What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Anna pops champagne. Maxie tells Jordan to leave her robe on. They don’t need any champagne/wardrobe malfunctions. They toast to Jordan. Anna says she’s privileged to have Jordan as a colleague, and proud to have her as a friend. She deserves every happiness.

Curtis calls Stella. He knows she said she wouldn’t be there, but he’d love if she changed her mind. He loves her; they all do. Nina joins him, and says, as best person, there are some things they need to discuss.

Monica opens a box, and asks what everyone thinks. Ned says it looks delicious. She asks, why tempt fate? They end up eating pizza every year anyway, so why not do it up proud this time? She contacted Chef Santora, and had gourmet pizza sent from his Michelin star restaurant. Olivia-Q tells Ned that Chef Santora has the same pizza oven she wanted. Monica wasn’t stressing over a dinner that was going to implode regardless. Now they can focus on the important things. The doorbell rings. Kim thanks everyone for bringing something for the soup kitchen. Ned answers the door. It’s Julian with boxes of food. He says, happy Thanksgiving, Ted. Kim comes out, and Ned tells her it was presumptuous to invite Julian. Olivia, who’s followed her, says Kim didn’t invite him. She did.

Bobbie arrives at Sonny’s. Michael tells her Carly will be late. There’s a minor crisis at the hotel. Bobbie asks about Josslyn, and Michael says he got a cryptic message that she’ll be home soon, but has to take care of something first.

Josslyn walks into Charlie’s. Oscar has his back to the door, and says, sorry, they’re closed. Josslyn says, great. They won’t be interrupted. Oscar asks what she’s doing there, and she says, asking for the truth. Is he sick?

Griff takes a selfie with Kiki, as they get ready for the wedding. She tells him, no more pictures until they get there, and he calls her a party pooper. She thanks him for making her forget how mad she is at her mom. Every time she lets Ava into her life, she does something awful like knock him over the head. Griff says, that was extreme, even for Ava. Kiki has a mind to turn her in to the cops.

At the gallery, not-Doc kisses Ava. In the doorway, Laura sees, and says, oh my God. She asked over and over why he wanted a separation. Now she knows.

Leo tells Julian that he drew a turkey for him. Julian suggests Leo show him, since he thinks Leo’s mom and Ted have things to talk about. Leo says, his name’s Ned, and Julian is like, oops, sorry.

Oscar tells Josslyn that he’s coming down with a cold, and has work to do. Josslyn tells him, stop lying. He’s sick, really sick, isn’t he? He says Cameron told her. He swore he wouldn’t say anything. She says, so it’s obviously true. He doesn’t want talk about it, and she says, just tell her. He says it’s none of her boyfriend’s business. She says Cameron isn’t her boyfriend. They faked the whole thing to make him jealous. Oscar says, it worked. Josslyn says, he still cares about her? and he says he never stopped.

Monica tells Drew that she texted Oscar, telling him that he’s welcome there if he changes his mind. Drew appreciates it, but doesn’t think Oscar will come. She says she tried to get through to him about the amino therapy, but Drew thinks Oscar wants to make his own choices. Monica wonders what happens if Oscar wins the legal right to decide treatment.

Stella arrives at the Quartermaine’s. Mike is glad to see her, but was hoping she would be a last minute cancelation. She asks what kind of greeting that is, but he says he was assuming she had another, more important, place to be.

Nina tells Curtis, always tell the truth. If the truth hurts, spruce it up, but never lie. Gifts help. But most important, never cheat. Curtis says he’s a grown man. He doesn’t need the talk. She says she’s been married a couple of times, and wants him to know what he’s getting himself into. Peter walks in, and Curtis says, back at her.

Kiki tells Griff they’d be better off if Ava was behind bars. He says, proving she drugged Sasha is harder than proving Sasha was drugged, and adds, the best revenge is a life well lived. Kiki says that’s not how her mom sees it. She’s not backing off unless they get lucky, and she finds someone else to focus on.

Laura says not-Doc was too much of a coward to tell her. Ava tries to tell Laura that they’re not having an affair, but Ava is the last person she wants to hear from. She was talking to her husband. Not-Doc says he was completely honest; their marriage is over. She says it’s bad enough that he was seeing someone behind her back, but he cheated with the person who sold out Nikolas’s memory. Does he have any idea what kind of betrayal that is? Maybe Ava can explain it to him, since she’s an expert on betrayal. Now he’s sunk to her level.

