What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
General Hospital
Puerto Rico. Michael says he almost forgot how good it was to swim in the ocean here, and Kristina asks how he could forget. This was like their second home when they were kids, especially him. He came there way more than the rest of them. He says, that’s true, but it’s been a while since he came back. Kristina tells Sonny that she feels totally refreshed, and Sonny says he’s just happy they enjoyed it. He’ll check it out later. He has to drink his morning coffee first. Kristina picks up a paper and asks, what’s this? Sonny says, it’s nothing, but she asks if he’s writing his own vows. He tells her, give it back, and Michael says, he’s handwriting his own vows? Kristina asks, who is he, and what has he done with their tough as nails father? She tells Michael, our dad’s in love.
Nina walks around in the outside chapel and says, it’s finally happening. She flashes back to her and Sonny falling in love in Nixon Falls, continuing their relationship in Port Charles, and Sonny proposing. Then she remembers telling Martin to expose Carly and Drew for insider trading. Donna comes along, and Nina says, she’s up early. Donna says she was too excited to sleep, and Nina says, her too. She asks what Donna thinks about the outside chapel. This is where she’s going to marry Donna’s daddy. Donna says she likes it, and Nina says she does too. Donna asks if Nina will be her second mommy after she marries Donna’s daddy, and Nina says she will. Donna says, good. Now she’ll have two mommies, just like Avery.
Harmony tells Willow to get up. She doesn’t want to be late to the wedding. Willow sits up to find Harmony sitting on the bed and asks what she’s doing here. Harmony says she’s doing what she’s done Willow’s entire life. She’s here to protect Willow.
There’s a knock at Josslyn’s dorm room door, but she says she’s studying. Go away. Dex says, no problem. He’ll talk to her later. She says, wait, and opens the door. She says she didn’t know it was him. What is he doing here? He asks if she’s alone or if Trina’s around, and she says she’s alone. He says, good, because he really missed her. She asks, how bad? and he says, this bad, kissing her. He picks her up, taking her inside, and she slams the door shut as they walk through.
Cyrus is being brought into the courthouse and sees Austin in the hallway. He says, bless you for coming, but Austin just looks at him.
In a basement somewhere, Ava bangs on the pipes and yells for help. She screams, can anyone hear me? and Mason comes down. He says, no one can hear her. No one’s coming to help her.
Cyrus tells Austin that he can’t even put into words how incredibly grateful he is that the judge is considering him for a hardship release. If he grants it, it means an early parole. Austin says, good for you, and Cyrus says, it truly is a miracle that the court is going to take his age and fragile health into account, but they can’t just go on his word that he doesn’t have the physical capacity to harm anyone. They need a doctor’s opinion, someone who’s familiar with his medical history. So again, he thanks Austin for coming here to speak on his behalf. Austin says, sure, yeah, right. Once he figured out what was at stake, he didn’t really have a choice, did he?
Mason says, Ava doesn’t want to be banging on those pipes, making so much noise. This basement is crawling with rats and cockroaches. (Kind of funny, since it’s the cleanest basement I’ve ever seen, with only a few convenient crates around.) He really doesn’t think it’s the place to be in bare feet. She calls him a sick son of a bitch, and says, how dare he hold her in these disgusting conditions? It’s inhumane. He says he’s sorry. He would have loved to put her up in a place more posh, even for at least his own comfort, but unfortunately for both of them, she really pissed his boss off when she double-crossed them. It was a big mistake.
Josslyn and Dex kiss, then she pushes him back, saying, hold on. She’s glad he’s here; she’s always happy to see him. He says he likes the sound of that because he’s always happy to see her too, but she says she’s confused. Isn’t he on duty? Why isn’t he with Sonny? He says, boss gave him a few days off, and she says, time off for good behavior? He says, hilarious. Sonny’s out of town for a few days, so he gave him the time off. She says, if he’s out of town, why wouldn’t he want his bodyguard with him? That doesn’t make sense. He says, Sonny and Nina went to Puerto Rico, and she says, oh. He wants to show her the island property. She’s surprised it took this long. He says, it’s a little more than showing off the island property. Sonny and Nina flew to Puerto Rico to elope.
Sonny snatches the paper back from Kristina and says he hasn’t finished writing his vows. She tells him to read them to her and Michael. They’ll give him their feedback. Sonny says he appreciates the offer, but they’re not going to hear the vows until Nina hears the vows. Kristina says, speaking of his bride-to-be, it’s her first time on the island. What does she think? Sonny says, she wanted to sleep in separate rooms last night, and Michael says, why? Sonny asks what he means, why? She didn’t want to see him until she sees him at the altar. Kristina says she thinks that’s very sweet, and Sonny says, she didn’t want to risk any bad luck before the wedding.
