks if she’s aware of what happened. She says Wyatt hit her son and the little girl and they covered it up. He says she doens’t know the whole story. He says the Cryers might not be home for a while. She says she needs her check and asks why he’s there. He says he was hoping to speak with her about her son.

David asks if Veronica was with Benny the night Benny borrowed his truck. Hanna says she’s had it with all their bs. He says Veronica is a conniver. He doesn’t want Benny caught up in her games and he’s trying to protect him. She asks how, and he says the only way he can answer is for her to tell him all she knows . She says she knows he thinks she’s just an ignorant maid and that he wants her to tell him things he can use against Benny. She says she doesn’t trust him, doesn’t like him and he’s a liar. She says she has nothing else to say. She’s going to sit and wait for her check, and if he wants to know anything, he should ask her son directly. He says he already did and Benny told him to ask his wife. Hanna says she raised him better than that, and Benny should have said ask his triflin’ ass wife. Bye, David. Nice scene.

David calls Oscar (or whatever his name really is). He asks for contacts to reroute phone calls.

While staying at a hotel, Wyatt is picking out a place to live. He’s looking on the realtor’s laptop and chooses a 3 million dollar property. He tells the realtor he wants to close as quickly as possible. The realtor says he’ll get the owner to lease the place to him until the closing. Wyatt says get some chicks over too. The dude says how about some blow too and pulls out a humongous bag of cocaine. One stop shopping!

Jennifer says the people ask for no bail. Jim’s lawyer says that’s ridiculous, he’s been a model citizen. Jennifer says he covered up a murder and has access to private jets. The judge says no bail. Jim basically curses him out and the judge says he’ll hold him in contempt. Jim says who cares since he’s in jail anyway. The judge gives him an extra 30 days. Bail fail.

The DA requests no bail for Veronica too. Veronica says it was a matter of client attorney privilege because she was Jeffrey’s counsel. Jennifer says Jeffrey will testify that she’s not his lawyer The judge says that’s for the trial and releases Veronica.

Benny comes to the tow yard office. Suddenly, they have no tows. Mitch says the phones aren’t working and what’s going on? Benny says he doesn’t know .Mitch says ever since David came in, they haven’t had any business. Benny says that’s got nothing to do with it and Mitch says if he says so. Benny tries calling the office from his cell phone, but the phone doesn’t ring.

Candace calls Landon. She asks to meet him later. He hears idiot Maggie crying in her office and gives her a box of tissues. Maggie says he was right and she shouldn’t have done this. David says no she shouldn’t have from where he suddenly appears in the doorway.

Benny comes in behind David and David says oh, Benny decided to see him after all. Benny says says David decided to do something to his phones. David says he needs to know what Benny had going with his wife. Benny says he wants his phones back and it was nothing with Veronica. David says to tell him everything or he’ll never get his phones back. They start to tussle and Landon comes in saying Veronica is out of jail and David Dashes out the door.

Next week, Quita is still looking for Quincy, Candace sets up Landon, and Veronica is on the loose.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Mauricio and his agency are partnering with Soulcycle for a Habitat for Humanity charity event. Kyle, LisaV, Kathryn and Erika attend. Lisa asks if she heard they’re supposed to bike for 4 to 5 minutes or 45 minutes. She says she hasn’t spent 45 minutes straddling anything since 1984. She isn’t thrilled with spinning.

The instructor is all zen and tells everyone to go at their own pace, no pressure. This looks like fun, but I’d probably poop out after 5 minutes myself. He turns into an evangelist when he asks if everyone is a believer. Lisa is wearing pink patent pumps. Say that three times real fast. The event is a success.

The girls go to lunch afterward. They wonder what’s up with Yolands, and Kyle says they she and Eileen didn’t leave things on a positive note. Eileen joins them and they talk about Eileen’s soap job. Lisa asks about the love scenes and if they’re fun. Eileen says it’s more technical than anything else.

Yolanda joins them. She brought pink flowers for Lisa’s birthday. Yolanda asks how the spin thing went and Lisa tells her be glad she wasn’t there. The girls compare muscles.

Yolanda is hosting a dinner party at a restaurant. They talk about LisaR’s husband being in Mad Men and it getting nominated for an Emmy. Kyle asks Yolanda how things are between her and Lisa and she says fine. Kyle thinks everyone always sweeps everything under the rug. She and LisaV start talking about some conversation after Yolanda left.

Eileen asks what they’re talking about. Erika says something about LisaR saying that Yolanda said she was bi-polar. Yolanda says she only said she could say that and Kyle says that’s no different than what Lisa said about Munchausens. Yolanda gets annoyed for Kyle bringing it up, when she’s the one who horned in on a private conversation. Yolanda says they were being rude and whispering. Yolanda says she and LisaR worked things out. Kyle says fine, it’s none of her business and Yolanda says then mind your own business. Kyle tells Yolanda to give her an f-ing break and I second that. This is really stupid.

LisaR is on Jenny McCarthy’s Sirius Radio show, Dirty, Sexy, Funny. Lisa says Jenny is a girl’s girl and I agree. Lisa says it’s part of her job to stay relevant. They talk about Lisa and Harry’s sex life. Lisa says her mother told her that one day her mouth would get into trouble, but she makes a lot of money from it. I love how honest Lisa is about her hustle.

Yolanda is going on about Kyle talking about LisaR without her being there. Shut up already. Kyle says she’s friends with Lisa. In her individual interview, Yolanda says yeah, when it’s convenient. Yolanda tells Kyle to drop it. She adds that she keeps a lot in the vault, whatever that means. Kyle asks if that’s some kind of threat. LisaV says Yolanda shouldn’t have put it out there that she could call LisaR bi-polar. Yolanda says same with LisaR talking about Munchausens. I’m so startled she pronounced it right, I miss what’s next. Yolanda is suddenly all over LisaV, saying she talked smack about Yolanda’s kids. Lisa says that’s not what happened. Lisa finally has enough of this nonsense. She says she has to do something and leaves.

Kathryn and Erika are having lunch at Erika’s. Kathryn says she wants to be friends, but she needs to know what Erika is about. She says Erika is closed off. Erika says she’s never been liked by girls and was hurt at an early age by girlfriends, so she’s never had a crew. She doesn’t really trust anyone. She says Yolanda is her go-to guy, but she’s a girl.

Erika says her grandmother was the closest female to her, but she passed away. Kathryn volunteers to be her friend and says she’ll have her back. Erika asks what Kathryn thinks of LisaV.

LisaR comes by Kyle’s house. I’m tired of seeing everyone in black. Kyle got an email from Yolanda, scolding her, and it was cc’d to the rest of the ladies. Kyle says she doesn’t know what’s up since she thought they were cool.

Yolanda says she wasn’t able to say what she needed to at the lunch, so she got up in the middle of the night and composed this email. In the email, Yolanda goes blah-blah-blah about how she wanted to have fun at the lunch and Kyle ruined things. LisaR says it’s passive aggression at it’s finest. It’s kind of cool how it’s read, with each of them reading a part of it in succession. Kyle tells LisaR about the vault thing, and LisaR says it’s about keeping secrets to use as ammunition.

This is interspersed with LisaV telling Ken about the lunch and the email. She says she’s got a lot of sympathy for Yolanda, but she has to run because she’s having the ladies over to the house. LisaR can’t make it because she’s going to the Emmys or something.

Erika and Kathryn discuss LisaV. Kathryn thinks she’s sweet. Erika says she’s sweet, but she thinks Lisa “engages from the side, is a sniper from the side and doesn’t want to leave fingerprints.” I like Lisa and wish she would adopt me, so this irritates me a little. Erika says she thinks Lisa is selectively honest and likes to move things to her advantage.

Lisa is in her pool. floating around on a pink flamingo floatie while having a cup of tea. Eileen shows up first and says it’s like Noah’s Ark with all the animals. Lisa has things set up in a private area on the property. Her place is so amazing. Honestly, Lisa, I wouldn’t be any trouble at all. You’d never even know I was there.

Lisa brings out her new puppy and everyone squees. They sit down to lunch. She tells Ken to call the ponies and everyone chimes in with calling various animals and it’s pretty funny. Kyle says the email from Yolanda was awkward. Kathryn says Yolanda was just collecting her thoughts, but Kyle says she was basically reprimanded in front of everyone. Kathryn says it pulls everyone in whether they want to be in or not.

Kyle says she understands Yolanda is sick. They talk about how LisaV didn’t say anything bad about the kids and Kyle backs that up, prompting Lisa to both be startled and thank her. They move on to Kathryn having a boxing class with Erika’s trainers. She says afterwards, they discussed LisaV.

Kathryn says the started off talking about her grandmother and it’s obviously Erika’s soft spot, but she sucked it back in. She says then they talked about LisaV and Erika said not to get caught in her web. Lisa is a little taken aback. She says she doesn’t have time to go to the bathroom much less spin a web. Eileen can’t believe that Kathryn repeated what Erika said. Eileen seems to think it has something to do with Lisa’s apology to Eileen in the Hamptons and how Lisa didn’t really seem to understand where she was coming from. How did this turn into something about her?

Eileen says Lisa has a habit of minimizing and it felt like she dismissed Eileen without a resolution and maybe Yolanda feels that way. Lisa says she needs to work on that, and Eileen thinks she’s being dismissive again. She says she thinks Lisa feels like she’s being attacked. Kyle says everyone is different in the way they need to hear an apology. This is actually pretty astute of Kyle. Eileen doesn’t seem to want to let it go and Lisa says she’s truly sorry. Eileen says they’re good and Lisa says how good because she needs to be really good to move on.

