What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Dolores is getting a “facelift” for her house. Frank has sent a crew (where can you get an ex-husband like him?), but she wants things done a certain way and is trying to get ahold of him. She wanted to gut the kitchen and he’s only refacing it. Siggy says she’s a hustler and a survivor who’s basically living off of Frank.

Siggy and Delores visit Jacqueline (bleh) who they think looks “adorable” shoveling snow. It doesn’t take Jacqueline long to bring up Teresa, make fun of her accent, and say that she’s passive/aggressive. Siggy says the two of them are fencing by hitting each other’s trigger points.

Melissa says when Joe #2 and Teresa have tension, it trickles down. She’s miffed that Jacqueline called him, and Joe says the girls constantly twist his words around. Melissa says he shouldn’t have gotten pulled into a chick fight.

Teresa is looking forward to getting her ankle bracelet taken off. You don’t even have to go somewhere for this – Joe #1 is cutting it off with a pair of scissors. The kids are having a snow day, which Joe says is good for them, not so much for him. Teresa is thrilled that she can now pick up her kids at school and do whatever she needs to. Joe roughhouses with Milania and Teresa reminds him that he doesn’t have boys and says he’s too rough with the kids. Joe thinks yelling at them is a better idea.

Melissa meets Jacqueline <sigh and eye roll> for lunch. She asks what happened with Teresa. She’s not happy with Jacqueline calling Joe #2. She says she wishes Jacqueline wouldn’t have put him in that position. Because she has no empathy for anyone else, Jacqueline starts waving her finger in Melissa’s face, saying how much she’s done for their family. Melissa thinks something’s “off” with her and tells her that she’s creating problems. Jacqueline tells her that Teresa brought Joe up first. In her interview, Jacqueline says that the new namaste Teresa is a con artist. Jacqueline suggests that she and Melissa just never bring Teresa up again, which is beyond ridiculous. Melissa is like, why does this have to be complicated? I’ll tell you why. Because Jacqueline is a self-centered moron who wants to dictate other people’s behavior.

Siggy’s parents visit her. She tells them how her kids are growing up in a different generation and talks to her parents about getting them interested in family and tradition. Siggy grew up in Israel. Her father was a Holocaust survivor and she says she comes from a family of survivors. Her father talks about how Fridays were always family nights and they made sure to have dinner together. Siggy says after her divorce, she let things with the kids slide and wants to change that.

Ashlee tells her parents that they’re young and cool. Okay. It’s her one-year anniversary with her boyfriend, Pete, and he’s coming over for dinner. They’re talking about moving in together and Chris says it’s a big commitment and makes it known that marriage is preferable. Chris says Pete reminds him of himself. In the kitchen, Pete confides in Jacqueline that he wants to look at rings, but he’d like her help. She gets so excited, she drops the silverware.

The Gorgas go to the Giudices for dinner. Melissa asks Teresa if her leg feels lighter. They talk about health topics and Teresa confuses an enema with edamame. I literally LOL. Melissa tells her about the lunch with Jacqueline. Teresa says she’s evil and tells Melissa about Jacqueline baiting her. Melissa thinks the problem is they’re both Tauruses, but says since she’s the ram, she’s going to butt them in a minute. Teresa says she’s done with Jacqueline and her innocent act. I agree with her on that. Jacqueline loves to act like she wears a halo, but she’s always spoiling for a fight or some kind of drama.

Siggy tells her son that they’ll be doing Kiddish (a Jewish celebratory meal) on Fridays from now on. She says she doesn’t want the kids to be “super Jews,” but she does want to start some traditions. Her parents are joining them. She announces no phones at the table. She says family and tradition bring you together.

Frank goes to Dolores’s house. She tells him she wants to knock one of the kitchen walls down. Frank agrees. She moves next to wanting a tile floor, but compromises when he says he’ll do a darker finish. She suggests he just give her the money, but that’s a no.