Nina takes Donna’s hands and says, before she becomes Donna’s second mommy, there are two very important things she needs Donna to help her with today. Donna says, okay, and Nina says she needs Donna to think about this. Will Donna be her flower girl? Donna says, yes! She can do it. She was a flower girl at Willow and Michael’s wedding. Nina says, Donna’s dad told her. He even showed her pictures. She was so great, and he was so proud of her. Donna says, Wiley told her that Nina is Willow’s mommy, and Nina says, yes. Wiley is correct. She’s Willow’s mom. Donna says, when they get married, is she going to be Willow’s sister? and Nina says, in a way, she will be Donna’s sister, but she thinks it’s simpler to think they’ll all be one big family. Donna says she likes that, and Nina says she likes it too. Donna asks, what’s the other important thing? and Nina says, it’s really, really bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony on the wedding day. So Donna’s mission is to make sure her daddy doesn’t see Nina too soon. Donna nods enthusiastically.
Harmony says she’s here to warn Willow. It’s very important. Willow says, warn her about what exactly? and Harmony says something, but we can’t hear it. Willow asks what she’s trying to say, and Harmony shakes Willow’s arm. Willow wakes up to find Wiley shaking her, and telling her that it’s time to get up.
Josslyn says, Sonny and Nina are getting married? How does Dex know this before she knows this? He says, Sonny is his boss, and she asks if her mom knows. Because she thinks Carly might be a little shocked when she finds out about this. He says, she already knows and so does the moss bowl🎍, and Josslyn says, how? When? He says, yesterday. Sonny thought it was important to tell her in person himself, and he wanted the family to go down there with him. He wanted to take Donna and he needed her to be okay with that. She asks, who is it he’s talking about when he says Sonny wanted the family there? Did Kristina decide to go? He says, maybe she should get this information from her mom, but she says, no. She’s asking him; who else is going? He says, Dante wanted to go, but he couldn’t get away on such short notice. She says, and? and he says, and Michael and Willow went and they took Wiley. He drove them to the airport. She says, this doesn’t really make sense to her. Sonny and Nina decide to elope, and nobody tells her. She can see Kristina going, of course (🍷), but Michael and Willow? Nobody has hated anyone more than Michael has hated Sonny for being with Nina. So him going to Puerto Rico, how does he not tell her that? Dex says, Josslyn’s been locked in her dorm room for days, and she says she’s been studying for an exam she has coming up. Michael can’t take five minutes out of his day to give her a major life update? Neither her mom nor Michael not telling her this doesn’t make any sense. Dex says, maybe they thought she wouldn’t care, and she says she doesn’t care. He says, okay, but then he has to ask, why is this bothering her so much?
Wiley asks if Willow is sick again, but she says, no. The doctors say she’s all better. She just slept late, that’s all. Maybe that’s because Amelia’s not here to wake her up. He says, she cries a lot, and Willow laughs and says, that’s what babies do. He says he’s just glad she’s not sick anymore, and she says, her too, hugging him. She says she hopes he knows how much she loves him, and that she loves being his mommy and Amelia’s mommy. She’s not going to leave either one of them. Michael comes in and says, rise and shine. It’s time to get ready for a wedding.
Sonny finishes writing, and Kristina says she knows he didn’t ask for her opinion, but can she just tell him how happy she is that he decided to elope? He says he has the feeling she’s going to tell him whether to say yes or no, and she says, that’s accurate. He laughs, and she says, but seriously, it’s so perfect here on the island. It’s warm and it’s relaxing, and there’s nothing fraught or tense. It’s intimate. It was such a good call. He tells her, a better call was that she decided to come. She thanks him and says she’s bummed that Dante and Avery couldn’t be here of course (🍷), but at least he got the rest of the kids, right? He got the most the important one, his favorite one. He says he’s so happy that she was the first one in the family to be open to Nina, that she’s part of the family. She says, of course (🍷). It’s obvious how happy Nina makes him, and that’s all she’s ever wanted for him. In the end, isn’t that really the only thing that matters? He says, yeah, and takes her hand. He says, you know what really matters? That she’s happy. Donna runs in and tells Kristina, they have to get ready, but they can’t let daddy see Nina. It’s bad luck. Sonny says, if he just runs into her, it doesn’t count, but Donna says, no, daddy. It absolutely counts. He can’t see Nina before the wedding. He says, okay. She’s the boss, so whatever she says goes. She gives him orders, and he’ll do it. Ready? She nods, and he says, okay, ruffling her hair.
Scotty comes into the courthouse, and Austin asks what he’s doing here. Scotty says, a client’s a client. Everybody gets a lawyer; it’s in the Constitution. Cyrus says, it’s good to see his legal counsel in person. Obviously, his payment must have cleared. Scotty says, it did. Just so he knows, that’s why he’s representing Cyrus, because he paid top dollar. And he can’t guarantee anything that goes on in the judge’s chambers. Cyrus says, all he expects Scotty to do is his best, and Scotty says, that’s exactly what he’s going to do. However, it’s going to be a tough sell to the judge that Cyrus is no longer a menace to society, considering all the crimes he committed. Cyrus says, considering the amount of money he paid Scotty, he expects Scotty to make a truly heroic argument in his favor.