Eileen says they’re fine, but she thinks they’ll never understand the situation the same way. In her individual interview, Lisa says Eileen is emotional and maybe they’re built differently. I totally agree with this. I think Lisa is just British and they do have a different way of expressing their emotions, mostly not at all. Lisa says she doesn’t like to be petty and Eileen says but it’s people’s feelings and therefore important. Lisa says okay, she’s wrong again. Eileen tells her she doesn’t have to play the victim and Lisa asks if anybody wants more wine. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad idea.

Next time, Harry Hamlin meets the girls, a trip to Dubai is in the works, and Kim and Brandi make appearances.

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Kiki asks Franco for advice, asking how unusual ED is.

Morgan is slinging coffee bags at the warehouse while listening to his iPod. Christina startles him. She asks why he smells like a distillery.

Anna sees Ava at the bar. For the love of all that’s holy, is this the only set they can afford? She wants to talk to Ava, but Dillon interrupts.

Alexis asks Sam who’s going to take care of her now that she’s out of the hospital and Sam tells her Jason is doing just fine in that department.

Monica says that because Jake is still young and growing, he should heal nicely, but she also thinks he’d be better served somewhere other than GH. Yeah, like that place in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

Sonny is meeting with Griffin, who says they have a problem. He asks if he should call Sonny “Godfather.” Nothing like getting to the point, but also nothing like being so far out of the loop that you’re in another stratosphere.

Tracy tells Paul to get out. She says unless he’s there on official business, he’s trespassing. She says they have nothing to discuss, but he says they have a son and he needs her help with Dillon.

Ava goes to sit down. Dillon tells Anna he’s doing a photo shoot for Crimson. He says the woman he was supposed to take photos of today bailed, and asks Anna if she would substitute.

Franco says that probably the meds are causing Morgan’s problem. Kiki says Morgan said the same thing. Franco says there are only two types of guys, guys that happens to and guys who say it never happens to them. Ha-ha! I love when Sonny makes a joke. He says that everything will work out eventually.

Christina asks Morgan if Sonny is around. She wants to know if he’s going to Alexis’s wedding. Morgan says that’s highly doubtful. Christina says she was going to get them pasta maker as a wedding gift, but she’d prefer a truce.

Monica thinks the Shriners hospital in Philadelphia would be their best bet. Elizabeth and Jason agree with her recommendation. I guess they’re promoting Shriners hospitals today, because Monica says the name like a thousand times.

Griffin says for all he knows, Sonny is running marathons at night. He says he’s not obligated to treat him for a condition he no longer has and he doesn’t want to lie for him.

Paul tells Tracy that Dillon has severed ties with him and that he needs a father. Tracy tells him that Dillon needed a father years ago, and not an attempt later to assuage his guilt. She says it’s not her job to plead his case with her son and the less Dillon has to do with him, the better.

Anna is flattered, but says she’s not a model. Dillon says that the issue is about real women. He says he’s been shooting the subjects in their own environment, and thinks the PCPD would be perfect.

Franco tells Kiki that Morgan must be feeling down, no pun intended…I think. He tells her that a temporary condition should have no bearing on a long term relationship. Kiki says what if it’s not the meds, and Morgan just isn’t interested in her anymore?

Morgan tells Christina if she understood the business, she’d know what she’s asking is next to impossible. He’s acting kind of manic and Christina asks if he’s taking his meds. The eternal question. He says he’s an important part of their father’s business now. Christina is like, if you say so, and tells him to watch the whiskey shots.

Christina leaves and Darby pops out of the woodwork.

Sam tells Alexis she doesn’t have to look backward any more, and that she and Jason have changed, but in a lot of ways they’re still the same. She says they can talk about everything and nothing and she can’t wait to see what happens next. She asks if she can bring him to the wedding.

Jason tells Carly about taking Jake to Shriners. Carly and Monica play up how great a place it is. Elizabeth says she’ll meet Jason later after she gets the boys set up with a sitter. Monica leaves to arrange transportation. Carly asks Jason how he’s doing and says whatever he needs to just ask. He asks her to keep an eye on Sam

Griffin tells Sonny that he doesn’t need a neurosurgeon, he needs a collaborator, and he doesn’t want to help Sonny promote his business. Sonny says he’ll find a new doctor then.

Paul says it’s not fair for Tracy to feed into Dillon’s problem with him. Tracy says it was all Dillon’s idea, whether Paul wanting to be his father is too little too late or not.

Dillon sets up his equipment in the interrogation room. Anna tries to get information about Paul from him while they work. Dillon tells Anna about how Paul led Tracy on. Anna tells him about how she talked to Paul after their confrontation. She says she thinks Paul feels badly about not being the father Dillon and his sister. She asks if Susan feels the same way. He says they emailed for a while when he was younger, but it stopped. He wishes he could be like Susan and walk away from the whole thing.

Franco leaves and Ava is standing there. Kiki asks how much Ava heard. Ava says it’s none of her business what Kiki and Franco talk about. Kiki asks why Ava is being so nice after what happened with Avery. Ava says it’s water under the bridge and she’s come in peace bearing clothing. She’s brought a dress for Kiki to wear at Julian’s wedding.

Darby says she got Morgan’s text and here she is. She asks him what he wants to do. Stop irritating me, for one.

Alexis says it would be better to let Jason and Julian acclimate on their own, but Julian is going to have to get used to things, so bring him anyway. Sam says maybe she’s right and it would distract Julian to see him on his big day.

Jason tells Carly about how he was with Sam when the call came about Jake. He says he knows she’s a tough chick, but wants Carly to look in on her while he’s gone.

Sonny accuses Griffin of being judgmental.

Commercial break. Yep. Shriners hospital is looking for donations. It is nice of GH to promote them, as they function like St. Jude’s, taking care of very ill children at no expense to the parents.

Dillon says Susan used to send him Christmas cards but not any more. Anna asks if she lives abroad like Dillon had. He says at one point she lived off the coast of Maine and opened a shop called Suki’s, but he hadn’t heard from her since then. Anna says maybe something happened like bad relationship. I’m not sure why she would think that. Dillon asks Anna if she’s interrogating him.

Tracy spaces out during her conversation with Paul.

Kiki asks what the catch is. Ava says she wants them to move on. Kiki says that would be the mature thing and Ava says they’ll have to wing it then. Ava says she wants to get past the Avery thing because she loves Kiki. I want to see the dress already, so I can be the judge of this. Ava asks Kiki to take care of Avery if anything happens to her.

Griffin says it’s not up to him to judge Sonny — only God can do that — but he’s not going to be used. Sonny says he thought Griffin was a good guy. Griffin says he is and he thinks deep down Sonny is too, but he’s going to refer him to another doctor. Sonny says he can give Griffin his word that he won’t have to lie and it will be over soon. Griffin says he hopes that doesn’t mean something bad is going to happen. Carly peeks in the door and asks if she can come in.

Elizabeth fills Franco in on what’s happening with Jake. She says Franco has been surprisingly supportive.

Christina arrives at Sam’s place. She’s all excited about Sam and Jason, but Sam says don’t rush things. The bell rings and Christina says it’s probably Molly who’s supposed to meet her there, but it’s Jason.

Anna says it’s occupational hazard, and even normal curiosity turns into third degree for her. Dillon says he was just kidding, but it helped get fabulous pictures. He says he knows Nina will love them. Before he leaves, Anna says she hopes he finds a way to reconnect with his sister because family relationships are important. He says he hasn’t heard from Susan in 6 years. Anna asks if he knows why she chose the name Suki’s for her shop, which would totally make me wonder why she’s asking such a weird question. Dillon says he’s not sure, but he thinks it was a nickname Paul gave her as a child. He adds that Anna should consider interrogation for a living since she’s good at it.

Suddenly, Tracy asks where she and Paul were in the conversation. Paul says they were discussing Dillon. Tracy says she’s not going to help Paul and tells him to go. Paul says he’s not a bad man and still loves the child they created He leaves and Tracy wonders what’s happening to her.

Kiki asks if the cancer is back. Ava says no, and Kiki asks if it’s the business and if someone has threatened her. Ava says it’s nothing specific. Kiki says she knows they’ve had their differences, but Ava is still her mother. Ava says sometimes risky things cross her path and she’d feel better if she knew Kiki would take care of Avery. She asks if Kiki is bringing a date to the wedding and Kiki says she’s bringing Morgan.

Darby and Morgan are about to get busy, when Darby asks what about Kiki, so I have to give her half a point for that.

Griffin says he’s going to give Sonny some recommendations for treatment. Sonny and Carly leave.

Elizabeth tells Cameron and Aidan about Jake going to Philadelphia. She says they’ll be going to grandma’s until she gets back. She says when she does, she’ll need their help in finding a new house.

Alexis and Christina leave. Sam apologizes for their antics, since they were making amusing remarks about her and Jason. Jason tells Sam about taking Jake to the Shriners hospital.

Tracy is on the laptop, most likely looking up her symptoms on WebMD, when Dillon comes in. She says it’s been quiet and there’s no new news.

Anna is talking to Mac on her cell phone, and telling him to check an island off the coast of Maine for Susan. Suddenly, Paul is standing there.

Ava calls Paul and leaves a message that Morgan isn’t a threat any more because he’ll be at the wedding. I guess that’s when the arms shipment is coming in.

Kiki catches Morgan and Darby going at it.

Carly says that when she came in, Sonny looked like he was trying to get his way and wasn’t sure if he was going to get it. Sonny asks if she’ll be his date to the wedding. She says they weren’t invited, and he tells her about Christina wanting the truce and that he said he’d think about it. Carly says she’ll go if he wants her to, but adds that Alexis looked down on her relationship with Sonny for years and thinks that just because Julian turned his life around, it’s okay for her to forget he was also a mobster and responsible for Duke’s death. She says Alexis is a hypocrite. Sonny says maybe he shouldn’t take the chance that Carly will say something because he doesn’t want anything unpleasant to happen at the wedding. His face reminds me of Walder Frey planning The Red Wedding on Game of Thrones, and I go, hmm…

Franco tells Elizabeth how great she is with the boys. Elizabeth says she doesn’t know how she’s going to keep it together. Franco says she’ll be fine and he asks if he can text her once in a while about Jake. She says sure.

