What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

I missed the very beginning, since it looked like the show was getting preempted, but at the last minute, it came on. It’s an easy catch-up.

Harmony tells Jason that she had car trouble. Jason says she stepped up when he needed her to help, so any repairs are on him.

Sam asks Alexis to give Molly a call. Alexis asks where Sam is off to, and Sam says she’s going to see Jordan about TJ. Alexis says, big sister to the rescue. Sam leaves, and Alexis’s phone rings.

Elizabeth tells Neil that Cameron is saying it’s no big deal, but she thinks he would benefit from therapy. Neil says he’s happy to help, and she asks if he takes insurance. He says he does (I would think so, since he works from the hospital), but if there are any problems, they’ll work it out. She should talk to Cameron first before they move forward. You can’t force someone to talk.

Josslyn says she can’t tell Cameron how glad she is that he’s okay. If something had happened… Cameron says there were a couple of moments where he actually thought he was going to die. You know what the last thing is he wished for? The doorbell rings, and Josslyn answers. She says, look who it is, and Laura walks in.

Trina and Portia are at the MetroCourt. Carly tells Trina that Cameron is at her house with Josslyn, if she wants to swing by for a visit. If it’s okay with Portia. Portia says it is, and Trina leaves. Carly tells Portia that she’s having Josslyn and Dev home schooled. Dustin is coming to tutor them, so they can have some human interaction, but they’re taking the rest of their courses online. She’d be more than happy for Trina to join, if Portia doesn’t want to send her back. Portia says Trina seems determined to get on with her life, and she wants that for Trina. Carly says the offer stands if she changes her mind. Portia thanks her, and says there’s something else she wants to discuss. She’s realized there may be an issue with Ava.

Michael tells Sasha that Diane fought with everything she had, until she had to move forward. There’s no formal order in place, but Nelle gets to see Wiley. Sasha asks if Nelle is on her way, and Michael nods. She says, okay; things happen. What if they’re out for a walk, or Wiley is visiting his grandparents? He says if they do that, they’ll be playing into Nelle’s hands. Nelle arrives, and tells Wiley, hi, baby. Mommy’s here.

Chase asks if Willow thinks her mom feels guilty, and believes she can’t comfort Willow. Willow says, maybe. She made a hideous mistake, and did everything in her power to rectify it, but at the end of the day, Harmony is still her mom. Michael calls Chase, asking him for a favor. He says Nelle is there for a court appointed visit, and he could use another pair of eyes – not as a cop, but as a friend, just hanging out. Chase says he’s on his way, and Willow asks if something is wrong. Chase says, Nelle.

Harmony tells Brando, it’s nice of Jason to offer to pay for her car repair, and he’s hard to argue with, but she thought she was just going to a garage. Brando says he can’t make her let him look at her car, but Sonny and Jason did set him up. She asks what his connection is to them, and he says he’s part of Sonny’s family. He did them a favor, and it’s their way of paying him back. She says she doesn’t know Sonny, but it sounds like Jason. He says he’d hate if his first customer ran away. Help him do this.

Carly tells Portia, Ava is despicable. Ava had an inappropriate relationship with her son, and ruined his life, literally. There was nothing cordial about her relationship with Ava, unless you count them not killing each other. Ava takes people, chews them up, and spits them out, and Carly is afraid Trina is next.

Curtis tells Jordan that he made reservations at the new restaurant in Beecher’s Corners. If they leave now, they can beat the crowd. Jordan says she can’t… and he says, because she has to work. She’s going to burn herself out. She says she’s fine, and he says he used to say the same thing back when he was using. He didn’t use to party, but to stay awake watching. He gave it his whole life, and he doesn’t want her to get caught up like he did, until she won’t be able to do her job. Jordan says she’s the one who took the position. Cyrus is coming down on Port Charles like a hammer because of her. She wants to spend time with him, but she needs to work. Sorry. He tells her, just take care, and she says she loves him. He says he loves her too. He’ll see her around. He leaves, and she looks at the picture of TJ on her phone.

Willow tells Chase, she can’t believe that psycho is allowed near Wiley. Chase asks if she wants to come with him. He’s sure Michael would like having her there, but he doesn’t know what’s best for her. She says, join the club. She wants to help, but doesn’t know if that means going or staying away. Jason comes by, and asks to talk to Willow. She tells Chase, go ahead, and Jason tells her, he’s concerned about her mom. He and Sonny were out at a friend’s garage, and she came in with a new car. Willow is surprised Harmony had a new car, and Jason says he thought it seemed odd too. How could she afford it? Willow says she doesn’t know. Jason says she seemed nervous, and she’s never been like that with him. Willow says Harmony is grateful to him. He got through to her, and helped her get away from Shiloh. He says he thought she should know, and she says she’s been starting to worry about her mom too.