Leo wants to add a dog to his picture, and Julian tells him, every turkey needs a dog. Kim asks if they’re all set. If Oscar wins, Julian’s people grab him.

Brad and Lucas come in to Sonny’s. Brad apologizes for being late; Wiley was napping. Bobbie says Wiley is worth the wait. Lucas says, what about him? and she asks if he brought dessert. Brad sees Michael and asks what he’s doing there. Michael tells him that people usually say happy Thanksgiving, and Brad says he thought Michael would be at the Quartermaine’s. Michael says they always eat later. He asks to hold Wiley. Brad hands Wiley over, and asks where the bar is.

Ava tells Laura that not-Doc is telling the truth. Not-Doc says she wouldn’t it believe anyway, and asks if Laura is just about done here. Laura says she keeps looking in his eyes for a trace of the man she married, but she doesn’t see him at all. He’s like a stranger, and she’s probably better off. She tells Ava that she came to discuss her donation. She rips up the check, saying she doesn’t accept blood money, and storms out.

Kiki and Griff kiss, which leads to Kiki and Griff getting busy.

Anna gives Jordan a bracelet for something borrowed. She was wearing it the day they met; when she tried to arrest Jordan, who almost ruined her case. Jordan believes Anna’s words were, completely tanked her operation. Anna says, it was the beginning of a lifelong friendship. Molly has the blue; earrings that TJ gave her. They made her feel special. She says Jordan always made her feel welcome, and like a part of the family. Jordan says her son is lucky to have Molly, and she is too. Maxie has something new, but Lulu says she does too.

Ned doesn’t understand why Olivia didn’t warn him. She says she knew he’d object. He needed to see it with his own eyes, how much Julian means to Leo. Ned says he’s trying be mature about it. Olivia says no one is replacing Ned, but they owe it to Leo to be copacetic with Julian. Ned points out that Olivia is singing a different tune, but she says Julian has been a different man since he got out of prison.

Julian tells Kim that he’s been in touch with his former associates, but he needs her to think long and hard before it goes too far. Kim says she has, and she’s running out of options. If the court rules in Oscar’s favor, she’s going to need his help. Drew watches them.

Oscar says Josslyn is the first person he wanted to tell, and she asks why he didn’t. He says he saw the hell he was going to go through, and didn’t want her going through it with him. He wanted her to forget him, be happy, and move on. She asks, forget how? She loves him, and never stopped. She doesn’t care how hard it is. They’ll do what it takes to get him better. He tells her that he’s not going to get better.

Not-Doc tells Ava that he’s sorry; Laura was out of bounds. She says she’s used to being the town pariah. Her daughter blames every terrible thing that happens in the world on her. Not-Doc says she doesn’t deserve it. Ava says Laura walked in on a spur-of-the-moment kiss, and she doesn’t want it getting in the way of their reconciliation. He says they’re not reconciling, but he’s sorry he overstepped. She asks, who said he did? Whatever he felt, she felt it too. They kiss again.

Kiki tells Griff if they hurry, they can still be late for the wedding. He tells her she looks beautiful, and she says he’s very biased. Griff’s phone rings. It’s Monica, who wants to let him know the board made a decision about his suspension. Hospital policy prevents her telling him over the phone, but she left a copy at the hospital for him to sign. Kiki says they’re going to be even later, but he’s not sure he wants to know. Kiki says Monica wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t good news. He suggests she stay and get ready, and he’ll meet her at the church. He asks why they don’t get away for the holidays; someplace warm. It’s their last chance before life starts up again. She says she’d like that. They kiss some more, and she pushes him out the door.

Maxie tells Lulu that she said something old. Lulu insists Maxie told her to bring something new. Maxie asks why she would have said that when she was the one organizing things? Jordan says it’s fine. She doesn’t believe in old superstitions. Nothing is going to go wrong. Well, we all know what that means now that she said it.

TJ tells Curtis that he tried to get through to Stella, and just focus on how happy he and Jordan make each other. Curtis asks since when does TJ offer advice to his elders? TJ says he’s been in the same relationship for years. Curtis asks what his secret is, and TJ says, cherish what you have, and try not to screw it up.