Jason doesn’t know how long he’ll be. Sam tells him to take whatever time it needs. She says she’s feeling pretty good and she’s gearing up for the wedding. They make out like crazy.

Tomorrow, Morgan (who is getting to be a walking cliche) tells Kiki it’s not what it looks like, Nathan tells Dante he thinks Lulu is at The Haunted Star, and Michael tells Sonny that he’s going to get Avery back.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Maggie tells David there’s something wrong with him hanging on to an insane woman. He says it’s not that simple, that he and Veronica built a lot during their good years together. Maggie tells David she can make him forget and asks him what he wants. He says he wants the woman he married. Maggie says she’s moved on. David tells Maggie she’s right and gathers his clothing up. She apologizes, but he says he’s leaving anyway.

David is mighty pissed about the newspaper article. He says the press is having a field day and wants Maggie to issue a statement saying his wife is standing by him. Maggie says his wife had sex with another man in his truck, and David wants to know how she knows that it was in the truck. She tries to cover her ass, but it’s too late. David realizes she was the one who had the picture taken.

David wants to know who the guy is, but Maggie says she doesn’t know. David says if she’s lying, he’s never going to forgive her. He storms out.

Kathryn, Veronica and Jim are still in their cells. Kathryn says she doesn’t even know what day or time it is. She says she can’t believe David isn’t helping Veronica and asks if it’s because of the newspaper article. Veronica says it’s more complicated than that and Jim laughs.

Veronica tells Kathryn to calm down and that they wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place if it wasn’t for Wyatt. Jim and Veronica are starting to verbally spar, when the guard comes in to release Kathryn. Jim tells her to call a certain judge. She says that will be her first call and she’s getting them both out.

Jim asks Veronica if she thinks David is really going to help her with all she’s done to him. Veronica says she’s never met anyone as trifling as Jim and she’s glad they’re not in the same campaign anymore. She also tells him David is going to run for governor, and that he had plans to do that even before they were arrested.

Jim says he’s going to miss Veronica. She asks where he thinks she’s going and he says hell. She says if she is, he’ll be right there with her. He says her ticket is already bought and paid for, and she asks him what makes him think his isn’t too.

Kathryn leaves another message for yet another judge. Judge Carter picks up the phone and she says funny how they always call back when they want something. The judge tells her that the death of the little girl has everyone up in arms and no one wants to get involved. He also tells her that David doesn’t want Veronica out. He says he has to go, and Kathryn says when they get out of this — and they will — she’s not going to forget.

Kathryn calls a lawyer and asks for a meeting. She says there’s a bail hearing in the afternoon and she can’t find a judge to help.

Candace’s friend, Erica, brings her the $500 Benny gave her for the car. She says she didn’t want to take it, but he made her. Candace says she needs her help. She tells Erica she got marked. Erica says that doesn’t happen to them, they do the marking. Candace says she needs to get this guy back, but doesn’t have much information on him. Erica says he must have had help and that she probably already knows who helped him. Candace says it must be Jim.

Erica says it doesn’t sound like Jim’s style. He’s too high for that and to think lower. She says to start at the beginning and asks how Candace met Oscar. Candace realizes Landon was involved because he’s the one who showed her Oscar’s background online, but when she looked herself, she couldn’t find anything. Erica says the bigger the mark, the more players, so who else?

Candace remembers other people along the way. She remembers the child welfare worker pressuring her for proof of money in her bank account and believes she’s a part of it too. She says even the television in the hotel must have been rigged because Oscar showed her his stocks through it. Erica asks how this happened. Candace says Oscar got at her through her heart and promises she’ll tear his out. Erica suggests they start with the child welfare worker. Good, because I started not liking her when she hassled Hanna.

Quita is sitting in a car across the street from Candace’s place. She sees Candance come out to get something from the car and says something isn’t right. Her friend says maybe Warlock was hooking up with Candace. The nosy neighbor tells them they can’t park there and Quita curses her out. The neighbor tells them she’s calling the police, but by the time she does, they’ve pulled away. Again, Quita says something is right and this isn’t over.

David shows up at the tow yard looking for Benny. He asks Mitch some questions, saying he’s a judge. Mitch says Benny isn’t there and David asks when he’ll be back. Mitch asks if he needs a tow, and when David says yes, Mitch tells him he can call to set it up. David leaves and Mitch calls Benny.

He tells Benny that David was looking for him. Benny asks why, but Mitch doesn’t know. Benny says it’s all cool, and Mitch asks if it has anything to do with the burial supplies that were in Benny’s trunk. Benny says no and he’ll talk to Mitch later.

David calls Benny and says he needs to meet with him. Benny asks why and David says he knows why and he has some questions for Benny about his wife. He asks how long they’ve been having an affair. Benny says he doesn’t know what David is talking about and he should talk to his wife. David says he has proof, but Benny insists he doesn’t know anything. He tells David again to talk to his wife and don’t call him again.

DA Jennifer tells Veronica and Jim both their sons are going to testify against them. She says Jeffrey isn’t going to testify against David, but is more than willing to testify against Veronica. She tells Jim that Wyatt is also ready to testify against Jim and Kathryn now that he’s out of their house. Jim wants to know how that happened. Jennifer tells Veronica that David is sleeping with Maggie and struts out.

Hanna is getting ready for work and finds Wyatt asleep with some bimbo on the couch. The bimbo says he’s passed out and she can’t wake him up, and she wants to be paid before she goes. Hanna throws some water on Wyatt to wake him up. He tells the bimbo to leave, but she says again she wants to get paid and he doesn’t want her family coming there. He tells her to get out.

Wyatt acts stupid and insulting to Hanna. She tells him to get dressed. He asks what she’s being paid and she says not enough to deal with him. He tells her she’ll have to find another job. She asks where his parents are and after a bunch of nonsense, he tells her they’re in jail.

She asks why and he says she knows. She tells him the only thing she knows for sure that God will repay everyone according to their deeds, and gives him several Bible verses. She says she’s had a front row seat to the destruction that’s fallen on the Cryer household, and until Wyatt repents and asks the Lord into his heart, he’ll always be in hell. She asks again what she’s supposed to know.

He mentions the car accident. Hanna says deep in her heart, she knew he did it, but she was afraid she’d ruined his life when she told the DA she thought he did it. She thanks him for clearing her conscience and letting her know she’s not crazy. She says she’s sorry for what’s about to happen to him. Wyatt says nothing is going to happen because he has immunity. She says he has no idea how God works. She says we reap what we sow and no judge can give him immunity against what God has in store unless he repents. I love Hanna at this moment.

She goes into the kitchen, which is a total mess, and prays, asking God to help her get out of there.

There’s a knock at Candace’s door. She asks Erica to open it. It’s the case worker, Aliyah. Candace thanks her for coming and asks where her son is. Aliyah says she’s with Candace’s mother and that Hanna has custody. Candace asks why. Aliyah says when Candace didn’t come back to the hospital, the judge ruled Hanna would be better fit.

Candace asks if Aliyah knew Hanna’s house burnt down and asks where she is. Aliyah says a hotel. Candace says when she was staying in a hotel, it was deemed unfit. And it was a nice hotel. She says her mother is probably staying in a fleabag. Aliyah says she doesn’t know. Candace says yes she does and she knows Hanna doesn’t have money Aliyah says they have to do what’s best for the child. Candace says she’s going to ask Aliyah some questions, and her answers will determine how she walks out.

She tells Erica to lock the door and asks Aliyah how much Oscar paid her. When Aliyah says she doesn’t know what Candace is talking about, Candace slaps her one across the face. Then she jumps Aliyah and starts to strangle her. Aliyah admits Hanna knew the judge and that Kathryn Cryer helped Hanna get custody.

Candace lets Aliyah go and tells her not to move. Aliyah says she had nothing to do with it and Erica slaps her, saying it was a bonus. Candace asks about Oscar. She wants to know about the money and where Oscar is. Aliyah says she doesn’t know what Candace is talking about.

Candace comes up behind Aliyah, grabs her by the hair and yanks her out of her seat.

Next week, Kathryn tells Maggie to get out of the way, Jim pleads not guilty, and David and Benny fight.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Kathryn is preparing to have the ladies over at her San Diego house. They take Erika’s tour bus to get there. Of course the house is massive and impressive. Is there any other kind of house on this show? LisaV says the house has “a good vibe.”

The ladies sit down to lunch and Eileen asks LisaV who told Yolanda that she’d said something about Yolanda’s kids not being sick. Erika cops to talking to Yolanda before LisaR went to her house. LisaV wonders if Erika is a sh*t stirrer.

There’s a lot of food and attention is brought to LisaR not eating as a general rule. Lisa says there are people who have made her eating an issue. We flash back to Kim telling Lisa to eat a piece of bread. Lisa says vicious stuff went on and it’s difficult to talk about in front of Kyle. Kyle says she knows her sister wasn’t handling herself well, but she doesn’t like the adjectives being used. Lisa says she didn’t know what was going on at the time and it was scary. In her individual interview, Lisa says Kim acted like a rabid dog and she’s right. Kyle says Lisa’s hands weren’t exactly clean in their altercations, but I would have had enough at that point too.

Erika and Kathryn get involved with the conversation, even though it’s none of their business. Kathryn talks about living with addiction. Kyle removes herself from the table because it’s too hard to face reality, even though this is a reality show.

