What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

At Kelly’s, Lulu thanks Jason for coming. He asks what happened that she’s on crutches, and she says she now knows not to chase Rocco in heels. She tells him that she needs advice on Henrik Faison.

Drew sees Sam coming out pf Peter’s office. He says he’s glad she’s safe. He was stopping by to see Peter, and asks if he’s in.

No, but Curtis is. Curtis rifles through papers in a cupboard. He pulls something out, and says, jackpot! Nina texts him that the meeting was finished early.

Nina comes home, telling Valentin that Peter called off the meeting. She wonders how Curtis is supposed to find dirt on Peter if he has no time to dig for it. Valentin asks where he’s digging, and she says Peter’s office. She asks what Valentin is looking at, and he shows her a picture of the box with the crest on it.

Anna pulls out a file. Robert assumes it’s Valentin’s, and she says it lists his known haunts in Bern. It lines up perfectly with when Henrik was born. Robert says he told her that Valentin delivered Henrik personally, and there’s her proof.

Sam tells Drew that he can check the conference room, but he says he’ll wait. Sam asks if she can buy him coffee. She has a lot to tell him.

Jason tells Lulu about the trip, and how Spinelli got arrested in Switzerland posing as Henrik. He asks if they found anything on Henrik, but she says, not much. The letters were gone. They weren’t in the safe deposit box. Henrik paid someone to access the box after Faison died and take them. For all they know, they’ve been destroyed. The good news is that Henrik is still around. Lulu says Henrik may be closer than he thinks. They’ve been in contact.

Nina asks why Valentin has the picture. He says it was in Faison’s belongings, and Robert thought he might know about it, since it’s the Cassadine crest. Nina says Valentin’s evil stepmother worked with him, and he says no one worked harder for that title than Helena. Nina asks why Robert would think the box was for him, when they’d never even met?

Anna tells Robert the evidence is paper thin, but Robert says, no. Valentin was positioned in Brussels, where she had her child. Anna insists that he was just there long enough to witness the hand-off to the midwife, but then says, she played right into his hands. She compromised herself with a DVX officer, got pregnant, and handed her child over. He only had to bide his time to use the child against her. The strategy is brilliant, and Valentin is one of the best. I hate to point it out, but Valentin never used the child against her, so where did that come from? She brought it up to him; not the other way around.

Sonny asks to talk to Diane before the bail hearing. Ava is smiling, and Carly asks why. Ava says it’s just a good day smiles, but guesses not so much for her. Thanks to Carly’s negligence, she’ll get her daughter back, and Avery will be raised in a safe, loving home like she should have been. Carly says it’s amazing that she claims to be doing this for Avery’s sake. She has no regard for taking Avery from her home when she doesn’t even know her. Ava asks whose fault is that? Carly says she’s going to take Avery from the only home she knows, and drag her back and forth like a trophy. Now tell her why she’s such a great mother.

Sonny tells Diane that Mike is an aging, sick man, who had no idea what he was doing when he walked away with Avery; he had no intention of hurting her. Diane says given his criminal record, and Sonny’s alleged connections, she’d be lying if she said there’s no chance he’ll go to prison. Sonny asks if this is where she says it’s impossible, then at the end pulls it off. She tells him that he needs to know the risk; it’s not a slam dunk, and Judge Lasser likes to think he’s tough on crime. Her best guess is that there’s a 30% chance Mike is convicted, but it leaves a 70% chance of him going free. Sonny doesn’t like the odds, but she says it’s all they have.

Carly tells Ava that she’s living in a fantasy world if she thinks she’ll get custody. Ava says, we’ll see. Carly says, Sonny aside, Ava can do nothing to prevent the day that Avery finds out Ava is responsible for her brother’s death. Some messes are too big to clean up, and some crimes don’t go away. Ava might have avoided jail, but one day, Avery will look her in the eye and her for who she is. Ava says, her mother, who loves her, and Carly says, we’ll see.

Sonny comes out, and asks to talk to Ava. Nelle – why is she there anyway? – tells Carly that she hopes they come to a compromise. Carly asks who she thinks she’s fooling. She loves seeing their family suffer.  Dante wants to check on his grandfather, but Diane says he’s not leaving her alone with these two.

Ava tells Sonny that she gets full custody, or his father goes to prison.

