What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

My excitement can barely be contained – less than two weeks from now, on September 16, Z-Nation returns! If I was forced to pick only one show to feast on, this would be the one. (With maybe a side order of General Hospital.) While I enjoy both Walking Dead programs, Z-Nation has the sense of humor I love with my horror. For lack of a better word, I also think it’s more realistic and feel more investment in the more well-rounded characters. Chances are, the group you’d be running with during the apocalypse wouldn’t all be depressed and/or depressing. There would always be a Murphy or a Doc who didn’t always take everything so seriously. And it’s still just as relentless in excitement. Lots of fun guest stars too, like Anthony Michael Hall and Gina Gershon, both of whom were wonderful. I also have to admit to a TV crush on Citizen Z and Pup. (I recently discovered that DJ Qualls was originally a model for Prada. While I think he’s cute, I was like, whaaat?) The Sy-we-don’t-know-how-to-spell-Fy network had/has a marathon going on today and will probably have another one before the season premiere, so if you have love for the zombie apocalypse and haven’t seen it yet, give it a try.

No GH for us today. Since it’s a holiday, it was also a rerun. Moving on…

The Real Housewives of the OC

Tamra is planning some dune buggy riding during Eddie’s birthday event in Glamis and she’s buying helmets for all the ladies. She calls to see if Meghan is going, but that’s a no due to her pregnancy. Tamra thinks Meghan is being a coward, saying pregnant women run marathons, but I’m with Meghan on this one. Bouncing around in a dune buggy is not the same thing and she’s gone through a lot with the IVF. Tamra says Shannon is acting like she didn’t even get an invite, and she has the feeling Shannon wants to avoid Kelly. She calls Shannon next, telling her about Heather renting an RV. As soon as Tamra tells her who’s coming, suddenly Shannon remembers she has some lung issue where she has to avoid dirt or something. Geez, at least make an effort to create a good story.

Kelly does some shopping for the trip. Her only concern is Heather pointing a judgmental finger at her. She tells her husband about Shannon’s vow renewal and how Vicki wasn’t invited, which she thinks was mean. They look at windbreakers, and Michael makes a typical male joke about breaking wind.

Shannon’s house is finally in escrow, She says it’s been in and out several times, but this time it looks like a go. She’s thinking she won’t be able to pack in the thirteen days before closing. She asks the realtor about more time, but he says that’s not a good idea. I fail to grasp why she hasn’t gotten going on this already. They also have to find a rental, so she gives the realtor her laundry list of wants, which is a lot. Oh no! The rental won’t have crystals buried beneath it like her house does now. How will she survive?

Heather says all she knows about Glamis is that there’s lots of sand and no stores. Horrors! She meets with the RV driver. She was expecting the RV to be like Tom Cruise‘s movie trailer and is disappointed even though it’s got the look of a nice hotel suite. Heather also doesn’t cook, so she’s had her personal chef prepare some dishes. I liked Heather at the beginning, but she’s been working my last nerve this season.

Meghan and Jim have a doctor’s appointment to see if she’s pregnant. She’s glad he’s with her, since he’s been MIA throughout all of the IVF stuff. She says she’s scared to be a mom because she’s Jim’s third wife, and even though he had children with the other two, things didn’t work out. I’m not sure what she’s saying here. That Jim leaves as soon as children are in the picture? I’m laughing because Jim is one of the most emotionless people I’ve ever seen. “Hey, Jim! The house just burned down.” Jim looks at the sky and picks his nose.

The RV picks up Tamra and Kelly. Even though the RV isn’t up to Heather’s expectations, Tamra is impressed, saying she wouldn’t expect anything else from “Fancy Pants.” She’s also concerned about Kelly, who she says is like a rescue dog, who you don’t know whether will lick or bite you. Next, they pick up Vicki.