Brando tells Harmony that her car is ready. She says it’s new, and she can’t believe it broke down. He says, it was an easy fix; the gas cap was loose. It’s the most common reason for the check engine light to come on. She says she filled up before she came; she’s an idiot. He says she’s not, and she says, sorry to waste his time. She says, there’s no reason to bill Jason for the repair? and Brando says, right. She says, great; she’ll get out of his hair. He asks if she minds if he asks her something. Why does Jason make her nervous? She says, he knows who Jason is, right? What he does, and what he and Sonny really have going on? He says he thought he did. Fill him in

Portia tells Carly, she’s always let Trina have freedom, and it’s worked out well. Trina is hard-working and level-headed. When Trina asked about the internship, it’s not something Portia is passionate about, but Trina was fired up about it. She went about it in a responsible way, but seems to be spending more time with Ava, and it’s Ava this, and Ava that. She doesn’t like it. Carly doesn’t blame her, and Portia says nothing she’s read about Ava is anything she’d want Trina to emulate, be around, or even have anything to do with. Now Carly is saying she feels the same way, acting on personal experience. It concerns her. Carly says, it should.

Laura asks if Sonny is home, and Josslyn says, he’s not, and asks if she can take a message. Laura says, no. She knew it was a long shot, but she was in the area and thought she’d take a chance. She’s glad she did, since she got a chance to see Cameron. She asks, how is he? and he says, okay. She asks about Josslyn, and Josslyn says she should be asking Laura that question. Cameron says Laura is the one who got shot, and Laura says, of all the things that could have happened, it’s not that bad. She’s not recommending it, but here she is. Her prognosis is excellent, and there’s no lasting damage. And she’s grateful nothing happened to them. Josslyn says she is too, and Laura says it’s her responsibility to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else ever again. Cameron says it was scary and terrible, but he didn’t get hurt. Laura asks for a hug for the road, and says she loves him. He says he loves her too, and she tells him, be safe; Josslyn too. She leaves, and Josslyn says Cameron was great with his grandma. He says he knows he can talk to her, and he meant what he said. What happened was awful, but it was really terrible for… Trina walks in.

Sam visits Jordan, who asks how she can help. Sam says she’s hoping Jordan can help. Molly is freaking out. TJ still hasn’t contacted her, and she told Molly she’d look into it.

Nelle says Wiley is getting so big, and his cute factor is over the top. Chase comes in, and Nelle asks, what is this? Chase says he’s picking Michael up to play squash. Nelle says, Michael doesn’t play squash, and Michael says he just picked it up. She asks if she has to call her attorney about Michael bringing over a cop to intimidate her. Chase says he and Michael are good friends; he’s there all the time. Michael says he had Diane double-check, and he can have someone over when she visits. Chase goes over to Wiley, and asks if Michael has any Smacks; they’re both growing boys. Michael says he’ll raid the kitchen.

Willow tells Jason, at the memorial, her mother was doing well, and things seemed to be getting better. Jason says, but it didn’t last? and Willow says, she started to pull away; not answering the phone, and saying she’d text later. She didn’t think much of it, but now she has a random new car. She doesn’t know where her mom would get the money from. He says that might explain why Harmony is distant. If she’s mixed up in something dangerous, she wouldn’t want Willow near it. She says her mother just got out of prison. The last thing she’d want is to go back.

Harmony tells Brando, it’s a long story, but she’ll give him a brief version. She was involved in a cult, and to her everlasting regret, her daughter joined too. When it fell apart, she went to prison, and she’s struggling to make a fresh start. He probably wouldn’t understand. He says he does. He did time, and knows how important it is not to repeat the same mistake. She says that’s what she’s trying to do, and he says he takes it that it didn’t work out.

Neil sees Alexis at the hospital, and asks how she is. She says, not as good as him, pointing to his new ID tag. He says he’s officially on staff, and she says, wonderful. He says he wouldn’t be there without her help.