Lulu tells Jason that it’s the same email PK Sinclair was using. Jason says that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s Henrik. She says he’d like a chance to tell his side, but Jason asks if that isn’t what he’s doing with the book. Lulu says he wants to talk face to face. Jason says Faison got killed when he was brought out into the open. Why does she think Henrik will take the same chance? She believes it’s him, and Jason asks if she’s brought it to Dante? She says not yet; not until she has more to give. He asks if she thinks she’ll get it by meeting Henrik, and she says, that’s the idea, but he thinks it’s a bad one.

Nina asks Valentin what Robert’s deal is; what’s he like? Valentin says he’s like a WSB agent; overconfident. He answered all Robert’s questions, and they’re done. Nina says he thinks it’s done on his end, but that never stopped Anna. She wonders if Robert will follow suit. Valentin says it doesn’t matter. He’s not going to find what he’s looking for.

Curtis puts everything back, and sneaks out. He takes off his gloves, and jets. Peter sees him, and makes a frowny face.

Sonny asks Ava if she thinks she’s doing right by Avery. Does she remember how she lost custody in the first place? Ava says, the tape Carly stole. He says they still have it. Ava laughs, saying it’s old news no one cares about. Paul is in prison, and all they’ll see is that the DA coerced a suspect into sex. Why shouldn’t she get custody; she thinks he’s an unfit father. Sonny gets angry, saying it’s not negotiable. That’s it. He’s not going to do it.

Nelle brings Carly some tea, thinking she’d like it, but Carly says she’d like Nelle’s smarmy head on a platter. Geez. Not real smart to say things like that in a police station. Diane tells her this is not the place, and Dante says he’s out of there. Nelle wants to ask Diane for some legal advice about the baby; specifically, custody. Carly asks if Nelle is laying the groundwork for keeping the baby from them, and Nelle asks if Carly has been talking to Diane about it. Carly says Diane advised her on her rights as a grandparent. Nelle doesn’t know whether to be scared or encouraged. She wanted to talk about giving Carly custody.

Ava tells Sonny not to pretend he’s not scared; he’s terrified. He says he hates seeing his father like this, but he doesn’t like to operate by fear. He has the best lawyer, and medical advice from Ava’s boyfriend. It was an accident; there was no malicious intent, and the chances of Mike going to prison are slim. Ava asks if he’s willing to take that gamble. He tells her that his family has a lot of experience testifying in court. Even Griff will get on the stand and say Mike wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s just a sick person who was confused. She says if he wants a judge to decide his father’s fate, let the cards fall where they may. He says even if Mike goes to prison, she’ll still have to sue him for custody, and he’ll still have whoever he needs, including Kiki. She testified once before and will again; she knows Ava is unfit. Ava says there is one alternate solution. She’ll drop the charges if he agrees to joint custody. I wonder if that was her plan from the beginning.

Curtis goes to Windemere. Nina asks how it went, and if he got her text. He says, it went, and yeah, he got her text, that’s why he got his ass out of there. She asks if he found anything, and he says, not a damn thing – about Peter.

Peter goes into his office and looks around, checking everything. He looks through his papers in the cabinet, and takes out a folder on Nathan.

Jason thinks Henrik is dangerous. He tells Lulu that Faison was a psycho, and he woke up in a clinic, drugged, restrained, and treated like an animal on Henrik’s orders. When he escaped, he was followed on Henrik’s orders. He’s good at what he does, but could barely stay alive long enough to get home. What if Henrik brings guys with him when he meets with Lulu? Why is she thinking that he’s harmless on any level when all the evidence says he’s not?

Sam tells Drew about Spinelli getting arrested, and how she stayed to help infiltrate the bank where Faison’s safe deposit box is. They found it, but the letters were gone. Henrik paid the bank manager to take the letters out and leave them in a drop box. She’s sorry. Drew says, him too. She’d like to talk to him about Aurora, and what happens next.

Ava tells Sonny, equal custody, including holidays and vacations, and all decisions will be made jointly. Sonny says, if he agrees, she’ll drop everything? She says she’ll need it in writing, but she’ll even speak on Mike’s behalf. Sonny will have the best of both worlds; his daughter and his father. He says, half daughter, and Ava says, half is better than none, and Mike stays safe. Do they have a deal?

