What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Ned says, the Ice Princess? and Tracy says, it was genuine the last time she looked. Michael asks, when was that? but she doesn’t know. Luke always took care of that. Ned says, how comforting, and she says, all she knows is, she did not try to pass off a fake diamond. Laura tells Tracy that the warrant for her arrest is valid. She’s so sorry, but there’s nothing she can do. Ned says he’s calling a lawyer, and Tracy says, hold on. She looks at head official guy and says, I know you.

Austin tells Maxie that he knows how he feels. Does she want to tell him what the kiss meant to her? She says, it meant a lot actually. Proof that her connection with him is real; that her heart is ready to be happy. He’s important to her. He says, she’s important to him, and she says, so she’s happy she kissed him, but it can’t happen again.

Alexis gets up, and asks if Willow is in trouble, but Harmony says, no. She didn’t mean to alarm Alexis. Alexis says, good, and sits back down. She just had a very good heart-to-heart with Kristina, and she thinks Kristina is on board with them being friends. What’s wrong? Harmony says, Alexis may not want to be her friend after she hears this.

Trina walks into the gallery, and Ava asks what she’s doing here. Isn’t she supposed to be away? Trina says, their trip got cut short, and Ava asks if Trina and her friends weren’t having any fun. Trina says she’s not sure it could have gone any worse.

Spencer joins Doc and Esme at the counter in Kelly’s, and says, his final check before he goes to the big house. Should he put it in his account for ramen and postage stamps? Doc says he thinks Spencer has seen too many prison movies (or thinks he’s going to college), but Spencer says he’s about to experience the real thing. Doc says, one step at a time, okay? His grandmother’s on the way, and Doc is sure some of Spencer’s friends will be stopping by to wish him well, but Spencer says he’s not holding his breath.

Outside Kelly’s, Anna leaves another voicemail for Valentin. She asks if he can call her back. She wants to know what it is he’s discovered about Louise. And she wants an update on him, if he’s all right. Victor comes by, and says, Anna, a pleasure. She tells him, speak for himself.

Sonny doesn’t understand why Carly is so worked up, and she says, it’s the not understanding part that’s the problem. She’s asked him for time and space, and instead, he cooks up some over-the-top display of love. He says, that’s a bad thing? and she says, no, it’s not the right thing. And after all these years, he should know her better than that. He says he knows her better than anyone.

Tracy says, it all makes sense now, and Ned asks, what makes sense? She asks if official guy followed her all the way from the Netherlands, Dean… Dan… He says, Dave. Tracy says, Dave the Dumpster Diver. That’s what Luke used to call him when he was sniffing around them in Amsterdam. He was obsessed with nailing Luke on some trumped-up charge. He found a new angle. Ned asks if Dave has been hounding his mother, but Dave says he’s just doing his job. Tracy says, like he was just doing his job holding her and Luke at the Belgian border for twelve hours without cause. Laura says, that sounds a little above and beyond the call of duty, and Tracy says, above and beyond the law. Dave says, here’s the deal. He doesn’t answer to any of them, and Tracy is in their custody now. Drew says he doesn’t think so. They’re not taking his aunt anywhere.

Austin says he is kind of a bonehead about a lot of things, but can Maxie explain something to him? If them kissing makes her happy, why doesn’t she want to do it again? She says, she likes him… a lot, but until she has her daughter back, she can’t give them the focus they deserve. He says he understands, and she says, does he? He says, no, and she says, those aren’t just words. She really does care about him, but she just can’t give in to her feelings. She’s sorry. He says, not ever? and she says, not yet.

Victor says he understands Peter was being transferred today. He supposes Anna is on her way to the hospital to supervise. She says, no, it’s being handled, and he says, may his trial be swift, and his incarceration infinite. She says, on that, they agree, and he says, and coffee. Can they at least agree on that as well? She asks, as in, does she like it? but he says, as in, can he buy her a cup? It will give them a chance to get better acquainted. She thanks him, but says, she thinks she knows all she needs to know, and he asks why she despises him, particularly since Valentin means so much to them both. She asks if he’s heard from Valentin, but he says, not since yesterday. She says she hasn’t been able to reach him, and Victor says, he did seem a little distracted last night. She’s worried about his son. She tells him that she didn’t say that, and he says, she didn’t have to.

Doc asks if Spencer is having problems with his friends, and Esme tells Spencer not to worry. No matter who shows up, she’ll be at Spring Ridge every week to visit him. She’ll do whatever he needs to help him through.

