What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

At Charlie’s, Finn tells Anna, the lab rans tests, and it was a rare case of alienitus. They quarantined the patient until last night, when his chest burst open, and out crawled a big slimy alien. Anna says, interesting, and he says, it turned out the alien was friendly, so he gave it a bath, named it E.T., and he’s bringing it home to Violet. Anna says, an alien? He says, let him guess. Her mind is on Holly. She says, you know the word frenemy? It’s cliché, but it pretty accurately describes their relationship. They were rivals and allies. They admired each other, but annoyed each other. Holly could run a con like no one else; even better than her. She had a lighter touch, and Anna was a little jealous. She knew Holly was on the other side of the world, but expected her to turn up there again one day. It’s not going to happen now. Finn says he’s sorry. Sometimes the best response to a sudden loss is a life affirming decision. She asks if he has something in mind, and he says he does.

Sasha lies on her bed, face down, fully clothed. The phone rings, and Maxie asks where she is. Don’t tell her that Sasha forgot about the photoshoot. The entire crew is waiting, and there’s no face of Deception for the cover. Sasha says she’ll be right there, and Maxie says she has five minutes, or she’s finding another model. Lulu comes to see Maxie, along with Charlotte. She asks how it’s going, and Maxie says, Sasha is late, the wardrobe mistress isn’t there, and the coffee is cold. The shoot is going to implode, and take her career with it.

Laura sits at Jax’s table at the MetroCourt, and tells him that she just came from the fundraiser breakfast. She found out he made a generous donation. He says sorry he couldn’t be there in person, but he has a meeting of his own. He’s waiting for Nina, but he’s all ears until she gets there. How did it go? She says, better than expected, thanks to him, and a couple of other generous donations. He says he’s sure her presence has something to do with the success. He’s grateful for her hard work and integrity. She says she’s only as good as the people she represents, and he tells her, don’t be modest. She’s not afraid to tell the truth, and has an amazing ability to inspire others. She says, one can only hope.

Sasha gets in the elevator, and Nina says, tough morning? Sasha says she has no idea, but Nina says, actually, she thinks she does.

Valentin meets Martin at the MetroCourt, and asks if Martin has good news. Martin thinks he’ll be well pleased at the progress. He’s acquired numerous shares from Quartermaines spread far and wide. Valentin says he doesn’t have controlling interest yet, and Martin says, not yet. Valentin says, not yet, but he’s closer than the Quartermaines realize.

Chase asks how he can help Carly, and she tells him that she’s pretty sure he’s aware that Willow and Michael got married. He says she must be very happy, and she says she regrets what the decision cost him.

Diane asks where Michael has been, and he says he was at Turning Woods; his dad was visiting Mike. She asks how Mike is doing, and he says, not great. They want to put in a feeding tube, and his dad is trying to decide. She says she’s sure he was a comfort to Sonny; however, moving forward his priority needs to be Wiley. He needs to be calm, collected, and focused. Taking away a child from its mother is difficult under the best circumstances, even a mother as awful as Nelle. He says, things may have gotten easier, and she asks, how? Willow walks in, and asks Michael how it went at Turning Woods. Michael says, rough; her? She says, the same. Diane says, what a gorgeous ring. One might say spectacular. Michael says it belonged to his great-grandmother, and now it belongs to his wife. He and Willow got married last night.

Finn says he and Anna have talked about it; it’s time to do something about it. She says, do something about what? and he says, the thing where people say I do. They can at least pick a date, and send invitations out. She says, after Violet’s party, he’s in the mood for another, and he says he’s learned to appreciate a good celebration. She tells him, he’s turning into a romantic, and he asks if that’s a good thing. She says, it’s a great thing. She looks at her phone, and says, August maybe. It gives them time to plan, and time to figure out what to wear. He says, August is perfect, and they almost kiss, but Robert interrupts. He says, isn’t this cozy? They’re acting like nothing happened, when they know something did. He tells Anna, stop running around telling people what he can and can’t be told.

Chase tells Carly that he doubts Michael wants to see him, but let Michael know he hopes they give Wiley the life he deserves. She says, that’s the plan. The custody hearing is today. He asks why she’s there instead of in court, and she says, there’s someone she needs to thank.

Nina says Sasha just broke up with Michael, and Sasha says Nina was right about her. She’s not good enough. Nina thinks the person Sasha hurt the most is herself. Sasha tells her, don’t be nice, not today, but Nina says Sasha put in the knife and she doesn’t feel like twisting it. She hopes Sasha finds peace and love, and hopes the pain she’s in is gone forever. Sasha gets out of the elevator, and Nina looks puzzled.

