What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Scotty tells Ava it was quite number. Ava says, the audience seemed to like it. Lucy says, the Nurses Ball audience is the kindest audience in the entire world, and will clap for anything, no matter how obvious and cliché. Ava says everyone is there, especially her, to serve the greater good.

Backstage, Ryan tells an unconscious Doc that he saw his darling Ava. She gave the performance of a lifetime. It was like she was singing just for him. Soon, she’ll learn the reports of his demise are premature. Doc’s demise, however, promises to be timely.

Sonny says someone stopped by the house, and had an Uber outside. Cameron tells Sonny that he helped Oscar record a message that he promised to give Josslyn before the Ball. Carly says, Oscar wants Josslyn to sing their song.

Jax finds Josslyn, and says her mother was wondering where she was. He was too, but he’d never say that. He’s too cool of a dad.

Nina swills champagne. Michael takes it she didn’t like the last number. Valentin senses something amiss, and Nina tells Michael that his little friend has quite a mouth on her.

Willow tells Shiloh, excuse me, and tries to breeze past him. He wonders what that was about a child, and she says, Nina doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Shiloh says Nina seems convinced Willow has a child. Willow should just start screaming that he’s assaulting her.

Mac asks Chase what he’s got. Chase says Curtis and Laura found where Ryan was hiding. They got no help from the owner of the house, but they called later, and Laura and Curtis came back. It was a trap. Ryan had killed the owner, and ambushed them. They were immobilized, and the place was ready to explode. Felicia asks if they’re okay, and Chase says they got out just in time, but Ryan is coming back, and has a big head start. Felicia says, he could be anywhere. Ava says they know where he’s going.

Sam tells Lucas that she’s looking for her plus one. Lucas asks how DOD is working for her, and she says she’s learning a lot. I love how she never quite lies. Lucas says, Brad is getting a lot out of it. Brad comes back with their drinks, and says, what? Lucas says, Dawn of Day. He asks Sam, remember how anxious Brad was when they got Wiley? He’s not anymore. He used to wake up in a cold sweat, terrified they were going to lose Wiley.

Michael says, Willow is a good person, but Nina says, she’s not good at minding her own business. Michael says Willow isn’t going to be teaching there anymore because of her. Nina hopes so. Valentin says Willow only has herself to blame. She has a habit of interfering. Nina says Willow doesn’t think she and Valentin are suitable parents, and apparently, Willow gave up a baby, and didn’t want anyone to know about it. Michael excuses himself, and Sasha looks puzzled. Funny how it’s Nina who can’t seem to mind her own business here.

Willow says she doesn’t answer to Nina, who’s a self-involved drama queen. Shiloh says that’s why Willow hid. That’s why she ran, and changed her name. Willow says she’s not the only woman who’s run from him. She was taking her life back. He gets in her face, putting his finger in it, and actually seems kind of scary. He tells her, don’t lie to him. She was pregnant when she left. She says, yes, she was.

Lucy says she’s so proud that their community comes together to fight HIV and AIDS. The next act is a great example; an extremely talented couple who gets out for a good cause. Ned and Olivia sing Get Closer. Obviously ned has sung before – he is Eddie Mayne – but I don’t remember Olivia ever singing, and she’s pretty good. There’s much applause, and Ned and Olivia hug. I’m wondering how they pick the songs.

Shiloh insists it’s his child, and Willow says, sure about that? She asks, how does it feel to be lied to and manipulated, and be powerless? He doesn’t deserve a child. Shiloh gets a seriously scary face on, all angry and bug-eyed, and punches the wall. He grabs Willow, and she says she lost the baby; she had a miscarriage. He grabs her face, and says he sees it on her face and in her eyes. She’d better tell him where the baby is. She says, there is no baby, and Michael grabs Shiloh from behind, tossing him across the room like the garbage he is. Michael takes off his jacket, and says if Shiloh wants Willow, he has to come through him. Wow. Michael is impressing me for the first time ever.

Valentin tells Nina not to let Miss Tait ruin her evening. Sasha says it’s incredible. Maybe next year, they can perform together. If she makes it. Nina asks why she wouldn’t, and Sasha says she means if she makes the cut. Nina says nothing would mean more to her than performing with her daughter. She apologizes for her mood. She’s not letting Miss Tait ruin the Nurses Ball for her.