Sam tells Jordan that a friend researched the location on TJ’s phone, and it just came in. Jordan says, give her the location, but Sam says she can go. Jordan says, it’s one of those places that’s a grey area, and Sam asks what she means. Jordan says Sam is a paroled ex-con. She wants nothing but the best for Sam, but they both know her friend is Spinelli, who did some illegal hacking. It’s better for Sam to give her the coordinates, and step away. Sam asks if that’s an order, and Jordan says, it’s the smart thing to do. She’s a cop, and has a badge, and it’s her son. Let her handle it.

Carly says she truly understands, and doesn’t want to scare Portia, but she tried to handle the situation with Morgan, and it backfired. She tried to stop the relationship, and forbid Morgan to see Ava. His reaction was to move out, and move in with Ava. She knows it’s not the same thing, but Ava creates tons of attention, and Morgan gave it to her. He worshiped the ground she walks on. Portia says, sounds like the same thing that’s happening with Trina. Carly suggests she limit things without cutting them off. If it’s forbidden fruit, Trina will run to it, and Ava will take full advantage. Portia thanks Carly, and says she has a lot think about. Carly leaves, and Curtis sits down.

Trina tells Cameron and Josslyn that her mom is suddenly all over her; checking on her every five seconds. It’s the complete opposite of what it used to be like, and she hates it. Josslyn says, it’s annoying, but it’s a natural reaction. Something horrible happened, and Trina’s mom is scared. Her dad calls ten times a day, even though the shootout was ages ago. Trina says Josslyn has been though crazy crap before, and can handle it. Go her. She wants her life back, and wants her mom to chill out, and be the way she used to be. Trina storms out onto the terrace.

Nelle tells Wiley, they’ll do it again soon, and takes a selfie of the two of them. Wiley is talking a little now, and even cuter than before. Nelle says she’ll be back for the rest of her visit, and leaves. Chase says they need to talk, and Michael says he’ll take Wiley upstairs. When he’s gone, Sasha asks Chase, how bad is it? and he says, it’s bad.

Michael comes back, and says Wiley is all set up, and playing Legos. Really the nanny is setting them up, and Wiley is smashing them. Chase says, sounds about right, and Michael says, talk to him. Chase says, Nelle is a dangerous psychopath, who could harm a little boy. As a cop, his legal options in getting rid of her aren’t great, unless he catches her breaking the law. Michael says she knows Wiley is her best leverage, and she’s not giving him up. His strategy can’t be attacking her, but proving how stable he is, and what an amazing life he can give Wiley. Sasha says, which brings them full circle. Michael needs to get married.

Josslyn follows Trina out, and says, sorry. Trina says, why? She’s the one who acted like a complete psycho. Josslyn says, maybe a little, but how many times has she acted like that, and Trina’s been there for her? They’re friends, and Josslyn loves her, and is there for her – always. They hug, and Cameron comes out. He tells Josslyn, her computer keeps lighting up, and she says she has a tutorial scheduled. She runs in, and Cameron asks if Trina is okay. She says, no. She hates that she blew up like that. He says he understands, but she says he shouldn’t have to. Why can’t she handle this better?

Laura goes to the hospital, and Elizabeth asks if she’s there for her follow-up. Laura says she is, but she’s early. Elizabeth checks the schedule, and says the doctor has an opening. She asks how Laura is feeling, and Laura says, wonderful. She asks how Elizabeth is, and Elizabeth says, well, but she’s concerned about Cameron. What else is new? Laura says she just ran into him at Sonny’s, and Elizabeth asks how he seemed. Laura says, okay, but she thinks he’s covering. She thinks something is going on; not dangerously so, but he’s trying to be strong. It doesn’t worry her, but maybe Elizabeth should keep an eye on him. Try to believe him when he says he’s okay. Elizabeth tells her, easier said than done.

Sam asks if Jordan is sure this is how she wants to proceed. She though Jordan is busy with the outbreak of violence. Jordan says, thanks, but no, and Sam sends her the location. Sam asks Jordan to do her a favor, and have TJ call Molly if she sees him. She’s never seen Molly this upset. Jordan says she will, and Sam leaves. Jordan loads her gun.

Harmony tells Branco, she’s so sorry. She shouldn’t have unburdened herself like that. Jason threw her for a loop, but she’s great, and he looks like he’s doing great. Good luck with the shop. Maybe she’ll see him around. He says, Jason seems like a fair guy, and she says she doesn’t disagree. He says he’s sure if she’s in trouble, Jason would help. She says she’s sure he would. Luckily, she’s not in trouble. She leaves, and he watches as she goes back to her car.

