What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Chase takes statements at the pool, while Brook tells Tracy that she can’t get her anything else. The Deception crew is watching her very closely. Chase comes over and says, sorry if he’s interrupting, but Brook says, he’s not. He says, that’s not how it looked.

Willow wakes up from her nap, and Michael takes her temperature with a forehead thermometer. She asks if she doesn’t get a kiss first, and he says, that’s coming. She’s good. No fever. He kisses her, and she asks if that coffee’s for her. He says, it is, and she says, the smell of Corinthos Coffee probably woke her up. She asks how long she’s been asleep, and he says, her morning nap almost turned into an afternoon siesta. She says, best sleep she’s had in weeks. Being home is… healing. Although she still feels like she’s dreaming. He says, there’s only one way to be sure, and kisses her again.

Popping out from behind a rack of clothing, Sasha tells Maxie, that sun dress she tried on complements her eyes. She should totally get it. Maxie says, so did that top Sasha tried on. It didn’t seem like her style though. Sasha says her old style belongs to another life. When her guardianship ends, she needs to send a statement to the world. This is Sasha 2.0.

Gladys runs out from the back of The Savoy, Montague following her, and she says, this calls for champagne. He asks if they shouldn’t get some orange juice to justify the early hour, but she says, no. She can’t believe how much energy she has after playing all night. Selina comes out and says, it’s the adrenaline rush. Winning will do that. Congratulations to them both. Gladys says she knows one win won’t make them square, but she can pay Selina an installment today. Selina says, champagne is on her. Enjoy their win. Gladys says, it’s like lightning in a bottle, when Cody comes out, and Selina says, except lightning isn’t supposed to strike twice.

Outside an office, Felicia asks if Lucy is clear on the plan, and Lucy says she is. She’s to keep the lawyer occupied, busy enough so Felicia can have the proper snoop. She does have one question. Why did Felicia have her get all glammed up when the lawyer is probably some short, stodgy, boring bifocaled attorney? Felicia says, the charm offensive is tried and true. Would Lucy rather she be the honey trap? Lucy says she’s better suited to it, as Felicia knows. She just hopes they can find out what Martin’s hiding from her.

Anna takes the police tape down from the unoccupied room at the MetroCourt, and slips inside. She looks around, then looks out the window. She hears someone coming.

Michael tells Willow that he’s missed this. It’s been torture not being close to her. They kiss, and he asks, what’s wrong? She says, unfortunately, the torture isn’t quite over.

Montague pops the champagne, and Gladys squeals. Cody sits with Selina, and says he doesn’t know what happened. It must have been an off night. She asks if he has any idea how much money he’s cost her, but he says he’s better at counting cards than counting losses. She says, from where she stands, he’s a failure at both. His job is to always get her a profit. He says he’s sorry, but she says she hired him expressly to avoid large payouts to players, yet they’ve operated at a loss two games in a row. He can’t afford the luxury of off nights, and if she has to pay, so must he.

Gladys says, finally, it feels like her luck is changing, and clinks her glass against Montague’s. He says, with her daughter-in-law on his new drug regimen, her good luck has no end in sight.

Sasha holds up a couple of tops, and tosses them aside. She picks up a tiny lacy camisole, and asks Maxie, what about this one? Maxie says, wow. That’ll certainly send a statement to the world. Sasha says, and to think she spent the last year praying the press would ignore her. She guesses she’s ready for them to sit up and take notice again. Maxie says, now for something more comfy and PG rated, and takes down a pair of pants from the rack. These are a little short for Sasha, doesn’t she think? Sasha says, they’re not for her. She had Logan’s personal shopper select a few items in Willow’s size; comfortable, mommy dear, but still lovely. Like Willow. Maxie says, that’s thoughtful of her, and Sasha says, she sounds surprised, but Maxie says, more like in awe. If being a great friend had any sway on the judge, he’d grant her petition without a second thought.

Chase says, it seems like every time he sees Brook and Tracy, they have their heads together, and Brook says she pleads the fifth. Tracy asks if a woman can’t spend time with her granddaughter, and Chase says, at ease, ladies. This isn’t an interrogation, just an observation. He’s just happy to see Brook. How is she holding up after last night? Brook says she was just catching grandmother up on the shooting, and how he saved the day. Chase says he was just doing his job, and she says, nobody does it better. She admires his passion and commitment. He tells her that he could say the same about her, the way she feels about music, but she gave that up to go back to work at Deception.