Lucy approaches Josslyn, and says she made it. Nothing keeps a Jax down for long. Josslyn says she’s sorry, but she can’t sing. Lucy had said that was okay. Lucy says she did, and she’s just glad Josslyn is there. She looks absolutely beautiful. They’ll talk later. Josslyn excuses herself. Carly says she’s going to have a word with Lucy, but Jax says she might embarrass Josslyn. Cameron says it’s his fault. He thought he did the right thing, but maybe it was too much pressure. Sonny says Oscar trusted him, and he had to do it. If Josslyn doesn’t want to sing, it’s up to her.

Chase tells Ava that they have an APB out, and checkpoints set up. Hopefully, Ryan knows better than to come back to Port Charles. Valerie says they’re working on getting protection for her. Chase says, meanwhile, she needs protection now. Does she have somewhere to go after the Ball? She says she does.

Backstage, Josslyn looks at the song, and hears Oscar’s voice saying, it’s your turn now. You still have everything ahead of you. He wants her to live her life to the fullest. Starting tonight. And when she sings their song at the Nurses Ball, know that she’s singing for both of them. He loves her. She says she just can’t. Sonny touches her shoulder. She says she thought she was stronger than this. Is he disappointed in her? He says, not now; not ever. Oscar wouldn’t be. She asks how he knows, and Sonny says, because he loved her. All he’d want is for her to smile and be happy. Know how he knows? He had a friend that died a while ago, and knows tonight is about helping people, but he didn’t get the help. It was too late. Josslyn says, Stone. Sonny says it took him a long time to figure it out. Stone ever really left him. He’s always there when Sonny needs him. He inspires Sonny when times get tough. Oscar is doing the same thing for her. She just doesn’t know it yet. He hugs her.

Scotty tells Ava that her date is a no show. Ava says she has no time for this, and Scotty asks, when she came off the stage, who was there? Him. Where was Doc? Asleep in his soup. She deserves better. He walks away, and she makes a call. She says she’s the owner of the Cedar Mountain property, and asks them to have the caretaker open the place. She knows it’s late, but she’ll be more than happy to pay generously. She’s on her way.

Sam tells Lucas and Brad that sometimes she wakes up during the night to make sure the kids are there and breathing. It’s called being a parent. They’re just finding out, and there’s no one to tell you, especially if you haven’t held your own kid before.

Michael says Shiloh has pushed his family too far. If he was Shiloh, he’d leave and not come back. Shiloh says he’s not going anywhere, because he’s a father. He tells Willow that he’ll see her soon. She cries, and Michael holds her.

Lucy thanks the audience and says, depending on who you ask, the next performer is either the second, third, or fourth most infamous Cassadine, but he’s definitely the most talented. She asks them to welcome Valentin, who accompanies himself on the piano, and sings Nothing Without You (which was hella hard to find using the lyrics).

Scotty sees Ryan, and thinking he’s Doc, says they need to have a little talk. Ryan says he’s in a hurry, but Scotty says he’s not going anywhere, and grabs his arm. His hand comes off.

We are interrupted by breaking news that says, this graphic is working. I’m not kidding. That’s all it says on the screen, like, five times. Thanks for letting me know.

Scotty says, Ryan, and Ryan hits him over the head with some kind of wrench. He throws his fake hand on Scotty and tells him, never let it be said he didn’t have the upper hand. He’s about to land another blow, when he hears Lucy and Epiphany arguing. Epiphany says she’d better not blame Josslyn. She’ll answer to Josslyn’s father, mother, and stepfather, and if not them, she’ll answer to Epiphany.

Michael tells Willow that he’s having that SOB arrested, but she says he didn’t do anything. Which is totally not true, since he had his hands on her, but okay. Michael tells her to sit down, and tell him everything.

Shiloh goes back to the table, and Sam asks if he’s okay. He says he just found out, in the worst way possible, he has a child, and the woman never told him. Sam says, that’s horrible. Michael and Willow sit back down. Lucas is like, hmm… Shiloh tells Sam, she claims she lost the baby, but he knows she’s lying. His child is out there, and he’s going to find it.

Jax approaches Josslyn. She asks if Sonny told him where she was. He says, yep, and he and her mom flipped a coin to decide who would find her. He won. He’s always been lucky like that. He asks how she’s doing, and she says she feels like she’s letting everyone down. He says she’s not, and the only opinion she should care about is her own. She doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone. Follow her heart, and she’ll know what to do. She says, what if the right thing is really hard? and he says he’ll be in her corner, no matter what she does. Oscar will be too. He hugs her.

Mac asks Lulu when was the last time she talked to her mom. She asks, what’s going on?