Kyle tells LisaV about the text message LisaR sent Kim, while LisaR tells the rest of the women what her viewpoint was during the whole Kim mess. Eileen is of a mind that everyone deserves another chance. Eileen asks Kathryn what her story is. Kathryn’s father committed suicide when she was 13. She said he had addiction issues, but she had put him on a pedestal and she’s super sensitive to any talk about addiction. She says until you know what someone goes through you can’t just label them, and that inside, Kim doesn’t really want to live that life.

Eileen says it’s hard to explain the dynamics of what went on because it’s all so interwoven. Kyle returns and says that things are better with Kim, but it’s difficult for her to participate in talking about it. Erika explains what Kathryn told them. And since everyone is so superficial, they point out that Kathryn looks good when she cries.

David is going on a trip and acting like he cares about Yolanda and is going to miss her.

LisaV and Ken are having dinner with Erika and Tom. They have a cocktail and Erika shows them around the house. She tells Lisa she can repent of her sins in the chapel, but Lisa says they don’t have enough time for that.

The couples go out to a restaurant. LisaV asks Tom if he goes to Erika’s performances and he says he’s very supportive of Erika’s career. Lisa says he has a twinkle in his eye and maybe a twinkle in his twinkle. Erika talks about speaking with both LisaR and Yolanda. LisaV says Yolanda has put herself up to scrutiny by posting about her illness on social media, but Erika says since they’re her friends, they know the truth.

Tom tells Lisa she’s a formidable opponent because of all her wonderful qualities. He says she reminds him of an alligator, not in looks, but how she can be lying in the sun one minute and snap up a turtle the next. He means it as a compliment and she takes it as one, especially coming from a top lawyer.

Adrienne is having lunch with Kyle. Adrienne is working on a new project and Paul is in business with her. She says it’s taken three years, but they’re getting along now. She asks about Kim. Kyle says they’re talking now. She’s happy and relieved, but still nervous because she knows there’s a lot of work to do.

LisaR lost a sister to suicide and is reading her sister’s poems to her daughters. She says addiction runs in both sides of the family and wants them to be aware. She adds that the conflicts with Kim have affected her deeply. Even though she’s not on the show this season, Kim’s presence is certainly being felt. Brandy, not so much. Ha-ha!

Kyle and Adrienne talk about taking one step at a time. Kim has told Kyle that only 5% of addicts remain sober, which doesn’t sound right to me and makes Kyle feel hopeless. Sounds like Kim is lowballing the numbers to give herself some leeway. Kyle says she hates the holidays and how she and Kim do everything separately now. She wonders how everything went so wrong. She breaks down in her individual interview.

Erika is having a barbecue with a Beverly Hillbillies theme. Since the set-up is a carnival, I’m failing to see the connection. While Erika is getting ready, she says it takes a gay village for her to look this good, although I only see two guys helping.

Eileen and LisaR are taking a limo together. Apparently, Eileen had to explain what Munchhausen’s Syndrome is to Yolanda and Yolanda was not too happy when she found out what it was. Yolanda told her she could say things about LisaR, but she didn’t. Lisa is put off by Yolanda’s righteousness. Yolanda and Kyle are riding together, and she says what LisaR said struck a chord with her because she’s all about integrity. LisaR says she’s a nervous wreck having to see Yolanda again.

The dancers from Erika’s show are in attendance and LisaR says it’s a carnival of butts. Eileen says everybody is feeling a lot of stuff, but not talking about it.

Everyone sits down and LisaR says she wants to talk. She tells Yolanda whether she feels it or not, they all love and support her. She says she doesn’t understand why Yolanda didn’t call her if she had another issue. Yolanda gets defensive and says why should she with all the negativity Lisa put out in the universe. She says she laughed off the Munchhausen thing when Lisa told her because she didn’t know what it was, but when she found out, she got seriously pissed.

LisaR says she heard the remark from someone else. Yolanda says doesn’t matter, she put it out there. Lisa says she didn’t think Yolanda had it, she just repeated what someone else said. Yolanda insists on reading the definition out loud. LisaV tries to explain that LisaR was just repeating something someone else said that she didn’t understand. Yolanda jumps both Lisas asses. She gets loud, says they were labeling her, and keeps mispronouncing Munchhausen. LisaR says Yolanda didn’t listen and she’s right. LisaR brings up Yolanda’s social media posts and repeats that other peole are saying these things. Yolanda tells LisaR to tell her who said it. Lisa doesn’t want to because they’re not there to defend themselves. Erika gets all loud and says she should say who said it.

Ugh! I’ve felt badly for Yolanda up until now, but LisaR is right, she’s not listening. Neither is Erika. Can I leave this party early?

Kyle tries to explain that people are questioning things because of the inconsistency. Eileen says Yolanda wants unconditional support. LisaV tries to explain too, that one day Yolanda says she hasn’t walked in a year and the next she’s running around Beverly Hills on a scavenger hunt. Eileen says Yolanda isn’t around all the time, so people end up talking. Yolanda just wants to know that everyone has her back and will stand up for her if anyone talks smack. Yolanda hugs it out with everyone, but in her individual interview LisaR says it’s like putting a band-aid on a wound that’s still gushing blood.

Next week, the ladies get involved in a spin challenge, LisaR talks dirty with Jenny McCarthy, and Yolanda has mixed feelings.

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s TV watching)

General Hospital

Robert and Anna are in a Halifax jail without knowing why. Anna is all what would have happened, but Robert is looking on the bright side — he gets to sleep with Anna again.

Ava is sick with some kind of virus. Kiki comes over to babysit. Ava says she knows Kiki is upset about her not allowing Sonny more time with Avery, but she hopes Kiki will adhere to her wishes.

Sonny asks Max if there’s any news about Ava’s shipment. It’s coming in today. His plans are to shut Ava down and bring Avery home. Michael arrives (is he still on this show?).

Carly is at the hospital and runs into Morgan. She says she’s there about Sonny, but Morgan thinks she’s checking up on him.

Jake is sedated in the hospital. What did I miss? Oh, okay, they fill me in by Jason saying that he was hit by a car. Elizabeth flashes back to when Jake was hit with a car by Luke (?).

Sam, still lying in the basement, calls out for Jake to help her.

Kiki tells Ava to just concentrate on getting better. She’s brought a load of supplies like soup and juice. Kiki goes to get Avery ready when Ava gets a text from Paul saying he’s coming over. She texts something back we don’t see.

Michael says it sounded like Sonny was talking about the business when he walked in and Sonny tells him to mind his own business. Michael says that they’ve at least been able to spend more time together with Sonny in the wheelchair staying put. He tells Sonny that Anna is looking for Sabrrrina.

Felicia and Mac show up to spring Anna and Robert. Felicia says they had to go through a lot of red tape. Anna asks if they explained what the blip happened to get them arrested.

Carly says she got the message when Morgan told her to butt out at the warehouse. She said he has a valid point and she’s backing off. Morgan asks if she means it or she’s just being patronizing. She says she means it.

Jason thinks Jake ran away because they realized he was behind the break-ins at the house. Elizabeth says he deserves a happy, safe childhood and she feels responsible for what’s happened. Monica comes in and says the prognosis is good. Monica says there’s the possibility of internal bleeding, so he’s going to need surgery. She says whatever it takes, Jake will be fine.

Sam tries to get up and falls over again. She realizes she has a concussion. She sees her phone nearby, but can’t reach it.

Ava is all dressed up when Paul rings the doorbell. He wants her to go to the gallery and meet Raj’s boss, Dixon. Ava says Sonny is just waiting for her to make a false move. Paul tells her that the police aren’t on to anything and Anna is indisposed.

Felicia tells Anna and Robert that they were mistaken for a wanted couple.

Michael tells Sonny that Anna was investigating Carrrlos and thinks Sabrrrina might be with him. Sonny tells him not to give up hope on Sabrrrina.

Morgan tells Carly he appreciates Carly’s trust. Carly asks about Kiki. Morgan says that she wants him to stay in the friend zone, but did agree to a date. Carly says they bring out both the best and worst in each other and they’ve both been hurt, so he should take it slow.

Jason asks Monica about Danny, who spent the night at her house. Monica says he’s doing great and has a birthday party after school, and will be ready for Sam afterward. So I guess they won’t be figuring out that Sam is in Elizabeth’s basement for a while.

Sam reaches her phone, but it’s smashed.

Kiki arrives at Sonny’s with Avery. We are just flying through the scenes today.

Michael meets Felix at the hospital. Felix has a postcard from Sabrrrina in San Juan. She says she made the right decision in leaving Port Charles. Michael says he’ll fly to San Juan. Felix says he shouldn’t do it. He says she knows about Michael’s change of heart already because she told him.

Robert asks if the couple has accents. Anna thinks the police were possibly looking for Carrrlos and Sabrrrina. Mac says no.

Ava says she’s not at the gallery because she wants as little contact as possible with the gun runners. She says she lied to Kiki to get Avery out of the apartment. She says that they used to be just business partners, but they’re involved now, so can’t Paul cut her some slack on the murder charge?

Sonny tells Kiki what she already knows about Ava not wanting to give him more time with Avery. She says what Ava doesn’t know won’t hurt her. She says she doesn’t want Avery’s heart to ache like hers did wishing for a father when she was growing up.

Jason sees Carly at the hospital and tells her about Jake being hit by the car. Elizabeth tells Monica she can’t believe this happened a second time because of her. Monica says parents always blame themselves if something happens to their child. Elizabeth says this is her punishment for what she did to Jason. I’ll vote for that.

Sam’s vision is gettig blurry. She starts crawling accross the floor, trying to make it to…the laundry basket?

Elizabeth says Jake is suffering because she’s selfish. She wanted to keep Jason to herself and ignored everyone else’s pain. Monica says that’s not the case, and the best you can do is to be there for your children since you can’t totally prevent them from being hurt.