Carly tells Nelle that she was under the impression Michael asked Jason, but Nelle says she’s having second thoughts. Jason’s life is up in the air, and he’s single. She wants two parents, even if it’s her and Sonny. She knows there’s no way Carly won’t love Michael’s baby, the same way she loves Avery, and fight for her the same way. She tells Carly to just think about it. She goes to the bathroom, and Diane tells Carly to batten down the hatches. Carly says she’s way ahead.

Dante brings out Mike. He asks where Sonny is, and Carly says talking to Ava. He asks why? Sonny hates her. He tells Carly to stop him. He doesn’t want Sonny making sacrifices for him.

Sonny asks if Ava feels good, taking advantage of his father’s illness like she did Morgan’s. She says she’s doing what’s best for Avery. Sonny says Griff might not see through her reconstructed face, but he does. He’s not going to forget this. Ava says if his father is any indication, he might. Ooh, snap!

Sam says she and Drew are in a strange place personally, but professionally, they still have the company. There’s a lot to do, and it’s just the beginning. She’d like to stay on, and asks if he sees a problem with that.

Lulu asks what if Jason is mistaken? He never saw Henrik at the clinic. What if the person holding him captive was Klein, and he did it without any orders? Maybe Henrik made choices because he was scared. Now that Faison is dead, things could have changed. He asks if she wants to take that chance. She says he’ll have his guard up with Jason, but not her. Jason says she’s not in his league. If she wants to play the game, she’ll get hurt.

Curtis says Peter is too careful to keep something around where someone can find it. Valentin says he has a meeting, and can’t leave fast enough. Nina tells Curtis thanks for trying. She’s sorry it was for nothing. He wouldn’t say nothing. He didn’t find Peter’s deep dark secret, but found something that’s off. He had a file on Nathan.

Anna says somehow, Valentin acquired her child and delivered him to Faison; the thing she feared most. She doesn’t think he’s a danger anymore. He has a kid of his own and has felt love. Then, he was young, angry, and felt rejected. She was young, angry, and ambitious. Faison was already duplicitous, but not a full-blown sociopath; he was a rising star at the DVX. They were all young and misguided. Robert says it sounds like she’s giving Valentin a pass.

Nina wonders why Peter would have a folder on her brother. Curtis doesn’t know, but it was thick. Curtis says he was there when Nathan got shot. Maybe it has something to do with survivor’s guilt. Nina suggests maybe it has nothing to do with Nathan, but with Maxie. Maybe he’s getting information on how to get close to her. Curtis says they have no proof, but Nina insists Peter has an agenda. They have to turn up the heat.

Peter tells Valentin that he thought Valentin said he was handling his wife. Her PI was rooting through his office. There was nothing to find, but he will if he keeps digging. Valentin tells Peter that Robert asked about this, showing him the picture of the box. It was found in his father’s safe deposit box. Peter didn’t know it was in there. He’d paid someone to remove the letters and put them in a universal drop, after which they were destroyed. There’s nothing to connect him. Valentin says Robert knows Peter went to school in Switzerland – the same time Valentin was there.

Anna doesn’t understand how Valentin could use an innocent child. Why take the child from a loving home, and give him to someone so cold and unfeeling? Why would he want the child to have that kind of life? Robert asks what she wants to do about it, but she says she can’t do anything. He suggests they go to Windemere, but she says they can’t confront Valentin. Robert asks why not? She says he’s been hiding the secret for decades, and won’t allow it to unravel at this point. They’ll have to sit on this. The most important thing is that Jason is going after Henrik, and will treat him as a threat. He doesn’t care about the rest. Robert says to leave Jason to him.

Lulu tells Jason that she’ sorry he didn’t get answers. He says it wasn’t a complete waste of time. They found something else. He tells her about the conundrum box, saying it can only be opened safely by the recipient. She asks if Faison left it for Henrik, but Jason says if he did, Henrik doesn’t know about it. He tells her that it has the Cassadine crest on it, and she asks if he thinks Valentin is involved. Jason’s money is on Helena, and Lulu calls it the twisted partnership that keeps on giving. Jason says he loves Sam and Danny more than anything. He knew the risks, and didn’t come back for five years. He came back; Nathan never will. Maxie will always grieve, and their child will have no father. Is that a gamble she wants to take, causing her family that kind of pain? She says he’s given her a lot to think about.

Sam doesn’t want to rush into anything. Drew says the company is half hers. More than half, but he’ll be partners if that’s what she wants.

