What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Nothing new on ABC, and nothing new anywhere else since the episode I posted yesterday. Today, ABC had another rerun, instead of the promised airing of said episode. How much longer will this circus continue? At least we found out what happened after the shootout(s).

The Haves and The Have Nots

Candace goes back to club looking for Mitch, but a guy says not there and she should go. She asks, why the hostility? and he says they have a certain type of clientele. They might give her a hard time. She says, because she’s Black, but he says, it’s a family establishment. She says, right, and asks if he knows where Mitch is. He says he doesn’t, and she asks if he can call. He says it’s the least he can do, and tells her, don’t be offended. She says she knows his family is racist; she gets it just. He calls, but gets no answer. He tells her that he knows what she did for the family, bringing War to them. It goes a long way, and she’s welcome there any time. If she’s got problems, he’s got solutions. He adds that she’s beautiful, and his phone rings. It’s Mitch, who wants him to come to the Lazy V; they need muscle. The guy tells Candace, and says Mitch told him to bring her. Muscle is code for a man in trouble. They have to move. He walks out with Candace and a few other guys.

There’s a knock at Veronica’s door. It’s Derrick, who gives her a paper. It’s the name of her thug’s girlfriend; she just got arrested for aggravated assault. Veronica says, Quita Maxwell. She knows that rat. Derrick says he bets she knows a lot of rats, and she says she’s looking at one. He asks if Veronica can get her out or not, and she says she can get anyone out. He says, then do it. If she does, her thug won’t testify against her. She says Derrick is worried about her dragging him into it, but he says he didn’t do anything. She says she’s got cameras that say differently. He came to her house and threatened her. Derrick says she wouldn’t dare, but she says she’s known to do a few things. He says she’s going to get what’s coming to her, and it’s going to come hard and quick. She asks if he’s on for it, and he says he wouldn’t touch her to save his life. She says she’ll remember that, and he says he will too. He leaves, and she says she’s got to go get dressed to do hood-rat sh*t.

David and Jeffrey find Madison at the hospital. David asks where Jim is, and Madison says, in surgery. David asks how Jim is doing, and Madison thinks he’s okay, but tells David, the doctor will know more. They can find him in the OR. David tells Jeffrey to stay, and Madison asks if it’s been a long night. Jeffrey says he has no idea, and Madison says Jeffrey looks stressed. Jeffrey says he just wants the night over; he’s all over place. His mother sent thugs to come after him and his dad. Madison asks Jeffrey to come with him, and they go into another room.

Charles greets Senator Connelly West, and asks if he wants a drink. Connolly says he’s on the wagon. He doesn’t have a problem, but his wife Margaret is after him to lose a few pounds. However, he’ll have just one. Charles promises not to tell. He asks how Margaret is, and Connelly says she’s in Martha’s Vineyard. Charles says when she’s spending time there, it means they’re not doing well, but Connelly says they’ve been married 25 years; they’re always doing fine. He toasts to the President Elect, and asks if Charles is ready for the White House. Charles asks if anyone has ever been ready, and Connelly says he’s been through six administrations. Here’s to lucky seven. They clink glasses, and Charles asks, what brings Connelly by? Connelly says he just wanted to check on Charles, but Charles doesn’t buy it, and asks if it has anything to do with talking to a certain Senator about being Secretary of State. Connelly says he came to talk to Charles about the young lady. All he has to say is, that was close. It could have cost Charles everything. Charles says he’s aware, and Connelly says, the whispers on the Senate floor could be shouts. Charles says, it’s under control, and asks if Connelly wants to join him for a late dinner. Connelly says, it would be nice to catch up.

Benny wakes up tied up in a basement, and wonders where he is. He starts yelling for help. A guy sits in front of him and takes out a gun. He tells Benny that nobody can hear him. Benny asks, what’s going on? and the guy says Benny’s sister owes Jim money. Benny says he has nothing to do with that; let him out. The guy says, as soon as Jim gets his money back. He says Benny is the only thing Candace cares about, and suggests Benny give her a call. Benny says, the dude is dead; there ain’t no Jim. Doesn’t he watch TV? Three people were shot at the house. The guy says then he did all this for nothing, and Benny says, let him out. The guy says he’ll find out if Jim is dead or not, and goes back upstairs. Benny yells after him.