Maxie screams for the wardrobe mistress, and someone hands her hot coffee. Lulu says Maxie will be brilliant. She works best in a crisis. Maxie says she loves Lulu, but her pep talk isn’t working. This was her moment in the spotlight; taking a tired company from the 90s and turning it into a power brand. Does Lulu see a power brand happening? What she sees are Maxie’s dreams and plans disintegrating. Sasha comes in, and Charlotte says she thought Sasha was a model; she looks terrible. Lulu tells her to apologize, but Sasha says, Charlotte is just telling it how she sees it. Maxie asks if Sasha wants to tank Deception before it even launches, and tells the makeup artist to make his magic. Charlotte asks if she can watch, and Lulu asks if it’s okay. Sasha says, it’s time to turn this toad into a swan, and leaves with the makeup artist. Lulu tells Maxie, nothing but a straight road ahead, and Maxie says, until the next curve. She wanted to be boss, and all she can do is think of what Nina would do. Nina walks in, and says, she just asked the person she trusted most – Maxie.

Finn realizes Robert is upset, but tells him, take it down a notch. Anna says, sit down, and asks Finn to get some coffee. Robert says he talked to Mac, who said she had suspicions. Why did Mac have to tell him, and not her? She says, the WSB is still looking for the reason the ship sank, and Robert says, his shelf life has expired, so he can’t be told? She says she has no evidence of foul play. When she finds some, he’ll be the first to know. He asks what she thinks. Has she seen discrepancies in the report that point to murder?

Nina says she saw Sasha, and came to offer moral support. Maxie appreciates it, but it only makes her more nervous. Lulu asks if Nina will do her a favor. Charlotte begged to be taken to the shoot before she meets Valentin, and Lulu is late for an Invader interview. She has a deadline, and asks if Nina would mind taking Charlotte. Nina says she’d be thrilled; she was headed there anyway. She tells Maxie, just for the record, no one knows how to manage a shoot like her. She didn’t leave Crimson to second guess herself. She left to be boss. She finally decided to be a superstar, and she is. Don’t give in. Those who play small aren’t stars, and never will be. Toughen up, get the job done, and be a star.

Jax tells Laura that he’s surprised Valentin didn’t fight harder for the estate. He could have dragged it out in court for years. Laura says, maybe he realized the Cassadine estate is both a blessing and a curse. Jax says, a valuable one, and she says, don’t worry. She’s sure Valentin will find a way to make money.

Valentin asks if Martin had any trouble, and Martin says, nothing they can’t overcome. Ned is preoccupied with Brook, and Michael has the custody battle. Speaking of which, he has to get to court for it. Valentin says, Drew is dead, and Jason has no interest, but what about the children? He asks Martin to look into who’s controlling their shares.

Diane says Willow is a brave woman. She married into both the Quartermaine and Corinthos families. She’s sure Willow is aware that as individuals, they’re all a bit difficult, but as a group, they’re fearless, intelligent, and never boring. And Michael is the best of the lot. Willow says she thinks so. Diane says she doesn’t know why she didn’t think it. Of course (🍷) they’re a perfect match, and not just for a courtroom stunt. She thinks they’ll be happy and better parents for Wiley. Let her know where they’re registered. Willow says she thinks she can speak for Michael. The only gift they need is knowing Wiley is safe from Nelle.

Carly tells Chase, she used to think people who were noble were stupid, that they were suckers. Until someone she loved and respected made a sacrifice for the sake of her child. She didn’t appreciate it at the time, until she realized their sacrifice changed everything. What they did made Michael’s life better. Chase hopes it works out that way for Wiley, and she says, her too. When the judge sees them, they’ll see two people who love Wiley, and would do anything to ensure he grows up in a loving safe home. So if he ever crosses paths with the person who made it happen, let them know she’ll always cherish their selfless actions. He says he will.

Charlotte tells Valentin, they put makeup on Sasha, and she looks beautiful. Valentin says, it sounds like she had fun, and Charlotte says she used to be mad at Sasha, but now she feels bad for her. She doesn’t think Sasha felt good, but she still took pictures. He says it’s good she has compassion. It’s not good to be angry and resentful. Charlotte thanks Nina, and Nina says she’ll see Charlotte again soon. If they ask nice, maybe her papa will let them have a girls night out. Laura and Jax come by, and Laura tells Charlotte, what a surprise, and asks for a hug. Nina tells Jax, sorry she’s late. She needed to make a special delivery. Jax says it’s good to see Laura, and she says him too, and thanks him again for his donation. She leaves, and Jax asks Nina what she wanted to talk to him about. She thanks him for providing the hand holding when she was worried about Nelle. He says, no thanks are required, and she says, but she can’t lean on him forever. It’s time to take control of her own life.