Michael says, just so Sonny knows, Donna put him in charge of making sure he doesn’t go anywhere near Nina before she walks down the aisle. Sonny says he wouldn’t dream of disobeying Donna, and Michael says, she’s pretty tough. Sonny wonders where she gets that from, and says, speaking of which, he talked to Carly. He wanted to tell her that he was marrying Nina because he needed to know if it was okay to bring Donna to the island. Michael says, good. He’s glad Sonny and Carly made peace. He thinks it’s best for everyone if they move on. Sonny says, best for everyone? Does that include him and Michael?
Kristina and Willow go to Nina’s dressing room, and Willow says, Michael was recruited by Donna to make sure Sonny doesn’t try to wander, so there’s no chance he’s going to get a glimpse of his bride. Nina says, great. When she asked Donna to help out just to include her, she had no idea how seriously Donna was going to take this. Willow says, the only thing that tore Donna from her guard post was that she needed to change into her flower girl dress, and Kristina says, that’s why they’re here. They’re going to ensure that there is nothing but good luck for the bride and groom. Nina thanks them and takes their hands. She says she’s so glad that they’re both here.
Josslyn tells Dex that she doesn’t want to care about Sonny or what he does, but she does. And she feels left out. Maybe she shouldn’t, because she’s been abundantly clear to everybody on how she feels about him, but she feels alone in this grudge now and she doesn’t know what to do. She feels crazy. She doesn’t want to feel this way. He says he gets it, when there’s a knock at the door. Josslyn opens it, and Pilar says, thank God she’s here. She’s so sorry to bother Josslyn, but has she heard from Miss Jerome? Josslyn says she hasn’t. Is everything okay?
As she puts on her boots, Ava says she didn’t tell Sonny anything. If Mason’s boss’s plan fell apart, it’s because he hired sub-standard help. This is really Mason’s fault for using someone as obvious as Betty to spy on Sonny. Mason says, none of that really matters anymore though, does it? She is where she is. She says, for how long? Does he really think nobody’s going to notice she’s gone? He says, she’s here until he gets further instructions. Until then, try to stay out of trouble. And watch out for those rats. He laughs and goes back upstairs, and she says, come on. Don’t leave her down here. She hears the door close and says, and stay gone. It will give her time to figure out how to get out of here.
The judge tells Cyrus that he believes in rehabilitation. So much so, he’s on a board to end recidivism, but not every prisoner’s worthy of a second chance. Cyrus’s criminal record is long and it ended with a hostage situation. So whatever decision he makes, he’s going to have to defend it to the public. So why does Cyrus think he should be released? Scotty says he understands the judge’s hesitancy. His client is reformed. He found God and he’s turned his life around, and his health is very fragile. He suffered a heart attack, so he is no longer a menace to society.
Kristina tells Nina that she’s never been a bride before, but she’s been a part of plenty of weddings. There’s no way they’re letting Nina marry her dad without all of the tradition. Nina appreciates Kristina’s commitment, but she thought they covered it all on their way over here. She doesn’t need all that stuff – something borrowed, something blue – to make this day perfect. Kristina says, totally. They let Nina think that she was going to have her way on the way over here. Willow says, but it’s Nina’s day; it’s totally up to her. Nina says, sure, let’s do it, and Kristina says, this should cover her something borrowed, handing Nina a box. Nina opens it to find earrings, and Kristina says, she likes? Nina says, they’re so beautiful. She loves them. She thanks Kristina, and Kristina hands her a box and says, this is her gift to Nina. She can wear this today or sometime in the future. Nina takes out a blue shawl and says, it’s absolutely lovely. Kristina says she knows Nina was planning a much bigger wedding, so with Nina being so close to Maxie, she asked Maxie’s input on a fashion forward item that would work as her something new, and Maxie instantly picked out this shawl. Willow says, plus, now Maxie gets to be a part of her wedding, and Nina says she just loves this shawl. It’s absolutely beautiful and she loves the fact that, whenever she wears it, she’ll feel Maxie’s presence. Willow hands Nina a box and says, this covers the old and the blue. How does she like it? Nina looks at a necklace with blue beads, and says, it’s beautiful, and that it came from my… Willow. Willow says, it belonged to my… It belonged to Harmony. Harmony gave it to her on her 16th birthday, and according to her, turquoise is supposed to bring peace, luck, and protection. Nina says she’ll love it for the rest of her life, and thanks Willow. Kristina says she told Nina this was a good idea, and Nina thanks them, hugging them both.
Michael tells Sonny that he always loved coming here. There’s something so calming about the ocean. Sonny says, when they were kids, they had the greatest time. And it’s ironic because he bought this island because he wants to spend the rest of his life here, alone, without anybody. Now it’s turned out to be the opposite. This has become his family refuge, and now it’s the place where he’s going to get married. Michael says he can’t help but think about coming here as a kid with Morgan. Whenever he smells the ocean air, he thinks of his brother. Sonny says he thinks about Morgan every day, and Michael says, him too. He hopes Sonny knows how much Morgan loved him. He thinks Morgan would be very happy for Sonny today. Sonny thanks him for saying that, and Michael says he’s happy for Sonny too, and they hug.