Carly tells Diane that Nelle doesn’t want her or Sonny near her kid. Diane asks how to respond. Mike wants to talk to Sonny, and tells Carly that Sonny is making a mistake. He doesn’t want Sonny to lose his daughter because of him. Sonny and Ava come out. Diane wonders if she dares to ask. Sonny says they’ve come to an agreement. Sonny is giving Ava joint custody. He tells Diane to make everything equal, and coordinate with Scotty. Mike tells him, don’t do this, but Sonny says it’s already done. He pats Mike on the shoulder.

Drew tells Sam if they’re going to work together, they’ll have to separate their personal and professional lives. Sam agrees.

Curtis says Sam caught him. Nina thought she was on a trip, but Curtis says she came back early. She threatened to call the cops, so he came clean, but said he was just looking into Peter’s background without saying who hired him. She promised to keep it to herself as long as he shares what he finds. Nina believes Sam, and says two heads are better than one. The faster they smoke out Peter, the better.

Peter asks Valentin if he thinks Robert is that close. If he is, it’s time to shut him down.

Robert meets Jason, who wants to get on with finding Henrik. Robert asks why he’s in a rush. Jason says he wants to find Henrik and neutralize him before anyone gets hurt. Robert tells him that Valentin claims he doesn’t know about the box. Jason asks if Robert believes Valentin, and Robert says, no, but he can’t do anything until they can get the box open. Jason suggests they dangle what Henrik wants in front of him – his mother.

Anna remembers Valentin agreeing with her that no child should have that monster for a father.

Sonny asks what time court is, and Diane says, now. Mike tells Sonny there must be some way around this. Diane says to let her do the talking, but Sonny says, not all. Ava says she would like to tell the judge that it was a simple breakdown in communication between her and Carly. Since she’s gotten to know Mike, she knows he’s a good guy, and would never knowingly cause harm to a child. Avery is safe and sound, and she would like the same for Mike, so he gets the care he needs to ensure something like this doesn’t happen again. Nelle tells Carly that she’s glad everything worked out. Carly walks away. Mike tells Sonny this is wrong, but Sonny says it’s not a big deal. He can’t keep Avery away from her mother indefinitely. Everything will be okay. Mike says now is the time he should stop telling himself that.

Tomorrow, Curtis needs to ask TJ a question, Nelle needs to tell Michael something, and Carly is starting to question herself.

Vanderpump Rules

Tom shaves his eyebrows. He has some last minute preparations for the TomTom progress party. Even though it’s not open, it’s still a celebration. He’s been working on cocktail recipes for ten years. We see clips of that. He says tonight, people are getting a little taste of what’s to come with TomTom.

Katie highlights her face. Schwartz talks to the dogs. We flash back to Schwartz’s early years, and Lisa telling him to grow the eff up. He says he’s ready to grow up, or at least move on to the next chapter. Katie thinks he looks hot, but should wear shoes.

Tom tells Ariana that he and Schwartz are giving Ken and Lisa a $25K check. It’s an investment in their future. He just hopes she doesn’t cash both at the same time.

Jax hasn’t heard from Brittany, even though he’s texted her a thousand times. He thinks she just needs time, because he’s a moron. He’s going to see her at the party, and he wants to know how she’s doing. She left the dogs??? I would never leave my kids with Jax.

Stassi says he’s going to try hard to get her back, but Brittany doesn’t care; she’s going to look hot and flirt with Adam. Stassi is thrilled, saying it’s about time. She’s dreamt about killing Jax. She tells Brittany if anything happens, she’ll do her best. Brittany tells her he wants to stay in the building, but she’ll move if she has to. Stassi understands up and down relationships, but this is another level. Brittany asks if Patrick is going to be there. In her interview, Stassi says she’s going to smush her feelings, and if that doesn’t work, she has Xanax. She gives Brittany the ultimate compliment – you look so skinny.

Giggy! Ken comes to Lisa’s dressing room. He tells her that he’s getting Giggy ready first, since he’s coming along. Lisa hopes Jax doesn’t come. She thinks Jax’s days at SUR might be over. He was fired from his relationship, maybe he should be fired from his job. He acted like a complete a-hole. We flash back to that. In her interview, Lisa says if someone worked for her that long and had a meltdown, she might make allowances, but it’s extraordinary how Jax gets a pass. He needs to realize his choices aren’t okay. She’s pissed, but Ken just wants to love on Giggy and dress him up. Me too.