Maxie says everything is under control, and Lulu says Maxie would make an excellent general if she ever choses to join the Army. Sasha asks where she’s wanted, and Maxie says she’ll leave that up to the photographer. Lulu says, while they wait, can she ask come pre-photoshoot questions? Sasha says, like what? and Lulu says, nothing hard core. Her Invader audience would like to know what it’s like to launch a new business. Where does she imagine it’s going, and where does she see herself in five years? Sasha says she hasn’t thought that far ahead. She tries to take it one day at a time. She doesn’t know what tomorrow looks like, let alone five years from now. She starts to cry, and Maxie comes in. She asks what Lulu said to her, and Lulu says she was talking about the future. Maxie says the makeup artist probably left already. Give them a moment alone. She tells Sasha that Lulu shouldn’t have asked; Sasha probably has no idea how Chase fits into her future. Sasha says she and Chase aren’t together. Maxie says, she wants to help take care of Sasha’s personal life, but not today. Today, they’re businesswomen, and their future depends on the Deception launch. She has a crew who cost a fortune sitting around waiting. Sasha needs to pull herself together. She can have a cry afterward, and Maxie will hold her hand. Maxie gave up great career for this, and doesn’t want to regret it.

Carly sees Martin, and asks where his client is. Still sleeping under a rock? Martin doesn’t believe they’ve been formally introduced and introduces himself. She says she would say it’s a pleasure, but she’d be lying. He asks if she doesn’t believe everyone is entitled to a fair hearing and worthy representation. She says she believes in justice for those who deserve it. He says he couldn’t agree more, and she says she’ll have to tell her husband they have something in common. Her husband is Michael’s father. He does know Sonny Corinthos, doesn’t he?

Sasha dabs at her eyes, and flashes back to Michael berating her and Chase. Michael says he just has one question to start. How long has this been going on?

Anna tells Robert, she has no proof either way. Finn comes back, and Robert asks if Anna thinks Holly might still be alive. She says that’s exactly the reason why she didn’t tell him; he jumps to conclusions. If he thinks she’s doubting it, he’ll go chase ghosts like he always does. Robert tells Finn, once before they thought Holly was dead in a plane crash, but she’d been in a car crash. Then she tried to return to Port Charles to recover. Finn asks, for what reason? To face death again? Anna says, a ship went down; Holly isn’t the only one missing, and Robert says, there were discrepancies enough for Anna to discuss it with his brother. Which leads him to believe she’s not sure whether Holly is dead or not. Finn tells Robert not to get his hopes up, and Robert says, take heart. In the meantime, he has a call to make.

A woman comes into the dressing room, and Sasha says, tell Maxie she’ll be ready in a minute. The woman says she didn’t come for Maxie, and gives Sasha a vial of cocaine. She says, something to get through the shoot. Sasha says she doesn’t, and the woman says she doesn’t either, except for really tough days.

Chase sees Lulu, and asks if the photoshoot is over. Lulu says, Maxie gave everyone a break; she’s trying to salvage the day. He asks, what happened? and she says, Sasha was a mess. She overslept, was hungover, and can’t stop crying. He says, sorry, and she says, it’s too late for apologies. She thought he was a decent, but he was just good at hiding what a jerk he is. Maxie and Lucy put everything into this, and won’t just lose their investment, but their reputations. He asks what he can do, and she says, Sasha is in makeup. Tell her whatever he needs to, so they can move on.

Martin says he’s well-aware of Sonny’s history, and how those who displease him disappear. He’s sure Carly has been instructed on how not to make incriminating statements. She says she has no idea what he’s talking about. Her husband is a businessman like any other. He does have powerful connections though, and an ambitious lawyer could find them lucrative. Diane walks in with Michael and Willow. He says, Michael Corinthos and Willow Tate, and Willow says, it’s Corinthos now. Martin says, a sudden marriage before a court date; he’ll have to keep an eye on her. Diane says, who is she to stand in the way of a committed, stable union?

