What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Everyone is getting ready for the Crystal Springs spa trip. Dolores wonders why Melissa needs 47 bags for a weekend. So do I. Teresa asks Melissa and Dolores if they’ve talked to Jacqueline. Melissa says she has, but kind of blows off the question. In another car, Jacqueline says they should all be able to play in the same sandbox. In her interview, she says if Teresa doesn’t play nice, she’ll bury her. Not too defensive. Siggy thinks it all comes from insecurity and that Jacqueline is upset because Teresa isn’t as invested in the friendship as she is.

Teresa brings up Jacqueline’s remark about her federal offense. I don’t blame her for thinking that it was a low blow. I think that’s about all Jacqueline is capable of.

Crystal Springs looks amazing and we haven’t even gotten in the door. A butler greets them on the porch with champagne. Everyone claims their rooms. At least Ramona isn’t here. Jacqueline and Siggy arrive after the others and Jacqueline ignores Teresa. Because she’s such a grown up like she said she was. Siggy won’t let this happen and makes Jacqueline say hello to Teresa. Time stops.

In the meantime, Joe #2 is perplexed as to how to feed his kids. He struggles to make some chicken nuggets, wondering how they cook so fast. He’s appreciating Melissa to no end right now. Chris calls as Joe attempts to make some fish. Chris suggests they get together later. At least the popcorn is a success.

It’s dinner time at Crystal Springs. Everyone toasts to friendship and new beginnings. Good luck with that.

The girls discuss different trips they’ve been on. Jacqueline warms up a little when Teresa talks about the trip they went on to Italy. Dolores thinks maybe they just needed to get out of their environment. Jacqueline talks about the new company Chris is starting and how much it costs to raise a child with autism. Siggy says everyone has gone through hardships and talks about living with her parents after her divorce. She says when you’re down, you find out who your true friends are. Melissa talks about not even being able to afford diapers at one point. Teresa tell the group about how so many people thought she should leave Joe #1, but she loves him. Siggy says they’re all survivors at the end of the day, and they toast to that.

Next they go to the fire and water deck, whatever that is. They sit around a fire pit, drinking wine and making s’mores. They discuss when they had their first children, and Jacqueline brings up going ring shopping with her future son-in-law, Pete. Melissa is bummed about missing things with the kids while she’s dealing with her new business. She says when her father passed away, it was devastating for her mother because she’d never worked, and you never know what’s going to happen. Teresa talks about missing the kids when she was in prison camp. Jacqueline gets weepy about it and Teresa invites her and Chris to her book party.

The ladies don their pajamas. Teresa FaceTimes with Joe #1, and she and Jacqueline pretend there’s a big fight going on and Teresa tells him to come and pick her up. Then Jacqueline gives him a cleavage shot. What a couple of comediennes! In her interview, Dolores thinks if they can stay away from discussing the past issues, they’ll be okay. They move on to play wine pong. Tipsy silliness ensues.

Chris plays with his kids. Zzzzz…..

Melissa is the only one who wakes up in full makeup. A chef has arrived to cook a fabulous breakfast. The ladies talk about their kids again. Jacqueline leaves the table and is crying in the bathroom. OMG – they’ve run out of coffee. I’d cry too. Siggy talks to Jacqueline, who is upset because her proud mommy moments are very different from the other women’s. Siggy tells her that Nicholas doesn’t know any different, so it’s not like he’s comparing himself to the other kids. The girls gather around to give support. Melissa says you can’t always be a rock.

Teresa privately tells Dolores that maybe when Jacqueline snapped at her, she was just reacting to how much she has on her plate. Jacqueline is happy about Teresa being supportive. The ladies hang out by the pool on lounge chairs. Melissa talks to Dolores about her relationship with Teresa. In her interview, she says Joe #2 is happy with how things are, so she’s picking her battles. Jacqueline is aware that she and Teresa are being talked about and asks if they’d like to share it with the rest of the class. Dolores asks what they’re talking about, and Jacqueline says they’re talking about what she and Melissa are talking about.

Jacqueline and Teresa go for some spa treatments. Jacqueline talks about getting Nicholas involved with more children. Teresa says Milania loves him and to call her whenever she’s having a bad day. Jacqueline apologizes for saying stupid stuff. Outside, Siggy says she wishes that Jacqueline could see how much Teresa has changed, but Melissa says Jacqueline needs more proof.

The girls are making dinner. Melissa asks Teresa how things are going with Jacqueline. Teresa tells her about Jacqueline’s apology. They grill some steaks and everyone pitches in with the meal.

