What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Elizabeth walks into the hospital carrying a spray flowers. Bobbie sees Deanna at the desk and hugs her. I want to cry already. Felix goes to his locker, then slams it shut, sinking to the floor in tears. Marshall looks at his phone, and Curtis looks at Marshall. Spinelli and Sam look at the photos on the GH memorial wall and join hands. Outside, Laura sees Robert and they hug. Alone in the safehouse, Anna cries.

Elizabeth brings the spray to the chapel, and looks at the portrait of Epiphany there.

Bobbie sees Carly with Willow in a wheelchair, and says, Willow does realize she’s only two days out from her procedure. Carly says she tried to tell Willow to stay home and rest, and Willow says, later. Right now, this is exactly where she needs to be.

Anna looks at a In Loving Memory tribute to Epiphany on her phone, when there’s a knock at the door. It’s Felicia, and Emma steps out from the side. Anna hugs her.

Obrecht says she’s officially cleared to donate her bone marrow to Willow, and Nina says, that’s such good news. God knows they can use that, especially on a day like today. She asks if Obrecht is going to the memorial, but Obrecht shakes her head. She says she couldn’t stand that people who openly wished Britta ill attended her service, and Nina says, Obrecht is many things, but a hypocrite isn’t one of them. Obrecht says, she and Epiphany did nothing but bump heads. She’s not happy Epiphany is gone, but she’s glad Epiphany died honorably. Nina says, just like Britt, and Obrecht says, we should all be so lucky. Amen to that.

Sonny goes out on the roof, when Milo joins him, asking if he wants company. They hug.

Marshall says, it doesn’t make sense that she’s gone, and Curtis says, unfortunately, a lot of things in life don’t make sense. Portia says, hanging out with Epiphany was often the highlight of her work shift, and Marshall says he’s sure it was. Portia says, they laughed so much when Epiphany was prepping for the MCATs, she’s surprised they got anything done, but she pulled through… with Marshall’s encouragement. Marshall flashes back to encouraging Epiphany to go for the MCATs, and telling her, a valiant effort is not a failure. Far from it. It’s courageous and he’s proud of her. He says, before Epiphany took the MCATs, she was scared, and said this was all his fault, and she was right. If it wasn’t for him, Epiphany would still be here.

Elizabeth looks at a photo collage of Epiphany in the chapel, when Finn comes in. He says he wanted to see how she was holding up, and she wonders if she should move the collage, but he says he thinks it’s perfect. The fact that she pulled this all together on such short notice is impressive to say the least. She says, it’s not like she had a choice. Epiphany had it in her will that she would organize the celebration. Finn says, still bossing her around from the afterlife, and Elizabeth says, although that was before everything had come out about what she’d done. Epiphany must have been so disappointed in her. She just wishes Epiphany could have focused on being at Johns Hopkins and her future, and not… He says, Epiphany was driving home, and there was an accident at the side of the road, and she jumped in to help, just like you’d expect her to. Elizabeth says, she was being the Epiphany they all know and loved. She just wishes she could have made it right with her. Finn holds her.

Brad goes into the locker room, and says he had the feeling he’d find Felix here. Back when they were almost kind of dating, he’d wallow in here when he was sad. Felix says he’s earned the right to a little wallowing, doesn’t Brad think? Epiphany was his friend. This vital presence, and now she’s just… gone. He flashes back to Epiphany telling him that he could do better than Brad, and Brad says, she’s not. No one’s really gone. As long as Felix holds on to her in here. He puts his hand on Felix’s chest, and Felix puts his hand over it.

Laura says, look at this place, caring for the people of Port Charles for 60 years, and Robert says, these walls have seen everything. She says she’s afraid today is going to be a hard one, and he says, General Hospital’s lost one of its best. She says she couldn’t agree more, but here they are; they’re still standing. He laughs and says, sometimes barely, and she says, still something to be grateful for. They have to keep going until they can’t anymore. He says he believes Epiphany would want that, when Diane joins them. Robert says he didn’t think they’d be seeing her today, and she says, Epiphany made her executor of her will. She just has one final thing to do before the memorial. Laura says, the grind never stops, does it? She can’t stay long either. She has to fill in for the Deputy Mayor while she’s indisposed. Diane asks if there’s any update on her whereabouts, and Robert tells Laura that he required assistance the other night, and Diane helped him. She can be trusted; she’s a friend. Diane says she’ll see them inside and leaves. Laura says, Robert seems a little happier. Does it have something to do with Diane?