Jim lies on an operating table, and the nurse says, it doesn’t look good. His blood pressure is dropping. The doctor uses the defibrillator on Jim five or six times, and yells, come on, Jim! Dammit!

Celine sees David, and asks how Jim is, but David says he doesn’t know. He asks what Celine is doing there, and she says she works there; she just got off. Does he know anything? Does he know who shot Jim? Just tell her. He says he’s trying to find out, and she says she has to do something. Jim stopped paying child support; it was probably David’s idea. She knows how they work. David says he doesn’t know why Jim does a lot of things, and Celine says Jim lives in a mansion, while she’s struggling with his two sons. He’s a son of a bitch. She asks who shot him, but David insists he doesn’t know. It’s a very tragic time. He tells her, just go home; he’ll give her a call. She says he knows who did it, and he says, they’re saying it’s Wyatt. She laughs, and says, the one son Jim has given everything too. David says, it’s not funny, and she says, it’s poetic though. He’s sure she’s tired, and she says he doesn’t know anything about her. She is tired. She’s tired of Jim and the situation. He says it’s not the appropriate place, but she thinks it’s more than appropriate. He says he’ll call her, but she says she doesn’t trust him. She’s staying. I don’t know if it’s significant, but David’s back is obviously still hurting him, and Celine takes notice.

In an examining room, Madison hands Jeffrey some pills in a cup and water. Jeffrey asks if Madison is supposed to give it to him, and Madison says it’s his; just take it. It will help with his anxiety. Jeffrey takes the medication, and asks how Madison is. He sees Madison is working the graveyard shift. Madison says when he came back after working for Jeffrey’s dad, that’s what was available. Jeffrey says he feels like he’s the cause of a lot of people’s drama. Madison asks if Jeffrey is doing that now; feeling sorry for himself. He has a lot to be thankful for. Jeffrey thanks Madison for counting his blessings for him. He has a hard time doing that. He suddenly says, wow. He’s feeling relaxed. Madison tells him not to drink any alcohol. Geez, that’s fast-acting medication. Jeffrey asks if Madison can get him some more, and Madison says, on a needed basis. Jeffrey says he’s going to leave before his stalker sees him, but Madison says Justin checked out, and stalker is putting it lightly. Jeffrey says, call him crazy for letting it happen, but it’s over. Madison asks if it’s over for Jeffrey. He likes the drama. Jeffrey says he was trying to help, but Madison tells him, no normal guy would take that chance. He loves the drama. Jeffrey says Madison is killing his buzz, and Madison says he’ll let it go.

A guard leads Kathryn to a cell. She says she needs to check on her husband, but he says there’s nothing he can do. He stops at an open cell door, and she asks, what’s going on? Is she supposed to just sit there? Where’s the bathroom? He says, in the corner, and she says, in the open? looking at the lone toilet. She says she’s not going there, and he asks where she thinks she is. She says, it’s who she knows she is, and he tells her, get in the cell or he’ll put her in there. She says she’d like to see him try it, and he calls for some help. A female guard joins him, and asks if Kathryn wants to make this difficult. Kathryn says, her whole life has been difficult, and the guard says, sure. Her life in the mansion. She says Kathryn is being belligerent, but Kathryn says she’s protesting. She refuses to be put in a cage with an open bathroom. It’s inhumane. The female guard asks if she knows where she is, and Kathryn says the other one already asked. She wants another cell. They grab her, and she struggles, getting tased for her trouble. Kathryn says the guard shocked her, and he says he’ll do it again. Get up, and get in the cell. What’s really weird is, not one other prisoner reacts in any way, which is unrealistic. I’m surprised. Victoria comes toward them, and laughs. She says, that’s hysterical. The guard tells her, stay back, but she says she’s there for a client. Kathryn asks if Veronica it there to see her, but Veronica says she doesn’t know Kathryn. But if Veronica was her, she’d get up and get in the cell. Kathryn says, go to hell, but gets in the cell. Veronica says she’s looking for Quita Maxwell, and the guards leave.