Valentin sees Laura sitting at his table. He asks to what he owes the pleasure, and she says she’s just checking in. How was the drop off? He says, without incident. Charlotte is in school, safe, and he’s going to pick her up to go riding. Laura is sure she’s thrilled, and he says, Lulu agreed to 50/50 custody. He appreciates whatever Laura said to her. She says he can thank his daughter. She ran away when she thought she’d be separated from him. He says he intended on letting her go for her own good, but he realized to Charlotte, it looked like abandonment, and he was afraid it would have the opposite effect. He was abandoned, and look what happened to him. He doesn’t want that for Charlotte. Laura says she doesn’t either. She persuaded Lulu to compromise for Charlotte’s sake. Don’t make her regret it.

Lulu tells Maxie that she sent Chase to talk to Sasha. Maxie asks if she thinks that will work, and Lulu says she thought anything he would say was an improvement on what they had to offer. It can’t get worse. Maxie says, Sasha is still in love with Michael. She blew up her life, and if she and Chase have a mutual meltdown, this is over.

Chase asks if it’s a bad day, and Sasha asks what he’s doing there. He says Carly came by to say how grateful she was for what they did. She asks if Carly admitted she knew, and he says, not in so many words. As hard as it’s been, Carly appreciates what she called their sacrifice. Sasha admits, she didn’t think it would be this hard, and he says, he didn’t either.

Nina tells Jax, she ran into Sasha. She’s not having a good morning, and Nina felt the need to comfort her. He says it doesn’t surprise him. Did she? She says she tried. She guesses Sasha is good. She dropped in on Deception, and Maxie was drowning in self-doubt, and she had the impulse to build Maxie’s confidence, and Charlotte still needs her. He says she’s like a second mother. She says, her point being, she told him that she didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole and look for her daughter. Denying her feelings didn’t help. He says, it’s not something you get over, and asks if she wants him to help find her child. She says, absolutely not.

In the courtroom, Diane asks what Carly said to Martin, and Carly says she was reminding him of who Michael’s father was. Diane says Carly can’t intimidate him. He’s going to do his level best to goad her, and show the judge how much she despises Nelle. He’s going to paint her as a domineering and controlling woman, who wants to wrest a son from his loving mother. Don’t let him. Martin comes in, and Diane says, underneath that southern charm is a shark ready for blood. Don’t forget. The judge arrives, and the bailiff says, the Honorable Judge Lowe is presiding, Willow asks Michael, where is Nelle? Everyone waits.

Finn says he’s never seen Robert so upset, and Anna says, he and Holly had a unique relationship. They’d fight and make up; she’d leave, and he’d go after her. He’s never stopped loving her. Finn says, that’s why Robert needs her to be alive, and she says she’s afraid he’ll lose himself in this desperate quest to find her. He asks if she thinks there’s a chance, but she says she doesn’t know. There’s always a question. Until her body is discovered, Holly isn’t gone.

Chase tells Sasha, when Michael is granted full custody, everything they did will be worth it. She says she’s been telling herself that, and he says, the truth is, Michael and Willow might never know the part they played, but they did a good thing. She says, he’s coping better than she is, and he asks if she’s kidding him. He could barely get out of bed. The Chief of Detectives called, looking for him. All he can thinks about is Willow’s smile and the sound of her voice. Sasha knows how he feels. She can’t get out of her own head, and now she’s going to relinquish her dream. He tells her, make the dream start happening today. She says, tell Maxie tell she’ll be right out. He leaves and she looks at herself in the mirror.

Laura says, it’s been proven Valentin isn’t a Cassadine, and he asks, what’s her point? She asks if Nikolas and Spencer are free of retribution. He says he’s not a fan of Nikolas, but he has no plans for that. They’re both safe. She says he’s been given a second chance. It’s rare, and right now he can decide who he wants to be. He says he won’t argue with that, and she says she hopes he uses it wisely, and becomes the man he was meant to be. He thanks her, and asks who that is exactly. She says, a man who puts his family first, before money and power. He asks if she thinks he could be that man, and she says, the question is, does he want to be?

Maxie tells Chase, Sasha needs to be at 100%; make that 200%. Is she okay? He says he thinks so, and she says, that doesn’t sound like 300%. He says he explained what matters, and she says it’s hard to believe he’s the same guy she thought he was; Lulu was right. Sasha comes out, and says, it’s time to make their dream come true with the face that launched a million sales for Deception. Maxie tells Chase, get out, and tells Sasha that she looks gorgeous. We see the makeup table, and the vial is empty. Brilliant of her to just leave it sitting there.

Nina tells Jax, she appreciates the offer, but she doesn’t need him or anyone else undertaking a journey that should be hers. If her daughter is out there, she’ll sure as hell find her herself.

