What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Diane goes the bar and orders a double espresso because she needs extra caffeine for the case coming up. She gets chatty with the woman next to her. She talks about her opposing counsel, Nora Buchanan. Which is who she’s sitting next to, although she doesn’t know it yet. I guess she never watched One Life to Live.

Nina deals with the ringing phones in the office. Valentin comes in, and hangs up the phone. Nina is still annoyed with him about Anna.

Anna is packing up. Dante sees her checking her weapon. He asks if she’s leaving, and she says that’s a good observation. He asks if her doctor knows. She thanks him for caring, but says she’s not going to just wait there while Olivia-J is alive and on the loose.

Franco gives Elizabeth a ride to work, and they flirt in the garage. He points out that Ava and Julian have a sister crazier than they are. He says crazy doesn’t discriminate, and he wants her to be safe.

Dante talks to Anna about Olivia-J’s obsession with Duke. He says there’s a good chance Olivia is out to get her, and she says she’s counting on that.

Olivia-J has Robin prisoner. She tells her that they have a lot of work to do, and need to get cracking. She is a lot of fun. I guess that’s why they made her kooky/aggressive instead of just aggressive. It gives leeway to bring her back again.

Elizabeth tells Franco that Olivia-J does give her the creeps. He asks about Sam. Elizabeth says she’s doing well, considering. Franco suggests she not to talk about it if Jake can hear. He explains about his conversation with Jake, and how Jake said Sam had a bad curse on her.

Olivia-J tells Robin that it’s a blast from the past, and congratulates Robin on her success. She takes the tape off of Robin’s mouth. Robin says everyone thought she was dead, but Olivia says she’s back and better than ever, and that circumstances dictated her return. Robin asks if it has anything to do with her family. Olivia says it has to do with the murder of her one true love, Duke.

Anna leaves a message for Robin. She complains to Dante about Robin being over-protective, and Dante says that Robin was just concerned for Anna’s health. Anna says she’s not an invalid. She tells him that they have to get Olivia-J out of hiding, and she’s the perfect bait. Griff is in the doorway, and says he hopes she’s talking about her dating life.

Valentin tells Nina that he wasn’t with Anna, and gives Nina a picture that Charlotte drew for her, saying that Charlotte was asking for her. She wants to see Nina in the morning, and so does he. Nina says she loves being Charlotte’s stepmother, but doesn’t love him keeping secrets.

Nora says it sounds like Diane has a fight on her hands. Diane goes on about covering all the bases, and realizes that she’s doing all the talking. Nora says she knows who Diane is, an attorney by day and novelist by night, and asks when the new book is coming out. Diane is flattered that she has a reader, and says lately her duties as an attorney have been taking up all of her time. It’s nice to see Nora again. I got to meet her on the OLTL set, and she was lovely and gracious. Actually, all of the people there were, both cast and crew. Bo winked at me. Ah, memories!

Franco tells Elizabeth that Jake has some unresolved issues about being on the island with Helena, which he pronounces He-leen-a. Elizabeth says that Jake seems fine, and thinks he just needs to be a kid for a while. She asks Franco to pick her up later.

Diane says normally she doesn’t take custody cases, and Nora asks why this one. Diane tells her that she’s on retainer for a particular man with a particular reputation, and he wanted his daughter-in-law to have the best representation possible. Nora asks how she wins a custody case, and Diane talks about discrediting the other parent without looking like a shark, and that the focus should be on the best interest of the child and trying to compromise.

Laura and Lulu walk in. Diane is about to introduce them, and says she didn’t catch Nora’s name.

Nina asks Valentin why Anna broke in, and why it doesn’t make him angry. He says he doesn’t know how he would have reacted if Anna hadn’t collapsed, but she did, and he doesn’t want to make her life more miserable. He says Anna is the past, and Nina and Charlotte are the future. He asks if they’ll be able to present a united front at the custody hearing.

Griff says he’s not signing off on Anna’s paperwork, and Finn isn’t either. Dante tells her not to do anything stupid because he’ll be in court. They wish him luck.

