What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

Shahs of Sunset

Meanwhile, back in Belize, GG wants to talk to Shervin. She says ever since Asa’s fashion show, he’s been trash talking her behind her back. She wonders, if he has an issue with her, why didn’t he come to her first. In his interview, Shervin says that GG continues to drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney, even though her health isn’t good. He tells her he’s genuinely concerned about her. They end up hugging it out.

MJ is still trying to get ahold of Tommy. Now his voicemail is full. Probably with messages from her. She’s trying to keep a brave face, but tells Asa that after he moved in, she started nagging and complaining, and being a turn-off in general. He told her she’s just like Vida and Asa tells her she needs to be careful with that, especially with men.

More amazing food! I gain weight just watching this show. The group has a choice of going tubing or having a massage. Why not both? Reza, Asa and MJ opt for the massage. In his interview, Mike says he has a fantasy of Jessica surprising him by showing up.

Mike’s fantasy is just a little off because Tommy shows up. Needless to say, MJ is thrilled. Instead of the massage, MJ chooses an afternoon delight of another kind. Reza, Mike and Asa take a dip in the phenomenal pool, while Shervin hangs out talking to them. Reza tells Mike that Jessica claims he cheated on her. Mike says she read a message from someone way back when and blew it out of proportion. Asa asks if he’s cheated on Jessica since they were married and he says no. In his interview, he says they’re just allegations and the entire world knows he’s married. Reza says Mike tends to flirt and Mike leaves the pool. Reza tells Asa and Shervin that Mike and Jessica’s stories don’t add up. He finds it unbelievable that Jessica would leave over an old text.

Asa and Reza decide to sneak up on a nakey Tommy and MJ. Jewel is playing in the background and in his interview, Tommy says there goes his street cred. Asa is working on a couples portrait project and wants to take photos of them in the pool. They’re nakey in the pool too, but Asa uses flowers to cover anything we shouldn’t see.

GG, Mike, Shervin and Nima are starting with a hike. They go into a cavern and Shervin freaks about the bats. In his interview, Mike says Shervin has an irrational fear of small creatures, but Shervin says he just prefers not to hang out with them. Asa and Reza get a massage. Asa thinks they should have a talk with Mike. Reza thinks Mike is in denial, but wants to at least give it a try.

Let the tubing commence! They go through the caverns and it’s very cool. Mike says the trip has given him a chance to reflect and is better than therapy.

Reza calls Jessica. He says he’s bummed that she didn’t make the trip and tells her about what Mike said. Jessica says when she investigated the text message, it turned out to be a string going back to before they were engaged, and the texts were not appropriate for a married man. Reza says he’s worried that Mike is just trying to save face and he’s going to lose her. Jessica says she’s not going back to him. Reza asks if there’s any chance, but she says no. She says if he can’t be real, there’s no point in continuing. He tells her that he’s going to try and talk some sense into Mike. He’s going to force Mike to be the man she deserves, whether they get back together or not. Before Jessica is done, he wants Mike to have a moment of clarity.

The tubers (tubists?) return, wondering how many pounds of ceviche the others have downed. Reza asks to talk to Mike. He thinks if Mike is honest, there might still be a chance for him to get back with Jessica. He tells Mike about the phone call and says Jessica was very specific about what the texts said. Mike continues to deny it and asks what Jessica wants. Reza says Jessica wants him to admit what he did. He tells Reza not to call her anymore. In his interview, he accuses Reza of schadenfreude, which is ridiculous. Reza says he’s just trying to help him save his marriage, but Mike says he’s not going to admit to something that isn’t true. Reza says Mike lies sometimes and Mike gets furious, yelling that he’s done and he’s going home. Reza says he’s going to regret it later and suggests they have a drink and tells Mike not make a decision while he’s angry.

Reza asks Asa to talk to Mike, but Mike isn’t having it. We hear Mike saying he f-ed up so bad. Asa thinks Mike doesn’t need another person who’s disappointed in him. She looks out the window and sees Mike leaving. Mike goes to Shervin’s room and Reza follows. Mike says he’s not mad at Reza. Shervin says he could hear them yelling from his room. Mike stomps off. In his interview, the producer asks Mike if he cheated. He says he’s stupid, but not that stupid.

Reza tells the others what happened with Mike and the phone call to Jessica. Mike comes by and everyone gets quiet. He asks to talk to Reza and they step outside. He tells Reza he’s not angry and realzies that Reza was just trying to help. He says because of what happened last year, he has trust issues. He says he was a bad husband and admits to the text messages. He says it’s been eating away at him. In his interview, he finally admits to cheating. He says he loves Jessica so much that he’d shoot himself if she wanted him to. He says it’s killing him. Reza says he loves Mike and isn’t against him. He says Mike is being real and all he wants is for him and Jessica to get back together. He says he’s proud of Mike being honest and says he needs to have this talk with Jessica. He says Mike is good at a lot of things, but owning his stuff takes a minute. In his interview, Reza says that Mike being accountable is a big deal.