On the phone in the hallway, Martin tells Nelle that he can’t stall any longer. Get here now. He goes back in, and thanks the judge, assuring him Nelle will be there soon, and sends her deepest apologies. Diane tells Michael and Willow not to get ahead of themselves. Michael asks what the best case is if Nelle doesn’t show, and she says, the judge already has the arguments. He could decide to rule in Michael’s favor if Nelle doesn’t show soon. Judge Lowe asks if Martin’s client is in the courthouse, and Martin says he’s sure she is. The judge says he has a busy calendar, and they’ve waited long enough.

Nelle dashes into the courtroom, wearing a wedding dress, and carrying a bouquet. She says she’s sorry she’s late. The most incredible thing happened. She shows everyone her ring.

On Monday, TJ tells Molly that they have to work on their life, Nelle introduces her new husband, Cyrus meets Ava, and Jordan tells Sonny to stay out of her investigation.

The Real Housewives of New York

Leah meets Dorinda, Sonja, and LuAnn, at a bench in the park. Elsewhere in the park, Sonja and Ramona meet for a walk. Tinsley goes to boxing training with instructor Mike. He asks how Tinsley is, and she says, good, but not great. He says, that’s better than last time, and we flash back to Tinsley weeping and overwhelmed, saying she wants to live her best life. She  tells him that she’s in a better place, and she’s single now. In her interview, she says, Mike isn’t easy to talk to. He forces her to fight with her fists and her words. She tells him there’s tension with Dorinda over nothing. Dorinda is saying Tinsley isn’t being open. Mike asks, where do they get these names from? In Tinsley’s interview, she says she doesn’t know where to go with Dorinda. She wants it to be pleasant, but Dorinda likes to fight. Mike asks if they had a fight, and what happened.

Dorinda tells LuAnn and Leah that she’s done with Tinsley. Tinsley is like a mint in her mouth; gone. In Leah’s interview, she says for someone Dorinda isn’t interested in, she spends a lot of time talking about Tinsley.

Tinsley tells Mike, they all jump in, and she can’t say anything. He tells her, he’s Dorito, and they’re going to box. Ha-ha! Loving Mike. He punches at Tinsley, and she cringes. He tells her, take it like a doormat. He asks why she’s unhappy, and she says she’s not. He wonders if that’s why she was crying the last time she was there, and she says she’s confused. She tells Mike, she’s done.

LuAnn tells Dorinda that Tinsley has an overbearing mother from the South, and she needs to be accepted for who she is.

Ramona tells Sonja, Dorinda is hard on Tinsley. She thinks something is going on with Dorinda, and Sonja suggests she’s jealous. In Sonja’s interview, she says, Tinsley is taken care of, and Rich took care of Dorinda. She misses that life. Ramona says, they’re all devoid of partners now, and Dorinda misses the past. Sonja says, when John tries to help Dorinda, she tells him she’s got this. It’s a different relationship, and her time with Richard was cut short. In Ramona’s interview, she says comparing Richard and John is like comparing apples and oranges. Richard graduated from Harvard, and she doesn’t know if John even graduated from anywhere.

Mike tells Tinsley that she has a down face. What’s the antidote? WTF does she want to do? Tinsley says she doesn’t know, but he says she’s known all along. She’s a legend. There will never be another Tinsdale. She says there isn’t one to begin with. Her name is Tinsley. I don’t think she gets his humor. She certainly doesn’t get that you have to hit back in boxing.

LuAnn visits Leah’s apartment. In Leah’s interview, she says she and LuAnn have shared similar obstacles, and are kindred spirits. LuAnn says she brought her food. She’s starving and thought Leah might be hungry. In LuAnn’s interview, a producer asks what she thinks of Leah’s apartment, and LuAnn asks if they really want to know, and laughs. She tells Leah, it’s really cool. Leah shows LuAnn around, and says, since Kier is only there half the time, she took all the closets. In her interview, LuAnn adds that she loves how humble Leah is. In Leah’s interview, she says, most people are impressed, unless they’re in the 1%. She’s not, and there’s no shame in that. It’s not about the size, it’s about the vibe. She says she heard LuAnn drank at the comedy show, and LuAnn says she thought it was water, and she was thirsty, but it was vodka. She took two sips or three, and went on stage. She was okay, but she never had a big problem. Except for falling into a bush on a crazy girls trip. We flash back to the gift that keeps on giving. LuAnn says she feels if she wants a drink at this point, she can. Leah says that’s how she feels too. For years, she didn’t drink because she’d been told it was death in a bottle, but she doesn’t believe it. She’s been in hell when she wasn’t drinking, with being over-medicated and in toxic relationships. In Leah’s interview, she says, you’re told you have no control, and it’s not empowering; it’s bullsh*t. It’s just a drink. What’s it going to do? We flash back to a naked Leah flinging tiki torches around, and yelling at Sonja. Leah tells LuAnn, she was in a different place when she stopped, and she’s done a lot of work on herself. LuAnn says she has to give herself a break. She’s been listening to herself, and it feels nice to give herself permission to say what she wants. She has a sense of control. In her interview, LuAnn says she lives moment by moment, and in that moment, she wanted vodka. It’s not a big deal. She’s taken off the life jacket, and she’s getting in the pool with the ladies. I used to work for Al-Anon, and I keep thinking of their pamphlet, A Merry-go-round Named Denial. LuAnn asks if Leah saw the Page Six article about Dorinda.