Schwartz and Tom arrive pre-party to set up. Tom sees a grand entrance rather than a construction site. He sees a beautiful bar with amazing cocktails. He sees it all. He sees his future, and it looks freakin’ awesome. Stassi and Brittany get there first; Peter, James, and Raquel follow. Stassi can’t believe two of her best friends are opening a bar and they get to see it. The cocktails are literally smoking, and she says she loves drinks that look like witch’s brew. Ariana and Katie are next. In her interview, Katie says it’s the first step toward a Lisa Vanderpump life with swans, a moat, and a black Bentley. Ariana suggests thrones for the guys. Suddenly, the other guests are just there. Brittany says she won’t stay at the apartment if Jax is staying in the same building. Jax comes strolling in, and Brittany stares at the ceiling. Lala says he looks like a dog with its tail between its legs. She tells Brittany that it was not meant to be. She says Brittany looks amazing; like she’s ready to run sh*t. Amen, sister!

Lisa, Ken, and Giggy! arrive. Lisa asks how much the frozen shot-maker cost, and Tom says it was a bargain. It’s the only one in the US. In his interview, he explains he went to a bar show in Vegas, and thinks the machine will set them apart. Lisa tries one. Ariana says it’s like an alcoholic popsicle. Lisa is impressed, and asks if you can really get drunk on it. In her interview, she says it’s pure genius, and what she wanted. Something different.

Next, Tom has SUR bartender Wesley model the new uniform, which includes a short-sleeved shirt, tie, and vest. They’re going to indicate they’re staff with pins instead of screen printing. Lisa is pleasantly surprised. She loves that it’s innovative, and they did it on their own. She tells them to milk the praise. It’s probably the last they’re going to get. In his interview, Schwartz says he’s always been seeking approval from Lisa on some level. He’s going to emulate Ken, and maybe get a little dog.

Jax approaches Lisa. She’s surprised he came, and he says he can leave if she wants. She asks if she said that, and tells him she does want to talk to him later. He gets all weird and defensive, talking in staccato sentences. He suggests they talk now, but she tells him later. He keeps babbling, and she asks if he’s listening to what she’s saying. Not now.

Tom shows everyone around. Kristen sees PUMP from the balcony, and says they’ll be even more raging alcoholics than ever. Scheana wears a pink hard hat, and Rob marvels at the kick in the smoking drink. Jax talks to James, saying it’s better this way. He and Brittany aren’t happy, and when you’re not happy, you have to move on. James says he heard Brittany went home with a guy she met at In & Out Burger. In his interview, James says just to see Jax upset, pissed, and lonely makes him happy, since Jax tried to ruin his relationship. We flash back to Jax insisting James had cheated on Raquel. James says that’s what you get, and maybe Jax should find a chick his own age and move away. Just a thought. Jax tells Rob that Brittany wants to get married and have kids, but he doesn’t. Rob says Scheana is the same way. She talks about getting married when she just got a divorce, and he wants her to pump the brakes on social media. James joins them, and talks about what Scheana said to encourage Brittany, including that she has great boobs. Jax points out that he paid for them. I don’t even have to point out that Jax is the lowest of the lowlifes. He’s proving it for me all over the place.

Lala talks to Lisa about her showcase, saying she was in her element and totally herself. Lisa says she’s proud. Lala should have the confidence in herself that Lisa has in her. Lisa asks if Lala remembers when she used to walk away. Lala says now she’s on stage. Lisa tells Lala that she created a monster, but Lala says she created a badass.

Tom and Schwartz write the checks. Lisa asks if they’re going to bounce. They all hug. In his interview, Schwartz says writing the second check hurts so good. They’ll have to hold off on the Jet skis for a while. Ariana gives Tom a gift of a giant knife that I guess is used to open bottles, because the companion gift is a bottle of Dom Perignon. Tom pops the cork with the knife, and welcomes everyone to TomTom. Lisa says she loves all of them. She watched them grow up; some more quickly, and some not at all. She’s happy and proud to call Tom and Schwartz junior partners. She’s happy they’re moving forward. A huge moment has come to fruition.

Everyone moves on to PUMP. Stassi tells Katie that this made it real. Patrick shows up. Stassi is glad he’s there. She was afraid people would start thinking he wasn’t real. Brittany says Adam is a gentleman. In her interview, Brittany says she hasn’t been single in years, and has forgotten how to flirt. Lala says everyone thinks Brittany is hot.