Curtis asks, what’s Marshall’s fault? and Marshall says he pushed Epiphany into going to med school. Curtis says, that’s a good thing, but Marshall says, if she hadn’t taken the MCATs, if she hadn’t gotten into Johns Hopkins, she wouldn’t have been on the road that night and seen that accident, and she’d still be here with them. Portia says, no. Marshall reignited her dream and she attained her dream. She got to prove to herself that all those people were wrong all those years ago who said she couldn’t do it, and she actually did it. Think of how amazing that is, and how many people really get to have that satisfaction. Before Epiphany passed, any semblance of self-doubt and regret she’d been carrying around for decades lifted off of her. That’s a gift. And if she knows Epiphany, she knows in her heart that she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. She hugs Marshall as he cries, and Curtis mouths, thank you.

Sonny says, it’s good to see Milo. He wishes it was under different circumstances. Milo says, Epiphany was one of a kind. He’s so lucky he got to have her in his life. Sonny says, Epiphany was lucky too, and Milo flashes back to telling Epiphany that he worries all the time he’s not good enough for her. She’s beautiful inside and out, and that’s why he asked her out. He wouldn’t change a thing. He cries, and Sonny asks if he’s okay. Milo says he’s just grateful for all the memories. What about Sonny? How’s everything going? Sonny says, he means the business? It’s been a little dicey. Milo says, if he needs more hands on deck, for old times’ sake… Sonny says he appreciates it, but Milo’s one of the rare ones that got out… and lived. Let’s keep it that way.

Diane sees Obrecht, and says, just the person she was looking for. As the executor of Epiphany Johnson’s will, she’s been given a very specific set of instructions for her. They are time sensitive and must be completed today. Obrecht says, by her? But she and Nurse Johnson despised one another. Diane says, be that as it may, Epiphany thought Obrecht was the only one who could be trusted with this job, and hands her a paper. Obrecht reads it, and half-smiles. Nina asks what it says.

Willow says, Epiphany was important to her. If she hadn’t had Epiphany’s support, she may never have gone into nursing. She flashes back to telling Epiphany that she’s thinking of changing careers, and Epiphany saying, if she wants to talk about it, Willow knows where to find her. Willow says, she doesn’t think she ever told Epiphany how much she appreciated that. She just wants to attend the service and light a candle for her friend. Then she promises to head straight back home. Can she count on Bobbie and Carly’s help? Carly says, of course (🍷). She can count on them for anything. Bobbie says, always, and Carly takes Willow’s hand. She says, Willow can always count on them.

Anna asks why Emma is here, and Emma says she wanted to see Anna before heading to Epiphany’s memorial. Mom and dad really wanted to come, but sadly, they couldn’t get away from work. Anna says, of course (🍷) not. Doctors are always so busy trying to save people’s lives. Emma says, just because they couldn’t fly out, didn’t mean she couldn’t, and Felicia says, so this young lady booked herself a flight. Anna says, of course (🍷) she did. She can’t believe Emma is sitting here in front of her. Emma says, happy surprise? and Anna says, absolute happiest. She hugs Emma, giving Felicia a thumbs up. I have to say, Emma still looks like Emma, but so grown up and young lady pretty.

Diane sees Milo, and asks how long it’s been. He says, too damn long, and she takes his arm and walks with him. She asks, how’s Max? and he says, doing good. She asks how he is, and he says, very sad today. She says she’s so sorry about Epiphany, and he thanks her.

Nina tells Sonny that she’s so sorry for his loss. She knows he and Epiphany had a very special relationship. He says, it really hit home how precious life can be, and how it can be over – he snaps his fingers – like that. That’s why they have to be careful. She says, it’s funny. When she thinks of life being like that, it makes her want to stay close to the people she loves. I’m not sure why that’s funny; makes sense to me. She says she knows they can’t spend a lot of time together until things settle down, but if he wants company to the memorial, she’d love to go with him. He says he’d like that very much, and takes her hand.

Elizabeth wonders if she should cut some things, giving people more time to speak, but Finn says, the memorial is beautiful. She says she just wants it to be perfect. She needs to make it up to Epiphany. She just wishes she knew what Epiphany was thinking at the end. A woman (Yvette Nicole Brown) approaches them, and says, maybe she can help with that. Elizabeth asks if she was a friend of Epiphany’s, and she says, Epiphany was more like her guardian angel. Their dear friend died saving her life.