She asks why Kathryn is there, and Kathryn says, for what Veronica did; shooting Jennifer. Veronica says, everyone knows it wasn’t her. Kathryn went for the chest; she would have gone for the face. Kathryn says, leave her alone, and Veronica says, if she does, she can’t help. Kathryn says, George had her arrested, and Wyatt shot at her. Veronica says she told Kathryn to get that boy in line, and Kathryn asks if Jeffrey is under control. She’s forgetting about Jeffrey knifing her. She’s not mother of the year. Veronica hopes Jim is doing as well as Kathryn is; sorry not sorry. Kathryn asks if Veronica is going to help her or not, and Veronica says, she’ll think about it… No. She doesn’t like Kathryn anymore, so no. Kathryn says Veronica needs her, but Veronica says she doesn’t. Kathryn is a goner. She’s in there now, and Veronica could testify against her. Kathryn says she’s Veronica’s client; she can’t. Veronica says, watch her. If she feels like her life is threatened, she’ll throw herself on the mercy of the court, telling them she feels her life is in danger. Kathryn says, you know how much I have on you, bitch, and Veronica says, you know how smart I am, bitch. Kathryn says, go to hell, and Veronica says it looks like Kathryn is already there. Enjoy her stay. Too bad there’s no hair stylist. She tells Kathryn, see her around, and walks away, laughing. Kathryn says, at least it’s her hair; not a wig, or weave, or some mop from the sink.

At dinner, Connelly tells Charles, he’s no longer a private citizen, and Charles asks if he wants to talk about becoming Secretary of State. Connelly says he was just checking on Charles, but Charles says, cut the crap. Connelly says, he’s known Charles since he was Charles’s age, and knows him well. Charles says he’s kept a lot of secrets, and Connelly tells him, the Candace thing was wrong. Charles has spent his life doing the right thing. Charles says, trying to, but Connelly says Charles is a good guy. He tries to be badass, but he’s a good guy. Charles asks if he’s going somewhere with this, and Connelly asks if Charles remembers a Deborah somebody or other. Charles says, the one whose married to…? and Connelly says, don’t say the name. Has Charles ever seen their middle child? Charles says he hasn’t paid much attention, and Connelly shows Charles his phone. Charles says, cute kid, and Connelly says, thank you. That’s his son. No one knows, and the only reason he’s telling Charles is because politics, the life with a spotlight up your ass, is extremely stressful. You need a safe place to lay your head. Charles says he’s aware of that, and Connelly says he’s telling Charles because he loves Deborah and she loves him. The secret of their relationship working is that it remains a secret. They trust each other. It brings excitement into his life again, and he doesn’t think he could go on with the job if didn’t have those times. She gives him that, and Charles deserves that. Charles asks if Connelly is saying he should have a baby with his mistress, and Connelly says, have fun. He deserves it. Don’t let this prison kill him. it’s not what he does that matters as much as how he does it. Charles asks if Connelly is saying he should see Candace, but Connelly says, hell no. That’s the last thing he’s saying. That girl is trouble. Charles needs to get in bed with people who have as much to lose as he does. Charles wonders if Connelly is suggesting a Prime Minster or President, but Connelly says, no. Has he seen some of them? For the position Charles is in, he’s looking too low.

At the Lazy V, Mitch tells the manager he’s going to ask one more time; where is he? The manager says they’re closing, and Mitch says, she knows, moving toward the stripper who gave Benny a lap dance. The manager blocks him, but he says he’s not leaving until someone tells him where Benny is. The manager says he has two guys over there who will take Mitch out, but Mitch says he’ll have his grandmother all over there. The manager starts laughing until Mitch says, Rose Malone. Where’s his boy at? The manager insists he doesn’t know. Candace and Mitch’s guys come in, and Mitch says, these clowns took Benny somewhere. This broad took Benny into the back room, and now he’s gone. Candace asks the stripper where her brother is, but she says she doesn’t know what Candace is talking about. Candace says she’s trying to turn over a new leaf. Where is he? The stripper repeats that she doesn’t know, and Candace punches her in the face. Mitch tells everyone, don’t move, and the girl punches back. Candace is all over her immediately, fighting dirty and punching the crap out of her. Candace breaks a bottle, and puts it at the girl’s throat, asking, where’s her brother? The stripper says some guys came in and gave her $1000 to take him in the back. Candace asks who they were, but the girl says she doesn’t know. The manager confirms that she doesn’t. He doesn’t know them either. All he knows is, they drove a green truck. He has their license plate on video. Mitch tells him to get it, and don’t make them come back. Candace tells Mitch that she hates it when a bitch hits back. Mitch’s main guy says he likes her; she’s impressive. He couldn’t do that.