Ava checks herself out in her compact, and walks to the exit. Ryan watches from backstage.

Chase tells Valerie, the Ball is almost over; it’s going to get dicey while everyone is leaving. Valerie says, all of his likely targets will be in one place. Shiloh blows past, and Valerie wonders what that’s about. Chase doesn’t care, as long as that sleaze is away from Willow. Olivia and Ned approach them, and Olivia says the place is crawling with cops. What’s going on? Chase says he’s gotten word Ryan Chamberlain is alive, and it’s presumed he’s on his way back.

Epiphany sees Scotty struggling to his feet. He says, his head, and she says, too much fun tonight? She’ll call him a car. She thinks he’s drunk.

Sam tells Shiloh to look at her and breathe. Let peace flow through his body. Shiloh is all bent out of shape, but says, okay, trying to calm down. She tells him give himself a minute. He just found out he’s a father, and she’s worried about him. He thanks her for her commitment to him and DOD. It means so much. She knows what it’s like to have a child taken away, and doesn’t want him to go through the same thing. He appreciates her, and says, now more than ever, he needs her to be in the Trust.

Michael sits with Willow. Everyone shoots looks at each other. Lucas tells Brad he just had a terrible thought. Willow and Shiloh.

Jax comes back without Josslyn, and tells Carly that Josslyn has something she needed to do. Lucy takes the stage, and says she’s so excited. The next performer is no stranger to the Nurses Ball. She’s excited, proud, and happy that they decided to return again. She asks the audience to give a warm welcome to Josslyn. Carly asks Sonny if he knew about this, and he says he had a feeling. Josslyn sits alone in the fog with the lyrics in her hand, and begins to sing, It’s Never Goodbye. The song is a lot better than I expected. She sees Oscar, dressed up, standing in the back of the room. She smiles and sings to him. He disappears, and so does her smile, but the song is done. They audience applauds wildly, but I’m wondering why they’re not standing, since that took a lot of guts.

Ava goes to her mountain house, and checks around. She locks the doors, and opens a metal briefcase. Looking inside, she says, come and get me Ryan.

Jax is proud of Josslyn, and hugs her. Carly says, beautiful, and hugs her. Josslyn tells Sonny he was right. Oscar was there when she needed him. On stage, Lucy says, beautiful, amazing, and heartfelt. She thanks Josslyn, saying Josslyn reminds her of why she’s so very honored to be a part of this event. The performers make them laugh and cry, and that’s what the Nurses Ball is about – great big feelings, and she hopes big money, big donations. Before the closing number, she has to thank a few people. The performers, who were absolutely amazing. The backstage crew. Without all of them, they could do nothing. They’re the unsung heroes. And a special thank you to Donna and Dale. They know why she’s thanking them. (I’m assuming those are crew members they lost this past year.) Most of all, she thanks the audience. They showed up with their pocketbooks and compassion. They want to see change, and beat HIV and AIDS, and every year they get closer. She tears up, and Mac yells, Lucy! They all applaud.

Shiloh asks Sam to come with him tonight. He wants to initiate her into the Trust. She says, now? He says, there’s a fight coming. He feels it, and needs her strength. Give him her strength. She says, okay. Let’s do it. His sly smile returns.

Willow tells Michael that she told Shiloh that she lost the baby, but he didn’t buy it. He’s going to come for his child. In the hallway, Brad wants to go, but Michael says Willow used to be with DOD. Shiloh said he had a kid, and Willow went off on them about letting Wiley near Shiloh. Brad says they’d better get home, and Michael says he knows what that means. Willow and Shiloh are Wiley’s birth parents.

Chase sends an APB out for Ava, and a unit sent to her penthouse.

Epiphany helps Scotty to a chair, and Valerie asks, what happened? Epiphany says, he overindulged, but Scotty says, that’s not what happened. Epiphany tells him that he needs to go home. He says he’s not liquored up. He was clubbed over the head by Ryan.

Mac tells Felicia that she needs police protection as well. Lucy calls for someone to open the curtains for the final performance. The curtains open, and Doc is hanging there in a straitjacket. Everyone is speechless. Lucy screams.

Ava’s phone rings, and she turns it off. She picks up the case, and puts it out of sight, next to a chair. She unlocks the patio doors, and pours a drink. Ryan walks to the door. He stands on the patio, looking in behind her.