Felicia brings Emma into the hospital, and Emma runs to Robert, hugging him.

The woman says she read about Epiphany’s memorial service, and doesn’t even know what she was hoping to find, but she jumped in her car and here she is. Elizabeth says, she was with Epiphany when she passed? They’ve been trying to piece together all the details. The woman says, it was late. She was driving home after a double shift; she’s a nurse as well. The roads were a mess, visibility was even worse. She didn’t even see the downed power line before she was practically on it. She swerved to get out of the way, then crashed into a utility pole. There was so much smoke and fire; she was terrified. She managed to get out of the car, but she was in so much pain… there was so much blood… Then she saw the headlights. Elizabeth says, Epiphany? and the woman says, she pulled over and Epiphany just ran to her. She was barking orders at 9-1-1 the entire way. Finn and Elizabeth laugh, and Finn says, sounds about right. The woman says, Epiphany knew if she moved her that she’d bleed out, so Epiphany put pressure on her wounds, and talked to her in that soothing voice she had. She promised not to leave the woman’s side until the paramedics were here… and she didn’t. If it wasn’t for their friend… She couldn’t stop thinking about her, so she asked her colleagues at the hospital what happened, and they said that she collapsed at the site. They said she had a problem. They said there was so much smoke, she had complications. Elizabeth says, she had a pre-existing heart condition, and the woman says, and she didn’t even think twice about risking her life to save a stranger? Finn says, that was her. Epiphany was a true healer. Elizabeth says, Epiphany was a hero.

Sonny shakes Marshall’s hand and says he’s sorry for Marshall’s loss. Marshall says, they all lost her; that means Sonny too. Sonny introduces Milo, who says, it’s nice to meet Marshall. He’s heard great things. She spoke highly of him. Marshall thanks him for saying that, and Nina tells Sonny that they should head to the chapel. She, Sonny, Milo, and Portia leave, and Marshall asks Curtis how that nice young man knew Epiphany. Curtis says, that’s Epiphany’s ex-boyfriend. She was full of surprises. Marshall says, wow, and they follow the others.

Finn thanks the woman for sharing with them, and Elizabeth says, it means everything. Finn says they’re very glad she’s all right, and the woman says, only because of Epiphany. Elizabeth says, it’s comforting to know she left this world doing what she loved, and noticing people coming in, Finn says, it looks to be about that time. Elizabeth asks if the woman is staying for the service, but she says she should probably get going. She just wanted Epiphany’s loved ones to know what a wonderful person she truly was. Elizabeth says, they already knew that, but please stay. She drove all this way. Epiphany would want her here. The woman says she’ll stay, and takes a seat. Marshall asks, who’s that? and Elizabeth says, just one of the countless people who owe their life to Epiphany.

Elizabeth thanks everyone for being here. As she speaks, the camera pans over the crowd, all the people who loved Epiphany. How do you sum up a life that’s touched so many people in so many different ways? People fall into different categories. She’s the heart of the hospital, she’s the life of the operation, the soul, the glue, the entertainer, the comforter. She was all of those things wrapped in the soul of one magnificent human being. She was firm, and tender. She was a pragmatist and a dreamer. She was a taskmaster, and yet she told her nurses to take as many mental health days as necessary. There was a whole host of contradiction that for some reason never really seemed to conflict with each other. Today is just another one of those contradictions; a celebration of her life while our hearts collectively break, mourning a woman who was a mentor, a best friend, someone we all consider family. Elizabeth flashes back to Epiphany insisting they go out for a drink the night before she married Franco. Elizabeth says she’s going to miss her, but she’s also flooded with gratitude because who’s luckier than them? To have known, and loved, and been loved by Epiphany. No one’s luckier.

Deanna says, Epiphany had a gift for connecting people. For telling them the truth, even when the truth was scary. When Deanna first became a nurse, she was afraid of caring for terminal patients. She didn’t know how to be with them. Epiphany showed her by example. She got Deanna to push past her fear, so she could help those who needed her. She was generous with her time, her spirit, and her wisdom. Deanna had her credentials when she got here, but it was Epiphany who taught her how to be a nurse.