While on the RV, Kelly suddenly gets nauseous. Vicki has to hold her ears when Kelly throws up, since she’s susceptible to anyone else getting ill. What is wrong with this bunch of wimps? This is the last group who should go camping, or do anything other than stay at a 5-star hotel up to Dubai’s standards. Kelly calls her husband to give him the deets. The driver misses a sign and has to turn around. Tamra thinks Heather should have spent more money on the driver than the vehicle. The ladies sing Kumbaya. This is starting to remind me of the time I took a bus trip through New England with my grandmother and her senior group.

Meghan gets a call from the doctor. Jim yawns and I laugh again. The pregnancy test is positive. He says they’ll do an ultrasound in two weeks. Meghan asks if it could be twins, but the doctor says it’s too early to tell. Jim can barely contain his excitement. Not really.

The camp site is already set up and Eddie is there to greet the ladies. Tamra’s mother is also there and a couple of people I don’t know. Heather introduces her son, Nicky. In her interview, Heather gushes over the place, going on about how beautiful it is and confusing me. While Heather will be staying in the RV, Tamra has rented trailers for everyone else. Vicki goes around showing her grandson, Troy, all the fabulousness via her phone. Sarah, Ryan and their baby also make an appearance. I think Sarah might have another kid there, but at this point, there’s too many kids running around and I can’t keep track of them.

Vicki goes running on the sand dunes. In her interview, Kelly says she’d join Vicki, but Principal Dubrow would probably shake a finger at her. Ha-ha! Oddly enough, it’s Tamra who tells Vicki to get off of the dunes, because there are dune buggies flying around everywhere and they’ll run right over her. Heather scrutinizes Kelly in her interview, saying she seems to be on her best behavior, but it remains to be seen if she keeps her promise. In her interview, Vicki says she’d like to be a princess like Heather, but she’ll probably be working until the day she dies. I find it a little hard to believe that Vicki needs to work until she dies unless she wants to. Or did Brooks took all her savings too?

Meghan and Jim are at their house in a gated country club community. I wonder how many houses they have. I always find the concept of having multiple homes desirable, but it’s probably not as fun as it seems. Shannon and David are meeting up with them to play golf. Because they have so much time on their hands before they move. Shannon says she doesn’t want to pack and is an avoider. An avoider previously lived in my house too. Not only did we have to agree that it not be “broom clean” as stated in the contract and let her park her RV here for two weeks to get her moved out on time, but she was still here when we moved in. You read that right. She was sitting in a folding chair in front of a closet still full of her stuff. My husband’s aunt had a summer home nearby. I told my husband I was going there and having a beer, and when I got back, she’d better be gone. She was. I also have to admit, there were some cool things left here, like a set of Gilbert & Sullivan recordings on 78 rpm albums.

Eddie teaches Nicky how to ride an ATV. Tamra suggests he ask for one for Christmas, along with a personal desert. The ladies get ready for their dune buggy adventure and we see flash backs of Tamra’s terrible driving. Kelly complains about sand in her face and having to pee. You can dress these girls up, but you can’t take them out. Tamra tells her group to hold on and drives like the Tasmanian Devil. And flips the buggy. Nice work.

Heather tells everyoen not to move and calls for the medic. Vicki gets sick and Kelly keeps yelling for the EMT. Both Vicki and Tamra have collars put on them. The dune buggy ambulance arrives. The medics ask both Vicki and Tamra questions, trying to determine their injuries. They both get put on boards and a helicopter lands. Eddie leaves with Tamra for the hospital, but the helicopter is taking Vicki to Palm Springs. She’s feeling numbness somewhere. Heather claims to be in help mode, but I swear, as hurt as I was, I’d deck her one for saying things like “you’re okay” and “you’re strong” ten thousand times. She calls Briana to let her know what’s happening, but Briana is sick and can’t go there. Kelly’s helmet came off and she says she’s lucky she didn’t get hurt. Heather brags to Terry about how helpful she was, while Kelly talks to Tamra’s mother.