Carly asks how the accident happened. Jason tells her Jake ran away and explains how he came to the conclusion that Jake was behind the break-ins. He says he shouldn’t have left Jake with a sitter. Carly says his job as a father is to help Jake get better, not blame himself. Monica comes by and says Jake is waking up.

Elizabeth is telling Jake everything will be fine and she loves him. Jason enters and says he loves him too. Jake asks if they’re mad at him. Jason says he didn’t have to run away because he messed up. Jake says that’s not why he ran away. Elizabeth asks why he did then.

Sam gets to the washing machine and leans against it. She pulls the laundry basket down and puts a towel around herself to get warm.

Kiki suggests she and Morgan go to the zoo and Kelly’s with Avery. He asks if she’s asking him on a date and she says it’s more like she wants to get to know the new Morgan.

Paul says destroying the recording of Ava’s confession doesn’t mean she’s not responsible for killing Connie. Paul says she’s too valuable and he needs her as a front. He wants to keep the recording for leverage. He says as long as she cooperates he won’t need to use it. He says since Avery is out and the shipment is going smoothly, they should make good use of their time. Ava says she might be forced to work with him, but she doesn’t have to sleep with him. She tells Paul it’s over and to get out.

Jake starts to talk, but Elizabeth tells him to rest for now. Monica comes in and says they need to prep Jake for surgery. Elizabeth says when he wakes up, she and Jason will be there. Jake says something about Sam.

Sam sees a space heater across the room and crawls toward it.

Michael asks when Felix talked to Sabrrrina. Felix says he called her after she disappeared. He tells Michael that she does’t want to come back to Port Charles. Michael asks if he’s supposed to just forget about her then. Um, that would be a yes.

Anna says Paul might be behind their arrest.

Paul tells Ava he thought she was having fun with him. She says she was, but because he’s blackmailing her, it’s a turnoff. Paul says he enjoyed it as much as she did, but he knows that she did it because partially because he has her confession on a flash-drive. He says let’s do it one more time and Ava says no. He says he thought they were good together, but it’s her choice. She says she’ll let him know if she changes her mind, but don’t hold his breath.

Sonny suggests he take care of Avery so that Morgan and Kiki can have a real date. They agree, so I’m sure somehow Ava is going to find out.

Paul calls Anna and asks how Robin and Emma are. She says they’re having a wonderful time, last night was memorable, and thanks him. When he asks why she’s thanking him, she says for calling. He says he can’t wait for her to get back and hopes to see lots of pictures.

Oh, this is good. Ava is at the bar ordering champagne when Morgan and Kiki walk in. She sees them and asks where Avery is.

Carly tells Michael she’s sorry about Sabrrrina. She didn’t want him to rush things, but says she knows he would have made a great father.

Everyone tells Jake it’s going to be okay and he’s wheeled to the operating room.
Maybe not so okay for Sam. She gets to the heater and plugs it in. Oops! The plug starts to spark, but she’s already half asleep.

Tomorrow, Ava confronts Kiki and Hayden wants to know what could possibly stop her wedding to Nicholas.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Benny says what the hell and Candace tells him Quincy found her and so did Warlock. Benny asks if War called the police. Candace doesn’t think so and Benny says they have to find Jeffrey. Candace says she has a nosy neighbor, and Benny tells her to go find Jeffrey and he’ll handle things. She says she broke Jeffrey’s phone when he tried to call the cops. Benny tells her to make sure Jeffrey isn’t at the police station. Well, he is, but not for what they think.

The guard comes to get Jeffrey. Veronica tells him not to say anything and David tells him to be careful. Jim thinks he’s going to make a statement against them. Kathryn suggests they all collect themselves and just get through it. Veronica says they wouldn’t be in it in the first place if her son hadn’t ratted them out. Jim makes snide remarks about Veronica and David starts fighting with him. The guards break it up.
DA Jennifer arrives and agrees with Jim that Veronica is a cold bitch and Veronica asks her to come closer. Kathryn says she warned Jennifer. Jennifer asks if she’s the boogie man and Kathryn says worse, she’s a woman, and anything a man can think up, boogie or otherwise, wouldn’t hold a candle to what she can do.

David is taken out and Jim thinks David made a deal. David says he has to look out for Jeffrey first. Veronica wants him to try and get her out first, but he says as long as she’s in there, Jeffrey is safe.

In the hallway, David says that leaving them the newspaper wasn’t a good idea. Jennifer says Veronica made a fool out of him, since he’d been faithful to her, making that assumption since he didn’t sleep with Jennifer. Jennifer says she didn’t get him out, Maggie did, and she intimates that David must be sleeping with her because this is all she thinks about. David wants to see his son. Jennifer says no, he’s safer without seeing David or Veronica. She tries to pump him for information about Maggie, but he’s not talking. She tells him he’s free to go.

David comes out to where Maggie is waiting. He asks her why she would put an article like that in the newspaper. She’s like you’re welcome for getting you out. He asks to borrow her phone. He goes into the hallway to make a call. He calls someone named Mama Rose. He wants to know if anyone put a hit on his wife. She says she can’t talk about those things. He asks if Jim put out a hit and she says not with them. Is there a lot of competition in this area? He thanks her and hangs up.

David asks Maggie why she didn’t get Jim out. She says he’s done and the only thing that matters is David. She says he has the potential to be governor or maybe president. He’s pissed about the photo of Veronica and wants to know who the guy is. She claims she doesn’t know. David wants her to put out a statement that the photo was doctored. Maggie says she won’t do it. He then asks how long Veronica has been having an affair. She says she doesn’t know. David gets his belongings and leaves.

The DA meets with Jeffrey. She tells him he won’t be charged with the DUI or obstruction regarding the car that they were all hiding if he testifies. He asks if Wyatt is being charged, and she says no, he’s getting immunity and wanted the same for Jeffrey. She says if he takes the same deal, he has to testify against his parents and the Cryers. He says he won’t and she says he’ll be charged then and she’ll make sure he goes to jail. He still says no. He says he’ll testify against his mother, but that’s it. Jennifer says it might be difficult because they’re all being tried together. He says he won’t do it, that all he knows is what his mother did, and as far as the others go, it’s only hearsay.

Jeffrey says he loves his mother. Jennifer is perplexed. Jeffrey says she’s evil and tried to blackmail him about the car. He says he’s gay and she hates him for it. Jennifer asks if he’ll testify if she has Veronica’s trial separated. Jeffrey says gladly. She tells him he can go, but to answer his phone. She asks if there’s blood on his shirt and he says he hit a deer and had to move it. She asks what’s going on with his mother and father, that David seems unhappy. Jeffrey says he doesn’t want to discuss his parents, but Jennifer says it’s for court. Jeffrey says Veronica treats David terribly. Jennifer then asks about Maggie and if she’s having an affair with David. Jeffrey says he really doesn’t know, but David says he isn’t.

Queen sees one of Quincy’s homies and asks how to track someone on a phone. She gives him a hot laptop and he demonstrates. He brings up the address where Quincy’s phone is. Queen asks him to take her there.

Hanna wakes up Quincy Jr. who says he doesn’t feel well. She feels his forehead and says he’s burning up. He says his stomach doesn’t feel right either, so she tells him to get dressed and she’ll take him to the doctor. She calls for a cab. She asks how much it will be, but she doesn’t have enough. She tells them to send the cab anyway.

Jeffrey goes to Wyatt’s house. Jeffrey says it’s been a long night and his parents are in jail. Wyatt says he knows because he did it. Jeffrey asks why and Wyatt says it was the only way to get away from them. Jeffrey says he’s seen his mother get murderers off and she’s going to figure a way out. Wyatt says he got Jeffrey immunity. Jeffrey says he didn’t want to be a part of this and Jim is going to be pissed when he gets out. Wyatt says Jeffrey should be thanking him, and Jeffrey says he wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place if it wasn’t for him. Good point.

Wyatt ignores that and starts talking about how he’s going to get his inheritance and get out. Jeffrey comes close to telling him what happened with Quincy. Jeffrey says he has to go and there’s a knock at the door. It’s Candace.

Candace asks Jeffrey why he left. Jeffrey says he needed some air. Candace tells him to come with her. Wyatt says something about the police station and Jeffrey getting immunity. Candace thinks he’s talking about Quincy and she says she thought they were in this together. Wyatt asks what she’s talking about and says that he drove the car that hit her brother and Jeffrey and the rest covered for him. Candace asks Jeffrey if he knew this whole time and didn’t say anything to her. She says she can’t believe it. Jeffrey says he can’t believe how screwed up his life has been since he met her. She says he never would have stood up to Veronica or come out of the closet if it wasn’t for her. She says he’s not an innocent bystander, he’s an active participant. I assume she’s alluding to Quincy’s murder, especially since she keeps repeating it and hitting him in the chest and back. Jeffrey says he doesn’t want to talk to her again. She says when hes’s done being used by Wyatt, to let her know. Wyatt, who’s been interjecting snarky remarks, asks her what her rate is. She says he doesn’t have enough.

Quincy Jr. tells Hanna he needs his medicine, but he can’t seem to tell her more than that. She says she’s getting him to the hospital. The cab pulls up. They’re halfway there and she tells the cabbie she only has nine dollars. He says he’ll have to let her out. She tells him that Quincy is very sick, but he’s a bastard and makes her get out anyway and takes her nine bucks. I hate him and hope she sues if anything happens to the kid. Although she probably could call 911.

Quincy Jr. passes out when they sit on a bench. Hanna scoops him up and runs.

