What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
Hopefully there are no major editing gaffs. I was very distracted by reruns of Whose Line Is It Anyway? on the UP channel. I forgot how hilariously funny that show was. And how much I love Wayne Brady.
General Hospital
Carly tells Sonny that she keeps imagining Michael trapped in the car with the gas tank leaking. Thank God Sonny got him out. Sonny says he’s fine, and there’s no permanent damage. Carly says Nelle must be disappointed. Jason says Michael is safe, and they need to think about leaving.
At the hospital, Sam asks Elizabeth if she can see Peter, but visiting hours are over. Elizabeth is surprised she’s not at Lucas’s place. Sam wonders why she’d be there, and Elizabeth asks if he didn’t call her. Sam realizes the baby must have arrived, and jets.
Lucas says, Wiley Cooper Jones. He’s finally here. After all the screenings, interviews, waiting, and praying, he shows up when Lucas is in the middle of surgery. He’s going to keep them on their toes. Lucas wonders how Brad did everything by himself. Brad says he managed, but Lucas is here now, and they’re together. Lucas says, they have a son. Brad says, they sure do, and he’s perfect.
Michael asks Nelle how it happened. She says she was suddenly on the side of the road. Maybe she was thrown from the car. He says she wasn’t. They talked, and she left him behind. Nelle says she doesn’t remember; maybe she was in shock. She felt the baby coming, and wanted to get help. She tried to fight the contractions as long as she could, but they kept coming. She gave birth alone, in the darkness, and realized the baby wasn’t crying.
At The Floating Rib, Lulu sees Chase at the bar. She says it’s been a while. He hasn’t taken her up on the offer of dinner yet. Even though Dante is away, Chase is still his partner. Chase says they should do that then.
Ava, Griff, and Kiki sit at one of the tables. Ava knows Kiki has a lot on her mind, and says David is going to get what’s coming to him – in court of course. Kiki says at the very least, she’ll give him one helluva fight. Ava tells her that they have to remind each other of what’s important; family and friends. Griff couldn’t agree more. Ava leaves to get another round. Griff says Kiki has been nursing her glass of wine all night. She says it’s not a good idea for her to drink too much. Her mom might figure out what they did.
Lulu tells Chase something is clearly wrong, and asks if he wants to talk. Chase guesses he can tell her. She’s family, and bound to find out. Michael and Nelle were in a terrible accident.
Carly tells Sonny that they’re going to Canada for three months. Jason says it could be more or less time. Sonny says if they get caught now, it’s all for nothing. Carly asks if they can wait a little longer, and Jason says he needs to take care of something. Sonny tells him to watch out; he’s a wanted man. After Jason leaves, Carly ask how Sonny is. He says was watching the footage from Michael’s car, and saw the crash. Then everything went to black. All he could think about was what if Michael died in the explosion. She says it didn’t happen. Michael is safe, and Nelle was stopped. He asks at what cost?
Lucas says Brad was right. He said Lucas would hold the baby in his arms, no matter what, and kept his promise. Brad says they wanted to be a family. Lucas asks where Brad went, and Brad tells him that Wiley was crying, and he heard a car ride calms babies down. Lucas says with newborns, it’s all about hearing the heartbeat. Brad says he can’t do without Lucas, and Lucas says he doesn’t have to. He may never put Wiley down again; he’s in love already. He says, not to jinx anything, but now they have to hope the birth mother doesn’t change her mind.
Nelle tells Michael that she tried everything to get the baby to start breathing, but nothing worked. The crash was too much. Michael says the first thing she told him was that she and the baby were fine. She says she was wrong. The crash killed him. Michael was too busy trying to get a confession, and didn’t pay attention to the road. He asks if she’s blaming him. She thought he’d be dead at the end of the night. Instead, their son is, because of her.