Maxie comes out. Peter tells her that she looks beautiful. She blows him off, saying she has to say hi to Valerie. Nina says, he’s not leaving her unescorted, is he?

Alexis approaches Finn, and says she hopes Anna didn’t stand him up. He says, she’s the matron of honor. He thinks she’s helping Jordan. Alexis says she was just getting a dig in. He seems more dour than usual. He tells her that Curtis gave him a letter from Hayden. She wants to see him, but it’s probably not a good idea. Alexis says, probably not. He’s put that chapter behind him, right?

Josslyn asks what Oscar means. He says, according to the doctors, he has less than one year. Josslyn says, that can’t be true. His life just started. They have so many things to do together. He says that’s what he thought, but he has a malignant brain tumor; it’s inoperable. She says there must be some way to fight it. Jason had a brain tumor and survived. Oscar says there’s a drug trial that his parents want him in, and Josslyn says, good. That means there’s hope. He says he’s not doing it, and walks away.

Kim thanks Julian. Drew comes over to them, and says he heard Julian planning on kidnapping his son. Kim says it was her idea; anything he has to say, talk to her. He tells Julian to stay the hell away from Oscar, and Julian asks if Drew heard him say he was planning on taking Oscar out of the country. Kim is like, what? and Julian says he’ll leave them to it. Kim tells Drew it was her only option. Drew asks what if she gets Oscar to Brazil and he still refuses treatment. What’s her plan then?

Julian phones Lucas, and speaks with him and Brad. Lucas says he has to do some damage control, and leaves the conversation. Julian asks how Brad is holding up. Brad says he’s been doing some soul searching, and the truth is, Wiley is where he belongs. Julian asks if he’s ready to move on, raise his son, and be happy. Brad says he’s made peace with the choices he’s made, for better or worse.

Laura gets to the church. Lulu tells her that they’re about to start. She asks what’s wrong, and Laura says they’ll talk later. They go into the church.

Ava and not-Doc kiss some more. He doesn’t know what it is, but he wants to spend as much time as possible with her, and hopes she feels the same. Ava says they’re both Thanksgiving orphans. Why don’t they spend it together? He asks if she’s offering to cook, and she says, no, but she has turkey sandwiches. They can pour some potato vodka into cranberry juice and call it Thanksgiving. He’s glad he talked her out of leaving town, but she doesn’t now if she can stay. How long is Kiki going to be flaunting her relationship with Griff in her face? She would be better off if she wasn’t there, or Kiki wasn’t. Ava suggests they adjourn to her apartment. He says he’ll meet her there. He has business to take care of.

Kiki almost leaves, but goes back in for a wrap. Her word, not mine.

Sonny wants to give a pre-dinner toast. Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday, and he wants to tell them the reason why. Mike suggests food, and Sonny says that’s good, but it’s always the time they get everyone together to give thanks for their blessings, especially family. He knows they’ve had a lot of losses, but they’ve also had incredible additions. Right on cue, Wiley makes baby sounds and looks super cute. Sonny says, funny about family; you can’t always choose who’s in it, but it’s the most important thing in the whole world. They toast. Stella ponders this.

TJ goes to find Jordan. She says he means so much to her, and he says he’s glad she and Curtis found each other. They deserve to be happy. She apologizes for not being there for him all those years when she was chasing bad guys. He says her job kept them apart, but she showed him to do the right thing, no matter what the cost. She’s his hero.

Drew tells Kim that Oscar isn’t a child. They can’t make him do anything, short of restraining him. She says, if that’s what it comes to. He tells her no ethical doctor would treat him under the circumstances. Kim wonders what’s wrong with Drew; what if Oscar dies? Drew says, if he does, he doesn’t want Oscar to live his last days as a prisoner. The decisions they make about Oscar are decisions they’ll have to live the rest of their lives with. She needs to think long and hard about what she’s going to do, since she has to live with it.

Josslyn asks why Oscar wouldn’t want treatment that would cure him. He tells her it’s experimental. People have improved, but someone died. She said without it, he’ll die anyway, but he says he doesn’t want his last days being lived as a vegetable, or so sick he can’t leave his bed. She asks what the risks are against the payout. That’s how her dad figures out business deals. He says it’s not a business deal; it’s his life. She tells him that’s why they have to find out what the odds are. Based on what he’s telling her, the odds are 100% that he’ll die without it.