Josslyn asks where Avery is now, and Pilar says, Avery’s with her mom. She’s been trying to get ahold of Miss Jerome since last night, but she hasn’t received a response back, not even a text. It’s just not like her. She was supposed to pick up Avery at 5 pm, and she never showed up. Dex says, maybe she got the days mixed up, but Josslyn says, no. She knows Ava and how much she cares for Avery. She doesn’t just forget to pick Avery up or mix up days. Pilar says she knows Avery’s dad is out of town for the wedding for a few days, and it’s not that she minds taking care of Avery – she’s an absolute joy – but when she doesn’t hear from Miss Jerome, it tells her something’s wrong. Josslyn says, it’s going to be okay. They’re going to find her. Pilar says, maybe she’s being paranoid. She’s been overthinking things ever since the day Avery walked away from her in the park. She thought about calling Josslyn’s mom, but she’s been dealing with so much with Mr. Cain in the hospital. That’s why she came to Josslyn. What does she think? Should they call her mom? Josslyn says she kind of wants to leave her mom out of this because Pilar is right, she has a lot on her plate right now. Dex suggests they establish a timeline. When and where did Pilar last see Miss Jerome?
Scotty tells the judge, from a life of crime to finding God and turning himself into a new man and preaching to his inmates. He has taken all of his possessions, and he has sold them and given that money to charity. His client has made it a mission for him to help his fellow inmates to build better and more honorable lives… The warden says, it isn’t Cyrus Renault’s first day at Pentenville, but it is his first day as a model prisoner. She’s often dubious of people who claim to have found religion, but in Mr. Renault’s case, it seems to have certainly made him a better person. He’s been a good example to his fellow prisoners, and he’s truly earned a position of trust… Austin says, medically speaking, Cyrus Renault is still recovering from his heart attack, a heart attack that’s done irreparable damage to his heart and left him extremely weak. Austin doesn’t believe he’s physically a threat to anybody. In fact, if he were to remain in custody, without proper and adequate medical care, he could become debilitated, vulnerable to attack himself, unable to defend himself. The judge says, so it’s Austin’s contention that if Cyrus Renault is released back in society, he could not harm another person, and Austin says, yes. That is what he believes.
Kristina gets a text from Blaze: Have fun at the wedding. Text me when you get back. Maybe we can hang out. Do I see a budding romance? Michael says, they’re at a destination wedding on a gorgeous island. Doesn’t Kristina think she wants to take time to take that in instead of being buried in her phone? She says, that is ironic coming from him, but where’s dad? Michael says, she knows him. He still wants everything to be perfect, so he’s at the chapel making sure everything’s ready to go.
Sonny paces in the chapel, then looks up and blesses himself. He says, it’s my wedding day. We both know it’s not my first. I’m just praying it’s my last. When Nina came into my life, I didn’t know who I was. She made me feel whole again. I started to believe that even if I didn’t remember my past, my present life would be enough. Then a miracle happened. I remembered who I was. I remembered my children, my grandchildren, but I could not shake the feelings that I had for Nina. I love her with all my heart… Please, Lord, help me make this really special. Help me make Nina happy in the way she deserves.
Nina gets Ava’s voicemail, and she says, voicemail again? Come on. She’s been trying to get ahold of Ava for days. She just feels completely out of touch with her. She’ll just leave another voicemail. She’s in Puerto Rico. It’s her wedding day. Please don’t feel slighted because Nina didn’t invite her. She and Sonny decided it was just going to be a small ceremony with just family. And guess what? Her daughter is here too. Willow gave her… She’ll just tell Ava when she talks to her. She was thinking about Ava and just wanted her to know, this is the happiest day of her life, and she wanted to thank Ava for being her friend. We see Ava moving crates around in the basement, and Nina says, Ava’s always there for her, and she wishes Ava were here right now to share all of this with her. But when she gets back in town, they’re going to have a drink and they’re going to talk about everything. Nina loves her.
Ava stacks the crates and looks up at a window. She says, where there’s a will, there’s a way. I was actually thinking of the same escape plan.
Josslyn thanks Pilar for coming to her. Is it okay if Avery stays with her and her mom a little bit longer? Pilar says, of course (🍷), and Josslyn says she knows Pilar is worried about Ava, but just try not to let Avery now what’s going on. Dex tells her to stay in touch with Josslyn in case Josslyn hears anything from Ava. He tells Josslyn that she should reach out to Dante. It can’t hurt to have it on the PCPD’s radar that Ava is missing. Josslyn says, right. She’ll keep Pilar updated. Pilar thanks her and leaves. Josslyn asks what Dex thinks. Does he think Ava’s in danger? Dex says, yeah, without a doubt.