Sonny tells Carly that Nelle copped to killing Zack, rigging Michael’s car, and making her go crazy. Carly asks if Nelle admitted she didn’t push her. Sonny says Michael was trying to get her to admit it when the crash happened. She says at least Nelle’s credibility is nonexistent, and will cast serious doubt on her side of the story. He says Diane has a lot to work with. Carly asks if Diane came to see her at Ferncliff. Sonny says she got a court order for five minutes. She said Carly was in a straitjacket, and so heavily drugged, she barely remembered her name. Carly says it’s over now, and if she has to go to Canada, so be it. Sonny teases her about how she’ll like spending time with Jason. She says that was a long time ago. Now she wants him. They hug. Jason brings in Josslyn, who runs into Carly’s arms.
Lulu asks Chase what happened? He says there was a car crash; a van came out of nowhere. Michael got Nelle to confess to killing Zack and conspiring to kill Michael. He also got her to admit to gaslighting Carly. He tells Lulu that Michael is still alive. Ava joins them, saying she overheard. She tells Chase that Nelle works for her, and asks if she’s all right. Chase says she’s fine, but the baby didn’t survive.
Lucas shows Wiley to Sam, who holds him. Brad looks like a wreck. Lucas tells her that Brad said he has a great set of lungs, and Sam says the time for that goes by quick. Brad says that Lucas hasn’t eaten, and he’ll go out to get food.
Nelle asks how Michael can blame her; he was driving. It’s his fault. he hated her so much, he killed her baby. Elizabeth tells Michael that Nelle is in shock and grieving. Nelle says it’s his fault. He ruined everything. Elizabeth asks Nurse Courtney take Nelle to her room. She tells Michael that he can have all the time he needs to say goodbye.
Carly says she missed Josslyn so much. Josslyn says Jason said he’d bring her to Carly, and Carly thanks him. Sonny thinks they should give Carly and Josslyn some time alone. Jason tells Josslyn that she’s going to hear things that don’t make sense, but to listen; it’s the truth. They have proof. Sonny promises it will be okay, and he and Jason leave. Josslyn asks what happened with Michael, and Carly suggests they start with Ferncliff. Jason got her out. It was scary and fun. They kept running and didn’t look back. Josslyn wishes it had been sooner. No matter what happened with Nelle, Carly shouldn’t have been there. Carly says there are some things Josslyn needs to hear about Nelle.
Chase tells Ava the baby was stillborn. Ava goes back to the table. Chase tells Lulu it was his brilliant idea. It worked. Nelle took the bait, and asked him to help her kill Michael. She thought the car was rigged to crash, and when she wanted out, Michael refused to stop. She panicked and confessed. The crash was random; a van swerved into their lane, but them being there in the first place is on him. it’s his fault the baby died.
Kiki asks Ava if Michael and Nelle are okay. Ava says they’re at the hospital, so she’s going there. Griff says he’ll come too, but she doesn’t think they should overwhelm them. She tells Griff and Kiki to stay and enjoy themselves, and tells Griff to take care of Kiki. When she’s gone, Kiki says there’s something weird about her relationship with Nelle.
Elizabeth asks Michael to come with her. When he’s ready, she’ll take the baby. He says she’s not taking his son. Leave them alone. Brad watches.
Sam asks Lucas if everything is okay. It was a little weird the way Brad left. Lucas thinks it’s been a little overwhelming, getting everything they’ve wanted. Sam says they have more to lose, and tells him to relax. He might even learn to trust happiness. He says it’s not Wiley, but their marriage. It’s mostly been good, but they hit a rough patch last year. He didn’t like how upset Brad got when Finn gave away the cure for Blackwood Syndrome. His dreams of a big payday got the best of him. Since then, he’s stepped up, and reminded Lucas why he fell in love with him. It’s been amazing watching him grow.
Brad visits Nelle, and asks how she is. She says fine. They’re treating her pretty nicely. It pays to be a grieving mother. He says that’s not funny. She says, no it’s not, but it worked. For all anyone knows, she lost the baby, but she gave it to him. Brad says Michael is devastated, and she says, good. Now he knows how it feels. Brad doesn’t think he can keep it up. Lucas is already in love with the baby, and has no idea. She asks if he really thinks Lucas would forgive him. He’ll be arrested on the spot, and Lucas will lose his husband and son on the same night. Is that what Brad wants for him?