Trina tells Ava, then apparently, Spencer and Esme left. Ava says, apparently? and Trina says she was passed out. Ava asks how much she had to drink, and Trina says, just one, she promises. She never had hot toddies before. Ava says, at Trina’s age, drinking is just ill-advised, and Trina says, lesson learned. Apparently, whiskey is not her friend. Ava says, neither is Esme. From the sound of it, she had quite a hand in the night taking a turn. Trina says, did she ever, and Ava wonders, why is that girl always nearby when there’s trouble?

Sonny says, Carly used to appreciate it when he thought outside the box. She knows him better than anybody. She says, maybe they don’t know each other anymore, but he says, that’s not true, and when she sees what he’s got planned, he’s going to prove that to her. She says she appreciates him trying; the flowers, the meals, now this big surprise. He says, but? and she says, it’s not what she needs. He says, tell him what she needs, and she says she has, over and over again. He says, give him something concrete that’s going to save their marriage; something that’s going to get her to come home.

Alexis hands Harmony a cup, and says, compliments of Corinthos Coffee as a welcome back gift. Harmony says she’s happy things are going so well for Alexis post-release, and Alexis says, everyone has been very kind. Okay, so why doesn’t she want to be friends with Harmony? Harmony says, because she failed her daughter again, and Alexis asks, how? Harmony says, because Willow wants something from her that she can’t give her. Alexis tells her, says every mother from the beginning of time. They sit, and Harmony says, Willow has been more forgiving and accepting than she deserves, especially when it comes to Wiley. Alexis says, good. It sounds like they’re on the path to rebuilding their relationship. Harmony says she wants the best for Willow, and just wants to be a mother to her, and Alexis says, Harmony is her mother. Harmony says, she’s a liability.

Drew says, Tracy isn’t going anywhere with Dave until they speak to his superiors. Dave says, and he is? and Drew says, Drew Cain. Dave looks at the other official guy, and Drew says, they’re familiar with his name He was debriefed by Dave’s boss at the WSB, but new memories have surfaced; memories he believes would be of use to the agency. Michael says, maybe Drew would rather share his experiences with their online readership. He introduces himself, and says, he’s CEO of Aurora’s visual division. He’d love to get the scoop. Drew says, so Michael is suggesting he go public, instead of cooperating further with the WSB? He asks what Dave thinks. Is he willing to grant Drew’s small request, or explain to his higher ups why Drew’s not willing to play ball anymore? Dave asks what it is Drew wants, and Drew says he wants Dave to call Anna Devane.

Anna tells Victor, if he sees or hears from Valentin, please ask him to call her. He says he will, and her phone rings. She sees it’s the WSB, and answers. She asks, what’s the problem?… She’s on her way. Victor says, WSB business? and she says she’s got to see a man about a dog. She leaves, and he goes into Kelly’s.

Spencer thanks Victor for coming, and hugs him. Victor says, it’s a pleasure, and thanks Spencer for including him. Victor asks how he’s doing on this not-so celebratory occasion, and Spencer says, he’s hanging in there. Victor says, he’ll continue to do so; day by day, hour by hour. Esme says, minute by minute if he has to, and Victor says, if at any time Spencer feels adrift, reach out to a guy by the name of Samuel. He’s arranged for him to look out for Spencer. Spencer says, for real? That’s amazing. He doesn’t know how to thank Victor. Victor says, his pleasure, and Doc asks if he and Victor can have a word, and they go outside. Esme says, that should make Spencer feel a little better, and he says he’s so grateful for his uncle, and her for trying to make things easier. She says she wishes he could add his friends to that list.

Trina says, Ava isn’t the only one who thinks Esme’s trouble. Cam and Joss told Spencer that night. Ava asks if Trina thinks they got through to him, but Trina says she doesn’t know. She still can’t believe he’s into that girl. Ava says, he’s young; he’ll learn. Trina says, when? and Ava says, someday. Often it takes the right person to come along before someone realizes they should have someone better. So how did Trina leave things with Cam and Josslyn? Trina says she thinks they’re good. She told them there were no bad feelings about them being together, even though it was awkward with a capital A. Ava says she remembers how Trina used to feel about Cam, and Trina says she’s sorry Ava had to hear all that. Ava says she’s honored Trina shared that with her. She just hopes her advice helped. Trina says, Ava told her to be honest about her feelings, while also prioritizing her friendship with Joss. Ava says, and has Trina been completely honest with them?