Teresa is holding a family meeting. She says she grew up not talking about feelings, and she wants her daughters to be able to express their opinions. She tells everyone to write down what improvements they’d like and Milania suggests no sisters. Her next best suggestion is for her sisters and dad to stop calling her fat, and tells Joe #1 he’s no one to talk because he looks pregnant. I guess he deserved that one. Teresa makes a promise not to answer the phone when she’s engaging with the girls. Am I seeing this right? Does their dog have a magenta mohawk?

Sophie says she has no social life without her phone. Siggy tells her that being connected to the phone is a disconnect with the real world. She wants her son to hand over his phone as well, but Siggy’s father says he’s a good kid and to get off his back.

Teresa feels the family meeting was a success. Tomorrow is Milania’s 10th birthday and she wants to do something special.

When Milania gets home from school, a pink limo is waiting. The family goes to something called iFly, where you get in a chamber and float around like you’re skydiving. It reminds me of that scene in Willy Wonka when they steal the Fizzy Lifting Drinks. It looks like a lot of fun.

Pete and Jacqueline go ring shopping. Neither one of them believe it’s happening. Jacqueline says although Ashlee is 25, she still thinks of her as a little kid. We flash back to Ashlee being a jerkface in the past and getting kicked out of the house.

Milania says for her 11th birthday, she wants to go real sky diving. In her interview, Teresa talks about Joe not being there for Milania’s next birthday. She says when they got married, she never dreamed she’d even be having these conversations, but somehow they’ll get through it.

Dolores’s dog, Boo, is having kidney failure and I can’t bear hearing her talk about it. Jacqueline shows up with her own sledge hammer to help demo the kitchen. I’m sure she’s good at wrecking walls. Dolores’s business partner, Maz, calls her up, annoyed that she’s busy with her kitchen and not at work. She wonders if she’s sabotaging herself. She’s been divorced 18 years, and in her interview, Siggy suggests that Dolores start standing on her own.

Melissa suggests a girls trip to Crystal Springs over the weekend. Teresa wants to know who’s invited, and when Melissa hesitates, Teresa asks if Melissa really expects her to spend her first free weekend with Jacqueline. Melissa says it’s just to put things in a peaceful place and her girlfriends will be there with her.

Meanwhile, back at the kitchen, Dolores and Siggy talk to Jacqueline, and Jacqueline asks if this is a Teresa/Jacqueline intervention. Dolores says letting time go by will just create more animosity. Jacqueline acts like she’s on board with that, but no way I would trust her.

Teresa’s book, Turning the Tables, arrives in the mail. She reads the dedication to her daughters out loud and starts tearing up. She’s been on the NY Times Best Seller List three times and Joe tells her it’s a great accomplishment. Teresa tells him about going to Crystal Springs to celebrate her newfound freedom.

Next time, the girls trip happens, Teresa calls Joe to come pick her up, and Jacqueline gets stupid.

Fear the Walking Dead

Great, I have to remember all these people’s names again.

Nick wakes up next to a dead body. Sophia is in the doorway and tells him that things changed quickly. She says there’s a group headed south and he should come. He asks if there’s a place to go for someone like Celia. She says there are places that embrace the dead, but it’s dangerous on the road. He decides to head north. She gives him supplies and tells him it won’t be an easy trip.

Nick begins his journey and there’s a song part. It’s pretty desolate, no other people or zombies. He sees a couple of cars that look like they were in an accident. He flashes back to a thumb wrestling match with a girl when he was in rehab. She tells him he needs to make nice with his parents to get out more quickly and suggests they role play with her being his dad. Nick tells his “father” about how he used to be there, but isn’t any more. He gets a little emotional and the girl hugs him.

Back in the present, Nick comes across a town. He enters a house. It’s totally empty, without even any furniture. He makes a fire and has some food. His back is to an open door, which I don’t advise during a zombie apocalypse. Or maybe at any time.

Someone enters the house and wakes a sleeping Nick. It’s a woman and a little girl. The woman screeches at him in Spanish while hitting him with a baseball bat as the girl cowers in the corner. Nick quickly gathers up his stuff and gets out.

Further down the road, there are more cars, some with zombies in them. Since zombies can’t figure out seat belts, he reaches into one of the cars for supplies. He finds a radio. As he fiddles with it, a Jeep comes up the road and he ducks down behind a car. The Jeep stops and some guys with weapons get out..