Hanna tries calling Benny, but gets voicemail. She leaves a message that she’s been calling all night, and to please call. As soon as she hangs up, her phone rings, and she says, Benny? It’s Marty, and Hanna says she was calling him for Kathryn. He asks, what’s going on? and she says he hasn’t heard? Wyatt shot at Kathryn, and shot Jim. He asks if they’re okay, and Hanna says, yeah. He says he’ll go see what he can do for Wyatt, but Hanna says, no. Kathryn was arrested for murdering Jennifer, and was taken to county. He says he’s on his way, and Hanna asks if he wants her to meet him there. He says there’s nothing she can do tonight; come in the morning. He says he’ll call her, and another call comes in. She thanks him, and switches over, saying, Benny? This time, it’s Derrick, who tells her not to get scared or hang up. He spoke to Candace, and she wants to meet. He’d like her blessing. Hanna says, don’t call her, and hangs up.

At county reception, Quita comes out, and says, what the hell? Veronica asks if that’s any way to greet her? She got Quita out. Quita asks, why? and Veronica says, because Quita’s baby daddy wanted her to. She needs Quita to write a note letting him know that she’s the one who got her out. Quita says she’s not writing anything, and Veronica says she’ll go back in. Quita says she ain’t forgot Veronica hit her; she ain’t writing no note. Veronica asks if Quita can’t write, and Quita wonders why Veronica wants a note. She says, Veronica is scared he’s going to give her up. Why would she be getting Quita out if she wasn’t scared? Veronica says, write, dumbass, holding out her notebook. Quita takes it, and starts to write. She says Veronica doesn’t know what’s going on, does she? Quita knows what they’re saying. All dem hood babies Veronica had locked up because of the bombing she planned. She got their brother killed, and they’re plotting on her. She writes and laughs, and Veronica asks, what’s funny? Quita says she doesn’t even know the really funny part. Veronica says, if any ghetto hood-rat does anything to her, there will be holy hell to pay. Quita says Veronica only has so many lives, and Veronica says, at least she has one. Quita writes, b-i-t-c-h, and hands Veronica’s notebook back. Veronica looks at it for a while, turning it this way and that. She says, what is this? and Quita says, he’ll know. Veronica says it’s a masterpiece, and should be archived in a museum. It should go up for every child to see this level of ignorance is still in the world. She tells Quita, it must be in ratchet. She sits, and points Quita in the right direction to leave.

Justin comes into the hospital, saying he’s in pain. Madison’s co-worker says he shouldn’t have left, and he says he thinks something’s wrong. No surprise, Madison and Jeffrey come back at just that moment. Madison asks Justin what he’s doing back, and Jeffrey asks, what’s going on? Jeffrey says he’s not doing this with Justin, and Madison says he’ll take Justin to an examining room. Justin says the woman is helping him, but she says she’s on break, giving Madison the folder. I wonder why she always does this to him. Madison and Justin go into an examining room, Jeffrey following.

Justin asks if Jeffrey and Madison are still seeing each other, and Jeffrey says, no. Jeffrey asks what Justin is doing there, and Justin says, now Jeffrey’s concerned. Madison tells Justin to get on the bed, and Justin says he feels like something is wrong. He doesn’t need a nurse; he needs a doctor. Madison says, he’s got it, and leaves. Justin asks Jeffrey to stay, but Jeffrey says he’ll be fine. Justin says this is what Jeffrey’s mom did to him. It’s not fair. Jeffrey says, Justin shouldn’t have hit her. Justin asks if Jeffrey think he deserves it, and Jeffrey says he thinks Justin shouldn’t have hit her. He says he has to go. Justin begs him not to leave, but Jeffrey says, goodbye. When he’s gone, Justin says, nobody loves him.

Wyatt is led to the cell next to Kathryn’s. He says, hi, mom, and she tells him, she has nothing to say to him. He asks if this is how she treats her only son. She says the son who tried to kill her. He says he didn’t, but he could have. She repeats she has nothing to say, and he says they’re going to be spending a lot of time in the same place, so she’ll be listening. She calls to the guard, but he says, they don’t care. They’re not coming. She tells him, shut up, and he says he hopes they do her like they did him. She says he’s evil, and he says he gets it from his parents. Did she expect to be as evil as she is, and him not be affected? She says when she gets out, he’ll pay for what he did to his father. He laughs, and says he doesn’t care about his father. He’s glad the SOB is dead. Kathryn says, dead? and he says, they didn’t tell her? Wyatt says, he’s dead, in a singsong voice, and asks if she wants to hear the remix. D-d-d-d-dead. She says, he’s not dead, and Wyatt laughs.