Sonja sees Dorinda on a bench in the park, and asks about the article. Dorinda brings it up on her phone, and it says she’s taking a break from long time boyfriend John. Dorinda wonders if Ramona planted it. In her interview, Dorinda says break-ups are terrible, but she had to do what was best for herself. Her expectation levels have grown, and she needs to find the right partner whose willing to be engaged that way. She tells Sonja there was no fight, but John feels bad because they love each other. She just feels like she’s grown so fast.

The article makes the rounds. LuAnn tells Leah, Dorinda needed John; he was there to pick up the pieces, and helped her at a bad time. She has nothing against him, but Dorinda feels like she’s outgrown him. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, it’s weird to find out about it on Page Six. In Leah’s interview, she says she knows more about Richard than she does about John. What does that say? In Sonya’s interview, she says, now Dorinda is single like the rest of them. In Ramona’s interview, she says she knew before Dorinda did. She’s not surprised. In Tinsley’s interview, she says, them finding out on Page Six, after Dorinda made such a big deal about sharing things makes her a hypocrite. Sonja tells Dorinda that they need to take care of themselves. Dorinda says she needs a house cat rather than one where, when the door opens, he dashes out. LuAnn thinks they need to do something to take Dorinda’s mind off of the breakup. She knows an apple picking place. In her interview, LuAnn says they need to take full advantage of the breakup, and forget the city for a day. She tells Leah that she needs a bigger coffee table.

The women get in a luxury van, and Ramona she’s excited for the trip. LuAnn says, it’s an orchard. They’re going to have lunch by the pumpkin patch, and there’s a corn maze, pumpkin picking, a hayride, and they’ll have a winery tasting later. There’s also a store that sells pies and apple cider donuts. It’s a perfect day for it. Ramona says, it’s gorgeous. In Sonya’s interview, she says she’s excited to be with the girls. She’s not excited to drink more wine though. She just wants to have a healthy day.

The van arrives at Weed Orchards and Winery. Tinsley says, it’s never too early for wine. It’s called breakfast wine, and it’s normal. Funny. I’ve never heard of it. Dorinda gets excited about the petting zoo. Ramona says only Tinsley would wear heels to an orchard. Dorinda brings out a glass that’s almost as big as she is, and says they’re just going to have one glass. In her interview, Sonja says she wasn’t of the mindset to drink, but she’s with her girls, so hell to the no. She’s not missing out. They have lunch, and Ramona toasts to good girlfriends. I’m guessing those girlfriends must be on some other show. Sonja takes pictures, and Ramona asks Dorinda what’s going on with John. Dorinda says she’s not the person that John met; she’s changed. Ramona says Dorinda was broken when they met. Dorinda says it’s been a good process. It made her reevaluate things. In her interview, she says, going through the process with the house flooding, and making the decision about John, she was able to mourn Richard for the first time. Hannah is out of the house, and she’s decided to be alone for the first time, and she’s okay with it. She tells the women, it’s not easy to open herself up to criticism, and Tinsley mumbles, it’s called sharing. In her interview, she calls bullsh*t. Tinsley tells Dorinda that saying she might get judged makes her a hypocrite, and Dorinda tells Tinsley, don’t comment. She has gum that’s lasted longer than Tinsley’s relationships. She calls Tinsley invisible, and in Ramona’s interview, she says, Dorinda has outbursts of anger, but her anger at Tinsley is the worst. Elyse wants them to say something nice about each other. In her interview, Ramona thinks Dorinda is using Tinsley as a punching bag to be so vicious, but she’s glad, since she doesn’t want it to happen to her. Nice. Dorinda makes fun of Tinsley crying, and Tinsley says Dorinda sounds like a bully and mean. In Leah’s interview, she says, if this is Dorinda when she’s not interested in Tinsley, what does Dorinda being interested in Tinsley look like? She tells Dorinda, they should be holding each other up, not bringing each other down, but Dorinda says she can’t deal with dumbness. I guess she can’t deal with a dictionary either, since I assume she means stupidity and not being mute. Tinsley says Dorinda is a bully, and Dorinda says, don’t be judging her. Tinsley says she doesn’t judge Dorinda, and Ramona tells Tinsley, calm down. Tinsley, who has moved into screeching, says, let her finish. Dorinda sarcastically says she’s scared, and asks LuAnn to protect her. Sonja asks why Tinsley is getting in on the conversation, because she’s probably too drunk already to understand what’s going on outside of the world in her head. Tinsley says, for someone who doesn’t care about her, Dorinda says a lot of sh*t about her. She doesn’t like being ganged up on. She leaves the table, and LuAnn follows. She tells Tinsley not to cry. She’s been there, and don’t let them see you cry. Tinsley says she can’t say anything without Dorinda saying something.