Portia says she didn’t know Epiphany as long as a lot of people in this room, but the impact Epiphany had on her life was indescribable. They were work colleagues. They got along great. Epiphany got along great with everyone. But there was a time Epiphany risked everything to protect Portia’s daughter and her daughter’s father. Portia thinks that speaks to her character. They became great friends after that, and eventually she became a part of Portia’s family.

Sonny says, his father once told him, it’s the people who show up at your darkest moments who are your real friends. God knows he’s been through some dark moments. He flashes back to being in a wheelchair after he was shot, and Epiphany helping him take his first steps. He says, if that’s the measure of true friendship, Epiphany was his best friend.  

Emma says, it’s hard to imagine General Hospital without Epiphany. She’s certainly been here for as long as Emma remembers. It won’t be the same without her.

Carly says, Epiphany was a truth teller. If she liked someone, then they were worth having in your life, but if she didn’t, it was probably best to avoid them. But Epiphany allowed for growth. Carly thinks it was one of her best qualities, because she believed people could change. They could get stronger, wiser, just better, and that’s a good thing because she was one of those people. Epiphany ran to her rescue so many times; a lot of people’s rescue. She looks at Sonny.

Diane goes up to the front, and says, just a moment before they all rush away. One last piece of business. When she agreed to be Epiphany’s executor for her will, Epiphany gave her a small, but very specific set of instructions for today. Chief among them being that she escort them to the roof. So please follow her. The guests begin to file out, but Elizabeth is still sitting, and Marshall asks if she’s coming. She says she’ll be up in a minute, and he leaves. She looks at the portrait of Epiphany.

On the roof, Diane says she has a note for all of them from Epiphany. I have to imagine some nice things were said about me today, and tears were probably shed, which I appreciate of course (🍷), but that’s not how I lived my life. Even in the darkest of times, I held on to the joy whenever I could, so be sad if you need to be…

Obrecht says, safe travels, my worthy adversary, as she lights some rockets elsewhere on the roof. She steps back as they go off.

…But I would much rather go out with a bang. Fireworks appear in the sky, and everyone marvels. Marshall raises his fist, and says, go out with a bang in peace. Milo says, correct him if he’s wrong, but these fireworks… Sonny says, are highly illegal, yes. Laura says she couldn’t hear that; the fireworks were too loud.

As Elizabeth is about to leaved the chapel, her phone rings. She says, Monica, and Monica asks if she’s disturbing the memorial. Elizabeth says, it just ended. Is she all right? Monica says she’s fine. She’s just terribly disappointed she couldn’t be at Epiphany’s memorial. If she hadn’t been the keynote speaker, she’d have backed out. Elizabeth says, Epiphany of all people would have appreciated her keeping her commitment, and Monica says she imagines Epiphany would, which brings her to why she’s calling. Diane Miller paid her a visit just before she left, and brought her a sealed letter that was written by Epiphany a few days ago; one she’d intended to hand-deliver to the GH Review Board on Elizabeth’s behalf. Elizabeth says, she did write a letter of support? and Monica says she just finished reading it, and she had to share it with Elizabeth. Elizabeth Baldwin is an extremely talented and dedicated nurse, and watching her grow from rookie to leader amongst her peers has been one of the greatest privileges of my life. Her commitment to healing knows no bounds. And part of that commitment requires making snap judgements in the moment. I believe that’s what Elizabeth was doing when she made the choice to treat Esme Prince while in captivity. Was that choice the right one? Ultimately, no, as is often the case with snap decisions like that. But the thing that separates the good healers from the great ones, is accountability. Elizabeth didn’t run from her responsibility; she ran toward it, which makes her the best of us. In fact, it has always been my intention to recommend that she become head nurse when I leaved for medical school this fall. I stand by that recommendation now more than ever. Elizabeth has always made me proud, and she’ll make General Hospital proud too. Elizabeth cries silently, and Monica asks if she’s still there. She says she is, and Monica says, that’s quite a recommendation. And who is she to deny Epiphany’s last wish? Elizabeth asks if she’s saying… Monica says she’ll be glad to present the idea to the Board at the end of the month. Having another Hardy-slash-March run the 10^th floor sounds right, doesn’t she think? Elizabeth thanks Monica, who says, don’t thank her. Thank Epiphany. She tells Elizabeth to take care, and Elizabeth says, thank you, Epiphany, for everything. I love you.