Kelly realizes later that she hurt her elbow and Heather gives her some ice. Heather calls Meghan and tells her about the accident. She says that Vicki is in Palm Springs and all alone, but that’s about forty-five minutes away from them, and God forbid Meghan might be inconvenienced. After she hangs up, Meghan gets annoyed because Vicki isn’t her friend and she doesn’t want to go and felt like Heather was pressuring her. Okay, here I’m on Heather’s team. She might not consider Vicki a friend, but she’s a co-worker who is all by herself. Not a good look.

Next time, Meghan tells Shannon about the accident, the girls call Vicki in the hospital, Tamra can’t do the competition, and Meghan and Heather argue, probably politely.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Jacqueline tells Chris about how she and Teresa got along on the girls trip and it seemed like old times. Chris asks if she’s happy that the weekend turned out well. No, she wanted. to fight. Kiddingnotkidding. In his interview, Chris says she’s happy now, but as soon as somebody says something stupid, it will go back again. That ought to take about five minutes. Maybe less.

Siggy visits Dolores. Sadly, Dolores had to have her dog, Boo, euthanized because he had kidney failure. Siggy brings flowers and a present. It’s tough for me to watch because I love my dogs so much. Dolores says she doesn’t cry easily, but this is very hard on her.

Melissa is stumped over an order that comes into the store. Her manager, Derek, thinks he and Jackie placed it. (He doesn’t know?) Melissa calls Jackie and tells her that she wants everything that comes into the store to go by her first. Jackie argues that not everyone is a size zero like her. In her interview, Melissa says it’s not as much fun as she thought it would be. Work never is. She tells Jackie that she’s stressed out and Jackie says welcome to owning a business, and tells her she doesn’t have to be there 24/7. She admits to not being good at delegating and Jackie suggests she take some time off.

Teresa – omg, one of their dogs has a magenta mohawk and stripe running down it’s back – tells Gia that she wishes she could come to the book party, but you have to be twenty-one. I guess it’s in a bar. Joe #1 comes in and Gia argues with him. In her interview, Teresa says Joe is drinking more and unraveling. She asks him how he’s doing and he says fine. She says she was all about making memories before she “went away,” and wishes Joe would calm down.

Siggy picks up her son from school and they discuss his upcoming ski trip with his father. She lets him drive, but kibbutzes the whole time and says once he gets his license, he’ll be lost to her. He tells her she has no limits and is loud, and she asks what he expects since she was born in a bomb shelter. I futilely try to figure that one out.

Teresa tells Joe #1 that he’s just like his father and he tells her to shut up. He’s seriously nasty and she tells him to please leave the kitchen. He says the only thing he’s going to miss is his children. Obviously, he’s not taking this going to prison thing too well. Teresa says that she feels like she has five kids instead of four. In her interview, Dolores says it’s in Teresa’s DNA that you never get divorced. Teresa reminds Dolores about the book party coming up. Dolores says she and Siggy are going together.

Jacqueline and Chris are having a poker night. Chris excited because Rosie is going to be there. She and Joe #1 hung out a lot when Teresa was “away,” but she got the brush off since Teresa’s return. I already figure this isn’t going to go well.

Melissa is dealing with her children when Derek calls her about a deadline. Joe #2 comes home and she asks him to help with dinner, but God forbid. He says he’s going to poker night and she says someone has to pick up their son from wrestling. In his interview, he whines that no one helps him with everything. He cuts out as fast as possible.

Rosie arrives at Jacqueline’s. She fells badly about some things she said about Joe #1 on New Year’s Eve. In her interview, she says something I can’t understand because so many words are bleeped. She’s not sure where she stands with Teresa and doesn’t understand what the wedge between them is about. I dunno. I guess discussing it with them is out of the question.

Joe #2 arrives and Rosie talks to him about the other Joe. He makes up something about everyone being busy. Chris calls Joe #1 who says he’s tired and in bed. He says they don’t need him anyway, since Rosie’s is a good poker player. She says she was hoping to see him. They hang up and Rosie wants to leave. In her interview, she says she wanted to see Joe #1 and doesn’t need this bullsh*t. Jacqueline says she doesn’t think he’s not coming because of her, but she wants to leave anyway. These people are incredibly clueless. Jacqueline explains to the guys that Rosie was counting on seeing Joe #1 and thinks there’s some kind of rift.

