What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

Shahs of Sunset

Still in Belize, everyone is reeling from Mike’s confession. Well, probably not, but that sounded good. Asa and Reza talk about the stages Mike went through before he finally decided to be honest. Asa says Mike sees his marriage as a landmark test in his life that he failed. She hopes he can be honest with Jessica. She talks about how she and GG went clubbing until 4 am and Reza wonders how someone as sick as GG claims to be can manage that.

Reza tells Mike there’s no judgment, and it took a big man to admit he was wrong. He says no matter what the outcome, they’re there for Mike.

MJ says Tommy showing up is the most romantic thing he’s ever done and she basks in the afterglow. I like Tommy. He’s a little crude, but he seems like a regular guy and I believe he really loves her.

The group goes horseback riding. It’s a first for MJ and she says it’s pretty high up. Yes, it is, especially if you’re short. They ride into the woods and park the horses at some Mayan ruins. Damn, that’s a lot of stairs. If MJ thought the horse was up there, wait til she gets a load of this. GG doesn’t think she can make the climb because of her knees. I get tired just looking at it. And doesn’t GG have a hangover? Reza thinks she should be laid out after boozing it up and thinks she’s lagging behind because of her late night. The ruins are pretty amazing, but Reza voices my thoughts about freaking out on the way down. There’s no banister or railing here, folks. The view is absolutely fantastic. Mike babbles about life being a journey and the universe having a plan for him.

GG is thrilled that she pushed herself to get to the top. Reza is petrified of heights, so this is really no place to be for him. They head down and I nearly get vertigo watching. They stop at a grassy area and have some water. Asa wants to include GG in her couples photo project. Reza interrupts, asking why Asa wants her included in a couples thing, which is none of his business. It looks like what he’s really doing is trying to start a fight with GG.

Reza tells GG she’s problematic and basically gets out of control considering the topic. He tells her everyone is sick of her bullsh*t and pretends to have a heart attack. Reza thinks GG is lying, talking about her illness on social media and then partying hardy. GG tells him he focuses on everyone’s problems except his own. They argue loudly. Everyone else wisely stays out of it.

Suddenly, the argument is over and they move on. Asa points out that this area is where they did sacrifices, but I don’t know if she’s being a tour guide or making a suggestion. In her interview, GG says she has a serious illness and Reza doesn’t understand. Reza texts MJ on the way back that he’s done with GG, but MJ doesn’t want to get in the middle. At the villa, Asa says “see you later” and it sounds like “coup de nãnã.”

The Shahs go to dinner. GG downs a pill during her interview. They watch some native dancing and Asa and GG join in. I’m coveting Asa’s tassel necklace. GG says it’s a been a beautiful couple of days. In her interview, MJ says GG is sinking fast and it’s noticeable that she’s taking pills along with drinking alcohol. Mike and Shervin talk about Mike’s marriage and GG says the topic is boring. Mike suggests she leave the table and Nima asks to talk to her on the side. When they’re gone, Reza says GG needs rehab. Nima tells GG she can’t do this. He says everyone loves her, but when she drinks, she loses credibility.

Fast forward to the morning. Everyone is ready to go and GG is still in bed. I guess she went back to bed, since she’s dressed. Nima tries to get her going and she kicks stuff around.

After the fastest flight ever, we’re back in LA. MJ explains to her dog that in the same way he (she?) sometimes fights with his brother, that people want different things at different times and don’t get along. She’s going to help Mike with his relationship, although I think at this point, only Mike can do that.

MJ picks up Mike. He’s decided to let her help him. Because her own marriage has gone so well. Oh, wait, she’s not married. Mike says a piece of him is missing without Jessica. They go to a flower shop and MJ says they need something special. She tells the clerk they want five dozen roses, giving a bizarre explanation as to why that number in her interview. They want the bouquet passionate and big. It’s pretty, but I wouldn’t call it special. Where is the cool vase and the tsotchkes poking out?