Next week, Quincy Jr. finally gets to the hospital, David investigates the hit on Veronica and maybe sleeps with Maggie. Maybe.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Kyle says every time she washes her car, it rains. LisaV says maybe it’s karma and she has a bone to pick with Kyle. She didn’t appreciate Kyle not telling her that Faye Resnick was going to be at her party. Faye was seriously rude to Lisa some time back and Kyle says life is too short to hold a grudge. Lisa asks how Kyle would feel if she invited witch Carlton to a party. Lisa and Kyle are celebrating their 33rd and 20th anniversaries (respectively) together and Kyle says she’s invited Faye to that too. I would have been more annoyed that Kyle called that last one a barbecue when it was a dinner party.

Yolanda, who is feeling a lot better since her surgery, and Erika go for a walk to the beach. Erika tells Yolanda about the altercation between Faye and Kathryn. She also tells her about LisaV saying that Mohammed claimed Bella and Anwar don’t have Lyme disease. Yolanda says she wishes people would use their energy more positively. She says she heard from LisaR, who’d been discussing Yolanda’s illness behind her back. Yolanda says who has time to spend three years being ill who really isn’t ill. Um…Brooks Ayers?

LisaV starts checking out Kyle’s phone in the car and Kyle snatches it back. Hmm… what’s in there? They’re checking out the venue for their Moulin Rouge themed party. Lisa thinks it’s kind of small and tells Kyle she knows one person Kyle could de-invite.

LisaR visits Erika, who has the most unbelievable house ever. Erika gives Lisa the tour. Lisa says the house is exquisite and makes LisaV’s house look small. Erika shows her the chapel where her religious art collection is displayed. Lisa says she’s seen a lot of things in her day, but this is a first.

She’s there to ask for advice on how to approach Yolanda. They sit on the patio and have some wine. There’s also a really nice spread of snacks on the table.

Kathryn and husband Donnie go to the gym. She says since she’s nine years older, she doesn’t want to ever show him she’s going downhill, so she does everything he does as far as working out goes. She tells him about the upcoming anniversary party and that Faye has been invited and it didn’t go the way she thought at Kyle’s party when she’d expected a big blowout. She says knowing someone who was brutally murdered is second only to her father’s death in being painful, and that she and her ex-husband were never brought into it until Faye’s book. She says she can barely look at Faye, but she’ll see how it goes.

Erika brings up the talk of Yolanda’s illness at Kyle’s party. LisaR says if Yolanda wasn’t dealing with her illness in such a public way, people wouldn’t be saying anything. She says unfortunately she’s engaged in it and now she feels it’s necessary to tell Yolanda. Erika says Yolanda will be more understanding than Lisa thinks.

Erika is taking a voice lesson. She says performing is so much fun, it doesn’t feel like work. She’s going to be having a show in San Diego, and all of the ladies are coming.

Eileen and Vince are back from Italy. She’s picking out an outfit for the Moulin Rouge party and the feathers from it our going everywhere from her boa. Vince asks how she’s doing after scattering her sister’s ashes and she says she’s hanging in there.

LisaR comes to Yolanda’s house. She says Yolanda isn’t the easiest person for her to talk to and this is very difficult. They sit down for coffee. Lisa tells Yolanda that she engaged in some negative talk about Yolanda and that the pictures she posts of opposite ends of the spectrum — both happy and ill — tend to confuse people. Yolanda asks Lisa why she thinks she posts the pictures, and Lisa says “awareness.” Yolanda says she got it right, and it’s hard when people you know start talking like that behind your back. Lisa apologizes and says she’s really a decent human being. In her individual interview Yolanda says Lisa is deflecting and she needs to deal with her own issues. Lisa says she didn’t know what Munchhausen’s Syndrome was but someone approached her and said maybe that’s what Yolanda has, and she explains the illness. Oddly enough, Yolanda has never heard of it either. How is it that both of these women of the world have never heard of this?

Kyle’s daughter, Portia, is trying a hat on her dog, Khloe (please tell me she’s not named after a Kardashian). Khloe is no Giggy, but she looks pretty cute. Kyle models her party outfit for Mauricio. Ken and LisaV pick them up and their dresses (or whatever you call them) are difficult to deal with in the limo.

Kathryn and Donnie pick up Erika, whose husband is with a client. Erika tells them about how LisaR came over to ask her for advice. At least this group knows what Munchhausen’s is.

The party begins! All of the costumes are fabulous, lots of feathers and sparkles. LisaR says if Harry (who is also not attending) had seen her leave the house that way, he’d just shake his head and wonder what she was up to now. Camille (who I think Andy Cohen is wooing to come back) is also there. Erika uses the c-word in front of Kathryn who tells her she’s too beautiful to talk like that and Erika says she won’t say it in front of her anymore. In her individual interview though, she says she’ll use it every chance she gets. While I don’t think someone’s looks have anything to do with how they should talk, I’m in agreement with Kathryn that it’s a degrading word and it lessens my opinion of Erika. It actually makes me want to call her one.

LisaV says hello to Faye. If there’s anyone on this show who deserves Erika’s favorite word, it’s that one. Faye tells Kyle that she thinks it’s all good between her and Lisa, but she needs to rethink that. The ladies discuss LisaR’s visit with Yolanda and Kyle does her famous splits. In her individual interview (where she is sporting some dynamite magenta highlights), LisaV says that must be the secret to Kyle’s happy marriage and that she can barely put her socks on. Ha-ha, Lisa! I’ll bet you’re just fine at putting on your socks.

Kathryn, LisaV and Kyle talk about Faye. Lisa says she was nice to Faye. Kathryn says she doesn’t really know her, but she doesn’t trust her. Kyle defends Faye, but Kathryn says she feels Faye capitalized on a tragedy by writing about it and had no businss involving her. Kyle says it was 21 years ago and it’s a new chapter today. Kyle is annoyed that Kathryn is bad-mouthing Faye at her party, but I think she has good reason for her dislike. Apparently, Faye is bucking for a spot on this show and I don’t like her very much either. There’s an air of superiority about her that’s very annoying.

Kyle tries to complain to LisaV about Kathryn’s remarks. Lisa says she can’t change the way Kathryn feels. Hey, it’s Taylor! Kyle is annoyed that Lisa isn’t being supportive she says the last time she sided with the new girl, it didn’t go very well. We flash back to Brandi slapping Lisa.

Next week, we get to see Erika’s show and LisaV finds out that LisaR told Yolanda what she said about the kids.

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts & recaps on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

The front page of the paper talks about the altercation between Olivia and the mayor over public breastfeeding. Sonny and Epiphany are checking it out. Epiphany asks if Sonny got a new doctor and he tells her she’s enough for him.

Lucas asks Julian if the story in the paper is true. Julian says yes, but Alexis has Olivia’s back. Julian asks if Lucas and Brad have set a wedding date.

Maxie and Dillon are checking out a shoot location. Maxie says Nina wants them to look at The Haunted Star as well, and Dillon brings up Johnny. He tells Maxie she did the right thing by telling Nathan right away. She says just telling a partial truth meant she also told a bunch of little lies and she doesn’t know what to do about that. Hmm…keep your mouth shut? Nathan comes by with some hot chocolate.

A reporter is asking Olivia why she didn’t just breastfeed in a room. She says she has a five-year-old son and she wouldn’t want him to see that. Apparently a lot of people are living in the dark ages in Port Charles. Dante tells Olivia he wishes he’d been here for her, but she says he had his hands full with Johnny. She says she doesn’t know why Johnny would have forced Lulu to help him since he once loved her.

Lulu asks for time alone with Johnny. It makes no sense, but because she’s Dante’s wife and was supposedly an injured party, she gets this privilege. Johnny asks her if she wants to make a run for it.

Lucas says they’re not planning on making it official any time soon. Julian tells him that he and Alexis are going to be married in a few weeks.

Sonny tells Epiphany she knows exactly how to push him. He says he’s done everything she told him and it’s time to take it to the next level. She says she’ll be the judge of that and what is he even talking about? He tells her to watch. He struggles, but finally stands on his own. Epiphany is thrilled and gives him a hug.

Olivia asks how Lulu and Valerie are and Dante says they’re both fine. Olivia says it was lucky Lulu found Valerie and she imagines it brought him and Lulu closer together. He says not so, they’re filing for divorce.

Johnny suggests he and Lulu go to Canada and start over. He says they should have done it a long time ago. He says he looks back and realizes that he made a mistake back then. Lulu says he sacrificed his freedom for her for nothing. She says that Dante figured out that Lulu helped him of her own free will and told her he hates Johnny, but Johnny has integrity which is more than Dante could say for her.

Nathan passes out the hot chocolate. Nathan says for Lulu and Maxie’s sake, he wants to make peace with Dillon. Nathan tells him he’ll need a permit for shooting, and tells him he should go to the station now. Dillon gets the hint that Nathan wants to talk to Maxie alone. When Dillon leaves, Nathan tells Maxie he knows she lied about Johnny.

Maxie says he’s right, she lied about some details, but she was trying to do the right thing and still protect Lulu. Nathan asks if she thinks it’s true that Lulu wasn’t a willing accomplice. When she doesn’t answer, he says he thinks Lulu went along with it too, but she’s his sister and Johnny is in jail, so he’ll leave it alone.

Olivia suggests Dante and Lulu work things out and stop letting it be all about Valerie. Olivia asks why Lulu would suddenly decide she wanted a divorce, and Dante says it’s him that does.

Lulu says she made a gigantic mistake that cost Johnny his freedom and Dante to want a divorce. Johnny says it’s probably for the better, that Dante betrayed her. She says Valerie helped her to see that the trouble with them started before she came along, and that they should have worked out a solution together, and now it’s too late. Johnny asks if there’s anything he can do to help and Lulu says maybe.

Epiphany asks how it happened. Sonny says he had a dream about someone who needed his help and when he woke up he felt focused, strong and hopeful. He says that’s what his people need him to be, and he said it was time to get his legs back. Epiphany says she’s not going to ease up on him and that she’s going to make it harder. Sonny tells her to bring it on. He also asks her not to tell anyone yet. She asks if he wants to hide his recovery because of business reasons.