We hear Epiphany sing You’re Not Alone, and Elizabeth goes to the roof to join the others watching the fireworks. Sonny smiles at Carly; Milo puts his arm around Marshall, and vice versa. Brad holds out his hand to Felix, who takes it, and Portia smiles at Curtis. Laura and Bobbie put their arms around each other. We flash back to Epiphany over the years; with Robert, with Sonny, with Magic Milo. Singing, and getting together with Marshall. We flash back to Epiphany telling Obrecht that she wouldn’t dare mess with the Nurses Ball, and Obrecht saying, oh, wouldn’t I? We see her helping Felix, Carly, and Elizabeth. Elizabeth goes over to Finn, who puts his arm around her. Anna watches from outside the safehouse.

We see Epiphany’s picture, newly on the memorial wall.

Tomorrow, Maxie says, this Nurses Ball is going to hell in a handbasket; Austin knows someone; Cameron says he can’t leave; and Drew says, she did not leave on her own.

🌟 I don’t think they could have given a better send-off to Sonja Eddy. No wonder it took them so long. It was really perfect.

Vanderpump Rules

I get irritated even before the show starts. And why should Katie care about what Scheana wants anyway? Selfish twonk.

James’s dad Andros visits, and he’s impressed at how far James has come from the early days. In James’s interview, he says, back in the day, his dad was involved in the music industry, and was always his biggest supporter. James says, quitting drinking helped, and Andros says he couldn’t believe that James could DJ and not drink. Binge drinking is a rule of passage. James says his mom wasn’t happy, and we flash back to her telling James to proceed with caution. Drinking again is a dangerous game. He tells Andros that Ally is the light of his life, and Andros says he didn’t see James marrying Raquel. He can see it with Ally. They laugh about Raquel being on James’s turf now.  

At Schwartz & Sandy’s, the Toms get ready for the tasting. Schwartz says, they need balance on the menu. They went to dive-y. Manager Brett is hoping they can lock in the opening menu today, and tells them about the million and one things they still need. Schwartz says, they have so much sh*t to do, it’s unbelievable, and Sandoval suggests they ask Scheana to postpone the wedding so they don’t have to take the time off. Katie walks in, and in Schwartz’s interview, he says, after the pool party, they hugged it out; not literally, but verbally. They came to an understanding. He should have stayed out of it. He invited Katie to the tasting because he respects her opinion, and it’s also his way of saying he still cares and wants her to be part of his life. Greg’s wife JoLane and niece Gretchen join them, and in Sandoval’s interview, he says, they knew they’d have to swallow their pride and do what Greg wanted, and he was adamant about a more upscale food menu. The first thing that comes out is a lobster corndog, and I think, ugh, no. Love corndogs, love lobster, but hard pass on a lobster corndog. In his interview, Sandoval says, they want to open on August 31^st, so they’ll say yes to anything Greg wants. Everyone applauds at the end, and Greg says he has a kickass chef in the back. The next thing they have to work on is desserts. Katie suggests they call her.

Scheana, Ariana, and Lala invite Ally out, and in Ariana’s interview, she says she’s hung out with Ally in group setting, but she feels Ally should be included more. She did let Raquel know she was inviting Ally. In Scheana’s interview, she says she’d love to get to know Ally more… if it doesn’t hurt Raquel’s feelings. In Lala’s interview, she says she doesn’t give a f*** if it hurts Raquel’s feelings. Scheana says she felt like everyone was arguing the other night, and Lala says, everyone got a don’t be mean text except Raquel. Raquel plans out how an argument will go, and when it doesn’t go according to plan, she short circuits. Raquel called her a mistress bimbo, when Raquel looked like a baby prostitute. Scheana says she heard Ally and James got a tarot card reading, and he’s her twin flame. Lala says she thought a twin flame could be toxic, but Ally says, not necessarily. It means a deeper connection; they’ve met in every lifetime. Ariana tells Scheana that Lisa wants to have a tea at her house, and Scheana says she swore off tea parties last year. We flash back to Lala bringing up Brock’s domestic violence charge at another tea party. Ariana says she thinks it will be fine, but wear flats if she has to run. Scheana says, nothing makes her run, and I desperately want to plop a big fat spider in front of her to test that theory.