Ava sees Brad talking to Nelle. She moves to the side of the , so they can’t see her. I don’t know why any of this would be weird or clandestine, since Brad is Nelle’s friend and Ava is her boss.
Josslyn can’t believe Nelle wanted kill Michael. She tells Carly that she saw Nelle kissing Chase, and he didn’t seem to care. It makes sense now. Carly says Nelle will be going to prison for a long time. Michael has proof that she conspired to kill him, and she admitted she murdered Zack. Josslyn says she didn’t say what mattered – that Carly didn’t push her. Carly says she admitted to gaslighting her though. She wrote the note that led her to Morgan’s grave, and must have sprayed the cologne there. Josslyn says Nelle had a bottle of the cologne. Josslyn picked it up, and Nelle was weird about getting it back. Carly says Nelle had a lot to cover up. She’s not surprised Nelle lost track. Josslyn wonders why she didn’t believe Carly, but Carly tells her not to do this. Josslyn says when Carly needed her to believe the most, she didn’t stick up for her or say anything. Carly went to that awful place thinking Josslyn had turned her back. She’s so sorry. Carly tells her to stop, and hugs her. She doesn’t want Josslyn doing this. Nelle manipulated her and lied. Josslyn says she let her; she was stupid. Carly tells her not to blame herself. No one is to blame but Nelle.
Lucas asks if Sam is going to be a doting aunt, who will buy noisy toys that drive him crazy. I laugh, since my father and I used to find noisy toys for my niece to drive my sister crazy. Sam says she’s going to teach him to ride his first Harley. Lucas says he’s going to confiscate her leather jacket. Her phone rings. It’s Jason. He needs a favor, and she tells him, anything.
Griff tells Kiki there’s nothing weird. Nelle works at the gallery, and she and Ava are friends. She tells him, once more with feeling, and he says he wishes they weren’t close. Ava has a colorful past, but Nelle’s mistakes are in the present. Kiki wonders if he thinks Nelle brings out the worst in her mom, or it’s the other way around. He says he’s just projecting. He wants to believe Ava is hiding something, because he knows they’re hiding something from her.
Ava comes into Nelle’s room. She says she heard about the accident and the baby; she’s so sorry Nelle lost the baby. Nelle tells Brad that he needs to go home to his family, and thanks him for everything. He leaves, and Ava says she can’t imagine what Nelle is going through. Nelle says if she’s there to say, I told you so, just leave. Ava says she’s not here for that, and Nelle asks why she is. She made it clear they’re not friends. Ava must want to know if she gave her up as an accomplice. She can do that at any time, since there’s a cop right outside.
Sonny asks Elizabeth if Michael is okay. She says his injuries are superficial, and she’s sorry about the baby. Sonny is like, what?
Michael sits in the chapel holding the baby, and asks, why?
Sam meets Jason at the docks, and gives him an envelope. She asks if someone is watching his place, and he says, probably. He broke Carly out of Ferncliff, and they have to leave the country.
Josslyn asks if Carly can forgive her, and Carly says there’s nothing to forgive. Josslyn says her testimony put Carly behind bars, but Carly is proud she told the truth. She did what she had to even though it was hard. She doesn’t blame Josslyn; it’s not her fault. Nelle manipulated everyone. Josslyn says she took Nelle’s side, and guilted Carly into apologizing. Carly says no one makes her do anything she doesn’t want to. Josslyn says she should have known Carly didn’t push Nelle. She knew it wasn’t on purpose, but thought it was in the heat of the moment. It was easier to think Carly was losing it, than that Nelle was manipulating the family. She pushed Michael to get back together with Nelle. Carly says she wanted the baby to have two parents. Josslyn can’t believe Nelle is the mother of Michael’s baby. Carly says that’s a tough one. Josslyn asks what’s going to happen with the baby, and Carly tells her that he’ll probably be born behind bars. Nelle will never see him, and Michael will be a single parent. Josslyn says he won’t be alone. They’ll all help out. Carly says Josslyn is a wonderful aunt, and Josslyn says Carly is a wonderful grandma. Carly says, ugh; I am.