Elyse thinks Dorinda is grieving, and Dorinda tells Elyse to stop analyzing her. She’s not mean or unkind. Um… In Elyse’s interview, she says she’s not analyzing Dorinda; she’s frightened of Dorinda. You don’t have to be a psychologist to see she’s mean. Tinsley tells LuAnn that she’s suffered, and if she’s yelling, it’s because she’s upset. LuAnn says Dorinda has a lot of anger toward Tinsley, but she doesn’t know why. Dorinda tells Leah that Tinsley should just be compassionate, and talk to her some other time. She knew she was triggering Dorinda, saying she was being a bitch. If Tinsley wants a bitch, she’s got one. In Leah’s interview, she says, the group, especially Dorinda, is hard on Tinsley for not being forthcoming, but she can understand why Tinsley would mutter under her breath. Leah says they all have kids, which is something Tinsley wants. Dorinda says she buried a husband – like we don’t already know – and she wanted to die. Leah says she got a family, and was loved. Dorinda says, it was a terrible day, and starts to cry. Leah sits next to her, and says she and Tinsley have nothing in common; she gets it. Dorinda wails that she came to the realization that she’s 55, and this is not what she planned. Honey, I’ve got news for you, most of our lives aren’t what we planned. She says she did everything right. She’s a good mother, and not dishonest, and this is what she gets. In her interview, Leah says she has the utmost sympathy, but what does that have to do with Tinsley? Dorinda says she almost became an alcoholic (almost became?), and realized she didn’t like who she saw in the mirror. Leah says she likes Dorinda because she’s real. LuAnn says they’re going on a hayride if it kills them.

Tinsley talks to herself as she changes into sneakers, and says every time she tries, she’s squashed, and has to sit in the corner. Dorinda says, it’s the best time she’s ever had, and talks to the goats. Now I’m confused. Tinsley tells Leah that she wants to climb a tree. She wonders if they’re allowed, and Leah says, who cares? No one will know. Tinsley asks if climbing trees solves problems, and Leah says, it does. In her interview, Leah says, she’d rather be smoking trees, but the Weed Orchard is apparently just an orchard. Tinsley climbs up, and says she can see the world. In her interview, she says she’s mad at herself for letting Dorinda get to her, and getting breaking down crying mad. She let Dorinda rile her up. LuAnn comes along, and says they need to find the girls for the hayride.

They sit in the wagon, and after they get going, Sonja demands to go faster. LuAnn says this was just a way to get them off the lunch table; they’re going to a corn maze. Dorinda says she doesn’t need a maze. In Ramona’s interview, she says, who needs to get more lost? When they get there, Sonja confuses eggplants for pot plants. She tries chatting up the owner, but he’s not having it. Elyse, Ramona, and Dorinda head into the maze, and a woman who works there says they’re going the wrong way. LuAnn asks, which way is the right one? and goes in with Tinsley, Sonja, and Leah. Sonja shucks some corn, and puts it in her bag, saying she’s friends with the owner. LuAnn say she doesn’t know where the hell she’s going, and Sonja wonders what the goal is. She says, if they follow LuAnn, they’ll never get out. Sonja squats to pee, and Leah says she’s fertilizing the soil. LuAnn suggests holding it, but Leah says it’s not good for your bladder. LuAnn doesn’t know how good corn shucks are for it either. In her interview, Lean says, there are two Sonja’s. Miss Morgan, who lives on the Upper East Side, hates tattoos, and comes from old money; and turnip Sonja, who she loves. She has the feeling if both Sonjas met, they wouldn’t like each other. Dorinda says, just lose Tinsley. She’d be good as a corn stalk. My God, that woman is obsessed. In Dorinda’s interview, she says the maze is fun, but they can get out any time now. It’s time to get back to the maze of drinks. She and her group find a gazebo, and Dorinda says they’ll wait until they’re rescued.