Tomorrow, Ryan tells Ava that she has no idea how much he missed her, Laura tells Margaux a woman is dead because of her, Willow says Shiloh knows about the baby, and Jason tells Spinelli, it’s time to move.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Not getting Bethenny’s point, LuAnn says she didn’t feel what Bethenny did was a celebration, but an intervention. Bethenny says it was celebrating her life. She’s not getting it, and it’s basic math. LuAnn agrees she should have let Bethenny know she was going on later, but it was beyond her control. Bethenny tells her not to say negative things about her then. LuAnn says, it wasn’t meant to be negative. She didn’t mean hurt Bethenny. Bethenny says she was hurt. LuAnn says nobody was there, and they tell her they all were. Did this woman go to a different party? Tinsley says she didn’t even notice. In her interview, Sonja says, they’re not fans, they’re friends. Bethenny says, in the Berkshires, LuAnn referred to her as the queen bee, and said if she didn’t stay in the room Bethenny was taking, she was leaving. What has she done except support LuAnn? LuAnn says – wait for it – queen bee isn’t necessarily bad. Bethenny says, it was derogatory. Not everything is about her. I, I, I. It’s her favorite word. They all have their own lives. Everyone has their own sh*t. LuAnn admits to being upset with Dorinda, and throwing Bethenny under bus. Bethenny says, so is she sorry? LuAnn says she’s glad Bethenny came, and sorry she missed her. Bethenny wonders if that’s the apology – sorry I didn’t get to see you – and in her interview, wants to move the sorry. LuAnn says she appreciates all of them. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she understands, but feels ganged up on. New boyfriend Paul calls Bethenny, and she steps into the bedroom. Sonja says, it’s getting serious, and Tinsley asks what Marley thinks. Might as well.

In the bedroom, Bethenny tells Dorinda that LuAnn doesn’t get it. Dorinda does a funny pantomime, mimicking LuAnn. LuAnn joins them, and Bethenny says she’s done what she can to be a good friend. LuAnn says she wants a friendship she can trust, and Bethenny has been there for her. Bethenny says she wants to trust, and she’s been straight up with LuAnn. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she feels like Bethenny helping her is a get-out-of-jail-free card. She’ll always be grateful, but Bethenny is overusing the card. Okay. I guess asking for common decency in their everyday interactions is asking too much. Bethenny says she wants a baseline of respect. LuAnn’s little digs add up. LuAnn says she was upset, and apologizes. In Dorinda’s interview, she doesn’t think LuAnn has never thought she had to apologize for anything, including her arrest. She doesn’t like to be held accountable. LuAnn says Bethenny was there for her in a big way, and she missed her not being there at that moment. It’s not easy for her. In the kitchen, Sonja imitates LuAnn. LuAnn says being there, and not drinking; she’s on her own a lot. She made the comment out of spite, and she shouldn’t have. They hug. In her interview, Bethenny checks it off. She says, it’s like junk food; not satisfying, just cheap. It was a cheap apology. LuAnn asks about Bethenny’s new boyfriend, and Bethenny says she’s trying to be relaxed about it. In Bethenny’s interview, she says they’re dating, it’s evolving, and she’s happy, but she still loves, misses, and is mourning Dennis. She tells LuAnn that she wants her to stay sober and healthy.

Bethenny, Tinsley, and Dorinda head to the hotel. Barbara asks LuAnn how she’s doing, and LuAnn says, that was rough. She’s trying to chill. In the car, Bethenny says, that was cathartic. She wanted to be kind, and not attack. At LuAnn’s, Barbara says Bethenny was aggressive. LuAnn noticed that Barbara wasn’t chiming in, and let her sink or swim. In her interview, Barbara says she felt like LuAnn’s soldier for a long time. She’s done. LuAnn is on her own. She’s done all she can. LuAnn thinks Sonja stirs the pot. Sonja comes in, saying she’s exhausted. LuAnn tells her that she didn’t do anything but gossip. In Sonja’s interview, she says she has LuAnn’s best interests at heart, and if she’s a pot stirrer, give her the spoon. She needs to hear it. She tells LuAnn that they didn’t feel she was gracious.

Dorinda, Tinsley, and Bethenny get to the hotel. They deem the rooms adorable. Tinsley says she finds upstate boring, and wants to drink. Out of respect for LuAnn, she’d rather get bombed at the hotel.

Ramona arrives at the hotel. She brought centerpieces from her birthday luncheon for LuAnn. In her interview, Dorinda says she was too cheap to get flowers, and she didn’t invite them. She’s rubbing it in.