Nelle goes to the MetroCourt, and says she’s glad Carly is there. She just came from a visit with her son. She thought Carly would like to hear about it.

Neil tells Alexis that he’s getting settled in his office, and she says she’s going to a meeting. She’s not saying anything about what happened in New York, but he says he doesn’t expect her to hold anything back from the group. She says she’s fine with herself, and her conscience is clear. He says he wishes his was, and she says they can’t have everything.

Elizabeth tells Laura, she spoke to Neil, and thinks Cameron should talk to him, but doesn’t want Cameron to think she’s pressuring him. Laura says Elizabeth knows how she feels; she’s very pro psychiatric help. Elizabeth asks if Laura thinks it’s a good idea, and Laura says, sure, but would Cameron go for it? She tells Elizabeth to give Cameron time to realize he needs someone to talk to. The more it comes from him, the better. Elizabeth asks if she’s told Laura how grateful she is for her lately. They hug, and Laura says she’s grateful for Elizabeth too.

Jason asks how Brando’s first customer was, and Brando says he’s going to be straight with Jason. She was nervous about something, and nothing was wrong with her car.

Jordan puts on her gun, and looks at the picture. She opens the door, and Harmony is there. Jordan says, not right now; sorry. Harmony says she has an update.

Portia says she’s glad Curtis is there. She’s been meaning to reach out. He saved her baby girl’s life, and she’s forever grateful. Trina’s attitude is unacceptable. She needs someone to blame, and clearly, it’s him. Curtis says, she lost her father. It makes sense to blame the man who survived. Portia says, it’s unfair, and he says, still, Trina is an amazing young woman. He appreciates that Portia is grateful, but thinks it’s time they talk about Trina.

Trina says, look how much better Cameron is handling it. He’s amazing. He says he doesn’t feel that way. When he ran out, a guy followed him. He tripped and fell in the woods. Trina says, oh my God, and he says, the guy was standing over him with a gun, and all he kept thinking was, this is it; this is where he dies. And then he heard the gunshot. He thought it was him. Now he keeps having nightmares about it. He thought of all the things he wanted to do in life, and how he’d never get to do them. Trina says, then he wakes up. He says, he wakes up, and tells himself it will be okay, but he doesn’t know. Maybe he’s not okay. She says she’s not either, and he holds her while she cries. She says she has the same nightmares. Not exactly the same, but the only thing that gets her through is knowing that they didn’t die. If she’d lost him, she wouldn’t be able to do this; any of it. He says, neither would he, and they kiss.

Carly says Nelle wasted her time. She knows Nelle was granted visitation, and Michael is complying. She’s guessing what happened is, Nelle couldn’t provoke Michael, and she couldn’t go crying to the judge. She doesn’t want to play, and tells Nelle to order or get out. Nelle says Carly’s been telling herself that Michael will take her baby, and Wiley will never know her, or even remember who she is. Carly says, damn straight, and Nelle says she and Wiley have a special bond even Carly can’t break. He lit up the moment he saw her, and she can prove it. She shows Carly the picture.

Sasha tells Michael, his best shot is finding Wiley a better stepmother than Nelle will ever be a mother. Michael says marrying Sasha won’t work; they went over that. The doorbell rings, and it’s Willow. She asks what she can do to help.

Tomorrow, Josslyn asks what she missed, Sasha wants Willow to marry Michael, and Jordan tells Harmony to take her to her son in exchange for her life.

Vanderpump Rules

It’s the day of the wedding. Flowers are brought out, and chairs are set up. In her interview, Brittany says she’s always dreamed of the perfect wedding since she was a little girl. She wants to look good and feel good. These are memories you can’t take back, and it’s going to be the most perfect day. She does know she’s marrying Jax, right?

Stassi thinks it’s going to be so fun. Katie confers with wedding planner Mitchell on strategy so that Jax doesn’t see Brittany before the ceremony. Lance arrives, and in Katie’s interview, she says when she was younger, she and her girlfriends each claimed a member of NSYNC. Lance was hers, and she’d lick his face on the poster. Yuk! In Jax’s interview, he says as much as he drank last night – we flash back to that – he’s going to power through. He thinks his body knows how much he spent, and is recovering quickly. Katie tells him not to dawdle, and he asks if dawdle is a word.

Brittany’s mom says, finally, and her Mamaw arrives. Stassi is busy steaming Brittany’s dress, and in her interview, says she feels like they’ve been doing this for an hour and forty-seven minutes. They could have watched The Notebook in its entirety. But Brittany wants it to be perfection, so that’s what they’re giving her. The girls get their hair done.