Monica wonders why no one has picked up the boxes that Julian donated. Ned says he thought a volunteer picked them up an hour ago. Olivia says she saw someone carrying something out of the kitchen, but Monica says all the donated food is still there. She wonders what they could have taken, and they realize – the pizza.

Oscar doesn’t think it’s right for his parents to force him into the trial. They think it’s worth the risk, but it’s not their decision. He’s not doing this for them. Josslyn says, what about her? Oscar tells her that he already said he didn’t want to risk the time he has left. She says what about the time they already lost, and he says he thought he was protecting her. She says she can’t force him, but whatever he decides, she promises she’ll be there every step of the way. He hugs her.

Kim asks Julian why he let her think he was going to help her, when he had no intention of following through. She was hoping she could count on him. She walks away.

Griff gets to the church. He sits with Laura and Lulu, asking if they’ve seen Kiki. They haven’t, and he says he thought she’d be there be now. Lulu thinks she must be running behind.

Kiki is wandering around the apartment, looking for her pashmina. Seriously?

Mike tells Stella that he doesn’t mean to pry, but the fellow they ran into… Stella says, Marcus? What about him? Mike says he had the feeling they were more than old friends. Stella says, nothing gets past him. They were serious at one time. She’s often wondered what might have been had they stayed together, but wouldn’t change the life she has now, and knows Marcus feels the same. What’s done is done. There’s no use wishing to change the past. Mike says, the trick is to make decisions now that you don’t regret later. Good luck with that.

Nina asks if Curtis is ready for this, and he says, more than anything. Finn sits with Chase. The music starts. Anna comes in first, followed by Jordan with TJ. Nice dress. Double spaghetti straps with a lace overlay, and I’m loving the tiered skirt (see end of post for a pic – I know my fashion descriptions suck). TJ brings the bride to her groom, and hugs Curtis. Jordan mouths, I love you, and the pastor begins.

There are take-out containers on the table, and Michael says that doesn’t look like Chef Santora’s work. Monica says they accidentally donated the gourmet pizza to the soup kitchen. She doesn’t think it would be a good idea to ask for it back, and Ned says it wouldn’t be good for his poll numbers. Michael says, no Quartermaine Thanksgiving ever goes as planned. Why change anything now? They sing, We Gather Together. I get teary, and feel grateful that GH has kept this tradition. Julian looks at Kim, who won’t look at him. The doorbell rings, and Drew leaves to answer it.

Josslyn comes home. She sits on the floor and cries.

Drew opens the door. It’s Oscar. Kim walks up behind Drew, and Oscar and his parents look at each other.

The pastor says, the bond of marriage is more than the union of two souls; it’s a bridge. Two families coming together as one. He says, if anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace. (Which, btw, is almost never said anymore, except for soap weddings.) They hear a door shut, and Stella walks in. Jordan looks worried.

Out in the vestibule, Griff calls Kiki. He leaves a message asking where she is. He’s getting worried. He gives one of his best worried looks.

Ava freshens her makeup at the gallery. Not worried at all.

Kiki – who should be worried– finds her pashmina, and opens the door to not-Doc.

Tomorrow, Kim tells Julian it’s her call not his, Carly tells Josslyn that she can’t make the choice for Oscar, and Stella has to speak her piece.

The Real Housewives of Orange County – The Reunion, Part One

Emily’s goal is to not threaten anyone. Kelly isn’t ready for this. Briana and Vicki FaceTime. Andy finds out Shannon hasn’t spoken to Tamra. Kelly wants an effing minute.

Shane has been blowing up Emily’s phone with what they’re going to say, and what she should say if they say that. We discover Shannon has lost thirty-two pounds, and Tamra got a lower face lift. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Vicki’s kids are worried about her going under again, and swears that’s it. They discuss Vicki’s insurance policy on Don. She figures she’ll get back the money she had to pay him in alimony.