The hotel room door opens, and Anna clocks the person coming in. They fall to the ground, and Anna says, it’s you? Martin says, ow! What the hell is wrong with her? Has anybody ever told her that for such a little thing, she packs a ridiculously big punch? She says, yes, all the time. He’ll find out what else she’s packing if he doesn’t tell her what he’s doing here.

Willow says, yesterday, when Michael stepped out to get her discharge, the oncology nurse went over Terry’s instructions with her in more depth. As he knows, there are a lot of dos and don’ts. He says he knows. He fell asleep reading the packet last night. He’s got the food and medication schedule, and visitor protocol down, but he’ll make time to finish the rest of the packet today. She says she’s sure he will. He’s barely had time to get anything done. He’s already done so much to make her homecoming smooth. He says, what else would he do? and she says, he’s incredible. He does nothing but think of her, and he’s sacrificed so much for her already. She hates having to ask him to sacrifice longer. Because he’s dense, he asks what she’s talking about. What did the nurse say? She says, that they can’t make love.

Martin struggles to get up, and Anna asks how he got a keycard for this room. He says, probably the same way she did, and she says, that’s doubtful. Was he following her? He says, no, not really… kinda, sort of… All right. Fine. Just give him a minute. She does know this hurts, right? Somehow, Valentin got word about the shooting, and reached back to him. Valentin was worried about her, and wanted him to check on her. He was on his way out and over to her place, when he saw her crossing the lobby. She says, he was following her. She didn’t notice that. She must be slipping. He says he’d say she’s still got it, based on the amount of pain coming from his face. That’s his story. Why did she cross the police tape? What in the hell is she looking for? She says she’s sure the PCPD did a thorough job, but she just wanted to check for herself. This is where they found the rifle the sniper used. He says, and that’s of what interest to her?

Felicia and Lucy walk into Jackson Montgomery’s office, and Felicia tells his assistant Cheyenne that they’re here for their appointment. Cheyenne tells Jack that his 10 am is here, and he comes out and introduces himself. Felicia introduces herself, and says, they spoke on the phone. This is her sister Lucy Martin. He says he’s so sorry for her loss, calling Lucy Mrs. Martin, and she holds out her hand, thanking him and asking him to call her Lucy. This little affair with her husband’s estate is very confusing for her. She’s never lived in Pennsylvania, but he did for quite a while… with his other family. Jack says he sees how that could complicate matters. Why don’t they go into his office and see if they can untangle this a bit? Felicia says she’ll wait out here, and Lucy goes into Jack’s office with him. Felica eyeballs the file cabinet.

Sasha takes a top off a hanger, and says, once Willow can get out again, this would be perfect for a romantic outing with Michael. Maxie says, yeah – she looks at the price tag – or she could sell it and take that overdue trip to Paris. Sasha says, Willow would never spend this amount of money on herself, but she deserves a whole new wardrobe for her new chapter. Maxie says, it’s beautiful. She’ll love it. She’d be happy to contribute. Sasha says, it’s incredible. Her friend has all new DNA. It’s like she’s been reborn. She presses the top to her face, and Maxie says, she’s very philosophical today. What’s up with that? Sasha says her court appointed shrink prescribed something that totally revolutionized her approach to wellness. I’ll have what she’s having.

Cody says, as much as he’d like to, he can’t cover Selina’s losses, and she says, last night she received bad news about the proprietor of this establishment, a man she’s fond of. Cody says, N’neka informed him about Curtis and the shooting, and she says, and his incompetence only compounded her distress. He says he’s sorry, and he completely understands if she no longer wants to retain his services.

Tracy asks if Chase doesn’t think her granddaughter is committed to her job at Deception, and he asks if he can speak to his girlfriend in private. They make a mean iced cappuccino at the bar. Tracy says, that sounds dreadful. Why would anybody want to add ice to a perfectly good cappuccino? But she’ll leave, since apparently that’s what he wants her to do. She strides off, and Brook says, that was impressive. There aren’t many people granny will listen to. He asks why she always seems so tense around Tracy, and she says, it’s complicated. He says he knows Tracy wants her to have a career to fall back on, but all she needs is her talent. Don’t let Tracy, Linc, or any of her other personal demons make her doubt her talent. She takes his hands, and says she loves how much confidence he has in her. He says, unlike Tracy? Is Tracy pressuring her? She says, leave it, but he says, not if her grandmother is making her unhappy. Brook says, Tracy doesn’t care if she doesn’t want to work at Deception, and he says, then why not tell her to back off? Brook says, because Tracy put her up to it.