On their balcony, Scheana tells Kristen that it’s Brittany’s dream day, and asks where Carter is. Kristen says he’s at the hotel, and texted, asking her what time the wedding was. She can’t be responsible for him, since she’s going to be with the girls all day. She’s trying to distance herself, but wonders if she should ignore his texts. Scheana looks out to the parking lot, and says, Carter is literally right there. In Kristen’s interview, she says every time she sees Carter, she wishes it could have worked out. It’s effing sad. Carter comes up to their balcony, and says, hi, gorgeous. Scheana makes herself scarce.

Tom tells Jax the cufflinks are already connected in his shirt. Ariana calls Tom, saying, one of the bridesmaids needs a tampon. In his interview, he says there was time he thought he wasn’t going to be there, but he’s glad he is, because of this kind of situation. We flash back to him saying he even brought tampons, and he says, that’s why a best best man is needed.   

Lisa arrives, gorgeous in black. Jax says, surprisingly, he’s feeling really good. He’s having his dad’s favorite meal; a Coke, a burger, and fries. Everyone wonders where Randall is.

He’s still in bed, talking films with Beau. Lala pokes her head in the door, and asks what he’s doing. Is he even dressed? That’s a no, and she says she’s mortified. He’s lying in bed; WTF is he doing? Get up now. In Lala’s interview, she says, Randall lives in his own world. He has people who give him a schedule that he follows, and that person isn’t there. She wants to go in on him, but she’s not going to rip his head off – until later. Lisa tells Lance, it brings back memories, and it’s a lot of pressure. Lance says he needs to get the timing, and asks Lisa to give him her best Brittany and Jax impression. He goes through the script with her, and she’s pretty good, as well as very funny.

Everyone is seated. Larry Birkhead is a guest, as he’s a friend of Brittany’s, which is kind of weird. Schwartz is afraid of losing the ring. Lisa asks Jax how he is, and he says, nervous. She tells him, calm down; it’s going to be great. She says, emotions are a good thing, and he says he has so much in his head. His dad isn’t there, and his mom didn’t even text his godmother. It hurt his feelings. In Jax’s interview, he says it means a lot having Lisa  there, since his parents aren’t. Lisa puts everything at ease. Lance says he knows Jax’s head must be everywhere, but listen to what’s being said. Lance is wearing glasses, and Lisa asks if he’s trying to look serious. Schwartz wants to savor the moment of being able to tell Lisa what to do, and tells her, take a seat.

Carter asks if it’s reserved seating. The ceremony is outdoors, and in Beau’s interview, he says, it’s disgustingly hot, and his ass is like a Florida swamp. Exciting as this is, please hurry up. Brittany messes with her dress, saying it still could use some pressing, but Stassi says there isn’t any more they can do. Tom tries to help shade people with an umbrella, and Lance meets Jax’s godmother. Jax walks out with his godmother, and his dad-in-a-box.

Brittany comes down stairs, looking like the princess she is. She tells her dad that he looks handsome, and she loves him. He asks if she’s ready to walk down the aisle, and should he hang on to her? She says if he doesn’t, she might keep walking. The procession begins, and Don tells Brittany to take in every moment. In Jax’s interview, he says he thinks his dad is proud. He loved Brittany, and Jax doesn’t have to think about what his dad would say about that. He finally became the son his dad raised him to be. In Brittany’s interview, she says she thought she’d be nervous, but she can’t wait to walk down the aisle, and see Jax for the first time. The day she’s dreamed of her entire life is finally happening. In Lisa’s interview, she says, Jax is a whole different person. He’s vulnerable and sincere. She likes this one. Brittany peeks out, and it’s time.