Next time, Benny calls Hanna, Celine wants to see Jim, Connelly asks if Charles thinks Candace wasn’t conning him, Justin says David can’t hurt him, and get ready for the tables to turn.

Vanderpump Rules

Jax waters the lawn wearing a sheet mask. Brittany says he looks creepy. I tend to agree. In Brittany’s interview, she says, it’s finally time. They’re going to Miami. She’s been waiting for this her whole life. They’re going to tear Miami up.

Everyone packs. Stassi tells Beau that Kristen is living by herself. He thinks it’s good for her to have some space to see things clearer. In Stassi’s interview, she thinks Kristen is on the path to finding herself. She hopes she doesn’t have to see Carter again.

In her interview, Kirsten says she’s a homeowner now. She’s single, has two awesome dogs, and feels like she’s winning at life. Ariana comes by, and they find a box marked Carter. Ariana asks if he’s moving in, and Kristen says he’s not, but they had sex this morning. Ariana says it’s never going to work. In Ariana’s interview, she says, Kristen is living in two worlds. The one where she’s telling friends that she and Carter have broken up; and reality, where she and Carter have sex, hang out, and he has his stuff shipped to the new house. Ariana tells Kristen that she’s messy. She hopes Miami isn’t weird. It was intense yesterday when Stassi screamed at Tom.

Stassi tells Beau that she hasn’t talked to Tom. Beau says he’s still annoyed about it, and Stassi says she’s not apologizing. It was her party.

Kristen tells Ariana, the texts were aggressive. Who does Tom think he is? Ariana says, the owner of TomTom. I notice she didn’t say an owner.

At SUR, while the staff sets up for the day, a wick of a three-wick candle slides off the side, and sets a plant on fire. Several of the servers scramble to put it out. I saw this happen at a friend’s place once, and it was scary. I haven’t used one of those since. Lisa comes by, and asks Max if he heard about the altercation at Stassi’s book signing. He says Stassi and Katie were screaming at Tom in front of all the guests. Lisa asks, why? and Max tells her, Stassi said something about Tom sending her rage texts. He was supposed to get a screenshot, but never did. In Lisa’s interview, she says she knows by looking at him, she’s not getting the whole story. He’s a bit of a sh*tty liar.

The group meets at the airport. After a two second flight, and a five second car ride, they arrive at the hotel. In Jax’s interview, he says Miami is where he started modeling as Jason Cauchi, and Jax Taylor was born. To be there for Jax Taylor’s last hurrah is perfect. They’re met with margaritas, and in her interview, Brittany says some of her best friends are there. We see everyone gathered, including her brother-in-law and sister-in-law. She says it’s amazing that they all flew to Miami just for them. She tells everyone that they’ll have room service in their rooms, then the girls will get in their wedding gowns, and split off from the guys.

Tom steps away with Stassi, and says, the last time they were together was rough. She says, because he was a d*ck, and he says he apologizes for the text messages. Stassi says she appreciates his apology. She was shook. He says she has to understand, they don’t plan events five days ahead. He couldn’t sleep. She asks why he would talk to her like that, and he says Max told him they had no one to work. She says that had nothing to do with her, and he says his stress was at the limit. In Stassi’s interview, she says she doesn’t need to hear his reason for being a d*ck. Stassi says Tom was the only one voicing his opinion. In Tom’s interview, he says he knows Stassi loves a great apology, but this is the best she’s going to get. He tells her, the best protocol is a line of communication between them, and she says, Lisa, Schwartz, and Max all knew, but sorry she didn’t text him. Next time, she will.

Everyone checks out their room. Brittany thinks she and Jax have a terrifying balcony. Kristen says hers is too pretty and pink. It looks like Stassi threw up on it. Stassi says it looks like she decorated it, and Beau notices a ceiling mirror. Tom tells Ariana it’s a rat pack night. In Tom’s interview, he says he and Jax haven’t been on the best terms lately, and we flash back to that. He wants to knock it out of the park for the bachelor party. He tells Ariana about a club package they got with everything included for five grand. Jax is going to expect nothing less than awesomeness. Tom supposes it’s the only time he’ll be seeing Ariana in a wedding dress, and she’s leaving him. She says she’s a runaway bride. The girls check out their dresses.