Sonja says she cleans up good, as she makes her hair messy. Dorinda says Bethenny will say Sonja has her sh*t together. Sonja says, after a glass of rosé, she feels adventurous. Everyone gets ready for dinner. Ramona has also brought a cake along, and Bethenny tells Sonja, Ramona takes the cake. No pun intended. Yes, pun intended.

They go to the restaurant where Ramona hosted her mother’s funeral lunch. She says it used to be a church. She points out various landmarks; it’s the town where she grew up. Her childhood home is five miles from there. She can’t remember the last time she was there; it might have been her mother’s funeral. Sonja say she hasn’t been there in ten years, but everything’s the same.

Ramona gives the restaurant hostess the cake, as well as the candles for it. They’re seated at the same table Ramona used to sit at with her family, and she’s freaking out a little. Bethenny asks if she wants to sit somewhere else, but she says, no. In her interview, she says, how strange is that? There’s only one table for six. She tells the others that she didn’t go to her father’s funeral. Her brother had him cremated, against her wishes, because he wanted to save money. Everyone is bummed. Ramona says she would have paid for it. In Ramona’s interview, she says she was left outside, so there’s a lot of darkness on the inside. Her father was abusive to her mother, and it was a horrible situation. Dorinda asks if she wants to go by the house, and Ramona says, no, very quickly. She says her father left all her money to Ramona’s sister and brother, as well as the house. The will actually said to his daughter, Ramona, he bequeathed nothing. Everyone freaks a little. In her interview, Ramona says she was broken. She was already upset. When he died, they’d reconciled, and to see it in writing was awful. Not that I don’t feel for her, but I’m surprised they don’t know it’s standard to write it in the will specifically, so there won’t be any question that it might have been overlooked. It’s always done that way, and maybe her dad didn’t think she needed anything, or never rewrote the will after they’d reconciled. She says her brother died three years ago. He hit a tree with his truck, and had a heart attack. Geez. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she didn’t know all that. Ramona has never presented it that way. She’s just used it as an excuse. We flash back to a reunion where she does exactly that. They order food and drinks.

In the car, Sonja says she wants to kill Ramona. LuAnn says she’ll be seeing Ramona tonight. In her interview, Sonja says there was no reason for her not to be invited to Ramona’s birthday luncheon. She’s in the bathroom when Ramona takes a sh*t. There’s no reason for her to be excluded from anything. Yeah, I’d say that’s pretty close, but also TMI. You’re welcome.

Bethenny doesn’t want to go all the way back to where LuAnn lives to see an eighty-year-old cabaret person perform. My jury’s out. It depends. Bethenny toasts to getting rid of bad memories, and making good ones there.

The other ladies join them. Dorinda says Sonja’s messy hairdo looks like she put her finger in an electrical socket. Bethenny is jealous. In Dorinda’s interview, she says Sonja looks like a cartoon. LuAnn gets right to it, and asks how Ramona’s birthday lunch was. They saw her Instagram. Ramona say she brought LuAnn the flowers for her home. Sonja says she’s friends with the hostess, and she wasn’t invited. Ramona stammers for a millisecond, and says she didn’t make the list. We see the clip again where Lucia asks Ramona if she can invite Sonja, and Ramona says no. Ramona says she’s having another party for thirty that will be more fun. Does Sonja want to come? Sonja says she wants to ramonacize it right away. In Ramona’s interview, she says she’s shocked at how much flack she’s getting. She has a lot of parties, and invites them, but she didn’t organize this one. Sonja says now the issue has been settled. Ramona says Rhinebeck is special, and Kingston is depressed. LuAnn says it’s happening, and Ramona tells her not to be delusional. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she has manners. She agrees the town sucks, but wouldn’t say it to LuAnn’s face. LuAnn says she wants to chill and relax. Dorinda says, she wants a blank canvas. Dorinda asks if it would upset LuAnn if they didn’t go tonight. Sonja says they can drink martinis there, and dance on the tables. Bethenny doesn’t want to argue. LuAnn says a friend of hers organized it. Bethenny says she doesn’t want to hurt the performer’s feelings. In Bethenny’s interview, she says, she’s starting a support group. It’s okay not to love cabaret. She’d rather relax at LuAnn’s house. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she put effort into this evening. It’s disappointing that they don’t want to come.

The birthday cake comes out, and they sing. Ramona and Bethenny blow out the candles, and make a wish. LuAnn hates to break this up, but hustles her group out.