Rosie comes back. In her interview, she says Joe #1 claimed to have had too much to drink. She says she doesn’t know if Teresa had anything to do with it, but she feels badly for him. She tells the others about her stupid remarks on New Year’s Eve and that she feels guilty. Joe #2 calls Teresa and asks about Joe #1‘s absence, which she explains by saying it’s getting closer to his time in the pokey and he’s kind of freaked out. Chris says he’s glad that his family isn’t as screwed up as Joe #2’s is.

Siggy helps Dolores go through her paperwork. She’s been giving her bills to Frank, but Siggy thinks she needs to get some independence. Dolores says Frank has always handled the bills and she handled the kids. Teresa joins them, and checks out the renovations. Teresa says that “it’s” starting to get to Joe #1 and she needed to get out for some air. Siggy explains what’s going on with Dolores’s bills and Teresa says Dolores needs to start understanding what everything is about. Dolores says she and Frank have a symbiotic relationship. Teresa says she’s lucky to have Frank in her life, but that could always change. Dolores gets excited when she sees a check for cable over-payment. She’s seriously ignorant of her expenses.

Melissa curls her daughter Antonia’s hair for a father/daughter dance. She tells Antonia  that she’s busy with the boutique right now, but doesn’t want their relationship to suffer. She talks to Antonia about what she wants to be when she grows up. Joe #2 says he’s a handsome devil and Melissa gives him a wrist corsage for Antonia. He and Melissa take pictures.

Gia and Teresa have a girls night and go out for sushi. Teresa says she appreciated Gia’s help when she wasn’t around and wants to do something special. Gia takes pictures of the food and calls her father a butthead. She says prison will be good for him. Teresa asks if she means the drinking, and Gia says partly, but he needs to realize what he has. Astute kid. Teresa says he makes the wrong decisions when he drinks. She says she thinks Gia is going to miss him, and she says she will, but she’s not too worried. Teresa tells Gia how proud she is of her. She does seem mature for her age, but she had to grow up kind of fast.

Chris wonders if Joe #1 is coming to the book launch party. He and Jacqueline hitch a limo ride with Dolores, Siggy and her husband.

Teresa is trying tot get ready, and Melania and Audriana act up. Teresa tells Audriana to get to bed and in her interview says that they’re acting out because they know Joe #1 is leaving soon. In the limo, Joe #1 asks Teresa how she’s feeling and she says she’s happy about the book, but not so happy about other things.

Joe #1 gets a call from one of his friends, but Teresa tells him that the friend can’t bring his 12-year-old son. Another deal breaker is that the friend is a felon. Joe tells his felon father friend that they’ll work it out at the venue, but Teresa says it’s a no.

The bar is pretty crowded and Joe #1 can’t get a drink fast enough. Everyone is introducing everyone, and Joe slips out. Teresa’s lawyer has to explain to Joe why his friend can’t come in. Peter the Felon screams at Joe on the street. I think he’s had a few drinks too.

Joe #1 is paged inside the bar, but he’s too busy outside to know. Lawyer James explains what’s going on to Teresa, while Peter rages on, yelling about the mob and the government. Joe comes back in and Teresa is introduced. Her book is number two on the NY Times best seller list. Teresa thanks everyone for coming. She says she wanted to show her daughters what she went through when they get old enough. She says the book is also a love story about her and Joe. She tells everyone she loves them.

Teresa’s lawyer says she’s number two and the Pope is number four. Joe jokes about coming back skinny as hell. Everyone toasts to everything.

This season, Jacqueline’s daughter gets engaged, Melissa has a fashion show, Joe #2 argues with Melissa, Jacqueline calls Melissa a “fake, phony bitch” (!) and embarrasses herself, Joe #1 tells his daughters he’s not dying just going away, and Joe #1 goes away.