Sonny asks Carly to tell him how to make this right, and she says she would if she thought he’d listen. He says, forget the time nonsense, and she says, it’s not nonsense. He says he can’t give her that, and she says, that’s awesome, and starts to leave. He says, time away from him and time away from their daughters, their life together, is that what she wants? She says, she doesn’t want any of it. She hates being away from the girls, and every morning when she opens her eyes and he’s not there in bed with her. He broke her heart. Not to mention the humiliation factor. He asks, who’s humiliated? and she says she is. He says, by what? and she says, the multiple people who knew about him and Nina before she did. Finding out in the hearing room in front of everybody. She felt so stupid. He says he didn’t want her to find out about it that way; he wanted it to come from him. She says, but it didn’t. Not one word. He says he planned to. He told her that how many times? Then Jason died and… He doesn’t want to make it an excuse. She says she knows it’s not an excuse. Jason died, and everything else faded into the background. She gets that. He says, so she understands? and she says, that part, yes. He asks if she forgives him.

Trina tells Ava, she was honest with Joss and Cam, or at least as honest as she could have been without hurting anyone’s feelings. She liked Cam back in the day, but they realized it just wasn’t right. It’s no one’s fault; it just is. Ava asks how she feels about that, and Trina says, lousy. Ava asks if she told her friends that, and Trina asks if Ava heard the part about not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. Ava says she should never have to suck it up, and Trina says she thinks she’d be open to that now. She’s learned that shoving it down doesn’t help. Ava says, Trina is her priority in this scenario, and Trina thanks her for listening. Ava says, always, and Trina says, so that’s it. She told Cam and Joss that she was over it, and they could all move on. Ava says, over it or over Cam? and Trina says, both. Ava asks if she thinks it has anything to do with Spencer.

Spencer tells Esme, his friends have every reason to be angry; their weekend away was a disaster. He hopes Trina is okay. Esme says, she’ll be fine, but by all means worry more about Trina than the girlfriend he’s leaving behind.

Doc tells Victor, all of them who care about Spencer want him to be safe while he’s inside Spring Ridge. However, he doesn’t think it serves Spencer’s interest to rely on whatever guard Victor is in league with. Victor says, can he help it if he has friends Spencer can avail himself of? Just like the mayor has friends, or Doc has friends. His friends are just more useful to Spencer right now. Perhaps instead of scolding him, Doc should be thanking him.

Anna comes in, and Tracy says, finally. Is she aware her friends are harassing a grieving widow? Drew tells her, what his aunt means to say is, thanks for getting here so quickly, and Anna says, of course (🍷). What’s going on? Drew says, they need some clarity on grounds for arrest, and Anna says, the arrest being…? Tracy says, her. She’s under arrest for something she did not do. Michael says they think one of the agents has an agenda, and Anna says she’ll ask some questions. Tracy asks her if Anna can be quick; she has a plane to catch. Luke left some loose ends she needs to tie up. God knows what he was into before he died. Anna says she’ll be right back, and Ned thanks Drew for sticking his neck out on Tracy’s behalf. He didn’t have to. Drew says, they’re family, and Ned says, that, we are.

Austin says, one thing he knows for sure, he has terrible timing, but Maxie asks how he can say that. She kissed him. If timing is the issue, it’s hers. He asks if there’s a second issue, and she says, her, the woods, a baby popping out. Does any of it ring a bell? He says, it rings some vague bells, and she says she doesn’t want to think what would have happened if he wasn’t there. He says he’s glad he was, and she says, her too. He says, honest follow-up question. If they hadn’t met in the woods; if they’d met in a café or library… She says, what? and he says, a box store. If they’d met in a box store, would she be friendzoning him? She says, he’s not friendzoned… Okay, he is, but only until things get settled. He says he totally gets it, and she thanks him. She says, just so they’re clear, she’s not expecting him to wait for her. He’s well within his rights to move on. He asks if that’s what she wants, and she says she wants him to be happy. He says, having this moment with her right now makes him totally happy. He has no plans to go anywhere or do anything. Unless she has a problem with that. She says, not the tiniest bit.

Carly says she gets why Jason dying made it difficult to tell her about Nina, and he says, then why the distance between them? He’s not going to be with Nina. They still love each other, right? She says, of course (🍷), and he asks, then what’s the problem? She says she just wants for this never to have happened, and he says, one thing he can’t do is turn back time. If he could, he would. If he could erase what happened in Nixon Falls, being Mike and everything, he would. She says, would he? if given the chance, would he choose to forget everything that happened in Nixon Falls, everything with Nina? He says, if it meant they could be together and happy, yeah, he would. She says, he was almost convincing, and he tells her, anything he says isn’t good enough. He’s got props being delivered. She asks what he’s talking about, and he says he’s recreating their wedding in Martinique. She says, that’s the surprise? and he says, he thought she knew the plan. She says she knew he had something planned, but didn’t know what it was, and he says, that’s what it was. They don’t have to. He can do anything she wants. She asks, what’s better then Martinique? and he says, not much. She says, as far as grand gestures go, it’s pretty perfect.