Sonny thanks the workers in Spanish and tells them, everything looks great. He thanks the priest for coming to officiate the wedding, and the priest says, it’s his pleasure. Kristina asks if Donna is ready, and Donna says, yes. Willow asks if she’s all set with her flower girl basket, and Donna says she’s ready to go. Michael asks if Wiley knows what to do as a ring bearer, and Wiley says he carries the ring. Michael says, my man, when his phone dings. He sees a text from a 202 phone number that says: I know who’s responsible for turning in Drew Cain. Call me. Oh no. I was worried about this. Wiley tells him, mommy says you look at your phone too much. Stop. It’s almost time for Grandpa Sonny and Grandma Nina to get married.
Josslyn asks who Dex texting is, and he says, she should get back to studying. She has a lot of exams coming up. She asks what he’s going to do, and he says, his job. Pilar is really freaked out that Ava might be missing, and he needs to take that very seriously. She asks if he’s going to let Sonny know what’s going on, but he says, not unless it’s an emergency. He’ll keep her updated. He starts to leave, but she says, wait. Ava’s Avery’s mom and if something’s happened to her, she wants to help. She’s not the type to sit on the sidelines and thinks by now he knows that. He says he does know that. Let’s get started.
Ava reaches the window and tries to open it, but Mason says, going somewhere? She says, he didn’t expect her to sit around and do nothing, did he? and he says, no. He knew she’d try to break out. Please be aware, that window is now shut, and as she can see, there are bars on it. She really needs to come to terms with she’s not leaving until the boss says she does.
Leaving of the courtroom, Cyrus tells Austin, bless you. When he’s gone, Austin makes a call to Mason. Mason says he was wondering when Austin was going to call him. What does Austin have for him? Austin says he’s done exactly what Mason asked him to do. Now let Ava go. Mason says he thought Austin knew by now, neither one of them is calling the shots.
Michael says, Wiley is going to be on soon, and Wiley says he’s ready. Willow says she thinks it’s the best man’s turn to take his place, and Michael says, will do. He joins Sonny and asks if Sonny is ready for this. Sonny says, let’s do it, and Michael tells the priest that they’re ready. Music plays as Donna scatters the petals along the walkway. Sonny kisses her head and says she looks pretty. Wiley comes out carrying the ring on a pillow and joins Michael. Willow is next, followed by Kristina, who hugs her dad. Here Comes the Bride plays, and Nina comes out looking gorgeous in white with a red and pink bouquet. She and Sonny look at each other.
Tomorrow, Stella asks what somebody wants; Spinelli asks what brings someone to his door; Josslyn thinks she found something; Selina says, now Curtis has come to his senses; and Nina and Sonny exchange rings.
Doubtful Southern Charm
Ugh. That’s it. Just ugh. That, and me wondering why I watch these awful people. Although there is Patricia and the dogs.
Austen wants Shep to define hooked up, and Shep says, kissed. Austen admits he and Olivia kissed. Thunder rumbles. Shep says, it’s so confusing, and asks, where’s the boundary? With families? Is that where they draw the line? Loving women gets him in trouble all the time, but he knows where to draw the line. How does a kiss just end with a kiss? Craig listens in, and Shep asks if Austen was kissing on Olivia too, but Austen says, they weren’t speaking, and it’s not like he and Taylor planned anything. Shep says, that’s what JT was talking about, but Austen says, JT doesn’t know sh*t. They were just in the moment; there was so much confusion for both of them. Shep says, and Austen didn’t think about anyone else. In Shep’s Interview, he says, Austen wants everything, and everyone else be damned. I am so not an Austen fan, but is this the Bizarro South? Austen’s problem is, he doesn’t know what he wants and he’s easily manipulated. Shep is the one who wants everything and couldn’t care less about anyone else. In Austen’s interview, he says he maintained with Taylor that if something materialized, they’d tell their friends in the appropriate manner. If nothing happened, there was no reason to hurt anyone’s feelings. Austen tells Shep, poor judgement was made, and he’s sorry for being weak. Shep says he and Taylor had broken up and Austen was a shoulder to cry on, confusing me even more by assessing the situation correctly two seconds after he’d flipped the script. He says he doesn’t want to lose Austen as a friend, and Austen says, telling everyone causes ripples and tides. He just wanted it to stay dead and buried. He knew if he lied to Shep’s face, he’d feel ten times worse. Shep says, they’ll figure out how to get back to a good place. They hug and go back inside, and Whitney asks if they sorted it out. Craig asks if they’re good, and Shep says, as good as they can be. Madison asks Austen, did you f*** Taylor or not? and Austen says, stop it. I actually might like her in this moment. This whole thing is so high school. So yeah, I do believe a kiss can end with a kiss in this group.