Lucas is thrilled about Julian’s impending nuptials. He says Alexis has been good for him and he’s glad Julian is out of the mob business. He says he’s glad Julian won’t be a shooting statistic and Julian says he hopes Lucas is right about that.

Olivia thinks Dante is leaving Lulu for Valerie, but he says that’s not the case. She asks why he’s divorcing Lulu and he explains what really happened with Johnny.

Johnny says if it’s in his power, he’ll do it. Lulu thanks him for taking the fall for her. She says if he hadn’t lied, she could be going to prison too, and the thought of being away from Rocco for years would have killed her. She says now she has to figure out what happened to get her to such a low place. She wants her son to be proud of her and she wants that for Johnny too. She says there’s always been a tug of war inside of him between good and evil. He says the bad side won. She says he has a good heart and is capable of incredible generosity and kindness. She begs him not to join a gang in prison and to do something productive to get himself out and become a good guy who no longer has to hide. Lulu says he gave her a second chance and she wants that for him too. He asks if there’s a chance for them to be together too.

Nathan forgives Maxie. He says despite her covering for Lulu, he can trust her. She says she’s not so sure about that.

Epiphany says that it makes sense regarding his business, but what about Carly and the kids? Doesn’t he want to them to know he’s making progress? He says he knows what he’s doing. Epiphany says she does too, and she has patients who aren’t giving her nonsense and leaves.

Julian tells Lucas that some people aren’t willing to let bygones be bygones. He says being a father again, makes him want to stay on the straight and narrow. He asks Lucas to be his best man. Nathan says he’d love to.

Sonny stares at the door in an ominous way, although maybe this is just his thoughtful look. It’s hard to tell.

Nathan asks why he can’t trust Maxie. She says she told Lulu to go big or go home in fighting for her marriage and look what happened. Nathan says she didn’t make Lulu conspire with Johnny. Maxie says if she was in Lulu’s shoes, she would have done the same thing.

Dante says Johnny came back to town on his own, but Lulu put the Valerie plan in motion. He says she didn’t want it to get out of hand like it did, but she wanted Valerie out of the way. Olivia says her intention wasn’t to harm Valerie, but to help her marriage. Dante says she lied and Olivia brings up his own lies. He says one doesn’t cancel the other out and he wants to stay angry about it, proving once again what a moron he is. Olivia says when he’s angry he doesn’t have to feel the pain.

Johnny says he needs something to look forward to when he gets out. Lulu says she’ll always love him, but to take the mess she made for him and make something good for himself and not to change for anyone else. He says their New Year’s Eve kiss was a new and bright start to the year. Time’s up and the officer takes Johnny back to this cell. Orange is not a bad color on him. Lulu sits by herself crying and Dillon walks in.

Julian sees Sonny and asks if they can talk. He says Alexis told him what Sonny had said and he’s not interested in the mob life anymore. He says he’s starting over and he wants to make peace with Sonny. Sonny brings up some past stuff and Julian says they’re equally responsible for the animosity between them, but he’s asking man to man if they can let the past go.

Maxie says she couldn’t make Lulu see how much she had to risk. Nathan says ditto for Dante. Maxie says she’d never want to risk their relationship. Nathan says he doesn’t either and they hug.

Olivia says she’s not happy about it, but she understands and there are no easy answers. She says he’s her son and she’ll always be supportive, but she urges him to take some time before making any big decisions or signing any divorce papers. She leaves and Valerie walks in. Valerie asks how Lulu is. Dante says between Valerie leaving Lulu out of the equation (score one for her) and Johnny not saying anything, Lulu is in the clear. He tells her that they’re splitting up for real.

Dillon apologizes again for revealing Dante and Valerie’s affair. He says he also should have said something when he saw Johnny. Lulu says her problems are of her own making and asks if he’s there for further questioning. He says he’s there for a permit and that he hopes one day she can forgive him and he can really help her. She says he already started.

Sonny asks if Julian wants to be forgiven for putting a hit out on him. Julian says forgetting is more accurate, but he had nothing to do with Sonny getting shot. He says like it or not, their lives are connected. He says he doesn’t want his children to grow up without a father. Sonny says he might have Alexis fooled but they both know once you get in there’s no getting out. I guess mob business is like a roach motel.

Nathan suggests that he and Maxie trade their cold hot chocolate for a warm bed. Woo woo!

Dillon tells Lulu not to be so hard on herself and that everyone makes mistakes. He says they learn from them and try to do better. Lulu starts to cry and they hug.

Valerie says Lulu took her problems out on her, and that she’s not the cause of their problems, but she was a contributor. She wants to move on and says she doesn’t want anything to do with Dante anymore, not in a mean way, but she just can’t. She says good-by.

Julian asks Sonny if he ever wanted to escape and just have a life with his family. Sonny says of course, but he has a past and so does Julian. He says they can’t just wake up one morning and it’s gone, that everything can’t just be wiped away. Julian asks once more for Sonny to forgive him and for them to move on. Sonny totally steals a line from Machete and says maybe God can forgive Julian, but he can’t and he’s going to take Julian down for killing Duke. I don’t particularly like Julian, but Sonny is being an a-hole and had better watch his karma.

Tomorrow, Sonny tells Julian he’s going to pay and Anna is hot on the Sabrrrina/Carrrlos trail.

The Haves and The Have Nots

After Warlock and Candace trip over Quincy’s dead body, Warlock asks her how she thought she could get away with it. He says he doesn’t care about anybody, but Candace is his girl. Her mother used to look after him. He tells her not to say she’s sorry and then asks for money. She says she doesn’t have any. He insists she does and she insists she doesn’t.

Warlock tells her she has a nice place. She says he can have it, but he says no thanks, he just wants money. I don’t know why she’s not telling him why she doesn’t have it. He gets out his gun and tells her she won’t feel anything. She begs him not to shoot her. He shoots.

He shoots past her and says he told her not to move. He says he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do, and she made him look like a fool. He says she has four million dollars and he wants one and a half. She says okay, but says she doesn’t have it right now. He asks why and she finally tells him it was taken from her. He thinks she’s lying and he pulls off another shot. He says she’s a traitor and a liar and broke the code along with his heart. Quite poetic for a thug.

She tells him about Oscar and how he marked her. Warlock says she’s lying. Candace says she’s not, but she needs a week. He says on the eighth day, her ass is dead. She asks if he’ll help her move Quincy’s body and he says sure. She says the neighbor is watching everything she does. He then asks which favor she wants, to live for seven days or get help with the body. She wisely chooses the former. Warlock says he loves her. She says she loves him too. He wants another favor before he leaves and we’ll just leave it at that.

Wayatt doctors his pee test and gives it to the technician in the DA’s office. Jennifer tells him he can go home and she’ll call with the results. He asks about his parents and she says they’re okay. He asks if they’re getting out soon. She says she’s trying to keep them in until he gets out of the house. She suggests he stay in a hotel. He asks about the Harringtons and Jennifer asks if Jeffrey has a drinking problem since he was arrested for a DUI. Wyatt says no. She tells him she’ll let him know when his trust fund is released and he leaves after calling her an angel in his life. He is so clueless, it’s sad.

After Wyatt leaves, Jennifer’s assistant comes in with the paper. She’s not happy about the front page.

Jennifer asks the desk clerk where the paper came from. Maggie is there and tells Jennifer that David has been sprung. She asks why the judge would release David alone. Maggie says David had nothing to do with it. Jennifer says that David can’t be released. Maggie says if she doesn’t release David immediately, she’ll call the attorney general. Jennifer asks if she’d like to use her phone. Maggie asks how long it will be and Jennifer says as long as it takes.

The guard asks for Kathryn, saying the DA wants to see her. Veronica tells her not to say anything. She says Jennifer will try to entrap her. Kathryn says she’s not stupid. Veronica gripes about her phone call and the guard says they’re working on it.

Mitch and Benny are wrapping up the day at the tow yard. Benny says they cleared $1800. Mitch says if they keep doing well, they’ll need more employees. Benny says he wants Warlock to come in. Mitch says Warlock will bury them. Benny says he doesn’t understand, that Warlock had their backs when he and Candace were younger. His mother took care of Warlock as a child, and Warlock took care of them later financially. Mitch says Warlock doesn’t do anything for nothing.

Mitch says he doesn’t trust Warlock. He asks Benny why Warlock was looking for Candace and that he needs to keep an eye on things. Benny says funny, Warlock said the same thing about Mitch, but he trusts them both. Mitch says he’s going to be watching Warlock.

Kathryn tells the DA she’s represented by counsel and has nothing to say to her. Jennifer says she just wanted to talk to Kathryn and there’s a difference between a conversation and questioning. She says it’s off the books and Kathryn says she doubts it. Jennifer says she knew Kathryn’s father and that if it hadn’t been for his scholarship, she wouldn’t be the DA. Kathryn says he was a good man and helped a lot of people. Jennifer says that she was lucky, but about 45 of her colleagues had to sleep with him for their school money. She says up until now, a class-action suit against his estate was just talked about at parties. Kathryn says she’s trying to blackmail her. Jennifer says she’s trying to tell her to distance herself from Jim. They both talk about how being blindsided has its privileges and I don’t understand it. Kathryn says that a legacy has tentacles. She says a lot of people knew what was going on and that the town of Savannah is worth more than gold. She tells Jennifer that to take on the task she would have to divide air and she’ll wipe out everyone who needs that air to breathe. She says she wants her phone call and wants it now. Jennifer says they’re working on it and sends her back to her cell. Kathryn says maybe Veronica was right and Jennifer is a dumb bitch.

The officer gets Kathryn and Jennifer throws stuff around the room. Foiled! Ha-ha!