Willow says, they can cuddle and caress, but they have to put sex on hold. She’s so sorry. They didn’t even get a chance to consummate their marriage, and she’s making him wait even longer. He says, she’s not making him do anything. This is about her health. He’s not upset or surprised about it. She tells him that she knew he’d say that. He can tell her if he’s disappointed. He says, what’s disappointing is coming home to an empty house. Or telling Wiley, I don’t know, when he asks when she’s coming home. Imagining a life without her. Which is why, no matter how many times she’s brought up the subject, he’s never wanted to talk about it. He’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she’s home to stay with him and their family. She says, but what if it takes a while? She says she wants him. She’s disappointed they can’t be intimate like they used to. He says, first of all, hold that thought, and second of all, she does have him. And when she’s healthy and ready… She says she’ll definitely be ready, and he says, there you go, kissing her.

As she looks around, Anna says, Martin may or may not know this, but she’s currently unemployed. She was hoping she could be a little useful. He says, call it a hunch, but he suspects Valentin wouldn’t be too thrilled if he found out she was putting herself at risk. She makes a frustrated noise, and he says, what does she want? His client cares about her. He misses her. Anna says, she misses him too, obviously, and Martin says, it might come as a shock, but as demanding as the man can be, he does too. He’s with Laura, who’s his closest confidant, and they’re both on the other side of the world, just when he needs them most. She asks, why? What’s wrong? He says, wait a minute. She’s a woman. She says, can’t get anything past him, and he says, and she’s close with Lucy. She says she’s been in close proximity with Lucy for extended periods of time, but he says, it’s about Lucy. Anna’s good with riddles, so maybe she can help him with one. An unexpected, unmistakable chill suddenly came between them, and he for one, wonders why.

Felicia looks at Jack’s awards and diplomas, and says, impressive. She tells Cheyenne, if she needs to pop out for any reason, don’t mind her. If she needs to overnight something or if she wants to take an early lunch, it will be their little secret. Cheyenne says, it’s not even 11 am, when Jack comes out and asks if she can run around the corner to the gourmet coffee shop and get Mrs. Martin some coffee. Cheyenne says she’ll make a fresh pot, but Jack says, Mrs. Martin has a very particular coffee order. It would probably be best if she just went out and got it. He hands her a paper, and asks if he can get Felicia anything. Felicia says she’d love a latte, and he says, a latte it is, and tells Cheyenne to get something for herself. Lucy calls out, don’t forget her cinnamon, and Felicia says, her sister takes her coffee very seriously. Cheyenne leaves, and Felicia checks a file cabinet, but all the drawers are locked.

Selina says, letting Cody go doesn’t solve her problems. She still needs a reliable ringer. He says, clearly that’s not him; not any longer. They had a good run, but he’d hate to let her down again. She says, then don’t.

At the bar, Gladys asks if Montague saw the look on his face when she pulled out that third Jack, and he chuckles. She lowers her voice, and says, those drugs Sasha’s taking, they aren’t dangerous, right? He says, not at all, and she says, good. She needs Sasha’s guardianship to stay in place a bit longer, but she does care about Sasha. He says he’s explained this before. The medication is harmless on its own. It’s the reaction with Sasha’s antidepressant that will create the behaviors Gladys wanted, none of which are life threatening. She’ll be off-kilter, foggy, prone to mood swings. Gladys asks, will that be enough? Will people even notice some simple side-effects? He says, trust him. People will notice.

Maxie asks, what exactly did Sasha’s doctor prescribe? and Sasha says, meditation. She just breathes. Maxie’s phone rings, and she says, it’s Georgie. She steps away to take the call, telling Georgie, stop yelling at her brother. Put her on speaker phone. She tells James to give his sister her journal back right now, and Sasha takes another dose of medication. Maxie says, don’t make her have to ask again, or call her again. Just so he knows, tonight, they’re having a talk when she gets home. She comes back and asks Sasha if meditation will help her with her squabbling children. Sasha says, even Zen has its limits, and Maxie says she’s going to have to give in and get a bigger place, where everyone has their own room. She loves her apartment, but it’s time to move on. Sasha says, that’s the spirit, draping a scarf around Maxie. Lean into possibility. Maxie says she’s going to lean into some real estate listings. She really needs to get back to her kids. Is Sasha good? Sasha says, yeah, and Maxie leaves, taking a last questioning look before she goes out the door.