Charles has green/blue tail, and I consider sliding into Venita’s DMs to ask for advice on this. Madison calls Venita, and says she feels hung over. She went with Craig to Whitney’s, and… is Venita ready for this? Venita asks if she should drink her wine or put it down, and Madison says, she might want to chug it. The long and the short of it is, Austen pretty much confessed to making out with Taylor. JT tells Craig that Austen breached bro code and asks if Craig thinks Shep is too quick to forgive. Craig says he thinks Shep has his own motive. If Taylor did something nefarious, Shep might feel that it’s a clean slate. Really? Nefarious? That literally means all kinds of horrible things, but kissing isn’t one of them. Madison tells Venita that she’s done some shady sh*t, but never hooked up with a friend’s ex, and Venita says, it’s against girl code. Madison says, if you hate him, I hate him. Again, Madison and I are on the same wavelength, and it scares me. JT tells Craig, they can’t gloss over it. Where’s the morals here? Craig says, there are plenty of girls in town. Austen and Taylor continued to hang out, and it was unfortunate. Madison tells Venita that she doesn’t think Olivia knows.
Olivia meets Leva at a café, and Leva says, they have a lot to unpack. Olivia says, the family thing with Taylor and Austen was like a gut punch, and Leva says she loves Taylor, but stuff keeps coming out. Does Olivia think they hooked up? Olivia says, if something else comes out, it’s going to end their friendship. It’s not going to feel same. She’s making an active decision to believe Taylor. Their food comes and it’s… food porn! Olivia says maybe she’s being overly optimistic and tells Leva about Shep giving her the fresh pheasant. Leva asks what pheasant is. I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t know what pheasant is. Olivia says, Shep wants to have a dinner and invite everyone. She’s at a place where she doesn’t want to be around Taylor, but still misses her. Leva thinks it will be awkward and doesn’t want to go. Olivia says she’d probably rather be the dead pheasant than sit next to Austen at dinner.
Austen visits Taylor bearing beer. French bulldog Penelope – Penny to her friends – greets him. Taylor tells him that last night was good, but she missed having him there, and asks about his night. He says, Shep, Craig, and Madison showed up at Whitney’s. Shep wanted to talk to him, and he told him they kissed. Taylor says, that’s not cool at all. Olivia’s reaction won’t be good. She’d asked him what they should do and he said it wasn’t a good time, so she waited. It’s not fair. In Taylor’s interview, she says, in every conversation she and Austen had, he said, stick to this script. We flash back to her telling Olivia that nothing happened, and she says, now she’s an a-hole. She looked a good friend in the eyes and lied. She tells Austen, now everyone is involved, and he says he’s sorry it hurts her, but he never felt more liberated. Taylor says she’s glad he feels liberated. Now she feels like a POS. I want to punch Austen in the face.
Madison knocks on the door at Patricia’s house, and Whitney says, we don’t accept Mormons here, pretending to close the door. He notices she brought champagne, and they go to the sitting room to see Patricia. Madison asks if she heard them last night, and Patricia says she not only heard them, the house vibrated. She couldn’t go to sleep. She compliments Whitney on getting coupes for the champagne, as the glassware was an issue last season. She’s glad Madison brought it, since all the liquor was consumed last night. Who all was here? She could hear rumblings. Madison says, Austen confessed that he and Taylor hooked up, and Patricia says, then there was that nude photograph that Taylor sent Whitney. Whitney says, they’re not talking about that. He doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about. It was just a friendly thing. Patricia says, a very friendly thing, and in Patricia’s interview, she says, written on the bottom of the picture was, come one, come all. Which implied… She doesn’t want to think about it. In Whitney’s interview, he says, it was after Taylor and Shep broke up. Maybe she wanted to get Shep pissed. He didn’t bring it up to Shep. He didn’t think Shep would care. I dunno about that. In Madison’s interview, she says she didn’t know Patricia and Whitney were that close to share chicks that slide into his DMs. Whitney says, it was more of a joke, and Patricia says, if he thinks that’s nothing, she’ll release her sex tape. Taylor talks about Jesus and she’s sending nudes and sleeping with everyone else’s boyfriend. Sweet. Huh? That was quite a jump.
The eternal question, what is wrong with these people?
Craig meets Shep for lunch, and tells him that Austen called, then he got pissed after the phone call. We see a clip of Austen asking if Craig is shocked, and Craig saying, Austen lied to him for the last six months when he gave Austen the benefit of the doubt. He tells Shep that Austen gets in these situations, then gets mad at everyone calling him out, but Shep says he respects Austen’s honesty; he manned up. Craig says, Austen wants a prize for manning up and telling people he lied for months. We flash back to Austen saying nothing happened, and Shep says he told Austen that he forgave him and thanked him for being honest. In Craig’s interview, he says, Shep is trying to push through this, but he knows Shep is bothered. He takes brushing things under the rug to a new level. Craig asks if they’re hanging out again, and Shep says he wants to have a pheasant dinner and invite everyone that he was going to originally. He wants Austen, Olivia, and Taylor to be there. Craig says, it’s f***ing weird, inviting his ex. Shep says, he’s a come one, come all person, and that’s f***ing weird, since it was on that picture according to Patricia. In his interview, Craig says, forcing yourself to celebrate with people who have hurt you isn’t healthy. If you don’t deal with something big properly, you’ll explode. Shep says he wants Craig and Paige to come, and Craig says, they’ll all sit at a table together over Shep’s f***ing pheasant.