Lala meets Brock and Scheana for lunch, and asks, how many people are coming to the wedding? Scheana says, the final count was 118, and Brock wonders how it will be with Lala and Raquel. Lala says, she told Scheana that if it was something with just bridesmaids, she can’t hide her energy, but if it’s in a group, she’s good. In Lala’s interview, she says, if she goes to events where she’s in close quarters with Raquel, there would be no escape. Unless she throws Raquel into the ocean, which she wouldn’t do because she’s afraid of prison. Brock says, the pressure Lala put on him changed his relationship with his kids’ mom, and in her interview, Lala says, she and Brock had a rough start, and we flash back to her berating Brock for not having seen his kids in years. She says, since then, she’s realized situations are not always black and white. Lala tells Brock that she’s happy he’s where he is, but it wasn’t her place. Brock says, that’s what friends do, and in her interview, Lala says, her and Scheana’s relationship changed and they got their kids together. She saw what an incredible husband Brock is to Scheana, and he’s an amazing dad. And the way he treats Ocean… She loves that dude a lot. Brock says he has a past, but he’s learned from his mistakes and won’t make them again. He doesn’t mind that Lala was holding him to a standard. Lala says she’s sorry for how she approached the situation, and gets all teary. In Scheana’s interview, she says, she and Lala even talked about raising the girls together, and having an unconventional family life. Brock would help with the kids, but the conjugal visits would just be hers. Is she confusing this with prison? Brock gets weepy.

Villa Rosa! Ponies! The tea party is on, and James says, it’s his first Pumptini in three and a half years. Lisa tells Ken that he’s on dog duty, and she’s on wild animal duty. After a false alarm lame shout of surprise! when Lala arrives, when Scheana gets there, they attack her ears with a worse rendition of Good As Gold than her own. In Ariana’s interview, she says, it’s next to impossible to surprise Scheana, since she has their locations on her phone. In Scheana’s interview, she says she was half-surprised. Her sister’s car kind of gave it away. Lala wonders if Ally wasn’t invited to the wedding because it would piss Raquel off, and James says, nailed it. In his interview, he says, it’s about what Raquel wants. He tells Lala, it’s an out-of-body experience having to be around his ex all the time. James wonders if he should ask Ally to marry him in Mexico, since Brock and Scheana got married during his engagement party weekend. Lala says, payback’s a bitch, and we flash back to that. It wasn’t a crass move unto itself, but their announcement of it was.

Lisa tells Scheana, since she can’t come to Mexico, she wanted to do something special. In Lisa’s interview, she says, if you want a successful marriage, don’t ask her to be involved. Scheana got engaged to her first husband at Lisa’s house, and Lisa officiated at Schwartz and Katie’s wedding. Her track record is 100% failure. Scheana points out that her anniversary is close to Lisa’s and Pandora’s, and suggests they share a trip every year, but Lisa tells her, slow down. Raquel and Schwartz sit in chaise lounges, and talk about Schwartz and Sandy opening on August 31^st.  In Raquel’s interview, she says, she loves that she and Schwartz became tight, and maybe they’ll be tighter in the future. She tries to stick a vagina joke in there, but she’s no Lala. And I’m sure the viewers are collectively wondering if she’s already trying to divert attention. Schwartz tells Raquel about getting LVP tattooed on his ass, and in James’s interview, he says, Schwartz flirting with Raquel in front of him looks desperate and absurd. Hit the treadmill you fat f***. Apparently, some habits die hard.  

Katie had been invited, but said no, and gardens with Kristina instead. Katie tells her that tomorrow, she and Schwartz would have been married six years. Kristina thinks they should still acknowledge it to show they’re friends. Really? That sounds weird. Katie says they are having dinner in Mexico to celebrate the closing of their house. She’s been unpacking some strange emotions this week, and wasn’t prepared for how she’d feel. In Katie’s interview, she says she feels sad; the dream is over. Kristina asks about the sandwich shop, and Katie says, it’s in a holding pattern, but the owners haven’t said no. Kristina says she has a good feeling about it. Brock kicks around the bocci balls, obviously ignorant of how the game is played. James balances some of Lisa’s fine china, asking if he could do this if he was drunk, and nearly gives Lisa a heart attack. She asks how Lala can put up with him, and Lala says, he’s on a journey, and since she’s invested in him, she’s going on the journey with him. James says he thinks Ally is the one, and wants to put babies in there. Lala asks if he can say, create a family, and he says, make blond, blue-eyed gods and goddesses. Lisa says, he sounds like a dictator, and Lala says, he sounds like he’s 16. Bringing a child into the world is no joke. James says, if Brock can bring a baby into the world, it can’t be that hard. They all know how Brock left the country the first time. Lala says he’s acting out of pocket; bring it down. In Lala’s interview, she says, if you take time away from drinking because you think it’s a problem, then come back to drinking and think you can control alcohol, you’re wrong. Things are teetering on the edge right now.