As Brittany comes into view, Jax says, wow, and Schwartz says, she’s a keeper. Jax wipes his eyes. Kristen says she’s never seen Brittany so happy, and Lisa says she’s gorgeous. Ariana tells Scheana to lower her bouquet, so everyone can see her tits. Scheana says, flowers down; tits out. Lance begins saying Jason is the artist formerly known as Jax, and Brittany is the beauty to his beast. Nothing has been a more important influence in their lives than their families, and Lisa of course. Don gives Brittany away, and Lance says, ladies first. Brittany reads her vows, saying she’s been absolutely crazy about Jax since they met. He’s her best friend, and the person she loves most in the whole world. They can be very different, but balance each other out. He makes her feel whole. She can’t wait for him to be her husband, and knows he’ll be the most incredible father. She’s the happiest girl in the world. He’s her lobster. Jax says she’s made him the happiest, luckiest man in the world. She walked into his life four years ago, with her smile and accent. She told him she’d been a bartender at Hooters, and he said he had to marry this girl. She’s positive, giving, and caring. She smiles all day, and wants everyone to be happy. He loves her so much, and he’s excited to be her husband. Brittany wants to kiss him now, and Lance asks for the rings. Jax says, oh God; he gave them to Schwartz. Schwartz fumbles around for a moment, but unearths the rings from a pocket. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he did lose the rings for a second. Brittany and Jax say their vows, but they only say for richer or poorer. Is that an L.A. thing, or does no one care about the rest anymore? Lance pronounces them husband and wife, and they kiss. Lance says, he’s honored and privileged to be the first to present Mr. and Mrs. Jason Cauchi.

At SUR, Danica asks Charli if she thinks they’re having fun at the wedding. Charli says her dream wedding is getting wasted and doing a drive-thru in Las Vegas, but Brittany was excited.

At TomTom server Valissa tells Max that she heard some drama about him. He says Dayna is the first girl he’s been down to be serious with. They were exclusive for three days when people made up sh*t. Valissa says she heard he had another relationship going on, but he says, that’s not true. She tells him that he’s got to keep out of trouble, and he says he’s just focusing on work, so he doesn’t have to deal. In his interview, he says work helps to keep his mind off what he needs right now. It sucks. I say, zzzzzzz…

At the reception, Lance tells everyone, the minister was something, but now they’re taking the party to the next level. He welcomes Brittany and Jax. They walk in, and Brittany does some raise the roof moves. Lisa asks if Katie is serious, and she and Schwartz didn’t file the paperwork for their marriage. In Lisa’s interview, she wonders if Schwartz made an unconscious decision. He has commitment issues, and maybe it’s subliminal that he never follows through. She tells Schwarz, he had one job. In Schwartz’s interview, he says Lisa officiated their wedding, but she can’t be that mad at him. Can she? Lisa tells him that he can’t sweep everything under the rug.

Raquel meets Dayna and Danica for coffee. Danica says she can’t drink because she has a breathalyzer in her car. In her interview, she says she got a DUI when she had five people in her car, going to an after-party in the Hills. She got pulled over, and now she has to do a breathalyzer before she starts the car, and every fifteen minutes while she’s driving. It’s so embarrassing. Raquel says she and James’s relationship isn’t perfect (an understatement times ten), and she doesn’t want to be an enabler, making excuses and coming to his rescue. Dayna says it’s not Raquel’s job to keep James clean and sober. Raquel says if James can’t take the self-help, she’s going to break up with him. Danica says, maybe that will be the trigger that forces James to make a change. Dayna encourages Raquel to stand her ground. In Raquel’s interview, she says when she first moved to L.A., she was worried about making new friends. It was difficult, but having Dayna and Danica to support her is really nice. Dayna tells them that she found out Max was at a restaurant with another girl, but it wasn’t the romantic one she thought it was. In her interview, she says she made a mistake and ran with it. Danica says, it doesn’t matter where they were eating. In Danica’s interview, she says, just because it was a brunch spot, doesn’t change the fact that Max cheated. She just caught him at a different stage of the cheating. They probably grabbed dinner, banged, and went out for French toast the next morning. It doesn’t matter where they were in the hook up line when they were caught; they hooked up. Since in reality, Charli knows none of that for a fact, I’d say watch out for this one. She asks Dayna if Max might be leading his ex on, but Dayna says the situation was different than she thought. Danica says Dayna isn’t going back with Max, is she? but Dayna says she’s interested, and believes Max likes her. She wants to start over, and pretend it didn’t happen. Danica says Max has a bouquet of red flags. In Dayna’s interview, she says, Danica is judgy for someone who has to blow in a breathalyzer to start her car. Dayna loves that for her.