Esme says, the entire town hates her, but Spencer asks if she doesn’t think she’s overreacting a little. Victor walks in, and she says, who does she have besides him? He says, Doc and his grandmother for starters, and she says, they tolerate her at best because of him. Victor approaches, and says he’s sorry for eavesdropping, but if there’s anything Esme needs while his nephew is away,  he’s always available. Spencer says, see? and asks them to excuse him a moment. He goes outside, and Esme thanks Victor, saying, that’s very sweet. He says, and earnest. He knows something about feeling unwelcome. As a matter-of-fact, he just got an earful from the good doctor Collins.

Spencer asks what Doc is still doing out here; it’s freezing. Doc says he’s waiting for Laura. She should be here any minute. Spencer says he’s sorry, and Doc says, for what? Spencer says he should have told Doc that he was inviting his great uncle, but Doc says he’s allowed to invite whoever he likes. Spencer says, grandmother has made it painfully clear she doesn’t trust Victor, and Doc says, Laura is concerned, but if Victor is important to Spencer, he should be there. The last thing Spencer wants to start this next chapter is regrets.

Trina tells Ava, Spencer’s her friend. Sure, he makes idiotic choices, and his girlfriend’s a nightmare, but he’s basically a good guy. Not that she supports what he did to Ava. Ava says, Trina doesn’t have to justify anything to her. She knows Spencer is a complicated young man. She may not be able to trust him, but she thinks he benefits from having Trina in his life. She just wants the friendship to be reciprocal; she wants Trina to benefit as well, not just be a target for Esme’s jealousy. Trina says, Esme has nothing to be jealous about, and Ava says, if it makes Trina uncomfortable supervising Spencer when he starts working there, she’ll be happy to keep the two of them apart.

Anna comes back, and tells Tracy, apparently the buyer she sold a piece of the Ice Princess to, had it appraised, and the fragment is close to worthless. Tracy says, if that’s true, it’s news to her, and Anna says, the WSB has doubts about that. Laura asks why the WSB is involved, and not Interpol, and Anna says, jockeying for jurisdiction is her guess. The Ice Princess is of enormous interest, as she knows. Laura says, all too well. It put a shadow over their lives for decades; everyone wanted a piece of it. Anna says, it’s history alone is every man’s desire, not to mention it’s monetary worth. She tells Dave, which is to say, there will be no shortage of scrutiny as to how this case is handled. She asks how Tracy found a buyer, and Tracy says, she used an intermediary, someone who did deals for her and Luke in the past. Anna says, she’ll need a name. She’ll also need Tracy to walk her through where she stored the diamond, and how often she had it appraised, and the contact information of the previous buyer. Ned asks if this means his mother isn’t under arrest, and Anna says she thinks arrest is a little aggressive, especially since Tracy is so willing to cooperate. She’ll make a call, and have them void the warrant. Dave says, they were given the green light, but Anna says, they’ll discuss his conduct later, and tells them to wait outside. They leave, and she tells Tracy that she’ll need every detail as to where the diamond was, and how it passed from Luke to Tracy. Every detail. Go.  

Harmony tells Alexis, Michael surprised Willow with an upcoming trip to Paris, and to get a passport, she needs a birth certificate. Alexis says, so she doesn’t have it, she lost it, she can get another one; it’s easy. Harmony says, it’s not easy. Willow doesn’t have a birth certificate, and it’s her fault. Alexis doesn’t get it. Willow got married, she was in school, she got a driver’s license. You can’t have all those things and not have a birth certificate. Harmony says, the one she had wasn’t official. Harmony was living in a commune when she gave birth to Willow, and the community didn’t adhere to societal norms. Alexis asks what she means, and she says she forged Willow’s birth certificate.  

Ned walks Laura to the door, and says he appreciates her trying to help out with those agents. She says, that diamond has always brought bad luck. He says, he would never tell his mother this – she says, then she won’t either – but part of him is relieved that someone took it off her. Laura doesn’t blame him. Has his mother ever mentioned someone threatening Luke over the Ice Princess? He says, not that he recalls; why? She says she was just wondering. She’s sorry his vow ceremony was overshadowed by this nonsense. It really was a lovely ceremony. He says, with a lovely officiant. Nothing could ruin today. He was, and still is, the happiest man on earth. She tells him, keep it that way, and he says, that’s the plan, and she leaves.