Ramona, Dorinda, and Bethenny sit at the bar. Ramona says, everything came rushing back. This was her mother’s favorite restaurant. When she died, she wanted to have lunch there, but her father didn’t want to pay for it. Bethenny asks if they were still married, and Ramona says they were. Dorinda thinks it’s weird, and Ramona says her father’s mother beat the sh*t out of him, and that’s why he abused her mother. In her interview, Bethenny says, Ramona has never spoken about her past that way. Woman to woman; what she’s been through. It’s nice to hear she’s not using her past as an excuse for her present behavior.

the others go to the Crown Bar, where the cabaret act is, and also where the local gay bar is. In her interview, Tinsley says, only LuAnn can find a bar full of queens in the middle of nowhere. Did she fly them in? LuAnn say she met John while she was shopping to find furniture for the house, and he owned a fabulous bar with cabaret performers. Margarita comes out. She and LuAnn air kiss.

Bethenny tells Ramona, the name of the restaurant, Terrapin, means turtle. We flash back to turtle time, and Ramona gets the chills.

Barbara wonders who the guy with the hair is, and we see a youngish, dude with lots of hair. More on his head than facial, smiling at them. Sonja can’t believe she’s found the only straight guy, but that doesn’t mean she has to hit it. She tells Barbara not to cross the finish line before the race begins. Tinsley says, who are you people? Dude says hi, and Barbara asks if he’s saying hi to her or Sonja. He says her. Sonja thinks he should be left to LuAnn, who says she’s fine.

Ramona tells Bethenny and Dorinda that she had no love for her father. There was screaming and yelling, and as kids, they would hide under the covers. Bethenny says her mother weighed less than she does, and her father beat her. She would call the cops. In Ramona’s interview, she says she and Bethenny have both been through something similar that the average person wouldn’t understand.

There are no words to describe Margarita. Colorful just doesn’t cut it. She introduces herself, saying she’s from Cuba, and LuAnn got her the gig. She does an exceptionally weird version of Money Can’t Buy You Class, accompanying herself on the keyboard. In Sonja’s interview, she says LuAnn is preparing for her future; her retirement years. She can take over where Margarita leaves off. I can actually see that.

Bethenny tells Dorinda and Ramona that her mother complained that she gave up her whole life for Bethenny, and she was taken to nightclubs at fourteen. Dorinda says shame on her mother. That’s a disgrace. Bethenny says they’re all single mothers of an only daughter. She and Ramona are trying not to make the same mistakes their mothers made. Dorinda gets emotional because she didn’t know. Ramona says she and Bethenny are more alike than she thinks. Bethenny says they broke the chain. In her interview, Ramona says it hurts them both to open up, but Bethenny is more approachable, and they have a stronger connection. Ramona says Bethenny is a beautiful person.

Sonja and LuAnn get up and sing with Margarita. Because she only knows one song, and just one line from that song. Tinsley says it’s the best rendition of Money Can’t Buy You Class that she’s ever heard. In her interview, she says, sometimes being nice is not a good thing. She wishes she’d stayed with the other girls. Sonja dances with a guy and says, you’re gay, right? He says, that’s right, and she says, just making sure.

The next morning, Bethenny says her nightguard feels like cement in her mouth. Dorinda does an imitation of LuAnn. Tinsley come by, and Bethenny addresses her as Miss America. Bethenny says, the day after drinking, she feels like she was gang banged in a taxi in Times Square, and Tinsley looks like she’s ready to teach etiquette class. Tinsley imitates Margarita, and says, it’s next level crazytown. Bethenny asks if she smells a Grammy, and she says she does.

Barbara tells LuAnn and Sonja about the guy she met at the bar. We see a clip, and find out he’s a twin, and renovating his house. He tells Barbara that they have a connection, and Barbara says they can build stuff together. Sonja says Barbara looks mussed and fussed. Barbara says she wondered what LuAnn was thinking when she first said she was moving upstate, and now she feels a real need to get out of New York a little and spread her wings. LuAnn says there’s a whole universe out there. Sonja says, welcome to the Lu zone.

Bethenny, Tinsley, and Dorinda arrive. Barbara tells them about making out with the dude at the bar. Ramona gives LuAnn a gift box. Barbara says dude is renovating his house in Woodstock. LuAnn says they had a great time dancing, and Margarita learned to sing Money Can’t Buy You Class, which is debatable.  In her interview, Dorinda says she grew up in towns like this, and there are no great cabaret singers to woo them at eleven at night. Barbara has to get going. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she’s bummed that Barbara is the first one to leave. The others will be going in a few hours, and then she can chill.