Sonny goes to the chapel. Michael asks if they want to take the baby. He just got there, and he’s not ready. He’d said if it came down to it, he would choose the baby. He would have given his life for the baby to live, and he failed him. Sonny says he didn’t cause the accident. Michael says he’s the one who set it up, and kept driving when Nelle asked him to stop. He’s the reason his son is dead.
Chase tells Lulu that an innocent bystander never died because of him. She says he can’t blame himself. Nelle murdered Zack, and wanted to murder Michael. She had to be stopped. No one wanted it to end this way, but no one wanted her to succeed either. He appreciates it. He says when saw Nelle walking on the side of the road, she didn’t even run. She just looked at him. She didn’t say the baby died; she didn’t have to. Somehow, he knew. That bundle was so still.
Kiki tells Griff that she’s got to go. Them being alone together makes her uncomfortable. He asks her to stay, since her mom said she’d be right back. It might seem weird if she just bolted. She says her mom can’t find out they slept together. Griff says it would break her heart. Kiki says after all this time, he doesn’t know her. She doesn’t get sad. She gets angry, and then she gets even. If she found out, she’d take them both down.
Ava asks if Nelle has been arrested. She says she was read her rights; no big thing. Since she was holding a dead baby, she doesn’t think she was completely responsible for her actions. Ava says, no handcuffs, and Nelle thinks it’s the PCPD’s idea of mercy. That could change at any time. Nelle suggests they settle it. Ava is wondering what she’s planning on telling the cops. Ava says, not that she was an accomplice. Nelle says she tampered with evidence, and that makes her an accomplice, but she’s not saying anything. She’s not giving them the satisfaction of saying Carly didn’t push her. She asks Ava to go. Ava tells Nelle that she’s really sorry about the baby, and leaves.
Sam asks how long Jason will be gone. He says maybe three months. Technically, Carly is a mental patient, so she won’t face charges. There’s no security footage, but there were eyewitnesses, and he had a gun. Sam thinks it will probably be more than three months. He says if it comes down to it, he’ll turn himself in. He’d rather be in prison than on the run. There’s too much for him in Port Charles. Sam thinks there must be something they can do. He says she was right about electroshock therapy being a voluntary procedure. A waiver has to be signed. Sonny didn’t sign anything, and Carly was too out of it to sign. Sam thinks they can go with that.
Josslyn and Carly have dinner. Josslyn says only her mom thinks frozen pizza is health food. Carly points out that it has protein, it’s easy to make, and it’s yummy. Josslyn says she missed Carly. Carly says when they’re done, she’ll have Max take Josslyn home. Sonny will keep her in the loop about her brother. Josslyn was hoping to spend the night there with Carly. Carly says she’d love that, and takes Josslyn’s’ hand.
Chase thanks Lulu for listening. He needs to call a car, but she says she’ll drive him home. He’s Dante’s partner, and that makes him family.
Ava comes back to The Floating Rib, and apologizes for running off. She tell them that Nelle lost the baby. Kiki leave to call Michael. Ava says she can’t imagine what Nelle is going through. Griff says it’s like Ava to stick by her.
Nelle tells the baby sweet drams in his happy home. Michael and his miserable family will never be able to find him, even though he’s right under their noses.
Brad tells Lucas the diner was closed. Lucas says, the all-night diner? and Brad says, weird, right? He thought of going somewhere else, but didn’t want to spend another moment away from Lucas and their son. Lucas says he’s really theirs. The baby smiles. Very cute. This one’s a keeper.
Sonny tells Michael that he can’t blame himself. Horrible things happen that they can’t control. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. They don’t know the complications the baby might have had without the accident. Michael says he looks so perfect. Elizabeth comes in, and Michael asks if she’s there for his son. She says, only when he’s ready. He kisses the baby, says I love you, and gives him to Elizabeth. She leaves. Sonny hugs him, and Michael cries. Sonny has tears in his eyes, but stays strong for his son.