Anna says, it’s a good start. When Tracy gets home, she’ll have an agent reach out with further questions. Tracy asks her to get a competent one please, and Anna says she’ll do her best. She steps into the foyer, and calls Maxie. She asks if Maxie is free right now to meet… Good. Where is she?… You’re kidding.

Alexis says, Harmony forged her daughter’s birth certificate? and Harmony says, not her personally. Alexis says, oh, in that case… and Harmony says, there was a guy at the commune who could recreate official looking documents. Alexis asks, what was wrong with the actual document? and Harmony says, the people at the commune were worried if they filed with the state, it would be used for scrutiny, or to track them. Alexis says, so that’s it; Harmony isn’t leaving anything out. Harmony says, yes. Sadly it’s just typical group-think paranoia. Alexis says, it must have been some forger if no one questioned the certificate, and Harmony says, she was worried this day would come. That her stupid decision to live off the grid would impact Willow in some way, and now here they are. Alexis should have seen how excited Willow was at the prospect of traveling abroad. She can’t be the reason it doesn’t happen. She’s caused Willow too much pain and unhappiness as it is. Alexis says, Harmony does realize she’s not a lawyer anymore, and Harmony says, she used to be, and she’s smart. And most important, Harmony trusts her. She can’t lose her daughter over this.

Willow tells Michael that she’s going to check on Wiley, and goes upstairs. Drew says, it’s been an eventful day, and Michael says, it usually is around here. He tells Drew, it was a useful threat in the moment, but if he ever wants to go public about what Victor did to him, he’ll be happy to help. Drew says, thanks, but one way or another, Victor is going to get what’s coming to him.

Victor sits down, and says, when you’re young, time seems infinite, but he can assure Esme, the time Spencer’s away will just fly by. She says she hopes so, and he says, she knows the old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder. She says, Sextus Propertius, and he says he’s impressed. She says, Spence audited a Roman Civ class. He got really into ancient poets and philosophers. Anyway, when Sextus wrote that, she’s sure he had friends to distract him. He tells her, a wise man once said, if everyone likes you, you’re probably not being true to yourself. She asks, who’s the author? and he says, me.

Trina tells Ava that she doesn’t think supervising Spencer will be a problem. She’s gotten a million texts and voicemails from him that he’s sorry about what went down at the cabin. Ava says, a million, huh? and Trina’s phone rings. She says, there he is again. She just doesn’t know what to say to him. She was a mess that night, and the worst part is, she doesn’t know how messy. Ava says, Spencer might be trying to touch base with her today because has to report to prison, and Trina says, she totally forgot; he must be freaking out. Ava says, he probably is, but he has his grandmother and his girlfriend; any number of people to lean on really, and yet he keeps calling Trina.

Anna goes to where Maxie and Austin are, and says she’s surprised they didn’t hear all the excitement. He says, they were kind of busy, and Maxie asks, what happened? Anna says, nothing for her to concern herself with, and Maxie says, good. She’s concerned enough already. Anna asks if she’s spoken with Valentin, and Maxie says, no; why?  Anna says she got a voicemail from him that sounded urgent. Now she can’t get ahold of him. Maxie asks what that has to do with her. What did his voicemail say? Anna tells her, he said he had a lead on Louise.

Sonny tells Carly, there were so many memories to choose from; a lifetime’s worth. She says she remembers he was so determined not to marry her; he fought her at every turn. He says he thought he was protecting her. He wishes he could say it was the last time he did the wrong thing for the right reason. She says, he finally gave in, despite his fears, and he says, because he trusted her. He wants her to trust him, and she says she wants to. He says, they can take it slow, and tonight could be like the first time. She says she knows tonight would be beautiful. It would be filled with romance and nostalgia, but what about tomorrow? Or next week or the week after that? Reliving Martinique isn’t going to change what’s so clear. He says, what’s that? and she says, what they have between them right now isn’t working for him, and it’s definitely not working for her.

Alexis says, she’ll figure something out, and Harmony says, she was hoping Alexis would say that, but only if it’s no trouble. Alexis says she’ll call a lawyer colleague and see what can be done, but Harmony has to stop with the too much trouble thing. After all Harmony has done for her? Harmony says, Alexis doesn’t owe her, but Alexis says she’s not doing it out of obligation. She’s doing it because they’re friends, and that’s what friends do; they help each other out. Harmony hugs her, and says, thank you. Alexis has no idea how much she appreciates this.  