They go to Schwartz and Sandy’s, and have a shot in honor of Brock and Scheana. Sandoval says, they’re looking forward to the opening, and James wonders how many soft openings they’re having. Raquel breaks the ice by saying hi to Lala, and asks if Katie is coming. Lala says, no, and we see Katie at home with her dogs, which seems preferable to hanging out with these people. Schwartz shows Raquel the sound bath, and James asks Scheana if Ally can come to the reception, since she’s going to everything else. He pulls the ace out of his sleeve, and says, remember his engagement party? In Scheana’s interview, all she says is, f***, and I laugh. Scheana says she’s visualizing the seating chart, and tells him, yes. He says he loves them, and in his interview, he says he’s glad they said yes, but if it was the final no on his final ask, it would have been his final f*** you. Raquel wonders if the men’s room has a vibe, and then decides she has to pee. Schwartz guards the door, and at least we know she flushes the toilet and doesn’t expect fairies to do it.

Everyone packs, and boom! we’re in Mexico. They all rave over the resort, and I want to go somewhere that has a welcome cocktail. Katie and Lala note how far apart their rooms are, and in Scheana’s interview, she says she had Katie moved to a different tower. Out of sight, out of mind. The group makes plans for dinner, and Schwartz says he’s having a mini celebration with Katie, then join them. Lisa and realtor Jamie call Ariana, who’s with Katie, and Lisa tells them, sometimes you can’t get what you want in business, and it can be disappointing… but don’t worry. This time it was a yes. I smelled that one coming. In Katie’s interview, she said, thank God they listened to Lisa. Because they did, they’re now business owners. Jamie tells them, enjoy Mexico, because it’s straight to work when they get back. They tell Lala, Schwartz, and Kristina, and Schwartz breaks the good liquor out of his duffel bag to celebrate.

Everyone checks out their suites, which are fabulous, no surprise. In Ariana’s interview, she says, now there’s nothing to get in the way of quality time with Tom. He’s her prisoner. Now the viewers feel collectively sick. The group meets for dinner, and Brock says, if they want, there’s a bar to go to afterwards. Kristina comes in the restaurant, but I blinked and missed her. In Scheana’s interview, she says, how dare Kristina walk into her welcome dinner uninvited? I double check, since she’s making it sound like Kristina sat down at the table. Nope. Scheana says, not only did Kristina and Stassi make fun of her first wedding dress, Stassi said it looked like it was from a skanky girl’s quinceanera, and Kristina laughed. Since Scheana is half-Mexican, making a tradition sound trashy hurt her. I don’t think she was trashing the tradition; just the dress. In Ariana’s interview, she says, when they were on the way to dinner, Brock’s drunk friend put his arm around James… In James’s interview, he says he’d never seen the guy in his life, and he was drunk, eyes rolling, falling all over… In Lala’s interview, she says, an annoying drunk hugged James, and James body checked him – hard. James says he should have Will Smith backhanded him. Ariana says she doesn’t want any fighting, but James says, it was no big deal. Ariana says, he’s already berating her, when he’s been rude and shoved a guy. In Raquel’s interview, she says, watching Ally cringe over James’s behavior makes her happy it’s not her. Lala tells James to disengage, and Ariana says, no fights is the only side she’s on. James says he didn’t punch the guy in the face, and Ariana says she doesn’t like him doing it period. In Ally’s interview, she says she can’t sit here. It’s making her question everything. Why is she in Mexico, and who is this person she’s dating? Ariana says she’s had enough – they’re done – and Ally leaves the table.

To be continued…

🍸 Scandovalish…

You figure it out.

https://www.yourtango.com/entertainment/when-did-raquel-leviss-tom-sandoval-affair-begin

🍿 It Don’t Feel So Good…

There was almost brawls.

https://extratv.com/2023/03/27/jax-taylor-confirms-near-brawl-at-pump-rules-reunion-exclusive/

🐻‍❄️ Will Do Nothing For a Klondike Bar…

Slide in tomorrow for soap and teatime. Until then, stay safe, stay never laughing at another’s expense, and stay remembering, a valiant effort is not a failure. Far from it.