Tomorrow, someone wants to discuss Carly’s escape with Mary Pat, Lulu wonders if someone helped Nelle, and Jason promises Carly will never go back to Ferncliff.
The Real Housewives of New York City
At Casa Mattos, Bethenny never felt less relaxed. She feels like she’ been assaulted. Sonja asks if Bethenny and Carole are good. Bethenny says she talked to Carole, and it’s better than bad. Ramona says the worst part was the Dorinda and LuAnn thing. I have to mention the fabulous breakfast spread, since these trips are like food and water porn for me. LuAnn just wants coffee and to get to the island. It’s an hour and a half ride, which thrills no one. LuAnn feels sucker punched, and asks if Dorinda remembers what happened. Bethenny says she did last night, but she’s not sure about today. Carole says she didn’t want to feel lectured. LuAnn brings up Dorinda criticizing her for being The Countess. As far as I’m concerned, LuAnn will always be The Countess. LuAnn tells them to talk to Queen Latifah and Lady Gaga.
Dorinda joins the table, and LuAnn says they can all call her Lu, including Dorinda. Dorinda says after everything she’s done for LuAnn, and LuAnn asks what she’s done. Dorinda says she’ll do whatever she wants, and LuAnn says they saw that last night. In her interview, Sonja says something deeper is going on. LuAnn is reinventing herself, and Dorinda is spiraling. Dorinda insists LuAnn was lecturing her, and says she’s been there through everything. LuAnn thinks she doesn’t remember, and if she knew, she’d be mortified and apologize. Dorinda accuses LuAnn of being high on her horse this morning. Wow. Remove one word and that sentence takes on a whole new meaning. Dorinda tells LuAnn not to call her anymore. She almost got arrested for LuAnn. I’d love to know what that’s about, but she doesn’t go into it. In her interview, Dorinda thinks it’s the first time she’s seeing The Countess everyone else has spoken about. Bethenny tells Dorinda this is not what she wants to do, and Dorinda tells her to stay out of it. She was going to apologize to LuAnn, and humble her ass, but not when LuAnn is treating her like sh*t. In her interview, Ramona says they’re like a couple of roosters. They need to step aside, and not put on a crazy show. It’s too early.
Bethenny says LuAnn just got out of rehab. Everyone tells her not to get involved. Bethenny says Carole is in everyone’s business. In her interview, Bethenny says it’s not a good sign. They’re not one empanada into breakfast, and someone is going overboard. Dorinda leaves the table. In her interview, Dorinda says she doesn’t regret one moment, and if she wanted to, she could be meaner, but she’s holding back. Ramona says Dorinda is having fun, and doesn’t want to be told what to do. LuAnn says Dorinda is getting angry again, and Bethenny tells LuAnn she understands more than they know. Carole rolls her eyes, and Bethenny says it’s obvious Carole doesn’t like her. Carole says she hasn’t changed; she just doesn’t have 24/7 to respond to texts like she used to. That’s what changed. The time spent together has changed, and neither one of them has enough time. Carole thinks they should cancel the boat trip.
Carole decides to take a breath. Tinsley says the trip is dark, and she feels depressed about it. She loves Cartagena, but it’s not happening. Bethenny and Carole aren’t feeling her, but it’s okay. Bethenny says she realizes she’s crying a lot, but never had a friendship disintegrate to this level. She doesn’t know if they’re each other’s kind of person. Ramona says different people come and go in your life. How insightful.