Next time, the Shahs see the ruins, GG talks to her parents about RA, and Mike tries to get back together with Jessica.

Game of Thrones

It’s the finale already. Didn’t we just start the season? Although I don’t know how they can top last week. I watch the opening credits because I love seeing the map come to life, and realize I don’t know most of the actor’s names even though I’ve been watching this for years.

It’s time for Cersei and Loras’s trial. Everyone gathers in the courtroom or whatever they call it. The Grand Maester dismisses the call girl he was just with, and one of the children who worked for Varys shows up at his door.

High Sparrow Jonathan Pryce asks if Loras is ready to stand trial. Loras says there’s no need, as he’s confessing to everything, and lists all the stuff he’s accused of. He says he’s seen the error of his ways and will take any punishment. The Sparrow says the gods punish those who avoid justice, but the Mother gives mercy to those who kneel. Loras says he humbles himself and wishes to devote the rest of his life to the Seven. He abandons the Tyrell name, his lordship and will remain celibate. The Sparrow inducts him or whatever and Loras gets a religious symbol carved into his forehead for his trouble.

Tommen starts to leave for the trial when The Mountain stops him. Cersei hasn’t shown up yet and the Sparrow tells one of this fledglings to go get her from the Red Keep. The Grand Maester is looking for the king, but instead finds some other guy and a kid with a sword. A bunch of kids surround him. The guy says sometimes before they usher in the new, the old must be put to rest. The kids all stab the Grand Maester. What the what?

The Sparrow has sent Lancel to find Cersei, but she’s nowhere. He says the longer she waits, the worse it will be. Then he gets stabbed by a kid. What is this? Children of the Corn? Meanwhile, Cersei is staring out the window..

Margaery approaches the Sparrow. She thinks something is wrong and asks why he thinks Cersei and Tommen aren’t there. He says Cersei will be tried in absentia and Margaery says Cersei understands that, but is absent anyway, so she must be avoiding the consequences. She says they all need to leave immediately and tells Loras to stick with her. Everyone starts going toward the exits, but the guards hold Margaery back.

Wildfire in the basement is what’s happening. The stuff squirreled away by the Mad King is all over the place. Dropped in Lancel’s attack, his torch lights it and the whole sept blows up in green flames. Cersei is pleased. Tommen is shocked. A lot of actors are now out of work. Cersei has one of the accuser septas captive and tells her to confess. She says confession feels good and lists all the other things she’s done that feel good, including killing her husband and sleeping with Jaime. She says it also feels good to watch all the people burn. She says she told the septa that Cersei’s face would be the last thing she saw before she died. The septa says she’s ready to meet the gods, but Cersei says she’s not going to die today and she’s not going to die for a while. She calls The Mountain over and says he’s her god now. Cersei leaves, saying “shame,” as the septa did to her, and we hear screaming as she closes the door.

Well, that was all a surprise. And who’s going to put that fire out?

Not Tommen. He jumps out the window.

Walder is celebrating getting Riverrun back. He toasts to the alliance of the Freys and the Lannisters. Bron points out how Jaime doens’t have to do anything to get the ladies and Jaime plays wingman. Walder says his father would be pleased at how everything came together. Jaime asks Walder if he did much fighting back in the day. Walder says the one battle Jaime fought in, he got captured.He says fighting means besting your enemies and now he has Riverrun and the Starks are no more. Jaime says the Freys aren’t feared, but the Lannisters are. He wonders why the Lannisters even need them.

Cersei receives the news of Tommen’s death and wants to see the body. The messenger asks about the funeral. She tells him to burn Tommen and put his ashes where the sept was.

Sam and Gilly reach the Citadel . Sam gives the man at the desk a letter from Jon Snow. He tells him he’s to be the new maester. The man says according to his records Ser Marmont is in charge, but Sam says he’s dead. He says this is irregular and Sam says he supposes life is irregular. He says Sam will have to talk to someone else, but in the meantime he can use the library. Gilly and the baby have to stay behind. The library is humongous and Sam nearly freaks over all the books.

In the North, winter is happening. Jon talks to the Red Woman. Davos joins them, tossing Princess Shireen’s little carved horse at her. He tells the Red Woman to tell Jon what they did with Princess Shireen. She says they burned her at the stake, but she only does what the Lord commands. Davos says her Lord is evil to require a child be burned at the stake. The Red Woman says her parents went along with it. Davos says she had everyone fooled saying Stannis was the one, including Stannis. The Red Woman says she was wrong and he asks how many died because she was wrong. He asks Jon to have her executed. Jon asks if she has anything to say. She says she’s been ready to die for a while, but the war with the dead is coming and he’ll need her. Jon says she’s banished and if she ever comes back, he’ll have her killed. Davos adds that if he ever sees her again, he’ll do it himself.