Jax does shots with Scheana and Tom. Lisa tells Ken the cocktails were crazy. James asks to sit with them. Ken says he’s taking Giggy for a wee-wee, but first tells James that he’s doing a lot better, and gives him an envelope of cash. It’s some extra money for his Tuesday gig, since they did so well. Ken leaves with Giggy, and Lisa says she really feels he’s improved, and wants him back at SUR. James says he wasn’t expecting it; it’s a dream. In his interview, he’s worked very hard, and seen the difference. He’s not taking things for granted anymore. He didn’t realize how much he missed SUR until it was gone.

James tells the others – James, one; Jax, zero. For one brief, shining moment, I love James.

Adam talks to Brittany. He says she’s a good person. Jax tells Scheana he sees what she’s doing, trying to hook them up. Scheana says whatever they want to do is on them. Stassi wants to introduce Patrick to Lisa, and she’s nervous. She’s hard on their significant others. She appreciates it, but it makes her stomach swirl. Lisa says they’ve met before. Stassi didn’t think Lisa would remember. In her interview, Lisa explains she was in New York, doing radio shows. When she found out Patrick worked there, she came by and waved. Patrick says he liked watching her walk away. Being British, Lisa doesn’t even bat and eye, and thanks him for his kind words. Lisa asks if they’re good, and Patrick says, perfect. He asks if all couples aren’t perfect. Lisa is like, what? and Stassi says this is one of the reasons she loves him; they’re both incredibly dry and sarcastic. Lisa says Stassi isn’t herself, and asks if she’s sober. I’m wondering the same thing, since neither one of them are making any sense, and keep stammering. Patrick wanders off, and Stassi follows, telling Lisa that she’s going to protect her boyfriend.

Jax tells James that he loves Brittany, but when you love someone, you set them free. Jax never ceases to top himself on being the most horrible human on earth. If indeed he is human. Schwartz and Lisa talk about Tom and Ariana having a PDA session on a bench. Ariana says they’ve been through a lot, and we flash back to that. She loves that they’ve come through it to the other side, and the future is looking bright. I’m glad someone’s is.

Brittany says she let Jax control her and run her down, but it’s not happening anymore. She decides to talk to Jax, and he makes the mistake of asking her how she’s doing. She says he put her through hell. She wants to move on, and doesn’t need to see him; she’s at her limit. She says he’s wrong; wrong about how he treated her, wrong about how he ended it, and wrong about what did to her with the cheating. Jax keeps repeating, you’re right. Brittany says he’s so self-focused, and after everything she’s done for him. He gets all defensive, asking if he hasn’t done anything for her. She tells him to quit acting like he takes care of her. He’s a liar and a cheater. She’s not letting him manipulate her anymore. She pays half the rent and half the bills (which is certainly more than Jax led everyone to believe), and taken a lot of sh*t. She’s not letting him come at her. She’s fine on her own, and happy being on her own, because she deserves better. Jax says he’s been telling everyone that. She says the reason she stayed is, when she loves, she gives it her all. He says he knows; he ended it. She accuses him of being happy to say that. In his interview, he claims he was just trying to do the right thing. He gets up, telling her goodnight, and she says he’s not moving down the hall. He tells her not even Jesus Christ can stop him. She calls him disgusting, relieving me of my duty to do so.

Katie says she heard Lisa met Patrick. Lisa says it seemed awkward; Stassi is not on her game. Katie thinks Stassi is uncomfortable. In her interview, Lisa says Stassi is a bright individual, but tends to pick guys who put her down. She doesn’t want that for any woman. Katie says Stassi is tightly wound. Lisa has no interest in making her uncomfortable, but repeats that it was awkward.

Patrick asks if they should leave, but Stassi doesn’t want to leave sad. Lisa comes to their table, and says they got off on the wrong start. She says she was just playing with Patrick the way he was when he’d said he liked the view. She tells Stassi that she just wants her to find someone who loves her and treats her right. Patrick says he treats her well, and he’s right there. Lisa says she was referring to Stassi’s history, but I wonder. She says if they love each other, it’s good enough for her. Patrick says they’re good then, but she still has a great ass, and makes a few other inappropriate comments. In her interview, Lisa says not only is she old enough to be his mother, he’s saying this in front of his girlfriend who used to work for her. The only ass is the one in front of her. Agreed. He might be minus the man bun, but he’s no less an idiot. Lisa asks if Stassi is okay; she doesn’t want a misunderstanding.