Dorinda decides to stay behind and go into town. Carole asks why she and LuAnn don’t talk quietly and privately, and steers her toward LuAnn. Dorinda says she will if LuAnn wants to. Carole says it’s only in front of everyone that it gets heated. Carole makes herself scarce. LuAnn and Dorinda hug, and Dorinda says she loves LuAnn. LuAnn says she knows, but there was so much anger. Dorinda though LuAnn was judging her, but LuAnn says that wasn’t how she felt, but Dorinda looked angry. Dorinda says she was happy, and only had one drink. She felt like LuAnn was coming down on her. If she needs to apologize, LuAnn should too. In her interview, Dorinda says they’re both responsible. LuAnn tells Dorinda that she’s sorry if Dorinda thought she was being judgmental. She reacted darkly, and then went apesh*t. Dorinda says LuAnn should be sorry for what she said, but she wants to move on, and promises it won’t happen again. LuAnn says Dorinda is a dear friend. They’ve been through a lot, and it’s one moment in ten or twelve years. In her interview, LuAnn says the things Dorinda said were so dark and angry toward her. She can’t forget; it hurt so much. When you’re slapped like that, it leaves a scar. Dorinda doesn’t want to repeat the evening, and LuAnn agrees. In her interview, LuAnn says it’s hard enough realizing the feelings Dorinda has for her. She’s going to put it, and not ruin the trip. She wants to enjoy the rest of the time. They hug again.
Bethenny talks to Sonja and Ramona, saying Carole was wrong to say what she did, given how sensitive they are right now. Why couldn’t she sit it out? She says she’s not giving up on the friendship, but thinks Carole doesn’t love her. Carole sits back down at the table, but Bethenny doesn’t notice, and keeps talking. She doesn’t think Carole needs to jump on everything. She’s been crying because of the deterioration of a friendship; it’s heartbreaking. They’re at code red, and Carole should let her talk, even if she’s being an idiot. It’s upsetting. Carole says she’s there, and I laugh. Bethenny says it was nothing she wouldn’t say to her face. Sonja says it’s the best communication they’ve had the whole trip. Carole says just because she’s not crying, doesn’t mean she’s not upset. In her interview, Carols says Bethenny acts like a twelve-year-old, playing the victim. Instead of acknowledging what she did, she says, you don’t like me anymore. Carole says everything one of them says, sets the other one off. Bethenny says she’s never experienced anything like this. Carole says Bethenny questioned the friendship, things were said, they talked about it, and she thought it was better. She suggests they just have a good time, and Bethenny agrees. In her interview, Bethenny says she’s emotionally bereft. Most relationships shouldn’t take this much work. It’s been a weird trip. As they leave, Carole mentions there’s a torture museum in town. Bethenny says, this is the torture museum. I went to one of those in Niagara Falls (Canadian side). It was the coolest thing, with all the medieval devices set up in wax figure tableaus. Sadly, the museum had a fire and is no more, but how weird must that have been?
They get to the boat, and champagne is waiting. They toast to a great time. Bethenny says she loves Carole, and she’s sorry. Carole says she feels the same. In her interview, Carole says Bethenny still didn’t own up, but for now, she’s going to take it. The boat leaves port. In her interview, Ramona says, the beach, swimming, pink champagne, and a yacht. They’re in their element, and they’re ready. Everyone takes selfies. Dorinda dances. They see little islands with houses on them, and Dorinda says, this is vacation. They arrive at a private island. In her interview, Bethenny says they’ve been in enclosed spaces, and they’re all animals and need to run wild. It’s real freedom and vacation. LuAnn thinks it’s very romantic, and wishes she was there with a guy.
The island has open rooms that look like a beach club. A few of the women poke at a crab on the boardwalk, and decide to put it in a hammock with Ramona. LuAnn gets in the hammock, and tells Ramona come on, hiding the crab. When Ramona gets in, LuAnn puts it on her, and Ramona scrambles around and squeals. In her interview, Ramona is glad she didn’t roll off and sprain her ankle worse. The poor crab ends up getting mangled.
The girls go swimming. Ramona moons, and Sonja flashes. They notice the price tag is still on Sonja’s bathing suit. She explains that she keeps the tags on in case her clothing goes to the consignment store. Tinsley says, eBay, gently used. In her interview, Tinsley says she even got her hair wet. She’s happy it’s going this well, and they’re finally having fun.