In 9 seasons, there’s been no emotional growth.
Paige arrives, and she and Craig get out of the car discussing Taylor and Austen. Paige asks if Craig can imagine. They’re weird. Craig says, it’s an incestuous circle, and Paige tells him to meet her in her bedroom. In Craig’s interview, he says, when they redid the house, he let Paige take the lead. She has what she likes to call her room. It has a closet and she has her own bathroom. It’s the small things that add up, and she loves having her own bedroom. Craig tells her that he likes it too, because when she’s not here, he doesn’t have to deal with her sh*t. she says she’s more organized than he is, and in his interview, Craig says, Paige’s attitude and energy are that of a Yankee. She’s feisty, but at the end of the day, he doesn’t want to deal with anyone else. He says, the situation is weird. Shep wants them all to hang out and thinks it’s not going to end badly. He tells Paige to make sure she doesn’t bite down on one of the bullets. Little Craig! Shep goes to Tony and Lisa’s house where friend Caleb has been cooking all day. Shep says he brings all of his culinary acquisitions here, and in his interview, he says he loves giving the meat from hunting to friends who cook, and Caleb cooks better than anyone. Before they go in, Paige tells Craig that before a dinner party, her mom used to say, now act right. She asks what pheasant tastes like, and Lisa says, pheasant is similar to duck, but gamier. Shep says, they’ll order Paige a pizza, but Paige says she’ll try anything. Taylor arrives and Little Craig gets crazy excited. Shep says, Little Craig has gained 3½ pounds, and in his interview, he says, when he and Taylor were dating, they were a little family for a while. We flash back to them bathing Little Craig, and he says he doesn’t miss being in a relationship, but misses the closeness the three of them had. And who doesn’t like good reunion? Austen arrives.
The usual suspects show up, and Shep wants to talk to Taylor outside. I say, ugh, out loud. Shep says, she must know about the conversation he and Austen had. It was a bad decision on a lot of levels. Austen said they hooked up, but Taylor says, they kissed. There’s a big difference. Shep says he’s having a hard time wrapping his head around anyone just kissing in this day and age, and she asks if he didn’t just kiss the girls he cheated on her with. He says, they’re all flawed (more ugh), and he’ll take her word for it. It doesn’t matter to him. In Shep’s interview, he says, imagining Taylor kissing Austen… Agh! Taylor says she doesn’t feel like she owes Shep an apology. She and Austen were both in vulnerable positions, and not in a good place with either one of them. Paige says, she can tell Shep loves Taylor, and Austen says he’s been telling Taylor that for ages. Paige wonders if Austen loves her, but he says, they’re nothing more than very good friends. Shep tells Taylor that he’s doing his best, but he’s terrible at it. At least he’s alive. Taylor says she appreciates the conversation, but doesn’t want him to take advantage of it and use it against her. Paige wonders if Olivia knows, and Austen says he doesn’t think so, but he hasn’t spoken to her. He feels great except for Olivia, but she doesn’t talk to him. In a perfect world, everyone acts like Shep. Shep promises not to annoy Taylor, and they head back. Austen wonders if Olivia will slap him in the face, and Paige says, he wishes. She’d cut his balls off. Taylor tells Shep that she doesn’t want Olivia to be in her head, and Shep says, this is a place of joy, and she knows that, but Taylor says she still needs to have a conversation with Olivia. Paige tells Austen to be sympathetic and empathetic. Be all the thetics; you’re right, I’m wrong. I eat my feelings in the form of Halloween gummies from Trader Joe’s, and Austen wonders what to do.