Chris and Joe #1 go out to eat at Reno’s restaurant. Reno sits with them and Joe talks about how Teresa’s lost weight and has a smaller behind now. He says once he leaves, it will probably be emotional, but there’s nothing he can do about anything, and his main concern is his family’s safety. He’s gotten a German Shepherd that he’s having trained.

The meal the girls have made looks freaking amazing. Everyone is thrilled about how well Jacqueline and Teresa are getting along. Jacqueline talks about how when she gets mad, she says ugly things. Siggy explains that sometimes the two of them just aren’t coming from the same place and it creates a communication problem. Everyone gets goofy during dessert. Teresa sits on some chocolate and much fun is made of the brown mess on the back of her pants.

Jacqueline calls out Melissa and Dolores for talking about her and Teresa at the pool. In her interview, Melissa says Jacqueline’s paranoia is coming into play, because she and Dolores weren’t discussing them. But they were. Teresa says Jacqueline needs to relax and Jacqueline agrees that she thinks too much.

Teresa teaches the girls some yoga. Teresa talks about yoga stimulating going to the bathroom and how you’re encouraged to pass gas. Then she has to explain what queve is. I’m not going to. Look it up. She ends the class with, “Namaste, bitches,” Dina’s old tagline.

Next time, it looks like Dolores might have had to put Boo to sleep 😟, Rosie misses everyone, and Teresa has a book party.

Fear the Walking Dead

Nick wakes up in the La Colonia infirmary. He walks out into the street and wanders around the town. There isn’t another soul to be seen. He sees a little girl crying. He goes to her and looks out to the townspeople saying good-by to one of the men who is about to walk out into a group of zombies. It’s the girl’s father.

The people chant some nonsense in Spanish as the guy walks through a bus to the zombies outside. (I find out later that they’re saying, “From death we come, and to death we deliver ourselves.”) Um…that chanting isn’t going to help anything. Nick moves the girl so she can’t see. No big shock, the man is attacked and eaten. Good job, folks. What did you think was gong to happen? Nick is appalled.

Madison and the others are out driving around looking for Nick and Travis. It’s been two days since they left. Alicia wants to go back. Victor says they’re riding on fumes and should go back to the boat. Madison goes back to the truck.

Nick wanders through the now active marketplace. A lady calls him over. Alejandro tends to one of the men who believes he’s not long for this world.

Uh-oh. The boat’s gone. Victor thinks the military was waiting for them to land and took it. Ofelia suggests they walk into the sea, but Alicia thinks finding shelter in a nearby hotel is a better idea. Alicia tells Madison that it’s the two of them now, whether she likes it or not. A message is left on the beach: Abigail Lost Head North.

The group checks out the hotel. They don’t see anything moving. Even though there might be something unsavory awaiting them inside, they figure better inside than outside. They approach, Victor breaks the front door lock, and they go inside. Alicia wonders where the person who locked up is now. Victor hits the desk bell and Madison asks if he’s out of his mind. He tells her the service stinks there.

Luci tells Nick they have work to do. He follows her. She brings Nick through the bus, fights off some zombies and pins one to a wall. She tells Nick to stay quiet. They put zombie blood on themselves. Nick asks why him and she says no one will miss him.

The group wanders through the hotel. The banquet room has been set up for a wedding. Ofelia says she almost got married once and he was a good man. Victor says not that good, since it was almost. She says he was leaving for New Mexico and she needed to stay with her parents. Victor tells her not to dwell on the past.

Nick asks what was up with the thing that morning. Luci explains that they keep a wall of zombies outside the fence for protection and when one of them gets infected, they volunteer to be one of the wall to protect their people. He asks what if the guy just became lunch for no reason. She tells him he has no faith. She compares it to the ocean cleansing itself and says the dead are returning, and when they go, the world will be new. She tells him that Alejandro was bitten and she saw it happen, but he didn’t turn.

Victor and company continue through the hotel. Alicia wants to split up, but Madison doesn’t like it. Too bad, she goes off with Ofelia anyway. Victor tells Madison she needs and drink and so does he.

Luci takes Nick to see a gang from East Tijuana who deal with supplies. She tells him to keep his mouth shut, that they’ll hang you for looking at them wrong. She gives the guy at the door pharmaceuticals. They give her a cart and tell her to fill it. She says it used to be two, but the guy says it isn’t anymore. Just like the EpiPen!

Victor makes martinis and calls Madison a Southern belle. She tells him his martini is bullsh*t and to bring her the tequila. Ofelia and Alicia go through the rooms. They hear zombie noises from some of them. Alicia notices that someone put “do not disturb” signs on the rooms with the zombies in them. They go inside a safe room and grab some supplies. They find a zombie in a shower who tried to commit suicide, but just got hung up on the shower-head. Alicia puts a do not disturb sign on the door as they leave.