Dorinda sits on the dock. In her interview, Bethenny says Dorinda is sad, and she knows what it feels like. It’s been a weird vacation. Dorinda has done something she regrets, but doesn’t entirely remember. She says she’s rather make her feel better than let her sit in it. She and Dorinda take a walk. Dorinda says she wants to have fun and drinks, but not have people mad at her. Bethenny says she’s now a mental patient. Dorinda wondered what happened, but doesn’t think it went that way. Bethenny tells her not to beat herself up. Dorinda says she doesn’t need anyone to make it right. It’s not her goal to hurt people’s feelings. She starts to cry, and says she’s heartbroken. LuAnn is like family, and to hurt her is a bad thing. She wants to be a safe place all the time. Bethenny hugs her, and tells her to give herself a break. Just tell LuAnn she loves her, and give her a hug.
Sonja’s tag is gone, and I’m thinking, if she took it to the consignment shop, they would notice it had gotten wet anyway. Dorinda approaches LuAnn. She’s sorry she hurt her. LuAnn knows she is, and they hug. LuAnn says she loves and forgives her. In her interview, she says she felt like she did when she got let out of jail. She tells Dorinda that she’s not judging; she’s just worried. In her interview, LuAnn says when Dorinda gets in trouble over and over again, when she’s drinking and pointing her finger, anger is an issue. She needs to look at herself. Dorinda says she thought they were in a good place, and doesn’t know where this came from. LuAnn says she thought the same thing about herself, and bam! In her interview, Dorinda says LuAnn is in a pink cloud post rehab place, and projecting, but she doesn’t need advice.
Lunch is ready. Carole and Bethenny sit quietly, and in her interview, Carole says Bethenny actually ran out of words. She’s shocked, but it’s good. Tinsley and Carole talk shopping, and Bethenny thinks it’s boring. In her interview, Carole says no one shops more than Bethenny, and no one is more obsessed with her own and everyone else’s clothing than Bethenny. Ramona says they’re all fashionistas. After lunch, they lie in the sun. Tinsley says she’s never slept better. Ramona says she found her man, and asks if she has any career plans. doesn’t she want to do something for herself? Tinsley says she worked hard, and now wants to be a wifey for once; she’s never been that. Ramona says she hasn’t either. In her interview, Ramona thinks it sounds shallow and empty. Ramona swings the hammock, and Tinsley spills red wine all over.
LuAnn and Sonja go over cabaret stuff. In her interview, LuAnn says just because she’s on vacation doesn’t mean her cabaret is. She says they need a beatboxer. She and Sonja get on the table. In her interview, Carole says she’s nervous for LuAnn. The show isn’t far away, and they definitely have kinks to work out. A woman comes in, and tells them the water is getting choppy. They have to go back.
They get in the boat. The wind is picking up. LuAnn is still looking for her phone, and the producer tells her to hustle; he’ll get it later. The coastguard called, and they have to jet. The water starts to get seriously rough. Ramona wants the captain to slow down, but Tinsley says this is normal. Sonja starts to freak, and Ramona is like ♫ La-la-la! ♫ In her interview, Tinsley says it doesn’t feel extreme to her. Sonja says she’s been on many boats, but never like this. It’s like an airplane with one propeller. She announces that she peed her pants, so if you see that suit in the store or on eBay, don’t buy it. (I added that last part.)
Wow. My stomach just lurched while watching, and Carole thinks she’s going to throw up. Sonja says Tinsley isn’t worried because she doesn’t have a kid, and Tinsley fails to see how that applies. Ramona says she can’t swim. In her interview, Bethenny says Carole is throwing up in a bowl, and while she’s trying to comfort her, a table and chairs come flying at them. Dorinda asks about lifejackets, and is told there’s one. In her interview, Bethenny says the waves were fifteen feet, and Dorinda is screaming they’re taking on water. We hear a siren. Everyone wonders where the life vests are, and Dorinda says she smells smoke.