Austen wonders if he should hug Olivia, and Paige says she hates being in charge of him and Craig. Just say he’s sorry and leave it at that. Taylor reminds Austen to mention how he told her not to say anything, and when Olivia comes in, Austen hugs her. Taylor corrals Olivia and says she has to be honest. She doesn’t want Olivia walking in and being the only one not knowing. That’s why she tried to talk to her earlier. We see a clip of Taylor saying she wants to talk to Olivia, and Olivia saying they’ll talk at Shep’s dinner, and Taylor says, the full truth, she and Austen kissed. Listening in, Paige gets bug eyed, and Taylor says, she had a choice to kick Olivia when she was down or not hurt her. In Olivia’s interview, she says, WTF? She asks Taylor if it was in New York, and Taylor says, it was a drunken kiss. They talked about it and that’s when she realized she’d been lost in her emotions. Austen says he can’t hear this, and Pagie says, if she doesn’t hear it, how will she know to tell the story to other people? Olivia wonders if she’s in the Twilight Zone, being in a room with everyone listening in, and Paige suggests they go somewhere more private. They do, and Taylor says she wanted to talk to Olivia this morning, but Olivia says, she’s had months. Why is Taylor still listening to Austen? He’s the scum of the earth to her. In her interview, she says, there’s so many levels here. She gave Taylor so many opportunities to tell her. She’s hoping Taylor is going to say something that makes sense of this bullsh*t, but she’s not, and this is going to change everything. She tells Taylor that she hates this weird situation, and Taylor says she’s sorry it took a long time. She doubled down to protect Austen. Olivia asks, why not protect her? She would punch Shep in the face. Dinner is ready, and Shep says, they’ll be relieved, but Craig says he doesn’t think Olivia feels relieved about anything. Olivia says, f*** Austen. Taylor was having a conversation with him about not telling her something, and she just cares about Taylor. Shep comes out and says he understands they’re talking, but let’s eat; the food’s ready. If he’s imposing, let him know. Olivia says, he’s not imposing, but it’s awkward. In Olivia’s interview, she says, it’s like she’s having an out-of-body experience. It’s like she’s having dinner with the Addams family. She hasn’t had an opportunity to process this or react, but let’s be happy and sit down and eat some f***ing pheasant. Austen says he’s pretending he has an appetite, and they all sit down. Shep tells everyone that he just wants to say a few words, and everybody heaves a huge sigh in their head. He says, everybody here is a really good person (debatable) and he enjoys them a lot. The circumstances in the past few days have made it weird, but screw that. They all know what good people they are intrinsically, so let’s ride that wave and be happy. In Craig’s interview, he says, it doesn’t matter how normal Shep tries to make it, this is bizarre. Shep says, so they should just be super appreciative of their lives, and in his interview, Craig says, and they’re eating this stupid pheasant. It’s bizarre. Shep warns everyone that there are bullets in the meat, and Olivia excuses herself to go to the bathroom. Taylor tells Shep, all this over a kiss. She’s the make-out queen. Shep says she’s the kissing bandit. The image doesn’t make him happy. Austen says, everyone is loving each other and he’s outside, but Paige tells him, it’s fully your ego. He has to be more secure. Austen says, it doesn’t make sense. Why can’t he and Olivia be civil? Austen says he wants to talk, but Oliva says, she doesn’t want to, and he says he doesn’t understand.
Olivia says, he doesn’t understand what? and Austen says, why she can’t speak to him. She says, the fact that she doesn’t want to talk to him should tell him everything, and Austen says, everyone else is fine. She says, those are the relationships she cares about, and Shep suggests they step outside. Austen says, Olivia has nothing to say to him, but Olivia says, if he needs to get something off his chest, let’s go. They go outside, and Craig says, just because Shep is okay with this, doesn’t mean Olivia has to be. Shep asks if Craig is okay with people yelling across the table. It’s embarrassing to him. They’re not rednecks.
Outside, Olivia says, Austen is such an ass, and he says he’s sorry he’s the last person talking to her. He would have loved to talk sooner, but Taylor said she wanted to talk to Olivia, and he didn’t know when they’d have a moment. Olivia hasn’t spoken to him, and he wants know what do for them go back semblance of being normal. Olivia thinks it’s been months since they chatted and asks why he’s decided to have a kumbaya moment now. Crickets chirp, and she says, they’re farther away than they’ve ever been. Austen says he understands her frustration about them not working out, and she says, it’s not about them not working out. She’s more bummed about how he handled their friendship than their romance. Now she’s finding out bullsh*t about him and Taylor. Austen says he tried talking to her at Madison’s party, and Olivia says, she was polite to him. She was talking about Christmas. We flash back to her being pretty snippy to him, asking what he needs from her to enjoy the day. Olivia says she realized he didn’t give a sh*t about her as a girlfriend or a friend, and now he doesn’t give a shit about her and Taylor’s friendship. Tell her what she’s missing. Austen wants to know why they’re not able to be friends. It bothers him. Olivia says, if he wants to be her friend, it would be the first time. He doesn’t know the definition of friend. Austen says he won’t believe they’re not meant to be friends, and Olivia says, it takes a lot for her to genuinely not want anything to do with a person, but that’s where she’s at with him. Throwing in the Taylor sh*t is just the cherry on top. It’s baffling that Taylor doesn’t see what kind of person he is. Between them, the lies are unreal. Austen says he’s sorry, and Olivia says she doesn’t care. Talking to him makes her want to vomit… respectfully.
Next time, Patricia videochats with Michael (I can’t wait); Little Craig has a fever of 108 (oh no!); and Madison tells Paige and Craig about Taylor sending Whitney a nude photo.
💣 Rogues In the House…
This is a surprisingly good show. I love Tiffany New York Pollard. She definitely brings it. And is it possible Jax has retired his crown as Most Awful Human Being on Earth? Love Joel McHale too.
https://www.tvguide.com/news/house-of-villains/
Spoilers here.
https://ew.com/tv/johnny-bananas-house-of-villains-premiere-the-challenge-usa-betrayal/
📜 Until the Poets Run Out Of Rhyme…
Join me tomorrow for soap and a Friday free-for-all. Until then, stay safe, stay never giving little boxes of raisins to Trick or Treaters, and stay not taking brushing things under the rug to a new level.
What I Watched - TV With Theresa 