Willow comes back, and says, Leo is showing Wiley how to build an aqueduct using cookie dough and milk. Drew says, maybe the boys will get into building, and Willow says, and not be in the family business? Michael wouldn’t stand for it. Michael says, Wiley can absolutely do what he wants, but for the record, ELQ would benefit from any business helm by those two. Drew asks if he isn’t forgetting about somebody. Scout is part of that generation too. Willow says, it’s going to be wild, isn’t it? Watching them grow up, seeing who they become, what they do, who they love. Drew says, parenthood, what ride, and Michael says, it’s scary and overwhelming at times, but… Drew says, it’s so worth it, and Willow takes Michael’s hand.

Tracy tells Ned, those agents are insisting on escorting her aboard her flight to Amsterdam. He says, it could be worse; they could be escorting her to prison. She says, one thing she learned on this trip; nothing and nobody can hold her back. He says, try not to test that theory please, and they hug. She says, he has his family back. Protect them. He says he will, and she says she meant what she said earlier. He says he loves her too, and opens the door for her. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like that escort thing.

Laura runs up to Doc, apologizing for being late, and he says, she just missed Spencer. She says, he’s gone? and he says, momentarily; he said he’d be right back. How was the vow renewal? She says, it was beautiful. Until the WSB showed up and tried to arrest Tracy for counterfeiting the Ice Princess. He says he can’t tell if she’s joking, and she says she’s not. He says, why would she do that? and Laura says, she didn’t, or so she says, but Laura believes her. First, Luke dies, then the diamond gets counterfeited, and Victor has resurfaced. That’s not a coincidence.

Victor looks at his watch, and Esme asks if he has someplace he needs to be. That’s the third time he’s checked his watch. He says, she doesn’t miss much, and she says she’s an observer of human behavior; that’s why she’s studying psychology. He says, his family will give her lots to analyze. Speaking of – he gets up and looks out – he doesn’t see his nephew outside anymore. Esme gets up and looks out the window, and says, he’s absolutely right.

Ava says Spencer seems desperate to reach Trina, but Trina says, he just feels bad that his girlfriend is legitimately the worst. Ava says, maybe, but either way, it’s a good thing Trina isn’t hung up on him. Spencer walks in to the gallery.  

Sonny says, Carly is wrong. What they have does work. She proved it to him in Martinique. He pushed her away, but she knew better. She says, because she had faith, and he says, now he has the faith. He says she told him they were stronger then, but they’re strong now. At least do him a favor. Meet with him, and show him that she’s willing to try. She says, what if she’s not ready when he wants her to be? and he says, he’ll be waiting, but if she’s not ready now, maybe she never will be. He leaves, and I think, ooh, Carly’s earrings.

Austin says, Valentin is where Louise is? but Anna says, no. She has no reason to believe that. The message was light on detail. Maxie says she doesn’t understand. How could Valentin figure something out that Anna, her mom, and the police couldn’t? Anna says, good question. She imagines Valentin kept digging until he found something. Because ever since he was told Bailey wasn’t his child, he’s more determined than ever to reunite Maxie with her daughter. Austin flashes back to seeing Brook and Maxie with their heads together, Maxie saying she doesn’t even consider Brook a friend, and Brook saying that Maxie is the bravest person she knows.

Britt asks what Drew did to get on Sonny’s bad side: Austin says he remembers what happened in the woods; Laura says, Victor’s connections come at a heavy price; and Peter tells Dante, no one here will ever forget him.

The Real Housewives of Orange County

In Gina’s interview, she said she was definitely in mid-level management. She was trying to support Noella, but get her to respect Heather. Now she got why no one wanted to be in mid-level management. The guys were getting together for dinner, and Heather FaceTimed with Terry. In Jen’s interview, she said she hadn’t known the guys were going to dinner. She thought Ryne would love the guys. She scared him so much, it was just the women he shut up around. We saw some of the guys’ dinner, and no surprise, it looked like a lot more fun than the women’s dinner. Lots of laughing and joking, and no wine glass throwing or screaming. Emily asked Shannon, if she and John were going to have a threesome, who would she bring in? but Shannon said they’d never do it. In Shannon’s interview, she said she asked John if he’d ever had one, and he said, a third party damages a relationship. She told Emily that she didn’t discount people who do that, but she and John were at a level she never thought she’d be at with someone. They planned on getting a home together after the twins went to college. Noella thought Shannon’s kids were her soulmates, and Shannon said they were going to love Noella. In Gina’s interview, she said, Noella didn’t have to dominate every conversation. She wanted Noella to exist in the room without becoming the room. Gina and Emily started goofing around, talking about chakras and going, ohm, and Noella told them they were behaving like children. In Noella’s interview, she said she thought Emily and Gina’s IQ’s went down 10 points when they hung out together. In Emily’s interview, she said she was allowed to have fun with her best friend. Noella couldn’t even get on commercial flight, and is calling her a child? Gina and Emily left the table, Emily saying that Shannon and Noella were being offensive, and Gina saying, don’t call them children. Gina told Noella that she was reactionary in the moment, and we flashed back to Noella shouting that she’d eat potatoes when Emily said she wasn’t eating. In her interview, Gina said, Noella was like finding a puppy in the street. You felt sorry for it, but if it bit you, you would be like, f*** you, puppy. Figure it out for yourself.