Robin asks if Olivia-J wants revenge on Julian ordering the hit on Duke. Olivia says that by the time she was able to reunite with Duke, Julian had taken him away again. She’s come back to right Julian’s wrong; she has to restore balance at General Hospital. Robin asks what that means. She says obviously she has to bring Duke back. Obviously.

Nina tells Valentin that she didn’t realize how different they are. His spy training was good, because he’s impossible to read, while she wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s angry and confused, and Valentin says she should think about what she wants, meanwhile he’ll be in court fighting for it.

Valentin comes into the bar and introduces his attorney, Nora, to everyone.

Elizabeth comes back to the garage, and Franco admits he’s the new garage attendant. He says it was available, and she has three boys to take care of. She says he’s charming, talented, and thoughtful. They lean against a car to kiss, and hear something in the trunk.

Olivia-J says she would think that someone with Robin’s skills, knowledge, and education would be more aware. She’s studied every culture and philosophy, and seen miracles happen. She’s expanded her consciousness. She tells Robin that death is a transitory state, and sometimes we need to give life a happy end. Robin is like, are you resurrecting Duke in the hospital basement? Olivia says don’t be stupid; they’re in a boiler room, but they need GH. She opens a secret door, saying this is it; this is the lab where Helena breathed new life into Stavros.

Anna says she’s following all the rules, and Griff says Finn told him that she’s just following the rules she likes. After mumbling about patient/doctor confidentiality, she tells Griff that a higher priority has emerged – Robin.

Olivia-J looks around the lab, bringing Robin along. Robin thought it had been destroyed. Olivia says she found out it wasn’t, and asks Robin if she’s familiar with the machines. Robin says she is, and they look damaged, but she’s a doctor, not an engineer. Olivia asks how Helena resurrected her son. Robin says Stavros wasn’t exactly dead. The machines just kept him alive while he was healing. She says the machines aren’t going to work on Duke; he’s not coming back.

The car alarm goes off and Elizabeth calls for help. She pops the trunk open, and Franco says it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Elizabeth sees Julian in the trunk.

Nina looks out the window, not getting any work done. She flashes back to Valentin telling her he loves her, and how she was afraid of saying it back. She thinks about Valentin telling her that Anna is the one stuck in the past, and Nina is hung up on what the other men in her life have done to her.

Diane tells Nora that her reputation does her justice, and she’ll be a formidable opponent. Nora says she’s right about compromise being the name of the game – unless her client refuses to compromise. Diane says this is the first time they’ve met, but she learned something. Nora says her too, and leaves with Valentin. Diane tells Lulu and Dante that Valentin has a good lawyer, but theirs is better.

Anna says she thinks Olivia-J wants to exact revenge on Julian, and that she was madly in love with Duke. She tells Griff about how she was pregnant with Duke’s baby, and Olivia rigged the elevator to crash and she has a miscarriage. Griff asks if that was the intention. Anna doesn’t know, but it served Olivia’s purpose. She has to find Olivia before she targets Robin. Hurting Robin is the surest way to hurt her. Elizabeth runs in, saying she’s there about Julian.

Olivia-J asks if Robin is all science and no faith. Robin says she wishes they could bring Duke back too, but it’s not how the machines work. Helena had Stavros’s body, but Duke was cremated. Olivia takes something out of her bra, saying she’s been carrying it for years. I could make a lot of jokes here, but moving on. It’s a lock of Duke’s hair, and she says the DNA should be enough. Robin says it’s not. Olivia says she can’t give up on Duke, and Robin says she understands. She lost her first love too, but can’t bring him back, the same way she can’t bring back Duke. All they can do is live their lives in their loved one’s honor, and Duke would want Olivia to be happy. Olivia says it’s not possible without him. Robin says she’s moved on, and Olivia can too. Robin reaches toward Olivia, and Olivia drops the vial. It shatters, and she tells Robin, look what you made me do.

Olivia-J says Robin destroyed the last pieces she had of Duke. Robin says that’s not true; he left a piece of himself in each of their hearts. Olivia says that’s not good enough. She says Robin did have one good idea though. Maybe he left another piece of himself.