On their trip to Mexico, Tamra, Shannon, and Vicki were the Tres Amigas, based on boobs, booze, and a broken foot. We flash back to their moments together on the trip. Andy tells us that at last year’s reunion, Vicki got to a place of forgiveness, and Vicki declares it awesome. Andy says she got a fresh. At first Tamra was all skeptical, but it got back to where they were. A viewer asks Shannon if David being out of the picture made them closer. Shannon says, not being married made it easier, and they made a pact to move forward. Andy brings up how Vicki said she never wanted to be that girl again when she was at the old lady party, referring to the younger girls. Emily says Vicki is that girl; she still parties. Gina says she was insulting, and it’s an opportunity to say she was wrong. Kelly calls her hypocritical; it’s her M.O. Vicki says she meant she doesn’t want to be single again. Her other M.O., pretending people misunderstood. Gina says he can’t help it if she doesn’t have a husband. Vicki apologizes.

Andy reads a viewer’s comment that Vicki claimed Brooks was her soulmate. They ask if Steve is her soulmate. Shannon’s opinion that they weren’t in love is brought up, but Shannon says, at the time, she had only met Steve briefly twice. She’s spent time with them since, and believes they’re in love. Emily admires their relationship. She’s met him, and she thought he was kind. Andy says Vicki was trying to keep a lid on her behavior because of Steve, and we flash back to her promising not to get naked wasted, and him telling her not to do anything she wouldn’t do in front of the grandkids. Tamra says she saw Vicki changing into someone she didn’t know, and she thought it was to make Steve happy. Andy says Steve did tell her to put a lid on it, and she did. Tamra agrees. Kelly jumps in, and they nearly get in an argument over this. Vicki tells Kelly, dial it down, and Kelly says don’t tell her what to do.

Andy says this season started with the final stop of Vicki’s apology tour, and the tour ended with an apology to Eddie. During the rest of the season, Vicki was trying to be the future Mrs. Steve. We see clips of Vicki putting the pressure on. Tamra wonders if Vicki is trying to convince herself that Steve is the one. Andy says it was sweet seeing Steve take care of Vicki after her surgery. Vicki doesn’t remember any of it, and saw it for the first time when everyone else did. She says Steve isn’t emotional like she is, so it’s interesting that she’s attracted to him, but his stability and kindness make him attractive. Andy asks when she thinks he’ll propose. She doesn’t think it will be a conventional proposal, and they’ll decide together. Andy says she kind of already has proposed to Steve, and we flash back to her asking him to marry her, and then saying, never mind, when he says, what? She repeats they’ll decide together when the time is right. Andy asks why they’re in couples therapy, and she says she doesn’t want to be divorced again. They haven’t gone yet, but she wants to make sure there are no red flags. Everything the counselor told her and Don turned out to be true, and they ended up getting a divorce. Gina wishes she had done it. Shannon says she did, and see how that worked out.

Andy asks for a show of hands on who thinks Vicki and Steve will get married. It seems to be only Shannon and Tamra, who says, season 14. Kelly thinks Steve believes marriage is just if you want to have children. He’s happy being with her, so what’s the point? Vicki says he’s been married three times. Emily thinks they’re committed to each other, and stand up for one another. Andy asks if Vicki wants to marry Steve, or just wants to get married. Vicki says she’s not in a hurry; they’re in a great place. A viewer asks if she thinks the new series Dirty John has similarities to her relationship with Brooks. Vicki says, completely. Andy explains it’s about a successful OC businesswoman who gets conned. Andy adds that Brooks is not a murderer, I assume giving away a huge plot point. Vicki says he murdered her self-esteem and pocketbook. She’s going after him for the latter. Kelly asks if he has any money to go after, and Vicki says she has a spreadsheet on him. Tamra thinks she should close that chapter, but Vicki says there’s no emotion; she just wants her money. Andy asks why Vicki fell for him, and she says he was complimentary. Kelly says he told her what she wanted to hear. Vicki says Don was a good husband, but she always felt inferior. Andy wonders if Brooks studied the show beforehand. Tamra is sure he must have. Andy asks if Vicki wishes she’d stayed with Don, and she says she wishes she hadn’t left Don for Brooks. We flash back to the reunion when Briana accused Brooks of breaking up her parents’ marriage. Vicki says she’s in a better place now, but it was five/six years of hell.