Sonja says Ramona is acting nicer about the town today than last night, when she said it was a poor neighborhood. LuAnn opens Ramona’s gift of the candle holders. Sonja says, it’s one of those, I love it, but what is it? gifts. In her interview, Sonja says Ramona lights a stick of dynamite, then gifts. Bethenny tells them about the turtle revelation, and says they had an emotional sharing; a trust circle of single moms with one daughter. Dorinda says it was fascinating. Bethenny asks if she was a whiner, but Ramona says she opened up more.

It’s time to go. Dorinda has to regroup for a black tie event tonight. She tells Ramona not to give her attitude. Ramona says she’s not, but Dorinda says she made a face. Ramona tells her, don’t get defensive, and LuAnn says she saw it. Ramona says Dorinda said she was leaving by twelve, so don’t be surprised when she reacts. It’s like at the charity auction when Dorinda yelled at her. Dorinda says Ramona yelled back, and we revisit that embarrassment. In her interview, Ramona says she always make faces. If her friends got mad every time she made a face, she’d have no friends. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she gets an overall feeling from Ramona, and it builds up. It’s not specific, but it doesn’t make her feel warm inside. Tinsley tells Ramona that Dorinda is still upset about the charity event, but Sonja says Dorinda interrupted Ramona. Dorinda says she didn’t, and Ramona says Dorinda is the one who should apologize. Dorinda says Ramona wants to talk all the time, and imitates Ramona asking her to go to the Angel Ball, and telling her not to invite John. Ramona insists she told Dorinda to bring John, which is a new one. They flash back to Ramona switching place cards, like it isn’t already burned in our brains. No wonder Dorinda is still mad. She has to relive it every five minutes. Dorinda says Ramona is rude, and she ended up sitting at a table by herself. LuAnn says, that’s a big party to sit by yourself. Dorinda says, if Ramona doesn’t like it, too bad. Ramona says Dorinda wouldn’t let her speak, and Dorinda says, get stronger then. They do a no, you thing for a while. Ramona says Dorinda’s speech was fabulous, and Dorinda says, then what’s the problem? Ramona says, Sonja brought it up, and Dorinda says Sonja is starting trouble.

LuAnn says they always do this. Bethenny tells them, Dennis said, it changes so fast. Two of them are fighting when it started somewhere else.

Next time, Sonja says she doesn’t want to see LuAnn fail, a Miami trip, Ramona makes out with Harry, and Sonja tells LuAnn to STFU.

Southern Charm

Eliza was either bragging or complaining about being from a Charleston family, and said she comes from a mess. After her father’s baby mama drama, they were blocked from the social scene. She didn’t even get a debut, which I suppose is pretty devastating if that’s your thing. Cameron suggested she become more socially aware. She came on too strong, and didn’t know when to shut up. Kathryn has been burned, and didn’t have an easy life. Clueless Eliza told Cameran none of them had easy lives. Really??? Kathryn moved into a new house because she’s going to go for full custody after Thomas’s legal troubles. The rent is $6600 a month, so she must be doing well. Not to mention the place is gorgeous. She said it took her six years to be accepted by society, aka Patricia. Austen said Madison made him feel some type of way, and they’re exclusive. Kathryn thought their fighting was reminiscent of her and Thomas. Austen said she made him happy, and that’s all people should care about. Apparently, Naomie brings Gizmo to work. He is very cute. She started a women’s e-commerce apparel site, and it’s doing well. Her parents took tiny ideas and turned them into something special, and she wants to follow their lead. Her father taught her that no matter how successful something is, or how well it’s doing, you still go to work every day. Good creed. She also has a new boyfriend named Metul.

Craig now has an assistant, Anna. He needs someone to nag him who isn’t his girlfriend. She has her work cut out for her, since he doesn’t remember ordering a 55-gallon drum of beef jerky from Jack’s Links, or what a W-9 is. He thought over his position with Patricia while he was in the Bahamas, but can’t accept orders until he figures out how to make pillows faster. Because he’s never heard of outsourcing to a manufacturer either I guess. Shep and Danni discussed Austen and Madison. Danni couldn’t believe they’re still together, but Shep said, sometimes good guys have threesomes. Danni has a new main squeeze, Gentry, and Shep is kind of seeing this girl. He’s conflicted though, since he likes being by himself. Danni said he was a coward who’s afraid to be vulnerable.