GG visits her parents. She tells them about visiting the ruins and how painful it was. She says she needs a new medication because she’s tired all the time and in a lot of pain. She feels it’s time to do chemo. She’s held off because her mother is not in favor of it. Her mother thinks she should go a more holistic route and try a very restrictive diet. GG says her mother doesn’t understand her level of pain, and I get the feeling her mother is also trying to tell her she parties too much. GG says she’s tired of the person she’s turned into because of the pain. Um… I hate to tell you, girlfriend, but you were always difficult.

Reza is happy with married life. He thinks Mike had a real breakthrough in Belize and he wants a breakthrough in comedy. He tries out some material on Adam. I think he’s one of those people who is naturally funny, but it doesn’t translate well to a stage act. Teeny the dog is not impressed.

Take two Reza’s stand up routine. Asa is overly enthusiastic and startles me when she screams as soon as she sees Reza. They’re having dinner first with Adam and MJ. We see snippets of the preceding acts. Reza says it might be open mic night, but these people seem prepared. Well…yeah. Reza’s delivery could be better. He sounds like he’s reading it and crickets start to chirp. It’s not good. Until he cracks an Erykah Badu joke. Then suddenly, the tides turn. I’m honestly not sure what happened there.

GG goes to the doctor. Her friend, Anita, is with her. Asa shows up while GG is getting her chemo treatment. It dawns on her that GG’s illness is serious and real. I’ve never thought it wasn’t, but I agree with Reza that her partying doesn’t help. Again, it’s his delivery.

In her interview, GG says she can’t fake chemo and she just wants positive people around her. Her parents and sister arrive. The doctor explains that if she’s going to feel badly, it will be worst on the first day. Asa asks some questions and he tells her that it’s the same as what they give cancer patients, but they use it for RA as well. Asa asks if there’s any lifestyle changes that would help and the doctor says not smoking would be a good idea. Everyone puts in their two cents and GG gets agitated. She says she didn’t just spend five hours with a needle in her arm just to hear a lecture. I can’t say as I blame her here. Timing is everything and this is not the time.

Next time, Mike’s shoe shipment is stuck in customs, Tommy talks having children, and Shervin might get a second date.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

We start off with Teresa’s release from Danbury. There are some flashbacks from the previous season and some choice really old clips of arguments. We hear Joe say welcome home.

Joe #2 and Melissa are getting some construction done. Melissa is opening a boutique. She got her hair cut to shoulder-length this season and it looks great.

Boring Jacqueline is back again. Her son Nicholas has been making a lot of strides. He was diagnosed with autism, but is doing very well and even riding a bike. We’re already introduced to a new wife, Delores, who’s a friend of Jacqueline’s. They’re meeting other new wife, Siggy (what?) at a place called Speakeasy. Or maybe it is a speakeasy. I’m not sure.

Melissa says she invested her own money in the business. Joe #2 says he misses her. He’s “like a tiger and needs to see his meat.” Normally, I would be disgusted hearing that remark, but these two are so cute, I’m okay with it.

Siggy is having a hard time getting into the speakeasy, which is apparently behind a secret wall. She’s also just had a neck lift and has one of those wraps that goes around your face like Jacob Marley in Scrooge. Jacqueline says Siggy and Delores are non-toxic. They discuss Siggy moving back to the house she lived in when she was married and I can’t grasp the dynamics of her past love life. She talks about making it on her own like Mary Tyler Moore.

Joe #2 is coaching football, while Melissa and his dad watch the game. In her interview, Melissa says that she lost her father when she was 17 and envies the relationship that Teresa has with her father, although Melissa is also close to him. Joe #2 talks about Teresa’s release from prison before Christmas and hopes she’ll want to spend Christmas Eve with them, as they didn’t leave things on a good note. She’ll have to get permission from her parole officer to be there.