During a video chat, Shannon told John that she was tired with all the running around, and he said he’d thought she was going to be taking it easy. In her interview, she said, with Heather, things were meticulously planned. It was great, but at the same time, she was exhausted. Emily, Gina, and Noella met to go to the sweat lodge, and Emily said she felt like Cabo was a sweat lodge. In Noella’s interview, she said, last night was a nightmare. She couldn’t sleep, and she was a ball of anxiety. James had said such hurtful things. Heather’s friend Tawnie met Heather, Jen and Shannon to go look at properties, and in Heather’s interview, she said Tawnie just happened to be staying there in the most fabulous hotel down the street. We saw a clip, and it was definitely fabulous. At the sweat lodge, the ceremony guide said she was going to clean their souls. In Emily’s interview, she said she’d studied abroad in the heart of Mexico, and loved the culture. It seemed like home. In Noella’s interview, she said, she hoped it provided a safe space to let the emotions out she’d been holding on to so tight. The guide burned sage or something, and told them that they’d be going into their mother’s womb, and to let go of everything they needed to. They’d find the answers to what they wanted in themselves. They started off at 97 degrees. I’d already be out the door.

Heather’s group went to meet Heather’s realtor, and in Heather’s interview, she said, when she and Terry talked budget and design, she wanted to find something that spoke to her, and Terry wanted something that spoke to his wallet. They looked at a 26,000 square foot, $13 million house with a wraparound pool, and in Shannon’s interview, she said she didn’t know if it was her age or what, but she didn’t want to walk four flights. It was an amazing place, and I don’t think I’ve seen a wraparound pool before, even on Million Dollar Listing. At the sweat lodge, the temperature was at 102, and Emily said she’d never felt such stifling heat. Gina said she was just trying to survive the moment. She’d thought they were going to a spa. In their respective interviews, Noella said she felt a wave of sadness coming out of her by force, and Emily said, tears and snot and saliva and sweat were pouring out. Noella ended up passing out and had to be carried to another area, where she lay in the fetal position, crying. She asked, what happened? and Gina told her that she passed out. Outside, Gina told Emily that she was happy, and wanted them to be happy. In Emily’s interview, she said she didn’t know what happened in the sweat lodge, but it was a surreal experience. She felt like every trauma and hurt had come out. Noella joined them, and Gina said she felt bad, but Noella said she didn’t want it to stick with Gina.  

An hour later, Emily and Gina were napping, while Heather and company looked at a piece of land with a view of a lighthouse that was the oldest structure in Cabo. Jen told Heather that she’d been in pain all day. It was literally radiating up and down her leg, and she needed to go handle it. Heather found out the lot was $8 million, and in her interview, she said, she wanted her man to be happy, which is why he loved her and went along with her harebrained schemes. She got Terry on FaceTime, and showed him the property, along with views of the Sea of Cortez and Pacific Ocean. She told him it was a little over an acre, and he did some fast figuring, coming to a $15.5 million total for building a house there. 

Emily, Gina, and Noella went to the beach, and Emily let slip they’d flown in by private jet. Gina said she didn’t think Heather would leave Noella hanging, but in Noella’s interview, she said, Heather hadn’t spoken to her about flights – or anything. Emily said Heather hadn’t wanted Noella to come, and Gina talked her into it. In Emily’s interview, she said she felt it was important that Noella know that Gina had advocated for her, but in Gina’s interview, she said, what the f***ing f***? WTF??? We went back to Emily’s interview, and she said, I’m Emily Simpson, and I’m an a-hole. In Noella’s interview, she said she’d understood the invite as being an olive branch, and Heather’s way of saying they could be civil, decent, and respectable to each other. We flashed back to Heather saying, maybe she’s not the right friend for Noella, and Noella said, it was a pity invite, like in high school. Gina said she knew Noella was sad, but not everybody wanted details. Emily suggested pulling it back, and letting Heather get to know her; not over-the-top Noella. In her interview, Noella wondered why everyone was so terrified of Heather. Heather still bled, and was still a human being.