Jon tells Sansa to take their parents’ bedroom. He says she’s the Lady of Winterfell and they’re here because of her. He asks if she trusts Littlefinger, but she says only a fool would. Jon says they have to trust each other because they have so many enemies now. She tells him a white raven came from the Citadel and winter is here. Jon says their father always promised that would happen.

Olenna says the last time a Tyrell came to Dorne, they were assassinated. Allaria says they invited her because they need her help. Allaria says they must be allies if they want to survive. Olenna says survival isn’t what she’s after since Cersei killed her son and grandchildren. Allaria rings a bell and Varys pops in saying “fire and blood.” Okay.

Dany says there’s finally peace in Meereen and she wants Daario to stay and keep the peace and help the people elect their own ruler. She says if she’s going to rule Westeros, she’ll have to make allies, which involves getting married and she can’t bring a lover with her. Daario says he doesn’t want the crown, he wants her. He says he loves her and he knows he makes her happy. He begs her to bring him along, but she says she can’t. She says she’ll leave him with instructions. Daario says he pities the Lords of Westeros because they don’t know what’s coming. He says he’s sure she’ll get the throne she wants.

Tyrion asks Dany how it went. She says Daario wasn’t happy. He says if it’s any consolation, sacrifice is the trait of a great ruler. He says she has everything she ever wanted and asks if she’s afraid. She nods and he says good, the only people who aren’t afraid are madmen. He says she’s in the great game now and it’s terrifying. Dany says she didn’t really feel anything when giving Daario the boot. Tyrion says he believes in her and she will always have his counsel.

She tells Tyrion she had something made for him. She puts a King’s Hand pin on him and asks him to be the Hand of the Queen.

A servant girl brings some cake to Walder. He wonders where his sons are. She says they’re already there, confusing both of us. He sees teeth in the cake. The servant girl removes her disguise and it’s Arya! She tells him the last thing he’s ever going to see is a Stark looking down at him when he dies and slits his throat. I feel double-minded, since I hate Walder, but love to hate him. Arya looks satisfied watching Walder bleed to death.

Littlefinger approaches Sansa in the weirwod. He says sorry to interrupt her praying, but she says she’s done with all that. She asks him what he wants. He says he thought she already knew. He says he always has the same picture in his mind, and whenever he makes a decision, asks himself if whatever he’s doing will help it materialize. He says he pictures himself on the Iron Throne with Sansa at his side.

Sansa says it’s a pretty picture. He says she’s the future of House Stark. He asks who should rule, a Stark or a motherless bastard. Sanda walks away.

Bran and Meera reach a weirwood tree. Benjen says he’s parting company with them now and wishes them good fortune. Meera asks if Bran if he’s ready for this and Bran says he has to be since he’s the Three-Eyed Raven now. He touches the tree and goes back to the vision of Ned going up to Lyanna’s tower. Lyanna is bloody and dying after just having given birth. She asks if it’s a dream. Ned tells her no, he’s really there. She says she wanted to be brave, but she doesn’t want to die. He says she’s not going to and calls for a maester. Leanna asks him to promise her something. The nurse hands him a Baby Jon Snow!

Jon and Sansa are having a meeting with the guys. One guy says the war is over, winter is coming and they should all go home.

Jon says the true enemy won’t wait out the storm, he brings the storm. Young Lady Mormant lists all the horror that’s happened at the hands of the other kingdoms. She says Jon is the true king and that Stark blood runs in his veins.

Lord Manderly gets up and makes a speech about how he was wrong and Jon is the White Wolf, the King of the North. A guy from House Glover commits to the cause and calls Jon the King of the North. Everyone rises and hails the King of the North. Littlefinger and Sansa lock eyes.

Jaime and Bron see the fire in King’s Landing and spur their horses on. Cersei enters the throne room with The Mountain. She is proclaimed Queen of the Seven Kingdoms while Jaime watches unnoticed. She gets a cool crown that matches her military style outfit. She and Jaime look at each other, as the people say long may she reign.

Theon and Yara stand on the deck of a ship. Dany’s fleet is ready to go. It’s pretty impressive. Even more impressive are the dragons flying above it. Dragon tease. Like the pterodactyl at the end of the second Jurassic Park movie.

Dany, Tyrion, Missandei and Varys stand on the bow of another ship. Crane shot of the ships and the dragons.

And we out.