Chase asks why Tracy is making Brook work at Deception, when Tracy comes back, and says, that’s between her and Brook. This coffee drink is not half bad. Lucky she’s open-minded. Chase says, it kind of sounds like there’s more to the story, and Tracy says she knows he’s trained to look for crimes everywhere, but this really doesn’t concern him. He says, it does if she’s exerting undue influence, and she says, undue, shmundue. She’s just compelling. Brook says, like the guillotine, and Tracy says, that’s enough. Brook says, she’s right. It is enough. She’s done jumping through Tracy’s hoops. Say this, not that. Work here, not there. Hide this… Chase says, hide what? and Tracy says, be careful. Chase says, Brook knows she can tell him anything, and Brook takes a deep breath. She says, months ago, she asked granny for a favor that concerned Chase, and she granted it. He asks, what favor could Tracy possibly do for him? and Tracy says, getting his badge back.

Cody stares at Gladys, and Selina asks if she has his attention. He says, sorry, and she says, the more he apologizes, the less it means. So is this funny business? An accomplished ringer who couldn’t lose suddenly can’t perform. She finds that odd. He says, happens to the best of us from time to time, and Selina nods to Li, who comes over to the table. She asks why Cody insists the best course of action is to dismiss him, after he recently pressed her to stay on. Is he trying to get fired?

Montague tells Gladys, if Sasha took the medication as prescribed, her body will have metabolized it, and its interaction with her antidepressant has already had an effect.

Michael opens the door, and Sasha says, surprise! She hopes they don’t mind her dropping by like this. That’s what they get for adding her to the approved guest list. Can she come in? He says, Willow will be happy to see her, and tells her that she has to wear a mask, handing one to her. She yells for Willow, who says, what a surprise. They keep their distance, yet both hold out their arms, and Sasha says, until we can do that, let’s close our eyes and reach out our hands and pretend to hug. Can she feel the embrace? Willow half-heartedly attempts this, but Sasha is obviously into it. Michael’s phone rings, and he steps outside to take the call.

Michael asks Josslyn, what’s up?… He’s just getting Willow settled. Why?… Oh my God. When?

Felicia goes through Cheyenne’s desk drawers and finds a ring of keys. She tries them on the file cabinet, and finally hits the right one.

Anna tells Martin, all right. She’ll bite. Describe this unmistakable chill between him and Lucy. They sit down, and Martin says, maybe chill’s the wrong word. More like a distancing, and he doesn’t like it. He’s not used to being kept at arm’s length. Usually, you can’t slip a ruler between… Anna holds up her hand, and says, visual, and he says, up to this point, he and Lucy have been on the same page with just about everything. And he means everything – vacation, family, home… The perfect evening, shaken, not stirred, true crime over sports, cake over pie, companionship over marriage… Anna says, stop right there. That’s his problem. The Lucy Coe she knows likes marriage. He says, she used to like marriage, but been there, done that, several times. As has he, and neither one of them is anxious to make the same mistake again. Anna says, is that what she told him? and he nods. Anna says, she doesn’t mean it. She’s exhaustively romantic. He says, Lucy insists she’s happy with things as they are, and she says, yet here they are, dissecting his relationship. Has marriage been brought up lately? He says, actually, yes, but they both said they’re not interested. Anna tells him, it’s one thing to say that to yourself, but it’s quite another thing when the man you love says, nope, it’s not happening.

Chase says, so Tracy orchestrated his rehiring. That’s how he got the CCRB meeting and his badge back. Tracy says, actually, all she did was get the Board back in the room. They made a decision based on the case he presented, so really, that’s all him. Brook says she cost him his badge, so she called the one person she knew who could help, and he says, and now that person is holding it over her head. Tracy says, hello?  That person is standing right here. He asks how Deception fits into all this, when his phone rings. He steps away to take the call, and Tracy asks if Brook is under the influence. Brook says, Tracy knows she doesn’t do drugs, but Tracy says she means truth serum. First, it’s her colleagues, now it’s with Chase. How long is this confessional going to go on? Brook says she has nothing left to confess. In the past, her relationship with Chase ended over secrets. Tracy says, no. Her relationship ended because she got caught. Brook says, Chase doesn’t want her to be perfect, just honest, and Tracy says, transparency leads to questions, which she’ll soon find out when Mr. Perfect gets off the phone. Chase comes back, and Brook asks if it was about the shooting. He says he can’t get into it right now, but he is going to need some answers from her.