We see Gina’s introduction to the series. Andy says Matt was MIA, and Emily insists he exists; she’s met him. A viewer asks if Gina started the show knowing she was getting a divorce. Gina says she knew her marriage was in a down, but didn’t know it would end up in divorce. Shannon says her story is similar. She thought if David saw it captured on film, it would be a good thing. Gina thought so too, but Matt couldn’t film because of his job. His employer said no, and would have fired him. Obviously, they’ve seen the show. Emily wonders if he’d filmed with Gina, if they still would have divorced. We find out he comes home on the weekends, they’re not having sex, and they still haven’t told the kids. Gina says they’re afraid of having the discussion. Good Lord. Those kids are going to be in college by the time the know. Tamra asks how they’re explaining things, since it’s a small house. Gina says since Matt lives in another house when he’s working, they tell the kids that she’s working when she’s at the casita. Andy asks what the crux of the problem is. Gina says when Matt moved for his job, the relationship wasn’t enough. He’s not the kind of person who builds you up. He’s a good person and father, but not meant to be her husband. She feels bad, because no matter what happens, she respects and loves him; he’s the father of her children. She starts cry, and says they need to have a good relationship because that’s forever. Shannon says it’s hard on her kids. She doesn’t know if it’s better to go through a divorce when they’re bigger or little. Hers grew up with volatility.

Vicki’s Italian dinner is up next for discussion. Kelly says, smart people learn from their mistakes; wise people learn from others. Why? Who knows. Gina says instead of everyone telling her about their experiences, they should have gotten to know her and what her experience is. Andy brings up Vicki thinking that Gina must be divorcing because of an affair. Vicki says if sex isn’t happening in the marriage, people look elsewhere. Shannon says she had a two year dry spell, and never once thought about it. Of course, this is a bad example, since David was having an affair, which several of them point out. Gina thinks a marriage doesn’t end because of an affair, but the affair happened because there was a problem already. Andy asks about Gina not believing in God. Gina says she’s agnostic, but the kids were baptized just in case. Tamra was surprised, but says, to each their own. Emily doesn’t think morality and religion go hand-in-hand. Gina says she might get in the gates before Vicki.

Andy says Vicki and Kelly had been ride-or-die friends, but Vicki learned the cover-up was worse than the crime. We flash back to Vicki telling Kelly about her and Steve’s double-dates with Michael, and Kelly coming against Steve. Andy asks where they’re at today, and Kelly says they don’t speak. He asks how close Steve is to Michael, and Vicki says it caused problems. She doesn’t know when they last saw each other, and Michael is dating someone new. A viewer thinks when there’s a split, the friends should be able to hang out with both. Kelly says that wasn’t the issue. She was freshly divorced, and didn’t know Vicki had hooked Michael up. She heard about the double-dates from someone else. It would been fine if Vicki had told her. Vicki tells her that Michael said it was their business. Andy says it shows where her loyalty lies, and Vicki – who cannot seem to grasp what she did wrong here for anything – says Kelly was dating. Tamra doesn’t think it’s about the dating. Andy asks who thinks Vicki broke girl code, and Emily shouts in her yes vote. Shannon says Vicki should have said something, and Emily says Vicki should have told him that she and Kelly are friends, and she can’t be in that situation. Andy says even after their big fight, Vicki did it again. We see a clip from Watch What Happens Live, where Vicki said they’d gone on another double-date with Michael, but not with the same woman. Kelly says Vicki chose her side. Vicki doesn’t know if there are sides, because she loves playing the dimbulb.

Kelly says Michael has her back, and Vicki says he told her that their marriage was fourteen years of hell. Kelly wonders why Vicki is talking on his behalf. Andy asks how Vicki would have felt if it was Don, and she says she had friends who dated Don, and she didn’t care. They were divorced. Kelly says, Vicki is like a fart; silent, but deadly. Vicki says Michael told her not to share the information. Gina says it was her choice. Kelly says Vicki had no problem sharing what Shannon said in confidence on the bus. Oh snap! We flash back to that. Gina says Vicki has to take personal accountability.