Chelsea got a fixer-upper, and did most of the work herself. She also has a new boyfriend, Nick, a professional sailor who drives a truck. She’s happy. Cameran, Naomie, and Danni went to lunch. They discussed Kathryn’s rent being too damn high. Cameran wanted Kathryn to invest her money rather than throwing it away on rent. She told the others about Ashley getting an award for being an outstanding nurse, and they looked at a video of her making a speech, since no one believed it. Cameran said if she was getting an award for altruism, she couldn’t be 100% bad, but Danni said she was 100% evil. Cameran thought maybe if they’d met her pre-Thomas, it might have been different, but Danni and Naomie were like, no. Just no. Cameran said she might text her, and congratulate her. Naomie told her not to do them like that, and she said she was kidding. I want to get to the part where Ashley gets kicked out of some party. They made it seem like it was earlier in the season.

Chelsea had a housewarming party. While setting up, she wanted to plastic wrap pretty much everything, and have a designated area for Shep to sit. We saw some before and after pictures, and her work is quite impressive. Cameran didn’t think she should let anyone upstairs if they’d been drinking, and Chelsea said she didn’t want to let anyone in the front door. Their tequila faces looked like mine, and I wondered again why on earth anyone drinks that stuff. Austen was embarrassed that he’d gotten hit with costs, and had to put his beer business on the back burner. Shep got dumped before the party, and Whitney’s flight was delayed, so he couldn’t make it. They played several drinking games, one of which I think they were making up as they went along. Shep went on a bike ride, lost his girlfriend when her bike ran into a ditch, and found her at the wrong house. That wasn’t why she dumped him though. She’d seen Instagram pictures of him with girls on a couch. Even though he went to bed alone, Instagram got him again.

Kathryn got together with the girls, an asked for the gossip. Cameran said Kathryn and Whitney had a rendezvous in LA. In her interview, Kathryn said, the first time they hooked up, she was intimidated and didn’t tell anyone, but he ended up telling everyone. She was idiotically in love with Thomas, and he outed her. Now, she doesn’t give a sh*t. Cameran asked what it was like, and Kathryn said, it wasn’t bad. It made Naomie wonder if Craig was right that Whitney had been jealous way back when.

Austen and Craig met Whitney for lunch. Craig asked the status of Austen’s company. He said the beer wasn’t there to drink. Whitney asked what he missed at Chelsea’s party. Austen asked if he was dating anyone, since he and Kathryn were close. Whitney told Austen, eff you, and said Austen had no downtime between girlfriends. He didn’t get what was going on with Madison. Once it was done, it was done, but Austen said, not true. They discussed who Debbie was and why she was a downer.

Cameran has the cutest little dog, Elvis, who joined her and Shep while they checked the crab trap at Cameran’s place. Shep asked if she was giving him crabs, and she was surprised he didn’t have them already. That makes two of us. There was only one in the trap, and Shep insisted on putting his hand in to get it out. No surprise, the crab didn’t take kindly to being in the trap in the first place, and showed his displeasure by pinching Shep good. He let the crab go because he showed gumption. The crab reminded him of him; defiant and brave.

Shep said he almost fell out of his chair when he heard Whitney and Kathryn had hooked up. Cameran said Whitney was like a dog with a bone. She doesn’t think they’d have gotten together if Kathryn wasn’t friends with Patricia now. Shep said, mother approves. Cameran said that’s one way Patricia could get the grandchild she wants. Shep thought it would be perverse and wonderful, but the universe was not that good to them. Shep told Cameran that Madison had asked what his problem was with her. Cameran wondered how Madison’s infidelity was any different than Austen’s, and Shep reiterated his theory that it’s worse to have revenge sex; that person is more culpable. Cameran didn’t think he’d say that if the roles were reversed, but he swore he would. Everybody in town knew, and Austen looked like a clown.

Next time, Shep and Danni tells Austen that Madison tried to hit on Gentry, and Shep makes Austen call her on it.

😘 I love this show. It gives me an equal balance of humor and scandal, and/or hair-pulling. While I’ve dropped a few Housewives from my radar, and others are coming close, I look forward to Southern Charm. It lives up to its name.

😧 I saw the first crossover episode of Summer House and Vanderpump Rules, where Stassi, Beau, Katie, and Schwartz hung out in the Hamptons. Katie discussing Kyle’s love life with him was just weird.

😢 Sad TV News…

Even sadder than I still haven’t seen any of this season, is that Star has been canceled. Along with Queen Latifah’s hair.

https://pagesix.com/2019/05/20/lee-daniels-treats-star-cast-to-skating-party-after-cancellation/

😮 No Words…

Enjoy some Margarita.