Jen worked out to manage her pain, and made the mistake of calling Ryne. She told him that the pain was debilitating and excruciating; she couldn’t function. The best he could come up with was that it would be better tomorrow. She said what she wanted now was to feel loved and protected, and know that how she felt was important. She felt alone. He couldn’t come up with even a smidgeon of empathy, and I wanted to kick his ass. No doubt she’d torn him away from a video game or something. You can talk on the phone and hold the chihuahua.

The women met at the bar, and a table was set up by the beach for dinner, complete with nearby piñata and sombreros for everyone. Bartender Alex hosted a tequila tasting first, and in Emily’s interview, she said, it gets to a point where fun Emily turns into destructive drunk Emily. With three or four shots, she was good, but after five or six she started stuff. We flashed back to her starting stuff. Shannon said she was going to wear her sombrero all night; she loved a theme. Emily said she loved the commitment. They talked about the sweat lodge, and in Jen’s interview, she said, it wasn’t shocking that Noella passed out. She’d been drinking the night before, and was in severe emotional distress. That wasn’t a good combination for a sweat lodge. Jen talked to Heather about her conversation with Ryne, and how she was bearing the burden of a long work day so the family could live well. Heather said, she and Terry had a come to Jesus conversation. They had to be in agreement of who was doing what. In her interview, Jen said, there was a simple solution to her and Ryne’s problem; recognizing and being appreciative of each other. But they were always so pissed off at each other, they couldn’t do it.

Shannon asked Noella, what happened last night? and Noella talked smack about Gina and Emily, saying they were a tag team. Shannon asked if she was over what happened, and Noella said she was. Shannon asked Emily and Gina if they were over what happened, and Gina wondered what had happened. Emily told her, apparently, they were over it. Shannon said she was just trying to help, but Noella told her that she wasn’t helping. Heather was like, not tonight, and Noella felt provoked. She told Heather that she found out she’d gotten a pity invite, but Heather said that wasn’t true. She hadn’t wanted to invite Noella because Noella had given her daughter porn as a gift, and she felt uncomfortable. It was inappropriate. We flashed back to Heather telling Shannon about the card deck, and Noella said she got it on Amazon, like you couldn’t possibly get anything inappropriate there. In her interview, Noella said, accusing her of giving a teen pornography was a new low, even for Heather. Heather said she told Gina this was why she didn’t want to invite her, and Noella got whiplash turning to Gina, and asked why Gina didn’t tell her. Gina said she didn’t think it was her place. In Jen’s interview, she couldn’t understand why Noella just did tell Heather that she didn’t know and she was sorry. Say sorry like you mean it, and maybe it will go be okay. Noella said she’d put LGBTQ gift in the search. Shannon kept trying to interject, and then wailed that no one listened to her. Emily said, Shannon Beador, you have the floor, and Shannon suggested Noella back down and let Heather explain her perspective. Noella accused Heather of straight fragility, and Heather said she had gay children. Noella ranted that she was a bisexual, biracial liberal, and don’t call her inappropriate, totally missing the point as usual. Heather said she never called Noella inappropriate; she said the gift was inappropriate. She assumed Noella hadn’t looked at the cards, and given her the benefit of the doubt. Jen told Heather to read the cards, and Heather brought the info up on her phone. Everyone was like, whoa, and Noella said she never would have given them to Max had she known. In Noella’s interview, she counterbalanced that with saying, even though it was an inappropriate gift for a 17 year old, calling it porn was blowing it out of proportion. Heather said she was proud and supportive of her children. Don’t say she’s not understanding. In Heather’s interview, she says, that’s what she was worried about in inviting Noella. Noella was so calculated, she had things in her back pocket to say if she got in trouble. You don’t win that way. Noella told Heather that she said she was sorry, so were they done?

Next time, Piñata mania, Shannon wears all the sombreros at once, Noella says it’s not a good trip for her, and Jen talks to Ryne about getting a job. Hint: It does not go well.

🛶 Row, Row, Rowing My Boat…

Tomorrow, Bravo has Runway all day, and I’ll be hear for soap and the Runway finale. Until then, stay safe, stay having a sense of adventure, and stay knowing, if you can’t find your birth certificate online, you might have been born in a commune.