The guard tells Veronica to come now. They’re changing cells. Veronica insists on her phone call.  The guard says not right now and handcuffs Veronica. She says she’s taking them one at a time.

The guard deposits Veronica in her new cell. Jim and David are in the next cell and Veronica says it’s a set up. The guard acts ignorant. Veronica tells them not to say anything. Jim gets snarky. They make snide comments back and forth, ending with Jim making a comment about her hair.

Veronica asks David how he is. He says they all need to be quiet and quit giving the DA ammunition. Jim says, oh look, Veronica can take orders after all, and he and Veronica go back and forth again. Jim brings up the picture in the paper of Veronica and Benny. Veronica says she’s still angry at Jim putting his hands on her. Jim says, oh sorry, and David tells them to knock it off. Veronica gets pissed that he’s not defending her. Oh, here comes Jeffrey!

Veronica and David are pretty surprised to see him. David asks what they’re doing there and they ask him what he’s doing there. David asks what the charge was and he tells them a DUI and asks again why they’re there. Veronica asks Jeffrey what’s up with the DUI and Jeffrey says he’s guilty. Veronica says when they get out he’ll regret talking to her the way he is and he says she’ll regret everything she’s ever done to him. He says something about her and Benny and Jim is like, wow. Jeffrey asks if he should tell David or should she. Veronica says she’s having an affair and the picture was in the paper. She tells Jeffrey to go ahead and hurt David. He says she’s the one who hurt David. She says all he wants to do is Wyatt or any other guy. He says he wishes one was right here and he’d do it in her face. I literally lol.

David asks him who it is with Veronica in the picture. Jeffrey says he doesn’t know. Veronica says is he sure? Why isn’t David says maybe he’ll sleep with Maggie after all. Veronica says they’ll be even. He says they’ll be over. Jim asks David if he’s sure he wants him to call it off. Jim asks Jeffrey if he’s still gay. Jim says everyone knows it except his mother and she can’t control him out of it. Veronica says she’s seen what happens what happens when you try to control children – they get raped in prison or kill themselves. I go oooh! out loud. Jim says he knows she had Wyatt raped and David says just like how she got Quincy out of jail. Jim is like, what? David tells Veronica she’s sick. She says Jeffrey is still in love with Wyatt. Jeffrey says he’s going to do all he can to keep her in there and she’s an evil soul who doesn’t deserve to see the light of day – ever.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. That was a very intense scene in a small space with no props. I’m exhausted. My mouth was hanging open through the whole thing. Well played, Tyler Perry.

Benny goes to Candace’s house. The neighbor waves from across the street. Candace comes out and says she doesn’t feel good. Benny insists on talking to her and she says let’s talk outside she needs the air. Benny says their mother is mad at him and she’s staying in a hotel and won’t come to his house unless Candace can tell him how she got the money for it. Candace says she’s tired and doesn’t want to do this right now. Benny says she used to tell him the truth. She says he has to go and he pushes his way inside.

He sees Quincy’s body.

Next time, Benny suggests they go to the police and David and Jim have a fistfight in the cell.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Giggy! Ken and LisaV are looking for a restaurant space and go to a sex shop where Ken has taken a lease. Lisa says that even though she’s a supporter of many lifestyles, some of the stuff is weird even to her. She plays with some pink duck and can’t turn it off. Ken tells her they’re looking at the space, not the merchandise. They bicker about who is going to design it and Lisa says Pump was a huge endeavor that she doesn’t want to do again right now.

Lisa says she thought Ken wanted to wind down, but he says winding down is dying. He suggests Max as manager. Lisa wants to start enjoying life more in 10 years time and isn’t overjoyed with this venture.

Kathryn says she’s from Milwaukee and a Midwesterner through and through. She and her husband talk about a previous vacation and he calls Westminster “Westminister.” They go to a jewelry store. Her husband, Donnie, played in the NFL and invested wisely, so they can afford a lot of cool stuff. The jewelry is in the millions, and he tells her to get what she wants, but remember they’re also renovating a kitchen. She decides the kitchen is more important, but says eventually she’ll get the jewelry.

Kyle calls LisaV. She wants to have a barbeque. Faye is going to be there, but Kyle also likes Kathryn and hopes there isn’t a conflict.

Eileen and family are going to Italy where she’s going to sprinkle her sister’s ashes. Vince plays a joke on her, putting one of the kids in a suitcase. Her sister was a single mom and she helped raise her niece who is like a daughter to her. She will also be coming on the trip.

LisaR is meeting Kathryn for lunch. They’ve known each other for a while. They talk plastic surgery, Kathryn’s old modeling days and how they palled around. They agree to have lunch again.

Kyle meets Faye at a furniture store. Faye is redecorating Kyle’s closet. Kyle says Faye is like a family member. Kyle tells Faye that she invited Kathryn to the barbeque. Faye says she doesn’t want to discuss any O.J. business with anyone. She says she’s never going to get into a conversation about Nicole and the past. I’m shocked when Kyle mentions that it was over 20 years ago. My heart.

Eileen and the gang are in Italy. She and Vince are going over plans for the trip. Eileen says her sister’s ashes are a priority. Her sister hadn’t let anyone know she was terminally ill and it’s still very difficult for Eileen. She feels guilty that they didn’t do anything for her even though it was her decision not to tell them. She says it’s a way of honoring her sister and getting rid of the guilt. She goes to some gorgeous place on the water, says good bye and scatters the ashes. She says that her sister helped raise her since she was 12 years older. I can identify since my sister is 10 years older.

Kyle is getting ready for the barbeque which looks pretty fancy for a barbeque. She’s having it catered because she’s tired of being in the kitchen all the time instead of with her guests. I can identify here too.

Kathryn visits LisaV. She says the house is fabulous, but there’s a lot of swan poopy around. They have tea, and Lisa grills Kathryn on her home life. I love Lisa, but she sure is nosy.

Yolanda arrives at the barbeque and also thinks it’s fancy for a barbeque. Erika says she shows up in barbeque-wear and Kyle is in an evening gown. Kyle also isn’t barbequing any food, so I agree when she says she should stop using that word. Everyone says the same thing when they come in, so I won’t belabor the point.

LisaR is a little uncomfortable with Yolanda because of her questioning Yolanda’s illness. Yolanda isn’t into being negative and ignores any friction between them. Yolanda schools the ladies about toxins in everything. LisaV and Kathryn are the last to arrive. Kathryn says she knew it was inevitable that she run into Faye at some point because she’s close with Kyle. She’s not too happy because Faye portrayed her as a doormat in her book when she’d never met her. She doesn’t strike me as the doormat type. She says she doesn’t want to start a fight, but she’s not going to roll over and play dead either.

Kyle is in the unenviable position of introducing Kathryn and Faye. LisaV says Faye was a bitch to her at her 30^th anniversary and she hasn’t spoken to her since. She wishes she’d gotten a heads up. Kathryn and Yolanda talk about their old modeling days. LisaV and LisaR confer inside at the bar. And here comes Faye.

LisaR brings up the altercation between Faye and LisaV. For what reason, I don’t know. Just because she has no filter I guess. Faye says she has no hard feelings and wants to move on. In her individual interview LisaV says she loves women who have a pop at you and then want to move on. I hear her. LisaV says fine. Yolanda has to jet early and LisaR is glad they didn’t have to talk about anything heavy.

They sit down to lunch and Kyle’s Golden Retriever jumps all over LisaV with his ball in his mouth. Of course Lisa doesn’t mind and everyone is like, awww. Kathryn is seated across from Faye which is not so awww.

They talk about Yolanda and how much better she seems. LisaR starts talking about the confusion with her posting the sick and happy Instagram pics and they get into that conversation again. Erika says Yolanda would be pissed to hear it. LisaR says she intends to discuss it with Yolanda, which we’ve heard a few times now. Stop it, Lisa! Kyle asks about Yolanda’s kids who have Lyme disease. LisaV says that Mohammad clams he doesn’t think they have it, but she doesn’t want to get in the middle of all of it. Kyle keeps pumping (no pun intended) LisaV for information. Erika looks more and more annoyed, and finally they move on.

They talk about LisaR posing for Playboy and we flash back to the dinner party from hell and Camille calling Faye “the morally corrupt Faye Resnick.” Kathryn talks about Faye writing the book and posing for Playboy and having her fifteen minutes. Kathryn says she was in the book and don’t talk about her if you don’t know her. She says she never read it though. Erika says if she was going to confront someone about writing about her, she’d read what they wrote.

Kathryn says she’s been thinking about confronting Faye for 20 years. Suddenly, Erika tells Faye she wants to address the elephant in the room. DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Kathryn says she never met Faye before, but she’d be a phony if she didn’t say anything. She associates herself being brought into the O.J. stuff with Faye and says that Faye is the only one who dragged her into it. Faye says she has nothing to say about something that happened over 20 years ago. She says there isn’t much to discuss. Kathryn says she wants to address it. Faye says it was nothing pejorative and asks if Kathryn feels better. Faye says it was an uncomfortable time in all of their lives and it should be discussed in private, if at all. She says that if she offended anyone she’s sorry. Kyle pipes up about what a good girlfriend Faye is. Kathryn says obviously Faye wants to move on and she didn’t get the satisfaction she wanted.

Next time, some weird party where the women are wearing top hats and LisaR finally talks to Yolanda. Faye also seems to be bucking to be a permanent addition.

Recommendation: The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce

This is a clever and genuine look at divorced life. A kind of Sex and the City for a slightly older crowd. The characters are diverse and believable, and while the plots are somewhat exaggerated (as with any drama), they’re both touching and fun.

I’m glad Bravo has branched out into some scripted shows. I also love Odd Mom Out. That surprised me since I thought I wouldn’t relate, but there’s someone for everyone to identify with and the show is very New York-ish.

Bravo, Bravo!