Brook tells Chase that she didn’t want to say anything because she didn’t want to involve him, and he says he’s got to get back to work. Unfortunately, this is going to have to wait. Tracy says, work? As in the job she helped him get back? He says he owes her nothing, and neither does Brook. If Tracy is strongarming Brook into something unethical, he’s going to find out. Brook tells Chase that she’s so sorry. She’s so done with secrets. He says he has to go, and tells Tracy, this isn’t over. He heads for the exit, comes back, and kisses Brook, then leaves. Tracy rolls her eyes.

Felicia looks through the files. She takes one out that says Maquillage, but it’s empty, so she puts it back. She goes over to the credenza and looks through the drawers. She’s about to take a crack at a safe, when she hears Lucy saying she hasn’t been in Pine Valley in so long. It’s a shame The Chateau closed down. Jack says, the real shame is that he isn’t able to do much for her at this juncture, but it was a real pleasure to make her acquaintance. She says, and it was such a pleasure to make his, and he says, but she’s right. The Chateau was the gold standard in Pine Valley for many years, but he thinks she’ll enjoy this new restaurant he told her about. He’ll see her at 8. Lucy says she can’t wait, and Cheyenne comes in with the coffee, apologizing that it took so long. Lucy thanks her, and says she’ll take hers to go. She scoops up the coffee on her way out the door, and Felicia follows suit.

Martin says, so Anna is telling him that Lucy is angry because he doesn’t want to get married again, and she says she’d bet her career on it, but… He says, she doesn’t have one, and she says, yeah. He says, that doesn’t make any sense. Why would you put your head back in the lion’s mouth? Lucy’s heard all his horror stories, and knows his track record. Anna knows about it. She tried to blackmail him over it. She says, that’s bygones. She doesn’t think Lucy would ever compare herself to his exes. She thinks Lucy sees herself as someone entirely different. He says, she is entirely different. He’s never met anyone like Lucy before. She gets him. Anna says, then what’s the problem? Won’t he at least consider it? He says his mama is only going to walk him down the aisle so many times, and Anna says, make light of it if he wants, but buy himself a sweater. Because that chill he’s feeling from Lucy is liable to set in. She wants to amend something she said earlier about Lucy not comparing herself to his exes, because there is one area where she’s keeping score. And that is, he was willing to marry them, but refuses to take the plunge with her.

Sasha enthusiastically describes the clothing she bought for Willow, as she pulls it out of the shopping bag, and Willow tells her, slow down. She can’t keep up. Sasha thought of everything. Sasha says she just wants Willow’s homecoming to be perfect, and Willow says, just being with the people she cares about is perfect. Sasha gasps, pulling out another top, and asking, isn’t it exquisite? She suggests Willow try it on, but Willow says she shouldn’t. She has to wash or clean everything before she wears or uses it. She notices a security tag, and points it out to Sasha.

Cody asks Selina why he’d try to get fired. She pays him nightly more than he makes in months working with the horses. She asks, why continue with horses? and he says, they make him happy. She asks if he’s happy in her employ, and he says, who wouldn’t be? Right, Li? He holds up his hand for a high-five, but nothing. Selina says, there is one way to find out if that’s true, and asks Li to bring the cards used in tonight’s game.

Brook lies down on the chaise, and Tracy says, Chase isn’t the only one with work responsibilities. Doesn’t Brook have someplace to be? Brook says, nope. Chase now knows Tracy helped get him reinstated at the PCPD. Tracy says, so? and Brook says, so Tracy no longer has any leverage over her. The sun is out. The pool awaits. And today seems like a wonderful day to resign from Deception… again. Tracy says, Brook is forgetting something. She committed corporate espionage. What would her pious policeman think about that?

Anna says her advice to Martin is very simple; just be honest with Lucy. Share his frustrations about marriage. He says he has; she’s heard them all. Anna says, no. She’s heard him bitching about his ex-wives. He has to figure out if this has translated into an institutionalized phobia. Tell Lucy his fears. But before he does that, he needs to be very honest with himself. Is he worried that it’s too soon? Is he concerned about compatibility? Is he afraid of failing again? Or is it something else? He says, it may be too soon. God knows they’re compatible. Yes, all of the above; frightened, concerned, afraid. He hates to commit again, and then fail again. She smiles, and he says, what? She says, he forgot the something else. Because there is another reason, isn’t there?