Anna asks how Julian is. Griff says it’s not that severe, and he’ll recover. Anna is having the car checked out. She wonders why Olivia-J would leave Julian alive. Perhaps there’s another reason she came to town, other than getting even with him. She says good thing Olivia doesn’t know about Griff.

Diane apologizes for her lapse in judgement, saying it won’t affect the case. Lulu says Valentin murdered her brother, but Diane reminds her that there’s no proof. It helps their case that he’s had an unsettled undocumented life, but Nora will present him in the best light possible.

Nora tells Valentin that Diane is good. When she found out who Nora was, she barely blinked. She makes a nice living making sure Sonny stays out of prison and gets what he wants. Valentin says that’s why he hired Nora. She tells him to be careful how he presents himself. She asks about Nina, and he says he doesn’t know if she’ll be joining them. At all.

Nina calls Charlotte. She says she’s sorry she couldn’t tuck her in, but she had a grown-up work thing. She promises she’ll make it up to her. She asks what Charlotte wants her to do, and if Charlotte would like to sing with her. She sings as she looks at a photo of the three of them, and starts to choke up. Oh come on, we know you’re going to help. Get to the hearing already.

Lulu says Maxie texted her, saying Valentin and Nina are on the rocks. How she knows this, I’m not sure. Lulu says that if the marriage is unraveling, they’re not providing Charlotte with a stable home, and Diane says they can spin this. Lulu says they have to act fast while the problems are hot.

Nora tells Valentin to apologize, whatever it takes, get Nina there. He says it’s not going to happen. She says he’s a man with a questionable past, while Lulu has stacks of affidavits to support her as a parent. If he doesn’t present to the court that he’s the preferable parent, he’ll have to share custody or lose it entirely.

Lulu tells Dante that they should take advantage of the situation. Dante says they could push Nina away from Valentin or back into his arms.

Nina looks at her calendar, seeing the entry for the hearing. Laura comes in. Nina says it’s not a good time. Laura says she’ll want to make time; she has a proposition.

Griff asks Anna to be careful. She promises she will. Anna says if he sees Robin, tell her to stop dawdling, but she’s not leaving Julian until the police get there. Griff leaves, and Anna calls Julian a cat with nine lives. He asks where he is, and she tells him he’s in the hospital, and that he was found tied up in the trunk of a car. She asks if Olivia-J did this.

Olivia gets in the elevator with Griff.

Anna asks Julian where Olivia is, and why she put him in the trunk. He says she’s here and never left.

Griff remembers Olivia from the garage. She’s flattered that he recognizes her, and says she could never forget him. He reminds her of her one true love, his father, Duke.

Tomorrow, Laura tells Nina that they can both have what they want, Anna asks Julian where Olivia-J is, and Olivia-J kidnaps Griff.

Vanderpump Rules

Everyone manages to get back from Vegas without getting arrested. Jax shows Lisa their drag pictures. She tells Tom that he looks better as a woman. She asks if Schwartz and Katie had a good time, but Jax says they didn’t sleep in the same bed for the first two nights and fought 80% of the time. Lisa decides to talk to Katie.

Scheana and Ariana talk about the fighting. Ariana doesn’t think it’s a good solution to bottle up the problems until after the wedding. She wonders how you retrain yourself not to fight like that.

Harrison! The SUR photo shoot is coming u,p and we flash back to the previous ones. This year’s theme is indulgence. Lisa asks Katie about the fighting during the party weekend, but she passes the blame to Schwartz. Lisa says if they keep going in that direction, they could lose each other. In her interview, Lisa says this is more than pre-wedding jitters, and if they can’t get along on vacation, how are they going to get it together IRL?

Stassi and Kristen go to lunch. Kristen brings her dog Gibson along. He’s a certified service dog; she got him a card for $79. She says she won’t stab James in the heart while Gibson is with her, so whatever works. Stassi fills out a dating app profile on her phone. She tells us that desperate times call for desperate measures, and she does not want to date any more bartenders.