On the way back, Sonja asks the owner how much money he makes. Dorinda thanks Ramona for listening, and Ramona say Dorinda is in pain. So was Mario. The reason he cheated was because he felt inadequate. In Ramona’s interview, she says, Dorinda needs to focus on herself, not the reason her relationship with John is over. It’s okay to move on. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, endings are painful, but sometimes breakups are good, healthy, and needed. It’s easy to fall back into old habits, and then what? She tells Ramona that John will always have a seat at her dinner table. She never wants someone to say their life was less than because of her (except Tinsley?). She wants them to say their life was better for having met her. Ramona says they blessed each other’s lives, and in her interview, says, it’s something Dorinda needs to work out. She’s suffering.

Back at the main house, the women have some fruit, cheese, and wine. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, when Sonja drinks, she loses it, and becomes a caricature of herself. Ramona says Sonja is needy, and asks when was the last time she had sex? Sonja says she got pounded last night. They discuss d*ck pics, and in LuAnn’s interview, she says she doesn’t like to shop online. She likes to touch and feel things, so d*ck pics don’t do it for her. Tinsley asks why it has to just be about that; what about loving each other? Sonja says Tinsley would do anything for d*ck if it brings her a bracelet. Why Tinsley doesn’t haul off and smack Sonja is beyond me. Elyse says when she’s not in a relationship, she misses being held, and Sonja says they all want sex. LuAnn says, it’s time to go.

Next time, the women take an exercise class and do some Russian banya (it’s like a sauna plus), Ramona says Dorinda has a pattern, and Dorinda gets nasty with Ramona.

👨🏾‍🍳 On Top Chef, everyone was bummed about Kevin leaving, and we flashed back on his moments. The chefs were taken to a summer camp, in the mountains outside of L.A., where Padma welcomed them, and introduced guest judge Kelsey Barnard Clark, who was the Top Chef Kentucky winner. Padma said that being out in nature made her excited for grilling season to begin. In honor of summer, the Quickfire challenge was to make a dish featuring Bush beans, choosing from a variety of options. Kelsey told them, get creative, have fun, and make a delicious meal. The winner would get $10K, courtesy of Bush beans. The chefs had thirty minutes. Lee Anne came out the winner for how she incorporated the beans in her dish, and her chef skills.

Padma told the chefs, they were not alone. A mom’s group was there for a weekend away from their kids, and to act like kids, and they were to send them off with full bellies and an unforgettable experience. The chefs were to work together to create a Sunday brunch buffet for 200 mothers. Another previous winner, Brook Williamson, would also be a guest judge. Kelsey wanted an impressive buffet, and Padma said each of them had to make two dishes. They had four hours to prep and cook for a 9 am meal, using whatever ingredients the camp had. Beforehand, they got to have some downtime with camp activities, like zip lining and bungie jumping.

For the 9 o’clock brunch, the chefs had to get up at 4 am. Lee Anne said she couldn’t sleep, hearing the karaoke going on below. They were a little disappointed in the lack of diversity in the camp pantry. Karen said there wasn’t much diversity and not a lot of ingredients. Melissa said it was straight up Hunger Games.

Bryan, Geoffrey, and Karen had the best dishes, and Karen came out the winner. The least favorite dishes came from Lee Anne, Melissa, and Brian full of Malarkey. Tom said they were at the place in the competition where mental mistakes start to happen. Lee Anne had to pack her knives and go, but she said it wasn’t over, since shed crushed it before in Last Chance Kitchen. That $10K probably wasn’t a bad consolation prize either. In her interview, she said she was moving into the next phase of her career, and life. After being a mom for five years, she was dusting off the cobwebs.

Next time, the chefs cook for Olympic athletes, and (gasp!) a piece of shell is found in the crab.

😵 Sleepwalking…

I’m way tired, since my sick child dog is back from the hospital, and needs a lot of care right now, so I’m saving the tea for tomorrow. The Shahs reunion remains a mystery, and I’m starting to wonder if they ever really existed. So for now, stay safe, stay keeping it real, and stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.