Down the hall, Lucy asks how she did. Did Felicia have enough time? Did she get anything? Felicia asks if Lucy made a date with the man she spent the last hour lying to, and Lucy says, good point. It usually takes her half the time. She’s slipping. It must be trauma from that whole Victor thing. She sips her coffee, and says, she told him no whipped milk. Felicia gets her attention, and Lucy says, maybe she did make a date, per se. Felicia says, remember what happened when she went rogue with Victor? Spending more time with Jackson Montgomery opens them up to exposure. Lucy says, okay. Did Felicia get anything? She doesn’t see anything. Did she get a file? Lucy doesn’t see a file. Did she find a flashdrive? What did she get? Felicia says, no. She got nothing. The assistant was glued to her desk. By the way, that was a brilliant gambit of Lucy’s, ordering coffee. Lucy thanks her and says, Anna Devane eat your heart out. Felicia says, making the order more complicated was a stroke of genius, and Lucy says, it was all part of her plan. Felicia says she needs to continue to search. And she thinks she knows where. The Maquillage file wasn’t with the other documents, but she thinks it’s in that safe. She bets if she can get into it, she can find that file, and they can find out what Martin’s been hiding. Lucy asks if Felicia can really crack a safe, and Felicia says she has skills. So she guesses it’s a good thing that Jackson will be otherwise occupied tonight at 8. They clink their to-go cups.

Martin says he doesn’t know what Anna’s talking about. All the reasons she listed, besides compatibility, are perfectly valid. And legitimately good reasons not to want to get married again. Anna asks, what about the giant one in particular? The one that hasn’t been listed? The one she found out when she knew about his three ex-wives. Because one of them is so different from the others, isn’t she? He says, number three. She’s far more sadistic. Anna says, and rich. She’s the only one he doesn’t pay alimony to. In fact, she pays him, a cool 50K a month. And if he remarries, his ex-wife is going to cut him off, and that’s what this is really all about, isn’t it? He can either marry Lucy, or ride the gravy train, but he can’t do both. And what he can’t tell Lucy is that he’s already made his choice.

Montague says he has to catch some winks before his next session. He’ll see Gladys at Sasha’s next session. He believes he’ll have a lot to report to the judge. He leaves, and Cody tells Selina that Gladys is up to something. Selina says, his chance to come clean is over when Li returns. Li comes back with the cards, and gives them to Selina. Cody says, give him a chance to explain. It won’t happen again. She says, no, it won’t, and looks through the cards. She holds up a card, and says, white ink, but he swears he didn’t know where that came from. She says something to Li, who grabs Cody and frisks him. He pulls a small ink bottle out of Cody’s boot, and Cody says he can explain, but Selina says, there’s no need. It’s evident what happened here. Cody threw her game.

Sasha says, so much for being perfect, putting the top back into the bag. She’ll have to return it to the store to have the tag removed. Willow tells her, don’t worry about it, and Michael says, Chase is here. Willow says, the more the merrier, and Chase says, it’s good to see her outside the isolation room. She says, tell her about it, and he asks to talk to Sasha. Sasha tells him to hold on a second, and pulls the top out again, telling Michael that it’s for him to take Willow someplace nice, like a sunset cruise. Chase tries to get her attention, and she tells him, wait, but he says, this can’t wait. She’s under arrest.

Tomorrow, Sasha says, lawyers are for guilty people; Sam asks Gladys what that woman has on her; Sonny’s not going to rest until he finds out; and Curtis’s surgeon calls for a crash cart.

🍊 The Real Housewives of Orange County were still inflicting themselves on Montana, and Gina was still bawling about Jenn’s infidelity. Or Ryan’s. Or both of them. In her interview, she said there were a lot of triggers all over for her. Like how recently she’d gone to a church wedding, and she’d gotten married in a church. Pretty soon it’s going to be, people were breathing, and Matt breaths. As much as I hate agreeing with Fancy Pants, this girl needs therapy. Tamra said, if she didn’t care about Jenn, she wouldn’t have announced the whole world that Jenn’s boyfriend is a lying liar who lies. Again, as with Fancy Pants, it’s not what she says, but the way she says it. And when. To Fancy Pant Heather’s credit, she did bring weed for the whole class. Instead of in tents, they slept in a 9500 square foot villa, and got more stoned.