Everyone is doing Christmasy stuff. Jacqueline’s daughter, Ashley, is home for the holidays. We flash back to the tumultuous relationship between them. She’s grown now though, and has a career and boyfriend. Jacqueline’s husband, Chris, talks about how he started building a new business and they had to downsize. This will probably be their last Christmas in this house.

Joe #2 whines to Melissa about how she only sees him when she wants help with something. In her interview, she talks about Joe having an old school mentality about marital roles because that’s what he was raised with. They talk about Christmas Eve and The Seven Fishes. Joe asks Melissa how she feels about not having been on the list to visit Teresa or even hearing from her. Melissa says that Christmas is Jesus’s birthday and it’s like magic. I guess this means she’s hoping for a miracle.

It’s chaos at Joe #1‘s house with the kids. He can’t wait for Teresa to get back. No doubt there won’t be much time for her to relax before it’s back to the same old.

It’s December 22, the day before Teresa’s release, and Jacqueline and Chris are preparing for their holiday party. Jacqueline has gotten a text from Teresa, saying she’s looking forward to a new beginning. She makes fun of the text and Teresa’s accent, reminding me why I don’t like her all that much. We flash back to the fallout between them. Jacqueline wonders if Teresa’s ghost writer wrote the text

Joe #2 and Melissa are getting ready for the party. Melissa gets a call from Teresa’s lawyer that Teresa can go to their house on Christmas Eve. Going to midnight mass is iffy though. Really? You can go to a party, but not to church? Which one poses more of a flight risk? The lawyer forwards a note from Teresa saying she’s looking forward to the party and asking if she should bring sprinkle cookies, referring to an altercation a few seasons ago. I’m guessing she’s making a joke.

The guests begin to arrive. Drinks and conversation flow. Melissa and Jacqueline confer on the notes from Teresa. Jacqueline is perplexed that Teresa wrote to her. In her interview, Melissa says she’s concerned that Jacqueline is going to “spin” again, after having been blown off by Teresa and Teresa now wanting to have a connection. Melissa tells her not to stress about it or question it. I dunno. How come neither one of these two geniuses think Teresa might have had a change of heart in prison?

Teresa’s lawyer explains to Joe #1 what the procedure is going to be when Teresa gets home, and how she’ll need to have an ankle bracelet for six weeks. Her ETA is between 5 and 6 am the next day.

The party is in full swing. Siggy discusses her plastic surgery with the ladies in the kitchen. Chris talks to Joe #2 about Teresa coming home. Once upon a time wife Kathy talks about how Teresa never even got a parking ticket and the first time she gets in trouble, she goes to prison. Go big or go home, I say. Jacqueline makes a toast and gets weepy about Teresa coming home, confusing me.

Teresa’s lawyer calls from the car on the way to pick her up. He tells Joe #1 the paparazzi are everywhere and Joe says they’re all around there too, like “cock-a-roaches.” Gia comes down and waits with Joe. A video chat comes in from Teresa. No surprise, she’s extremely excited about coming home. We see the car on the highway and the paparazzi are everywhere, nearly colliding with them. How stupid is that? And if that’s the parkway, it’s dangerous under the best conditions.

Teresa arrives home, squealing over a puppy in a kennel in the garage. Welcome home present? Lots of hugs and tears with Joe #1. I’d heard she looked good, but I’m still impressed. She calls out and the girls come running. More hugs and tears. And squealing. Joe, who’s looked sedated for the past year, smiles, watching them. The girls show Teresa all the welcome home signs and she tells them they don’t have to go to school, although Gia wants to for some reason. In her interview, Teresa says she can imagine how lost they were. Me too. I don’t think it’s going to hit quite as hard when Joe goes to the slammer. Teresa also says she’s not going to be so naive again. I’ll bet.

Next time, beer pong, Melissa and Teresa talk, Teresa’s first altercations since she’s out of the pokey, and Rosie! Looks like lots of screaming and yelling this season, as well as Joe’s turn at prison.

Important information: The Bravo Awards – The Bravos – airs July 20 at 10 pm.