They see a nearly dead man in a car, moaning, and spear him through the eye. They find it amusing and Nick starts to get concerned. Right then, the radio makes a noise and the guys know Nick is there. He runs and they chase him, shooting at him. He serpentines through a wooded area. Great, now he’s lost his backpack and the radio.

Nick stops to catch his breath and comes to an open field. We get a crane shot and it looks like he’s in the middle of nowhere. I’m assuming this is an all Nick episode? Nick examines a cactus, kicking a piece of it off to get to the inside. He tries to squeeze some liquid into his mouth and is unsuccessful. Dude, just, okay, he’s opening it up and chewing on the pieces. But they don’t stay down. Bummer. He takes a pee and drinks that. (Sorry.)

Nick hunkers down next to an abandoned truck. We flash back to rehab again. He and the girl are waiting for their parents. Madison shows up and Nick tells the girl good luck. The social worker tells Nick that he’s meeting with his mom in private for a moment.

Madison tells Nick his father isn’t coming. He was in an accident coming home. It was a head-on collision and he didn’t make it. Nick doesn’t take it well. His friend hears him yell and looks through the room window as his mother tries to comfort him.

Nick awakens to a pack of dogs that think he’s food. He beats them off and climbs to the top of the truck. Good thing they aren’t cats. Nick is seriously having the worst luck. The dogs suddenly stop and Nick sees a load of zombies coming toward them. The dogs attack the zombies who don’t really seem to react. Okay, the zombies eat the dogs. I guess they’re just slow.

Nick is baking on the top of this truck and the zombies are still hanging around. They suddenly notice him and head in his direction. He hears a horn and then gunshots. I guess the zombies do too, and go toward the noise. Nick jumps down from the truck and grabs a belt off of a zombie to use as a tourniquet. He’s able to walk among them since he’s covered in zombie blood. He imagines a female zombie is the girl from rehab and she’s talking to him.

40 miles to Tijuana. Nick continues to shuffle along and here come those guys in the Jeep again. Talk about a rock and a hard place. The guys start shooting at the zombies. WTF, Nick? The zombies get shot around him, but he’s totally focused on the front most guy. They lock eyes. When the dude realizes it’s Nick, he gets distracted, dtops his weapon and ammunition and the zombies attack. The guy who is driving the Jeep takes off like a rocket. Can’t say as I blame him. The zombies move on after eating their fill.

A group of three people see Nick through binoculars. One of them wants to help Nick, But Luci, who seems to be in charge, doesn’t want to. Nick falls to his knees as the zombies continue on. He again thinks about the girl in rehab. They’re in bed together and he’s reading a book his dad gave him. They do some heroin, so apparently their parents wasted the money on rehab. In the present, it begins to rain. Nick wakes up and opens his mouth, thirsty for water.

Nick limps into a town where there are normal dog sounds, but no people. It’s pretty big, so I’m thinking maybe this is Tijuana. He makes his way to a drug store. Nick throws things around, looking through the shelves, finding nothing of use. He goes into a barber shop where he wraps his wound. The three people who’d been watching him come in. He explains in broken Spanish that the bite is from a dog and asks for water. Luci says she knows someone who can help him. She tells Nick, “Vamos!” and even I know what that means.

They go to a medical clinic, where Alejandro, a pharmacist who speaks English, tells Nick he’s working on an infection and tends to the bite. Alejandro tells him he’s foolish; death is not to be feared, but it shouldn’t be pursued either. Nick tells Alejandro that it was safer walking with the zombies than dealing with the gunmen. Alejandro asks why he came all this way. Nick says he wants to be where the dead aren’t monstrous and Alejandro opens the double doors. Nick follows him to the street.

It’s like a normal place, with people walking around and kids playing. Nick is mesmerized. A soccer ball comes toward him. He kicks it and smiles.

Next time, Alejandro tells Nick it’s not his place, Travis and Madison deal with a lot of violence, and Madison tells Travis he has false hope.