Katie and Schwartz visit Lisa. Schwartz doesn’t trust the swans. I probably wouldn’t either. Lisa asks what they still have to do. Katie says they still have some catering stuff to deal with, and one more thing. A guy dressed like a butler comes to the door. He proclaims Lisa the fairest in the land, and tells her that Katie and Schwartz request that she officiate at their nuptials. She tells them that she’s totally overwhelmed and didn’t expect it, and Schwartz says they wanted something special. Lisa tells them she takes marriage seriously, and the way they’ve been behaving gives her cause for concern. We flash back to Katie telling Lisa about various fights with Schwartz. Lisa says it has to be a new chapter in their lives, and she wants to make sure they’re taking responsibility. Schwartz says everything they’ve been through has overshadowed the relationship. Katie starts to cry.

In her interview, Katie says they have big problems, and they have to face them. She tells Lisa that she wants to be with Schwartz. She says they let themselves forget who they were, and she and wants to get back to that. Lisa wants to know they’re really committed to each other before she agrees.

The kids go to the beach for some sun, and drinking in a different atmosphere. Stassi says she had a date and made out all night long. She’s not looking for anyone to put a ring on it though – unless the ring is really big. Schwartz tells them about asking Lisa to officiate, and how they ended up having a sit-down and it got heavy. She wants to make sure they love each other before she says yes, and Schwartz agrees it’s been a disaster lately. Tom says the friends have overstepped boundaries, but it was out of concern. Dolphins! (I’m like a person with ADD when I see animals.) In his interview, Tom says that only Lisa has the balls to say what everyone is thinking.

Schwartz suggests that he and Katie not be a-holes anymore. Good luck with that, especially hanging around this crowd. He says they’re supposed to be unflappable, but they’ve been majorly flappable. He almost picks up something on the beach, but Katie tells him not to touch it; it’s a tampon. Ugh! This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine, since I live near a beach. Anything plastic really.

Lisa goes to the stables to visit Prince Tardon, her new horse. Ariana comes along to go riding with her. In her interview, Ariana says she doesn’t know if she could have a bigger lady crush on anyone. Me too. She tells Lisa that she talked to Schwartz, and Katie feels guilty. In her interview, Lisa is glad they’re taking her seriously, but they have a lot of work to do. She asks Ariana if she’s ever getting married, but Ariana is not too keen on babies. Lisa says talk to her in five years.

Stassi visits Kristen. She says she’s a recovering serial monogamist, and it’s the first time she’s dated in seven years. She’s going on a blind date tonight, and says he has the best Instagram she’s ever seen – no gym selfies. Kristen wants her to bring condoms, but Stassi says she’s not doing anything on a first date. Kristen thinks she needs to break down the wall she’s put up. I dunno. It looks like she’s doing just fine to me. These days, it probably isn’t a good idea to not have sex right off the bat. To be honest, it probably wasn’t in my day either, but we had fewer STD and STV concerns.

Tom is treating the guys to a spray tan session at Jax’s house. What happened to lunch at a restaurant? On top of it, he calls it a “sesh,” which makes me cringe. Schwartz announces that he and Katie had sex last night. Tom says mission accomplished. Schwartz asks who can get ordained quickly in case Lisa says no. In his interview, he says having Jax do it would be like Lucifer baptizing you.

Stassi meets blind date David. She says it’s like interviewing someone to evaluate if you eventually want to have sex with them. Kinda. They start with some wine and nice to meet yous. It sounds like he does something with computers, and when he tells her that he gets up at 7 am, she nearly has a coronary. Stassi is convinced that she’s pretty because she sleeps late. She talks about feeling pressured with her last relationship, but says maybe she felt that way because he was the wrong person. In her interview, she says that David is the kind of guy she should want to date, but she’s not feeling it. I have to say it, he does seem boring, and I understand why. Sorry, David.

Schwartz brings home some props for the photo shoot. There’s a pig with an apple in his mouth (I assume papier-mâché), a bunch of grapes, and other food items. Schwartz puts a towel over the pig’s head, saying the eyes are following him. Katie goes over the wedding budget. In his interview, Schwartz says Lisa suggested they be in each other’s presence and reaffirm their love, so they’re trying. He tells her that he feels terrible about what happened in Vegas, but she says she wants to leave it behind them. In her interview, she says she has no more doubts about him, and got the answers that she needed. He says he just wants to get take-out and watch Pauly Shore movies with her for the rest of their lives. Really? He’s not sounding much better than David. Worse. At least David has his Instagram going for him. In his interview, Schwartz says his confidence over the wedding has wavered, but in the past few days, they’ve brought back the reason they’re doing it.