Beau asks Stassi what Tom said, and Stassi says it was half apology, half she has to understand what he’s going through. Beau wonders what Tom is doing at 2 am, messaging his girlfriend. Stassi says she didn’t want to go to her own signing in a friend’s place. She could have done it somewhere with good ranch, like TGIFriday’s, but it was her friend’s restaurant. Beau says, it was ridiculous and rude. Stassi says she went into a bookstore at the airport and put her book in the front. Then Ariana told her that she didn’t see it in the store. She’d thought they were fine, but Tom and Ariana have spiky ass sticks up their butts.

At TomTom, Lisa FaceTimes with everyone involved in the book signing altercation. She tells Stassi that she heard it went downhill with Tom at her book signing, and Stassi says he rage texted her at 2 am, saying she was putting it all on them, and he was kicking her TF out of TomTom. She doesn’t know where it came from. Lisa asks if he apologized, but Stassi says, he just kept backing up what he did. Lisa calls Tom, and says she’d like a better understanding of what happened. He says he thought Stassi would have reached out to him, but there was no communication. She went through Schwartz. Then she screamed at him in front of the customers. Lisa makes another call to Schwartz, telling him that she wants to get some clarity on what happened. He says Tom overreacted, and handled it poorly. He doesn’t want to throw his partner/friend under the bus, but he went off the deep end. It was handled piss poorly. Tom thought they’d have to bartend, and snapped. In Lisa’s interview, she says their relationships are more important than an event. She hopes it’s a learning experience. Tom interacted unprofessionally. When it’s your business, keeping calm under pressure is of the utmost importance. Why does everything have to get so complicated?

The guys go to a strip club called Goldrush. Why Tom, Jax, and Schwartz are wearing fake mustaches and looking like 70s porn stars is beyond me. In Beau’s interview, he says he’s uncomfortable at strip clubs. It’s not really his thing, and he knows when he leaves, Satan will be waiting in the hotel room, and it scares the crap out of him.

The girls go to a secret lounge. In Stassi’s interview, she says it’s amazing that Brittany got all of her bridesmaids to wear a tacky wedding dress. Everyone’s idea of tacky is different. She looks like an upside down cupcake. To Ariana just wearing a wedding dress is tacky because she’s never getting married. Lala is covering her entire body for the first time in her life, which she finds tacky, and Scheana probably just pulled something from her closet. In Katie’s interview, she says she’s proud of Kristen. She’s not crying and miserable. She’s having a great time, and Katie thinks she’s finding her footing as a single girl. Ariana tells Scheana that everyone was giving her dirty looks at the airport. She’s not in a fight with Stassi. In Ariana’s interview, she says everyone is talking about her, but not to her. She finds it unfair.

At the club, the guys make it rain. One of the girls tells Peter that he looks like Zorro, and it’s true. Beau tells Schwartz that he doesn’t want it to be awkward with Tom, and feels like they should have a quick sit-down. He tells Tom that he’d like a powwow outside, and they leave. In front of the club, Beau says he wanted to have a conversation before everyone gets too wasted, and Tom says, too late, but adds he’s kidding. Beau says he’s pissed that Tom sent a nasty text to his girlfriend. He should apologize in a better way than he did in the lobby. Tom feels Stassi owes him an apology as well, but Beau doesn’t think so. Tom says if Stassi wants to have a party at his place, she should at least shoot him a text. Beau says she’s closer to Schwartz, and they’re partners on an equal level. Tom says, Schwartz doesn’t know how to clock-in at TomTom. He spent fifteen years working behind the bar, learning the ins and outs of everything. Schwartz spent fifteen minutes behind the bar, and had a panic attack. I’d forgotten about that, and we flash back. Tom tells Beau that Schwartz is a yes man, and Beau suggests Tom get upset at Schwarz. Tom says it was late at night, and he was freaking out. He wondered if Stassi would ever worry about how to make his party work out. She screamed at him and belittled him, attacking him in front of his customers. Beau says they were really Stassi’s customers since she brought them, but Tom practically thumps his chest, and says they were his customers. In Beau’s interview, he says he thought Tom was cool when they met, but after all this, he’s kind of a d*ck. Beau tells Tom, he’s done; he’s said his piece, and doesn’t want awkwardness. Tom tells Beau, he’s said his piece too, and they go back inside, but you can tell it’s unfinished.