Don says a before meal prayer, and tells everyone, enjoy. Giggy! I’d want him at my wedding too. Shep Rose is a guest, and in his interview, Jax says he’s known Shep for three or four years. He’s a womanizer, a lot of fun, and likes to be the center of attention. They have a lot of similarities. Logan asks why Carter isn’t smiling, and he gripes about how he and Kristen don’t have sex. Logan asks if Carter is living with Kristen, but he says he isn’t. In Jax’s interview, he says, Kristen fought hard to have Carter there, and she’s nowhere near him. He could have cut back on expenses by cutting Carter. I have no idea why Logan is there either. That dude is a sleaze. Carter tells Logan, he could wind up in Kristen’s bed. If it happens, it happens. Stassi says she loves everything about the wedding. Beau says he loves air conditioning. Stassi says, if she plans an outside wedding, it would be in the fall when it’s cool. She doesn’t want anyone to sweat or have the sun in their eyes. Beau adds, and no kids. She asks if he’s saying they’re getting married, and he says he wants to find the right time when he feels ready. She says she can control every other thing in her life, except when she’s get married. In her interview, she says she’s not going into the dark passenger zone at someone else’s wedding.

Schwartz makes a speech, saying he met Jax ten years ago. Tom suggested they get another roommate, and Schwartz said as long as they didn’t have too much presence. Then in walked larger than life Jax- MF’ing-Taylor. He was ripped, tan, and gorgeous. Those are Jax’s words, not his. He sh*t with the door open and had no shame. He got wasted and unplugged Schwartz’s air mattress in the middle of the night. And he watches reruns of the Golden Girls. In Jax’s interview, he says, the wedding cost $100K. If he takes 24 hours, and divides it by the 17 minutes Schwartz talked, it was an expensive speech. Schwartz starts talking about weed, and Jax tells him, it’s Kentucky. They raise their glasses, and Schwartz says he realized there’s more he wants to say, but he hands the mic off to the next person.

Don dances with Brittany, who says she’s so happy. In Lala’s interview, she says, watching Brittany dance with her dad, she can’t help thinking that when she gets married, the most important man in her life won’t be there. She’s so happy Brittany gets to have that. Randall asks if she’s okay, and she nods, wiping her eyes. I wipe mine too, since I identify. My dad passed away a few months before I got married. The cake is cut, and Brittany yells, we’re married! She and Jax dance, and she tells him that he can grab her butt and stuff. They kiss.

Outside, Carter tells Kristen, she looks beautiful, and she tells him, he looks dapper. He asks if she’s having fun, and she says it’s the best time ever, but her allergies are more stubborn than he is. He says they’re both stubborn, and she tells him, don’t get weird. He asks if she’s feeling okay, and she says he doesn’t listen. It’s their number one problem. When he’s sad and scared, he doesn’t know how to deal with it. He asks why he would be sad and scared; he’s having a great time hanging with her. She says he’d texted her that she was selfish unkind, and he says she was at the time, but she says she was none of those things. He was saying it to manipulate her. He’s sad and hurt because he wants her to give him attention. He says it will be okay, but it’s not working right now. Carter says he loves her and wants to be with her, but she doesn’t want to play that game. She doesn’t like how he treats her. He says he’s not treating her any way, and she says she’s not giving him what he wants. She asked for space, and she’s taking it. He says he loves her. In her interview, Kristen says she would be sad if Carter wasn’t there, but she’s sad that he is there. All of her friends are finding their happily ever afters. Brittany and Jax are married; Beau and Stassi are on the road to engagement; and Schwartz and Katie are on their second wedding. She and Carter have been in  relationship for four years and she’s not even close to happily ever after. She walks back inside, leaving Carter sitting alone.

It’s near midnight, and Lisa says it’s time for her to leave. In her interview, she says her decision to come was absolutely what she wanted. She’s still in mourning, but wanted to be present in the moment of their happiness. Bye, Giggy! Jax and Brittany go out on the balcony, and Jax calls all the single ladies. His money is on Kristen. In Ariana’s interview, she says, Kristen always fights for the bouquet. In Brittany’s interview, she says she’s trying to aim for Stassi, who she thinks will be next to get married, and trying to avoid Kristen, who she doesn’t want catching it until she has somebody worth catching it for. Her cousin Amanda ends up with the bouquet, and she says her cousin is only eighteen, and doesn’t need to get married either just yet. Everyone gets sparklers, and they form a double line. Brittany and Jax walk down the middle, holding their dogs. In Jax’s interview, he says he feels like Brittany’s Prince Charming today. They threw one classy wedding, and need one classy party.