Luci tells Nick to get whatever they can use for the infirmary. He wants to add a package of snack cakes, but that’s a no. No cakes for you. They get quite a few jugs of water as well.

Ofelia tells Alicia there’s still hot water. Alicia empties the mini-bar and asks Ofelia why the guy in the shower gave up. Ofelia says maybe he was tired of surviving. Alicia says you just push on. Ofelia says they’re not going to make it. She talks about her father being one step beyond hope. Alicia says it’s all they have and if they lose that, they’re dead. She tells Ofelia she’s family now.

Luci and Nick leave with the cart. One of the gang members knocks Nick to the ground. Nick has the cookies in his pocket. The guy hits Nick in the head with what looks like a billy club. Why on earth did Nick think he was slick enough to get away with that? On the other hand, technically, the crackers would have fit in the cart, so…

Commercial break. Please, spare me the car ads with Matthew McConaughey.

Gang dude says rats who steal get their paws cut off and prepares to chop off Nick’s hand. Luci translates as Nick threatens them with no more Oxy. He saw gang dude tending to his sick sister, and tells him if she’s without it for a week, he’ll hope she turns, because he’ll want to kill her. He says the gang needs Oxy and La Colonia has it. And if they want it, not only will he let Nick go, but the gang will give them another cart of water. Dude throws him down, but agrees. Nice negotiating, Nick! They could use you on The Walking Dead right about now.

When they leave the area, Luci is concerned about being followed. She says she’s never been followed, but she also never had a stupid gringo threaten them. Nick says sorry.

Madison and Victor talk over drinks. Victor talks about what might have happened had they met at another time. He says he’s a seducer of people who would have it on her and it would have been fun. He says now there’s no world to talk about; there’s not even a bar. Madison says Alicia is right. they’re never going to see Nick again. Victor says Nick is bullet proof and he’s alive. Madison says Nick was born lost, like his daddy. If you leave him alone, he heads toward death.

Victor asks how Nick’s father died. Madison says he was late coming home and went into oncoming traffic. Victor asks if he fell asleep at the wheel and she says that’s what she told the kids. She says she keeps trying to save the kids and they keep dying over and over. Travis stopped it for a while, but now he’s gone. Victor says we can only live with things, we can’t choose. Madison says she didn’t have to be a mother, but she chose to be. She’s getting a little drunk and throws her glass. Then she gets another glass and pours them another shot. They drink to false hope and she throws that glass too.

Victor goes over to the piano, but it’s all out of tune, which is totally appropriate. As he plays, we see zombies locked inside a shop trying to get out. All this noise is attracting their attention.

Alicia takes a shower. She calls to Ofelia that it’s her turn, but then can’t find her. She sees something fall from the roof. She looks over the side of the balcony and sees a couple of zombies take nose-dives off the balconies on the other side of the hotel. Zombies start falling from everywhere and Alicia runs calling for Ofelia. She opens a door to a stairwell and it’s crawling with zombies. I want to see more of the zombies taking headers. That was kind of cool. I do have to lodge a complaint here though. I realize I’m working with a huge suspension of disbelief, even accepting that there has been a zombie apocalypse at all. Cool as it was, these zombies were falling several stories and just getting up. Even if  they’re the undead, they would still have broken bones and not be able to walk away. Okay. I feel better now.

Nick and Luci make it back to La Colonia. Nick sees the little girl whose father went to the wall and gives her the cakes. Luci sees and realizes Nick isn’t the selfish dumbass she thought he was. Nick goes to see Alejandro. He says he heard Nick almost started a war. Nick says he thought the little girl needed something, some comfort, and there should be some things that are not about death. Alejandro says when they run out of cake and drugs, where will they turn? Nick says what good is faith when the water runs out? Alejandro says when the world is washed of death, the faithful will remain. He says they are the chosen who will outlast death. Nick sees the healed bite mark, and Alejandro tells him that he’s welcome to stay, but if he puts the people in danger again they’ll feed him to the wall.

Victor and Madison are getting really sloshed. Victor is banging on the out-of-tune piano and Madison is flinging glasses around. Victor looks out the floor to ceiling window and sees the zombies falling outside the widow and says they have to go now. Too late. Zombies are getting in everywhere.

Alejandro makes a speech to the people about the Lord and how life is a sigh between two deaths. He tells them the migration of the dead has begun. He says that the world is for them, the faithful, and death will not take them. The people start their chant and Nick joins them. Alejandro says as long as he lives, they’ll never leave.

This is interspersed with Victor and Madison fighting the zombies without conventional weapons, using liquor bottles and chairs. Holy! They’re surrounded.

Next time, Alicia shows what she’s made of, and Travis and Chris get involved with a new group of people who look pretty militant.