Lisa asks Dayna how it’s going, and Dayna says harder than she thought it would be. There have been some challenges with some people who don’t want her there. Lisa says she’s seen it all before, and asks, who? Dayna says, Scheana hasn’t been kind. In her interview, Lisa says Scheana should know more than anyone what it’s like to be the new girl. It’s surprising because that’s how she was treated. Dayna says Scheana might have personal issues, since Dayna is hanging out with Max. Lisa says they don’t want to deal with personal issues, and Scheana probably thinks of herself as an OG because she’s been there a long time. In her interview, Lisa says a new girl isn’t going to be welcomed with open arms, but Scheana shouldn’t be guilty of that, since she’s been the victim. We flash back to Stassi telling her to polish the glasses, like Scheana did to Dayna. Dayna tells Lisa, she’ll handle it, and Lisa says she knows Dayna will.

The girls all sit in their wedding dresses at a table in the hotel suite. Brittany tearfully says they’re supposed to be celebrating her love. She hears this every day from people she doesn’t really know, and her feelings need to be respected. In Stassi’s interview, she says we’re probably wondering how they ended up there. She’ll start from the beginning. After they were drinking and dancing, Brittany didn’t want to call it a night, so they decided to go to another club. The VIP hosts held up a big sign, saying, Don’t Do It, Brittany. At first, Brittany was laughing, but then Kristen said it was tacky and rude. Brittany decided it was an elaborate set up that the club did to make fun of her and Jax. That’s how they ended up back at the hotel, drunk, crying, and in their wedding dresses. Brittany says people are always saying they don’t like her, or Jax, or don’t like them together. She hears it every day, and the sign was the last thing she needed. Katie thinks it was all in fun, and Ariana thinks it’s standard for a bachelorette party. It’s tacky, but that’s the idea. Lala says, it’s supposed to be tacky. You wear penises on your forehead. Brittany says she doesn’t want to be told she’s a POS, but Lala says, that’s not what they were doing. Brittany says she didn’t like it one bit, and Lala says she wouldn’t have cared. Kristen says they have to acknowledge that it hurt Brittany’s feelings. Lala says they’ve been doing that for the past hour and a half. She tells Kristen to knock it off. In Lala’s interview, she says, whenever Brittany calms down, Kristen is there ready to wind her up again. Put her back in her cage. Kristen says she’ll let that go. In Brittany’s interview, she says Jax did cheat, but they worked hard to get over it, and get past it. She believes in him and loves him. Lala wants Brittany to get to the point where what people say doesn’t affect her. In her interview, she says she’ll read an example. It’s a tweet or message from a stranger saying, just because she gives BJs for a lavish lifestyle doesn’t mean she’s not trash. Nice. She says she thinks the person is just mad because they only got a Honda Civic for theirs. Ha-ha! Touché. Jax comes in with pizza boxes and everyone gets all excited. Brittany tells him about how she got mad thinking they were being disrespected, and made everyone leave the bar. They held up a sign that said, don’t do it. The girls open the boxes, and it’s leftover pizza from what the guys had, complete with chicken bones on the side. Jax says he’s really wasted. Maybe she shouldn’t do it.

In the morning, Brittany asks if Jax is still drunk. He says he felt awkward at the strip club. He was the only one without a girl next to him. Funny, since the clips show us different. Not only does he have a girl, he tells Schwartz he’s leaving Brittany for one. He says he’s not good at a strip club, and Brittany tells him, every guy says that who goes to a strip club. She says they have the boat today, so start getting ready.

Schwartz tells Katie he’s the only one who didn’t have a lap dance, but we see a clip with a girl all over him.

Tom tells Jax that he rented a three-level boat, and Brittany says, it’s so dope. In his interview, Schwartz says they have every intension of abusing the open bar, and getting their money’s worth. He gets one of those mini beers, and says he feels like Andre the Giant holding it. Stassi says it’s one of her favorite things they’ve ever done. Lala asks Scheana about training the new people. Scheana says Dayna was a hostess at TomTom, but started serving at SUR. They don’t vibe. She doesn’t wear a bra. Lala asks if she’s mad at Dayna’s boobs, but Scheana says Dayna does little things that irk her. In Lala’s interview, she says, Scheana is jealous that she’s not the center of attention at SUR anymore. If she wants attention, show an effing nipple. Jax asks his sister Jenny for marital advice. He says they’ve been thought a lot, and he can’t be without Brittany. He’s done a lot of effed up sh*t, but he owns up to it.  In his younger day (i.e. last year), he screwed over a lot of them. Jenny says, even his future wife, and he says, they’re all still here. He guesses that says something.