Changing location, the guests dance into the room between two lines of Hooters girls. In Lala’s interview, she says it’s given her a lot of ideas about what she wants to do at her wedding, and things she doesn’t want; one of which is a Hooters girl with huge tits asking if she wants ranch on her chicken wings. There’s lots of dancing, and Tom dances with Lance. In Katie’s interview, she says Tom is living out his teenage boy band dreams. If NSYNC gets back together, Justin Timberlake is pretty busy now, so…  

SUR is busy as usual, and James drops Raquel off. She asks what he’s doing, and he says, going to a party in the Hills. She says, no drinking, and he promises, saying he’s going to drive. Inside, Charli wonders why Dayna isn’t at the wedding, but Dayna says she needs the money. If she gets married, it will be at a courthouse. Charli asks if Dayna is still with Max, and Dayna says, no, but thinks she jumped the gun on anything with him. She wants to talk to him tomorrow. In Dayna’s interview, she says she regrets breaking up so quickly. Her defense mechanism is to cut things off at the first sign of trouble, and this is a perfect example of her defense mechanism biting her in the ass. Charli says she doesn’t know him enough to judge, but what the hell does he have that’s so magical? Dayna says, a big old d*ck. She doesn’t feel settled, and needs to talk to him. In Charli’s interview, she says she’s glad she’s not the dumbest person at SUR.

Scheana dances suggestively with one of the groomsmen. In Stassi’s interview, she says when they walked through the tunnel the tone changed from wedding fashion chic to Kentucky chic, or drunk chic. Embarrassing as it is, there was a point in time where she said she wanted to marry Jax. We flash back to that, and she says a twenty-three year old should not trust anything when a guy in West Hollywood says he’s a super model. Scheana is now madly making out with the groomsman. In her interview, Scheana says, being a bridesmaid is the best. You’re first on the guest list, you get to dress up and look hot, and make out with the single groomsmen. She’s doing what Kristen should be doing, instead of chasing Carter in the darkness. Katie tells Jax that they need cash for the bar, and Jax tells Mitchell the guests are being charged for vodka that he bought. In his interview, Jax says, after what he put out, he can’t believe he looks at the bar and sees his friends paying. He gripes to anyone who will listen that he spent over $100K on the wedding, and has sixty bottles of vodka. Tom realizes the vodka is in the room where they had dinner, and goes to get it. In his interview, he says, that’s what a best man is for. In a time of crisis, he comes through with a victory and saves the day. In Jax’s interview, he says he gives Tom a B- or a C. It’s passing. Brittany tells Jax, the wedding is perfect. They beat the odds, made it through, and they’re stronger than ever. Katie puts Schwartz to bed, and Jax and Brittany kiss.

The next morning, Brittany tells Jax, they’re married, and he says they have to be out by 11. In his interview, he says, no late fees. The free ride is over. He’s not paying because people don’t want to get up. Brittany shrugs, but he says, it’s not happening. Brittany says she’ll find out how much, and they’ll go from there.

Back in L.A., Dayna goes to see Max at TomTom. She gives him a letter for Lisa, saying, it was devastating about her mom. She notices Max’s new tattoo, and says they don’t talk for a day, and he’s a new person. She apologizes, and says she doesn’t think he was lying about the girl he was previously seeing. Something clicked, and she found out there are two restaurants called Jones. She pictured him at the romantic restaurant, and she was wrong. It was a booboo her part. He says he was honest with her, but she listened to the people in her ear, who made him look bad. It’s not his fault, but he does appreciate the apology. He’s frustrated that she believes everyone but him. She asks if he wants to move forward; the ball is in his court. In Max’s interview, he says the girls at SUR have been trying to ruin their relationship since the beginning. He tells Dayna that he needs time to focus. She asks if he still has feelings for her, but he says he doesn’t know. He needs time. In Dayna’s interview, she says she’s crushed. She wanted him to meet her halfway. She put herself out there, and it’s not something she does a lot. She wishes it had worked out. She tried, but it didn’t.

Jax knocks on everyone’s doors. Ariana tells Tom, they have to go, and Tom asks, why? Jax tells Schwartz, they have to be out in 26 minutes, and Schwartz asks if he can finish his speech now. Carter spent the night in Kristen and Scheana’s room, and in her interview, Kristen says she thought she’d be strong and not backslide, yet… She shrugs. Jax says the credit cards are maxed out. It’s time to go.

This season, Katie senses something bad happening, a trip to a strip club, Lisa tells Jax that he has a habit of being self-destructive, Dayna is interested in Brett, Lisa tells James that he has to get help, Danica tells Max that his plan won’t work, Tom wonders why Jax can’t be happy for him, Jax wonders if he did the right thing, and Kristen says, Jason is gone and Jax is back.

🙀 It’s Not Really…

As the Brits say, keep calm and carry on.