When Lisa is gone, Stassi apologizes to Patrick. I’m flabbergasted, since she has no reason to. She says if he’s going to break up with her, please don’t let it be tonight. Oh no. Stassi is so much better than this. In her interview, Stassi says she loves Patrick, and wants it to work out. If he wasn’t around, it would be like a limb was gone, which she recognizes says something about her; maybe she has a screw loose. She says, sorry, and Patrick gets up. In her interview, she says he blocks her on social media and on his phone, but she still loves him and wants to be with him. She’s cray. They leave PUMP.

Schwartz tells Lisa and Ken that he’s been a little wishy-washy, and thanks them for sticking with him. They toast, and Tom says appreciation is an understatement. In his interview, Schwartz says he feels his balls starting to drop; they’re plump and robust. I’m dying laughing. Ken says he’s beginning to believe in them, and everyone clinks glasses. James tells Brittany that her eyebrows looked good when she was berating Jax. She’s got this.

Lisa tells Jax that it’s time to talk. Schwartz asks her to go easy on him. Jax sits at the table, and the first thing he does is tells Lisa she looks good. I don’t even have the words to say how much I despise him and his technique. He apologizes, saying he’s never acted that way before; his friends say he was possessed. Lisa says she’s given him chances, and he blatantly disrespected her. He says he’s sorry, and she says it’s one thing being sorry, and another acting sorry. He says he’s sorry he ruined everyone’s life. He doesn’t know what to do anymore. In her interview, Lisa says she has to be careful. Jax is a player, and could be playing her. She tells him that she’s not going down this emotional road, and dabs at her eyes. Jax asks what she wants him to do, and she says grow the eff up. In his interview, Jax says if he goes to Florida, he’ll literally be leaving everyone behind and starting over. He hurt everyone, even though he thought he was on the right path. He asks if she’s going to fire him, but she says she knows what he’d do with that – act like a victim. It will always be about him. She says he should do the decent thing. He wants someone to tell him what that is, and she says, hand in his resignation. What he should have done a while ago. He says, okay. He’s sorry he put her through hell, and doesn’t deserve working for her. Does she think this sounds as bullsh*tty as I do? Lisa tells him there’s nothing more to be said. He thanks her, and leaves.

In her interview, Lisa says she looks at all of them. Lala is growing up, Tom and Schwartz have the bar, and James is doing better. She’s emotionally involved with them. We go down Jax Memory Lane – his nose job, his next nose job, wearing a dress at Villa Rosa. Lisa says Jax is still making the same mistakes he was making six years ago. If he can’t wake up, she’ll do it for him.

James toasts to TomTom. Tom tells Jax to sit, but Jax says he has to blow. It’s not right for him to be there. In his interview, Jax says he’s worked for over seven years at SUR, but that train has come to a stop. He’s literally starting from scratch.

James tells Raquel that he loves her, and she says she’s proud of him. Lala and Brittany toast to chicks knowing what the eff they want, Lisa says SUR might be looking for a new bartender, and James says, huh? Jax walks down the road. Well, the sidewalk anyway.

Next time, the reunion – with tension so bad, even Rob can’t fix it.

😭 Here’s the really sad epilogue. Along with Shep from Southern Charm, Jax was on Watch What Happens Live tonight. He and Brittany are back together. They showed a clip from the reunion, and sadly, Jax’s father died. I don’t wish that on anyone – even Jax. But that’s still no reason. Seriously. Wtf? Shep was at least honest in saying he doesn’t make any commitments. I’ve said it before, I think Shep would make a great friend, but dating? No. Not unless you don’t want it to go any further than that. He seems like a nice guy though. Unlike Jax. Who is lower than a worm. He also didn’t take the Florida job, suddenly claiming that the only reason he considered it, was because his father lived there. Which he’d never mentioned once. That’s if there ever was a job. As Judge Marilyn Milian says, I wouldn’t believe his tongue if it came notarized.

🍹 It’s surprised me that I’m enjoying Southern Charm New Orleans. I’m quite attached to Charleston and the original group, but NOLA has a distinctly different vibe. The cast seems to actually work at jobs, although it has gotten to the point where there’s too much drinking going on. The architecture and music are enough to give it a look. And of course, little dogs.

🎡 NOLA…