Ramona and Sonja clutch each other. We see text, and it says the waters were so rough, filming had to stop for safety reasons. We look at a video of the town. Seventeen hours later. Bethenny says it was the boat from hell. LuAnn says she thought they were dying at sea. Even the camera people had to go down. Dorinda wondered if anyone called for help. Things were flying all around. There was smoke, and the boat wasn’t going forward. LuAnn says she was praying they didn’t capsize. The anchor was deployed, and they were trying to get it back. She says the captain ended up cutting it off with two swords a la Pirates of the Caribbean. They would have been killed otherwise. Bethenny says, no bueno.
Tinsley says it was super traumatic for everyone but her. She didn’t fear for her life, but can’t take away how the rest of them felt. Carole says she’s been to the most dangerous places, but it’s nothing compared to the boat. By the time they got back, they needed to decompress, and had some PTSD. No one got hurt, but everyone was like, wtf just happened? We see a clip of them dancing like maniacs. Dorinda says she just went to bed. Her nervous system was a mess, and she ran to the toilet all night. She wants to go home now. Tinsley says she doesn’t have diarrhea; she’s just hungover. She’s not that adventurous with food, and she and Bethenny didn’t eat the paella. Sonja says she had no toilet paper. In her interview, Bethenny says Ramona stole her toilet paper; it was a full-on diarrhea festival. Only she and Tinsley were fresh as daisies. Sonja says they got out of the boat, and then were swimming in sh*t. No offense to Columbia, but it never happened like this before. Tinsley says the trip wasn’t what they all hoped. It feels like the end couldn’t come soon enough.
They pack. Dorinda says it was literally and figuratively a sh*t show. She practically has to sit on her suitcase, and wonders why she always comes back with more than she left with. Um… because you went shopping? LuAnn says she left the ultimate gift on the bed. We see the maid scrubbing the mattress. Ew!
Next time, as much as LuAnn wants to forgive Dorinda, Dorinda doesn’t know she needs to be forgiven; Carole gets a trophy, and Dorinda horns in on Ramona’s skincare launch.
🍴 On MasterChef, the contestants had to make an entrée for the toughest critics – six to nine-year-olds with big appetites. Besides being safe from elimination, the winning team would get their dish featured in Family Circle magazine. The chefs split into two teams, with Julia leading the red team, and SJ leading the blue. The blue team chose a New York strip steak, and the red team decided on filet mignon. While some effort was made to hide the vegetables, the chefs weren’t grasping children’s palates, and Gordon cautioned them about not making the steak too rare. I’m not sure many kids are into asparagus or truffles either. Julia’s team won, and SJ’s team had to don the black aprons for the pressure test. Mark was called out for being arrogant and not listening. His parents owning a diner seemed to make him think he knew everything. The test was making a box of a dozen cupcakes in ninety minutes. A cupcake takes seventy-five minutes to bake, according to Christina Tosi, who was a guest judge, bringing along her own box of cupcakes. They were so gorgeous, in that moment, I would have sold a kidney for one. She wanted to see culinary masterpieces, and the chefs were given a massive array of ingredients, including just about anything you could think of for decorating. Gerron included bourbon in his recipe, but Gordon said the cupcakes looked like they had too much to drink. They were pretty messy. Not that I could do any better, and would probably do worse. For all his knowledge, Mark didn’t even get all of his cupcakes in the box. To make it worse, he thought it was funny. Gordon didn’t think so, and said he was becoming unteachable. Gerron and Mark were on the chopping block – my girl Chelsea was safe on the red team – and, no surprise, Mark was out. His mentor Joe told him to open his mind up to the right people. He’s young, and the road is long. Mark claimed he was humbled, and learned that he doesn’t know it all. He couldn’t wait until the day he’d be serving the chefs in his own restaurant. Next time, the hottest challenge of the season, and a divided kitchen produces shocking results.
🔥 Tonight’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back was a repeat.
💎 Don’t forget – The Shahs of Sunset season premiere, Thursday (what I call tomorrow) at 9 pm.
😢 Sad News for the Kitchen…
Jessica Vogel, from the 2014 season of Hell’s Kitchen, has passed away at 34.
🎪 🎡 Seen At the County Fair Last Weekend…
In addition to a sausage sandwich and a corndog.
What I Watched - TV With Theresa 