Kristen asks to talk to Lala, and frets that she heightened Brittany’s upsetness [sic]. Lala says Kristen wasn’t hearing her, and Kristen says it makes her sad. Lala tells her not to be sad, but work on it. Last night was a sh*t show. We see a clip of Kristen being so drunk she falls over. She says, of course she texted Carter, and told him that she split her lip. She’s seeing him on Saturday, since she has a box of his stuff. Lala asks why she has a hard time by herself, and Kristen says saying she’s single sound like Scheana saying she’s single and ready to mingle. It’s the worst thing ever.

Jax tells Tom that he’s having a great time, and he’s exactly where he wants to be. Good job. Nothing could make it any better. In his interview, Jax says he’s glad Tom stepped up, and rented the boat… that’s not a yacht. It’s the same booze cruise he went on in high school. Ariana tells Stassi that she wants to clear the air. Stassi was giving her dirty looks yesterday. Stassi says she couldn’t look Ariana in the eye. Everyone said that she was defending Tom. Ariana tells Stassi that she’s said the conversation should be between Tom and Schwartz. Schwartz dropped the ball. Stassi doesn’t think it’s fair to put it on Schwartz. In Stassi’s interview, she says she sees it now. Tom’s role is to take the credit, while Schwartz’s role is to take the blame. Stassi says she’d also taken her book and put it in the front of the airport bookstore when Ariana had said it wasn’t there. Ariana wonders if Stassi told anyone she did that, and Stassi says Lala filmed it. In her interview, Stassi doesn’t understand why Ariana wants to make her feel sh*tty about her book. She’d thought Ariana was a confident woman who’s genuinely happy for another woman’s success. She’s not that way, but she thought Ariana was. Hmm… Could Ariana be jealous because Stassi is a single author while she had to share the spotlight with Tom? Stassi tells Ariana that she’s sick of rolling over. Pictures are taken of the girls in their Team Bridesmaid/Bride swimsuits. Brittany wants to post the first one, so she gets the most likes and comments. Katie says tonight the girls are going out, and the guys will join them later. They’ll let the guys know when it’s safe.

The girls go out to dinner. Katie says she doesn’t know the guys’ plans, but they’re meeting them later. They start with shots. Kristen steps outside to take a call from Carter, who asks if it’s okay if he goes to her house tomorrow. Katie asks Stassi if she and Ariana talked, and Stassi says Ariana thinks Schwartz is the problem. Katie asks Ariana if she thinks the issue is with Schwartz now. Ariana says the issue isn’t with Schwartz, but with proper protocol. There was miscommunication, and misdirection. Katie says Tom needs to stop putting the blame on other people. He needs to own it and move on. In Ariana’s interview, she as much as she loves Schwartz, the stress over the book signing is his fault. He told Stassi it had been handled, when it hadn’t been handled. TomTom is better than that. Katie says she doesn’t want to fight, but it’s BS. Kristen comes back, and says Carter texted her. He has photo stuff at the house, so she gave him the code. In Katie’s interview, she says, Kristen just gave her house code to a guy who’s garbage, while she’s on vacation. She’s never breaking up with him. Katie says she gives up. Stassi tells Kristen not to say she hasn’t checked in when there’s nothing to check in on. Kristen tells Stassi not to make it about her.

In her interview, Brittany says, this is exactly what she didn’t want to happen. She wanted to have fun and celebrate; not be awkward, and not talk because they’re fighting. Stassi says she goes to Kristen’s place, and Carter is there. It’s like she’s lying. They’re not twenty-two, and can’t do this sh*t. It’s weird. Kristen says she’s doing the best she can, but Stassi says she’s not. She’s too old to be messy. Kristen says she’s been through this with them, like when Tom was cheating on Katie. Katie says he wasn’t, and Kristen is miserable. She’s never been happy in a relationship in her life.

Next time, it’s the girls’ turn for lap dances, the guys dress up like old men, Max wants James to DJ for Pride, and Kristen and Stassi have a sit-down.

🎹 Last Call…

This is one of  those so late it’s early kind of songs. Such a shame we need that pesky sleep.