Time for the photo shoot. It’s Brittany’s first, and she says she feels like part of the family. Ariana says it’s like the awkward office Christmas party you have to go to, but at this party, she’s naked. That actually sounds like one of those recurring nightmares. A table is set with a sumptuous feast, the pig at the center. Jax thinks they should update the website with the new photos, since they still show Kristen and Stassi, who haven’t worked at SUR for years. Tom has come prepared for anything – formal, casual, bright colors, muted colors. The photographer takes some shots of the girls fully dressed first.

Stassi and Kristen go out for lunch. I don’t know what it is, but it looks good. Thai maybe? Kristen gets a text from the girls about the photo shoot, saying be glad you’re not here. Stassi says her date was nice, but she needs a man. She wants to be the young skank, not be left for the young skank. Kristen thinks she needs someone who has their sh*t together, and in LA, that doesn’t happen until they’re in their 30s. Jax aside. They discuss Katie and Schwartz. Stassi thinks Lisa is smart to hesitate over officiating at the wedding. Then can’t believe she said that.

Photos are taken of Lisa with the guys in formal wear. Katie asks Scheana for tips about the wedding, since she’s never even been in one. Scheana says she feels a little left out; she misses their individual closeness. Katie says she didn’t realize Scheana was feeling excluded, and Scheana is just as important to her as ever. Scheana gets weepy, and tells Katie that she wants to be included.

Lisa sets up a shot of Tom and Ariana, suggesting they fornicate on the table. Only Lisa can get away with using that word. In his interview, Tom instructs us on how to hide an erection if you need to. ♫ LA-LA-LA! ♫ Several photos are taken.

Schwartz and Katie talk privately, although Tom walks past and makes faces at them. Schwartz wonders if they should have a back-up in case Lisa says no. Lisa comes by, and says that’s how she wants to see them, smiling and happy, but not now because they have to get moving. Pictures are taken of Schwartz, Katie and a rose. Lisa is glad they’ve taken her advice to heart.

Brittany tells Jax he looks handsome, but I think he looks uncomfortable. She wonders why he didn’t return the compliment, and he says he told her that she looked pretty twice, and that should be enough. He’s such an oaf. I never even use that word, but it totally applies here.

The group shot is taken at a table with more lavish meal stuff. In her interview, Lisa likes having the photo shoot to document the history of SUR. Giggy! She says it’s like an extended family.

While out to dinner at SUR, Schwartz says he feels like he and Katie have gone through twenty years of relationship in five years. Katie says they looked at each other and their relationship through other people’s eyes, and it changed things. Lisa joins them and asks how they’re doing. Katie says they’ve been paying attention to the small things, like kissing each other good-by. Schwartz asks Lisa what her answer is, and she says now she’ll be happy and honored. She says they deserve each other, but in a good way. They’re both lovely people.

Next time, Lala is back, Stassi gets glamour shots taken, James meets Raquel’s mother, and Jax and Tom cook up a surprise for Schwartz.

🏖  Just a note about Summer House, which I’ve been watching (God help me), but not recapping. Why bother? Sex, fight, rinse, repeat. The really bizarre thing, the thing that bothers me the most, isn’t that this is like The Real World  for adults (the more current seasons of The Real World, not the first ones, which were actually interesting), but that they sound like they’re rejects from Vanderpump Rules. They have accents like Valley girls, and one of them even said “gag me with a spoon” tonight. They didn’t move the Hamptons, right? The Hamptons is still on the east coast, right? Where did they get these people? This show frightens me. I could blow the SUR kids off, citing coastal and age differences, again with the exception of Jax, but this group is in their 30s and Long Island is still in New York, right? The antics of this bunch belong in a frat house, and it isn’t even appropriate there. The finale is next week. This has been one long summer.

🍹 Although Kyle did give one of the best quotes ever: I am way to drunk to deal with this right now.