In the morning there was a choice between fly fishing or white-water rafting. On the phone, Jenn cried to Ryan that Tamra hit below the belt. Apparently, she doesn’t know Tamra and has never watched this show. In Jenn’s interview, she said she’d decided to wait until she and Ryan were face to face before confronting him with wanting to hit on Tamra. Shannon, Gina, and Fancy Pants went fishing, while the rest rafted. In her interview, Fancy Pants said, diction should be taught in Montana since she confused the word waders with waiters. Go home, Fancy Pants! You’d think being a fitness enthusiast, Tamra wouldn’t have screeched quite so loudly during the rafting expedition. There was a lot of screaming and such coming from the fishing group as well, but I’m not sure why. Fancy Pants said, cowgirl is hard, so maybe that’s it. There was also quite a to-do over the rafting guide’s shorts having a peek-a-boo issue.

There was a candlelight dinner outside where they talked highs and lows, and Shannon got all misty about reconnecting with Tamra. Fancy Pants pretended shoveling sh*t was her high because it reminded her about how hard people work. Her low was how left out she was when Tamra and Shannon reconnected. She whined about them not inviting her to their PJ party of two, but in Tamra’s interview, she called bullsh*t, and Shannon wondered how much attention she needed. Shannon thought Fancy Pants saw it as a competition, and made a mini speech about how she and Tamra had been through so much, and she never thought this day would come when they’d be sitting together again.

Fancy Pants said she was sorry she’d shared, and in her interview, she said, it wasn’t like it was an isolated incident. We flashed back to her being a third wheel a bunch of times, and she said, they’re friends again and she’s nowhere. Taylor thanked Fancy Pants for helping her with her acting skills, and Heather somehow made that into a bad thing. Jenn felt badly about being a trigger for Gina, who got weepy all over again. Fancy Pants had to ask how much longer Travis was going to put up with this endless cycle, and Gina said he wasn’t putting up with anything; she was a human and these were her feelings. In her interview, Gina questioned whether Heather was really her friend.

Back in the OC, the gym was over with, but Tamra said she and Eddie had a successful THC product business. She told Eddie about Ryan saying he wanted to f*** her, and Eddie said, Ryan’s friends told him that he likes to prey on married women. Tamra said he’d cheated on Jenn already, and in Tamra’s interview, she said it reminded her of Vicki and Brooks. I didn’t see that, but it gave a good reason to flash back to those two morons.

Annabelle had her first modeling job, and Emily was concerned about getting to the point where Annabelle would say, have Emily’s people call her people. As a mom she felt it was her job to make sure her kids were happy and able to pursue their dreams. Sounds reasonable. She should probably escape now. Jenn told Ryan about what Tamra had said, as a Golden Retriever with a sad expression watched. Jenn said she, Tamra, and a different Heather, not Fancy Pants, had been friends. Heather stirred the pot, spreading rumors about Ryan, Jenn started to question Ryan, and they all parted ways. Ryan was all deny, deny, deny, and in Jenn’s interview, she said, if Tamra wanted to talk to her, Tamra needed to come to her and not announce it to the group. Can’t blame her there.

Gina told Travis that she’d thought it would be a nice getaway and relaxing. Seriously? She hasn’t been on one of these girls trips before? In her interview, she said she was mad at Fancy Pants. She had few close friendships, and had let Heather in. She told Travis about how Heather took her phone when she wanted to call him, but didn’t even bother checking in later because she was hanging with Tamra. Gina asked if she shouldn’t talk to him, but Travis said it was his job in the relationship. I was distracted by his beard/moustache combo that looks painted on, and in his interview, he said he was her person, and they were there to help each other. Frankly, I think Gina is taking this way too personally, since Fancy Pants is also Bossy Pants. She just likes to control everything. Do as my father told me. Smile, nod, then do what you want.

Next time, a boat ride; Emily tries to talk sense to Heather; Tamra throws a napkin at Jenn, and screams that Jenn should leave her boyfriend. At a restaurant.

 🦙 Off To Count Llamas…

Come see me for a dose of soap and tea tomorrow. Until then, stay safe, stay not worrying about tomorrow’s problems today, and stay leaning into possibility. (Hey, just because Sasha’s high doesn’t mean she can’t have a good idea.)