Vicki says Kelly is an unkind person, and Kelly says, so is she – on the sly. Andy says Vicki claims Kelly will only date a man who has money. Kelly asks, if that’s the case, why isn’t she still with Michael? Vicki doesn’t think she loved him, which is just stupid, and Kelly says, of course she did. A viewer asks if Vicki sees a pattern with the men she dates. Kelly says she likes to have Steve do her dirty work. Why would he talk to Page Six? Vicki says he was just corroborating something. Kelly suggests she look at herself, and Vicki says she doesn’t use cocaine. Everyone is like, what? and Kelly asks if Vicki is saying that because she smoked some herb. They can do a drug test, and if she did cocaine, she would be skinny. Not necessarily, but that was really out of left field and nasty. Kelly insists Vicki is familiar with edibles, and everyone says, it’s legal. Vicki acts like she doesn’t understand what edibles are. Kelly says she’s the mother of a young kid. Vicki says she’s never with Jolie, and Gina says, Jolie was in summer camp. Vicki claims Michael said he has more time with her. Kelly gets teary, and Andy puts on his devil horns, and says Vicki just said Kelly uses cocaine and is not a good mother. Vicki tells him not to put words in her mouth. Michael said she’s not with Jolie because she travels a lot. Kelly says she has one week on, and one week off. Vicki says that’s not what Michael tells her, and Kelly says, she believes him? Andy asks if she gets why Kelly is hurt. Vicki says she’s not kind, and needs to take responsibility too. Emily says if she wants to fix things with Kelly, she can’t be friendly with Michael. She doesn’t know what’s true and what’s not, and it looks like they co-parent well. One steps up to the plate when the other has to do something. Kelly says when Michael was in Hong Kong, she never complained.

Vicki doesn’t like way Kelly treats people. If Kelly hits her, she’ll hit back. Andy wonders where they go next. Kelly says Vicki just accused her of doing drugs, and Vicki says Kelly called her fat. Kelly tries to figure out how these two things compare, and Vicki says drugs make people skinny. Kelly said she was a pig on social media. Kelly says she’s not a pig. Stunned Gina says everything they’re saying is not okay. Shannon agrees. They take a break.

Kelly and Gina head for the back. Still at their seats, Tamra tells Vicki that she can’t say that. Vicki says that’s what she heard. Emily says that doesn’t mean there’s evidence. Kelly tells Gina that it’s criminal. Vicki says Kelly went for her, so she’s going back at Kelly. Kelly gets her phone out, and tells the crew that she needs an effing minute. Vicki says Kelly can’t throw sh*t at her and not expect it back. Shannon says they did put up that tweet of Kelly saying she was a pig, but thinks they’re both being cruel.

Kelly calls Michael. She tells him that Vicki said she was a bad mom and does cocaine. Why would she say that? She told Kelly that Michael said he’d lived in fourteen years of hell with her. She said it on camera. Has he ever seen her do drugs? He says, never, and he didn’t tell them anything. She says she was always anti-drug.

Vicki says Kelly is playing the victim, and it’s ridiculous. Michael tells Kelly that they don’t even have a visitation schedule because they agree on everything. Kelly asks why Vicki is saying this, and Michael says he’s not responsible for what she says. Kelly wants to hit Vicki, like most of us at one time or another, and Michael tells her, control her temper. Gina comes in, saying Vicki can’t make up lies like this. Michael and Kelly agree, Jolie is the priority – always.

Vicki whines that Kelly called her a fart, and that’s mean. Shannon tells Vicki that she can’t say Kelly does coke unless she knows it. She’s not getting it.

Next time – the Reunion, Part Two – Shannon talks about custody now being an issue, Gina tells Emily that she shouldn’t have been talking about Shannon’s marriage, Gina doesn’t understand why everyone doesn’t just own it, and Tamra tells Shannon that her favorite words are me and I.

✈ Tonight’s offering of Vanderpump Rules: Passport Edition was basically a rehash of the group’s trip to Mexico, and the brouhaha that occurred when James mistook the words hook up for hang out in reference to Kristen. Good times…  Next week, the season premiere of VPR.

💻 I saw the first episode of Dirty John, and so far, I’m intrigued. Like a Lifetime movie with much better writing, Connie Britton plays a single mother who finds a dude through internet dating. Her daughters are creeped out by him, but can’t put their finger on what’s wrong. Although there’s a huge red flag during their first date. And he’s way too perfect. I find internet dating a little creepy to begin with, so I’m definitely in.

👰 You Too Can Have a Soap Wedding…

Or at least the dress.